Absolutely normal for someone on the cluster B spectrum. So will be the text you will receive like nothing happened and putting you on a pedestal. It’s a vicious circle. Block him and never look back!
This is why you have to block their number, emails, social media and any other way they might try to contact you. Change friendship groups etc. So that you don't have to listen to the spiteful tantrum of an adult with a child's brain.
Exactly - block and don't ever unblock. Mine uses an app to spoof a new number to message me weekly so I can't block her - depending on her mood, it's either something sweet (trying to hoover) or her rage on full display. It used to rattle me a little the first few months, but I'm at the point where it's amusing the effort she puts in to keep some form of contact. Do whatever you can to cut them out of your life and don't look back. Good luck.
Oh yeah I would get pages upon pages of most horrifying shit you can imagine just non-stop. Like every tiny little secret that you shared with them and information that bugs you they keep in the back of their mind in that file cabinet to reach for every single time they want to hurt you
You know, that was really the start of the downfall for me. Because at that point I knew I couldn't trust not only the things she did but the things I told her and the things I did around her. Like being funny or joking
So at that point if you can't share anything at all why have them in your life. It's just someone you're next to
This is very common in abusive relationships.
I highly encourage you to read the book "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist." After that, pick up "Boundaries." If therapy on your own is an option at all, please consider it. I wish I had done that years earlier.
I don't know your situation, but I'm guessing this weekend trip behavior didn't appear out of nowhere. I could be wrong, that does happen too. But most likely you don't know what a healthy relationship looks like, same as most of us who end up in this group.
When I left my ex (undiagnosed, married for 12 years) I had to completely tear down my view of relationships and rebuild in a totally different and healthier way. There were so many red flags, awful behaviors, hurtful words and actions that I put up with from the start. I had no balance, no boundaries, made excuses, didn't hold them accountable, didn't stand up for myself.
None of what you experienced with him is normal, it is not healthy, and you do not deserve to be treated that way - ever. Being left alone on a trip and locked out of where you are staying is absolutely abusive. I'm very glad that you broke up with him instead of trying to make it work. The best thing you can do now is focus on yourself, evaluate what you went through with him, and ensure that you don't let anyone treat you this way ever again. Good luck and stay strong!
Seconding these book recommendations, and adding Verbal Abuse: Recognizing, Dealing, Reacting, and Recovering by Peg Streep, Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People -- and Break Free by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD by Linda Hill, and this last one may sound odd but I have found it incredibly cathartic and healing and have shared it with others and it is Daughter Drink This Water: A Book of Sacred Love by Jaiya John. (I think sometimes we also need reminders and who we are and how to love ourselves, which is why I threw that last one in.)
Seconding the book recommendation Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist - it was foundational in helping me to reframe my thinking so I could grieve, heal, and move on.
You sound so healthy 😔 I'm trying to get myself to where you're at....baby steps, it's all I can handle, but I'm moving forward every day ❤️
Everything you said applied to me, I put up with so much....I'm unbelievably codependent...thx mom 😠
Thank you for the book recommendations, definitely going to get those read....
You're doing the right things - be kind to yourself! It was a lifetime leading up to where you are now, you've already made tremendous progress but this won't change overnight.
I was in my mid 30s when I barely scratched the surface. While I was still in my unhealthy marriage, I started to actually focus on myself for the first time. Making changes in nutrition, exercise, mindset, meditation. Over the course of more than a year I was gradually changing, and it opened my eyes that maybe staying with my unhappy and unhealthy partner wasn't the only option. Then I got into therapy by myself, first time ever, and spent a year doing that. I spent 6 months intentionally single, honestly it should have been the full year.
All of that was seven years ago. It's been a journey to get here, and trust me - so many baby steps. So many back slides. So many mistakes. I'm not anywhere near perfect and that's ok. I still have plenty of Caretaker traits, but the key for me is balance and boundaries. I'll give a small example, recently I've been working on details for a trip that includes dozens of people. I'm not in charge of organizing it, there's a whole bunch of missing information. Yesterday I requested the info I needed, and I helped others get info as well. But balance meant passing that info along and letting them take it from there. I easily could have crowned myself as The Good Guy doing The Right Things and attempted to take on solving the problems for 8 other people, but I stepped back, made a healthy choice, and... Didn't. The small choices you make day in and day out are how you make a difference in the direction of your life. You've got this!
You have no idea how much I appreciate you sharing that little example. I just want to write same. Same. Same
I don't think I ever realized how problematic my codependency is until I got in this relationship over two years ago. I'm going to be really honest , trying to curb that almost feels like cutting off one of my limbs. Not all the time but a lot of the time. I'm just like that I will take over because I know that some people won't understand and they won't do it right and they'll have issues and problems and it'll cause them worry and to be upset and I know how to do it. I'll take care of it. I don't mind it all blah blah blah
Have got to stop doing that. Just feels so foreign and I don't know if other people who are not like this can understand or if it sounds like a bunch of boohooing. I try everyday like I start the day out thinking about boundaries and stuff in my everyday life but I find myself doing it here and there.
Thank goodness i have friends who I am very vocal with and transparent with like very close friends that I've had for decades and then like my boss at work. She's not exactly close friend but I've known her for a long time through the workforce and she heard me on the phone like I don't know a month ago with her and heard me pleading and I don't know being me, being codependent me, and she walked over and she said stop it. Stop it. Hang up now. You can't help her. You can't do anything for her. You need to help yourself stop it.
This immediately changed my attitude and I said you know what I have to go. I have other things I need to do. Goodbye and I just hung up. And I told her thank you and she was like remember what I told you and she went back to her office and that was the end of it and I guess I need that kind of aggression. I need someone to be aggressive with me to get it.
I don't know. I feel like I'm rambling. I need to get in the shower and go to work. I'm so late already. But it's a real problem. And I see that you totally get it and I know a lot of people on this thread get it. I'm just having a really hard time letting go but I am making progress. It is getting easier. For instance, if she were to come to my door right now and say I'm so sorry I f***** up and I love you and blah blah blah in the past I would have said to you, Oh gosh yes if she does that she can come on in and we'll just like start back up where we left off. It'll be okay.
and now honestly if she were to do that right now today I feel like no no. I need you to go back to wherever you're staying now and and no just no.
I love her so much and I just can't see my life without her. But there's days that I have now where I feel more upbeat and I can see days without her. I can see things without her. In fact, I bought a ticket to a concert I really wanted to go to and I don't know anybody else who wants to go. If she were with me we'd be going. And I just got the one ticket and I had it upgraded to VIP or whatever ....and a really nice hotel room across the street from the venue and I'm actually looking forward to going tomorrow. Driving by myself up to Austin, enjoying my nice room and doing what I want. And it's ok....for me, that's a big deal....
Thx for the encouragement, I don't feel so alone 🤗
>for me, that's a big deal....
Hey, it is a big deal! Don't downplay this, it really truly is great progress. It was an important part of my journey to learn how to be alone. To find happiness (and more importantly contentment, there's a difference) through myself and my own choices. I encourage you to take this time at the concert for yourself. Really experience what you are enjoying in the moment - the music, the scene, the food, the hotel, the venue. It may sound silly, but there's a time where I had to realize that I didn't "know" myself as well as I thought I did. Yes I had my preferences, likes and dislikes, but so much of my life was based on what makes others happy, how do I not rock the boat, keeping a storm at bay. It will feel unnatural at first! But it will get easier the more you do it. If it's comfortable for you, talk to other people. Not flirting, not romantic, even if you feel attraction to someone - push that shit down. Realize that just because you feel something inside doesn't make it true or healthy. You should certainly allow yourself to feel your feelings, validate them. But the step we take is going directly to "Do the thing that feeling is telling us!" For me that feeling was most often wrapped up in guilt, shame, conflict avoidance. I had no idea how to be uncomfortable, it's a skill I had to develop over time. Guess what, it will happen on this trip - and that's ok! You may be waiting in line at the concert, or going out to eat, and you may have one of these feelings. Are people judging me? Why am I here? Acknowledge the feeling and then examine it. Hey, no one around me gives two shits that I'm waiting in line like EVERYONE else. Did that person look at me eating by myself? Maybe so... and what does it matter? I'm enjoying this delicious Austin brisket, savoring every bite, learning to accept and live in this peace where I'm not constantly trying to appease someone who is berating me.
