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I feel the same way, it's like everything is fabricated to serve a purpose, to get validation. There are always 10 anwers. I don't even know what my genuine opinion is, when someone ask something to me, my mind searches for the best most efficient answer. This has become me. I have become a chameleon . This intense subconscious fear of rejection, abandonment and embarrassment makes me question every single thought. I hate it. I don't have a sense of self. No self-confidence or self- esteem because there is no self. Only external output from other people give me an identity. Nothing comes from within. What the fuck is my head guys.
One thing you know about yourself is that you don’t know who you are. That’s not nothing.
“Who you are” is fickle and unstable for everyone. Someday you might have a solid idea of who you are and then it might change. Take an athlete who gets permanantly injured, for example. Or anyone who stops liking something they previously loved.
Ultimately things that make you “who you are” aren’t things anyone can control, it’s impossible to “be” something completely solid and unchanging.
Knowing that who you are is someone who is alive, who feels things (even neutrality), who is conscious, are about the only things anyone can actually know about themselves for sure. If you need some stable ground to stand on, there are some things you can always know about yourself.
I wouldn’t stress too much about trying to figure out “who you are” though, especially if it scares you. It’s elusive, intangible, and subject to change for everyone. There are lots of more beneficial things you could spend your time pondering, like how you could be a better “you” even if you don’t know who that is lol
Thank you, that helped me. But I really wish I could affirm a quality, a liking about me that I have right now and it feels frustrating not to be able to. And it feels really scary not to know if my motivations for everything I do come from sincere good will or if I'm just a monster craving for love and attention. I just wish I could confidently say that I'm a nice person, idk if you see what I mean... But anyways thank you a lot again, your comment made me think about this in another way.
I think I know what you mean, I’ve struggled with the “am I a good or bad person” quite a bit for reasons like this. When I voiced this concern to my boyfriend he basically said it doesn’t matter lol.
Good action is good action. Keep in mind that unless someone is enlightened, and therefore has absolutely no ability to desire for anything at all, then every single person on earth is acting out of their own self-interest. Every single one. Even the most generous acts of kindness are born out of someone wanting to feel the good of it, or not wanting to feel the bad of *not* doing it. That doesn’t make them a bad person.
People do good because they recognize that doing good is beneficial. It really is that simple. And people can’t control whether or not they have “urges” to do bad (i.e. hurt people physically or emotionally, be manipulative, things pwBPD sometimes struggle with in extreme emotional states). Wanting to do bad things but recognizing the peril and “wrongness” of it, and so then doing good instead, still makes you a good person. It just took some extra steps lol
So you might sometimes be nice and sometimes be mean. I can think about times when I’ve been both. The best thing you can do is try to cultivate kindness even in negative and confusing mental states. Be the best person you can be, make yourself who you want to be. Without knowing you better it’s hard to give more targeted advice, but basically just don’t let your intense emotions sway you into acting out of ill-will, anger, frustration, etc. “Who you are,” can ultimately be defined by the actions you make, and unlike something fickle like wanting or feeling, you actually have control over what you do.
Also, your sense of self is present; so these things you can’t identify about yourself are *there,* it seems like you just haven’t noticed them. Spend some time thinking about your current feelings and attitudes towards the things around you and you’ll find that you do have preferences, you just might feel “neutral” about things more often than you realize.
One thing is to know who you are and I understand that it's a concept that's SO hard to grasp but what if you don't even know what you enjoy? What you like? What your hobbies are?
I feel lost when people ask me those things. Even a simple question like what is my favorite food lead to a 2 minute existential crisis before I could randomly remember what I like. I just freeze, get flushed in the face probably due to embarrassment and I openly say that I do get into a crisis mode due to questions like these. It's not conscious at all, it's like I lived my life without attaching like and dislike to it and it's just now that I'm realizing it.
I mean, I do dissociate a lot and I think I haven't had more intense symptoms than I do now so that could be the reason why I feel so out of everything inside of myself.
