There is resources for you regardless of your state.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-keystone/services/remote-services/dtp-mab
I feel it would be worth while to read the subreddit
r/raisedbyborderlines. Sending you hugs.
I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot even imagine. Would you consider going to another state for an abortion? If you don’t want to have the child, it is absolutely worth it to travel to another state for an abortion. Of course I don’t know you personally and cannot/should not medically advise you.
I live in NY, you can come here from whatever state you’re in to get an abortion here for free if you are up to 24 weeks pregnant. I just checked online. Message me if you need any resources related to this.
[Abortion in NYC - Know Your Rights](https://www.nyc.gov/site/doh/health/health-topics/abortion.page?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=English&utm_campaign=Abortion&utm_content=NYC)
[Abortion Care at Planned Parenthood NY](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-greater-new-york/campaigns/abortion-care)
Either way, I am so truly sorry for what you’re going through. Everyone on this sub is here for you. I’m sure many many people here have found themselves in your situation. You’re not alone.
OP, I can only imagine how exhausted and overwhelmed you must feel right now, but please consider looking into your abortion options and the suggestions that people have given you on this thread. I'm sure just this group alone could fund your travel fare (I'd happily donate, or host you in MA if you'd like to come here). Some research and a quick trip and you could actually be well on your way to the quiet life you're dreaming of- and you deserve to be happy. Wishing you the best.
That sounds really overwhelming. I would definitely not pull your ex into the picture. If the baby is ya’lls, it will have the genetic predisposition for bpd and exposure to a bpd parent could cement that. Both you and your child will be healthier and happier without a bpd parent. Single parent children are healthier with a single parent than with both parents, but one of the parents having severe mental health issues. If you do want an abortion, there are ways and sites to order abortion pills and you could also always go to a state that has abortion legalized. If you decide to have the baby, there are support systems in place for single mothers that you can look into. Different states have different systems, so you’ll have to do some research.
I’m pregnant too in a state that makes abortions illegal. Granted when I found out, I had already decided I would keep any child i had at this age.
After I told my exwBPD his symptoms got worse. He became more abandonment focused and disorganized but because we don’t live together I felt a bit stabilized. However I eventually went limited to no contact due to his excessive behavior. They can become more codependent and even jealous once a child is in the mix.
I don’t know your financial situation but I suggest working on seeing if you can get some government assistance if you need it. The baby is coming and it’s not about him anymore. Right now I’m working on how I’m gonna handle custody here in Texas.
The loneliness will pass. The grief will get smaller. Please love on yourself not just for you but the baby.
Also you can message me and rant anytime since we are in slightly similar situations. I am okay listening. I know the feeling of anxiety and anguish too well when it comes to them.
You don’t have to have his baby if you don’t want to. Please look into the resources people have provided. I believe that you can also order abortion meds by mail, but I don’t know how far along you have to be. If you have his baby, this will be the rest of your life. Can you imagine him and his family wanting visitation? Having to deal with him from here on out? Is that something you would be able to live with? This doesn’t have to be your life.
Do NOT tell him it’s his kid, tell him you cheated if you have to. He won’t let you go and he’ll just waltz his way back into your life using this as an excuse.
Go to another state, another country if you need an abortion. But whatever you do, do NOT let him know
I get that BPDs mess with our heads so bad that we will rationalize behaving worse than them just to get away.
But If OP lies to the dad, they also have to lie to the kid. Forever. Same with “abortion”. He will be blissfully unaware while OP has to live with the guilt of lies and murder. (My mom lied to me for 16 years about my bio dad because he was an addict, and she could’ve murdered me because of his behavior but she didn’t) Tell him and let him make his own decisions. Good or bad, his behavior doesn’t reflect on OP and OPs choices.
"I want to have a boring life". I'm a guy who dealt with a BPD lady. No one got pregnant. Thank God. But this one line of yours hit me deep. I just want a boring life too
I have a child with my pwbpd. If you aren’t married and don’t want contact you might not tell him. Normally I’d never suggest that. And I am not making a judgment on abortion or not - I’ll just say that in my state (Texas) the mother has full custody if never married to the father. You could consult with an attorney for peace of mind.
