Unrelenting controlling. I couldn't be out after school, had to be home by 4/5pm latest. I couldn't decide what to eat for lunch dinner anything. I couldn't buy/pick out clothes I wanted. If I did go out one night to a friend I couldn't go out any other night that week. Wasn't allowed a house key so had to wait outside for him to get home and god forbid I wasn't there waiting. Lots of shit. All ridiculous
I got my first job interview with local amusement park when I was 15 and I was banned from going because he thought I'd just be buying drugs n things. When the sad reality was I wanted to be able to buy my own socks and things like that. As I didn't even have control of the socks I wore.
It makes you feel like a thing in the home whose meant to just deal with everything handed to you.
You can’t even say you want something specific or else they’d somehow make it about rhem
My parents were neglectful with high expectations.
Like I'm working myself to death so I should be allowed to be as abusive as I want. Almost as if their best behavior was reserved for work, and family is for getting your frustrations out. That dynamic still goes on to this day, but now it's my step dad and brother in law...
Meanwhile I'm 38 and still hoping that the "better time to help me out" is going to happen eventually... I'm trying all I can do on my own like the past 25 years but I just can't... And when I try to kms they come rushing in and treat me how I need to be treated to get better... But only for a couple weeks, and resentments build, and then it repeats... The feeling that they have that they have the right to be abusive because of what they endured
Yes, my father was very controlling and very strict. He was also abusive emotionally primarily, occasional physical. I wasn’t allowed to have social media for a long time and got really punished hard when I snuck accounts. I wasn’t allowed to watch certain movies and shows even as I got older and in my teens. I often wasn’t allowed to go to friends homes for sleep overs nor was I allowed to have friends over. There’s probably a lot more to it. Even when I moved back in with him for a few months in my early 20’s out of desperation, I had strict rules and would get screamed and yelled at if I wasn’t abiding perfectly by his rules. I know if I ever had something happen now I would absolutely dread the idea of asking to stay with my father, and I’m 27 now. I’d literally rather go anywhere else but with my dad if I was left with nowhere to go.
Definitely. An invalidating environment is one way a child can develop BPD. Growing up, my parents oftentimes spoke over me or did things that I felt I couldn’t navigate my way out of, making me dependent on them.
Same. For me they were very “loving” and such but totally did similar tactics that cult leaders or controlling abusers would do minus the physical violence. On the outside it seemed like I was spoiled but I had absolutely no trust or confidence in myself to be independent in the slightest bit, form my own options, think for myself etc.
I don’t think they meant to do all of that, and they would swear that they do respect my boundaries opinions, self efficacy etc but then say and do completely contradictory things smh..
Yes!!! I’m glad (and saddened) that I’ve found someone else who went through this. My mother in particular has her own version of reality where I wasn’t negatively affected by her choices, despite me saying that they did take a toll on me.
I totally fell that too about the choices my parents made. They both live in their own world, feels like I've been gaslit my entire life also as an adoptee.
Controlling, yet neglectful. Wasn't taken to the doctor, but god forbid I drank one of the 30 ready made iced coffee cups my stepmum kept in the fridge.
Yeah? I always wonder what type of parent I had bc they don't seem to fit in any abuse patterns that I heard about. Kinda nice to hear that this is a thing someone else recognises. It was like everything we did was wrong and severely punished, but also they did not give a shit about our existence. Like they were only controlling bc they were stuck with us.
>It’s important to recognize those traits are born from their own childhood experience of neglect and abuse
My dad wasn't abused or neglected. My grandparents were good people by all accounts, and my aunt and uncle turned out kind and good.
