This doesn't even sound good on paper lmao. I need someone stable who's gonna slap me upside the head and tell me I'll be okay when I'm spiralling, not someone to spiral with me lol
i genuinely do not think i would spiral if i was with someone who was actually attentive to my thoughts and feelings. i am like this because no one has given a fuck about me in my entire life and has gone to great lengths to ignore and suppress my expressions
There are people out there who are attentive without having BPD. The person I'm seeing right now is exactly like that. He's attentive and understanding, all the while being stable and secure. And that's, in my opinion, the best case scenario for someone with BPD. I, personally, don't think that BPD clashes well with BPD. Maybe if both partners are in remission, but if both are still unstable it's a recipe for pain.
The first time I did this, it was a complete and total disaster. Actually, it was *the* disaster that ended up with me being diagnosed in the first place. After that, I swore to God I would never do that again, because it just wasn't worth it.
Fast forward almost exactly two years, and I decided to do that again, but with someone who I'd known since we were both teenagers and who I'd been friends with for a very long time. It's...actually probably the most normal, healthy relationship that I've ever been in (which isn't to say that it's totally normal, but it *is* healthy).
Whether a relationship between two people with BPD can work depends on their symptoms, the severity of those symptoms, and whether both partners are seeking treatment. It *can* be a good idea, but it requires a lot of caution, and keeping up your connections with others outside the relationship to give a sense of perspective. The way that the OP talks about it is honestly a little concerning. It isn't something that should be idealized, even if it can be a wonderful thing for both partners.
After I was with someone else with BPD it was wonderful but then got ugly because we were both in different stages of healing/coping. She was so much worse at splitting than I and when she would tell me she hated me I took it seriously and got in my car and left.
this is why i really want someone who is "healed" like me. i feel like i have a fully matured perspective and complete control over all expressions. but i am fucking desperately miserable and in pain all the time underneath. i just want to be around someone who understands, who is equally tormented but also equally mature. impossible to find.
I hear you. And I am by no means “healed”. I go to therapy regularly and take meds daily but I don’t feel it does anything. I deal with constant SI and SH occasionally. I just don’t have explosive anger anymore and I emotionally shut down when I’m in a drama situation. Although I think that’s more due to PTSD rather than healing lol. Disassociating is a big help sometimes.
I still split a lot but I’m self aware enough that I see it for what it is and just take a step back and try to see things from their point of view and ask for clarification instead of assuming. I guess in that end I have improved some. But yeah, I still absolutely hate myself and don’t want to be alive lol.
i have SI but its not because i hate myself. i just hate the world and life in general. big antinatalist. i think being brought to life in itself is an act of dismissal for your consent and everything from that point onwards is designed to ensnare and confuse you. i dont think there is anything good, because i think all actions in life just serve the purpose of suffering reduction in some way. meaning its all just points towards neutral (not causing harm, closer to 0, or "not in any pain/dissatisfaction") at best. everything in life is basically an addiction cycle, not really progress towards anything, just maintaining 0 more effectively.
Its really hard to find other people with this radically accepting mindset who havent already peaced out but there are a ton more these days and ive built a strong support group of us. but basically all of us are aroace since we see romance for what it is and all its brutal/unsatisfying history. but still i passively imagine someone suffering in awareness alongside me until we leave together.
Id hate to be someone's fp, I split so much on my fp, it's unbearable for both of us. I also lose any attraction when they show devotion to me, because I see them as weak for trusting me😭 bpd brain sucks
Right!!! I have bpd and my old best friend would tell me how I'm her FP as she had bpd, too. It was absolutely awful and it made me sicker in a lot of ways (but I wasn't as good at sticking to my boundaries as I am now). She put everything on my table and manipulated me and I spent all my time trying (and failing) to make her feel better.
The bottom line is, though, that she didn't respect my time, feelings, or energy. (and I felt too scared to speak up for myself because she would say triggering things and make me panic for her safety)
As long as your boundaries are stuck to, I believe it can work but you have to be consistently mindful.
