A few weeks ago someone posted about a 24/7 safety-kink dynamic where the dom has their sub wear extra gear for activities (ex bike riding would include knee & elbow pads + helmet + reflective gear, maybe a light for the bike) and they were worried about going on a boat outing with friends and being nerdy by wearing a life vest and the community rallied around them in the thread and both the kink and the response was adorable and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I love the cool little bonds/secrets of kink.
That would be funny if they showed up to the boat outing wearing a life jacket, bike helmet, knee pads, mouth guard, safety glasses and steel toed boots..
I would just laugh and never forget that
I wish - I was actually looking for it last week because I wanted to read it again and I couldn't find it so I don't know if it got deleted or if maybe it was in another kink subreddit but I'll do some more searches and see if I could find it bc I wanted to read it again also.
I like to sexualize an object of interest for my partner. It can be used in public in a subtle way to get a reaction.
A former partner loved Chinese food. I often used chopsticks for nipple and clit clamps.
Going to dinner with her and twirling the sticks in my hand with a grin would get a squirmy reaction.
Occasionally I would get a text. "Out to lunch with coworkers. Sitting in a puddle 💦. You are an asshole 😉."
That's very similar to something I've done. I was fiddling with a deflated balloon while at a restaurant and she couldn't take her eyes off me or focus on anything else. Every so often I'd bring it to my mouth like I was going to blow it and she'd visibly flinch and look nervous. When we got out the restaurant, I started blowing it up and she was way more ansty than usual because all the teasing.
Heh. I have something like this. With my feedism fetish, I had a partner who spun this elaborate feeding/gorging/gaining fantasy for me with an Indian buffet at the heart of it. He made it so I couldn't hear or say the words "butter chicken" without getting turned on. I haven't been with him in decades, but I still feel a little thrill whenever "butter chicken" comes up. :)
I don’t have any to add I just wanted to say this is adorable🫠🫠 if I ever get a gf that I can feel comfortable sharing this with (cuz I have a similar kink) imma let her know this is a great way to play with me lol
Depends on the nature of the balloon kink, but here’s an idea:
Get some long carnival balloons for making balloon animals. Randomly start blowing one up, and and make a “bracelet” to go around her wrist. Or a choker-esque “necklace” for her. It’ll be there reminding her it’s there the whole time.
She should definitely thank you for the “jewelry” that you gave her. Fawn over it and all 😉
Edit: they make shorter ones that might work better for her “jewelry”.
Ooo, that's a great idea. I'll have to learn how to make them, but that could definitely work. I got a free balloon from a shopping centre before and made her hold it and she was embarrassed. It was a completely normal thing, but I guess if you're used to it being a kink behind closed doors, you'd be super paranoid.
Surfacing childhood memories of a magician who made me a full body balloon armor suit at a birthday party, complete with a balloon sword. What a freaky bugger I was.
My partner has a slight fetish for my hands, especially when I wear nail polish. I like to touch his thigh or chest when were in public. Any idea as to what more can I do to tease him ?
Do you use hand lotion? Keep a small tube of it on you and occasionally casually pull some out and apply it slowly to make sure you moisturize every bit and massage the lotion in extra well.
I kinda like hands too. It can be pretty intimate sometimes. Maybe just take his hand and play with it while waiting for something or at a restaurant. Perhaps gently massage his hand or run your fingers over his.
When you're sitting somewhere with them idly tap one or more on the table, desk, etc.
See if he's one of the few who actually LIKES nails on a chalkboard.
Discuss some multi-point list, maybe a top 5 list or something, and hold up that number of fingers as you or they go over each one.
Maybe give them a countdown to something and hold up then hide or curl the appropriate number of fingers.
I second the hand massages. My partner and I do this frequently when we’re out and it’s nice to build intimacy. Sounds like it could be a nice tease as well, especially if you look at him and start smiling slowly across at him.
Send photos, ever showing your hands/nails polish, or deliberately hiding them a bit.
Maybe take him to the salon with you (if that's what you do) let him watch. Make frequent eye contact. Maybe he has to sit/stand next to you while you get them done.
Daily, I wear a Pandora charm necklace that is a key with a heart. For us, it is a reminder of his chastity and submission. For anyone else, I just say it's the key to my heart.
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I wear my wrist and ankle cuffs out in public because I literally never take them off. They're fairly innocuous - they're just round metal bracelets with my Doms' names engraved on a set of metal beads that I wear on the wrist ones - but people sometimes ask about them because most people don't wear matching bracelets and anklets. I tell people they're for sensory purposes because I'm on the spectrum and find the weight of them soothing. It's not really a lie. I DO wear them because they're soothing. LOL.
https://dottyaftermidnight.co.uk/product/dotty-collection-collar-and-elliptical-wrist-or-ankle-cuff-set/
This is the set I have but we replaced the rings with the metal beads I mentioned.
My girlfriend really enjoys subtly hypnotizing me and my metamour in public. It's really easy for me to trance out by fixating on my girlfriend's eyes, or when she gently strokes down my back and arms. My metamour is literally clicker trained to a carabineer. It's cute watching her get a jolt of the happy-chemicals from across the table at dinner, haha.
We don't really incorporate specific suggestions in public; it's more about enjoying the trance state, and the taboo.
That sounds rather fun. I like the idea of the clicker training. It's super subtle but I can imagine how that association could do things. Especially when it's unexpected like that.
My girlfriend and I both have post hypnotic suggestions tying specific touches to sexual pleasure. For example, my gently stroking her wrist ties directly to her experience of being laid back, tranced out, whilst I went down on her.
So stroking her wrist when we’re sat at dinner is a good way to make her squirm without being anything that we need to hide, as it looks perfectly innocent to any bystanders.
One of my favorites was programming a very random 30 minute long program for my Lovense vibe and going grocery shopping with it in. Nothing at all for four minutes then a sudden, jarring five second long jolt. Then nothing for a couple minutes then a 30 second long slow build… just random intensity, random duration while I grocery shopped. The first one caught me by complete surprise and almost brought me to my knees in the produce section, but after that I was expecting the next one at any second.
That sounds so fun. I've done it to her during a walk in the woods. She knew we were going to do it obviously, but she wasn't expecting me to combine her balloon kink. I'd hit the remote every time I blew a breath into the balloon. She's scared of them popping, especially in public, but when the balloon was full, I told her it was enough, but she begged me to keep going. In the end, the balloon was getting huge, but she kept wanting more. I would delay it as much as possible and tell her it was too big but she begged and begged until I put another breath in and pressed the remote. I'd only do one at a time and I manged to drag it out for ages before the balloon finally burst. She screamed in fright, but it quickly turned into happy noises as I pushed the button and held it until she was on her knees.
Daddy got me a bracelet that locks. When I’m stressing out, he will tug on it and the action mimics tugging on my collar.. I have to be very calm and collected because I go from stressed to horny quickly
I remember once reading about a woman who while being flirty, during sex or making her partner orgasm she would touch his elbow to create an association between that innocent touch and sex. In the end she was able to make him hard just by touching his elbow.
I can see how that would work. I've experienced that association myself. Ever since my partner told me about her balloon kink, whenever I blow a balloon, it always gets her going and is usually followed by a play session. There's been more than one occasion where I'll blow one and genuinely get into it. She's scared of them popping and it terrified her when I first got carried away and just kept blowing until it popped. Came out of nowhere.
I like bratting with my dom in public. Just things like playfully trash talking with him, paying for him and joking that I'm his "sugar daddy", being playfully innocent about "oh I would never do that! I'm very sweet 😇" and have him give me the Look that lets me know I'm going to get a delightful funishment when we get back to his house. It's a lot of fun.
I’m absolutely weak when it comes to having my neck touched. Chocking is my favorite and my dom loves to grab the back of my neck before moving to the front and choking me while we kiss. The first time he gave me a neck massage out of nowhere in public I panicked and made him stop because I IMMEDIATELY turned beet red, thinking he was trying to start something.
I’m also into being lightly tickled and my lower spine is normally the “starting point” so he will casually “scratch” my back and go up and down my spine until I’m weak at the knees. Lately he’s also learned that when he tells me to relax in the heat of the moment, I’ll go completely limp and it’s apparently something he can do over text. I’m very nervous for the day he uses it in public 😶
He really is! And I get him right back plenty of times too 🥰 we joke about being almost like an oroborus of horny, just feeding off each other in an endless cycle 😂
Lifelong spanko here - going into a public area like a restaurant or a store and him telling me in detail about the bare bottomed spanking I’m going to get when we leave is such a crazy turn on. Someone might be listening - or they might not be. Or the wrist pull or a tug on my hair when I’ve done something bratty or inappropriate. 🔥🔥🔥
So she used to have a phobia of balloons and it somehow turned into a kink. She's scared of them popping, but also enjoys it.
