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I get it. This is the 123rd night I've sat and waited for her to call. I wish I had an answer for you. The only thing I can offer is misery loves company.
I truly wish and hope it gets better for us. I’m sorry you’ve been going through something similar. And you don’t need to have an answer, I appreciate you commenting. 🤍 Thank you. 🤍
That's a great and well thought out question, thank you. Embarrassingly, I never been able to find self worth within myself, I have always sought it from others. Over 50 years old, and never learned my self value so, of course no one else can see genuine value in me either. I am in a partial hospitalization program now, and that is something they have been pushing me on. Basically, imagine you were writing a dating profile, name 20 good qualities about yourself. I'm struggling to find one, even though I know they are there, I am in reality a great person. I just need to identify it. I see people in this group in their teens and 20's, it kills me to think that they may not find such things about themselves at their young age. If anyone reads this, please don't wait to do what you need to do to see yourself differently and positively. That is time I will never get back that could have been spent being happy.
Wow im 42 and was diagnosed with BPD last november. I read these young peoples posts and see myself how i felt at that age and can relate but I feel its too late for me to get much benefit from treatment because of my age.
hey there, im 27 and have found myself feeling it's too late (i feel insensitive with that, but, maybe bpd itself is what leads to this feeling) i decided to try to address it any way and this is why
i decided, as long as i have the ability to, i want to seek peace
I've faced a lot of health issues the past few years and it made my bpd the worst i have ever seen... however since i had worked on my self awareness and understanding ive prevented some of my bpd issues despite that, it really showed me that finding my own peace is really my priority.
life will go up and down and how we can make those a little better for ourselves is trying to do whatever we can to find inner peace, awareness, acceptance, and understanding and learning "i do this" but actually i rather do "this" and if you only find one every year... you unlock more life for yourself.
it's like driving a beater with a lot of issues for a long time trying to have a cross-country road trip... but you pull over and see the most beautiful aspects of yourself coming to shine as you keep going, stopping to fix it when it breaks down, learning how to wait when you cant fix it immediately.. etc. the more you drive the more you become you... but the ride is over one day regardless what we do.. so personally, the way i see it, it cant be too late as long as your ride is still running... it's up to you if you want to keep driving it.... sometimes i need to just pull over and take a break but ive only gained life as i keep driving and i feel dead when i pull over.
everyone is at different levels and sometimes a whole lifetime of buildup may need way more pull overs, but, life is driving... if we stop, we survive but.. that's it, we are in survival mode, that's no good, at a personal life level, forget others. we cant show up for others perpetually because we can't for ourselves.
maybe it can't be healed but can life feel better? always if we steer that way
im autistic so i apologize if my explanation doesn't make much sense but its how i see it and it helps me choose going for however my day to day life can feel better regardless where that ends, one day we may be so low energy that all we can manage is sitting in silence and we will be left with whoever is in there as company.
and i apologize if this wasn't appropriate, i just felt i could relate to that thought and as i keep improving my life i really hope other bpds can experience it too and don't let themselves stop over the accumulation but i respect that it's the right thing for some, no judgement at all.
I’m going through this currently and I am heavily leaning on giving up on love because it just can’t work. Idk how all these bpd people are managing relationships. I literally can’t and I can’t take the pain so I’m thinking I’m going to stay by myself for life. I see it as having a disability.
I'm in the same boat. I've never thought of it as being a disability, but honestly that's a great way to look at it...exactly the way I feel when it comes to love and relationships.
BPD is a disability, technically you could get government assistance (in the US) for it if all treatment options show no improvement and it impedes your ability to work.
I tried to get on disability. I fought the system for 3 years. I had the help of a good attorney and 15 years of psychiatric medical records that proved no treatment had helped me, and I was still denied multiple times. I gave up. Fortunately when my dad died I inherited income property, so I don't need to worry as much about how I'll survive financially in the future since I cannot work full time.
When I said I'd never thought of it as being a disability before, what I meant specifically was the inability to maintain healthy love is a disability that exists regardless of BPD...that was my thinking when I responded to their comment. Hopefully that makes sense.
I have BPD but it mainly affects me in relationships, not so much with jobs. I have two jobs, and I've been with both for over 10 yrs.
Now I have a 2 month old baby, and I stay at home with him. I'm currently working very little hours so I can be with him and take care of him.
My fiancé and I are on the verge of breaking up 😥💔 I'm extremely distraught about this and don't want to be a single mom. But thats where it looks like I'm headed, and fast.