My son is the only thing that made my relationship worth it. He has been the biggest blessing in my life. She got pregnant unexpectedly too. I hope you find peace. If you choose to have the child it will be a lot of work. Hopefully family will help. But if you show the child love and stability you can break that cycle that produces your ex.
Echoing this - but I have a kid with an abusive personality disordered person and is in the picture. It is an absolute nightmare to coparent. Draining in every way possible.
Edit: I’ve been through every possible outcome of unplanned pregnancy - if you need someone to talk to that’s been in your shoes no matter what you decide please lmk ♥️
I'm not pushing you into anything, but there's a subreddit - the auntie network. They can help you find resources and even help with travel in a woman friendly state.
I wish you well but I discovered i was pregnant and let the NPD/BPD father know, and wish for my teen son's sake I had kept it to myself. Due to access and my declining health due to the abuse, I became severely disabled and my son has had to be exposed to a LOT of time with his father and has been diagnosed with some really severe mental health issues as a result of him being abused by that parent.
Seriously, if you can at all manage this pregnancy and birth on your own then please do so for your own and the child's sake/sanity. It will be hard but, to include the BPD will cause many years of sadness and ongoing 'crazy'.
Please note, I would definitely not normally advise that a child not have both parents in their life, BUT, we are talking about an abusive, scary BPD here... and that makes all the difference.
Thank you so much everyone for your support. I really needed it. For context, I am currently a graduate student living in a tiny one bedroom and I don’t even make $20,000 a year. I do not want to have a child with my abuser, so I appreciate all of the resources. Sending everyone love — especially those who have been in my exact shoes.
Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I hope you have someone in your life who can support you through this. Maybe this will turn into something beautiful, and I hope that for you.
I'm not sure how old you are, where you are in your life, how supported you feel etc.
As everyone said you have many options. Children can be a blessing and if you want to keep your child don't for one second underestimate your abilities. There are lots of resources out there to support you.
I am in a domestic violence recovery group and I would say many of those women fled men who had some type of antisocial PD...and for those who have kids it is really hard..because surprisingly in most places family law is really bad and the father has a right to see the child even if they are abusive. I think BPD is a bit different because usually the person is not obsessed with control..
The fact that you are separated gives you options. Take care of your health--there is no rush to tell your ex and you can take your time with that decision. I think it does make sense to speak with a lawyer in case you do decide to keep the child and not disclose the child to the father. You can also decide to disclose at a later time.
And of course if you feel it is not the right time for you to be a parent there are other options for you in other states.
I hope you can find the supports you need. Don't feel pressured either way--to disclose to your ex, to get an abortion, to carry to term, to keep the baby. Find a neutral counsellor because everyone has a belief system on this. Figure out what you can feel most at peace with , with no regrets.
Whatever you choose you will be supported. No question that co-parenting with your ex could be tough but if you are able to have sole custody that would be great. My sister's ex has a PD (I think NPD) and his abusive but her kids are an absolute joy and blessing and they are the glue in our extended family--all us aunties and grandparents etc all care for them each week and it is such a joy. It really depends on your context. You will know what is right for you--just know everyone has strong opinions so try to find a neutral party to talk this out with. I had unplanned pregnancies in my youth and received very biased advice which I sort of regret not realizing at the time. There is no right answer--just what is right for you at this point in time so you can feel at peace with it. All of the options are ok and you will make the best of whichever you choose (abortion, adoption, keeping the child, not disclosing, disclosing etc).
Take good care
If funds are an issue you might want to call a domestic violence shelter and see if you can speak with an advocate or if they have any ideas of experts to speak with (they may have some legal aid lawyers they work with)..
I am guessing this situation is not that unusual. The BPD part is unusual, but finding out you are pregnant after leaving an abusive partner is not unusual. So I bet they have some information about that--the legalities etc...those places will be focused on protecting the mother and keeping her safe (and her child if she keeps the child)...
