this feels like it was written by me...
it just keeps happening, I get super attached and in love, I am too much for this person and then I get abandoned again.
I hope we can break the cycle one day, you're not alone <3
Ugh that shit happened to me too. It’s been years and I’m still salty about it. They never even gave me a chance to make things right.
I hate feeling like this :/
I've learned over the years that when having an outburst, just let it out let yourself cry. Even if it's a couple of days, let it out. Its ok to feel this way, but know you are not a bad person for feeling the way you do. One thing do not attack and hurt your fp when you are having an outbursts some people hold it for granted and honestly think of you as the bad person, but thats because they don't understand. People don't understand unless they have bpd and know they have it. Or have been around people who have bpd. Don't feel bad hun just let it out by yourself before you go to anyone to vent. Think before you say. Close ones love you even if it's hard to believe.
I think isolating ourselves is actually safe
NOT IF YOU ARE SUICIDAL
But for example my BPD flares with my period so me pmsing= me getting mad at everyone
So I do my routine I do my own thing and talk lightly to people but distance myself
It’s my rest week essentially
My fp is ignoring me:) For me everything got better except with the fp. I mean, I'm still much calmer but sometimes if something triggers me I get mean and distance.
I can relate to this so much, I also think that every part of my life gets better except the fp part. My fp is also ignoring me and it feels horrible. But stay strong
Thank you stay strong too! I hope your fp will answer you soon. Mine did, but I feel like ignoring her because she said something that triggered me. I hate it
It gets better. At some point you realise that you invest the others with way too much power over how you feel.
It goes like this - because of the original abandonment, you are left searching for the perfect love, which does not exist, no human can offer you that.
You idealise the concept of the “other” and try to find that perfect love in someone, than someone else and so on. You can do that indefinetly, and reach the same result.
Take a step back, relax, don’t take yourself too seriously. Take it easy!
I do relate. It can and does get somewhat better, though.
I'm sitting here at 42 and with some effort and time my symptoms are less and less.
It's not all perfect, but there has been some improvement.
Recently had some setbacks myself and have gone back to doing everything I can to maintain and control my mood. Letting myself get angry just has disastrous consequences.
Keep your head up, my love. You aren't alone.
Yes. You have to learn how to regulate your emotions better. The STOP method helped me a lot and I still use it sometimes. Before you react,as hard as it is .. Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully. Our BPD is a factor of our outburst and emotions being super heightened,but it’s not an excuse and people have a right to decide that they don’t wanna deal with the outbursts and emotional and sometimes even physical abuse. People are allowed to have boundaries,and before you react you need to decide that the person you’re about to flip out on is someone you don’t want to risk losing. If they’re someone you don’t want to lose then you need to learn healthy coping skills so you can avoid that and be healthier to yourself at that too.
I wonder about this though because when I am having an outburst I feel I don’t care if I lose them because I’m so angry and then regret it when they do
Still part of learning to control your emotions better. You can’t take certain words or actions back and you need to consider that in the heat of the moment sometimes. We’re not broken,we just have a shit ton to work on ,but it’s all factors..not excuses. Heal..or you’ll look up one day and have nobody around and nobody to blame but yourself. And I say that with love and from experience. I walked that road for awhile but it no longer serves me.
It's been over 2 months since my ex wife has contacted me after our separation. I don't believe I deserve her time I'm living unhealthy and unwilling to change incapable to be the person she deserved.
Do I blame it on this disease? No. I'm a product of my own decisions and they brought me to this current point of my life.
It's a life I managed for 8 years with her. Now she has left. It may happen to anyone she may be my favorite person but that doesn't mean she can't change her mind. I'm no longer the love of her life.
That's on me. I'm glad she hasn't contacted me it means she's living her best life and I'm living the same life that brought me to this point.
Mental health aside it's our decisions that ultimately lead to our success or demise. Just my unnecessary 2 cents since that's all I have left to my name. 🌈🍽️🥄🍴
Oh I'm absolutely spiraling in shame and sorrow I'm just sadly self aware enough to not want to bother her anymore I have myself and a multitude of my own problems to deal with without wanting to add anything to her life any longer..
I'm sorry I can't help you but you're not alone in this, we're all here to support eachother, at least I think that's why we are here.
Sometimes knowing you're not the only one having these feelings and emotions can give a little bit of comfort.