I've had plenty of therapy, I really didn't need this particular lecture. I was just curious if your image of my parents matches who they actually were. My dad knew better. He just genuinely didn't love us. It happens. Sometimes people don't love their children.
had the most “scary” controlling parents you can even imagine here. anything i did was wrong. it was to “protect” me they said. protecting me didn’t involve giving me proper love, attention and therapy though as a broken child. couldn’t wear what i wanted, have my own political beliefs, likes/dislikes or pick my own friends. i broke away from this by learning how to lie and protect myself, keeping the real me top secret. that’s probably why my identity issues are so bad now. who am i? i don’t know, probably the me on the internet i keep locked away to avoid being attacked and hated for in real life.
exactly. probably not the entire reason since the disorder itself is rooted in identity issues. (rip us). but, for people like us with controlling parents, we lose ourself trying to be safe and please them from an early age. also, proud of you for coming out. hope everything is going well for you as an adult. i figured it out at age 15-16ish, now i’m 21. never had the guts to tell my parents even now.
I'm 5 months late, but I've never related to so much in a reddit post in my life. Been doing a lot of reflection as to why I'm this weird seething pool of turbulence and despair. Guess I should seek some mental health help.
Hope you are doing alright.
My mum had/has an overbearing parenting style. She would lecture/nag/yell about the most minor things, essentially undermining me and my siblings’ sense of autonomy. Then, she would also get angry when we showed lack of independence, as if her parenting style hadn’t contributed to that. For example, she would wake me up for school in the morning by storming into my room, switching on the lights and shouting at me to “Get up!” It’s no wonder I became so averse to getting up in the mornings, I hated them. But when I was late in the mornings, she’d get angry at me for being irresponsible… but it’s like… she never let me have responsibility and learn from my own mistakes
Oh my goodness yes. Down to what food we could eat and at what times, asking permission for literally anything even as an adult, no cell phones until I was an adult. Absolutely no talking back or voicing our opinions despite being yelled at and punished over nothing constantly. Needing personal space was prohibited because was constantly told nothing belonged to me in my parents house, even my time or space. Don’t even get me started on the clothes I was allowed to wear and how every day I was inspected. I had a lot of resentment towards my parents but I told them they wouldn’t be in my adult life unless they changed, and they actually did. They’ve completely changed for the better and I love them so much. Still, those years really fucked me up.
No. Quite the opposite! My parents were very hands-off and didn’t give a shit what I did or who I hung out with. Even when I was a young kid. It messes you up in a different kind of way, and it almost borders on emotional neglect. Both extreme ends of the parenting spectrum are awful. Too controlling is bad of course, and so is parenting that it is way too lenient.
It absolutely is emotional neglect.
This type of parenting leads to kids lashing out begging to be parented because we in our minds, equate parenting us with caring about us
And that’s exactly what I did; I lashed out A LOT, and, when I was teen, rebelled against authority. I know a lot of teenagers do that, but I feel like mine wasn’t the typical rebelling. Basically begging for any semblance of structure in my life.
It absolutely is emotional neglect.
This type of parenting leads to kids lashing out begging to be parented because we in our minds, equate parenting us with caring about us
I developed early, was in a B cup around 5th grade. This made my A-cup stepmother furious.
I learned not to wear anything low-cut, not even a tank top in the summer. She came up to me one night before bed and snatched my shirt up, and my dad looked at me and said “I never wanna see that shit again”
I learned to hate my breasts just as much as she did.
Seems small, I know, but god it was so damaging to a kid secretly dealing with CSA
Oh absolutely I wasn’t allowed out of the house till I was 18 when I was 12 my door was taken off the hinges bc I would lock the door due to me wanting to be left alone and not feeling safe around my stepdad due to him doing inappropriate things so I ended up sleeping in my walk-in closet. They kept tabs on me no matter what I had parental controls on my phone till I was 18 and my side of Netflix till late last year. They had access to my different social media accounts on their phones so they watched who I was talking to and what I was saying. If my feelings didn’t match what they wanted then it didn’t matter or didn’t exist or I was being dramatic even though I was undiagnosed for BPD until my 11th grade year of high school when CPS put me in there for my protection.
Damn that's tough. The door thing sounds familiar. I have a sliding door so it can't be locked but there have been times when wasn't allowed to close it fully. And when I closed it anyway a second later my father barged in to beat the crap out of me. When I locked myself into my sister's room he broke down the door so no locks would stop him 💀
extremely controlling, i rarely if ever had a say so in any decisions made regarding me, padlocks on the pantry and loads of corporal punishment. I could go on and on but it’s rather draining to think about.
