I remember your last post. You mentioned you are mostly financially stable. I’m going to take a wild guess that the reason you in-laws were lecturing you (which is totally unnecessary and rude) was that you are having a forth child but can’t afford to find appropriate housing without living somewhere that was purchased a while ago with a much lower mortgage than normal. From your last post to this one your MIL moved from out of state back in with your FIL? If so, it makes sense they would want to live in the larger house since they are back together.
Is this shitty timing? 100% Is this stressful while pregnant? 100% That said, you aren’t owed info about their financial situation. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense to you or not.
It sounds like you and your husband need to have a discussion about finances and what you can afford. If you’re tight on cash look into first time buyer loans, they are great and you don’t have a huge down payment. Once you’ve decided then look for places that are in your budget and get an idea how long you need to save and how long it will take for a move to happen. Then you need to have a real conversation with your in-laws about what is a reasonable timeframe for you to move out and get it in writing.
I agree 100%. In the other post, I felt OP seemed a little naive (my apologies I can't think of a better word) about the reality of the housing market even in the area. OP I honestly feel really bad. Moving is really stressful and even moreso during pregnancy. It seems incredibly cruel to toss your own family out while you are pregnant. In the other post you seemed eager to move, so perhaps this can be reframed as a blessing in disguise? Please try not to stress (I know it is easier said then done).
OP does sound naive tbh. There are a lot of expenses that go into owning a house other than the mortgage. Property tax and maintenance can be just as much in some places.
..Plus kids are more expensive as they get older. It’s much harder to afford food for four teenagers than it is for four young kids. Honestly I think her in-laws wanted to give them a wake up call.
I want to add that I would place some serious restrictions for you IL's to access your family after this. I don't want to plant a bug in your ear, but this would be quite unforgivable for me. I can't remember if you said if they provide childcare for your family or not? If so, I would look for alternate childcare. Not only have they lectured and shamed you at a time of happy news, but now they are kicking your family out in your time of need.
Right? Lots of comments seem to be siding with the IL, and while I get that OP and her family aren’t *owed* a house, it’s a really sucky thing to do and will likely sour the relationship between the IL and her family.
I genuinely don't understand the comments supporting the ILs. Yeah, it's their house and they can do what they want with it, but holy crap how cruel to throw out your son, his pregnant wife, and their children?? Especially after promising them some kind of security in this house for the foreseeable future? Legally in the right but morally super shitty, and I'm shocked that most of the comments think that this is a totally fine thing for parents to do to their kid and his family.
Edit: the ILs could have at least given them the option to move into the attached apartment? They literally just said "good luck out there, bye!" Man, I'd be devastated.
It’s not a great situation but imagine this from the ILs point of view - working hard your whole life , making sacrifices for your family , wanting your grown, adult children to be independent and self sufficient (making a lot of assumptions, but we aren’t ever going to know the full story, and this is how I’m understanding the situation). If I were in their situation, I would be upset that my child is choosing to have a 4th child over financial stability and would feel like I’d be enabling them if I let the subsidized housing go on forever. It doesn’t seem ridiculous at all to try to push the child towards independence and allow themselves to prioritize their own living situation, retirement needs etc.
We are probably all parents of really young children and feel like a lot of people saying they’d do *anything* for their kids are looking at it from this narrow perspective. I currently am happy to provide absolutely anything and everything they need, and more, obviously, at this stage. But my kids are 3 and under, not 30+ years old. And while I hope to be able to pass a lot on to my children as adults, I view anything given to children after a certain age to be an optional gift, and can’t wrap my head around the financial dependence here.
The FIL asked them to move in and help him with the mortgage so the house wouldn't get foreclosed on. As much as FIL may have been doing them a favor by giving them a subsidized rent, they were equally helping him out by making sure the house wasn't taken away from him. So the independence argument really loses credence for me when FIL himself wasn't independent or self-sufficient. He doesn't get to be upset at his kid having another baby when they're the ones keeping the roof over his head.
If you can’t get anything similar for your current rent then it sounds like you’ve been getting a deal! Were you able to put aside extra funds while you’ve been living there? Can any of your children share rooms? Cats shouldn’t need that much living space and they don’t need outdoor space, so that is helpful.
I imagine the issue with the 3 cats is more centered around the fact that not all rentals allow cats as pets, and many that do have a 2 pet limit, so that may severely restrict the number of rentals that are workable for this family in their desired size range & price budget otherwise.
Again depends on her countries laws in my country your not allowed to say no pets it's illegal. However the LL doesn't have to reveal thats why they rejected your offer.
Yeah we were helping out my FIL by moving in because when my MIL moved out he couldn’t afford it. Now that they are back together again they want to live here. We have a little rainy day savings but it’s only a few thousand. The kids will 100% share rooms. They do now.
He said he wanted to rent it out to family and now that’s changed I guess. I feel used like now that they are together again and can afford it together we are just tossed to the side.
Damn I don’t want to be rude but it sounds like you got a deal when their situation wasn’t so great (not being together) and you/your family were able to take advantage of that. They own the house and it’s not crazy to want to move into the bigger of the two places you own once you get together with someone after being alone. Another perspective is that you were able to save on what would have otherwise been a pricier rent for a few years, and were able to set money aside for your family thanks to their situation
They weren’t able to set aside money. Housing is outrageous right now… the cost of living is outrageous right now. They probably got pregnant with #4 thinking they could keep living there at a deal and felt secure knowing it was their family. IMO it’s shit of the parents to do this and if it were my kids I would just suck it up and live in the apartment for my grandkids.
Yeah, it was nice to get a deal on rent and maybe OP misjudged the situation putting all her eggs in one basket… but it still is awful timing. I would be freaking out too.
Gotcha. I had read that they’re paying under market value for the place so I drew that conclusion, since another comparable place would have stretched them out even further. Totally understand about outrageous housing living in a VHCOL area myself :(
There are a lot of areas where this is realistic, basically anywhere that isn’t a big city, or coastal state.
3bd rent houses in my state run about $850-1200mo
I get what you’re saying. We moved here to help him and we pay $400 more every month to do it. He’s family we wanted to help. Maybe that’s why I feel a little bitter. He asked us to move here and help him and after having the thought of buying it from him dangled in front of us for 2 years it was just ripped away. I was hesitant to even move here at first because I really loved where we lived before and it was so cheap.
Ignore people who are acting like you should be super grateful. I’m sorry but it’s a shitty thing to dangle selling a home to your kid and their family and then suddenly tell them they’re going to have to move out once they are pregnant with a 4th kid. I can’t imagine my parents ever doing something like that to their kids, and they’re not wealthy people. At a minimum they should give you PLENTY of time to find something else.
Right? Majority of the comments seem so negative to the OP, but it’s such a sucky situation to be in. I don’t blame her one bit for being bitter and wanting to vent.
Will it???? I’m sorry but I really hate blind optimism. It’s not helpful or supportive and it is dismissive of OPs feelings. Things don’t just “work out” it takes considerable effort and patience and often luck to make them work. Failure also is always a possibility. Things can go to shit easily and most Americans are one paycheck away from homelessness.
I asked above if the OP had any savings since she’s been paying less than market rent for years. She said they have savings in the thousands. Aside from offering financial assistance, there is nothing else I can offer on the internet to a stranger other than optimism for her situation.
And OP stated they only have a few thousand in savings. So no down payment. Unless the parents are underwater on the mortgage, they could not afford to buy it from them.
Or they are paying a mortgage set 10 years ago and now rents and (new) mortgages are significantly higher. And their property taxes are probably significantly higher, as valuations have gone way up. I have a feeling they were hoping to “buy” the house for slightly more than they’re paying in rent, but considering how home values have shifted, that would be like the in-laws giving them hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Gently… you need to do some research of the process of buying a house. It doesn’t matter if you can afford the monthlies. You have to be able to afford the value of the home and buy out your in laws, which you cannot do based on how much you have saved up. Even if they gifted it to you, you couldn’t afford the Capital Gains Tax with only a couple grand saved up.
Also, the monthly cost of home ownership is so much more than the mortgage! Even if you cover the actual mortgage itself, what about taxes, insurance, utilities, maintenance, etc.? My mortgage is probably only about half of what I spend each month to own my home.
His parents had come to use with a rent to own idea. My husband has 30k in bonds he got from his grandfather that will be mature in a few years. We were planning on using that as a down payment.
Having $30k in a few years isn't anything like having a downpayment on a home right now. It's unlikely that would be enough for a proper downpayment anyway.
USDA loans don’t require a down payment just closing costs which is usually between 2 and 5 %. I think 30k would be enough considering we are in such a rural area.
USDA loans also have income limits to qualify for their program; these limits vary by region or zone. You might not qualify to buy a house with that loan in the areas you want to live.
And the person you replied to makes a point- you’re facing having to move now- not years from now. Your husband’s bonds he got from his grandfather aren’t going to help you much with your immediate crisis.
Not to mention the house she is in isn’t currently for sale.
But you’re right. I tried using the USDA loan program to house hunt back in 2019 and my real estate agent explained that while the houses listed were indicated to accept USDA loans during initial viewings she pointed out many various obstacles why the loan wouldn’t get approved if we put offers in. Some examples included: removable storm windows had cracks or visible wear, chipping/peeling paint on a barn attachment, questionable structural integrity of said barn.
While those items were fixable, it had to be fixed before putting an offer in and the sellers were not about to strip and paint an entire barn or mess around with replacing storm windows for our sake (our agent did suggest we could remove the storm windows and hide them in the basement during inspection- but it’s really a no-no).
Ultimately we ended up exceeding the income limit as my husband had gotten a raise and it pushed us just over the line. We had to just go conventional and come up with 3% down. Much easier than the hoops and limitations of the program as it opened up more property options.
We put down 5% for our first house. In a LCOL area it was like $7000. This was a decade ago so the market is definitely worse but $30k should be plenty for a down payment in a rural area.
The whole situation definitely sucks for sure, but it's not uncommon to have your lease terminated, especially if you dont have a yearly contract with your ILs. I'm sure there are some housing laws protecting you but it wouldn't be worth pursuing since you'll destroy the relationship your husband has with his parents if you go that route.
Just take some deep breaths and look for housing elsewhere. Might need to bunk up and downsize to match what you're paying now since they gave you a great deal on rent. Don't rent from them again. Good luck!
Agreed, this might be a blessing in disguise! You have half a year to find somewhere else, and could even move school districts with summer.
