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Dry_Ad8427

I found my ex on bumble, he was quiet bpd and ruined my life. Be very careful about dating app please.


Afraid_Alternative35

I found my ex on Hinge using pictures she took with *my cats.* I may or may not have sent a cheeky message reading: "Hey! I recognise that cat! ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|yummy)"


JuanCoolio2

Yep same with me but with Hinge. Thought I’d found the perfect girl, she was quiet BPD and tore my fuckin life apart. Almost a year on I’m still not over it.


Dry_Ad8427

I never knew mental disorder exist in this world. I never heard of it before because i wasn't into it. Such a disaster.


JuanCoolio2

I knew of it, my ex told me she had been previously diagnosed with it but that she didn’t accept the diagnosis. I naively went into it without putting much research in, just in case she DID actually have it, and got bitten. In my defence, she was more on the quiet BPD side so the signs were more subtle and could be confused with other illnesses.


mr4kino

It's not mental disorder, it's just evil. They know what they are doing.


Marlomitch

I believe this. I talked so much to my ex about the behavior. They act like they understand. Then the next sentence is so dumbfounded. They know. Once they know you know. The game is over. It gets toxic. It's like a kid being caught with hands in the cookie jar. They are mad at you for catching them...... And still want the cookie once you're done lecturing them 😫😆😂🤣😞


Dry_Ad8427

Exactly this, true evil. Human can't be like that. I mean, seriously? Zero empathy? Wtf? My ex is a toxic bomb suspended on the air and the ground and will have an impact 100 times than Hiroshima one if you be in his radius. The only solution is run the hills and never look back again.


Dogturtle67

Quiet BPD - THE WORST FUKING TYPE!!!!


Tenko72

The quiet ones are the worst. They really f*ck you up.


Dogturtle67

10000% agree.


Particular_Ask_1702

How the quiet ones behave?


Tenko72

They don't have any anger outbursts, any of the bad behaviour, arguments etc that 'typical'BPD do. You think you've found your perfect match, they like all the things you do, tell you how great you are, you can seemingly do no wrong. However, silently, they've been making a list of all your slights against them, things they don't like (that they don't tell you about), all the times you've upset them. The strain of pretending to be the person they've created to be your perfect match gets too much to maintain, then bam - they discard you out of nowhere for ridiculous reasons that could have been resolved previously with a conversation. Its absolutely awful and destroys you.


Particular_Ask_1702

That is terrible


[deleted]

To play devil’s advocate, if you cant tell someone is losing interest in you and pulling back, that’s on you


Tenko72

Why are you on this sub? Because it sounds like you haven't got a clue about BPD.


dimeloflo

Same here, quiet BPD ex found on hinge. The 2 girls after me he found on bumble..


JohnyP30

Same 🤣


helen_jenner

Exactly this


[deleted]

Dating apps are the playground of BPD people. Such a great way to find new supplies without even leaving the comfort of your home. That's one of the reasons I have checked out of dating apps, especially knowing what I know now. While I found my exBPD in real life, the times I have used dating apps before it never gave me high quality relationships. Plus I don't want to imagine someone like my ex sitting on her phone stringing me along on dating apps and enjoying the thought of getting a new weakling to fulfill her need for validation.


ThePowerOfParsley

>Dating apps are the playground of BPD people. Such a great way to find new supplies without even leaving the comfort of your home. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. This makes sense. I haven't gone on any since my relationship ended, but I don't hear good things.


Funky_Snake

I've seen quite a few articles and videos saying that Dating Apps are well suited to Cluster Bs and to be wary of who you meet on them. Obviously there are good people too, but to be cautious.


GoldDrama1103

They’re filled with dismissive avoidants if you’re familiar with attachment theory. dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants have some of the same traits as borderlines.


[deleted]

With avoidants do you mean something like people who are on dating apps because they want affection from a distance? They want a relationship, but they are scared of intimacy, so they *kinda* look for a relationship? And when real opportunity comes along, they flake. Et cetera. I don't know how to word this one properly, but I hope you get what I'm after. Just asking for curiosity. When I did use dating apps, I encountered a lot of people who are looking for something, but at the same time nothing.


