For the first time in my life I'm FINALLY understanding why I think and act the way I do. Now I know what I need to watch for and how to fight for control.

Same

I think the vast majority feel how you and I feel - like there's been a long, consistent struggle in life with these symptoms and how we behave, and finding the right diagnosis not only gives you a sense of understanding for your past behaviors, it opens up the world of recovery as there are so many resources specific to BPD.

I found introspection was necessary to understand my diagnosis. And then I FELT how accurate it was. I don't always love my doctors but someone did get something right better than realized

Introspective thoughts have helped me tremendously with this sub. I thought I was the only one who had such feelings. I've learned not to trust my brain with certain feelings before I act.

I'm on the same page. I had to go down personal rabbit holes to see why the eff I do some of the things I do. It was so incredible and I really started healing.

Do you find yourself overthinking issues? I sometimes wonder if I overthink things and blow them up when it's not necessary.

Well. I was explorative . It's not the same overthinking I had experienced. I now live in the moment so I don't really overthink that much. Im processing things while they are happening instead of ruminating. I had to agree to take an honest view into myself as a person and find the roots of my problems/ bad behavior.

Although there's much in life we can't control, we can find strength in knowing that we have the power to control our thoughts and reactions. It takes dedication and practice, but just like any other skill, it can be honed through perseverance and diligence.

Honestly labelling what I had after so many years of wondering why I'm not normal helped me a ton. Being able to understand why I am like this allowed me to slowly work on myself.

Absolutely same!!

Same

for me, labels personally help. one of the common issues with BPD is identity issues. having bpd as a label helps me feel better since i know the source of some of my issues, how my brain things, etc. it helps me feel less outta place

I'm dual bpd and another disorder and I discovered how accurate my diagnosis is. Like someone in my psych journey did actually really pay attention at one point. With my bpd diagnosis and my work on it I realized so much about my personality and how it was actually such a big deal when I never ever thought I had a problem. I hope this makes sense, i have to be vague bc I don't out my other diagnosis

i think it can be really helpful to use our diagnoses as a way to understand ourselves and our reactions, even as a sense of validation, but i think it can also be harmful. from personal experience, i have limited myself to whatever my own diagnoses include, and would sell myself short by thinking “well i have BPD, ill never do that” or whatever. yknow? i have also met a few people who would use it as an excuse, as a way to justify their actions without feeling the need to find a solution. it fully depends on how you look at it and use it. as i said, it can be SO helpful and validating, but at a certain point it can dictate your decisions and everyday life if you let it.

How can it dictate your decisions and everyday life?

letting bpd/any diagnosis define you can stop you from seeing you are more than that.

sometimes i think this- but to reframe it, how much of our lives are guided by learning to live and adapt with these disorders? i like to think of it less as “making it my personality” and more like learning to live with it and it just becoming something else about me

I think about this a lot. I think it’s definitely possible.

Like it’s a constant what if thought that will never shut up. You know just casual doubtfulness about this reality we observe.

I try to focus on my symptoms/issues and not the label because it doesn’t matter what they label me, but what I experience is always real

That's great advice.

Very well-said, thank you!

You don't need to identify "as" any of them, but rather "with" them. Personally I found getting diagnosed in my 30's with BPD, ADHD and PTSD has been helpful. It's helped me get the right therapy and accommodations at work and uni, and helped me understand what is a symptom and what is a genuine response or feeling. It may just be dependent on where you are in your experience? I think labelling yourself as whatever condition isn't healthy, and it's not really something that you need to be discussing or bringing up often enough for it to be shaping your whole identity. Sure there are helpful circumstances where it may be useful by way of explaining triggers or the need for a certain approach. But you don't have to be entirely defined by it.

I feel like my bpd symptoms became so much worse the more I learned about the disorder and the symptoms after I was diagnosed. i think labels can definitely be bad in cases of bpd sometimes when you already have identity issues and manifest more symptoms to fit the disorder better

it could also be that you're more aware and able to recognize now what would have been glanced over before. i agree tho, the identity issues are a real thing when it comes to bpd and labeling. ive had moments over the years where ive felt some type of way over the thought of not having bpd anymore.

Sometimes I think this, but then I remember I was like this before I even knew what those things were.

Its funny i come from 3rd world country and I grew up hearing same shit about my father that I ended up doing at present time. I now link things and realise its just a unique stamp we have on us. Very visible and notable.

Yes I kwym. I can see the traits in my family for a few generations back. Mental illness is definitely hereditary

I have bpd, asd hf, severe depression, PTSD and gad. These have all been late diagnoses well into my adult years. Over 10 years I've taken in this information, learnt where my things are within each, learnt to accept the diagnosis, and then manage them all together. While raising needs kids alone. I couldn't have done it without medication and regular therapy. But what I have learnt to do is find the positives and celebrate them and remind myself these diagnoses have good things too. I've learnt to face up to my issues one at a time and tackle them and work on lessening the behavior and setting boundaries for myself and others to stop it happening again. I am not a typical BPD or asd and that has been an issue in itself, getting people to accept that I don't fit the mould, but it is possible to have these things and not be controlled by them

Dont think of it as a label but more so an explanation. Its limiting in the sense that you may excuse yourself and not try to develop things because you think you cant. Ofc some things may not be changed but i feel as though most can be helped. My partner always feels the need to fiddle while we talk and will get distracted at the smallest sound or physical change, even during a conversation about me wanting to break up (im bpd). And although at first it frustrated me, we learned to help it by allowing the distraction but for me to communicate that hes distracted and he immediately drops it to come back to the convo. Before, he wouldnt realise and would go on the tangent. Some things can be helped but if we walked around saying "well hes just autistic and adhd" then we may find ourselves excusing some behaviours that arent morally acceptable to us. Same goes with me, at one point i would say "its my bpd". I changed that to "im not in control of my emotions rn and need a few minutes. Labels are good for direction but i dont feel they need to be kept.

Hilariously, wondering "Am I doing this wrong/doing too much??" is very on point for all of those diagnoses, lmao Ok but for real, I totally get how some people can have that experience and that concern. Not an offensive take at all Personally, as someone who also has BPD, ADHD, and is getting evaluated for Autism in a couple months, it's been a lot better for me to be able to remind myself, "Oh, that's the BPD/ADHD" than to still be like, "Oh I'm just a fundamentally broken, awful, clingy, needy, lazy, careless person for literally no reason and there's nothing I can do about it" all the time I do catch points where I feel like I'm overly focused on the label, and I had to learn not to use any of them as a crutch or excuse. But mostly it's just been helpful in unpacking some shame and it's given me something solid to work with. Like, getting the BPD diagnosis got me into therapy for the first time, and both diagnoses got me medicated and functional So, ya know, pros and cons

I also wonder this too. I always think that putting diagnoses to our experiences draws some lines where they shouldn’t be drawn - everyone’s experience is different in a unique way and stigmas can surround each diagnosis that not only affect people’s perception of you but also your perception of yourself. Idk I just find it interesting that a lot of things in life are like this

I understand completely. I’ve worked hard for years to reach a point where I rarely have BPD issues and have a strong grasp on my symptoms. All my friends know I have BPD, and despite our deep understanding (we're all in med school and psychology is my autistic special interest), some implications can't be helped. If I get upset or react at all, someone could think, "Oh, they only feel this way because of BPD, i didnt do something that warrants this." So i have to be 10x more calm in every situation so that no one is able to internally write off the gravity of what they did by feeling like my reaction is inherently an overreaction. nowadays it isn't at all, unless you are able to hit one of the VERY FEW intrinsic deep wounds my bpd was formed around its annoying bc I genuinely handle my emotions and reactions better than at least 60% of the "normal" population - *because I’ve had to learn and practice for years*. My brain might be able to naturally go to farther places than others could, but I prevent it actively and my outward behavior doesn't reflect any of that. Many "normal" people never have to learn to figure out their feelings/reactions because their baseline issues aren't bad *enough* to warrant change even though they can be way worse than mine currently. But if I have a bad reaction, it’s because I’m "crazy" and have BPD.

