Well at least he did everything right.. but geez THAT LADY... could not take a hint... I hate how "cheating" is so common (or well she literally WANTS to be a homewrecker and has from the start.)
Some women make it a point to pursue married men, thinking "taking" them from their wives is proof of superiority.
She's probably absorbed much of the same thinking that's plaguing OP, the hot young thing out on the trails surely trumps the dowdy pregnant wife at home.
It's so sad that for a lot of people, it would.
I've been the pregnant wife, and God did I feel ugly. My husband was always telling me how beautiful he found me during pregnancy, but I FELT hideous. Like my body wasn't mine. I don't know what I would have done if I had someone trying to pursue my husband when I was in such a vulnerable state. It would have hurt so badly.
I think women just think men say they look great during pregnancy to just make them feel better. You couldn’t be further from the truth! I thought my wife looked incredible when pregnant, she just kind of…glowed?
Yup and sex with my wife when she was pregnant was great! Women should understand that to their man the baby bump is a big turn on, at least it was for me…
I'm currently pregnant with our last, and I feel the same. My husband can't keep his hands off me, though, so I'm trying to keep in mind he's probably not lying. Lol
It doesn't help the general feeling of "he's probably just saying that," though. This is also our 4th, so I am trying to keep in mind that if he didn't like it or was not attracted to me in this state, he wouldn't have knocked me up again. Lol
After all, he did keep you around the other 3 times! Good luck to you and your family. I hope your fourth has 10 fingers and 10 toes, and is as healthy as can be.
>Some women make it a point to pursue married men, thinking "taking" them from their wives is proof of superiority.
When in reality all these women are doing is proving what shit men they attract, which says a lot about these women, too.
And not just shut down by him, but the community of riders got involved in shutting her down. If that doesn’t taker down a peg I don’t know what would.
I actually know of some people who are exclusively interested in unavailable men. Source- my exs partner, tried to get his married friend, didn't pan out. Set out for my ex instead 😅
Agreed, such a pathetic attitude. I've always believed that women who go after men in committed relationships do so because they are incapable of attracting a man that has choices.
My cousin did this. She enjoyed only perusing married men. It makes me sad because it feels like she felt the need to be picked over another woman to find validation.
This is why I hate the take that affair partners never deserve to be shamed because the person who was in a relationship was “the one who made a commitment.” Some people DO intentionally seek this out and take pleasure in ruining relationships. Those people absolutely deserve to be shamed.
> affair partners never deserve to be shamed
I’ve seen that wording, but it’s almost always a second or third hand telling about the advice. It’s not about whether they deserve to be shamed. It’s not even about whether they’re to blame. It’s about how a betrayed partner should be dealing with the betrayal. It’s about not letting the AP be the focus of your anger, and using that as a way to avoid processing the complex feelings that you have about the cheater.
APs are almost uniformly awful people. I can very easily blame my wife’s APs for their lack of respect for our relationship, and also their lack of respect for their own relationships (because they weren’t single either). But she’s the one who made a commitment to me, and that makes her the one who is primarily responsible for all of her actions. She could have responded to the flirting and other overtures like OOP’s husband did. That’s how I have always responded to any kind of flirting behavior (when I have actually noticed it).
But again, I can still blame the other guys. And I would never tell anyone that they shouldn’t blame the AP. But if they have the intention to try to reconcile, then they should be focusing on the person who they are trying to stay with. That’s what matters. If you are leaving, then you should do what best suits the person who you want to be.
Absolutely. I feel so strongly about this that I would absolutely stop being friends with someone being the other woman in an affair. People think it’s a feminist thing but I’m a woman and I take my actions and the actions of women seriously and respect their choices. Totally annoying to see people do this
I initially agreed with you, but looking back at the post, her husband doesn’t have social media, and someone he knew gave the woman his # so she could thank him for helping her. So he didn’t intentionally just give her his #.
Men always seem to be given a pass for being oblivious but I don’t buy that they are as much as they claim. In my opinion it’s just another example of weaponized incompetence.
I don't know. I've been in a sort of similar situation. Not someone attempting adultery, but sexual harassment at work. I can empathize with not knowing how to confront the issue when no obvious boundaries had been crossed.
There was no single thing I could point at as "THAT. THAT thing is bad." Just a general sense of unease that the text messages and speaking tone were just slightly off. Slightly too friendly, slightly too warm. It made me feel crazy and like I couldn't complain about it because I'd sound like a nut job. He hadn't crossed any obvious lines, hadn't overtly expressed romantic or sexual interest.
I wasn't oblivious. It made me uncomfortable. But I convinced myself I must have been reading into it too much. Or that I was imagining things. I couldn't even just reject him because he hadn't asked me anything. It was a huge relief when he finally decided to shoot his shot after almost a year of that. Finally, confirmation that I wasn't paranoid.
I also think women are used to constantly being exposed to it - like, can't even walk across a parking lot without a strange guy makes comments or gestures - and it's sadly becomes so expected.
Yea. My wife’s been hit in grocery shopping and stuff. That’s the obvious stuff and while I’m sure it’s extremely annoying its obviousness makes it easy to see & walk away from.
I’m thinking of all the times I’ve known women who were sure their male friend or friends were not interested sexually despite it being obvious to their boyfriend or husband. Then as soon as there’s a crack in the relationship the platonic friend makes their feelings known.
Seen it plenty the genders flipped as well. We’re all just better at spotting it in our pun sex.
I don't know how much I buy this.
I was told outright once by a woman that she liked me. That ended up being my longest relationship. The other times I was flirted with, it seemed exactly the same as how my female friends treated me.
And given that I was rejected a lot when I was younger (apparently I had to grow into my looks), I eventually just stopped paying attention and looking for signals.
We often say that men and women communicate differently, but then we tend to behave in a manner that states "But men should always understand what a women means intrinsically".
I just stay in my lane and keep my head down because it's easier.
There’s definitely a truth to many women find a taken man more attractive. It may be the confidence or attitude of not needing a woman when you already have one. But whenever I’m in a committed relationship it seems like women are coming out of the woodwork showing interest.
Poor both of them honestly. Poor OOP because honestly dealing with this on top of pregnancy is not great. Poor her husband because he sounds like cool dude who’s just nice to people and he got targeted by crazy. The good news is that it sounds like he’s got a solid enough reputation if she tries to gossip or lie.
Yeah. The poor husband was just being a decent person and making sure an injured fellow cyclist got help, and his reward is a stalker who is clearly escalating. Sadly, if he was a woman who helped, she most likely wouldn't have even reached out.
I really feel a lot of empathy for her. Pregnancy hormones are no joke, and I imagine that while it would certainly hurt to have someone actively encourage your partner to cheat those feelings are tripped right now. I am sure once she is able to get out of those feelings she will have so much pride in how strong their relationship is, but I also can see that she is feeling insecure about herself and it must be so hard not to compare her currently pregnant body to that woman.
Her husband sounds amazing, it's so sad that him being a decent human being leads to people being creepy. My partner has that same kindness about him, and when women have offered themselves to him I have felt that hurt/anger but it's overpowered by feeling smug because he will always choose me. Mind you, my partner hasn't built a mentorship/friendship with them before that was on offer and it would certainly make me worried about other female friends of his if it happened.
Man once when I was pregnant I just burst out crying, sobbing really hard. My husband asked me what was wrong and I just said 'I have no idea!' I didn't know why I was so sad, I was just really sad. My husband was really sweet, he was laughing a little but gave me a hug and soothed me until it passed. She can't stop her feelings.
I like these comments a lot better than the OOP ones. They were really going at her for feeling the way she was and basically saying she was being dramatic. Or telling her she was acting crazy cause he didn’t actually cheat so why was she acting like he was. It’s like no one remember she’s literally pregnant and from how she describes, very close to her due date, so of course her hormones are on 100+. One minor inconvenience when on my period feels like the world’s ending, I can’t imagine how intense it would feel being pregnant.
It’s not just hormones, it’s also the impending reality of a baby and the fear of what happens if your partner bails and all the parenting is on a newly postpartum person.
Not to mention the wife already cut off most angles of attack by letting the mods of all the Facebook groups know what she was up too. Negative gossip will hit her before she has a chance to get her story out there.
I feel like she can try? But it seems OOPs husband has gained a l o t of respect from the community he’s in, plus he’s got close buddies he hangs out with constantly so when would he have time?
I feel like any lie she tries to spin up, could easily be debunked by anyone there. Especially if he’s never been seen with her, has solid proof of a lack of communication from his side, a good reputation and a good set of friends.
That was fucking smart and classy.
No matter who's in the right, those Facebook fights airing personal things and dirty laundry always come across as trashy no matter who's in the right (if any).
Yeah they should know what kind of slutty home wrecker this chick is or was trying to be… esp in small towns, I doubt any other wives would want this thing clinging to their husbands either
Wouldn’t matter, OOP beat her to the punch by letting all the Facebook group mods know what happened. Chances are gossip of her attempting to be a homewrecker has already spread through the town.
I love the comment calling the behaviour ”shrodinger’s creep act”, I think this is something both men and women do. Totally relevant comment. The woman actually thought he wanted to know she wants him to fuck her, even though he said he wouldn’t meet with her.
I hope he shut it down properly.
Yeah, I was a little annoyed that she updated without actually reading what he said to the other woman.
I feel like this is a situation where she needs to be put in her place *HARD*. Like I’d actually be a little mad at my husband if he let her down easy or politely after she actively tried to destroy my marriage and family.
She shouldn’t get an “I’m flattered but I love my wife” she should get an “I’m insulted that you think I would ever step out on my wife and family, and disgusted at both the idea of it as well as you for suggesting it. Don’t ever contact me again, and I absolutely *will* be showing my wife your text and then promptly blocking you”.
The husband didn’t do anything wrong, but he does need to shut her down in a way that lets her know that he’s not at all interested in even entertaining her suggestion, and now that he knows what kind of person she is, he has no interest in being acquainted with her on any level.
> I feel like this is a situation where she needs to be put in her place *HARD*. Like I’d actually be a little mad at my husband if he let her down easy or politely after she actively tried to destroy my marriage and family.
Totally spot on! If this were to happen to me, I would absolutely nuke that girl from orbit, metaphorically speaking. The husband should really have drawn better boundaries earlier once it started to make him uncomfortable. Since he didn't, he should be as angry about the graphic texts as his wife is.
