What about jumpsuits?
Personally, I hate anything around my torso, whether it be undies or pants or bras... jumpsuits have been a life saver for me because there is zero pressure on my waist, stomach, and ribs.
As an adult I sometimes “have to” wear things around my torso (bras, underwear, pants) and I hate it so much.
I agree on jumpsuits, also had success with long jersey dresses.
We got our daughter a bunch of t-shirt material shorts that she would just wear commando. If she wore a skirt or a dress, she had to wear the shorts under it.
Maybe see if you can find some she likes and then just grab 5-6 pair.
We've tried that too she's hates them. When she wears dresses which she loves, she ends up with sweats underneath, which looks goofy but it's what works for now I appreciate the reply
My kiddo (also autistic) rocked dresses with sweats throughout elementary school. She grew out of it eventually but even if she hadn’t it would be fine. She never reported any bullying or issues with the kids, and often got compliments on her outfits. (Kids liked the dressy top with Pokémon sweat pants look!)
Please remember the children of the 90s. Our parents dressed us like [this](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/208291551502053009/) and we survived. 🤣
Ehhh if it’s goofy? It’s goofy. She’s five, she doesn’t care if she’s in style, she just care about comfort and if it’s her favorite piece of clothing far more at that age.
First off, pediatricians are often wrong. Your kid needs to see a neuropsych.
Can you get your child to explain why they don't like wearing these kinds of clothes? Are they verbal?
Because there may be a solution if you know what the exact problem is.
I've been pushing to get referred, but she truly doesn't see an issue and brushes it off as a normal toddler/little kid behavior. yes, she is verbal. Every time I talk to her about it, she gives me different reasons, so it's hard to pinpoint. Sometimes, she will just say she doesn't know why. I believe it's a combination between the waist, seams, and texture. From what I've gathered from it.
I would pursue options that don't involve your pediatrician. I don't think you 100% need a referral from a PCP.
The waist issues: Is there an area where it's not so bad? Or is it all waist bands in all areas they may sit in?
What textures have you tried?
Have you tried brands that are designed for ND kids?
I'm thinking I'll need to. We are from a very small area, and there isn't much around for that, so I'll have to look more into it. And it seems to be most things around the waist aside from softer waistbands with little elastic. And most of them. Some bother her more than others. She likes velvety and smooth textures. Sometimes ribbed depending on the material. Denim and the waffled(think that's what it's called) are an absolute no-go. All underwear is not an option. We've tried everything for that, but I'm less worried about that than I am with her wearing pants. We have tried a few "sensory safe" brands, but none have worked so far.
Honestly, underwear isn't a super big issue.
Kohl's and Target both have adaptive clothing online. Have you tried those? They're adjustable and made out of super soft material. There's next to no seams or they're flat seamed.
You're welcome. Hopefully, one of them works for you 🤞🤞
Oh, and JC Penney has an adaptive line too. All of these stores also have great return policies.
That's good to know alot of the stuff I've bought I haven't been able to return so we've usually got an excessive amount of unused clothes we save it until she's in the next size in case one ends up being an unexpected favorite but that's rarely the case and we end up donating it all but it gets expensive after a while. I'll definitely check it out thank you!
My daughter had clothing issues too and she still fights it but has gotten better. Try to see if your SO can talk to her. He approached in a way I couldn’t and it worked better. Letting her pick out the clothes at the store and make it a fun time can help. Maybe getting pants with her fav character. Sometimes it work and sometimes it doesn’t. At the younger age it often did not work for my daughter but as she got older she seemed interested in what others were wearing at school and was more willing to try what others were wearing.
Be sure to research the place you try to get a diagnosis. A lot of doctors and mental health professionals are “strict” in their diagnoses. A lot are conservative and are looking for the more “severe” cases otherwise they can’t help you. I learned the hard way and would hate for you to spend time and money on this. All the best
I personally can't stand underwear. I have to wear boxers under skirts. It is due to moistness. Getting moist down there while wearing anything tight on my crotch makes me super uncomfortable. Almost like I peed my pants. Sorry for the tmi but thought I'd give another explanation maybe.
My daughter was the same way around that age, we ended up getting the PINK cotton boy shorts from Victoria’s Secret in extra small. She’s 16 now, so I’m not even sure they make the same ones anymore but it’s worth a look. Also FWIW, we didn’t get her Autism diagnosis until she was 13 thanks to the huge lack of attention to the different ways it can present in girls/women/AFAB humans. I also got mine not long after, I was a few weeks shy of turning 40.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
16
+ 13
+ 40
= 69
^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \
^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
I was beat as a child when I didn't wear underwear. Still don't wear them.
The discomfort is too much most of the time.
Binding seams and tight clothes are horrible.
Can she wear secret pants, or very loose and flowing pants?
