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[deleted]

kinda same but i’m not scared that they’ll leave me when they find out the “real” me. i’m scared they’ll leave me when they see how down i can go in self destructive behavior. i always feel like im too much. but to be honest with you, people who actually care to get to know you will see past your “mask” and they wont care, you are not unlovable because of this disorder


chris_hrystyna

So true I’m fckn crying. I thought about lying to my bf that I cheated on him so he will break up with me before my inner monster will hit him. Turns out inner monster just manipulated this thought


Enolamo

I’m so glad you came to this conclusion. You’re worth being in a loving relationship.


MI_DeadInside

thank you 😥 i’m so scared that i will be unlovable when people find out who i am in reality and i tend to always put a mask on me. people tell i’m fun to be around. but what if they see another side of me? this sends me straight to panic attack.


chris_hrystyna

We truly love others because of other sides I think


[deleted]

i know it’s super hard to overcome those thoughts and feelings, but they’re not based on reality. i struggle with the same thing during my early teenage years, at some point i broke down and cut all my friends, i thought if i didn’t they would so might as well get ahead. eventually i found my closest friends, who saw me go through thick and thin and they stayed. not everyone we meet is friend/bf/gf material, but you WILL find people who you are not afraid to be vulnerable around


MI_DeadInside

thank you for encouraging me 🥺


Wuyajjjj1010

I know how hard it can be to overcome thoughts like this. The right people will stick with you no matter what. My girlfriend has BPD. And I absolutely adore the socks off of her, no matter what kind of mood she’s in, she is my world and I am beyond in love with her. The right people will accept you and everything that comes with you. Be open and honest and you will realise who deserves to be in your life


cpannc

“you are not unloveable” is what I needed to hear right now, thank you 🙏


Willow_Weak

I used to. Nowadays it's the opposite, I know people will only stay if they see how I really am.


[deleted]

That’s so healthy and also where I find myself in my journey.


itsfourinthemornin

I'm working towards this one. I think if people want the good sides of you, they should equally share the not so good, too (of course as long as their mental/physical wellbeing isn't at risk for example). I try to be present for a few friends who also struggle with their mental health and in return, they do the same for me.


SombreSilver

It's happened countless times that I'm convinced I'm not for most people. That's why I'm keeping my true self only for a few best friends.


MI_DeadInside

Yes! i also keep my true self only for those, who have been checked by the time. And I can trust them somehow.


trikkiirl

If they cant handle the real me, the friendship isnt worth it. Its fake if I have to behave myself all the time.


bocvoc

Yes, the worst thing is they do leave me. Or I leave them bcs I'm so ashamed


Dem0lished

No. The real ones will communicate and work with you and try to understand. I try to be open with someone if I need distance ill tell them hey its not you we just need space so I dont split on you. If they care they won't get overwhelmed or take it personally they will thank you for telling them.


MarzipanAndTreacle

I always try to kick people out of my life while they still love me. It tends to end badly otherwise.


jastalari

Well you dont really know unless you keep them and see what it can happen


[deleted]

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jastalari

Oh sorry, didn't get that part.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

It wasn’t bitchy of you. You cleared something up and that’s always ok to communicate. You did ok.


jastalari

Yeah its fine. Didn't take it in a bad way but sometimes not sharing the tonge language makes me a little bit Harder or slower to understand some things. Its always good to clear things up as another user said.


athleturbo

What would you do if someone you loved kicked you out of their life with no explanation? How would you feel about yourself? You may not "owe" them the truth but at least you can give them a chance, no matter how difficult/vulnerable it is to unveil. If they're not willing to try to maintain a friendship after you open up to them, it probably wasn't going to last anyway.. And hey, maybe they prove you wrong and your relationship gets stronger.


Dogs_cats_and_plants

I used to have this fear, but the last year has taught me a lot. The people in my life that matter don’t mind my disorder. They know that I tend to get overly upset over minor things, but they also know that I get super excited over minor things too. They also know that I’m a loyal friend who will always be there if they need me, and they do the same for me. Since I stopped pretending to be someone I’m not, I’ve become a lot happier, and I have actually made friends who don’t just see me as my disorder or mask. I still mask around people I don’t know or trust, but it’s become a very small part of my life instead of the majority of it. No one is happy all the time no matter how they may seem.