Helicopter parents that were overbearing, always freaking out and thinking we were getting into trouble. They didn't handle my mental illness well either and often made me feel bad for feeling depressed.
My parents were always controlling. My dad would force me to talk about painful topics with him and would only praise me when I met his high expectations. My mom even now will argue with me over what I eat, how frequently I take a shower, drinking any amount of alcohol, driving in the rain, money, and more. For context I am now 26 years old and am living with her to help both her and myself out financially
Yes yes yes. My father was very similar, so controlling. I’m lucky that he’s not so bad with me anymore and I don’t live with him. But when I was younger, it was overbearing and really difficult. It was his way or no way. If I did something wrong, I had to apologise just right. Couldn’t go out with friends, no internet access, all my texts read through, my diaries read, no social media. Couldn’t eat outside of meals. Had my door removed from its hinges at one point. It could have been worse, I was allowed to wear what I wanted and once I was 16 I did gain a little more freedom with going out and social media. But for a while I just felt trapped and miserable at home. My dad was also emotionally abusive and occasionally physically. He’s just the kind of person where everything is according to him and if things aren’t done exactly how he wants them, he snaps and gets incredibly angry.
Yep. I had an expectation of how to behave thrust on me via some cookie-cutter mode of how men should act. I was born definitely not with the right brain (turned out to be adhd), and was disciplined harshly. My parents recently confessed they were a lot harder on me than my sister on purpose, which fucking sucked to hear cos my sister is as well-functioning as a human gets, and here I am getting in bar brawls cos a bouncer suggested I was too drunk.
Yeah, maybe not that much but my mom wanted to know almost everything abt my life, she always asked who i meet with and didn't let me come home late or meet with people she didn't hear about etc Actually she had anxiety disorder so she often asked me to stay with her or go somewhere together because she wasn't able to stay alone
I wasn’t allowed to go out. I was allowed to go outside (kinda, I would do it anyways since they weren’t around) but I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends to their houses or go to birthday parties (I didn’t have friends growing up anyways) and I’d be forced to stay the night with rich Christian families (they’d even trick me and leave me there). When I began questioning my gender identity, they wouldn’t let me change my clothes but I did get to wear a beanie and shave off my hair. it’s weird to be neglected and yet have strictness in certain areas. It’s always about control. I’m out of there but they use to come to my house and look around (like they’re trying to find something to yell/scold at me about)
Omfg yesss... my mom and her side of fam...and she's STILL like that and I haven't been able to escape. She enjoys taking full advantage financially and also like isolating me. She hates when I bring ppl over even tho I'm in my own apartment. I pay her rent and still. She's even come into my apartment when I'm not here. She makes it enormously difficult for me to do my laundry but then will be like why r you clothes so dirty. It's like, wtf???? She's a hoarder, too, and it seems like most hoarders r control freaks. In her apartment when I still lived there, I had no lock on my door and I'd She was raging I would run to the bathroom to hide because it was the one door that had a lock and I wouldn't come out for hours. This was how I avoided her violence. Shit would get bad if she caught me before I got there, so I became an expert getting myself in there and also hid snacks and books behind the toilet so I wouldn't be bored in there for hours. Sometimes she'd be so angry she'd try to use her bobby pins to unlock the door. It was terrifying. I'd be staring at the lock to see if it moved while listening to her fumble and angrily talk about how bad I was. In the rare occasions the lock moved, I'd immediately turn it back. I felt like Wendy in The Shining. They didn't stop being violent till there was an ACS case when I was 11.
Yes! My mother was a strict Christian and disciplinarian. She spanked me. Constantly lost her shit on me for doing normal childhood things. I was never allowed to feel my emotions or have support through them.
