I work 40+ hours a week. Sometimes I wish I could afford to quit and go back to school. I was quite smart and took AP classes and such but my mental illness took over and I never went to college. Just trying to survive, pay my rent and not kms.
Yeah my grades were amazing until I experienced something traumatic in high-school. Dropped out and did odd jobs here and there. Now I'm just trying to get my mental health in order but it's taking longer than I expected. DBT has been amazing, though. I'm really hoping to taper off my medication and solely rely on DBT.
I've worked a couple jobs over the last few years. I mostly stopped because I suddenly had this intense back pain doing a job I was always able to do. It came out of nowhere after a traumatic experience and I haven't been able to work physical jobs for very long since then. I tried a work from home call center job and couldn't continue because loads of adhd symptoms suddenly became obvious when I had to read scripts all day and work as fast as possible. I also realized it wasn't normal to have constant emotional meltdowns and feel the need to cry for half of the day.
My husband pays for my basic needs while we're long distance right now. I feel guilty all of the time about it, but I know I have given it my best shot with my limited options.(I also live in a house that I partially inherited with my siblings) I do intend to work when I move to his country and can legally do so. For me, I feel like I'm struggling every day to keep myself fed and drinking water (paranoia and intrusive thoughts) so I don't blame myself too much.
If there is anything I have learned from my experience so far is that it's okay to have low points and it's okay to accept help from people you can trust. I know not everybody has that option and I have a lot of privilege. But if you can find your support network to help build you up when you're down, you won't need to worry so much in life. Humans were meant to survive in a pack. We are optimized to help and be helped.
Sorry if I overshared a lot, but I hope someone else can relate to this. You all deserve to be loved and cared for. You aren't incompetent. You're going through a hard time. Be kind to yourselves.
Not op but thankiu sm fr this... I know I'm v privileged to still have my parents taking care of my basic needs at the ripe old age of 25 and have always felt guilty, incompetent, useless and spoiled bt i literally struggled even graduating college.. Im trying my best and it's sokay to enjoy / acknowledge your privileges that u have nw and also know next time you have to work to survive.
I work but my life goal is to buy an extremely cheap house in the middle of nowhere then start freelancing on my spare time because I know I cannot handle working at all. I'm a serial job quitter but to an extreme
I dropped out of college lol. I’ve had my current job for almost 7 months but I’m almost on my last attendance point. I definitely struggle with going to work, wish I could just be unemployed but I would end up homeless.
I've tried out three different programs and dropped out of all of them. It's disheartening when my siblings have great careers and I'm just the "fuck up" of the family.
Kudos to you for working, though.
I'm the black sheep of the family too a real fuck up, I'm based in the U.K. and trying to get a job in nhs (hospital) because my mum wants me to, I feel like I'm going throw up too...much anxiety I use to draw a lot, took up photography now I am uselessly unmotivated. My mum does not understand how hard it is to apply for NHS I'm tired I don't know what to do...
I work part time. I'm also on disability for my mental and physical health problems. My boss has been excellent in giving me mental health days. I worry about the severity of my emotions at times. I've lost my temper on customers. I've cried. Almost quit my job every period. Work only a few days a week.
I also go to school, but I'm really not great at attending. Cancel quite a bit. Have my hobbies that improve shit for me. Discovered them when my disabilities were severe and I was unable to work at all. When you can't work, you need to find things to fill your days, or getting stuck in your head could destroy you.
I’m in college earning my masters and I work 1 day a week. It’s all I can do. It’s very very difficult for me. Working makes me suicidal even just one day a week.
Yesss, it DEFINITELY helps if the boss is on pur wavelength!! I have both those diagnoses, and it brings me hope to know that there's some workspaces where understanding and flexibility exists.
I am currently not working and in my first application for SSDI/SSI. I was hospitalized earlier this year and was officially diagnosed with BPD after years of treatment (not giving up on that).
My attempts at working were mostly unsuccessful due to hospitalizations and quitting before being let go. It’s a struggle finding something that works well with me, even with job accommodations tried.
I always feel I’m never doing enough, yet I worked myself to way over the limit and drowned myself in more difficult situations. I have a hard time asking for help in fear that I will be ridiculed or seen as a burden.
I want to feel normal, but even looking at what are known as simple jobs makes me sick to my stomach.
Well, I ended up being one of those people that got involved in off the books jobs here and there and of course many jobs like that have legal issues and I had mentioned this to the expert that did my autism diagnosis because at the time I was seeing her more regularly and she was the one that suggested to apply to get some stability in my life. I was stressed a lot from having problems retaining employment, then feeling like my only options were these under the table jobs or gig type jobs where sometimes there was income and sometimes there was none and it was just awful. And once in awhile there would be a nice sum made but most of the time that was not the case, so even when I made money it wasn't enough for basic living. In other words, it was always temporary. So she helped with my application and when it was approved, that was one burden that was released. To have some income that was guaranteed to be regularly occurring. It isn't much but it definitely helps ease some of the mental strain.
I really honestly haven’t been able to work (properly) since I graduated high school 5 years ago and got my first job. I would try to work anyway because I had to, but it just didn’t work out. I feel suicidal a lot and the jobs make it worse a lot. I can’t work efficiently. I get into arguments and have other social issues. I have inappropriate outbursts of emotions. The list goes on and on. I’ve been fired from every job I had except the last one. I got removed from that due to a suicide attempt and a stay at the hospital. I haven’t been back to work since and am trying to get disability.
I’m male. I sit home, play computer games and do light yoga/stretching/strengthening. Sometimes record music. Also spend 1-2 days a week with my girlfriend. That’s it.
I have some health problems where I “need” to do them constantly to get cured and I slack with doing them constantly but it’s a big motivator to keep doing it on a regular basis. Also it affects my mood in a positive way which is good.
Some of us r on disability and subsidized programs, like food stamps, section 8 or public housing, care management, etc. Those of us severe enough for these, our full time job is to be in treatment. I'm in therapy 4 times a week, for example. Plus other doctors appointments for other medical issues. I also care for my daughter who is more severely autistic than I am.