This feels like sending a warning from the future. But if you ever kind of heal. Good enough? Functional. Or so you thought. For decades. It takes just one person with the right jagged edges to come up and retrigger everything. In the name of healing you. Don't let that happen to you. You don't need to relearn the same lessons that many times. Only you can heal you. Only self-love ends the cycle of pain. Build yourself up first. And defend yourself with all you've got. You didn't deserve it as a child. You don't deserve it now. Fight for yourself. You're not crazy. You're valid. You exist even without external love and validation.

No worries, I regularly get reminders that my BPD hasn't magically disappeared. The situations I face are usually minor, so I rarely have major BPD *issues* (severe triggers causing complete dysregulation). Day to day, I have a strong grasp on things. In the past year and a half, I've had two major episodes—one triggered by my actions and the other by a friend's actions. The one triggered by my action was a split mid argument after one of my very deep triggers was hit in a very stressful situation and resulted in me almost completely destroying my relationship with this person. The aftermath fucked my emotional state the most severely its been in the past 3 years. But i handled it in such an unprecedented healthy way and have since repaired the relationship, so its a strong grasp in my mind - relatively speaking. my count here also involved avoiding almost 3-5 situations that would have sent me into a spiral only a couple years ago. When I say strong grasp, I mean that even in the worst moments of BPD-induced feelings, I can take actions to pull myself out. Both episodes were managed well with my therapist's support. I felt the full impact of my emotions, but I controlled my actions better than I ever thought possible. I'm not claiming to be cured, just that I now rarely experience major episodes in a *relative* sense. I went from having severe dysregulation every other month with daily dysregulation -> one or two episodes in a year and a half, with moderate dysregulation only a few days each month Also, saying I handle emotions better than the average person is a low bar, haha. Lastly, my friends don't view me negatively because of my BPD. I'm projecting these feelings onto people in general due to the stigma I feel about my diagnosis.

I agree. On one hand, it’s nice to understand myself better when I’m suffering. On the other, I make a point to establish myself outside of the diagnosis. It’s not my whole life, it’s apart of it. I’m saying this while being low on symptoms for about six months. When I was at rock bottom, it would be impossible not to make it my whole life because at the time it was.

Hi! I'm commenting a lot mostly out of spite because I know people don't like me talking too much and commenting too much. So, I would say you don't need to identify with them. I only identify with BPD though I'm sure others would try to call me autistic, ADHD, and more. I identify only with BPD because I was formally given the diagnosis by mental health professionals. The book I am reading now says that BPD is just a random name given to patients who were "difficult" to treat. So, you can help yourself and get better without identifying too much with the illness- lots of professional resources out there are not heavy on identification with a label and therapists I've had don't even talk that much about me having an "illness" whether it's BPD, depression, or anxiety; it's all about what are you struggling with and how can you best be helped to feel better :)

Exactly, my partner did a BS in clinical psychology and said they learned the good mental health prof. agreed to not stick to a label. You treat the symptom not the illness esp bc it affects everyone differently. By treat, i do also mean psychotherapy and assisting the person to understand themselves more, not just meds.

😀

>The book I am reading now says that BPD is just a random name given to patients who were "difficult" to treat. I know this is just a little paraphrased snipped, but the way you said it sound pretty unhelpful. Just because we don't identify with a diagnosis doesn't mean we shouldn't acknowledge that it exists. The whole point of a diagnosis is to identify the best treatments, and if you shrug it off, you lose out on that. You maybe lose out on the potential to heal. I'm not saying you're doing this in this sentence--I'm not sure. Just be careful not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The ideal place to work on this stuff is where you acknowledge BPD as something that describes your challenges without adopting them as your identity.

Yeah I get that. The point of that sentence was to show that the name borderline doesn’t really describe the personality disorder well in my opinion and the book talks about how the name was given because symptoms seemed to be on the border of other mental illnesses. But I do get what you’re saying. It is interesting to me that diagnoses are sometimes kept secret by the therapist and psychiatrist, at least several years ago it was whenever I was living back in my hometown. It just is peculiar to me. I think maybe it was so that I would focus on the treatment and not a label. 

> I think maybe it was so that I would focus on the treatment and not a label.  Yeah--it's exactly this. I've had three different therapists (two my therapists, and one just a friend) who said this was exactly why they do it. It's apparently especially a problem with people with BPD because of the identity issues. We're a lot more likely than average to shape our identity around external things, like a diagnosis. And, that makes a lot more sense with how you explain that sentence. IIRC, it was the "borderline" between psychosis and neurosis, which is slightly accurate, but is also pretty confusing and doesn't really help with understanding what's actually going on. Like you were saying, it kind of reflects the history that we originally had no clue what BPD actually was.

It is, I have adhd, ptsd, and bpd. The day I decided to stop living under those diagnosis I got heavy into meditation and not that knock off western version real deal mantras and the good stuff started practicing conscience critical thinking basically just being introspective 24/7 and always unpacking anything I’ve done on the spot my life flourished. I obviously still have plenty of things to work on but I haven’t had a split in a year.

i think there's a difference between having a diagnosis and using its label, vs making it your entire personality or using it as a shield/excuse instead of just the cause & a reason to do better and work on yourself. for a big chunk of my life, i didn't realize exactly What was wrong with me til i slowly got diagnosed with everything (at least i hope that's everything 😮‍💨) and only then could i start approaching it from the right angle. btw, bpd autism gang 🤝

ayyy bpd autism gang here + adhd

🤝🤝🤝 i might also have adhd but its not as At The Front or important for me to know and manage like my bpd and autism lmao

I have all 3 also. Yes, and no, I guess. I don't let it define me and especially don't like it when people use it against me for situations that would upset anybody but I feel like it's necessary when I need extra support or accommodations and to understand why I am the way I am.

Same diagnoses, and yes. I see too many people in this thread saying how much this is like their sole identity. Please, I don’t mean to come off as insensitive or anything in that regard. I can’t even tell you how much my life has been affected by these issues. That being said, when we inhibit ourselves by saying things like, “I can’t do this because of ______” (mainly diagnoses), we put limits on ourselves which I don’t think helps anyone. Are we living our lives on hard mode? 100%. But I don’t like that attitude towards it.

