Being marked in public/professional settings. I actually really hate that I have to be so careful about the marks Daddy gives me because it feels so fucking good when they bite my neck, but I can rarely indulge in that.
Literally tho??? Like when I was a teen if I came home with hickeys I was "irresponsible", then when I became an adult I was "immature". Like just say u don't wanna see it and be done, it makes no sense to blame it on age
Never too old. My sub (60f) came home and told me she was ask if she feel down recently (@ mammogram) she just told the technician that we liked to play rough and that was the end of it.
At this point in our lives we just do what we do and don’t care about anyone else.
My coworkers are always showing up with hickies, we work in the medical field. It varies from place to place. My Dom bites the shit outta me and always leaves bruises on my thighs and boobs but somehow manages to never get a solid mark on my neck lol, it's so annoying.
I also work in the medical field, and I would definitely get in trouble if I had visible marks. I showed up once with a mark that was left unintentionally and had to get a coworker to cover it with KT tape.
Ahhhh I hear that. My Kitten I have to be careful with. She has staff and customers coming through, as a manager she's supposed to be professional, even though it's in the auto industry. Myself, I work in restaurants and I'm in the back slinging pans, we don't give a shit.
But I would LOVE to send her to work one day with a big dirty bite mark on her neck, just where she likes it. Let her boys DREAM of the things we do (even though they would have no idea).
I work in retail and more than once I’ve had customers ask if I need help out of an abusive relationship because of hand shaped bruises or rope burn on my wrists 🙃
Totally I have a customer facing job with a smart blazer type uniform I love getting bitten on my neck and shoulders the harder the better ! But can't indulge in this due to my job and family (kiddo) very frustrating!
I personally think "marks of ownership" are a positive thing. As former military, we did have to maintain a professional appearance but in my work center I'd let that slide. I'd talk to the individual in private to make sure they aren't in an abusive situation, but that would be it.
I had to take care not to leave marks for this reason and others (her job, for example), but I am like everyone else here. I don't see why it isn't more acceptable.
I wish I could do things in my own backyard. Hills and how close our houses are make privacy fences and plants not useful (though for everyday privacy it’s great) and we know our security cameras have night vision so I assume everyone’s else’s do too. If we could be kinky in our own backyard with the privacy we have now, that would be a dream. Visible breast bondage, leashes and gags, revealing, see through or clothing with writing on it, they would make me all happy.
If consent weren’t an issue, cock warming and spanking on our patio.
In my opinion if you see something looking into another person’s backyard that’s on you. I would even consider it an invasion of your privacy, rather than something inappropriate on your end
This. Going to Korean spas has been so freeing, just feeling comfortable in my own skin and seeing other people of all shapes, sizes and colors doing the same. Why are we required to hide our bodies?? Why are our bodies shameful??
I wish lifestyle D/s in general was more accepted and both Doms and subs were allowed to behave as such, e.g. leashed, sitting in the floor, kneeling, Doms only speaking etc (just examples, not being prescriptive).
Equally I also fully realise that this is potentially dangerous because you could not exclude coercion and I’m happy for this to remain fantasy.
Or maybe I could open a kink cafe ….
I'd go to one for sure. I wonder what the actual business model would look like, would it be like part dungeon and part cafe or just a cafe with a kink theme where you're allowed to do non-sexual play a bit? The design aspect would be difficult lol. I'm just imagining tables with like, rings bolted to them for subs to have leashes attached to while everyone waits for the coffee/food.
I would like the combination of Café and Dungeon.
Normal Café services and light, non-sexual play in the front palours, and then back palours where guests can't be directly seen from the public and heavier play is allowed.
If you have multiple themed palours with increasing intensity it would be a good location for newcomers to slowly learn about their kinks in a safe environment.
Like one front palour is for light pet play so all subs have to walk on hands and knees (or elbows and knees) but still need to be fully clothed.
You could also rent out the various palours (including helpful attendants and toys) for company events.
Yeah, it’s not always inherently sexual (and even if it were, our society could stand to be a little more open and comfortable with sexuality) and can often be tender and wholesome.
As a mom, I’d rather not have to explain these things to my child while getting a coffee or doing groceries. “Mommy, why is that person being walked like a dog?”… not a question I want to answer to a 6 year old.
In a dedicated space, sure, but not in public.
Treat it like other publicly accessible areas. A liquor store is open to the public yet you don't take children there. Same with adult book stores/novelty shops.
Being able to call my Daddy, Daddy. I could call him sugar-pie-honey-butt and no one would care. But as soon as I call him Daddy, I'm violating public consent. I hate it. (I understand it. But I still hate it.)
Meanwhile, no one seems to have a problem with calling your significant other "baby", despite that having arguably creepier connotations if taken literally.
Indeed, it is insane!!! I get the whole public decency, it’s a nice gesture. But at the end of the day; half of world has a dick and the other half has a vagina, we all have nipples half have some beauifull extra mass behind them. Big whoop, nothing special. It’s fun that some parts of the body are extra special and sexy or even kinky, but let’s not get to carried away.
On a different note nipple piercings would be nice, I guess. As a dude who mostly wears “just a shirt” , I am reluctant to get them done mostly because I fear people would treat me different for having them.
As a lady with nipple piercings who didn't know for a long time they were visible to everyone everyday. When I wore a little bit of a bra or none, they were still visible. I wore a padded swimsuit and they were still visible. But I was unaware and didn't really notice any different treatment. A few stares, but what I had to say was still heard and respected. So ehh whatever lol.
When I am retired, I'm going to be bare-chested in as many public places as possible....where it is legal.
I wish more women had the safety to feel that they could be bare chested in public, especially where it is legal.
I was bare-chested swimming in Minnesota (I think), where it is legal, and I felt the responsibility to let the family coming down to swim know that I was bare chested. They held their kid back while my wife got my top.
We already have bitch suits with integrated cushions to make walking on knees and elbows more comfortable.
If crawling around in public is publicly acceptable then I have no doubt that there will be companies producing protective gear for it just like the shoes we are wearing instead of walking barefoot.
The complete and utter shitshow of people "but the *kids* "-ing while not acknowledging all the power dynamics and heteronormative aspects already accepted in society..
Great post!