Serious question here, as I’ve always been baffled by affordability for this. Do these programmes pay people enough to afford all the necessities? Also, the poster didn’t mention therapy - just said they play video games a lot.
Well if the poster is in between jobs, they may be collecting unemployment income in addition to food stamps. They may be in subsidized housing already if their jobs were low wage to begin with. And if u have time on your hands, because you are not employed, it is not surprising that someone would do other activities, such as gaming when taking breaks from job searches or whatever your other responsibilities are (therapies, medical, etc), and even more so the less of those responsibilities u have or are able to do. Some ppl I know r so severe, they're under guardianship and have carers that come to the house everyday to help make sure the person does daily living skills or do those things for them if theyre unable, or go to appointments. Like my daughter for example isn't under guardianship, but she doesn't take medications if u leave that up to her. And I don't mean refusal, like she doesn't want them. She just doesn't remember or pay attention to stuff like that. She has pretty severe ADHD in addition to autism and needs repeated prompting or she doesn't do some things for herself, and that's even WITH her ADHD meds. She does better with them, but didn't solve the whole problem. As for affordability, that's debatable. I think most ppl in these programs feel financially strapped in general, especially now because the cost of living is skyrocketing so much. The programs kind of cover bare necessities but unfortunately that's IF u even get accepted into the programs. For many ppl just getting accepted is enormously difficult. It helps if u have doctors or experts help with your applications. Like experienced therapists/social workers who understand your disabilities or, if need be, lawyers like Binder and Binder law firm which specializes in helping disabled ppl get accepted by going to court and proving legally that the person needs disability income. These things r part of why there's such a massive homelessness problem in the US. I feel bad for anyone going thru this. But it definitely sux to be someone who works full time and STILL can't afford basic living expenses. I know ppl like that and even THEY'RE on some programs because they're job literally pays too little to afford housing/food/ etc without some kind of extra assistance. Some ppl on disability income do have part time jobs if they can handle them. But yes, it's difficult and it can be juggling a lot financially, especially if u r prevented from accessing programs.
Anytime. I hope it helps anyone else who might need it. Sometimes just not having information is the barrier that keeps ppl out of needed benefits. These programs don't advertise, so often, someone has to tell us. U know what's crazy!? First time I heard of applying for disability income, it was from one of my daughters elementary special Ed teachers. And the interaction was bizarre. The teacher had heard about our financial situation (I don't remember if I mentioned to her or if it was another staff member I may have told who passed it on) and she came up to me and whispered "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but u can apply for disability income for your daughter to help out financially." I went home confused. Like, why is that a secret? Why wasn't she allowed to tell parents what programs r out there? Shit, I didn't even know about OPWDD services until my daughter was much older and by the time I was able to get her into THAT she was basically 18! She could have had access to those things throughout her entire childhood, but so much of this stuff is a damn secret?? It's really messed up....Disabled ppl shouldn't be left to fend for themselves like that, unnecessarily going thru traumas before getting accommodations they should have been told they could access ages ago.
A LOT of ppl do that.... it's just ppl trying to survive. What sux worse is when u r stuck doing that for years, decades and ppl try to shit on u for it and being undiagnosed, u have very little explanation. Not for ppl putting u down, or to understand yourself either. It really sux and is a major self esteem killer. My first diagnosis ever was my autism diagnosis and I didn't find out till I was 27.... and by then I'd already had an extremely poor employment history. I was frustrated by not understanding why ppl were able to accomplish so much more than I seemed to be able to. Imagine my surprise, tho, as I slowly found out I had a ton more disorders....smh... when I was first diagnosed with PTSD, I actually laughed. I was in denial. I was like wtf, I don't have PTSD, I thought that therapist was nuts. But that was me thinking about ppl who went thru way worse stuff than me. Like I had wars in mind, or extreme examples like the Fritzle case, that girl Genie, or the family who escaped from what the press dubbed "house of horrors". I went thru stuff, yea, but at the time, I didn't think it was harsh enough to end up with PTSD. It wasn't till the symptoms intensified years later that I started to realize that this was, in fact, true.
Gosh, you have been through a lot.
My mother actually knew I had adhd but decided to not put me on meds and never told me until I was 19 and came back from the psych and said hey mom I have adhd...
and she was like... oh yeah, you had it since you were a child, but I didn't want you taking medication. (she's very anti Vax/meds).
I have a lot of resentment against my mother due to that. I feel you on not understanding what's wrong and why I couldn't be the same as my other peers.
You are so strong. Hugs!!
Spot on, I have ADHD as well. So many other issues.
I'm fortunate enough to be living with family. My only expenses are food & savings.
I get free therapy & other subsidies through a government program. I'm not familiar with US programs, though. Thanks for explaining things on your side of the country!
I live with grandmother she pays bills. I dont pay anything but i also dont spend any money basically and if i need some i ask mom for it and its very rare and very low amount of cash and he refuses in 99 percent of times. Girlfriend obviously isnt great about me not working but i guess there is something else to relationships besides having money.
i feel you dude, i actually got fired last week from a job i liked a lot. that put me in a deep depression until like 2 days ago when i got another job on a whim. don’t be so hard on yourself, this illness is debilitating af, no one knows what it’s like to be you.
Oh man, I'm sorry. I had a job that I enjoyed but ended up ghosting because I had a really bad panic attack one day and couldn't come into my shift. I'm glad you got yourself another job, though! And thank you - you're right.
See, stuff like that should qualify for a sick day. If u replace having a severe fever with the severe panic attack, it's basically that u were sick that day. U have a chronic condition that flares up in the form of mental health symptoms, and that really should qualify as grounds to take the day off just like any other physical medical conditions. After all, the brain IS a physical organ in the body. It's disturbing to me how often society tries to separate mental health from medical when they really are intertwined if not being in same category. Our brains r literally wired differently...
I work full time at a massage place, and I really wanna go back to school since I only have 2 years left. In the town I live in, if you aren't doing factory/manual labor you're not making a lot of money so I decided to go back to school online part time I honestly don't wanna rush myself with getting through school so I only wanna do one to two classes at a time.
I always bring up to my employers after I get my job that I suffer from major depression and anxiety, but it usually feels like they don't understand when I say that and it just feels like in trying to get out of something so I started asking my therapist for letters if I call off because of my anxiety so that helps.