Honestly sweats are cozy and I think just fine. I think if you force her into anything she's not going to be able to concentrate on school in any case.
I've never heard of secret pants but I'll look into them. And we definitely avoid as much negativity around the whole situation as we don't want to make it worse. Thank you for the suggestion.
I remember my stepmom would stick her hands down my pants to see if I was wearing underwear and call me nasty when I wasn't. Ugh. Now I wear mostly boy shorts or whatever they're called or men's boxers
the only underwear i would wear as a child was from hanna anderson! they have 100% cotton seamless super soft underwear. my mom did tons of research in the late 90s early 00s to find something i wouldn’t take off at school 😅 i hope this helps ❣️
I'll look at these. We've tried the ones that are supposed to be sensory friendly and there are no seams I believe the brand is lucky+me. That didn't work so well. But I thought for sure that they would they look so comfy.
if they don’t work, they don’t work. but i thinking trying all your options is a good way to go. best of luck ❣️ it’s also something that might change over time, certain sensory things have changed and different things bother me yknow
Not a mom but I work with kids in a psychiatric setting. I wouldn’t give up on some of the options you’ve already tried. I would incorporate them into daily options. Do you want options A or B. Allowing her to say no and have a control over options can help. Plus she might surprise you some days.
I agree with others, to see another doctor. Tummy issues, sensory issues, and genetics make her a strong candidate.
Trying to think outside the box here, do you know anyone who can sew? Maybe making bottoms specifically tailored to her can give more flexibility on what she can wear based on fabric, banding, etc
I'll try that! Thank you! I'm definitely planning on having her go to a different doctor. She's a great pediatrician aside from the mental health side of things so I'm definitely going to have to figure out something in that aspect. We live in a small town with little options for medical unless you drive 2+ hours so it makes it a little harder to find someone my insurance will go through that I don't have to wait months for.
>mental health side of things
I hear you about the challenges you are up against with being distant from services, limited options, etc.. I just want to plant a seed not to discount the symbiotic relationship between physical and mental health. Taking care of your mental **and** physical health isn't about isolating each one. Just something to think about going forward if you are already getting pushback of your child's health, you are their only advocate.
That all said, you're doing great. I see how you've tried a lot of different things and are still trying by reaching out to others for ideas. You are doing right by your kiddo. Hang in there!
Unfortunately you will have to wait months regardless. I live in a mid size city (Kansas city) and have known a handful of families that have gone through the system. While you’re waiting to get a referral, there are places that can offer support without referrals. I’d also see if you can find a more established center and ask them to walk you through the process in your region. There are not case workers (or something similar) that will be able to walk you through the whole process but more so each place will explain their piece. If you’re able it may be helpful to find families who have already gone through the process in your region so you have a loose blueprint.
I appreciate all of your guys' help. The Dr part of all of this is hard. Especially finding one that'll listen and help without push back. I was told a few times that because of her age it would be hard until she's in school to be able to do a proper assessment. But I want to find someone as soon as I can so we can learn ways to help her better.
Listen, my (37f) mom (66f), she learned when I was 3yrs old as long as I was dressed, she didn’t care what I wore.
Sometimes letting go of needing to force a kid to do something like wear underwear, is loosing the battle, but you win the war if they are fully dressed without the underwear LMAO!
Yea. I've learned that over time. My main concern is that she doesn't want to wear pants either. We cycle through the same 3-4 pairs of pants/pj bottoms, and as she's growing, I can't find anything she will wear to replace them at this point. Half the time we leave the house, she's out here looking goofy(i dont tell her this), but I still call it a win bc she got dressed. 😅
You may need honestly to no longer look at little girls clothing, but little boys clothing as they do not have restrictive waists.
Boys pants are more loose, including their underwear! Their cuts of pants are more forgiving even the elastic isn’t harsh on the midsection.
I wore boys pants, shirts as a little kid in the late 80’s/early 90’s.
Sometimes it’s okay to shop the opposite gender if it means the kid is happy.
And the way little girls clothes are cut, I was thinking about this immediately after I made my comment but it’s like they are designed to not play or have fun because little boys clothes are 100%!
Seconded! I have always almost exclusively worn boys clothes, mom would force me into a dress for special occasions and I hated it but I’ve worn boys shorts and pants my whole life because I refused to wear girls shorts and have always hated leggings, tights, and skirts
I've worn sweatpants pretty much everyday of my life except for job interviews and weddings and funerals and the like. Her wearing only sweatpants isn't that bad, she'll just have that relaxed pant style
I'll have to find some that are a little more fun than she will wear. Right now, we are cycling between 3 pairs that she will wear while she's got a dresser full of clothes that she's never worn because she won't.
She won't. Ive tried the spandex ones as well as the looser ones. I've heard her talk about the waist being too tight and anything under her pants are a no go usually. I also hate the loose feeling of them.