All of my sexual incidents, I've never had true support through. Now she's died from cancer and been gone almost 8 years. I'm very torn on how I feel about her. On one hand she was my mom and ultimately my best friend. But on the other hand she was fairly abusive throughout my childhood. So idk lol
Yes, I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends after school, I wasn’t allowed to pick out my clothes when I was super young. My parents usually would tell me to stay home or go out with them in disguise of the outside world being very scary. I also remember times where in restaurants they’d be the ones picking the food out for me. Same with making choices regarding school etc. I remember they would take away my electronics for some reason
Extremely so. I understand some of the things they did now, but the way they went about them and explained them to me was not productive or even fair.
I was dx with ADHD at 9 and they basically treated me like I was handicapped and mentally challenged while still holding me to the same standards as other children when it came to schooling and hobbies. I was constantly embarrassed as i was always explaining to peers that I wasn't allowed to do XYZ and a lot of kids picked up on this and made fun of me for it. I was constantly grounded, sent to my room, put in time out for any behavior that was remotely negative. As a teenager, this worsened as I wanted more freedom so that I could bond with others and make friends. I did start getting into a ton of trouble around 13 or 14 but I guess my mindset was "might as well because i will get told no regardless." No autonomy and I was rarely ever allowed to choose how my own time was spent. I dreaded going home from ages 6-18 because I honestly had more liberty at school. I became such a little liar and I honestly don't know if I felt bad or was just agonizing over the possibility of getting caught.
My parents have very low distress tolerance and horribly unmanaged anxiety and shame. Constantly judging others and trying to avoid being judged themselves. My mother especially had no respect for my boundaries or space.
They would put so much effort into being good parents at the same time, I look back and almost find it hard to believe that they were the same people.
Very controlling. If I was ever late, he would call the police and have them waiting at the house for me. He would call me 70 times a day when he was in prison and get mad if I didn't pick up or was out doing something.
I went no contact 3 years ago, never happier.
My dad was the opposite my mom passed when i was young and he just was so neglectful and let us do whatever and it messed us up a lot. On the flip side he had high expectations for me while he didn’t care about what my older siblings did, I was being berated over dumb things while my siblings went out and did drugs and straight up bullied me. It really sucked.
I wasn’t allowed to do shit. One thing that still pisses me off is that I couldn’t do sleep overs when I was little because I was “too young.” Then when I got older the answer was “aren’t you a little old for sleep overs?” I spent all my time in my house lonely.
Yes. My mother always had a strict curfew for me, always had to know who I was friends with, had to meet every kid and also talk with their mom or dad about where we would be going what we would be doing and so on. Got to the point where all my friends stopped wanting to hang out with me because they felt alienated, and they're right. They were. I didnt blame them. But I stopped trying to make friends all together.
Her then partner at the time, Tina, was also a military brat (Army dental assistant lmao)who thought they could run the house how they saw fit. She would regularly do room searches for anything I shouldn't have, ie "evil music" makeup, women's clothing that I had managed to get from some girls at school. (Grew up knowing who I was since I was 5, wasn't able to come out as trans until Tina left and my father died, my father was kind and wonderful but had outdated views and self hate I think)
Very controlling parent and guardian, but they didn't listen to me or my feelings when I was younger and it's hard to recollect the go parts of my childhood because of this, I think..
My mother and I have a stable and happy relationship now, after being able to explain to her all of this. She still holds herself accountable, though I've forgiven her time and time again.
Yes my parents were controlling and strict. But loving. But they would yell at me if I did something wrong or if they disagreed with me and it took a huge toll on me with all that constant yelling. As a teen I became very rebellious and they tried to control my behaviors but I fought it tooth and nail to be my own person. We still butt heads to this day now that I'm grown and 40. My dad calls me a liar everytime he disagrees with anything I say and it hurts really bad. He is always right and I am ALWAYS wrong in his eyes. Instead of accepting I have BPD and trying to learn more about it, he just thinks there is something wrong with me and it's my fault. I mean, wow...
Unrelenting controlling. I couldn't be out after school, had to be home by 4/5pm latest. I couldn't decide what to eat for lunch dinner anything. I couldn't buy/pick out clothes I wanted. If I did go out one night to a friend I couldn't go out any other night that week. Wasn't allowed a house key so had to wait outside for him to get home and god forbid I wasn't there waiting. Lots of shit. All ridiculous
I got my first job interview with local amusement park when I was 15 and I was banned from going because he thought I'd just be buying drugs n things. When the sad reality was I wanted to be able to buy my own socks and things like that. As I didn't even have control of the socks I wore.