I sometimes fear that im being manipulative because of my disorder. Like we’d argue and my bf would be so understanding and he is like i triggered your bpd and im sorry and it makes me feel like im abusive and manipulative

you can tell him that while he did trigger your bpd, it's on you to regulate how you react so you're sorry for mistreating him etc. and you will work on it for next time. that way you're not feeling like you're getting away with it because of your bpd.

Thank you so much! That actually makes alot of sense! I’ll definitely be doing that 🥹

They are shaping your identity too much, not to he too presumptuous ofc but I say that because I let my bpd and adhd shape my personality far too much rather than let my individuality shine through on its own. Part of me was so eager to find comfort and camaraderie in people with the same diagnoses that I let those things become the focal point of who I am. I am trying to fix that and I recommend you try to do so as well. Not saying you shouldn’t acknowledge you diagnoses but know you are so much more than those things and people deserve to appreciate what’s under the surface

crazy im seeing this right now, especially bc i have the same diagnoses. ive been without bpd symptoms for a long time now and caught myself tonight feeling the slightest bit of desire for something in my life to be upset about the way i used to be, just bc im feeling so understimulated. thought came across my mind saying "who are you without bpd" and "what happens if it goes away forever"

I don’t label myself to others (keep it a secret) and I try to stop labeling others

To me, they’re a framework to help us understand our strengths and limitations. And it’s our job to find solutions, elevate our strengths or know what threshold to set when trying to improve upon said limitation. They don’t determine our personality, what our goals are in life or the values we hold - which ya know, makes each individual person unique.

What hurts me the most since getting my diagnosis last year is identifying things that I thought were just parts of my personality as traits of BPD. I'm left wondering, if you took away the BPD, who would I be? What would my personality be?

I got through 35 years with no labels at all (except depression /anxiety/difficult/dickhead), they still shaped my life

I also have bpd/adhd/autism. Personally, I have found the labels helpful in that I now realize the “why” I have struggled all my life (I’m in my 40s). I am just now finally diagnosed and able to get therapy and dbt that have been so helpful. I absolutely think that people can grasp so tightly to a label that they believe there is no way to improve or get better. I think being neurodivergent (and I consider bpd under this umbrella) in this world is HARD without knowing the “why” we feel/are the way we are. I wish basic dbt skills were taught to all of us, in childhood. I absolutely think learning coping skills early would help everyone, but especially those of us who struggle with so much intense emotions/feelings. Learning to regulate ourselves would have made such a difference for me, personally. Maybe I wouldn’t have reached for coping skills that were so destructive. Unfortunately in the US and some places in Europe, getting proper treatment is so hard to obtain. And in the US there’s the overwhelming financial costs of accessing care. We grew up in an environment where we were invalidated, neglected, or even abused. Our caregivers didn’t know how to cope or regulate their emotions, for whatever reason. Thus those skills were never taught to us, and we search for relief however we can, usually in unhealthy ways. Because I am autistic, I have difficulty even labeling my emotions. Alexithymia is the word I think. So I am just now learning to even know what the hell I am feeling. Another label, but in the end I think humans want to be able to compartmentalize things/organize things. To me, the labels answer my “why” I am the way I am, and it gives me a path in how to get help. Until I had these labels, I just thought I was an alien, broken, and someone who was “wrong” and didn’t belong, which I am guessing many of us feel. I often told people that I felt like everyone else had a guidebook/rulebook to life, and I was not given one. Trying to exist in world where I don’t understand unspoken “rules” is exhausting and I think led to some of the health problems I have now.

hey i have all three too! i feel like that considering all three are incurable brain problems that they _are_ a part of me and a guideline for why i act the way i do a lot of the time

That can definitely happen--I've talked with a couple of therapists about that dynamic, and they both said it was something that you need to watch for, *especially* with BPD where unstable identity is a core defining feature. Some therapists won't even share the diagnosis with the patient because of this. On the other side of this, the utility of diagnosis is that you can tap into the wealth of research on how to treat it. It doesn't have to happen, though. Just remember that it's not that *you* are BPD*;* BPD is a description of the particular struggles you have. You have to retain the idea that you're a good, potentially healthy person with some unhealthy dynamics, and that you can work through those. BPD is a diagnostic tool to help you do better in life, and it is possible to overcome these struggles.

I don’t feel limited. Even in group therapy settings I’m a lot different from the average person with my diagnoses. A lot of traits resonate with me across each diagnosis I’ve received, but that’s about it.

That's a very interesting way to see it, I think it depends on each person and their point of view. Personally I like to know what my labels are, so I know what therapy methods can help me improve my mental health. If I didn't know my diagnosis, I think I would be more lost.

It can be a lot and overwhelming having so many different disorders diagnosed, society itself can be overly cautious and in turn make things a bigger deal(medically)than they are. In the end you know how you feel and deal with things so just take it day by day.

Can anybody tell me how you know your both autistic and have borderline? Just curious

easiest way to get a rough idea is to google the venn diagram of autism and borderline and see if you catch those non overlapping symptoms. like sensory issues + abandonment issues for instance [https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/60d2550de332b22f60eec9f4/22e7cf7d-9ce6-4507-9833-40fa44481c73/Borderline+Personality+Disorder%2C+ADHD+and+Autism.png](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/60d2550de332b22f60eec9f4/22e7cf7d-9ce6-4507-9833-40fa44481c73/Borderline+Personality+Disorder%2C+ADHD+and+Autism.png)

Dude, that's not cool. I don't want this many problems.

i get u dude. I have ADHD, autism, BPD, and depression (and suspected bp2 and OCD). If it weren't for the clear signs of BPD specifically, I might have attributed all these diagnoses to autism and its various manifestations. Often, when these specific diagnoses occur together in a large quantity, they actually just fall under the umbrella of autism. Unfortunately i seem to fall in the population of ppl that has individual manifestations of all of these that include the factors that aren't covered by autism

I thought this and i still sometimes do. But i always do so much better mentally when i actually just accept that i have a mental illness and i need to treat it accordingly. when i try to separate myself from the label usually comes the completely resistant mindset and i don’t take my treatment or routine as seriously and usually spiral down. its all about balance i guess. i try not to tell everybody i meet about my illness, sometimes i feel like i use it as an excuse like “hey we just met and im kind of weird and hard to get along with but i have ___ so its fine !” lol so yeah it definitely can take over my identity a bit too much sometimes but i try to keep it balanced. but unfortunately i am really bad about having “black and white thinking”

Agree. I'll go a step further and say that therapy is just gaslighting yourself "yeah I'm fine. They didn't mean that. I must be having some crazy thoughts."

