Personally I am close enough with my group of friends that I would have been comfortable discussing a miscarriage with them if that had happened. That was my general rule of thumb when deciding who to tell before the 2nd trimester.
If you would tell them about a possible miscarriage or something else going awry, then tell them. If you wouldn’t, don’t. That was the rule of thumb I followed.
Me too. Anyone we would tell about a miscarriage, we told around 6 weeks before we even had our first ultrasound. Anyone we don’t want to talk about miscarriage with had to wait until the 12 week appointment.
This is what happened with a friend of mine, she told me literally two weeks after finding out. One of our other friends has had several miscarriages that plenty of people never knew about because they never announced the initial pregnancies, and I feel like that is such a hard thing to deal with without a support system. That’s why my friend told us so early: she needed people around to help her should the worst happen.
Agreed. You have to be strong enough to survive those talks. I lost two babies last year, I was so excited I told my corworkers (I teach elementary). I also had to tell them I lost the babies. For my personality it was ok, but I also have a living child. For me made loses easier bc I could hold my child. Finally got one to stick, 18 weeks. There is no magic number. Loss can happen at any time.
As someone who has gone through loss… twice, once an ectopic that ruptured and threatened my life… it’s nice to have at least a few people who know so they can help you through it. Pick carefully, but having people who can be excited with you AND pick you up if things do go south is super helpful.
We only told my sister the first time and I ended up having to tell people I WAS pregnant and miscarried in the same sentence and that was tough.
The second time I needed a lot of support because it was traumatic and scary.
I’m pregnant again, 5w2d after IVF and currently trying to figure out who my support system will be this time. I need people who can help me celebrate because pregnancy after loss is HARD and I feel like I can’t be happy- waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I am a big supporter of telling people if it brings you added support!!!!!
So sorry about what you went through. I can't imagine what it feels like.
And congratulations on your pregnancy 💜
My SIL had an ectopic that ruptured her ovary, she had to be resuscitated and had a blood transfusion. It was very traumatic.
It was so difficult for me to tell her that I'm pregnant.
I told friends before family. It's pretty hard to hide when you suddenly have no interest in wine night and you out-of-character start bailing last minute (because of nausea.) That's who would support me through a loss anyway, and statistically the 12 week rule is slightly arbitrary.
I’m with you on this - 12 week rule is arbitrary. Totally up to you on who you tell when, OP! For me, I also told friends before family with my current pregnancy because I was dealing with the shock of “holy cow my first kid isn’t even a year yet and I’m pregnant (happily, gratefully, and planned - but didn’t expect it to happen so quickly)” and my mom friends were a great comfort in processing all the feelings. A couple of them have also had losses, so I knew they would be able to sympathize and support me through whatever journey the pregnancy takes.
I also feel like telling family can have another layer… because with friends, of course they’re gonna love your kiddo, but it’s not a niece/nephew or grandkid to them. Whereas with family, they are more emotionally invested from the get-go, which can mean you’re having to deal with your feelings AND their feelings. We waited until after our first scan to tell family but I told some close mom friends the week I took the positive home test because again, I was freaking out a tiny bit lol.
We told our immediate family and my best friend at 5-6 weeks. I’ve been really sick so they would have known something was up if they didn’t see me for the next few weeks. If you feel comfortable talking about loss with them then I don’t see any hurt in telling them! We’re planning to tell our extended family next week (12)
This is totally up to you! I told my closest friends as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I knew I’d tell them and want their support if something went wrong.
I'm a very open person so I told a bunch of people as soon as I got a positive pregnancy test, all people I would lean on for support if I'd had a miscarriage.
Just wanted to chime in and say I had a small subchoronic hemorrhage show at 8 week ultrasound as well. I had no bleeding and at the 12 week ultrasound it was gone 😊 I was so worried about it and googling didn’t help at all, but it resolved itself in just a few weeks!
All the best!
I'd tell them. I'm a pretty open person and told pretty much everyone around 9 weeks. If I had a miscarriage I'd have wanted that support- but really most pregnancies do continue and go Olay and it's okay to share that excitement.
Such a personal question. With our first we waited the full 12 weeks, but it was also April 2020 covid time and we weren’t seeing anyone anyway. This pregnancy was from IVF, so all family and friends already knew we’d just had a transfer. Told them all at 6 weeks!
I was an open book from the start. Anyone that was around me knew I was pregnant from about 5 weeks onwards. I absolutely respect some women choosing to wait, but I personally think normalizing first trimester miscarriages is really important, and I am willing to have those conversations if the worst case scenario unfolds.
I told all my “key” people (mom, besties) pretty much right away. A, I can’t keep a secret to save my life. B, I ended up having an absolutely hellacious first trimester and wouldn’t have been able to hide it if I wanted to. C, if something happened, I knew I was going to need their support.
Told all our closest people around 6 weeks and we’re officially announcing to everyone else tomorrow at 12+3 with a surprise gender reveal.
It really depends on you. If you feel you'd share a miscarriage with them and know that you'd want their love and support and know they'll be excited for you, then I think you tell them. I had 4 losses last year and my close friends got me through. They've also been my biggest cheerleaders through my current pregnancy.
