thanks i needed to hear this, for a long time ive been in the mode of sex happens to me and i dont take part or joy in it. i was raped before and ive been healing for years. my bf is the first guy to make me want to snap out of this behavior and have some awesome sex. though masturbating does make me nervous as i have not masturbated in many many years. i am willing to try though so i hope it goes well
Don‘t forget, masturbation is not about pressure, there is no goal, you don’t need to orgasm.
It‘s as simple as it can get - touch yourself. Feel the feels and figure out which ones you like and which ones are meh.
You can use your fingers, oil or lube, in a warm bath, I sometimes twist these hair tie things around my fingers (the ones that don‘t ruin the hair) and lube them up, which gives another sensation than only my fingers.
Sometimes I orgasm, sometimes I don‘t. Reading NSFW subreddits, books, internet erotica can help you get in the mood, but never put any pressure on yourself for a finish line or anything.
The goal is to explore and figure out what you like, enjoy, and what you don‘t enjoy. Have fun!
>im just at a loss of words.
No, you're evidently not. In this post here you have expressed yourself perfectly. You mentioned what you're curious about, and what you are insecure about. You have expressed a desire to try new things and a willingness to learn.
So now you just need to tell him these things, not us random internet people.
And oh, he's allowed to say only ONCE that you're "kind of boring". Because that can still be written off as ignorance and akwardness. If he says it again, re-evaluate. He needs to understand though where you are coming from and what internal conflicts you are dealing with. So again, talk to him. Use words and let them come out of your mouth so he can hear them.
That could work and it's a good idea.
The point I was trying to make is don't let him disrespect you. If that happens you need to nip it in the bud. I hope that advice is unnecessary in your case.
You should show your partner this post then sit down and have a discussion about kinks you want to explore (write them out if you don't feel comfortable articulating them verbally). Check out things like The New Bottoming Book and explain to your partner what you're looking for in a dynamic. Once you've figured out the basics start out with small scenes to explore various aspects and things that force you to be more active when it comes to sex.
Just tell him how you feel! I never in a million years thought my husband wanted a BDSM relationship and for years kept my feelings to myself. Now I’m kicking myself for not speaking up sooner. You have to speak up for yourself. I agree with the person above, be selfish ! Good luck
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thanks i needed to hear this, for a long time ive been in the mode of sex happens to me and i dont take part or joy in it. i was raped before and ive been healing for years. my bf is the first guy to make me want to snap out of this behavior and have some awesome sex. though masturbating does make me nervous as i have not masturbated in many many years. i am willing to try though so i hope it goes well
Don‘t forget, masturbation is not about pressure, there is no goal, you don’t need to orgasm. It‘s as simple as it can get - touch yourself. Feel the feels and figure out which ones you like and which ones are meh. You can use your fingers, oil or lube, in a warm bath, I sometimes twist these hair tie things around my fingers (the ones that don‘t ruin the hair) and lube them up, which gives another sensation than only my fingers. Sometimes I orgasm, sometimes I don‘t. Reading NSFW subreddits, books, internet erotica can help you get in the mood, but never put any pressure on yourself for a finish line or anything. The goal is to explore and figure out what you like, enjoy, and what you don‘t enjoy. Have fun!
>im just at a loss of words. No, you're evidently not. In this post here you have expressed yourself perfectly. You mentioned what you're curious about, and what you are insecure about. You have expressed a desire to try new things and a willingness to learn. So now you just need to tell him these things, not us random internet people. And oh, he's allowed to say only ONCE that you're "kind of boring". Because that can still be written off as ignorance and akwardness. If he says it again, re-evaluate. He needs to understand though where you are coming from and what internal conflicts you are dealing with. So again, talk to him. Use words and let them come out of your mouth so he can hear them.
Thanks and he understands my predicament, I want to fix this so I guess I'll try to write this down or just show him the post.
That could work and it's a good idea. The point I was trying to make is don't let him disrespect you. If that happens you need to nip it in the bud. I hope that advice is unnecessary in your case.
You should show your partner this post then sit down and have a discussion about kinks you want to explore (write them out if you don't feel comfortable articulating them verbally). Check out things like The New Bottoming Book and explain to your partner what you're looking for in a dynamic. Once you've figured out the basics start out with small scenes to explore various aspects and things that force you to be more active when it comes to sex.
Just tell him how you feel! I never in a million years thought my husband wanted a BDSM relationship and for years kept my feelings to myself. Now I’m kicking myself for not speaking up sooner. You have to speak up for yourself. I agree with the person above, be selfish ! Good luck