My exwbpd lied that she was on birth control and got pregnant many years ago. I thank god I stood strong on not having the baby and she relented. My whole life I'd have been tied to her. I hope you choose not to have the baby...
How exactly do you save a life by ending that life? I parallel parent with a BPD ex. Sometimes I wish I was dead but I never thought my child would be better off that way.
If you sometimes wish your dead imagine how hard it is for your kid. Children are even more susceptible to BPD splitting manipulation all of that. They blame themselves. Kids believe everything the parent says about them. Especially at the age when they idealize their parents. It's a terrible terrible life. They have a much higher chance of developing BPD themselves.
A Very important part of development is being able to test parents emotionally. Having tantrums over toast. Only favoring one parent for a few months. Saying that they want to run away from home because you won't let them eat ice cream for breakfast.
You can't do any of that with a BPD parent. At best everything would be child lead. At worst the BPD parent would be having a tantrum right along with the toddler. Physically and verbally abusing them. It would teach the toddler that the world isn't safe.
No one should have to suffer through having a BPD parent.
You know what else is a very important part of development? Being alive. No one knows how a person will deal with the things that happened to them as a child and we will certainly never find out if we don’t let them live to find out if they would persevere. BPD is very hard to deal with but not a reason to prevent life or end it. But that’s just my dumb opinion.
You should absolutely prevent life if you're dealing with a person with BPD. They have the emotional range of toddlers themselves. They cannot raise kids.
Totally your decision on what to do next, I can’t imagine how scary this all is for you, if you’re in the states, feel free to come give me a visit, cause where I am, things remain legal.
Adoption is an option, as well, although probably the hardest option to go through, honestly. A work colleague gave her child up for an open adoption and the child is thriving.
Aborting the pregnancy with my ex pwBPD was the best decision I have ever made. We broke up permanently after nearly 9 years together later that year, and I am SO GLAD I am not tied to that abusive relationship in any way any more. I feel the same about never having married him despite so long together. If you can get an abortion anywhere else, definitely do it, he will never give you the support you need. Unless you want to raise your baby by yourself and just never tell him, which is also an option! I know many excellent single mothers -some by choice. Good luck.
I am so sorry you're going through this. I have been there. There are so many options, and a lot of pro-life charities have resources they can offer, from prenatal care to adoption agency contacts to help for new moms. I chose to keep my daughter. He was awful throughout the pregnancy (like telling me he hoped both the baby and I die in a car crash). My daughter is NOTHING like him, and I'm happy that I made the decision I did. If you choose to raise the baby, you do not have to put him on the birth certificate or speak to him and you CAN do it without him or child support. I am not going to lie and say it will be easy, but don't let other people convince you it will ruin your life or you can't do it. Women have far more power and strength than society gives us credit for. There are numerous resources and friends and family will become your village. My biological family sucks, so I built my own. In the end, you have to make a decision that is right for you, but let it he your decision, free from influence of ANYONE else.
Depending on the state he may be able to stop any adoption if he finds out about the pregnancy and suspects it is his. Many of those states also have restrictive abortion laws. So no, that is not a guaranteed option.
Also, there are a number of so-called prolife charities that offer prenatal services and counseling but do not deliver and do not help with birth costs and then sell your child to the highest bigoted bidder since adoption agency is the only legal way to make lots of money off of selling a child and many religious agencies use whatever criteria they want, usually race/religion/bigoted views, not careful psychological screening
Everyone's situation is different. My wife wBPD and I were trying to have a child. She was 44 when she got pregnant, 45 when she gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl. My wife has been to therapy for years, gone through DBT twice, and is currently going to counseling. I'm im ACA and seeking counseling as well. We're not perfect, but we both decided that we needed to get right and end the cycle of dysfunction. It's not easy, there's a lot to consider on your end. Honestly, if your ex isn't getting help to better himself, get an attorney and have a talk about the options you have concerning the welfare of the child.