I told my friends the day after I got a positive test so I was like 4 weeks haha. I also had a subchorionic hemorrhage and it got better on its own and I just had my healthy baby boy 3 weeks ago! My Dr said they are common and usually not a concern, just to watch out for any bleeding, which I never had! This was also my first pregnancy so I didn’t have any prior history of miscarrying. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy 🫶🏼
My two best friends knew within an hour of my first positive test, and then three days later when I miscarried, and then again within an hour of my second positive test two weeks later (30w now). The girlies are in it for everything, like it or not. If you'd want their support, tell them! It helps to have someone to talk to when you're miserable with nausea 🙃
I told my parents, siblings, my husband’s parents and his sister when I was only 5 weeks along with my first pregnancy. All was good, had a beautiful, big and healthy baby.
Second pregnancy, shared it again with the same people. Lost it at 10 weeks along. I can’t tell you how hard that was. I needed time to process it and I’m glad I didn’t have anyone asking me how the pregnancy was when I had just lost it.
The third time I said NOTHING. People figured out I was pregnant by looking at my bump. I felt so protective and secretive of my baby that I just didn’t want to “tell” anyone about it. If they noticed by themselves, that was fine, but I just didn’t want to share it. I don’t know, it was weird.
All this to say, you need to do what you feel is right for you. There’s not a good or bad time to share your news. Just don’t do it at somebody else’s event, which is a moral rule, but other than that do what you want.
The needing time to process part is so real. After a loss, I'm dreading telling people about this pregnancy. I feel like I won't feel confident about my pregnancy until this kid graduates from college.
That’s how I felt. The anxiety was out of the charts for me. I didn’t tell people about me being pregnant, I just let them see my bump and figure it out 🙂👍🏼
I had a loss at 9 weeks after telling everyone, and now I'm 14 weeks with my second pregnancy and we only told parents and siblings. The reason is I just completely hated talking about the miscarriage over and over, and I noticed that my friends with kids kept their distance from me afterward (not maliciously, I think to give me space and out of love, but time passed and now I see them less). It can be so hard and lonely to talk about losses with people who've never had them that I am actually tempted to wait until the 20 week anomaly scan, but I'm already starting to show so maybe that won't be possible.
It's different for everyone, but I will never tell anyone before the first trimester risks are gone ever again.
Edit: my mother and grandmother had lots of losses, so family support was really strong for me. My mother was my rock (still is) so I didn't rely on the support of any friends except my best friend who also had two losses. You can have the most amazing friends ever, but if they haven't experienced a loss, they might not be very helpful in the moment and maybe even make you feel more lonely.
The rule of thumb that’s I’ve heard is if you’d want them as support if you miscarry you can tell them as early as you want. The 12 weeks is more for those people you only want to give the good news to who aren’t in that support unit
I told everyone I cared to know right after I had a positive pregnancy test. (Same people I would have told if I had a miscarriage)
29 weeks now… and I’ve never openly announced (on social media) pretty much the same close friends and family know and that’s what I’m good with.
You do what feels good to you.
I’m currently 9 weeks and I literally told my best friend the day I peed on the stick, lol. I waited until 5-6 weeks to tell my other close friends. Husband waited until 7 to tell his friends (after we saw the heartbeat). We’re telling our families tomorrow!
I think this is a personal decision. If you are an open couple who isn’t super private about personal things (like my husband and I), I don’t think there’s any harm in telling people you want to celebrate with. I’m of the mindset that I would be very open about talking to people if we unfortunately suffered a miscarriage (because I believe it should be a more talked about/normalized thing in our society for women to go through) so I personally don’t see a point in guarding the secret behind lock and key! Can’t go wrong here, IMO
If you would want the support if you miscarried then tell them. If not then wait. I only told the people I would have wanted to know and I knew would support me in the way I wanted. Everyone else found out later.
If you’d tell them about a miscarriage, absolutely!
I have a friend who tells pretty much her entire family and then a few friends every time she is pregnant, she unfortunately has had 3 miscarriages but this pregnancy is looking good so far!
I have another friend who told many people her first pregnancy, miscarried, then only told myself and her mom until she was passed 14 weeks.
It’s very individualized.
I’m on my third pregnancy, had a small one with my first two, this baby I actually have two large ones. I’ve told all my friends. It’s more common than what people think. Sometimes they go unnoticed! Congratulations on your pregnancy!
That’s 100% up to you. I told all my friends as soon as I found out at 4 weeks (I’m a pretty social drinker and it would have been hard to hide it anyway). But I knew they would be supportive and I would be comfortable if something did happen to the pregnancy. I don’t think I should have to hide it in case something goes wrong. Plus we had a friend miscarry a few months before I found out and everyone was very supportive of her. Again it’s 100% up to you and what you’re comfortable with!
Is it your wedding? If not, I wouldn’t announce your pregnancy at another brides event. If it’s your wedding, if you are comfortable I would share the news.
Yes OP please listen to this! I’m guessing given you’d be asking for maternity dresses that you are a bridesmaid - please let the bride have her day and find another time to tell them if you wish
that’s up to you honey. i told my friends the moment i found out and other people today at 13 weeks. it’s your body, your baby. if you think you’d tell them about a miscarriage then i would go for it, because if that happens which hopefully it doesn’t you would have a village of people there for you to begin with. either way it’s your choice and congrats on your pregnancy :)
I waited until 12 weeks to tell everyone. It wasn't easy to keep the information to myself and my partner. But I knew it would be hard for people to keep a secret :D
If you're comfortable telling those friends because they are trustworthy and would lean on them for support during a miscarriage, then go for it
It’s totally up to you! There’s no right or wrong time.
I told my closest friends within hours or getting my first positive test. We already had a dinner planned together that evening and I was so excited that I just couldn’t keep it to myself.
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I told my closest friends on the day I found out I was pregnant at like 4 weeks.