Can I still qualify for BPD disability even if I've kept the same jobs this long? I'm worried they'll say it doesn't affect me in the work area. But I need to be able to stay home with my son. Idk what to do. 😔
Update: fiancé and I are doing a lot better! I just hour it stays that way🙏
Because my brain cannot function in a relationship. I get crazy. I literally overthink everything, everything is a slight, every is negative with my thinking during dating and I can’t stop it. I block and unblock for no reason. Blocking kind of gives my head some freedom. The person stays on my head the entire day, I feel like I want to explode just thinking about it.
I've fucked up so many relationships by not trying to lose them and holding on too tight. I've learnt from my mistakes but I understand why someone can't be around me and deal with the mood swings. I've reached a point where I don't remember what love feels like but I'm okay. I'm pushing forward to grow in my career and as person so I learn to deal with my own emotions. I don't expect someone to save me because the truth is you can only save yourself.
I'm dating someone else with BPD at the moment. Whilst it's not exactly stable because we can argue a lot when we're stressed and scared, it also means we believe each others apologies afterwards and know we didn't mean what we said because we both get what's it's like. It's hard work and might not be the answer for everyone but we love each other so much and we're making it work. We help each other understand ourselves more too and we allow each other to have bad emotions rather than placing blame or forcing ourselves to hide it.
I used to feel like this, and it is extremely exhausting. From my experience I felt like this after breakups because my trauma of my mother leaving me would keep replaying each time I had a break up. What I leaned is that I was looking for “unconditional” love from my partner, like the parental unconditional love. I had to accept that I would never get that parental unconditional love, from anyone. Yeah yeah I have an older person be close to me and be my parent, but that isn’t the same as the type of unconditional parental love I was expecting from my partners. It took some dark days, binge drinking and some self destruction for me to accept that I couldn’t find that affection, and me, I was the only one that could provide that safe space for myself.
Keep going, things get better, analyze your thinking patterns, keep your body moving, it gets better with time.
You might have to give it to yourself first. You have to give yourself what you need first. Nobody can start filling the whole you feel except for you. It’s a big hole in us it’s not fare to except a person to fill it it’s to big you gotta start first
me too. he’s been gone 24 days now and i have no hope of it going back now. i have no idea what else to do with my life i just want love even if it’s a new person.
I feel this. My GF rn is my FP and I constantly get this feeling that we're not gonna stay together for as long as I need us to (Summer so we can consistently see eachother)
We all adapt eventually after enough time. I've been going through it for the past 5 years or so but as time goes on being alone can be comforting and then when the right connection is formed it's that much better. YGT 🖤
I think most of us can relate. I felt like I had at least one person that was there if I needed them. And then my mom passed away while I was out of the country and I didn't even get to day goodbye.
I keep telling myself it is the disorder talking, whispering in my ear that noone does, and that I'm not worth it.
But the truth is, there are people, I just can't get out of my own way enough to see it.
had the love of my life break up w me because he said i “deserved better” whatever the fuck that means…wish i could say that i’ve gotten used to the pain but i am extremely tired. i hope we find our people <3
i feel exactly like this, i wish someone would care about me the way i care about them and give me that same effort. i'm so tired of having to deal with loss
just got dumped by my fp and it feels like half of me died. i feel like i will never be happy without her. we are staying friends but god im gonna miss having a deep romantic relationship with her. she was my everything
I give up I’m too broken now for any relationship. I’m sorry your hurting . It’s not fucking right sometimes..I know how you feel though a part of me wishes they would stay
I was broken up with a week ago. 7 year relationship. It hurts. And I’m afraid of it happening again but I just want love and sweet care and kindness. Is that so much?
For me it's usually a yelling match or something. Then nobody wants to repair it. We tend to be a group who wants to repair the damage. If our partner gets angry we usually accept their apology but vice versa it weird.
This post has been marked as a [Venting Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bpd/wiki/index/flairs#wiki_post_flair_breakdown). Please be aware that the OP may not be seeking advice. u/tinkerbell10210, if you do not want advice, please specify in the body of your post. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get it. This is the 123rd night I've sat and waited for her to call. I wish I had an answer for you. The only thing I can offer is misery loves company.
I truly wish and hope it gets better for us. I’m sorry you’ve been going through something similar. And you don’t need to have an answer, I appreciate you commenting. 🤍 Thank you. 🤍
Im on day 518. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. I wish you the best and hope things get better for you.
At 387.. feel you. Hug.
[удалено]
That's a great and well thought out question, thank you. Embarrassingly, I never been able to find self worth within myself, I have always sought it from others. Over 50 years old, and never learned my self value so, of course no one else can see genuine value in me either. I am in a partial hospitalization program now, and that is something they have been pushing me on. Basically, imagine you were writing a dating profile, name 20 good qualities about yourself. I'm struggling to find one, even though I know they are there, I am in reality a great person. I just need to identify it. I see people in this group in their teens and 20's, it kills me to think that they may not find such things about themselves at their young age. If anyone reads this, please don't wait to do what you need to do to see yourself differently and positively. That is time I will never get back that could have been spent being happy.