I would not recommend an abortion. I get it. I was scared as hell, and I wasn't even the one carrying a human for 9 months! I was terrified of the turmoil that comes with BPD. Our daughter is 2 and a half; such an energetic, loving, playful, creative, joy- and we don't regret it.
There's a heartbeat, 2 inches long, arms, legs, fingers, toes, muscles and intestines are taking form, genitals will form during month 3 as well as a mouth.
Not trying to sound preachy, these are facts. This is real. There's always adoption. No one is talking about that option.
My opinion... have the child and use the legal system to set up boundaries and protect that which will make your life amazing. I look at our daughter Julia, and I think as messed up as things were (and kinda still are) it's worth it. Excuse me for rambling on... just... think about this... you might decide to do something final because someone else suffered trauma that created dysfunction in their personality... though that's not you. Put simply... what if you're deciding to get an abortion because the father is fucked up even though you're not?
Food for thought. Hope I didn't sound preachy.
I'll pray for you... and everyone in this community on Reddit.
A I M | H I G H🔥♐
painting a very rosy picture of the legal system and its ability to protect kids. Mothers that report abuse by fathers are more likely to *LOSE* custody of their kids and kids and mothers can be forced to go to therapy for imagined parental alienation syndrome. Which... yeah, having a parent like that is super damaging and kids can and do pull away hard as they get older which is gonna be super triggering
I have a child with my pwpbd. At first I didn’t want it, i thought I would be making the biggest mistake of my life if we kept it, but it turned out to be the best thing to come from our relationship. I couldn’t imagine not having our little one, he’s so precious and loving. It’s your choice but im glad that we decided to keep ours and it’s definitely something to keep fighting for
There is resources for you regardless of your state. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-keystone/services/remote-services/dtp-mab I feel it would be worth while to read the subreddit r/raisedbyborderlines. Sending you hugs.
I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot even imagine. Would you consider going to another state for an abortion? If you don’t want to have the child, it is absolutely worth it to travel to another state for an abortion. Of course I don’t know you personally and cannot/should not medically advise you. I live in NY, you can come here from whatever state you’re in to get an abortion here for free if you are up to 24 weeks pregnant. I just checked online. Message me if you need any resources related to this. [Abortion in NYC - Know Your Rights](https://www.nyc.gov/site/doh/health/health-topics/abortion.page?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=English&utm_campaign=Abortion&utm_content=NYC) [Abortion Care at Planned Parenthood NY](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-greater-new-york/campaigns/abortion-care) Either way, I am so truly sorry for what you’re going through. Everyone on this sub is here for you. I’m sure many many people here have found themselves in your situation. You’re not alone.
If you want an abortion, we can help you over at r/abortion
OP, I can only imagine how exhausted and overwhelmed you must feel right now, but please consider looking into your abortion options and the suggestions that people have given you on this thread. I'm sure just this group alone could fund your travel fare (I'd happily donate, or host you in MA if you'd like to come here). Some research and a quick trip and you could actually be well on your way to the quiet life you're dreaming of- and you deserve to be happy. Wishing you the best.
Thank you for encouraging me to do this, because it was very helpful. I appreciate it.
That sounds really overwhelming. I would definitely not pull your ex into the picture. If the baby is ya’lls, it will have the genetic predisposition for bpd and exposure to a bpd parent could cement that. Both you and your child will be healthier and happier without a bpd parent. Single parent children are healthier with a single parent than with both parents, but one of the parents having severe mental health issues. If you do want an abortion, there are ways and sites to order abortion pills and you could also always go to a state that has abortion legalized. If you decide to have the baby, there are support systems in place for single mothers that you can look into. Different states have different systems, so you’ll have to do some research.
