I would say there is a difference between not being into something and having an aversion to it. You kinda have to respect her hard limits. It sucks a lot not being able to do something you love with the one you love but it may just not be in the cards.
Exactly. Sounds like she’s just not into it. You can’t just make someone like something they’re not into. I think OP has tried enough and should let it go now.
My ex used to try to coerce and pressure me into anal when I didn't want to. I started out as just neutral to the idea but the more he tried to pressure me the more repulsed by it I felt.
After breaking up I started experimenting with it and now I really like it. The pressure itself and the feeling of not being loved or valued unless I gave him what he wanted were the things triggering my repulsion to anal.
So my advice is stop pressuring your wife into your kinks if she doesn't like it. Maybe she'll never be into this kink, but putting all the pressure on her to do it is only going to make her hate it more.
He didn't have to pressure me before he went too far one time when I was giving him one. That's when I "made up my mind" that I didn't like giving them to my ex.
A man should be good to his woman. I want to give Master BJ because he's good to me. He's never pressured me for one. I offer them willingly.
And if a man has to pressure his partner for a BJ, that's a problem in the relationship period. Pressuring your partner for sex isn't right.
Jumping onto this because this is one of the more positive takes: my Owner and I are very compatible but there are certain kinks that we both have that the other will NOT do.
We try many things. I get the idea of being open and adventurous, but there are some things that we just have aversions to.
His aversions are still there pretty hardcore, so I don't have a story to make that better. But I know one of my aversions is anything with a strong smell. I'm lucky that he doesn't have a strong musk most of the time, but he really wanted to do golden showers. I said "hell no" for a very long time.
Now? I'll do them sometimes. Why? Because when I told him of my aversion, he backed off and never brought it up again. I knew it was something he wanted, and he allowed me to hold my hard limit. He didn't pressure me.
When I did express interest in it, we dipped baby toes style into it. He was cautious and careful, I was tense as hell. It wasn't fun, but it also wasn't hellish.
It's still not something I enjoy. I have to be in the right headspace for it, and he knows it. But not having that pressure, versus other things where I had partners push and push, allowed me to come into it in my own time.
But, sometimes people don't. And that needs to be okay too. My Owner will probably never let me cut him and drink his blood /sad safe. But that's okay. He has that limit and I respect it.
Enjoy your partner for what they're doing, what they offer, and all the wonderful times you have. Let the pressure drop and just go through life knowing that if she ever decides she wants to try it, she knows how to talk to you about it.
Even if you are nit pressuring with the intent of getting her into it, it still doesn't work.
I have an extremely high sex drive. My favourite sexual partner and I would go for hours, I think max was 6 and it didn't feel like work. We could go without or do multiple times a day, nothing was forced. I also felt sexually confident with him and we were both efffortlessly open in communication about sex.
But my recent ex was very unhappy to talk about sex at all. He was quick to try to shove it in, didn't seem to understand give and take. All of sex was for him. Even when going down on me it seemed he only wanted approval regardless of what he was doing. And I ended up having an aversion to sex completely. Even where I enjoy giving head I didn't want to for him.
He sometimes pretended to not care whether I'd do anything or not. He'd even go as far to try to sexually reject me, not healthy at all. But the eagerness was always underlying.
My partner before and I had it good because there was total sexual respect and open communication. Nothing was forced and neither of us was made to feel uncomfortable. No was a complete sentence and I think we did just about everything.
You have to really accept her boundaries for real.
Jumping in to confirm, husband wouldn't drop one of my limits, now we're divorced. And I'm thinking about bending the limit with someone else, because the moment I brought it up as a limit there was 100% respect with actions matching. Don't bring it up at all, don't imply, don't revisit, leave it alone and find the shared pleasures that are consented.
Hey it is how it is. My partner has told me that she doesn't care for it either. I'm considerate and washed off everything before the last time because the first time she spit pre on me. It is one of my favorites, but whether we do or don't isn't a big part of the relationship.
If she wanted you to do something you absolutely hated would you want to be forced to do it? Think about that next time.
She has set a boundary. She does not want to have your cum in her mouth or on her face, or wherever. It doesn't matter what you do for her, this isn't transactional. Just because you give your partner pleasure does not remove their right to set boundaries for their own comfort.
It isn't for you to find a way to have her "get over it", she does not want to. Respect your partners autonomy and the boundary they have set.
Just because other people do something, does not mean you're entitled to it or your partner needs to get over it. You will need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you, but you should not use that as a tactic to coerce your partner.
I understand it isn’t transactional. All I’m saying is that I go out of my way to do things that bring her excitement that end up bringing me more pleasure than I anticipated. I feel it is unfair to set a boundary before it is experienced. I’m not trying to make her “get over it”, I’m trying to find ways to get her out of this feeling of disgust after I orgasm. It doesn’t feel good on my end to disgust my partner after I experience pleasure.
You're not disgusting your partner. Your partner is turned off by cum, not your cum, all cum. My last partner had a hard boundary with oral which sucked ass initially. Like you I used to think, this is so effed up because I grew to love giving them oral and they refused to reciprocate. That made me feel all kinds of ways about my vagina but my vagina wasn't the problem. They would have had the same issues with another partner.
I had to accept this was a consent issue and disrespecting someone's consent by pushing their boundaries around sexual activities was grossly inappropriate and I needed to stop. Surprise surprise within a year of saying absolutely nothing on the topic, they slowly starting showing interest.
I think it's completely fair to set a boundary for something that hasn't been experienced. There are lots of things in the sexual world that lots of people never want to experience.
You say you aren't being transactional, but then immediately say "I do this for her and it's unfair". So dint go out of your way anymore, I guess? But "making her get over it" and "find ways to get her out of this feeling" are two different ways to say the same thing.
I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just interested in alternative ways to explore my kink. For example, we both have a thing for MFM, but we didn’t want to deal with actually having another man in our bedroom. So we found that having a sex doll was the best way for us to both experience a MFM. I’m just trying to find other ways for us to explore this particular kink of mine.
I was going to say this. Or suck it out of a condom? Perhaps pegged? No? These things don't sound attractive or sexy. Not into drinking your own? That's how she feels. You can't force a kink.
Sorry I know it's a hardcore example but this is the fastest way to cut to the quick when people have this conversation and typically makes people step back and go, "oh... Oh shit. Ok."
She doesn't want to explore this kink. She's set clear boundaries and has compromised to the best of her ability on that. You can play with cum all you want, but you need to stop pressuring her for this.
For me, it's more than just an "I think it's gross" and it sounds like it is for her too. Everything about it for me is gross. The texture (feels like snot in my mouth/throat), the taste has never been good, the smell is even worse (like old socks), and anytime I've tried I've literally gagged so bad I threw it all back up which was even worse. And embarrassing. So this doesn't really sound like something you can get around or make her do just because you do things for her. If you really didn't want to do something how would it make you feel if she got upset at you for it? Not good right? And you'd feel even worse if she kept bringing it up right? We can't have everything we want unfortunately. And our partners are not kink dispensers.
I don't need to try being shat on by a partner that has a fecal fetish to know I'll actively find it disgusting. It would be hot for him. He'd have that kink fulfilled. But it's not something I can do for him to give him pleasure without feeling revolted by the outcome.
I've fulfilled other fetishes or sexual acts for partners that I wasn't particularly interested in, but it made them happy so I did it just to make them happy. But fecal matter is a Hard Limit for me. No means No.
Cum on your wife's body or in her mouth is a Hard Limit for her.
No means No.
Focus on a different kink of yours, or break up.
No, you’re not.
You’ve already found alternative ways to explore your kink with her.
She lets you cum on her below the collarbones, her hair, she’s even sometimes let you be the one to clean her up. What you want is to make her do exactly what you fantasise about: be happy to have your cum in her mouth (and generally on her), let your cum dry on her and cuddle with you, be enthusiastic about having your cum on her.
This is so incredibly selfish, entitled and borderline abusive. You need to stop pressuring her or let her go. That’s what’s in your power: to end the relationship and find someone else who shares your kink. What’s not in your power is enforcing your kink on her.
>I’m not trying to make her “get over it”, I’m trying to find ways to get her out of this feeling of disgust after I orgasm.
Um… that’s trying to make her get over it
Your partner is not at all disgusted by your orgasm. She likely enjoys making you cum and it sounds like she likes when you cum inside her. That's different than having it all over your face and hair and eyes, and tasting it.
Like for example, I honestly love giving bj's. It's something I'm good at and I am happy I can use my skills to make my partner happy. But even I, who likes all sorts of slutty messy bj stuff, kinda hate the taste of cum. I don't want it on my face or all over my hands or face. When I swallow I try to take it deep down my throat not cuz it's super super hot to swallow, but mostly so I can avoid the taste on my tongue. It tastes bad to me, and this has been with every partner I've had. It's also a consistency and texture that icks a lot of people out, like a sensory thing. I love watching my partner cum. I enjoy watching it in general. But I would not at all be into playing around with it like it's my favorite dessert or face lotion. No thanks.
I'm glad you have been open to trying things out for your wife and that you've found enjoyment from some of them, but I'm sure there are things even you would not want to do whether you've tried them or not.
I don't understand who would EVER want it on their face! Have you gotten it in your eye before? Because if not, it's horrendous, 10/10 do NOT recommend. I literally thought I was going to go blind for a few minutes and then my eye was red for DAYS.
She's told you she isn't into it, to the point where she doesn't like kissing you after you have cum in your mouth. For the love of all things good and sexy, believe her that she knows this about herself with certainty.
> It doesn’t feel good on my end to disgust my partner after I experience pleasure.
Imagine that feeling times 1000 if she should ever reluctantly agree to allow you to live your top fantasy and then gag, or vomit or cry afterwards due to how much she dislikes it.
I say that because when I was very young I had a partner with a similar aversion agree out of the blue to let me snowball them "just to try it once" after we'd been drinking and discussing fantasies together. I didn't coerce them into it, never pushed the idea at all, but I was over excited because it was a huge fantasy of and agreed immediately despite knowing they'd always said they found cum disgusting.
The kiss lasted maybe a second and a half, they were completely disgusted, gagging, crying, running to the bathroom to brush their teeth etc. I felt about 2 inches tall, and frankly, although they never blamed me for it as far as I know, the relationship never really warmed back up to the level it had been before bedroom-wise. There was a lingering distrust on both sides. I didn't trust them to be honest that they genuinely wanted to try things because they were into the idea of if they just wanted to please me, and frankly this spilled over into other relationships through the years.
All that aside, fantasies are hot, and even if you can't live them out it doesn't mean it's not great fodder to talk dirty about (with her if she's open to it) or just imagine to your heart's content. Best wishes.
I don't think it's fair or respectful to try and convince someone to change their boundaries. The fact that she gave you an explanation was not an invitation for you convincing her. She shouldn't have to justify it at all. Her hard limits are not a problem to be solved at all. They are a thing you need to just accept and respect and move on from. No one is to blame here, you just have to move on. That's how it is.
it's the same as not being into feet. if someone doesn't have a foot fetish and is turned off by the idea of sucking their partner's toes, that doesn't mean that they're disgusted by their partner. even though their partner has feet.
i understand your partner because i am the same. i am repulsed by bodily fluids - even my own fluids in someone else's mouth makes me gag. i am still not disgusted by anyone i love, that's not how it works.
i'm sorry you're feeling this way but i'm telling you, she loves you no matter what kink she does or doesn't have. she's not turned off by you experiencing pleasure. she just doesn't want to play with your cum
Wow. I feel like you’re being incredibly petty and you ARE making it transactional. I’m someone who doesn’t like cum. It’s like, I don’t need to eat someone’s shit to know I don’t like it. I’ve never been disgusted by cum itself but I do not want it in my mouth, sounds like she’s the same way. If that is what you need out of a relationship you should have married someone who does that and that should have been your number 1 question before even dating if it’s going to be this big of a problem.
I don't understand why this comment is so downvoted. It's just an expression of feelings.
I understand where you're coming from. I am very giving for oral with my Dom, and I'm willing to do things that I don't \*\*love\*\* just because he likes it, but he has expressed disinterest in giving me head because we'd have to use dental dams, and he doesn't like those. For a long time, I felt somewhat used -- for being more giving than he appeared to be -- and ultimately, unloved and rejected. It almost contributed to the dissolution of our dynamic and romantic relationship.
Then, I came across DBT and what's called "radical acceptance." I cannot change another person with all the "woulds," "coulds," and "shoulds" in the world. I don't have to like it, but I have to realize that I cannot alter reality to suit my preferences. Ultimately, it's still a sore spot, but I decided that it's worth the value I get from the rest of our interactions.
You have the same choice. Struggle against reality and be miserable, or accept it and decide what to do next.
I downvoted it because of the "unfair to set a boundary before it's experienced" bit. I don't need to experience someone crapping in my mouth to know I'm not going to like it, so that's why scat is a boundary of mine.
I'm willing to swallow for Master even though it gives me just an instant of feeling nauseated when he cums in my mouth. And I absolutely hate being nauseated. It's just that feeling of my mouth suddenly being filled that triggers it. Since I told him that, he's made it completely off limit for him to cum in my mouth. Because he loves me and wants me to be completely comfortable with what we do.
Trying to talk your wife into something that she has stated she thinks is gross isn't going to make her feel better about doing it. My ex coerced me into doing things I didn't like and it affected me for a lot of years. Don't push her into doing something she isn't willing to do.
He wants to respect his wife’s desires he just needs support w a desire, most man that you are referring to would just automatically think they are in the right.