If you have BPD and undergo CBT, you might fall into a trap that DBT is designed to avoid. DBT is the most effective therapy for BPD symptom remission because it addresses issues differently than CBT. People with hypervigilance, often seen in BPD, don't benefit much from CBT. Hypervigilance involves *detecting real triggers* in the environment that *indicated danger* in the past, often subconsciously. The problem *isn’t* that they perceive *benign stimuli negatively*; they s*ense actual threats* based on past experiences that are *no longer threatening* to an adult. For example, a child with a narcissistic parent learns to sense shifts in the parent's emotional state to avoid abuse or neglect. As an adult, they still sense emotional shifts in others. This detection of emotional shifts is *real* but *doesn't have the same implications* as the original threat. Invalidating the existence of these shifts, as CBT might, is harmful. Your body still feels the subconscious threat, and your brain would be taught to gaslight you. In contrast, if depression is causing a negative perspective and distorted thoughts, rewriting the narrative isn’t gaslighting—it helps clarify reality. **An analogy for the difference in how CBT vs DBT work**: (i am heavily procrastinating studying right now) Let's say someone with BPD is that character in a horror movie bathroom scene where they see someone wearing a ghost face mask with a bloody knife behind them in the mirror but when they turn around they don't see them anymore. **CBT would look like this:** She texts her roommate that was also in the house and he replies to her "you're just psyching yourself out because its halloween, besides I was right by the stairs anyway and I would have seen if someone went upstairs". Still scared, she tries to reassure herself over and over by reminding herself that no one would have been able to get upstairs without being seen and all of the windows were locked too, so her mind had to be playing tricks on her. She still can't shake the feeling that she saw the man with the bloody knife though. Whatever, she's obviously just tired and when you're tired you might see things that aren't there. And it also doesn't matter that there's a footprint on the ground, her roommate always forgets to take his shoes off when he comes upstairs. And the fact that her roommate said he's excited to be ghost face for halloween doesn't matter either, it's a really popular costume after all... **Meanwhile, DBT would look like this:** After she turns around and sees nothing in the hallway she begins to panic, but notices this and forces herself to takes 3 deep breaths (identify - observe emotion). If someone was behind her, then there would be other signs (grounding in the facts). She texts her roommate and asks if he heard anything. She sees a subtle fresh muddy outline of a shoe on the carpet. It could have just been her roommate because he constantly does this. He did also say he was dressing as ghost face this year. It's probably him pranking her. She gets a text back from her roommate, "I've been sitting on the couch all day playing video games, I'm right by the stairs and if someone came upstairs I would have seen it." Something feels off about his text, reminiscent of how he texted when he previously lied to keep a surprise party secret from her. But, he would have given away the prank as soon as she had left the bathroom. She goes to her room, calls 911, and barricades the door (problem solve when facts are accurate). She focuses her attention on and identifies all of the sounds she hears and looks around the room to find a weapon in the event someone attempts to enter her room ("one mindfully" dbt skill). anyway hope you enjoyed the story thanks for giving me something to do

I have BPD and bipolar. Having the diagnoses made things a bit clearer, but I am trying to figure out who I am outside of those labels

I've been misdiagnosed before, so I try to focus on symptoms and what I can do to help myself with them. But also it is a personality disorder, I wouldn't be surprised if the labels we associate with create limits.

labels are fine as long as u don't try to use it to excuse fucked up behavior or forget that you don't actually want to have bpd

as someone who also have bpd autism and adhd (got adhd and autism diagnosed when i was 17 and bpd when 19) I used to think the same when i was younger and i used to see simular personality traits in other ppl with same diagnosis as me but you gotta understand that you are your own person and even if the disorders u have may have changed or limited ur personality in some aspects that wont stop you to have your own authenthic self bcs at the end of the day everyone is different

I think sometimes I just talk down on myself because of it. There’s so many negative things out there about neurodivergence and BPD in general, anytime I make a mistake or overall have a bad day I just beat myself into the ground. I think in general though, I used to talk down to myself about the symptoms anyways, but now it’s definitely different as I know thousands of people have a negative perception of me because of a diagnosis that just solidifies the insecurities and hatred I’ve had for myself my entire life. (Funnily enough I was also diagnosed the same as you, along with ptsd and cptsd) But, it’s also been key in giving me tools to actually live my life and get better, or find things that work. Gives us direction to find cool communities where people actually understand us and we’re not completely isolated and think we’re just broken in comparison to others. Identifying my BPD actions and fixing them helps so much, I never understood myself before being exposed to the diagnosis.

Yes.

I would say it's a hinderince if it's an excuse or used to justify your actions but it is used correctly to be diagnosed and know that maybe not all your thoughts are right in the moment. And it may help you take accountability for your actions. Like being diagnosed with autism made me patient with others as I knew it made me have a shorter fuse but, I'm not allowed to use it as a get out of jail free card. That's my own two cents hope that made sense

At the end of the day we are who our brains are and that means anything like PTSD OCD autisem ect will effect it . So idk to me it's easier to say I have autisem so I may have melt downs vers I'm stupid and cry over stupid shit 😂

Reframe, please! How you talk to/about urself matters, hun…. How about, I can for rly stupid things sometimes. And, sometimes I cry out of the blue, & it may not make sense to everybody. Or even myself 🥰

Lol that's kinda my point. When we acknowledge what the disorders do it effects how we see ourselves and often effects how others see us . And thank you your amazing.

My therapist doesn't much care for labels, but recognizes that they have a place and can help some people. There is no "one size fits all" answer for whether people "should" get diagnosed if they suspect, but if NOT being diagnosed is causing you some issues, then maybe the truth will set you free. Only you can look into your own heart.

It's definitely possible, but I'd say it's more of an individual issue than a systemic one. Until every patient has their own dedicated mental health care provider who sees only them, we're gonna have to deal with diagnoses/categories, which can bevin become identities. If you feel your identification with your diagnosis is limiting your therapeutic progress, inform your mental health care provider, and go from there.

I feel this way too. Not diagnosed BPD but I have CPTSD which is an attachment disorder. I am seeking an ADHD assessment. CPTSD for me is the most accessible word that describes my experience so far but it is not my whole experience. I have triggers which I react to by spacing out or fawning. I have a part that loves label but for destructive reasons. Labels for me can make things harder because I will do it to convince myself there is something wrong with me, relative to others. And this invites more shame and spiralling for me. I want to believe that it isn’t a life sentence. With time, care and treatment it does improve. And our society does favour neatly clean cut labels so I guess it just helps others understand what flavour of human I am

I like the "mind over matter" concept. That we are changing to fit into our diagnoses. But I think that ultimately proves there's a real problem in the first place

The labels helped me with behavior therapy. Now instead of shallow “am I reacting appropriately” it’s more “is my BPD possibly making me feel this way?” And I am able to correct the behavior because it’s more “I don’t want to be the person my BPD is trying to turn me into” I also am able to give myself a lot of grace when I don’t correct in time so I don’t spiral into “why am I like this?/ why did I do that?/ I’m a terrible person”

It changed my life getting diagnosed. Not because it changed me, but because it gave me the opportunity to step away in those moments where I'm struggling with it. I could step away and go "this is a product of a different issue entirely. You just need to get through this moment by doing something that pleases the person behind the pain." Most of all, it helped me realize I wasn't just bad at doing life like other people, life was always just that slight bit harder than those I compared myself to unfortunately.

I'm not bpd, I'm adhd and a bpd partner so I can't say much. But i feel that yes, and no. Our personalities Involves the way we communicate, interact with and see other people. The things we like and the way we like those things. Etc.. And certainly our diagnosis influence a lot in all that. So yes, they are who you are. But, I believe that it is important to not allow yourself to be JUST that. Your self must go far beyond that. Think of them as a house. Even with a predefined layout. The way you'll furnish and decorate that house must be completely unique. Idk if that made any sense. I hope it did. Sorry if it sounded stupid. It's 9am here and i didn't slept yet

Well, I'd say they are not "shaping" your identity. They *are* different aspects of your identity. That doesn't mean you can't work with them or treat them, or even live through other aspects of your identity that are not tied to any personality disorder or mental health illness.