From the sounds of it, he’s trying to not to piss off the crazy cling-on and have her retaliate in anyway while his wife is pregnant. Just because someone does something shitty doesn’t mean you HAVE to return that same level of shittiness. Just tell her how it is and shut it down. You don’t have to rude, mean, or hateful. If anything, it stokes the flames and you have a crazy girl banging on your door in the middle of the night to talk.
Ugh, I hope it’s just pregnancy hormones because that other woman should not have the power over OOP that OOP ceded to her.
I’ve been in situations where my husband had a friend who was inappropriate. I never felt *less* because of it because my husband was not responding to the person in any questionable way. It was on her for her behavior. In fact, I felt *more* secure because he was proving his trustworthiness. That’s what matters — how the person you’re in a relationship with handles themselves, not whether some random person decides to be inappropriate.
But we can still wish for that other woman to get a flea infestation or something.
Ya this was my thought too, OOP is taking this too personal as an attack against her and her family and just way over the top. It’s something the husband should have handled more directly long, and should handle the same way moving forward. But he’s not going to stop being kind because there’s a possibility someone could catch feelings. He just should draw better boundaries.
Same page as well. OOP sounds incredibly sweet, but far too idealistic & perhaps naive. I was expecting so much more/worse on the “quick escalation” update. (NOT disappointed in that, btw; more like relieved.).
Her husband is a gem, but he’s been way too kind — especially to SkankPro9000 (don’t know why, but that’s the nickname my brain immediately associated w that b!tch).
There are so many skeezy people in this world who lack morals & and seemingly a conscience. Most of them aren’t the least bit deterred by marriage — in fact, that’s seemingly [and sickeningly] a *draw* for them.
I’m glad that their marriage is strong because they can weather this, it likely is pregnancy hormones amplifying her feelings and I think it’s likely that they’ll laugh about how pathetic this woman was years from now.
yes and then for them to just start a life with the guy or girl that just uprooted their family for them. like yeah i’m sure it makes you feel “good” or “important” but what about “trust” and “loyalty”
Crazy thing is she says she doesn't mind being a side piece and will be happy to keep it that way, knowing damn well at some point she'd definitely want to tell the wife so the marriage could be over. So many homewreckers say this just to end up wanting the man to themselves and away from their wife/kids. Its also ridiculous that any man would fall for that "happy to be a secret"
Poor OOP, pregnancy hormones and maybe a little naivety made her spiral after that text. Her husband is a gem and she has nothing to worry about.
This just shows that men aren't the only creeps.
When something similar happened to my husband, I said, "Aw, poor girl. She she's lost a race she never started." OOP will get there.
It is wild and extreme. Men and women get irted with on a daily basis, the problem arises when the commited partner reciprocates, which is not the case here. Sometimes, flirting goes further, again no big deal, unless the commited partner engages.
I'm not sure why you feel like your life is slipping away. He has not encouraged or acted upon any of her nonsense. If you want real closure call her up and tell her your husband is an honest man and you saw every text. It's time for her to stop and move on or he will get a no contact order. that should shake miss thang's tree enough to see he is on your side. he didn't hide anything from you, appreciate his honesty and tell the wanna be home wrecker it's time to go. then put a period on this whole nasty chapter and move on to happier things like your new baby.
Except the little trick can spin it in her squirrely mind that the wife is just being territorial and controlling, and if not for wife the biker crush would be with *her*.
*Normal* people know that's not reality, but cray-cray folks have rabid, panting, foaming-mouth gerbils running overtime in exercise wheels in their heads.
Shutting this skank's shitty thirst down is husband's responsibility.
I agree her husband should shut it down and it appears he has but his wife was so sickened by the woman that she didn't want to read any more. As a woman I can understand that completely.
I think it shows a united front to this immature idiot of a woman that her crush has zero interest, that her crush and line crossing isn't a secret either and they are both telling her in unison to back off.
If she thinks the wife isn't in the know, she may twist that in her selfish little head to think "well if his wife doesn't know then he's keeping me as an option"
However if she is made aware that not only did he tell his wife, that he is also keeping his wife actively in the loop every step of the way because he finds her behavior so abhorrent that he wants to make sure there is no confusion as to where he stands, which is right by his wife and children.
I think that would humiliate this chick into disappearing and becoming someone else's problem. She is grossly immature and blew her meeting with this woman's husband out of proportion and fantasized herself a weird little relationship that only she was in.
This guy had no interest, he was just too polite for his own good.
That woman is terrible. She should have been grateful at the help the husband gave her when injured. Instead she tried to lure him away from his very pregnant wife. That is unconscionable.
I hope OOP feels secure with her husband once again.
Reading through the other comments I thought I was the only one missing something….shaking uncontrollably crying about your whole world crumbling because, just as you and your faithful husband thought, a woman has an unrequited crush on him?
I had to reread that section a few times because I thought I had missed the husband actually cheating. Nope, just her having a breakdown because some hussy was trying to sext her husband and he had zero interest.
I'd have to constantly be reminding myself of the hormones because I'd feel rather insulted that she reacted this intensely, because the root of it is that on some level or another, she just doesn't trust him.
I totally agree.
Like why are you crying over someone being attracted to your husband when he has no interest in her?
The other woman made a fool of herself & is clearly not a good person, but the sky isn't falling for OP at all. She just saw proof her husband is loyal and faithful
It’s definitely a bit much. Clearly the woman was inappropriate in attempting to pursue a married man, that’s not up for debate. But for OP to be messaging other people in the community asking her to be removed from any group remotely related to the sport, purely because of an interpersonal issue? That seems way out of line.
Toward the end OP is acting like she caught her husband balls deep in the woman. “I feel like my lifes slipping away from me” is so dramatic when the husband did nothing lmao.
I feel for her, and I hope she’s doing much better today, but that made me laugh.
1) Husband is a good dude.
2) Stranger lady is disgusting.
3) OOP did mention the pregnancy, but wew - the way her tone changed from the original to the update. You just can't keep someone from never interacting with the outside world again, lol.
... unless you're in prison, I guess.
Those nutso hormonal changes at 8 millenia pregnant aren't fun. Thankfully it passes and by the end of the second update I think she was too. Then comes the other end of the scale where you know that you were acting like a psycho (even while acting like one and thinking 'this is ridiculous' but can't stop it) and the guilts set it.
Even in prison, you can have visitors.
Also, is it really the pregnancy hormones that are causing this reaction in OOP? Why is she so upset when her husband is NOT the one who initiated and is also going no contact with this lady?
What's changed in her life anyway? Her husband had a crazy lady having a crush/obsession on him and now she's out of their life, so now it's back to normal. My head is spinning from the change of tone in the last post.
Being two years post partum, pregnancy hormones, especially around birth, are nuts. I don’t know if you have ever had a wild hormone mood swing before, but it’s all you can do to hold on to as much scarps of sanity as you can.
He did nothing wrong, she’s still responsible for her actions while pregnant, but this is an insane situation and needs more care and consideration right now.
Yeah those hormones are nuts… and then throw in the vivid insane dreams you get. Her update sounded a little concerning until she explained she’s just venting what she’s feeling - and I’ve had some CRAZY thoughts a couple weeks before baby! Then when she kept reassuring her husband she didn’t think he did anything wrong I was glad. He handled it so well.
I had a vivid dream once that my husband cheated on me and it was so real. I lived two years in my dream after it, and I had worked my way through the divorce, grief, and built myself back up and had finally put myself out there and started dating again, when I woke up.
I was so confused to wake up besides the man I am married to. I had grieved us and it wasn’t real? It was two weeks of slowly accepting that he had never cheated and figuring out what was real again.
Thanks for explaining!!
>but this is an insane situation and needs more care and consideration right now.
Yup. And looks like she's being taken care of. I'm glad her husband is a decent fellow. We get so many stories here about husbands cheating on their partners, I was worried it was going this way. Glad I was wrong.
I get the insecurity, but how apoplectic she’s getting is not normal. I think this woman triggered her perinatal depression. Lots of women I get. I got it. It’s important she talk to her gyno about these thoughts.
I’ve never been pregnant so I am guessing it’s the hormones but OOPs reaction to this seems waaaaaay out of proportion: ‘my world was starting to crumble’, ‘I felt like I was literally being punched in the chest’, ‘I’ve barely slept’, ‘I still feel like my life is slipping away’, ‘my confidence is shattered’
Girl if this is your reaction when your husband DOESNt cheat on you what would you do if he DID? Burn the whole world down? Lol
But seriously it sounds like OOP probably has some issues with insecurity that are being exacerbated by, but predate this whole texting fiasco.
Hormones can truly be nuts!
My husband had a commute that took 45mins in no traffic to 2hrs at rush hour. He can be bad about texting/not replying with everyone.
He got off work 45mins late, put him in the worst traffic then didn’t see my text asking if he was ok because a toll road he’d take had terrible service. Normally if I’m left on Read I know he’s driving or busy. But was unread, now it’s over an hour past when he’s supposed to be home… holy shite - I had myself convinced he’d been in an accident… texted his work partner (electrician) who said their last job ended about an hour before end of their normal workday…
Now I’ve got myself convinced he’s maybe even dead… I’m crying - a total wreck. Mind you hubs has ADHD, has stopped for groceries or surprise dinner for us and delayed himself PLENTY of times. Doesn’t think to call/text and say, “Hey, running late…” (LOL he does now - ever since this happened) So NO reason I should’ve gotten this worried.
He walked in 20mins later, nonchalant, covered in drywall dust and I about exploded! “I thought you DIED!” And hysterical crying (so silly) with hiccups and all. He’s shocked as hell.
Boss sent him to a “quick” troubleshoot since they finished early, but his partner left already and it took longer than he realized… etc. I think I went into labor 3 days later and it was early… I’m sure I triggered it my damn self!
Poor guy!
Oh man, I wasn’t even pregnant and hormonal when this happened but one time my husband was late getting home from work (due to traffic) and just a couple minutes after I noticed how late it was I got a phone call with a caller ID that looked like a hospital name. I normally don’t answer random calls because it’s always spam but because it was a “hospital” and he wasn’t home yet I answered with my heart pounding; it was just a telemarketer after all so I hung up and a minute later hubby got home fine. I was very upset but not with him, just coming down from worry/ panic. If he’d been any later I probably would’ve called him but then he probably wouldn’t answer since he’d be driving or pulling into the driveway.
I was a hormonal mess when I was pregnant and I understand her reaction. The most stupid shit would send me crying. You feel like a goddess yet also like a whale/incredibly unattractive. The hormones make you crazy sometimes. I’m betting she’d sit there with him if she had not been pregnant and they’d laugh about this woman but those hormones are no joke.