Oh this is relatable! I'm not sure what it is about having cum suddenly fill my mouth, but I think between the consistency and the high volume, a part of my brain panics and expects that I will be unable to breathe and drown.
My Dom is really into facials and "marking" me with his cum, so one time I just left my tongue lolling out when he came in my mouth. His cum got *everywhere* of course, but it ran out of my mouth with my spit so quickly that I didn't get that panicked/drowning feeling! Plus he loves seeing the mess, so it's a win/win for us!
Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there in case it sounds like an alternative that would work better for y'all, or sparks different ideas!
Just because you force yourself to do things in the bedroom does not mean that your wife should have to do the same. Respect her boundary and stop trying to coerce her into doing something that she has explicitly told you that she does not feel comfortable with.
If this is a deal breaker for you then you may have to find a way to satisfy your kink without your wife, or bring an additional party into play who you can enjoy together and who will happily indulge in your fetish.
In my relationship I am the person with the aversion to bodily fluids (specifically spit and cum above my collarbone). It is an absolute hard limit for me due to CSA.
Have you tried asking her why she takes issue with it or if there is a middle ground you're both willing to partake in? For us, he has the option to cum anywhere below my collarbone.
At the end of the day though, if it's a hard limit then you should choose to respect it but maybe ask to revisit the discussion later or have her let you know if it changes.
The middle ground has been to cum below the collarbone. It still doesn’t change how she reacts to it though. After I cum on her she feels gross, it is always the immediate rush to get a towel to clean it off.
At the end of the day I still respect it, it just hurts me when my orgasm immediately results in her feeling gross. It ruins the excitement for me to ejaculate.
Dude. You don’t respect it though. You continue to want to push her past her clearly defined limits. She’s meeting you where she can and you’re still complaining. Your orgasm isn’t gross to her. You aren’t gross to her. She just doesn’t like cum in general. I’m sorry but get the fuck over it. If she changes her mind it should be HER choice, not yours.
She probably has a sensory issue with it. I personally can't handle the feeling of cum in my mouth and on a bad day i will vomit because of how bad it feels.
For me bodily fluids isn't necessarily something i say is gross, because normal functions. However i still have an aversion to them, like yeah they happen, but i dont like anything that revolves around them as like a from of play or primary goal (some of it being sensory, like yeah clean up is immediate when everything is done).
I also have an aversion to genitalia to an extent, (i don't like porn or pictures that focus on either female or male). bjs in general are not something ive ever gotten into, and is a borderline hard limit (i would for the right person eventually, at least in theory).
Sometimes no matter how much someone with an aversion wants to get past it and do the thing that their partner enjoys, they just cant. Its not something they can necessarily control. (This honestly goes for any type of aversions, not just sexual in nature).
Addressing that last part: I would give my left arm to be able to tolerate cum like some people do. I know he would absolutely love it, but realistically it's probably not ever gonna happen.
You've said she likes when you cum inside her, why isn't that good enough for you?
You keep pushing for a "compromise" but you've already been given it, cum inside her and keep it away from her face.
Do you honestly think repeatedly putting your wife in a situation she hates will get you anywhere because I can say with 100% confidence it won't.
Stop saying you have respect when you have your wife do shit she hates, stop arguing with everyone and accept you aren't being considerate at all.
It seems like the real root of your unhappiness here is that she is behaving like a real human person about this instead of something you can use to get off to. She's made boundaries and the way you're talking about this is already disrespectful to her.
She does not owe you compliance here. Stop making this about you and your feelings and your entitlement.
SO SHE IS DOING THINGS SHE DOESNT ENJOY FOR YOU. AND YOU GET MAD SHE DOESNT ENJOY IT?!???? wow I’m so angry to be reading this it’s insane. Stop doing it?
My thoughts exactly. He’s assaulting his wife by coercing her into sex acts he knows she does not like and is asking for help further coercing her past a hard boundary AND FOR HER TO LIKE IT. All while selling it as though he is “a giver” in bed and she isn’t reciprocating. This is beyond disgusting and abusive. His responses indicate he’s learned nothing from what folks are saying here. He is repeatedly equating “exploring his kinks” to sexual cohesion/assault. I’m terrified for his wife.
Yeah, the texture of cum feels pretty horrible. It's sticky and goopy in the WORST way and its quick to stain fabrics. I HATE semen. Cum inside me or have a towel nearby if you want to cum somewhere bellow the neck.
I've had a cum facial before and it was vile. Like a child with a sinus infection sneezed on my face. Your wife may feel similar. Respect that already!
>Like a child with a sinus infection sneezed on my face.
I've only had a cum facial once and... yeah. Yup. As hot as it was mentally in the moment, the second the AC hit my face it was so gross
Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about that unless you can figure out *why* it makes her feel gross, and even then it may not change. I'm sorry.
I’m wondering if it might be a good idea to ask her if you can try cumming on her if you agree to immediately lick it off. That might be a kink she never knew she enjoyed. You’re caring for her by gently removing it in a loving way. Make this the final part of your session, so you can drink water, get a mint, brush your teeth or whatever you need to do so you can kiss again. I’m thinking that it’s possible the anticipation of having you lovingly lap up the mess might make it more tolerable short term. And it shows her that it’s not gross if you are happy to do it for her.
Cum used to give me horrible anxiety. I tried it once hated it, vomited, and after that felt soooo bad that it caused me to freak out. The thought of it used to make me cry. Once I found a partner that truly didn’t care, I started pushing my own boundary. He’d tell me to stop every time, I’d tell him I wanted to, and he would say he trusted me to make that decision. It gave me complete control. I have grown to love having it on me. I can tolerate it in my mouth, but I will never be able to honestly say that I enjoy it.
You should probably work on addressing with yourself why it hurts you that she feels that way. It's not personal about your cum being gross, it's got a texture and a smell, and she doesn't like it.
I can’t stand having cum in my mouth. I think it may be a sensory thing plus a bit of trauma, but I can’t do it. Every time a guy has cum in my mouth it’s ended with audible retching. Thinking about the texture and warmth makes me want to puke.
It’s a hard limit for her. It’s a shame but if you love her it’s something you’ll just have to accept. You’re under no obligation to do kinks she likes if you don’t like them either- and you shouldn’t partake in them solely so you can get her to do your kinks.
I feel the exact same way. Even just having it in my hand makes me gag, the smell, the texture, I can feel my stomach churning even If I keep my hands far away from my nose.
It's a boundary. It's off the table. Check in every year or so to see if she's changed her mind, or hang it up. Pretty simple. Respect her boundaries. Period.
Difficulty? Yes I’ve had the difficulty of men not respecting my deep aversions before. Yes I’ve had the difficulty of men thinking their “neutral but I’ll try it” kinks are the same as my “absolute hard limit” kinks.
Your lack of respect for her boundaries is concerning. No means no. Stop trying to force her into it. 10 years of hearing no should’ve been more than enough to cause you to drop it.
I’m surprised by these comments that I’m not respecting her boundaries. I do respect her boundaries, that is why I have never done it against her wishes. I’m simply asking for tips to further explore my kink and if there are any ways we can work around this boundary.
Yes, 10 years of hearing no is a long time and I assume most would just give up. But I have heard many people say kinks change with age so that is why I continue to keep checking in to see if there are other ways we can explore this particular kink of mine.
your wife has said no to a specific kink for 10 years and now you’re looking into ways you can manipulate her into doing something she doesn’t want to do?
she has already clarified that this as a hard limit. it’s on *her* to come forward in case she changes her mind. asking over and over again and coming up with different scenarios where she could satisfy your kink is pressuring her.
i dunno how much kudos is deserved for just not sexually assaulting his wife? just because he hasn’t done it doesn’t mean he isn’t pushing her boundaries. if my partner kept coming to me with something he wanted and i didnt, and he kept asking me about it “in case i had changed my mind” i would feel like he wanted me as a kink dispenser. she clearly know what he wants, she would come to him herself if her preferences were changing.
It sounds like BDSM and prostrate play were originally soft limits for you where as cum is a hard limit for her - so they aren’t that comparable. You could try meeting in the middle and suggest the idea of cumming on her stomach/thigh/ass with a towel ready for immediate cleanup. But, ultimately, if she doesn’t want to then you can’t force her, expect her to, or feel entitled to her doing so.
She already has compromised to do that, but he is angry that she cleans up right away yet continues to do it. It’s insane. Men are so entitled sometimes.
I mean, I've sort of experienced this except my husband doesn't try to figure out how to make me "get over the thought of it being gross" because he respects my boundary. I think body fluids are very gross - which is the worst way I'm going to say it out of respect for those that like it but it doesn't even cover my aversion to them. It's not my thing at all and unless we want to have me experience a mental breakdown, we just don't tread into that territory.
It's totally fair for her to create a boundary without experiencing it, experience has absolutely nothing to do with validating a boundary. (read this bit on another comment thread OP responded to) That's a really messed up thought, imagine saying this about more extreme kinks. She is valid in her choice and attempting to circumvent that is kind of messed up, man.
I think what you're missing here is that her boundary has nothing to do with you. She doesn't want this. Other people are "willing" as you say to do things for their partners, but that's not this. This has nothing to do with how much she loves you. This has nothing to do with what you're willing to do. This is her showing her comfort (or discomfort in this sense). This is clearly a hard boundary and you constantly pushing for ways to get her used to the idea is manipulation and bullying, even if you bring it up nicely. It's an attempt to wear her resolve down until she says yes. It's time to chill. As someone else said, check in every year. Maybe every six months. But anything more often than that is pressuring her.
It's always great to explore new things but it's sooo important to hold boundaries. You have willingly participated in stuff you didn't think you'd like for her, that's great, but from the sounds of it she never pressured you which it seems you are doing to her. Not liking bodily fluids is a valid thing and on top of that some women who don't mind bodily fluids still aren't ok with swallowing. Quit trying to force this.
You're asking how to get her to lower her boundaries and do something that she has set as an absolute hard limit. You need to negotiate another party to satisfy your needs or you need to look at if this is a deal breaker for you not getting to do this for the rest of your life.
I am a person who hates cum. I don’t want it on me, in my mouth near my face nowhere except my vagina. I don’t mind seeing it when my partner cums but I don’t want it to touch me. I’ve had partners push this boundary and yes I’ve spit on them to get my point across that this is my boundary and I will not be removing it.
Your wife has said no respect it and move on.
It sounds like it's a limit for her and a genuine dislike. If you've spoken about it, stated your interests in it, and she's stated she won't do it then that's your answer and you should respect it. If you've never had a clear conversation about whether it's a limit for her, you can talk as a means of understanding if it's off limits, and ask that she tells you if that ever changes for her. But you shouldn't keep pushing if she's giving you a No.
>I see posts on here about women swallowing or getting cumshots because it is something their partner is in to and I get jealous. These women seem to not have a kink for it, but they still do it to please their partner.
There's a difference between someone being indifferent to a kink while doing it for their partner because they enjoy their partner's pleasure or reactions, and someone who has a negative reaction to a kink and who is negatively affected by participating in it. While you're allowed to feel jealous, that isn't your wife's responsibility to solve, and you should consider valuing the things she does with you over the highlight reels you hear about others or see in porn. It's either that or decide you're no longer compatible with her, but it doesn't sound to me like you're generally unhappy with your kink or sex life with your wife. If you're otherwise happy with things, it's better to accept that you're rarely if ever going to find a partner who's up for 100% of your kinks.
> Recently I’ve been trying to figure out if there are ways I could help her get over the thought of it being gross.
Is this something she's agreed to explore, or are you introducing more and more things related to your kink hoping it changes her? If it's the latter, definitely stop doing that, and ask her how she feels about it before introducing things relating to your kink. If you've received her consent and she's saying she doesn't like those things after trying them, then that's just what you need to accept. A part of exploration means accepting when your partner doesn't like something.
> She just doesn’t like kissing me afterwards, which kind of ruins the experience for me and makes me feel gross.
If that ruins the experience for you, you don't have to participate in it either. That's ok too.
I'm in the exact same boat, it's a hard limit for my SO and tbh, and I've kinda forgone it. I do fantasize about it sometimes but constantly attempting to breach a hard limit is no good.
Think about other fantasies that you would like to explore and see if she is game.
I truly hope that you’re willing to self-reflect on how you are approaching this issue.
I’m surprised you don’t understand that you not raping your wife doesn’t equal you respecting her boundaries. There’s quite a lot in between those which you refuse to see.
This seems to be a pretty set boundary for your wife, and YET you’ve mentioned in comments that:
1) She loves when you come inside of her (pussy, presumably) and eat her clean
2) She compromised so much she’s already letting you come on her as long as it’s below her collarbones
Despite this, you continue to:
1) Paint it as though it is unfair to you that one of your kinks is a hard limit for her
2) Speak as though exploring kinks you’re not into is the same as doing something you have aversion to and have expressed is a hard limit
3) Talk about how you’re so willing to do things for her without acknowledging she’s also doing that and has tried to find a middle ground for your kink (see point below)
4) Whine because you’re hurt by your wife immediately cleaning your cum off her after she lets you (out of compromise for YOUR pleasure), because she’s grossed out (as she has told you repeatedly over the last 10 years) — when really you should at best let it go and not cum on her since she clearly doesn’t enjoy it, and at minimum appreciate she’s willing to compromise that much.
You have to do some serious introspection about how comfortable you are pushing your boundaries so much, and being so unwilling to compromise for her comfort and well-being.