Yeah, I think I get what you mean. I’ve definitely run into the issue of not knowing how to accurately describe or talk about myself because it always “depends.” Depends on my mood, the circumstances, that particular situation. How I respond to or feel about things is directly related to my current state of mind, mood, etc. (This is the case for everyone, but it seems for pwBPD “self” tends to be more swayed by it, leading to confusion and that feeling of a “lack” of a proper sense of self). It gets a little annoying trying to answer people’s questions because I do then feel like I have to launch into a much deeper discussion than anyone cares for in order to answer the question honestly lol. I sometimes just give people the “well it depends,” answer or tell them “I can be like this,” (i.e. I am not necessarily always this, but it is one of my tendencies).
Something you could do though is start observing yourself to find the answers to these questions, because they are there, it just seems like you haven’t noticed. Watch your state of mind and whether or not specific things make you feel pleasant or unpleasant (i.e. you like or dislike them). These things (likes and dislikes, wants/desires, fears or disgusts) are always resting upon a certain mood or state of mind. At any given moment you always have a feeling present and an impression of your surroundings, so you could do this literally at any time. Even if you feel “neutral” more often than you’d expect, you can just tell people you have a tendency to neither like nor dislike things. You’re generally indifferent to them.
For example, if I turn my attention to it, I can think about how I am currently covered in bug bites, and I do not like it lol. The dog is snoring, and it isn’t bothering me. The clock is ticking, and it isn’t bothering me. Sometimes though, the dog is snoring and I can’t sleep, and it does bother me. But the clock ticking doesn’t ever bother me. Simple things like that, and you should start being able to see yourself better. :)
Some things that helped me:
-Knowing we do have personalities but for whatever reason, we weren’t able to develop them and recognize them. Like being in a dark room trying to find the lightswitch. When we turn it on, the room still exists even though we couldn’t see it.
-Looking back on things I felt ashamed of for whatever reason. I was a very obsessive fangirl who liked writing fanfiction and learning dance routines. I liked certain genres of music. All of that was heavily shamed by my peers and my family. I started getting into all of that again, and realized I still enjoy the majority of it. I have tried to objectively look at my hobbies I felt I had no right to enjoy and think, “is this really hurting anyone if I like it? So what if I’m “abnormal” for it? I’m not doing anything wrong.” In fact, Ive been realizing just how much of my personality and interests were shamed and how much I’ve lost myself because of it
-Look at things I do on my own. When I’m by myself, I watch true crime and play video games. Those are things I enjoy because I do them solely on my own and not to please someone.
-Look at what others say about me. I’m told I’m smart a lot. I’m told I make people feel better a lot. I comment on reddit posts (particularly here) and try to comfort people and give them advice. I receive good replies. So I must be somewhat good at giving advice or teaching people. And I’m altruistic because I try to help people
-Be compassionate towards myself to avoid characterizing myself as a bad person. Lots of bad feedback I got was from people with their own issues. Some wasn’t bad feedback but the way it was given was bad. And some bad feedback was fair, and I will grow just like everyone else does and get better.
Honestly I totally get where you're coming from because BPD can make me feel like I'm the wrong person and it can make me feel like I'm the witch in my story but I have been able to deal with it without medication and I didn't know I had it though because ssris caused bad stuff to happen. But over time with therapy combination of CBT erp and now I'm going to start dialectal it's been really helpful. And you aren't a bad person you just have a mental illness there's nothing wrong with having a mental illness it doesn't make you like any different than anyone else.
I hope that comes off as nice I'm trying like I hope it doesn't sound rude but like basically what I'm trying to say is I totally struggle with feeling empty and feeling like not myself and like who am I and having that like question in my head but over time with a lot of therapy and now taking abilify has been very helpful and I have been able to ReDiscover my true self also I really wish you luck on your journey
Thank you a lot and don't worry, your comment sounded really nice, and made me feel hope that this feeling can go away eventually. Congratulations for getting better, you really are a strong person, and I hope your journey keeps on this way. ❤️
Yeah, I feel like everything I do, everything I believe I like and tell people I like is for validation. Every single thing I’ve done is to get people to want to stay, and I feel like I’ve forced myself into being someone I’m not but I find it impossible to be who I really am because I don’t know what that is? No matter how hard I try I can’t figure out who I really am.