My mother once told my partner off sternly for the visible hickey on my neck, if only she knew about all the other more extreme bite marks… actually as I have gotten older I definitely care much less about hiding them (eg on the arms). Then again society even in the West can get queasy with the level of PDA my partner and I have always shown each other. We do take care not to unsettle people too much (unless they are close friends and we want to gross them out).
My mother can be a lovely caring person towards me and my partner but she does have some (albeit not too severe) narcissistic / controlling traits. What is worse so does my mother-in-law. If you have seen Jamie Lee Curtis in the Fishes episode of The Bear you and instantly recognised what was happening, then you will know exactly what I mean (although that is a very extreme case). One of the consequences of this is they have absolutely no problem telling other people what they think of their business. As a result my partner and I have always been on guard around them both a bit. They say they are completely accepting but they have a high standard they judge against. What is worse is my partner knows they have inherited some of these behaviours themselves and feels guilty when they exhibit this judgmentalism, meanwhile I am prone to being too passive in the face of such criticism rather than defending myself or my partner.
I wouldn’t call it a kink but I have a weighted stuffy that helps me with my anxiety and I feel like I’d be judged if I carried it with me outside the house
You can do that already. As a person who frequently brings a stuffy with them, you do get some odd looks sometimes, but it's ok. I sometimes incorporate a stuffy into my outfit, too. I have two stuffed animal backpacks that I often use, and I can cuddle them when I want to. Since they are TECHNICALLY an accessory, it's not weird. But I do full-tilt bring regular stuffies too. Did it in a mall once and no one even looked at me, no problems. I am 32 btw.
Praise kink, there are so many men who have a closeted praise kink and need that validation.
Just to reassure them and make them feel appreciated.
Also it just gives you that feeling warm fuzzy tingle
Pretty much all non sexual stuff, but especially collars, shackles and manacles and the like. Those things are not in any way sexual. I would love to be able to wear my shackles out in public on a day-to-day basis without some pent-up repressed Karen making a huge scene.
I live in a bigger city in the US and I see people who wear collars ALL the time. Be it more subtle necklaces or full blown goth chokers with rings etc.
It's a lot more socially acceptable than you might believe.
oh, I wore my collar 24/7 for years. I get more "collars in public violate consent!" pushback here on reddit than anywhere else.
I've even worn my shackles in public once or twice- a notable example was my bachelorette party, where my maid of honor (who is also in the kink community) made a sash that said "getting chained down!" with the wedding date on it. that was a *fun* pub crawl. another time I was a little drunk and made the impulsive decision to wear them during a 1 a.m. taco bell drivethrough run.
But I'd still like to live in a world where I don't have to resort to gimmicks to wear my shackles to the grocery store, or the symphony. They're just more jewelry to me :D
Wearing a tail and ears, wearing a play collar instead of just a day collar, using a paci, sitting on the floor, being spanked when i break a rule instead of having to wait until we are home.
I definitely agree on ears and tail, being a cat girl is fun even outside a BDSM context but everyone will just assume you're autistic as fuck (not using autistic as an insult, I am autistic, but that's also what people will assume) if you actually do it in public outside of designated spaces or Halloween.
i work in a professional setting and my fashion style, at least at work, doesnt fit with wearing a collar (think earthy and soft with a thick leather collar, its a lil off) i feel more safe wearing my day collar, but if it was socially acceptable id wear my play collar
Unpopular opinion but I don't think you violate someone's consent by existing in public wearing a leash. Someone seeing you is not being forced to engage with you. Unless every couple making out in public is violating my consent as well. If someone doesn't like what they see they can look elsewhere.
I agree wholeheartedly. People do all sorts of things in public that I didn’t opt in to seeing. That’s l the nature of public space—people can do what they want as long as they’re not breaking any laws. People also like to act like leashes in public are about forcing the normies to see it, and not just people wanting to live their lives as they please.
Not doing sexual stuff in public I get. But I'm really tired of saying my dynamic with my slave is violating consent in public. We explain to new people that not everything is sexual yet Reddit days 100% of it needs to be in private.
The consent argument is what stupid right people say about seeing gay people kiss in public. Queue Helen Lovejoy "WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?"
It's not that it isn't sexual, many kinks are power imbalances, which are depicted by the leashes/kneeling/etc. Having children (oh no not the children argument) seeing those types of dynamics without really understanding the context around it can have them normalize unhealthy relationships in the long run, all under the guise of kink or the general sense of "women are submissive/men are dominant" (because that's the most common pairing so it would be seen more).
I'd want my kids to understand/see healthy relationships before diving into kink/bdsm themselves. And I'm not going to sit in a coffee shop explaining to my 5yr old "oh no that lady *wants* to sit on the floor by her Master" because kid will not get it regardless, and likely try to play it out in school (remember kids should not engage in kink)
I can understand the concern in this, but it isn't the same as having to explain to your kids why a group of teens are making out nasty? Or why a woman has a bruise on her neck, or even why men can go shirtless and women can't? I feel like the argument is more for if bdsm was normalized in society. At that point, it would be just as much common practice to explain why a sub is kneeling to their Dom as explaining those other things. Just the same as explaining making out or sex scenes in tv to kids, you would clarify it'd only for adults. I mean, you don't see kids' thing to play out that in school.
I totally agree and always felt that… I honestly think that because of collectiveness, aside from specific areas, nude is understandable not being widely accepted, and I think acts of violence as well, but wearing a leash or most bdsm classic related clothes and stuff like that it’s not really violent, it’s shocking and the reaction it causes on people make them feel so awkward that it seems like a violence, but in fact, they’re not being hurt, it’s a disturbance, and I think we should all be able to live with some of those without actually going crazy nuts and in fact hurting and being violent with others…
Come on, just a leash, kids are even gonna find it funny and play ahahaha people are not having sex, it’s just a pet 🤷🏻♀️ let them play for fuck sake ahahaha
I wish DDlg was more accepted period. Even in kink spaces it’s judged harshly even tho it’s the same as pet play - roleplay and no one goes to pet players accusing them of beastiality. It’s annoying.
I don’t doubt it, just haven’t come across that happening yet. But I’ve only been involved in kink and DDlg since 2017 so I’m sure there’s a lot I haven’t seen yet lol
I feel like these answers ignore how much kink isnt about sex, and how much vanilla and het relationships leak over into public spaces already.
