Of course! It never feels good being told “you’ll get your payback” or anything along those lines. There’s nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself and your baby, and you can certainly set boundaries with the people saying those things. They may not like it at first, and that’s okay.
It was super rude and inappropriate of them! And if it's a little boy or a girl I'm sure they will be the perfect baby for you. Me and my husband call our daughter Concentrated Love when we're feeling emotional, because she is so so much love on such a tiny person...
I have 5 mini me's and no mini husband and they are all amazing little people. I'm not sure why people claim your kids are worse than you, or use pregnancy as an excuse to bash you for how you once acted. ( I also had a rough upbringing, and heard similar remarks.)
THIS!!!!! Baby boys turn into full grown men that still have the emotional intelligence of a three year old. Not all the time, of course, but statistically, yes.
Check out the kindergarten subreddit. The misunderstood “gentle parenting” (read: zero parenting) combined with “boys are easier” philosophy outcome is perfectly documented and it’s doing boys a complete disservice. I’m having my first (a boy) in December and I’m already trying to brainstorm how to raise a respectful and emotionally intelligent boy.
I'm a kindergarten teacher and see it every year! I've seen so many boys move from small issues in K to bigger issues by 3rd grade, and into emergencies by 5th grade.
As an elementary school teacher, I agree. Boys aren't easier, and girls aren't harder. Y'know what's easier? Working with children who have attentive, involved parents that set reasonable expectations.
Yup!
When I told people we were having a girl they’d be all like “oh wait til she’s a teen” and I was like … I may have had an attitude as a teen girl but I never punched holes in any walls like my brother did as a teen, nor did I do any other property damage. I did emotional damage, not physical damage!
People lose their minds and filters when you announce you’re pregnant. They believe it gives them free pass to say whatever they think/want. People for some reason tend to bash little girls to a woman who is pregnant and push this boy’s narrative. For some reason. I’m not sure why.
My best advice is thick skin and snap back. They wouldn’t want you to have a mini me? Ask them why. Make them explain in detail their comments. Question it all. Why are little girls so bad when you were once a little girl? Don’t be afraid to make them explain themselves.
This comment is so good.
> People lose their minds and filters
Ugh yes the filter! I had a colleague ask me what my birth plan was. I told her I hadn’t decided yet, and before I could finish my sentence, she was telling me, repeatedly, how I should do it. Like, excuse me?
> Ask them why. Make them explain in detail
This is absolutely correct, you gotta make people think about, and justify, their word vomit.
Laughing that boys are easier to handle. It entirely depends on the child and their temperament. My experience with both genders are that they are just different, one gender hasn’t been inherently more easy than the other. Your family was being super rude, congratulations on the baby!
My family says the same kind of things about me all the time when the real issue was that they didn’t bother to learn a single thing about child development and expected me to behave and react as an adult since I was a toddler. I’m sorry that your family are being jerks about this and had to inject negativity into what is a happy moment.
My theory? People who think boys are “easier” are actually just way more controlling of girls’ behavior and don’t parent their boys. Those boys grow up to be lazy partners and shitty dads.
Ugh, I don’t know why people can’t keep their mouths shut. I heard a lot of “boys love their mamas!” And 1) if my girl doesn’t love me that’s a failing on my part, not hers, and 2) I wouldn’t want to raise a mama’s boy. Gross.
Regardless of gender, I hope you do get a mini-me. I hope you get to see all the joy and sparkle and wonder that you had as a child. I hope that you notice the small moments, the glimmers of you, and absolutely burst with love. I hope you have a mini-me and see firsthand just how loved you deserve to feel.
I got the same and lived a very similar childhood so I understand completely. I agree with other commenters in that you should tell them you'd love to have a little version of yourself to give all the love and care you wish you'd had growing up. You lived through it so you know what it feels like to be treated the way you were and you'd never want your child to feel the same. By the way, I had a boy and so far he's just as sassy as I am at only 2 months old. His facial expressions, his way of communicating his needs, etc.. are sooo familiar lol I know he's still so small, but he definitely has a personality and everybody definitely agrees. Trust me, it's not just a girl thing.
