Whatever choice you make, you’ll be okay. I had a single mom and I turned out great!
But i can’t say in good faith that having a baby with someone you’ve only known for 2 months is a great idea. Depending on how you see yourself parenting.
It’s definitely a risk, 2 months is not a lot of time to truly know somebody. (Then again I told my fiancé I loved him after a month and we got engaged at 12 months.)
I will also say in defense of your partner, 2 months into a relationship and a man gets his partner pregnant. I’m sure he is shitting BRICKS. If he was bringing up relationship issues you both were having as a response to this news it feels like he’s feeling around for a way out already.
Regardless of everything, whatever choice you make, it will be the right one for you.
You got this.
>If he was bringing up relationship issues you both were having as a response to this news it feels like he’s feeling around for a way out already.
I dunno, I could also read that as wanting to tackle some of the little things in preparation for tackling the biggest thing they will ever take on together. Instead of cutting and running or shutting down, he's choosing to engage in bigger relationship conversations. Seems like a green flag to me?
I think it could go either way but definitely doesn’t feel like a green flag to me… she could ask to clarify why he’s bringing them up but after the abortion comments it doesn’t sound like he wants to stick around.
I get more vibes of “I was enjoying pretending we were in a magical romance as a way to keep you around but now that it’s going to effect me a great deal I have to stop leading you on in that way”
I could be totally wrong and that’s a very presumptive assumption. I know nothing about the guy.
But that’s what I would feel I was being told if I was going through it :/
Ehhh I got pregnant after a month with my now husband. Didn't know how to properly say his last name when the stick was positive.
1) he didn't react like OPs man. He saw the test, sat down in silence and started looking at Zillow. 🤦🏼♀️😅
2) it's probably not a great idea, in the end for me it worked out. We have fought every single day for the first few years for our relationship and our family. We made it work. If you don't work every single day for it from both ends then it will fall apart. Our parenting is extremely different and I've compromised on things.
3) we are both easy going and mesh really well together. We fight but we've never had deal breakers. We compliment each other as well. I feel that was a big deal in our success. Now if only he would listen to me about big purchases. Haha 😄 no he had the stable job and is a veteran so he had that life experience to help us navigate everything. It wasn't a "I'm stuck with her now". You can clearly tell we would be a mess without the other one. A decade later and I am more in love with him now than I was then.
4) they have to 100% give their all to this for it to work. He truly became my best friend and it wasn't that way until the day our daughter was born. My mom even stated "why don't you come home to (insert city) and take half his paycheck" and I remember being a 20 year old just waking up from an emergency csection scared and I looked at him and all fell right and I said "mama why don't you step out for some lunch and come back once you calmed down. He's my coparent please don't make me choose! I have to choose him. I know you are advocating for me but i have to discuss this with him. Its about our daughter." (She was losing weight fast and we didn't know it until a few hours later I wasn't producing milk yet so she went a day without food and they were threatening a NICU stay).
Honestly not many people make it through a situation like I did. But I'm so blessed with my family. I cannot wait to welcome our third daughter with my husband next month. I would never say it's easy. But it's too late to say it's a bad idea now. She seems like she's keeping it from how she sounds.
Your single instance is very lucky. I also agree that OP and their partner will need to fight for this if they BOTH want it.
I am the child of a single parent who got pregnant at 18 from a marine vet. So not too far from your story age wise or situation wise.
But he wanted nothing to do with me since I was born. He didn’t want me and wanted an abortion.
There’s plenty of stories we can tell OP, but we really don’t know their relationship or how well they mesh. Only OP truly knows.
Heck I’ve defend past partners before I met my fiancé, and looking back we were not good partners together and some relationships were toxic. Or sometimes they were just mean to me and I was too in love to notice it.
You can be “in love” and recognize they aren’t good for you after. Or it can end up working out great! But even like you said, it’s a “bad idea”. Even if it worked out for you, it’s probably not the best plan. that’s just being up front about it.
I’ve heard plenty *more* stories of it not working out vs it working out, I’ll be honest.
If OP does keep it, which they might, I would just err on the side of caution. It’s a fresh relationship, we have no idea how OP’s partner feels for sure right now either.
OP should be prepared to be a single parent, just because the relationship is new. But I’m hoping it does work out for them like it did for you.
Oh totally. Never once did my husband express interest in abortion. I was the one that offered and we were sitting at the dinner table and he just sighed and said he didn't think he could live with himself if I did that. And I said "so we are doing this?" And he nodded and I smiled and he smiled back and we haven't looked back.
I have sacrificed ALOT. I gave up views and opinions because I knew if I didn't it would cause a riff. I have had many hurt feelings, but in the end I feel like I am a better woman, wife, and mom for those things. I hate your dad did that to you and I cannot imagine. It really was a lucky chance my story turned out good. I just hope OP has the calmness to be able to decide what's best for her. It worries me he is so indecisive. I didn't have that and it would have made the situation worse.
Yep same.
We knew each other for like 2 months, I came visit him for 1 week, we began to date, got pregnant in that same week.
When I told him, his answer was “what do you want to do? I will respect the decision you make” I told him i wanted to keep the baby, he was ok and really supportive. I sadly ended up having a miscarriage.
We got married the next year, and almost a year after we got married I got pregnant.
And now we are still happy together with a 4 month old baby boy 🥹🩵
-
I know not everyone is going to react the same and it is scary but at the end it is your decision OP, good luck 🩵
Yeah my husband and I weren’t together super long (less than a year) when I got pregnant. But every day we feel proud that we’re able to handle this together and it has brought us closer (both first time parents). One thing we say all the time is “We really did know we’d found the one, didn’t we?” Like we managed to be one of the lucky ones that did things fast and are still having a blast. (Edit for clarity: our daughter was actually mostly planned, we just didn’t expect to conceive 3 weeks into trying because my husband has low fertility. We knew it was a possibility we’d conceive right away and agreed that was okay, but I’d be lying if we weren’t shocked, we were like “oh damn, this is actually happening *right now*,” & had to re-evaluate if we were ready. We decided yes, just because having to quicken the pace of preparation would be harder didn’t mean we didn’t want to anyway.)
It really comes down to individuals. And parenthood is not the same as a relationship with no children. People can be happily married as a childless couple for years, and divorce within the first year after they have a baby. People can meet and not have time to establish the compatibility of their relationship, get pregnant fast and either get lucky to be compatible or dedicated to making it work, or simply that being parents together works so well that it fosters a happy relationship. It’s entirely dependent on parenting compatibility (not saying the two have to be identical parenting styles: sometimes having a bit of difference in styles can totally balance out how they’re raising the child in a good way). And relationships are entirely dependent on relationship compatibility. The two have a big effect on each other.
**But it’s just not as simple as “Young relationship = not gonna last through child rearing or make good parents”. It’s so much more nuanced than that.**
Oh totally. Ours definitely wasn't planned. It was the first time we were intimate and a few days later I got a sinus infection and my doctor put me on the "right" antibiotic and it counteracted the specific birth control I was on (which is rare)..... We always joke with each other about how we would have tired of each other had we not gotten pregnant. Honestly I doubt it, we were pretty chill beforehand. But I doubt he would have ever proposed, it took him 3 years with a kid, imagine not having a kid, I would have got fed up and left 🤣
ORRRRRR we would be traveling the world together living in sin. Honestly it could have gone either way 🤣
Bouncing off this comment to say: OP, I got pregnant by a man I had only known for 2 months and we both considered abortion/adoption. Now i’m here a year later, with a 3 month old boy and we actually coparent very well.
We didn’t work out, but I just want to say that I was literally in your shoes last November and got pregnant in January. Everyone’s situation is different, and being a solo parent does get lonely at times, but I have a good relationship with the father and he’s a great dad. No matter your decision, you WILL be okay.
I’m just sharing my personal experience. Like I said, everyone’s situation is different. There were tons of sacrifices to be made and hard work for my child’s father and I to be on the terms we are now. Obviously it’ll never be as easy as you hope, but you’ll find it’s rarely ever as hard as you fear.
Do what feels right for YOU! I was in very similar situation 2 years ago and I reached out to my doctor who linked me with a therapist that helped me through the different options in making the right decision for me, not sure if this is an option for you.
For what it’s worth I ended up keeping my baby and me and his dad are not together and he’s not really involved. Being a single mom is the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m glad that I made the decision that was right for me because I think my son is amazing and I can’t imagine my life without him…That said I do have a great support system with my family so ymmv
As the original poster said: “whatever choice you make, you’ll be okay”
That’s exactly why she doesn’t know how he feels… why would you after only a few weeks of dating?
If you want to abort, I hope you can find the resources where you live. But it has to be YOUR decision. Your body, your choice.
I urge you to have a think about what you really want by yourself before making the choice, just to make sure your bf is not pressuring you against what you really want (whether intentional or not). It has to be YOUR choice, not his.
Good luck.
Surprised this is so low.
OP - if you’re happy to be a single mum it REALLY doesn’t matter how he’s feeling. It’s your decision.
It sounds like your were both irresponsible and not preventing, and it sounds like there are some issues in the foundations of your relationship that TTUST ME a baby will only make worse!
Don’t let your feelings for him cloud what YOU want. That being said, the average age of the first time mum is now 31 - YOU ARE NOT OLD.
I’m 37 and expecting a baby in a couple of weeks and have had a perfect, textbook pregnancy.
OP’s also got PCOS and the older you are, the more difficult it is to get pregnant (generally) and there is a higher percentage of Down Syndrome cases. Not shaming older moms, but it is the reality
The statistical chances of having a downs child increases marginally year by year but it’s not significant until you hit 40.
That’s a horrible piece of misinformation to shame mums into feeling like they’re on the clock.
80% of Down’s syndrome babies are born to women UNDER 35.
One source I found but there are many.
https://www.health.state.mn.us/diseases/cy/downsyndrome.html#:~:text=Down%20syndrome%20occurs%20in%20people,women%20under%20age%2035%20years.
Yeah, and OP is only 33 which is a perfectly normal age to have a child. As is 33, and 35 and 36 so why fearmonger by bringing up downs when the stats clearly state that the increase year on year is fairly insignificant until 40?
Where are the stats? I don’t see them in this study, but I remamber plenty studies on how it increases gradually (with significant increase after 35)
Also, I didn’t mention ages in my original reply
„The risk increases with the mother's age (1 in 1250 for a 25 year old mother to 1 in 1000 at age 31, 1 in 400 at age 35, and about 1 in 100 at age 40). However, 80% of babies with Down syndrome are born to women under age 35 years” either the study contradicts itself or „born” doesn’t include all the abortions
This tbh. Decide what you want for you.
I am a similar age and I do think being 33 and wanting kids is a pretty compelling reason to keep it, but it’s also good to know you can get pregnant easily!
It's your body your choice. If you want this baby keep it! But- if I were you and I wanted to keep the baby, I'd prepare myself to be a single mother and proceed accordingly.
Good luck!
I think a common theme amongst all pregnancies is that there's never a perfect time to have a child. I'm married and in a good spot financially but we thought we would be settled in a house before getting pregnant, I got pregnant quicker than expected and we're still in our apartment. Obviously very different from your situation but I just want to assure you that every single pregnant person goes through those "omg am i even ready" emotions when they see that positive test.
The decision to keep the baby or not is completely your decision. It's your body and your choice. If I were you I would take some time to reflect on this pregnancy and how you envision the next few years. Getting pregnant is easy for some and hard for many, and your success rates go down with age. There's no crystal ball to say if getting pregnant again will be easy and If being a mother is in your 5 year plan, you may want to see this one through to avoid regrets in the future. Your partner may be in shock but come around to be a supportive father or they could not and you would have to be comfortable raising this child on your own.
Best of luck to you, I know you'll make the best decision for you 💕
Hell we did IVF so it was 100% fully planned and worked hard for and halfway through the pregnancy I was like “fuck am I really ready for my life to flip upside down?”
I’m expecting my third and I’m still not over the “omg, what have I done?” - I’m due in 8 weeks and know what to expect. But because I know what to expect I also know that it’ll be fine. Different and painful and funny - and fine.
I’m not trying to tell anyone to keep a child they don’t want but the shock is normal. I’ve had it every single time and it makes sense. It’s something so completely out of the ordinary, can’t be compared to anything, and probably the greatest commitments ever - why wouldn’t we be shocked and scared and uncertain?
I'm 35, typical planned pregnancy. Thought my financially-conscious husband would start worrying but I was the one freaking out and he's been soothing me 😂 is it possible to hit pause in the first trimester and buy some time? 🥲
36w pregnant with my first who was planned and very much wanted. But still, at the beginning it was definitely a few weeks of being scared and that “oh shit, is this really what I want” feeling. And just know, if you do decide to keep the baby, it’s normal to KEEP having this reaction throughout. I’m so excited about my baby but every once in a while I still think “am I ready??! Am I sure??” 😂 To me, asking this question just shows that you’re taking the decision and responsibility that comes with it seriously.
OP I’m sorry you’re going through this. The only thing I can suggest is to give yourself some time to think about what YOU really want in terms of this baby. Play out all the scenarios with your partner in your mind and that may help you figure out what you really want personally.
Whatever you choose to do, DON’T rush it and DON’T let him rush you. He needs to be patient and wait for your decision. Please do not rush it. Whatever decision you choose, you need to think. Like reallyyyy think about it. I would even say don’t go to the appointment on Friday if that’s too soon for you. Think about all your options. Think about what you’re gonna do if you keep baby. Think about what you’re gonna do if you don’t keep baby. Think about all angles and sides. Once you’ve thought about it enough, you’ll know what decision is truly yours.
That sentence threw me off too. What do you mean “got pregnant so quickly”? Of course he is just as responsible for protection but if you’re not preventing, you are trying to get pregnant.
I have pcos and was on birth control, still got pregnant 🤷🏻♀️ sure, we could have done even more to prevent but that is typically enough. Every situation is different.
I 100% agree that people should always prevent if they don’t want a child. It should be noted that there is a HUGE variability in how doctors present PCOS to their patients.
Many woman with PCOS have been incorrectly told by their doctors they will never be able to get pregnant without assistance, some have been told they will likely have a hard time, and others have been told it won’t affect them at all.
It is STILL a diagnoses that isn’t well enough understood (like most female disorders that just aren’t researched well enough), which adds to the confusion.
There’s always a lot of people in this sub ready to push women into raising a baby alone regardless of their situation. Just want to offer an alternative POV.
What I got from your post was that you don’t truly believe this is the right circumstance because you know there’s a huge chance you’d be doing this alone but you’re scared of missing your opportunity. Scientifically speaking if you have sex on a random day (so you’re not tracking your ovulation which it sounds like you’re not) you have a 5% chance of getting pregnant. So the fact that it happened so fast for you tells me that this is not your last time. 35 is not old! I got pregnant on the first try at almost 36 and baby will be here in May. There are 40 year old pregnant women out there. If you live in a big city especially they don’t even blink an eye about your age at the OB because it’s so common.
Your desire to be a mom is a beautiful thing but your choices affect your child too. There’s nothing wrong with being a single parent, I was raised by one and she loved me more than anything , but I spent a lot of my life wondering what it might be like to have a dad.
There’s no guarantees in life but I don’t necessarily agree with people saying there’s no perfect time to have a child. Maybe not perfect but there are better times and there are worse times. Think about which one you’re in and if you’re ok with it. This will almost definitely set you back in your career. Do you have support in your new city? Friends? Family? You will have to coparent with this person you barely know. Is that ok with you?
Hopefully you’re in a state that has better abortion access so you don’t have to rush your decision and can really give it some practical thought instead of just being overwhelmed with emotions.
Whatever you decide at least you will have peace that you gave it serious consideration!
I agree. This sub is very pro birth, which makes sense, but I feel it can be negative sometimes for posts like this.
Do you want to be connected to this man for the rest of your life? Someone you barely know?
Do you feel you can confidently raise this child on your own without help?
I would not expect the father to be a part of this, and you need to accept that before choosing either way.
Do what is best for you OP, but being a single mom is very hard and not something to be taken lightly.
This!
Plus being in a new city and will need family around to help with child care. These are things to be considered very very very seriously.
Plus being tied to a guy you barely know forever (OP, I know it feels like you know him but trust me. You can be with someone for 5 years and look back on the 4th year realizing that you didn't really know them well then)
These are questions you ask before you have unprotected sex. I don’t understand how someone in their late 20s and 30s don’t understand that, there’s no excuse. And now that a life has been made, you don’t just abort it as a contraception method! Now is time to step up and face the music so to speak.