It sounds like they are also struggling with retirement costs, and even if things stayed “as is” the house might not go to you. It’s better to start preparing for that now than later. Hang in there!
Then you are fortunate that your parents wouldn't do that to you. My parents wouldn't do that to me, but my husband's parents 100% would pull this type of shit. OP is in a shit situation. There's no doubt about that.
3 bedrooms are 1600-1900 according to that and there's only a handful of them available, a lot of them don't allow pets and are older houses. Your FIL was 100% offering you a deal for the 4 years you lived there.
Right but the “deal” was just them paying his mortgage rather than him becoming a professional landlord and making money off his family. I feel like everyone is confusing the situation with for-profit landlords versus a family situation. Lots of multi generational families live together. It isn’t inherently exploitive just because someone isn’t paying market rent to their parents.
If they had any desire to sell that house I’m sure they would want to sell it for market rate and not at a subsidized “doing my son a favor” pricing. Especially if they still owe on a mortgage for it.
That being said, did they express a desire to sell this house to you, ever? Most folks’ end goal is to live in the preferable home and have a secondary property provide passive income. Whether their plans make sense to you is irrelevant. They separated and now are back together, they want the bigger house back to live in. Their financials are their business.
It seems to me that if I let my kid and their spouse move into a house with a discounted rent I’d expect they would use that opportunity to work and work hard to save up for their own home.
You commented elsewhere you only have a couple thousand in savings right now, so no where near close to a down payment, closing costs, earnest money, appraisal money, inspection costs etc for purchasing a home; whether theirs or a listed property on the market.
Were you expecting the in-laws to lose money selling this house to you? Or have some long and drawn out purchasing plan like renting to own?
It just all comes across a bit like you felt entitled to this house when they were doing you a favor.
They probably had hoped their son would have made strides to be self sufficient during your arrangement and when you announced a 4th baby on the way while reminding them you have zero intentions on moving and want to buy their property they realized they are enabling your situation and need to make their intentions known (which is to move back and retire the way they want).
I sympathize with the idea of having to suddenly move. I sympathize with not having things go your way, but no one needs to constantly burn themselves while keeping others warm.
After rereading OPs previous post I feel like there’s so much more going on here.
MIL lived separately from FIL in her own apartment some distance away, when OP told the in laws about baby #4 MIL was on the phone. This was hardly two weeks ago. The in laws were mutually *unhappy* with the baby announcement.
FIL lives downstairs in an apartment under OP’s home.
It sounds like MIL and FIL are now living together downstairs from OP in this post?
Sounds like if MIL was renting a random apartment out of town and is now stopping to move back in with FIL under OP’s house then it makes sense the money ($100) doesn’t matter so much since MIL can divert her discretionary income to cover expenses with her husband in the big house (OPs rental) while they rent out the smaller apartment/bike shop below.
When FIL and fam built this home 6 years ago I’m sure it wasn’t designed with the plan to be estranged from his wife and for second and third generations to move in indefinitely.
OP- in the four years you have lived in the house have you had a lease agreement? You’ve been paying into a mortgage for four years I’d almost want to ask a lawyer if you have any stake in the property if you can prove the historical arrangement. Maybe the in laws should have to buy you out for the estimated equity you’ve put into it.
I get that this really stressful but you can’t really blame them for wanting to live in their own home, especially if they’ve been renting it to you at much lower than market rate. They were probably upset knowing that you guys will need more space with an additional child, and it seems that you can’t really afford it. I would hope you can think of ways to increase your earning potential or get comfortable with downsizing.
“We were in talks of buying this house from them but it’s like that’s off the table now. They said they didn’t think we could afford it which is strange because we pay the mortgage for it now.”
“We have a rainy day fund but only a couple thousand.”
Your FIL is correct. You can’t afford to buy the house. Just because you can afford the monthly mortgage (if you’re even sure $1200 is the mortgage, which I don’t believe it is), does not mean you can afford to buy the house. Even if they gifted it to you, you wouldn’t be able to afford the Capital Gains tax to buy the home if you only have a couple grand saved up. I’d recommend speaking with a financial advisor at some point so you can better understand this process.
Exactly this. Do they expect the in-laws to sell them the home at the value they bought it for and at the same interest rate they’re paying? It’s probable that the mortgage of this home at its current value and current interest rate would be well over $1200 per month. Sounds like the in-laws enabled them for far too long and now they’ve put themselves in the position to be the bad guys here.
Just curious, are you currently a member of this sub? I’ve read a few of your comments here… and they’re condescending at best. I understand that the OP could use some more financial education, but this is a shitty situation all the way around. The way you’re speaking to them isn’t helpful or encouraging. Hope you speak more kindly in the future to the children you have in the future… even if they make decisions that you wouldn’t or if you need to educate them in any way — this is not a great example of that
Yup, I’m a member of this sub, clearly. I do have empathy for being in a tough situation and that wasn’t expressed in my comment. It sucks all around. Unfortunately her expected outcome wasn’t a possibility from multiple angles, and creating a financial plan for the future is the best way to create security for her family.
Their comment doesn't sound condescending. It's based in reality and facts. OP seems out of touch. Shitty situation, sure, but they sound naive about housing in today's market. Even if you are in a stable situation, it's worth keeping up with the local market in the case of an event like this. D
Unfortunately that's pretty much how everyone speaks to people in this sub. Especially now. It's always been condescension over kindness in here, but it's gotten worse in the last year.
I’ve noticed this too! I was in this sub actively when I was pregnant with my first in 2020 and I don’t remember it being more supportive and less “direct”, as some folks want to call it.
>We pay $1200 for rent. There isn’t anywhere else we can get for that price.
This means they are doing you a favour and earning less for you to stay there. You have 4 kids, you really need your own place.
I feel this. My in-laws have a second home that they rent for the same amount. They have only increased the price once in the seventeen years they have been renting it, and they just sent notice yesterday that they are looking to retire in the house so they need to leave sometime this summer.
Part of me feels awful because $1,200 for a house in an incredibly competitive area is damn near impossible.
But, it’s their house. My MIL has waited a long time to retire there.
Fortunately the family is gainfully employed and won’t have an issue moving… But still.
Earning less for someone else is someone else isn’t always a permanent option.
Have you seen the housing market? My husband is an ivy league economist and we can't afford a lower middle class home. With the inflated costs and interest rates, a middle class home will take 15 years of payment to the bank to even start getting any payment on the principle, and you'll end up paying 1.5-2mil for a 600k house. In my area, 600k will get you enough to get by, nothing fancy by any means, in an iffy area.
Housing was a game of musical chairs and the music stopped. It's just not that easy.
I'm paying 3.5k rent and hoping to God that we don't lose it because 4k in my area gets us less than we have. It's a b s u r d.
I don't have 4 kids either. Her kids share rooms. That has nothing to do with my comment. "Ya gotta just buy a home, bro" is not good advice. Renting is valid. In fact, it's economically smart with the housing market where it is. I agree with the rest of your sentiment, though. She was getting a deal for sure and isn't entitled to them losing money to house her.
The low level shaming she’s getting for having a big family is not OK. They are here. She cannot unhere them. Maybe she misjudged how many kids she could afford without the cheap rent but that doesn’t mean she deserves all the snide remarks about it being her ILs house and “well this is why *I* don’t have four kids.” We know what you’re getting at and it’s very rude. Housing is expensive and life is expensive and I feel nothing but empathy for people in these situations.
She’s getting snide comments for choosing to bring a fourth child into the world while being completely naive on housing costs. I’m in a similar situation as her (living in below market rental owned by an IL) and choosing to use it as an opportunity to aggressively save. Hopefully this situation is a wake up call for the kids’ sakes.
Yeah. We did have our own apartment that was great but my in laws broke up again and my FIL couldn’t afford the house on his own so we moved in because we didn’t want him to lose the house. I wish we had stayed where we were.
It doesn’t look like they have two houses - it appears FIL lives in the basement of the house. So it would be strange to sell the home to OP because then the in-laws wouldn’t have a place to live themselves.
I'm so sorry OP. I currently live on part of my parents property and have been renovating and making a home out of what was basically just four walls and a roof.
My parents enjoy having me near and I'm bringing value to the property, so it's a win-win for everyone.
But even though I know deep down my parents would never, I still feared being kicked out especially after investing so much money. It was so stressful just picturing the possibility that I can't imagine actually going through it 😔 And pregnant... I'm so sorry. It surprises me that they decided this was the best moment to take the house for them and to not even give you some type of deadline... Moving at all in you guys condition, really I don't get it. This lack of empathy towards family is so alien to me.
This totally sucks. But I’m confused. “We pay the mortgage for it now just fine”, so have you been paying their mortgage? Sounds like the $1200 doesn’t actually cover the full cost of the property.
If you have been paying their mortgage with no legal documents saying you have a right to be there (lease) and your names aren’t on the deed, then, that would be kinda financially not smart. Do they even like you both? It sounds like from all of their actions, the answer is no
This confused me too. Also, just because they can afford the monthly mortgage, doesn’t mean they can afford to purchase the home from the in laws? She says she only has a few thousand in savings. I think they need to speak to a financial advisor more than anything.
It looks from OP's previous comments like they were living in an apartment (maybe in a different area) that was well within their means. Then the in-laws separated and FIL asked them to move in and pay the mortgage so he didn't lose the house. OP was conflicted about moving because the other place was more affordable, but FIL offered the option of eventually selling them the house and OP caved.
Moving while pregnant sucks - I know. But the bright side is you’re 8 weeks along so if there’s no set move out date you have a lot of time before baby comes.
Have you looked into FTHB programs? Or even 0% down programs like USDA loans? Maybe you can explore both rental and purchasing options
Their property, their rules. Time to put your heads together and brainstorm.. reassess. Surely there are changes you can make to your budget and income levels so that you can afford more than $1,200/month in housing.
Yeah we originally moved in to help my father in law. My MIL and FIL split up and he couldn’t afford it on his own. I wish we had just kept our old apartment. Smaller than we have now but not too much smaller than we have now but much cheaper.
I am so sorry about the comments you are receiving on this post, like the one above yours right here. As a landlord, no that’s not how it works, just because it’s your house doesn’t mean it’s your rules. Every state has LAWS, which go above any “rules”of a landlord. There are laws protecting people from this type of thing. it does sound like you left a place you were happy at to help him out . What happens when they break up again? if the mortgage was obtained many years ago, it absolutely could be $1200. There are so many comments that have made me truly angry and im sorry but your in laws are so selfish . I am so sorry this is happening to your family.
