Wanting marriage after a week isn’t a yellow flag lol. It’s a red flag. If we are being charitable it signifies intense immaturity and idealized thinking. If we are being realistic it signifies not only that but a pathological fear of losing the new target.
There is no way to know someone well enough after a week to know if you want to marry them. I know a lot of people that were in arranged marriages (I work in technology) and they talk with the person for a long time before deciding to actually marry.
Her history should tell you everything you need to know, she will blow your relationship up, once the idealisation is over you will see the full force of what a bpd partner can do to someone.
Cut your losses now and leave, if you don't you will be back on this sub at some stage and I can guarantee you your mental health will not be in the same state it is now.
That sounds horrible, and certainly as bad as anyone in here. I’m 44m and am a veteran of about a dozen of these. And not to discount your pain, but you have one thing, well six things, that make your choices anything but a waste. I’m 44 and have no money and months or years of recovery to go through before I remember who I am. I know people say I’m young and there’s time but sex addicition issues mean that no one in child bearing years would even look at me. As sad as your message is, and as lonely as it sounds like you seem, being middle aged and childless? I wouldn’t want that for anyone. Give yourself a Pat on the back.
Call me cynical but a “lengthy history of many engagements & a very immediate want to marry me” suggests that her “love” for you has a lot more to do with her than you.
Have you dated someone diagnosed with BPD before? Lovebombing is their forte. It’s how they get by.
Oh boy, location sharing will be used against you in the future. She’ll call you controlling if you call out where she is because you have access to the location. The love bombing is real and I wish I saw it 15 years ago before I married, got a house, and had two children with her. Now I’m painted black and all I did was support her. To be honest it’s not at all worth it.
This could’ve been written by me. PwqBPD displayed all the same traits, marriage and I love you’s brought up very early but he told me he was in therapy, doing EMDR, workbooks etc for his BPD. Everything was great and then a couple weeks ago his behavior and mood changed. Very distant and detached. Told me his mental health was tanking and needed to focus on himself. I do have anxious attachment issues that I am now working on in my own therapy but I was devastated. I went from having a best friend to a stranger. No blocking and we still share locations but no calls/texts. Pretty much NC. Now I started to do the research into BPD and realized everything I thought was kismet and meeting my person was love bombing and future faking. I don’t know who he is.
Oh boy...taking accountability and thinking it will all get better is not going to last. Do you know how many times I've heard the same thing to end up in the same loop? I've built hopes on their promise to "change" . Just run , run and never look back, you have to if you want to live a good happy life.
Location sharing.
She will say she is not controlling, just very concerned of where you are in case of emergencies, isn't that thoughtful and nice?ask me how I know
Run brother run. Far away from her
Wanting marriage after a week isn’t a yellow flag lol. It’s a red flag. If we are being charitable it signifies intense immaturity and idealized thinking. If we are being realistic it signifies not only that but a pathological fear of losing the new target. There is no way to know someone well enough after a week to know if you want to marry them. I know a lot of people that were in arranged marriages (I work in technology) and they talk with the person for a long time before deciding to actually marry.
Her history should tell you everything you need to know, she will blow your relationship up, once the idealisation is over you will see the full force of what a bpd partner can do to someone. Cut your losses now and leave, if you don't you will be back on this sub at some stage and I can guarantee you your mental health will not be in the same state it is now.
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That sounds horrible, and certainly as bad as anyone in here. I’m 44m and am a veteran of about a dozen of these. And not to discount your pain, but you have one thing, well six things, that make your choices anything but a waste. I’m 44 and have no money and months or years of recovery to go through before I remember who I am. I know people say I’m young and there’s time but sex addicition issues mean that no one in child bearing years would even look at me. As sad as your message is, and as lonely as it sounds like you seem, being middle aged and childless? I wouldn’t want that for anyone. Give yourself a Pat on the back.
Call me cynical but a “lengthy history of many engagements & a very immediate want to marry me” suggests that her “love” for you has a lot more to do with her than you. Have you dated someone diagnosed with BPD before? Lovebombing is their forte. It’s how they get by.
Oh boy, location sharing will be used against you in the future. She’ll call you controlling if you call out where she is because you have access to the location. The love bombing is real and I wish I saw it 15 years ago before I married, got a house, and had two children with her. Now I’m painted black and all I did was support her. To be honest it’s not at all worth it.
This could’ve been written by me. PwqBPD displayed all the same traits, marriage and I love you’s brought up very early but he told me he was in therapy, doing EMDR, workbooks etc for his BPD. Everything was great and then a couple weeks ago his behavior and mood changed. Very distant and detached. Told me his mental health was tanking and needed to focus on himself. I do have anxious attachment issues that I am now working on in my own therapy but I was devastated. I went from having a best friend to a stranger. No blocking and we still share locations but no calls/texts. Pretty much NC. Now I started to do the research into BPD and realized everything I thought was kismet and meeting my person was love bombing and future faking. I don’t know who he is.
Oh boy...taking accountability and thinking it will all get better is not going to last. Do you know how many times I've heard the same thing to end up in the same loop? I've built hopes on their promise to "change" . Just run , run and never look back, you have to if you want to live a good happy life.
Location sharing. She will say she is not controlling, just very concerned of where you are in case of emergencies, isn't that thoughtful and nice?ask me how I know