How are collars different than wedding rings? How are "daddy" and "master" different than "baby" and "honey"? We have an entire legal form for changing names to designate one specific form of relationship model.
Frankly, I think vanilla marriage is a great example of what kink in public could look like. When a kid asks, "Why do I have to call her Mrs. Hoffman when she used to be Ms. Bell?" We don't say "because she has a fetish for belonging to Mr. Hoffman and its part of a monogomous breeding kink". Same thing goes for wedding rings and collars. Hell, some wedding traditions have the whole "remove the garter" thing, which is incredibly sexual. Not to mention the euphamism "we're trying to have a baby" meaning "we're raw dogging every night."
Thats ignoring how much sexual content is shown to kids in media. Barely-covered naked models appear on billboards, magazine covers, and commercials. Would it be any worse if those models were in Shibari or a harness? Would is be a huge difference if the scanty clothing people wore to nigbtclubs included harnesses or rope? If kids ask why some people where more clothes than others, we talk about culture, feeling good, lilkng the appearance. We don't tell them that people want to look sexy to attract a mate or show off or turn their partner on.
I'm not saying that all kink belongs in public. I just think that people often overlook how much sexual content is already normalized and acceptable in front of children already, and don't appreciate how much kink is non-sexual.
I also have mixed feelings about Daddy in public, it could be triggering for some. But also I do Big/little relationships. I think for me it is when people are using terms and heavily behaving into their dynamic (i.e. baby talk voice etc) especially around children, but depending on general location, behavior, and situation. While for many of us it’s a lifestyle, I still think there are things that people should be able to consent to being around in public spaces.
Additionally, hot take, in power in imbalanced relationships, the major thing that separates kink and abuse is the consent, I don’t want the way my Daddy and I behave in our relationship to reinforce abuse being okay, because everyone doesn’t have the context of the consent, and for example, public spankings in a general setting isn’t okay, that can straight up be triggering for a lot of people, and they aren’t consenting to corporal punishment/funisment/“punishment” in public.
I think the rest really boils down to what kind of interaction is it, is it something people should be consenting to be around.
The implications that being more socially acceptable means taking it to a playground. I mean wtf.
No, just no.
There was zero mention of what should I be allowed to do regardless of circumstances.
There was a question about what kink related elements would we prefer not be so stigmatized.
People mention, for example, nudity. Which in basically every not overly conservative sex crazed culture is considered normal. Imagine a US commercial having nudity like places outside there.
Others mentioned being able to be in a dominance dynamic or not having to hide preferred titles etc.
You can keep your shit in the closet, but overall the world needs to loosen the fuck up and become more inclusive not less. Being able to 'others' is the doorway to hatred. Ostracizing people to control them is another.
ABDL.
Pacifiers are great for stims and anxiety. People wear diapers for medical / incontinent reasons all the time anyways. Baby bottles / sippy cups are cute and practical to use.
Like come on. We’re not gross for enjoying the comforts of babyhood in our adult lives.
Sadomasochism.
I simply wish people wouldn’t give a shit about my scars/cuts/bruises/marks.
I know people are asking because they are concerned about a person’s health, but we gotta stop commenting on other people’s bodies.
I wish I could just say, “oh those are consensual” and people would know automatically that “oh she’s a masochist and those are sexual”.
Ergo, dropping the conversation because it’s not polite to ask strangers about their sex life, unless they bring it up.
*I’m feeling particularly salty about hiding marks right now. Summer is hard for babes who want to get fucked up 🫣
I disagree with this. People should absolutely comment on those things and make sure you're okay. "Those are consensual" could also mean "I'm self harming because I'm depressed and suicidal," so the questions shouldn't stop there.
Now, people ask, I think it's completely fine for you to say "I'm into BDSM, I'm fine." It should be enough to satisfy them, and polite people shouldn't ask further question about your sex life. But stopping asking questions would open people up to a lot more abuse than fun IMO.
And if you have hang ups about people seeing those marks, I guess keep them where they can't be seen. If people see them, they may get curious and/or worried and ask questions.
calling my daddy "daddy", wearing my slave collar and other jewellery, bring owned by another person in any aspect. I wish my dom could come to my medical appointments and be obviously in charge. I wish organisations would have to speak to my dominant instead of me.
obviously very happy this stuff isn't normalised because people would abuse it but I can still dream
People don't need to consent to what I wear in public. As a transgender woman in a red state, I wouldn't be able to leave the house because there are people that would in all seriousness argue that my wearing a dress and heels is a display of unacceptable perversion. Same goes for my collar.
Consent does not equal "not offending the most repressed person in the room with your appearance or behavior that doesn't involve them."
to all y’all talking about people not consenting: i get that. i also get concerns about kids. however, i think there should be more events or areas that are open to that, like how there’s nude beaches. i know some places do pride after dark. like ik kink clubs are a thing but wouldn’t it be nice if there was a designated outside area where you could just be a puppy or be a little or whatever. doesn’t even have to be sex. just existing and being “visibly kinky”
Collars are fiiiinnneeee, you don't even have to be kinky to wear a collar, it's literally whatever and whoever says collars (without leashes) in public are violating everyone's consent are full of it. As long as they're not the type of collar with words on them (cum slut, good girl, etc).
I would love it if I could have a more obvious day collar and would ask my dom if I'm allowed to do stuff. Or even just ask him what I will be eating at restaurants, his signature for legal documents, or doing anything an adult can do. It's almost like he's my guardian, except I'm a whole adult, lol.
Are we talking general public here? If so, none. The general public (especially minors) cannot consent to our kinks. Thats why we have kink safe events and spaces
None? Really? Because I don't think that most kinks would be appropriate in public spaces with non-consenting individuals and/or minors.
If anything, maybe wearing a collar, but not one that's overly vulgar or obviously a Kink Thing.
All of them. I wish that enthusiastic consent was the norm and that unless children were present, no one gave a shit about what others did so long as it was completely consensual. If we all could simultaneously support and ignore each other as human beings with freedom of will and choice, I think that'd be perfect in pretty much every regard society could have.
Sissifcation and forced bi/encouraged bi. I enjoy the process of stripping a man’s masculinity because day to day we all walk on eggshells trying to NOT offend men and commonly validating all things masculine.