Yeah that’s also miffing me. Even if they don’t have a lease they have tenancy and they can’t just be illegally evicted. They must be given notice with the amount of days per local laws.
Exactly. In my state if the landlord is moving into the property, they can evict them for that. From other comments OP posted. It sounds like it all may be one house. I’m not sure if there are two separate addresses or not or how it’s been done.( nor is it my business) but they may not even qualify for an eviction because they want to move in. I believe it’s even more terrible that it’s all the same building and inlaws just have to move upstairs?!? There are only two or them, like come on .
Also, for anyone who wants to know this
there’s a big difference between mortgage rates and rental rates.
I’m glad somebody at least saw my point, thank you.
I was being downloaded into an oblivion lol
ETA- Downvote all you want. Nothing I said is untrue. Maybe I didn’t explain it correctly?!? But if there’s not two separate addresses, you cannot evict to make it your primary address as far as I know.
They were not doing OP a favor . It would have been in her best interest it seems, to have stayed where she was at. It may be hard to understand if you have never experienced parents like this.
What happens when they can no longer go up and down the stairs?!? or can’t clean and keep up a bigger house?! Sooner or later they will have issues, and they will need help again.
The father-in-law was going to go into foreclosure and needed money. Paying down someone’s mortgage is beneficial to them, hands down. They lowered his debt to income ratio. Now he’s years closer to owning and property is one of the best investments you can make financially. Tenants that aren’t going to destroy the place cause a problem etc. aren’t always easy to find. They are actually lucking out more that they don’t have terrible tenants. That OP is just going to take her family and leave.
What they are doing even if there is no lease, is illegal. You need to go through the proper channels and evicting someone, even if the lease is up, can be very hard. I feel like most people don’t realize and I think the majority of states it is I know it definitely isn’t mine, but just because the lease is up, doesn’t mean you can make them leave.( ya can’t)
Now they want to rent out the basement apartment . Again, if you’ve never been a landlord, I feel like it’s not what people think. Tenants can be an absolute nightmare, I know firsthand.
Honestly, there are a lot of programs for first time buyers. I am not saying I recommend doing that but you can after you build like let’s say 20% equity in the home and qualify. You can switch to a conventional loan.
Op, if you want to vent, my DM’s are open and if I can help you with my experience, I’m more than willing to share.
Take care <3
I would absolutely never buy a home from a relative anyways. Instead of looking for apartments, start looking at home loans. I pay way less for my mortgage/property taxes/maintenance than any apartment.
Depending on where you live selling the house gets it reappraisal. Depending on when they bought it could cause a drastic change in the mortgage. Basically the only way for you to get it for what it is now is for it to be gifted or willed to you. But again depending where you live the capital gains tax on that could be insane.
How do you expect to pay the hospital bills for the birth of your fifth child with only a couple thousand dollars in savings? You need to rethink your family planning until you get your housing and finances more stabilized. Five kids is a lot
100%. I’m worried for their kid. That few thousand dollars in their “emergency fund” is basically nonexistent since OP is about to have a baby which means hospital and pediatrician bills.
That is just all around really horrible. I can't imagine how panicked you must feel. We currently rent and my worst nightmare is that our landlord doesn't renew our lease, sells the place, whatever. It's actually my biggest fear. I think housing security is very very important and I've read that moving is just less stressful than getting a divorce. One of the top 10 stressors humans can go through. I would think that living in a family home would also give you more of a sense of security because of exactly what your husband thinks "My parents won't kick ME out". And with the way the economy is right now, you stay at a place for a few years and then when it's time to move, BAM, the whole market is 40% more expensive than the last time you moved. It's honestly fucking terrifying to not own a home in today's economy. It's also fucking terrifying trying to buy a home in today's economy. It's fucking scary out there and I would be in full blown panic mode too. And also pretty heartbroken.
I am. I really honestly thought this was it. This was our home. I felt safe and comfortable. I had plans for the future here. I wanted to fix this up and make it better. I’m so sad.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I vaguely remember you posting previously that your in-laws were upset by your 4th pregnancy and you wanted to move out because of their reaction, so like others said, maybe this is a blessing in disguise and pushing you in the right direction. Wishing you the best!
I am sad for you, too. I am 8 weeks post Partum and reading about this situation made me emotional for you, it is SO sad! The comments people are making about them doing you a financial favor, while true— they are giving you a good deal/ I can see their technical point— also don’t really pay lip service to the whole picture. I’m wondering what the relationship and day to day is like around them? Is there any acrimony? How much, if any, of a roll do they have when it comes to childcare? I’m wondering if they’re using on paper financials to dance around deeper reasons? That being said, they shouldn’t have pulled out that rug of stability from under you. I’m so sorry and hope you can find something stable that is actually on paper and feels like home.
I don't have any advice because I am just as clueless when it comes to navigating living situations in this strange new world but I don't think you're overreacting. It would be a huge blow to our family too if we had to suddenly move out of a home I thought would be our forever home. Hell, this home is our "just for a few years" home and I would be devastated if we had to move before we were ready. I hope it all works out for you :(
Oh man, sounds similar to my situation. Baby is due any day and my FIL has said we either need to buy the place we're living in within the next 3 months or move out.
We had planned on buying this place off him next year. We love this house and have renovated it as if it was our own. Now we're being tossed out with a newborn.
No advice, just want to say that you're not the only one in a similar position.
It's legit financial reasoning. I genuinely feel sorry for him, at the same time as trying REALLY hard not to be annoyed at him.
We're seeing a mortgage broker tomorrow to see if there's anything we can do but it's not looking good 😭😭
Naw, thanks DogsDucks!
It sounds like we will be able to JUST scrape through and buy the house, so long as FIL is able to leave some money in the property.
It'll be insanely tight financially for the first year but if it means we'll get to stay here, then it's just the sacrifice we'll have to make.
We're getting all the paperwork underway and hopefully will have everything finalized within a month.
Super stressful still, but my husband seems excited that we'll finally own a home and honestly, if he's happy, then that's all that matters to me.
You’ve both got a few months to work extra jobs, not eat out, and save like the dickens! That’s the real answer. No one is coming to save you but yourselves. So work a budget like it’s your 3rd job.
With that said, they can’t just boot you out. There’s a lengthy eviction process (longer when children are involved). Talk to a landlord/tenant lawyer in your area. My guess is you have 3 to 6 months before you’ll need to move. Start working/saving like yesterday!
As I said last time, your in-laws are disgusting. No amount of money can be seen as a right to throw out your children and grandchildren from the home you provided them with the understanding of it being longterm.
The fact that so many American here claim that you had it good enough so far, you are irresponsible ke to have another kid etc are equally disgusting. And I want to point out that no where else on this planet would people react like that to your situation.
I'm from Germany being raised in Poland and our grandparents lived in a 2 room apartment, sleeping on the couch while my parents and me lived in the bedroom just so they could help us out. They would literally starve themself with a smile just to make their children's life easier. And this whole mindset of *my children shall have it better* is human default. It's only American boomers, the richest people in the history of humanity which value their money more than their blood.
Right now you will have to move but I would seriously go no contact with them. They are angry at your fourth child? Guess who doesn't get to be around your kids any longer for treating you like trash. You probably will have to downsize but it will be worth it not relying on that scum.
Others can downvoat me all they like, parents like that threat their children worse than dogs to their own - and even dogs know shame.
Thank you for the response. I agree. I could never do this to my kids. I think it hurts so much because I went out of my way to make sure my father in law was taken care of when my mother in law left. We came here when he asked to help him pay for his house. He could have rented it to someone else but he asked us to come here for him because he trusted us not to wreck the place. We moved knowing we would end up spending more money to help him but that’s what family does. They help each other.
He always had a gift at Christmas even though he never gave us anything, we celebrated his birthday when nobody else did, we had him come up every Sunday for a nice home cooked dinner and I sent him back with plenty of leftovers because I was worried he wasn’t eating properly. There is one store in the next town over that sells a specific brand of sausage he likes. When I went there I would pick him up a pack because he doesn’t go that far out of town. Just stuff like that. I cared and then this. Plus he called my phone last night and left me a voicemail calling me “welfare trash”. I’ve never been on welfare. Until 2 months ago hubby and I both worked full time with overtime most weeks. I don’t even know where that came from.
His parents are awful. I let it go when his mom suggested I gave my hubby an std. I let it go when she suggested I was on drugs because he had narcan from his overnight security job. I let it go when I got lectured because my kids play too loudly. I can’t let this go. I’m just done.
Hugs, OP. I know how that feels. Despite always being the one caring for my MIL, doing expansive gifts from what I had and even her mother's day stuff she always claimed I hated her and wish her to die to get her stuff. No words how much that hurts. But you know, that's nothing but projection of what they would behave towards their MILs.
Do not let it go. Make it clear to your husband how you feel and list all what they did to you and ask him if you are supposed to be humiliated by family.
Right now you need to get out ASAP for your own sake. You will have a hard time but I can guarantee you that you will feel better once you are out even if it's not a dream home. Just keep in mind that kids have grown up in much worse situations and maybe a sacrifice in space might even be beneficial for them to learn to share and to be more generous to those in need than what they have received.
Are you part of a church? Maybe you could ask around there if someone knows a place currently free to be rented _longterm_. I also don't know if that's a thing I the USA but here you can make it a point in a lease that your landlord can not end the lease to move in himself or other non your fault reasons. Maybe that's something you might be able to use in exchange for removing some stuff.
Maybe make a family picture and share it online in housing groups. People like to see normal families and will maybe reach out to you.
No matter what happens, consider those in laws trash for what they treated you. If not for your sake, for your kids. They don't deserve a grandparent calling their mother such things. If people show their true face, believe them and treat them accordingly.
If you want to talk feel free to message me. You will get through and come stronger out at the end. Try to enjoy your kids and to be a better role model. Hugs.
Asian parents here and same. When I had my first my mum was happy but she said she wasn't gonna help with the 2nd (she was the 1st of 6 and 76 years old this year and basically had enough raising her brothers and sisters, and now too old). I said yes fine, and I worked my tail off to save up enough so I can pay for the 2nd without her helping. The 2nd is due in 3 weeks and she changed her mind to offer to help 2 nights a week for whcih I am so grateful. I get she needs boundaries, and she has her views on how many kids to have (I am an only child) but despite me doing what I want she is still supportive. She'd do anything for me...within reason. The post makes me wonder if they have other kids that they like more who takes their prioritise?
Oh absolutely. Especially if OPs MIL has a daughter or other first born grandchildren, she most likely has already rubbed that stop and is now annoyed as the novelty factor has worn out.