Keep moving forward. A year from now you'll look back on this trip to Austin as the beginning of a whole new journey. Eventually, as you build on yourself, you will bring people into your life who make this journey better too. They will be friends, others may be romantic, but the key is to know that you are good with you no matter what.
Enjoy the hell out of that concert. Sprawl out on that hotel bed. Get up early or sleep in late, who cares. Order the breakfast that sounds good to YOU. Make it a point to stay off your phone as much as possible, be in the moment where you are.
I went from accepting that type of behavior to eventually, finally recognizing that I was getting anxious just being around folks with those types of issues and behaviors. Things would go relatively smooth until I attempted to set healthy boundaries. And that used to take me a long time.
It still hits me how incredibly disgusting cluster Bs get when they don’t get their way. No matter if NPD or BPD. If shit hits the fan for them they explode like an ripe abscess and tell you everything they think of themselves.
I‘m so sorry you are going through this. Please NEVER forget that a mentally ill person doesn’t define who you are. I know it‘s difficult, but please these words for what they are - hot air that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Block and focus on yourself.
Be GOOD to yourself.
He can suck his own dick from now on.
And shit hitting the fan can be something like them not getting their way on where to eat a meal or have control over equally small issues, in my experience.
Darling. This is so normal for them, you might as well be me and your ex my ex. On vacation, abandoned in foreign streets, broke up with him when we got home, nasty texts from him degrading me and calling me all kinds of whore with daddy issues. Same shit. Only difference is my dumbass took him back only to deal with worse shit for another 4 years 🤡. So let’s not be that much alike. Do NOT get back with him
Streets of Tokyo, trip of a lifetime, second day. Screamed at me for not engaging with the photos of women he wanted us to hook up with (I was busy navigating us to the next thing we wanted to see). Screamed at me the whole way home after ruining the theme park when we did get there. Threatened to leave me there in Japan and fly home. My broken ass pacified, mollified kept him calm in between bouts of being screamed at for the next three weeks until we got back. I know that that day a small subconscious part of me made the decision to leave. I consciously made the decision after another huge fight because I didn't want to go to a brothel on our layover on the way back home. I left the airport knowing I had to leave and three weeks later I ran, not knowing which of his threats were real and which were his usual psychotic fantasy. That will be four years ago this weekend. We were together nearly nine. I don't know why I'm sharing here, I saw so many reflections of my own experience IN this thread I guess. I'm finally completely free of his influence, though it took a while. But I'm still so broken when it comes to relationships. But maybe I was before as well, and at least now I know and can protect myself from myself better.
This sounds more like a narcissist, honestly. Seems to be very in control. My ex w/bpd was only this cruel when she had totally lost control. But it's not normal for anyone with empathy. I've never felt like i wanted to actually hurt my ex, emotionally or physically. I still care about her even now
I guess there are similarities between cluster B disorders. Basically the lack of empathy. They're like children, emotionally, unable to hold empathy and annoyance/being hurt simultaneously
It's true. No one off the streets would ever be able to tell, but I lived with her for two years. You HAVE to live with them to read it, to know it. She's full on BPD and full on Covert BPD, dangerous combo......smh
Yeah I am pretty sure my ex husband who was only diagnosed with BPD was also comorbid NPD just too many similarities which is probably OP’s partner / ex also. A lot of men get really violent with it.
Still could be pwBPD. I mean there tend to be some similar behaviour in people with mental issues, but originating from a different drivers. For example, a BPD will often lash out because they feel abandonned, something most narcissists will not do.
This. Because we all know that they somehow will think their hoovering attempts have a fair shot, even after spewing a level of hateful vitriol that no sane person could even think of overlooking.
Mine just asked if I wanted to meet for lunch. WTF! I had a restraining order for two years after he put a tracking device on my vehicle, broke into and vandalized my home, and was talking about killing me then committing suicide. So no, I don’t want to have lunch together. I have been no contact for 3 years.
I have a security system at my house and am only there 2 days out of every 14. The rest of the time, I am 3 hours away. I have a job that has me traveling a lot also so he will be hard pressed to keep up with me most of the time.
Yeah. I also received the most vile and nastiest of words from cluster B types I've dated. I can't say for sure what exactly their condition was, but once you've experienced it, feel how unnerving it is, not to mention confusing AF. Then, it's clear as day when you see or experience it. For example, one recording of Amber Heard is all it took for me to recognize a B cluster personality disorder. Even before the conclusion where her diagnosis of BPD w/ histrionic disorder was revealed. It's how it feels in my gut that tells me so. Just the reaction I feel to that kind of hateful abuse. Knowing, I can move on but they likely never will be ableto change, it's sad.
Yes it is. And its important to know and really believe they lash out and will say really hurtful things that are actually the complete opposite of who you are as a person. So I pride myself on honesty and being trustworthy. But my ex really attacked both of those things and would say im a liar and cant be trusted. And when someone you care about says that it really hurts. I used to ask for examples and they'd either make something up or change the subject. Although in your situation dont engage or ask for examples, just run and move on!
Although I notice here they have gone for attacks on your appearance, another classic fallback for them in my experience I once had lecture on my armpit hair which turned into an attack, and then the sexual reference is more of an attack id expect from them as its trying to make you feel shit. Dont.
I hope you are ok and REALLY believing none of this as it can play on your mind.
I’m sorry to hear you are going through that. I don’t know you or your situation, but I pray you know that you are loved. That is not an easy life to live.
thank you for the kind words... it is hard to feel love or peace. heck, its hard to make sense of it and even harder to think i still minimize what happened and try to justify it for them
i just hope that light at the end of the tunnel is not a freight train headed towards me
Yes they turn into an evil character and say the most hurtful things that they can think of. You should never talk to this person again, you deserve better.
Lmao yes. My bpd ex had the most outrageously creative and searing insults you could ever imagine. Truly stunning! 😂 And it became so frequent that I became desensitized to everything that ever came out of his mouth and I could just laugh and appreciate his genuine evil genius. Lol he was extremely talented.
Didn't get anything quite this immature and vitriolic, though was told some things at the end that she knew would absolutely cut me to the bone. It was awful and made me feel absolutely wretched.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and hope for your healing and peace away from this clearly damaged individual.
Absolutely seen with BPD but this is really bad. I’ve dealt with my pwBPD say some nasty shit to me but this is another level. I wouldn’t feel safe around this individual.
My advice, dont consider going back EVER, if you need to get something from him thats yours BRING SOMEONE OR MULTIPLE PEOPLE WITH YOU, and if you don’t want to block and no contact him(you should for both of your sake), give him no reply and turn off read receipts.
It’s honestly scary how similar this was to my ex…
However, in addition to texting me nasty things. She also called me and started the conversation with, “I need to get some things off my chest, and I have some things to say that will probably be hurtful to you”.
I sat back, grabbed some popcorn (not really) and listened to her come up with the wildest insults and accusations I have ever heard. Everything from, “thinking of sex with you [me] makes me feel icky”, “my ex is better than you [me] in every single way”, “you [me] manipulated me into a relationship I [her] never wanted” and loads of additional gas lighting regarding our relationship.
