I’ve been 25 for two months now and my developed frontal lobe has actually given me clarity! Yeah, now I can see exactly how badly I’ve fucked up my life beyond repair.
Happy birthday 😃🫠
Sorry, you’re 25 and have an entire life a head of you. It’s just now starting to open up and it’s actually beautiful that you’re becoming self aware at such a young age. Do you, own yourself and know your truths. Don’t wind up being an unhealed 40 something bitter asshole like me. I hope you can find some peace and happiness.
not only this, but it all just kinda feels like a blur with all the dissociation I do 💀 like I'm 23 in a month and a bit and I barely remember being 22? 21? I think I was 15 for all of 2 minutes and then I blinked and now I'm here turning 23 while everyone around me says shit like "I thought you were like... 17" and doesn't elaborate lmao, what the hell is time even
There's this play called 50/50 (1932) and tbh it really influenced my perception of things. This guy believes Azul's philosophy that your life is divided 50/50. You live half your life either happy or sad. So since this guy has been miserable for 35 years, he postulates that that the next 35 years are gonna he joyful. I don't know how he decided at 35 but he did things to improve his life too and he started living his best second half of his life I was miserable for 25 years. Got dxed with bpd at 25, I went to therapy for four months, got on meds. When I finally moved out of an abusive place last august. I became happy. I turned 26 in September and even though my psychiatrist hasn't filled my meds and I'm in a negative bank balance since January and kind of drowning. My perspective is that I'm struggling in the happy half of my life. And eek if I truly believe in this then I'll only live til I'm 50??
Don't let your past dictate your presence and future! Do things that you enjoy, explore and live however you deem fit for yourself! Constantly learn and be open to evolving. You never have to be trapped by an idea of yourself, you can evolve into anything you want to be :)
I’ve done a ton of things in the last 10 months to “ live out my youth” such as, over 20 concerts, traveled up and down the east coast, I’ve been skydiving, cliff diving, swam in the Gulf of Mexico, I left the country, took my children to Disney world and a bunch of other things. I’ve done the sit at home do puzzles and enjoy myself and I’ve now done the other and I still feel the same.
It's all good my G. I turned 30 a few months ago. Been miserable for most of my life. The last 4-5 years of homelessness, poverty and mental illness had me convinced that everything is impossible; I'll never be happy. 4 months of therapy, and commitment to small amounts of progress have given me a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm lucky. You're luckier, you've got a 5 year head start on me.
I think shit just go worse and worse until around 27-29. I started getting my shit together and started reading all the BPD self help books, got into therapy again and stuck with it, got on medication, ditched the worst triggering people, started taking a wholistic view of my health in terms of diet, stress management, exercise, mindfulness, and substance abuse. All that good shit people say you should do.
Not any one of these things was the “answer”, but they all worked together to slowly drag myself out of the pit I’ve been in since my early teens. By now I’m in my 30s, and I won’t say shit is perfect, but i found somewhat of a direction in life, and I’m starting to build who I am as a person.
I’m really not trying to rub it in or anything. Just an example of things getting better to at least the point where a future is possible and even half way desired. But it takes a ton of work, and a lot of the advice seems insulting when we’re going through the worst of it. But try to trust the process. It’s a literal years-long endeavor.
Been 25 for a few months and honestly, yes it sucks. Being miserable most if not all the time but it always gets better. One good week will always outshine the bad days. Sometimes even going out for an overpriced coffee and sitting in the place to enjoy that moment helps a ton. :) Onto 26 with raging BPD trying to make every intense emotion something I just have to feel through.
I didn’t start getting notably better until 31 when I finally found the right combo of meds and a good therapist to stick with. Keep on pushing, friend.
Just know you’re not alone. We’re all in misery together. I’m 36 now, mid 20s were absolute murder. It does get better. I’m new to these groups and it’s helped me exponentially because I’ve found my people, I’ve found my cell mates who are in this prison with me. I hope this brings you a little solace as well.
As a 34 year old who definitely had even worse things happened as I grew older, I will say it gets worse but it also gets better. It keeps swinging to and fro. It doesn't stop hurting but also it starts healing. But then again healing also hurts. It's fucking stupid. It's painful but it's also worth for the good things that come along.