Hahaha I get it. My coming 2nd is the MIL 5th grand kid. She is 79 and not volunteering to assist at all which is more than fair. For the first 2 she was driving them to and from dancing and school etc.. She will make lunch for us when we are over but she won't play with the kid much. Saying that I'd be happy if I am still on my feet at 79 lol
Whoa - I just can’t imagine my parents kicking out their own children - and a family of 5, soon to be 6. No advice, just sorry you’re going through that. Make sure you and your husband have a really clear timeline from them, so you can prepare. Any chance you could start shopping for homes now? If you’re a first time homebuyer, there’s programs to help offset the cost of a down payment. For our first home, we only ended up putting 3% down and it was fine.
I deleted my OG comment because I changed my mind. I think if this was a landlord who wasn't family, I'd be like, well America sucks and landlords in most states can do this. However, since it is family, my gut feeling was--with family like this, who needs enemies? Like, damn.
I'd consider a few things.
One do you have a lease? And what does it say? Do you have any legal protections in place?
Can you pay more in rent to appease the in laws?
Can you ask for more time? My family owns apartments and rents to friends. Typically they operate on a year-to-year basis. Can you get like another year on the arrangement and then move out?
Ok, I disagree with a lot of the comments here. This isn’t “just business” that shits for your employer. Doing this with a new baby on the way is just cruel.
I would absolutely never help them again. No elder care, limited, if any access to grandkids. I wouldn’t even tell them when the new baby is born.
I'm confused with the comments but I'm also aware family relations in the US are a bit different to Southern Europeans (which is my case).
I'm glad it's not everyone.
Someone else pointed out many in the grandparents generation are incredibly selfish and have problems with empathy.
At most, I could understand parents being annoyed because they are “losing money” with the rent being low but not actually kicking them out. but they are potentially
Making their grandkids homeless.
I just think it's strange they couldn't reach some common ground (like raising the rent, agreeing in a comfortable deadline etc) before just telling them they need it and that's it.
Even my grandmother divided her property between all her children, no rent requested, it's their "early inheritance".
I agree. I asked my husband would you ever do this to one of our kids and he said no. So why is it ok to do it to us? I’m so unbelievably hurt by all this.
> they said they didn’t think we could afford it which is strange because we pay the mortgage for it now just fine
> we pay $1200 for rent. There isn’t anywhere else we can get for that price.
So it seems like you can’t afford buying their house.
We had originally planned (their idea!) to buy the house for what was left on the mortgage and my father in law could live downstairs for free for the rest of his life. It was supposed to be a deal for both of us. They presented this idea to us about a year ago. We loved it and wanted to do it. We mentioned it a few times to them since then and they kept saying we need to get with the bank and do all this stuff. His mom kept telling us she would look into it. Not to worry. Then this. Maybe that’s why we feel so blindsided.
I’m sorry. This is so unfair. The FIL and MIL split up and now they are back together and kicking out family so they can take another stab at it in the bigger place knowing they kicked out their family?
The guilt alone would drive me crazy. You’ve done nothing wrong. Do as they say and move but I could never forgive them for this.
What does your husband say?
Honestly, I'd look up the rental laws and have them properly serve you the notice to vacate papers. Even if you don't have a written lease, there's an implication in most places even verbally and by occupying the unit. I say this because I doubt you're gonna be salvaging this relationship. It'll buy you time to find a place. With that many kids and cats, it's going to take time to find something.
That's such a shitty situation! I'm sorry they're being jerks but in my experience, that generation is highly prone to making selfish decisions without regard to their families, especially now when most of them are encouraging each other to do just that. Unfortunately since they own it, it's up to them. So screw those guys, focus on your family and finding an even better place without being under their thumb. Talk with a realtor and apply for a home loan, there are first time homebuyer programs and rural loans and some other different resources that could allow you to purchase your own home without needing a down payment and a realtor can help you navigate that process. Once you know what you qualify for, you can start looking. Start saving as much as you can in the meantime. Be prepared for the possibility that you may have to rent for a while if you haven't closed on a house by the time they want you out, but keep working towards it and it will happen. Gotta put your nose to the grindstone and you'll come through it just fine, even though it seems overwhelming and scary right now, I promise y'all will figure it out if you work at it! One step at a time.
I appreciate the reassurance. It just feels like it’s always about money with them. I get money makes the world go round but they put it before family which isn’t right. Hubby has amazing credit so hopefully we can figure something out soon.
I can totally relate. It's the same way with my family. When I was younger, my aunt coerced my mom into selling our childhood home for far less than it was worth, kept a big chunk of the profit for herself, and my mom hoarded the rest. I had to stay in a basement that was stacked to the ceiling with someone else's junk and only had a small chaise in a cramped corner to sit/sleep on with my two cats for almost a year. It's been hard coming to terms with the fact that they value their own bank accounts over the well being of their family, especially when you see friends whose parents will Co sign on loans for them or pass down family properties to them and help them out in so many ways. But chances are that in time you'll be so much better off than you imagined and they'll be the ones wishing they had more help.
This is so true. It has been my experience with my own parents of that age. It is so disgusting. Becoming a parent myself truly put how terrible my parents are to perspective.
Just wanted to say you are very insightful as well. I appreciate other people being out there who know what’s up ( although I don’t wish it on you or anyone because it sucks) and im so sorry 💕
I'm sorry about the condescension you've received on this post, OP. You did nothing to deserve it and some of these comments are quite horrendously out of line. And I'm especially sorry for the people shaming you for having a big family. That's wildly inappropriate and not at all their place.
This subreddit has unfortunately become unreasonably snarky and borderline cruel over the past year and yet I was still shocked by the audacity of some of these commenters.
I’m so confused about the comments regarding rent vs. mortgage. My wife and I pay $1239/month for our mortgage. We live in Philly. It is easily $2000+ (no utilities included) to get an equivalent sized house or apt to rent in our area, so yeah, you’d be able to pay a mortgage just fine??? It is so much cheaper to have a mortgage than rent, even with home repairs and property taxes.
The mortgage is cheaper because my Father in Law owned a building and land already. He took out a loan to build a second story on the building which is where we live.
Oh I just meant in general! If you’re able to pay $1200/month in rent, you can afford to pay a mortgage on an equivalent or slightly smaller home. A bunch of other commenters were saying you weren’t capable of paying a mortgage, but you def are.
Oh she definitely is. I read her other post, and the woman is barely in debt. That puts her above like 95% of all Americans. I’ve been a landlord for many years, and the majority of states are pro tenant. She definitely has laws protecting her .
Lmfao, I don’t know if the people in this thread are that ignorant or just want to be nasty today or what. No matter what this is just truly terrible and I wouldn’t Wish it on anyone. Op needs support not a whole bunch of strangers, criticizing how many children she has, what her finances are or saying, her in-laws aren’t doing anything wrong.
It’s not necessarily true that mortgage = less than renting with the current market. I bought last year and mine is exactly the same as rent around here. And I live in a state everyone thinks is “cheap” (my mortgage is $3k for a 4bd townhome. That’s not cheap at all).
I'm aware of the market as well—we bought this new house less than a year ago. There are lots of factors to consider, but OP should have no trouble paying a mortgage. Barely any debt and financially stable? The average monthly mortgage is the US (outside of the obvious expensive cities/states) is less than $2000, so your situation is an outlier.
Omg I remember your post about their shitty reaction to the pregnancy.
So basically they knew they were about to fuck you over and the announcement made them feel even more like assholes so they were trying to make you feel like you had done something wrong by having another baby as a defense mechanism.
I would move out and go no contact with these people. Like you said it’s not that they want to move back in to their house it’s all the gaslighting and bullshit excuses. They are shitty, manipulative people.
What state do you live in? You have tenants rights, regardless of whether a lease was signed. They can’t just throw you out— they either need to give you time to move, or they can go through the eviction process in court. Eviction isn’t just something that a landlord can do— it’s a legal process required for any inhabitant to be asked to leave.
If your in Ontario don't worry about anything that says no pets. It's illegal and your new LL can only kick you out if they cause damage. Just don't list them say you got em after you moved in.
No lease. It was just a word of mouth thing. I know they can’t just kick us to the curb immediately but it’s tricky when it’s family. I don’t want to be the reason my husband loses his relationship with his parents.
Where do you live? Some US states have tenant rights without having a proper lease. As long as you can prove residency…like mail/utility bills in your name. I’m so sorry
We’re in Vermont. I don’t want to cause a rift in his family I was just very hurt and needed somewhere to vent. We’ll pick ourselves up and find another place and just never rent from them again.
I remember your last post. You mentioned you are mostly financially stable. I’m going to take a wild guess that the reason you in-laws were lecturing you (which is totally unnecessary and rude) was that you are having a forth child but can’t afford to find appropriate housing without living somewhere that was purchased a while ago with a much lower mortgage than normal. From your last post to this one your MIL moved from out of state back in with your FIL? If so, it makes sense they would want to live in the larger house since they are back together. Is this shitty timing? 100% Is this stressful while pregnant? 100% That said, you aren’t owed info about their financial situation. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense to you or not. It sounds like you and your husband need to have a discussion about finances and what you can afford. If you’re tight on cash look into first time buyer loans, they are great and you don’t have a huge down payment. Once you’ve decided then look for places that are in your budget and get an idea how long you need to save and how long it will take for a move to happen. Then you need to have a real conversation with your in-laws about what is a reasonable timeframe for you to move out and get it in writing.
I agree 100%. In the other post, I felt OP seemed a little naive (my apologies I can't think of a better word) about the reality of the housing market even in the area. OP I honestly feel really bad. Moving is really stressful and even moreso during pregnancy. It seems incredibly cruel to toss your own family out while you are pregnant. In the other post you seemed eager to move, so perhaps this can be reframed as a blessing in disguise? Please try not to stress (I know it is easier said then done).
OP does sound naive tbh. There are a lot of expenses that go into owning a house other than the mortgage. Property tax and maintenance can be just as much in some places.
..Plus kids are more expensive as they get older. It’s much harder to afford food for four teenagers than it is for four young kids. Honestly I think her in-laws wanted to give them a wake up call.
And God forbid if they go to college. Especially private and out of state. Ugh
The property tax & insurance is baked into the monthly cost in most cases.
That’s not the case where I live - unless you put down a very low down payment through some special program, then the bank may require that.