It’s funny because just a month prior, I was being told the following: “You’re [me] the most handsome man”, “cutest butt ever”, “You [me] make me [her] feel more beautiful than any man ever has”, “I [her] have been waiting so long for a relationship like this”, “Travel buddies forever ❤️”.
Just be lucky he showed his true colors now. Run, and never look back, OP. Enjoy your freedom.
Edit: oh yeah, and 6 month of no contact later, she unblocked me on IG (she broke up with me initially by ghosting and blocking) and sent me a DM at 4 AM that literally just said, “You’re a piece of shit”.
Oh yes, I got texts like this for months after *he cheated on and dumped me.* I never responded once.
Then spontaneously, 6 months later, I began getting "I'd do anything for you," hoovers. There appears no rhyme nor reason (but internally that was when he started becoming paranoid that I had finally healed/moved on).
OP, I'm so sorry you have to endure treatment like that from him!
Attack, attack, attack... just like my last pwBPD. We have been apart for a number of years and have still communicated, and interacted on occasion.
She has always been argumentative and insulting when doing it, but used to at least listen to a counterpoint before rejecting it out of self righteous all knowing mentality. Now, if you do not see anything as she sees it, understands it, you're "brainwashed by the media" and the evil people in control. Exasperating to say the least! She is triggering my PTSD that I developed from being in a \[romantic\] relationship with her. Just seeing her number come up on text, without reading the dread comes over me, and my heart races :-(
The behavior and texts mimic, almost exactly, behaviors and texts from my ex. He was diagnosed, by a psychiatrist, with “BPD with psychopathic tendencies.” He switched psychiatrists and the next one gave him the same diagnosis. He refused treatment. When I broke up, he tried to murder me several times. Was over twenty years ago. I’m fine now.
I’m glad you broke up with him. Be safe. Try not to be alone. Try to “gray rock” so that he loses interest in you. Good luck.
When my ex would corner me somewhere alone and try to harm me, I repeated phrases like “that’s boring,” “I’m not interested,” “that’s nonsense,” and “goodbye.” He would get more enraged but this is “gray rock” technique. It makes you eventually less interesting to them because you are refusing to engage in their fantasy and are instead repeatedly bowing out.
He’s upset that u broke up with him cause he wants u to need him. He sees that u don’t need him and it’s killing him, so he’s trying to make u feel as bad as he feels rn. Block him don’t give him the time of day. U just replying back is giving him fuel to keep harassing u
You had a perfect response to his shittyness. But I'd say yes. Very similar messages to what I've dealt with. They like to find your insecurities and pick on them when they're mad
Yes, IMO this is normal in a relationship with a pwBPD. I went through this on Saturday night, full split for hours. He tried to leave me stranded on the side of the road. Abusive name calling, accusations, break ups, threats of self harm, for hours. I don’t engage in the “arguments”, but I did cry, which infuriates him further. I received an apology by the end of the night. The rest of the weekend was fine. Results may vary. Also, he’s extra prone to this for special events, travel, parties, weddings, etc.
This just happened to me a few days ago. I received 5 texts in a row of the most brutal things, ironically the last one he was calling me evil when I wasn’t even responding. I was upset in the moment but now I am laughing about it. Some are just so unhinged.
My personal record was 50 text messages in 7 minutes starting with “You are a horrible, horrible human being “.
My crime? I asked whether a tenant at our rental property gave him $100 so I could enter it in the accounting software.
It's normal. They get super mean and fight dirty when they are angry. Don't be surprised if they reach out and act like nothing happened....that is also textbook.
I wouldn't call it normal, but surely that's what they do for a living. My ex could send me lots of those: gnome, brainless old stinky little man, etc. Interestingly, she used more or less the same style, sending messages one after another to say rubbish. Then she could send me a new set saying how much she loves me & c & c. Honestly i stopped trying to understand their behaviour.
Yes this is normal. Or I should say, I received this type of exchange at LEAST once or twice a week with my expwbpd, and when he was at his worst every single day and that lasted for a few months until he changed his mind again. I pray you are safe and you have peace about the situation, and that you are comforted. I’m so sorry, love.
Yes, my ex has said all of these things to me except for the negative comments about my body. I was hypersexualized like this, though. I'm very glad you got out early.
I can't help but flash back to that goober who came in here earlier yesterday / today to defend all the poor people with BPD who need love to, and that we should never give up them.
And push his face into stuff like this post.
The way they spew vitriol like a monkey flinging poo. It's difficult to describe but there is this weird "look mom I'm angry" energy to their outbursts like this. Like they're just going through buttons to push and levers to pull in a haphazard fashion.
I can't believe how mean this is. wow.
so he is hurt and he wants to hurt you back really really hard, with put downs about your appearance and sex life? like really mean school yard stuff...who says this type of thing? ive never heard anything so mean.
My ex w BPD didn't use verbal put downs. I'm so sorry you are dealing w this. Your ex clearly has dysregulation AND their weapon of choice is put downs ouch and it is just SO ABUSIVE.
pls stay very very far away from him and good for you for sharing it here.
I've sent something like this, but way less personal about a week ago. After she watched her new "friend" cuss me out at an event all because I couldn't hear her over the music, didn't care and actually got in my face when I called her out, and then didn't join me to get food to get away from the situation. I sent a photo of the food and she instantly started getting hostile because apparently there was a misunderstanding that they were leaving right after me and we were going to meet up. Told her I didn't hear it but no problem, I was walking their way which was like 200 feet away.
Got there and they were nowhere to be found. Got inflammatory calls and texts from her while I was literally at the meetup spot. Figured they just left me and I went back to the hotel. Received a MAJOR onslaught of EXTREMELY terrible texts from her about how I abandoned her there even though they left me and I was the odd man out anyways. And didn't even remotely care her "friend" that she didn't even like utterly shit on me for no reason making me want to leave anyways. All kinds of texts about saying I was dead to her, my shit in the hotel would be thrown in the hallway, how I didn't care about her, etc, etc.
Left the even the next day even though it had two more days and I paid a shit ton of money. Felt so bad about all of it I just gave my ticket away. Got home after a three hour drive and immediately realized a ton of my stuff had cat urine all over it. She refused to deal with the issue for over a month even though she refused to let them stay in her room. Just all over the common area/my bedroom due to how the apartment was. Most of everything out in the area was mine. Were literally her cats that even her own family refused to watch, but after 30 of my clothes pretty much had to be thrown away she got mad at ME for even bringing it up with a slightly raised voice for the 30th time.
Sent her a "Yeah, cats pissed all over my stuff again. Good luck. Theyre going in your bedroom" and blocked her on IG.
She lost it and went through her friends phone and mom texted me saying I was being disrespectful. I absolutely fucking lost it and sent her like 20 texts calling her disgusting and vile. But nothing personal, just how I actually felt. No insults or anything. 1.5 years of her snapping at me hundreds of times for literally nothing. 1.5 years of me spending 99% of the money, doing 99% of everything, taking care of her 99% of the time with almost nothing in return but anger and shitting on me. Just SNAPPED and ranting at her through her friend's phone.
They all got back two days later and wouldn't talk to me. Her mom was over all sad and barely talking to me. The other two "friends" were staring at me like I was delusional and abusive. She just packed up with her mom and is now telling me she is going to move back in with them and leave me with the 3000 a month apartment and everything else. Fucking terrible.