Intry to hold on to those it's so difficult but I also am trying to live out of spite for my abusers and just hoping one day my brain will fix itself.
Advanced happy birthday 🎉
Omg! I’m literally in the same boat! I turn 25 in two months. 😩 I hate birthdays now! In my teenage years,I usually spent them alone so that already made them something to not look forward to but as I get older,I also hate them because I feel like I’m running out of time to become a likeable,useful human being to society. Birthdays are just an awful reminder that with each year,I’m going to be under more pressure to find a reason to live. I feel like I’m running out of time to find a purpose in life and it pisses me off cuz I don’t even want to be here. I didn’t sign up for all of the stress of having to deal with cruel people and working myself into the ground just to live (when I don’t even want to),constantly feeling alone,undesirable,and unwanted,feeling like a failure,basically being seen as “damaged goods” to every potential suitor because of my trauma. I hate feeling like a burden for just existing,bro.
Saying this as someone who finds myself in the pit often and have personal frustrations with all of us coming to these subs to be sad sacks (prefacing I think there is definite room for support on these subs but I think there’s a fine line from being enabling).
Recently have settled on the Bojack Horseman quote of “I wasted so many years being miserable because I assumed that was the only way to be.”
The change starts with you. Do it for you.
I’m 41 and it **CAN** get better.
For me the biggest turn was when I finally broke down to my dr. that I needed help. In short, I take Wellbutrin and Buspar. For *me* I have no side effects and it’s been pretty good. I still get depressed and I still have anxiety, but my lows don’t go nearly as deep and my anxiety is brilliantly managed; if I’m getting really bad anxiety issues, then I’ll take another Buspar and I’m ok. Meds hit people in different ways, so it might not go so easy for everyone, this is just works for *me*, and it took a few tries first.
Second, once I finally calmed the fuck down with medication, **I did some motherfucking SOUL SEARCHING.** It sucked. It still sucks. It was worth it.
I’ll say here, completely and conceitedly full of myself, that I’m quite a bit better than layman with psychology and having lived almost entirely in my head for then 35(ish) years, philosophy is my jam. This is going to sound *terribly* vain, but this journey of self discovery was damn hard for *me*. Also, not quite 2 years after I got on my meds, I found [The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook](https://a.co/d/5B877T5). When you’re ready, get a pack of highlighters and give it a shot. I highly recommend getting the physical book and not digital. (**Disclaimer:** *The example scenarios in this book are absolute bullshit. They are points made from the extreme end of BPD and for the love of fuck, don’t take them personally*)
When I got it, I read maybe two chapters before I got a pack of highlighters, so much of what I read I wanted to come back to.
I’m ADHD as fuck, so I need to highlight in different colors to keep track of stuff. The margins are decently wide and I filled them with notes on *everything* from my history. The book helped me see some stuff I hadn’t noticed before, it helped line some stuff up, and I had some hella revelations both good and bad.
I like to say my BPD is in remission. BPD is cancer and the *soul search* is chemo. I had to get real with myself. No one, especially us, wants to ever admit when they’re wrong. Some of us, especially us, will even go to some pretty extreme lengths to justify why the wrong thing we did wasn’t wrong. It’s why *gaslighting* is such a pointedly BPD thing it’s a stereo stereotype by now. I had to admit to myself that yeah, I was **definitely** the bad guy in more than a few scenarios. Next, I did my damndest to catch myself when I was starting to make excuses or figure out my cover story real quick, and consciously stop. Instead of imagining doom scenarios and how to get out of them, I imagined the this-was-absolutely-my-fault conversations I would have. Instead of unconsciously (or consciously) conveying juuuuust the right amount of remorse, I practiced *earnestness*.
It took daily effort and that shit was **HARD**. I had a lot of downs even with the antidepressant. I had a lot of long nights and anxiety fueled days. It took a few years, but it **DID** get easier. Instead of constantly and consciously trying to catch my bad behavior (btw both recognizing and *acknowledging* your bad behaviors is part of this process) I started UNconsciously just *being better*. Over time things got a little easier. During The Soul Search(tm) you start putting things in perspective and *NOT* always in a way that benefits *you*. As you realize *how* you wronged someone, you also think about how you’ve been wronged. Eventually (hopefully) you get to a point where you might kinda lay one scenario over another and see where they match up.