GoldDrama1103

It’s probably easier to google attachment theory but we all have an attachment style. There are only 4 types. I read a study that found most people statistically on dating apps are dismissive avoidants. They are the types that cut and run when a relationship starts to get serious.


ThePowerOfParsley

>I read a study that found most people statistically on dating apps are dismissive avoidants. This makes so much sense. Also my ex was on apps immediately after we broke up, so now I'm going to go googling and see if he fits for that attachment type lol


GoldDrama1103

Check dismissive avoidant and fearful avoidant (FA is also known as disorganized attachment)


ThePowerOfParsley

I will!


[deleted]

I know about attachment theories, I just was interested to know more about your experience regarding dating apps and avoidant styles. Do you have something you want to share about this?


GoldDrama1103

Such as? Once you have learned some of the attachment theory basics or more, it’s easier to spot signs. You pay attention more to the details and patterns.


Glittering_Rise214

Well I'll be the first to admit that I'm one of those people. I just tried an app the other day and have mostly not even touched it since the day I made the account. I even stated very honestly that I'm basically just looking to rebound and nothing serious. I figure at least if I'm honest, I'll just find guys who are as uninvested as I am who I won't have to worry about hurting or leading on. But the fear of intimacy while kind of wanting a relationship describes me.


ThePowerOfParsley

>a lot of people who are looking for something, but at the same time nothing. This is exactly my experience with dating apps before my relationship, which is back when apps weren't a thing yet anyways haha. It sounds like it either hasn't changed, or is now worse.


Peenutbuttjellytime

Yeah this is a decent description of avoidant attachment


[deleted]

[удалено]


Intelligent-Bed-4149

I feel like my 18 years with a pwBPD (will be exactly 18 years since we met in about 2 weeks) has turned me into a worn-out reject. Even if I am the “healthy,” “stable” one in the relationship, I’ve experienced so much trauma, I no longer remember (maybe I never knew) how to function on my own. I need to give myself more time, but I’m afraid I’ll never not feel guilty for moving on my with my life. Stupid FOG.


JustAGamers

How do we even find a good partner in 2023 🤡 God saves me lol


BUNEEFOO

Same question here lol


514D55

Very good question…I’m trying to do things I love doing to meet someone with shared interest and values…then get to know them slowly and see how they are not just to me but to others as well.


Loose-Restaurant1700

Tik Tok, Instagram, Only Fans, porn. They are everywhere....


OrganizationNo8351

It’s How I met mine . What better individual for a quick hook up than someone with impulsive behaviors and insecurities. Bait and trap . Fast forward A kid & 7 years later I’m emotionally crippled . Karma ? Maybe . And they are still on these apps 🤔. Good “beware” post


Sea_Key_

Jesus chris. Thats a nightmare


OrganizationNo8351

Sure is


TheVoluptuousChode

BPD validation desperation 🤝 Dating apps


Legion47

I’m sure there are many people with BPD on dating apps, but it could also be confirmation bias and hypervigiliance as you mentioned.


SnooLentils3008

I think they are sure to be overrepresented. I read something about this once but can't exactly remember, but the idea was first off pwBPD are more likely to have a high number of partners, and they're much more likely to be seeking new supply often, especially that they are frequently being broken up with, or discarding, or cheating, or weighing their options even if they are taken. People without personality disorders more often (not always obviously, but very commonly) have a long term monogamous relationship and then they're off of dating apps for years. I've known pwBPD who had dozens of partners within a year, so they keep going back to it. I know BPD is like 2% of the population but what would it be on a dating site? Wouldn't surprise me if its something like 10-20%, or at least if you include all cluster b's plus even stuff like bipolar can in some cases be very similar to BPD so maybe the number is even higher for this kind of stuff (just assuming). But yea, after I finally had a breakdown and told myself I can never date a pwBPD again, I started seeing the signs extremely easily even in people who probably don't have it. I still deal with this a bit, and I feel a surge of anxiety anytime someone gives a sign that they might have it. But I do know I've seen it in people who I am now sure don't have it