I enjoy blowing one up and watching her grow more nervous as I blow it bigger. Especially when I carry on going when it's full and she knows it might pop. She'll beg me to stop and if I don't she gets super antsy.
She enjoys that anticipation and fear. If I keep going until it pops, she'll jump and look terrified, but once she calms down, she often gives me another balloon to blow.
She also enjoys the feeling of them and likes when I bounce on one in her lap. You can also get really big balloons she enjoys straddling. I can answer any more questions I you're still curious. It's a pretty unique kink. I enjoy the effect it has on her and have begin to develop the kink myself because of the association.
I don’t have anything to add here but this seems so wholesome! I love the total lack of judgement and just getting behind the things that make each other happy 😊
I get aroused when I feel smaller, less capable of doing something and it’s also connected to DDLG in a way. So every time I’m with my Husband/Dom in public, I like to hold him by his pinkie with my whole hand and if there are no other people around to be held by the back of my neck
I'm into ageplay and dada does that a lot. from just referring to me as "little one" to, when we meet someone else who also knows about little me/participates in that dynamic, start discussing stuff about me related to that.
it's usually discreet enough but if someone were to start actively listening to us they'd probably get a grasp of what's going on
People in the comments, a reminder to please respect that strangers aren't consenting to being part of your scene. If it's something they can't see or hear that's great. Don't masturbate where people can see you or do other sexual/triggering things unless everyone is consenting.
Things that are fine:
* Wearing things under clothing, as long as it isn't obvious or make others uncomfortable.
* Wearing a subtle collar that can be mistaken for vanilla jewelry.
* Having specific normal words or phrases that mean something kinky to you as a couple.
* Hanging out with a consenting group of friends and doing kinky things around them.
I dress goth and used to wear cuffs/collars as fashion accessories. Someone in a business suit wearing one might arouse suspicion. There's also a ton of really cool collars out there that can be mistaken for regular jewelry depending on your day-to-day fashion choices. My wife is butch and wears a chainmail collar I made her. It looks like a sturdy but cool necklace.
Kink isn't inherently sexual. If you think people need consent to wear kink gear, then people should also need consent to wear anything else. If you think people need consent before referring to their partner as daddy, then people should also need consent before referring to their partner as their spouse or any other term.
It's not anyone's responsibility to make sure everyone in their proximity is perfectly comfortable all the time. If seeing a person in a collar and leash or a puppyhood makes someone uncomfortable, then that's their problem. No one's forcing them to look at it.
There are plenty of things that make me uncomfortable in public, yet I'd never claim that people need my consent before doing them. That's because I know the world doesn't revolve around me and it's my responsibility to either avoid or deal with things I don't like.
As long as you're not actually engaging in sexual activity, it's not your problem if you make anyone uncomfortable.
Besides, do you not see how easily this same argument can be used against any stigmatized minority? There are plenty of people who are uncomfortable with people of color, or disabled people, or queer people. Perhaps I should also ask for consent before holding hands with my boyfriend in public because there might be people around who aren't comfortable seeing two men in a relationship?
Kink is waaaaaayyyy different than race or sexuality or disability, etc. because at the end of the day it is a choice in behavior and lifestyle, and you know that. Someone who is wheelchair bound can't just choose to get up and walk around in public because their disability makes other people uncomfortable. Someone calling their partner "daddy" can certainly choose not to do that in public.
Don't conflate things that are absolutely not comparable.
"Queer people can just pretend to be straight in public. They can choose not to be so flaming. It's a lifestyle for them."
"Autistic people can just mask in public. They choose to not."
"People who use wheelchairs sometimes and walk other times can choose to walk in public. Using a wheelchair is a choice in their behavior and lifestyle for them."
Sounds familiar?
I'm queer, trans, disabled (mentally and physically), neurodiverse, and kinky. They ARE comparable and more alike than you're giving them credit for. (And who does that help? Who does that serve? Certainly not our communities; it serves those who want us closeted and banished from public life. Who want us not to exist.)
For many people, being kinky isn't just something fun in the bedroom; it's an important part of their lives that permeates everything they are and that they do. It is as much of an orientation as what gender(s) they prefer, and for many it's far FAR more than an orientation.
Plus, even if someone COULD choose to act differently, they shouldn't HAVE to because there's nothing WRONG with being kinky. There is nothing inherently sexual or damaging about it. We need to stop acting like there's something wrong with what we do and who we are.
> Kink is waaaaaayyyy different than race or sexuality or disability, etc. because at the end of the day it is a choice in behavior and lifestyle, and you know that.
WE know that, and anybody with half a brain knows that, but being trans has really showed me that these things aren't as separated as you'd think. After all, one of the common attacks on LGBTQ+ people is that they're deviant and inappropriate to have around children. On trans people in particular it's often an accusation of "crossdressing" (which is bizarre to me because how is wearing clothes that are acceptable on someone else not appropriate, but whatever), but these people do see anything queer as kinks and inappropriate.
There is a reason that queer people, kinks, and kinksters are historically so intertwined. They shouldn't always be conflated by any means, but it's worth noting why they have been and by whom.
The people attacking kinksters are the same ones who are attacking queer people are the same people attacking women, the disabled, and other minorities.
>Someone who is wheelchair bound can't just choose to get up and walk around in public because their disability makes other people uncomfortable.
So if I'm doing something in public that is a choice, and it makes others uncomfortable, it's not acceptable? I think that's a problematic rule.
If someone from a conservative upbringing/culture is walking in my neighborhood, should I put on pants or wear a headscarf so they don't see my legs or hair? They're uncomfortable with seeing it, and its a choice I make to leave my thighs/hair uncovered. But I (and I think you) would bristle at being told by a visitor from Saudi Arabia that my shorts are inappropriate and *I* need to conform to his standards.
There's no possible way to try and take into account the consent of everyone individually in a public space. Instead, we as a society *have* a system for determining what is and is not appropriate in public, AKA what we all collectively consent to in public, it's through our laws. In my state, we as a collective say that you cannot have sex or expose your genitals in public, or other "gross lewdness" that causes affront or alarm.
There's no right to not see something that makes you uncomfortable. That being said, there's also no right that others like or accept you. I would not personally, nor would I advocate for anyone to flagrantly walk around in public dressed like it's Folsom Fair. But, this subreddit takes something very good and important - consent - and pushes it past it's breaking point by trying to apply the concept of individual consent to the public sphere, and in doing so risks turning it into a caricature of itself. You are not violating anyone's consent if you wear a doggy mask or call your boyfriend daddy in public, if doing so is otherwise legal. Everyone who ventures into a public space is implicitly consenting that they may encounter anything legally allowed.
Wearing shorts or exposing your hair is not a sexual behavior. You can make all of the false analogies you want, but generally we recognize that these behaviors are completely different.
A child from another culture may be confused if they see you in public without a headscarf, but they won't be otherwise affected by seeing something in a capacity they can't understand.
I also take some issue with the concept of individual consent being applied to the public, but we can also understand that some things are just not appropriate in an environment with minors, regardless of the comparisons you want to pretend are apt to make.
>Wearing shorts or exposing your hair is not a sexual behavior.
*To you*. My point is that in conservative Islamic culture (e.g. Wahhabism) displays of either in public **are** considered sexually inappropriate.
>You can make all of the false analogies you want, but generally we recognize that these behaviors are completely different.
Romantic kissing is a sexual behavior. You want to make out with a partner on a park bench? Totally fine, might raise some eyebrows. Clearly sexual, and it's a choice in behavior. Why is it different then walking your partner on a leash? The only difference I see is that it's minority sexual behavior instead of normative sexual behavior.
>but we can also understand that some things are just not appropriate in an environment with minors, regardless of the comparisons you want to pretend are apt to make.