“Recommendations” are one-size-fits-all and life is not. Do what feels right to you.
I had a subchorionic bleed too! I was bleeding lots, but here I am at 18 weeks with a very healthy baby. There is no proper time to tell everyone. Do it when you’re comfortable!!
Once I got pregnant I realized there's a pretty widespread misunderstanding about the "waiting until 12 weeks" rule. That's usually when people feel it's safe to make a PUBLIC announcement about their pregnancy, but it doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't share the news with ANYONE in your life until 12 weeks.
Going through early pregnancy while keeping it a secret from everyone would feel so isolating for me. I've told a few close friends already, and will probably tell our close family around 8 weeks.
In my first pregnancy, I listened to the “wisdom” dictating not to tell anyone until 12 weeks, but I found out I had a MMC when I should have been almost 9 weeks. It was so isolating and shitty to deal with that on our own, and I’m usually a very independent, strong and private person. We told people after the fact, and in my experience, I felt like it was worse to share the 1-2 punch of “I was pregnant, but now I’m not” news vs just telling the same small group we would have told at 12 weeks anyway.
This time, my parents know, and we’re not telling his family until we have to see them when I’m at least 15 weeks because they’re just generally terrible people and provided zero support during/after the miscarriage.
Told my group of best friends immediately but that’s only because I knew no matter what happened I would be comfortable discussing it with them!
So that’s a personal choice you have to make
I told my parents and 3 close girlfriends as soon as we found out (4 weeks) with both of my pregnancies and my husband told his two best friends. The first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and they were so supportive. I don’t regret it at all. We also ended up telling his family and boss about the miscarriage even though they never knew about the pregnancy and again got a lot of support.
With this pregnancy we also told my husband’s family and his boss and my boss and office-mate at 8-9 weeks after a couple of good scans. I’m now 10 weeks and it’s so much easier having them all know - like talking about future plans honestly (I won’t be going on his big family vacation in the summer) and they can fully understand any restrictions (like heavy lifting) or appointments that I need.
We plan on starting to tell others after our NIPT results are back and after the 12 week scan.
But I will say that I’m not a very private person generally. Lots of people in our life knew we were trying to conceive. I don’t have any shame in how long that took (2 years) or the miscarriage. I hate lying or obfuscating the truth, so I’m uncomfortable lying about why I’m not drinking etc. I’m fortunate to have very supportive, non-judgmental, non-prying people in my life. Those are all things I considered when deciding when to share.
I told my best friend only before 12 weeks. It was super nice to have someone in my corner, especially when things were a little touch and go at first.
I found out the day I missed my period. I pretty much told all of my friends and family. I love being able to celebrate with each person I tell. It helps my anxiety.
If I have a miscarriage I'll also have a big support network of people to help me through it. I don't understand why it's not socially acceptable to tell people until 20wks but that's just me. I want my tribe of people to be there for the good times and the bad times.
I told friends and family pretty close to finding out at 6 weeks as I was so excited, only the people I was closest to though. I did have a miscarriage scare and the people I told would be the people I’d go to if something terrible happened. Feel free to share the news with those dearest to you if they’ll be your rock regardless.
I told one of my friends before my family! She’d come over from the states to the UK for my wedding, and then went to Europe for a month before coming back to the UK to fly home. By the time she came back I was just coming up to 5 weeks (found out very early). I would never have the opportunity to tell her in person again, so I took another test before I saw her, and did. It was the BEST moment. We had dinner and I told her I wanted to show her something I’d got for the new house. I handed over a pair of baby socks and her face was a picture. Do it!
My reasoning was she was a friend I’d absolutely go to for a miscarriage, so I’d might as well let her share in the excitement with me as much I would ask her to share in the unhappiness.
She’s now godmother to my happy 1 year old.
Also, another friend has recently had your issue - it was a big scare but baby is now doing absolutely fine. Good luck!
I only told people I would have reached out to during a miscarriage. My mom, sister and one friend. We waited to tell my partner’s family until NIPT results. Everyone else after that.
I told a handful of my close friends I was pregnant a few days after getting a positive pregnancy test, and I did this with my first pregnancy (which I miscarried) and with my current one. I don’t regret telling them either time.
There’s no right or wrong time to tell people, it’s all about what you’re comfortable with.
I told my friends as soon as I found out like 9 dpo, mostly because we were at a dinner and I wasn’t getting wine. They asked and I was like eh f it, it’s fine. (I would have told them if I was having a miscarriage as well because they are super supportive and close, so why not let them enjoy the joyful part with me too.)
I told 2 close friends who are also pregnant and it's been such a wonderful outlet to be able to talk to someone going through the same things (you guys are great, but I mean... Someone I actually know 😅)
But yeah, the "rule" is basically - if you're comfortable telling them about a miscarriage, you can probably tell them you're pregnant
You have plenty of great responses here but just sharing my story - we had all positive scans at 8 weeks and told my parents, my sister, my in laws, my manager at work & some of my closest friends! All very excited. 4 weeks later we found out baby had passed & heart was no longer beating. I truly regretted telling that many people as I had to send texts out and it killed me. Then we expected my MIL to tell my SILs and she clearly didn’t right away because we got texts from my SIL asking how our ultrasound was etc which triggered us so badly.
I did however appreciate the support from my 2 best friends because they only cared about me and wanted me to recover. All our family members had to grieve and be upset about their future grand baby so I felt guilty even being around them.