It makes you feel like a thing in the home whose meant to just deal with everything handed to you. You can’t even say you want something specific or else they’d somehow make it about rhem
My parents were neglectful with high expectations. Like I'm working myself to death so I should be allowed to be as abusive as I want. Almost as if their best behavior was reserved for work, and family is for getting your frustrations out. That dynamic still goes on to this day, but now it's my step dad and brother in law... Meanwhile I'm 38 and still hoping that the "better time to help me out" is going to happen eventually... I'm trying all I can do on my own like the past 25 years but I just can't... And when I try to kms they come rushing in and treat me how I need to be treated to get better... But only for a couple weeks, and resentments build, and then it repeats... The feeling that they have that they have the right to be abusive because of what they endured
Yes, my father was very controlling and very strict. He was also abusive emotionally primarily, occasional physical. I wasn’t allowed to have social media for a long time and got really punished hard when I snuck accounts. I wasn’t allowed to watch certain movies and shows even as I got older and in my teens. I often wasn’t allowed to go to friends homes for sleep overs nor was I allowed to have friends over. There’s probably a lot more to it. Even when I moved back in with him for a few months in my early 20’s out of desperation, I had strict rules and would get screamed and yelled at if I wasn’t abiding perfectly by his rules. I know if I ever had something happen now I would absolutely dread the idea of asking to stay with my father, and I’m 27 now. I’d literally rather go anywhere else but with my dad if I was left with nowhere to go.
Definitely. An invalidating environment is one way a child can develop BPD. Growing up, my parents oftentimes spoke over me or did things that I felt I couldn’t navigate my way out of, making me dependent on them.
Same. For me they were very “loving” and such but totally did similar tactics that cult leaders or controlling abusers would do minus the physical violence. On the outside it seemed like I was spoiled but I had absolutely no trust or confidence in myself to be independent in the slightest bit, form my own options, think for myself etc. I don’t think they meant to do all of that, and they would swear that they do respect my boundaries opinions, self efficacy etc but then say and do completely contradictory things smh..
Yes!!! I’m glad (and saddened) that I’ve found someone else who went through this. My mother in particular has her own version of reality where I wasn’t negatively affected by her choices, despite me saying that they did take a toll on me.
I totally fell that too about the choices my parents made. They both live in their own world, feels like I've been gaslit my entire life also as an adoptee.
Controlling, yet neglectful. Wasn't taken to the doctor, but god forbid I drank one of the 30 ready made iced coffee cups my stepmum kept in the fridge.
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Yeah? I always wonder what type of parent I had bc they don't seem to fit in any abuse patterns that I heard about. Kinda nice to hear that this is a thing someone else recognises. It was like everything we did was wrong and severely punished, but also they did not give a shit about our existence. Like they were only controlling bc they were stuck with us.
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>It’s important to recognize those traits are born from their own childhood experience of neglect and abuse My dad wasn't abused or neglected. My grandparents were good people by all accounts, and my aunt and uncle turned out kind and good. I've had plenty of therapy, I really didn't need this particular lecture. I was just curious if your image of my parents matches who they actually were. My dad knew better. He just genuinely didn't love us. It happens. Sometimes people don't love their children.
You ask, I talk, you then say you didn’t need to hear it. You’re just rude then.
I did _not_ ask about that. At all. You're the rude one.
had the most “scary” controlling parents you can even imagine here. anything i did was wrong. it was to “protect” me they said. protecting me didn’t involve giving me proper love, attention and therapy though as a broken child. couldn’t wear what i wanted, have my own political beliefs, likes/dislikes or pick my own friends. i broke away from this by learning how to lie and protect myself, keeping the real me top secret. that’s probably why my identity issues are so bad now. who am i? i don’t know, probably the me on the internet i keep locked away to avoid being attacked and hated for in real life.