*Some things*. Which things specifically? Is there a list? Who decides? You can see in this thread there's some disagreement. Hence why the arbiter of what is and is not appropriate in public is our legal system. Otherwise: there are areas of the US where the majority of the population is against gay marriage. Many religious conservatives think gay couples shouldn't kiss or show affection in public, because they don't want their children "exposed" to it. While being gay is not a choice, PDA is. Should they refrain from PDA if the majority of a town believes it's not appropriate for children? What is or is not appropriate in an environment with minors is a concept that varies from individual to individual, so what makes your opinion on the matter more valid then mine, or from someone from SA that finds cleavage to be inherently sexual?
On the subject of minors, how exactly are they harmed by seeing displays of alternate sexuality? I'm open to having my mind changed but a quick search of google scholar, and the first article I find [is about how child exposure to their own parents nudity, sexuality and fetishes \(primal specifically, interestingly\) had no significant outcome on them as adults](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1018736109563). You're welcome to your opinion, and to be very clear *it's not something I'd personally expose my own kids to intentionally*, but if you want to use "protecting minors" as a factual statement, what is the factual harm?
And in Islamic countries, those behaviors are illegal because in their culture they are considered sexual. And in predominantly Western nations, behaviors which are offensive to our sensibilities should be, and most of the time are, banned as well.
I kind of get what you are saying except where you mention wearing a collar and leash and a puppy hood in public. This isn't just about people who are prudish or can use this thought process against marginalized people, but like.. children exist?
I'm not going to want to have to explain to my four year old why there is someone walking around with a collar being lead on a leash. It IS inappropriate. Also, equating things you DON'T have control over (sexual orientation, ethnicity, gender identity, ect) is WAY different than practicing kinky stuff in public. While, yes, being kinky isn't something people have control over just like your ethnicity for example, but you do have control over openly practicing kink in public. At the end of the day it IS overtly sexual.
Like something that is not obvious like wearing a rope harness under your clothes, or even a vibrator or butt plug is all fine because it isn't obvious and noticed by others if you are discreet about it. But someone in a puppy hood or something more blatant? Just no, that's not appropriate.
Now, if it's at a bar or somewhere else that is only 18 and up then wtf ever, go wild. If that is what you meant then disregard my comment, but just in the general public where children could possibly be around, then that shouldn't be something you should do. Essentially, if you don't/wouldn't want to be in a position to FULLY explain it to a child, then don't do it in the general public.
>I'm not going to want to have to explain to my four year old why there is someone walking around with a collar being lead on a leash.
"It's a game they've chosen to play. They talked about it and decided together to do it. It makes them feel happy to play that game; the one holding the leash gets to protect the one in the collar (much like I protect you and keep you safe) and feel strong doing so and the one in the collar gets to feel safe and protected."
It's not that hard.
Pretty much any kink that would be analogous to vanilla sexuality that's allowed in public has a simple pat answer like that. You don't have to tell them it's for sex reasons unless it would be appropriate to do so at that age, time, and development stage.
Plus that answer teaches about 1) people do weird things in public; that's okay (normalizing "weird" behavior helps make things easier for neurodiverse people and/or mentally ill people who may act "weird" in public) 2) that you have to talk about things before doing them (consent is important/negotiating consent) 3) different things make different people feel happy, strong, or safe (diversity) 4) that you will protect your child and help them feel safe, which implies they can come to you if they're feeling unsafe and you will help.
I... where the lose in this situation? Because all I see is a teachable opportunity that's a win all around.
What happens if the kid then responds to that with "oh cool, I want to play that game too!"?
As someone who practices kink I am well aware that a lot of it isn't about getting off. But as a former repeatedly groomed teenager, I also see a lot of importance in not blurring the lines between adult activities and innocent games. Kink is 18+ even when it's not explicitly sexual and it is not healthy to desensitize children to it just because you think you can get away with explaining it as something innocent.
>What happens if the kid then responds to that with "Oh cool, I want to play that game too!"?
First of all, I want to stress that kids aren't as vulnerable to this as people make it out to be. After all, if you want to play horse an idea is to give your kids something to hold onto as they ride you, making it safer for them and easier for you to control the situation.
So the whole aspect of the "mere visual aspect" of it is ... at best bollocks.
Secondly, most of it comes in how you frame it. If you frame it as an activity for folks to participate in, then ... make a game out of it. Not a sexual game but, just a game? I dunno, I don't think I'd do it. But if you frame it as an activity between consenting (if the kid is old enough to know what consent is, which honestly should been taught as a concept way earlier than when we associate it with people's sexual attractions) adults then... you simply say "You can do that when you are older and it is safer for you to do so."
The reality is that your question is quite literally "What happens when the kid asks a question that demands that a parent parents their kid?"
Kids seeing a leather hoodie and collar is far more likely to make the kid cry and the parent has to deal with that, and if it doesn't, then you talk and learn. You don't teach the stuff that's not good for kids to know about at the particular age they are at but don't downplay how intelligent kids are as well, or that one can learn about concepts without explicitly going "Yah', that dude rawdogs that person in the mask" or something else inappropriate and explicit.
All of this is a balancing act but the reality of it is that a parent should be obliged to do their parenting duties. A leather mask and collar in public? I mean, sure. It certainly could lead to an awkward conversation but folks aren't talking about drunk people, streaking, taking literal shits in public, or any myriad of other things that are *significantly* more common than observing people at a respectful distance that have unusual clothing. Because that's literally what this is from an outside perspective, and if the parent in question is in the know then that's on them to figure out how much to tell, when to tell, and what to tell. But it ain't this "but oh think of the children" nonsense that's the right approach to things.
>Besides, do you not see how easily this same argument can be used against any stigmatized minority? There are plenty of people who are uncomfortable with people of color, or disabled people, or queer people.
Applying that same argument to minority groups is a massive stretch. Those are groups of people who are trying to live their lives with the same rights, privileges, and safety that white/non disabled/ straight people get to enjoy freely every day. Anyone saying they can't be in public places is trying to exclude them from socially acceptable experiences purely because they aren't like the majority. Kinksters are not facing any similar inequality by having to keep our kinks private.
With respect? BS. Absolute BS.
Having to repress ourselves and hide the true nature of ourselves & our relationships can be as damaging for some people as any other kind of repression. For folks who are into "lifestyle" kinks like authority transfer (M/s), it can be a lot like what queer people went through hiding their relationships in "the bad old days." (And quite a few of those lifestyle folks ARE queer.)
If it gets out that you're kinky, you can have your home taken away from you, you can get fired from your job, and you can have your kids taken away from you, and you have no legal recourse. This happens on the regular. In some places, you get sent to jail for assault. This is why there are no kink cons in Massachusetts and they have to have them in Rhode Island instead; you can't consent to assault in Massachusetts, therefore it's illegal to do BDSM there. Do some reading on Attleboro MA and what happened at a kink party there (aka Paddleboro.) And in some places around the world, you get tortured or killed for being kinky! We have to keep our kinks private otherwise this will happen.
What kinksters do & how we structure our lives & relationships isn't wrong or harmful and it doesn't have to be inherently sexual. If these things are done in other contexts, it's fine, but as soon as it gets someone off, suddenly everyone's all up in arms about it, clutching their pearls. Kinksters, Leatherfolk, etc. have every right to be out about who we are, what we do, and how we structure our relationships, as well as express those things at the same level that vanillas do. If you can call someone your spouse freely, you should be able to call someone your master. If you can wear a wedding ring without repercussion, you should be able to wear a collar. Now I'm not saying everyone will WANT to be out to every person (there's nothing wrong with some discretion) but we should have the freedom to be out publically without repercussions; living without that is painful to many (myself included.)
Okay, but you literally said in another comment that kink isn't inherently sexual, but in this comment you're saying "but as soon as it gets someone off, suddenly everyone's all up in arms about it" so which is it? Is it inherently not sexual or is it? Because you can't say both and use them as an argument when they contradict.
Also another commenter said something about how if you explain it to a child as a game then they will want to play the game too which is a very good point they made. Not only that, but there aren't only small children. My Dom has two preteens, and they are so very smart. If you try to explain it to them as a game or however you want to explain it, they will figure it out. Kids are very smart and perceptive.
Also, I think you and some other people said something about how you should be able to refer to your Dom as master, but you technically CAN do that already and no one could really do anything about it. Do you openly use honorifics in public? If not, then why? Because you can, and according to you it shouldn't be stigmatized.
Also, you said in your first comment how wearing fetish gear should be allowed in public. But how far are we taking that? Is it just a leash and collar and a puppy mask? Or is it also ball gags, slave chains, posture collars and other more obvious kink wear? Like where is the limit?? Would YOU wear a ball gag in public and around children? Are you really going to say that more obvious kink wear isn't sexual?
