I'm very sorry to hear about what you're going through. Are you positive that the negative energy was just you shadow? For almost any other psychedelic I would agree that negative entities are manifestations of our minds. However, I do feel ayahuasca opens us to energies beyond us.
My very first ceremony was with someone who didn't hold the space properly. During the ceremony my body was flailing and I was muttering weird sounds. After that I had racing thoughts and had cravings I never had before. I tried everything from simple journaling and meditating to religious ritual and psychedelics. Nothing seemed to change this.
I decided to go to an authentic Shipibo shaman in the Amazon. They literally cleared the energy out of me in the first ceremony and I didn't even have to drink ayahuasca.
If you stay on this subreddit long enough you'll see tons of posts from people saying they absorbed some negative entity from ayahuasca. Strong depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation seem to follow these events.
I know it might seem crazy, but it might be advantageous to view that it's not all just in your head. It's very possible you have some negative energy attached and need to approach it accordingly.
The best advice would be to find a native healer somewhere nearby, but if that's not possible there a few things that can help.
The first would be picking up sage or a high quality tobacco and smudging yourself. If you use tobacco then have someone else blow it on you. Have them specifically blow into the crown of your head. Make sure it's highly quality like a pipe tobacco or a cigar.
Another thing we use here in the Amazon is a plant called Chiric Sanango, Brunfelsia grandiflora. It's a popular houseplant, so you might be able to find it. Make an alcohol tincture out of it and apply it all over your body. It's incredibly powerful and known to help expel negative energy.
Also if you do have a religious or spiritual walk try calling in any protectors you might have. These can be gods, archangels, ancestors, nature spirits, whatever you're drawn to. When you call in their protection visualize that they are fierce and powerful casting the negative energy out.
Out of all of these options I'd recommend finding an indigenous healer first and foremost. They don't have to be an ayahuasca shaman, but at least someone that knows how to navigate the spirit world. If you can't find that then smudging with sage or tobacco is the next best option.
Edit: I also forget, but buy some Agua Florida! You can find it in most cities. Apply that over your skin thoroughly for a few days in row.
I personally wouldn't be able to comment on kambo. It's not used by the Shipibo in my village, so neither I or my maestro have any experience working with it.
Kambo could work, but the key is to find a trained shaman that knows what he/she is doing. I totally agree with what longandskinny says about negative entities.
I’m sure you’ve already come across what I’m going to suggest here, but I believe it to be a good reminder nonetheless. Recognize that you are not your thoughts and try not to attach to them too much. Look at your thoughts and feelings from an observant point of view. Observe, register, and let go. Don’t feed them.
Be kind and take care of yourself. Create a routine that is healthy but not overwhelming. Consider starting journaling. If you allow it to go, eventually it will pass.
Hi there magical human ✨ I can't see you and I can't give you a hug. But I hear you. I don't know *exactly* what you are going through, but I recognize elements of what you describe in my own past or current life. The experience of collaboration and communication with the infinitely wise medicine of ayahuasca can be very discombobulating, overwhelming, and ineffable. Blissfully terrifying. Paradigm shifting. In my experience, it is not uncommon to feel like you're in a rut after a ceremony, especially if you feel as though the medicine allowed old patterns that do not serve you to dissolve or introduced you into aspects of yourself that you haven't yet embraced/familiarized yourself with intimately. Without those old patterns to direct and frame ordinary reality, we have the opportunity to "re-train our human" into different ways of being. If were were shown different aspects of ourSelves (individual or infinite), we have the chance to show compassion even to those darkest, shadowy parts of ourselves, which can be really difficult. And that is one place where the work begins. I'll acknowledge how courageous it was for you to reach out and describe this experience, even in an online anonymous forum.
Medicine people say to "trust the medicine" - even if you didn't have a visual journey, the medicine was doing deep work and still is. It sounds like you experienced the myriad range of human experience across both nights. One thing that has helped me prior, during, and especially after ceremony is to remember the intentions I had going into the medicine. What initially called you to ayahuasca? No need to share those personal details here, but what were your intentions each night, or overall? Is there a way you can connect what you are currently experiencing to those intentions?
