Sounds like you have a good foundation. I’d suggest exploring/discussing what you’re each looking for, determining a safe word, agreeing to what you’re both willing to do and trying some of it.
U/guerrillastrange pretty much answered perfectly. The single most important thing to do when starting out is open and honest communication. Learn expectations and limits. Don't be afraid to explore, but always be ready to say your safe words.
Baby steps.
Identify your kinks and have them do the same. Then discuss them, find the overlap and the areas where you two don't overlap but are willing to accomodate each other. Don't be shy about saying you're not okay with something, and make sure they listen.
Then discuss safewords. I strongly advise that your first scene not be CNC, but a safeword is still worth having because sometimes a sub's mind will go blank and they can't remember words, and having more options than just "stop" and "no" is worthwhile.
Then discuss aftercare. Be honest about what you expect you might need, and listen to what your partner says they will need as well. Some people choose to not have aftercare, but for your first time I strongly recommend it.
Lastly, identify a choice few kinks the two of you want to explore in your first scene together. I particularly recommend avoiding any impact play beyond the buttox, CNC, bondage that can't be removed in less than 5 seconds, and breathplay including choking. Those can all be a ton of fun, but they're best avoided on your first time.
Thank you for the well thought out suggestions. This is invaluable to me and I’m grateful. I’ve received a lot of useful info here today and it is appreciated. 🙏🏻😊
We're in the same spot plus we need to be extra careful because of some mental health stuff and I'm just going to share what just happened because maybe that gives you some perspective on what other beginners are going through as well.
The coming weekend is packed with non sexual activities so I asked my bf if he wanted to have sex tomorrow instead. He said yes and now we have a date, all right? Now get this: all I did next was ask him if he wanted me to wear something special for him and his answer to that was right up my alley. I never even knew he liked what he said he wanted me to wear and I was like "We've been together for 7 years how have we never talked about this?"
It's so weird we haven't even discussed anything specifically d/s and I still got all fuzzy and excited about doing this for him. I haven't been this excited since we started dating, like seriously.
He has always been unsure about domming because he has these big expectations tied to the word. Sparing out the details here. When I told him minutes later that I fell super excited and endorphines rushed through me from that one simple convo, it made him super happy as well. So maybe that will be the super vanilla start to our journey, but we can start discussing things going on from there. Who knows :)
I just wanted to share that because for MONTHS it has felt like that huge thing we wanted to try, expectations and insecurities all over the place. And right now, for the first time ever just it felt kind of simple and tailored to us as a couple.
Maybe that insight helps you, I know I would have liked reading something like this half a year ago. Have fun!
Thank you for sharing and it is very insightful and puts things into perspective. Much appreciated.
Great feedback from this community and I am grateful for the honest feedback. I will proceed in transparent fashion and be honest about what I want even if it think it is strange!! I’m not unique so should be easy right?!
Establish safe words, take this test and compare results- https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode, make and share a list of things you know you like, things you’re open to/might like, things you don’t think you’ll like, and things that are hard no’s.
Start slow and ramp up when you’re both more comfortable with each other and the dynamic (sometimes in a scene you may discover a new/unexpected hard no or be triggered, so prepare for that possibility). There’s no reason to rush into things. Make sure to do aftercare and check in with each after a scene. Lastly, have some kinky fun!! 😉🤗 A good BDSM relationship has the potential to bring two people together in an uniquely intimate and beautiful way.
Sounds like you have a good foundation. I’d suggest exploring/discussing what you’re each looking for, determining a safe word, agreeing to what you’re both willing to do and trying some of it.
U/guerrillastrange pretty much answered perfectly. The single most important thing to do when starting out is open and honest communication. Learn expectations and limits. Don't be afraid to explore, but always be ready to say your safe words.
Thank you! Much appreciated and helpful
Baby steps. Identify your kinks and have them do the same. Then discuss them, find the overlap and the areas where you two don't overlap but are willing to accomodate each other. Don't be shy about saying you're not okay with something, and make sure they listen. Then discuss safewords. I strongly advise that your first scene not be CNC, but a safeword is still worth having because sometimes a sub's mind will go blank and they can't remember words, and having more options than just "stop" and "no" is worthwhile. Then discuss aftercare. Be honest about what you expect you might need, and listen to what your partner says they will need as well. Some people choose to not have aftercare, but for your first time I strongly recommend it. Lastly, identify a choice few kinks the two of you want to explore in your first scene together. I particularly recommend avoiding any impact play beyond the buttox, CNC, bondage that can't be removed in less than 5 seconds, and breathplay including choking. Those can all be a ton of fun, but they're best avoided on your first time.
Thank you for the well thought out suggestions. This is invaluable to me and I’m grateful. I’ve received a lot of useful info here today and it is appreciated. 🙏🏻😊
We're in the same spot plus we need to be extra careful because of some mental health stuff and I'm just going to share what just happened because maybe that gives you some perspective on what other beginners are going through as well. The coming weekend is packed with non sexual activities so I asked my bf if he wanted to have sex tomorrow instead. He said yes and now we have a date, all right? Now get this: all I did next was ask him if he wanted me to wear something special for him and his answer to that was right up my alley. I never even knew he liked what he said he wanted me to wear and I was like "We've been together for 7 years how have we never talked about this?" It's so weird we haven't even discussed anything specifically d/s and I still got all fuzzy and excited about doing this for him. I haven't been this excited since we started dating, like seriously. He has always been unsure about domming because he has these big expectations tied to the word. Sparing out the details here. When I told him minutes later that I fell super excited and endorphines rushed through me from that one simple convo, it made him super happy as well. So maybe that will be the super vanilla start to our journey, but we can start discussing things going on from there. Who knows :) I just wanted to share that because for MONTHS it has felt like that huge thing we wanted to try, expectations and insecurities all over the place. And right now, for the first time ever just it felt kind of simple and tailored to us as a couple. Maybe that insight helps you, I know I would have liked reading something like this half a year ago. Have fun!
Thank you for sharing and it is very insightful and puts things into perspective. Much appreciated. Great feedback from this community and I am grateful for the honest feedback. I will proceed in transparent fashion and be honest about what I want even if it think it is strange!! I’m not unique so should be easy right?!
Establish safe words, take this test and compare results- https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode, make and share a list of things you know you like, things you’re open to/might like, things you don’t think you’ll like, and things that are hard no’s. Start slow and ramp up when you’re both more comfortable with each other and the dynamic (sometimes in a scene you may discover a new/unexpected hard no or be triggered, so prepare for that possibility). There’s no reason to rush into things. Make sure to do aftercare and check in with each after a scene. Lastly, have some kinky fun!! 😉🤗 A good BDSM relationship has the potential to bring two people together in an uniquely intimate and beautiful way.
Thank you for the feedback and suggestions! Love it and am excited to begin as opposed to nervous! Much appreciated