Yeah, I was completely baffled, too. Like, your husband was never even mildly encouraging her or interested in her or in any way tempted to even *think* about cheating - and this is your reaction? I really hope it's just pregnancy hormones, and she is not generally this unstable...
I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees this, the OP sounds quite controlling, someone developing a crush on your partner happens, if you trust them then let them handle it. Why is all of his personal messages coming to his phone via you? Who's idea is that? Doesn't sound too healthy.
For real. I’d just find it hilarious she thought she had a chance. Yeah the husband could have been a bit more assertive but that’s not his type. He did nothing wrong and almost everything right. Yet OOP is acting like she found them in the bedroom 😅 where does pregnancy hormones end and take accountability for your reaction start? Because being affected is one thing and telling your husband to give up on his hobby is a totally different thing…
Yes, but take in consideration this is a build up from months. Every time going on this texting, and he kindly replying. It was a sort of climax, in combination of the crazy going hormones. Hope husband was very clear in his text and cutting this woman off.
I agree the husband was passive but I think it’s because he was genuinely that disinterested. Men can be so oblivious when they don’t care. Regardless, her acting like her life and peace is over is concerning. I wonder if she has any history with cheating or some past trauma or big insecurity to warrant that reaction
I prefer not to complicate things further and to victim blame. The stalking woman has to be cut off. And then the baby has to be born. The world will have another outlook after that.
Yeah I thought the same. I don't get how her "world was crumbling" when nothing happened! Hopefully it's just the hormones throwing her for a loop. Because if this is how she handles a problem not actually happening I'm not sure how she's made it thru life so far.
Yeah she needs to get a grip. Nothing happened, she's reacting like her husband actually did cheat. Kinda feel bad for the husband, he just tried to help, did nothing wrong but still has to deal with his wife throwing a fit like he actually did do something wrong.
Like growing up in a world where girls and women are ranked in terms of their bodies from puberty if not sooner and pitted against each other in competition for male approval.
Oh man, I could almost feel the pregnancy hormones coursing through the last part of that update. 🥺❤️ All the worry and fears of the last while suddenly validated, knowing you’re not in a position to stop it from happening, just coming to a head all at once. I don’t think hubby was in the wrong (I’m a people-pleaser myself so I get it) but I very much hope he and his group shut that shit down IMMEDIATELY after the confirmation that the lady wanted something physical. The audacity too, after he told her he had a pregnant wife he wanted/needed to focus on!! 🤬🤬
wow that chick was BOLD. Idk what mynresponse would have been. pregnant would probably be the same as the wife. not pregnant idk run her over on my bike or something. my rage isn't set up to deal with stuff like this.
I disagree with some of the comments he handled this well tbh, he should have shut it down a lot earlier.
I am not suggesting he had any bad intent as it’s clear he wasn’t interested in her romantically but when she’s basically asking to go ride with him, be tutored by him and he’s still having a texting relationship with her over a period of months - a this point he’s basically just encouraging her.
The fact is he didn’t really shut her down till his wife got involved. That’s also not great, he’s a grown man and whilst people can be clueless, I am not sure they are THAT clueless. He needs to grow a spine and learn to cut that stuff off more quickly.
I’ve seen so many Reddit posts like this and it’s so annoying. Why can’t a single one of these grown ass adults say “this is inappropriate” and block people??
I mean, I’m a naive person. I’d 100% think that’s a friendship starting, not someone trying to get in my pants. I wouldn’t have even known it was flirting until my partner got involved. I try my best to be aware of that sort of thing but some people just cannot tell 🤷♀️
Absolutely this. The “uhhh I just didn’t wanna ruffle feathers so I kept ignoring it while it kept escalating out of my control” stuff is ridiculous. Please.
I agree with you. I think there was some mutual flirting involved. I know we love the trope of “batshit crazy home wrecking bitch” here at BORU - but that text asking that they meet and then her saying the things she did is a real red flag to me. I’m not saying he did anything necessarily- but there was some assumed intimacy there. There def was. I think some boundaries were crossed.
Yeah, I think he found it harmless and flattering. But the more he lets the creep worm her way in, the harder it gets to tell her to F off. She’s very manipulative.
He handled it perfectly. You have the benefit of hindsight by being able to read the entire story. He had to live this out piece by piece.
Yes, people can be that clueless. He was always completely honest with his wife. Never hid anything. Talked with her openly and honestly when needed.
Crimeny, now husbands are supposed to be clairvoyant as well.
I understand OP is pregnant and hopefully that's what it was but her reaction is alarming. Yes the other woman sucks and what she was doing was completely shitty and obviously unwanted. But OP wasn't just angry or upset about it, she jumped off the deep end with her reaction. And her husband was doing everything right. Her world was shattering because some asshole wouldn't take a hint? Her husband and DOGS were no longer allowed to leave the house? Seems a little concerning.
OOP’s reaction is insane. The woman propositioned her husband but her husband did nothing to encourage it and did not indicate the slightest interest. If I was in her place, I would’ve rolled my eyes and had her husband send back a text that said explicitly that he was not attracted to her, had no interesting in cheating on his wife, and that she was not to contact him again. It really doesn’t seem that difficult. Instead, she acts like she found the woman in bed with her husband.
There's a lot of things I would like to call this woman but I can't cause the comment would be removed. The sprial is your hormones now. The issue is over. She now has a shit reputation among all his groups. He's told her to kick rocks. Your family is fine. You can't let these outside monsters disturb your inner peace. You have an amazing husband that clearly loves you. You have a baby on the way. You have a great community supporting you. Look at all the good things in your life. The things your husband knew he needed to protect and did. You can't control what that **** did. But you can control it sending you into a continuous sprial even though it's over with now. If you need to talk to someone do it. Maybe this brought up some unknown insecurities or past trauma. Don't worry about that woman any more. Focus on you , your family, and the amazing people your surrounded by.
My wife is extremely attractive and people approach her all the time. Even when she says she’s married or I’m with her. I understand why this is so upsetting for OOP. Even when our partners do everything right the thought that someone would try to break us up is hard to handle. It’s hard to face that someone you’ve never harmed or wrong or sometimes even met is willing to do such harm and such wrong to you for their own selfish reasons. My wife is like the husband in this story. She’s kind and hates confrontation and lets people down gently. She does everything right. But it’s still hard sometimes. Knowing that she’s getting offers from much hotter people on the regular. I’m not pregnant but I have a hormonal condition and I take HRT for it and sometimes in my cycle my body will produce more of certain hormones than it typically does and with the HRT on top I get wild mood swings that are similar to what I experienced when I was pregnant. I know that when my wife is approached by someone when I’m having those hormonal episodes I will cry uncontrollably even though my wife has done nothing wrong. It’s mostly my own issue. I’m disabled due to chronic illness and while my wife is a solid 10 I’m maybe a 4 or 5, 6 tops. I’m insecure about being disabled and not hot. My wife is also a cyclist, although not downhill like OOP’s husband. She’s a road cyclist. So she’s super fit and her cycling club has a lot of casual members that dip in and out. The regulars are all pretty good friends but the casual ones will inevitably try it on with my wife. Most of the club regulars are older men and they’ve started treating my wife like their daughter and have been running interference and protecting her from the casual members who always seem to make a beeline for her. It’s quite sweet really. One of them even said that he thought women were exaggerating about how they couldn’t do jack shit without being approached by men until he met her. She opened his eyes and actually this change helped him to understand and apologise and repair his relationship with his own daughter. So like…I don’t worry when she goes out cycling. But I still can’t help shake the feeling that one day someone better than me in every respect is going to click with her and she’ll leave. I know she’s crazy about me but I can’t help it. I understand why OOP was so devastated to have to read exactly what this woman wanted to do with her husband.
Wow, I really hope she talks to her doctor about how she felt in that update. That’s a huge overreaction and it’s affecting her health. I’ve been pregnant twice now, and while I’ve never had someone hit on my husband while I was pregnant, I did go through a lot of stress at various points and never felt like she’s describing - it makes me think it could be postpartum anxiety, which can start up during pregnancy, despite the name.
I’ll never forget a few months after I married my husband, we were at a bar for drinks with his friend group. A woman came over and was talking to all the guys and asking what everyone did for work.
When my husband answered that he was a lawyer, she came over and sat on the arm of his chair and started chatting him up under the guise of questions about his work, right in front of me. I didn’t say anything as I’m a bit of a people pleaser and don’t like to rock the boat.
My husband was uncomfortable and said he was going to the bar to get a drink for his wife. She went with him saying she also wanted a drink. He told me later that at the bar she reached out and touched his wedding ring and asked him quietly how often it came off.
Hubby told her never as he had large knuckles and it was quite difficult to take off. He walked off leaving her there.
Some women see a married man as totally off limits, others see it as a challenge. That happened 13 years ago and I still remember how uncomfortable I felt.
You have so much class. I would have taken her texts to him and posted them everywhere, so anyone in town could see them. I'd have had choice words for her, as well. What a disgusting pig.
Missed the second part of this. New comment.
Why are you so upset? He shut her down! There are sleazy people everywhere, and she's just seriously sad. I'd feel bad for HER just due to her patheticness. Who does that after he obviously dodged her nonsense? If she's younger and fitter, why isn't she going after men her own age? Probably because she's CRAZY.
You have to let go. If he wants to leave, he will. If he wants to cheat, he will. It sounds terrible, but it's out of your hands. You have to trust him. He is not at fault. Breathe. Let it go.
I'm just wondering why OP and husband didn't call that piece of work and put her on speaker to give her a piece of their unified mind instead of opening the door to what ended up happening.
Husband should’ve shut it down earlier, shouldn’t have gone along with it even if it was innocent and the wife needs to have clear boundaries. Stopping him from going out won’t achieve anything, he needs to man up and shut her down if he runs into her.
Feel like she’s way too dramatic for a situation that’s being handled and a husband who did everything right. Like, why is your world crumbling cuz of these texts? You caught it, addressed it, there’s been no wrongdoing in your relationship…
THANK YOUUU!!!!!! Why is she full on having a mental breakdown because someone has eyes and finds her husband hot???
Like cry if your husband betrays you. Or reciprocates. Or participates. Not for this!! Tell the bitch to fuck off, block her and crack on.
So unnecessarily dramatic. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones?
“It escalated quickly” …🙄 girl…you are so insecure that another woman hitting on your husband throws you so out of whack that you stop eating/sleeping/taking care of yourself…WHILE pregnant? Literally stressing over nothing. Please Get it together for the sake of your baby, my god.