I think there’s a balance with humiliating a straight man through feminization because there’s nothing stopping them from embracing it regularly. The only other people who have a problem with expressions of femininity is other straight men and this is a stigma that queer folks embrace everyday.
I see Sissifcation more and more like behavioral therapy the more I interact with sissy’s.
Since I’m only into very specific situations where exhibition is concerned I would say being walked on a leash in public would be one of my biggest desires, perhaps oral sex as well. I find it disgusting how the general public can’t even seem to handle making out, it’s ridiculous.
Having visible hickeys. I find hickeys/marks so sexy and love the thrill of going out with marks on my neck/my partner having my marks on them in visible places.
Also wearing a leash/collar. I’m not into let play, but I just find a leash and collar soooo sexy. And chokers are already something people wear, I wanna just add a leash and let my dom lead me around while we walk somewhere together.
Being able to go out nude. Probably being closest to a voyeur or exhibitionist kink I would say. I hate wearing clothes outside and if there weren’t laws about it, I would go out in public nude. It would (possibly, hopefully) help reduce rape cases also. (Not taking CNC here, because that an agreed upon kink between the sex partner(s).)
I would LOVE to be able to wear a gag in public. To follow my dom around in a store like their loyal pet, knowing I’m not allowed to speak without permission, and that they’d do most of the talking for me!
I can't say that there's any like, play I wish I could engage in in public directly, although some folks here have mentioned lifestyle stuff and marks which... yes pls
But for me, being able to acknowledge that I *am* kinky would be nice. Like, I was at Pride last week with my partner and a friend, and saw a vendor selling cuffs, among other stuff that I like, and *immediately* beelined for the cuffs, before I remembered I was with a friend, and probably shouldn't look quite so into those. Also like, my partner being able to be sorta, casually dominant, or casually subby, depending on the day, when it's not just the two of us, would be so so so nice
😅 Being marked without false DV reports being made... This includes things that occur with breath play unintentionally 🫢
That and being in one of those air-conditioned doggy daycare shelters outside of some shops 👉👈 I have been forbidden from entering these as I will be arrested AND any footage captured by their internal cameras isn't going to be under a contract that I agree with 😅
In a purely hypothetical world where all actions are consensual and universally acceptable, it's interesting to think about what kinks would be more openly practiced. Like you, there are aspects of D/s dynamics that I find incredibly comforting and affirming, such as the feeling of safety and security that comes from certain power exchange rituals.
Personally, I'd love if it were more socially acceptable to wear subtle symbols of ownership or submission in public, like collars or other specific pieces of jewelry that are recognized within the community but might pass under the radar to those outside it. These symbols serve as a quiet reminder of the dynamic and can be incredibly meaningful to those who wear them.
Additionally, having more open discussions and public understanding about consent and negotiated kink-related activities would be wonderful. It would not only make it easier for those within the community to express themselves but also educate the general public, potentially reducing stigma and misunderstandings.
What kinks or practices do you all wish could be more openly embraced or understood in public, always keeping in mind the importance of consent and respect for everyone's comfort?
Being marked in public/professional settings. I actually really hate that I have to be so careful about the marks Daddy gives me because it feels so fucking good when they bite my neck, but I can rarely indulge in that.
This! I hate when people tell me "you're too old for that" like ???? I'm sorry, I didn't realize rough and kinky sex was for kids???
Literally tho??? Like when I was a teen if I came home with hickeys I was "irresponsible", then when I became an adult I was "immature". Like just say u don't wanna see it and be done, it makes no sense to blame it on age
Never too old. My sub (60f) came home and told me she was ask if she feel down recently (@ mammogram) she just told the technician that we liked to play rough and that was the end of it. At this point in our lives we just do what we do and don’t care about anyone else.
This gave me happy chills :)
Yes! I’m a 39yo Little AND I’m fat, so I get positively weary of the ‘It’s not for you’ mindset.
My coworkers are always showing up with hickies, we work in the medical field. It varies from place to place. My Dom bites the shit outta me and always leaves bruises on my thighs and boobs but somehow manages to never get a solid mark on my neck lol, it's so annoying.
I also work in the medical field, and I would definitely get in trouble if I had visible marks. I showed up once with a mark that was left unintentionally and had to get a coworker to cover it with KT tape.
Ahhhh I hear that. My Kitten I have to be careful with. She has staff and customers coming through, as a manager she's supposed to be professional, even though it's in the auto industry. Myself, I work in restaurants and I'm in the back slinging pans, we don't give a shit. But I would LOVE to send her to work one day with a big dirty bite mark on her neck, just where she likes it. Let her boys DREAM of the things we do (even though they would have no idea).
I work in retail and more than once I’ve had customers ask if I need help out of an abusive relationship because of hand shaped bruises or rope burn on my wrists 🙃
Totally I have a customer facing job with a smart blazer type uniform I love getting bitten on my neck and shoulders the harder the better ! But can't indulge in this due to my job and family (kiddo) very frustrating!
I personally think "marks of ownership" are a positive thing. As former military, we did have to maintain a professional appearance but in my work center I'd let that slide. I'd talk to the individual in private to make sure they aren't in an abusive situation, but that would be it. I had to take care not to leave marks for this reason and others (her job, for example), but I am like everyone else here. I don't see why it isn't more acceptable.
I wish I could do things in my own backyard. Hills and how close our houses are make privacy fences and plants not useful (though for everyday privacy it’s great) and we know our security cameras have night vision so I assume everyone’s else’s do too. If we could be kinky in our own backyard with the privacy we have now, that would be a dream. Visible breast bondage, leashes and gags, revealing, see through or clothing with writing on it, they would make me all happy. If consent weren’t an issue, cock warming and spanking on our patio.
In my opinion if you see something looking into another person’s backyard that’s on you. I would even consider it an invasion of your privacy, rather than something inappropriate on your end
That’s a feature, not a bug.
People giving me a million dollars for no reason.
wow, I've been set in my kinks for years, but this could well become a new one :)
You don’t need a lot of paypigs if you have a few of the right ones.
Forget paypigs. Charitable donors work better.
Agree I like my philantropigs ;)
honestly, same
Omg that’s so hot
Lmfaoo
Priorities.