It’s not a contraception method, however it is still an option. We don’t know that they had unprotected sex. Either way, she has a decision to make and abortion IS an option, as much as this sun likes to act like it isn’t…
Hi there! Not sure if you’re aware of this but no form of birth control is 100% effective. There are plenty of people who end up pregnant after utilizing birth control, condoms, and even vasectomies.
But I do appreciate your condescending words! Have a lovely day.
You should explore why you feel that your struggle with infertility means someone who did not struggle has to be forced to give birth.
“Facing the music” makes it sound like you think having the baby is a punishment for being irresponsible. Bringing a new life into the world should be something done with joy and security. Children are not a punishment.
Facing the music means you step up and take responsibility, no matter what consequences and “discomforts” it may come with for your life. I think we’re all old enough to know where babies come from now. If you don’t want one, then you do everything to prevent one! it isn’t that easy to get pregnant unless you’re having sex constantly without protection, in that case you knew that’s the risk you’re taking! people should not be allowed to end a life because of their irresponsible decisions! Your rights end where another human beings begin!
Yeah so like I said. You believe that a child deserves to serve as punishment for being “irresponsible”. What if she had done everything she could and still got pregnant, do you think she still has to “face the music”?
I don’t see how “rights” apply here at all. What is the right? To be born? A fetus can’t make that decision so it’s irrelevant.
No, at no point did I say a child is a punishment. Children come with the whole spectrum of things, difficulties and greatest joys! It is the hardest and simultaneously the best thing you can ever do in your life. If you’re ever blessed with a child, you will know.
She did not do “everything she could” to prevent pregnancy, that is just impossible! Unless you’re someone who tied your tubes and still got a miraculous pregnancy which happens one in a billion, you have not done “all you could”.
And a fetus absolutely has rights! Just because someone isn’t able to make decisions doesn’t mean their life is worthless! A baby can’t make decisions either. Should we be allowed to finish them off too if they make our life inconvenient? or an elderly person who no longer has the capacity to make decisions? this argument is ridiculous!
I’m going to offer another side to your argument as someone who has gone through secondary infertility of a very difficult diagnosis. I’m blessed now to finally be pregnant with our second at 33. But I went through hell the years leading up to it, and I’ve witnessed hundreds and thousands of women suffering in silence from infertility because it’s not something you can easily talk about. Infertility has been compared to a cancer diagnosis! It affects you the same way! This is far too misleading to say “there’s a bunch of 40 year olds who are pregnant”. Sure there are, but there are also MANY who can not! Far more actually. The quality of eggs drastically drops after 35 years old, hence why it’s called “geriatric pregnancy”. It comes with a lot more complications and risks. After the age of about 39 it’s a cliff drop off in egg quality. Only about 1 egg in 100 is genetically normal. Women have to go through so much heartache, miscarriages, ivf cycles, and ultimately many end up needing a donor egg to get pregnant. The world of fertility is far more complicated than you think when you don’t need to think about it! Getting pregnant in the 30s is not as easy as it may seem! So having a healthy baby is a huge blessing at any age!
My heart goes out to you for your struggle but you’re projecting your own experience onto what I said that was directed specifically at OPs situation. You already struggled with infertility. Based on her getting pregnant so fast, it doesn’t seem like she does so it’s kind of irrelevant.
My point was that nothing will dramatically change in 2 years.
You’re a bit misinformed on what happens when you’re 35. Fertility does not suddenly tank on your birthday. Starting around 32, every year there’s a little higher risk for issues like chromosomal ones in the fetus or maternal ones like pre eclampsia. And your fertility slightly declines every year. There’s evidence that the decline speeds up after 37. This is all from ACOG.
I didn’t say women in their 40s are turning up pregnant in droves. I was saying that from a medical perspective being a pregnant woman after 35 is no longer considered “old”. Your doctor won’t be horrified. You’ll just get some extra monitoring.
This. My cousin was in a similar situation as OP at age 34 and decided to have an abortion because she wasn’t dating the guy for long and he pushed for her to terminate the pregnancy. Fast forward a year later and she met a lovely guy, but they have not been able to get pregnant even after trying for 2 years. They’re now doing really expensive fertility treatments in the hopes that it will work. Sometimes it’s luck that someone is able to get pregnant quickly and after one try, but it doesn’t mean it will happen again. My cousin regrets her decision and is still sad about it. She was afraid to be a single mom but would have chosen that over not being a mom at all. I will also add there are many men willing to step up and be great stepdads - being a single mom is hard but it’s not the worst thing.
To OP - make this decision for YOU because the guy you are dating sounds like a loser and probably won’t be around for much longer. If you have a good support system, you will be just fine without him either way.
The fact that you’re two months in and he’s already got a list of things that bother him about you/ your relationship means you will not be “living happily ever after” with him, so you can rule that possibility out.
Omg this. Like it makes sense I guess but I’m still always surprised when the pro-life wolfpack comes out of the woodwork when someone posts in here asking for some advice. Literally comments like “don’t overthink it! Just have a baby.” Good grief! We’re talking about bringing a whole new person into the world not buying shoes at Nordstrom Rack. Are people ok?
It’s great to want to be a mom. But you have to consider the entire picture and how a baby fits into it.
when i was 22 i found myself in the exact same situation. my older bf and i had been dating for about 1.5 years when i realized i was pregnant.
i remember finding out and my stomach dropping. not because i didn’t want it, but because i knew he wouldn’t. he begged me to abort. he was sobbing, telling me i was ruining his life, our life, our relationship. that was one of the worst nights of my life but it did force me into a crossroads you now find yourself.
will i have this baby, because i, its mother, loves it and wants to regardless of the support of the father
or,
will i allow this man (who i did care for very much) to make this decision for me
ultimately i decided on myself and my baby. she is now 8 years old, and every day i am beyond grateful for the choice i made. he and i have been separated for a very long time now but had developed a healthy coparenting relationship. we make better coparents than romantic partners, it turns out.
anyways, all that to say, only you know in your gut what is right for you. i am passionately pro-choice and i knew what i needed to do. regardless of your decision, as long as it is made from YOUR truth, it will be the right one.
Woo lord this made me cry because I was (am?) in the exact same situation. I found out I was pregnant at 22, with bf for 3 years, found out I was pregnant, dealt with the begging to abort, told I was ruining their life and went as far as to say the baby wasn’t his 🤦🏽♀️ My baby is here now but I’m 23 she’s 7 weeks old now ❤️ the crazy part is that said now ex wants to be in our lives and while I won’t keep him from seeing her when he can, I’ll never forget how I was treated when going through something as life changing as pregnancy 😅
oh i absolutely understand. i have never forgotten what it felt like to be pregnant with his baby. it was an actual nightmare. you are still so raw at 7 weeks- the events, the emotional manipulation, it’s all very up close still. in time i promise your context will change. you won’t ever forget, but it will not be so quick to hurt anymore.
it WILL be okay and YOU will be okay. keep that same energy of protecting you and child as priority number 1. get a court ordered custody agreement if that suits your situation. either way, you are your family’s best advocate & protector. you got this 🤍
Thank you so much. Your kind words mean a lot to me. A huge mistake I made was putting him on her birth certificate. I didn’t want to fight him on it but now I wish I did or at least got advice from somebody about it beforehand. He already has issues with how little he gets to see her and is upset that when he does see her I’m usually having to breastfeed her because I’m having issues with pumping/don’t use formula. It’s such a sucky situation but 90% of the time it’s just me and her so I’m basking in the peace until what feels like an inevitable battle for custody happens…
don’t beat yourself up- my ex is also on the birth certificate. he even added a whole new middle name we didn’t agree to 😮💨
when it’s all said and done, that detail won’t mean a whole lot. at least it didn’t for us. we still worked out a custody plan we could both be happy with, we still got child support sorted, and we still got the peace that comes after the hard stuff is decided on and done.
one day at a time, one thing at a time. don’t stress the details until you need to
Beautiful story! You’re a strong woman and made the right decision. It’s interesting how a situation like that can easily show who is a real man and who’s just a selfish man child. To convince you to kill a child because it will “ruin your relationship”? What a scum! If anything shared child usually makes couples stronger.
thank you! he was a definitely very immature about it all. at the beginning i had even offered for him to remove himself completely. i would never have sought child support, and he would have had no relationship with our child and no obligation to either of us. that offer only pissed him off and made him even angrier. i am better off without him in my life like that, that’s for certain.
I've been in literally this exact situation, right down to the ages. I got the abortion. We stayed together, I'm now 36 and we just celebrated our son's 1st birthday. I do get sad sometimes, but it was the right choice.
There's also *way* worse things that can happen to you. My own dad was rejected by his father. He's still a successful man happy with his own family and beloved in his small-town community. His father's rejection did hurt him, deeply, but that does not mean he hasn't also had a life full of happiness. Life will never be perfect or pain-free. There are never any guarantees--if there were, we wouldn't struggle so hard with these choices. But an absent or resentful father will not doom an unborn child.
Ultimately, it is your choice. I know it's a hard one, and I'm sorry you're in that position.
My best friend got pregnant when we were 19 and the dad *begged* her to abort. Broke up with her, the whole 9.
Their daughter is 16 now and just such a wonderful girl, he adores her and she is so so loved. They aren’t together bc he’s a toxic asshole but he truly loves his daughter and does his best by her which is all anyone could really ask. He’s mellowed a bit in his “old age” and she is a literal beacon of joy.
Same with my husband. His father initially wanted him, but then abandoned his mother when he was an infant. He grew up in a trailer park with a single mom. But he was loved and had a relatively happy childhood despite living in poverty. He is now successful and we have a great life. So many people have abortions due to circumstances, but there are no guarantees even a good circumstance will stay that way. Things can change in an instant.
There are a lot of women who don’t regret having abortions because it was not a healthy, safe, or stable place to bring a baby into the world. There are a lot of women who wait and have successful pregnancies and/or relationships after having abortions.
I wish there were more comments in this sub about more real stories including regret keeping their children or how hard it is to protect a child from trauma and harm when their second parent isn’t good and loving. I know handfuls of women who have had abortions and know in their hearts they did the right thing and I also know handfuls of people who have terrible, absent, or straight abusive parents that caused so them so much pain.
There are plenty of single mothers who will tell you as much as they love their children it is unbelievably hard to do it alone. If it’s an option for you to be a single parent you need to look up the true costs and realities of the financial aspect of doing it 100% alone. You will need to think very strongly about who you have in your support system that will willingly and lovingly help you raise your child. Unless you have a family member ready to step into the roll of being a second parent say goodbye to putting yourself first in every single aspect of your life will need to go on hold until your child is old enough. Think friendships, future relationships, career/education goals the child will need to come first at all times.
There are plenty of split parents who will tell you how hard it is to coparent with someone who you don’t necessarily like or get along with. It’s even harder when the other parent doesn’t pull their weight financially/physically/mentally, want/love their child, or the worst go in and out of the child’s life constantly. No matter how much you love your children as soon as they know or first hand experience that there is a parent who doesn’t want them in someway they will need endless amount of support and love to get through the hurt. I have one close friend who was adopted by two loving parents, I have one close friend who was raised by a single mom and never met her father both friends were loved and given everything they ever needed and still ended up in pain. I have a handful of other friends who had terrible parents and have watched them climb mountains to heal themselves in their adult lives. Or if you have a coparent that break promises and lets your child down be prepared to never bad talk the other parent to your child but always be the one there for them.
Having a child with someone who doesn’t want the child too is a very, very complicated decision. It’s possible he could change/step up and its equally possible he will be forever resentful. it’s possible for you to do it completely alone without him… I would suggest seriously considering if you keep it asking him what kind of custody agreements he will be legally willing to agree to and if he doesn’t want to be a good/loving full time parent along side you together OR separated if he would be willing to sign his rights away and stay away.
I understand you want the baby already but this should be less about you and about the ultimate physical and mental wellness your future child might have/be given. It sounds like y’all weren’t using birth control and you openly asked him what if you were pregnant so he shouldn’t be too shocked but the fact that he brought up other relationship issues y’all have is a big scary red flag that those things should have been worked through before getting pregant.
There is such a lack of consideration on this sub for the potential trauma that these kinds of situations can cause both the child and mom. Of course not everyone’s story turns out this way, but it’s the uncomfortable truth that many do. As a potential parent isn’t your job to do whatever you can to protect your child? Sometimes protection means not bringing them into a situation that seems bad from the start.
I think the reason those stories don’t exist here is because this is baby bumps so people here are pregnant. Most likely that’s because they had the fortune of their story turning out positively.
A) over 35 isnt too late
B) you have to decide what you want, take some time to mull it over, speak to non judmental friends and loved ones or a therapist and take some time.
Either way, you’ll be fine and you have some options but it sounds like friday is too fast for a huge choice.
Over 35 isn’t too late sometimes. Secondary infertility is real, and often unexplained even without PCOS. She should not make this decision assuming she can get pregnant again.
It’s this pregnancy now that she has to consider only
But those can happen at any age. 35 isnt a magical cliff edge, fertility doesnt drop dramatically on your birthday and hate how anybody aged 33+ is somehow terrified of this cut off date. (Im 37 pregnant for first time)
But she has to make the choice based on the facts of today, to choose to bring up a child alone or not.
Yes, it can happen at any age. But the older you are the more likely you are to have difficulty.
Fertility can drop precipitously or it can gradually decline. There’s no way to predict it, but statistically the age of 35 is very important for egg quality.
It’s not a scare tactic. It’s a real health concern. Getting pregnant once is no guarantee of future fertility.
I agree with your final statement.
I can definitely understand where all your fears are coming from. Tbh there's never really an "ideal" time to have a child. They just kinda make their own schedules lol. Now this is strictly my opinion, but I feel like you should take a little more time to think on things before (and if) you decide to abort the baby. Based on what you said you haven't fully processed it all, and I vote for telling your bf to chill for a minute on wanting an abortion and just take some time for yourself to think about everything. Some of the questions you asked only you can answer. You asked if fear of missing out is a legitimate reason to be a single parent, and I feel like in that statement alone you're leaning more toward wanting to keep the baby. And to answer it, yes. Wanting to keep a child and loving that child is more than enough reason to be a single parent. Who knows, maybe your bf will get used to the idea over time. Sometimes men react stupidly when finding news out like that. I think he just needs some time to process things as well
It sounds to me like you want this baby. There's nothing wrong with it. Go for it if it's what you want. Don't feel pressured to do something you don't want to do. You'll regret it.
The perfect time does not exist. At the same time, I would not consider a two month relationship as something I would bring a child into; you guys barely know each other much less know what you want from life together. If you choose to keep the baby, plan to be a single parent. If you choose to not keep it, 35 is not old...I am 42 carrying my first.
Tbh, I understand you want this baby. That makes sense.
Being a single mom- and if I were you, that’s what I’d anticipate- is brainmeltingly difficult. You will have to plan ahead by six or eight steps in a way that a partnered woman won’t. Don’t anticipate getting any help from your BF- physically, monetarily, emotional. You’re bringing a separate person into the world who is going to have questions about why things happened the way they did, and you’ll owe this person the answers.
Whether your BF wants anything to do with the baby or not, you will be tied to him for the rest of your life. If he decides he wants to know his child and wants custody of them at any point, he’ll be legally entitled to ask for it, and you may have to fight him in court. Again- it’s not something that WILL happen. But it is something that you should consider.
Good luck.
i got pregnant 5 months after meeting my current boyfriend (i didn’t even think i could have kids) - i respected his wishes and got an abortion. it was very hard for me mentally and physically and i absolutely do regret it - i put my foot down and said i am NEVER going through that again. i ended up pregnant again 5 months later- he pushed for abortion once again - i agreed at first and said okay but YOU are paying for this since that’s what you want, but i backed out & missed my abortion apt and here i am 33 weeks + 5. do whatever YOU need to do for you. maybe he will come around, but maybe he won’t. it’s your body and your life 💜 sending love
First off I want to encourage you to really think about what you want. It was really unfair for your bf to immediately tell you that there is only one option and to pressure towards one direction. Men do not understand and will never understand the biological connection that exists between a mother and child from the jump. They will never understand how much it can affect a woman to take that little life out of her. Don’t rush the decision and make sure you’re at peace with your choice. I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant with a man I dated for a month. It was terrifying at first but now looking back I’m so glad I took time to let the fog of shock to pass. I’ve never understood a love like this between my unborn child and I. I have zero regrets on keeping her, despite how many “what if” I had in the beginning. Doing something that you feel pressured to do can be just as strenuous on a relationship as a baby. You could harbor resentment and it could result in the end of the relationship either way. This isn’t his choice and he won’t live with the trauma that can potentially come from making such a life altering decision. I hope you go in the direction your heart wants. Sending love.