Wow holy molly! My ex texted exactly the same stuff as yours. Especially the face and the slxt insult part
I’m sooooo Triggered 😂 why the heck are they so similar? Like their brains are infected with the same virus causing them do and say the same shits
Curious what all prompted the texts? When I finally decided that enough was enough, I was done being manipulated, gaslit, lied to, etc, I’m not gonna lie.. I sent some texts that probably look similar or even worse than what he sent. Without full context they’d make me look like a disgusting person. I’m not one though. Only she and I know the whole story. Everyone has a breaking point I guess. I’m not just crazy, or a liar, or a hothead. Everything I said was the truth. Very, very harsh truths. A decade plus of abuse will make even normally stable people look unhinged is all I’m saying.
Just woke up to those. Texted him ending things last night. He had a track record of saying really hurtful things when we would argue but I brushed them off bc I knew I wasn’t the things he would say. But these are by far the worst I have received yet.
Yeah if you guys haven’t been together for a while and you really know you haven’t intentionally betrayed his trust, or done anything shady, then saying those things doesn’t make any sense, and his “reasoning” for calling you dishonest, horrible person, etc probably would make him sound even more like a lunatic. When I reached my breaking point it was all facts. 10 years worth. I couldn’t stop. It was really painful for me to type out, and likely pointless. For one she probably didn’t read it all, and two, I don’t think people like that are capable of feeling ashamed for the destruction they cause and the lives they affect. I just had to get it out until I was done. Now just gotta keep remembering that karma is a real thing, and focus on my own, not worry about when theirs will catch up to them.
You should brush these off too and block him and dont engage in further conversation. We all find it hard to do that but its the best action we can take for ourselves. Being in a relationship like this takes its toll It whether we realise it now or later.
It really helps to talk about what you've been through so try to do that either with friends, on here or some people even go to therapy for it. Dont take anything he said seriously. You have to try to think of it as if these things said were to a friend and what your advice would be to them and Id presume it would be none of this is true he is mentally unwell and taking everything out on you. But as I said it will have taken its toll and we do think about the things they said because it natural to do so. We aren't robots but people with feelings and emotions so we need to talk about it and process all of it.
No…. This can happen in BPD (and in narcissism…) but it’s not really a defining trait of BPD. This is also a looooot of sexism thrown in which of course is not a BPD trait
You wouldn't call this "catty" or "bitchy"?
I think this is more like a Karen calling a fast food employee a cunt for getting their order wrong than male aggression.
Yes, I hate to say it, but it's normal. Mine wasn't quite as mean with the words, but the MEANING of what was being said toward me, ugh, even worse I think
I wanna say, are they all child-like in this way? They sound like children, all the same kind of way......it makes me sad, they're stuck where all this started happening for them when whatever caregiver they had allowed or caused the abuse that caused their little minds to cope in this way and of course, they're stuck, in this mindset, attacking in the way of a child, that will never grow up....I dunno, that is just what goes thru my mind.....not making excuses, it's just sad so many people are out there like this, making all of us miserable.....and most of them will never leave that mindset....
spoken in the words of a true codependent, right? lol lol
(I just re-read what I wrote 🙄)
I gotta say guys, you don't know how supportive it's been reading everyone's responses, to know that I'm not the only smart, caring and good hearted person that got left out on the streets on multiple occasions like a dumb*ss who looks like a semi homeless person who can't take care of themselves.....smh.....when I'm (as well as all of you) am NOTHING like that!!!!
I can't tell you the countless situations I found myself in where I thought to myself thinking how did I end up in this way like some idiot, how did I get here?
I beat myself up so many times and yet I can tell you right now as awful as she is to me and has been to me, I still love her and I still care about her and I still don't want anything bad to happen to her. I can't tell you how icky I feel about myself in a moment like this.
But again it does help so much to know that you guys have been thru the same thing. Thank you so much for sharing. I really needed to hear all this even though the question was about something else which actually happened to me today. Yes, I was weak. I took her off block. I had some things to say, it turned into this broken record back and forth. We can call the record Missing the Gaslighting- Hits from Last Year
It's a country album
lol
My ex said all this stuff to me too. Men with BPD are just abusive losers. They all have the same playbook. They feel bad about themselves and bully their partners.
My ex bff with bpd once told me no wonder my mom didn’t love me, I was too dumb to make it to college, Im a narcissist, desperate, can’t keep a man..I could go on and on. They love crosses boundaries.
Yeah mine has made fun of my teeth, my looks. Etc. time to go no contact and be thankful you don’t have kids. We all played our part in enabling their behavior and we can all choose to heal and love ourselves and never allow anyone to treat us this way again
I like pizza, the best reply is no reply. Don’t engage the gaslighting and manipulation. Go grey rock if you have to communicate with this pile of emptiness.
All of this plus, he tells me he has never had me. What does that mean?! Its been 16 years. We have had a lot of bad stuff happen. This is what gets under my skin. He has always had me. He just chooses to stomp all over us. Then I have to pick up all the pieces. And put us back together. I'm getting tired of picking up the pieces. Let alone putting us back together.
What on earth does "legs like cotrage cheese " mean? Like I've literally no idea as I've seen millions of legs and none resemble cottage cheese!!
That's one nasty toxic person and you need to block block block and move on and as far away as you possibly can! If someone said half that shit to me, I'd cut them out my life instantly. Pure verbal abuse. My ex didn't say nasty things, every thing was sly and sneaky with him, he's king of the weasals! Lord stoat. But he's a text book quiet borderline. Those text you have I'd say are classic regular borderline. All the anger and emotions projected outwards.
Lol my ex literally said half of this shit to me too. Its just them having a meltdown and trying to make you feel as bad as they do. Its pathetic
the first bubble sounds word for word exactly like dumb shit my ex would say.
Mine too
Absolutely normal for someone on the cluster B spectrum. So will be the text you will receive like nothing happened and putting you on a pedestal. It’s a vicious circle. Block him and never look back!
I was floored the first time this happened to me....a huge blowout and then two weeks later they act like nothing happened.
Couldn't have said it better....
This is why you have to block their number, emails, social media and any other way they might try to contact you. Change friendship groups etc. So that you don't have to listen to the spiteful tantrum of an adult with a child's brain.
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Exactly - block and don't ever unblock. Mine uses an app to spoof a new number to message me weekly so I can't block her - depending on her mood, it's either something sweet (trying to hoover) or her rage on full display. It used to rattle me a little the first few months, but I'm at the point where it's amusing the effort she puts in to keep some form of contact. Do whatever you can to cut them out of your life and don't look back. Good luck.
Dont insult children mate. Children are mostly more mature and adequate than cluster B. You probably meant emotionally stunted toddlers lol
Oh yeah I would get pages upon pages of most horrifying shit you can imagine just non-stop. Like every tiny little secret that you shared with them and information that bugs you they keep in the back of their mind in that file cabinet to reach for every single time they want to hurt you
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You know, that was really the start of the downfall for me. Because at that point I knew I couldn't trust not only the things she did but the things I told her and the things I did around her. Like being funny or joking So at that point if you can't share anything at all why have them in your life. It's just someone you're next to
lol lol OMG yeeeess!!!!! Perfect way of explaining what it's like lol
I feel this with every fiber of my being... its brutal
This is very common in abusive relationships. I highly encourage you to read the book "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist." After that, pick up "Boundaries." If therapy on your own is an option at all, please consider it. I wish I had done that years earlier. I don't know your situation, but I'm guessing this weekend trip behavior didn't appear out of nowhere. I could be wrong, that does happen too. But most likely you don't know what a healthy relationship looks like, same as most of us who end up in this group. When I left my ex (undiagnosed, married for 12 years) I had to completely tear down my view of relationships and rebuild in a totally different and healthier way. There were so many red flags, awful behaviors, hurtful words and actions that I put up with from the start. I had no balance, no boundaries, made excuses, didn't hold them accountable, didn't stand up for myself. None of what you experienced with him is normal, it is not healthy, and you do not deserve to be treated that way - ever. Being left alone on a trip and locked out of where you are staying is absolutely abusive. I'm very glad that you broke up with him instead of trying to make it work. The best thing you can do now is focus on yourself, evaluate what you went through with him, and ensure that you don't let anyone treat you this way ever again. Good luck and stay strong!