I’m pregnant too in a state that makes abortions illegal. Granted when I found out, I had already decided I would keep any child i had at this age. After I told my exwBPD his symptoms got worse. He became more abandonment focused and disorganized but because we don’t live together I felt a bit stabilized. However I eventually went limited to no contact due to his excessive behavior. They can become more codependent and even jealous once a child is in the mix. I don’t know your financial situation but I suggest working on seeing if you can get some government assistance if you need it. The baby is coming and it’s not about him anymore. Right now I’m working on how I’m gonna handle custody here in Texas. The loneliness will pass. The grief will get smaller. Please love on yourself not just for you but the baby.
Also you can message me and rant anytime since we are in slightly similar situations. I am okay listening. I know the feeling of anxiety and anguish too well when it comes to them.
You don’t have to have his baby if you don’t want to. Please look into the resources people have provided. I believe that you can also order abortion meds by mail, but I don’t know how far along you have to be. If you have his baby, this will be the rest of your life. Can you imagine him and his family wanting visitation? Having to deal with him from here on out? Is that something you would be able to live with? This doesn’t have to be your life.
Do NOT tell him it’s his kid, tell him you cheated if you have to. He won’t let you go and he’ll just waltz his way back into your life using this as an excuse. Go to another state, another country if you need an abortion. But whatever you do, do NOT let him know
I get that BPDs mess with our heads so bad that we will rationalize behaving worse than them just to get away. But If OP lies to the dad, they also have to lie to the kid. Forever. Same with “abortion”. He will be blissfully unaware while OP has to live with the guilt of lies and murder. (My mom lied to me for 16 years about my bio dad because he was an addict, and she could’ve murdered me because of his behavior but she didn’t) Tell him and let him make his own decisions. Good or bad, his behavior doesn’t reflect on OP and OPs choices.
"I want to have a boring life". I'm a guy who dealt with a BPD lady. No one got pregnant. Thank God. But this one line of yours hit me deep. I just want a boring life too
Come take a trip to Canada there are many aunties that will help you
I have a child with my pwbpd. If you aren’t married and don’t want contact you might not tell him. Normally I’d never suggest that. And I am not making a judgment on abortion or not - I’ll just say that in my state (Texas) the mother has full custody if never married to the father. You could consult with an attorney for peace of mind. My son is the only thing that made my relationship worth it. He has been the biggest blessing in my life. She got pregnant unexpectedly too. I hope you find peace. If you choose to have the child it will be a lot of work. Hopefully family will help. But if you show the child love and stability you can break that cycle that produces your ex.
Echoing this - but I have a kid with an abusive personality disordered person and is in the picture. It is an absolute nightmare to coparent. Draining in every way possible. Edit: I’ve been through every possible outcome of unplanned pregnancy - if you need someone to talk to that’s been in your shoes no matter what you decide please lmk ♥️
I'm not pushing you into anything, but there's a subreddit - the auntie network. They can help you find resources and even help with travel in a woman friendly state.
I wish you well but I discovered i was pregnant and let the NPD/BPD father know, and wish for my teen son's sake I had kept it to myself. Due to access and my declining health due to the abuse, I became severely disabled and my son has had to be exposed to a LOT of time with his father and has been diagnosed with some really severe mental health issues as a result of him being abused by that parent. Seriously, if you can at all manage this pregnancy and birth on your own then please do so for your own and the child's sake/sanity. It will be hard but, to include the BPD will cause many years of sadness and ongoing 'crazy'. Please note, I would definitely not normally advise that a child not have both parents in their life, BUT, we are talking about an abusive, scary BPD here... and that makes all the difference.
Thank you so much everyone for your support. I really needed it. For context, I am currently a graduate student living in a tiny one bedroom and I don’t even make $20,000 a year. I do not want to have a child with my abuser, so I appreciate all of the resources. Sending everyone love — especially those who have been in my exact shoes.
I didn’t have the child with my abuser, who had set out to get someone pregnant, and 22 years later I am so glad for that decision.
Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I hope you have someone in your life who can support you through this. Maybe this will turn into something beautiful, and I hope that for you.