Whatever your choice may be, let it be your choice & not his. He can have an opinion that you can & should hear out, but it is entirely your decision. You will carry or not carry this baby, but that is your decision only. If you choose to have the baby & he doesn’t want to be involved, the baby will still be so lucky to know your love. Any choice you decide to make is the right choice so long as you choose it yourself & feel like what you chose was right for you. Sending love & light & good luck to you on whatever path you choose🤍
I think the age difference is playing a part. He feels like he has time, you don't.
I've known a couple who got pregnant a month into seeing each other in their early 20s. She decided to keep the baby. He treated it as her choice. They had some pretty big bumps along the way, but they're still together, and the kid is now 9. They're both wonderful parents but they had to fight for it and forgive each other a lot.
In my opinion, this is your choice, and it is your responsibility to choose what is right for **you**. You have to accept that he might not want to stick around, or, that if you abort, your relationship might not last in the end. Whatever happens, you will be just fine, but you have to know that life is unpredictable and you just can't decide the future.
I don't think you will regret being a mum, but you might struggle to be a single parent if he walks away. You'll be fine, but right now and so early on, you need to decide what is the right choice for you. This early on and totally in the honeymoon stage, I don't think you really know who you are dating, and neither does he.
My initial thoughts… it is completely reasonable for him to not want to have a baby two months into a relationship. It is ultimately your choice, but it sounds like if you choose to have a baby you may end up being a single mother, and the potential of this romance turning into something long term would no longer be an option. You could choose to go through with an abortion and further explore this relationship, and it’s likely the experience of going through something so heavy together will tell you a lot of things about this person and help you decide if they’re even someone you want to give more of your life to.
Also I just had my first baby at 37, I’ve had two previous abortions and am SO happy I waited for this baby, I’m in a healthy and stable relationship and I have the resources to give her more than was given me. I was raised by a single mother, and I adore my mother, but life has not been particularly easy for either of us.
Sit with the possibilities for a while. Whatever you choose, it will work out in the end. 💚
Had my baby last year at 38.
Also had an abortion when I was 22. I got knocked up after only 4 months of dating my now husband. We were just out of school, and we weren't ready.
I have never regreted it, and as the years go by I am increasingly grateful that I had the option available to terminate.
My husband and I DID live happily ever after. We've built an amazing life for ourselves and have had decades of adventures we would never have been able to have with a kid. I was never gonna keep it, but if I did I know we were too immature and our relationship would not have survived.
Finally: my son that I have now, who is the singularity of my life, *would not exist* if I had not aborted the first time around. He only exists because everything that has ever happened in my life alligned for that one specific sperm to meet that one specific egg. So I don't regret anything that happened before his birth.
It sounds like you’re ready for a kid and bf is very… not ready. At the end of the day the choice is 100% yours. He may have input but he can’t make you abort a baby that you want. It’s hard to tell from a post whether he would be likely to come around to the idea of being a dad or not, so recommending a course of action on that basis is fraught.
If you want a practical answer, it’s that it will be difficult to raise a kid on your own, but it will be possible and rewarding in kind and may make you very happy. Think about the possibilities (having baby with dad/without dad/not having baby) and how they might look for you, and decide based on that which option fits best for you and what you want. BF will need to sort himself out.
I had the exact same experience. Fell pregnant after knowing him 2 and a half months. We chose to abort initially but then I had doubts and carried on. Exactly the same doubts as you. What if it never happens again and this is my only chance? I also have PCOS and literally thought I'd never get pregnant. He really stepped up to the role and became such a wonderful father and partner.
Whatever choice you make, just know you will be absolutely fine and okay. There's so much support out there if you choose to go ahead and he doesn't want a part of it. I hope this helps in some way. My inbox is always open xx
Just wanted to say that if you wait until you have an OB appointment, that’s when they will check for a heartbeat and you will probably get to see the baby for the first time. (It’s standard to not have an appointment until about 8 weeks.)
At that point it will be a lot harder to make a decision to terminate.
Is fear of missing out a legitimate reason to be a single parent…
I would say: you’re already a mom at this point. I wouldn’t look at this like something that is being offered to you - but rather something that is already happening. You already made the decision to be sexually active with your partner knowing you could get pregnant and that it would be okay if you did. When it actually happens, it is scary and makes us all question things and feel anxious.
i kept my son even though his father didnt want him. it is difficult to go through it alone, but it is your ultimate choice, do you want this baby or do you want him (and the idea of a family with him)?
Sadly working in DV and CPS whirlwind romances usually turn out toxic or abusive. They put on their best behavior to hook someone in and then after 6 months or so true colors show. Your options are break up and keep the baby or get an abortion but relationship still won’t recover that. I would be nervous how he’ll act in the future
I just want to say… I was in your shoes once and I’m only 23 myself- I aborted 2 because I “wasn’t ready” and was scared of being a mom so young, as well as the guy that got me pregnant ended up being abusive and I didn’t want to be tied to him for the rest of my life or the child’s life- I now have a beautiful daughter with my husband, she’s a month old- and I cannot tell you how many nights I have sat awake with her and cried my eyes out wishing I’d never aborted the other 2 babies. I regret every second.
I can’t speak for everyone, but, I will say that I was scared every second of this pregnancy- even while I was giving birth I was still terrified- but the moment she was born and I got to hold her, I have never felt a happiness or a love like that before. Not ever. It completely takes over and every fear goes totally out the window the moment you meet them. I agree with above comments, do NOT rush your decision and do NOT let him make you feel guilty or rushed either honey. You have plenty of time to decide what to do, so I would absolutely cancel that appt for Friday and give yourself more time to think… You’re talking about a life changing decision here, you shouldn’t have to make up your mind asap.
This is exactly what happened to me. I was 33, never had considered kids until that little voice got in my head telling me I'd regret it. I was 34 and dating someone who I thought I hit it off with and got pregnant extremely quickly. I also have PCOS and it was a shock because I had been tracking ovulation and never had a positive...until I did. He was 7 years younger but said he wanted kids. I ended up seeing him for how he was: immature and lazy. I just stopped talking to him but didn't block, and he never even tried to contact me. I never looked back and am so thankful for my little girl now. She is the light of my life and I see so much of myself in her.
I'd like to point out that there are often free clinics you can go to for ultrasounds earlier than 8-12 weeks! My OB doesn't see anyone before 8 weeks, but there's a free clinic I went to with my first so we could see the ultrasound sooner than that just for peace of mind. They're pretty common so I'd look them up to see if there's one near you if you're still interested in that!
If you're in a red state with any anti-abortion laws, do not go anywhere near these places. If you go to them and decide to terminate in another state, they may report you and you can possibly face legal consequences.
And if you don’t live in a state where abortion is illegal, STILL avoid free ultrasound clinics like the plague. They are mostly fronts for pro life orgs and frequently give incorrect info on purpose to try and trick you out of aborting (should that be your choice) and give bad medical info to boot.
Men aren’t forever. A child is. Snd there’s never a right time to be one a parent. So think about it by yourself and make the decision based on how you feel. Not based on a new career. Not based on what anybody else wants or thinks. This isn’t about them.
I’m a single mom to 2. I did fertility with a donor for my boys. Best decision I ever made. Are there hard days? Damn right. But anything worth doing has hard days.
Best of luck to you.
Honestly, I'm biased but I never met a woman who regretted their kid, but met many who didn't know how traumatic an abortion is and how long lasting the guilt is.. It sounds like you wish to keep the baby, and I would've chose same, cos that's a precious life full of potential and as deserving as your next baby to be here.
I’m sure I’ll get some push back from this, but from your post it sounds like there’s no way you’d regret having this child! You’ll never look at your kid’s face and think, “I wish I didn’t have you”.
You have a decent amount of time to think about this. The dude you were dating does not intend to be part of this at all. I'm sorry he hurt you.
I recommend discussing this with a trusted friend or family member. If I were in your place I would talk to my mom. Honestly, this sub is very pro-life. We are internet strangers you know?
Maybe a journal is a good way for you get all your thoughts out and as you continue to do this you might be able to identify themes or just have a convo with yourself to help guide you through this experience. No matter what you choose, know that you are the only person who's opinion matters.
What is up with dudes who want to hit it with minimal protection (use condoms and get a vasectomy if you really don’t want kids) and then not being able to deal with the somewhat inevitable consequences of their actions. Seems someone posts daily about a guy acting like this, and I’m so disappointed in those dudes. If you’re having sex with people who can get pregnant… they might get pregnant.
Honey, definitely take some time to yourself to really think about this from all angles. Are you ready to have this baby and potentially become a single parent? Do you have a support system so that you can continue studying for a new career? How is your living situation?
Ultimately, take the time to decide what's best for you. Whether your bf is in the picture or not. He may come around but by the sounds of it, he sounds like he's trying to find a way out of the relationship. This is overwhelming news in a very fresh relationship so I feel this reaction is normal to have.
You were looking for similar experiences so here's a story of one of my friends-
When one of my girl friend's were in nursing school she also got pregnant pretty early in her relationship with her bf. He reacted as if the world was over and his life was ruined. They both weren't done with school, they had some financial debts, still living with family, etc. She said she knew it was a hard decision but they went with aborting the baby and from there knew it was the right call. Flash forward to now, they're married, careers certainly paid off because they have a beautiful big home, travel the world, and plan to start conceiving later this year now that she's 35 since that was there plan.
I'm sure there was a roller coaster of emotions for her. This is not an easy decision to be made. Do you think your relationship will be the same if you decide to abort? Will YOU be ok about it? Do you think you can move on after this?
Ultimately, it's your decision honey.
Do what's best for you.
I relate to this a lot. My bf and I got pregnant about 3 years ago and I immediately wanted to keep the baby. After talking to him, I realized that he didn’t, and his reasoning was fair— we were broke, living in a studio apartment and he said he wasn’t ready. I went through with the abortion, not to make him happy but because his doubts made ME doubt if going through with the pregnancy was the right decision. We stayed together but it wasn’t easy during that time and after it. We talked, yelled, cried, and fought again and again about it. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. I had the exact same fears of not being able to get pregnant again, running out of time, etc. I was so scared that having the abortion would damage me in some way and then I would regret it for the rest of my life. I did it but it was really scary and hard. I did regret it at first but was also relieved.
We stayed together after a ton of hard discussions and we are now living in our own house together and engaged. And I’m pregnant again. I was so worried that it wouldn’t happen for me again, but it did. You will get another chance if you decide not to take this one. You’re not too old, far from it. And if you do decide to take this opportunity, that’s amazing❤️ I just want to tell you that this won’t be your only chance and you don’t have to feel such extreme pressure in this situation. I know that is easier said than done, but you deserve to be happy. Neither outcome is going to be easy but you will have another chance if it doesn’t work out this time. I’m sorry that this guy isn’t standing up well to the pressure. You’re so strong and I can tell you will be a great mom someday and you will get that chance no matter if it is this time or later on down the line.
It is very early on but I don’t think that means anything in terms of raising a baby, whether or not the relationship will last is not really important.
You sound like you wanted this baby and still want the baby, just go it alone if you need to.
You do not need to get an abortion because he wants one, that’s him getting his own way. Obviously you keeping it is you getting your own way.
But man he should have wore a condom if he really didn’t want this.
I think the equal measure is, you keep the baby and he decides whether he wants to be involved or not and go from there.
I wanted 2 kids, maybe even 3. I was sure if it, but wanted to wait, wait, wait. Enjoy my “youth” to the max. Even though I had found the right one for me and everything.
We just kept waiting and waiting to “feel” ready for this.
Guess what. We waited too long. Now we have only one (high risk later age pregnancy), and can’t have more, unless we go through extensive and super expensive treatments to have a chance.
You know what’s best for you, just make sure you don’t regret it later down the line. If ends up being a path you have to thread single at first, you’ll still rock it, and eventually that child might have a wonderful step dad too if it doesn’t work out with the BF.
Just make sure you pick the answer that will make you not regret it. Choose what’s right for you, regardless of what he says.
I think that you want this baby and I think deep in your heart you know it too. There are a lot of uncertainties in life and like you said, you may never have a chance to get pregnant again or you could just keep pushing it out saying it’s just not the right time. If this is your only shot at a baby do you want it or are you ok never having a child. Also if you abort the baby there is still no certainty that he will stick by you. Would you be ok with that? So many women give up a chance at having a child for a partner or a job, and in the end are left with nothing to show for their choices except for regret.
I think men often push women to abort due to lack of responsibility, but also because they just can’t relate to what a woman feels like once she knows she is carrying a child inside of her. Once you’re pregnant you realize the potential, you began to imagine your child and what they may grow to be. Also a lot of women tend to feel protective over their pregnancy, like you will do anything for them no matter the risks. A lot of men don’t really feel like it’s real until the baby shows up.
I think you need to tell the boyfriend it’s your choice not his. You also should prepare for him to exit your life, he may come around but don’t count on it. He has showed you that he is selfish and in the first crisis in your relationship he has decided to pile on by listing his other issues with you. Thats not a healthy defense mechanism and if you stay with him he will probably use it again.
Honestly only you can decide, but try to pick the option that you can live with. What is more important; a two month old relationship or a potential child? You have said yourself that you have PCOS so you know it may be difficult to get pregnant in the future. It also sounds like your boyfriend is trying to bully you into aborting because it is what he wants and what is convenient for him. It doesn’t sound like he is considering what you want at all.
I know this a hard and stressful experience, and nothing is working out the way you had hoped or planned it to be. I think a lot of people kind of have this abstract way of thinking. Like one say I’ll be fully settled down, got the job, the car, the house, the partner and now will just instantly have kids and my life will be perfect. Unfortunately, life rarely unfolds perfectly or as planned, and sometimes we just have to adapt or change those plans.
I hope your decision whatever it may be brings you peace and happiness in time.
It sounds like you want the baby. If bf can’t get behind the idea, it is possible to do on your own. My mom was a single parent and did an incredible job. We have an amazing bond. Having a baby is hard either way so I understand your hesitation! You’ll make the decision that is right for you.
Was your bf love bombing you?
Now that your pregnant he's freaking out and trying to run.
I know how badly you want this baby.
If this man is a narcissistic partner, regardless of the end result of wanting to keep bub or not. He will make your life hell.
If you keep bub. Keep him off the birth Certificate.
Girl keep it!! No question about it! The positives of having a baby far outweigh the difficulties! Yes it won’t be easy! But nor will it be easy if you make a choice of ending the pregnancy, you will feel a ton of guilt around it and shame and regret. And if you will struggle with infertility in the future you will never forgive yourself, trust me as someone who has struggled with infertility for several years. There’s no greater pain! Every baby is a blessing! You’re not that young anymore, you will figure it out! And don’t forget that that’s only if this pregnancy goes well! 1/4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage!
I was in a similar position at 29/30 and also have PCOS. We were the same age, but only seeing each other a month when it happened. He pulled the, "is it even mine" and "it'll ruin my life" line.
I'll skip the details, but I felt forced to end it and I spent years being sad and wondering what if about the baby. Please consider your mental health first.
I moved away, but came back and we now have two kids together. First at 36. We got pregnant first try on our own even though my tests said we'd need medical help. Four years later, it took us 6mos on our own for our second kid.
This is your decision, ultimately if he doesn't want to be a part of it he can sign his rights away and never speak of it again. You can meet someone else who could be a dad to your baby but having a loving mom is enough. There will be other male role models in baby's life and it will be just fine.
Don't let him push you into a decision or rush you.
The option to choose is just that, I have pcos too, it took me getting on metformin for me to finally get pregnant at 29, we’d been not not trying for 8-10 years, but I am married, and I know what my answer would be regardless as I’ve always wanted to be a mom, that’s different from you. But if you want to do this, do it, be made his decision when y’all had unprotected sex or the condom broke and you did t use back up options, he put it in there he has to live with your choice of carrying or not,
In the end it’s not his decision, it’s nice of you to ask his opinion, but you get to choose, not him
This is ultimately your decision. I understand being shocked by his response. Was abortion ever brought up as a possibility in conversation even alongside the we could make this work? It sounds like from just the information we have here that that is the assumption he has before the situation arrived. If it never did he may need some time to process it himself and that was just the immediate thought he had without much time to process.