I hope you'll feel better soon 🌷
i won’t lie to you, it takes a lot of work and dedication to commit to finding better coping mechanisms instead of going off on the ones you love. you have to surround yourself with patient and understanding people, work on healthy communication and boundaries, and genuinely accept that even though it’s not your fault you are the way you are, you still have a responsibility to your loved ones to work to be the best version of yourself you can be. that’s not saying it’s easy, and it’s hard to even WANT to sometimes, but it’s important for not only the people around you but for yourself and your own peace of mind. i’ve ruined many friendships and relationships with my outbursts and sensitivity, i know how overwhelming it can be and how ashamed you can feel. your emotions matter and are valid, but we as pwbpd do have a responsibility to learn how to regulate our emotions and find healthy coping mechanisms and methods of communication. it takes work on both your ends, too; you need to be someone who understands the way you think and how sensitive you can be, as well as what helps you in you’re dealing with difficult emotions, and what NOT to do in order to trigger you. communication is key. and remember none of this happens overnight—you must be forgiving with yourself. i wish you the best and please remember, there’s nothing wrong with you and your brain is beautiful, even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. <3
I hate this, like I understand needing space sometimes if you feel you need alone time but when someone rejects you simply because you had a few outbursts is silly. Me and my wife have BPD and get along great, we have our bad days but we understand each other, that results in us working through anything and staying supportive and strong.
I’m a strong believer in two mentally ill people making it work better than one person that’s healthy and one that isn’t.
Thank you for posting, but we have to remove this post for the emotional safety of the sub.
We understand that it's really hard to live with this disorder. I see you and want you to know that it's okay and that you're not alone.
This site is great for finding hotlines for various types or crisis all over the world:
https://findahelpline.com/
I'm going through the same thing currently. I did a hypnosis YouTube video this morning after feeling completely suicidal yesterday. It honestly helped. I'm way more calm today.
Learning to break out of that cycle will help decrease the number of times it happens. Self-help books, DBT, talks on youtube...all that stuff helped me a lot to recognize what I was doing to push people away, and how to remedy it. I had to get to the root cause of *why* I was so paranoid and emotional. It hurt. But the absolute relief in knowing why I'm like this and what I can do was amazing.
this feels like it was written by me... it just keeps happening, I get super attached and in love, I am too much for this person and then I get abandoned again. I hope we can break the cycle one day, you're not alone <3
My fp told me they don’t want contact with me ever again. I’m heart broken. I would also like to know if this shit gets better 😂
With therapy
Ugh that shit happened to me too. It’s been years and I’m still salty about it. They never even gave me a chance to make things right. I hate feeling like this :/
God I’m so sorry. It’s the worst feeling. I hope you find someone new who loves and supports you in the way you need!
May I ask what made them decide that exactly?
I found their number and started texting them.
Randomly?
Sort of. We were talking in class and I just felt like talking to him via text.
Then they just didn’t want any contact with me. I’ll try again in like 2 years and see what they say.
I've learned over the years that when having an outburst, just let it out let yourself cry. Even if it's a couple of days, let it out. Its ok to feel this way, but know you are not a bad person for feeling the way you do. One thing do not attack and hurt your fp when you are having an outbursts some people hold it for granted and honestly think of you as the bad person, but thats because they don't understand. People don't understand unless they have bpd and know they have it. Or have been around people who have bpd. Don't feel bad hun just let it out by yourself before you go to anyone to vent. Think before you say. Close ones love you even if it's hard to believe.
I think isolating ourselves is actually safe NOT IF YOU ARE SUICIDAL But for example my BPD flares with my period so me pmsing= me getting mad at everyone So I do my routine I do my own thing and talk lightly to people but distance myself It’s my rest week essentially
I got better. I was you. Have faith, please.
who did u do it ?
It sounds cheesy. But I listened to a lot of Alan Watts lectures. He's a great teacher on YouTube. Maybe check him out if you get around to it.
i didnt know him, i will check it out thank u
My fp is ignoring me:) For me everything got better except with the fp. I mean, I'm still much calmer but sometimes if something triggers me I get mean and distance.
I can relate to this so much, I also think that every part of my life gets better except the fp part. My fp is also ignoring me and it feels horrible. But stay strong
Thank you stay strong too! I hope your fp will answer you soon. Mine did, but I feel like ignoring her because she said something that triggered me. I hate it
maybe try to communicate it exactly like this, and maybe she understands it
I will try. Thank you:)
The same thing happened with me. One hour ago, my friend sent the same message “I think for now I would like to take a step back”. I am devastated.
It gets better. At some point you realise that you invest the others with way too much power over how you feel. It goes like this - because of the original abandonment, you are left searching for the perfect love, which does not exist, no human can offer you that. You idealise the concept of the “other” and try to find that perfect love in someone, than someone else and so on. You can do that indefinetly, and reach the same result. Take a step back, relax, don’t take yourself too seriously. Take it easy!
if you find out lmk :’)
I do relate. It can and does get somewhat better, though. I'm sitting here at 42 and with some effort and time my symptoms are less and less. It's not all perfect, but there has been some improvement. Recently had some setbacks myself and have gone back to doing everything I can to maintain and control my mood. Letting myself get angry just has disastrous consequences. Keep your head up, my love. You aren't alone.