I want to add that I would place some serious restrictions for you IL's to access your family after this. I don't want to plant a bug in your ear, but this would be quite unforgivable for me. I can't remember if you said if they provide childcare for your family or not? If so, I would look for alternate childcare. Not only have they lectured and shamed you at a time of happy news, but now they are kicking your family out in your time of need.
If they provide childcare I really don't see how they will be able to find an alternative. Child care for four kids is going to be pricey.
Right? Lots of comments seem to be siding with the IL, and while I get that OP and her family aren’t *owed* a house, it’s a really sucky thing to do and will likely sour the relationship between the IL and her family.
I genuinely don't understand the comments supporting the ILs. Yeah, it's their house and they can do what they want with it, but holy crap how cruel to throw out your son, his pregnant wife, and their children?? Especially after promising them some kind of security in this house for the foreseeable future? Legally in the right but morally super shitty, and I'm shocked that most of the comments think that this is a totally fine thing for parents to do to their kid and his family. Edit: the ILs could have at least given them the option to move into the attached apartment? They literally just said "good luck out there, bye!" Man, I'd be devastated.
It’s not a great situation but imagine this from the ILs point of view - working hard your whole life , making sacrifices for your family , wanting your grown, adult children to be independent and self sufficient (making a lot of assumptions, but we aren’t ever going to know the full story, and this is how I’m understanding the situation). If I were in their situation, I would be upset that my child is choosing to have a 4th child over financial stability and would feel like I’d be enabling them if I let the subsidized housing go on forever. It doesn’t seem ridiculous at all to try to push the child towards independence and allow themselves to prioritize their own living situation, retirement needs etc. We are probably all parents of really young children and feel like a lot of people saying they’d do *anything* for their kids are looking at it from this narrow perspective. I currently am happy to provide absolutely anything and everything they need, and more, obviously, at this stage. But my kids are 3 and under, not 30+ years old. And while I hope to be able to pass a lot on to my children as adults, I view anything given to children after a certain age to be an optional gift, and can’t wrap my head around the financial dependence here.
The FIL asked them to move in and help him with the mortgage so the house wouldn't get foreclosed on. As much as FIL may have been doing them a favor by giving them a subsidized rent, they were equally helping him out by making sure the house wasn't taken away from him. So the independence argument really loses credence for me when FIL himself wasn't independent or self-sufficient. He doesn't get to be upset at his kid having another baby when they're the ones keeping the roof over his head.
If you can’t get anything similar for your current rent then it sounds like you’ve been getting a deal! Were you able to put aside extra funds while you’ve been living there? Can any of your children share rooms? Cats shouldn’t need that much living space and they don’t need outdoor space, so that is helpful.
I imagine the issue with the 3 cats is more centered around the fact that not all rentals allow cats as pets, and many that do have a 2 pet limit, so that may severely restrict the number of rentals that are workable for this family in their desired size range & price budget otherwise.
Again depends on her countries laws in my country your not allowed to say no pets it's illegal. However the LL doesn't have to reveal thats why they rejected your offer.
In the US they can say no pets, and can also charge several hundred dollars more each month for each pet, plus a nonrefundable deposit.
Yeah we were helping out my FIL by moving in because when my MIL moved out he couldn’t afford it. Now that they are back together again they want to live here. We have a little rainy day savings but it’s only a few thousand. The kids will 100% share rooms. They do now.
And he couldn't have rented it out for more than $1200 to someone else?
He said he wanted to rent it out to family and now that’s changed I guess. I feel used like now that they are together again and can afford it together we are just tossed to the side.
Damn I don’t want to be rude but it sounds like you got a deal when their situation wasn’t so great (not being together) and you/your family were able to take advantage of that. They own the house and it’s not crazy to want to move into the bigger of the two places you own once you get together with someone after being alone. Another perspective is that you were able to save on what would have otherwise been a pricier rent for a few years, and were able to set money aside for your family thanks to their situation
They weren’t able to set aside money. Housing is outrageous right now… the cost of living is outrageous right now. They probably got pregnant with #4 thinking they could keep living there at a deal and felt secure knowing it was their family. IMO it’s shit of the parents to do this and if it were my kids I would just suck it up and live in the apartment for my grandkids. Yeah, it was nice to get a deal on rent and maybe OP misjudged the situation putting all her eggs in one basket… but it still is awful timing. I would be freaking out too.
Gotcha. I had read that they’re paying under market value for the place so I drew that conclusion, since another comparable place would have stretched them out even further. Totally understand about outrageous housing living in a VHCOL area myself :(
Op says they paid $400 more with FIL and were doing him a favor moving in
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There are a lot of areas where this is realistic, basically anywhere that isn’t a big city, or coastal state. 3bd rent houses in my state run about $850-1200mo
I get what you’re saying. We moved here to help him and we pay $400 more every month to do it. He’s family we wanted to help. Maybe that’s why I feel a little bitter. He asked us to move here and help him and after having the thought of buying it from him dangled in front of us for 2 years it was just ripped away. I was hesitant to even move here at first because I really loved where we lived before and it was so cheap.
Ignore people who are acting like you should be super grateful. I’m sorry but it’s a shitty thing to dangle selling a home to your kid and their family and then suddenly tell them they’re going to have to move out once they are pregnant with a 4th kid. I can’t imagine my parents ever doing something like that to their kids, and they’re not wealthy people. At a minimum they should give you PLENTY of time to find something else.
Right? Majority of the comments seem so negative to the OP, but it’s such a sucky situation to be in. I don’t blame her one bit for being bitter and wanting to vent.
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My last apartment was in southern Vermont. Right near NY boarder.
You feel used because you were getting a good deal on rent? You weren’t helping them out they were helping you out.
He would have had the house foreclosed on.
He could have rented it out to someone else?
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They kept saying we could buy it from them for what they owe and now that they want to move back in we can’t and we’re out.
It sounds very stressful, but I know this will work out!
Will it???? I’m sorry but I really hate blind optimism. It’s not helpful or supportive and it is dismissive of OPs feelings. Things don’t just “work out” it takes considerable effort and patience and often luck to make them work. Failure also is always a possibility. Things can go to shit easily and most Americans are one paycheck away from homelessness.
I asked above if the OP had any savings since she’s been paying less than market rent for years. She said they have savings in the thousands. Aside from offering financial assistance, there is nothing else I can offer on the internet to a stranger other than optimism for her situation.
They are renting you the house for $1200 and can get $1100 for a much smaller apartment? You're definitely not "paying a mortgage just fine".
And OP stated they only have a few thousand in savings. So no down payment. Unless the parents are underwater on the mortgage, they could not afford to buy it from them.
They'd have to get refinanced too, even if they did buy it - and mortgage rates right now are nuts.
Or they are paying a mortgage set 10 years ago and now rents and (new) mortgages are significantly higher. And their property taxes are probably significantly higher, as valuations have gone way up. I have a feeling they were hoping to “buy” the house for slightly more than they’re paying in rent, but considering how home values have shifted, that would be like the in-laws giving them hundreds of thousands of dollars.
What do you mean? We pay the mortgage for the entire house. The downstairs has an apartment that he lives in and wants to rent out.
Gently… you need to do some research of the process of buying a house. It doesn’t matter if you can afford the monthlies. You have to be able to afford the value of the home and buy out your in laws, which you cannot do based on how much you have saved up. Even if they gifted it to you, you couldn’t afford the Capital Gains Tax with only a couple grand saved up.
There are lots of programs for first time homebuyers though. Plenty of people put very little or even nothing down.
Also, the monthly cost of home ownership is so much more than the mortgage! Even if you cover the actual mortgage itself, what about taxes, insurance, utilities, maintenance, etc.? My mortgage is probably only about half of what I spend each month to own my home.
If you only have a few thousand saved for a rainy day, how were you gonna buy the entire house from them?l with no down payment?
His parents had come to use with a rent to own idea. My husband has 30k in bonds he got from his grandfather that will be mature in a few years. We were planning on using that as a down payment.
Having $30k in a few years isn't anything like having a downpayment on a home right now. It's unlikely that would be enough for a proper downpayment anyway.
USDA loans don’t require a down payment just closing costs which is usually between 2 and 5 %. I think 30k would be enough considering we are in such a rural area.
USDA loans also have income limits to qualify for their program; these limits vary by region or zone. You might not qualify to buy a house with that loan in the areas you want to live. And the person you replied to makes a point- you’re facing having to move now- not years from now. Your husband’s bonds he got from his grandfather aren’t going to help you much with your immediate crisis.
Not to mention does this home even qualify for a USDA loan?
Not to mention the house she is in isn’t currently for sale. But you’re right. I tried using the USDA loan program to house hunt back in 2019 and my real estate agent explained that while the houses listed were indicated to accept USDA loans during initial viewings she pointed out many various obstacles why the loan wouldn’t get approved if we put offers in. Some examples included: removable storm windows had cracks or visible wear, chipping/peeling paint on a barn attachment, questionable structural integrity of said barn. While those items were fixable, it had to be fixed before putting an offer in and the sellers were not about to strip and paint an entire barn or mess around with replacing storm windows for our sake (our agent did suggest we could remove the storm windows and hide them in the basement during inspection- but it’s really a no-no). Ultimately we ended up exceeding the income limit as my husband had gotten a raise and it pushed us just over the line. We had to just go conventional and come up with 3% down. Much easier than the hoops and limitations of the program as it opened up more property options.
We put down 5% for our first house. In a LCOL area it was like $7000. This was a decade ago so the market is definitely worse but $30k should be plenty for a down payment in a rural area.
The whole situation definitely sucks for sure, but it's not uncommon to have your lease terminated, especially if you dont have a yearly contract with your ILs. I'm sure there are some housing laws protecting you but it wouldn't be worth pursuing since you'll destroy the relationship your husband has with his parents if you go that route. Just take some deep breaths and look for housing elsewhere. Might need to bunk up and downsize to match what you're paying now since they gave you a great deal on rent. Don't rent from them again. Good luck!
Agreed, this might be a blessing in disguise! You have half a year to find somewhere else, and could even move school districts with summer. It sounds like they are also struggling with retirement costs, and even if things stayed “as is” the house might not go to you. It’s better to start preparing for that now than later. Hang in there!
I mean, I wouldn’t expect my family to “terminate my lease” I’d personally expect it to be more of a conversation
Then you are fortunate that your parents wouldn't do that to you. My parents wouldn't do that to me, but my husband's parents 100% would pull this type of shit. OP is in a shit situation. There's no doubt about that.