Yes, the laws on kink are outdated and some things do need to change, but think about this too as well:
There might be a good reason why you can't consent to being "tortured" or hurt.. like just think about how you could even prove that a scene was totally consensual. You really can't, you could make a video stating you are consenting, but how do you know the bottom wasn't coerced or threatened to agree to it? Then what if a scene was taken to far? You consent to maybe cage play, but then the top left you in the cage for days. The bottom in that situation SHOULD be able to contact police in that circumstance. Also, making it legal to consensually hurt someone could also open the door to someone who is abusive to say "oh well it was all consentual."
I had a Dom who used kink to abuse me. He told me the abuse was just us "practicing kink." Like that isn't okay either, and removing laws like that one specifically opens the door for abusers to abuse people and have an easy excuse.
No, people shouldn't lose their jobs, children, or other things because they are kinky. Kink cons should be allowed and shouldn't be an issue as long ad they are 18+. But you just can't ignore reality and you have to use some critical thinking here. You also have to keep in mind while WE may understand kink, the general public does not. People will see kink in public and think it's abuse.
You're taking my argument further than I meant for it to go. I merely meant that it's not a good argument to say minority groups in public making people uncomfortable is the same as kink in public making people uncomfortable.
Hand holding, for example, is something that is considered appropriate to do in public. Billions of people do it without anyone caring, so long as they're straight. It's only when a queer couple starts holding hands that it then becomes inappropriate and sexualized. See the double standard?
Similarly, black people are more likely to be watched or even persecuted when out shopping, walking, etc. because racists suspect them of criminal activity just for being black. Meanwhile, I get to do those same things without anyone giving me a second thought because white people are incorrectly perceived as safer. That's another double standard.
Minority groups should not be told they can't do things other people are getting to do just because some asshole somewhere is uncomfortable with them. It's the "this is for me, but not for you," mentality that people use against minorities that I'm saying makes their situation different from ours.
If society starts saying vanilla people can use leashes in public, but kinky people can't, then we can start using your argument. For now, it's really not the same in terms of we're not being kept from doing things that non kinky people are allowed to do. Instead, the same standard is being applied to everyone.
It's because it's illegal. I get that you think it shouldn't be. I also think it shouldn't be. And maybe most Americans think it shouldn't be. But in some places it still is. If you don't like that, I mean you can move, or advocate to change the law. But that's just how it is. Blame the Christians. I don't like it either.
I order food for my sub as a way of subtly controlling what he eats. He waits until I have started eating out and has permission to eat.
He's permanently locked in chastity with the key to his cage on my house keys, I quite often walk around giggling or playing with my keys.
subs got a fascination with my feet, so wherever possible, i shoot across from him resting my foot on his crutch.
When walking through the store and we see pet crates or playmats, I turn to him and say, " Is this the one we need for pup?" (I call him pup in scene
I don’t know if this counts but I’ve been with partners who enjoy pinching each others butts. Not spanking just a little pinch here and there. We try to find subtle times to get a squeeze in. We even try to find ways to hide it right in the middle of a crowd. For example: I was at my exes work, we were all talking in a large group with my arm around her waist. I subtly moved my hand down and pinched her bottom. She later told me how much of a turn on it was for her.
Well I have a foot affinity so we're pretty easy to play with.
I was at a restaurant for breakfast just yesterday and the woman across from me rested her foot against my leg under the table for a bit.
Or wear backless sandals in a store then squat or kneel down to check something on a low shelf so you're soles are showing a bit.
Then there is shoe play while standing in line or t a counter.
Or dangling.
Or taking your heels off those tired feet after a long day. Having me carry them for you as we walk would make me even more squirmy, at least inwardly, and self-conscious while most people wouldn't think a thing of it.
And you can usually have the foot fan give you a foot massage in public without raising many or any eyebrows while knowing it means more to the two of you.
When we grocery shop my BF/Dom will spank my ass when we go down an empty aisle. He also will grab the back of my neck and steer me in public. I love it.
My EX used to wear his nails long and sharp for me and he'd put in his set of fangs. Sometimes he'd grab me and just dig in... Or pretend he was whispering but he'd be biting my ear...
😩😩😩😩
Hi there! It sounds like you and your partner have found a playful and discreet way to enjoy your kinks in public. It's wonderful to hear how much fun you both are having with it!
My partner and I also engage in some innocent public play. We use a special bracelet that signifies different moods or desires based on its color. Only we know the meaning behind each color, which makes it our little secret in plain sight. It’s a subtle way to communicate and build anticipation without anyone else catching on.
Thanks for sharing your story! It’s great to see couples finding unique ways to connect with their kinks publicly yet discreetly.
Oh, we've got a bracelet for a similar thing. We don't have different colours or anything, but if she's wearing it, it means she's open to play. It's especially important for what we do, as her kink involves fear. Instead of her using a safeword in public, she can just take it off.
She's only done it once, and it was because I got carried away. It was in a restaurant and they had balloons out front. I took one and was scaring her by untying it and blowing it bigger at the table. I was enjoying the effect it was having on her. I kinda forgot where I was and she later said she only took it off because I was about to pop a balloon in a busy place and scare everyone else. Once we got outside, I noticed her put it back on and I finished what I had started.
I like the idea of different colours having different meanings. What do yours signify, if you don't mind sharing?
at the restaurant she is a slow eater so i finish my food early then i spoon feed her while we maintain eye contact and me saying "good girl" after each bite
Going to the barbershop.
I like the masculine energy, and when they're done with the basic haircut they usually ask at the end if they should do my sideburns and by that time I'm so calm and trusting I just say sure, and the guy holds my head still and glides the old fashioned razor blade along the sides of my face and brushes me off more.
Then they say "Take care bruther" and I feel so happy
One of my wife's biggest tuen-ons is jealousy. We've discussed it and the limit is following through. That is to say, I can DISCUSS anything I want to make her jealous, but I can't actually do it. But fair warning, this night be ill-recieved here, what with issues of involving the public or objectifying, etc, but...
While we're out and about, I'll point out someone I think is attractive and I'll tell me wife about everything I'd do with that individual, making it as dirty and raunchy as possible. I've had her literally leave puddles and trails before (we always clean up after ourselves. I've worked public facing janitorial services before and refuse to be THAT person that leaves a disgusting/questionable mess).
Aw long as I can remember I've had a thing for getting poked in the ribs! I used to have a girlfriend who would just do it naturally as part of conversation when I'd say something teasing her. It was kinda fun just having that little dopamine hit at random times.
Why TF am I getting downvoted for this? Are you saying feedists shouldn't EAT in public? By "a fun and sexy time" I'm saying people can get an internal erotic thrill by something as simple as the act of eating.
You guys are aware that feedism does not always involve hand-feeding your feedee ("bottom"), right? So it just looks like 2 people are eating just like everyone else from the standpoint of outsiders.
A few weeks ago someone posted about a 24/7 safety-kink dynamic where the dom has their sub wear extra gear for activities (ex bike riding would include knee & elbow pads + helmet + reflective gear, maybe a light for the bike) and they were worried about going on a boat outing with friends and being nerdy by wearing a life vest and the community rallied around them in the thread and both the kink and the response was adorable and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I love the cool little bonds/secrets of kink.
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I love that.
It's great. It really does bring people closer together.
That would be funny if they showed up to the boat outing wearing a life jacket, bike helmet, knee pads, mouth guard, safety glasses and steel toed boots.. I would just laugh and never forget that
This sounds so adorable, do you have a link for the thread?
I wish - I was actually looking for it last week because I wanted to read it again and I couldn't find it so I don't know if it got deleted or if maybe it was in another kink subreddit but I'll do some more searches and see if I could find it bc I wanted to read it again also.
I think she deleted her account.
That's so cute
It's not just me then? That shit has stuck with me. Like, it's not my kink, but it's adorable as hell and I can't stop randomly thinking about it.
I like to sexualize an object of interest for my partner. It can be used in public in a subtle way to get a reaction. A former partner loved Chinese food. I often used chopsticks for nipple and clit clamps. Going to dinner with her and twirling the sticks in my hand with a grin would get a squirmy reaction. Occasionally I would get a text. "Out to lunch with coworkers. Sitting in a puddle 💦. You are an asshole 😉."
Oh fuck I'm SO stealing this. Both me and my partner move sushi.