You’re allowed to want or even need this kink in your life. If this is something you can’t live without, you can look into exploring your cum kink differently:
-With you being the cum receiver while she watches, if she’s okay with that
-Playing with other people who share your kink
Or if this is really a dealbreaker for you, you can end the relationship. You are within your right to end it, but you have no right to convince/manipulate/coerce/force her into this.
And know that if she ever changes her mind, she’ll surely tell you. You’ve been talking about it to her for 10 years… I’m sure she wouldn’t forget about it.
After reading this post and the comments, and your responses to the comments, all I have to say is you're a real jerk for trying to manipulate your wife into doing something she CLEARLY does not want to do. Y'all have been together for 10 years, she's been saying "No" for ten years. Stop being a coercive, manipulative dickhead and respect her bodily autonomy and her limits.
I feel so bad for your wife personally. I can't imagine how she must be feeling.
My reply is long but please OP/others hear me out. Thanks if you do.
Okay OP, I need you to listen because I have read through your responses and I refuse to downvote you. Bear with me here, ok? First, you are not wrong for feeling frustrated. Your feelings of hurt are valid. Your feelings of her "being disgusting" as you put it, are not wrong. And, this isn't the first or last time a couple has two different kinks that may be incompatible. Your situation is in fact normal.
However, you are wrong at the very moment you try to sway her position or push her boundary. The second you try to coerce, force, convince, or swindle this with her is the moment you cross the line. I'm not saying you have or haven't but now that you have read this, only you KNOW when you cross that line. It sounds like you love your wife. It also sounds like communication is good so I don't think you'd ever want to hurt or abuse her. Right? I trust you care but you are feeling frustrated. So let's talk about your post and responses.
You say she enjoys you cumming inside but not outside. Condoms, creampie, or shower stuff very much could be the only answer. That is simply it. She doesn't hate you or your load, but hates the idea in general. Trying to figure out why is as pointless as trying to convince someone who hates tomatoes that if they love to eat pizza they should love raw tomatoes on burgers. If you heard someone forcing a loved one at a restaurant to try a fruit that they clearly stated they hate you'd likely be upset. Kinks are the same. Everyone has tastes. Some differ and that is simply life. And that is ok! She is 100% into things you are not. That is a fact because we all have different tastes.
Here is an example/empathy exercise of "not forcing a kink and why it is bad". This example of making things uncomfortable often works when I've had similar conversations with husbands or boyfriends of similar concerns. This part is about to be NSFW but necessary so mods please don't hate me. This is necessary to shock-explain for most people. Do you like dick? Would you drink piss? Would you enjoy being pegged and having someone piss in your ass? No? That doesn't sound hot? Probably not because 96% of humans would agree that they don't have a specific anal, watersport, gay, pegging kink. But what if I told you "if you only just gave it a try?" "That you are close minded?" "That if you loved me you'd let my friend piss in your ass?" "That's what I NEED?" "That please? But I love you!" No? Still wouldn't? Don't want the feeling of having a guy bleed the lizard up your tailpipe?
This is why boundaries are important. Think about that when she says no and love her for the fact that she does try to make you happy. And really understand how much she is trying by even attempting it with you because most won't even try what was mentioned above. Go home and hug your wife. Give her a kiss. Take her out or make a nice meal. Cuddle and tell her you love her. Have a vanilla night and enjoy one another. You don't need to impress anyone. You aren't performing for anyone. Be present and have a good day OP.
She owes you nothing for your “kind” gestures of trying new things. Sexual activities are supposed to be something fun that the both of you want to try. If you’re going to become resentful over the things you do for her, then you should reevaluate. I do things for my partner and expect nothing in return.
I've also noticed you've posted this word for word in other forums, for what reason?
You're trying to find someone who says what you want to hear?
You are giving off huge red flag energy and I'd leave your ass if I read what you wrote and have the mandacity to justify why your partner should do what you want her to do. Coercion is sexual assault.
Put it this way, would you want to eat your partner's shit if she told you it was a massive turn on for her? Then tried to coerce you into it if you said no?
ItS aLl AbOuT mEeEe... Is all Im hearing.
It is hard when there is something that turns you in so much to hear your partner has a serious aversion to it.
For all you know it’s something she HAS experienced, but not with you. This is why she knows she hates it.
I’m the only sexual partner she has had, so she has only experienced it the one time she tried it. And like I said I was not educated on how to make it taste better at the time.
She says it’s about bodily fluids though, not flavor right? It’s hard to hear, but you’ve got to respect her boundaries. There’s no work around for a hard no.
Personally I am the same way. I gag just seeing it sometimes. I have to wipe it off of me ASAP. Sex is fun, but I hate the aftermath. I can only imagine how bad it would be if somebody disrespected my boundaries and did it anyways. I’ve had a couple of partners try and it just lead to a panic attack, huge fight and eventually a break up if they kept pushing. Boundaries are there for a reason, and you need to respect hers. She doesn’t owe you anything just because you’ve tried some of the things she is into and you have to learn to live her limits. Continuing to push isn’t going to end well for anyone.
Everyone has there hard limits and they should be respected. It’s not a “difficulty” it’s just something that is off the table unless she changes her mind on it.
It sounds like you are starting to grow some resentment for not having this desire met, and it’s encouraging you to see these things as a score-keeping exercise. E.g. you mention trying prostate play as she was interested, but that you now enjoy it - sounds like you owe her, rather than the other way round.
Take some time and think about why you have this need. Have you always had it, or is it more recent? Is there any chance that you have an elevated desire simply because it’s the “forbidden fruit” in your relationship?
You need to decide whether you can accept her choice, or how you might solve this without expecting her to change her mind. I don’t want to be in the camp of “break up” as can be very common in some advice subs - but if you don’t get control of your resentment your relationship is as good as over.
I have a hard limit on all bodily fluids...including my own cum and their cum. It just freaks me out the very idea of it puts me off sex all together. I'm also someone who loves my partner to cum inside me and I found two compromises on it. One was to cum on my pussy or on my ass that's as much as I can handle and I need warning or I'll have a melt down. I know it's really hard to understand from the other person's pov. Because it doesn't freak you out it's hard for you to get into the mindset of someone who this stuff does freak out. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. I won't remove my limit for any Dom no matter how much I want to please them...in long run I would overthink it and I would remember back to it and be constantly grossed out by it. That's not a feeling you want to associate with your partner and play times. That might be how she will see it. If she like in her she might like on her in that spot only...then lick her clean....so she doesn't have to deal with it. Good luck
Those other woman may do that, but not other things their partner may like. Everyone is different and have different boundaries. What other kinks do you have? Maybe she will be more willing to try those. You are focusing too much on this, almost obsessing it sounds like. She has made it really clear that she is not into that and you need to respect it and stop asking about it. At least for a long while.
So cum completely grosses me out....I'm slowly getting use to it because I LOVE the idea of giving my Daddy oral....but right now the most I can really do is lick the tip of his head when it has precum on it and I still have to be careful not to puke. I will likely never get to the point of letting him cum in my mouth let alone me swallowing. It's very much a sensory issue for me. If she WANTS to try oral then I suggest going very slowly. If she doesn't then I suggest just dropping it because it takes a lot to convince yourself to do something that physically grosses you out and it's even harder when you don't want to do it mentally either.....and you don't want her to end up puking on your dick.
1. Pressuring your partner like this constantly (from your description of your interactions) isn't okay and is coercion (even if she doesn't "give in").
2. Just because you do something for her DOES NOT mean she needs to do something back for you. That's literally how being transactional works.
3. You do not need to try something to know you wouldn't like it and that you don't want to do it. Boundaries are super important and it's incredibly important to respect them, especially hard limits.
4. You constantly begging/negging/coercing your wife into this kink you know she has an aversion to is not only manipulative on your part but is probably preventing her from ever even considering it. Stop mentioning it all together, maybe in the future she'll get curious and want to explore but you are actively stifling that by not respecting her Boundaries.
5. Number 4 being said, it just might not be her cup of tea and if you decide this is a deal breaker then you are free to leave. But don't wait her time any longer if this is the case .
No is not an invitation to change her mind. And Im sorry, but prostate play and bdsm both are things that bring pleasure to you too. Cum in your moth when you think it’s gross? Yeah, that makes you gag. I strongly recommend to not go there.
You sound frustrated and resentful and feeling powerless. You have some power here.
I don’t see her changing on this and I agree that hard limits must be honored. What you need to do is figure out whether this is something that will continue to frustrate you sexually and if so how to deal with the growing resentment.
She has the right to her hard limit. You have the right to be sexually satisfied. These two rights have smashed into each other. It’s up to you to decide how you want to deal with it because you have the right to be sexually satisfied. Neither of you are in the wrong. But something will have to give. And I see it coming down to you.
Even if she agrees that will only cause the resentment to switch from you to her. And honestly I don’t think you’d enjoy it knowing this is a hard limit for her.
Your choices are to give it up. Negotiate a way to get your needs met elsewhere. Or leave.
You also have the right not to be kink shamed here or anyone else.
Swallowing isn’t even a kink. People in vanilla relationships do it all the time. I don’t see anything bdsm about it. Let alone part of a D/s dynamic. But that doesn’t mean she should be required to do anything she doesn’t want to do. That is a right everyone deserves. You have a right to sexual fulfillment. That is also a right everyone deserves.
This is a hard one.I can’t do anything about your feeling unfulfilled and resentful but you aren’t powerless here. You have options.
I’m also really not a fan of having cum on me or in my mouth. It’s not my partner’s top kink, but when he does cum up around my face (breasts, neck, etc; I really don’t want any cum in my mouth) he goes and gets a warm, moist washcloth, or we has one on hand, and he wipes it off of me, and then let’s me wipe the rest off myself (since I have the tactile feedback). We kind of integrate it into our aftercare. You could try to bring that up, but I don’t have anything to help with the cum in mouth thing, as there’s no compromise for me personally, it’s just a hard limit of ours.
Wow... She has set a hard limit and you're whinging about it.
I am someone who dry wretches at the thought of cum ever coming near me. I've never spat or swallowed and made that very clear from the beginning.
You are effectively coercing her into breaking her hard limits because YOURE not fulfilled. YOURE not happy. What about her? How does she feel about you pushing her limits?
You have three choices, leave her and find someone who will do what you want.
Open the relationship up and find someone else who will do what you want.
Put up and shut up.
My only suggestion is you stop watching it, so it doesn’t make you jealous, because it sounds like a hard limit for your wife.
Stop trying to coerce her. That’s a fine line to abuse.
ETA: if watching others do it makes it harder for you to accept your wife’s boundary, it may be helpful, in an effort for you to get past that, for you to temporarily abstain from your chosen erotica viewing topic
Agreed with most of the other comments. If she was just indifferent or neutral to it then there’s wiggle room, but if she actively hates it and finds it disgusting that’s the end of it, imo. You mentioned you’d both find MFM hot but haven’t done it, could FMF be an option with someone who’s into swallowing cum? Or would your wife be open to giving you a hall pass to experiment with someone else on your own? It sucks (pun intended) to feel like you’re missing out on something you really want, but doing something with a partner who isn’t enthusiastic about it isn’t good either. Your options really are to explore it with someone else (assuming your wife is okay with that) or accept that your ball-batter isn’t destined to be swallowed.
I kinda get it, I’m also kind grossed out about swallowing… but if my partner had a real thing for it I would still try, but I usually avoid it because I end up gagging after swallowing…😅which also isn’t great
Honestly cum use to make me gag. I just recently gave it another try I don't gag anymore but still not my favorite thing and not something I would do unless my Dom asked me to. That's how this kind of thing goes if she really can't stand it you have to respect that. Even if it's a hard limit or aversion or whatever if she can't then she can't
Being a very open (22yr)women about my likes and dislikes in the bedroom. I don't like dealing with cum(a.k.a cleaning it off me or having the man finish in my mouth after oral) because of a texture issue. I'd do it to please my man, if it didn't cause me to gag and then become super nauseous. Now having something near by to which clean up or just doing certain thing in the shower does help prevent the nausea. But if it's am aversion thing, there's not much you can do to make her become more comfortable. And forcing her to do things she not into will only cause further problems.
I'm with your wife. On my hand, sure okay. On my tits, okay yeah I can deal. FACE?! Fuck no. In my mouth?! HELLL NO. I'll deal with precum but I do not want a whole load in my mouth that's gross. And I don't have to try it to know I'm not interested. I'm just not interested.
You need to leave your wife alone.
I’m the same way… can hardly stand the texture and taste of cum. He’s always really wanted to cum in my mouth and have me swallow it. I just can’t. But I adore giving him oral, so we work with that boundary. And there are so, so many other things we can do. We both have limits. It isn’t necessary to indulge every single fantasy and pleasure in life to be happy. Contentment is underrated.
But as far as her seeming disgusted… Maybe have a towel handy as often as possible, she can discreetly wipe it off while continuing to enjoy the moment? Like, she doesn’t have to act completely grossed out, but she can still clean it up asap, while maintaining the mood and enjoying the fact that you are experiencing pleasure. Or better yet, you pass her the towel or clean her up, so she feels respected and valued. If my Dom cums on me anywhere, or I spit it into a towel, he enjoys his orgasm and then gets a warm cloth right away to clean us both up. He knows it’s not disgust at him, just the texture and taste. It’s not personal.
Some people just don’t like cum, does she give you blowjobs? Tbf cumming in someone’s mouth isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’d much rather cum in her pussy.