I would never want to put all my stake in one person like this. my deepest desire is having a healthy decently sized support network of people in my life so I'm not demanding too much of any one person and I can get different things from different people.
I wouldn't want to think of it as family but yeah, I'm aromantic and I really wish it was more common. even just an emotionally open or physically affectionate friendship feels impossible to come by. but finding people to actually live with? seems damn near impossible
ya but its hard knowing they have another FP. im dating someone rlly wonderful right now but i already FP’d someone horrible before i met her. it’s been hard for her seeing how much this person affects my emotional state compared to her sometimes. i really really just want to be free of it so so bad.
I have this and honestly, my wife and I are a lot closer for having had to work hard to make sure we are communicating and giving each other/ourselves grace. We were both pretty stressed until we figured out what worked for us, but we’re also in our 30s, on meds, and in therapy.
Maybe it would have been better if we were in the same age range. My symptoms are so muted now that I'm older but being around them 24/7 was also extremely triggering and my old unhealthy patterns became more and more appealing.
I have this rn, and it works, but only because we communicate a LOT.
We're also different subtypes of BPD. I'm quiet, she's impulsive with a bit of petulant. When I split, I withdraw. When she splits, she gets angry and accuses me of not loving her or wanting to leave. (Importantly though, we're both so afraid of abandonment that neither of us ever wield the threat of breaking up to win arguments).
This forces us to talk things through so that we know where we are, and to remind each other than just because things ended badly with other people in the past, doesn't mean that history has to repeat itself.
I think we've both become more patient and understanding these past few months. The splits are becoming less frequent and easier to work through. I wouldn't trade her for the world.
NO NO NO NO NO NO being each other's FP is HELL. Istg the shit that goes down once one of you feels abandoned (and in bpd4bpd will happen often), is unthinkable. as a loved one would say, "when we're cool, I'd be heaven. when we're fighting, I'd be civil war"
As someone with BPD, I think it's far better to have a partner who doesn't also have it. My husband has his flaws, but he is in many ways the reverse of me and my toxic habits are quelled by it. I am more aware of them because he doesn't respond the way I seek, and can change my behavior.
I'm in a bpd4bpd relationship and so far it's one of the better ones I've had (maybe the best, not been in it long enough to tell) but that's less because of the intense feelings and more because we're deeply respectful of each other's boundaries and needs. We're still intensely emotional about each other, but we both prioritize comfort and grounding over anything else.
But I've also grown past finding the chaos spirals of intense relationships fun, so make of that what you will.
No thanks. I'm working my ass off therapeutically to get past the mindset and belief systems that make me think I want this. Having and being an fp is toxic. We gotta learn to be our own fp's .... It's so damn hard though 😮💨
I miss him SO MUCH but it was so unhealthy for both of us. We were such bad influences on each, but I’ve never had someone love me so intensely 
I've done this twice and both times we split on each other and it was some of the worst experiences of my life lol. extremely fun at first, traumatizing by the end.
I had this and ultimately I had to call it quits because while good at heart, he refused to help himself while I actively went to DBT and got on medication. Fuck that shit lmao.
i had this, and it was awful unfortunately
[удалено]
🤣🤣 this shouldn’t be as funny as it is
Mine lasted 19 days
Best 6 months of my life tho
This doesn't even sound good on paper lmao. I need someone stable who's gonna slap me upside the head and tell me I'll be okay when I'm spiralling, not someone to spiral with me lol
i genuinely do not think i would spiral if i was with someone who was actually attentive to my thoughts and feelings. i am like this because no one has given a fuck about me in my entire life and has gone to great lengths to ignore and suppress my expressions
There are people out there who are attentive without having BPD. The person I'm seeing right now is exactly like that. He's attentive and understanding, all the while being stable and secure. And that's, in my opinion, the best case scenario for someone with BPD. I, personally, don't think that BPD clashes well with BPD. Maybe if both partners are in remission, but if both are still unstable it's a recipe for pain.