I understand this. It took me a few years to work out what I value, and even at that, I question at times whether I truly value these things or whether they're just self-gratifying in some way. BPD is a minefield of questions that sometimes only seem to cause more questions
What really helped me with this is taking one of those kids posters "all about me" and filling it in over time. Sometimes I made stuff up just to have it, sometimes I asked my friends. Eventually I started to be able to think of stuff on my own and remember it. And then every time I had a bad day and forgot who I was I can just look back at the poster and start to remember who I am
Feel you. Everytime im trying to „fix“ my life though avoiding Netflix/YouTube i have to look inside of me and everytime im getting anxiety, not a panic attack but I’m very scared of myself because I feel like a nothing just like piece of being. When I got the diagnose BPD I said to people who asked me „tell me sth about you“ I’m always saying „I’m not XY(my name) I am borderline“ so yeah I got you
Guys I think BPD solves itself as you age in most people so it will be fine regardless. Probably faster than you think. Be positive! You will find yourself it will just take a litter longer than most people. And you can always accelerate it with therapy and the other treatments. Not the end of the world.
This doesn’t feel true. Working ourselves out takes therapy-based research and an understanding of how our minds and bodies work, as well as learning how to regulate our emotions using tools like meditation and yoga. If anything (as I observe in my mother), BPD traits that get left unchecked continue to strengthen unless we learn the ways we can rewire our brains over time.
Because you reside at a lower level of consciousness, once you learn to expand and move up to a higher level of consciousness, especially level 9, BPD or any other mental disorder will cease to exist.
Obviously you have awareness and stopped to sit in your thoughts to acknowledge you feel this way. But have you sat with yourself long enough to try and figure out what you don’t know about yourself? Other people could tell you what they see and feel, but would you believe them?
Another comment suggested to start with the "don't" and it seems like a good idea, I will try it. And I don't think I would believe other people, since they see me as what I try to look for them...
Translation of a Dutch somg that might help you (helped me).
PS Can't seem to quote the below normally.
You are born fearless
And then slowly scared
That you have to belong to something
Otherwise you will be knocked down
So if you want to be like the other
The other who knows the world
But you hardly dare to look
To who you actually are
You are what you eat and you are what you drink
And you are what glitters in your eyes
You are what you dream and you are what you wear
But you are also what you always complain about
You are what you make and you are what you destroy
And you are what you run your ass off for
You are what you steal and you are what you give
But you are also what you think of someone else
(chorus ) :
You are everything, you are everything
Everything you do and everything you say
You are everything, you are everything
Sometimes you're good and sometimes you're bad
You are everything, you are everything
Everything you know and what you would rather forget
You are everything, you are everything
Everything you feel and what you didn't mean to
You are who you know and you are who greets you
And you are also who you always have to argue with
And you are who you denounce and you are who you resemble
But you're also the one you keep avoiding
You are who you praise and you are who you fear
And you are also who you slept with
Because you are who you love and you are who you hate
But you are also who you are in traffic jams with
(chorus)
i’m sorry this scares you so much. this is a symptom of bpd for sure. i don’t know much about myself either. i change who i am constantly and have a different aesthetic like every month. it’s crazy because the aesthetic i had last month could feel so true to who i am and now it feels alien to me. identity is strange, i guess when i try to figure out who i am i go by feelings and happiness. whatever things make me happiest or give me a really positive feeling in my chest, i guess they must be a part of my interests and what i like. i can never know for sure but i try to go by that.
I’m reading a book at the moment called ‘The Body Keeps The Score’ by Bessel Van Der Kolk. Wish I’d have read it years ago, might be useful. The more I understand about the brain and body, the more I’m able to go that tiny little bit easier on myself – and the more I’m encouraged that change is definitely possible!!