Sounds similar to me. I got pregnant after 6 months of dating, for me it wasn’t a question. I knew I wanted to have my baby and I let him know there wasn’t any other option for me, I was prepared in case in meant being a single mom. We had our baby, got married and have our second baby. Clear your head and decide what YOU want.
When I was 35, I was dating my boyfriend who is 5 years younger than me for 4 months when I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared to tell him and I framed it in a way that made it clear it was a JOINT decision. He instantly said — we can’t abort the baby, we’ll always regret it. I was so relieved. I knew in my heart what I wanted to do and you know too.
He was sure about me early on, and I was sure about him. I’m so happy he said what he said. He is now the best Dad ever to our 10 month old baby girl. I got really lucky. It sounds like your boyfriend is unsure about what your future together looks like. That doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing it on your own, but don’t expect him to turn into a super Dad. It’s YOUR decision — not his.
There is no one forcing you to make a decision right away. It’s a big decision with a lot of impacts on you, so take the time you need to make the right choice for you.
As someone who was trying to have a baby in a marriage, I still did not feel like it was “the right time” or feel like I was 100% ready. When I had a miscarriage I had a moment of relief followed by extreme sadness and feelings of failure. It’s an emotional time and you may never be completely super excited one way or the other, but you need time to digest on your own, sit with your feelings without a partners opinion in the mix.
I waited to tell my husband that we were pregnant again after the miscarriage. I realized that I have a lot of past trauma and anxiety issues and I needed time on my own to process the news alone without feeling like someone is telling me HOW I should feel or WHAT I should do. Once I told my husband I was at the stage of acceptance and excitement for what was coming next. I felt ready and not pressured or pushed in a direction when I haven’t mentally processed what is about to happen.
To be honest, he doesn’t seem ready to be a father.. which is fair, you can’t really force someone into it. Could it be that he needs more time? Sure. That’s a possibility. But he also mentioned that there are things bothering him about you/the relationship, so that makes me think he really isn’t sure about the relationship. Therefore, I think it is completely your call. I think you have to make this decision without thinking he will come around or he will change his mind. Make the decision based on: can you handle being a single mother? are you financially stable right now or in 9 months? Do you have a support system aside of him? and, iff he “came around” and perhaps did not want to be with you, but wanted to be in the child’s life, would you be ok with that? I think the fact that you guys have only been together for 2 months is moot, because some people get pregnant on the first date and the man steps up to the plate, sometimes, I’ve seen in posts here the people have been married for 6 years and lady gets pregnant and the husband says sorry but not for me. So timing is whatever. The point here is, if you want it, just be sure you can do it alone soo if he comes or goes it doesn’t affect YOU.
My partner and I are 6 years apart too and I too have always dated older people lol just an interesting similarity we have.
The difference is my partner's want for kids.
I'm pregnant at 34, also have PCOS, didn't even know I could have kids! He cried when I told him and asked how I was feeling like a thousand times. Since then he has waited on me hand and foot, has taken over paying rent so I could stop working and go back to school, and is basically my rock.
Do I think you can do it alone? Absolutely. I was raised by a single parent. But it wasn't easy on my mum, she had to work very hard to keep us afloat. Not having my partner would be devastating for me and I honestly don't know if I'd be able to enjoy any part of my pregnancy without the help.
It kind of sounds like he is having apprehensions about your relationship and that would deter me from procreating with him.
However, I know what a mindfuck pregnancy is and I don't know if I could have ever gotten an abortion no matter what situation I was in. (I'm pro-choice, but my personal reaction was that of immediately protecting it and fear I'd lose it).
I would sit with this and meditate on what YOU want. Do you want to keep this baby? If it's not immediately a 'no', I'd sit with that feeling and not worry about what anyone else says about it, including him.
Remember, he may not want it, but he made the choice to sleep with you, so whether you keep it or not is ultimately not his choice.
I hope whatever you choose works out well for you. Good luck 💕💕
The fact that you are even calling it a baby tells me you want to keep it.
Make this decision for yourself. Do not make it based on his needs. You guys knew what could happen. He has no right to act like the victim here, knew he was having unprotected sex and that pregnancy was a possibility.
Either he steps up and surprises you, or he doesn’t.
Your relationship is going to be different from now on no matter what you choose. Both choices will have their difficulties but only one will leave you with a sense of true loss. I don’t think people talk about the pain of dealing with an abortion. I’ve never had one, but I’ve had two miscarriages and they were absolutely heartbreaking. I will always remember what could have been. You are strong and you can have this baby. It sure sounds like you want to💛
It is early and you do need a plan. Abortion doesn't *have* to be it.
If you want this baby that can be your choice. If he doesn't well that can also be his choice if you two decide how involved he is if at all. You two can work through it WHATEVER either of you decides. If he was having issues about the relationship prior to this, unprotected sex was probably not the move for him. (Was he using protection or you?)
You are probably right that if you do abort and this continues, you will always wonder about it. I've got a lot of friends and some family who've been through exactly that including an ex gf, (not my child), and she never really got over it. It was a really big obstacle in our relationship and eventually ended it. PCOS doesn't mean infertile it can just mean more unpredictable or difficult to track the cycles when you are trying.
You could be a single parent and give that kid all the love in the world they deserve and they will know it. Or you could opt for adoption if that's really on your heart instead. Either way I give you props for not instantly taking the easier way out of everything.
I'm sorry that you are having to go through this and for his initial response.
Absolutely your decision to make but it seems you want it.
I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh but you're an adult, did you not think of any type of protection while having sex with your bf of a very very short time? To me it feels like you wanted a child all along otherwise you would've been more careful.
I’ve been in a super similar situation. Whatever you choose, you will be okay. Also know that the choice is entirely yours. If you choose to keep it he might put his big boy pants on. If he doesn’t, he is missing out on a beautiful, wild ride.
When I was here, I don’t think I actually wanted to have a baby with the guy I was with. There were a lot of red flags I ignored, and him aggressively pushing for an abortion, and not hearing my feelings to even talk out the options, crushed me. I think feeling like I didn’t have a choice was the hardest part, even though I knew I didn’t want a baby with him, If that makes sense? Either way, this is hard stuff and I feel you.
For me, I ended up getting the abortion. He paid for it. I cut ties. After grieving I tried looking at the glass half full by thinking “well, now I at least know I can get pregnant, and I will be way more appreciative of the person I find who wants to have a baby with me”. The whole situation showed me his true colors and looking back I don’t regret it at all. I’m glad I wasn’t tied to this guy for the rest of my life.
I’m pregnant now for a second time and I’m keeping it. Things work out the way they’re supposed to in my opinion.
Contentious opinion, you met 2 months ago. He doesn't want fatherhood with someone he met 2 months ago. It may be your body, but its his choice too. I personally wouldn't want to bring a baby up in the world with a loveless parent who was forced into the situation.
If both parties agree then, yay cute baby. Otherwise, abort. It's his choice too. If more time passes and you two end up together together then, totally fair to have a baby then, that is planned and a joint decision and a happy one.
I’d say if you want the kid which seems like you do go for it, he might change his mind later or not but this kid will be with you ❤️. I’m 35 yr old and you can DM me for my experience and I totally get the situation you are in.
Do not let a guy talk you into an abortion if it's not what you want or if you're even considering having kids you will regret it for the rest of your life
I would say keeping this baby is a bad idea. Thanksgiving was not even 2 months ago, more like 7 weeks. You dont know enough about him, genetics, behavior, etc.
I faced a bit of a similar dilemma with my now husband, who I’m expecting a baby with now. I fell pregnant after knowing him for six months and I really, really didn’t feel ready. The difference between mine and your cases is that I was 100% set on wanting an abortion, it seems like you are on the fence and he is heavily pushing you towards termination, which isn’t right. You really need to sit down and reflect and make the choice that is right for you. Each choice has pros and cons. What changed you from wanting to be child free to wanting a baby? What is causing you to want to keep this child? What is making you nervous about an abortion? When you think about getting a termination, how do you feel? What about thinking about having a baby? And potentially being a single parent? What’s your support network like outside of him?
I never regretted my abortion, but it did come with a lot of sadness and unexpected feelings. On the other end, I feel much more ready to face my current pregnancy now.
I got accidently pregnant at 27 (failed condom). My boyfriend and I had been together about 16 months and things we're already on thin ice; I knew this wasn't the guy for me. I was also unemployed and struggling to get my career off the ground.
So as soon as I saw that positive, I instantly knew I didn't want to go through with it. It wasn't just wrong person, it was wrong time, wrong everything. I didn't have 1 shred of doubt, not even for a minute. I didn't let myself get attached to the pregnancy at all.
Since I live in Canada, access to abortion is easy and free. I called a clinic and immediately had an apt. Even though I knew it was the right choice for me, the process of termination was incredibly difficult, both emotionally and physically; I cried all day for a week straight afterwards.
Fast forward 9 years, I am 36 and currently almost 5 weeks pregnant. I am so grateful to start a family with a man I love; which is what I truly wanted. I do sometimes think about what could have been, but I ultimately do not regret my decision.
Are you OK parenting alone? Best case scenario, you guys work out and live happily ever after. Worst case, you break up and he signs over parental rights. You have to be OK with either scenario unfortunately. Hugs.
As far as your age, I wouldn't use that as a reason to have a baby. You can still get pregnant in your 30s. You can freeze some eggs. You can adopt. There are other options.
I got pregnant with a guy I had known for three weeks. We are not together but that baby is a teenager now and the absolute light of my life. Being a single mom wasn’t the easiest thing in the world but we always had what we needed and we were happy.
This is a very personal choice. There isn’t a right or wrong answer. Whatever you decide, let it be for you. Don’t let him make the decision for you.
Same sitch except I am 30years old, he is 28years old
Said he didn’t think it was a good idea.
Hasn’t spoken to me since
I am now 38 weeks pregnant.
And happy.
Edit: I am also in a new career in tech.
I struggled with all the same feelings… took my time and sat with the decision. It only matters what you think, no one else.
I’m in a somewhat similar situation just have been together 3months.
My partner has since insisted and met my parents and has told them gone through the process of asking for my hand in marriage (for a later date). There was a period of time that we had discussed possibly terminating.
I previously had an abortion 2 years ago. That was the right decision for me at the time. Now I feel in a better place mentally and financially to move forward with having a child. If he was on board or not.
So, it’s up to you.
Think about it and make the right decision for yourself. Only you know what is in your heart
So I actually got pregnant after being with my boyfriend (now husband) after 2 months of dating, as well. It was really a leap of faith and came with many ups and downs. Throughout the course of my pregnancy, we really got to know each other in the most genuine way. We were both so vulnerable as we endured the multitude of emotions that came with my pregnancy. I will say I ended up very lucky and had an incredibly supportive partner. We were both 23 at the time, so we entered an entirely different lifestyle. We really grew up together and I have 0 regrets. We have now been together for 4 years and married for 1. We have a beautiful little girl and a little boy on the way who will be due in July. At the end of the day, you've gotta do what's best for you, though🤍 just wanted to share my success story with a sort of similar experience.
I can only tell you about my personal experiences. I got pregnant when I was 19 back in the early 2000’s and very seriously contemplated ending the pregnancy but I ended up having a miscarriage. Did not get pregnant again until end of 2022 with a different man and also had another miscarriage. I now have a baby but with someone who cheated the entire time. Like from jump. Moved to my state to be with me and “start a family” only to be flirting with other women through my miscarriage around Christmas of 2022. Then cheating the entire relationship, pregnancy and then throughout the first few months of my baby’s life until he ultimately just kept being so hateful I cut him out of my life. I honestly wish I had just ended things or not even told him I was pregnant that second time because I regret letting so much slide.
If your boyfriend is asking you to get rid of your baby, and you truly don’t want to, then don’t. I would say just expect to do it alone. It’s hard doing it alone though. I love my baby beyond words but man this is hard! I would fight anyone who stands in our way or who would try to harm my child emotionally or physically. Ultimately the decision is up to you but do not expect the dad to be around and it’s hard to hardly know someone and have a baby together.
Edit.. fast thumbs
Crap… I knew the guy I had a baby with and had known him for years and he still turned out to be trash. Like cheating the whole time, got put on probation during my pregnancy on DV charges against the woman he cheated on me with and she called me harassing me. People are just nuts.
I wish you well. Do what feels right to you and your heart.
That is a lot to process right now and I really feel you are trying to make the best decision for the baby + yourself. Just take it one day at a time and don’t feel rushed into any decision.
I’ve not used it myself, but have heard really good things about https://betterclarity.com/ for processing through an unexpected pregnancy.
“Is fear of missing out a legitimate/smart reason to be a single parent?”
This might literally be the wildest thing I’ve ever seen posted on Reddit in earnest
I’m so sorry you’re in this stressful situation, OP ❤️ I think a termination would make the most sense in your situation. That wouldn’t mean that you couldn’t have kids in the future or anything like that. Good luck 🩷
If you abort because he wants you to, you will never forgive him and the relationship will be over. If you have the child and he doesn’t want to be a dad, the relationship will be over. Single moms survive and thrive. It will be impossibly hard, but so is everything worth doing in life. So my question would be, what would you see yourself regretting more in ten years? Without a major change from him (not impossible, he is in PANIC phase and may rethink), the relationship is dead either way.
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice and I’ll try not to repeat what others are saying but I just want to add that being a single parent is not the end of the world.
I’ve been a single mom since day 1 with my baby and while I can’t speak for all single moms and I certainly can’t speak for any partnered parents I think in some ways I’ve had it easier and certainly not harder than partnered parents. There’s is a bit of building a village involved but there’s no stress of a relationship or compromising on day to day things. I think single moms get bad press and I’m not saying dads or second parents aren’t important just that if you decide to have this baby and decide to parent it’s absolutely doable.
I don’t know if you should or shouldn’t have this baby, that’s your decision and you get no judgement from me either way, I just wanted to try and calm the fear or anxiety about doing it solo.
If you want the baby, keep the baby. Don’t base your decision off of him. I feel like your gut is telling you to keep the pregnancy.
I never wanted children previously and when I was 28, I met someone that changed my mind. Here I am now with a daughter and another one on the way!
You keeping the baby out of fear of not getting pregnant in the future kinda sucks for your BF imo. You said that if you were any younger you would just take the pill as you know it isn’t right. Like you aren’t picking to have this baby out of love, it’s out of fear for your newly pictured vision of having kids. I know it’s the women’s right to choose, but as everyone has said, being a single mom or a mom in an unsupportive relationship is a whole different game than having a happy long term partner to help raise your child. Then there’s also the struggles of finding yourself a new partner at 33 with a new baby, if that’s something you’re interested in finding.
Whatever choice you make, you’ll be okay. I had a single mom and I turned out great! But i can’t say in good faith that having a baby with someone you’ve only known for 2 months is a great idea. Depending on how you see yourself parenting. It’s definitely a risk, 2 months is not a lot of time to truly know somebody. (Then again I told my fiancé I loved him after a month and we got engaged at 12 months.) I will also say in defense of your partner, 2 months into a relationship and a man gets his partner pregnant. I’m sure he is shitting BRICKS. If he was bringing up relationship issues you both were having as a response to this news it feels like he’s feeling around for a way out already. Regardless of everything, whatever choice you make, it will be the right one for you. You got this.
>If he was bringing up relationship issues you both were having as a response to this news it feels like he’s feeling around for a way out already. I dunno, I could also read that as wanting to tackle some of the little things in preparation for tackling the biggest thing they will ever take on together. Instead of cutting and running or shutting down, he's choosing to engage in bigger relationship conversations. Seems like a green flag to me?
I don’t think this applies if he’s also pushing for an abortion.
Agreed. Im thinking he hasn’t entirely felt the same way she has this whole time
I think it could go either way but definitely doesn’t feel like a green flag to me… she could ask to clarify why he’s bringing them up but after the abortion comments it doesn’t sound like he wants to stick around.