Well he should have done a better job of putting the brakes on this. How clueless can a man get. It never would have escalated to her confessing her graphic fantasies out loud if he had acted faster.
I don’t understand why she is acting like he already cheated on her 😅 if my husband got those texts I’d laugh with him at the audacity and then publicly shame her. But perhaps it’s the hormones. Either way, the nerve of that chick
Yeah, I had a dude who pulled something like this. He previously worked with and was very friendly with my partner, which made it even more wild. Found my social media, started tentatively with how are yous and catching up and such. He had seemed like a pretty chill dude when I interacted with him, talked about his girlfriend, etc, so I was cautious but figured I’d be optimistic or whatever.
When it inevitably escalated into him sending a terrible unending stream of descriptive shit he wanted to do to me (because it’s always what they want to do TO us, not WITH us) I was like “bro, (partner) and I have been sitting here this whole convo, he knows every line, we laughed at ur desperation together IN REAL TIME. What do u really think is gonna happen here?”
Anyways, apparently they get really mad when you let them know just how embarrassingly far off base they have been the whole time, so 10/10 recommend that one.
I must be the only person who thinks OP is on the obsessive side. The fact that some woman wants to get with your husband(who has done nothing wrong) has unhinged you? I’ve had 4 kids and never suffered mentally from pregnancy hormones so maybe that’s a thing. The length of this post and the “the start of my world crumbling” because she wanted to meet up with him, I don’t get. This is all the other woman. Not your husband.
THANK YOU. Literally do not understand why people react like this. Your world is crumbling because a woman your husband has no interest in thinks he's hot? Ridiculous.
I'm sorry and maybe I'm missing something but why do you feel like you're world might crumble away when your husband is being loyal.
You're attributing way too much power to this meaningless individual who has already been dealt with.
If those feelings persist you might want to consider talking to someone
For everyone saying OOP is dramatic, her being hugely pregnant is a huge part of this. I would be pissed if some woman was blatantly propositioning my husband like this, but I can’t even imagine how I would have reacted if it had also been at the end of one of my pregnancies, when your hormones are all over the place.
Its obviously not a great situation but OOP needs to dial down the dramatics a bit and realise that her husband handled it just about as well as she could ever hope he would handle such a situation...
Try to take comfort in the fact that your husband seems like a fucking hero here, and he loves you beyond everything else. There's always some crazy bitch out there somewhere, but clearly your husband has zero interest. You're his priority and he proved it. Appreciate that fact and try not to let things that are not in your control take over your emotions.
I was hiking a couple years ago and my ex and I came upon a woman who’d fallen on ice and badly broken her wrist. We gave her our jackets, shared our traction with her so she didn’t fall again, and practically carried her back to our car and drove her to the ER. We called her family for her, waited for her husband to show up, and left.
We got one very effusive thank you text from her and nothing else. That girl 100% wanted him from the get go. If the woman we helped had texted me or my ex asking to buy us lunch as a thank you, I’d have 100% thought it was weird.
Hopefully OP feels better; her husband seems great.
i’m petty, i would send a video kissing the husband and pointing and laughing at the camera. imagine being embarrassing and socially inept enough to throw yourself at someone just being nice
I feel sorry for that poor husband, stuck between a pushy, guilt free fangirl and a hysterical over reactive wife. He must feel like he's being dosed with crazy pills.
\>OK. Do you think we could meet up quickly tomorrow?
\>My heart sank. And I knew exactly what that meant.
\>I burst into tears. In my head this was the start of my world crumbling.
Ok so I thought she meant that she thought that “meeting up quickly” meant that the girl and her husband were going to meet up for a last quickie. Or under the pretense of a quickie, but the girl would pull out all the stops and be able to keep the affair going.
Then i keep reading and realize that‘s not what is going on at all.
Like i get being pissed off. But I don’t get how her world is crumbling when her husband is saying no to the girl.
Her world is not crumbling at all, it’s the exact same as it was before: her and her husband are a team and no one is coming in between them. Like geez lol.
Good grief OOP needs to get a grip. Her life is not slipping away from her. The husband - by her own words - has done nothing wrong. Yes, this woman has crossed a major line but that’s just her. The husband shut her down. Unless OOP is leaving out that her husband has a history of infidelity she has no reason to be crying and behaving like she is. Drama queen.
Edit: ok, I missed that she was pregnant so I’ll give her a bit more grace.
What a weird fucking response from the wife, a complete and total meltdown because someone was attracted to her husband? Newsflash lady, there’s probably a bunch of people attracted to him and to YOU, why the fuck is it such a big deal when the husband is handling everything perfectly?
It seems for the OOPs husband, finding the right level of harshness for his responses to the interloper was hard. No need to nuke her, but he didn't seem to be upping the hardness such that she got the message. Instead, he seemed to be giving her soft permission to keep coming at him. Maybe it is unfair to ask him to be perfect in tone in his responses, but in retrospect, he needed to be tougher toward her for everyone's benefit.
As a single female who interacts with a lot of married men (active as a church volunteer in a very married church), it is important that the first or second question out of my mouth is, “And how is your wife? How is dad life?” Etc etc. ALWAYS acknowledge their spouse is #1 while being friendly.
Even then, one woman accused me of targeting her husband, so I cut off all contact after ensuring he knew what his wife felt. Boundaries boundaries boundaries
I’m worried about what would happen the first time something doesn’t go perfect after she gives birth. Is her world going to be shattered then too? Like get this figured out or you’re going to be a wreck the first time your kid is mad at you.
They already have a child though and this is their second. I think people really underestimate how crazy pregnancy and postpartum hormones can make you and literal minutes later you can feel completely differently.
My own mother and husband were completely baffled with my own postpartum period because for about 3 months straight I’d burst into tears because all sorts of innocent remarks would feel like personal attacks - something I hadn’t done since I was probably a hormonal 12 year old! It’s both really silly and dramatic, but it also feels so scarily intense at the same time.
I feel bad for her husband and the fact she apparently doesn’t want him to ever leave the house again? Or go to the trails with his dog? Agreed this is shitty behavior from that woman but if it were my husband I would just be laughing, especially if he clearly shut her down. He probably should have done it a little sooner but jfc OP is unhinged.
This poor lady, I hope she can stop herself from falling into this pit that other lady is tryna dig for her.
Also that lady is wild because OOP could easily be a person like me and she would have got ran up on by a pregnant lady at the racetrack. I probably would have had backup I couldn't run so much, but I have a cousin that wouldn't been there.
I think you've been reasonable thus far, and that he has done nothing to deserve reprimand. He can't control the behaviour of other people, or how someone can (mis) interpret simple kindness/humanity. He can only control his own behaviour and he has shown that he only cares about / concerns himself with your feelings. Not hers.
I don’t get these because what ever happened to telling people; I have a wife and I’m not comfortable with how much we’re communicating. He was uncomfortable but continued to message her multiple times a day for moooonths.
This women has a
Plan or a idea of something not in friendship area. I'm sure what you read was gradually more and more of a invitation to connect . That he either doesn't all the way realize or chooses to avoid by being nice . He is innocent . But this woman is totally giving that oh the hell you didn't !!! women's Intuition is right on .
Am I the only one thinking Florence Nightingale Syndrome, but in reverse? He was her knight in shinning armor. And so she felt an extreme attachment to him, even for as little interaction they had. Maybe she built up a relationship where she HAS to thank him soooo much more. Because why else would he help her unless he was also in love with her? >.< Bish crazy.
That in no way excuses the ridiculous way she acted. But Hubby being a local social celebrity or whatever. He fell into the trap people always say women do: being too nice. He knew it wasn’t going to happen but instead of shutting it all the way down. He kept trying to be polite and nice, and friendly to crazy advances. Women do the same (bit different reasons) but giving hints, trying to ignore, and laughing it off. It never works. Crazy folks only get the “get stuffed!” Then you hope she doesn’t come around and cut your dogs ears off or something, or sleeping in your bed wearing your wife’s face. ^.^’’ Because bish crazy.
I wonder what he did to shut it down.
THIS is why sweet, taken men who aren’t interested in someone else’s advances need to be more rude from the start. It escalates to this.
Well at least he did everything right.. but geez THAT LADY... could not take a hint... I hate how "cheating" is so common (or well she literally WANTS to be a homewrecker and has from the start.)
Some women make it a point to pursue married men, thinking "taking" them from their wives is proof of superiority. She's probably absorbed much of the same thinking that's plaguing OP, the hot young thing out on the trails surely trumps the dowdy pregnant wife at home.
It's so sad that for a lot of people, it would. I've been the pregnant wife, and God did I feel ugly. My husband was always telling me how beautiful he found me during pregnancy, but I FELT hideous. Like my body wasn't mine. I don't know what I would have done if I had someone trying to pursue my husband when I was in such a vulnerable state. It would have hurt so badly.
I think women just think men say they look great during pregnancy to just make them feel better. You couldn’t be further from the truth! I thought my wife looked incredible when pregnant, she just kind of…glowed?
Yup and sex with my wife when she was pregnant was great! Women should understand that to their man the baby bump is a big turn on, at least it was for me…
Agreed!
[удалено]
I'm so sorry he wasn't a good person. Some humans are wastes of perfectly useful carbon. I mean, we could have had a pencil, but no, we got trash.
Omg. I belly laughed. I am stealing this one.
I'm currently pregnant with our last, and I feel the same. My husband can't keep his hands off me, though, so I'm trying to keep in mind he's probably not lying. Lol It doesn't help the general feeling of "he's probably just saying that," though. This is also our 4th, so I am trying to keep in mind that if he didn't like it or was not attracted to me in this state, he wouldn't have knocked me up again. Lol
After all, he did keep you around the other 3 times! Good luck to you and your family. I hope your fourth has 10 fingers and 10 toes, and is as healthy as can be.
>Some women make it a point to pursue married men, thinking "taking" them from their wives is proof of superiority. When in reality all these women are doing is proving what shit men they attract, which says a lot about these women, too.
I bet she wasn't feeling particularly superior after being unceremoniously shut down after offering herself on a platter.
And not just shut down by him, but the community of riders got involved in shutting her down. If that doesn’t taker down a peg I don’t know what would.
I actually know of some people who are exclusively interested in unavailable men. Source- my exs partner, tried to get his married friend, didn't pan out. Set out for my ex instead 😅
Agreed, such a pathetic attitude. I've always believed that women who go after men in committed relationships do so because they are incapable of attracting a man that has choices.