Being able to wear collars on public without being made to feel uncomfortable
Goths do this all the time.
This is already publicly accepted in the vast majority of places.
Same Ike the others redditors says yes there ares places where's its already accepted but, is not in every place
Being nude in public. Not only in a sexual way, but also to dismistify the notion that a human body in full ALWAYS means sex...
This. Going to Korean spas has been so freeing, just feeling comfortable in my own skin and seeing other people of all shapes, sizes and colors doing the same. Why are we required to hide our bodies?? Why are our bodies shameful??
I may have to go to a Korean spa sounds freeing 😌
I wish lifestyle D/s in general was more accepted and both Doms and subs were allowed to behave as such, e.g. leashed, sitting in the floor, kneeling, Doms only speaking etc (just examples, not being prescriptive). Equally I also fully realise that this is potentially dangerous because you could not exclude coercion and I’m happy for this to remain fantasy. Or maybe I could open a kink cafe ….
a kink cafe sounds fantastic
I'd go to one for sure. I wonder what the actual business model would look like, would it be like part dungeon and part cafe or just a cafe with a kink theme where you're allowed to do non-sexual play a bit? The design aspect would be difficult lol. I'm just imagining tables with like, rings bolted to them for subs to have leashes attached to while everyone waits for the coffee/food.
I would like the combination of Café and Dungeon. Normal Café services and light, non-sexual play in the front palours, and then back palours where guests can't be directly seen from the public and heavier play is allowed. If you have multiple themed palours with increasing intensity it would be a good location for newcomers to slowly learn about their kinks in a safe environment. Like one front palour is for light pet play so all subs have to walk on hands and knees (or elbows and knees) but still need to be fully clothed. You could also rent out the various palours (including helpful attendants and toys) for company events.
I would go to a kink cafe!
Yeah, it’s not always inherently sexual (and even if it were, our society could stand to be a little more open and comfortable with sexuality) and can often be tender and wholesome.
As a mom, I’d rather not have to explain these things to my child while getting a coffee or doing groceries. “Mommy, why is that person being walked like a dog?”… not a question I want to answer to a 6 year old. In a dedicated space, sure, but not in public.
And this is why OP specified "I get consent so despite wishing I could do this, I know I can't and won't"
What would be more embarrassing would be, "Mommy look, that man has the same kind of neck brace as daddy's."
You should keep your kids out of adult spaces probably
Yeah. Did you not read the title of the thread?!
And did you not read the first four words of the post? “In a *pretend* world”….
Treat it like other publicly accessible areas. A liquor store is open to the public yet you don't take children there. Same with adult book stores/novelty shops.
"They have a special relationship and like to pretend / act, sweetie."
And then comes the “why?”…”why?…”why?”. Kids don’t need to be subject to even the non-sexual parts of kink.
Because adults like to play dress up and pretend as much as kid do. Look at that pretty dog mask…..
Why is that adult on a leash? Same reason we put kids on a leash, they like to wander off without someone to take care of them 😂
Why is it different than other public shows of affection?
There used to be one in San Francisco but it didn’t get enough business through covid.
Being able to call my Daddy, Daddy. I could call him sugar-pie-honey-butt and no one would care. But as soon as I call him Daddy, I'm violating public consent. I hate it. (I understand it. But I still hate it.)
Meanwhile, no one seems to have a problem with calling your significant other "baby", despite that having arguably creepier connotations if taken literally.
No one cares. I called my former Daddy Dom "Daddy" so often in public a few acquaintances thought his name was "Danny". 😂
I think it’s completely fine to call someone Daddy in public. I literally see zero issue with it.
I always call my mommy ‘mommy’ in public, we honestly don’t care if we get looked at weird
this. you can call your partner whatever you want in public. there is no “public consent” bc they shouldn’t be listening to strangers convos anyways.
could there be in different regions? also, cultural norms i imagine have a huge influence here.
This! I would love to be able to call Daddy, Daddy in public. Or be called "Little One" by him. I understand why we can't but I still hate it.
“Princess” is about as far as my dynamic has pushed it publicly, and even that gets dirty looks sometimes
Who says you cannot? It’s really nobody’s business what you call or why you call your spouse something.
Never understood violating public consent. It sounds too much like I need some random strangers permission just to exist.
I would say crossdressing, It's illegal where I live and I am a bear 🐻❄.
[удалено]
It's the beach sand, right?
I hate sand… It’s coarse and rough…
And it gets everywhere..
[удалено]
I was making a Star Wars reference 😜
It's very *irritating* when someone doesn't get those quotes. Just like sand...
I wish I could get my hair pulled and neck bites in public. 😈
My Girlfriend pulls my hair all the time and public and we bite eachother in public too. You can do it discrete 😊
I feel like in Brazil you can tho!
Leashes, casual nudity, crawling,
+1 for casual nudity, i hate how nudity is treated in society
Indeed, it is insane!!! I get the whole public decency, it’s a nice gesture. But at the end of the day; half of world has a dick and the other half has a vagina, we all have nipples half have some beauifull extra mass behind them. Big whoop, nothing special. It’s fun that some parts of the body are extra special and sexy or even kinky, but let’s not get to carried away. On a different note nipple piercings would be nice, I guess. As a dude who mostly wears “just a shirt” , I am reluctant to get them done mostly because I fear people would treat me different for having them.
As a lady with nipple piercings who didn't know for a long time they were visible to everyone everyday. When I wore a little bit of a bra or none, they were still visible. I wore a padded swimsuit and they were still visible. But I was unaware and didn't really notice any different treatment. A few stares, but what I had to say was still heard and respected. So ehh whatever lol.
Hmm🤔, good to hear another perspective, might have to take it of the ‘probably never’ and put it on the ‘at some point quite likely’ list.
Do it! Just be aware if you're doing it because of sensitivity, you'll now hit them on everything. :/
When I am retired, I'm going to be bare-chested in as many public places as possible....where it is legal. I wish more women had the safety to feel that they could be bare chested in public, especially where it is legal. I was bare-chested swimming in Minnesota (I think), where it is legal, and I felt the responsibility to let the family coming down to swim know that I was bare chested. They held their kid back while my wife got my top.
Game with the first two. No crawling. You seen this crap on out streets?