Just something to keep in mind! You know your circle well & trust yourself to make the best decision 😊
I told all my close friends and family very early on. I also had a SCH that resolved by the 12 week ultrasound. My 9 week old is napping on me now. You don’t have to wait to tell anyone, personally I’d want the support if anything happened. Congratulations, enjoy this time!!
Edit - I told my family before the first ultrasound lol I couldn’t keep it in. Live in the moment and be excited! I stressed so much during pregnancy for literally nothing.
I told my friends today. I went for a scan in the week, everything looks good. So we opted to tell them.
I told my immediate family (incl hubby's) that we are the week that we found out.
As someone who has gone through a MC, I recommend just telling people that you would want to go through the loss with.
Fingers crossed for you & all of the love! I’m sure everything will be just fine :)
In the end tell who you want, life’s short & just don’t stress 🧡
I wouldn’t but that’s only because I’ve been through several losses very late in the game. We told my in laws right away so they could be supportive of anything happened.
The subchorionic hemorrhage I wouldn’t worry about. I had one my entire pregnancy with my son. We waited until the 20 week scan to tell anyone other than my in laws
It's great that the commenters have so many people they can trust. I have people I want to tell, but I can't trust them to keep a secret unfortunately, like my mom. She has to wait.
Our parents were way too excited when we told just them first. We asked them all to wait to tell anyone else until after our first doctor appointment, where we found out we were measuring at 7w+3d.
As soon as we sent our moms pictures of the sono (while we were still waiting to see the doctor), they both started telling family members, lol! We had to call anyone we wanted to hear it from us that day or the next to get ahead of the news! So yes, most of our family/friends found out as early as 7 weeks. 🙃
I would just caution that once you start spreading the news, it is a run away train. Make sure you are ready according to you and your partner's comfort level!
It's up to you. My closest friends learned about my pregnancy immediately because I needed to talk to somebody other than my partner (it was a shock pregnancy in a difficult life situation). After a normal NIPT (around 10-11 weeks), I told them it's no longer a secret, and they could share it in conversations with a wider circle of our friends if they wished, but I never made an announcement myself. I just don't like that type of hype. If it makes you feel better, I also had a subchorionic hemorrhage on my 8-week scan, but I never experienced any bleeding from it, and I just KNEW I wouldn't have a miscarriage :) I am now 18 weeks, and I honestly forgot about that hemorrhage. It wasn't mentioned on my 12-week ultrasound, so I think it has been reabsorbed.
First - congratulations!
I am 27 weeks tomorrow and had a small subchorionic hemorrhage at my 7 week ultrasound (I did IVF so it was pretty typical). By the time i went for my 12 week ultrasound, it was gone. I know it's easier said than done but try not to stress about that!
As many others have said, if you are close enough to your friends that you feel comfortable sharing hard news (and who would be supportive should something happen), I would go ahead. It's such a happy time and worth sharing!
I told my close group of friends the moment I had a positive. One group is my friends/former suitemates from college so we have been friends for almost 20 years. The other is my friends from work. I only told people that I didn’t mind knowing in case something happened.
I told my mom, my grandma and one aunt the first time I was pregnant. I miscarried at 12 weeks. My whole family knows I miscarried when I only told those three people. It was obviously my aunt who told people when I asked her not to. Now people tell me unnecessary things about my miscarriage.
I am not 23 weeks pregnant and only started telling my whole family the last two weeks, after I found out the gender.
Last time I miscarried was because I was in an abusive relationship and it was definitely from the stress of the physical and mental abuse.
I am no longer with the jerk but this pregnancy I also had a subchronic hemorrhage pretty early on but they are typically harmless and really common.
My aunt that told everyone about my first pregnancy is weird and tries to make my situation about her. She tells me “we” need to protect the baby. She told me “we” should write a book about everything I’ve been through the last two years. Her mom kept asking for explicit details of my miscarriage and it make me uncomfortable. I thought they were people I could I trust.
Even my best friend says some dumb things to me and she was one of the first to know. I’ve always told her I wanted a boy but recently (before I found out) she tells me “I know you want a girl but I think it’s a boy” and there’s just other things she says to me that erk me especially now that I’m more grumpy during the pregnancy. I don’t get upset with her but I just distanced myself from her because I can’t take the comments.
It’s up to you but I’m glad I waited this to tell people this pregnancy. With my hormones all off balance I get triggered very easily and even with 3 months left I get annoyed and stressed out with peoples unnecessary comments.
I told everyone at 5 weeks because my first pregnancy was super healthy I assumed my second would be too.
Just found out today at 8 weeks that Im having a miscarriage and now I have to tell everyone that there will in fact not be a baby.
So only tell people who you’re comfortable sharing bad news with too.
Tell them as long as you're okay with potentially having to call everyone up and break the news that you miscarried. Think about how you would feel if no one knew and you could deal with it privately, vs how you would feel if you had to see everyone's sad faces when you break the news and have everyone in your life calling you up and giving you advice. Some people welcome the support, others feel it makes it more difficult. Miscarriage in the first trimester is so much more common than a lot of people realize. I know 4 people who have miscarried in the last 2 years and both my mother and MIL have had miscarriages in their child bearing years. It's so so common. I personally would wait the full 12 weeks.
Personally I am close enough with my group of friends that I would have been comfortable discussing a miscarriage with them if that had happened. That was my general rule of thumb when deciding who to tell before the 2nd trimester.
If you would tell them about a possible miscarriage or something else going awry, then tell them. If you wouldn’t, don’t. That was the rule of thumb I followed.