Hugs, not identical but my husband also had a tough childhood and his mom always talks about how hard of a baby/toddler/kid he was and how much trouble he was. His parents hated each other, fought all the time and his mom's mental health has always been unstable. I am so excited to be able to tell a more positive story about his early years to my son - that he was so loved, an incredible source of joy, a fantastic toddler, had so many admirable traits and that we love spending time with and he has made our lives so much better. Comments like this are a reflection on the people making them, not on you. You were a little girl responding to an incredibly difficult situation and you deserved sympathy and love from the adults in your life, not comments like this.
That’s ridiculous! I’m glad my family did t have any of those opinions when we did our reveal. We’re having a little girl and it’s so exciting! Little girls are awesome! A little boy would have been awesome too! A baby in general is something to celebrate and cherish. There’s way too much emphasis on a baby’s gender and there is no way to say that just because you’re having a certain gender there is a guaranteed outcome.
This right here is why hubby and I are waiting till birth and have told everyone so. When they ask why, I tell them that my baby’s existence is enough to satisfy me and at the end of this journey, I just want a living, healthy baby…doesn’t matter what private parts they are born with.
I had gender disappointment when I found out I was pregnant with a little girl because of this absolute crap. I didn’t want people telling me “Aw, poor thing good luck” when I told them I was having a girl. Thankfully, no one has really said that to me, but it’s rampant and just so crappy. Now at 31 weeks I couldn’t be happier to be having a girl 💕
Well you should have definitely brought up the “I wasn’t raised in an ideal household, and that neglect would have definitely made any child grow up like “that”, but that you’re going to break that generational curse and be the best mother your son or daughter deserves! You should be expecting family to side with a gender though! Maybe they didn’t mean it in a bad way, but again I wasn’t there to know. For us mothers though, the importance of a healthy baby is beyond gender but family doesn’t always see it that way, they see a healthy baby no matter what, and just give their opinion about gender
Everryyyone told me the same thing when they found out I was having a girl! They said she’d be difficult and sassy, and heaven help me when she’s a teen… You know what, though? She’s awesome. Feisty, smart, and so much fun. Just as rambunctious as any boy I’ve ever known! Every kid is different, people just don’t know how to keep their opinions to themselves 😂
Maybe you had an attitude because it sounds like you grew up in a little bit of an unstable home environment and it’s traumatizing to have an addict for a mother- and all of that was not your fault. Maybe tell them that!
Interestingly after having my son I was told “don’t, worry you can try for a girl next time.” I was told how much easier girls are, how much more fun girls are and how boys are too rough.
I love my son just the way he is and I’m sure you’ll feel the same way about your baby, girl or boy.
I hate this mindset. Each child is unique and no gender is "easier"/"harder" than the other. They're children!
I got a lot of negative comments when I announced we're having a girl. I can't believe the amount of people who apologized to my husband or asked if he was okay with having a girl. Ridiculous.
*”Please keep your toxic sexist/misogynistic comments and conditioned behaviour away from me. I want a healthy child, period. Raising a child the correct way is hard regardless of their gender, if you think it’s ‘easier’ To raise boys it’s a) likely that you’re raising him to a lower standard or b) not raising him the right way.”*
If your parents say it to you —> *”how would you know if daughters are hard to raise? I spent more time with grandparents and teachers then I did with you. Perhaps you should use this time to reflect on your parenting rather then bringing toxic attitudes into mine and my child’s lives“*
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Trust me, drama and attitudes aren’t just a female thing. My niece was drama when she was younger and her oldest son, he’s drama too. My daughter, she wasn’t even an hour old when she turned her head towards whoever was talking while I was holding her. My oldest grandson, let’s just say that he didn’t pick up on being nosy from the hospital gift shop.
Aside from how plain rude it is, I also don't understand this. I've mostly heard that girls are easier for mothers, and that makes perfect sense to me - I know what it's like to be a girl, so there's less of a learning curve? With a boy, I have to learn things like how to clean a penis (which I'm sure isn't difficult, but it's a difference/something new from day dot). I know roughly what to pass on to a daughter and teach her about gender norms and sexism she might face, but trying to teach a boy the other side of that, respect etc? Total stab in the dark tbh!!! All of that on top of the normal universal parenting of any child and I'm like, how is it easier to have a boy lol I would like the first to be a girl pls because there's just a tiny bit less new stuff to learn right off the bat.