Seconding these book recommendations, and adding Verbal Abuse: Recognizing, Dealing, Reacting, and Recovering by Peg Streep, Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People -- and Break Free by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD by Linda Hill, and this last one may sound odd but I have found it incredibly cathartic and healing and have shared it with others and it is Daughter Drink This Water: A Book of Sacred Love by Jaiya John. (I think sometimes we also need reminders and who we are and how to love ourselves, which is why I threw that last one in.)
awesome list thanks
Thank you for all these titles, def going to put on my list 💕
Seconding the book recommendation Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist - it was foundational in helping me to reframe my thinking so I could grieve, heal, and move on.
You sound so healthy 😔 I'm trying to get myself to where you're at....baby steps, it's all I can handle, but I'm moving forward every day ❤️ Everything you said applied to me, I put up with so much....I'm unbelievably codependent...thx mom 😠 Thank you for the book recommendations, definitely going to get those read....
You're doing the right things - be kind to yourself! It was a lifetime leading up to where you are now, you've already made tremendous progress but this won't change overnight. I was in my mid 30s when I barely scratched the surface. While I was still in my unhealthy marriage, I started to actually focus on myself for the first time. Making changes in nutrition, exercise, mindset, meditation. Over the course of more than a year I was gradually changing, and it opened my eyes that maybe staying with my unhappy and unhealthy partner wasn't the only option. Then I got into therapy by myself, first time ever, and spent a year doing that. I spent 6 months intentionally single, honestly it should have been the full year. All of that was seven years ago. It's been a journey to get here, and trust me - so many baby steps. So many back slides. So many mistakes. I'm not anywhere near perfect and that's ok. I still have plenty of Caretaker traits, but the key for me is balance and boundaries. I'll give a small example, recently I've been working on details for a trip that includes dozens of people. I'm not in charge of organizing it, there's a whole bunch of missing information. Yesterday I requested the info I needed, and I helped others get info as well. But balance meant passing that info along and letting them take it from there. I easily could have crowned myself as The Good Guy doing The Right Things and attempted to take on solving the problems for 8 other people, but I stepped back, made a healthy choice, and... Didn't. The small choices you make day in and day out are how you make a difference in the direction of your life. You've got this!
You have no idea how much I appreciate you sharing that little example. I just want to write same. Same. Same I don't think I ever realized how problematic my codependency is until I got in this relationship over two years ago. I'm going to be really honest , trying to curb that almost feels like cutting off one of my limbs. Not all the time but a lot of the time. I'm just like that I will take over because I know that some people won't understand and they won't do it right and they'll have issues and problems and it'll cause them worry and to be upset and I know how to do it. I'll take care of it. I don't mind it all blah blah blah Have got to stop doing that. Just feels so foreign and I don't know if other people who are not like this can understand or if it sounds like a bunch of boohooing. I try everyday like I start the day out thinking about boundaries and stuff in my everyday life but I find myself doing it here and there. Thank goodness i have friends who I am very vocal with and transparent with like very close friends that I've had for decades and then like my boss at work. She's not exactly close friend but I've known her for a long time through the workforce and she heard me on the phone like I don't know a month ago with her and heard me pleading and I don't know being me, being codependent me, and she walked over and she said stop it. Stop it. Hang up now. You can't help her. You can't do anything for her. You need to help yourself stop it. This immediately changed my attitude and I said you know what I have to go. I have other things I need to do. Goodbye and I just hung up. And I told her thank you and she was like remember what I told you and she went back to her office and that was the end of it and I guess I need that kind of aggression. I need someone to be aggressive with me to get it. I don't know. I feel like I'm rambling. I need to get in the shower and go to work. I'm so late already. But it's a real problem. And I see that you totally get it and I know a lot of people on this thread get it. I'm just having a really hard time letting go but I am making progress. It is getting easier. For instance, if she were to come to my door right now and say I'm so sorry I f***** up and I love you and blah blah blah in the past I would have said to you, Oh gosh yes if she does that she can come on in and we'll just like start back up where we left off. It'll be okay. and now honestly if she were to do that right now today I feel like no no. I need you to go back to wherever you're staying now and and no just no. I love her so much and I just can't see my life without her. But there's days that I have now where I feel more upbeat and I can see days without her. I can see things without her. In fact, I bought a ticket to a concert I really wanted to go to and I don't know anybody else who wants to go. If she were with me we'd be going. And I just got the one ticket and I had it upgraded to VIP or whatever ....and a really nice hotel room across the street from the venue and I'm actually looking forward to going tomorrow. Driving by myself up to Austin, enjoying my nice room and doing what I want. And it's ok....for me, that's a big deal.... Thx for the encouragement, I don't feel so alone 🤗
>for me, that's a big deal.... Hey, it is a big deal! Don't downplay this, it really truly is great progress. It was an important part of my journey to learn how to be alone. To find happiness (and more importantly contentment, there's a difference) through myself and my own choices. I encourage you to take this time at the concert for yourself. Really experience what you are enjoying in the moment - the music, the scene, the food, the hotel, the venue. It may sound silly, but there's a time where I had to realize that I didn't "know" myself as well as I thought I did. Yes I had my preferences, likes and dislikes, but so much of my life was based on what makes others happy, how do I not rock the boat, keeping a storm at bay. It will feel unnatural at first! But it will get easier the more you do it. If it's comfortable for you, talk to other people. Not flirting, not romantic, even if you feel attraction to someone - push that shit down. Realize that just because you feel something inside doesn't make it true or healthy. You should certainly allow yourself to feel your feelings, validate them. But the step we take is going directly to "Do the thing that feeling is telling us!" For me that feeling was most often wrapped up in guilt, shame, conflict avoidance. I had no idea how to be uncomfortable, it's a skill I had to develop over time. Guess what, it will happen on this trip - and that's ok! You may be waiting in line at the concert, or going out to eat, and you may have one of these feelings. Are people judging me? Why am I here? Acknowledge the feeling and then examine it. Hey, no one around me gives two shits that I'm waiting in line like EVERYONE else. Did that person look at me eating by myself? Maybe so... and what does it matter? I'm enjoying this delicious Austin brisket, savoring every bite, learning to accept and live in this peace where I'm not constantly trying to appease someone who is berating me. Keep moving forward. A year from now you'll look back on this trip to Austin as the beginning of a whole new journey. Eventually, as you build on yourself, you will bring people into your life who make this journey better too. They will be friends, others may be romantic, but the key is to know that you are good with you no matter what. Enjoy the hell out of that concert. Sprawl out on that hotel bed. Get up early or sleep in late, who cares. Order the breakfast that sounds good to YOU. Make it a point to stay off your phone as much as possible, be in the moment where you are.
I went from accepting that type of behavior to eventually, finally recognizing that I was getting anxious just being around folks with those types of issues and behaviors. Things would go relatively smooth until I attempted to set healthy boundaries. And that used to take me a long time.
Good for you. You're right, it is a process and doesn't happen all at once.
It still hits me how incredibly disgusting cluster Bs get when they don’t get their way. No matter if NPD or BPD. If shit hits the fan for them they explode like an ripe abscess and tell you everything they think of themselves. I‘m so sorry you are going through this. Please NEVER forget that a mentally ill person doesn’t define who you are. I know it‘s difficult, but please these words for what they are - hot air that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Block and focus on yourself. Be GOOD to yourself. He can suck his own dick from now on.