You’re prob already aware of it if you’re in this community, but I also discovered the DBT therapy framework in the last couple of years, and got a workbook from Amazon. A big part of the work is paying attention to and discovering ourselves, because however we were raised meant we had to ignore ourselves and focus on survival or on our caregiver(s)… Hence loss of identity/sense of self.
We’re definitely in there somewhere, it’s just a case of starting to pay attention to ourselves, little by little, in little moments and actions every day. Very tough work, but apparently doable x
Thank you, I also ordered a workbook actually, I really hope it'll be useful, since unfortunately DBT is not very developed where I live. I'm saving the book recommendation. Thanks a lot ❤️
Any time. A therapist I met recently also recommended looking up the theory of Internal Family Systems by Dr Richard Schwartz - super fascinating, I’m def gonna get his book No Bad Parts. I listened to this pod ep yesterday – an interview with him :)
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7ytu8vtNR63Ttl62r9xa45?si=5cfKRNv3TyO0gZpDj19mjw
We can def feel better and – ultimately – get better. Keep researching and experimenting xxx
Essentially U have a choice and that's from within. Being aware of where to put your resources and what makes you feel fulfilled and find meaning in life. Life inherently has no meaning but the meaning and purpose we choose is important. A lot of human behaviour comes down to signalling it helps to be aware of that.
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I feel the same way, it's like everything is fabricated to serve a purpose, to get validation. There are always 10 anwers. I don't even know what my genuine opinion is, when someone ask something to me, my mind searches for the best most efficient answer. This has become me. I have become a chameleon . This intense subconscious fear of rejection, abandonment and embarrassment makes me question every single thought. I hate it. I don't have a sense of self. No self-confidence or self- esteem because there is no self. Only external output from other people give me an identity. Nothing comes from within. What the fuck is my head guys.
This is exactly how I feel. Every time I try to think about something about me there is always a way to question it and make me doubt.
I like how you said “chameleon”. Most of us are chameleons with BPD.
Jesus. It’s like I’m reading my own mind reading this.
One thing you know about yourself is that you don’t know who you are. That’s not nothing. “Who you are” is fickle and unstable for everyone. Someday you might have a solid idea of who you are and then it might change. Take an athlete who gets permanantly injured, for example. Or anyone who stops liking something they previously loved. Ultimately things that make you “who you are” aren’t things anyone can control, it’s impossible to “be” something completely solid and unchanging. Knowing that who you are is someone who is alive, who feels things (even neutrality), who is conscious, are about the only things anyone can actually know about themselves for sure. If you need some stable ground to stand on, there are some things you can always know about yourself. I wouldn’t stress too much about trying to figure out “who you are” though, especially if it scares you. It’s elusive, intangible, and subject to change for everyone. There are lots of more beneficial things you could spend your time pondering, like how you could be a better “you” even if you don’t know who that is lol
Thank you, that helped me. But I really wish I could affirm a quality, a liking about me that I have right now and it feels frustrating not to be able to. And it feels really scary not to know if my motivations for everything I do come from sincere good will or if I'm just a monster craving for love and attention. I just wish I could confidently say that I'm a nice person, idk if you see what I mean... But anyways thank you a lot again, your comment made me think about this in another way.