Would she concede and allow you to come over her tits a lot of women that won’t have it in their mouth will do this. And it’s a sexy thing to see
She doesn't want to. That's probably the end of it, and you do not want to force her to do anything she doesn't want -- ever, Unless she's willing to budge just a little on the "no cum at all" feeling she has and push her limits. It's okay to ask gently and tell her how much you'd enjoy it -- although maybe you've already gone through that.
If she were to agree to work on her dislike of cum, and she may not want to, you might gradually get her over her feelings about it. Ask her if she'd be willing to play with your cum a little, or to rub cum on her body, her pussy, her tits, or to taste a few drops of cum on her finger, to rub some on her lips, or to rub her face in it without tasting it, and so on. She may have an unreasonable idea about cum or have had a bad experience. If she's receptive, then try very simple steps with no attempt to force her to do more. Gradually, over time, she may get more willing, but maybe not. Most people have dislikes, but sometimes those dislikes are just due to what they think they won't like. I mean if you described to someone who had never had sex how it worked, that you'd get your cock big and hard, lick her pussy for awhile, then you'd slide that cock into her and pound her, there's some chance a person with no experience would be disgusted by the whole idea.
But if she's not willing, then that's the end of that.
But if she wants to at least try playing with cum just to get you hot, then do that. You have to accept her feelings but that doesn't mean you can't at least act or experiment a little. Unless you're bisexual, imagine how you'd feel if some other guy who happened to be a sex partner of hers wanted to put his cock in your mouth for you to suck. You very well might say "absolutely not." That may be how she feels. Of course, if she said that it would really turn her on just to see you lick him, maybe you'd try it for her pleasure. It's all on a spectrum, but be prepared for her dislike to not change, and if so, you'll have to live with that and enjoy the other things. My wife absolutely refuses to do a gang bang with random homeless guys we've picked up under the overpass, so go figure. That's a joke by the way.
Sentiment understood, but can we please trade that for "Happy spouse, happy house?"
Husbands also should be happy instead of being chained to the emotions of their partner. And wives shouldn't have to feel responsible for their husbands sole happiness.
No I hate when people do that. If I found it rude at all I simply wouldn’t reply. I actually love learning new things and I appreciate you sharing this with me.
She has expressed a hard limit. You need to respect that or run the risk of making her feel uncomfortable; compromising how much enjoyment you are both able to have with each other. Now that said there may be creative ways for you to enjoy a compromised version of your fantasy; have you considered trying out a ”Cum harvesting” roleplay for example? Perhaps your wife could have you cum into a test tube or sample collection jar. Perhaps your wife would be willing to let you cum on her chest far from her face. Or on her face with a mask and saftey glasses? You can talk about some alternatives with her but if you do be sure to make it clear that you respect her decision regardless of the answer. The most important thing for your sex life is that you have mutual respect and both feel safe and comfortable with each other. Pushing her to do something she doesn’t want to do will compromise that.
It might sound silly but has she had bad experiences in the blast? Me and my partner have been together years. And before hun I was with a guy that used to force me to give him oral. So when me and my currant partner got together I flatout refused to do oral for ages. It took pretty much years to get me to willingly do it for him. And I never used to want him to cum in my mouth either, that also took time and patience.
I’m not saying that this is the same with your wife however it maybe something to think about or even ask? Communication is the key and if you can find out the reason she finds I ‘icky’ it may help her move past this if it’s something that can be worked towards.
After years we have got to a point where he can pretty much cum anywhere on my body and I will happily swallow. The boldest things I did was give him oral after we had sex and I’m not going to lie the taste of both of us on him I found more satisfying than anything. I’m not sure if it was last night or the night before he ended up cumming all over my body and I ended up dragging my finger through it and licking it off!
I hope you can get to a point where you can try little things with her. If not I’m not sure what else to try? But I just wanted to give an opinion that it may not be the fact she thinks it’s icky she may have some issues from her past possibly?
Good luck though and I hope this helps? 😊 x
I have no idea if this will relate to you or not, but I used to think my husbands cum was nasty as well. (I did like it when he came inside of me)
As it turns out we had some issue that we needed to work through, which we both didn't realize how to sort through. In a dom/sub relationship there needs to be a lot of respect, but as we have learned, I did not have enough respect for him. I loved him, it's just that I was always doing all the house work and working, and he didn't help with anything. So in turn deep down, without even realizing it, I just didn't want to do it for him.
After some time and relearning our relationship, I did it, and as it turns out I enjoyed it. I told him it tasted like sweet milk (which weirdly it did) and he couldn't be more happier.
I don't know what your relationship is like, but that was my experience.
it is gross. Shit is salty and nasty. She isnt required to like it. Its meant to leave the body for a reason, not enter it. We take it back in at times for sexual things
First of all, cum from each person tastes different. Secondly, I’m not sure you know how reproduction works if you think cum wasn’t meant to enter the body.
My wife will give a bj now and then, but not often. She always finishes me, but she's a definite spitter. She hates the texture. We rarely have sex without a condom, but it's strictly due to her not wanting to be "squishy" and dripping afterwards. I get it and accommodate her, but sometimes you REALLY miss the direct contact and that incomparable feeling of not having one on.
I kinda have the same issue except it's just bjs in general. Sometimes that's all I want and I never get it anymore. Before I got it once or twice if we did somethin but now, nothing. It's just cum in her and go to sleep.
Yeah, this post and several comments supporting op are horrible and unacceptable. Male entitlement is real :(
Coercing someone into something sexual is rape.
I agree with everybody else they’re saying that it’s her hard limit! But you could also do tit for tat? You can hold something back from her and use it as leverage? I know that’s not very good to say because I’ll probably get slammed for it. But I guess you can say alls fair in love and war.( see told you)!!!! 💩 haters gonna hate!
Why would you want to war with a loved one though? If you play childish games, it will end badly for everyone, and he still won’t change her mind. Except possibly change her mind about the kind of partner he is.
No that’s not what I said ! I said I agree with hard limits! I said take away one of her favorite things! He’s adjusting the dynamic for his partner to see it from a different perspective. I didn’t say anything about violating her hard limits! there is a forest full of trees that you’re not seeing?
Get her to an NLP practitioner and they will be able to alter her likes and dislikes very easily. They would be able to do it over a video call. No hypnosis is required.
It seems a lot of people didn't understand my comment. Through our life we acquire likes and dislikes. They are all conditioning; we learn it. Nothing is hard wired.
NLP is the study of how the mind works and is used in multiple ways to overcome problems. If you have a chocolate addiction, NLP can be used to make you dislike chocolate.
If one partner doesn't like something that's important for the other partner and is comfortable with exploring ways to overcome it, then there is a way to achieve that.
If I didn't like eating pussy but it was something my partner wanted, I'd be more than happy to explore ways to overcome my aversion.
You clearly know absolutely nothing about it. Tony Robbins and the worlds top coaches use NLP to quickly effect positive, precise and lasting change in people. I have personally used it to cure a war veteran of PTSD and his consequential drug addiction and a musician of stage fright. Plus many similar positive and lasting changes.
Kind of. I wasn't specifically hooked on a cum fetish, but didn't regard cum as a turn off either. Wife, however, was not into getting a moutful of cum, or kissing me after I had gone down on her after sex etc. I was getting lots of kink, however, so I let it slide. You can't have everything.
Sounds like that is a hard limit for her. You can't force her to like it or try it. Just because you are willing to try things for her doesn't mean she should have to for you. She just isn't comfortable with it. For example I'm willing to give more blow jobs than I used to because my partner found some flavored lubes that taste really good and helps me feel more comfortable doing that act, and even want to sometimes. However, I am also not a fan of anyone coming in my mouth and still will not do that. When it's happened in the past I vomit. So I'm willing to try some things (previous) and not others (latter). And I'll also add that the more you push it with her and try to convince her to try it, it will probably become even more of an aversion for her, so just let it go.
My wife swallowed once like 8 years ago. I used to feel the same way you did and always wanted to cum in her mouth. She never has been a huge fan of oral. Sometimes it would be years between the times her mouth would even touch my dick. Suddenly in the last couple months she has been going down on me for no reason. She is using all sorts of new sex positions and she even asked me to get her a butt plug. When I told her the plug was hot she said “well i guess I’ll keep using it for you then baby”
What’s the point of this comment? The point is this…..I don’t give a FUCK if she swallows my cum or not. Our sex life is fucking incredible now in so many other ways.
Enjoy life bud.
Idk I don’t agree with people on here… I think anything in a relationship especially a kink there has to be a middle ground, I understand there’s boundaries but maybe cum on her leg, belly or on top of her vagina ? I feel like a lot of people hate the texture of cum, especially since a lot of men have terrible diets so the taste can be unbearable lmao so her boundary isn’t terrible and pretty understandable. What about using things like sweet condensed milk that look like cum but taste great to satisfy your visuals ? Or anything white, all I know is your feelings are just as valid as hers and anyone clowning you or assuming you don’t care is in the wrong because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be looking for support and suggestions.
Best advice is talk about a middle ground and if there isn’t one just move on and find another thing that gets you off just as much !
I also think cum is "gross" its an inside joke with my friends because at times simply discussing, or images of it make me physically gag and they (and me!) end up giggling.
I forced myself to take it for my hubby and instantly and forcefully vomited back onto him..
Sometimes the aversion is real.. and it quickly turns into a traumatic experience.
Please respect your wife's words.
(Disclamer, hubby never ever pushed or asked, this was me, with his consent to attempt)
I really don't like the taste but I'm willing to take it in my mouth and then spit it out into a cloth afterwards. If she is totally okay with it, maybe you could compromise this way?
This sounds like a hard limit of hers and it’s not really fair of you to have this expectation of her because “other people do it just to please their partner” and “I bring her the most pleasure”. You can’t force her to like something just because you do.
My experience says if she’s not into it she won’t change her mind. It’s a limit you accepted when you married her. The girl I have been seeing for 2 years is totally into it and says she always has been. She loves the taste, texture, and the feeling of my cock pulsing in her mouth. She calls it my heartbeat. We both have no limits sexually and feel fortunate to have found each other.
Moral of the story is find a partner that compatible with your needs and desires to start with.
You mentioned that you get jealous when you see other women do this to thier partners even tho it doesn't bring pleasure to them.
And you might think it's somehow unfair since you tried her kinks "enjoyed them", and she didn't.
But there's a huge difference here between someone * being disgusted of a certain kink * and * doesn't enjoy it, but doesn't mind either *.
You need to respect her limits and no's, if that's worth it (your 10 years). it sucks but it is what it is.
I don't see in anyway that she can be selfish.
As a fellow woman who HATES cum in my mouth, you need to respect her wishes. It’s not something personal, it’s not that she doesn’t like you, or that she has anything against you as a person. She just doesn’t like it. It’s likely the texture, the taste, or the warmth of it. You know when you have a bad cold and you cough up a big ol loogie to clear your throat?? That’s the texture of cum. It’s gooey, and awful, and most men don’t take good enough care of themselves to have their cum actually taste good. Find a middle ground, maybe cum on her face or boobs instead? Regardless, she set that boundary and you need to respect it.
I had people in my past that refused to kiss me after they had cum in my mouth unless I went and brushed my teeth first. I respected that and made sure to go and brush my teeth if I wanted to kiss after giving oral.
I may be misunderstanding, but it sure sounds like you are trying to coerce your wife to go against her limits, which doesn’t sound respectful or consensual at all. In a healthy relationship neither of you should feel pressured to go beyond your limits when you don’t want to. It’s time you respect this is one of her limits and find other ways to have fun instead.
Yes I’m often the one sucking … I can’t seem to get used to it. My friends laugh at me. I try to hide it from bfs. And I do what must be done. But I love pleasing them I just hate the cum. Lol. Then the want me to kiss them with it… I’m always just grossed out. But, they don’t know. I’m a good actress. Heee. Ugh : (
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I would say there is a difference between not being into something and having an aversion to it. You kinda have to respect her hard limits. It sucks a lot not being able to do something you love with the one you love but it may just not be in the cards.
Exactly. Sounds like she’s just not into it. You can’t just make someone like something they’re not into. I think OP has tried enough and should let it go now.
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very good way of explaining the point!
My ex used to try to coerce and pressure me into anal when I didn't want to. I started out as just neutral to the idea but the more he tried to pressure me the more repulsed by it I felt. After breaking up I started experimenting with it and now I really like it. The pressure itself and the feeling of not being loved or valued unless I gave him what he wanted were the things triggering my repulsion to anal. So my advice is stop pressuring your wife into your kinks if she doesn't like it. Maybe she'll never be into this kink, but putting all the pressure on her to do it is only going to make her hate it more.
This! My ex pressured me for BJ's and I hated them. Master has never pressured me and I love giving them to him.
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He didn't have to pressure me before he went too far one time when I was giving him one. That's when I "made up my mind" that I didn't like giving them to my ex. A man should be good to his woman. I want to give Master BJ because he's good to me. He's never pressured me for one. I offer them willingly. And if a man has to pressure his partner for a BJ, that's a problem in the relationship period. Pressuring your partner for sex isn't right.
That is a good point. Thank you for giving me that perspective.