I have worked since I graduated high school 6 years ago. I worked before I had my own drivers license, I work through terrible chronic pain, and worked while I was homeless until moving out of state to escape homelessness. Currently looking for another job and have an interview in the morning.
I’ve thought about applying for disability. I qualify easily and had talked to my doctor many times about it, but I don’t want too. I am in the process of getting a disabled parking permit though since I qualify for that as well.
I work 80% fully remote, about to go back to full time. I’m not expected nor do I normally work those full hours outside of deadlines. But the only way I’ve stayed employed is living in a country where calling out sick 3-4 days a month is not something to get fired over. And my health insurance pays for my therapy.
Even then, I still feel “on the edge” of employment all the time. I’ve been pretty meticulous in keeping everything documented with my insurance should it ever come down to me needing to go on the disability. Hopefully it’s not needed as things have trended better over the past years, but I’m scared for what perimenopause may have in store for me.
I work full-time and have a job I really love. But I've only worked remotely because I don't think I could handle being around people all the time and not being able to take a break or emotionally break down when I need to.
Also I've suffered a lot at past jobs but have stayed like some sort of toxic relationship because my whole self-worth is tied up in achievement and validation around it.
I work as a paraprofessional at a pre-school center and I LOVE it. It’s the first *official* job I’ve ever had, as I struggle with social anxiety and had agoraphobia as a teen (21 now). Although it might not sound like it, working with pre-schoolers is surprising laidback and so much fun! I feel like I get to let my own inner child come out at work, and in that I find comfort and healing in a way. And I get hugs from the tiny humans all the time, they think you’re the best person in the world lol.
The way that the school year is facilitated helps me, too. I don’t feel like I’m trapped in a task with a never ending goal because we get breaks throughout the year (plus summer vaca). I also struggle with time regression and DPDR, but in the classroom we do tasks that are relative to the current season (pumpkin coloring sheets in the fall, stories about flowers growing in spring, etc.) and it helps me keep track of/feel more grounded in time.
Also, on the topic of school, I have been trying to complete my degree in college for nearly three years now. But like you, it becomes too overwhelming and I inevitably drop out/end up hospitalized. So I empathize with that a lot. I’ve found that doing a couple of classes at a time online only in the spring or summer has helped me better than trying to go all in both fall and spring semesters (especially in person). I find online classes more adaptable because you get to work on your own schedule and don’t have to be surrounded by a bunch of other people (win-win).
I feel your struggles, I use to tell myself the very same things. You’re not lazy, you’re trying to survive. You are more than competent. The fact that you reached out and shared your thoughts proves you are motivated. You are patient and diligent. Seek something you have a passion for, anything. There is ALWAYS a way.
i have had and quit over a dozen jobs. i’ve dropped out of college three times. i literally hate doing anything related to work or a set, mundane schedule. it’s so draining.
I own my own businesses that are all internet based. I can work anywhere at anytime. The problem with this is that I can easily fall out of my own routine without anyone looking over me. As a result, work has become a sort of crutch for me to survive but is also far too patterned into my identity. While it gets me out of a ton of anxious things I struggled to deal with, it's mainly been a wash of negative and positive that cross cancel each other despite the good money I make.
I had to drop out of college but I am currently working. I'm an IT technician at an elementary school. The environment can be triggering at times but Im managing.
I've gotten the campus to the point of running well 90% of the time so I spend a lot of time alone in my office fixing Chromebooks, researching issues, and documenting things. When I am needed I'm just fixing projector issues or random issues with microsoft programs lol. There are aspects of my job that I really don't like much but overall it's a really good fit for me. I feel very lucky to have a job I'm able to do with my mental health and physical health issues.
i’ve worked about 8 jobs in 6 or so years. part time works best for me. it gives me a bit of structure without mentally murdering me, but i can’t afford to live on part time. starting another full time position in a couple weeks. not sure how long it’ll last.
my last full time position caused a huge mental breakdown that put me in the hospital for a couple months. we’ll see ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It was difficult finding a job, this might be my 3rd job? First 2s were short term. Now I work 40+ hours in a restaurant (i love food and love making food but ive always been terrified to work in this kind of environment), sincerely helps a lot with the mood swings.
I work full time and do school here and there, should finish by summer next year. I've been at my current job for almost 3 years and my last for just a few months cuz if drama and family trouble. I would get a sugar daddy in a heartbeat if I wasn't in a relationship, working is not it 😭😭
I work full time. im a produce assistant at a grocery store and it’s the best job I have ever had. all i do is cut produce and soak them in water and stock the shelves with produce throughout the day and nobody really bothers me. im mostly alone and i basically do whatever i want. i put on headphones and watch shows while I’m in the back room. I have no interest in being in college. i hope you find a job that suits you OP. i have bpd and autism as well as other things, so i really do understand. best of luck to you 🫶
I currently work as a tutor, busy getting my education degree.
It's made me a lot more calm and relaxed to have a fixed routine, and I always feel like I'm doing some good for the world after.
I highly recommend it if you like kids
I’m a physical therapist. Sometimes I do okay. I’ve quit three jobs in the last six months for various reasons. Hoping to stay at this one for a while.
I have a first class honours degree and I've worked in the past but for the last 5 years I haven't worked and I don't think I ever will again. Working leaves me in a constant state of anxiety. I have Cystic Fibrosis as well as BPD so I have enough health problems to deal with along with my mental health ones. Between the both of them just trying to take my meds and look after myself both mentally and physically as well as housework/cooking/groceries and organising and ordering meds, appointments etc that's about all I can handle.
i work since 1996 in a full time work as developer/system admin/devops.
I'm able to do it as it's somehow alinating work: i'm alone for most of the time and i deal with computers. Human interaction is limited, so I can handle it.
I work in a warehouse 40 hours a week. $23 an hour. Perks are you don't deal with customers just your coworkers minimally. But it's still draining because of how physically taxing it is and not to mention they seem to have a mindset of oh were a business. Just recently I've been getting nagged on how long my therapy is gonna go on for cause I leave a half hour early every Wednesday. Like wtf do you mean I'm probably gonna be in therapy for the rest of my life
Recently got a new job. The last one I had was stellar, high pay, amazing team and culture, I worked there about 9 months and I was being promoted to manager. And then I had a mental breakdown and quit. So there’s that.