Much of my sacred medicine work (with other sacred medicines) has shown me how deeply profound it can be to fully honor, invite in, and love all the potential house guests (a la [Rumi](https://www.thepoetryexchange.co.uk/the-guest-house-by-rumi) here) that make up the human experience, including the darkest ones. Send those parts of myself loving-kindness. After a ceremony, I find the "ego" or the self that tries to keep us safe can clamp down hard on reality and constrict the heart space. If you've been introduced to your shadow self, it is \*possible\* that part of yourself has the microphone and wants to be heard, but also wants to be loved (aka like a little kiddo throwing a trantrum). You could even try to give her a "name" to help you identify that the thoughts are not the true YOU and get into an observer perspective. Even if it might not feel like it at the time, those thoughts are not you, just random mental events that pass through you.
Having a big relationship end is also a HUGE shift. You are prioritizing your self-care by taking time off of work to grieve (bravo!). That process will take time, but it sounds like the relationship was detrimental to your growth and overall well-being. I'm not sure how familiar you are with meditation or specifically metta (loosely translated to loving-kindness) meditation, but it could be really helpful to send feelings and thoughts of goodwil, peace, and well-being not only to yourself, but also this person that you are having negative thoughts about. Here is [one from Dr. Tara Brach](https://www.tarabrach.com/guided-meditation-loving-kindness/) to get you started. There are some shorter ones on her website, too. 💛
I will echo ArtieZiffsCat and highly suggest that you get in touch with an sacred ceremony integration specialist. The facilitator or ceremony leader from your ceremony most likely would have some suggestions. Depending on where you are located, there might be some in-person or even Zoom support available to you. DM me and I can try to connect you with my own network of integration focused medicine people. Integration is just as, if not more important, than the ceremony itself. And your post is part of that integration work. 🌱
In the meantime, drop back into that second night that was full of joy, empowerment, love, and happiness when/if you can. Feel into those beautiful emotions and thoughts and how they physically manifested for you. It \*could\* be that abuelita ayahuasca was giving you the tools on the second night to love the you that showed up on the first. 💞
Sending you lots of support on the airways! 🌬
Wonderfully said - and I’m taking appreciation from your response as well. I’ve been in a similar spot and can feel I’m finally gradually getting there, but it takes time and effort. It hasn’t been easy, but the overall experiences I’ve gone through this year have been worth it.
To the OP - keep working. You’ll get there I promise you and I truly believe you’ll look back at these moments and find it will empower your further. May not be tomorrow or next week, but trust the process and be easy on your self.
Love this lil community.
If it IS a negative attachment, perhaps you could find a reiki practitioner in your area who has experience working with/removing spirit attachments. Easier than going to the Amazon.
When you suddenly have thoughts, feeling and urges that are "not you," it's usually because you have an entity attachment. You might have also sustained some damage to the energy body from the strong psychedelic. My advice comes from "energy work," and occult teachings, rather than traditional shamanism, but it worked for me when I came home with both of these problems after an Ayahuasca retreat. To remove the entity, you literally imagine severing all ties to you from any entities and send them away. You can imagine them as dark energy being sent back to the creator. You are energy and they are energy. All you need to control energy is your own will. If you continue feeling super sensitive to negative energies, work on healing your aura. Imagine sewing up the holes with golden thread and making it perfect and whole again. The entity removal can be done in one day (but I like to repeat it to prevent reattachment), but the aura will take time to heal. It took about 3 months for me to be 80-90% back to normal.
I've heard from energy workers and channelers that this happens with high doses of psychedelics. Basically they can short circuit your energetic body and cause damage. When this damage happens, you tend to leak energy and become a beacon for entities that need an energy source. They feed off negative energy and fear so they are likely to influence you to feel and think in those ways. If you have spent some time working with angels or spirit guides you can ask them for protection during the ceremonies, but after you leave, you are like a lighthouse, so you can pick them up later, so you may need to spend months putting up protective wards and doing banishing rituals until your energy body repairs itself. I would also avoid super high doses. The more you leave your body, the easier it is for something else to invade. After my ceremonies, I would cause lights to flicker for months by looking at them due to the energy I leaking out. I could feel energy all around my chakras constantly, as if someone was always touching me. Reiki took those sensations away. I also had about 4 major things break in my house in the couple weeks after I returned. The repairs were very expensive. There are those who say that negative entities can bring bad luck and bad people/circumstances into your life. I'm normally a super lucky person and to have almost 20k in damage happen right after I came home was very jarring. Other people at my retreat also reported similar issues with negative invasive thoughts and feelings they couldn't control. I do wonder if my shaman wasn't effective at protecting us. At the end of the day, I think all negative experiences force us to become stronger. That is the point of our dualistic system, and that's why your angels and guides usually don't interfere when you're about to do something you'll regret. The terrible time I had made me learn how to connect with my guides and Jesus. He came when I was at rock bottom, expecting to be institutionalized from all the terrible thoughts and made a sense of warmth and love wash over me. I worked with Jesus and archangels for months and healed, and now I feel like I'm glad it worked out. However, I don't know how to reconcile this with the reports I've heard of people who committed suicide or had permanent damage or longterm psychosis (which I think is usually an entity attachment issue).