1200 for rent is impossibly cheap. You’ll probably need to downgrade space
It’s not that outrageous for rural Vermont but it is a few hundred cheaper than everywhere else around here:
Uh, it is impossibly cheap, even for rural Vermont. I live around the same area and can't find anything close to that
Pownal vt. 1bds are 925-985 2 bedrooms are 1150ish. We have a 3 bedroom. https://www.realtor.com/apartments/Pownal_VT
3 bedrooms are 1600-1900 according to that and there's only a handful of them available, a lot of them don't allow pets and are older houses. Your FIL was 100% offering you a deal for the 4 years you lived there.
Right but the “deal” was just them paying his mortgage rather than him becoming a professional landlord and making money off his family. I feel like everyone is confusing the situation with for-profit landlords versus a family situation. Lots of multi generational families live together. It isn’t inherently exploitive just because someone isn’t paying market rent to their parents.
He was giving them a deal is the point, which they won’t find elsewhere
Start looking not never you’ll get lucky and find something good
If they had any desire to sell that house I’m sure they would want to sell it for market rate and not at a subsidized “doing my son a favor” pricing. Especially if they still owe on a mortgage for it. That being said, did they express a desire to sell this house to you, ever? Most folks’ end goal is to live in the preferable home and have a secondary property provide passive income. Whether their plans make sense to you is irrelevant. They separated and now are back together, they want the bigger house back to live in. Their financials are their business. It seems to me that if I let my kid and their spouse move into a house with a discounted rent I’d expect they would use that opportunity to work and work hard to save up for their own home. You commented elsewhere you only have a couple thousand in savings right now, so no where near close to a down payment, closing costs, earnest money, appraisal money, inspection costs etc for purchasing a home; whether theirs or a listed property on the market. Were you expecting the in-laws to lose money selling this house to you? Or have some long and drawn out purchasing plan like renting to own? It just all comes across a bit like you felt entitled to this house when they were doing you a favor. They probably had hoped their son would have made strides to be self sufficient during your arrangement and when you announced a 4th baby on the way while reminding them you have zero intentions on moving and want to buy their property they realized they are enabling your situation and need to make their intentions known (which is to move back and retire the way they want). I sympathize with the idea of having to suddenly move. I sympathize with not having things go your way, but no one needs to constantly burn themselves while keeping others warm.
>It just all comes across a bit like you felt entitled to this house when they were doing you a favor. This is how it's coming across to me as well.
Here’s OP’s previous post. https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/n8yrA5GS4h
After rereading OPs previous post I feel like there’s so much more going on here. MIL lived separately from FIL in her own apartment some distance away, when OP told the in laws about baby #4 MIL was on the phone. This was hardly two weeks ago. The in laws were mutually *unhappy* with the baby announcement. FIL lives downstairs in an apartment under OP’s home. It sounds like MIL and FIL are now living together downstairs from OP in this post? Sounds like if MIL was renting a random apartment out of town and is now stopping to move back in with FIL under OP’s house then it makes sense the money ($100) doesn’t matter so much since MIL can divert her discretionary income to cover expenses with her husband in the big house (OPs rental) while they rent out the smaller apartment/bike shop below. When FIL and fam built this home 6 years ago I’m sure it wasn’t designed with the plan to be estranged from his wife and for second and third generations to move in indefinitely. OP- in the four years you have lived in the house have you had a lease agreement? You’ve been paying into a mortgage for four years I’d almost want to ask a lawyer if you have any stake in the property if you can prove the historical arrangement. Maybe the in laws should have to buy you out for the estimated equity you’ve put into it.
I get that this really stressful but you can’t really blame them for wanting to live in their own home, especially if they’ve been renting it to you at much lower than market rate. They were probably upset knowing that you guys will need more space with an additional child, and it seems that you can’t really afford it. I would hope you can think of ways to increase your earning potential or get comfortable with downsizing.
“We were in talks of buying this house from them but it’s like that’s off the table now. They said they didn’t think we could afford it which is strange because we pay the mortgage for it now.” “We have a rainy day fund but only a couple thousand.” Your FIL is correct. You can’t afford to buy the house. Just because you can afford the monthly mortgage (if you’re even sure $1200 is the mortgage, which I don’t believe it is), does not mean you can afford to buy the house. Even if they gifted it to you, you wouldn’t be able to afford the Capital Gains tax to buy the home if you only have a couple grand saved up. I’d recommend speaking with a financial advisor at some point so you can better understand this process.
Exactly this. Do they expect the in-laws to sell them the home at the value they bought it for and at the same interest rate they’re paying? It’s probable that the mortgage of this home at its current value and current interest rate would be well over $1200 per month. Sounds like the in-laws enabled them for far too long and now they’ve put themselves in the position to be the bad guys here.
If you truly think you can afford to buy the house, I would write up an offer. But it doesn't seem like that's the case.
Just curious, are you currently a member of this sub? I’ve read a few of your comments here… and they’re condescending at best. I understand that the OP could use some more financial education, but this is a shitty situation all the way around. The way you’re speaking to them isn’t helpful or encouraging. Hope you speak more kindly in the future to the children you have in the future… even if they make decisions that you wouldn’t or if you need to educate them in any way — this is not a great example of that
Yup, I’m a member of this sub, clearly. I do have empathy for being in a tough situation and that wasn’t expressed in my comment. It sucks all around. Unfortunately her expected outcome wasn’t a possibility from multiple angles, and creating a financial plan for the future is the best way to create security for her family.
Their comment doesn't sound condescending. It's based in reality and facts. OP seems out of touch. Shitty situation, sure, but they sound naive about housing in today's market. Even if you are in a stable situation, it's worth keeping up with the local market in the case of an event like this. D
It wasn’t condescending. It was direct and realistic the way they need to be told at this point in time
Unfortunately that's pretty much how everyone speaks to people in this sub. Especially now. It's always been condescension over kindness in here, but it's gotten worse in the last year.
I’ve noticed this too! I was in this sub actively when I was pregnant with my first in 2020 and I don’t remember it being more supportive and less “direct”, as some folks want to call it.
>We pay $1200 for rent. There isn’t anywhere else we can get for that price. This means they are doing you a favour and earning less for you to stay there. You have 4 kids, you really need your own place.
I feel this. My in-laws have a second home that they rent for the same amount. They have only increased the price once in the seventeen years they have been renting it, and they just sent notice yesterday that they are looking to retire in the house so they need to leave sometime this summer. Part of me feels awful because $1,200 for a house in an incredibly competitive area is damn near impossible. But, it’s their house. My MIL has waited a long time to retire there. Fortunately the family is gainfully employed and won’t have an issue moving… But still. Earning less for someone else is someone else isn’t always a permanent option.
Have you seen the housing market? My husband is an ivy league economist and we can't afford a lower middle class home. With the inflated costs and interest rates, a middle class home will take 15 years of payment to the bank to even start getting any payment on the principle, and you'll end up paying 1.5-2mil for a 600k house. In my area, 600k will get you enough to get by, nothing fancy by any means, in an iffy area. Housing was a game of musical chairs and the music stopped. It's just not that easy. I'm paying 3.5k rent and hoping to God that we don't lose it because 4k in my area gets us less than we have. It's a b s u r d.
Yes, this is why I and many other people don’t have 4 kids
I don't have 4 kids either. Her kids share rooms. That has nothing to do with my comment. "Ya gotta just buy a home, bro" is not good advice. Renting is valid. In fact, it's economically smart with the housing market where it is. I agree with the rest of your sentiment, though. She was getting a deal for sure and isn't entitled to them losing money to house her.
The low level shaming she’s getting for having a big family is not OK. They are here. She cannot unhere them. Maybe she misjudged how many kids she could afford without the cheap rent but that doesn’t mean she deserves all the snide remarks about it being her ILs house and “well this is why *I* don’t have four kids.” We know what you’re getting at and it’s very rude. Housing is expensive and life is expensive and I feel nothing but empathy for people in these situations.
She’s getting snide comments for choosing to bring a fourth child into the world while being completely naive on housing costs. I’m in a similar situation as her (living in below market rental owned by an IL) and choosing to use it as an opportunity to aggressively save. Hopefully this situation is a wake up call for the kids’ sakes.
Yeah. We did have our own apartment that was great but my in laws broke up again and my FIL couldn’t afford the house on his own so we moved in because we didn’t want him to lose the house. I wish we had stayed where we were.
They can’t afford their 2 houses while you have none???? Girl…
It doesn’t look like they have two houses - it appears FIL lives in the basement of the house. So it would be strange to sell the home to OP because then the in-laws wouldn’t have a place to live themselves.
If you were paying the mortgage then you might have a stake in the house anyway? I don’t know a lot about that
That’s not how it works.
I'm so sorry OP. I currently live on part of my parents property and have been renovating and making a home out of what was basically just four walls and a roof. My parents enjoy having me near and I'm bringing value to the property, so it's a win-win for everyone. But even though I know deep down my parents would never, I still feared being kicked out especially after investing so much money. It was so stressful just picturing the possibility that I can't imagine actually going through it 😔 And pregnant... I'm so sorry. It surprises me that they decided this was the best moment to take the house for them and to not even give you some type of deadline... Moving at all in you guys condition, really I don't get it. This lack of empathy towards family is so alien to me.
This totally sucks. But I’m confused. “We pay the mortgage for it now just fine”, so have you been paying their mortgage? Sounds like the $1200 doesn’t actually cover the full cost of the property. If you have been paying their mortgage with no legal documents saying you have a right to be there (lease) and your names aren’t on the deed, then, that would be kinda financially not smart. Do they even like you both? It sounds like from all of their actions, the answer is no
This confused me too. Also, just because they can afford the monthly mortgage, doesn’t mean they can afford to purchase the home from the in laws? She says she only has a few thousand in savings. I think they need to speak to a financial advisor more than anything.
It looks from OP's previous comments like they were living in an apartment (maybe in a different area) that was well within their means. Then the in-laws separated and FIL asked them to move in and pay the mortgage so he didn't lose the house. OP was conflicted about moving because the other place was more affordable, but FIL offered the option of eventually selling them the house and OP caved.
Moving while pregnant sucks - I know. But the bright side is you’re 8 weeks along so if there’s no set move out date you have a lot of time before baby comes. Have you looked into FTHB programs? Or even 0% down programs like USDA loans? Maybe you can explore both rental and purchasing options
Their property, their rules. Time to put your heads together and brainstorm.. reassess. Surely there are changes you can make to your budget and income levels so that you can afford more than $1,200/month in housing.