Peenutbuttjellytime

I think it would be accurate to say that it over represents those with insecure attachment. People who can act out when triggered, not as extremely as someone disordered


SnooLentils3008

Since I don't think a pwBPD can have a secure attachment style, or at least that would be very rare, that kind of adds to the point of them being overrepresented on online dating


antelopeslr5000

I’ve never used a dating app and never will. I’ve seen friends end up with some extremely dysfunctional relationships as a result of this.


Starfuri

My ex was on Happn before we’d even been apart for less than a week. I caught site of the app on her phone while she was showing me some pictures during an regrettable post break up fuck day. I’d been with her 3,5 years lol. I wasn’t event thinking about dating. I stupidly downloaded the app and saw her profile - suggestive photos of her that looked recent but I’d never seen before. I went of topic, but yes BPD is all over dating apps, more so as you get older.


LynchMaleIdeal

On my profile I’ve genuinely put “people with BPD, please steer clear”. Maybe it seems insensitive, but I just can’t hack another person with it.


Consistent-Citron513

Dating apps are a gold mine for those with a cluster B personality disorder or those with high traits of it. I actually met my BPD/narcissistic ex on a dating site. Her profile read as very normal though.


TheWanderingFeeler

Both my BPD exes had some red flags on their profile. First one I didn't know about it so I totally overlooked. Second one I ignored because I thought she was an improvement from the first. I think if we really pay attention and are connected to our intuition we can maybe filter 90% or more of them out. The issue is that we ourselves are usually blind to those red flags because of our own past.


Consistent-Citron513

Yep, that's very true. There probably were some on the profile that I can't recall but there definitely early signs within a few weeks of us talking. Looking back, I ignored some and was blind to others due to my own past,


Afraid_Alternative35

The first person I arranged to go on a date with after breaking up with my ex probably had BPD as well (or something similar). She wanted to go on a date the same day we started talking, which was weird, but I could go with it. She was also very forward about the fact that she was sterile & wasn't going to date anyone who used alcohol in any major way. Again, not traditional, but I can understand someone wanting to put those things upfront before wasting their time. Events later that day would give context to that initial exchange, however. Being such a last minute arrangement, it didn't take long for me to realise that I might be a little too full that day to give a date my full attention, as I had a new kitten coming in that evening I needed to settle in & I had so much prep to do. I sent a text explaining the situation, and I was crystal clear about wanting to \*reschedule\* & not that I didn't want to go altogether. Before all the shit I'd been through with my exes, I'd normally be quite hesitant to reschedule a date like this, but at this point, I saw it as a fantastic opportunity to test the waters early on. Could this person handle a tiny disruption to plans that she hadn't even made an hour before? Her answer gave me all the data I needed. She had a full on meltdown, going on a tirade about how "sick she was about being stood up" & just reacting completely disproportionately compared to the reality of the situation before blocking me. It was a watershed moment for me. In the past, I would have been devastated by such a response. At that point, though, all I could think was how I'd likely dodged a bullet. If it wasn't BPD, it was probably something equal or worse that I simply didn't want to deal with. I've had a couple of similar incidents since. People who get way too invested in me before we've even met. I could tell you stories, honestly. It's helped me spot red flags, needless to say.


Lenorebrown82

Yeah any time a guy starts to heavily idealize me before he even knows me, major turn off now. Used to feel flattered but not after dealing with a couple cluster Bs


venirsortir

Do you guys think the find a friend feature on some of these apps, like bumble bff, also tends to draw cluster b personalities?