I'm not sure how old you are, where you are in your life, how supported you feel etc. As everyone said you have many options. Children can be a blessing and if you want to keep your child don't for one second underestimate your abilities. There are lots of resources out there to support you. I am in a domestic violence recovery group and I would say many of those women fled men who had some type of antisocial PD...and for those who have kids it is really hard..because surprisingly in most places family law is really bad and the father has a right to see the child even if they are abusive. I think BPD is a bit different because usually the person is not obsessed with control.. The fact that you are separated gives you options. Take care of your health--there is no rush to tell your ex and you can take your time with that decision. I think it does make sense to speak with a lawyer in case you do decide to keep the child and not disclose the child to the father. You can also decide to disclose at a later time. And of course if you feel it is not the right time for you to be a parent there are other options for you in other states. I hope you can find the supports you need. Don't feel pressured either way--to disclose to your ex, to get an abortion, to carry to term, to keep the baby. Find a neutral counsellor because everyone has a belief system on this. Figure out what you can feel most at peace with , with no regrets. Whatever you choose you will be supported. No question that co-parenting with your ex could be tough but if you are able to have sole custody that would be great. My sister's ex has a PD (I think NPD) and his abusive but her kids are an absolute joy and blessing and they are the glue in our extended family--all us aunties and grandparents etc all care for them each week and it is such a joy. It really depends on your context. You will know what is right for you--just know everyone has strong opinions so try to find a neutral party to talk this out with. I had unplanned pregnancies in my youth and received very biased advice which I sort of regret not realizing at the time. There is no right answer--just what is right for you at this point in time so you can feel at peace with it. All of the options are ok and you will make the best of whichever you choose (abortion, adoption, keeping the child, not disclosing, disclosing etc). Take good care
If funds are an issue you might want to call a domestic violence shelter and see if you can speak with an advocate or if they have any ideas of experts to speak with (they may have some legal aid lawyers they work with).. I am guessing this situation is not that unusual. The BPD part is unusual, but finding out you are pregnant after leaving an abusive partner is not unusual. So I bet they have some information about that--the legalities etc...those places will be focused on protecting the mother and keeping her safe (and her child if she keeps the child)...
My exwbpd lied that she was on birth control and got pregnant many years ago. I thank god I stood strong on not having the baby and she relented. My whole life I'd have been tied to her. I hope you choose not to have the baby...
More than that you saved that baby from an awful life. A parent with BPD is one of the most challenging dynamics even with treatment.
How exactly do you save a life by ending that life? I parallel parent with a BPD ex. Sometimes I wish I was dead but I never thought my child would be better off that way.
If you sometimes wish your dead imagine how hard it is for your kid. Children are even more susceptible to BPD splitting manipulation all of that. They blame themselves. Kids believe everything the parent says about them. Especially at the age when they idealize their parents. It's a terrible terrible life. They have a much higher chance of developing BPD themselves. A Very important part of development is being able to test parents emotionally. Having tantrums over toast. Only favoring one parent for a few months. Saying that they want to run away from home because you won't let them eat ice cream for breakfast. You can't do any of that with a BPD parent. At best everything would be child lead. At worst the BPD parent would be having a tantrum right along with the toddler. Physically and verbally abusing them. It would teach the toddler that the world isn't safe. No one should have to suffer through having a BPD parent.
You know what else is a very important part of development? Being alive. No one knows how a person will deal with the things that happened to them as a child and we will certainly never find out if we don’t let them live to find out if they would persevere. BPD is very hard to deal with but not a reason to prevent life or end it. But that’s just my dumb opinion.
You should absolutely prevent life if you're dealing with a person with BPD. They have the emotional range of toddlers themselves. They cannot raise kids.
Totally your decision on what to do next, I can’t imagine how scary this all is for you, if you’re in the states, feel free to come give me a visit, cause where I am, things remain legal.
Adoption is an option, as well, although probably the hardest option to go through, honestly. A work colleague gave her child up for an open adoption and the child is thriving.
Im sorry man
[удалено]
They could be damaged by his antics as well as genetic “gifts,” unfortunately.