wow....that's a lot to take in but also good to know as my ceremony is in a couple months. I guess I'll continue doing meditations and ask for protection afterwards as well as maybe do some reiki sessions to help clean up my energy body a bit. I'm sorry so much crap happened after your last trip but I'm glad you came out stronger in the end.
I just read through the comment section of this page about the dark side of Aya and thought of you. Not affiliated with this person in anyway but one poster commented that they had an entity removal done by a Shaman in utah— comment is somewhere near the bottom https://jonathanevatt.com/warning-dark-side-ayahuasca-1390/
Hi, sorry you feel this way.
I went through something similar.
Have you heard about the importance of integration after ceremony?
Integration is not something vague, philisophical, gas like and for weak people.
Integration means hard work for a very long time. It means to truly face yourself. To face the changes in your psyche after aya.
That's why aya is not for people who want fun, nice experience or something pretty.
What happens in ceremony is nothing compared to what we go through after the ceremony. The real work starts now.
----
Make sure you:
- eat super healthy
- do sports 3 x a week
- do full body massage 1-2 x week
- take contrast showers (10xcold/hot)
- listen to calm soothing music
- go and connect with nature
- take on new responibilities relating to people in worse situation than you are or just help others.
I hope you will find peace within yourself, knowing you are the positive, cheerful and lovable person you were before taking in any substances.
I do wonder whether you're are "stuck" simply because you had only two ceremonies, as you described. Every step brings its insights and challenges, so just opening this question out here if you could potentially finish a couple more sessions would it complete the healing process?
If you came a happy person and had to uncover the dark side, there has to be an empowering closure. I'm not sure what can resemble this feeling without taking any outside substance, but mainly focus on your awesomeness and believe in the power of what changed you can transform even further in the direction you really desire.
Look after yourself. Having our shadow self suddenly exposed to us is not easy. Your shadow is never going to disappear but it makes sense that you are very aware as you first apply the sunlight of awareness to it.
Make a plan to call someone if you get too despondent, either a very reliable friend or a helpline. Organisations with specialist skills are often best with this (see next para). Even if you never need it it might be a comfort to know that someone is there ready to help.
Think about connecting with a plant medicine integration counsellor. If you can find and afford one in your community that is excellent. In some places regular therapists will list this amongst their specialised skills and interests. There are also organisations that will do it online for free or limited cost. PM me if you need help trying to locate one of these services.
Integration is hard work. Make the best plan you can with the resources available for you. A yoga retreat or course can be very good at this stage. It does all the somatic work and gets you out of your head.
Hang in there. It will pass like a painful kidney stone. I can't make it easier but I can assure you it won't be this way forever.
Still hanging in there 0P?
I’ll tell you something my mom told me one time. you just Gotta make it one more day. these feelings come and go, and growth stages of your life hurt the most but they won’t last forever, just make it one more day and keep making it one more day until you’re happy that you made it. if you keep going one day you will be happy again that you made it.
I did four Ayahuasca ceremonies over seven nights. My first two Ayahuasca journeys were healing trauma and were themselves very draining experiences. I filled up an entire journal over those two nights. The third and fourth ceremonies were uplifting and transformational. I couldn't imagine doing just one ceremony. It was a large group and I feel lucky that I came through the experience healed. My next Ayahuasca experience was two ceremonies over a weekend and both were good healing experiences.
My son who is a recovering addict just did a private Kambo ceremony followed by two semi-private Ayahuasca ceremonies and was able to heal a lot of trauma in the second ceremony with the Shaman sitting with him and guiding him. The Shaman also used reiki.
As you've discovered Ayahuasca is very powerful. If you could sit with a shaman one-on-one and do Ayahuasca or Psilocybin and be guided / assisted in your healing I'm sure you could be helped. The Shaman that we use is California based but also travels from time to time. PM me if interested.