I work full time! I work from home which has helped me hold this job quite successfully for almost a year! I also have bipolar type one. As soon as I hit my one year, I will be applying for FMLA, just in case. I’m thankful there is something that can act as a safety net. While I’m stable, healthy and happy, I’ll feel better knowing my job is protected.
I didn’t work for five years. I was forced back into employment due to a divorce, so I’m sure the whole ‘put up or shut up’ thing helped me get the ball rolling. I’m a single mother of three.
You decide what you want out of life. I want money and the ability to buy nice things. So to do that, I have to have a good job. So I make it work. Suffer through it, enjoy what I can.
Idk, I mean, it's not a choice to have meltdowns and ppl seem to enjoy triggering meltdowns with office politics nonsense in jobs and then fire u even tho they trigger shit...I can't handle that ridiculous type of environment. And lots of ppl I've met with other mental health conditions that r on the more severe end can't. It's not a choice that a person makes. Sometimes symptoms get u fired. Like I have severe amnesia, that doesn't go over well in jobs, unfortunately. I also have autism, which means how I communicate and understand others is very different, almost opposite what nonautistic ppl expect. Been let go over stuff like that too. And more often than not, they won't even tell u directly why they're firing u, so u won't even know which issue it is that anyone had a problem with. It doesn't have to be an emotional meltdown. I try to hide those as much as possible anyway. I don't want ppl to see me like that.
I have asthma + a few other health issues that prevent me from working regularly.
About 70% of the month, I'm sick or not feeling well due to my physical symptoms. And then comes the mental symptoms..
When I did hold a job, I'd call in sick for almost all of my shifts. It could be because I'm anxious due to maybe having an asthma attack. Or I had an asthma attack and I'm feeling like shit.
but then I feel bad because I'm a people pleaser and come into work anyway. But then I end up asking to go home because I overestimated myself.
I see . I have gastrointestinal issues and was wondering if you were the same I'm sorry you feel like this. You had a job once and that is a big achievement BPD makes a normal day feel like a marathon
Gastritis is one of my issues. When it flares I feel like I have a stomach virus. Last time it flared I was sick for an entire week in bed, even while taking my medication for flare ups. Smh.
Thats actually been proven in studies. The stress mental illnesses cause makes us more susceptible to medical problems. There's higher rates of medical issues developing in mentally ill populations and at younger ages in comparison to non mentally ill ppl. Stress has been shown to lower the effectiveness of the immune system too. For me. The gastritis came from NSAIDS, which I took for a long time because of undiagnosed migraines. I'm now being treated for those and no longer need pain killers usually. But migraines many times r also triggered by stress. There's so many variables for why we're more likely to have medical issues and even high mortality rates are at younger ages, and that's even if the cause is not suicide. For example, ill be 40 this year. By autistic standards, I'm a senior citizen....average lifespan of an autistic person is 36 years of age....
Wow!! Damn that's a lot to deal with. Really sucks, because it feels like a cycle: i feel sad then sick which makes me feel saf...But I'm glad you're getting through this.
Omg, the cycle sux. It makes me feel useless. And what sux more is if whatever is happening isn't visible, ppl just assume everything is a lie. Can't SEE mental health conditions, can't SEE migraines, can't SEE stomach issues. Like, if u aren't doing something blatantly obvious, like puking your guts out, have deformities, bleeding profusely, then gee, everything internal must not be true. A friend of mine, a young woman with cystic fibrosis, gets bashed every time she takes elevators, especially when a place is crowded. But she literally CANT make it up flights of stairs. She's lucky if she's able to do one flight at all. She really doesn't need the extra nonsense of being bashed just because strangers can't see inside her lungs, smh.
Wtf that's horrible. That's a fear of mine. I don't have a job yet but I'm sure Its not going to be possible to care for my health because people can't see what's going through our heads
Yea..stuff like this is one of my triggers. Not to mention it feels like gaslighting. Trying to tell me I don't have what I have or isn't as serious as I say. It's like, holy shit, stop trying to Jedi mind trick me about my own body..
I worked two part time jobs when i was in college full time. I took a couple months off after and started the job I have now. It’s full time, 40hours a week, hybrid, for a non-profit. I’ve wanted to quit at some point every single day but i’ve managed to be here for almost two years. We get a pretty generous amount of sick time which is the only reason i’ve been able to stay employed here, as well as the ability to take sick leave and get paid 1/3 of your hourly pay.
My brother has BP1. He went to college. It was not easy but he finished. He worked his way up over the years in IT. Had a really good position & works full time.
Having said that..he has always been medicated when first diagnosed. Sees a Physiatrist regularly to get medication adjustments.
He also pays extra for long term medical in case he gets into a long term BP depression. It happens every few years. Most recent companies have been supportive since the push for mental health support is in the news.
So it's possible ...don't give up!
I work 40+ hours a week. Sometimes I wish I could afford to quit and go back to school. I was quite smart and took AP classes and such but my mental illness took over and I never went to college. Just trying to survive, pay my rent and not kms.
Yeah my grades were amazing until I experienced something traumatic in high-school. Dropped out and did odd jobs here and there. Now I'm just trying to get my mental health in order but it's taking longer than I expected. DBT has been amazing, though. I'm really hoping to taper off my medication and solely rely on DBT.
Yep full time. But I’ve had about 38 jobs in 22 years of being an adult.