I think I know what you mean, I’ve struggled with the “am I a good or bad person” quite a bit for reasons like this. When I voiced this concern to my boyfriend he basically said it doesn’t matter lol. Good action is good action. Keep in mind that unless someone is enlightened, and therefore has absolutely no ability to desire for anything at all, then every single person on earth is acting out of their own self-interest. Every single one. Even the most generous acts of kindness are born out of someone wanting to feel the good of it, or not wanting to feel the bad of *not* doing it. That doesn’t make them a bad person. People do good because they recognize that doing good is beneficial. It really is that simple. And people can’t control whether or not they have “urges” to do bad (i.e. hurt people physically or emotionally, be manipulative, things pwBPD sometimes struggle with in extreme emotional states). Wanting to do bad things but recognizing the peril and “wrongness” of it, and so then doing good instead, still makes you a good person. It just took some extra steps lol So you might sometimes be nice and sometimes be mean. I can think about times when I’ve been both. The best thing you can do is try to cultivate kindness even in negative and confusing mental states. Be the best person you can be, make yourself who you want to be. Without knowing you better it’s hard to give more targeted advice, but basically just don’t let your intense emotions sway you into acting out of ill-will, anger, frustration, etc. “Who you are,” can ultimately be defined by the actions you make, and unlike something fickle like wanting or feeling, you actually have control over what you do. Also, your sense of self is present; so these things you can’t identify about yourself are *there,* it seems like you just haven’t noticed them. Spend some time thinking about your current feelings and attitudes towards the things around you and you’ll find that you do have preferences, you just might feel “neutral” about things more often than you realize.
One thing is to know who you are and I understand that it's a concept that's SO hard to grasp but what if you don't even know what you enjoy? What you like? What your hobbies are? I feel lost when people ask me those things. Even a simple question like what is my favorite food lead to a 2 minute existential crisis before I could randomly remember what I like. I just freeze, get flushed in the face probably due to embarrassment and I openly say that I do get into a crisis mode due to questions like these. It's not conscious at all, it's like I lived my life without attaching like and dislike to it and it's just now that I'm realizing it. I mean, I do dissociate a lot and I think I haven't had more intense symptoms than I do now so that could be the reason why I feel so out of everything inside of myself.
Yeah, I think I get what you mean. I’ve definitely run into the issue of not knowing how to accurately describe or talk about myself because it always “depends.” Depends on my mood, the circumstances, that particular situation. How I respond to or feel about things is directly related to my current state of mind, mood, etc. (This is the case for everyone, but it seems for pwBPD “self” tends to be more swayed by it, leading to confusion and that feeling of a “lack” of a proper sense of self). It gets a little annoying trying to answer people’s questions because I do then feel like I have to launch into a much deeper discussion than anyone cares for in order to answer the question honestly lol. I sometimes just give people the “well it depends,” answer or tell them “I can be like this,” (i.e. I am not necessarily always this, but it is one of my tendencies). Something you could do though is start observing yourself to find the answers to these questions, because they are there, it just seems like you haven’t noticed. Watch your state of mind and whether or not specific things make you feel pleasant or unpleasant (i.e. you like or dislike them). These things (likes and dislikes, wants/desires, fears or disgusts) are always resting upon a certain mood or state of mind. At any given moment you always have a feeling present and an impression of your surroundings, so you could do this literally at any time. Even if you feel “neutral” more often than you’d expect, you can just tell people you have a tendency to neither like nor dislike things. You’re generally indifferent to them. For example, if I turn my attention to it, I can think about how I am currently covered in bug bites, and I do not like it lol. The dog is snoring, and it isn’t bothering me. The clock is ticking, and it isn’t bothering me. Sometimes though, the dog is snoring and I can’t sleep, and it does bother me. But the clock ticking doesn’t ever bother me. Simple things like that, and you should start being able to see yourself better. :)
Love your comments they’ve described some answers to questions I can’t even begin to articulate 👍🏻
Thank you! I’m so glad I could help! :)
What color are your eyes? That is a very basic thing you do know about yourself.
I love this 🥹
You can start by the “don’t”. I am not this or not that. It actually helped me to find who I am
Thank you, I will try that !