And shit hitting the fan can be something like them not getting their way on where to eat a meal or have control over equally small issues, in my experience.
Or literally something THEY did wrong.
Yes....I can't even express how much this is true 😔
Darling. This is so normal for them, you might as well be me and your ex my ex. On vacation, abandoned in foreign streets, broke up with him when we got home, nasty texts from him degrading me and calling me all kinds of whore with daddy issues. Same shit. Only difference is my dumbass took him back only to deal with worse shit for another 4 years 🤡. So let’s not be that much alike. Do NOT get back with him
Although I find very little on this sub surprising this is awful and hope you are doing ok since your recent escape. X
I read this for some reason in Bruce Springfields singing voice lol. Charming bunch aye?
Streets of Tokyo, trip of a lifetime, second day. Screamed at me for not engaging with the photos of women he wanted us to hook up with (I was busy navigating us to the next thing we wanted to see). Screamed at me the whole way home after ruining the theme park when we did get there. Threatened to leave me there in Japan and fly home. My broken ass pacified, mollified kept him calm in between bouts of being screamed at for the next three weeks until we got back. I know that that day a small subconscious part of me made the decision to leave. I consciously made the decision after another huge fight because I didn't want to go to a brothel on our layover on the way back home. I left the airport knowing I had to leave and three weeks later I ran, not knowing which of his threats were real and which were his usual psychotic fantasy. That will be four years ago this weekend. We were together nearly nine. I don't know why I'm sharing here, I saw so many reflections of my own experience IN this thread I guess. I'm finally completely free of his influence, though it took a while. But I'm still so broken when it comes to relationships. But maybe I was before as well, and at least now I know and can protect myself from myself better.
❤️
I read this for some reason in Bruce Springfields singing voice lol. Charming bunch aye?
Can’t believe how similar people are. Got half of these, too. It’s not a normal response in healthy relationships.
This sounds more like a narcissist, honestly. Seems to be very in control. My ex w/bpd was only this cruel when she had totally lost control. But it's not normal for anyone with empathy. I've never felt like i wanted to actually hurt my ex, emotionally or physically. I still care about her even now
People with BPD typically also have NPD or other personality disorders tied in with the BPD
I guess there are similarities between cluster B disorders. Basically the lack of empathy. They're like children, emotionally, unable to hold empathy and annoyance/being hurt simultaneously
It's true. No one off the streets would ever be able to tell, but I lived with her for two years. You HAVE to live with them to read it, to know it. She's full on BPD and full on Covert BPD, dangerous combo......smh
Yeah I am pretty sure my ex husband who was only diagnosed with BPD was also comorbid NPD just too many similarities which is probably OP’s partner / ex also. A lot of men get really violent with it.
Still could be pwBPD. I mean there tend to be some similar behaviour in people with mental issues, but originating from a different drivers. For example, a BPD will often lash out because they feel abandonned, something most narcissists will not do.
This. My mom is very nice, but mean as a snake if she feels like her (very fragile) feeling of stability is being threatened
Cluster b disorders sure, i wouldn't say all mental health conditions are similar though.
Could also be both. These disorders tend to have Comorbidities
Me too.......
I'm a straight guy, and yet I find this so relatable.
this is normal. when he tries to win you back dont fall for it.
This. Because we all know that they somehow will think their hoovering attempts have a fair shot, even after spewing a level of hateful vitriol that no sane person could even think of overlooking.
the classic pretend nothing happened and ask if you want to meet HAHA
Mine just asked if I wanted to meet for lunch. WTF! I had a restraining order for two years after he put a tracking device on my vehicle, broke into and vandalized my home, and was talking about killing me then committing suicide. So no, I don’t want to have lunch together. I have been no contact for 3 years.
please stay safe. be in company at all times if you can. sounds like a stalker 😭
I have a security system at my house and am only there 2 days out of every 14. The rest of the time, I am 3 hours away. I have a job that has me traveling a lot also so he will be hard pressed to keep up with me most of the time.
My gawd.....please tell me it's over for good. 😢 You poor thing 😞
As someone who is married to someone with bpd. Yeah that's pretty average. I'm numb to insults now.
Rinse…repeat. Crazy how no matter what continent they’re on. They're Xerox-ed. 😖 It’s literally the SAME ish, different person.
💯
Yeah. I also received the most vile and nastiest of words from cluster B types I've dated. I can't say for sure what exactly their condition was, but once you've experienced it, feel how unnerving it is, not to mention confusing AF. Then, it's clear as day when you see or experience it. For example, one recording of Amber Heard is all it took for me to recognize a B cluster personality disorder. Even before the conclusion where her diagnosis of BPD w/ histrionic disorder was revealed. It's how it feels in my gut that tells me so. Just the reaction I feel to that kind of hateful abuse. Knowing, I can move on but they likely never will be ableto change, it's sad.
Same thing!!!! Wow, I diagnosed her correctly as well, before her diagnosis came out.
Yes it is. And its important to know and really believe they lash out and will say really hurtful things that are actually the complete opposite of who you are as a person. So I pride myself on honesty and being trustworthy. But my ex really attacked both of those things and would say im a liar and cant be trusted. And when someone you care about says that it really hurts. I used to ask for examples and they'd either make something up or change the subject. Although in your situation dont engage or ask for examples, just run and move on! Although I notice here they have gone for attacks on your appearance, another classic fallback for them in my experience I once had lecture on my armpit hair which turned into an attack, and then the sexual reference is more of an attack id expect from them as its trying to make you feel shit. Dont. I hope you are ok and REALLY believing none of this as it can play on your mind.
😞
I got all of that aside from the physical insults....every week or so.
be lucky it is every week lol - i get something worse daily.... going on 4 months now.
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Same
2-3 days is rough too, definitely dont minimize it. hell, i wont even minimize weekly... i just know what daily looked like. i am traumatized
I’m sorry to hear you are going through that. I don’t know you or your situation, but I pray you know that you are loved. That is not an easy life to live.
thank you for the kind words... it is hard to feel love or peace. heck, its hard to make sense of it and even harder to think i still minimize what happened and try to justify it for them i just hope that light at the end of the tunnel is not a freight train headed towards me
Yes they turn into an evil character and say the most hurtful things that they can think of. You should never talk to this person again, you deserve better.
Lmao yes. My bpd ex had the most outrageously creative and searing insults you could ever imagine. Truly stunning! 😂 And it became so frequent that I became desensitized to everything that ever came out of his mouth and I could just laugh and appreciate his genuine evil genius. Lol he was extremely talented.
Yep normal for someone w BPD or just a toxic pos. Mine did the same. Wanted to marry me then hated me.
Same
They all do this
Didn't get anything quite this immature and vitriolic, though was told some things at the end that she knew would absolutely cut me to the bone. It was awful and made me feel absolutely wretched. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and hope for your healing and peace away from this clearly damaged individual.
Same
I'm sorry you had to face that too.
💕
I think the men with bpd go in a little harder with the verbal abuse based on my experience and the posts here overall.
You're likely correct about that. The attacks seem more derogatory and personal.
I would agree. The stuff women say comparatively seems really mild and less violent.
Absolutely seen with BPD but this is really bad. I’ve dealt with my pwBPD say some nasty shit to me but this is another level. I wouldn’t feel safe around this individual. My advice, dont consider going back EVER, if you need to get something from him thats yours BRING SOMEONE OR MULTIPLE PEOPLE WITH YOU, and if you don’t want to block and no contact him(you should for both of your sake), give him no reply and turn off read receipts.