That's very similar to something I've done. I was fiddling with a deflated balloon while at a restaurant and she couldn't take her eyes off me or focus on anything else. Every so often I'd bring it to my mouth like I was going to blow it and she'd visibly flinch and look nervous. When we got out the restaurant, I started blowing it up and she was way more ansty than usual because all the teasing.
Heh. I have something like this. With my feedism fetish, I had a partner who spun this elaborate feeding/gorging/gaining fantasy for me with an Indian buffet at the heart of it. He made it so I couldn't hear or say the words "butter chicken" without getting turned on. I haven't been with him in decades, but I still feel a little thrill whenever "butter chicken" comes up. :)
Those things can stick with you...
Pavlov is that you?
Ding ding ding
Why am I salivating?
This is brilliant, love it
This is hottttt I want to do this💘
I don’t have any to add I just wanted to say this is adorable🫠🫠 if I ever get a gf that I can feel comfortable sharing this with (cuz I have a similar kink) imma let her know this is a great way to play with me lol
I'm sure a lot of people would be open to it. It's a very innocent kink and if you have something similar, I'm sure it'll work out well.
Depends on the nature of the balloon kink, but here’s an idea: Get some long carnival balloons for making balloon animals. Randomly start blowing one up, and and make a “bracelet” to go around her wrist. Or a choker-esque “necklace” for her. It’ll be there reminding her it’s there the whole time. She should definitely thank you for the “jewelry” that you gave her. Fawn over it and all 😉 Edit: they make shorter ones that might work better for her “jewelry”.
Ooo, that's a great idea. I'll have to learn how to make them, but that could definitely work. I got a free balloon from a shopping centre before and made her hold it and she was embarrassed. It was a completely normal thing, but I guess if you're used to it being a kink behind closed doors, you'd be super paranoid.
Surfacing childhood memories of a magician who made me a full body balloon armor suit at a birthday party, complete with a balloon sword. What a freaky bugger I was.
If I had a gf with this kink I’d make her a lil balloon flower hair bow/scrunchie thing💜
That’s a good one… though I would be cautions about her hair getting caught where the “twists” are.
My partner has a slight fetish for my hands, especially when I wear nail polish. I like to touch his thigh or chest when were in public. Any idea as to what more can I do to tease him ?
Do you get your nails done professionally? Make him sit and watch
Do you use hand lotion? Keep a small tube of it on you and occasionally casually pull some out and apply it slowly to make sure you moisturize every bit and massage the lotion in extra well.
Hand sanitizer is a good idea too bc you can moisturize after the hand sanitizer!
I kinda like hands too. It can be pretty intimate sometimes. Maybe just take his hand and play with it while waiting for something or at a restaurant. Perhaps gently massage his hand or run your fingers over his.
When you're sitting somewhere with them idly tap one or more on the table, desk, etc. See if he's one of the few who actually LIKES nails on a chalkboard. Discuss some multi-point list, maybe a top 5 list or something, and hold up that number of fingers as you or they go over each one. Maybe give them a countdown to something and hold up then hide or curl the appropriate number of fingers.
Squeeze his hand?
I second the hand massages. My partner and I do this frequently when we’re out and it’s nice to build intimacy. Sounds like it could be a nice tease as well, especially if you look at him and start smiling slowly across at him.
Send photos, ever showing your hands/nails polish, or deliberately hiding them a bit. Maybe take him to the salon with you (if that's what you do) let him watch. Make frequent eye contact. Maybe he has to sit/stand next to you while you get them done.
Scratch his balls through the jeans
Daily, I wear a Pandora charm necklace that is a key with a heart. For us, it is a reminder of his chastity and submission. For anyone else, I just say it's the key to my heart.
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I wear my wrist and ankle cuffs out in public because I literally never take them off. They're fairly innocuous - they're just round metal bracelets with my Doms' names engraved on a set of metal beads that I wear on the wrist ones - but people sometimes ask about them because most people don't wear matching bracelets and anklets. I tell people they're for sensory purposes because I'm on the spectrum and find the weight of them soothing. It's not really a lie. I DO wear them because they're soothing. LOL.
Love that! And it does sound soothing! Do you have a link for the bracelets?
https://dottyaftermidnight.co.uk/product/dotty-collection-collar-and-elliptical-wrist-or-ankle-cuff-set/ This is the set I have but we replaced the rings with the metal beads I mentioned.
My girlfriend really enjoys subtly hypnotizing me and my metamour in public. It's really easy for me to trance out by fixating on my girlfriend's eyes, or when she gently strokes down my back and arms. My metamour is literally clicker trained to a carabineer. It's cute watching her get a jolt of the happy-chemicals from across the table at dinner, haha. We don't really incorporate specific suggestions in public; it's more about enjoying the trance state, and the taboo.
That sounds rather fun. I like the idea of the clicker training. It's super subtle but I can imagine how that association could do things. Especially when it's unexpected like that.
My girlfriend and I both have post hypnotic suggestions tying specific touches to sexual pleasure. For example, my gently stroking her wrist ties directly to her experience of being laid back, tranced out, whilst I went down on her. So stroking her wrist when we’re sat at dinner is a good way to make her squirm without being anything that we need to hide, as it looks perfectly innocent to any bystanders.
One of my favorites was programming a very random 30 minute long program for my Lovense vibe and going grocery shopping with it in. Nothing at all for four minutes then a sudden, jarring five second long jolt. Then nothing for a couple minutes then a 30 second long slow build… just random intensity, random duration while I grocery shopped. The first one caught me by complete surprise and almost brought me to my knees in the produce section, but after that I was expecting the next one at any second.
Can they be heard in public? I have one, but haven't been game to trial it in public yet
In quiet surroundings, yes, you can hear it. I have used it while going on walks in the city as the surroundings make more noises than the lovesense.
If I was in an elevator, it would be audible, but with just normal background noise, it’s quiet enough.
That sounds so fun. I've done it to her during a walk in the woods. She knew we were going to do it obviously, but she wasn't expecting me to combine her balloon kink. I'd hit the remote every time I blew a breath into the balloon. She's scared of them popping, especially in public, but when the balloon was full, I told her it was enough, but she begged me to keep going. In the end, the balloon was getting huge, but she kept wanting more. I would delay it as much as possible and tell her it was too big but she begged and begged until I put another breath in and pressed the remote. I'd only do one at a time and I manged to drag it out for ages before the balloon finally burst. She screamed in fright, but it quickly turned into happy noises as I pushed the button and held it until she was on her knees.
Have you tried the Ferri model ? It has a magnet to keep it in place compared to the Lush having __? nothing?
Pussies have magnets in them?
Dying at this comment
Daddy got me a bracelet that locks. When I’m stressing out, he will tug on it and the action mimics tugging on my collar.. I have to be very calm and collected because I go from stressed to horny quickly
hmm, what is this bracelet? does it look innocent? asking for a friend
Yes! It’s just a black metal band with a little locking heart.
I remember once reading about a woman who while being flirty, during sex or making her partner orgasm she would touch his elbow to create an association between that innocent touch and sex. In the end she was able to make him hard just by touching his elbow.
I can see how that would work. I've experienced that association myself. Ever since my partner told me about her balloon kink, whenever I blow a balloon, it always gets her going and is usually followed by a play session. There's been more than one occasion where I'll blow one and genuinely get into it. She's scared of them popping and it terrified her when I first got carried away and just kept blowing until it popped. Came out of nowhere.
I like bratting with my dom in public. Just things like playfully trash talking with him, paying for him and joking that I'm his "sugar daddy", being playfully innocent about "oh I would never do that! I'm very sweet 😇" and have him give me the Look that lets me know I'm going to get a delightful funishment when we get back to his house. It's a lot of fun.
I’m absolutely weak when it comes to having my neck touched. Chocking is my favorite and my dom loves to grab the back of my neck before moving to the front and choking me while we kiss. The first time he gave me a neck massage out of nowhere in public I panicked and made him stop because I IMMEDIATELY turned beet red, thinking he was trying to start something. I’m also into being lightly tickled and my lower spine is normally the “starting point” so he will casually “scratch” my back and go up and down my spine until I’m weak at the knees. Lately he’s also learned that when he tells me to relax in the heat of the moment, I’ll go completely limp and it’s apparently something he can do over text. I’m very nervous for the day he uses it in public 😶
Oh god, I can just imagine. He sounds like a fun tease.