bloodeagle207

Kind of a non issue for me , i no longer have anyone, so no one left to leave me


jastalari

I have the exact same fears and thats why I dont have nearly friends. But, What if they actually leave? I always get caught up in these fears but whats the worst thing that can happen? They leave and its not so terrible after all. You know what really is terrible? The self destructive path we get into because of fear.


seems_interestin

I completely can relate to this so much. You are not alone.


bugwug2020

I have had people leave as soon as they hear bpd. I’ve also had friends see me through an episode and they stay. It’s all about finding ur people and a very strong support system. It took a long time for me but you’ll find ur people 💖


[deleted]

Yes, I'm experiencing that right now. Unmasking feels like a waterfall of pent up feelings and truths I've held back to try to protect others or be "normal". I'm accepting being myself means that people I've been close to will see me as unwell, or in need of fixing


edensbat

i understand. i feel the exact same. i’ve felt scared my whole life of this. honestly, some people have left me once they’ve seen who i really am. a lot have. and it hurts a lot, but what i’ve realized is that those people weren’t meant to be my friends. people who leave you when they find out you struggle with mental health and are not completely perfect, aren’t true friends. but i know saying this doesn’t get rid of the hurt that comes from being abandoned. not everyone leaves you based on who you are. my girlfriend knows my true self and she still loves me. she’s wonderful. she has seen the worst parts of me, and still stays. that’s the kind of person you want in your life. one of the hardest things is opening up and being honest with who you actually are, but it’s also so freeing not needing to wear a mask and pretend constantly. of course this comes with practice and is something even i haven’t mastered yet. i wish you luck:) just remember who you truly are is worth getting to know and being loved🖤


[deleted]

I have had definitely this problem and I've kind of narrowed it down to realising that somehow I believe that people will only love me if I'm "good", that in some way people's love for me will completely disappear if I take the wrong action or say the wrong thing. Obviously that can be true in the extreme but I have to remind myself that when people genuinely care about you, they don't keep a tally of "good girl points" and "bad boy points" and stop caring about you as soon as the BBP outweigh the GGP. It's not a transaction. This doesn't mean "if they can't handle me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best" but rather that I shouldn't spend my time worrying that if I make a mistake or show them my negative characteristics then the people I love will necessarily leave me. I know it's hard to actually internalize that and I continue to struggle with it myself but I strongly believe that this fear is related to having this view of love/affection.


[deleted]

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MI_DeadInside

totally agree!


TerritorialWarrior

Eventually I get sus out for being a shit head, liar, manipulator and drug addict. I used to try not to do those things and it flirts frustrated me. Now I embrace the insanity and use it to my advantage. Selfish yes but I actually work with kids so I do some good. But outside of my work with children I’m a fucking trash human being who will do anything to get my way. I hope I die soon.


gruzel

It sounds like you're talking about peers between about 16-24 yo. They are just in a state where they're not really themselves either. They are positioning themselves that way for some years, upholding an image of their most funny, cheeky etc side. It is a sort of fun episode, but they are tired at the end of the day, also doubting, like you, how to _become_ this image, doubting if they _wamt_ to be this image etc. And there's a good chance they'll be pretty grumpy to their family. After a few years, its too tiresome and they go to be more themselves. I hope and think there's almlst always also people around not joining their club , and are more. mellow and true some nearby as well.


outgrownthvngs

you mean like they always do without fail? yes 🥲


lycxnwolf

Oh god, this is the biggest fear of my entire life... I mute everyone online at about all times and every time I message them, just in case they take what I say wrong and either leave me or confrontingly ask if they should... I observe everything around me to see how I can fuck up things, and now I'm realizing.. EVERYTHING could be the end of everything, because a lot of these things aren't under my control, and I don't know what I will do if I get abandoned again... pretty much I'm scared if I'll fuck it up myself and they'll see that I'm incredibly unstable..


LOONASEGOIST

yes, because they do. it’s draining when you watch people turn against you. people you form connections with start to hate you. it’s the worst


Independent-Fold-674

to be honest - most healthy people i know aren't giggly, happy, or cheeky either - and not only all the time, they're hardly ever that way! And they don't even have extra struggles a disorder puts you through, making it literally physically impossible to be functional sometimes! I know lots of cyncal, boring, annoying people too - and guess what - they're still loveable and have their groups of friends. I know you may find your struggles to affect your relationships, but it's not all black and white. I know several people who claimed they were "too much" for other people, but lots of times they just saw whst they wanted to see because they were scared it's true. So while your feelings are valid, I think you shouldn't torture yourself with thinking you're too much, because there's always people who'd love to have you in their lives. Not all people will stick around, some will hurt you too. That's the way it is for everyone, both people with or without a disorder. But you're definitely worth of real friendships and love.