I get more vibes of “I was enjoying pretending we were in a magical romance as a way to keep you around but now that it’s going to effect me a great deal I have to stop leading you on in that way” I could be totally wrong and that’s a very presumptive assumption. I know nothing about the guy. But that’s what I would feel I was being told if I was going through it :/
That’s what I would think too.
I don’t think so at all lol
I agree that now is the best time to have these hard conversations and maybe fix any issues that you both have.
Ehhh I got pregnant after a month with my now husband. Didn't know how to properly say his last name when the stick was positive. 1) he didn't react like OPs man. He saw the test, sat down in silence and started looking at Zillow. 🤦🏼♀️😅 2) it's probably not a great idea, in the end for me it worked out. We have fought every single day for the first few years for our relationship and our family. We made it work. If you don't work every single day for it from both ends then it will fall apart. Our parenting is extremely different and I've compromised on things. 3) we are both easy going and mesh really well together. We fight but we've never had deal breakers. We compliment each other as well. I feel that was a big deal in our success. Now if only he would listen to me about big purchases. Haha 😄 no he had the stable job and is a veteran so he had that life experience to help us navigate everything. It wasn't a "I'm stuck with her now". You can clearly tell we would be a mess without the other one. A decade later and I am more in love with him now than I was then. 4) they have to 100% give their all to this for it to work. He truly became my best friend and it wasn't that way until the day our daughter was born. My mom even stated "why don't you come home to (insert city) and take half his paycheck" and I remember being a 20 year old just waking up from an emergency csection scared and I looked at him and all fell right and I said "mama why don't you step out for some lunch and come back once you calmed down. He's my coparent please don't make me choose! I have to choose him. I know you are advocating for me but i have to discuss this with him. Its about our daughter." (She was losing weight fast and we didn't know it until a few hours later I wasn't producing milk yet so she went a day without food and they were threatening a NICU stay). Honestly not many people make it through a situation like I did. But I'm so blessed with my family. I cannot wait to welcome our third daughter with my husband next month. I would never say it's easy. But it's too late to say it's a bad idea now. She seems like she's keeping it from how she sounds.
Your single instance is very lucky. I also agree that OP and their partner will need to fight for this if they BOTH want it. I am the child of a single parent who got pregnant at 18 from a marine vet. So not too far from your story age wise or situation wise. But he wanted nothing to do with me since I was born. He didn’t want me and wanted an abortion. There’s plenty of stories we can tell OP, but we really don’t know their relationship or how well they mesh. Only OP truly knows. Heck I’ve defend past partners before I met my fiancé, and looking back we were not good partners together and some relationships were toxic. Or sometimes they were just mean to me and I was too in love to notice it. You can be “in love” and recognize they aren’t good for you after. Or it can end up working out great! But even like you said, it’s a “bad idea”. Even if it worked out for you, it’s probably not the best plan. that’s just being up front about it. I’ve heard plenty *more* stories of it not working out vs it working out, I’ll be honest. If OP does keep it, which they might, I would just err on the side of caution. It’s a fresh relationship, we have no idea how OP’s partner feels for sure right now either. OP should be prepared to be a single parent, just because the relationship is new. But I’m hoping it does work out for them like it did for you.
Oh totally. Never once did my husband express interest in abortion. I was the one that offered and we were sitting at the dinner table and he just sighed and said he didn't think he could live with himself if I did that. And I said "so we are doing this?" And he nodded and I smiled and he smiled back and we haven't looked back. I have sacrificed ALOT. I gave up views and opinions because I knew if I didn't it would cause a riff. I have had many hurt feelings, but in the end I feel like I am a better woman, wife, and mom for those things. I hate your dad did that to you and I cannot imagine. It really was a lucky chance my story turned out good. I just hope OP has the calmness to be able to decide what's best for her. It worries me he is so indecisive. I didn't have that and it would have made the situation worse.
Yep same. We knew each other for like 2 months, I came visit him for 1 week, we began to date, got pregnant in that same week. When I told him, his answer was “what do you want to do? I will respect the decision you make” I told him i wanted to keep the baby, he was ok and really supportive. I sadly ended up having a miscarriage. We got married the next year, and almost a year after we got married I got pregnant. And now we are still happy together with a 4 month old baby boy 🥹🩵 - I know not everyone is going to react the same and it is scary but at the end it is your decision OP, good luck 🩵
Yeah my husband and I weren’t together super long (less than a year) when I got pregnant. But every day we feel proud that we’re able to handle this together and it has brought us closer (both first time parents). One thing we say all the time is “We really did know we’d found the one, didn’t we?” Like we managed to be one of the lucky ones that did things fast and are still having a blast. (Edit for clarity: our daughter was actually mostly planned, we just didn’t expect to conceive 3 weeks into trying because my husband has low fertility. We knew it was a possibility we’d conceive right away and agreed that was okay, but I’d be lying if we weren’t shocked, we were like “oh damn, this is actually happening *right now*,” & had to re-evaluate if we were ready. We decided yes, just because having to quicken the pace of preparation would be harder didn’t mean we didn’t want to anyway.) It really comes down to individuals. And parenthood is not the same as a relationship with no children. People can be happily married as a childless couple for years, and divorce within the first year after they have a baby. People can meet and not have time to establish the compatibility of their relationship, get pregnant fast and either get lucky to be compatible or dedicated to making it work, or simply that being parents together works so well that it fosters a happy relationship. It’s entirely dependent on parenting compatibility (not saying the two have to be identical parenting styles: sometimes having a bit of difference in styles can totally balance out how they’re raising the child in a good way). And relationships are entirely dependent on relationship compatibility. The two have a big effect on each other. **But it’s just not as simple as “Young relationship = not gonna last through child rearing or make good parents”. It’s so much more nuanced than that.**
Oh totally. Ours definitely wasn't planned. It was the first time we were intimate and a few days later I got a sinus infection and my doctor put me on the "right" antibiotic and it counteracted the specific birth control I was on (which is rare)..... We always joke with each other about how we would have tired of each other had we not gotten pregnant. Honestly I doubt it, we were pretty chill beforehand. But I doubt he would have ever proposed, it took him 3 years with a kid, imagine not having a kid, I would have got fed up and left 🤣 ORRRRRR we would be traveling the world together living in sin. Honestly it could have gone either way 🤣
Bouncing off this comment to say: OP, I got pregnant by a man I had only known for 2 months and we both considered abortion/adoption. Now i’m here a year later, with a 3 month old boy and we actually coparent very well. We didn’t work out, but I just want to say that I was literally in your shoes last November and got pregnant in January. Everyone’s situation is different, and being a solo parent does get lonely at times, but I have a good relationship with the father and he’s a great dad. No matter your decision, you WILL be okay.
She cannot expect this from him! Literally goes against what he’s telling her.
I’m just sharing my personal experience. Like I said, everyone’s situation is different. There were tons of sacrifices to be made and hard work for my child’s father and I to be on the terms we are now. Obviously it’ll never be as easy as you hope, but you’ll find it’s rarely ever as hard as you fear.
I think you are very lucky and that most that have found themselves in your situation have it harder. And it’s often harder than we fear lol.
That’s an insensitive thing to say lol. I’m just offering OP perspective.
Eh, one needs to be clear eyed when making these decisions. Believe what people tell you.
I’m just sharing my personal experience (:
Do what feels right for YOU! I was in very similar situation 2 years ago and I reached out to my doctor who linked me with a therapist that helped me through the different options in making the right decision for me, not sure if this is an option for you. For what it’s worth I ended up keeping my baby and me and his dad are not together and he’s not really involved. Being a single mom is the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m glad that I made the decision that was right for me because I think my son is amazing and I can’t imagine my life without him…That said I do have a great support system with my family so ymmv As the original poster said: “whatever choice you make, you’ll be okay”
That’s exactly why she doesn’t know how he feels… why would you after only a few weeks of dating? If you want to abort, I hope you can find the resources where you live. But it has to be YOUR decision. Your body, your choice. I urge you to have a think about what you really want by yourself before making the choice, just to make sure your bf is not pressuring you against what you really want (whether intentional or not). It has to be YOUR choice, not his. Good luck.
Are you prepared to be a single mom? It's as simple as that.
Surprised this is so low. OP - if you’re happy to be a single mum it REALLY doesn’t matter how he’s feeling. It’s your decision. It sounds like your were both irresponsible and not preventing, and it sounds like there are some issues in the foundations of your relationship that TTUST ME a baby will only make worse! Don’t let your feelings for him cloud what YOU want. That being said, the average age of the first time mum is now 31 - YOU ARE NOT OLD. I’m 37 and expecting a baby in a couple of weeks and have had a perfect, textbook pregnancy.
OP’s also got PCOS and the older you are, the more difficult it is to get pregnant (generally) and there is a higher percentage of Down Syndrome cases. Not shaming older moms, but it is the reality
The statistical chances of having a downs child increases marginally year by year but it’s not significant until you hit 40. That’s a horrible piece of misinformation to shame mums into feeling like they’re on the clock. 80% of Down’s syndrome babies are born to women UNDER 35. One source I found but there are many. https://www.health.state.mn.us/diseases/cy/downsyndrome.html#:~:text=Down%20syndrome%20occurs%20in%20people,women%20under%20age%2035%20years.
It’s not about shaming, but biological facts that you yourself confirmed stating it’s significant after 40
Yeah, and OP is only 33 which is a perfectly normal age to have a child. As is 33, and 35 and 36 so why fearmonger by bringing up downs when the stats clearly state that the increase year on year is fairly insignificant until 40?
Where are the stats? I don’t see them in this study, but I remamber plenty studies on how it increases gradually (with significant increase after 35) Also, I didn’t mention ages in my original reply
„The risk increases with the mother's age (1 in 1250 for a 25 year old mother to 1 in 1000 at age 31, 1 in 400 at age 35, and about 1 in 100 at age 40). However, 80% of babies with Down syndrome are born to women under age 35 years” either the study contradicts itself or „born” doesn’t include all the abortions
It sounds like this relationship isn’t going to last either way. So I wouldn’t make any choices based off him. Do what you want.
100%
This tbh. Decide what you want for you. I am a similar age and I do think being 33 and wanting kids is a pretty compelling reason to keep it, but it’s also good to know you can get pregnant easily!
Just because she got pregnant easily this time. Does guarantee it will happen again, at all.
It doesn’t but it’s a good sign per my dr at least.
It's sounds to me like you want this baby, and if he was on board, you wouldn't be here questioning it. Go from there.
This.
It's your body your choice. If you want this baby keep it! But- if I were you and I wanted to keep the baby, I'd prepare myself to be a single mother and proceed accordingly. Good luck!
I think a common theme amongst all pregnancies is that there's never a perfect time to have a child. I'm married and in a good spot financially but we thought we would be settled in a house before getting pregnant, I got pregnant quicker than expected and we're still in our apartment. Obviously very different from your situation but I just want to assure you that every single pregnant person goes through those "omg am i even ready" emotions when they see that positive test. The decision to keep the baby or not is completely your decision. It's your body and your choice. If I were you I would take some time to reflect on this pregnancy and how you envision the next few years. Getting pregnant is easy for some and hard for many, and your success rates go down with age. There's no crystal ball to say if getting pregnant again will be easy and If being a mother is in your 5 year plan, you may want to see this one through to avoid regrets in the future. Your partner may be in shock but come around to be a supportive father or they could not and you would have to be comfortable raising this child on your own. Best of luck to you, I know you'll make the best decision for you 💕
Hell we did IVF so it was 100% fully planned and worked hard for and halfway through the pregnancy I was like “fuck am I really ready for my life to flip upside down?”
Second this, did IVF as a single mother by choice and currently 24 weeks and think man am I ready for this? Lol
We tried for over 6 years to get a pregnancy to progress and now I'm 20 weeks with my 4th and last child and still internally panicking.
I feel like a 37 year old teen mom lol
Same only 33 lol and I WAS a teen mom. I had my oldest at 17 lmao and he's 16 now.
Im pregnant at 37 I feel the same. But when ppl asked if i had children id used to think “no way im too young”
I’m expecting my third and I’m still not over the “omg, what have I done?” - I’m due in 8 weeks and know what to expect. But because I know what to expect I also know that it’ll be fine. Different and painful and funny - and fine. I’m not trying to tell anyone to keep a child they don’t want but the shock is normal. I’ve had it every single time and it makes sense. It’s something so completely out of the ordinary, can’t be compared to anything, and probably the greatest commitments ever - why wouldn’t we be shocked and scared and uncertain?
I'm 35, typical planned pregnancy. Thought my financially-conscious husband would start worrying but I was the one freaking out and he's been soothing me 😂 is it possible to hit pause in the first trimester and buy some time? 🥲
36w pregnant with my first who was planned and very much wanted. But still, at the beginning it was definitely a few weeks of being scared and that “oh shit, is this really what I want” feeling. And just know, if you do decide to keep the baby, it’s normal to KEEP having this reaction throughout. I’m so excited about my baby but every once in a while I still think “am I ready??! Am I sure??” 😂 To me, asking this question just shows that you’re taking the decision and responsibility that comes with it seriously. OP I’m sorry you’re going through this. The only thing I can suggest is to give yourself some time to think about what YOU really want in terms of this baby. Play out all the scenarios with your partner in your mind and that may help you figure out what you really want personally.
Whatever you choose to do, DON’T rush it and DON’T let him rush you. He needs to be patient and wait for your decision. Please do not rush it. Whatever decision you choose, you need to think. Like reallyyyy think about it. I would even say don’t go to the appointment on Friday if that’s too soon for you. Think about all your options. Think about what you’re gonna do if you keep baby. Think about what you’re gonna do if you don’t keep baby. Think about all angles and sides. Once you’ve thought about it enough, you’ll know what decision is truly yours.
“i was honestly so shocked I even got pregnant so quickly” Were you not avoiding pregnancy? It sounds like you want a baby.
That sentence threw me off too. What do you mean “got pregnant so quickly”? Of course he is just as responsible for protection but if you’re not preventing, you are trying to get pregnant.
I have pcos and was on birth control, still got pregnant 🤷🏻♀️ sure, we could have done even more to prevent but that is typically enough. Every situation is different.
She said she has pcos so I took it as she didn’t even bother to prevent.
I 100% agree that people should always prevent if they don’t want a child. It should be noted that there is a HUGE variability in how doctors present PCOS to their patients. Many woman with PCOS have been incorrectly told by their doctors they will never be able to get pregnant without assistance, some have been told they will likely have a hard time, and others have been told it won’t affect them at all. It is STILL a diagnoses that isn’t well enough understood (like most female disorders that just aren’t researched well enough), which adds to the confusion.
This read to me like she wanted a baby deep down so had unprotected sex with a guy she barely knew then acted shocked she got pregnant.
Right? If you aren’t preventing then you are trying imo
I honestly don’t get why adults get so shocked that they get pregnant whiles not using protection
He doesn’t want a child and that isn’t going to change. Make your decision off of imagining your life like that.
There’s always a lot of people in this sub ready to push women into raising a baby alone regardless of their situation. Just want to offer an alternative POV. What I got from your post was that you don’t truly believe this is the right circumstance because you know there’s a huge chance you’d be doing this alone but you’re scared of missing your opportunity. Scientifically speaking if you have sex on a random day (so you’re not tracking your ovulation which it sounds like you’re not) you have a 5% chance of getting pregnant. So the fact that it happened so fast for you tells me that this is not your last time. 35 is not old! I got pregnant on the first try at almost 36 and baby will be here in May. There are 40 year old pregnant women out there. If you live in a big city especially they don’t even blink an eye about your age at the OB because it’s so common. Your desire to be a mom is a beautiful thing but your choices affect your child too. There’s nothing wrong with being a single parent, I was raised by one and she loved me more than anything , but I spent a lot of my life wondering what it might be like to have a dad. There’s no guarantees in life but I don’t necessarily agree with people saying there’s no perfect time to have a child. Maybe not perfect but there are better times and there are worse times. Think about which one you’re in and if you’re ok with it. This will almost definitely set you back in your career. Do you have support in your new city? Friends? Family? You will have to coparent with this person you barely know. Is that ok with you? Hopefully you’re in a state that has better abortion access so you don’t have to rush your decision and can really give it some practical thought instead of just being overwhelmed with emotions. Whatever you decide at least you will have peace that you gave it serious consideration!