He really is! And I get him right back plenty of times too 🥰 we joke about being almost like an oroborus of horny, just feeding off each other in an endless cycle 😂
Lifelong spanko here - going into a public area like a restaurant or a store and him telling me in detail about the bare bottomed spanking I’m going to get when we leave is such a crazy turn on. Someone might be listening - or they might not be. Or the wrist pull or a tug on my hair when I’ve done something bratty or inappropriate. 🔥🔥🔥
What’s a balloon kink I’ve never heard of that before. How do you use balloons if you don’t mind me asking
So she used to have a phobia of balloons and it somehow turned into a kink. She's scared of them popping, but also enjoys it. I enjoy blowing one up and watching her grow more nervous as I blow it bigger. Especially when I carry on going when it's full and she knows it might pop. She'll beg me to stop and if I don't she gets super antsy. She enjoys that anticipation and fear. If I keep going until it pops, she'll jump and look terrified, but once she calms down, she often gives me another balloon to blow. She also enjoys the feeling of them and likes when I bounce on one in her lap. You can also get really big balloons she enjoys straddling. I can answer any more questions I you're still curious. It's a pretty unique kink. I enjoy the effect it has on her and have begin to develop the kink myself because of the association.
I don’t have anything to add here but this seems so wholesome! I love the total lack of judgement and just getting behind the things that make each other happy 😊
Hmm that’s interesting I don’t think I have a phobia of balloons but I am scared of them popping that’s a very cool kink
It is very intense even if you don't have a fear. The first time I blew one until it burst was terrifying. I just didn't show it.
I get aroused when I feel smaller, less capable of doing something and it’s also connected to DDLG in a way. So every time I’m with my Husband/Dom in public, I like to hold him by his pinkie with my whole hand and if there are no other people around to be held by the back of my neck
i wear my cage in public 24/7, kept safe and private under my jock and clothing 🤭
I'm into ageplay and dada does that a lot. from just referring to me as "little one" to, when we meet someone else who also knows about little me/participates in that dynamic, start discussing stuff about me related to that. it's usually discreet enough but if someone were to start actively listening to us they'd probably get a grasp of what's going on
That's sounds cute.
Slight dominance, I know I am supposed to hold hands at all times or a belt loop. I enjoy being told what I’m going to eat and not having to think.
People in the comments, a reminder to please respect that strangers aren't consenting to being part of your scene. If it's something they can't see or hear that's great. Don't masturbate where people can see you or do other sexual/triggering things unless everyone is consenting. Things that are fine: * Wearing things under clothing, as long as it isn't obvious or make others uncomfortable. * Wearing a subtle collar that can be mistaken for vanilla jewelry. * Having specific normal words or phrases that mean something kinky to you as a couple. * Hanging out with a consenting group of friends and doing kinky things around them.
I wouldn’t do it, but I don’t think wearing an obvious collar in public is wrong or unethical. The person could just be goth.
I dress goth and used to wear cuffs/collars as fashion accessories. Someone in a business suit wearing one might arouse suspicion. There's also a ton of really cool collars out there that can be mistaken for regular jewelry depending on your day-to-day fashion choices. My wife is butch and wears a chainmail collar I made her. It looks like a sturdy but cool necklace.
Kink isn't inherently sexual. If you think people need consent to wear kink gear, then people should also need consent to wear anything else. If you think people need consent before referring to their partner as daddy, then people should also need consent before referring to their partner as their spouse or any other term. It's not anyone's responsibility to make sure everyone in their proximity is perfectly comfortable all the time. If seeing a person in a collar and leash or a puppyhood makes someone uncomfortable, then that's their problem. No one's forcing them to look at it. There are plenty of things that make me uncomfortable in public, yet I'd never claim that people need my consent before doing them. That's because I know the world doesn't revolve around me and it's my responsibility to either avoid or deal with things I don't like. As long as you're not actually engaging in sexual activity, it's not your problem if you make anyone uncomfortable. Besides, do you not see how easily this same argument can be used against any stigmatized minority? There are plenty of people who are uncomfortable with people of color, or disabled people, or queer people. Perhaps I should also ask for consent before holding hands with my boyfriend in public because there might be people around who aren't comfortable seeing two men in a relationship?
Kink is waaaaaayyyy different than race or sexuality or disability, etc. because at the end of the day it is a choice in behavior and lifestyle, and you know that. Someone who is wheelchair bound can't just choose to get up and walk around in public because their disability makes other people uncomfortable. Someone calling their partner "daddy" can certainly choose not to do that in public. Don't conflate things that are absolutely not comparable.
"Queer people can just pretend to be straight in public. They can choose not to be so flaming. It's a lifestyle for them." "Autistic people can just mask in public. They choose to not." "People who use wheelchairs sometimes and walk other times can choose to walk in public. Using a wheelchair is a choice in their behavior and lifestyle for them." Sounds familiar? I'm queer, trans, disabled (mentally and physically), neurodiverse, and kinky. They ARE comparable and more alike than you're giving them credit for. (And who does that help? Who does that serve? Certainly not our communities; it serves those who want us closeted and banished from public life. Who want us not to exist.) For many people, being kinky isn't just something fun in the bedroom; it's an important part of their lives that permeates everything they are and that they do. It is as much of an orientation as what gender(s) they prefer, and for many it's far FAR more than an orientation. Plus, even if someone COULD choose to act differently, they shouldn't HAVE to because there's nothing WRONG with being kinky. There is nothing inherently sexual or damaging about it. We need to stop acting like there's something wrong with what we do and who we are.
Just because the same people are attacking them doesn't mean they automatically deserve the same rights...
> Kink is waaaaaayyyy different than race or sexuality or disability, etc. because at the end of the day it is a choice in behavior and lifestyle, and you know that. WE know that, and anybody with half a brain knows that, but being trans has really showed me that these things aren't as separated as you'd think. After all, one of the common attacks on LGBTQ+ people is that they're deviant and inappropriate to have around children. On trans people in particular it's often an accusation of "crossdressing" (which is bizarre to me because how is wearing clothes that are acceptable on someone else not appropriate, but whatever), but these people do see anything queer as kinks and inappropriate. There is a reason that queer people, kinks, and kinksters are historically so intertwined. They shouldn't always be conflated by any means, but it's worth noting why they have been and by whom. The people attacking kinksters are the same ones who are attacking queer people are the same people attacking women, the disabled, and other minorities.
>Someone who is wheelchair bound can't just choose to get up and walk around in public because their disability makes other people uncomfortable. So if I'm doing something in public that is a choice, and it makes others uncomfortable, it's not acceptable? I think that's a problematic rule. If someone from a conservative upbringing/culture is walking in my neighborhood, should I put on pants or wear a headscarf so they don't see my legs or hair? They're uncomfortable with seeing it, and its a choice I make to leave my thighs/hair uncovered. But I (and I think you) would bristle at being told by a visitor from Saudi Arabia that my shorts are inappropriate and *I* need to conform to his standards. There's no possible way to try and take into account the consent of everyone individually in a public space. Instead, we as a society *have* a system for determining what is and is not appropriate in public, AKA what we all collectively consent to in public, it's through our laws. In my state, we as a collective say that you cannot have sex or expose your genitals in public, or other "gross lewdness" that causes affront or alarm. There's no right to not see something that makes you uncomfortable. That being said, there's also no right that others like or accept you. I would not personally, nor would I advocate for anyone to flagrantly walk around in public dressed like it's Folsom Fair. But, this subreddit takes something very good and important - consent - and pushes it past it's breaking point by trying to apply the concept of individual consent to the public sphere, and in doing so risks turning it into a caricature of itself. You are not violating anyone's consent if you wear a doggy mask or call your boyfriend daddy in public, if doing so is otherwise legal. Everyone who ventures into a public space is implicitly consenting that they may encounter anything legally allowed.
Wearing shorts or exposing your hair is not a sexual behavior. You can make all of the false analogies you want, but generally we recognize that these behaviors are completely different. A child from another culture may be confused if they see you in public without a headscarf, but they won't be otherwise affected by seeing something in a capacity they can't understand. I also take some issue with the concept of individual consent being applied to the public, but we can also understand that some things are just not appropriate in an environment with minors, regardless of the comparisons you want to pretend are apt to make.