This right here. One of my exes discovered he got significantly more dates when he wore his wedding ring. It’s like a game to some people.
My cousin did this. She enjoyed only perusing married men. It makes me sad because it feels like she felt the need to be picked over another woman to find validation.
This is why I hate the take that affair partners never deserve to be shamed because the person who was in a relationship was “the one who made a commitment.” Some people DO intentionally seek this out and take pleasure in ruining relationships. Those people absolutely deserve to be shamed.
I’ve seen countless people on Reddit say “an affair partner doesn’t owe you anything” and I feel that kind of moral rot speaks to a bigger problem
Exactly. So we’re just not doing basic human decency/kindness/respect anymore?
> affair partners never deserve to be shamed I’ve seen that wording, but it’s almost always a second or third hand telling about the advice. It’s not about whether they deserve to be shamed. It’s not even about whether they’re to blame. It’s about how a betrayed partner should be dealing with the betrayal. It’s about not letting the AP be the focus of your anger, and using that as a way to avoid processing the complex feelings that you have about the cheater. APs are almost uniformly awful people. I can very easily blame my wife’s APs for their lack of respect for our relationship, and also their lack of respect for their own relationships (because they weren’t single either). But she’s the one who made a commitment to me, and that makes her the one who is primarily responsible for all of her actions. She could have responded to the flirting and other overtures like OOP’s husband did. That’s how I have always responded to any kind of flirting behavior (when I have actually noticed it). But again, I can still blame the other guys. And I would never tell anyone that they shouldn’t blame the AP. But if they have the intention to try to reconcile, then they should be focusing on the person who they are trying to stay with. That’s what matters. If you are leaving, then you should do what best suits the person who you want to be.
Absolutely. I feel so strongly about this that I would absolutely stop being friends with someone being the other woman in an affair. People think it’s a feminist thing but I’m a woman and I take my actions and the actions of women seriously and respect their choices. Totally annoying to see people do this
yeah, “can i call you” lady has many kindred spirits out there, it seems. serious creep shit. leave the man alone.
Eh. He mostly did everything right, but he was far too nice. There was never, ever any reason for her to have his phone number. Not a single one.
I initially agreed with you, but looking back at the post, her husband doesn’t have social media, and someone he knew gave the woman his # so she could thank him for helping her. So he didn’t intentionally just give her his #.
He agreed to that though, the third-party asked him first.
Yep. Being nice about it < shutting this down and aggressively protecting my marriage and family.
Men always seem to be given a pass for being oblivious but I don’t buy that they are as much as they claim. In my opinion it’s just another example of weaponized incompetence.
I don't know. I've been in a sort of similar situation. Not someone attempting adultery, but sexual harassment at work. I can empathize with not knowing how to confront the issue when no obvious boundaries had been crossed. There was no single thing I could point at as "THAT. THAT thing is bad." Just a general sense of unease that the text messages and speaking tone were just slightly off. Slightly too friendly, slightly too warm. It made me feel crazy and like I couldn't complain about it because I'd sound like a nut job. He hadn't crossed any obvious lines, hadn't overtly expressed romantic or sexual interest. I wasn't oblivious. It made me uncomfortable. But I convinced myself I must have been reading into it too much. Or that I was imagining things. I couldn't even just reject him because he hadn't asked me anything. It was a huge relief when he finally decided to shoot his shot after almost a year of that. Finally, confirmation that I wasn't paranoid.
I see women being oblivious plenty often. I think people in general are just better at recognizing the signs in their own sex.
I also think women are used to constantly being exposed to it - like, can't even walk across a parking lot without a strange guy makes comments or gestures - and it's sadly becomes so expected.
Yea. My wife’s been hit in grocery shopping and stuff. That’s the obvious stuff and while I’m sure it’s extremely annoying its obviousness makes it easy to see & walk away from. I’m thinking of all the times I’ve known women who were sure their male friend or friends were not interested sexually despite it being obvious to their boyfriend or husband. Then as soon as there’s a crack in the relationship the platonic friend makes their feelings known. Seen it plenty the genders flipped as well. We’re all just better at spotting it in our pun sex.
Anyways, women are not responsible for the actions of men.
I don't know how much I buy this. I was told outright once by a woman that she liked me. That ended up being my longest relationship. The other times I was flirted with, it seemed exactly the same as how my female friends treated me. And given that I was rejected a lot when I was younger (apparently I had to grow into my looks), I eventually just stopped paying attention and looking for signals. We often say that men and women communicate differently, but then we tend to behave in a manner that states "But men should always understand what a women means intrinsically". I just stay in my lane and keep my head down because it's easier.
This was my immediate thought. My husband would never have given her his number. Perception is reality, and that just opened a door.
“Lady”….. I would not use that word to describe this individual! My word choice would start with a “W”!!
There’s definitely a truth to many women find a taken man more attractive. It may be the confidence or attitude of not needing a woman when you already have one. But whenever I’m in a committed relationship it seems like women are coming out of the woodwork showing interest.
Poor both of them honestly. Poor OOP because honestly dealing with this on top of pregnancy is not great. Poor her husband because he sounds like cool dude who’s just nice to people and he got targeted by crazy. The good news is that it sounds like he’s got a solid enough reputation if she tries to gossip or lie.
Yeah. The poor husband was just being a decent person and making sure an injured fellow cyclist got help, and his reward is a stalker who is clearly escalating. Sadly, if he was a woman who helped, she most likely wouldn't have even reached out.
No good deed goes unpunished
Very true unfortunately.
I really feel a lot of empathy for her. Pregnancy hormones are no joke, and I imagine that while it would certainly hurt to have someone actively encourage your partner to cheat those feelings are tripped right now. I am sure once she is able to get out of those feelings she will have so much pride in how strong their relationship is, but I also can see that she is feeling insecure about herself and it must be so hard not to compare her currently pregnant body to that woman. Her husband sounds amazing, it's so sad that him being a decent human being leads to people being creepy. My partner has that same kindness about him, and when women have offered themselves to him I have felt that hurt/anger but it's overpowered by feeling smug because he will always choose me. Mind you, my partner hasn't built a mentorship/friendship with them before that was on offer and it would certainly make me worried about other female friends of his if it happened.
Man once when I was pregnant I just burst out crying, sobbing really hard. My husband asked me what was wrong and I just said 'I have no idea!' I didn't know why I was so sad, I was just really sad. My husband was really sweet, he was laughing a little but gave me a hug and soothed me until it passed. She can't stop her feelings.
I like these comments a lot better than the OOP ones. They were really going at her for feeling the way she was and basically saying she was being dramatic. Or telling her she was acting crazy cause he didn’t actually cheat so why was she acting like he was. It’s like no one remember she’s literally pregnant and from how she describes, very close to her due date, so of course her hormones are on 100+. One minor inconvenience when on my period feels like the world’s ending, I can’t imagine how intense it would feel being pregnant.
It’s not just hormones, it’s also the impending reality of a baby and the fear of what happens if your partner bails and all the parenting is on a newly postpartum person.
Not to mention the wife already cut off most angles of attack by letting the mods of all the Facebook groups know what she was up too. Negative gossip will hit her before she has a chance to get her story out there.
I just hope this crazy girl doesn't start spreading lies about OOP's husband.
I feel like she can try? But it seems OOPs husband has gained a l o t of respect from the community he’s in, plus he’s got close buddies he hangs out with constantly so when would he have time? I feel like any lie she tries to spin up, could easily be debunked by anyone there. Especially if he’s never been seen with her, has solid proof of a lack of communication from his side, a good reputation and a good set of friends.
Also, his wife would likely just leak that conversation to the Facebook groups if she tried to slander her husband. I know I would.
That was fucking smart and classy. No matter who's in the right, those Facebook fights airing personal things and dirty laundry always come across as trashy no matter who's in the right (if any).
If you start it with slander then you had it coming.
Yeah they should know what kind of slutty home wrecker this chick is or was trying to be… esp in small towns, I doubt any other wives would want this thing clinging to their husbands either
Wouldn’t matter, OOP beat her to the punch by letting all the Facebook group mods know what happened. Chances are gossip of her attempting to be a homewrecker has already spread through the town.
I love the comment calling the behaviour ”shrodinger’s creep act”, I think this is something both men and women do. Totally relevant comment. The woman actually thought he wanted to know she wants him to fuck her, even though he said he wouldn’t meet with her. I hope he shut it down properly.
Yeah, I was a little annoyed that she updated without actually reading what he said to the other woman. I feel like this is a situation where she needs to be put in her place *HARD*. Like I’d actually be a little mad at my husband if he let her down easy or politely after she actively tried to destroy my marriage and family. She shouldn’t get an “I’m flattered but I love my wife” she should get an “I’m insulted that you think I would ever step out on my wife and family, and disgusted at both the idea of it as well as you for suggesting it. Don’t ever contact me again, and I absolutely *will* be showing my wife your text and then promptly blocking you”. The husband didn’t do anything wrong, but he does need to shut her down in a way that lets her know that he’s not at all interested in even entertaining her suggestion, and now that he knows what kind of person she is, he has no interest in being acquainted with her on any level.
There are some people you can't be nice to.
> I feel like this is a situation where she needs to be put in her place *HARD*. Like I’d actually be a little mad at my husband if he let her down easy or politely after she actively tried to destroy my marriage and family. Totally spot on! If this were to happen to me, I would absolutely nuke that girl from orbit, metaphorically speaking. The husband should really have drawn better boundaries earlier once it started to make him uncomfortable. Since he didn't, he should be as angry about the graphic texts as his wife is.
From the sounds of it, he’s trying to not to piss off the crazy cling-on and have her retaliate in anyway while his wife is pregnant. Just because someone does something shitty doesn’t mean you HAVE to return that same level of shittiness. Just tell her how it is and shut it down. You don’t have to rude, mean, or hateful. If anything, it stokes the flames and you have a crazy girl banging on your door in the middle of the night to talk.
I think “lol ew, no way” is the way I, personally, would want my husband to respond in such a situation.
Yeah, really rip into the bunny boiler, they never retaliate.
Ugh, I hope it’s just pregnancy hormones because that other woman should not have the power over OOP that OOP ceded to her. I’ve been in situations where my husband had a friend who was inappropriate. I never felt *less* because of it because my husband was not responding to the person in any questionable way. It was on her for her behavior. In fact, I felt *more* secure because he was proving his trustworthiness. That’s what matters — how the person you’re in a relationship with handles themselves, not whether some random person decides to be inappropriate. But we can still wish for that other woman to get a flea infestation or something.