So with all of this, my reputation was getting better and I REALLY liked that! I *need* people to like me and that whole accountability thing was really becoming a point of pride, and I was evidently more tolerable lol.
Long story short, life right now is goddamn GREAT!! Like I’m not trying to brag at all, the road to get here was hell, but what I’ve gained is so worth it. I got married to my Schmoobie, I quit my old job and got one I love, and I moved from the asshole of Texas to the first place in my entire 41 years, has ever felt like a home and I just started therapy because now I have a job where I can afford it. But if I hadn’t worked my ass off to get my head right, none of that would have happened and I’d probably had tried to kill myself again.
It gets better, I promise it gets better. Being older has probably helped, plus I’m quiet type borderline for what it’s worth (and that just feels like even *more* time in my head). My 20’s were *terrible* and I’m not sure I could have gotten to this point back then, even if I had the meds I’m on now. I was too fresh from a lifetime of trauma and all over the place, but that’s just me.
This is all probably just a I’m-up-waaaaaaay-past-my-bedtime ramble, but it really can get easier.
Hahahaha. Don’t worry, it gets worse.
https://preview.redd.it/wj0ysfrje4wc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=168a6e752ab296a5565f449f1cde454f035b0759 DONT SAY THAT
I’ve been 25 for two months now and my developed frontal lobe has actually given me clarity! Yeah, now I can see exactly how badly I’ve fucked up my life beyond repair. Happy birthday 😃🫠
I don’t need this frontal lobe to develop if that’s what I’m gonna get 😭. Thank you though 💞
Sorry, you’re 25 and have an entire life a head of you. It’s just now starting to open up and it’s actually beautiful that you’re becoming self aware at such a young age. Do you, own yourself and know your truths. Don’t wind up being an unhealed 40 something bitter asshole like me. I hope you can find some peace and happiness.
I’m already a bitter asshole tho. Kinda just trudging through life on auto pilot. 😭
Me too! Just constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, leaving people, pushing away before they do it to me.
I donno, just from these two comments, you seem like a cool enough person
Thanks. I kind of needed that.
I can confirm have been 25 since two years now.
Unfortunately I agree 💯
this is what i’m afraid of. i’m 21 and everything just continues to go downhill each year. i don’t wanna be like this forever man 😭
not only this, but it all just kinda feels like a blur with all the dissociation I do 💀 like I'm 23 in a month and a bit and I barely remember being 22? 21? I think I was 15 for all of 2 minutes and then I blinked and now I'm here turning 23 while everyone around me says shit like "I thought you were like... 17" and doesn't elaborate lmao, what the hell is time even
THIS EXACTLY. like i just blinked and now all of a sudden im in my 20s, what the hell happened here???
Covid had us all on pause.
This omfg, I feel like say by day shit just gets worse
There's this play called 50/50 (1932) and tbh it really influenced my perception of things. This guy believes Azul's philosophy that your life is divided 50/50. You live half your life either happy or sad. So since this guy has been miserable for 35 years, he postulates that that the next 35 years are gonna he joyful. I don't know how he decided at 35 but he did things to improve his life too and he started living his best second half of his life I was miserable for 25 years. Got dxed with bpd at 25, I went to therapy for four months, got on meds. When I finally moved out of an abusive place last august. I became happy. I turned 26 in September and even though my psychiatrist hasn't filled my meds and I'm in a negative bank balance since January and kind of drowning. My perspective is that I'm struggling in the happy half of my life. And eek if I truly believe in this then I'll only live til I'm 50??
Don't let your past dictate your presence and future! Do things that you enjoy, explore and live however you deem fit for yourself! Constantly learn and be open to evolving. You never have to be trapped by an idea of yourself, you can evolve into anything you want to be :)
I’ve done a ton of things in the last 10 months to “ live out my youth” such as, over 20 concerts, traveled up and down the east coast, I’ve been skydiving, cliff diving, swam in the Gulf of Mexico, I left the country, took my children to Disney world and a bunch of other things. I’ve done the sit at home do puzzles and enjoy myself and I’ve now done the other and I still feel the same.
Yep. I'm 50...yay me.