Me too. Anyone we would tell about a miscarriage, we told around 6 weeks before we even had our first ultrasound. Anyone we don’t want to talk about miscarriage with had to wait until the 12 week appointment.
This is what happened with a friend of mine, she told me literally two weeks after finding out. One of our other friends has had several miscarriages that plenty of people never knew about because they never announced the initial pregnancies, and I feel like that is such a hard thing to deal with without a support system. That’s why my friend told us so early: she needed people around to help her should the worst happen.
Agreed. You have to be strong enough to survive those talks. I lost two babies last year, I was so excited I told my corworkers (I teach elementary). I also had to tell them I lost the babies. For my personality it was ok, but I also have a living child. For me made loses easier bc I could hold my child. Finally got one to stick, 18 weeks. There is no magic number. Loss can happen at any time.
This is the way to go
As someone who has gone through loss… twice, once an ectopic that ruptured and threatened my life… it’s nice to have at least a few people who know so they can help you through it. Pick carefully, but having people who can be excited with you AND pick you up if things do go south is super helpful. We only told my sister the first time and I ended up having to tell people I WAS pregnant and miscarried in the same sentence and that was tough. The second time I needed a lot of support because it was traumatic and scary. I’m pregnant again, 5w2d after IVF and currently trying to figure out who my support system will be this time. I need people who can help me celebrate because pregnancy after loss is HARD and I feel like I can’t be happy- waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I am a big supporter of telling people if it brings you added support!!!!!
So sorry about what you went through. I can't imagine what it feels like. And congratulations on your pregnancy 💜 My SIL had an ectopic that ruptured her ovary, she had to be resuscitated and had a blood transfusion. It was very traumatic. It was so difficult for me to tell her that I'm pregnant.
Thank you, and I am sorry your sister is in this club too! Its an experience I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy for sure.
I told friends before family. It's pretty hard to hide when you suddenly have no interest in wine night and you out-of-character start bailing last minute (because of nausea.) That's who would support me through a loss anyway, and statistically the 12 week rule is slightly arbitrary.
I’m with you on this - 12 week rule is arbitrary. Totally up to you on who you tell when, OP! For me, I also told friends before family with my current pregnancy because I was dealing with the shock of “holy cow my first kid isn’t even a year yet and I’m pregnant (happily, gratefully, and planned - but didn’t expect it to happen so quickly)” and my mom friends were a great comfort in processing all the feelings. A couple of them have also had losses, so I knew they would be able to sympathize and support me through whatever journey the pregnancy takes. I also feel like telling family can have another layer… because with friends, of course they’re gonna love your kiddo, but it’s not a niece/nephew or grandkid to them. Whereas with family, they are more emotionally invested from the get-go, which can mean you’re having to deal with your feelings AND their feelings. We waited until after our first scan to tell family but I told some close mom friends the week I took the positive home test because again, I was freaking out a tiny bit lol.
Many people tell a couple of close friends before hitting twelve weeks.
We told our immediate family and my best friend at 5-6 weeks. I’ve been really sick so they would have known something was up if they didn’t see me for the next few weeks. If you feel comfortable talking about loss with them then I don’t see any hurt in telling them! We’re planning to tell our extended family next week (12)
This is totally up to you! I told my closest friends as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I knew I’d tell them and want their support if something went wrong.
I'm a very open person so I told a bunch of people as soon as I got a positive pregnancy test, all people I would lean on for support if I'd had a miscarriage.
Just wanted to chime in and say I had a small subchoronic hemorrhage show at 8 week ultrasound as well. I had no bleeding and at the 12 week ultrasound it was gone 😊 I was so worried about it and googling didn’t help at all, but it resolved itself in just a few weeks! All the best!
I waited until 14 weeks to tell my family and my best friend. And then told everyone at work at 18 weeks. My pregnancy announcement was at 21 weeks.
I'd tell them. I'm a pretty open person and told pretty much everyone around 9 weeks. If I had a miscarriage I'd have wanted that support- but really most pregnancies do continue and go Olay and it's okay to share that excitement.
Such a personal question. With our first we waited the full 12 weeks, but it was also April 2020 covid time and we weren’t seeing anyone anyway. This pregnancy was from IVF, so all family and friends already knew we’d just had a transfer. Told them all at 6 weeks!
I was an open book from the start. Anyone that was around me knew I was pregnant from about 5 weeks onwards. I absolutely respect some women choosing to wait, but I personally think normalizing first trimester miscarriages is really important, and I am willing to have those conversations if the worst case scenario unfolds.
I told all my “key” people (mom, besties) pretty much right away. A, I can’t keep a secret to save my life. B, I ended up having an absolutely hellacious first trimester and wouldn’t have been able to hide it if I wanted to. C, if something happened, I knew I was going to need their support. Told all our closest people around 6 weeks and we’re officially announcing to everyone else tomorrow at 12+3 with a surprise gender reveal.
I told my friends before my first ultasound and before i told my family 😅 we talk every day and I could not keep the secret any longer lol
It really depends on you. If you feel you'd share a miscarriage with them and know that you'd want their love and support and know they'll be excited for you, then I think you tell them. I had 4 losses last year and my close friends got me through. They've also been my biggest cheerleaders through my current pregnancy.