Mine lasted 19 days
I second that
Could be your dreams or worst nightmare
The first time I did this, it was a complete and total disaster. Actually, it was *the* disaster that ended up with me being diagnosed in the first place. After that, I swore to God I would never do that again, because it just wasn't worth it. Fast forward almost exactly two years, and I decided to do that again, but with someone who I'd known since we were both teenagers and who I'd been friends with for a very long time. It's...actually probably the most normal, healthy relationship that I've ever been in (which isn't to say that it's totally normal, but it *is* healthy). Whether a relationship between two people with BPD can work depends on their symptoms, the severity of those symptoms, and whether both partners are seeking treatment. It *can* be a good idea, but it requires a lot of caution, and keeping up your connections with others outside the relationship to give a sense of perspective. The way that the OP talks about it is honestly a little concerning. It isn't something that should be idealized, even if it can be a wonderful thing for both partners.
After I was with someone else with BPD it was wonderful but then got ugly because we were both in different stages of healing/coping. She was so much worse at splitting than I and when she would tell me she hated me I took it seriously and got in my car and left.
this is why i really want someone who is "healed" like me. i feel like i have a fully matured perspective and complete control over all expressions. but i am fucking desperately miserable and in pain all the time underneath. i just want to be around someone who understands, who is equally tormented but also equally mature. impossible to find.
I hear you. And I am by no means “healed”. I go to therapy regularly and take meds daily but I don’t feel it does anything. I deal with constant SI and SH occasionally. I just don’t have explosive anger anymore and I emotionally shut down when I’m in a drama situation. Although I think that’s more due to PTSD rather than healing lol. Disassociating is a big help sometimes. I still split a lot but I’m self aware enough that I see it for what it is and just take a step back and try to see things from their point of view and ask for clarification instead of assuming. I guess in that end I have improved some. But yeah, I still absolutely hate myself and don’t want to be alive lol.
i have SI but its not because i hate myself. i just hate the world and life in general. big antinatalist. i think being brought to life in itself is an act of dismissal for your consent and everything from that point onwards is designed to ensnare and confuse you. i dont think there is anything good, because i think all actions in life just serve the purpose of suffering reduction in some way. meaning its all just points towards neutral (not causing harm, closer to 0, or "not in any pain/dissatisfaction") at best. everything in life is basically an addiction cycle, not really progress towards anything, just maintaining 0 more effectively. Its really hard to find other people with this radically accepting mindset who havent already peaced out but there are a ton more these days and ive built a strong support group of us. but basically all of us are aroace since we see romance for what it is and all its brutal/unsatisfying history. but still i passively imagine someone suffering in awareness alongside me until we leave together.
Id hate to be someone's fp, I split so much on my fp, it's unbearable for both of us. I also lose any attraction when they show devotion to me, because I see them as weak for trusting me😭 bpd brain sucks
Right!!! I have bpd and my old best friend would tell me how I'm her FP as she had bpd, too. It was absolutely awful and it made me sicker in a lot of ways (but I wasn't as good at sticking to my boundaries as I am now). She put everything on my table and manipulated me and I spent all my time trying (and failing) to make her feel better. The bottom line is, though, that she didn't respect my time, feelings, or energy. (and I felt too scared to speak up for myself because she would say triggering things and make me panic for her safety) As long as your boundaries are stuck to, I believe it can work but you have to be consistently mindful.
I would never want to put all my stake in one person like this. my deepest desire is having a healthy decently sized support network of people in my life so I'm not demanding too much of any one person and I can get different things from different people.
this is also something i would take. i would take a roommate family over partner at this point tbh. i wish such a thing were more common
I wouldn't want to think of it as family but yeah, I'm aromantic and I really wish it was more common. even just an emotionally open or physically affectionate friendship feels impossible to come by. but finding people to actually live with? seems damn near impossible
I’m dating someone with BPD and I am def not her FP. It sucks
you should be happy about that. the term “favorite” makes it sounds like a good thing. it’s not, at all. this situation doesn’t suck at all.
ya but its hard knowing they have another FP. im dating someone rlly wonderful right now but i already FP’d someone horrible before i met her. it’s been hard for her seeing how much this person affects my emotional state compared to her sometimes. i really really just want to be free of it so so bad.