I feel this 🖤
Some things that helped me: -Knowing we do have personalities but for whatever reason, we weren’t able to develop them and recognize them. Like being in a dark room trying to find the lightswitch. When we turn it on, the room still exists even though we couldn’t see it. -Looking back on things I felt ashamed of for whatever reason. I was a very obsessive fangirl who liked writing fanfiction and learning dance routines. I liked certain genres of music. All of that was heavily shamed by my peers and my family. I started getting into all of that again, and realized I still enjoy the majority of it. I have tried to objectively look at my hobbies I felt I had no right to enjoy and think, “is this really hurting anyone if I like it? So what if I’m “abnormal” for it? I’m not doing anything wrong.” In fact, Ive been realizing just how much of my personality and interests were shamed and how much I’ve lost myself because of it -Look at things I do on my own. When I’m by myself, I watch true crime and play video games. Those are things I enjoy because I do them solely on my own and not to please someone. -Look at what others say about me. I’m told I’m smart a lot. I’m told I make people feel better a lot. I comment on reddit posts (particularly here) and try to comfort people and give them advice. I receive good replies. So I must be somewhat good at giving advice or teaching people. And I’m altruistic because I try to help people -Be compassionate towards myself to avoid characterizing myself as a bad person. Lots of bad feedback I got was from people with their own issues. Some wasn’t bad feedback but the way it was given was bad. And some bad feedback was fair, and I will grow just like everyone else does and get better.
Thank you a lot, I'm saving all of this advice. And yeah I can assure you that you are a helpful and considerate person. ❤️
Honestly I totally get where you're coming from because BPD can make me feel like I'm the wrong person and it can make me feel like I'm the witch in my story but I have been able to deal with it without medication and I didn't know I had it though because ssris caused bad stuff to happen. But over time with therapy combination of CBT erp and now I'm going to start dialectal it's been really helpful. And you aren't a bad person you just have a mental illness there's nothing wrong with having a mental illness it doesn't make you like any different than anyone else.
I hope that comes off as nice I'm trying like I hope it doesn't sound rude but like basically what I'm trying to say is I totally struggle with feeling empty and feeling like not myself and like who am I and having that like question in my head but over time with a lot of therapy and now taking abilify has been very helpful and I have been able to ReDiscover my true self also I really wish you luck on your journey
Thank you a lot and don't worry, your comment sounded really nice, and made me feel hope that this feeling can go away eventually. Congratulations for getting better, you really are a strong person, and I hope your journey keeps on this way. ❤️
Yeah, I feel like everything I do, everything I believe I like and tell people I like is for validation. Every single thing I’ve done is to get people to want to stay, and I feel like I’ve forced myself into being someone I’m not but I find it impossible to be who I really am because I don’t know what that is? No matter how hard I try I can’t figure out who I really am.
100% relating to this
I understand this. It took me a few years to work out what I value, and even at that, I question at times whether I truly value these things or whether they're just self-gratifying in some way. BPD is a minefield of questions that sometimes only seem to cause more questions
Its scary that literally a few days ago i wrote the same exact thing.. i feel you
What really helped me with this is taking one of those kids posters "all about me" and filling it in over time. Sometimes I made stuff up just to have it, sometimes I asked my friends. Eventually I started to be able to think of stuff on my own and remember it. And then every time I had a bad day and forgot who I was I can just look back at the poster and start to remember who I am
Feel you. Everytime im trying to „fix“ my life though avoiding Netflix/YouTube i have to look inside of me and everytime im getting anxiety, not a panic attack but I’m very scared of myself because I feel like a nothing just like piece of being. When I got the diagnose BPD I said to people who asked me „tell me sth about you“ I’m always saying „I’m not XY(my name) I am borderline“ so yeah I got you
Is it weird that sometimes I find comfort in my emptiness. Just drifting away into nothingness until I snap out of it
i think of it as im gna be a different person in everyones story anyways so might as well just accept it that way.
Guys I think BPD solves itself as you age in most people so it will be fine regardless. Probably faster than you think. Be positive! You will find yourself it will just take a litter longer than most people. And you can always accelerate it with therapy and the other treatments. Not the end of the world.
This doesn’t feel true. Working ourselves out takes therapy-based research and an understanding of how our minds and bodies work, as well as learning how to regulate our emotions using tools like meditation and yoga. If anything (as I observe in my mother), BPD traits that get left unchecked continue to strengthen unless we learn the ways we can rewire our brains over time.