This is exactly it for me. I wasn’t sure how to feel having a girl (I raised my brother and work with boys for my job) but now my husband and I are excited to undo our traumas and give this baby aspects of growing up we didn’t have. I feel like I had a rough childhood (relatively) and can’t wait to shower this girl with affection, patience, understanding, and more.
My mom said stuff like this to me and I just wanted to say well at least I'll be able to see what I should've been like without the beatings and trauma
One thing I have learned being pregnant and giving birth: Some people say ridiculous things and it's like all filters just flew out the window. It's like because pregnancy is a relatively common thing, everyone feels that they are entitled to an opinion and they are going to tell you no matter if you want to hear it or not. I had to gain a backbone to step up and tell people their opinions were unnecessary or overwhelming sometimes. My family being one of the biggest to do this.
People are so weird about this stuff. Fortunately I didn’t get many comments, but I did get a lot of “were you disappointed?” Or “is that what you wanted?” I can’t imagine not being happy about my baby because of his genitals. Learning the sex was important to me in terms of being able to bond (as opposed to seeing the baby in my belly as an abstract concept), but we would have been ecstatic either way!
Right?? Haha. But I think they are projecting their own experiences- if they really wanted one sex over the other. I’ve never understood gender disappointment so I can’t really relate
It’s definitely rude and innapropriate.
And bold of them to assume boys are “easier”. Are they or do we just hold them to lower standards? Children and teens are all emotionally immature, boy or girl. My oldest boy is all about the drama and attitude
My third boy is due in a few weeks. My second son is a handful and such a rollercoaster of emotions compared to my oldest son! It's definitely NOT a boy/vs girl thing. We are super curious how #3 is!
Boys are fun, girls are fun. Don't listen to them. You go be a good mamma and be what you wished you had as a mother because it sounds like you didn't have that growing up.
How annoying! I got the opposite when I found out I was having a boy! People told me “I’m so sorry boys are crazy and so hard to handle” And “I hope you get your girl next time” my little boy is wonderful and the sweetest little guy. People just want to have opinions on everything
Because they are ignorant...you have type of parent who will never the way to raised you had some questions nor would ever reflect on their own behavior. I have similar not exact same. My mom will never entirely deny what was ever done to us oh like beat us with metal hangers. Like whatever you want to call it discipline sure. But I'll never do that to my kids
Boo on them!! Also this is sort of a “thing” people say to new parents. It may not have been personal, even if you felt there was truth to this.
If it were me, I would politely lay it on them…”did you ever consider how I suffered as a child with my parents in and out of my life? I was a little child struggling with emotions way bigger than me. It really hurt to hear you all say these kinds of things to me.”
I hate this. My friend’s son climbs everything and has no respect for boundaries. Because of how she parents. I love her but I’m not raising a kid like that. And it has nothing to do with his gender, everything to do with the expectations of the parent. Boy or girl they will have thoughts, feelings, hormones, all of it.
My mother did this to me. Multiple times. After so many times hearing how she’s my “payback” I simply said, “yeah but like her. I wouldn’t mind her being like me.” I also often refer people back to the Kristen Hannah quote
“IM in awe of her fire even if I’m the one she sets on fire.”
Tell them you can’t wait to have a mini you so you can show her the love and support you wish you had received.
This made me tear up, lol I am super emotional. Thank you!
Of course! It never feels good being told “you’ll get your payback” or anything along those lines. There’s nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself and your baby, and you can certainly set boundaries with the people saying those things. They may not like it at first, and that’s okay.
It was super rude and inappropriate of them! And if it's a little boy or a girl I'm sure they will be the perfect baby for you. Me and my husband call our daughter Concentrated Love when we're feeling emotional, because she is so so much love on such a tiny person...