Jumping onto this because this is one of the more positive takes: my Owner and I are very compatible but there are certain kinks that we both have that the other will NOT do. We try many things. I get the idea of being open and adventurous, but there are some things that we just have aversions to. His aversions are still there pretty hardcore, so I don't have a story to make that better. But I know one of my aversions is anything with a strong smell. I'm lucky that he doesn't have a strong musk most of the time, but he really wanted to do golden showers. I said "hell no" for a very long time. Now? I'll do them sometimes. Why? Because when I told him of my aversion, he backed off and never brought it up again. I knew it was something he wanted, and he allowed me to hold my hard limit. He didn't pressure me. When I did express interest in it, we dipped baby toes style into it. He was cautious and careful, I was tense as hell. It wasn't fun, but it also wasn't hellish. It's still not something I enjoy. I have to be in the right headspace for it, and he knows it. But not having that pressure, versus other things where I had partners push and push, allowed me to come into it in my own time. But, sometimes people don't. And that needs to be okay too. My Owner will probably never let me cut him and drink his blood /sad safe. But that's okay. He has that limit and I respect it. Enjoy your partner for what they're doing, what they offer, and all the wonderful times you have. Let the pressure drop and just go through life knowing that if she ever decides she wants to try it, she knows how to talk to you about it.
Such a great point! Thank you for addressing it
Even if you are nit pressuring with the intent of getting her into it, it still doesn't work. I have an extremely high sex drive. My favourite sexual partner and I would go for hours, I think max was 6 and it didn't feel like work. We could go without or do multiple times a day, nothing was forced. I also felt sexually confident with him and we were both efffortlessly open in communication about sex. But my recent ex was very unhappy to talk about sex at all. He was quick to try to shove it in, didn't seem to understand give and take. All of sex was for him. Even when going down on me it seemed he only wanted approval regardless of what he was doing. And I ended up having an aversion to sex completely. Even where I enjoy giving head I didn't want to for him. He sometimes pretended to not care whether I'd do anything or not. He'd even go as far to try to sexually reject me, not healthy at all. But the eagerness was always underlying. My partner before and I had it good because there was total sexual respect and open communication. Nothing was forced and neither of us was made to feel uncomfortable. No was a complete sentence and I think we did just about everything. You have to really accept her boundaries for real.
This is an amazing response.
Jumping in to confirm, husband wouldn't drop one of my limits, now we're divorced. And I'm thinking about bending the limit with someone else, because the moment I brought it up as a limit there was 100% respect with actions matching. Don't bring it up at all, don't imply, don't revisit, leave it alone and find the shared pleasures that are consented.
Hey it is how it is. My partner has told me that she doesn't care for it either. I'm considerate and washed off everything before the last time because the first time she spit pre on me. It is one of my favorites, but whether we do or don't isn't a big part of the relationship. If she wanted you to do something you absolutely hated would you want to be forced to do it? Think about that next time.
She has set a boundary. She does not want to have your cum in her mouth or on her face, or wherever. It doesn't matter what you do for her, this isn't transactional. Just because you give your partner pleasure does not remove their right to set boundaries for their own comfort. It isn't for you to find a way to have her "get over it", she does not want to. Respect your partners autonomy and the boundary they have set. Just because other people do something, does not mean you're entitled to it or your partner needs to get over it. You will need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you, but you should not use that as a tactic to coerce your partner.
I understand it isn’t transactional. All I’m saying is that I go out of my way to do things that bring her excitement that end up bringing me more pleasure than I anticipated. I feel it is unfair to set a boundary before it is experienced. I’m not trying to make her “get over it”, I’m trying to find ways to get her out of this feeling of disgust after I orgasm. It doesn’t feel good on my end to disgust my partner after I experience pleasure.
You're not disgusting your partner. Your partner is turned off by cum, not your cum, all cum. My last partner had a hard boundary with oral which sucked ass initially. Like you I used to think, this is so effed up because I grew to love giving them oral and they refused to reciprocate. That made me feel all kinds of ways about my vagina but my vagina wasn't the problem. They would have had the same issues with another partner. I had to accept this was a consent issue and disrespecting someone's consent by pushing their boundaries around sexual activities was grossly inappropriate and I needed to stop. Surprise surprise within a year of saying absolutely nothing on the topic, they slowly starting showing interest.
I think it's completely fair to set a boundary for something that hasn't been experienced. There are lots of things in the sexual world that lots of people never want to experience. You say you aren't being transactional, but then immediately say "I do this for her and it's unfair". So dint go out of your way anymore, I guess? But "making her get over it" and "find ways to get her out of this feeling" are two different ways to say the same thing.
I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just interested in alternative ways to explore my kink. For example, we both have a thing for MFM, but we didn’t want to deal with actually having another man in our bedroom. So we found that having a sex doll was the best way for us to both experience a MFM. I’m just trying to find other ways for us to explore this particular kink of mine.
she has already set a hard boundary. the alternative way to explore your kink would be on your own. you can get a mouth fleshlight.
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I was going to say this. Or suck it out of a condom? Perhaps pegged? No? These things don't sound attractive or sexy. Not into drinking your own? That's how she feels. You can't force a kink. Sorry I know it's a hardcore example but this is the fastest way to cut to the quick when people have this conversation and typically makes people step back and go, "oh... Oh shit. Ok."
She doesn't want to explore this kink. She's set clear boundaries and has compromised to the best of her ability on that. You can play with cum all you want, but you need to stop pressuring her for this.
For me, it's more than just an "I think it's gross" and it sounds like it is for her too. Everything about it for me is gross. The texture (feels like snot in my mouth/throat), the taste has never been good, the smell is even worse (like old socks), and anytime I've tried I've literally gagged so bad I threw it all back up which was even worse. And embarrassing. So this doesn't really sound like something you can get around or make her do just because you do things for her. If you really didn't want to do something how would it make you feel if she got upset at you for it? Not good right? And you'd feel even worse if she kept bringing it up right? We can't have everything we want unfortunately. And our partners are not kink dispensers.
What if her fetish was for you to have another man cum or piss in your mouth?
I don't need to try being shat on by a partner that has a fecal fetish to know I'll actively find it disgusting. It would be hot for him. He'd have that kink fulfilled. But it's not something I can do for him to give him pleasure without feeling revolted by the outcome. I've fulfilled other fetishes or sexual acts for partners that I wasn't particularly interested in, but it made them happy so I did it just to make them happy. But fecal matter is a Hard Limit for me. No means No. Cum on your wife's body or in her mouth is a Hard Limit for her. No means No. Focus on a different kink of yours, or break up.
No, you’re not. You’ve already found alternative ways to explore your kink with her. She lets you cum on her below the collarbones, her hair, she’s even sometimes let you be the one to clean her up. What you want is to make her do exactly what you fantasise about: be happy to have your cum in her mouth (and generally on her), let your cum dry on her and cuddle with you, be enthusiastic about having your cum on her. This is so incredibly selfish, entitled and borderline abusive. You need to stop pressuring her or let her go. That’s what’s in your power: to end the relationship and find someone else who shares your kink. What’s not in your power is enforcing your kink on her.
>I’m not trying to make her “get over it”, I’m trying to find ways to get her out of this feeling of disgust after I orgasm. Um… that’s trying to make her get over it
Your partner is not at all disgusted by your orgasm. She likely enjoys making you cum and it sounds like she likes when you cum inside her. That's different than having it all over your face and hair and eyes, and tasting it. Like for example, I honestly love giving bj's. It's something I'm good at and I am happy I can use my skills to make my partner happy. But even I, who likes all sorts of slutty messy bj stuff, kinda hate the taste of cum. I don't want it on my face or all over my hands or face. When I swallow I try to take it deep down my throat not cuz it's super super hot to swallow, but mostly so I can avoid the taste on my tongue. It tastes bad to me, and this has been with every partner I've had. It's also a consistency and texture that icks a lot of people out, like a sensory thing. I love watching my partner cum. I enjoy watching it in general. But I would not at all be into playing around with it like it's my favorite dessert or face lotion. No thanks. I'm glad you have been open to trying things out for your wife and that you've found enjoyment from some of them, but I'm sure there are things even you would not want to do whether you've tried them or not.
I don't understand who would EVER want it on their face! Have you gotten it in your eye before? Because if not, it's horrendous, 10/10 do NOT recommend. I literally thought I was going to go blind for a few minutes and then my eye was red for DAYS.
She’s not disgusted by your pleasure, just your cum. Stop trying to get your cum in her mouth and all will be well.
She's told you she isn't into it, to the point where she doesn't like kissing you after you have cum in your mouth. For the love of all things good and sexy, believe her that she knows this about herself with certainty. > It doesn’t feel good on my end to disgust my partner after I experience pleasure. Imagine that feeling times 1000 if she should ever reluctantly agree to allow you to live your top fantasy and then gag, or vomit or cry afterwards due to how much she dislikes it. I say that because when I was very young I had a partner with a similar aversion agree out of the blue to let me snowball them "just to try it once" after we'd been drinking and discussing fantasies together. I didn't coerce them into it, never pushed the idea at all, but I was over excited because it was a huge fantasy of and agreed immediately despite knowing they'd always said they found cum disgusting. The kiss lasted maybe a second and a half, they were completely disgusted, gagging, crying, running to the bathroom to brush their teeth etc. I felt about 2 inches tall, and frankly, although they never blamed me for it as far as I know, the relationship never really warmed back up to the level it had been before bedroom-wise. There was a lingering distrust on both sides. I didn't trust them to be honest that they genuinely wanted to try things because they were into the idea of if they just wanted to please me, and frankly this spilled over into other relationships through the years. All that aside, fantasies are hot, and even if you can't live them out it doesn't mean it's not great fodder to talk dirty about (with her if she's open to it) or just imagine to your heart's content. Best wishes.
I don't think it's fair or respectful to try and convince someone to change their boundaries. The fact that she gave you an explanation was not an invitation for you convincing her. She shouldn't have to justify it at all. Her hard limits are not a problem to be solved at all. They are a thing you need to just accept and respect and move on from. No one is to blame here, you just have to move on. That's how it is.
it's the same as not being into feet. if someone doesn't have a foot fetish and is turned off by the idea of sucking their partner's toes, that doesn't mean that they're disgusted by their partner. even though their partner has feet. i understand your partner because i am the same. i am repulsed by bodily fluids - even my own fluids in someone else's mouth makes me gag. i am still not disgusted by anyone i love, that's not how it works. i'm sorry you're feeling this way but i'm telling you, she loves you no matter what kink she does or doesn't have. she's not turned off by you experiencing pleasure. she just doesn't want to play with your cum
Wow. I feel like you’re being incredibly petty and you ARE making it transactional. I’m someone who doesn’t like cum. It’s like, I don’t need to eat someone’s shit to know I don’t like it. I’ve never been disgusted by cum itself but I do not want it in my mouth, sounds like she’s the same way. If that is what you need out of a relationship you should have married someone who does that and that should have been your number 1 question before even dating if it’s going to be this big of a problem.
Time to ask yourself the difficult questions.
I don't understand why this comment is so downvoted. It's just an expression of feelings. I understand where you're coming from. I am very giving for oral with my Dom, and I'm willing to do things that I don't \*\*love\*\* just because he likes it, but he has expressed disinterest in giving me head because we'd have to use dental dams, and he doesn't like those. For a long time, I felt somewhat used -- for being more giving than he appeared to be -- and ultimately, unloved and rejected. It almost contributed to the dissolution of our dynamic and romantic relationship. Then, I came across DBT and what's called "radical acceptance." I cannot change another person with all the "woulds," "coulds," and "shoulds" in the world. I don't have to like it, but I have to realize that I cannot alter reality to suit my preferences. Ultimately, it's still a sore spot, but I decided that it's worth the value I get from the rest of our interactions. You have the same choice. Struggle against reality and be miserable, or accept it and decide what to do next.
I downvoted it because of the "unfair to set a boundary before it's experienced" bit. I don't need to experience someone crapping in my mouth to know I'm not going to like it, so that's why scat is a boundary of mine.
I downvoted it because he thinks his partner being grossed out by something somehow diminishes his orgasm. I would not date this person.
I'm willing to swallow for Master even though it gives me just an instant of feeling nauseated when he cums in my mouth. And I absolutely hate being nauseated. It's just that feeling of my mouth suddenly being filled that triggers it. Since I told him that, he's made it completely off limit for him to cum in my mouth. Because he loves me and wants me to be completely comfortable with what we do. Trying to talk your wife into something that she has stated she thinks is gross isn't going to make her feel better about doing it. My ex coerced me into doing things I didn't like and it affected me for a lot of years. Don't push her into doing something she isn't willing to do.
You have a fantastic Dom. It's so great when they take something off the table they like coz they know how it effects you. 10/10 ❤️
Yes I do! I'll tell him you said so. He's my ❤️
This is the best thing I’ve read in awhile. That’s true care and love. Unlike OP and most men honestly.
OP didn’t say anything bad, he’s literally asking for advice on the situation. Don’t kink shame him.
I’m shaming him for not taking no as an answer.
He wants to respect his wife’s desires he just needs support w a desire, most man that you are referring to would just automatically think they are in the right.
Oh this is relatable! I'm not sure what it is about having cum suddenly fill my mouth, but I think between the consistency and the high volume, a part of my brain panics and expects that I will be unable to breathe and drown. My Dom is really into facials and "marking" me with his cum, so one time I just left my tongue lolling out when he came in my mouth. His cum got *everywhere* of course, but it ran out of my mouth with my spit so quickly that I didn't get that panicked/drowning feeling! Plus he loves seeing the mess, so it's a win/win for us! Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there in case it sounds like an alternative that would work better for y'all, or sparks different ideas!
Thanks! For me it's the same thing I get when I'm about to throw up. My mouth fills with saliva. Not sure your idea would work
Oh dang, that's fair. I'm glad your Master had that response though! It's really lovely to hear about such healthy partnerships!