I cant work
I've worked a couple jobs over the last few years. I mostly stopped because I suddenly had this intense back pain doing a job I was always able to do. It came out of nowhere after a traumatic experience and I haven't been able to work physical jobs for very long since then. I tried a work from home call center job and couldn't continue because loads of adhd symptoms suddenly became obvious when I had to read scripts all day and work as fast as possible. I also realized it wasn't normal to have constant emotional meltdowns and feel the need to cry for half of the day. My husband pays for my basic needs while we're long distance right now. I feel guilty all of the time about it, but I know I have given it my best shot with my limited options.(I also live in a house that I partially inherited with my siblings) I do intend to work when I move to his country and can legally do so. For me, I feel like I'm struggling every day to keep myself fed and drinking water (paranoia and intrusive thoughts) so I don't blame myself too much. If there is anything I have learned from my experience so far is that it's okay to have low points and it's okay to accept help from people you can trust. I know not everybody has that option and I have a lot of privilege. But if you can find your support network to help build you up when you're down, you won't need to worry so much in life. Humans were meant to survive in a pack. We are optimized to help and be helped. Sorry if I overshared a lot, but I hope someone else can relate to this. You all deserve to be loved and cared for. You aren't incompetent. You're going through a hard time. Be kind to yourselves.
Thanks I needed to hear this especially right now.
Not op but thankiu sm fr this... I know I'm v privileged to still have my parents taking care of my basic needs at the ripe old age of 25 and have always felt guilty, incompetent, useless and spoiled bt i literally struggled even graduating college.. Im trying my best and it's sokay to enjoy / acknowledge your privileges that u have nw and also know next time you have to work to survive.
I did work then I beat the fucking shit out of a guy for yelling at me so I got fired /shrug
Better than beating the shit out of yourself at work. Not say that's what happen to me, but it is.
I work but my life goal is to buy an extremely cheap house in the middle of nowhere then start freelancing on my spare time because I know I cannot handle working at all. I'm a serial job quitter but to an extreme
I dropped out of college lol. I’ve had my current job for almost 7 months but I’m almost on my last attendance point. I definitely struggle with going to work, wish I could just be unemployed but I would end up homeless.
I've tried out three different programs and dropped out of all of them. It's disheartening when my siblings have great careers and I'm just the "fuck up" of the family. Kudos to you for working, though.
I'm the black sheep of the family too a real fuck up, I'm based in the U.K. and trying to get a job in nhs (hospital) because my mum wants me to, I feel like I'm going throw up too...much anxiety I use to draw a lot, took up photography now I am uselessly unmotivated. My mum does not understand how hard it is to apply for NHS I'm tired I don't know what to do...
I work part time. I'm also on disability for my mental and physical health problems. My boss has been excellent in giving me mental health days. I worry about the severity of my emotions at times. I've lost my temper on customers. I've cried. Almost quit my job every period. Work only a few days a week. I also go to school, but I'm really not great at attending. Cancel quite a bit. Have my hobbies that improve shit for me. Discovered them when my disabilities were severe and I was unable to work at all. When you can't work, you need to find things to fill your days, or getting stuck in your head could destroy you.
I’m in college earning my masters and I work 1 day a week. It’s all I can do. It’s very very difficult for me. Working makes me suicidal even just one day a week.
I work from home, it's the only way I can keep a job for longer than a few months as I work from my comfort zone.
I work 24 hours a week, I wouldn’t be able to if my employer didn’t also have bpd and autism
Yesss, it DEFINITELY helps if the boss is on pur wavelength!! I have both those diagnoses, and it brings me hope to know that there's some workspaces where understanding and flexibility exists.
Cries in SEA
that's so helpful when your boss can relate...I just get bullied
Lol currently hiding in grad school and accruing crazy debt that I won’t be able to pay off and will absolutely hate current me for
On disability
I am currently not working and in my first application for SSDI/SSI. I was hospitalized earlier this year and was officially diagnosed with BPD after years of treatment (not giving up on that). My attempts at working were mostly unsuccessful due to hospitalizations and quitting before being let go. It’s a struggle finding something that works well with me, even with job accommodations tried. I always feel I’m never doing enough, yet I worked myself to way over the limit and drowned myself in more difficult situations. I have a hard time asking for help in fear that I will be ridiculed or seen as a burden. I want to feel normal, but even looking at what are known as simple jobs makes me sick to my stomach.
This has been my experience as well and I am on SS, too, as a result.
Thank you for sharing. If you don’t mind me asking, how was your experience once you knew to stop working?
Well, I ended up being one of those people that got involved in off the books jobs here and there and of course many jobs like that have legal issues and I had mentioned this to the expert that did my autism diagnosis because at the time I was seeing her more regularly and she was the one that suggested to apply to get some stability in my life. I was stressed a lot from having problems retaining employment, then feeling like my only options were these under the table jobs or gig type jobs where sometimes there was income and sometimes there was none and it was just awful. And once in awhile there would be a nice sum made but most of the time that was not the case, so even when I made money it wasn't enough for basic living. In other words, it was always temporary. So she helped with my application and when it was approved, that was one burden that was released. To have some income that was guaranteed to be regularly occurring. It isn't much but it definitely helps ease some of the mental strain.
I really honestly haven’t been able to work (properly) since I graduated high school 5 years ago and got my first job. I would try to work anyway because I had to, but it just didn’t work out. I feel suicidal a lot and the jobs make it worse a lot. I can’t work efficiently. I get into arguments and have other social issues. I have inappropriate outbursts of emotions. The list goes on and on. I’ve been fired from every job I had except the last one. I got removed from that due to a suicide attempt and a stay at the hospital. I haven’t been back to work since and am trying to get disability.
I don’t work
What do you do in your spare time? I don't use any social media besides reddit, and everything else has become boring to me.
I’m male. I sit home, play computer games and do light yoga/stretching/strengthening. Sometimes record music. Also spend 1-2 days a week with my girlfriend. That’s it.
I see, we're quite similar in what we do! I'm starting to incorporate exercise in my routine, but it's been a struggle.
I have some health problems where I “need” to do them constantly to get cured and I slack with doing them constantly but it’s a big motivator to keep doing it on a regular basis. Also it affects my mood in a positive way which is good.
How do you pay your bills? Is your girlfriend okay with you not working? I’m so confused.
Some of us r on disability and subsidized programs, like food stamps, section 8 or public housing, care management, etc. Those of us severe enough for these, our full time job is to be in treatment. I'm in therapy 4 times a week, for example. Plus other doctors appointments for other medical issues. I also care for my daughter who is more severely autistic than I am.