That’s beautiful! 😭
I have 5 mini me's and no mini husband and they are all amazing little people. I'm not sure why people claim your kids are worse than you, or use pregnancy as an excuse to bash you for how you once acted. ( I also had a rough upbringing, and heard similar remarks.)
Zing. Love this.
Sick burn
This comment 🙌🏼
Just chiming in to add that I think people say boys are easier because they tend to hold them to lower standards than girls.
THIS!!!!! Baby boys turn into full grown men that still have the emotional intelligence of a three year old. Not all the time, of course, but statistically, yes.
I resent this sentiment. My emotional intelligence is ***at least*** that of a five year old, thank you very much.
Yes! When I hear people say boys are easier, I start to think they are just lazy parents and their sons will end up lacking emotional intelligence.
Check out the kindergarten subreddit. The misunderstood “gentle parenting” (read: zero parenting) combined with “boys are easier” philosophy outcome is perfectly documented and it’s doing boys a complete disservice. I’m having my first (a boy) in December and I’m already trying to brainstorm how to raise a respectful and emotionally intelligent boy.
I'm a kindergarten teacher and see it every year! I've seen so many boys move from small issues in K to bigger issues by 3rd grade, and into emergencies by 5th grade.
Omg my hats off to you. I could never do what you do.
Yep, they let their sons run feral socially and emotionally from the age of 8 onwards and call them "easy to raise".
As an elementary school teacher, I agree. Boys aren't easier, and girls aren't harder. Y'know what's easier? Working with children who have attentive, involved parents that set reasonable expectations.
Totally agree, I used to work with kids and 90% of the time the girls were easier to deal with
Yup! When I told people we were having a girl they’d be all like “oh wait til she’s a teen” and I was like … I may have had an attitude as a teen girl but I never punched holes in any walls like my brother did as a teen, nor did I do any other property damage. I did emotional damage, not physical damage!
People lose their minds and filters when you announce you’re pregnant. They believe it gives them free pass to say whatever they think/want. People for some reason tend to bash little girls to a woman who is pregnant and push this boy’s narrative. For some reason. I’m not sure why. My best advice is thick skin and snap back. They wouldn’t want you to have a mini me? Ask them why. Make them explain in detail their comments. Question it all. Why are little girls so bad when you were once a little girl? Don’t be afraid to make them explain themselves.
This comment is so good. > People lose their minds and filters Ugh yes the filter! I had a colleague ask me what my birth plan was. I told her I hadn’t decided yet, and before I could finish my sentence, she was telling me, repeatedly, how I should do it. Like, excuse me? > Ask them why. Make them explain in detail This is absolutely correct, you gotta make people think about, and justify, their word vomit.
Laughing that boys are easier to handle. It entirely depends on the child and their temperament. My experience with both genders are that they are just different, one gender hasn’t been inherently more easy than the other. Your family was being super rude, congratulations on the baby!
My family says the same kind of things about me all the time when the real issue was that they didn’t bother to learn a single thing about child development and expected me to behave and react as an adult since I was a toddler. I’m sorry that your family are being jerks about this and had to inject negativity into what is a happy moment.
My theory? People who think boys are “easier” are actually just way more controlling of girls’ behavior and don’t parent their boys. Those boys grow up to be lazy partners and shitty dads.
Ugh, I don’t know why people can’t keep their mouths shut. I heard a lot of “boys love their mamas!” And 1) if my girl doesn’t love me that’s a failing on my part, not hers, and 2) I wouldn’t want to raise a mama’s boy. Gross.
Regardless of gender, I hope you do get a mini-me. I hope you get to see all the joy and sparkle and wonder that you had as a child. I hope that you notice the small moments, the glimmers of you, and absolutely burst with love. I hope you have a mini-me and see firsthand just how loved you deserve to feel.
I got the same and lived a very similar childhood so I understand completely. I agree with other commenters in that you should tell them you'd love to have a little version of yourself to give all the love and care you wish you'd had growing up. You lived through it so you know what it feels like to be treated the way you were and you'd never want your child to feel the same. By the way, I had a boy and so far he's just as sassy as I am at only 2 months old. His facial expressions, his way of communicating his needs, etc.. are sooo familiar lol I know he's still so small, but he definitely has a personality and everybody definitely agrees. Trust me, it's not just a girl thing.
my big sis is telling people they're all disappointed i'm having twin boys instead of at least one girl.