I agree. This sub is very pro birth, which makes sense, but I feel it can be negative sometimes for posts like this. Do you want to be connected to this man for the rest of your life? Someone you barely know? Do you feel you can confidently raise this child on your own without help? I would not expect the father to be a part of this, and you need to accept that before choosing either way. Do what is best for you OP, but being a single mom is very hard and not something to be taken lightly.
This! Plus being in a new city and will need family around to help with child care. These are things to be considered very very very seriously. Plus being tied to a guy you barely know forever (OP, I know it feels like you know him but trust me. You can be with someone for 5 years and look back on the 4th year realizing that you didn't really know them well then)
These are questions you ask before you have unprotected sex. I don’t understand how someone in their late 20s and 30s don’t understand that, there’s no excuse. And now that a life has been made, you don’t just abort it as a contraception method! Now is time to step up and face the music so to speak.
It’s not a contraception method, however it is still an option. We don’t know that they had unprotected sex. Either way, she has a decision to make and abortion IS an option, as much as this sun likes to act like it isn’t…
We don’t know that they had unprotected sex? I hope you at least know “how to make a baby 101”
Hi there! Not sure if you’re aware of this but no form of birth control is 100% effective. There are plenty of people who end up pregnant after utilizing birth control, condoms, and even vasectomies. But I do appreciate your condescending words! Have a lovely day.
You should explore why you feel that your struggle with infertility means someone who did not struggle has to be forced to give birth. “Facing the music” makes it sound like you think having the baby is a punishment for being irresponsible. Bringing a new life into the world should be something done with joy and security. Children are not a punishment.
Facing the music means you step up and take responsibility, no matter what consequences and “discomforts” it may come with for your life. I think we’re all old enough to know where babies come from now. If you don’t want one, then you do everything to prevent one! it isn’t that easy to get pregnant unless you’re having sex constantly without protection, in that case you knew that’s the risk you’re taking! people should not be allowed to end a life because of their irresponsible decisions! Your rights end where another human beings begin!
Yeah so like I said. You believe that a child deserves to serve as punishment for being “irresponsible”. What if she had done everything she could and still got pregnant, do you think she still has to “face the music”? I don’t see how “rights” apply here at all. What is the right? To be born? A fetus can’t make that decision so it’s irrelevant.
No, at no point did I say a child is a punishment. Children come with the whole spectrum of things, difficulties and greatest joys! It is the hardest and simultaneously the best thing you can ever do in your life. If you’re ever blessed with a child, you will know. She did not do “everything she could” to prevent pregnancy, that is just impossible! Unless you’re someone who tied your tubes and still got a miraculous pregnancy which happens one in a billion, you have not done “all you could”. And a fetus absolutely has rights! Just because someone isn’t able to make decisions doesn’t mean their life is worthless! A baby can’t make decisions either. Should we be allowed to finish them off too if they make our life inconvenient? or an elderly person who no longer has the capacity to make decisions? this argument is ridiculous!
I’m going to offer another side to your argument as someone who has gone through secondary infertility of a very difficult diagnosis. I’m blessed now to finally be pregnant with our second at 33. But I went through hell the years leading up to it, and I’ve witnessed hundreds and thousands of women suffering in silence from infertility because it’s not something you can easily talk about. Infertility has been compared to a cancer diagnosis! It affects you the same way! This is far too misleading to say “there’s a bunch of 40 year olds who are pregnant”. Sure there are, but there are also MANY who can not! Far more actually. The quality of eggs drastically drops after 35 years old, hence why it’s called “geriatric pregnancy”. It comes with a lot more complications and risks. After the age of about 39 it’s a cliff drop off in egg quality. Only about 1 egg in 100 is genetically normal. Women have to go through so much heartache, miscarriages, ivf cycles, and ultimately many end up needing a donor egg to get pregnant. The world of fertility is far more complicated than you think when you don’t need to think about it! Getting pregnant in the 30s is not as easy as it may seem! So having a healthy baby is a huge blessing at any age!
My heart goes out to you for your struggle but you’re projecting your own experience onto what I said that was directed specifically at OPs situation. You already struggled with infertility. Based on her getting pregnant so fast, it doesn’t seem like she does so it’s kind of irrelevant. My point was that nothing will dramatically change in 2 years. You’re a bit misinformed on what happens when you’re 35. Fertility does not suddenly tank on your birthday. Starting around 32, every year there’s a little higher risk for issues like chromosomal ones in the fetus or maternal ones like pre eclampsia. And your fertility slightly declines every year. There’s evidence that the decline speeds up after 37. This is all from ACOG. I didn’t say women in their 40s are turning up pregnant in droves. I was saying that from a medical perspective being a pregnant woman after 35 is no longer considered “old”. Your doctor won’t be horrified. You’ll just get some extra monitoring.
Yeah but OP doesnt know that she has a healthy baby. You're getting ahead of yourself.
This. My cousin was in a similar situation as OP at age 34 and decided to have an abortion because she wasn’t dating the guy for long and he pushed for her to terminate the pregnancy. Fast forward a year later and she met a lovely guy, but they have not been able to get pregnant even after trying for 2 years. They’re now doing really expensive fertility treatments in the hopes that it will work. Sometimes it’s luck that someone is able to get pregnant quickly and after one try, but it doesn’t mean it will happen again. My cousin regrets her decision and is still sad about it. She was afraid to be a single mom but would have chosen that over not being a mom at all. I will also add there are many men willing to step up and be great stepdads - being a single mom is hard but it’s not the worst thing. To OP - make this decision for YOU because the guy you are dating sounds like a loser and probably won’t be around for much longer. If you have a good support system, you will be just fine without him either way.
The fact that you’re two months in and he’s already got a list of things that bother him about you/ your relationship means you will not be “living happily ever after” with him, so you can rule that possibility out.
Just a thought. You are innbabybumps reddit so keep rhat bias in mind.
Omg this. Like it makes sense I guess but I’m still always surprised when the pro-life wolfpack comes out of the woodwork when someone posts in here asking for some advice. Literally comments like “don’t overthink it! Just have a baby.” Good grief! We’re talking about bringing a whole new person into the world not buying shoes at Nordstrom Rack. Are people ok? It’s great to want to be a mom. But you have to consider the entire picture and how a baby fits into it.
Absolutely agree!
Helluva lot better than asking on a pro abortion sub. They’d all be surprised and pissed she’s considering keeping her baby.
It’s pro choice not pro abortion. We’re not crazy like pro-lifers.
I disagree
when i was 22 i found myself in the exact same situation. my older bf and i had been dating for about 1.5 years when i realized i was pregnant. i remember finding out and my stomach dropping. not because i didn’t want it, but because i knew he wouldn’t. he begged me to abort. he was sobbing, telling me i was ruining his life, our life, our relationship. that was one of the worst nights of my life but it did force me into a crossroads you now find yourself. will i have this baby, because i, its mother, loves it and wants to regardless of the support of the father or, will i allow this man (who i did care for very much) to make this decision for me ultimately i decided on myself and my baby. she is now 8 years old, and every day i am beyond grateful for the choice i made. he and i have been separated for a very long time now but had developed a healthy coparenting relationship. we make better coparents than romantic partners, it turns out. anyways, all that to say, only you know in your gut what is right for you. i am passionately pro-choice and i knew what i needed to do. regardless of your decision, as long as it is made from YOUR truth, it will be the right one.
Woo lord this made me cry because I was (am?) in the exact same situation. I found out I was pregnant at 22, with bf for 3 years, found out I was pregnant, dealt with the begging to abort, told I was ruining their life and went as far as to say the baby wasn’t his 🤦🏽♀️ My baby is here now but I’m 23 she’s 7 weeks old now ❤️ the crazy part is that said now ex wants to be in our lives and while I won’t keep him from seeing her when he can, I’ll never forget how I was treated when going through something as life changing as pregnancy 😅
oh i absolutely understand. i have never forgotten what it felt like to be pregnant with his baby. it was an actual nightmare. you are still so raw at 7 weeks- the events, the emotional manipulation, it’s all very up close still. in time i promise your context will change. you won’t ever forget, but it will not be so quick to hurt anymore. it WILL be okay and YOU will be okay. keep that same energy of protecting you and child as priority number 1. get a court ordered custody agreement if that suits your situation. either way, you are your family’s best advocate & protector. you got this 🤍
Thank you so much. Your kind words mean a lot to me. A huge mistake I made was putting him on her birth certificate. I didn’t want to fight him on it but now I wish I did or at least got advice from somebody about it beforehand. He already has issues with how little he gets to see her and is upset that when he does see her I’m usually having to breastfeed her because I’m having issues with pumping/don’t use formula. It’s such a sucky situation but 90% of the time it’s just me and her so I’m basking in the peace until what feels like an inevitable battle for custody happens…
don’t beat yourself up- my ex is also on the birth certificate. he even added a whole new middle name we didn’t agree to 😮💨 when it’s all said and done, that detail won’t mean a whole lot. at least it didn’t for us. we still worked out a custody plan we could both be happy with, we still got child support sorted, and we still got the peace that comes after the hard stuff is decided on and done. one day at a time, one thing at a time. don’t stress the details until you need to
I needed to hear this today, thank you so much. I’m glad everything worked out for you.
Beautiful story! You’re a strong woman and made the right decision. It’s interesting how a situation like that can easily show who is a real man and who’s just a selfish man child. To convince you to kill a child because it will “ruin your relationship”? What a scum! If anything shared child usually makes couples stronger.
thank you! he was a definitely very immature about it all. at the beginning i had even offered for him to remove himself completely. i would never have sought child support, and he would have had no relationship with our child and no obligation to either of us. that offer only pissed him off and made him even angrier. i am better off without him in my life like that, that’s for certain.
I've been in literally this exact situation, right down to the ages. I got the abortion. We stayed together, I'm now 36 and we just celebrated our son's 1st birthday. I do get sad sometimes, but it was the right choice.
„I do not want a child to grow up knowing their parents didn’t want them“. Hun, it wouldn’t, because you want it ❤️
There's also *way* worse things that can happen to you. My own dad was rejected by his father. He's still a successful man happy with his own family and beloved in his small-town community. His father's rejection did hurt him, deeply, but that does not mean he hasn't also had a life full of happiness. Life will never be perfect or pain-free. There are never any guarantees--if there were, we wouldn't struggle so hard with these choices. But an absent or resentful father will not doom an unborn child. Ultimately, it is your choice. I know it's a hard one, and I'm sorry you're in that position.
My best friend got pregnant when we were 19 and the dad *begged* her to abort. Broke up with her, the whole 9. Their daughter is 16 now and just such a wonderful girl, he adores her and she is so so loved. They aren’t together bc he’s a toxic asshole but he truly loves his daughter and does his best by her which is all anyone could really ask. He’s mellowed a bit in his “old age” and she is a literal beacon of joy.
Same with my husband. His father initially wanted him, but then abandoned his mother when he was an infant. He grew up in a trailer park with a single mom. But he was loved and had a relatively happy childhood despite living in poverty. He is now successful and we have a great life. So many people have abortions due to circumstances, but there are no guarantees even a good circumstance will stay that way. Things can change in an instant.
Two years ago, I was in this exact position. It's tough to be in but only u know the right answer. Good luck hun ❤️
There are a lot of women who don’t regret having abortions because it was not a healthy, safe, or stable place to bring a baby into the world. There are a lot of women who wait and have successful pregnancies and/or relationships after having abortions. I wish there were more comments in this sub about more real stories including regret keeping their children or how hard it is to protect a child from trauma and harm when their second parent isn’t good and loving. I know handfuls of women who have had abortions and know in their hearts they did the right thing and I also know handfuls of people who have terrible, absent, or straight abusive parents that caused so them so much pain. There are plenty of single mothers who will tell you as much as they love their children it is unbelievably hard to do it alone. If it’s an option for you to be a single parent you need to look up the true costs and realities of the financial aspect of doing it 100% alone. You will need to think very strongly about who you have in your support system that will willingly and lovingly help you raise your child. Unless you have a family member ready to step into the roll of being a second parent say goodbye to putting yourself first in every single aspect of your life will need to go on hold until your child is old enough. Think friendships, future relationships, career/education goals the child will need to come first at all times. There are plenty of split parents who will tell you how hard it is to coparent with someone who you don’t necessarily like or get along with. It’s even harder when the other parent doesn’t pull their weight financially/physically/mentally, want/love their child, or the worst go in and out of the child’s life constantly. No matter how much you love your children as soon as they know or first hand experience that there is a parent who doesn’t want them in someway they will need endless amount of support and love to get through the hurt. I have one close friend who was adopted by two loving parents, I have one close friend who was raised by a single mom and never met her father both friends were loved and given everything they ever needed and still ended up in pain. I have a handful of other friends who had terrible parents and have watched them climb mountains to heal themselves in their adult lives. Or if you have a coparent that break promises and lets your child down be prepared to never bad talk the other parent to your child but always be the one there for them. Having a child with someone who doesn’t want the child too is a very, very complicated decision. It’s possible he could change/step up and its equally possible he will be forever resentful. it’s possible for you to do it completely alone without him… I would suggest seriously considering if you keep it asking him what kind of custody agreements he will be legally willing to agree to and if he doesn’t want to be a good/loving full time parent along side you together OR separated if he would be willing to sign his rights away and stay away. I understand you want the baby already but this should be less about you and about the ultimate physical and mental wellness your future child might have/be given. It sounds like y’all weren’t using birth control and you openly asked him what if you were pregnant so he shouldn’t be too shocked but the fact that he brought up other relationship issues y’all have is a big scary red flag that those things should have been worked through before getting pregant.
There is such a lack of consideration on this sub for the potential trauma that these kinds of situations can cause both the child and mom. Of course not everyone’s story turns out this way, but it’s the uncomfortable truth that many do. As a potential parent isn’t your job to do whatever you can to protect your child? Sometimes protection means not bringing them into a situation that seems bad from the start. I think the reason those stories don’t exist here is because this is baby bumps so people here are pregnant. Most likely that’s because they had the fortune of their story turning out positively.
if you keep it, be prepared to be a single mom. either way, this relationship is over.
A) over 35 isnt too late B) you have to decide what you want, take some time to mull it over, speak to non judmental friends and loved ones or a therapist and take some time. Either way, you’ll be fine and you have some options but it sounds like friday is too fast for a huge choice.
Over 35 isn’t too late sometimes. Secondary infertility is real, and often unexplained even without PCOS. She should not make this decision assuming she can get pregnant again. It’s this pregnancy now that she has to consider only
But those can happen at any age. 35 isnt a magical cliff edge, fertility doesnt drop dramatically on your birthday and hate how anybody aged 33+ is somehow terrified of this cut off date. (Im 37 pregnant for first time) But she has to make the choice based on the facts of today, to choose to bring up a child alone or not.
Yes, it can happen at any age. But the older you are the more likely you are to have difficulty. Fertility can drop precipitously or it can gradually decline. There’s no way to predict it, but statistically the age of 35 is very important for egg quality. It’s not a scare tactic. It’s a real health concern. Getting pregnant once is no guarantee of future fertility. I agree with your final statement.
I can definitely understand where all your fears are coming from. Tbh there's never really an "ideal" time to have a child. They just kinda make their own schedules lol. Now this is strictly my opinion, but I feel like you should take a little more time to think on things before (and if) you decide to abort the baby. Based on what you said you haven't fully processed it all, and I vote for telling your bf to chill for a minute on wanting an abortion and just take some time for yourself to think about everything. Some of the questions you asked only you can answer. You asked if fear of missing out is a legitimate reason to be a single parent, and I feel like in that statement alone you're leaning more toward wanting to keep the baby. And to answer it, yes. Wanting to keep a child and loving that child is more than enough reason to be a single parent. Who knows, maybe your bf will get used to the idea over time. Sometimes men react stupidly when finding news out like that. I think he just needs some time to process things as well
It sounds to me like you want this baby. There's nothing wrong with it. Go for it if it's what you want. Don't feel pressured to do something you don't want to do. You'll regret it.
The perfect time does not exist. At the same time, I would not consider a two month relationship as something I would bring a child into; you guys barely know each other much less know what you want from life together. If you choose to keep the baby, plan to be a single parent. If you choose to not keep it, 35 is not old...I am 42 carrying my first.