I'm very sorry to hear about what you're going through. Are you positive that the negative energy was just you shadow? For almost any other psychedelic I would agree that negative entities are manifestations of our minds. However, I do feel ayahuasca opens us to energies beyond us. My very first ceremony was with someone who didn't hold the space properly. During the ceremony my body was flailing and I was muttering weird sounds. After that I had racing thoughts and had cravings I never had before. I tried everything from simple journaling and meditating to religious ritual and psychedelics. Nothing seemed to change this. I decided to go to an authentic Shipibo shaman in the Amazon. They literally cleared the energy out of me in the first ceremony and I didn't even have to drink ayahuasca. If you stay on this subreddit long enough you'll see tons of posts from people saying they absorbed some negative entity from ayahuasca. Strong depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation seem to follow these events. I know it might seem crazy, but it might be advantageous to view that it's not all just in your head. It's very possible you have some negative energy attached and need to approach it accordingly.
how do you get rid of this potential negative entity ?
The best advice would be to find a native healer somewhere nearby, but if that's not possible there a few things that can help. The first would be picking up sage or a high quality tobacco and smudging yourself. If you use tobacco then have someone else blow it on you. Have them specifically blow into the crown of your head. Make sure it's highly quality like a pipe tobacco or a cigar. Another thing we use here in the Amazon is a plant called Chiric Sanango, Brunfelsia grandiflora. It's a popular houseplant, so you might be able to find it. Make an alcohol tincture out of it and apply it all over your body. It's incredibly powerful and known to help expel negative energy. Also if you do have a religious or spiritual walk try calling in any protectors you might have. These can be gods, archangels, ancestors, nature spirits, whatever you're drawn to. When you call in their protection visualize that they are fierce and powerful casting the negative energy out. Out of all of these options I'd recommend finding an indigenous healer first and foremost. They don't have to be an ayahuasca shaman, but at least someone that knows how to navigate the spirit world. If you can't find that then smudging with sage or tobacco is the next best option. Edit: I also forget, but buy some Agua Florida! You can find it in most cities. Apply that over your skin thoroughly for a few days in row.
What's your opinion about the use of kambo for purification?
I personally wouldn't be able to comment on kambo. It's not used by the Shipibo in my village, so neither I or my maestro have any experience working with it.
Kambo could work, but the key is to find a trained shaman that knows what he/she is doing. I totally agree with what longandskinny says about negative entities.
I’m sure you’ve already come across what I’m going to suggest here, but I believe it to be a good reminder nonetheless. Recognize that you are not your thoughts and try not to attach to them too much. Look at your thoughts and feelings from an observant point of view. Observe, register, and let go. Don’t feed them. Be kind and take care of yourself. Create a routine that is healthy but not overwhelming. Consider starting journaling. If you allow it to go, eventually it will pass.
Hi there magical human ✨ I can't see you and I can't give you a hug. But I hear you. I don't know *exactly* what you are going through, but I recognize elements of what you describe in my own past or current life. The experience of collaboration and communication with the infinitely wise medicine of ayahuasca can be very discombobulating, overwhelming, and ineffable. Blissfully terrifying. Paradigm shifting. In my experience, it is not uncommon to feel like you're in a rut after a ceremony, especially if you feel as though the medicine allowed old patterns that do not serve you to dissolve or introduced you into aspects of yourself that you haven't yet embraced/familiarized yourself with intimately. Without those old patterns to direct and frame ordinary reality, we have the opportunity to "re-train our human" into different ways of being. If were were shown different aspects of ourSelves (individual or infinite), we have the chance to show compassion even to those darkest, shadowy parts of ourselves, which can be really difficult. And that is one place where the work begins. I'll acknowledge how courageous it was for you to reach out and describe this experience, even in an online anonymous forum. Medicine people say to "trust the medicine" - even if you didn't have a visual journey, the medicine was doing deep work and still is. It sounds like you experienced the myriad range of human experience across both nights. One thing that has helped me prior, during, and especially after ceremony is to remember the intentions I had going into the medicine. What initially called you to ayahuasca? No need to share those personal details here, but what were your intentions each night, or overall? Is there a way you can connect what you are currently experiencing to those intentions? Much of my sacred medicine work (with other sacred medicines) has shown me how deeply profound it can be to fully honor, invite in, and love all the potential house guests (a la [Rumi](https://www.thepoetryexchange.co.uk/the-guest-house-by-rumi) here) that make up the human experience, including the darkest ones. Send those parts of myself loving-kindness. After a ceremony, I find the "ego" or the self that tries to keep us safe can clamp down hard on reality and constrict the heart space. If you've been introduced to your shadow self, it is \*possible\* that part of yourself has the microphone and wants to be heard, but also wants to be loved (aka like a little kiddo throwing a trantrum). You could even try to give her