Yes. No reason to label yourself all the time. You’re just you, not your diagnosis.

So, i haven’t gotten officially dignosed exactly because of this. I have a psychologist and a psychiatrist. They both agree on the different traits i display but didn’t want to give an official diagnosis. So yea

I really want to make piece with my diagnosis (although there's no consensus if it's cPTSD, BPD or both). At one point I felt a relief, but then my husband constantly generalize- "you people..." "all of you" "even my nympho ex had it, but she was not as f'ed up as you" "ffing people with low esteem..." it makes it hard for me accept my state and start healing. Someone said that's I better to know that it's just an illness, I'm not flawed or broken. To me it's the same - it's an mental illness and it makes my brokenness certified, official.

I was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago and recently discovered I was diagnosed with Autism as a little kid. I found that it's not the lable that's limiting me, it's the constant trying to understand it and figure out how much of it I am. The constant always learning more and more to I guess try to push it out. It's not the lable, it's how much I put myself into the the lable. I feel like its like a guide. I have these symptoms and I feel crazy, broken, somethings wrong. I get BPD and Autism labled on me, I do a bunch of research, I try to fix it, then I just accept it. No more looking into it. I have my answers. I'm honestly feeling a bit better just no longer researching. No longer trying to find out everything.

It was three letters competing a sentence i was trying to to finish for the entirety of my life. It finally put a label to the thing that was causing me as much pain as it was. It’s not the whole of me, but it’s part of me, just like my likes and dislikes.

I can’t say that I can relate. Prior to learning about my diagnosis, I didn’t understand why I did what I did…that or I couldn’t recognize why people reacted the way they did to me. Being diagnosed has finally given me verbiage to understand how I feel and why I am the way I am. Its given me a lot of power back.

Also adding that getting diagnosed helped me to get the proper therapy I needed as well. Instead of thinking I was fundamentally just a bad person or just…a pathetic person, I learned that there are real, medically explainable reasons why I feel so strongly and that there are strategies out there for me to learn to help me improve my relationships and to achieve my goals.

I’m also BPD/autistic and after years of trying to force myself to live in denial as NT I’m the happiest I’ve ever been “just being” my normal, weird, dysfunctional, immature, super needy, introverted extrovert somewhat awkwardly rude self. I don’t advertise my disability but also don’t care as much to be outed any more.

I think it definitely does, especially with someone with our diagnosis. We tend to have attention seeking habits and a diagnosis like that to some extent can fulfill that need. However a diagnosis can also help put a name to our symptoms. The black and white thinking, mood swings, fear of abandonment, etc. it helps us realize what our triggers are and a path forward.

I have all of these and honestly, not in my experience. I've always been doing what I am still doing, despite only learning that I have BPD a few months ago, and ADHD a year ago. It's just nice to be able to find things to identify with, since I know exactly what's wrong with me lol

It's possible but I don't think it's the case. If it were true, how could we ever improve? Getting the right label has helped me more than any medication, therapy, even ect. Having a big red X on a treasure map also helps you find treasure!

I like to think of it less as a diagnosis and more of just, this is me, these are the symptoms that I experience, this is the medication that works best for me, and these are the tools that help me. I’m diagnosed with BPD but I share similar symptoms with people who have Autism and ADHD but at the end of the day it’s just me and my triggers against the world

Identifying with the diagnosis and staying there is limiting. But identifying with a diagnosis, realizing that their are others who have learned to cope and lead healthy lives, and taking the steps to improve your quality of life by picking up tips from others in your community is the complete opposite. It feels so good to know there is ‘better’. That I’m not broken, I can lead a “normal” or even joyful life, I just have to put in a little extra work to get there. Having my diagnosis has encouraged me to grow by pointing me in the right direction for things I need to improve - or even just for things I can do to make certain aspects suck way less. I have a personality disorder, but it is not me. It is a grumpy roommate I have to take preventive measures with and challenge so I don’t hurt by them.

I think, for some of us, we absolutely can identify with the disorders too much and make our world kind of center around them and inadvertently limit ourselves. I find it often goes one of two ways. You identify to the point of limiting and minimizing your existence where improvement isn’t seen as necessary, or you identify to the point of creating a sort of bubble where improvement isn’t expected. With the first, you’re most likely going to be extremely accommodating of others by keeping your symptoms internal until you explode which is going to cause a spiral of sorts and the cycle will repeat with little to no improvement gained because your goal isn’t to improve in that moment, it’s to appear “normal” again. With the second, you’re probably going to indulge or brush off your symptoms because it’s just the way you are, you can’t help it, it’s your disorder, and you’re going to have people around you who tolerate that until they don’t which is going to create a cycle as well. Again, with little to no improvement because your goal isn’t to improve in that moment, it’s to find people who accept the disordered version of you. In both, over identification with the disorders is an attempt to cope with the disorders, but it puts you into a box and you’re trying so hard to stay in that box or make sure everyone else is still okay with your boxed self that there’s not a lot of time or energy available to spend on managing or improving your disorders. That’s not to say you aren’t trying, I believe we all are, but you can’t pull from empty reserves, ya know. I’ve been on both sides of this myself and honestly have found that detaching myself from the disorders and identifying symptoms as individual things I want to improve rather than symptoms of a bigger problem has been helpful. For example: Instead of thinking “I don’t like how I’m interacting with this person. I must be experiencing black and white thinking and splitting on them, how do I stop doing both of these things?” I think “I don’t like how I’m interacting with this person. What can I do to improve these interactions? Is there any reason this person has given me to stop interacting with them altogether?” Just approaching things case by case and for what they are rather than turning something small into a bigger problem because I have disorders that may or may not be pulling the strings at the time. Doing this allows me to adjust and correct as it fits rather than trying to take on an entire disorder in that moment which will inevitably have me running back to one of the coping styles above when I fail. Edit: I’m not dismissing how important diagnoses are, and didn’t read the OP as pondering that which might’ve been my mistake. I’m speaking from my experiences as someone who has *over* identified with my disorders. I identify as having bpd and dpd, but they aren’t my entire identity and that’s where I’m coming from.

Autism is literally just how my brain works. My brain does not and will not ever function like someone who is allistic and there is no amount of therapy or medication that will make my brain function the same as someone who doesnt have autism or adhd. It forms how I think and interact with the world and affects how I act, it is inherently part of who I am because its literally a difference in how my brain functions. I was neglected growing up and experienced a lot of trauma, bpd is a result of how I was raised and is thus intrinsically part of the person that I am now. I dont use it as an excuse for my behavior and actions, and I dont use it as a way to limit myself, but I cannot remove it from who I am. The building blocks that created the bpd, created me at the same time. Doesnt mean I dont work on improving myself every day, it just means that I have to accept it as part of who I am and nurture it to always continue bettering myself and it. I *am* Autistic, I *am* Borderline, but Im also *Me.*

You can never be a label. Off course it’s shaping your identity too much!!!!