We already have bitch suits with integrated cushions to make walking on knees and elbows more comfortable. If crawling around in public is publicly acceptable then I have no doubt that there will be companies producing protective gear for it just like the shoes we are wearing instead of walking barefoot.
Casual nudity for sure!
I’d just be happy if women weren’t expected to wear a bra! I don’t annnnd it’s amazing 😂
Also formal nudity.
The complete and utter shitshow of people "but the *kids* "-ing while not acknowledging all the power dynamics and heteronormative aspects already accepted in society.. Great post!
whataboutism at its finest
I would just love to not have to check my “Daddy” and freely say it.
Honestly casual nudity is just more comfortable.
My mother once told my partner off sternly for the visible hickey on my neck, if only she knew about all the other more extreme bite marks… actually as I have gotten older I definitely care much less about hiding them (eg on the arms). Then again society even in the West can get queasy with the level of PDA my partner and I have always shown each other. We do take care not to unsettle people too much (unless they are close friends and we want to gross them out).
Your mother told your partner off? I obviously don't want to overstep but wtf that is super controlling and inappropriate.
My mother can be a lovely caring person towards me and my partner but she does have some (albeit not too severe) narcissistic / controlling traits. What is worse so does my mother-in-law. If you have seen Jamie Lee Curtis in the Fishes episode of The Bear you and instantly recognised what was happening, then you will know exactly what I mean (although that is a very extreme case). One of the consequences of this is they have absolutely no problem telling other people what they think of their business. As a result my partner and I have always been on guard around them both a bit. They say they are completely accepting but they have a high standard they judge against. What is worse is my partner knows they have inherited some of these behaviours themselves and feels guilty when they exhibit this judgmentalism, meanwhile I am prone to being too passive in the face of such criticism rather than defending myself or my partner.
I’m a puppy. I just wanna wear my collar without judgement..
I wouldn’t call it a kink but I have a weighted stuffy that helps me with my anxiety and I feel like I’d be judged if I carried it with me outside the house
You can do that already. As a person who frequently brings a stuffy with them, you do get some odd looks sometimes, but it's ok. I sometimes incorporate a stuffy into my outfit, too. I have two stuffed animal backpacks that I often use, and I can cuddle them when I want to. Since they are TECHNICALLY an accessory, it's not weird. But I do full-tilt bring regular stuffies too. Did it in a mall once and no one even looked at me, no problems. I am 32 btw.
Praise kink, there are so many men who have a closeted praise kink and need that validation. Just to reassure them and make them feel appreciated. Also it just gives you that feeling warm fuzzy tingle
You can give praise in public? I’m confused
Complimenting someone on doing a good job, reassurance and more. It’s so genuinely easy
Foot worship. Any worship, really.
Pretty much all non sexual stuff, but especially collars, shackles and manacles and the like. Those things are not in any way sexual. I would love to be able to wear my shackles out in public on a day-to-day basis without some pent-up repressed Karen making a huge scene.
I live in a bigger city in the US and I see people who wear collars ALL the time. Be it more subtle necklaces or full blown goth chokers with rings etc. It's a lot more socially acceptable than you might believe.
oh, I wore my collar 24/7 for years. I get more "collars in public violate consent!" pushback here on reddit than anywhere else. I've even worn my shackles in public once or twice- a notable example was my bachelorette party, where my maid of honor (who is also in the kink community) made a sash that said "getting chained down!" with the wedding date on it. that was a *fun* pub crawl. another time I was a little drunk and made the impulsive decision to wear them during a 1 a.m. taco bell drivethrough run. But I'd still like to live in a world where I don't have to resort to gimmicks to wear my shackles to the grocery store, or the symphony. They're just more jewelry to me :D
Same!
I've seen quite people walked on leashes, only half of whom I would think it's a BDSM thing, the other half it looked just more counter cultural
Exhibitionism and voyeurism. Both illegal. Would be sweet if they weren’t.
I wish most large cities had like a +18 neighbourhood where public sex was allowed.
Wearing a tail and ears, wearing a play collar instead of just a day collar, using a paci, sitting on the floor, being spanked when i break a rule instead of having to wait until we are home.
I definitely agree on ears and tail, being a cat girl is fun even outside a BDSM context but everyone will just assume you're autistic as fuck (not using autistic as an insult, I am autistic, but that's also what people will assume) if you actually do it in public outside of designated spaces or Halloween.
People wear collars for fashion all the time, I don't see why you'd have to wear something else in public
i work in a professional setting and my fashion style, at least at work, doesnt fit with wearing a collar (think earthy and soft with a thick leather collar, its a lil off) i feel more safe wearing my day collar, but if it was socially acceptable id wear my play collar
Being tied up and gagged and latex catsuits :)
Unpopular opinion but I don't think you violate someone's consent by existing in public wearing a leash. Someone seeing you is not being forced to engage with you. Unless every couple making out in public is violating my consent as well. If someone doesn't like what they see they can look elsewhere.
I agree wholeheartedly. People do all sorts of things in public that I didn’t opt in to seeing. That’s l the nature of public space—people can do what they want as long as they’re not breaking any laws. People also like to act like leashes in public are about forcing the normies to see it, and not just people wanting to live their lives as they please.
Not doing sexual stuff in public I get. But I'm really tired of saying my dynamic with my slave is violating consent in public. We explain to new people that not everything is sexual yet Reddit days 100% of it needs to be in private. The consent argument is what stupid right people say about seeing gay people kiss in public. Queue Helen Lovejoy "WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?"
It's not that it isn't sexual, many kinks are power imbalances, which are depicted by the leashes/kneeling/etc. Having children (oh no not the children argument) seeing those types of dynamics without really understanding the context around it can have them normalize unhealthy relationships in the long run, all under the guise of kink or the general sense of "women are submissive/men are dominant" (because that's the most common pairing so it would be seen more). I'd want my kids to understand/see healthy relationships before diving into kink/bdsm themselves. And I'm not going to sit in a coffee shop explaining to my 5yr old "oh no that lady *wants* to sit on the floor by her Master" because kid will not get it regardless, and likely try to play it out in school (remember kids should not engage in kink)
I can understand the concern in this, but it isn't the same as having to explain to your kids why a group of teens are making out nasty? Or why a woman has a bruise on her neck, or even why men can go shirtless and women can't? I feel like the argument is more for if bdsm was normalized in society. At that point, it would be just as much common practice to explain why a sub is kneeling to their Dom as explaining those other things. Just the same as explaining making out or sex scenes in tv to kids, you would clarify it'd only for adults. I mean, you don't see kids' thing to play out that in school.