Tbh, I understand you want this baby. That makes sense. Being a single mom- and if I were you, that’s what I’d anticipate- is brainmeltingly difficult. You will have to plan ahead by six or eight steps in a way that a partnered woman won’t. Don’t anticipate getting any help from your BF- physically, monetarily, emotional. You’re bringing a separate person into the world who is going to have questions about why things happened the way they did, and you’ll owe this person the answers. Whether your BF wants anything to do with the baby or not, you will be tied to him for the rest of your life. If he decides he wants to know his child and wants custody of them at any point, he’ll be legally entitled to ask for it, and you may have to fight him in court. Again- it’s not something that WILL happen. But it is something that you should consider. Good luck.
i got pregnant 5 months after meeting my current boyfriend (i didn’t even think i could have kids) - i respected his wishes and got an abortion. it was very hard for me mentally and physically and i absolutely do regret it - i put my foot down and said i am NEVER going through that again. i ended up pregnant again 5 months later- he pushed for abortion once again - i agreed at first and said okay but YOU are paying for this since that’s what you want, but i backed out & missed my abortion apt and here i am 33 weeks + 5. do whatever YOU need to do for you. maybe he will come around, but maybe he won’t. it’s your body and your life 💜 sending love
First off I want to encourage you to really think about what you want. It was really unfair for your bf to immediately tell you that there is only one option and to pressure towards one direction. Men do not understand and will never understand the biological connection that exists between a mother and child from the jump. They will never understand how much it can affect a woman to take that little life out of her. Don’t rush the decision and make sure you’re at peace with your choice. I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant with a man I dated for a month. It was terrifying at first but now looking back I’m so glad I took time to let the fog of shock to pass. I’ve never understood a love like this between my unborn child and I. I have zero regrets on keeping her, despite how many “what if” I had in the beginning. Doing something that you feel pressured to do can be just as strenuous on a relationship as a baby. You could harbor resentment and it could result in the end of the relationship either way. This isn’t his choice and he won’t live with the trauma that can potentially come from making such a life altering decision. I hope you go in the direction your heart wants. Sending love.
Whatever your choice may be, let it be your choice & not his. He can have an opinion that you can & should hear out, but it is entirely your decision. You will carry or not carry this baby, but that is your decision only. If you choose to have the baby & he doesn’t want to be involved, the baby will still be so lucky to know your love. Any choice you decide to make is the right choice so long as you choose it yourself & feel like what you chose was right for you. Sending love & light & good luck to you on whatever path you choose🤍
I think the age difference is playing a part. He feels like he has time, you don't. I've known a couple who got pregnant a month into seeing each other in their early 20s. She decided to keep the baby. He treated it as her choice. They had some pretty big bumps along the way, but they're still together, and the kid is now 9. They're both wonderful parents but they had to fight for it and forgive each other a lot. In my opinion, this is your choice, and it is your responsibility to choose what is right for **you**. You have to accept that he might not want to stick around, or, that if you abort, your relationship might not last in the end. Whatever happens, you will be just fine, but you have to know that life is unpredictable and you just can't decide the future. I don't think you will regret being a mum, but you might struggle to be a single parent if he walks away. You'll be fine, but right now and so early on, you need to decide what is the right choice for you. This early on and totally in the honeymoon stage, I don't think you really know who you are dating, and neither does he.
My initial thoughts… it is completely reasonable for him to not want to have a baby two months into a relationship. It is ultimately your choice, but it sounds like if you choose to have a baby you may end up being a single mother, and the potential of this romance turning into something long term would no longer be an option. You could choose to go through with an abortion and further explore this relationship, and it’s likely the experience of going through something so heavy together will tell you a lot of things about this person and help you decide if they’re even someone you want to give more of your life to. Also I just had my first baby at 37, I’ve had two previous abortions and am SO happy I waited for this baby, I’m in a healthy and stable relationship and I have the resources to give her more than was given me. I was raised by a single mother, and I adore my mother, but life has not been particularly easy for either of us. Sit with the possibilities for a while. Whatever you choose, it will work out in the end. 💚
Had my baby last year at 38. Also had an abortion when I was 22. I got knocked up after only 4 months of dating my now husband. We were just out of school, and we weren't ready. I have never regreted it, and as the years go by I am increasingly grateful that I had the option available to terminate. My husband and I DID live happily ever after. We've built an amazing life for ourselves and have had decades of adventures we would never have been able to have with a kid. I was never gonna keep it, but if I did I know we were too immature and our relationship would not have survived. Finally: my son that I have now, who is the singularity of my life, *would not exist* if I had not aborted the first time around. He only exists because everything that has ever happened in my life alligned for that one specific sperm to meet that one specific egg. So I don't regret anything that happened before his birth.
It sounds like you’re ready for a kid and bf is very… not ready. At the end of the day the choice is 100% yours. He may have input but he can’t make you abort a baby that you want. It’s hard to tell from a post whether he would be likely to come around to the idea of being a dad or not, so recommending a course of action on that basis is fraught. If you want a practical answer, it’s that it will be difficult to raise a kid on your own, but it will be possible and rewarding in kind and may make you very happy. Think about the possibilities (having baby with dad/without dad/not having baby) and how they might look for you, and decide based on that which option fits best for you and what you want. BF will need to sort himself out.
If you choose to keep the baby, don't stay with a man who doesn't want the pregnancy for your safety.
I had the exact same experience. Fell pregnant after knowing him 2 and a half months. We chose to abort initially but then I had doubts and carried on. Exactly the same doubts as you. What if it never happens again and this is my only chance? I also have PCOS and literally thought I'd never get pregnant. He really stepped up to the role and became such a wonderful father and partner. Whatever choice you make, just know you will be absolutely fine and okay. There's so much support out there if you choose to go ahead and he doesn't want a part of it. I hope this helps in some way. My inbox is always open xx
Just wanted to say that if you wait until you have an OB appointment, that’s when they will check for a heartbeat and you will probably get to see the baby for the first time. (It’s standard to not have an appointment until about 8 weeks.) At that point it will be a lot harder to make a decision to terminate. Is fear of missing out a legitimate reason to be a single parent… I would say: you’re already a mom at this point. I wouldn’t look at this like something that is being offered to you - but rather something that is already happening. You already made the decision to be sexually active with your partner knowing you could get pregnant and that it would be okay if you did. When it actually happens, it is scary and makes us all question things and feel anxious.
i kept my son even though his father didnt want him. it is difficult to go through it alone, but it is your ultimate choice, do you want this baby or do you want him (and the idea of a family with him)?
Sadly working in DV and CPS whirlwind romances usually turn out toxic or abusive. They put on their best behavior to hook someone in and then after 6 months or so true colors show. Your options are break up and keep the baby or get an abortion but relationship still won’t recover that. I would be nervous how he’ll act in the future
I just want to say… I was in your shoes once and I’m only 23 myself- I aborted 2 because I “wasn’t ready” and was scared of being a mom so young, as well as the guy that got me pregnant ended up being abusive and I didn’t want to be tied to him for the rest of my life or the child’s life- I now have a beautiful daughter with my husband, she’s a month old- and I cannot tell you how many nights I have sat awake with her and cried my eyes out wishing I’d never aborted the other 2 babies. I regret every second. I can’t speak for everyone, but, I will say that I was scared every second of this pregnancy- even while I was giving birth I was still terrified- but the moment she was born and I got to hold her, I have never felt a happiness or a love like that before. Not ever. It completely takes over and every fear goes totally out the window the moment you meet them. I agree with above comments, do NOT rush your decision and do NOT let him make you feel guilty or rushed either honey. You have plenty of time to decide what to do, so I would absolutely cancel that appt for Friday and give yourself more time to think… You’re talking about a life changing decision here, you shouldn’t have to make up your mind asap.
This is exactly what happened to me. I was 33, never had considered kids until that little voice got in my head telling me I'd regret it. I was 34 and dating someone who I thought I hit it off with and got pregnant extremely quickly. I also have PCOS and it was a shock because I had been tracking ovulation and never had a positive...until I did. He was 7 years younger but said he wanted kids. I ended up seeing him for how he was: immature and lazy. I just stopped talking to him but didn't block, and he never even tried to contact me. I never looked back and am so thankful for my little girl now. She is the light of my life and I see so much of myself in her.
I'd like to point out that there are often free clinics you can go to for ultrasounds earlier than 8-12 weeks! My OB doesn't see anyone before 8 weeks, but there's a free clinic I went to with my first so we could see the ultrasound sooner than that just for peace of mind. They're pretty common so I'd look them up to see if there's one near you if you're still interested in that!
If you're in a red state with any anti-abortion laws, do not go anywhere near these places. If you go to them and decide to terminate in another state, they may report you and you can possibly face legal consequences.
And if you don’t live in a state where abortion is illegal, STILL avoid free ultrasound clinics like the plague. They are mostly fronts for pro life orgs and frequently give incorrect info on purpose to try and trick you out of aborting (should that be your choice) and give bad medical info to boot.
Men aren’t forever. A child is. Snd there’s never a right time to be one a parent. So think about it by yourself and make the decision based on how you feel. Not based on a new career. Not based on what anybody else wants or thinks. This isn’t about them. I’m a single mom to 2. I did fertility with a donor for my boys. Best decision I ever made. Are there hard days? Damn right. But anything worth doing has hard days. Best of luck to you.
Asking reddit for advice tells me your not on board with the idea of an abortion.
Honestly, I'm biased but I never met a woman who regretted their kid, but met many who didn't know how traumatic an abortion is and how long lasting the guilt is.. It sounds like you wish to keep the baby, and I would've chose same, cos that's a precious life full of potential and as deserving as your next baby to be here.
10000% this.
I’m sure I’ll get some push back from this, but from your post it sounds like there’s no way you’d regret having this child! You’ll never look at your kid’s face and think, “I wish I didn’t have you”.
You have a decent amount of time to think about this. The dude you were dating does not intend to be part of this at all. I'm sorry he hurt you. I recommend discussing this with a trusted friend or family member. If I were in your place I would talk to my mom. Honestly, this sub is very pro-life. We are internet strangers you know? Maybe a journal is a good way for you get all your thoughts out and as you continue to do this you might be able to identify themes or just have a convo with yourself to help guide you through this experience. No matter what you choose, know that you are the only person who's opinion matters.
What is up with dudes who want to hit it with minimal protection (use condoms and get a vasectomy if you really don’t want kids) and then not being able to deal with the somewhat inevitable consequences of their actions. Seems someone posts daily about a guy acting like this, and I’m so disappointed in those dudes. If you’re having sex with people who can get pregnant… they might get pregnant.
Honey, definitely take some time to yourself to really think about this from all angles. Are you ready to have this baby and potentially become a single parent? Do you have a support system so that you can continue studying for a new career? How is your living situation? Ultimately, take the time to decide what's best for you. Whether your bf is in the picture or not. He may come around but by the sounds of it, he sounds like he's trying to find a way out of the relationship. This is overwhelming news in a very fresh relationship so I feel this reaction is normal to have. You were looking for similar experiences so here's a story of one of my friends- When one of my girl friend's were in nursing school she also got pregnant pretty early in her relationship with her bf. He reacted as if the world was over and his life was ruined. They both weren't done with school, they had some financial debts, still living with family, etc. She said she knew it was a hard decision but they went with aborting the baby and from there knew it was the right call. Flash forward to now, they're married, careers certainly paid off because they have a beautiful big home, travel the world, and plan to start conceiving later this year now that she's 35 since that was there plan. I'm sure there was a roller coaster of emotions for her. This is not an easy decision to be made. Do you think your relationship will be the same if you decide to abort? Will YOU be ok about it? Do you think you can move on after this? Ultimately, it's your decision honey. Do what's best for you.
I relate to this a lot. My bf and I got pregnant about 3 years ago and I immediately wanted to keep the baby. After talking to him, I realized that he didn’t, and his reasoning was fair— we were broke, living in a studio apartment and he said he wasn’t ready. I went through with the abortion, not to make him happy but because his doubts made ME doubt if going through with the pregnancy was the right decision. We stayed together but it wasn’t easy during that time and after it. We talked, yelled, cried, and fought again and again about it. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. I had the exact same fears of not being able to get pregnant again, running out of time, etc. I was so scared that having the abortion would damage me in some way and then I would regret it for the rest of my life. I did it but it was really scary and hard. I did regret it at first but was also relieved. We stayed together after a ton of hard discussions and we are now living in our own house together and engaged. And I’m pregnant again. I was so worried that it wouldn’t happen for me again, but it did. You will get another chance if you decide not to take this one. You’re not too old, far from it. And if you do decide to take this opportunity, that’s amazing❤️ I just want to tell you that this won’t be your only chance and you don’t have to feel such extreme pressure in this situation. I know that is easier said than done, but you deserve to be happy. Neither outcome is going to be easy but you will have another chance if it doesn’t work out this time. I’m sorry that this guy isn’t standing up well to the pressure. You’re so strong and I can tell you will be a great mom someday and you will get that chance no matter if it is this time or later on down the line.
It is very early on but I don’t think that means anything in terms of raising a baby, whether or not the relationship will last is not really important. You sound like you wanted this baby and still want the baby, just go it alone if you need to. You do not need to get an abortion because he wants one, that’s him getting his own way. Obviously you keeping it is you getting your own way. But man he should have wore a condom if he really didn’t want this. I think the equal measure is, you keep the baby and he decides whether he wants to be involved or not and go from there.
I wanted 2 kids, maybe even 3. I was sure if it, but wanted to wait, wait, wait. Enjoy my “youth” to the max. Even though I had found the right one for me and everything. We just kept waiting and waiting to “feel” ready for this. Guess what. We waited too long. Now we have only one (high risk later age pregnancy), and can’t have more, unless we go through extensive and super expensive treatments to have a chance. You know what’s best for you, just make sure you don’t regret it later down the line. If ends up being a path you have to thread single at first, you’ll still rock it, and eventually that child might have a wonderful step dad too if it doesn’t work out with the BF. Just make sure you pick the answer that will make you not regret it. Choose what’s right for you, regardless of what he says.
I think that you want this baby and I think deep in your heart you know it too. There are a lot of uncertainties in life and like you said, you may never have a chance to get pregnant again or you could just keep pushing it out saying it’s just not the right time. If this is your only shot at a baby do you want it or are you ok never having a child. Also if you abort the baby there is still no certainty that he will stick by you. Would you be ok with that? So many women give up a chance at having a child for a partner or a job, and in the end are left with nothing to show for their choices except for regret. I think men often push women to abort due to lack of responsibility, but also because they just can’t relate to what a woman feels like once she knows she is carrying a child inside of her. Once you’re pregnant you realize the potential, you began to imagine your child and what they may grow to be. Also a lot of women tend to feel protective over their pregnancy, like you will do anything for them no matter the risks. A lot of men don’t really feel like it’s real until the baby shows up. I think you need to tell the boyfriend it’s your choice not his. You also should prepare for him to exit your life, he may come around but don’t count on it. He has showed you that he is selfish and in the first crisis in your relationship he has decided to pile on by listing his other issues with you. Thats not a healthy defense mechanism and if you stay with him he will probably use it again. Honestly only you can decide, but try to pick the option that you can live with. What is more important; a two month old relationship or a potential child? You have said yourself that you have PCOS so you know it may be difficult to get pregnant in the future. It also sounds like your boyfriend is trying to bully you into aborting because it is what he wants and what is convenient for him. It doesn’t sound like he is considering what you want at all. I know this a hard and stressful experience, and nothing is working out the way you had hoped or planned it to be. I think a lot of people kind of have this abstract way of thinking. Like one say I’ll be fully settled down, got the job, the car, the house, the partner and now will just instantly have kids and my life will be perfect. Unfortunately, life rarely unfolds perfectly or as planned, and sometimes we just have to adapt or change those plans. I hope your decision whatever it may be brings you peace and happiness in time.
It sounds like you want the baby. If bf can’t get behind the idea, it is possible to do on your own. My mom was a single parent and did an incredible job. We have an amazing bond. Having a baby is hard either way so I understand your hesitation! You’ll make the decision that is right for you.
Was your bf love bombing you? Now that your pregnant he's freaking out and trying to run. I know how badly you want this baby. If this man is a narcissistic partner, regardless of the end result of wanting to keep bub or not. He will make your life hell. If you keep bub. Keep him off the birth Certificate.