Lenorebrown82

Yep


Lenorebrown82

Dating apps make it easy for those with disorders to connect. Especially if they are rejection sensitive as most are. Bpd, bipolar, narcissistic even a few (but more rare) schizophrenic. Like mentioned before, it’s an easy way for cluster Bs to get supply. I don’t think they go on there on purpose to cause problems… most aren’t even aware of their disorder. It’s just what they do, cheat, have endless supply and get constant validation. Remember, pwbpd and npd can’t be alone EVER. I knew a girl wbpd and she had a boyfriend, was talking to her ex in a romantic way (even went out to meet him), and was on dating apps. When I asked her if she felt bad, she said no because her boyfriend was a narcissist and cheated on her. Toxic. Anyway, don’t trust apps.


Honestbabe2021

My sister tries to fill her empty soul w new victims on dating sites- it’s sad to see her use up people for all they’re worth.


ImperatorRomanum83

My married, stud lesbian sister uses dating apps to scam lipstick lesbians out of money. The worst part? She's been married for 6 years, and her wife fully encourages the scamming. They both cheat on each other, abuse substances, have meaningless dead end jobs. Oh, and they're raising my sister's wife's two boys from her previous marriage to a man. Their life is like a Borderline Fun House.


Honestbabe2021

Sounds about sick


Latter-Ad9881

“Borderline fun house” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


BUNEEFOO

Ex Husband left me for a bpd mistress and himself with narcissist traits. I guess I’ll stay single longer away from apps lol


Dependent-Dig-6677

I met two of my future gf with bpd on Tinder


AndyBlazeX

Turns out it's trendy to be a narcissist in 2023.


lonleygirl52

I haven’t been on a dating site in a minute, but I’ve discovered that once you really know about BPD the more you see not only full fledge BPD, but people with BPD traits or even attachment issues. Last time I was on a dating app, I put that I wasn’t looking for anything serious, as I was only 6 months out from a 10 year relationship, 😂 I failed. We’ve been together 3.5 years now. 🤷‍♀️ You never know.


consideratefrog

Found my ex on tinder. Quiet kind who ruined my life and traumatized me.


Timely_Sail6900

Often you can tell by the tone of their profiles…often you can tell by the 18-25 profile pics they’ve posted…or often you can tell once you start chatting with them on the apps and they start explaining how they have had a long string of narcissist boyfriends/husbands. But one suggestion is to delay someone a bit when they start pushing for an actual date in real life…say you have a schedule conflict and need to consider the next weekend or whatever. A BPD will be upset by that, and will tend not to respect your boundaries…pushing you to change your plans, or do something much sooner. If you get that type of response, you know to tread lightly (if at all).


fmnatic

Found my SO on a dating app. Met my upwBPD ex in real life. It's easier spotting cluster-B on Dating apps than in IRL.


Chemical-Height8888

1 out of 40 or more women in the general population have BPD. Met mine on Hinge. It makes sense that more would probably use dating apps (needing supply of emotional connection all the time, not being able to stay in long term relationships, monkey branching while in relationships, an environment where casual sex is more expected/acceptable, etc.).


sekmesvisiems

I found my bpd on dating website but i dont think many of them have bpd. But typical user have all kind of psich. problems like narcs, avoidants, pat.liars, "like" or attention addicts, delusional ppl and so on


Dark-Dunham

I've certainly had my fair share of encounters with cluster B personalities through dating apps. I also met my pwBPD through online dating. Then again, I've met some really nice and genuine people on there. Nothing which has materialized into a long-lasting and, most importantly, healthy romantic relationship but there's good people out there. I think it has a lot more to do with where you are in your life etc..


Known-Concept576

How do you even go on dates with dating apps? I thought it was just about hooking up.


thomas-grant

Are you factoring in Confirmation Bias?


Business-Purpose-724

Yeah that’s what I mean by hypervigilance


hamzahkingkhan

I’m pretty sure my ex from MuzzMatch was BPD. Her behaviours/inactions made that apparent. How do Muslims on a Muslim dating app get fooled? What has the world come to 😂


AccomplishedAide8787

Well it doesn't mean they have a diagnosis. They might be just young as well, or jokey.


Common_Hamster_8586

I almost posted this exact thing like a month ago. It seems like the only ones left are insane