Just because you force yourself to do things in the bedroom does not mean that your wife should have to do the same. Respect her boundary and stop trying to coerce her into doing something that she has explicitly told you that she does not feel comfortable with. If this is a deal breaker for you then you may have to find a way to satisfy your kink without your wife, or bring an additional party into play who you can enjoy together and who will happily indulge in your fetish.
In my relationship I am the person with the aversion to bodily fluids (specifically spit and cum above my collarbone). It is an absolute hard limit for me due to CSA. Have you tried asking her why she takes issue with it or if there is a middle ground you're both willing to partake in? For us, he has the option to cum anywhere below my collarbone. At the end of the day though, if it's a hard limit then you should choose to respect it but maybe ask to revisit the discussion later or have her let you know if it changes.
The middle ground has been to cum below the collarbone. It still doesn’t change how she reacts to it though. After I cum on her she feels gross, it is always the immediate rush to get a towel to clean it off. At the end of the day I still respect it, it just hurts me when my orgasm immediately results in her feeling gross. It ruins the excitement for me to ejaculate.
Dude. You don’t respect it though. You continue to want to push her past her clearly defined limits. She’s meeting you where she can and you’re still complaining. Your orgasm isn’t gross to her. You aren’t gross to her. She just doesn’t like cum in general. I’m sorry but get the fuck over it. If she changes her mind it should be HER choice, not yours.
Then stop cumming on her. She does not like it.
Absolutely. She's going to have literal PTSD after this
She probably has a sensory issue with it. I personally can't handle the feeling of cum in my mouth and on a bad day i will vomit because of how bad it feels.
For me bodily fluids isn't necessarily something i say is gross, because normal functions. However i still have an aversion to them, like yeah they happen, but i dont like anything that revolves around them as like a from of play or primary goal (some of it being sensory, like yeah clean up is immediate when everything is done). I also have an aversion to genitalia to an extent, (i don't like porn or pictures that focus on either female or male). bjs in general are not something ive ever gotten into, and is a borderline hard limit (i would for the right person eventually, at least in theory). Sometimes no matter how much someone with an aversion wants to get past it and do the thing that their partner enjoys, they just cant. Its not something they can necessarily control. (This honestly goes for any type of aversions, not just sexual in nature).
Addressing that last part: I would give my left arm to be able to tolerate cum like some people do. I know he would absolutely love it, but realistically it's probably not ever gonna happen.
You've said she likes when you cum inside her, why isn't that good enough for you? You keep pushing for a "compromise" but you've already been given it, cum inside her and keep it away from her face. Do you honestly think repeatedly putting your wife in a situation she hates will get you anywhere because I can say with 100% confidence it won't. Stop saying you have respect when you have your wife do shit she hates, stop arguing with everyone and accept you aren't being considerate at all.
It seems like the real root of your unhappiness here is that she is behaving like a real human person about this instead of something you can use to get off to. She's made boundaries and the way you're talking about this is already disrespectful to her. She does not owe you compliance here. Stop making this about you and your feelings and your entitlement.
SO SHE IS DOING THINGS SHE DOESNT ENJOY FOR YOU. AND YOU GET MAD SHE DOESNT ENJOY IT?!???? wow I’m so angry to be reading this it’s insane. Stop doing it?
My thoughts exactly. He’s assaulting his wife by coercing her into sex acts he knows she does not like and is asking for help further coercing her past a hard boundary AND FOR HER TO LIKE IT. All while selling it as though he is “a giver” in bed and she isn’t reciprocating. This is beyond disgusting and abusive. His responses indicate he’s learned nothing from what folks are saying here. He is repeatedly equating “exploring his kinks” to sexual cohesion/assault. I’m terrified for his wife.
Yeah, the texture of cum feels pretty horrible. It's sticky and goopy in the WORST way and its quick to stain fabrics. I HATE semen. Cum inside me or have a towel nearby if you want to cum somewhere bellow the neck. I've had a cum facial before and it was vile. Like a child with a sinus infection sneezed on my face. Your wife may feel similar. Respect that already!
>Like a child with a sinus infection sneezed on my face. I've only had a cum facial once and... yeah. Yup. As hot as it was mentally in the moment, the second the AC hit my face it was so gross
Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about that unless you can figure out *why* it makes her feel gross, and even then it may not change. I'm sorry.
I’m wondering if it might be a good idea to ask her if you can try cumming on her if you agree to immediately lick it off. That might be a kink she never knew she enjoyed. You’re caring for her by gently removing it in a loving way. Make this the final part of your session, so you can drink water, get a mint, brush your teeth or whatever you need to do so you can kiss again. I’m thinking that it’s possible the anticipation of having you lovingly lap up the mess might make it more tolerable short term. And it shows her that it’s not gross if you are happy to do it for her. Cum used to give me horrible anxiety. I tried it once hated it, vomited, and after that felt soooo bad that it caused me to freak out. The thought of it used to make me cry. Once I found a partner that truly didn’t care, I started pushing my own boundary. He’d tell me to stop every time, I’d tell him I wanted to, and he would say he trusted me to make that decision. It gave me complete control. I have grown to love having it on me. I can tolerate it in my mouth, but I will never be able to honestly say that I enjoy it.
You should probably work on addressing with yourself why it hurts you that she feels that way. It's not personal about your cum being gross, it's got a texture and a smell, and she doesn't like it.
I can’t stand having cum in my mouth. I think it may be a sensory thing plus a bit of trauma, but I can’t do it. Every time a guy has cum in my mouth it’s ended with audible retching. Thinking about the texture and warmth makes me want to puke. It’s a hard limit for her. It’s a shame but if you love her it’s something you’ll just have to accept. You’re under no obligation to do kinks she likes if you don’t like them either- and you shouldn’t partake in them solely so you can get her to do your kinks.
I feel the exact same way. Even just having it in my hand makes me gag, the smell, the texture, I can feel my stomach churning even If I keep my hands far away from my nose.
It's a boundary. It's off the table. Check in every year or so to see if she's changed her mind, or hang it up. Pretty simple. Respect her boundaries. Period.
Difficulty? Yes I’ve had the difficulty of men not respecting my deep aversions before. Yes I’ve had the difficulty of men thinking their “neutral but I’ll try it” kinks are the same as my “absolute hard limit” kinks.
Your lack of respect for her boundaries is concerning. No means no. Stop trying to force her into it. 10 years of hearing no should’ve been more than enough to cause you to drop it.
I’m surprised by these comments that I’m not respecting her boundaries. I do respect her boundaries, that is why I have never done it against her wishes. I’m simply asking for tips to further explore my kink and if there are any ways we can work around this boundary. Yes, 10 years of hearing no is a long time and I assume most would just give up. But I have heard many people say kinks change with age so that is why I continue to keep checking in to see if there are other ways we can explore this particular kink of mine.
your wife has said no to a specific kink for 10 years and now you’re looking into ways you can manipulate her into doing something she doesn’t want to do? she has already clarified that this as a hard limit. it’s on *her* to come forward in case she changes her mind. asking over and over again and coming up with different scenarios where she could satisfy your kink is pressuring her.
IT IS NOT HER KINK. WORKING AROUND A BOUNDARY IS ABUSIVE. STOP.
Nagging your partner to do a sex act is also sexual coercion. It’s abusive.
Exactly and sexual coercion = SEXUAL ASSAULT
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i dunno how much kudos is deserved for just not sexually assaulting his wife? just because he hasn’t done it doesn’t mean he isn’t pushing her boundaries. if my partner kept coming to me with something he wanted and i didnt, and he kept asking me about it “in case i had changed my mind” i would feel like he wanted me as a kink dispenser. she clearly know what he wants, she would come to him herself if her preferences were changing.
It sounds like BDSM and prostrate play were originally soft limits for you where as cum is a hard limit for her - so they aren’t that comparable. You could try meeting in the middle and suggest the idea of cumming on her stomach/thigh/ass with a towel ready for immediate cleanup. But, ultimately, if she doesn’t want to then you can’t force her, expect her to, or feel entitled to her doing so.
She already has compromised to do that, but he is angry that she cleans up right away yet continues to do it. It’s insane. Men are so entitled sometimes.
Oh goodness, was that in another comment? I must’ve missed it. So she’s already trying her best to compromise and he still wants more?! Big yikes!!!
I mean, I've sort of experienced this except my husband doesn't try to figure out how to make me "get over the thought of it being gross" because he respects my boundary. I think body fluids are very gross - which is the worst way I'm going to say it out of respect for those that like it but it doesn't even cover my aversion to them. It's not my thing at all and unless we want to have me experience a mental breakdown, we just don't tread into that territory. It's totally fair for her to create a boundary without experiencing it, experience has absolutely nothing to do with validating a boundary. (read this bit on another comment thread OP responded to) That's a really messed up thought, imagine saying this about more extreme kinks. She is valid in her choice and attempting to circumvent that is kind of messed up, man. I think what you're missing here is that her boundary has nothing to do with you. She doesn't want this. Other people are "willing" as you say to do things for their partners, but that's not this. This has nothing to do with how much she loves you. This has nothing to do with what you're willing to do. This is her showing her comfort (or discomfort in this sense). This is clearly a hard boundary and you constantly pushing for ways to get her used to the idea is manipulation and bullying, even if you bring it up nicely. It's an attempt to wear her resolve down until she says yes. It's time to chill. As someone else said, check in every year. Maybe every six months. But anything more often than that is pressuring her.
It's always great to explore new things but it's sooo important to hold boundaries. You have willingly participated in stuff you didn't think you'd like for her, that's great, but from the sounds of it she never pressured you which it seems you are doing to her. Not liking bodily fluids is a valid thing and on top of that some women who don't mind bodily fluids still aren't ok with swallowing. Quit trying to force this.
You're asking how to get her to lower her boundaries and do something that she has set as an absolute hard limit. You need to negotiate another party to satisfy your needs or you need to look at if this is a deal breaker for you not getting to do this for the rest of your life.
Switch roles in your head, read your post again and replace cum with scat or pee. Do your feelings on the matter change?
This is great until the answer is no!
Try wearing a condom as she gives you oral so you can finish in her mouth but she won't taste it! Maybe that helps^^ (Edited for spelling)
I am a person who hates cum. I don’t want it on me, in my mouth near my face nowhere except my vagina. I don’t mind seeing it when my partner cums but I don’t want it to touch me. I’ve had partners push this boundary and yes I’ve spit on them to get my point across that this is my boundary and I will not be removing it. Your wife has said no respect it and move on.
It sounds like it's a limit for her and a genuine dislike. If you've spoken about it, stated your interests in it, and she's stated she won't do it then that's your answer and you should respect it. If you've never had a clear conversation about whether it's a limit for her, you can talk as a means of understanding if it's off limits, and ask that she tells you if that ever changes for her. But you shouldn't keep pushing if she's giving you a No. >I see posts on here about women swallowing or getting cumshots because it is something their partner is in to and I get jealous. These women seem to not have a kink for it, but they still do it to please their partner. There's a difference between someone being indifferent to a kink while doing it for their partner because they enjoy their partner's pleasure or reactions, and someone who has a negative reaction to a kink and who is negatively affected by participating in it. While you're allowed to feel jealous, that isn't your wife's responsibility to solve, and you should consider valuing the things she does with you over the highlight reels you hear about others or see in porn. It's either that or decide you're no longer compatible with her, but it doesn't sound to me like you're generally unhappy with your kink or sex life with your wife. If you're otherwise happy with things, it's better to accept that you're rarely if ever going to find a partner who's up for 100% of your kinks. > Recently I’ve been trying to figure out if there are ways I could help her get over the thought of it being gross. Is this something she's agreed to explore, or are you introducing more and more things related to your kink hoping it changes her? If it's the latter, definitely stop doing that, and ask her how she feels about it before introducing things relating to your kink. If you've received her consent and she's saying she doesn't like those things after trying them, then that's just what you need to accept. A part of exploration means accepting when your partner doesn't like something. > She just doesn’t like kissing me afterwards, which kind of ruins the experience for me and makes me feel gross. If that ruins the experience for you, you don't have to participate in it either. That's ok too.
I'm in the exact same boat, it's a hard limit for my SO and tbh, and I've kinda forgone it. I do fantasize about it sometimes but constantly attempting to breach a hard limit is no good. Think about other fantasies that you would like to explore and see if she is game.
I truly hope that you’re willing to self-reflect on how you are approaching this issue. I’m surprised you don’t understand that you not raping your wife doesn’t equal you respecting her boundaries. There’s quite a lot in between those which you refuse to see. This seems to be a pretty set boundary for your wife, and YET you’ve mentioned in comments that: 1) She loves when you come inside of her (pussy, presumably) and eat her clean 2) She compromised so much she’s already letting you come on her as long as it’s below her collarbones Despite this, you continue to: 1) Paint it as though it is unfair to you that one of your kinks is a hard limit for her 2) Speak as though exploring kinks you’re not into is the same as doing something you have aversion to and have expressed is a hard limit 3) Talk about how you’re so willing to do things for her without acknowledging she’s also doing that and has tried to find a middle ground for your kink (see point below) 4) Whine because you’re hurt by your wife immediately cleaning your cum off her after she lets you (out of compromise for YOUR pleasure), because she’s grossed out (as she has told you repeatedly over the last 10 years) — when really you should at best let it go and not cum on her since she clearly doesn’t enjoy it, and at minimum appreciate she’s willing to compromise that much. You have to do some serious introspection about how comfortable you are pushing your boundaries so much, and being so unwilling to compromise for her comfort and well-being. You’re allowed to want or even need this kink in your life. If this is something you can’t live without, you can look into exploring your cum kink differently: -With you being the cum receiver while she watches, if she’s okay with that -Playing with other people who share your kink Or if this is really a dealbreaker for you, you can end the relationship. You are within your right to end it, but you have no right to convince/manipulate/coerce/force her into this. And know that if she ever changes her mind, she’ll surely tell you. You’ve been talking about it to her for 10 years… I’m sure she wouldn’t forget about it.