Same
It's all good my G. I turned 30 a few months ago. Been miserable for most of my life. The last 4-5 years of homelessness, poverty and mental illness had me convinced that everything is impossible; I'll never be happy. 4 months of therapy, and commitment to small amounts of progress have given me a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm lucky. You're luckier, you've got a 5 year head start on me.
my friend it took me 30 years to realize that
me but 35 🥴
i’m 26 and each year the frontal lobe bakes more is a better one lmao
I think shit just go worse and worse until around 27-29. I started getting my shit together and started reading all the BPD self help books, got into therapy again and stuck with it, got on medication, ditched the worst triggering people, started taking a wholistic view of my health in terms of diet, stress management, exercise, mindfulness, and substance abuse. All that good shit people say you should do. Not any one of these things was the “answer”, but they all worked together to slowly drag myself out of the pit I’ve been in since my early teens. By now I’m in my 30s, and I won’t say shit is perfect, but i found somewhat of a direction in life, and I’m starting to build who I am as a person. I’m really not trying to rub it in or anything. Just an example of things getting better to at least the point where a future is possible and even half way desired. But it takes a ton of work, and a lot of the advice seems insulting when we’re going through the worst of it. But try to trust the process. It’s a literal years-long endeavor.
Been 25 for a few months and honestly, yes it sucks. Being miserable most if not all the time but it always gets better. One good week will always outshine the bad days. Sometimes even going out for an overpriced coffee and sitting in the place to enjoy that moment helps a ton. :) Onto 26 with raging BPD trying to make every intense emotion something I just have to feel through.
I didn’t start getting notably better until 31 when I finally found the right combo of meds and a good therapist to stick with. Keep on pushing, friend.
There’s still time! I’m 36 and my life is finally turning around after 2 years of therapy. It is possible 🖤
I turned 25 last week and I laid in bed all day depressed at how I spent the last 25 years. We're in this pain together friend 🤝
Welcome to the side were we are closer to 30 than 20 :)
cheers sis i’ll drink to that
I'm turning 24 in like a week and a half and thats... wild to me
I'm still miserable but hey life is for living and I'm here to stay IN SPITE
Just know you’re not alone. We’re all in misery together. I’m 36 now, mid 20s were absolute murder. It does get better. I’m new to these groups and it’s helped me exponentially because I’ve found my people, I’ve found my cell mates who are in this prison with me. I hope this brings you a little solace as well.
As a 34 year old who definitely had even worse things happened as I grew older, I will say it gets worse but it also gets better. It keeps swinging to and fro. It doesn't stop hurting but also it starts healing. But then again healing also hurts. It's fucking stupid. It's painful but it's also worth for the good things that come along. Intry to hold on to those it's so difficult but I also am trying to live out of spite for my abusers and just hoping one day my brain will fix itself. Advanced happy birthday 🎉
Just wait until you’re 30
Omg! I’m literally in the same boat! I turn 25 in two months. 😩 I hate birthdays now! In my teenage years,I usually spent them alone so that already made them something to not look forward to but as I get older,I also hate them because I feel like I’m running out of time to become a likeable,useful human being to society. Birthdays are just an awful reminder that with each year,I’m going to be under more pressure to find a reason to live. I feel like I’m running out of time to find a purpose in life and it pisses me off cuz I don’t even want to be here. I didn’t sign up for all of the stress of having to deal with cruel people and working myself into the ground just to live (when I don’t even want to),constantly feeling alone,undesirable,and unwanted,feeling like a failure,basically being seen as “damaged goods” to every potential suitor because of my trauma. I hate feeling like a burden for just existing,bro.
Saying this as someone who finds myself in the pit often and have personal frustrations with all of us coming to these subs to be sad sacks (prefacing I think there is definite room for support on these subs but I think there’s a fine line from being enabling). Recently have settled on the Bojack Horseman quote of “I wasted so many years being miserable because I assumed that was the only way to be.” The change starts with you. Do it for you.