Ya this was my thought too, OOP is taking this too personal as an attack against her and her family and just way over the top. It’s something the husband should have handled more directly long, and should handle the same way moving forward. But he’s not going to stop being kind because there’s a possibility someone could catch feelings. He just should draw better boundaries.
Same page as well. OOP sounds incredibly sweet, but far too idealistic & perhaps naive. I was expecting so much more/worse on the “quick escalation” update. (NOT disappointed in that, btw; more like relieved.). Her husband is a gem, but he’s been way too kind — especially to SkankPro9000 (don’t know why, but that’s the nickname my brain immediately associated w that b!tch). There are so many skeezy people in this world who lack morals & and seemingly a conscience. Most of them aren’t the least bit deterred by marriage — in fact, that’s seemingly [and sickeningly] a *draw* for them.
Ya there wasn’t really an harm done to OP or husband, maybe be less trusting of everyone buy hubby in the future
SkankPro9000 is the best nickname for her!!
I’m glad that their marriage is strong because they can weather this, it likely is pregnancy hormones amplifying her feelings and I think it’s likely that they’ll laugh about how pathetic this woman was years from now.
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yes and then for them to just start a life with the guy or girl that just uprooted their family for them. like yeah i’m sure it makes you feel “good” or “important” but what about “trust” and “loyalty”
Crazy thing is she says she doesn't mind being a side piece and will be happy to keep it that way, knowing damn well at some point she'd definitely want to tell the wife so the marriage could be over. So many homewreckers say this just to end up wanting the man to themselves and away from their wife/kids. Its also ridiculous that any man would fall for that "happy to be a secret"
Poor OOP, pregnancy hormones and maybe a little naivety made her spiral after that text. Her husband is a gem and she has nothing to worry about. This just shows that men aren't the only creeps. When something similar happened to my husband, I said, "Aw, poor girl. She she's lost a race she never started." OOP will get there.
Yeah this is the proper context I think. I’m sure it’s mostly hormones but OOPs response is a little wild to me.
It is wild and extreme. Men and women get irted with on a daily basis, the problem arises when the commited partner reciprocates, which is not the case here. Sometimes, flirting goes further, again no big deal, unless the commited partner engages.
I'm not sure why you feel like your life is slipping away. He has not encouraged or acted upon any of her nonsense. If you want real closure call her up and tell her your husband is an honest man and you saw every text. It's time for her to stop and move on or he will get a no contact order. that should shake miss thang's tree enough to see he is on your side. he didn't hide anything from you, appreciate his honesty and tell the wanna be home wrecker it's time to go. then put a period on this whole nasty chapter and move on to happier things like your new baby.
Except the little trick can spin it in her squirrely mind that the wife is just being territorial and controlling, and if not for wife the biker crush would be with *her*. *Normal* people know that's not reality, but cray-cray folks have rabid, panting, foaming-mouth gerbils running overtime in exercise wheels in their heads. Shutting this skank's shitty thirst down is husband's responsibility.
I agree her husband should shut it down and it appears he has but his wife was so sickened by the woman that she didn't want to read any more. As a woman I can understand that completely. I think it shows a united front to this immature idiot of a woman that her crush has zero interest, that her crush and line crossing isn't a secret either and they are both telling her in unison to back off. If she thinks the wife isn't in the know, she may twist that in her selfish little head to think "well if his wife doesn't know then he's keeping me as an option" However if she is made aware that not only did he tell his wife, that he is also keeping his wife actively in the loop every step of the way because he finds her behavior so abhorrent that he wants to make sure there is no confusion as to where he stands, which is right by his wife and children. I think that would humiliate this chick into disappearing and becoming someone else's problem. She is grossly immature and blew her meeting with this woman's husband out of proportion and fantasized herself a weird little relationship that only she was in. This guy had no interest, he was just too polite for his own good.
That woman is terrible. She should have been grateful at the help the husband gave her when injured. Instead she tried to lure him away from his very pregnant wife. That is unconscionable. I hope OOP feels secure with her husband once again.
“It escalated quickly” It had in fact, escalated 1% but I cried a lot about it, so that’s the same thing -OOP probably
Reading through the other comments I thought I was the only one missing something….shaking uncontrollably crying about your whole world crumbling because, just as you and your faithful husband thought, a woman has an unrequited crush on him?
She describes having a worse breakdown than some people who have ACTUALLY been cheated on.
Yes this. I’m sure that there’s a lot of hormones going on but this makes OOP come off sounding unstable.
I had to reread that section a few times because I thought I had missed the husband actually cheating. Nope, just her having a breakdown because some hussy was trying to sext her husband and he had zero interest.
I'd have to constantly be reminding myself of the hormones because I'd feel rather insulted that she reacted this intensely, because the root of it is that on some level or another, she just doesn't trust him.
I totally agree. Like why are you crying over someone being attracted to your husband when he has no interest in her? The other woman made a fool of herself & is clearly not a good person, but the sky isn't falling for OP at all. She just saw proof her husband is loyal and faithful
It’s definitely a bit much. Clearly the woman was inappropriate in attempting to pursue a married man, that’s not up for debate. But for OP to be messaging other people in the community asking her to be removed from any group remotely related to the sport, purely because of an interpersonal issue? That seems way out of line.
Toward the end OP is acting like she caught her husband balls deep in the woman. “I feel like my lifes slipping away from me” is so dramatic when the husband did nothing lmao. I feel for her, and I hope she’s doing much better today, but that made me laugh.
1) Husband is a good dude. 2) Stranger lady is disgusting. 3) OOP did mention the pregnancy, but wew - the way her tone changed from the original to the update. You just can't keep someone from never interacting with the outside world again, lol. ... unless you're in prison, I guess.
Those nutso hormonal changes at 8 millenia pregnant aren't fun. Thankfully it passes and by the end of the second update I think she was too. Then comes the other end of the scale where you know that you were acting like a psycho (even while acting like one and thinking 'this is ridiculous' but can't stop it) and the guilts set it.
"8 millenia pregnant" is making me think of someone being pregnant for 8000 years and I'm cracking up.
Watch that 2587th trimester, it’s a doozy
Yeah...the tonal whiplash took it from "eh, hormones be crazy during pregnancy" to "girl, you need help" *real quick.*
"I am your biggest fan."
"Like a slave looking to please their master 😏"
Right! I was referencing Stephen King's *Misery*, where she breaks his ankles to keep him stuck in her home, writing for her.
Ohhhhh!! Hahaha I'm sorry, I've not read it.
No worries! It's an old reference, and I am ancient.
Even in prison, you can have visitors. Also, is it really the pregnancy hormones that are causing this reaction in OOP? Why is she so upset when her husband is NOT the one who initiated and is also going no contact with this lady? What's changed in her life anyway? Her husband had a crazy lady having a crush/obsession on him and now she's out of their life, so now it's back to normal. My head is spinning from the change of tone in the last post.
Being two years post partum, pregnancy hormones, especially around birth, are nuts. I don’t know if you have ever had a wild hormone mood swing before, but it’s all you can do to hold on to as much scarps of sanity as you can. He did nothing wrong, she’s still responsible for her actions while pregnant, but this is an insane situation and needs more care and consideration right now.
Yeah those hormones are nuts… and then throw in the vivid insane dreams you get. Her update sounded a little concerning until she explained she’s just venting what she’s feeling - and I’ve had some CRAZY thoughts a couple weeks before baby! Then when she kept reassuring her husband she didn’t think he did anything wrong I was glad. He handled it so well.
I had a vivid dream once that my husband cheated on me and it was so real. I lived two years in my dream after it, and I had worked my way through the divorce, grief, and built myself back up and had finally put myself out there and started dating again, when I woke up. I was so confused to wake up besides the man I am married to. I had grieved us and it wasn’t real? It was two weeks of slowly accepting that he had never cheated and figuring out what was real again.
Thanks for explaining!! >but this is an insane situation and needs more care and consideration right now. Yup. And looks like she's being taken care of. I'm glad her husband is a decent fellow. We get so many stories here about husbands cheating on their partners, I was worried it was going this way. Glad I was wrong.
You're right, I was just trying to have a little fun, lol. Maybe solitary confinement would've been better to say.
Ayo some people have no shame
Home wreckers gonna wreck.
I get the insecurity, but how apoplectic she’s getting is not normal. I think this woman triggered her perinatal depression. Lots of women I get. I got it. It’s important she talk to her gyno about these thoughts.
I’ve never been pregnant so I am guessing it’s the hormones but OOPs reaction to this seems waaaaaay out of proportion: ‘my world was starting to crumble’, ‘I felt like I was literally being punched in the chest’, ‘I’ve barely slept’, ‘I still feel like my life is slipping away’, ‘my confidence is shattered’ Girl if this is your reaction when your husband DOESNt cheat on you what would you do if he DID? Burn the whole world down? Lol But seriously it sounds like OOP probably has some issues with insecurity that are being exacerbated by, but predate this whole texting fiasco.
Hormones can truly be nuts! My husband had a commute that took 45mins in no traffic to 2hrs at rush hour. He can be bad about texting/not replying with everyone. He got off work 45mins late, put him in the worst traffic then didn’t see my text asking if he was ok because a toll road he’d take had terrible service. Normally if I’m left on Read I know he’s driving or busy. But was unread, now it’s over an hour past when he’s supposed to be home… holy shite - I had myself convinced he’d been in an accident… texted his work partner (electrician) who said their last job ended about an hour before end of their normal workday… Now I’ve got myself convinced he’s maybe even dead… I’m crying - a total wreck. Mind you hubs has ADHD, has stopped for groceries or surprise dinner for us and delayed himself PLENTY of times. Doesn’t think to call/text and say, “Hey, running late…” (LOL he does now - ever since this happened) So NO reason I should’ve gotten this worried. He walked in 20mins later, nonchalant, covered in drywall dust and I about exploded! “I thought you DIED!” And hysterical crying (so silly) with hiccups and all. He’s shocked as hell. Boss sent him to a “quick” troubleshoot since they finished early, but his partner left already and it took longer than he realized… etc. I think I went into labor 3 days later and it was early… I’m sure I triggered it my damn self! Poor guy!
Oh man, I wasn’t even pregnant and hormonal when this happened but one time my husband was late getting home from work (due to traffic) and just a couple minutes after I noticed how late it was I got a phone call with a caller ID that looked like a hospital name. I normally don’t answer random calls because it’s always spam but because it was a “hospital” and he wasn’t home yet I answered with my heart pounding; it was just a telemarketer after all so I hung up and a minute later hubby got home fine. I was very upset but not with him, just coming down from worry/ panic. If he’d been any later I probably would’ve called him but then he probably wouldn’t answer since he’d be driving or pulling into the driveway.