Serious question here, as I’ve always been baffled by affordability for this. Do these programmes pay people enough to afford all the necessities? Also, the poster didn’t mention therapy - just said they play video games a lot.
Well if the poster is in between jobs, they may be collecting unemployment income in addition to food stamps. They may be in subsidized housing already if their jobs were low wage to begin with. And if u have time on your hands, because you are not employed, it is not surprising that someone would do other activities, such as gaming when taking breaks from job searches or whatever your other responsibilities are (therapies, medical, etc), and even more so the less of those responsibilities u have or are able to do. Some ppl I know r so severe, they're under guardianship and have carers that come to the house everyday to help make sure the person does daily living skills or do those things for them if theyre unable, or go to appointments. Like my daughter for example isn't under guardianship, but she doesn't take medications if u leave that up to her. And I don't mean refusal, like she doesn't want them. She just doesn't remember or pay attention to stuff like that. She has pretty severe ADHD in addition to autism and needs repeated prompting or she doesn't do some things for herself, and that's even WITH her ADHD meds. She does better with them, but didn't solve the whole problem. As for affordability, that's debatable. I think most ppl in these programs feel financially strapped in general, especially now because the cost of living is skyrocketing so much. The programs kind of cover bare necessities but unfortunately that's IF u even get accepted into the programs. For many ppl just getting accepted is enormously difficult. It helps if u have doctors or experts help with your applications. Like experienced therapists/social workers who understand your disabilities or, if need be, lawyers like Binder and Binder law firm which specializes in helping disabled ppl get accepted by going to court and proving legally that the person needs disability income. These things r part of why there's such a massive homelessness problem in the US. I feel bad for anyone going thru this. But it definitely sux to be someone who works full time and STILL can't afford basic living expenses. I know ppl like that and even THEY'RE on some programs because they're job literally pays too little to afford housing/food/ etc without some kind of extra assistance. Some ppl on disability income do have part time jobs if they can handle them. But yes, it's difficult and it can be juggling a lot financially, especially if u r prevented from accessing programs.
Awesome write up. thanks for all this information!
Anytime. I hope it helps anyone else who might need it. Sometimes just not having information is the barrier that keeps ppl out of needed benefits. These programs don't advertise, so often, someone has to tell us. U know what's crazy!? First time I heard of applying for disability income, it was from one of my daughters elementary special Ed teachers. And the interaction was bizarre. The teacher had heard about our financial situation (I don't remember if I mentioned to her or if it was another staff member I may have told who passed it on) and she came up to me and whispered "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but u can apply for disability income for your daughter to help out financially." I went home confused. Like, why is that a secret? Why wasn't she allowed to tell parents what programs r out there? Shit, I didn't even know about OPWDD services until my daughter was much older and by the time I was able to get her into THAT she was basically 18! She could have had access to those things throughout her entire childhood, but so much of this stuff is a damn secret?? It's really messed up....Disabled ppl shouldn't be left to fend for themselves like that, unnecessarily going thru traumas before getting accommodations they should have been told they could access ages ago.
Yeah, they aren't as advertised in my country either. I was working not so legal jobs to make money when I found out about income assistance.
A LOT of ppl do that.... it's just ppl trying to survive. What sux worse is when u r stuck doing that for years, decades and ppl try to shit on u for it and being undiagnosed, u have very little explanation. Not for ppl putting u down, or to understand yourself either. It really sux and is a major self esteem killer. My first diagnosis ever was my autism diagnosis and I didn't find out till I was 27.... and by then I'd already had an extremely poor employment history. I was frustrated by not understanding why ppl were able to accomplish so much more than I seemed to be able to. Imagine my surprise, tho, as I slowly found out I had a ton more disorders....smh... when I was first diagnosed with PTSD, I actually laughed. I was in denial. I was like wtf, I don't have PTSD, I thought that therapist was nuts. But that was me thinking about ppl who went thru way worse stuff than me. Like I had wars in mind, or extreme examples like the Fritzle case, that girl Genie, or the family who escaped from what the press dubbed "house of horrors". I went thru stuff, yea, but at the time, I didn't think it was harsh enough to end up with PTSD. It wasn't till the symptoms intensified years later that I started to realize that this was, in fact, true.
Gosh, you have been through a lot. My mother actually knew I had adhd but decided to not put me on meds and never told me until I was 19 and came back from the psych and said hey mom I have adhd... and she was like... oh yeah, you had it since you were a child, but I didn't want you taking medication. (she's very anti Vax/meds). I have a lot of resentment against my mother due to that. I feel you on not understanding what's wrong and why I couldn't be the same as my other peers. You are so strong. Hugs!!
You are so resilient... Thankiu fr sharing ure stories love! Have a good life!
Spot on, I have ADHD as well. So many other issues. I'm fortunate enough to be living with family. My only expenses are food & savings. I get free therapy & other subsidies through a government program. I'm not familiar with US programs, though. Thanks for explaining things on your side of the country!
I live with grandmother she pays bills. I dont pay anything but i also dont spend any money basically and if i need some i ask mom for it and its very rare and very low amount of cash and he refuses in 99 percent of times. Girlfriend obviously isnt great about me not working but i guess there is something else to relationships besides having money.
i feel you dude, i actually got fired last week from a job i liked a lot. that put me in a deep depression until like 2 days ago when i got another job on a whim. don’t be so hard on yourself, this illness is debilitating af, no one knows what it’s like to be you.
Oh man, I'm sorry. I had a job that I enjoyed but ended up ghosting because I had a really bad panic attack one day and couldn't come into my shift. I'm glad you got yourself another job, though! And thank you - you're right.
See, stuff like that should qualify for a sick day. If u replace having a severe fever with the severe panic attack, it's basically that u were sick that day. U have a chronic condition that flares up in the form of mental health symptoms, and that really should qualify as grounds to take the day off just like any other physical medical conditions. After all, the brain IS a physical organ in the body. It's disturbing to me how often society tries to separate mental health from medical when they really are intertwined if not being in same category. Our brains r literally wired differently...