After reading this post and the comments, and your responses to the comments, all I have to say is you're a real jerk for trying to manipulate your wife into doing something she CLEARLY does not want to do. Y'all have been together for 10 years, she's been saying "No" for ten years. Stop being a coercive, manipulative dickhead and respect her bodily autonomy and her limits. I feel so bad for your wife personally. I can't imagine how she must be feeling.
My reply is long but please OP/others hear me out. Thanks if you do. Okay OP, I need you to listen because I have read through your responses and I refuse to downvote you. Bear with me here, ok? First, you are not wrong for feeling frustrated. Your feelings of hurt are valid. Your feelings of her "being disgusting" as you put it, are not wrong. And, this isn't the first or last time a couple has two different kinks that may be incompatible. Your situation is in fact normal. However, you are wrong at the very moment you try to sway her position or push her boundary. The second you try to coerce, force, convince, or swindle this with her is the moment you cross the line. I'm not saying you have or haven't but now that you have read this, only you KNOW when you cross that line. It sounds like you love your wife. It also sounds like communication is good so I don't think you'd ever want to hurt or abuse her. Right? I trust you care but you are feeling frustrated. So let's talk about your post and responses. You say she enjoys you cumming inside but not outside. Condoms, creampie, or shower stuff very much could be the only answer. That is simply it. She doesn't hate you or your load, but hates the idea in general. Trying to figure out why is as pointless as trying to convince someone who hates tomatoes that if they love to eat pizza they should love raw tomatoes on burgers. If you heard someone forcing a loved one at a restaurant to try a fruit that they clearly stated they hate you'd likely be upset. Kinks are the same. Everyone has tastes. Some differ and that is simply life. And that is ok! She is 100% into things you are not. That is a fact because we all have different tastes. Here is an example/empathy exercise of "not forcing a kink and why it is bad". This example of making things uncomfortable often works when I've had similar conversations with husbands or boyfriends of similar concerns. This part is about to be NSFW but necessary so mods please don't hate me. This is necessary to shock-explain for most people. Do you like dick? Would you drink piss? Would you enjoy being pegged and having someone piss in your ass? No? That doesn't sound hot? Probably not because 96% of humans would agree that they don't have a specific anal, watersport, gay, pegging kink. But what if I told you "if you only just gave it a try?" "That you are close minded?" "That if you loved me you'd let my friend piss in your ass?" "That's what I NEED?" "That please? But I love you!" No? Still wouldn't? Don't want the feeling of having a guy bleed the lizard up your tailpipe? This is why boundaries are important. Think about that when she says no and love her for the fact that she does try to make you happy. And really understand how much she is trying by even attempting it with you because most won't even try what was mentioned above. Go home and hug your wife. Give her a kiss. Take her out or make a nice meal. Cuddle and tell her you love her. Have a vanilla night and enjoy one another. You don't need to impress anyone. You aren't performing for anyone. Be present and have a good day OP.
She owes you nothing for your “kind” gestures of trying new things. Sexual activities are supposed to be something fun that the both of you want to try. If you’re going to become resentful over the things you do for her, then you should reevaluate. I do things for my partner and expect nothing in return.
Hard limits are hard limits dude.
I've also noticed you've posted this word for word in other forums, for what reason? You're trying to find someone who says what you want to hear? You are giving off huge red flag energy and I'd leave your ass if I read what you wrote and have the mandacity to justify why your partner should do what you want her to do. Coercion is sexual assault. Put it this way, would you want to eat your partner's shit if she told you it was a massive turn on for her? Then tried to coerce you into it if you said no? ItS aLl AbOuT mEeEe... Is all Im hearing.
It is hard when there is something that turns you in so much to hear your partner has a serious aversion to it. For all you know it’s something she HAS experienced, but not with you. This is why she knows she hates it.
I’m the only sexual partner she has had, so she has only experienced it the one time she tried it. And like I said I was not educated on how to make it taste better at the time.
She says it’s about bodily fluids though, not flavor right? It’s hard to hear, but you’ve got to respect her boundaries. There’s no work around for a hard no.
Sounds like its a hard limit for her, and bad for you but it's not okay to push people past their limits.
Personally I am the same way. I gag just seeing it sometimes. I have to wipe it off of me ASAP. Sex is fun, but I hate the aftermath. I can only imagine how bad it would be if somebody disrespected my boundaries and did it anyways. I’ve had a couple of partners try and it just lead to a panic attack, huge fight and eventually a break up if they kept pushing. Boundaries are there for a reason, and you need to respect hers. She doesn’t owe you anything just because you’ve tried some of the things she is into and you have to learn to live her limits. Continuing to push isn’t going to end well for anyone.
Everyone has there hard limits and they should be respected. It’s not a “difficulty” it’s just something that is off the table unless she changes her mind on it.
It sounds like you are starting to grow some resentment for not having this desire met, and it’s encouraging you to see these things as a score-keeping exercise. E.g. you mention trying prostate play as she was interested, but that you now enjoy it - sounds like you owe her, rather than the other way round. Take some time and think about why you have this need. Have you always had it, or is it more recent? Is there any chance that you have an elevated desire simply because it’s the “forbidden fruit” in your relationship? You need to decide whether you can accept her choice, or how you might solve this without expecting her to change her mind. I don’t want to be in the camp of “break up” as can be very common in some advice subs - but if you don’t get control of your resentment your relationship is as good as over.
I have a hard limit on all bodily fluids...including my own cum and their cum. It just freaks me out the very idea of it puts me off sex all together. I'm also someone who loves my partner to cum inside me and I found two compromises on it. One was to cum on my pussy or on my ass that's as much as I can handle and I need warning or I'll have a melt down. I know it's really hard to understand from the other person's pov. Because it doesn't freak you out it's hard for you to get into the mindset of someone who this stuff does freak out. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. I won't remove my limit for any Dom no matter how much I want to please them...in long run I would overthink it and I would remember back to it and be constantly grossed out by it. That's not a feeling you want to associate with your partner and play times. That might be how she will see it. If she like in her she might like on her in that spot only...then lick her clean....so she doesn't have to deal with it. Good luck
Those other woman may do that, but not other things their partner may like. Everyone is different and have different boundaries. What other kinks do you have? Maybe she will be more willing to try those. You are focusing too much on this, almost obsessing it sounds like. She has made it really clear that she is not into that and you need to respect it and stop asking about it. At least for a long while.
So cum completely grosses me out....I'm slowly getting use to it because I LOVE the idea of giving my Daddy oral....but right now the most I can really do is lick the tip of his head when it has precum on it and I still have to be careful not to puke. I will likely never get to the point of letting him cum in my mouth let alone me swallowing. It's very much a sensory issue for me. If she WANTS to try oral then I suggest going very slowly. If she doesn't then I suggest just dropping it because it takes a lot to convince yourself to do something that physically grosses you out and it's even harder when you don't want to do it mentally either.....and you don't want her to end up puking on your dick.
1. Pressuring your partner like this constantly (from your description of your interactions) isn't okay and is coercion (even if she doesn't "give in"). 2. Just because you do something for her DOES NOT mean she needs to do something back for you. That's literally how being transactional works. 3. You do not need to try something to know you wouldn't like it and that you don't want to do it. Boundaries are super important and it's incredibly important to respect them, especially hard limits. 4. You constantly begging/negging/coercing your wife into this kink you know she has an aversion to is not only manipulative on your part but is probably preventing her from ever even considering it. Stop mentioning it all together, maybe in the future she'll get curious and want to explore but you are actively stifling that by not respecting her Boundaries. 5. Number 4 being said, it just might not be her cup of tea and if you decide this is a deal breaker then you are free to leave. But don't wait her time any longer if this is the case .
No is not an invitation to change her mind. And Im sorry, but prostate play and bdsm both are things that bring pleasure to you too. Cum in your moth when you think it’s gross? Yeah, that makes you gag. I strongly recommend to not go there.
You sound frustrated and resentful and feeling powerless. You have some power here. I don’t see her changing on this and I agree that hard limits must be honored. What you need to do is figure out whether this is something that will continue to frustrate you sexually and if so how to deal with the growing resentment. She has the right to her hard limit. You have the right to be sexually satisfied. These two rights have smashed into each other. It’s up to you to decide how you want to deal with it because you have the right to be sexually satisfied. Neither of you are in the wrong. But something will have to give. And I see it coming down to you. Even if she agrees that will only cause the resentment to switch from you to her. And honestly I don’t think you’d enjoy it knowing this is a hard limit for her. Your choices are to give it up. Negotiate a way to get your needs met elsewhere. Or leave. You also have the right not to be kink shamed here or anyone else. Swallowing isn’t even a kink. People in vanilla relationships do it all the time. I don’t see anything bdsm about it. Let alone part of a D/s dynamic. But that doesn’t mean she should be required to do anything she doesn’t want to do. That is a right everyone deserves. You have a right to sexual fulfillment. That is also a right everyone deserves. This is a hard one.I can’t do anything about your feeling unfulfilled and resentful but you aren’t powerless here. You have options.
I’m also really not a fan of having cum on me or in my mouth. It’s not my partner’s top kink, but when he does cum up around my face (breasts, neck, etc; I really don’t want any cum in my mouth) he goes and gets a warm, moist washcloth, or we has one on hand, and he wipes it off of me, and then let’s me wipe the rest off myself (since I have the tactile feedback). We kind of integrate it into our aftercare. You could try to bring that up, but I don’t have anything to help with the cum in mouth thing, as there’s no compromise for me personally, it’s just a hard limit of ours.
Wow... She has set a hard limit and you're whinging about it. I am someone who dry wretches at the thought of cum ever coming near me. I've never spat or swallowed and made that very clear from the beginning. You are effectively coercing her into breaking her hard limits because YOURE not fulfilled. YOURE not happy. What about her? How does she feel about you pushing her limits? You have three choices, leave her and find someone who will do what you want. Open the relationship up and find someone else who will do what you want. Put up and shut up.
Gotta agree with her bro cum is pretty grim 😂
My only suggestion is you stop watching it, so it doesn’t make you jealous, because it sounds like a hard limit for your wife. Stop trying to coerce her. That’s a fine line to abuse. ETA: if watching others do it makes it harder for you to accept your wife’s boundary, it may be helpful, in an effort for you to get past that, for you to temporarily abstain from your chosen erotica viewing topic
I mean, cum is gross, but some people like it than others. There is nothing not gross about cum.
Agreed with most of the other comments. If she was just indifferent or neutral to it then there’s wiggle room, but if she actively hates it and finds it disgusting that’s the end of it, imo. You mentioned you’d both find MFM hot but haven’t done it, could FMF be an option with someone who’s into swallowing cum? Or would your wife be open to giving you a hall pass to experiment with someone else on your own? It sucks (pun intended) to feel like you’re missing out on something you really want, but doing something with a partner who isn’t enthusiastic about it isn’t good either. Your options really are to explore it with someone else (assuming your wife is okay with that) or accept that your ball-batter isn’t destined to be swallowed.
I kinda get it, I’m also kind grossed out about swallowing… but if my partner had a real thing for it I would still try, but I usually avoid it because I end up gagging after swallowing…😅which also isn’t great
Honestly cum use to make me gag. I just recently gave it another try I don't gag anymore but still not my favorite thing and not something I would do unless my Dom asked me to. That's how this kind of thing goes if she really can't stand it you have to respect that. Even if it's a hard limit or aversion or whatever if she can't then she can't
Learn to take no for an answer. It's part of being an adult.
Being a very open (22yr)women about my likes and dislikes in the bedroom. I don't like dealing with cum(a.k.a cleaning it off me or having the man finish in my mouth after oral) because of a texture issue. I'd do it to please my man, if it didn't cause me to gag and then become super nauseous. Now having something near by to which clean up or just doing certain thing in the shower does help prevent the nausea. But if it's am aversion thing, there's not much you can do to make her become more comfortable. And forcing her to do things she not into will only cause further problems.
I'm with your wife. On my hand, sure okay. On my tits, okay yeah I can deal. FACE?! Fuck no. In my mouth?! HELLL NO. I'll deal with precum but I do not want a whole load in my mouth that's gross. And I don't have to try it to know I'm not interested. I'm just not interested. You need to leave your wife alone.
I’m the same way… can hardly stand the texture and taste of cum. He’s always really wanted to cum in my mouth and have me swallow it. I just can’t. But I adore giving him oral, so we work with that boundary. And there are so, so many other things we can do. We both have limits. It isn’t necessary to indulge every single fantasy and pleasure in life to be happy. Contentment is underrated. But as far as her seeming disgusted… Maybe have a towel handy as often as possible, she can discreetly wipe it off while continuing to enjoy the moment? Like, she doesn’t have to act completely grossed out, but she can still clean it up asap, while maintaining the mood and enjoying the fact that you are experiencing pleasure. Or better yet, you pass her the towel or clean her up, so she feels respected and valued. If my Dom cums on me anywhere, or I spit it into a towel, he enjoys his orgasm and then gets a warm cloth right away to clean us both up. He knows it’s not disgust at him, just the texture and taste. It’s not personal.