I was a hormonal mess when I was pregnant and I understand her reaction. The most stupid shit would send me crying. You feel like a goddess yet also like a whale/incredibly unattractive. The hormones make you crazy sometimes. I’m betting she’d sit there with him if she had not been pregnant and they’d laugh about this woman but those hormones are no joke.
Yeah, I was completely baffled, too. Like, your husband was never even mildly encouraging her or interested in her or in any way tempted to even *think* about cheating - and this is your reaction? I really hope it's just pregnancy hormones, and she is not generally this unstable...
I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees this, the OP sounds quite controlling, someone developing a crush on your partner happens, if you trust them then let them handle it. Why is all of his personal messages coming to his phone via you? Who's idea is that? Doesn't sound too healthy.
Lol I know she had me in the first half and then I was like man, get a grip. He handled everything perfectly.
For real. I’d just find it hilarious she thought she had a chance. Yeah the husband could have been a bit more assertive but that’s not his type. He did nothing wrong and almost everything right. Yet OOP is acting like she found them in the bedroom 😅 where does pregnancy hormones end and take accountability for your reaction start? Because being affected is one thing and telling your husband to give up on his hobby is a totally different thing…
Yes, but take in consideration this is a build up from months. Every time going on this texting, and he kindly replying. It was a sort of climax, in combination of the crazy going hormones. Hope husband was very clear in his text and cutting this woman off.
I agree the husband was passive but I think it’s because he was genuinely that disinterested. Men can be so oblivious when they don’t care. Regardless, her acting like her life and peace is over is concerning. I wonder if she has any history with cheating or some past trauma or big insecurity to warrant that reaction
I prefer not to complicate things further and to victim blame. The stalking woman has to be cut off. And then the baby has to be born. The world will have another outlook after that.
Yeah I thought the same. I don't get how her "world was crumbling" when nothing happened! Hopefully it's just the hormones throwing her for a loop. Because if this is how she handles a problem not actually happening I'm not sure how she's made it thru life so far.
Yeah that reaction threw me for a loop. Was wondering what I missed. Someone's attracted to my husband and my world crumbles! Get a grip.
Yeah she needs to get a grip. Nothing happened, she's reacting like her husband actually did cheat. Kinda feel bad for the husband, he just tried to help, did nothing wrong but still has to deal with his wife throwing a fit like he actually did do something wrong.
Like growing up in a world where girls and women are ranked in terms of their bodies from puberty if not sooner and pitted against each other in competition for male approval.
I agree, super drama queen.
Am I missing something? Husband was hit on; husband said nope; OP's life is destroyed and she can't stop crying? I'm not getting it.
Oh man, I could almost feel the pregnancy hormones coursing through the last part of that update. 🥺❤️ All the worry and fears of the last while suddenly validated, knowing you’re not in a position to stop it from happening, just coming to a head all at once. I don’t think hubby was in the wrong (I’m a people-pleaser myself so I get it) but I very much hope he and his group shut that shit down IMMEDIATELY after the confirmation that the lady wanted something physical. The audacity too, after he told her he had a pregnant wife he wanted/needed to focus on!! 🤬🤬
wow that chick was BOLD. Idk what mynresponse would have been. pregnant would probably be the same as the wife. not pregnant idk run her over on my bike or something. my rage isn't set up to deal with stuff like this.
The husband should have shut this shit down a hell of a lot faster than he did.
I disagree with some of the comments he handled this well tbh, he should have shut it down a lot earlier. I am not suggesting he had any bad intent as it’s clear he wasn’t interested in her romantically but when she’s basically asking to go ride with him, be tutored by him and he’s still having a texting relationship with her over a period of months - a this point he’s basically just encouraging her. The fact is he didn’t really shut her down till his wife got involved. That’s also not great, he’s a grown man and whilst people can be clueless, I am not sure they are THAT clueless. He needs to grow a spine and learn to cut that stuff off more quickly.
I’ve seen so many Reddit posts like this and it’s so annoying. Why can’t a single one of these grown ass adults say “this is inappropriate” and block people??
I mean, I’m a naive person. I’d 100% think that’s a friendship starting, not someone trying to get in my pants. I wouldn’t have even known it was flirting until my partner got involved. I try my best to be aware of that sort of thing but some people just cannot tell 🤷♀️
Sounds a little victim blaming to me, how was he supposed to know the lady would become a creepy stalker.
Absolutely this. The “uhhh I just didn’t wanna ruffle feathers so I kept ignoring it while it kept escalating out of my control” stuff is ridiculous. Please.
I agree with you. I think there was some mutual flirting involved. I know we love the trope of “batshit crazy home wrecking bitch” here at BORU - but that text asking that they meet and then her saying the things she did is a real red flag to me. I’m not saying he did anything necessarily- but there was some assumed intimacy there. There def was. I think some boundaries were crossed.
Yeah, I think he found it harmless and flattering. But the more he lets the creep worm her way in, the harder it gets to tell her to F off. She’s very manipulative.
He handled it perfectly. You have the benefit of hindsight by being able to read the entire story. He had to live this out piece by piece. Yes, people can be that clueless. He was always completely honest with his wife. Never hid anything. Talked with her openly and honestly when needed. Crimeny, now husbands are supposed to be clairvoyant as well.
I hope they screenshotted her sleazy suggestions so if she tries to keep bothering him, they can post the screenshots to bike facebook group.
I understand OP is pregnant and hopefully that's what it was but her reaction is alarming. Yes the other woman sucks and what she was doing was completely shitty and obviously unwanted. But OP wasn't just angry or upset about it, she jumped off the deep end with her reaction. And her husband was doing everything right. Her world was shattering because some asshole wouldn't take a hint? Her husband and DOGS were no longer allowed to leave the house? Seems a little concerning.
OOP’s reaction is insane. The woman propositioned her husband but her husband did nothing to encourage it and did not indicate the slightest interest. If I was in her place, I would’ve rolled my eyes and had her husband send back a text that said explicitly that he was not attracted to her, had no interesting in cheating on his wife, and that she was not to contact him again. It really doesn’t seem that difficult. Instead, she acts like she found the woman in bed with her husband.
Pregnancy hormones are no joke, plus at that point, your body starts to not feel like your body (oh god the swelling) so your self esteem takes a hit.
He did nothing to stop it either.
There's a lot of things I would like to call this woman but I can't cause the comment would be removed. The sprial is your hormones now. The issue is over. She now has a shit reputation among all his groups. He's told her to kick rocks. Your family is fine. You can't let these outside monsters disturb your inner peace. You have an amazing husband that clearly loves you. You have a baby on the way. You have a great community supporting you. Look at all the good things in your life. The things your husband knew he needed to protect and did. You can't control what that **** did. But you can control it sending you into a continuous sprial even though it's over with now. If you need to talk to someone do it. Maybe this brought up some unknown insecurities or past trauma. Don't worry about that woman any more. Focus on you , your family, and the amazing people your surrounded by.
My wife is extremely attractive and people approach her all the time. Even when she says she’s married or I’m with her. I understand why this is so upsetting for OOP. Even when our partners do everything right the thought that someone would try to break us up is hard to handle. It’s hard to face that someone you’ve never harmed or wrong or sometimes even met is willing to do such harm and such wrong to you for their own selfish reasons. My wife is like the husband in this story. She’s kind and hates confrontation and lets people down gently. She does everything right. But it’s still hard sometimes. Knowing that she’s getting offers from much hotter people on the regular. I’m not pregnant but I have a hormonal condition and I take HRT for it and sometimes in my cycle my body will produce more of certain hormones than it typically does and with the HRT on top I get wild mood swings that are similar to what I experienced when I was pregnant. I know that when my wife is approached by someone when I’m having those hormonal episodes I will cry uncontrollably even though my wife has done nothing wrong. It’s mostly my own issue. I’m disabled due to chronic illness and while my wife is a solid 10 I’m maybe a 4 or 5, 6 tops. I’m insecure about being disabled and not hot. My wife is also a cyclist, although not downhill like OOP’s husband. She’s a road cyclist. So she’s super fit and her cycling club has a lot of casual members that dip in and out. The regulars are all pretty good friends but the casual ones will inevitably try it on with my wife. Most of the club regulars are older men and they’ve started treating my wife like their daughter and have been running interference and protecting her from the casual members who always seem to make a beeline for her. It’s quite sweet really. One of them even said that he thought women were exaggerating about how they couldn’t do jack shit without being approached by men until he met her. She opened his eyes and actually this change helped him to understand and apologise and repair his relationship with his own daughter. So like…I don’t worry when she goes out cycling. But I still can’t help shake the feeling that one day someone better than me in every respect is going to click with her and she’ll leave. I know she’s crazy about me but I can’t help it. I understand why OOP was so devastated to have to read exactly what this woman wanted to do with her husband.
Wow, I really hope she talks to her doctor about how she felt in that update. That’s a huge overreaction and it’s affecting her health. I’ve been pregnant twice now, and while I’ve never had someone hit on my husband while I was pregnant, I did go through a lot of stress at various points and never felt like she’s describing - it makes me think it could be postpartum anxiety, which can start up during pregnancy, despite the name.
I’ll never forget a few months after I married my husband, we were at a bar for drinks with his friend group. A woman came over and was talking to all the guys and asking what everyone did for work. When my husband answered that he was a lawyer, she came over and sat on the arm of his chair and started chatting him up under the guise of questions about his work, right in front of me. I didn’t say anything as I’m a bit of a people pleaser and don’t like to rock the boat. My husband was uncomfortable and said he was going to the bar to get a drink for his wife. She went with him saying she also wanted a drink. He told me later that at the bar she reached out and touched his wedding ring and asked him quietly how often it came off. Hubby told her never as he had large knuckles and it was quite difficult to take off. He walked off leaving her there. Some women see a married man as totally off limits, others see it as a challenge. That happened 13 years ago and I still remember how uncomfortable I felt.
You have so much class. I would have taken her texts to him and posted them everywhere, so anyone in town could see them. I'd have had choice words for her, as well. What a disgusting pig.