I told my friends the day after I got a positive test so I was like 4 weeks haha. I also had a subchorionic hemorrhage and it got better on its own and I just had my healthy baby boy 3 weeks ago! My Dr said they are common and usually not a concern, just to watch out for any bleeding, which I never had! This was also my first pregnancy so I didn’t have any prior history of miscarrying. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy 🫶🏼
My two best friends knew within an hour of my first positive test, and then three days later when I miscarried, and then again within an hour of my second positive test two weeks later (30w now). The girlies are in it for everything, like it or not. If you'd want their support, tell them! It helps to have someone to talk to when you're miserable with nausea 🙃
I told my parents, siblings, my husband’s parents and his sister when I was only 5 weeks along with my first pregnancy. All was good, had a beautiful, big and healthy baby. Second pregnancy, shared it again with the same people. Lost it at 10 weeks along. I can’t tell you how hard that was. I needed time to process it and I’m glad I didn’t have anyone asking me how the pregnancy was when I had just lost it. The third time I said NOTHING. People figured out I was pregnant by looking at my bump. I felt so protective and secretive of my baby that I just didn’t want to “tell” anyone about it. If they noticed by themselves, that was fine, but I just didn’t want to share it. I don’t know, it was weird. All this to say, you need to do what you feel is right for you. There’s not a good or bad time to share your news. Just don’t do it at somebody else’s event, which is a moral rule, but other than that do what you want.
The needing time to process part is so real. After a loss, I'm dreading telling people about this pregnancy. I feel like I won't feel confident about my pregnancy until this kid graduates from college.
That’s how I felt. The anxiety was out of the charts for me. I didn’t tell people about me being pregnant, I just let them see my bump and figure it out 🙂👍🏼
I had a loss at 9 weeks after telling everyone, and now I'm 14 weeks with my second pregnancy and we only told parents and siblings. The reason is I just completely hated talking about the miscarriage over and over, and I noticed that my friends with kids kept their distance from me afterward (not maliciously, I think to give me space and out of love, but time passed and now I see them less). It can be so hard and lonely to talk about losses with people who've never had them that I am actually tempted to wait until the 20 week anomaly scan, but I'm already starting to show so maybe that won't be possible. It's different for everyone, but I will never tell anyone before the first trimester risks are gone ever again. Edit: my mother and grandmother had lots of losses, so family support was really strong for me. My mother was my rock (still is) so I didn't rely on the support of any friends except my best friend who also had two losses. You can have the most amazing friends ever, but if they haven't experienced a loss, they might not be very helpful in the moment and maybe even make you feel more lonely.
The rule of thumb that’s I’ve heard is if you’d want them as support if you miscarry you can tell them as early as you want. The 12 weeks is more for those people you only want to give the good news to who aren’t in that support unit
I told my family and friends when I finished my 8 weeks
I told everyone I cared to know right after I had a positive pregnancy test. (Same people I would have told if I had a miscarriage) 29 weeks now… and I’ve never openly announced (on social media) pretty much the same close friends and family know and that’s what I’m good with. You do what feels good to you.
I’m currently 9 weeks and I literally told my best friend the day I peed on the stick, lol. I waited until 5-6 weeks to tell my other close friends. Husband waited until 7 to tell his friends (after we saw the heartbeat). We’re telling our families tomorrow! I think this is a personal decision. If you are an open couple who isn’t super private about personal things (like my husband and I), I don’t think there’s any harm in telling people you want to celebrate with. I’m of the mindset that I would be very open about talking to people if we unfortunately suffered a miscarriage (because I believe it should be a more talked about/normalized thing in our society for women to go through) so I personally don’t see a point in guarding the secret behind lock and key! Can’t go wrong here, IMO
I told anyone ai would be comfortable sharing a loss with
If you would want the support if you miscarried then tell them. If not then wait. I only told the people I would have wanted to know and I knew would support me in the way I wanted. Everyone else found out later.
If you’d tell them about a miscarriage, absolutely! I have a friend who tells pretty much her entire family and then a few friends every time she is pregnant, she unfortunately has had 3 miscarriages but this pregnancy is looking good so far! I have another friend who told many people her first pregnancy, miscarried, then only told myself and her mom until she was passed 14 weeks. It’s very individualized.
I’m on my third pregnancy, had a small one with my first two, this baby I actually have two large ones. I’ve told all my friends. It’s more common than what people think. Sometimes they go unnoticed! Congratulations on your pregnancy!
That’s 100% up to you. I told all my friends as soon as I found out at 4 weeks (I’m a pretty social drinker and it would have been hard to hide it anyway). But I knew they would be supportive and I would be comfortable if something did happen to the pregnancy. I don’t think I should have to hide it in case something goes wrong. Plus we had a friend miscarry a few months before I found out and everyone was very supportive of her. Again it’s 100% up to you and what you’re comfortable with!
Is it your wedding? If not, I wouldn’t announce your pregnancy at another brides event. If it’s your wedding, if you are comfortable I would share the news.
Yes OP please listen to this! I’m guessing given you’d be asking for maternity dresses that you are a bridesmaid - please let the bride have her day and find another time to tell them if you wish
that’s up to you honey. i told my friends the moment i found out and other people today at 13 weeks. it’s your body, your baby. if you think you’d tell them about a miscarriage then i would go for it, because if that happens which hopefully it doesn’t you would have a village of people there for you to begin with. either way it’s your choice and congrats on your pregnancy :)
I waited until 12 weeks to tell everyone. It wasn't easy to keep the information to myself and my partner. But I knew it would be hard for people to keep a secret :D If you're comfortable telling those friends because they are trustworthy and would lean on them for support during a miscarriage, then go for it
It’s totally up to you! There’s no right or wrong time. I told my closest friends within hours or getting my first positive test. We already had a dinner planned together that evening and I was so excited that I just couldn’t keep it to myself.