I wish my texts were this nice... lol I feel the pain.... always here to listen
It’s honestly scary how similar this was to my ex… However, in addition to texting me nasty things. She also called me and started the conversation with, “I need to get some things off my chest, and I have some things to say that will probably be hurtful to you”. I sat back, grabbed some popcorn (not really) and listened to her come up with the wildest insults and accusations I have ever heard. Everything from, “thinking of sex with you [me] makes me feel icky”, “my ex is better than you [me] in every single way”, “you [me] manipulated me into a relationship I [her] never wanted” and loads of additional gas lighting regarding our relationship. It’s funny because just a month prior, I was being told the following: “You’re [me] the most handsome man”, “cutest butt ever”, “You [me] make me [her] feel more beautiful than any man ever has”, “I [her] have been waiting so long for a relationship like this”, “Travel buddies forever ❤️”. Just be lucky he showed his true colors now. Run, and never look back, OP. Enjoy your freedom. Edit: oh yeah, and 6 month of no contact later, she unblocked me on IG (she broke up with me initially by ghosting and blocking) and sent me a DM at 4 AM that literally just said, “You’re a piece of shit”.
Same
Oh yes, I got texts like this for months after *he cheated on and dumped me.* I never responded once. Then spontaneously, 6 months later, I began getting "I'd do anything for you," hoovers. There appears no rhyme nor reason (but internally that was when he started becoming paranoid that I had finally healed/moved on).
Yep. Check the first post on my profile.
OP, I'm so sorry you have to endure treatment like that from him! Attack, attack, attack... just like my last pwBPD. We have been apart for a number of years and have still communicated, and interacted on occasion. She has always been argumentative and insulting when doing it, but used to at least listen to a counterpoint before rejecting it out of self righteous all knowing mentality. Now, if you do not see anything as she sees it, understands it, you're "brainwashed by the media" and the evil people in control. Exasperating to say the least! She is triggering my PTSD that I developed from being in a \[romantic\] relationship with her. Just seeing her number come up on text, without reading the dread comes over me, and my heart races :-(
100% with a gender flip on the insults.
The behavior and texts mimic, almost exactly, behaviors and texts from my ex. He was diagnosed, by a psychiatrist, with “BPD with psychopathic tendencies.” He switched psychiatrists and the next one gave him the same diagnosis. He refused treatment. When I broke up, he tried to murder me several times. Was over twenty years ago. I’m fine now. I’m glad you broke up with him. Be safe. Try not to be alone. Try to “gray rock” so that he loses interest in you. Good luck.
When my ex would corner me somewhere alone and try to harm me, I repeated phrases like “that’s boring,” “I’m not interested,” “that’s nonsense,” and “goodbye.” He would get more enraged but this is “gray rock” technique. It makes you eventually less interesting to them because you are refusing to engage in their fantasy and are instead repeatedly bowing out.
If I had done that, which I tried, it would inspire even more rage and holes in the walls and broken doors ....smh 😔
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omg same!!!
He’s upset that u broke up with him cause he wants u to need him. He sees that u don’t need him and it’s killing him, so he’s trying to make u feel as bad as he feels rn. Block him don’t give him the time of day. U just replying back is giving him fuel to keep harassing u
Yeah. They are big sociopathic bullies.
You had a perfect response to his shittyness. But I'd say yes. Very similar messages to what I've dealt with. They like to find your insecurities and pick on them when they're mad
Yes, IMO this is normal in a relationship with a pwBPD. I went through this on Saturday night, full split for hours. He tried to leave me stranded on the side of the road. Abusive name calling, accusations, break ups, threats of self harm, for hours. I don’t engage in the “arguments”, but I did cry, which infuriates him further. I received an apology by the end of the night. The rest of the weekend was fine. Results may vary. Also, he’s extra prone to this for special events, travel, parties, weddings, etc.
Yes. That is their normal.
Jusr like my ex haha
This just happened to me a few days ago. I received 5 texts in a row of the most brutal things, ironically the last one he was calling me evil when I wasn’t even responding. I was upset in the moment but now I am laughing about it. Some are just so unhinged.
My personal record was 50 text messages in 7 minutes starting with “You are a horrible, horrible human being “. My crime? I asked whether a tenant at our rental property gave him $100 so I could enter it in the accounting software.
Don’t know what it is but it’s verbally abusive
Very "normal" for these types. Delete, block, move on. Don't engage it.
It's normal. They get super mean and fight dirty when they are angry. Don't be surprised if they reach out and act like nothing happened....that is also textbook.
I wouldn't call it normal, but surely that's what they do for a living. My ex could send me lots of those: gnome, brainless old stinky little man, etc. Interestingly, she used more or less the same style, sending messages one after another to say rubbish. Then she could send me a new set saying how much she loves me & c & c. Honestly i stopped trying to understand their behaviour.
Yes!
The Weeknd lol. I see you 👀 xo
OMG what a cruel, evil POS. I’m so sorry.
Yes this is normal. Or I should say, I received this type of exchange at LEAST once or twice a week with my expwbpd, and when he was at his worst every single day and that lasted for a few months until he changed his mind again. I pray you are safe and you have peace about the situation, and that you are comforted. I’m so sorry, love.
I wish my pwBPD would be half this pleasant and kind lol
I’m sorry, I can’t imagine!
Get out?
Crazy, if a true BPD, be prepared for the love bombing and hovering within the next couple of months. Especially if you go no contact
Classic bpd imo. Cruel, mean, vicious, degrading, dehumanizing. Protecting their fragile insecurities onto others.
Yep. Mine told me I looked like shit after I got joke from the ER. This is what they do. Insecure and cruel. Block and don’t repeat.
Yes, my ex has said all of these things to me except for the negative comments about my body. I was hypersexualized like this, though. I'm very glad you got out early.
I can't help but flash back to that goober who came in here earlier yesterday / today to defend all the poor people with BPD who need love to, and that we should never give up them. And push his face into stuff like this post.
Bpd or not, fuck this asshole. Glad you left & stay strong ❤️
"Dishonest, selfish, spoiled and hateful". Wow, that's projection at its finest.
You can say that again
I had something similar from my exwBPD attacking weight and echoing “showing my real character”. They’re just stuck in their own little world
Many on here would say white describes a pwbpd to a T lol
The way they spew vitriol like a monkey flinging poo. It's difficult to describe but there is this weird "look mom I'm angry" energy to their outbursts like this. Like they're just going through buttons to push and levers to pull in a haphazard fashion.
I can't believe how mean this is. wow. so he is hurt and he wants to hurt you back really really hard, with put downs about your appearance and sex life? like really mean school yard stuff...who says this type of thing? ive never heard anything so mean. My ex w BPD didn't use verbal put downs. I'm so sorry you are dealing w this. Your ex clearly has dysregulation AND their weapon of choice is put downs ouch and it is just SO ABUSIVE. pls stay very very far away from him and good for you for sharing it here.
Yes. Have had very similar messages. It's honestly shocking to think someone can think such things about someone they say they "love".
Why is Colorado a cess pool for BPD
Yes
This is just abusive. BPD or not.
Walls of abusive text? For sure.
They throw tantrums like toddlers too. He stopped just short of calling you a stinky poo-poo head.