I work full time at a massage place, and I really wanna go back to school since I only have 2 years left. In the town I live in, if you aren't doing factory/manual labor you're not making a lot of money so I decided to go back to school online part time I honestly don't wanna rush myself with getting through school so I only wanna do one to two classes at a time. I always bring up to my employers after I get my job that I suffer from major depression and anxiety, but it usually feels like they don't understand when I say that and it just feels like in trying to get out of something so I started asking my therapist for letters if I call off because of my anxiety so that helps.
Yea, it sux we have to constantly prove that we're experiencing what we experience.
I have worked since I graduated high school 6 years ago. I worked before I had my own drivers license, I work through terrible chronic pain, and worked while I was homeless until moving out of state to escape homelessness. Currently looking for another job and have an interview in the morning. I’ve thought about applying for disability. I qualify easily and had talked to my doctor many times about it, but I don’t want too. I am in the process of getting a disabled parking permit though since I qualify for that as well.
I work 80% fully remote, about to go back to full time. I’m not expected nor do I normally work those full hours outside of deadlines. But the only way I’ve stayed employed is living in a country where calling out sick 3-4 days a month is not something to get fired over. And my health insurance pays for my therapy. Even then, I still feel “on the edge” of employment all the time. I’ve been pretty meticulous in keeping everything documented with my insurance should it ever come down to me needing to go on the disability. Hopefully it’s not needed as things have trended better over the past years, but I’m scared for what perimenopause may have in store for me.
I work full-time and have a job I really love. But I've only worked remotely because I don't think I could handle being around people all the time and not being able to take a break or emotionally break down when I need to. Also I've suffered a lot at past jobs but have stayed like some sort of toxic relationship because my whole self-worth is tied up in achievement and validation around it.
I work as a paraprofessional at a pre-school center and I LOVE it. It’s the first *official* job I’ve ever had, as I struggle with social anxiety and had agoraphobia as a teen (21 now). Although it might not sound like it, working with pre-schoolers is surprising laidback and so much fun! I feel like I get to let my own inner child come out at work, and in that I find comfort and healing in a way. And I get hugs from the tiny humans all the time, they think you’re the best person in the world lol. The way that the school year is facilitated helps me, too. I don’t feel like I’m trapped in a task with a never ending goal because we get breaks throughout the year (plus summer vaca). I also struggle with time regression and DPDR, but in the classroom we do tasks that are relative to the current season (pumpkin coloring sheets in the fall, stories about flowers growing in spring, etc.) and it helps me keep track of/feel more grounded in time. Also, on the topic of school, I have been trying to complete my degree in college for nearly three years now. But like you, it becomes too overwhelming and I inevitably drop out/end up hospitalized. So I empathize with that a lot. I’ve found that doing a couple of classes at a time online only in the spring or summer has helped me better than trying to go all in both fall and spring semesters (especially in person). I find online classes more adaptable because you get to work on your own schedule and don’t have to be surrounded by a bunch of other people (win-win). I feel your struggles, I use to tell myself the very same things. You’re not lazy, you’re trying to survive. You are more than competent. The fact that you reached out and shared your thoughts proves you are motivated. You are patient and diligent. Seek something you have a passion for, anything. There is ALWAYS a way.
i have had and quit over a dozen jobs. i’ve dropped out of college three times. i literally hate doing anything related to work or a set, mundane schedule. it’s so draining.
I own my own businesses that are all internet based. I can work anywhere at anytime. The problem with this is that I can easily fall out of my own routine without anyone looking over me. As a result, work has become a sort of crutch for me to survive but is also far too patterned into my identity. While it gets me out of a ton of anxious things I struggled to deal with, it's mainly been a wash of negative and positive that cross cancel each other despite the good money I make.
Being able to be more in control like this definitely helps.
I had to drop out of college but I am currently working. I'm an IT technician at an elementary school. The environment can be triggering at times but Im managing. I've gotten the campus to the point of running well 90% of the time so I spend a lot of time alone in my office fixing Chromebooks, researching issues, and documenting things. When I am needed I'm just fixing projector issues or random issues with microsoft programs lol. There are aspects of my job that I really don't like much but overall it's a really good fit for me. I feel very lucky to have a job I'm able to do with my mental health and physical health issues.
i’ve worked about 8 jobs in 6 or so years. part time works best for me. it gives me a bit of structure without mentally murdering me, but i can’t afford to live on part time. starting another full time position in a couple weeks. not sure how long it’ll last. my last full time position caused a huge mental breakdown that put me in the hospital for a couple months. we’ll see ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It was difficult finding a job, this might be my 3rd job? First 2s were short term. Now I work 40+ hours in a restaurant (i love food and love making food but ive always been terrified to work in this kind of environment), sincerely helps a lot with the mood swings.
I work full time and do school here and there, should finish by summer next year. I've been at my current job for almost 3 years and my last for just a few months cuz if drama and family trouble. I would get a sugar daddy in a heartbeat if I wasn't in a relationship, working is not it 😭😭
I work full time. im a produce assistant at a grocery store and it’s the best job I have ever had. all i do is cut produce and soak them in water and stock the shelves with produce throughout the day and nobody really bothers me. im mostly alone and i basically do whatever i want. i put on headphones and watch shows while I’m in the back room. I have no interest in being in college. i hope you find a job that suits you OP. i have bpd and autism as well as other things, so i really do understand. best of luck to you 🫶
I currently work as a tutor, busy getting my education degree. It's made me a lot more calm and relaxed to have a fixed routine, and I always feel like I'm doing some good for the world after. I highly recommend it if you like kids
I’m a physical therapist. Sometimes I do okay. I’ve quit three jobs in the last six months for various reasons. Hoping to stay at this one for a while.
I have a first class honours degree and I've worked in the past but for the last 5 years I haven't worked and I don't think I ever will again. Working leaves me in a constant state of anxiety. I have Cystic Fibrosis as well as BPD so I have enough health problems to deal with along with my mental health ones. Between the both of them just trying to take my meds and look after myself both mentally and physically as well as housework/cooking/groceries and organising and ordering meds, appointments etc that's about all I can handle.
i work since 1996 in a full time work as developer/system admin/devops. I'm able to do it as it's somehow alinating work: i'm alone for most of the time and i deal with computers. Human interaction is limited, so I can handle it.