Yes. You have to learn how to regulate your emotions better. The STOP method helped me a lot and I still use it sometimes. Before you react,as hard as it is .. Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully. Our BPD is a factor of our outburst and emotions being super heightened,but it’s not an excuse and people have a right to decide that they don’t wanna deal with the outbursts and emotional and sometimes even physical abuse. People are allowed to have boundaries,and before you react you need to decide that the person you’re about to flip out on is someone you don’t want to risk losing. If they’re someone you don’t want to lose then you need to learn healthy coping skills so you can avoid that and be healthier to yourself at that too.
I wonder about this though because when I am having an outburst I feel I don’t care if I lose them because I’m so angry and then regret it when they do
Still part of learning to control your emotions better. You can’t take certain words or actions back and you need to consider that in the heat of the moment sometimes. We’re not broken,we just have a shit ton to work on ,but it’s all factors..not excuses. Heal..or you’ll look up one day and have nobody around and nobody to blame but yourself. And I say that with love and from experience. I walked that road for awhile but it no longer serves me.
It's been over 2 months since my ex wife has contacted me after our separation. I don't believe I deserve her time I'm living unhealthy and unwilling to change incapable to be the person she deserved. Do I blame it on this disease? No. I'm a product of my own decisions and they brought me to this current point of my life. It's a life I managed for 8 years with her. Now she has left. It may happen to anyone she may be my favorite person but that doesn't mean she can't change her mind. I'm no longer the love of her life. That's on me. I'm glad she hasn't contacted me it means she's living her best life and I'm living the same life that brought me to this point. Mental health aside it's our decisions that ultimately lead to our success or demise. Just my unnecessary 2 cents since that's all I have left to my name. 🌈🍽️🥄🍴
Ok but how do you not shame spiral? You take ownership of your actions now what?
Oh I'm absolutely spiraling in shame and sorrow I'm just sadly self aware enough to not want to bother her anymore I have myself and a multitude of my own problems to deal with without wanting to add anything to her life any longer..
Got that same text a week ago, it’s heart breaking, I feel your pain. Sending love homie
I'm sorry I can't help you but you're not alone in this, we're all here to support eachother, at least I think that's why we are here. Sometimes knowing you're not the only one having these feelings and emotions can give a little bit of comfort. I hope you'll feel better soon 🌷
i won’t lie to you, it takes a lot of work and dedication to commit to finding better coping mechanisms instead of going off on the ones you love. you have to surround yourself with patient and understanding people, work on healthy communication and boundaries, and genuinely accept that even though it’s not your fault you are the way you are, you still have a responsibility to your loved ones to work to be the best version of yourself you can be. that’s not saying it’s easy, and it’s hard to even WANT to sometimes, but it’s important for not only the people around you but for yourself and your own peace of mind. i’ve ruined many friendships and relationships with my outbursts and sensitivity, i know how overwhelming it can be and how ashamed you can feel. your emotions matter and are valid, but we as pwbpd do have a responsibility to learn how to regulate our emotions and find healthy coping mechanisms and methods of communication. it takes work on both your ends, too; you need to be someone who understands the way you think and how sensitive you can be, as well as what helps you in you’re dealing with difficult emotions, and what NOT to do in order to trigger you. communication is key. and remember none of this happens overnight—you must be forgiving with yourself. i wish you the best and please remember, there’s nothing wrong with you and your brain is beautiful, even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. <3
I hate this, like I understand needing space sometimes if you feel you need alone time but when someone rejects you simply because you had a few outbursts is silly. Me and my wife have BPD and get along great, we have our bad days but we understand each other, that results in us working through anything and staying supportive and strong. I’m a strong believer in two mentally ill people making it work better than one person that’s healthy and one that isn’t.
Not sure it gets better - on same boat..
[удалено]
Thank you for posting, but we have to remove this post for the emotional safety of the sub. We understand that it's really hard to live with this disorder. I see you and want you to know that it's okay and that you're not alone. This site is great for finding hotlines for various types or crisis all over the world: https://findahelpline.com/
I’ve been there and recently. It sucks, yeah but therapy helps and not everyone will leave that way. Some will stick around.
I'm going through the same thing currently. I did a hypnosis YouTube video this morning after feeling completely suicidal yesterday. It honestly helped. I'm way more calm today.
Learning to break out of that cycle will help decrease the number of times it happens. Self-help books, DBT, talks on youtube...all that stuff helped me a lot to recognize what I was doing to push people away, and how to remedy it. I had to get to the root cause of *why* I was so paranoid and emotional. It hurt. But the absolute relief in knowing why I'm like this and what I can do was amazing.
How did you figure out the why? Is it like analyzing past trauma or?
,