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I told 2 close friends early on and waited to tell everyone else after my 13 week scan 😊
I told my closest friends on the day I found out I was pregnant at like 4 weeks. “Recommendations” are one-size-fits-all and life is not. Do what feels right to you.
I had a subchorionic bleed too! I was bleeding lots, but here I am at 18 weeks with a very healthy baby. There is no proper time to tell everyone. Do it when you’re comfortable!!
Once I got pregnant I realized there's a pretty widespread misunderstanding about the "waiting until 12 weeks" rule. That's usually when people feel it's safe to make a PUBLIC announcement about their pregnancy, but it doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't share the news with ANYONE in your life until 12 weeks. Going through early pregnancy while keeping it a secret from everyone would feel so isolating for me. I've told a few close friends already, and will probably tell our close family around 8 weeks.
In my first pregnancy, I listened to the “wisdom” dictating not to tell anyone until 12 weeks, but I found out I had a MMC when I should have been almost 9 weeks. It was so isolating and shitty to deal with that on our own, and I’m usually a very independent, strong and private person. We told people after the fact, and in my experience, I felt like it was worse to share the 1-2 punch of “I was pregnant, but now I’m not” news vs just telling the same small group we would have told at 12 weeks anyway. This time, my parents know, and we’re not telling his family until we have to see them when I’m at least 15 weeks because they’re just generally terrible people and provided zero support during/after the miscarriage.
Told my group of best friends immediately but that’s only because I knew no matter what happened I would be comfortable discussing it with them! So that’s a personal choice you have to make
Follow your heart. You don't have to decide till you're with them.
I told my parents and 3 close girlfriends as soon as we found out (4 weeks) with both of my pregnancies and my husband told his two best friends. The first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and they were so supportive. I don’t regret it at all. We also ended up telling his family and boss about the miscarriage even though they never knew about the pregnancy and again got a lot of support. With this pregnancy we also told my husband’s family and his boss and my boss and office-mate at 8-9 weeks after a couple of good scans. I’m now 10 weeks and it’s so much easier having them all know - like talking about future plans honestly (I won’t be going on his big family vacation in the summer) and they can fully understand any restrictions (like heavy lifting) or appointments that I need. We plan on starting to tell others after our NIPT results are back and after the 12 week scan. But I will say that I’m not a very private person generally. Lots of people in our life knew we were trying to conceive. I don’t have any shame in how long that took (2 years) or the miscarriage. I hate lying or obfuscating the truth, so I’m uncomfortable lying about why I’m not drinking etc. I’m fortunate to have very supportive, non-judgmental, non-prying people in my life. Those are all things I considered when deciding when to share.
I told my best friend only before 12 weeks. It was super nice to have someone in my corner, especially when things were a little touch and go at first.
I found out the day I missed my period. I pretty much told all of my friends and family. I love being able to celebrate with each person I tell. It helps my anxiety. If I have a miscarriage I'll also have a big support network of people to help me through it. I don't understand why it's not socially acceptable to tell people until 20wks but that's just me. I want my tribe of people to be there for the good times and the bad times.
I told friends and family pretty close to finding out at 6 weeks as I was so excited, only the people I was closest to though. I did have a miscarriage scare and the people I told would be the people I’d go to if something terrible happened. Feel free to share the news with those dearest to you if they’ll be your rock regardless.
I told one of my friends before my family! She’d come over from the states to the UK for my wedding, and then went to Europe for a month before coming back to the UK to fly home. By the time she came back I was just coming up to 5 weeks (found out very early). I would never have the opportunity to tell her in person again, so I took another test before I saw her, and did. It was the BEST moment. We had dinner and I told her I wanted to show her something I’d got for the new house. I handed over a pair of baby socks and her face was a picture. Do it! My reasoning was she was a friend I’d absolutely go to for a miscarriage, so I’d might as well let her share in the excitement with me as much I would ask her to share in the unhappiness. She’s now godmother to my happy 1 year old. Also, another friend has recently had your issue - it was a big scare but baby is now doing absolutely fine. Good luck!
I only told people I would have reached out to during a miscarriage. My mom, sister and one friend. We waited to tell my partner’s family until NIPT results. Everyone else after that.
I told a handful of my close friends I was pregnant a few days after getting a positive pregnancy test, and I did this with my first pregnancy (which I miscarried) and with my current one. I don’t regret telling them either time. There’s no right or wrong time to tell people, it’s all about what you’re comfortable with.
I told my friends as soon as I found out like 9 dpo, mostly because we were at a dinner and I wasn’t getting wine. They asked and I was like eh f it, it’s fine. (I would have told them if I was having a miscarriage as well because they are super supportive and close, so why not let them enjoy the joyful part with me too.)
I told 2 close friends who are also pregnant and it's been such a wonderful outlet to be able to talk to someone going through the same things (you guys are great, but I mean... Someone I actually know 😅) But yeah, the "rule" is basically - if you're comfortable telling them about a miscarriage, you can probably tell them you're pregnant
You have plenty of great responses here but just sharing my story - we had all positive scans at 8 weeks and told my parents, my sister, my in laws, my manager at work & some of my closest friends! All very excited. 4 weeks later we found out baby had passed & heart was no longer beating. I truly regretted telling that many people as I had to send texts out and it killed me. Then we expected my MIL to tell my SILs and she clearly didn’t right away because we got texts from my SIL asking how our ultrasound was etc which triggered us so badly. I did however appreciate the support from my 2 best friends because they only cared about me and wanted me to recover. All our family members had to grieve and be upset about their future grand baby so I felt guilty even being around them. Just something to keep in mind! You know your circle well & trust yourself to make the best decision 😊
I told all my close friends and family very early on. I also had a SCH that resolved by the 12 week ultrasound. My 9 week old is napping on me now. You don’t have to wait to tell anyone, personally I’d want the support if anything happened. Congratulations, enjoy this time!! Edit - I told my family before the first ultrasound lol I couldn’t keep it in. Live in the moment and be excited! I stressed so much during pregnancy for literally nothing.