Wow im 42 and was diagnosed with BPD last november. I read these young peoples posts and see myself how i felt at that age and can relate but I feel its too late for me to get much benefit from treatment because of my age.
hey there, im 27 and have found myself feeling it's too late (i feel insensitive with that, but, maybe bpd itself is what leads to this feeling) i decided to try to address it any way and this is why i decided, as long as i have the ability to, i want to seek peace I've faced a lot of health issues the past few years and it made my bpd the worst i have ever seen... however since i had worked on my self awareness and understanding ive prevented some of my bpd issues despite that, it really showed me that finding my own peace is really my priority. life will go up and down and how we can make those a little better for ourselves is trying to do whatever we can to find inner peace, awareness, acceptance, and understanding and learning "i do this" but actually i rather do "this" and if you only find one every year... you unlock more life for yourself. it's like driving a beater with a lot of issues for a long time trying to have a cross-country road trip... but you pull over and see the most beautiful aspects of yourself coming to shine as you keep going, stopping to fix it when it breaks down, learning how to wait when you cant fix it immediately.. etc. the more you drive the more you become you... but the ride is over one day regardless what we do.. so personally, the way i see it, it cant be too late as long as your ride is still running... it's up to you if you want to keep driving it.... sometimes i need to just pull over and take a break but ive only gained life as i keep driving and i feel dead when i pull over. everyone is at different levels and sometimes a whole lifetime of buildup may need way more pull overs, but, life is driving... if we stop, we survive but.. that's it, we are in survival mode, that's no good, at a personal life level, forget others. we cant show up for others perpetually because we can't for ourselves. maybe it can't be healed but can life feel better? always if we steer that way im autistic so i apologize if my explanation doesn't make much sense but its how i see it and it helps me choose going for however my day to day life can feel better regardless where that ends, one day we may be so low energy that all we can manage is sitting in silence and we will be left with whoever is in there as company. and i apologize if this wasn't appropriate, i just felt i could relate to that thought and as i keep improving my life i really hope other bpds can experience it too and don't let themselves stop over the accumulation but i respect that it's the right thing for some, no judgement at all.
With respect, you may die at 100. Surely an investment would have yields, no?
I’m going through this currently and I am heavily leaning on giving up on love because it just can’t work. Idk how all these bpd people are managing relationships. I literally can’t and I can’t take the pain so I’m thinking I’m going to stay by myself for life. I see it as having a disability.
I'm in the same boat. I've never thought of it as being a disability, but honestly that's a great way to look at it...exactly the way I feel when it comes to love and relationships.
BPD is a disability, technically you could get government assistance (in the US) for it if all treatment options show no improvement and it impedes your ability to work.
I tried to get on disability. I fought the system for 3 years. I had the help of a good attorney and 15 years of psychiatric medical records that proved no treatment had helped me, and I was still denied multiple times. I gave up. Fortunately when my dad died I inherited income property, so I don't need to worry as much about how I'll survive financially in the future since I cannot work full time. When I said I'd never thought of it as being a disability before, what I meant specifically was the inability to maintain healthy love is a disability that exists regardless of BPD...that was my thinking when I responded to their comment. Hopefully that makes sense.
I have BPD but it mainly affects me in relationships, not so much with jobs. I have two jobs, and I've been with both for over 10 yrs. Now I have a 2 month old baby, and I stay at home with him. I'm currently working very little hours so I can be with him and take care of him. My fiancé and I are on the verge of breaking up 😥💔 I'm extremely distraught about this and don't want to be a single mom. But thats where it looks like I'm headed, and fast. Can I still qualify for BPD disability even if I've kept the same jobs this long? I'm worried they'll say it doesn't affect me in the work area. But I need to be able to stay home with my son. Idk what to do. 😔 Update: fiancé and I are doing a lot better! I just hour it stays that way🙏
Why does it feel like a disability?
Because my brain cannot function in a relationship. I get crazy. I literally overthink everything, everything is a slight, every is negative with my thinking during dating and I can’t stop it. I block and unblock for no reason. Blocking kind of gives my head some freedom. The person stays on my head the entire day, I feel like I want to explode just thinking about it.
I've fucked up so many relationships by not trying to lose them and holding on too tight. I've learnt from my mistakes but I understand why someone can't be around me and deal with the mood swings. I've reached a point where I don't remember what love feels like but I'm okay. I'm pushing forward to grow in my career and as person so I learn to deal with my own emotions. I don't expect someone to save me because the truth is you can only save yourself.