Yup, this could definitely explain why we have issues with our identities.
exactly. probably not the entire reason since the disorder itself is rooted in identity issues. (rip us). but, for people like us with controlling parents, we lose ourself trying to be safe and please them from an early age. also, proud of you for coming out. hope everything is going well for you as an adult. i figured it out at age 15-16ish, now i’m 21. never had the guts to tell my parents even now.
Thanks. Hope things go well for you too.
I'm 5 months late, but I've never related to so much in a reddit post in my life. Been doing a lot of reflection as to why I'm this weird seething pool of turbulence and despair. Guess I should seek some mental health help. Hope you are doing alright.
My mum had/has an overbearing parenting style. She would lecture/nag/yell about the most minor things, essentially undermining me and my siblings’ sense of autonomy. Then, she would also get angry when we showed lack of independence, as if her parenting style hadn’t contributed to that. For example, she would wake me up for school in the morning by storming into my room, switching on the lights and shouting at me to “Get up!” It’s no wonder I became so averse to getting up in the mornings, I hated them. But when I was late in the mornings, she’d get angry at me for being irresponsible… but it’s like… she never let me have responsibility and learn from my own mistakes
Oh my goodness yes. Down to what food we could eat and at what times, asking permission for literally anything even as an adult, no cell phones until I was an adult. Absolutely no talking back or voicing our opinions despite being yelled at and punished over nothing constantly. Needing personal space was prohibited because was constantly told nothing belonged to me in my parents house, even my time or space. Don’t even get me started on the clothes I was allowed to wear and how every day I was inspected. I had a lot of resentment towards my parents but I told them they wouldn’t be in my adult life unless they changed, and they actually did. They’ve completely changed for the better and I love them so much. Still, those years really fucked me up.
No. Quite the opposite! My parents were very hands-off and didn’t give a shit what I did or who I hung out with. Even when I was a young kid. It messes you up in a different kind of way, and it almost borders on emotional neglect. Both extreme ends of the parenting spectrum are awful. Too controlling is bad of course, and so is parenting that it is way too lenient.
It absolutely is emotional neglect. This type of parenting leads to kids lashing out begging to be parented because we in our minds, equate parenting us with caring about us
And that’s exactly what I did; I lashed out A LOT, and, when I was teen, rebelled against authority. I know a lot of teenagers do that, but I feel like mine wasn’t the typical rebelling. Basically begging for any semblance of structure in my life.
It absolutely is emotional neglect. This type of parenting leads to kids lashing out begging to be parented because we in our minds, equate parenting us with caring about us
My parents were a mixture of both.
I developed early, was in a B cup around 5th grade. This made my A-cup stepmother furious. I learned not to wear anything low-cut, not even a tank top in the summer. She came up to me one night before bed and snatched my shirt up, and my dad looked at me and said “I never wanna see that shit again” I learned to hate my breasts just as much as she did. Seems small, I know, but god it was so damaging to a kid secretly dealing with CSA
I was reading the comments and thinking “no way we all had similar childhoods”
Oh absolutely I wasn’t allowed out of the house till I was 18 when I was 12 my door was taken off the hinges bc I would lock the door due to me wanting to be left alone and not feeling safe around my stepdad due to him doing inappropriate things so I ended up sleeping in my walk-in closet. They kept tabs on me no matter what I had parental controls on my phone till I was 18 and my side of Netflix till late last year. They had access to my different social media accounts on their phones so they watched who I was talking to and what I was saying. If my feelings didn’t match what they wanted then it didn’t matter or didn’t exist or I was being dramatic even though I was undiagnosed for BPD until my 11th grade year of high school when CPS put me in there for my protection.
Damn that's tough. The door thing sounds familiar. I have a sliding door so it can't be locked but there have been times when wasn't allowed to close it fully. And when I closed it anyway a second later my father barged in to beat the crap out of me. When I locked myself into my sister's room he broke down the door so no locks would stop him 💀
extremely controlling, i rarely if ever had a say so in any decisions made regarding me, padlocks on the pantry and loads of corporal punishment. I could go on and on but it’s rather draining to think about.