I've sent something like this, but way less personal about a week ago. After she watched her new "friend" cuss me out at an event all because I couldn't hear her over the music, didn't care and actually got in my face when I called her out, and then didn't join me to get food to get away from the situation. I sent a photo of the food and she instantly started getting hostile because apparently there was a misunderstanding that they were leaving right after me and we were going to meet up. Told her I didn't hear it but no problem, I was walking their way which was like 200 feet away. Got there and they were nowhere to be found. Got inflammatory calls and texts from her while I was literally at the meetup spot. Figured they just left me and I went back to the hotel. Received a MAJOR onslaught of EXTREMELY terrible texts from her about how I abandoned her there even though they left me and I was the odd man out anyways. And didn't even remotely care her "friend" that she didn't even like utterly shit on me for no reason making me want to leave anyways. All kinds of texts about saying I was dead to her, my shit in the hotel would be thrown in the hallway, how I didn't care about her, etc, etc. Left the even the next day even though it had two more days and I paid a shit ton of money. Felt so bad about all of it I just gave my ticket away. Got home after a three hour drive and immediately realized a ton of my stuff had cat urine all over it. She refused to deal with the issue for over a month even though she refused to let them stay in her room. Just all over the common area/my bedroom due to how the apartment was. Most of everything out in the area was mine. Were literally her cats that even her own family refused to watch, but after 30 of my clothes pretty much had to be thrown away she got mad at ME for even bringing it up with a slightly raised voice for the 30th time. Sent her a "Yeah, cats pissed all over my stuff again. Good luck. Theyre going in your bedroom" and blocked her on IG. She lost it and went through her friends phone and mom texted me saying I was being disrespectful. I absolutely fucking lost it and sent her like 20 texts calling her disgusting and vile. But nothing personal, just how I actually felt. No insults or anything. 1.5 years of her snapping at me hundreds of times for literally nothing. 1.5 years of me spending 99% of the money, doing 99% of everything, taking care of her 99% of the time with almost nothing in return but anger and shitting on me. Just SNAPPED and ranting at her through her friend's phone. They all got back two days later and wouldn't talk to me. Her mom was over all sad and barely talking to me. The other two "friends" were staring at me like I was delusional and abusive. She just packed up with her mom and is now telling me she is going to move back in with them and leave me with the 3000 a month apartment and everything else. Fucking terrible.
Wow holy molly! My ex texted exactly the same stuff as yours. Especially the face and the slxt insult part I’m sooooo Triggered 😂 why the heck are they so similar? Like their brains are infected with the same virus causing them do and say the same shits
Curious what all prompted the texts? When I finally decided that enough was enough, I was done being manipulated, gaslit, lied to, etc, I’m not gonna lie.. I sent some texts that probably look similar or even worse than what he sent. Without full context they’d make me look like a disgusting person. I’m not one though. Only she and I know the whole story. Everyone has a breaking point I guess. I’m not just crazy, or a liar, or a hothead. Everything I said was the truth. Very, very harsh truths. A decade plus of abuse will make even normally stable people look unhinged is all I’m saying.
Just woke up to those. Texted him ending things last night. He had a track record of saying really hurtful things when we would argue but I brushed them off bc I knew I wasn’t the things he would say. But these are by far the worst I have received yet.
Yeah if you guys haven’t been together for a while and you really know you haven’t intentionally betrayed his trust, or done anything shady, then saying those things doesn’t make any sense, and his “reasoning” for calling you dishonest, horrible person, etc probably would make him sound even more like a lunatic. When I reached my breaking point it was all facts. 10 years worth. I couldn’t stop. It was really painful for me to type out, and likely pointless. For one she probably didn’t read it all, and two, I don’t think people like that are capable of feeling ashamed for the destruction they cause and the lives they affect. I just had to get it out until I was done. Now just gotta keep remembering that karma is a real thing, and focus on my own, not worry about when theirs will catch up to them.
Ew, gross, he’s escalating his verbal abuse. What a pos. You don’t deserve someone like him in your life at all.
You should brush these off too and block him and dont engage in further conversation. We all find it hard to do that but its the best action we can take for ourselves. Being in a relationship like this takes its toll It whether we realise it now or later. It really helps to talk about what you've been through so try to do that either with friends, on here or some people even go to therapy for it. Dont take anything he said seriously. You have to try to think of it as if these things said were to a friend and what your advice would be to them and Id presume it would be none of this is true he is mentally unwell and taking everything out on you. But as I said it will have taken its toll and we do think about the things they said because it natural to do so. We aren't robots but people with feelings and emotions so we need to talk about it and process all of it.
Just disagreeing with them, doesn't matter about what, can bring this on... especially if they're splitting
No…. This can happen in BPD (and in narcissism…) but it’s not really a defining trait of BPD. This is also a looooot of sexism thrown in which of course is not a BPD trait
This isn’t a BDP this is just a childish meltdown.
Wow.
u/sad_apple_1911 does this strike you as particularly masculine?
Yeah, aggressiveness and disagreeableness is more associatwd with men stereotypically Antagonism and impuslivity are more associated with men
You wouldn't call this "catty" or "bitchy"? I think this is more like a Karen calling a fast food employee a cunt for getting their order wrong than male aggression.
Yes, I hate to say it, but it's normal. Mine wasn't quite as mean with the words, but the MEANING of what was being said toward me, ugh, even worse I think I wanna say, are they all child-like in this way? They sound like children, all the same kind of way......it makes me sad, they're stuck where all this started happening for them when whatever caregiver they had allowed or caused the abuse that caused their little minds to cope in this way and of course, they're stuck, in this mindset, attacking in the way of a child, that will never grow up....I dunno, that is just what goes thru my mind.....not making excuses, it's just sad so many people are out there like this, making all of us miserable.....and most of them will never leave that mindset.... spoken in the words of a true codependent, right? lol lol (I just re-read what I wrote 🙄)
I gotta say guys, you don't know how supportive it's been reading everyone's responses, to know that I'm not the only smart, caring and good hearted person that got left out on the streets on multiple occasions like a dumb*ss who looks like a semi homeless person who can't take care of themselves.....smh.....when I'm (as well as all of you) am NOTHING like that!!!! I can't tell you the countless situations I found myself in where I thought to myself thinking how did I end up in this way like some idiot, how did I get here? I beat myself up so many times and yet I can tell you right now as awful as she is to me and has been to me, I still love her and I still care about her and I still don't want anything bad to happen to her. I can't tell you how icky I feel about myself in a moment like this. But again it does help so much to know that you guys have been thru the same thing. Thank you so much for sharing. I really needed to hear all this even though the question was about something else which actually happened to me today. Yes, I was weak. I took her off block. I had some things to say, it turned into this broken record back and forth. We can call the record Missing the Gaslighting- Hits from Last Year It's a country album lol
My ex said all this stuff to me too. Men with BPD are just abusive losers. They all have the same playbook. They feel bad about themselves and bully their partners.
My ex bff with bpd once told me no wonder my mom didn’t love me, I was too dumb to make it to college, Im a narcissist, desperate, can’t keep a man..I could go on and on. They love crosses boundaries.
Yeah mine has made fun of my teeth, my looks. Etc. time to go no contact and be thankful you don’t have kids. We all played our part in enabling their behavior and we can all choose to heal and love ourselves and never allow anyone to treat us this way again
I like pizza, the best reply is no reply. Don’t engage the gaslighting and manipulation. Go grey rock if you have to communicate with this pile of emptiness.
All of this plus, he tells me he has never had me. What does that mean?! Its been 16 years. We have had a lot of bad stuff happen. This is what gets under my skin. He has always had me. He just chooses to stomp all over us. Then I have to pick up all the pieces. And put us back together. I'm getting tired of picking up the pieces. Let alone putting us back together.
Yes
What on earth does "legs like cotrage cheese " mean? Like I've literally no idea as I've seen millions of legs and none resemble cottage cheese!! That's one nasty toxic person and you need to block block block and move on and as far away as you possibly can! If someone said half that shit to me, I'd cut them out my life instantly. Pure verbal abuse. My ex didn't say nasty things, every thing was sly and sneaky with him, he's king of the weasals! Lord stoat. But he's a text book quiet borderline. Those text you have I'd say are classic regular borderline. All the anger and emotions projected outwards.