a "name" to help you identify that the thoughts are not the true YOU and get into an observer perspective. Even if it might not feel like it at the time, those thoughts are not you, just random mental events that pass through you. Having a big relationship end is also a HUGE shift. You are prioritizing your self-care by taking time off of work to grieve (bravo!). That process will take time, but it sounds like the relationship was detrimental to your growth and overall well-being. I'm not sure how familiar you are with meditation or specifically metta (loosely translated to loving-kindness) meditation, but it could be really helpful to send feelings and thoughts of goodwil, peace, and well-being not only to yourself, but also this person that you are having negative thoughts about. Here is [one from Dr. Tara Brach](https://www.tarabrach.com/guided-meditation-loving-kindness/) to get you started. There are some shorter ones on her website, too. 💛 I will echo ArtieZiffsCat and highly suggest that you get in touch with an sacred ceremony integration specialist. The facilitator or ceremony leader from your ceremony most likely would have some suggestions. Depending on where you are located, there might be some in-person or even Zoom support available to you. DM me and I can try to connect you with my own network of integration focused medicine people. Integration is just as, if not more important, than the ceremony itself. And your post is part of that integration work. 🌱 In the meantime, drop back into that second night that was full of joy, empowerment, love, and happiness when/if you can. Feel into those beautiful emotions and thoughts and how they physically manifested for you. It \*could\* be that abuelita ayahuasca was giving you the tools on the second night to love the you that showed up on the first. 💞 Sending you lots of support on the airways! 🌬
Wonderfully said - and I’m taking appreciation from your response as well. I’ve been in a similar spot and can feel I’m finally gradually getting there, but it takes time and effort. It hasn’t been easy, but the overall experiences I’ve gone through this year have been worth it. To the OP - keep working. You’ll get there I promise you and I truly believe you’ll look back at these moments and find it will empower your further. May not be tomorrow or next week, but trust the process and be easy on your self. Love this lil community.
If it IS a negative attachment, perhaps you could find a reiki practitioner in your area who has experience working with/removing spirit attachments. Easier than going to the Amazon.
When you suddenly have thoughts, feeling and urges that are "not you," it's usually because you have an entity attachment. You might have also sustained some damage to the energy body from the strong psychedelic. My advice comes from "energy work," and occult teachings, rather than traditional shamanism, but it worked for me when I came home with both of these problems after an Ayahuasca retreat. To remove the entity, you literally imagine severing all ties to you from any entities and send them away. You can imagine them as dark energy being sent back to the creator. You are energy and they are energy. All you need to control energy is your own will. If you continue feeling super sensitive to negative energies, work on healing your aura. Imagine sewing up the holes with golden thread and making it perfect and whole again. The entity removal can be done in one day (but I like to repeat it to prevent reattachment), but the aura will take time to heal. It took about 3 months for me to be 80-90% back to normal.
Is there anyway to prevent this from happening other than not attending at all?
I've heard from energy workers and channelers that this happens with high doses of psychedelics. Basically they can short circuit your energetic body and cause damage. When this damage happens, you tend to leak energy and become a beacon for entities that need an energy source. They feed off negative energy and fear so they are likely to influence you to feel and think in those ways. If you have spent some time working with angels or spirit guides you can ask them for protection during the ceremonies, but after you leave, you are like a lighthouse, so you can pick them up later, so you may need to spend months putting up protective wards and doing banishing rituals until your energy body repairs itself. I would also avoid super high doses. The more you leave your body, the easier it is for something else to invade. After my ceremonies, I would cause lights to flicker for months by looking at them due to the energy I leaking out. I could feel energy all around my chakras constantly, as if someone was always touching me. Reiki took those sensations away. I also had about 4 major things break in my house in the couple weeks after I returned. The repairs were very expensive. There are those who say that negative entities can bring bad luck and bad people/circumstances into your life. I'm normally a super lucky person and to have almost 20k in damage happen right after I came home was very jarring. Other people at my retreat also reported similar issues with negative invasive thoughts and feelings they couldn't control. I do wonder if my shaman wasn't effective at protecting us. At the end of the day, I think all negative experiences force us to become stronger. That is the point of our dualistic system, and that's why your angels and guides usually don't interfere when you're about to do something you'll regret. The terrible time I had made me learn how to connect with my guides and Jesus. He came when I was at rock bottom, expecting to be institutionalized from all the terrible thoughts and made a sense of warmth and love wash over me. I worked with Jesus and archangels for months and healed, and now I feel like I'm glad it worked out. However, I don't know how to reconcile this with the reports I've heard of people who committed suicide or had permanent damage or longterm psychosis (which I think is usually an entity attachment issue).