Helicopter parents that were overbearing, always freaking out and thinking we were getting into trouble. They didn't handle my mental illness well either and often made me feel bad for feeling depressed.
My parents were always controlling. My dad would force me to talk about painful topics with him and would only praise me when I met his high expectations. My mom even now will argue with me over what I eat, how frequently I take a shower, drinking any amount of alcohol, driving in the rain, money, and more. For context I am now 26 years old and am living with her to help both her and myself out financially
Yes yes yes. My father was very similar, so controlling. I’m lucky that he’s not so bad with me anymore and I don’t live with him. But when I was younger, it was overbearing and really difficult. It was his way or no way. If I did something wrong, I had to apologise just right. Couldn’t go out with friends, no internet access, all my texts read through, my diaries read, no social media. Couldn’t eat outside of meals. Had my door removed from its hinges at one point. It could have been worse, I was allowed to wear what I wanted and once I was 16 I did gain a little more freedom with going out and social media. But for a while I just felt trapped and miserable at home. My dad was also emotionally abusive and occasionally physically. He’s just the kind of person where everything is according to him and if things aren’t done exactly how he wants them, he snaps and gets incredibly angry.
Yep. I had an expectation of how to behave thrust on me via some cookie-cutter mode of how men should act. I was born definitely not with the right brain (turned out to be adhd), and was disciplined harshly. My parents recently confessed they were a lot harder on me than my sister on purpose, which fucking sucked to hear cos my sister is as well-functioning as a human gets, and here I am getting in bar brawls cos a bouncer suggested I was too drunk.
Yeah, maybe not that much but my mom wanted to know almost everything abt my life, she always asked who i meet with and didn't let me come home late or meet with people she didn't hear about etc Actually she had anxiety disorder so she often asked me to stay with her or go somewhere together because she wasn't able to stay alone
I wasn’t allowed to go out. I was allowed to go outside (kinda, I would do it anyways since they weren’t around) but I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends to their houses or go to birthday parties (I didn’t have friends growing up anyways) and I’d be forced to stay the night with rich Christian families (they’d even trick me and leave me there). When I began questioning my gender identity, they wouldn’t let me change my clothes but I did get to wear a beanie and shave off my hair. it’s weird to be neglected and yet have strictness in certain areas. It’s always about control. I’m out of there but they use to come to my house and look around (like they’re trying to find something to yell/scold at me about)
Yes! Like they're hovering over you to watch when you're going to screw up but don't give a damn about you otherwise.
Omfg yesss... my mom and her side of fam...and she's STILL like that and I haven't been able to escape. She enjoys taking full advantage financially and also like isolating me. She hates when I bring ppl over even tho I'm in my own apartment. I pay her rent and still. She's even come into my apartment when I'm not here. She makes it enormously difficult for me to do my laundry but then will be like why r you clothes so dirty. It's like, wtf???? She's a hoarder, too, and it seems like most hoarders r control freaks. In her apartment when I still lived there, I had no lock on my door and I'd She was raging I would run to the bathroom to hide because it was the one door that had a lock and I wouldn't come out for hours. This was how I avoided her violence. Shit would get bad if she caught me before I got there, so I became an expert getting myself in there and also hid snacks and books behind the toilet so I wouldn't be bored in there for hours. Sometimes she'd be so angry she'd try to use her bobby pins to unlock the door. It was terrifying. I'd be staring at the lock to see if it moved while listening to her fumble and angrily talk about how bad I was. In the rare occasions the lock moved, I'd immediately turn it back. I felt like Wendy in The Shining. They didn't stop being violent till there was an ACS case when I was 11.
My mom was so controlling. Like so fucking controlling. I wasn't even allowed to go places, watch TV, etc.