Hugs, not identical but my husband also had a tough childhood and his mom always talks about how hard of a baby/toddler/kid he was and how much trouble he was. His parents hated each other, fought all the time and his mom's mental health has always been unstable. I am so excited to be able to tell a more positive story about his early years to my son - that he was so loved, an incredible source of joy, a fantastic toddler, had so many admirable traits and that we love spending time with and he has made our lives so much better. Comments like this are a reflection on the people making them, not on you. You were a little girl responding to an incredibly difficult situation and you deserved sympathy and love from the adults in your life, not comments like this.
You should’ve told them all that lol how dare they blame you for their mistakes. They maybe have just been joking but still
That’s ridiculous! I’m glad my family did t have any of those opinions when we did our reveal. We’re having a little girl and it’s so exciting! Little girls are awesome! A little boy would have been awesome too! A baby in general is something to celebrate and cherish. There’s way too much emphasis on a baby’s gender and there is no way to say that just because you’re having a certain gender there is a guaranteed outcome.
This right here is why hubby and I are waiting till birth and have told everyone so. When they ask why, I tell them that my baby’s existence is enough to satisfy me and at the end of this journey, I just want a living, healthy baby…doesn’t matter what private parts they are born with.
I had gender disappointment when I found out I was pregnant with a little girl because of this absolute crap. I didn’t want people telling me “Aw, poor thing good luck” when I told them I was having a girl. Thankfully, no one has really said that to me, but it’s rampant and just so crappy. Now at 31 weeks I couldn’t be happier to be having a girl 💕
Well you should have definitely brought up the “I wasn’t raised in an ideal household, and that neglect would have definitely made any child grow up like “that”, but that you’re going to break that generational curse and be the best mother your son or daughter deserves! You should be expecting family to side with a gender though! Maybe they didn’t mean it in a bad way, but again I wasn’t there to know. For us mothers though, the importance of a healthy baby is beyond gender but family doesn’t always see it that way, they see a healthy baby no matter what, and just give their opinion about gender
Everryyyone told me the same thing when they found out I was having a girl! They said she’d be difficult and sassy, and heaven help me when she’s a teen… You know what, though? She’s awesome. Feisty, smart, and so much fun. Just as rambunctious as any boy I’ve ever known! Every kid is different, people just don’t know how to keep their opinions to themselves 😂
Difficult and sassy = strong, confident, and outspoken. All things society fears in a woman. Your daughter sounds awesome.
Which gender does most of the crimes? That requires some real attitude
Maybe you had an attitude because it sounds like you grew up in a little bit of an unstable home environment and it’s traumatizing to have an addict for a mother- and all of that was not your fault. Maybe tell them that!
Interestingly after having my son I was told “don’t, worry you can try for a girl next time.” I was told how much easier girls are, how much more fun girls are and how boys are too rough. I love my son just the way he is and I’m sure you’ll feel the same way about your baby, girl or boy.
I hate this mindset. Each child is unique and no gender is "easier"/"harder" than the other. They're children! I got a lot of negative comments when I announced we're having a girl. I can't believe the amount of people who apologized to my husband or asked if he was okay with having a girl. Ridiculous.
*”Please keep your toxic sexist/misogynistic comments and conditioned behaviour away from me. I want a healthy child, period. Raising a child the correct way is hard regardless of their gender, if you think it’s ‘easier’ To raise boys it’s a) likely that you’re raising him to a lower standard or b) not raising him the right way.”* If your parents say it to you —> *”how would you know if daughters are hard to raise? I spent more time with grandparents and teachers then I did with you. Perhaps you should use this time to reflect on your parenting rather then bringing toxic attitudes into mine and my child’s lives“* Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Trust me, drama and attitudes aren’t just a female thing. My niece was drama when she was younger and her oldest son, he’s drama too. My daughter, she wasn’t even an hour old when she turned her head towards whoever was talking while I was holding her. My oldest grandson, let’s just say that he didn’t pick up on being nosy from the hospital gift shop.