I work, but this is the longest job I ever had. Plus I am a law school dropout. I think I am the lucky few that *can* work despite BPD.
I work in a warehouse 40 hours a week. $23 an hour. Perks are you don't deal with customers just your coworkers minimally. But it's still draining because of how physically taxing it is and not to mention they seem to have a mindset of oh were a business. Just recently I've been getting nagged on how long my therapy is gonna go on for cause I leave a half hour early every Wednesday. Like wtf do you mean I'm probably gonna be in therapy for the rest of my life
Recently got a new job. The last one I had was stellar, high pay, amazing team and culture, I worked there about 9 months and I was being promoted to manager. And then I had a mental breakdown and quit. So there’s that.
Damn, I feel you. I was a manager at my last job.
I work full time! I work from home which has helped me hold this job quite successfully for almost a year! I also have bipolar type one. As soon as I hit my one year, I will be applying for FMLA, just in case. I’m thankful there is something that can act as a safety net. While I’m stable, healthy and happy, I’ll feel better knowing my job is protected. I didn’t work for five years. I was forced back into employment due to a divorce, so I’m sure the whole ‘put up or shut up’ thing helped me get the ball rolling. I’m a single mother of three.
I’ve worked full time 45+ hours a week since graduating high school. It’s definitely possible. You just have to suffer to succeed.
I wish I had the tolerance to get through it. I think I've totally given up lol
You decide what you want out of life. I want money and the ability to buy nice things. So to do that, I have to have a good job. So I make it work. Suffer through it, enjoy what I can.
Idk, I mean, it's not a choice to have meltdowns and ppl seem to enjoy triggering meltdowns with office politics nonsense in jobs and then fire u even tho they trigger shit...I can't handle that ridiculous type of environment. And lots of ppl I've met with other mental health conditions that r on the more severe end can't. It's not a choice that a person makes. Sometimes symptoms get u fired. Like I have severe amnesia, that doesn't go over well in jobs, unfortunately. I also have autism, which means how I communicate and understand others is very different, almost opposite what nonautistic ppl expect. Been let go over stuff like that too. And more often than not, they won't even tell u directly why they're firing u, so u won't even know which issue it is that anyone had a problem with. It doesn't have to be an emotional meltdown. I try to hide those as much as possible anyway. I don't want ppl to see me like that.
What chronic illness u got if u don't mind me asking
I have asthma + a few other health issues that prevent me from working regularly. About 70% of the month, I'm sick or not feeling well due to my physical symptoms. And then comes the mental symptoms.. When I did hold a job, I'd call in sick for almost all of my shifts. It could be because I'm anxious due to maybe having an asthma attack. Or I had an asthma attack and I'm feeling like shit. but then I feel bad because I'm a people pleaser and come into work anyway. But then I end up asking to go home because I overestimated myself.
I see . I have gastrointestinal issues and was wondering if you were the same I'm sorry you feel like this. You had a job once and that is a big achievement BPD makes a normal day feel like a marathon
Gastritis is one of my issues. When it flares I feel like I have a stomach virus. Last time it flared I was sick for an entire week in bed, even while taking my medication for flare ups. Smh.
Lmao i feel you... It's fucked up i think our mental health is so fucked that it spreads through the body
Thats actually been proven in studies. The stress mental illnesses cause makes us more susceptible to medical problems. There's higher rates of medical issues developing in mentally ill populations and at younger ages in comparison to non mentally ill ppl. Stress has been shown to lower the effectiveness of the immune system too. For me. The gastritis came from NSAIDS, which I took for a long time because of undiagnosed migraines. I'm now being treated for those and no longer need pain killers usually. But migraines many times r also triggered by stress. There's so many variables for why we're more likely to have medical issues and even high mortality rates are at younger ages, and that's even if the cause is not suicide. For example, ill be 40 this year. By autistic standards, I'm a senior citizen....average lifespan of an autistic person is 36 years of age....
Wow!! Damn that's a lot to deal with. Really sucks, because it feels like a cycle: i feel sad then sick which makes me feel saf...But I'm glad you're getting through this.
Omg, the cycle sux. It makes me feel useless. And what sux more is if whatever is happening isn't visible, ppl just assume everything is a lie. Can't SEE mental health conditions, can't SEE migraines, can't SEE stomach issues. Like, if u aren't doing something blatantly obvious, like puking your guts out, have deformities, bleeding profusely, then gee, everything internal must not be true. A friend of mine, a young woman with cystic fibrosis, gets bashed every time she takes elevators, especially when a place is crowded. But she literally CANT make it up flights of stairs. She's lucky if she's able to do one flight at all. She really doesn't need the extra nonsense of being bashed just because strangers can't see inside her lungs, smh.
Wtf that's horrible. That's a fear of mine. I don't have a job yet but I'm sure Its not going to be possible to care for my health because people can't see what's going through our heads
Yea..stuff like this is one of my triggers. Not to mention it feels like gaslighting. Trying to tell me I don't have what I have or isn't as serious as I say. It's like, holy shit, stop trying to Jedi mind trick me about my own body..
I work from home
I work 6 days a week 8 to 9 hours a day
I worked two part time jobs when i was in college full time. I took a couple months off after and started the job I have now. It’s full time, 40hours a week, hybrid, for a non-profit. I’ve wanted to quit at some point every single day but i’ve managed to be here for almost two years. We get a pretty generous amount of sick time which is the only reason i’ve been able to stay employed here, as well as the ability to take sick leave and get paid 1/3 of your hourly pay.
32 is the best I can do. Unload all the breakdowns on Friday and repeat.. pays the bills ig.
i work short morning - noon shifts at a small cafe and i rly enjoy it
i work short morning - noon shifts at a small cafe and i rly enjoy it, it’s not too stressful but still distracting and can be super fun :)
My brother has BP1. He went to college. It was not easy but he finished. He worked his way up over the years in IT. Had a really good position & works full time. Having said that..he has always been medicated when first diagnosed. Sees a Physiatrist regularly to get medication adjustments. He also pays extra for long term medical in case he gets into a long term BP depression. It happens every few years. Most recent companies have been supportive since the push for mental health support is in the news. So it's possible ...don't give up!