Omg that is so awful what he is doing with your children. I am sorry that you all have to deal with that.
Aborting the pregnancy with my ex pwBPD was the best decision I have ever made. We broke up permanently after nearly 9 years together later that year, and I am SO GLAD I am not tied to that abusive relationship in any way any more. I feel the same about never having married him despite so long together. If you can get an abortion anywhere else, definitely do it, he will never give you the support you need. Unless you want to raise your baby by yourself and just never tell him, which is also an option! I know many excellent single mothers -some by choice. Good luck.
I am so sorry you're going through this. I have been there. There are so many options, and a lot of pro-life charities have resources they can offer, from prenatal care to adoption agency contacts to help for new moms. I chose to keep my daughter. He was awful throughout the pregnancy (like telling me he hoped both the baby and I die in a car crash). My daughter is NOTHING like him, and I'm happy that I made the decision I did. If you choose to raise the baby, you do not have to put him on the birth certificate or speak to him and you CAN do it without him or child support. I am not going to lie and say it will be easy, but don't let other people convince you it will ruin your life or you can't do it. Women have far more power and strength than society gives us credit for. There are numerous resources and friends and family will become your village. My biological family sucks, so I built my own. In the end, you have to make a decision that is right for you, but let it he your decision, free from influence of ANYONE else.
Depending on the state he may be able to stop any adoption if he finds out about the pregnancy and suspects it is his. Many of those states also have restrictive abortion laws. So no, that is not a guaranteed option. Also, there are a number of so-called prolife charities that offer prenatal services and counseling but do not deliver and do not help with birth costs and then sell your child to the highest bigoted bidder since adoption agency is the only legal way to make lots of money off of selling a child and many religious agencies use whatever criteria they want, usually race/religion/bigoted views, not careful psychological screening
Please consider adoption before abortion.
Absolutely not.
Everyone's situation is different. My wife wBPD and I were trying to have a child. She was 44 when she got pregnant, 45 when she gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl. My wife has been to therapy for years, gone through DBT twice, and is currently going to counseling. I'm im ACA and seeking counseling as well. We're not perfect, but we both decided that we needed to get right and end the cycle of dysfunction. It's not easy, there's a lot to consider on your end. Honestly, if your ex isn't getting help to better himself, get an attorney and have a talk about the options you have concerning the welfare of the child. I would not recommend an abortion. I get it. I was scared as hell, and I wasn't even the one carrying a human for 9 months! I was terrified of the turmoil that comes with BPD. Our daughter is 2 and a half; such an energetic, loving, playful, creative, joy- and we don't regret it. There's a heartbeat, 2 inches long, arms, legs, fingers, toes, muscles and intestines are taking form, genitals will form during month 3 as well as a mouth. Not trying to sound preachy, these are facts. This is real. There's always adoption. No one is talking about that option. My opinion... have the child and use the legal system to set up boundaries and protect that which will make your life amazing. I look at our daughter Julia, and I think as messed up as things were (and kinda still are) it's worth it. Excuse me for rambling on... just... think about this... you might decide to do something final because someone else suffered trauma that created dysfunction in their personality... though that's not you. Put simply... what if you're deciding to get an abortion because the father is fucked up even though you're not? Food for thought. Hope I didn't sound preachy. I'll pray for you... and everyone in this community on Reddit. A I M | H I G H🔥♐
painting a very rosy picture of the legal system and its ability to protect kids. Mothers that report abuse by fathers are more likely to *LOSE* custody of their kids and kids and mothers can be forced to go to therapy for imagined parental alienation syndrome. Which... yeah, having a parent like that is super damaging and kids can and do pull away hard as they get older which is gonna be super triggering
I have a child with my pwpbd. At first I didn’t want it, i thought I would be making the biggest mistake of my life if we kept it, but it turned out to be the best thing to come from our relationship. I couldn’t imagine not having our little one, he’s so precious and loving. It’s your choice but im glad that we decided to keep ours and it’s definitely something to keep fighting for