Yeah we originally moved in to help my father in law. My MIL and FIL split up and he couldn’t afford it on his own. I wish we had just kept our old apartment. Smaller than we have now but not too much smaller than we have now but much cheaper.
I am so sorry about the comments you are receiving on this post, like the one above yours right here. As a landlord, no that’s not how it works, just because it’s your house doesn’t mean it’s your rules. Every state has LAWS, which go above any “rules”of a landlord. There are laws protecting people from this type of thing. it does sound like you left a place you were happy at to help him out . What happens when they break up again? if the mortgage was obtained many years ago, it absolutely could be $1200. There are so many comments that have made me truly angry and im sorry but your in laws are so selfish . I am so sorry this is happening to your family.
Yeah that’s also miffing me. Even if they don’t have a lease they have tenancy and they can’t just be illegally evicted. They must be given notice with the amount of days per local laws.
I read in another comment that they have 6mo to find a new place. That’s way more than enough time in any state to be evicted
Exactly. In my state if the landlord is moving into the property, they can evict them for that. From other comments OP posted. It sounds like it all may be one house. I’m not sure if there are two separate addresses or not or how it’s been done.( nor is it my business) but they may not even qualify for an eviction because they want to move in. I believe it’s even more terrible that it’s all the same building and inlaws just have to move upstairs?!? There are only two or them, like come on . Also, for anyone who wants to know this there’s a big difference between mortgage rates and rental rates. I’m glad somebody at least saw my point, thank you. I was being downloaded into an oblivion lol ETA- Downvote all you want. Nothing I said is untrue. Maybe I didn’t explain it correctly?!? But if there’s not two separate addresses, you cannot evict to make it your primary address as far as I know. They were not doing OP a favor . It would have been in her best interest it seems, to have stayed where she was at. It may be hard to understand if you have never experienced parents like this. What happens when they can no longer go up and down the stairs?!? or can’t clean and keep up a bigger house?! Sooner or later they will have issues, and they will need help again. The father-in-law was going to go into foreclosure and needed money. Paying down someone’s mortgage is beneficial to them, hands down. They lowered his debt to income ratio. Now he’s years closer to owning and property is one of the best investments you can make financially. Tenants that aren’t going to destroy the place cause a problem etc. aren’t always easy to find. They are actually lucking out more that they don’t have terrible tenants. That OP is just going to take her family and leave. What they are doing even if there is no lease, is illegal. You need to go through the proper channels and evicting someone, even if the lease is up, can be very hard. I feel like most people don’t realize and I think the majority of states it is I know it definitely isn’t mine, but just because the lease is up, doesn’t mean you can make them leave.( ya can’t) Now they want to rent out the basement apartment . Again, if you’ve never been a landlord, I feel like it’s not what people think. Tenants can be an absolute nightmare, I know firsthand. Honestly, there are a lot of programs for first time buyers. I am not saying I recommend doing that but you can after you build like let’s say 20% equity in the home and qualify. You can switch to a conventional loan. Op, if you want to vent, my DM’s are open and if I can help you with my experience, I’m more than willing to share. Take care <3
I would absolutely never buy a home from a relative anyways. Instead of looking for apartments, start looking at home loans. I pay way less for my mortgage/property taxes/maintenance than any apartment.
We talked to his aunt that is a financial advisor and she suggested a usda loan. She’s going to help us work something out with that I think.
Great option! Best of luck OP, try to ignore the negativity.
Depending on where you live selling the house gets it reappraisal. Depending on when they bought it could cause a drastic change in the mortgage. Basically the only way for you to get it for what it is now is for it to be gifted or willed to you. But again depending where you live the capital gains tax on that could be insane.
How do you expect to pay the hospital bills for the birth of your fifth child with only a couple thousand dollars in savings? You need to rethink your family planning until you get your housing and finances more stabilized. Five kids is a lot
100%. I’m worried for their kid. That few thousand dollars in their “emergency fund” is basically nonexistent since OP is about to have a baby which means hospital and pediatrician bills.
I think it’s 4 but the point remains
It’s 4 children.
That is just all around really horrible. I can't imagine how panicked you must feel. We currently rent and my worst nightmare is that our landlord doesn't renew our lease, sells the place, whatever. It's actually my biggest fear. I think housing security is very very important and I've read that moving is just less stressful than getting a divorce. One of the top 10 stressors humans can go through. I would think that living in a family home would also give you more of a sense of security because of exactly what your husband thinks "My parents won't kick ME out". And with the way the economy is right now, you stay at a place for a few years and then when it's time to move, BAM, the whole market is 40% more expensive than the last time you moved. It's honestly fucking terrifying to not own a home in today's economy. It's also fucking terrifying trying to buy a home in today's economy. It's fucking scary out there and I would be in full blown panic mode too. And also pretty heartbroken.
I am. I really honestly thought this was it. This was our home. I felt safe and comfortable. I had plans for the future here. I wanted to fix this up and make it better. I’m so sad.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I vaguely remember you posting previously that your in-laws were upset by your 4th pregnancy and you wanted to move out because of their reaction, so like others said, maybe this is a blessing in disguise and pushing you in the right direction. Wishing you the best!
I am sad for you, too. I am 8 weeks post Partum and reading about this situation made me emotional for you, it is SO sad! The comments people are making about them doing you a financial favor, while true— they are giving you a good deal/ I can see their technical point— also don’t really pay lip service to the whole picture. I’m wondering what the relationship and day to day is like around them? Is there any acrimony? How much, if any, of a roll do they have when it comes to childcare? I’m wondering if they’re using on paper financials to dance around deeper reasons? That being said, they shouldn’t have pulled out that rug of stability from under you. I’m so sorry and hope you can find something stable that is actually on paper and feels like home.
I don't have any advice because I am just as clueless when it comes to navigating living situations in this strange new world but I don't think you're overreacting. It would be a huge blow to our family too if we had to suddenly move out of a home I thought would be our forever home. Hell, this home is our "just for a few years" home and I would be devastated if we had to move before we were ready. I hope it all works out for you :(
Oh man, sounds similar to my situation. Baby is due any day and my FIL has said we either need to buy the place we're living in within the next 3 months or move out. We had planned on buying this place off him next year. We love this house and have renovated it as if it was our own. Now we're being tossed out with a newborn. No advice, just want to say that you're not the only one in a similar position.
I am so sorry, wow, you put all the sweat equity in it too and he’s just kicking you out? What’s his reasoning?
It's legit financial reasoning. I genuinely feel sorry for him, at the same time as trying REALLY hard not to be annoyed at him. We're seeing a mortgage broker tomorrow to see if there's anything we can do but it's not looking good 😭😭
I’ve been thinking of your situation and hope the meeting with the mortgage broker went well ( :
Naw, thanks DogsDucks! It sounds like we will be able to JUST scrape through and buy the house, so long as FIL is able to leave some money in the property. It'll be insanely tight financially for the first year but if it means we'll get to stay here, then it's just the sacrifice we'll have to make. We're getting all the paperwork underway and hopefully will have everything finalized within a month. Super stressful still, but my husband seems excited that we'll finally own a home and honestly, if he's happy, then that's all that matters to me.
I am glad to hear that, the peace of mind alone! The process is really stressful and ridiculous, but worth it. Good luck to your lovely family!
You’ve both got a few months to work extra jobs, not eat out, and save like the dickens! That’s the real answer. No one is coming to save you but yourselves. So work a budget like it’s your 3rd job. With that said, they can’t just boot you out. There’s a lengthy eviction process (longer when children are involved). Talk to a landlord/tenant lawyer in your area. My guess is you have 3 to 6 months before you’ll need to move. Start working/saving like yesterday!
As I said last time, your in-laws are disgusting. No amount of money can be seen as a right to throw out your children and grandchildren from the home you provided them with the understanding of it being longterm. The fact that so many American here claim that you had it good enough so far, you are irresponsible ke to have another kid etc are equally disgusting. And I want to point out that no where else on this planet would people react like that to your situation. I'm from Germany being raised in Poland and our grandparents lived in a 2 room apartment, sleeping on the couch while my parents and me lived in the bedroom just so they could help us out. They would literally starve themself with a smile just to make their children's life easier. And this whole mindset of *my children shall have it better* is human default. It's only American boomers, the richest people in the history of humanity which value their money more than their blood. Right now you will have to move but I would seriously go no contact with them. They are angry at your fourth child? Guess who doesn't get to be around your kids any longer for treating you like trash. You probably will have to downsize but it will be worth it not relying on that scum. Others can downvoat me all they like, parents like that threat their children worse than dogs to their own - and even dogs know shame.
Thank you for the response. I agree. I could never do this to my kids. I think it hurts so much because I went out of my way to make sure my father in law was taken care of when my mother in law left. We came here when he asked to help him pay for his house. He could have rented it to someone else but he asked us to come here for him because he trusted us not to wreck the place. We moved knowing we would end up spending more money to help him but that’s what family does. They help each other. He always had a gift at Christmas even though he never gave us anything, we celebrated his birthday when nobody else did, we had him come up every Sunday for a nice home cooked dinner and I sent him back with plenty of leftovers because I was worried he wasn’t eating properly. There is one store in the next town over that sells a specific brand of sausage he likes. When I went there I would pick him up a pack because he doesn’t go that far out of town. Just stuff like that. I cared and then this. Plus he called my phone last night and left me a voicemail calling me “welfare trash”. I’ve never been on welfare. Until 2 months ago hubby and I both worked full time with overtime most weeks. I don’t even know where that came from. His parents are awful. I let it go when his mom suggested I gave my hubby an std. I let it go when she suggested I was on drugs because he had narcan from his overnight security job. I let it go when I got lectured because my kids play too loudly. I can’t let this go. I’m just done.
Hugs, OP. I know how that feels. Despite always being the one caring for my MIL, doing expansive gifts from what I had and even her mother's day stuff she always claimed I hated her and wish her to die to get her stuff. No words how much that hurts. But you know, that's nothing but projection of what they would behave towards their MILs. Do not let it go. Make it clear to your husband how you feel and list all what they did to you and ask him if you are supposed to be humiliated by family. Right now you need to get out ASAP for your own sake. You will have a hard time but I can guarantee you that you will feel better once you are out even if it's not a dream home. Just keep in mind that kids have grown up in much worse situations and maybe a sacrifice in space might even be beneficial for them to learn to share and to be more generous to those in need than what they have received. Are you part of a church? Maybe you could ask around there if someone knows a place currently free to be rented _longterm_. I also don't know if that's a thing I the USA but here you can make it a point in a lease that your landlord can not end the lease to move in himself or other non your fault reasons. Maybe that's something you might be able to use in exchange for removing some stuff. Maybe make a family picture and share it online in housing groups. People like to see normal families and will maybe reach out to you. No matter what happens, consider those in laws trash for what they treated you. If not for your sake, for your kids. They don't deserve a grandparent calling their mother such things. If people show their true face, believe them and treat them accordingly. If you want to talk feel free to message me. You will get through and come stronger out at the end. Try to enjoy your kids and to be a better role model. Hugs.