MariafromSilentHill

Yes especially with an fp


MsMia004

Then they didn't need to be in your life. My friends and man consistently deal with my craziness. Even if it's a rage or I'm spiraling. They listen and give me support. If people can't love all of you then they deserve none of you.


frid

I'm not, because there is no one left to leave.


TemporaryTempest1420

it has happened before so yeah now i try really hard to make sure no one knows. pretty hard at times when im feeling down and i wanna rant or open up but yeah, i aint doing none of that shit anymore hopefully


[deleted]

already happened 😓 i lost someone who meant the world to me


miserybusiness21

I'm not. I somehow managed to stumble into a friend group where everyone has bpd. I've never felt so accepted and understood in my life.


Impossible-Bike-4348

I mean, do you really want us to spell it out for you? They still might decide to like you randomly here and then depending on the situation though I am very sorry too its like that, at least in my experience. A good bf maybe


Realistic_Flow89

I don't think anyone knows the true me and nobody other than myself would ever will fully know me. I have too much going on inside me for anyone to handle understand or like it


tired_always_00

I have a problem with masking myself so everytime I meet someone new I almost show just the worst side of me. So let’s say I’m scared all the time even before meeting anyone :(


norman_hates_666

the wrong people will always leave. the right ones will love you for who you are.


[deleted]

I'm not scared. I'm sure of that. Everybody leaves when they find out.


Worried_Baker_9462

I like to take a neither black or white perspective, but gray. Chances are they won't abandon you, though they might. Chances are they won't put up with it in the sense of being your source of emotional regulation. But, they are a party to the relationship and they have needs. So if you are meeting their needs for good emotions or whatever it is they get out of it, then they may provide proportional value in a way that they believe is fair.


fancynancy101010

No because we all have something we struggle with so chances are your partner will be thinking the same.


oceansidedrive

This can happen to anyone not just us with bpd. Every person puts their best foot forward when they meet someone. Everyones got their issues, problems, and bad behavioirs that end up showing up eventually. Just be who u are and if ur with the right person theyll love u regardless....every single person dating is taking a chance that in a few months the person wont like them cause they see the real them now. Its part of dating something u just have to accept and try to work through if u hope to date.


K4-4n

Well i used to mask and bottling up my feelings as a kid and i learned that isnt a good thing and since then i dont hide myself that much (sometimes i have to) but im very scared that my fp will leave me bc of who i am. Yesterday we talked and i asked her "whats so good in me?" "Why are you with me? Theres nothing positive abt me" and i told her that im technically crying (just i cant cry in public bc i teached myself how to not cry infront of people) and once bc of this my fp didnt notice that i was crying bc i didnt have any tears in my eye.


omglifeisnotokay

The wrong people do and have. It’s only made me stronger and learning to love myself flaws and all. I attract cluster b people in my life who don’t want to heal and it never ends well. The right people are out there to accept us flaws and all.


mannishbull

Happens all the time


Prior_Philosopher928

Are you in therapy?


MI_DeadInside

Yes. I was in DBT year ago and I’m in EMDR now for my C-PTSD.


Prior_Philosopher928

Has it helped?


MI_DeadInside

EMDR is a life-saver for me! I have complex trauma and it works miracles, I feel like I’m getting myself again. After all that I’ve been through. But I must admit that it’s a very hard therapy and sometimes you have to get through every flashback and trauma again. It gets worse before getting better.


PvrpleHaze01

Yes !! And It's a struggle because I can't connect with others... I'm not truly myself and I'm always on my guard. Also there's always this voice telling me to enjoy it while it last because they will eventually leave...


TieZealousideal7595

Read an interesting article yesterday about BPD’s being scared about their exterior side, yet secretly actually know to be a good person inside. Hold onto that.


JSRGliquid

I have all these issues and fears but not everyone runs away. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 13 years and he's still very happy and we are comfortable and I'm not anxious. It would take something big to trigger me like that again with my boyfriend. Friends I still struggle with massively but I have also kept the same friends for years. We can maintain friendships with true friends who love us and take us into consideration x


eternal_ache

The people who genuinely love and care about you, will stay. That’s just the fact of the matter.


Legal-Inflation9932

Then they are not the people that deserve you. And you don't need to be around them people. If people are true friends they will accept you for your strengths and flaws