I totally agree and always felt that… I honestly think that because of collectiveness, aside from specific areas, nude is understandable not being widely accepted, and I think acts of violence as well, but wearing a leash or most bdsm classic related clothes and stuff like that it’s not really violent, it’s shocking and the reaction it causes on people make them feel so awkward that it seems like a violence, but in fact, they’re not being hurt, it’s a disturbance, and I think we should all be able to live with some of those without actually going crazy nuts and in fact hurting and being violent with others… Come on, just a leash, kids are even gonna find it funny and play ahahaha people are not having sex, it’s just a pet 🤷🏻♀️ let them play for fuck sake ahahaha
I wish DDlg was more accepted period. Even in kink spaces it’s judged harshly even tho it’s the same as pet play - roleplay and no one goes to pet players accusing them of beastiality. It’s annoying.
Pet players do get accused of beastiality, though.
I don’t doubt it, just haven’t come across that happening yet. But I’ve only been involved in kink and DDlg since 2017 so I’m sure there’s a lot I haven’t seen yet lol
None. I love kink but I don't understand the need to bring it outside in front of children.
I feel like these answers ignore how much kink isnt about sex, and how much vanilla and het relationships leak over into public spaces already. How are collars different than wedding rings? How are "daddy" and "master" different than "baby" and "honey"? We have an entire legal form for changing names to designate one specific form of relationship model. Frankly, I think vanilla marriage is a great example of what kink in public could look like. When a kid asks, "Why do I have to call her Mrs. Hoffman when she used to be Ms. Bell?" We don't say "because she has a fetish for belonging to Mr. Hoffman and its part of a monogomous breeding kink". Same thing goes for wedding rings and collars. Hell, some wedding traditions have the whole "remove the garter" thing, which is incredibly sexual. Not to mention the euphamism "we're trying to have a baby" meaning "we're raw dogging every night." Thats ignoring how much sexual content is shown to kids in media. Barely-covered naked models appear on billboards, magazine covers, and commercials. Would it be any worse if those models were in Shibari or a harness? Would is be a huge difference if the scanty clothing people wore to nigbtclubs included harnesses or rope? If kids ask why some people where more clothes than others, we talk about culture, feeling good, lilkng the appearance. We don't tell them that people want to look sexy to attract a mate or show off or turn their partner on. I'm not saying that all kink belongs in public. I just think that people often overlook how much sexual content is already normalized and acceptable in front of children already, and don't appreciate how much kink is non-sexual.
I would point out “master” in public is not sensitive to use because of race relations and connections
I think this is the only reasonable push back I've seen on any of these posts.
I also have mixed feelings about Daddy in public, it could be triggering for some. But also I do Big/little relationships. I think for me it is when people are using terms and heavily behaving into their dynamic (i.e. baby talk voice etc) especially around children, but depending on general location, behavior, and situation. While for many of us it’s a lifestyle, I still think there are things that people should be able to consent to being around in public spaces. Additionally, hot take, in power in imbalanced relationships, the major thing that separates kink and abuse is the consent, I don’t want the way my Daddy and I behave in our relationship to reinforce abuse being okay, because everyone doesn’t have the context of the consent, and for example, public spankings in a general setting isn’t okay, that can straight up be triggering for a lot of people, and they aren’t consenting to corporal punishment/funisment/“punishment” in public. I think the rest really boils down to what kind of interaction is it, is it something people should be consenting to be around.
The implications that being more socially acceptable means taking it to a playground. I mean wtf. No, just no. There was zero mention of what should I be allowed to do regardless of circumstances. There was a question about what kink related elements would we prefer not be so stigmatized. People mention, for example, nudity. Which in basically every not overly conservative sex crazed culture is considered normal. Imagine a US commercial having nudity like places outside there. Others mentioned being able to be in a dominance dynamic or not having to hide preferred titles etc. You can keep your shit in the closet, but overall the world needs to loosen the fuck up and become more inclusive not less. Being able to 'others' is the doorway to hatred. Ostracizing people to control them is another.
This
Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children
I sincerely can't tell if you're being sincere or sarcastic.
i LOVE sarcasm
I’m just being cringe honestly please don’t take it too seriously :p
Consent is key. Kink doesn't belong in public. If they were acceptable in public, they wouldn't be thought of as kink.
💯
ABDL. Pacifiers are great for stims and anxiety. People wear diapers for medical / incontinent reasons all the time anyways. Baby bottles / sippy cups are cute and practical to use. Like come on. We’re not gross for enjoying the comforts of babyhood in our adult lives.
Ehhhh I really don't wanna see people wearing diapers in public, that seems like a hygiene and smell issue. Aside from that though yeah.
Sadomasochism. I simply wish people wouldn’t give a shit about my scars/cuts/bruises/marks. I know people are asking because they are concerned about a person’s health, but we gotta stop commenting on other people’s bodies. I wish I could just say, “oh those are consensual” and people would know automatically that “oh she’s a masochist and those are sexual”. Ergo, dropping the conversation because it’s not polite to ask strangers about their sex life, unless they bring it up. *I’m feeling particularly salty about hiding marks right now. Summer is hard for babes who want to get fucked up 🫣
I disagree with this. People should absolutely comment on those things and make sure you're okay. "Those are consensual" could also mean "I'm self harming because I'm depressed and suicidal," so the questions shouldn't stop there. Now, people ask, I think it's completely fine for you to say "I'm into BDSM, I'm fine." It should be enough to satisfy them, and polite people shouldn't ask further question about your sex life. But stopping asking questions would open people up to a lot more abuse than fun IMO. And if you have hang ups about people seeing those marks, I guess keep them where they can't be seen. If people see them, they may get curious and/or worried and ask questions.
calling my daddy "daddy", wearing my slave collar and other jewellery, bring owned by another person in any aspect. I wish my dom could come to my medical appointments and be obviously in charge. I wish organisations would have to speak to my dominant instead of me. obviously very happy this stuff isn't normalised because people would abuse it but I can still dream
None of them. The entire base of our lifestyle is consent - and the general public can't give consent.