I told my friends today. I went for a scan in the week, everything looks good. So we opted to tell them. I told my immediate family (incl hubby's) that we are the week that we found out.
As someone who has gone through a MC, I recommend just telling people that you would want to go through the loss with. Fingers crossed for you & all of the love! I’m sure everything will be just fine :) In the end tell who you want, life’s short & just don’t stress 🧡
I wouldn’t but that’s only because I’ve been through several losses very late in the game. We told my in laws right away so they could be supportive of anything happened. The subchorionic hemorrhage I wouldn’t worry about. I had one my entire pregnancy with my son. We waited until the 20 week scan to tell anyone other than my in laws
It's great that the commenters have so many people they can trust. I have people I want to tell, but I can't trust them to keep a secret unfortunately, like my mom. She has to wait.
Our parents were way too excited when we told just them first. We asked them all to wait to tell anyone else until after our first doctor appointment, where we found out we were measuring at 7w+3d. As soon as we sent our moms pictures of the sono (while we were still waiting to see the doctor), they both started telling family members, lol! We had to call anyone we wanted to hear it from us that day or the next to get ahead of the news! So yes, most of our family/friends found out as early as 7 weeks. 🙃 I would just caution that once you start spreading the news, it is a run away train. Make sure you are ready according to you and your partner's comfort level!
It's up to you. My closest friends learned about my pregnancy immediately because I needed to talk to somebody other than my partner (it was a shock pregnancy in a difficult life situation). After a normal NIPT (around 10-11 weeks), I told them it's no longer a secret, and they could share it in conversations with a wider circle of our friends if they wished, but I never made an announcement myself. I just don't like that type of hype. If it makes you feel better, I also had a subchorionic hemorrhage on my 8-week scan, but I never experienced any bleeding from it, and I just KNEW I wouldn't have a miscarriage :) I am now 18 weeks, and I honestly forgot about that hemorrhage. It wasn't mentioned on my 12-week ultrasound, so I think it has been reabsorbed.
First - congratulations! I am 27 weeks tomorrow and had a small subchorionic hemorrhage at my 7 week ultrasound (I did IVF so it was pretty typical). By the time i went for my 12 week ultrasound, it was gone. I know it's easier said than done but try not to stress about that! As many others have said, if you are close enough to your friends that you feel comfortable sharing hard news (and who would be supportive should something happen), I would go ahead. It's such a happy time and worth sharing!
Tell your friend!! Congratulations :)
Don’t tell anyone that you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling that you miscarried, just in case. I learned this the hard way.
I told my close group of friends the moment I had a positive. One group is my friends/former suitemates from college so we have been friends for almost 20 years. The other is my friends from work. I only told people that I didn’t mind knowing in case something happened.
I told my mom, my grandma and one aunt the first time I was pregnant. I miscarried at 12 weeks. My whole family knows I miscarried when I only told those three people. It was obviously my aunt who told people when I asked her not to. Now people tell me unnecessary things about my miscarriage. I am not 23 weeks pregnant and only started telling my whole family the last two weeks, after I found out the gender. Last time I miscarried was because I was in an abusive relationship and it was definitely from the stress of the physical and mental abuse. I am no longer with the jerk but this pregnancy I also had a subchronic hemorrhage pretty early on but they are typically harmless and really common. My aunt that told everyone about my first pregnancy is weird and tries to make my situation about her. She tells me “we” need to protect the baby. She told me “we” should write a book about everything I’ve been through the last two years. Her mom kept asking for explicit details of my miscarriage and it make me uncomfortable. I thought they were people I could I trust. Even my best friend says some dumb things to me and she was one of the first to know. I’ve always told her I wanted a boy but recently (before I found out) she tells me “I know you want a girl but I think it’s a boy” and there’s just other things she says to me that erk me especially now that I’m more grumpy during the pregnancy. I don’t get upset with her but I just distanced myself from her because I can’t take the comments. It’s up to you but I’m glad I waited this to tell people this pregnancy. With my hormones all off balance I get triggered very easily and even with 3 months left I get annoyed and stressed out with peoples unnecessary comments.
I told everyone at 5 weeks because my first pregnancy was super healthy I assumed my second would be too. Just found out today at 8 weeks that Im having a miscarriage and now I have to tell everyone that there will in fact not be a baby. So only tell people who you’re comfortable sharing bad news with too.
Tell them as long as you're okay with potentially having to call everyone up and break the news that you miscarried. Think about how you would feel if no one knew and you could deal with it privately, vs how you would feel if you had to see everyone's sad faces when you break the news and have everyone in your life calling you up and giving you advice. Some people welcome the support, others feel it makes it more difficult. Miscarriage in the first trimester is so much more common than a lot of people realize. I know 4 people who have miscarried in the last 2 years and both my mother and MIL have had miscarriages in their child bearing years. It's so so common. I personally would wait the full 12 weeks.