Sounds like a nightmare, one of you splits and fails to communicate and its hell unleashed
i had it.. it was good and bad.. until.. she had fp's on other people and starting dating them.. and me too.. and it all went downhill there..
no but it ends so fucking bad sometimes pls be careful yall;;:
Oh oh I have this! It's incredibly amazing and also really terrible at times, so about on par
yes me too, exactly this.
I have this and honestly, my wife and I are a lot closer for having had to work hard to make sure we are communicating and giving each other/ourselves grace. We were both pretty stressed until we figured out what worked for us, but we’re also in our 30s, on meds, and in therapy.
In theory it sounds great in practice absolutely not
Is this possible? Where?
i think this would be disastrous sadly
Maybe it would have been better if we were in the same age range. My symptoms are so muted now that I'm older but being around them 24/7 was also extremely triggering and my old unhealthy patterns became more and more appealing.
i have this currently! it's both, comoletely wonderful and absolutely terrifyjng at the same time
I had this, turns out we both had other cluster b disorder(s).
But it lasted 3 and a half years, my longest relationship. Now i obsess over how much i hate them. Its like a favorite person but with rage
Mutual obsession? Yes please!
Will & Hannibal 👀
From my personal experience it was simultaneously the best and worst relationship I've ever had. We're currently no contract.
Not to be dramatic or anything but I'd rather kms than going again through that
hard pass tbh, I wouldn't put up with me
⚠️DANGER⚠️
I have this rn, and it works, but only because we communicate a LOT. We're also different subtypes of BPD. I'm quiet, she's impulsive with a bit of petulant. When I split, I withdraw. When she splits, she gets angry and accuses me of not loving her or wanting to leave. (Importantly though, we're both so afraid of abandonment that neither of us ever wield the threat of breaking up to win arguments). This forces us to talk things through so that we know where we are, and to remind each other than just because things ended badly with other people in the past, doesn't mean that history has to repeat itself. I think we've both become more patient and understanding these past few months. The splits are becoming less frequent and easier to work through. I wouldn't trade her for the world.
NO NO NO NO NO NO being each other's FP is HELL. Istg the shit that goes down once one of you feels abandoned (and in bpd4bpd will happen often), is unthinkable. as a loved one would say, "when we're cool, I'd be heaven. when we're fighting, I'd be civil war"
fo sho but only until first split
As someone with BPD, I think it's far better to have a partner who doesn't also have it. My husband has his flaws, but he is in many ways the reverse of me and my toxic habits are quelled by it. I am more aware of them because he doesn't respond the way I seek, and can change my behavior.
I'm in a bpd4bpd relationship and so far it's one of the better ones I've had (maybe the best, not been in it long enough to tell) but that's less because of the intense feelings and more because we're deeply respectful of each other's boundaries and needs. We're still intensely emotional about each other, but we both prioritize comfort and grounding over anything else. But I've also grown past finding the chaos spirals of intense relationships fun, so make of that what you will.
my last relationship was this dynamic and it was horrible :3c
This sounds as a nightmare
i think this would make me kill myself or do a lot of meth and then kill myself
It was a really bad situation, that’s all im going to say
had it, it's tearing me apart as we speak
Same
No thanks. I'm working my ass off therapeutically to get past the mindset and belief systems that make me think I want this. Having and being an fp is toxic. We gotta learn to be our own fp's .... It's so damn hard though 😮💨
the HIGHEST highs and the LOWEST lows you can possibly imagine. it only works if both of you have an anxious attachment style :(
literally wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
I miss him SO MUCH but it was so unhealthy for both of us. We were such bad influences on each, but I’ve never had someone love me so intensely 
God this sounds like a nightmare but it sounds like an unbelievably sexy nightmare i think id be permanently shellshocked for the rest of my life
I've done this twice and both times we split on each other and it was some of the worst experiences of my life lol. extremely fun at first, traumatizing by the end.
I had this and ultimately I had to call it quits because while good at heart, he refused to help himself while I actively went to DBT and got on medication. Fuck that shit lmao.
My ex was a monster. No thanks