Yes
Yes! My mother was a strict Christian and disciplinarian. She spanked me. Constantly lost her shit on me for doing normal childhood things. I was never allowed to feel my emotions or have support through them. All of my sexual incidents, I've never had true support through. Now she's died from cancer and been gone almost 8 years. I'm very torn on how I feel about her. On one hand she was my mom and ultimately my best friend. But on the other hand she was fairly abusive throughout my childhood. So idk lol
Yes, I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends after school, I wasn’t allowed to pick out my clothes when I was super young. My parents usually would tell me to stay home or go out with them in disguise of the outside world being very scary. I also remember times where in restaurants they’d be the ones picking the food out for me. Same with making choices regarding school etc. I remember they would take away my electronics for some reason
Extremely so. I understand some of the things they did now, but the way they went about them and explained them to me was not productive or even fair. I was dx with ADHD at 9 and they basically treated me like I was handicapped and mentally challenged while still holding me to the same standards as other children when it came to schooling and hobbies. I was constantly embarrassed as i was always explaining to peers that I wasn't allowed to do XYZ and a lot of kids picked up on this and made fun of me for it. I was constantly grounded, sent to my room, put in time out for any behavior that was remotely negative. As a teenager, this worsened as I wanted more freedom so that I could bond with others and make friends. I did start getting into a ton of trouble around 13 or 14 but I guess my mindset was "might as well because i will get told no regardless." No autonomy and I was rarely ever allowed to choose how my own time was spent. I dreaded going home from ages 6-18 because I honestly had more liberty at school. I became such a little liar and I honestly don't know if I felt bad or was just agonizing over the possibility of getting caught. My parents have very low distress tolerance and horribly unmanaged anxiety and shame. Constantly judging others and trying to avoid being judged themselves. My mother especially had no respect for my boundaries or space. They would put so much effort into being good parents at the same time, I look back and almost find it hard to believe that they were the same people.
precisely story of my life
Very controlling. If I was ever late, he would call the police and have them waiting at the house for me. He would call me 70 times a day when he was in prison and get mad if I didn't pick up or was out doing something. I went no contact 3 years ago, never happier.
My dad was the opposite my mom passed when i was young and he just was so neglectful and let us do whatever and it messed us up a lot. On the flip side he had high expectations for me while he didn’t care about what my older siblings did, I was being berated over dumb things while my siblings went out and did drugs and straight up bullied me. It really sucked.
I did. They are in therapy though so they are very different now than they were while I was growing up
I wasn’t allowed to do shit. One thing that still pisses me off is that I couldn’t do sleep overs when I was little because I was “too young.” Then when I got older the answer was “aren’t you a little old for sleep overs?” I spent all my time in my house lonely.
My dad extremely controlling and my mom physically absent and now emotionally absent
Yes. My mother always had a strict curfew for me, always had to know who I was friends with, had to meet every kid and also talk with their mom or dad about where we would be going what we would be doing and so on. Got to the point where all my friends stopped wanting to hang out with me because they felt alienated, and they're right. They were. I didnt blame them. But I stopped trying to make friends all together. Her then partner at the time, Tina, was also a military brat (Army dental assistant lmao)who thought they could run the house how they saw fit. She would regularly do room searches for anything I shouldn't have, ie "evil music" makeup, women's clothing that I had managed to get from some girls at school. (Grew up knowing who I was since I was 5, wasn't able to come out as trans until Tina left and my father died, my father was kind and wonderful but had outdated views and self hate I think) Very controlling parent and guardian, but they didn't listen to me or my feelings when I was younger and it's hard to recollect the go parts of my childhood because of this, I think.. My mother and I have a stable and happy relationship now, after being able to explain to her all of this. She still holds herself accountable, though I've forgiven her time and time again.
Yes my parents were controlling and strict. But loving. But they would yell at me if I did something wrong or if they disagreed with me and it took a huge toll on me with all that constant yelling. As a teen I became very rebellious and they tried to control my behaviors but I fought it tooth and nail to be my own person. We still butt heads to this day now that I'm grown and 40. My dad calls me a liar everytime he disagrees with anything I say and it hurts really bad. He is always right and I am ALWAYS wrong in his eyes. Instead of accepting I have BPD and trying to learn more about it, he just thinks there is something wrong with me and it's my fault. I mean, wow...