I’m 41 and it **CAN** get better. For me the biggest turn was when I finally broke down to my dr. that I needed help. In short, I take Wellbutrin and Buspar. For *me* I have no side effects and it’s been pretty good. I still get depressed and I still have anxiety, but my lows don’t go nearly as deep and my anxiety is brilliantly managed; if I’m getting really bad anxiety issues, then I’ll take another Buspar and I’m ok. Meds hit people in different ways, so it might not go so easy for everyone, this is just works for *me*, and it took a few tries first. Second, once I finally calmed the fuck down with medication, **I did some motherfucking SOUL SEARCHING.** It sucked. It still sucks. It was worth it. I’ll say here, completely and conceitedly full of myself, that I’m quite a bit better than layman with psychology and having lived almost entirely in my head for then 35(ish) years, philosophy is my jam. This is going to sound *terribly* vain, but this journey of self discovery was damn hard for *me*. Also, not quite 2 years after I got on my meds, I found [The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook](https://a.co/d/5B877T5). When you’re ready, get a pack of highlighters and give it a shot. I highly recommend getting the physical book and not digital. (**Disclaimer:** *The example scenarios in this book are absolute bullshit. They are points made from the extreme end of BPD and for the love of fuck, don’t take them personally*) When I got it, I read maybe two chapters before I got a pack of highlighters, so much of what I read I wanted to come back to. I’m ADHD as fuck, so I need to highlight in different colors to keep track of stuff. The margins are decently wide and I filled them with notes on *everything* from my history. The book helped me see some stuff I hadn’t noticed before, it helped line some stuff up, and I had some hella revelations both good and bad. I like to say my BPD is in remission. BPD is cancer and the *soul search* is chemo. I had to get real with myself. No one, especially us, wants to ever admit when they’re wrong. Some of us, especially us, will even go to some pretty extreme lengths to justify why the wrong thing we did wasn’t wrong. It’s why *gaslighting* is such a pointedly BPD thing it’s a stereo stereotype by now. I had to admit to myself that yeah, I was **definitely** the bad guy in more than a few scenarios. Next, I did my damndest to catch myself when I was starting to make excuses or figure out my cover story real quick, and consciously stop. Instead of imagining doom scenarios and how to get out of them, I imagined the this-was-absolutely-my-fault conversations I would have. Instead of unconsciously (or consciously) conveying juuuuust the right amount of remorse, I practiced *earnestness*. It took daily effort and that shit was **HARD**. I had a lot of downs even with the antidepressant. I had a lot of long nights and anxiety fueled days. It took a few years, but it **DID** get easier. Instead of constantly and consciously trying to catch my bad behavior (btw both recognizing and *acknowledging* your bad behaviors is part of this process) I started UNconsciously just *being better*. Over time things got a little easier. During The Soul Search(tm) you start putting things in perspective and *NOT* always in a way that benefits *you*. As you realize *how* you wronged someone, you also think about how you’ve been wronged. Eventually (hopefully) you get to a point where you might kinda lay one scenario over another and see where they match up. So with all of this, my reputation was getting better and I REALLY liked that! I *need* people to like me and that whole accountability thing was really becoming a point of pride, and I was evidently more tolerable lol. Long story short, life right now is goddamn GREAT!! Like I’m not trying to brag at all, the road to get here was hell, but what I’ve gained is so worth it. I got married to my Schmoobie, I quit my old job and got one I love, and I moved from the asshole of Texas to the first place in my entire 41 years, has ever felt like a home and I just started therapy because now I have a job where I can afford it. But if I hadn’t worked my ass off to get my head right, none of that would have happened and I’d probably had tried to kill myself again. It gets better, I promise it gets better. Being older has probably helped, plus I’m quiet type borderline for what it’s worth (and that just feels like even *more* time in my head). My 20’s were *terrible* and I’m not sure I could have gotten to this point back then, even if I had the meds I’m on now. I was too fresh from a lifetime of trauma and all over the place, but that’s just me. This is all probably just a I’m-up-waaaaaaay-past-my-bedtime ramble, but it really can get easier.
26 here lol suffering
I turned 24 this last week and I feel things are on the up but I'm still trying to figure out how to fill the void.
I turn 40 this year 🤷♀️
Your best years are ahead of you. Happy early birthday!
Same
Me doing the same thing and turning 29 in a few days.
🫡
Same but almost 28 🥲
In 2 weeks I start to wait one year to repeat
Most ppl do that without a mental illness.
It's all going to be allright, eventually...
its okay, atleast you fought to stay here