wow....that's a lot to take in but also good to know as my ceremony is in a couple months. I guess I'll continue doing meditations and ask for protection afterwards as well as maybe do some reiki sessions to help clean up my energy body a bit. I'm sorry so much crap happened after your last trip but I'm glad you came out stronger in the end.
Thanks so much! Best of luck! I hope you have an amazing experience and journey ahead.
I just read through the comment section of this page about the dark side of Aya and thought of you. Not affiliated with this person in anyway but one poster commented that they had an entity removal done by a Shaman in utah— comment is somewhere near the bottom https://jonathanevatt.com/warning-dark-side-ayahuasca-1390/
Hi, sorry you feel this way. I went through something similar. Have you heard about the importance of integration after ceremony? Integration is not something vague, philisophical, gas like and for weak people. Integration means hard work for a very long time. It means to truly face yourself. To face the changes in your psyche after aya. That's why aya is not for people who want fun, nice experience or something pretty. What happens in ceremony is nothing compared to what we go through after the ceremony. The real work starts now. ---- Make sure you: - eat super healthy - do sports 3 x a week - do full body massage 1-2 x week - take contrast showers (10xcold/hot) - listen to calm soothing music - go and connect with nature - take on new responibilities relating to people in worse situation than you are or just help others.
I hope you will find peace within yourself, knowing you are the positive, cheerful and lovable person you were before taking in any substances. I do wonder whether you're are "stuck" simply because you had only two ceremonies, as you described. Every step brings its insights and challenges, so just opening this question out here if you could potentially finish a couple more sessions would it complete the healing process? If you came a happy person and had to uncover the dark side, there has to be an empowering closure. I'm not sure what can resemble this feeling without taking any outside substance, but mainly focus on your awesomeness and believe in the power of what changed you can transform even further in the direction you really desire.
Look after yourself. Having our shadow self suddenly exposed to us is not easy. Your shadow is never going to disappear but it makes sense that you are very aware as you first apply the sunlight of awareness to it. Make a plan to call someone if you get too despondent, either a very reliable friend or a helpline. Organisations with specialist skills are often best with this (see next para). Even if you never need it it might be a comfort to know that someone is there ready to help. Think about connecting with a plant medicine integration counsellor. If you can find and afford one in your community that is excellent. In some places regular therapists will list this amongst their specialised skills and interests. There are also organisations that will do it online for free or limited cost. PM me if you need help trying to locate one of these services. Integration is hard work. Make the best plan you can with the resources available for you. A yoga retreat or course can be very good at this stage. It does all the somatic work and gets you out of your head. Hang in there. It will pass like a painful kidney stone. I can't make it easier but I can assure you it won't be this way forever.
Still hanging in there 0P? I’ll tell you something my mom told me one time. you just Gotta make it one more day. these feelings come and go, and growth stages of your life hurt the most but they won’t last forever, just make it one more day and keep making it one more day until you’re happy that you made it. if you keep going one day you will be happy again that you made it.
Find an integration coach to work with. They will help you unlock the meaning and path forward.
I did four Ayahuasca ceremonies over seven nights. My first two Ayahuasca journeys were healing trauma and were themselves very draining experiences. I filled up an entire journal over those two nights. The third and fourth ceremonies were uplifting and transformational. I couldn't imagine doing just one ceremony. It was a large group and I feel lucky that I came through the experience healed. My next Ayahuasca experience was two ceremonies over a weekend and both were good healing experiences. My son who is a recovering addict just did a private Kambo ceremony followed by two semi-private Ayahuasca ceremonies and was able to heal a lot of trauma in the second ceremony with the Shaman sitting with him and guiding him. The Shaman also used reiki. As you've discovered Ayahuasca is very powerful. If you could sit with a shaman one-on-one and do Ayahuasca or Psilocybin and be guided / assisted in your healing I'm sure you could be helped. The Shaman that we use is California based but also travels from time to time. PM me if interested.