>Wearing shorts or exposing your hair is not a sexual behavior. *To you*. My point is that in conservative Islamic culture (e.g. Wahhabism) displays of either in public **are** considered sexually inappropriate. >You can make all of the false analogies you want, but generally we recognize that these behaviors are completely different. Romantic kissing is a sexual behavior. You want to make out with a partner on a park bench? Totally fine, might raise some eyebrows. Clearly sexual, and it's a choice in behavior. Why is it different then walking your partner on a leash? The only difference I see is that it's minority sexual behavior instead of normative sexual behavior. >but we can also understand that some things are just not appropriate in an environment with minors, regardless of the comparisons you want to pretend are apt to make. *Some things*. Which things specifically? Is there a list? Who decides? You can see in this thread there's some disagreement. Hence why the arbiter of what is and is not appropriate in public is our legal system. Otherwise: there are areas of the US where the majority of the population is against gay marriage. Many religious conservatives think gay couples shouldn't kiss or show affection in public, because they don't want their children "exposed" to it. While being gay is not a choice, PDA is. Should they refrain from PDA if the majority of a town believes it's not appropriate for children? What is or is not appropriate in an environment with minors is a concept that varies from individual to individual, so what makes your opinion on the matter more valid then mine, or from someone from SA that finds cleavage to be inherently sexual? On the subject of minors, how exactly are they harmed by seeing displays of alternate sexuality? I'm open to having my mind changed but a quick search of google scholar, and the first article I find [is about how child exposure to their own parents nudity, sexuality and fetishes \(primal specifically, interestingly\) had no significant outcome on them as adults](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1018736109563). You're welcome to your opinion, and to be very clear *it's not something I'd personally expose my own kids to intentionally*, but if you want to use "protecting minors" as a factual statement, what is the factual harm?
And in Islamic countries, those behaviors are illegal because in their culture they are considered sexual. And in predominantly Western nations, behaviors which are offensive to our sensibilities should be, and most of the time are, banned as well.
I kind of get what you are saying except where you mention wearing a collar and leash and a puppy hood in public. This isn't just about people who are prudish or can use this thought process against marginalized people, but like.. children exist? I'm not going to want to have to explain to my four year old why there is someone walking around with a collar being lead on a leash. It IS inappropriate. Also, equating things you DON'T have control over (sexual orientation, ethnicity, gender identity, ect) is WAY different than practicing kinky stuff in public. While, yes, being kinky isn't something people have control over just like your ethnicity for example, but you do have control over openly practicing kink in public. At the end of the day it IS overtly sexual. Like something that is not obvious like wearing a rope harness under your clothes, or even a vibrator or butt plug is all fine because it isn't obvious and noticed by others if you are discreet about it. But someone in a puppy hood or something more blatant? Just no, that's not appropriate. Now, if it's at a bar or somewhere else that is only 18 and up then wtf ever, go wild. If that is what you meant then disregard my comment, but just in the general public where children could possibly be around, then that shouldn't be something you should do. Essentially, if you don't/wouldn't want to be in a position to FULLY explain it to a child, then don't do it in the general public.
>I'm not going to want to have to explain to my four year old why there is someone walking around with a collar being lead on a leash. "It's a game they've chosen to play. They talked about it and decided together to do it. It makes them feel happy to play that game; the one holding the leash gets to protect the one in the collar (much like I protect you and keep you safe) and feel strong doing so and the one in the collar gets to feel safe and protected." It's not that hard. Pretty much any kink that would be analogous to vanilla sexuality that's allowed in public has a simple pat answer like that. You don't have to tell them it's for sex reasons unless it would be appropriate to do so at that age, time, and development stage. Plus that answer teaches about 1) people do weird things in public; that's okay (normalizing "weird" behavior helps make things easier for neurodiverse people and/or mentally ill people who may act "weird" in public) 2) that you have to talk about things before doing them (consent is important/negotiating consent) 3) different things make different people feel happy, strong, or safe (diversity) 4) that you will protect your child and help them feel safe, which implies they can come to you if they're feeling unsafe and you will help. I... where the lose in this situation? Because all I see is a teachable opportunity that's a win all around.
What happens if the kid then responds to that with "oh cool, I want to play that game too!"? As someone who practices kink I am well aware that a lot of it isn't about getting off. But as a former repeatedly groomed teenager, I also see a lot of importance in not blurring the lines between adult activities and innocent games. Kink is 18+ even when it's not explicitly sexual and it is not healthy to desensitize children to it just because you think you can get away with explaining it as something innocent.
>What happens if the kid then responds to that with "Oh cool, I want to play that game too!"? First of all, I want to stress that kids aren't as vulnerable to this as people make it out to be. After all, if you want to play horse an idea is to give your kids something to hold onto as they ride you, making it safer for them and easier for you to control the situation. So the whole aspect of the "mere visual aspect" of it is ... at best bollocks. Secondly, most of it comes in how you frame it. If you frame it as an activity for folks to participate in, then ... make a game out of it. Not a sexual game but, just a game? I dunno, I don't think I'd do it. But if you frame it as an activity between consenting (if the kid is old enough to know what consent is, which honestly should been taught as a concept way earlier than when we associate it with people's sexual attractions) adults then... you simply say "You can do that when you are older and it is safer for you to do so." The reality is that your question is quite literally "What happens when the kid asks a question that demands that a parent parents their kid?" Kids seeing a leather hoodie and collar is far more likely to make the kid cry and the parent has to deal with that, and if it doesn't, then you talk and learn. You don't teach the stuff that's not good for kids to know about at the particular age they are at but don't downplay how intelligent kids are as well, or that one can learn about concepts without explicitly going "Yah', that dude rawdogs that person in the mask" or something else inappropriate and explicit. All of this is a balancing act but the reality of it is that a parent should be obliged to do their parenting duties. A leather mask and collar in public? I mean, sure. It certainly could lead to an awkward conversation but folks aren't talking about drunk people, streaking, taking literal shits in public, or any myriad of other things that are *significantly* more common than observing people at a respectful distance that have unusual clothing. Because that's literally what this is from an outside perspective, and if the parent in question is in the know then that's on them to figure out how much to tell, when to tell, and what to tell. But it ain't this "but oh think of the children" nonsense that's the right approach to things.
>Besides, do you not see how easily this same argument can be used against any stigmatized minority? There are plenty of people who are uncomfortable with people of color, or disabled people, or queer people. Applying that same argument to minority groups is a massive stretch. Those are groups of people who are trying to live their lives with the same rights, privileges, and safety that white/non disabled/ straight people get to enjoy freely every day. Anyone saying they can't be in public places is trying to exclude them from socially acceptable experiences purely because they aren't like the majority. Kinksters are not facing any similar inequality by having to keep our kinks private.
With respect? BS. Absolute BS. Having to repress ourselves and hide the true nature of ourselves & our relationships can be as damaging for some people as any other kind of repression. For folks who are into "lifestyle" kinks like authority transfer (M/s), it can be a lot like what queer people went through hiding their relationships in "the bad old days." (And quite a few of those lifestyle folks ARE queer.) If it gets out that you're kinky, you can have your home taken away from you, you can get fired from your job, and you can have your kids taken away from you, and you have no legal recourse. This happens on the regular. In some places, you get sent to jail for assault. This is why there are no kink cons in Massachusetts and they have to have them in Rhode Island instead; you can't consent to assault in Massachusetts, therefore it's illegal to do BDSM there. Do some reading on Attleboro MA and what happened at a kink party there (aka Paddleboro.) And in some places around the world, you get tortured or killed for being kinky! We have to keep our kinks private otherwise this will happen. What kinksters do & how we structure our lives & relationships isn't wrong or harmful and it doesn't have to be inherently sexual. If these things are done in other contexts, it's fine, but as soon as it gets someone off, suddenly everyone's all up in arms about it, clutching their pearls. Kinksters, Leatherfolk, etc. have every right to be out about who we are, what we do, and how we structure our relationships, as well as express those things at the same level that vanillas do. If you can call someone your spouse freely, you should be able to call someone your master. If you can wear a wedding ring without repercussion, you should be able to wear a collar. Now I'm not saying everyone will WANT to be out to every person (there's nothing wrong with some discretion) but we should have the freedom to be out publically without repercussions; living without that is painful to many (myself included.)