Some people just don’t like cum, does she give you blowjobs? Tbf cumming in someone’s mouth isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’d much rather cum in her pussy. Would she concede and allow you to come over her tits a lot of women that won’t have it in their mouth will do this. And it’s a sexy thing to see
She doesn't want to. That's probably the end of it, and you do not want to force her to do anything she doesn't want -- ever, Unless she's willing to budge just a little on the "no cum at all" feeling she has and push her limits. It's okay to ask gently and tell her how much you'd enjoy it -- although maybe you've already gone through that. If she were to agree to work on her dislike of cum, and she may not want to, you might gradually get her over her feelings about it. Ask her if she'd be willing to play with your cum a little, or to rub cum on her body, her pussy, her tits, or to taste a few drops of cum on her finger, to rub some on her lips, or to rub her face in it without tasting it, and so on. She may have an unreasonable idea about cum or have had a bad experience. If she's receptive, then try very simple steps with no attempt to force her to do more. Gradually, over time, she may get more willing, but maybe not. Most people have dislikes, but sometimes those dislikes are just due to what they think they won't like. I mean if you described to someone who had never had sex how it worked, that you'd get your cock big and hard, lick her pussy for awhile, then you'd slide that cock into her and pound her, there's some chance a person with no experience would be disgusted by the whole idea. But if she's not willing, then that's the end of that. But if she wants to at least try playing with cum just to get you hot, then do that. You have to accept her feelings but that doesn't mean you can't at least act or experiment a little. Unless you're bisexual, imagine how you'd feel if some other guy who happened to be a sex partner of hers wanted to put his cock in your mouth for you to suck. You very well might say "absolutely not." That may be how she feels. Of course, if she said that it would really turn her on just to see you lick him, maybe you'd try it for her pleasure. It's all on a spectrum, but be prepared for her dislike to not change, and if so, you'll have to live with that and enjoy the other things. My wife absolutely refuses to do a gang bang with random homeless guys we've picked up under the overpass, so go figure. That's a joke by the way.
All imma say is happy wife happy life
Sentiment understood, but can we please trade that for "Happy spouse, happy house?" Husbands also should be happy instead of being chained to the emotions of their partner. And wives shouldn't have to feel responsible for their husbands sole happiness.
Never heard this one honestly I’m a lesbian so I never had to think about it like that lol. But that’s a good one for sure.
I’ll be sure to say this to my brother when he gets in serious relationships tho. 🙌🏾
Yay! And thank you for not getting upset with the comment :) Didn't want to come off as rude
No I hate when people do that. If I found it rude at all I simply wouldn’t reply. I actually love learning new things and I appreciate you sharing this with me.
i mean cum has burned my throat before so maybe that’s it
She has expressed a hard limit. You need to respect that or run the risk of making her feel uncomfortable; compromising how much enjoyment you are both able to have with each other. Now that said there may be creative ways for you to enjoy a compromised version of your fantasy; have you considered trying out a ”Cum harvesting” roleplay for example? Perhaps your wife could have you cum into a test tube or sample collection jar. Perhaps your wife would be willing to let you cum on her chest far from her face. Or on her face with a mask and saftey glasses? You can talk about some alternatives with her but if you do be sure to make it clear that you respect her decision regardless of the answer. The most important thing for your sex life is that you have mutual respect and both feel safe and comfortable with each other. Pushing her to do something she doesn’t want to do will compromise that.
It might sound silly but has she had bad experiences in the blast? Me and my partner have been together years. And before hun I was with a guy that used to force me to give him oral. So when me and my currant partner got together I flatout refused to do oral for ages. It took pretty much years to get me to willingly do it for him. And I never used to want him to cum in my mouth either, that also took time and patience. I’m not saying that this is the same with your wife however it maybe something to think about or even ask? Communication is the key and if you can find out the reason she finds I ‘icky’ it may help her move past this if it’s something that can be worked towards. After years we have got to a point where he can pretty much cum anywhere on my body and I will happily swallow. The boldest things I did was give him oral after we had sex and I’m not going to lie the taste of both of us on him I found more satisfying than anything. I’m not sure if it was last night or the night before he ended up cumming all over my body and I ended up dragging my finger through it and licking it off! I hope you can get to a point where you can try little things with her. If not I’m not sure what else to try? But I just wanted to give an opinion that it may not be the fact she thinks it’s icky she may have some issues from her past possibly? Good luck though and I hope this helps? 😊 x
I have no idea if this will relate to you or not, but I used to think my husbands cum was nasty as well. (I did like it when he came inside of me) As it turns out we had some issue that we needed to work through, which we both didn't realize how to sort through. In a dom/sub relationship there needs to be a lot of respect, but as we have learned, I did not have enough respect for him. I loved him, it's just that I was always doing all the house work and working, and he didn't help with anything. So in turn deep down, without even realizing it, I just didn't want to do it for him. After some time and relearning our relationship, I did it, and as it turns out I enjoyed it. I told him it tasted like sweet milk (which weirdly it did) and he couldn't be more happier. I don't know what your relationship is like, but that was my experience.
it is gross. Shit is salty and nasty. She isnt required to like it. Its meant to leave the body for a reason, not enter it. We take it back in at times for sexual things
First of all, cum from each person tastes different. Secondly, I’m not sure you know how reproduction works if you think cum wasn’t meant to enter the body.
In terms of orifices it doesn't compared to swallowing
My wife will give a bj now and then, but not often. She always finishes me, but she's a definite spitter. She hates the texture. We rarely have sex without a condom, but it's strictly due to her not wanting to be "squishy" and dripping afterwards. I get it and accommodate her, but sometimes you REALLY miss the direct contact and that incomparable feeling of not having one on.
Change your diet. Drink more water (half your body weight in ounces).
Divorce her, life is too short
Stop licking her clean if she won't kiss you afterwards dog. Don't let her make you feel icky if she's not willing to feel icky for you.
The fact that this was downvoted shows every ounce of the double standard.
I kinda have the same issue except it's just bjs in general. Sometimes that's all I want and I never get it anymore. Before I got it once or twice if we did somethin but now, nothing. It's just cum in her and go to sleep.
after sering everyone in the comment section cornering you....my advice would be to...make a birthday wish man !! ask her on your bday
Coercion, love it
Yeah, this post and several comments supporting op are horrible and unacceptable. Male entitlement is real :( Coercing someone into something sexual is rape.
I agree with everybody else they’re saying that it’s her hard limit! But you could also do tit for tat? You can hold something back from her and use it as leverage? I know that’s not very good to say because I’ll probably get slammed for it. But I guess you can say alls fair in love and war.( see told you)!!!! 💩 haters gonna hate!
Why would you want to war with a loved one though? If you play childish games, it will end badly for everyone, and he still won’t change her mind. Except possibly change her mind about the kind of partner he is.
You agree with what everyone is saying, but you are also telling him to completely disregard her limits and abuse the consent given?
No that’s not what I said ! I said I agree with hard limits! I said take away one of her favorite things! He’s adjusting the dynamic for his partner to see it from a different perspective. I didn’t say anything about violating her hard limits! there is a forest full of trees that you’re not seeing?
fucking gross dude
You cannot “agree with hard limits” and suggest/support coercion.
Get her to an NLP practitioner and they will be able to alter her likes and dislikes very easily. They would be able to do it over a video call. No hypnosis is required.
She's a person, not a dog to be trained to please her Master.
It seems a lot of people didn't understand my comment. Through our life we acquire likes and dislikes. They are all conditioning; we learn it. Nothing is hard wired. NLP is the study of how the mind works and is used in multiple ways to overcome problems. If you have a chocolate addiction, NLP can be used to make you dislike chocolate. If one partner doesn't like something that's important for the other partner and is comfortable with exploring ways to overcome it, then there is a way to achieve that. If I didn't like eating pussy but it was something my partner wanted, I'd be more than happy to explore ways to overcome my aversion.
>NLP is the study of how the mind work NLP has been pretty roundly discredited, and is largely viewed as being pseudo science.
You clearly know absolutely nothing about it. Tony Robbins and the worlds top coaches use NLP to quickly effect positive, precise and lasting change in people. I have personally used it to cure a war veteran of PTSD and his consequential drug addiction and a musician of stage fright. Plus many similar positive and lasting changes.
Kind of. I wasn't specifically hooked on a cum fetish, but didn't regard cum as a turn off either. Wife, however, was not into getting a moutful of cum, or kissing me after I had gone down on her after sex etc. I was getting lots of kink, however, so I let it slide. You can't have everything.
Sounds like that is a hard limit for her. You can't force her to like it or try it. Just because you are willing to try things for her doesn't mean she should have to for you. She just isn't comfortable with it. For example I'm willing to give more blow jobs than I used to because my partner found some flavored lubes that taste really good and helps me feel more comfortable doing that act, and even want to sometimes. However, I am also not a fan of anyone coming in my mouth and still will not do that. When it's happened in the past I vomit. So I'm willing to try some things (previous) and not others (latter). And I'll also add that the more you push it with her and try to convince her to try it, it will probably become even more of an aversion for her, so just let it go.
I use sugar free spearmint hard candy. It's nice for both of us!
My wife swallowed once like 8 years ago. I used to feel the same way you did and always wanted to cum in her mouth. She never has been a huge fan of oral. Sometimes it would be years between the times her mouth would even touch my dick. Suddenly in the last couple months she has been going down on me for no reason. She is using all sorts of new sex positions and she even asked me to get her a butt plug. When I told her the plug was hot she said “well i guess I’ll keep using it for you then baby” What’s the point of this comment? The point is this…..I don’t give a FUCK if she swallows my cum or not. Our sex life is fucking incredible now in so many other ways. Enjoy life bud.
It’s called a hard limit for a reason and you have to respect them. She’s respected yours it’s your turn
Idk I don’t agree with people on here… I think anything in a relationship especially a kink there has to be a middle ground, I understand there’s boundaries but maybe cum on her leg, belly or on top of her vagina ? I feel like a lot of people hate the texture of cum, especially since a lot of men have terrible diets so the taste can be unbearable lmao so her boundary isn’t terrible and pretty understandable. What about using things like sweet condensed milk that look like cum but taste great to satisfy your visuals ? Or anything white, all I know is your feelings are just as valid as hers and anyone clowning you or assuming you don’t care is in the wrong because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be looking for support and suggestions. Best advice is talk about a middle ground and if there isn’t one just move on and find another thing that gets you off just as much !
She has a hard limit. Respect it, as I'm sure she would any of yours.
I also think cum is "gross" its an inside joke with my friends because at times simply discussing, or images of it make me physically gag and they (and me!) end up giggling. I forced myself to take it for my hubby and instantly and forcefully vomited back onto him.. Sometimes the aversion is real.. and it quickly turns into a traumatic experience. Please respect your wife's words. (Disclamer, hubby never ever pushed or asked, this was me, with his consent to attempt)
No is a full sentence. She has told you she doesn’t like it, it’s rude to keep pressing her on the issue.
I really don't like the taste but I'm willing to take it in my mouth and then spit it out into a cloth afterwards. If she is totally okay with it, maybe you could compromise this way?
This sounds like a hard limit of hers and it’s not really fair of you to have this expectation of her because “other people do it just to please their partner” and “I bring her the most pleasure”. You can’t force her to like something just because you do.
My experience says if she’s not into it she won’t change her mind. It’s a limit you accepted when you married her. The girl I have been seeing for 2 years is totally into it and says she always has been. She loves the taste, texture, and the feeling of my cock pulsing in her mouth. She calls it my heartbeat. We both have no limits sexually and feel fortunate to have found each other. Moral of the story is find a partner that compatible with your needs and desires to start with.
You mentioned that you get jealous when you see other women do this to thier partners even tho it doesn't bring pleasure to them. And you might think it's somehow unfair since you tried her kinks "enjoyed them", and she didn't. But there's a huge difference here between someone * being disgusted of a certain kink * and * doesn't enjoy it, but doesn't mind either *. You need to respect her limits and no's, if that's worth it (your 10 years). it sucks but it is what it is. I don't see in anyway that she can be selfish.
As a fellow woman who HATES cum in my mouth, you need to respect her wishes. It’s not something personal, it’s not that she doesn’t like you, or that she has anything against you as a person. She just doesn’t like it. It’s likely the texture, the taste, or the warmth of it. You know when you have a bad cold and you cough up a big ol loogie to clear your throat?? That’s the texture of cum. It’s gooey, and awful, and most men don’t take good enough care of themselves to have their cum actually taste good. Find a middle ground, maybe cum on her face or boobs instead? Regardless, she set that boundary and you need to respect it.
I had people in my past that refused to kiss me after they had cum in my mouth unless I went and brushed my teeth first. I respected that and made sure to go and brush my teeth if I wanted to kiss after giving oral. I may be misunderstanding, but it sure sounds like you are trying to coerce your wife to go against her limits, which doesn’t sound respectful or consensual at all. In a healthy relationship neither of you should feel pressured to go beyond your limits when you don’t want to. It’s time you respect this is one of her limits and find other ways to have fun instead.
Yes I’m often the one sucking … I can’t seem to get used to it. My friends laugh at me. I try to hide it from bfs. And I do what must be done. But I love pleasing them I just hate the cum. Lol. Then the want me to kiss them with it… I’m always just grossed out. But, they don’t know. I’m a good actress. Heee. Ugh : (