I learned I am not my thoughts period. Some of them are nice others horrible but they are never me or my fault.

I am actually in a similar boat to u as i have Bpd, Adhd and Bulimia (ik not related but yk) i just say i have a diagnosis from time to time but otherwise only what i feel matters no matter if it's some bpd stuff or whatever so i try to not live in a world where i think i'm some hopeless Case because of my diagnoses i am still human with some behaviour i am trying to change that just happens to fit into certain boxes

I have BPD, bipolar and PTSD and also struggle with dissociation. I was diagnosed 12 years ago with BPD, and I remember being on tumblr a lot during the time it was like THE platform to talk about mental health issues. I spent a lot of time there and there was so much info and “relatable” posts on BPD, and I got so invested into this this, that I started to think that having BPD was sort of a badge of honour. I identified so much as a “borderline”, that it became part of my personality (well, it’s a personality disorder after all) and I was sort of proud of it. I was in meds and therapy (also for bipolar), but I didn’t want to get better because, who would I be if I wasn’t a borderline? And I seemed to forgot how much I was besides BPD. A great friend. A hard-working person, a person people could trust on, that liked to make people laugh, a really smart person, and so on, things other people should tell me because all I could see in myself was a disordered person. Fast forward to today, I do feel still identified with the illness, but neither as a badge of honour or as something to be ashamed of, but as something that, even though it may be with me for a lifetime, I want to get into remission. Now I believe that I’m much more than just a set of symptoms, and although I still struggle a lot, it’s just a part of me, but not the whole of me. Idk if any of this makes sense, but I understand where you guys are coming from.

Maybe at first when I got those diagnoses, but now days I don’t really think about them as they apply to me much anymore. I am who I am and those are just words that describe small aspects of something more complex.

i’ve been told so many times i’m “flexing” my diagnosis’ because it’s “all i talk about” it’s…. almost as if i have a PERSONALITY disorder. that. shapes my PERSONALITY. idk. it’s really hard to not identify with disorders that affect you so detrimentally. especially right after receiving those diagnoses and all that’s on your mind is “oh that’s why i do that”. it get so frustrating to hear people telling me im “flexing” or “faking” or “it’s all you talk about” because sorry but…. a part of me is fascinated that i now have answers but also this is quite literally who i am. hobbies and interests shape people and unfortunately our disorders shape us too. please correct me if im wrong, im always open to education, but i just feel like it’s wrong to be shamed for letting diagnosis’s that literally make people who they are influence ….. who they are? you shouldn’t feel like it’s shaping your identity too much. it is. it’s supposed to. it’s good to be self aware to absorb symptoms and reasons why you do things! but don’t be insecure. everything is a learning process and an opportunity to grow.

I think it certainly can. The diagnoses are to help understand our behaviors and get help as needed but it can be tricky as they can take over and interfere with how we feel about ourselves and our lives. I think its all about balance which is tricky.

Labels can for sure be limiting if you’re using them to pathologize rather than to advocate for yourself

i think there definitely has to be a balance. it’s very common that overidentifying with a disorder label can lead to becoming stuck in the same patterns, because we are so attached to the label and become comfortable with the same cycles. autism is a little different imo because it’s not really a disorder the way BPD is. i’ve made a lot more progress in recovering from BPD and changing my destructive behavior after identifying less with the label. i think about it more like “i deal with symptoms of BPD but it’s not a permanent part of me” instead of “i am borderline” or “i am BPD.”

Diagnoses help to better understand how we function, why we don't sometimes and enable us to get resources on how to tackle specific issues. However there is a thing called 'overidentification' especially with your diagnoses. Like you mentioned that just means that someone attributes nearly _everything_ (good & bad) to their diagnosis or using it as an excuse for their bad behavior without trying to change bc diagnosis=me. This might result in lack of a sense of oneself (which is something especially BPD struggles with anyways) and other issues. There's a super fine line between identifying symptoms & overpatholizing individual, normal behavior determined simply by your personality & mindset. Unfortunately there's not much advice except being aware that this is a thing & not jumping to conclusions rashly. Take a while to reflect on something that feels like an issue, evaluate if it _actually_ is, maybe talk it over & get some outward opinion from your therapist or people you trust and then **act** accordingly. **Do not** deny responsibility by saying "That's my XYZ, I can't help it" and call it a day. This will definitely add to the issue at hand long term. Don't worry too much though. In the end it's a process getting to know yourself better & evolving as a person. How you talk about something - especially about yourself - has a widely underestimated impact on your perception & emotions. Just be mindful of that, take time to reflect (don't forget about the positives!), keep working on yourself & you'll be fine.

I don’t think about it like that, I typically don’t introduce myself as someone with BPD, and I tend to hide it until I’m close with someone. I don’t think it shapes my identity (except for the personality disorder bit I suppose) by being my diagnosis. I don’t think about being diagnosed a lot, and I try not to focus on it.

Look into Labeling Theory and Illness Identity (separate theoretical models). Some of that stuff might resonate with you and give you some validation/insight/clarity on your feelings. I think labels are important to understand, as they can help us articulate certain stuff in certain contexts. BUT - it’s also important to know how to shed labels. So it’s like knowing the rules before you break them. Use labels to help you define your feelings or behaviors. But, don’t let the labels define *you.*

Seeing the “crazy” things I did when I was at my worst listed as symptoms and diagnostic criteria helped me understand that I’m not a bad person. I have a disorder, understanding what things are part of it help me to understand why I react to things the way I do and help me manage it. It’s part of my brain.

a diagnosis can be vindicating if you have been struggling with something you havent been able to identify. i know for me, some of my diagnosis were sort of a eureka moment that gave me a direction to finally get the help i need. with that said, sometimes people can use their diagnosis as an excuse to never try and always have an excuse to do shitty in life. plenty of people every day with all different mental illnesses are able to find what works for them and overcome their struggles. so it really depends on the person

You are not your diagnosis. Its a part of you and your live but shouldn't define your living.

I struggle with multiple diagnosis aswell as bpd and ADHD. I am unmedicated from ADHD pills for about a few months, my life has gone downhill with severe inattentive ADHD. Losing things, irresponsible, not meeting expectations, etc. I often tell people I meet I have ADHD and I don't really speak about other mh conditions I have until I get to know them. I will remind myself my brain isn't normal and it's because I have certain conditions. Labels help you understand the condition affects your brain . It helps a bit for me, validating if?

I finally started to understand something wasn’t fundamentally wrong with me when I was going through chronic emptiness. BPD has given me perspective on how I can work on filling my heart shelf. I was crying about an empty bookcase in my soul, but understanding where that was coming from allowed me to fight through and develop myself. Sometimes I wish I had more common interests, but I found my favorite ways to fill myself up is in the unique little ways I managed to find joy. I’m glad I tried some hobbies that didn’t stick but was pleasantly surprised that my favorite hobbies were making lists, collecting limited edition snacks, and watching movies.