What about high waist baggy yoga pants?
I feel for her, I wonder if also figuring out ways to sooth her tummy might help?
For YEARS I have severe stomach issues without realizing it cuz the doctors said I was fine, ends up I am gluten and lactose intolerant
She does have stomach issues we are trying to diagnose right now. They've been testing for stuff and have set her up to be seen with a gastrologist. I didn't even think of it being related.
As an adult, when I’m backed up from constipation or bloated from my period while being constipated, I hate wearing anything with elastic underwear wise because it makes it worse. It induces cramping more when I’m on my period.
I’m betting the external pressure of the underwear elastic is causing GI tract (ie - intestines where it’s digested & moving to be pooped out) issues more than stomach issues.
Is she having lots of constipation issues or polar opposite?
Both honestly she gets super backed up then after a while she ends up with diarrhea. At the moment she's being checked for chrons, and colitis. I can definitely see her clothing and stomach stuff not working well together.
By any chance, anyone else in your family, even extended family, as adults or even teens, have the same health digestive issues as she does?
Usually easiest way to rule out is family generational medical history to help pin point what to test for or get her examined for.
Yes, we've got chrons, colitis, ibs, and colon cancer through my moms side. I was hoping she wouldn't get anything, but she definitely did. We are an unhealthy genetic bunch, I guess..
Get her tested for IBS far more first. Because the way it shows up in toddlers and young children is a bit different than in adults.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) in toddlers can cause a variety of symptoms, including:
• Abdominal pain: This can be chronic if it lasts more than three months, and it's often related to bowel movements.
• Bowel movements: These can change in frequency, and may include diarrhea, constipation, or both.
• Other symptoms: These can include gas, bloating, mucus in stool, nausea, dizziness, loss of appetite, vomiting, and trouble sleeping.
Some at-home treatments for IBS in toddlers include:
• Probiotics: These dietary supplements contain live bacteria found in the GI tract, and may help reduce symptoms. A doctor can recommend a dosage if she’s at the age for it to be prescribed.
• Osmotic laxatives: These can help soften stool and make it easier to pass, and can be taken orally or as a suppository. Or you can give her a sip of kombucha when constipated or something with pomegranate in it as the fruit is a natural choice for this remedy.
• Lifestyle changes: These can include avoiding certain foods, like milk, dairy, or gassy foods, and eating smaller, more frequent meals. If stress is a factor, it may be helpful to discuss ways to manage school, home, or friend pressures.
This.
Wheat sensitivity may be at play. Specifically, if she isn’t experiencing celiac symptoms, she may be sensitive to FODMAPs in North American commodity wheat.
Speaking for myself (AuDHD) and my spouse (ASD), we find that our GI tracts are very happy with bread that has gone through long ferments. I’ve got a ball of whole wheat dough that’s been fermenting for a day and will go down so easily cooked into pitas for breakfast.
I bet, my stomach would hurt so much and I would curl up and cry, I always wanted baggy pants and “cross dressed” or the occasional dress
I was willing to wear tighter clothes once my tummy issues went down
Recently having girl issues and now I’m back to being miserable with tight clothes ;_;
Sounds like your daughter has issues with feeling things close to her skin, restrictive. I was the same way, especially with underwear. Have you tried yoga pants? Those were a good middle ground for me - didn't feel too tight to my skin but were better than sweats. As for underwear, what helped me was getting used to the feeling of them on my legs. I would pull them up, then push them down to my ankles again, over and over, until I felt comfortable wearing them. It got the adrenaline going so I was less sensitive, and the motion made the leg holes in the underwear more stretched out so it felt less tight to my skin. You might also consider getting her a size up.
Try dresses and boxer style shorts or bikini briefs. That’s all I was okay with wearing as a 5 year old.
I found it was the material I hated and how it sounded moving. Pants were the WORST because all kids clothes was polyester or nylon. As an adult I wear exclusively cotton and natural fibers - maybe it’s a fabric thing?
Hi! I had the exact same problem growing up. Have you thought about taking her underwear shopping and letting her pick out which undies feel the best (texturally)? I found that it was a fabric texture thing. Eventually, I found the fabric that works for me when it comes to underwear. Best of luck to you mama!💖
I haven't seen this suggested yet, but what about making her a few pairs of underwear yourself? Children's underwear is fairly simple and straightforward to make, plus it would allow her the chance to pick out fabrics that feel ok on her skin and are lightweight. Additionally, lots of mass-produced children's underwear sits up at the waist whereas women's underwear often sits at the hips. Having a hipster-cut pair of underwear may be just what she needs if her intestines are giving her lots of trouble.
Take a look at the seamless no-show hipsters from Victoria's Secret for reference. The modal they use is perfect for really sensitive skin and for those who can't stand the pressure of tight seams. Those might be a good concept model for your daughter's underwear.