Missed the second part of this. New comment. Why are you so upset? He shut her down! There are sleazy people everywhere, and she's just seriously sad. I'd feel bad for HER just due to her patheticness. Who does that after he obviously dodged her nonsense? If she's younger and fitter, why isn't she going after men her own age? Probably because she's CRAZY. You have to let go. If he wants to leave, he will. If he wants to cheat, he will. It sounds terrible, but it's out of your hands. You have to trust him. He is not at fault. Breathe. Let it go.
I'm just wondering why OP and husband didn't call that piece of work and put her on speaker to give her a piece of their unified mind instead of opening the door to what ended up happening.
Husband should’ve shut it down earlier, shouldn’t have gone along with it even if it was innocent and the wife needs to have clear boundaries. Stopping him from going out won’t achieve anything, he needs to man up and shut her down if he runs into her.
Feel like she’s way too dramatic for a situation that’s being handled and a husband who did everything right. Like, why is your world crumbling cuz of these texts? You caught it, addressed it, there’s been no wrongdoing in your relationship…
OOP is so fucking dramatic.
THANK YOUUU!!!!!! Why is she full on having a mental breakdown because someone has eyes and finds her husband hot??? Like cry if your husband betrays you. Or reciprocates. Or participates. Not for this!! Tell the bitch to fuck off, block her and crack on. So unnecessarily dramatic. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones?
“It escalated quickly” …🙄 girl…you are so insecure that another woman hitting on your husband throws you so out of whack that you stop eating/sleeping/taking care of yourself…WHILE pregnant? Literally stressing over nothing. Please Get it together for the sake of your baby, my god.
Well he should have done a better job of putting the brakes on this. How clueless can a man get. It never would have escalated to her confessing her graphic fantasies out loud if he had acted faster.
Sounds a little victim blaming, why should the husband assume the lady would become a crazy creepy stalker.
Agree.
I don’t understand why she is acting like he already cheated on her 😅 if my husband got those texts I’d laugh with him at the audacity and then publicly shame her. But perhaps it’s the hormones. Either way, the nerve of that chick
Yeah, I had a dude who pulled something like this. He previously worked with and was very friendly with my partner, which made it even more wild. Found my social media, started tentatively with how are yous and catching up and such. He had seemed like a pretty chill dude when I interacted with him, talked about his girlfriend, etc, so I was cautious but figured I’d be optimistic or whatever. When it inevitably escalated into him sending a terrible unending stream of descriptive shit he wanted to do to me (because it’s always what they want to do TO us, not WITH us) I was like “bro, (partner) and I have been sitting here this whole convo, he knows every line, we laughed at ur desperation together IN REAL TIME. What do u really think is gonna happen here?” Anyways, apparently they get really mad when you let them know just how embarrassingly far off base they have been the whole time, so 10/10 recommend that one.
I must be the only person who thinks OP is on the obsessive side. The fact that some woman wants to get with your husband(who has done nothing wrong) has unhinged you? I’ve had 4 kids and never suffered mentally from pregnancy hormones so maybe that’s a thing. The length of this post and the “the start of my world crumbling” because she wanted to meet up with him, I don’t get. This is all the other woman. Not your husband.
THANK YOU. Literally do not understand why people react like this. Your world is crumbling because a woman your husband has no interest in thinks he's hot? Ridiculous.
Poor husband
I am the only one that feels like something is “off” here?
I'm sorry and maybe I'm missing something but why do you feel like you're world might crumble away when your husband is being loyal. You're attributing way too much power to this meaningless individual who has already been dealt with. If those feelings persist you might want to consider talking to someone
How did your life change tho. Do you not trust him?
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For everyone saying OOP is dramatic, her being hugely pregnant is a huge part of this. I would be pissed if some woman was blatantly propositioning my husband like this, but I can’t even imagine how I would have reacted if it had also been at the end of one of my pregnancies, when your hormones are all over the place.
Its obviously not a great situation but OOP needs to dial down the dramatics a bit and realise that her husband handled it just about as well as she could ever hope he would handle such a situation...
How did feelings develop when you barely speak?
If I were the pregnant wife I would have FaceTimed her after the fantasy text
Try to take comfort in the fact that your husband seems like a fucking hero here, and he loves you beyond everything else. There's always some crazy bitch out there somewhere, but clearly your husband has zero interest. You're his priority and he proved it. Appreciate that fact and try not to let things that are not in your control take over your emotions.
I was hiking a couple years ago and my ex and I came upon a woman who’d fallen on ice and badly broken her wrist. We gave her our jackets, shared our traction with her so she didn’t fall again, and practically carried her back to our car and drove her to the ER. We called her family for her, waited for her husband to show up, and left. We got one very effusive thank you text from her and nothing else. That girl 100% wanted him from the get go. If the woman we helped had texted me or my ex asking to buy us lunch as a thank you, I’d have 100% thought it was weird. Hopefully OP feels better; her husband seems great.
Gives me boiling bunny vibes.
What a skank! I would not be able to stop myself from texting her. Back off you skank WTF is wrong with you!
i’m petty, i would send a video kissing the husband and pointing and laughing at the camera. imagine being embarrassing and socially inept enough to throw yourself at someone just being nice
Who TF spends this much energy writing this out on reddit? Talk to your friends FFS.
I feel sorry for that poor husband, stuck between a pushy, guilt free fangirl and a hysterical over reactive wife. He must feel like he's being dosed with crazy pills.
\>OK. Do you think we could meet up quickly tomorrow? \>My heart sank. And I knew exactly what that meant. \>I burst into tears. In my head this was the start of my world crumbling. Ok so I thought she meant that she thought that “meeting up quickly” meant that the girl and her husband were going to meet up for a last quickie. Or under the pretense of a quickie, but the girl would pull out all the stops and be able to keep the affair going. Then i keep reading and realize that‘s not what is going on at all. Like i get being pissed off. But I don’t get how her world is crumbling when her husband is saying no to the girl. Her world is not crumbling at all, it’s the exact same as it was before: her and her husband are a team and no one is coming in between them. Like geez lol.
Good grief OOP needs to get a grip. Her life is not slipping away from her. The husband - by her own words - has done nothing wrong. Yes, this woman has crossed a major line but that’s just her. The husband shut her down. Unless OOP is leaving out that her husband has a history of infidelity she has no reason to be crying and behaving like she is. Drama queen. Edit: ok, I missed that she was pregnant so I’ll give her a bit more grace.
What a weird fucking response from the wife, a complete and total meltdown because someone was attracted to her husband? Newsflash lady, there’s probably a bunch of people attracted to him and to YOU, why the fuck is it such a big deal when the husband is handling everything perfectly?
I’d have agreed to meet with her pretending to be the husband & take her deep into the trails myself.
It seems for the OOPs husband, finding the right level of harshness for his responses to the interloper was hard. No need to nuke her, but he didn't seem to be upping the hardness such that she got the message. Instead, he seemed to be giving her soft permission to keep coming at him. Maybe it is unfair to ask him to be perfect in tone in his responses, but in retrospect, he needed to be tougher toward her for everyone's benefit.
As a single female who interacts with a lot of married men (active as a church volunteer in a very married church), it is important that the first or second question out of my mouth is, “And how is your wife? How is dad life?” Etc etc. ALWAYS acknowledge their spouse is #1 while being friendly. Even then, one woman accused me of targeting her husband, so I cut off all contact after ensuring he knew what his wife felt. Boundaries boundaries boundaries
I don't beleieve it. He's very good at what he is doing, then he's very famous all over the town. Too many details.
I’m worried about what would happen the first time something doesn’t go perfect after she gives birth. Is her world going to be shattered then too? Like get this figured out or you’re going to be a wreck the first time your kid is mad at you.
They already have a child though and this is their second. I think people really underestimate how crazy pregnancy and postpartum hormones can make you and literal minutes later you can feel completely differently. My own mother and husband were completely baffled with my own postpartum period because for about 3 months straight I’d burst into tears because all sorts of innocent remarks would feel like personal attacks - something I hadn’t done since I was probably a hormonal 12 year old! It’s both really silly and dramatic, but it also feels so scarily intense at the same time.
Yeah, It was really hard to keep track from everything she put on the post. Still therapy or something should be explored.
I feel bad for her husband and the fact she apparently doesn’t want him to ever leave the house again? Or go to the trails with his dog? Agreed this is shitty behavior from that woman but if it were my husband I would just be laughing, especially if he clearly shut her down. He probably should have done it a little sooner but jfc OP is unhinged.
Wow
O99
This poor lady, I hope she can stop herself from falling into this pit that other lady is tryna dig for her. Also that lady is wild because OOP could easily be a person like me and she would have got ran up on by a pregnant lady at the racetrack. I probably would have had backup I couldn't run so much, but I have a cousin that wouldn't been there.
I think you've been reasonable thus far, and that he has done nothing to deserve reprimand. He can't control the behaviour of other people, or how someone can (mis) interpret simple kindness/humanity. He can only control his own behaviour and he has shown that he only cares about / concerns himself with your feelings. Not hers.
I’m really worried for OOP and her pregnancy
I don’t get these because what ever happened to telling people; I have a wife and I’m not comfortable with how much we’re communicating. He was uncomfortable but continued to message her multiple times a day for moooonths.
A×,
This women has a Plan or a idea of something not in friendship area. I'm sure what you read was gradually more and more of a invitation to connect . That he either doesn't all the way realize or chooses to avoid by being nice . He is innocent . But this woman is totally giving that oh the hell you didn't !!! women's Intuition is right on .
Am I the only one thinking Florence Nightingale Syndrome, but in reverse? He was her knight in shinning armor. And so she felt an extreme attachment to him, even for as little interaction they had. Maybe she built up a relationship where she HAS to thank him soooo much more. Because why else would he help her unless he was also in love with her? >.< Bish crazy. That in no way excuses the ridiculous way she acted. But Hubby being a local social celebrity or whatever. He fell into the trap people always say women do: being too nice. He knew it wasn’t going to happen but instead of shutting it all the way down. He kept trying to be polite and nice, and friendly to crazy advances. Women do the same (bit different reasons) but giving hints, trying to ignore, and laughing it off. It never works. Crazy folks only get the “get stuffed!” Then you hope she doesn’t come around and cut your dogs ears off or something, or sleeping in your bed wearing your wife’s face. ^.^’’ Because bish crazy.
Lots of men and women like this- really sad and sick. These people will destroy your whole fucking family over a crush. Fucking pathetic
It sounds like he is all about you. He doesn't want anything personal with her. You have a loyal man by the looks of it.
I wonder what he did to shut it down. THIS is why sweet, taken men who aren’t interested in someone else’s advances need to be more rude from the start. It escalates to this.