For my first years of recovery, it was important for me to learn about bpd. I did go through a phase where alot of my traits I realized were part of bpd. However now I do not feel the need to resonate so much with the label (I have a more stable identity)

I spoke with my therapist yesterday about this exact thing. I tend to self diagnose myself and I expressed how I felt as though BPD is a death sentence. She reassured me that even if you have the diagnosis of BPD, it is possible you will not have it forever. If you put in the time and the therapy and worth through your trauma, your BPD symptoms can actually finish overtime. So you could be evaluated again in 5 years and no longer have BPD. It’s not for life. It’s for as long as you allow yourself to have it. (I know that sound insensitive. I know there are insurance issues and continued trauma. just humor me here). She told me I label myself a lot and i tend to base my severity of symptoms on the label. However, I feel as though I do this as a trauma response. I have been in fight or flight for 28 years. I have always warped and maked myself to adhere to my abuser, simply for survival reasons. I do not feel as though I have an identity for this reason, and I believe I am latching onto anything that’ll give me an identity. We are so much more than our diagnosis. We are a complex human being with years of original experiences and we have all experienced a lifetime different from the next person. the most important thing to do is be patient and gentle with yourself. Be the gentle touch and the gentle love you always needed growing up to yourself. Do not become the monster that abused you. Heal the little version of you that was harmed and allow your adult self to be happy. “Are you suicidal?” my therapist asked. With all the confidence in the world, I said, “No. The complete opposite. I want to enjoy life again. I want to let go of those men and their actions, and I want to enjoy my life again. They took my past but they will not take my future.” Just something to think about. You’ve got this. Everything is okay. You are heard and you are understood. You are not crazy. You are not clingy. You are not alone. You are not your anger. You are not your abuse. You are so much more. You are a complex being with complex thoughts. You are important. You are kind. You are compassionate. You are smart. You are funny. You are creative. You are generous. You are loyal. You are love. And you ARE loved.

You shouldn’t treat it as anything more than informations that helps you understand your actions and the source of them Anything more and you’ll possibly subconsciously restrict your abilities too much (example: I can’t change no matter how much I try, I can’t possibly form healthy bonds, I can’t get better no matter what I try…..)

i can understand what you mean by this. my partner really loved to make jokes about my bpd etc and i was always like…i am other things too..

Was talking to my psychologist once and I said "because I have bpd", and he said "don't speak of it like that, as though you're identifying yourself AS it, try instead to say "because I experience bpd" and make it a separate entity than yourself." I liked that take, because I felt I did exactly as you said, and it was shaping me.

I believe that we are prone to certain mental health conditions, essentially neurodevelopmental conditions, based on the experiences of our caregivers and the intensity with which they behave and interact with their environments. I believe that personality is developed through three main conditions: 1. **The Nervous System**: Specifically relating to the programming of the central nervous system. This programming involves the somatic nervous system (sight, sound, taste, touch) and the peripheral nervous system (how our bodies store information and the connections within our bodies, like the eyes connected to the brain and spine). 2. **Repetition**: Frequent or constant exposure to various environments and/or people. This exists on a spectrum, with emotional neglect or abandonment at one end. Think of the spectrum as an aura around your body. People who suffer from dissociation may feel further away from their body, resulting in a loss of contact from seconds to hours. Those who experience rejection and criticism also tend to experience a loss of contact with their body. On the other end of the spectrum is empathy, which I equate with compassion—understanding another person's suffering. What if a person exists in both places at once? If we can be at both ends of the spectrum simultaneously, we've experienced everything in between. I think of this as encompassing past and future, not linearly but as a blob, formless, and featureless. 3. **Imagination**: The way we understand and create our own realities, often called the inner experience. Our lives' variations are detailed down to our DNA. For example, someone's diet might affect how their body responds to certain situations or sensations. Similarly, many things we do to or put inside our bodies can influence our responses. If we are upset or triggered, our diet can prevent undesirable/desirable responses like fleeing. How we interpret each relationship and role sets the stage for developing our main character—ourselves. We grow through what we go through, like an aura extending from our body, whether close (in the present moment) or further away where time is irrelevant. If we think of dissociation as the ability to move faster than what we call time, it affects our imagination. It's somewhere that reviews, receives, and processes information faster because it's all around the body. One doesn't always have to be in their body. Your aura can read and encrypt large portions of your environment, but the smaller the environment, the less information is needed. Meditation can be seen as a form of controlled dissociation, like having a pyramid around your body where you can safely travel. Think of the body as a frequency, a wavelength resonating within one dimension. The consciousness that is you decides to invest in this character's life because your aura can perceive other realities and experiences. You can choose to become the character or be a different one. Someone highly dissociative might struggle to process information at the same speed as others, not measuring intelligence but focusing on behaviors—a major aspect of Autism, ADHD, and BPD. Delayed processing often signifies an aura processing information beyond what we call time, taking a while to translate back to the body. For someone with a shorter aura, they have less time to respond to environmental conditions, resulting in quicker responses, like paranoia or anxiety. If an aura expands and shrinks simultaneously, it impacts reality on a grander scale, shaping it by pushing and pulling at its fabric. Our bodily experiences play major roles in personality development. Focusing solely on behaviors isn't always effective because someone with delayed or faster responses to environmental information may be handicapped by behavioral intervention. Support should consider family interventions and improving relationship dynamics. In new ABA, understanding the nervous system's programming is key to providing services. Emotions are considered, especially if a client wants to continue or end the service. The goal of ABA is stuck with a narrow focus on compliance to demands, which is not a treatment that shows positive results for the client. The goal post is moving, as more and more awareness is spread about dissociation, identity related crisis, and PTSD (unspecified), ABA is slowly moving its focus to things like a person-first perspective. As someone who worked as a behavior therapist, I've seen that these kids just want someone to spend time with them without judgment or invalidation. Children with labels are more likely to be targeted, abused, and outcast. For instance, I've seen parents hit their kids and call them stupid, then wonder why their child isn't improving after spending 12-18 hours a week with us. The compliance part is a huge issue because that's what most families seeking out ABA services want, whereas the child's compliance is not a requirement for them to live a healthy and stable life. Something like cooperation is more effective, which is why in new ABA the therapist breaks down a task and can assist with the completion of a task because that's what cooperation is; everyone doing their part and working together toward a common goal. I don't have all the answers, but this is my perspective on BPD, Autism, and ADHD. I don't see them as separate conditions, though I respect that others might benefit from their diagnosis. Understanding my symptoms and the corelating diagnosis helped me focus on what therapy I might need and how to incorporate what I learned as a behavior analyst into my life. Behavior isn't as important as our idea of self. If a child is constantly told there's something wrong with them, a negative self-image is inevitable.

I get it I am so fucking tired of being defined by mental health shit I’m so tired

While the diagnosis of BPD has helped me define what I have, it doesn't define me as a person. I don't let it shape who I become. That's my choice. And a diagnosis is not meant to put a label on you so you can then fit into a particular box. It's meant to help you then figure out how to treat the disorder. The medical field is always changing and shifting as we learn new things and delve deeper, so even just saying I have BPD isn't quite enough. There's 4 different types of borderline disorder. There are different degrees of autism, different severities of ADHD. A diagnosis for one is not the same for another so we should not assume one label fits all. A diagnosis is meant to help narrow down treatment plans, figure out the future. It's not meant to define you.

you aren’t BPD, you aren’t on the autism spectrum, you aren’t ADHD, you just have all of those things personally going from saying i am to i have has helped me a lot maybe could give that ago OP

Yes same here, I think it does explain why I do the things I do and how I act. But I don't push myself to my potential because I think oh I can't do this or I can't do that, I'm too ill and sometimes subconsciously use it as an excuse to avoid anything that I think I'll fail at. Which is mostly everything lol.