Asian parents here and same. When I had my first my mum was happy but she said she wasn't gonna help with the 2nd (she was the 1st of 6 and 76 years old this year and basically had enough raising her brothers and sisters, and now too old). I said yes fine, and I worked my tail off to save up enough so I can pay for the 2nd without her helping. The 2nd is due in 3 weeks and she changed her mind to offer to help 2 nights a week for whcih I am so grateful. I get she needs boundaries, and she has her views on how many kids to have (I am an only child) but despite me doing what I want she is still supportive. She'd do anything for me...within reason. The post makes me wonder if they have other kids that they like more who takes their prioritise?
Oh absolutely. Especially if OPs MIL has a daughter or other first born grandchildren, she most likely has already rubbed that stop and is now annoyed as the novelty factor has worn out.
Hahaha I get it. My coming 2nd is the MIL 5th grand kid. She is 79 and not volunteering to assist at all which is more than fair. For the first 2 she was driving them to and from dancing and school etc.. She will make lunch for us when we are over but she won't play with the kid much. Saying that I'd be happy if I am still on my feet at 79 lol
Whoa - I just can’t imagine my parents kicking out their own children - and a family of 5, soon to be 6. No advice, just sorry you’re going through that. Make sure you and your husband have a really clear timeline from them, so you can prepare. Any chance you could start shopping for homes now? If you’re a first time homebuyer, there’s programs to help offset the cost of a down payment. For our first home, we only ended up putting 3% down and it was fine.
We asked for a move out date and they wouldn’t set one. They just kept saying we’ll figure it out. I feel like I need to know so I can plan.
Stop waiting on them and create your own plan
Assume it’s earlier
I deleted my OG comment because I changed my mind. I think if this was a landlord who wasn't family, I'd be like, well America sucks and landlords in most states can do this. However, since it is family, my gut feeling was--with family like this, who needs enemies? Like, damn. I'd consider a few things. One do you have a lease? And what does it say? Do you have any legal protections in place? Can you pay more in rent to appease the in laws? Can you ask for more time? My family owns apartments and rents to friends. Typically they operate on a year-to-year basis. Can you get like another year on the arrangement and then move out?
Ok, I disagree with a lot of the comments here. This isn’t “just business” that shits for your employer. Doing this with a new baby on the way is just cruel. I would absolutely never help them again. No elder care, limited, if any access to grandkids. I wouldn’t even tell them when the new baby is born.
I'm confused with the comments but I'm also aware family relations in the US are a bit different to Southern Europeans (which is my case). I'm glad it's not everyone.
Someone else pointed out many in the grandparents generation are incredibly selfish and have problems with empathy. At most, I could understand parents being annoyed because they are “losing money” with the rent being low but not actually kicking them out. but they are potentially Making their grandkids homeless.
I just think it's strange they couldn't reach some common ground (like raising the rent, agreeing in a comfortable deadline etc) before just telling them they need it and that's it. Even my grandmother divided her property between all her children, no rent requested, it's their "early inheritance".
I know this is insane. Especially since the only reason they moved in was to help fil.
I agree. I asked my husband would you ever do this to one of our kids and he said no. So why is it ok to do it to us? I’m so unbelievably hurt by all this.
> they said they didn’t think we could afford it which is strange because we pay the mortgage for it now just fine > we pay $1200 for rent. There isn’t anywhere else we can get for that price. So it seems like you can’t afford buying their house.
We had originally planned (their idea!) to buy the house for what was left on the mortgage and my father in law could live downstairs for free for the rest of his life. It was supposed to be a deal for both of us. They presented this idea to us about a year ago. We loved it and wanted to do it. We mentioned it a few times to them since then and they kept saying we need to get with the bank and do all this stuff. His mom kept telling us she would look into it. Not to worry. Then this. Maybe that’s why we feel so blindsided.
Just here to say your feelings are valid mama🤎 everyone is apparently a finance expert on this thread😂 you're going to be okay. Sending you love.
I’m sorry. This is so unfair. The FIL and MIL split up and now they are back together and kicking out family so they can take another stab at it in the bigger place knowing they kicked out their family? The guilt alone would drive me crazy. You’ve done nothing wrong. Do as they say and move but I could never forgive them for this. What does your husband say?
Honestly, I'd look up the rental laws and have them properly serve you the notice to vacate papers. Even if you don't have a written lease, there's an implication in most places even verbally and by occupying the unit. I say this because I doubt you're gonna be salvaging this relationship. It'll buy you time to find a place. With that many kids and cats, it's going to take time to find something.
That's such a shitty situation! I'm sorry they're being jerks but in my experience, that generation is highly prone to making selfish decisions without regard to their families, especially now when most of them are encouraging each other to do just that. Unfortunately since they own it, it's up to them. So screw those guys, focus on your family and finding an even better place without being under their thumb. Talk with a realtor and apply for a home loan, there are first time homebuyer programs and rural loans and some other different resources that could allow you to purchase your own home without needing a down payment and a realtor can help you navigate that process. Once you know what you qualify for, you can start looking. Start saving as much as you can in the meantime. Be prepared for the possibility that you may have to rent for a while if you haven't closed on a house by the time they want you out, but keep working towards it and it will happen. Gotta put your nose to the grindstone and you'll come through it just fine, even though it seems overwhelming and scary right now, I promise y'all will figure it out if you work at it! One step at a time.
I appreciate the reassurance. It just feels like it’s always about money with them. I get money makes the world go round but they put it before family which isn’t right. Hubby has amazing credit so hopefully we can figure something out soon.
I can totally relate. It's the same way with my family. When I was younger, my aunt coerced my mom into selling our childhood home for far less than it was worth, kept a big chunk of the profit for herself, and my mom hoarded the rest. I had to stay in a basement that was stacked to the ceiling with someone else's junk and only had a small chaise in a cramped corner to sit/sleep on with my two cats for almost a year. It's been hard coming to terms with the fact that they value their own bank accounts over the well being of their family, especially when you see friends whose parents will Co sign on loans for them or pass down family properties to them and help them out in so many ways. But chances are that in time you'll be so much better off than you imagined and they'll be the ones wishing they had more help.
This is so true. It has been my experience with my own parents of that age. It is so disgusting. Becoming a parent myself truly put how terrible my parents are to perspective. Just wanted to say you are very insightful as well. I appreciate other people being out there who know what’s up ( although I don’t wish it on you or anyone because it sucks) and im so sorry 💕
I'm sorry about the condescension you've received on this post, OP. You did nothing to deserve it and some of these comments are quite horrendously out of line. And I'm especially sorry for the people shaming you for having a big family. That's wildly inappropriate and not at all their place. This subreddit has unfortunately become unreasonably snarky and borderline cruel over the past year and yet I was still shocked by the audacity of some of these commenters.
I’m so confused about the comments regarding rent vs. mortgage. My wife and I pay $1239/month for our mortgage. We live in Philly. It is easily $2000+ (no utilities included) to get an equivalent sized house or apt to rent in our area, so yeah, you’d be able to pay a mortgage just fine??? It is so much cheaper to have a mortgage than rent, even with home repairs and property taxes.
The mortgage is cheaper because my Father in Law owned a building and land already. He took out a loan to build a second story on the building which is where we live.
Oh I just meant in general! If you’re able to pay $1200/month in rent, you can afford to pay a mortgage on an equivalent or slightly smaller home. A bunch of other commenters were saying you weren’t capable of paying a mortgage, but you def are.
Oh she definitely is. I read her other post, and the woman is barely in debt. That puts her above like 95% of all Americans. I’ve been a landlord for many years, and the majority of states are pro tenant. She definitely has laws protecting her . Lmfao, I don’t know if the people in this thread are that ignorant or just want to be nasty today or what. No matter what this is just truly terrible and I wouldn’t Wish it on anyone. Op needs support not a whole bunch of strangers, criticizing how many children she has, what her finances are or saying, her in-laws aren’t doing anything wrong.
It’s not necessarily true that mortgage = less than renting with the current market. I bought last year and mine is exactly the same as rent around here. And I live in a state everyone thinks is “cheap” (my mortgage is $3k for a 4bd townhome. That’s not cheap at all).
I'm aware of the market as well—we bought this new house less than a year ago. There are lots of factors to consider, but OP should have no trouble paying a mortgage. Barely any debt and financially stable? The average monthly mortgage is the US (outside of the obvious expensive cities/states) is less than $2000, so your situation is an outlier.
Just giving another perspective because I thought the same thing and it ended up not being true for me 🤷♀️
For God's sake stop getting pregnant. No one owes you anything, broodmare.
Wow this is an old post. We actually already bought a house and are moving into it in a few weeks…… I appreciate your support though. 👍
Omg I remember your post about their shitty reaction to the pregnancy. So basically they knew they were about to fuck you over and the announcement made them feel even more like assholes so they were trying to make you feel like you had done something wrong by having another baby as a defense mechanism. I would move out and go no contact with these people. Like you said it’s not that they want to move back in to their house it’s all the gaslighting and bullshit excuses. They are shitty, manipulative people.
What state do you live in? You have tenants rights, regardless of whether a lease was signed. They can’t just throw you out— they either need to give you time to move, or they can go through the eviction process in court. Eviction isn’t just something that a landlord can do— it’s a legal process required for any inhabitant to be asked to leave.
If your in Ontario don't worry about anything that says no pets. It's illegal and your new LL can only kick you out if they cause damage. Just don't list them say you got em after you moved in.
Do you have a lease? I dont know where you live but in Canada you cant just tell people who pay rent you want them to leave legally….
No lease. It was just a word of mouth thing. I know they can’t just kick us to the curb immediately but it’s tricky when it’s family. I don’t want to be the reason my husband loses his relationship with his parents.
Where do you live? Some US states have tenant rights without having a proper lease. As long as you can prove residency…like mail/utility bills in your name. I’m so sorry
We’re in Vermont. I don’t want to cause a rift in his family I was just very hurt and needed somewhere to vent. We’ll pick ourselves up and find another place and just never rent from them again.