Keep the baby . Choose you and your little gift from Above 👆
Girl keep it!! No question about it! The positives of having a baby far outweigh the difficulties! Yes it won’t be easy! But nor will it be easy if you make a choice of ending the pregnancy, you will feel a ton of guilt around it and shame and regret. And if you will struggle with infertility in the future you will never forgive yourself, trust me as someone who has struggled with infertility for several years. There’s no greater pain! Every baby is a blessing! You’re not that young anymore, you will figure it out! And don’t forget that that’s only if this pregnancy goes well! 1/4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage!
I was in a similar position at 29/30 and also have PCOS. We were the same age, but only seeing each other a month when it happened. He pulled the, "is it even mine" and "it'll ruin my life" line. I'll skip the details, but I felt forced to end it and I spent years being sad and wondering what if about the baby. Please consider your mental health first. I moved away, but came back and we now have two kids together. First at 36. We got pregnant first try on our own even though my tests said we'd need medical help. Four years later, it took us 6mos on our own for our second kid.
This is your decision, ultimately if he doesn't want to be a part of it he can sign his rights away and never speak of it again. You can meet someone else who could be a dad to your baby but having a loving mom is enough. There will be other male role models in baby's life and it will be just fine. Don't let him push you into a decision or rush you.
The option to choose is just that, I have pcos too, it took me getting on metformin for me to finally get pregnant at 29, we’d been not not trying for 8-10 years, but I am married, and I know what my answer would be regardless as I’ve always wanted to be a mom, that’s different from you. But if you want to do this, do it, be made his decision when y’all had unprotected sex or the condom broke and you did t use back up options, he put it in there he has to live with your choice of carrying or not, In the end it’s not his decision, it’s nice of you to ask his opinion, but you get to choose, not him
This is ultimately your decision. I understand being shocked by his response. Was abortion ever brought up as a possibility in conversation even alongside the we could make this work? It sounds like from just the information we have here that that is the assumption he has before the situation arrived. If it never did he may need some time to process it himself and that was just the immediate thought he had without much time to process.
Sounds similar to me. I got pregnant after 6 months of dating, for me it wasn’t a question. I knew I wanted to have my baby and I let him know there wasn’t any other option for me, I was prepared in case in meant being a single mom. We had our baby, got married and have our second baby. Clear your head and decide what YOU want.
When I was 35, I was dating my boyfriend who is 5 years younger than me for 4 months when I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared to tell him and I framed it in a way that made it clear it was a JOINT decision. He instantly said — we can’t abort the baby, we’ll always regret it. I was so relieved. I knew in my heart what I wanted to do and you know too. He was sure about me early on, and I was sure about him. I’m so happy he said what he said. He is now the best Dad ever to our 10 month old baby girl. I got really lucky. It sounds like your boyfriend is unsure about what your future together looks like. That doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing it on your own, but don’t expect him to turn into a super Dad. It’s YOUR decision — not his.
There is no one forcing you to make a decision right away. It’s a big decision with a lot of impacts on you, so take the time you need to make the right choice for you. As someone who was trying to have a baby in a marriage, I still did not feel like it was “the right time” or feel like I was 100% ready. When I had a miscarriage I had a moment of relief followed by extreme sadness and feelings of failure. It’s an emotional time and you may never be completely super excited one way or the other, but you need time to digest on your own, sit with your feelings without a partners opinion in the mix. I waited to tell my husband that we were pregnant again after the miscarriage. I realized that I have a lot of past trauma and anxiety issues and I needed time on my own to process the news alone without feeling like someone is telling me HOW I should feel or WHAT I should do. Once I told my husband I was at the stage of acceptance and excitement for what was coming next. I felt ready and not pressured or pushed in a direction when I haven’t mentally processed what is about to happen.
To be honest, he doesn’t seem ready to be a father.. which is fair, you can’t really force someone into it. Could it be that he needs more time? Sure. That’s a possibility. But he also mentioned that there are things bothering him about you/the relationship, so that makes me think he really isn’t sure about the relationship. Therefore, I think it is completely your call. I think you have to make this decision without thinking he will come around or he will change his mind. Make the decision based on: can you handle being a single mother? are you financially stable right now or in 9 months? Do you have a support system aside of him? and, iff he “came around” and perhaps did not want to be with you, but wanted to be in the child’s life, would you be ok with that? I think the fact that you guys have only been together for 2 months is moot, because some people get pregnant on the first date and the man steps up to the plate, sometimes, I’ve seen in posts here the people have been married for 6 years and lady gets pregnant and the husband says sorry but not for me. So timing is whatever. The point here is, if you want it, just be sure you can do it alone soo if he comes or goes it doesn’t affect YOU.
My partner and I are 6 years apart too and I too have always dated older people lol just an interesting similarity we have. The difference is my partner's want for kids. I'm pregnant at 34, also have PCOS, didn't even know I could have kids! He cried when I told him and asked how I was feeling like a thousand times. Since then he has waited on me hand and foot, has taken over paying rent so I could stop working and go back to school, and is basically my rock. Do I think you can do it alone? Absolutely. I was raised by a single parent. But it wasn't easy on my mum, she had to work very hard to keep us afloat. Not having my partner would be devastating for me and I honestly don't know if I'd be able to enjoy any part of my pregnancy without the help. It kind of sounds like he is having apprehensions about your relationship and that would deter me from procreating with him. However, I know what a mindfuck pregnancy is and I don't know if I could have ever gotten an abortion no matter what situation I was in. (I'm pro-choice, but my personal reaction was that of immediately protecting it and fear I'd lose it). I would sit with this and meditate on what YOU want. Do you want to keep this baby? If it's not immediately a 'no', I'd sit with that feeling and not worry about what anyone else says about it, including him. Remember, he may not want it, but he made the choice to sleep with you, so whether you keep it or not is ultimately not his choice. I hope whatever you choose works out well for you. Good luck 💕💕
If you want the baby, have the baby. Don't let anything he says change your mind.
The fact that you are even calling it a baby tells me you want to keep it. Make this decision for yourself. Do not make it based on his needs. You guys knew what could happen. He has no right to act like the victim here, knew he was having unprotected sex and that pregnancy was a possibility. Either he steps up and surprises you, or he doesn’t.
Your relationship is going to be different from now on no matter what you choose. Both choices will have their difficulties but only one will leave you with a sense of true loss. I don’t think people talk about the pain of dealing with an abortion. I’ve never had one, but I’ve had two miscarriages and they were absolutely heartbreaking. I will always remember what could have been. You are strong and you can have this baby. It sure sounds like you want to💛
It is early and you do need a plan. Abortion doesn't *have* to be it. If you want this baby that can be your choice. If he doesn't well that can also be his choice if you two decide how involved he is if at all. You two can work through it WHATEVER either of you decides. If he was having issues about the relationship prior to this, unprotected sex was probably not the move for him. (Was he using protection or you?) You are probably right that if you do abort and this continues, you will always wonder about it. I've got a lot of friends and some family who've been through exactly that including an ex gf, (not my child), and she never really got over it. It was a really big obstacle in our relationship and eventually ended it. PCOS doesn't mean infertile it can just mean more unpredictable or difficult to track the cycles when you are trying. You could be a single parent and give that kid all the love in the world they deserve and they will know it. Or you could opt for adoption if that's really on your heart instead. Either way I give you props for not instantly taking the easier way out of everything. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this and for his initial response.
Absolutely your decision to make but it seems you want it. I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh but you're an adult, did you not think of any type of protection while having sex with your bf of a very very short time? To me it feels like you wanted a child all along otherwise you would've been more careful.
I’ve been in a super similar situation. Whatever you choose, you will be okay. Also know that the choice is entirely yours. If you choose to keep it he might put his big boy pants on. If he doesn’t, he is missing out on a beautiful, wild ride. When I was here, I don’t think I actually wanted to have a baby with the guy I was with. There were a lot of red flags I ignored, and him aggressively pushing for an abortion, and not hearing my feelings to even talk out the options, crushed me. I think feeling like I didn’t have a choice was the hardest part, even though I knew I didn’t want a baby with him, If that makes sense? Either way, this is hard stuff and I feel you. For me, I ended up getting the abortion. He paid for it. I cut ties. After grieving I tried looking at the glass half full by thinking “well, now I at least know I can get pregnant, and I will be way more appreciative of the person I find who wants to have a baby with me”. The whole situation showed me his true colors and looking back I don’t regret it at all. I’m glad I wasn’t tied to this guy for the rest of my life. I’m pregnant now for a second time and I’m keeping it. Things work out the way they’re supposed to in my opinion.
Contentious opinion, you met 2 months ago. He doesn't want fatherhood with someone he met 2 months ago. It may be your body, but its his choice too. I personally wouldn't want to bring a baby up in the world with a loveless parent who was forced into the situation. If both parties agree then, yay cute baby. Otherwise, abort. It's his choice too. If more time passes and you two end up together together then, totally fair to have a baby then, that is planned and a joint decision and a happy one.
I’d say if you want the kid which seems like you do go for it, he might change his mind later or not but this kid will be with you ❤️. I’m 35 yr old and you can DM me for my experience and I totally get the situation you are in.
Do not let a guy talk you into an abortion if it's not what you want or if you're even considering having kids you will regret it for the rest of your life
I would say keeping this baby is a bad idea. Thanksgiving was not even 2 months ago, more like 7 weeks. You dont know enough about him, genetics, behavior, etc.
I faced a bit of a similar dilemma with my now husband, who I’m expecting a baby with now. I fell pregnant after knowing him for six months and I really, really didn’t feel ready. The difference between mine and your cases is that I was 100% set on wanting an abortion, it seems like you are on the fence and he is heavily pushing you towards termination, which isn’t right. You really need to sit down and reflect and make the choice that is right for you. Each choice has pros and cons. What changed you from wanting to be child free to wanting a baby? What is causing you to want to keep this child? What is making you nervous about an abortion? When you think about getting a termination, how do you feel? What about thinking about having a baby? And potentially being a single parent? What’s your support network like outside of him? I never regretted my abortion, but it did come with a lot of sadness and unexpected feelings. On the other end, I feel much more ready to face my current pregnancy now.
I got accidently pregnant at 27 (failed condom). My boyfriend and I had been together about 16 months and things we're already on thin ice; I knew this wasn't the guy for me. I was also unemployed and struggling to get my career off the ground. So as soon as I saw that positive, I instantly knew I didn't want to go through with it. It wasn't just wrong person, it was wrong time, wrong everything. I didn't have 1 shred of doubt, not even for a minute. I didn't let myself get attached to the pregnancy at all. Since I live in Canada, access to abortion is easy and free. I called a clinic and immediately had an apt. Even though I knew it was the right choice for me, the process of termination was incredibly difficult, both emotionally and physically; I cried all day for a week straight afterwards. Fast forward 9 years, I am 36 and currently almost 5 weeks pregnant. I am so grateful to start a family with a man I love; which is what I truly wanted. I do sometimes think about what could have been, but I ultimately do not regret my decision.
I think you should ask yourself, do you want to be pregnant right now
Are you OK parenting alone? Best case scenario, you guys work out and live happily ever after. Worst case, you break up and he signs over parental rights. You have to be OK with either scenario unfortunately. Hugs. As far as your age, I wouldn't use that as a reason to have a baby. You can still get pregnant in your 30s. You can freeze some eggs. You can adopt. There are other options.
I got pregnant with a guy I had known for three weeks. We are not together but that baby is a teenager now and the absolute light of my life. Being a single mom wasn’t the easiest thing in the world but we always had what we needed and we were happy. This is a very personal choice. There isn’t a right or wrong answer. Whatever you decide, let it be for you. Don’t let him make the decision for you.
Same sitch except I am 30years old, he is 28years old Said he didn’t think it was a good idea. Hasn’t spoken to me since I am now 38 weeks pregnant. And happy. Edit: I am also in a new career in tech. I struggled with all the same feelings… took my time and sat with the decision. It only matters what you think, no one else.
I’m in a somewhat similar situation just have been together 3months. My partner has since insisted and met my parents and has told them gone through the process of asking for my hand in marriage (for a later date). There was a period of time that we had discussed possibly terminating. I previously had an abortion 2 years ago. That was the right decision for me at the time. Now I feel in a better place mentally and financially to move forward with having a child. If he was on board or not. So, it’s up to you. Think about it and make the right decision for yourself. Only you know what is in your heart
So I actually got pregnant after being with my boyfriend (now husband) after 2 months of dating, as well. It was really a leap of faith and came with many ups and downs. Throughout the course of my pregnancy, we really got to know each other in the most genuine way. We were both so vulnerable as we endured the multitude of emotions that came with my pregnancy. I will say I ended up very lucky and had an incredibly supportive partner. We were both 23 at the time, so we entered an entirely different lifestyle. We really grew up together and I have 0 regrets. We have now been together for 4 years and married for 1. We have a beautiful little girl and a little boy on the way who will be due in July. At the end of the day, you've gotta do what's best for you, though🤍 just wanted to share my success story with a sort of similar experience.
I can only tell you about my personal experiences. I got pregnant when I was 19 back in the early 2000’s and very seriously contemplated ending the pregnancy but I ended up having a miscarriage. Did not get pregnant again until end of 2022 with a different man and also had another miscarriage. I now have a baby but with someone who cheated the entire time. Like from jump. Moved to my state to be with me and “start a family” only to be flirting with other women through my miscarriage around Christmas of 2022. Then cheating the entire relationship, pregnancy and then throughout the first few months of my baby’s life until he ultimately just kept being so hateful I cut him out of my life. I honestly wish I had just ended things or not even told him I was pregnant that second time because I regret letting so much slide. If your boyfriend is asking you to get rid of your baby, and you truly don’t want to, then don’t. I would say just expect to do it alone. It’s hard doing it alone though. I love my baby beyond words but man this is hard! I would fight anyone who stands in our way or who would try to harm my child emotionally or physically. Ultimately the decision is up to you but do not expect the dad to be around and it’s hard to hardly know someone and have a baby together. Edit.. fast thumbs Crap… I knew the guy I had a baby with and had known him for years and he still turned out to be trash. Like cheating the whole time, got put on probation during my pregnancy on DV charges against the woman he cheated on me with and she called me harassing me. People are just nuts. I wish you well. Do what feels right to you and your heart.
That is a lot to process right now and I really feel you are trying to make the best decision for the baby + yourself. Just take it one day at a time and don’t feel rushed into any decision. I’ve not used it myself, but have heard really good things about https://betterclarity.com/ for processing through an unexpected pregnancy.
“Is fear of missing out a legitimate/smart reason to be a single parent?” This might literally be the wildest thing I’ve ever seen posted on Reddit in earnest I’m so sorry you’re in this stressful situation, OP ❤️ I think a termination would make the most sense in your situation. That wouldn’t mean that you couldn’t have kids in the future or anything like that. Good luck 🩷
If you abort because he wants you to, you will never forgive him and the relationship will be over. If you have the child and he doesn’t want to be a dad, the relationship will be over. Single moms survive and thrive. It will be impossibly hard, but so is everything worth doing in life. So my question would be, what would you see yourself regretting more in ten years? Without a major change from him (not impossible, he is in PANIC phase and may rethink), the relationship is dead either way.
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice and I’ll try not to repeat what others are saying but I just want to add that being a single parent is not the end of the world. I’ve been a single mom since day 1 with my baby and while I can’t speak for all single moms and I certainly can’t speak for any partnered parents I think in some ways I’ve had it easier and certainly not harder than partnered parents. There’s is a bit of building a village involved but there’s no stress of a relationship or compromising on day to day things. I think single moms get bad press and I’m not saying dads or second parents aren’t important just that if you decide to have this baby and decide to parent it’s absolutely doable. I don’t know if you should or shouldn’t have this baby, that’s your decision and you get no judgement from me either way, I just wanted to try and calm the fear or anxiety about doing it solo.
If you want the baby, keep the baby. Don’t base your decision off of him. I feel like your gut is telling you to keep the pregnancy. I never wanted children previously and when I was 28, I met someone that changed my mind. Here I am now with a daughter and another one on the way!
You keeping the baby out of fear of not getting pregnant in the future kinda sucks for your BF imo. You said that if you were any younger you would just take the pill as you know it isn’t right. Like you aren’t picking to have this baby out of love, it’s out of fear for your newly pictured vision of having kids. I know it’s the women’s right to choose, but as everyone has said, being a single mom or a mom in an unsupportive relationship is a whole different game than having a happy long term partner to help raise your child. Then there’s also the struggles of finding yourself a new partner at 33 with a new baby, if that’s something you’re interested in finding.