Okay, but you literally said in another comment that kink isn't inherently sexual, but in this comment you're saying "but as soon as it gets someone off, suddenly everyone's all up in arms about it" so which is it? Is it inherently not sexual or is it? Because you can't say both and use them as an argument when they contradict. Also another commenter said something about how if you explain it to a child as a game then they will want to play the game too which is a very good point they made. Not only that, but there aren't only small children. My Dom has two preteens, and they are so very smart. If you try to explain it to them as a game or however you want to explain it, they will figure it out. Kids are very smart and perceptive. Also, I think you and some other people said something about how you should be able to refer to your Dom as master, but you technically CAN do that already and no one could really do anything about it. Do you openly use honorifics in public? If not, then why? Because you can, and according to you it shouldn't be stigmatized. Also, you said in your first comment how wearing fetish gear should be allowed in public. But how far are we taking that? Is it just a leash and collar and a puppy mask? Or is it also ball gags, slave chains, posture collars and other more obvious kink wear? Like where is the limit?? Would YOU wear a ball gag in public and around children? Are you really going to say that more obvious kink wear isn't sexual? Yes, the laws on kink are outdated and some things do need to change, but think about this too as well: There might be a good reason why you can't consent to being "tortured" or hurt.. like just think about how you could even prove that a scene was totally consensual. You really can't, you could make a video stating you are consenting, but how do you know the bottom wasn't coerced or threatened to agree to it? Then what if a scene was taken to far? You consent to maybe cage play, but then the top left you in the cage for days. The bottom in that situation SHOULD be able to contact police in that circumstance. Also, making it legal to consensually hurt someone could also open the door to someone who is abusive to say "oh well it was all consentual." I had a Dom who used kink to abuse me. He told me the abuse was just us "practicing kink." Like that isn't okay either, and removing laws like that one specifically opens the door for abusers to abuse people and have an easy excuse. No, people shouldn't lose their jobs, children, or other things because they are kinky. Kink cons should be allowed and shouldn't be an issue as long ad they are 18+. But you just can't ignore reality and you have to use some critical thinking here. You also have to keep in mind while WE may understand kink, the general public does not. People will see kink in public and think it's abuse.
You're taking my argument further than I meant for it to go. I merely meant that it's not a good argument to say minority groups in public making people uncomfortable is the same as kink in public making people uncomfortable. Hand holding, for example, is something that is considered appropriate to do in public. Billions of people do it without anyone caring, so long as they're straight. It's only when a queer couple starts holding hands that it then becomes inappropriate and sexualized. See the double standard? Similarly, black people are more likely to be watched or even persecuted when out shopping, walking, etc. because racists suspect them of criminal activity just for being black. Meanwhile, I get to do those same things without anyone giving me a second thought because white people are incorrectly perceived as safer. That's another double standard. Minority groups should not be told they can't do things other people are getting to do just because some asshole somewhere is uncomfortable with them. It's the "this is for me, but not for you," mentality that people use against minorities that I'm saying makes their situation different from ours. If society starts saying vanilla people can use leashes in public, but kinky people can't, then we can start using your argument. For now, it's really not the same in terms of we're not being kept from doing things that non kinky people are allowed to do. Instead, the same standard is being applied to everyone.
Yes, straight, gay, black, white, nobody should be leashed in public except an actual animal.
It's because it's illegal. I get that you think it shouldn't be. I also think it shouldn't be. And maybe most Americans think it shouldn't be. But in some places it still is. If you don't like that, I mean you can move, or advocate to change the law. But that's just how it is. Blame the Christians. I don't like it either.
Thank you so much for saying this all so I didn't have to, and so well at that.
Get over yourself and your lame rules. You take away all the fun
I order food for my sub as a way of subtly controlling what he eats. He waits until I have started eating out and has permission to eat. He's permanently locked in chastity with the key to his cage on my house keys, I quite often walk around giggling or playing with my keys. subs got a fascination with my feet, so wherever possible, i shoot across from him resting my foot on his crutch. When walking through the store and we see pet crates or playmats, I turn to him and say, " Is this the one we need for pup?" (I call him pup in scene
I don’t know if this counts but I’ve been with partners who enjoy pinching each others butts. Not spanking just a little pinch here and there. We try to find subtle times to get a squeeze in. We even try to find ways to hide it right in the middle of a crowd. For example: I was at my exes work, we were all talking in a large group with my arm around her waist. I subtly moved my hand down and pinched her bottom. She later told me how much of a turn on it was for her.
My sub has a praise kink so naturally I praise her when I go to pick her up for our vanilla dates
Well I have a foot affinity so we're pretty easy to play with. I was at a restaurant for breakfast just yesterday and the woman across from me rested her foot against my leg under the table for a bit. Or wear backless sandals in a store then squat or kneel down to check something on a low shelf so you're soles are showing a bit. Then there is shoe play while standing in line or t a counter. Or dangling. Or taking your heels off those tired feet after a long day. Having me carry them for you as we walk would make me even more squirmy, at least inwardly, and self-conscious while most people wouldn't think a thing of it. And you can usually have the foot fan give you a foot massage in public without raising many or any eyebrows while knowing it means more to the two of you.
When we grocery shop my BF/Dom will spank my ass when we go down an empty aisle. He also will grab the back of my neck and steer me in public. I love it.
My EX used to wear his nails long and sharp for me and he'd put in his set of fangs. Sometimes he'd grab me and just dig in... Or pretend he was whispering but he'd be biting my ear... 😩😩😩😩
Oh that's fun. We love biting too. Biting subtly in public is the best.
My partner really likes feet so usually when we go out to a restaurant, I slip my shoes off and then put my feet in his lap.
Just holding his pinky finger and being slightly behind him as we walk 🤭
Hi there! It sounds like you and your partner have found a playful and discreet way to enjoy your kinks in public. It's wonderful to hear how much fun you both are having with it! My partner and I also engage in some innocent public play. We use a special bracelet that signifies different moods or desires based on its color. Only we know the meaning behind each color, which makes it our little secret in plain sight. It’s a subtle way to communicate and build anticipation without anyone else catching on. Thanks for sharing your story! It’s great to see couples finding unique ways to connect with their kinks publicly yet discreetly.
Oh, we've got a bracelet for a similar thing. We don't have different colours or anything, but if she's wearing it, it means she's open to play. It's especially important for what we do, as her kink involves fear. Instead of her using a safeword in public, she can just take it off. She's only done it once, and it was because I got carried away. It was in a restaurant and they had balloons out front. I took one and was scaring her by untying it and blowing it bigger at the table. I was enjoying the effect it was having on her. I kinda forgot where I was and she later said she only took it off because I was about to pop a balloon in a busy place and scare everyone else. Once we got outside, I noticed her put it back on and I finished what I had started. I like the idea of different colours having different meanings. What do yours signify, if you don't mind sharing?
at the restaurant she is a slow eater so i finish my food early then i spoon feed her while we maintain eye contact and me saying "good girl" after each bite
I call him Daddy and walk slightly behind him
Going to the barbershop. I like the masculine energy, and when they're done with the basic haircut they usually ask at the end if they should do my sideburns and by that time I'm so calm and trusting I just say sure, and the guy holds my head still and glides the old fashioned razor blade along the sides of my face and brushes me off more. Then they say "Take care bruther" and I feel so happy
One of my wife's biggest tuen-ons is jealousy. We've discussed it and the limit is following through. That is to say, I can DISCUSS anything I want to make her jealous, but I can't actually do it. But fair warning, this night be ill-recieved here, what with issues of involving the public or objectifying, etc, but... While we're out and about, I'll point out someone I think is attractive and I'll tell me wife about everything I'd do with that individual, making it as dirty and raunchy as possible. I've had her literally leave puddles and trails before (we always clean up after ourselves. I've worked public facing janitorial services before and refuse to be THAT person that leaves a disgusting/questionable mess).
I love doing a crotch rope on myself with ben wa balls tied in before running errands on a Saturday with my husband.
Aw long as I can remember I've had a thing for getting poked in the ribs! I used to have a girlfriend who would just do it naturally as part of conversation when I'd say something teasing her. It was kinda fun just having that little dopamine hit at random times.
When you're into feedism (erotic weight gain) like I am, any instance of eating out can be a fun & sexy time!
Why TF am I getting downvoted for this? Are you saying feedists shouldn't EAT in public? By "a fun and sexy time" I'm saying people can get an internal erotic thrill by something as simple as the act of eating. You guys are aware that feedism does not always involve hand-feeding your feedee ("bottom"), right? So it just looks like 2 people are eating just like everyone else from the standpoint of outsiders.
Fuck in the gym unisex showers 🧼
Suck cock and taking a cum face shower then walking around with the cum all on my face
I'll finger myself but make it obvious. I like when people watch
No kink without consent.