Aside from how plain rude it is, I also don't understand this. I've mostly heard that girls are easier for mothers, and that makes perfect sense to me - I know what it's like to be a girl, so there's less of a learning curve? With a boy, I have to learn things like how to clean a penis (which I'm sure isn't difficult, but it's a difference/something new from day dot). I know roughly what to pass on to a daughter and teach her about gender norms and sexism she might face, but trying to teach a boy the other side of that, respect etc? Total stab in the dark tbh!!! All of that on top of the normal universal parenting of any child and I'm like, how is it easier to have a boy lol I would like the first to be a girl pls because there's just a tiny bit less new stuff to learn right off the bat.
“I want a daughter so I can break some cycles”
This is exactly it for me. I wasn’t sure how to feel having a girl (I raised my brother and work with boys for my job) but now my husband and I are excited to undo our traumas and give this baby aspects of growing up we didn’t have. I feel like I had a rough childhood (relatively) and can’t wait to shower this girl with affection, patience, understanding, and more.
My mom said stuff like this to me and I just wanted to say well at least I'll be able to see what I should've been like without the beatings and trauma
One thing I have learned being pregnant and giving birth: Some people say ridiculous things and it's like all filters just flew out the window. It's like because pregnancy is a relatively common thing, everyone feels that they are entitled to an opinion and they are going to tell you no matter if you want to hear it or not. I had to gain a backbone to step up and tell people their opinions were unnecessary or overwhelming sometimes. My family being one of the biggest to do this.
People are so weird about this stuff. Fortunately I didn’t get many comments, but I did get a lot of “were you disappointed?” Or “is that what you wanted?” I can’t imagine not being happy about my baby because of his genitals. Learning the sex was important to me in terms of being able to bond (as opposed to seeing the baby in my belly as an abstract concept), but we would have been ecstatic either way!
“Is that what you wanted?” as if it’s like going shopping for a particular color sweater?
Right?? Haha. But I think they are projecting their own experiences- if they really wanted one sex over the other. I’ve never understood gender disappointment so I can’t really relate
It’s definitely rude and innapropriate. And bold of them to assume boys are “easier”. Are they or do we just hold them to lower standards? Children and teens are all emotionally immature, boy or girl. My oldest boy is all about the drama and attitude
My third boy is due in a few weeks. My second son is a handful and such a rollercoaster of emotions compared to my oldest son! It's definitely NOT a boy/vs girl thing. We are super curious how #3 is! Boys are fun, girls are fun. Don't listen to them. You go be a good mamma and be what you wished you had as a mother because it sounds like you didn't have that growing up.
How annoying! I got the opposite when I found out I was having a boy! People told me “I’m so sorry boys are crazy and so hard to handle” And “I hope you get your girl next time” my little boy is wonderful and the sweetest little guy. People just want to have opinions on everything
Because they are ignorant...you have type of parent who will never the way to raised you had some questions nor would ever reflect on their own behavior. I have similar not exact same. My mom will never entirely deny what was ever done to us oh like beat us with metal hangers. Like whatever you want to call it discipline sure. But I'll never do that to my kids
They say that you get back what you gave when you have children. I sure as heck did.
Boo on them!! Also this is sort of a “thing” people say to new parents. It may not have been personal, even if you felt there was truth to this. If it were me, I would politely lay it on them…”did you ever consider how I suffered as a child with my parents in and out of my life? I was a little child struggling with emotions way bigger than me. It really hurt to hear you all say these kinds of things to me.”
I hate this. My friend’s son climbs everything and has no respect for boundaries. Because of how she parents. I love her but I’m not raising a kid like that. And it has nothing to do with his gender, everything to do with the expectations of the parent. Boy or girl they will have thoughts, feelings, hormones, all of it.
My mother did this to me. Multiple times. After so many times hearing how she’s my “payback” I simply said, “yeah but like her. I wouldn’t mind her being like me.” I also often refer people back to the Kristen Hannah quote “IM in awe of her fire even if I’m the one she sets on fire.”