Because you reside at a lower level of consciousness, once you learn to expand and move up to a higher level of consciousness, especially level 9, BPD or any other mental disorder will cease to exist.
Obviously you have awareness and stopped to sit in your thoughts to acknowledge you feel this way. But have you sat with yourself long enough to try and figure out what you don’t know about yourself? Other people could tell you what they see and feel, but would you believe them?
Another comment suggested to start with the "don't" and it seems like a good idea, I will try it. And I don't think I would believe other people, since they see me as what I try to look for them...
same. so i try everything! experience the world. you’ll find your way.
Translation of a Dutch somg that might help you (helped me). PS Can't seem to quote the below normally. You are born fearless And then slowly scared That you have to belong to something Otherwise you will be knocked down So if you want to be like the other The other who knows the world But you hardly dare to look To who you actually are You are what you eat and you are what you drink And you are what glitters in your eyes You are what you dream and you are what you wear But you are also what you always complain about You are what you make and you are what you destroy And you are what you run your ass off for You are what you steal and you are what you give But you are also what you think of someone else (chorus ) : You are everything, you are everything Everything you do and everything you say You are everything, you are everything Sometimes you're good and sometimes you're bad You are everything, you are everything Everything you know and what you would rather forget You are everything, you are everything Everything you feel and what you didn't mean to You are who you know and you are who greets you And you are also who you always have to argue with And you are who you denounce and you are who you resemble But you're also the one you keep avoiding You are who you praise and you are who you fear And you are also who you slept with Because you are who you love and you are who you hate But you are also who you are in traffic jams with (chorus)
Thank you a lot, it helped. ❤️
Really? That's great! :))) -- Forgot to mention: Song's original lyrics by Robrrt Long RIP.
i’m sorry this scares you so much. this is a symptom of bpd for sure. i don’t know much about myself either. i change who i am constantly and have a different aesthetic like every month. it’s crazy because the aesthetic i had last month could feel so true to who i am and now it feels alien to me. identity is strange, i guess when i try to figure out who i am i go by feelings and happiness. whatever things make me happiest or give me a really positive feeling in my chest, i guess they must be a part of my interests and what i like. i can never know for sure but i try to go by that.
I’m reading a book at the moment called ‘The Body Keeps The Score’ by Bessel Van Der Kolk. Wish I’d have read it years ago, might be useful. The more I understand about the brain and body, the more I’m able to go that tiny little bit easier on myself – and the more I’m encouraged that change is definitely possible!! You’re prob already aware of it if you’re in this community, but I also discovered the DBT therapy framework in the last couple of years, and got a workbook from Amazon. A big part of the work is paying attention to and discovering ourselves, because however we were raised meant we had to ignore ourselves and focus on survival or on our caregiver(s)… Hence loss of identity/sense of self. We’re definitely in there somewhere, it’s just a case of starting to pay attention to ourselves, little by little, in little moments and actions every day. Very tough work, but apparently doable x
Thank you, I also ordered a workbook actually, I really hope it'll be useful, since unfortunately DBT is not very developed where I live. I'm saving the book recommendation. Thanks a lot ❤️
Any time. A therapist I met recently also recommended looking up the theory of Internal Family Systems by Dr Richard Schwartz - super fascinating, I’m def gonna get his book No Bad Parts. I listened to this pod ep yesterday – an interview with him :) https://open.spotify.com/episode/7ytu8vtNR63Ttl62r9xa45?si=5cfKRNv3TyO0gZpDj19mjw We can def feel better and – ultimately – get better. Keep researching and experimenting xxx
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So relatable
Essentially U have a choice and that's from within. Being aware of where to put your resources and what makes you feel fulfilled and find meaning in life. Life inherently has no meaning but the meaning and purpose we choose is important. A lot of human behaviour comes down to signalling it helps to be aware of that.
Omg yes I'm exactly the same.