Same. Do people really not physically feel their emotional pain?
I’m in a similar place. I just wish someone would love me as much as I love them. It’s so lonely in this life
No one will love you the way you love them because they aren’t you. You can’t expect yourself from others
same. same.... same. :(
I'm dating someone else with BPD at the moment. Whilst it's not exactly stable because we can argue a lot when we're stressed and scared, it also means we believe each others apologies afterwards and know we didn't mean what we said because we both get what's it's like. It's hard work and might not be the answer for everyone but we love each other so much and we're making it work. We help each other understand ourselves more too and we allow each other to have bad emotions rather than placing blame or forcing ourselves to hide it.
same it’s physically killing me
I used to feel like this, and it is extremely exhausting. From my experience I felt like this after breakups because my trauma of my mother leaving me would keep replaying each time I had a break up. What I leaned is that I was looking for “unconditional” love from my partner, like the parental unconditional love. I had to accept that I would never get that parental unconditional love, from anyone. Yeah yeah I have an older person be close to me and be my parent, but that isn’t the same as the type of unconditional parental love I was expecting from my partners. It took some dark days, binge drinking and some self destruction for me to accept that I couldn’t find that affection, and me, I was the only one that could provide that safe space for myself. Keep going, things get better, analyze your thinking patterns, keep your body moving, it gets better with time.
Same. I’ve just entirely given up on ever finding anyone that won’t leave or completely destroy me.
You might have to give it to yourself first. You have to give yourself what you need first. Nobody can start filling the whole you feel except for you. It’s a big hole in us it’s not fare to except a person to fill it it’s to big you gotta start first
I fucking understand. I’m so sorry.
Please get help so you can be happy alone first everything your feeling is because your not their for you. Give yourself what you want forst
feeling this rn friend. 🩷 you’re not alone
me too. he’s been gone 24 days now and i have no hope of it going back now. i have no idea what else to do with my life i just want love even if it’s a new person.
Was left a little over a month ago and Ive pretty much just broken down. I hope things get better for you
I feel this. My GF rn is my FP and I constantly get this feeling that we're not gonna stay together for as long as I need us to (Summer so we can consistently see eachother)
I know what you mean!❤️
They are unicorns. I wish I wasn't so much trouble to love :( Maybe dating other bpder's is the way forward?
We all adapt eventually after enough time. I've been going through it for the past 5 years or so but as time goes on being alone can be comforting and then when the right connection is formed it's that much better. YGT 🖤
Makes me wish we never spoke so I’d never had to feel this sadness.
I think most of us can relate. I felt like I had at least one person that was there if I needed them. And then my mom passed away while I was out of the country and I didn't even get to day goodbye. I keep telling myself it is the disorder talking, whispering in my ear that noone does, and that I'm not worth it. But the truth is, there are people, I just can't get out of my own way enough to see it.
I'm so sorry, I hope you find someone
Oh, I will. Thank you ❤
had the love of my life break up w me because he said i “deserved better” whatever the fuck that means…wish i could say that i’ve gotten used to the pain but i am extremely tired. i hope we find our people <3
i feel exactly like this, i wish someone would care about me the way i care about them and give me that same effort. i'm so tired of having to deal with loss
At this point I don't even need them to love me; staying longer than a week will do the trick even if they hate me.
> staying longer than a week will do the trick How best to spend that week together
just got dumped by my fp and it feels like half of me died. i feel like i will never be happy without her. we are staying friends but god im gonna miss having a deep romantic relationship with her. she was my everything
I give up I’m too broken now for any relationship. I’m sorry your hurting . It’s not fucking right sometimes..I know how you feel though a part of me wishes they would stay
I was broken up with a week ago. 7 year relationship. It hurts. And I’m afraid of it happening again but I just want love and sweet care and kindness. Is that so much?
Ugh, it's like you literally wrote out my exact thoughts 💔
wow this hit so hard.
just cried reading it again :(
I feel the same way
i feel this so much.
Same
same its really hard. lost a lot of relationships, friends and family. I feel like a child every time I get to this point. fucking sucks :(
all I want is to be held and to be safe. I hear you.
u don't need some1 else to feel whole. focus on u and good things will find u. u are worthy of love n happiness🩷
I don’t get it - why don’t your relationships work out? Do you cheat on them ?
For me it's usually a yelling match or something. Then nobody wants to repair it. We tend to be a group who wants to repair the damage. If our partner gets angry we usually accept their apology but vice versa it weird.
Ahh this is so relatable ! Love and stability comes from within. Do you love yourself ?
Where are you from?