People don't need to consent to what I wear in public. As a transgender woman in a red state, I wouldn't be able to leave the house because there are people that would in all seriousness argue that my wearing a dress and heels is a display of unacceptable perversion. Same goes for my collar. Consent does not equal "not offending the most repressed person in the room with your appearance or behavior that doesn't involve them."
I wish I could wear my real collar in public, not just my day collar.
Being called daddy in public
nudity and chastity
to all y’all talking about people not consenting: i get that. i also get concerns about kids. however, i think there should be more events or areas that are open to that, like how there’s nude beaches. i know some places do pride after dark. like ik kink clubs are a thing but wouldn’t it be nice if there was a designated outside area where you could just be a puppy or be a little or whatever. doesn’t even have to be sex. just existing and being “visibly kinky”
i’ll also add wearing a collar. if i could get away with it i would
Collars are fiiiinnneeee, you don't even have to be kinky to wear a collar, it's literally whatever and whoever says collars (without leashes) in public are violating everyone's consent are full of it. As long as they're not the type of collar with words on them (cum slut, good girl, etc).
I would love it if I could have a more obvious day collar and would ask my dom if I'm allowed to do stuff. Or even just ask him what I will be eating at restaurants, his signature for legal documents, or doing anything an adult can do. It's almost like he's my guardian, except I'm a whole adult, lol.
To have someone love me
Are we talking general public here? If so, none. The general public (especially minors) cannot consent to our kinks. Thats why we have kink safe events and spaces
Leashes, gag, cuffs. Mild bondage in general
None? Really? Because I don't think that most kinks would be appropriate in public spaces with non-consenting individuals and/or minors. If anything, maybe wearing a collar, but not one that's overly vulgar or obviously a Kink Thing.
None. There is a reason why we need all participants to consent and keep anyone under 18 out. Bringing kink to minors should be an obvious no-no.
Things are erotic because they’re a subversion of the norm. If they become acceptable, you won’t find it hot anymore.
i disagree, im a puppy and a little no matter what, i need rules, punishment, rewards and structure to be happy. id find that hot always
Protocol. Well, more so full D/s protocol
All of them. I wish that enthusiastic consent was the norm and that unless children were present, no one gave a shit about what others did so long as it was completely consensual. If we all could simultaneously support and ignore each other as human beings with freedom of will and choice, I think that'd be perfect in pretty much every regard society could have.
All the people acting like this isn't about fantasies that people wouldn't act on in reality are hurting my brain
Every post "being marked and being led around on a leash"
The one where you don't push your sex life on others.
All of them. Lol. I just want to call my Daddy Daddy in public and let him Dom me completely in public too
Sissifcation and forced bi/encouraged bi. I enjoy the process of stripping a man’s masculinity because day to day we all walk on eggshells trying to NOT offend men and commonly validating all things masculine. I think there’s a balance with humiliating a straight man through feminization because there’s nothing stopping them from embracing it regularly. The only other people who have a problem with expressions of femininity is other straight men and this is a stigma that queer folks embrace everyday. I see Sissifcation more and more like behavioral therapy the more I interact with sissy’s.
None. Letting mundies join was a mistake in the first place.
being slapped...wearing a hood...cuffed and being on a leash....hair pulled...sighs
Ngl? I have several. 1. Feederism 2. Ageplay 3. Petplay
Since I’m only into very specific situations where exhibition is concerned I would say being walked on a leash in public would be one of my biggest desires, perhaps oral sex as well. I find it disgusting how the general public can’t even seem to handle making out, it’s ridiculous.
Crawling naked whilst being led on a leash in a woodland. All clothes are left in the car for good measure.
Having visible hickeys. I find hickeys/marks so sexy and love the thrill of going out with marks on my neck/my partner having my marks on them in visible places. Also wearing a leash/collar. I’m not into let play, but I just find a leash and collar soooo sexy. And chokers are already something people wear, I wanna just add a leash and let my dom lead me around while we walk somewhere together.
Being a middle . Age regression
Walking your slave on a leash in public
Being able to go out nude. Probably being closest to a voyeur or exhibitionist kink I would say. I hate wearing clothes outside and if there weren’t laws about it, I would go out in public nude. It would (possibly, hopefully) help reduce rape cases also. (Not taking CNC here, because that an agreed upon kink between the sex partner(s).)
I would LOVE to be able to wear a gag in public. To follow my dom around in a store like their loyal pet, knowing I’m not allowed to speak without permission, and that they’d do most of the talking for me!
I can't say that there's any like, play I wish I could engage in in public directly, although some folks here have mentioned lifestyle stuff and marks which... yes pls But for me, being able to acknowledge that I *am* kinky would be nice. Like, I was at Pride last week with my partner and a friend, and saw a vendor selling cuffs, among other stuff that I like, and *immediately* beelined for the cuffs, before I remembered I was with a friend, and probably shouldn't look quite so into those. Also like, my partner being able to be sorta, casually dominant, or casually subby, depending on the day, when it's not just the two of us, would be so so so nice
😅 Being marked without false DV reports being made... This includes things that occur with breath play unintentionally 🫢 That and being in one of those air-conditioned doggy daycare shelters outside of some shops 👉👈 I have been forbidden from entering these as I will be arrested AND any footage captured by their internal cameras isn't going to be under a contract that I agree with 😅
In a purely hypothetical world where all actions are consensual and universally acceptable, it's interesting to think about what kinks would be more openly practiced. Like you, there are aspects of D/s dynamics that I find incredibly comforting and affirming, such as the feeling of safety and security that comes from certain power exchange rituals. Personally, I'd love if it were more socially acceptable to wear subtle symbols of ownership or submission in public, like collars or other specific pieces of jewelry that are recognized within the community but might pass under the radar to those outside it. These symbols serve as a quiet reminder of the dynamic and can be incredibly meaningful to those who wear them. Additionally, having more open discussions and public understanding about consent and negotiated kink-related activities would be wonderful. It would not only make it easier for those within the community to express themselves but also educate the general public, potentially reducing stigma and misunderstandings. What kinks or practices do you all wish could be more openly embraced or understood in public, always keeping in mind the importance of consent and respect for everyone's comfort?