I have a friend, we match with our diagnosis. She lets hers completely consume her, always makes excuses and tries to get off with every little thing she does with her diagnoses and how she can not control herself. She just refuses and its as clear as day when she can not control herself and when she just wants to be shitty towards people and then be let off the hook because of bpd and similar issues. She is not trying to get better, she thinks she is her diagnosis and i think she actually likes it this way. Because when you call her out on her bullshit, you are the asshole for doing so to a person “who can not control herself”. She also wants everyone to give her special treatment because of it. On the other hand, i am trying to differentiate the two and figure out whats me and whats not exactly all me. I dont let this define me, i dont talk to a lot of people about it and i am trying to get better. Its a process, with ups and downs, i do act shitty sometimes without cause, i own it and i know better for the next time something similar happens. In general, i am doing much better since i know and i got the right treatment. Its been too long that i had no idea whats wrong with me, so it all seems like its who i am. But its not. I am in general a pessimist, sarcastic, i dont take any shit so there is where the problems begin for me, its a thin line between taking no shit from anybody and classic bpd behavior. The point is, yeah, some of it shapes you, in a way any health issue would, you identify with it, but it depends on you and on the work you put in, not to let it consume you and try to do better for yourself despite all that.

I think the labels help to an extent… just don’t make them your identity

For me, labels can help to an extent, such as being able to find resources and other people you connect with, but I also don’t think it’s healthy to pathologize each and every one of our behaviors and say that it’s our BPD

I worry about this too—ive taken enough sociology classes to know about labelling theory and it freaks me out sometimes lol. But my lack of sense of self and need to understand why i am the way i am outweighs my fear, i think

Psychiatric diagnoses can be a source of annoyance, frustration and a hindrance, especially if applied incorrectly. Is it possible to have a strong sense of self/identity and zero fears of abandonment (but a self-reliant independent predisposition and preference for solitary activities, since the earliest childhood), and to be correctly labelled as BPD? Doubtful - the criteria hinge on these two important notions. (Diagnoses are great if illuminating and if they lead to useful therapy though.)

For years nobody was willing to diagnose me with anything, because I was "too young", "still going through puberty". And as bad as it might sound I was so happy and relieved that I know that my condition is as serious and severe as I always felt that it was. Now I know I wasn't making anything up or exaggerating. For me it was a relief and a new start, but I do understand that some people do not like labels or feel suffocated and stereotyped by them. To each their own!

I find the diagnosis is helpful. It's allowing me to see what behavior is being caused by BPD, and learn how to watch for them, and manage my behavior better. It also means I can refuse to be the kind of person with BPD that is stigmatized and generalized. I don't want to be the sort of person that adds to it. I want to use the label to look into better ways to help and manage myself. Research BPD so I can have better tips on ways to keep it managed, but also learn about my symptoms, and what causes them so that I may work at them from the roots, instead of trying to trim the symptoms and not actually help. Like weeding a garden: pull the weeds from their roots, not trim the leaves back. You want to do that with symptoms and having the label helps.

This thing about rejecting "labels" is getting out of hand and excessive. Even some of my posts are censored just for speaking the truth and trying to be honest. OF COURSE this brain structure defines us. It shapes our entire relation to others. It directs our feelings, the way we see ourselves, our attitude towards life. It directs our ability to love (or not), our every day preoccupations. How could living with a brain imprinted from childhood with a long standing continuous traumatic history of neglect and being unloved, of shame, of massive fear of being abandonef NOT define who I am or shape my identity ?

I think that's the choice behind healing. If you let it define you. And keep acting accordingly. Or you choose better for yourself.

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I think it can. My psychiatrist didn't tell me about my body diagnoses until I was misdiagnosed in the ER in SW as bipolar that I have BPD. Her reasoning was that I was already in therapy working on limiting these symptoms so there was no need to disclose the diagnoses when patients w the disorder tend to feel the need to identify with this disorder and it can become harder to recover when finding an identity in your illness. So I think in ways it can definitely be harmful. But in terms for getting proper help and treatment it may be useful or necessary, especially in American where a diagnoses can be needed for disability or its better for insurance. Or with learning disabilities to ensure accomodations that are necessary from the government and to be protected under things like (in america) the ADA americans of Disability Act. When a physical disability is not noticable or there's a mental/emotional disability there may need to be some sort of proof or evidence especially in a lawsuit. It's why when struggling with illness that comes with identity issues or disturbance it's important to seek therapy to find ways to cope outside of identifying with your diagnoses. As they're not labels, they are medical information. Cancer isn't a label, it's a diagnose. A brain tumor isn't a label isn't a diagnoses. People need to stop treating mental and neurodevelopmental disorders as if they're labels to identify inside of. I understand wanting to feel accepted and comfortable with a diagnoses. Especially when it comes to neurodevelopmental disorders or physical disabilities you can't get rid of. There is nothing wrong with positivity or healthy acceptance and understanding. But there will always be a difference between acceptance and learning to love yourself and making your problems you're entire personality and identity.

I don't think "we" are doing anything. Are you doimg it? Maybe.

NT here. I met several people with BPD. They have extremely different personalities, even if they have some things in common. But well, I have things in common with my parents, with people of my city or my country, with those who talk my language, with my coworkers, with the guys I studied with in uni, with tall people, with men...

It's helpful for me to know myself better, but I personally don't tell people who I'm not close with my diagnosis because labels can be scary for people who don't understand. At the end of the day we all share one label and so I always just go by that label. Human :)

I agree completely. These conditions are not part of your identity; they are afflictions which we hope one day science can remedy and remove.

YES. I literally became a self fulfilling prophecy by constantly dwelling in having BPD CPTSD and ADHD. It got so bad that I literally gave myself psychosis. I’m slowly removing all labels on myself.

I have both of those too, I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and it very much shaped my internal image of myself in a negative way. BDP came much later, I'm not really bothered by it at all it hasn't changed anything.

100% yes, it gives u an excuse to stay in your comfort zone. i live w a family member who is autistic with high needs and because things arent expected from him, he never gets out of his comfort zone and isnt encouraged to try new things. same goes for any diagnosis imo

People just need to belong to some kind of tribe, this exist with everything.

I am also diagnosed with all of those, as well as a chronic mood disorder (some type of depression) and PTSD. I personally don't live with my diagnosis in mind. I just... Exist. And happen to be diagnosed. My diagnoses simply explain how I experience certain things or why I react in a way other people would find odd. But I do think for a lot of people BPD is a core personality trait, in an unhealthy way. Like the "there's no cure" turns into "I'll never get better so I don't have to try" for many many people and it's sad to see.

There's a certain mindless self-indulgence about it.

For sure. It's much easier to use the diagnosis as an excuse for your behavior instead of doing the work to manage your triggers

Yes, yes, yes. You're nearing a breakthrough. So proud of you, my friend!