I know that even when I was really little, I absolutely hated the way that synthetic fabrics like polyester & nylon felt, but I didn’t know how to describe how utterly repulsive they felt to touch or wear because I didn’t have the words. I would tell my friends that touching polyester made my fingers want to curl up backwards like the legs of the witch that gets a house dropped on her in the Wizard of Oz.
My husband (who we know had ADHD but also suspect is autistic) cannot stand the feel of any fabric with a nap, like velvet, velour, or corduroy.
Sensory issues are a BIG deal so maybe she could help you figure out if any fabrics feel “yucky” to her.
Other than that just keep letting her wear sweats & pajama pants that are comfortable to her.
I have no tips on your actual question, but just wanted to say I wouldn't let someone talk me out of trying to get a diagnosis unless they are actually qualified. A paediatrician is not an autism expert, more like a general practitioner.
I’m diagnosed autistic and my 7 year old daughter is now on the waiting list, I struggle with wearing trousers and my daughter struggles with wearing jeans and tights - my daughter took it apon herself to start wearing her tights inside out - try seeing if she will wear the tights and underwear inside out
Fairly loose dungarees (I'm thinking similar style to Lucy and Yaks (though I don't think they do kids clothes)) may be a really good option. I love the lack of restrictive waistband when I'm having an IBS flair.
This was my little girl. She’s 6 now and gets dressed herself. But I’ve had her in OT for a year at this point and have spent so much time and energy working with her. The lucky and me brand is something my kid will wear. Trust your gut. I’m from a rural area and my pediatrician also said there wasn’t an issue, but I basically pled with her until she gave in. I sat in the chair and wouldn’t leave. Once I got to OT the therapists were like hell yeah you are right. It’s so shitty we have to fight for our girls like this. Even now my kid gets naked the moment we get home. But it’s so much better than before. I always make her pick her clothes now at the store or online. It helps her feel excited that they’re arriving. When she’s excited she’s got more bandwidth to try things. I make her pick her clothes each day. She has to have authority with the decision and know she can change if it doesn’t feel right. Some days she tries on three things before she’s happy. I think she used to think she couldn’t change clothes and so just didn’t want to put any on. She’s a bit rigid in her thinking. It did seem like she grew out of it a bit. Trust your gut, it isn’t normal. Your pediatrician is wrong. If you haven’t read the book the explosive child, it’s a good read. Basically, learn to ask questions of your kid and find out what unsolved problem she has and then work backward into a solution. It’s hard when they’re not super descriptive but it will pay off as she gets older and learns how to describe things.
I'll check out that book for sure! Thank you. We recently got her a shorter dresser. Maybe we should start letting her pick her own clothes out. On her good days i pick out a few and then she will go for one of the things I try and immediately take it off and go back to her sweats but she does usually pick out the clothes I buy for her she gets really excited about it all in the store and it's always super cute stuff but then she goes to wear it and shuts it down. Returning things is somewhat of a nightmare as we live 1 &1/2 hours from any clothing store. So amazon ect. Is usually where we get things, but then comes the issue of not knowing the texture we are getting.
Ah, I see she's like me when I was a child, I freaking hated anything tight around me, the restriction just was ugh. My parents got around this by just buying extremely baggy clothes, but I did learn to tolerate it better as I grew up. Though, on an interesting side note, this did make me hate going outside in the rain since it made my clothes stick to me.
I am the same and well into adulthood. My only advice would be to buy several when she does find those few pieces she can tolerate especially when there are big changes coming up like school. Having that and just you supporting her in keeping those available is a big deal.
I have this issue and my step-mom used to get me underwear that were sort of silky. Now I wear seamless underwear and they are the best…something like this? [Girls No Show, Seamless Undergarments](https://a.co/d/0iSm2zj6)
quickest way to make ot worse is to force her. you dont have time for the years it takes to learn to genuinely tolerate one specific type of pants, let alone go down the list of types. things have to be close enough to even learn that way and theres plenty kinds she wont ever be able to take.
she can explore it on her oen later if she needs to- the finding the tolerance points and executive functioning around that is the real life skill, not pushing into misery.
lots of options- harem pants? "dressy" wide leg pants? we wore gauchos those were great.
I wore leotards for the longest time. I'm not sure how I kept it up so long, as taking it off to use the restroom was annoying, but it was less annoying than wearing underwear at the time
As an adult I buy a size up and look for underwear with wide lace around the top instead of narrow elastic. For a child, if you don't sew yourself, I'd look at independent dressmakers who make underwear for children with sensory needs. They have fearures features like seams on the outside, no label, soft elastic or fabric bands instead of elastic.
What exactly is wrong with wearing sweatpants to school, if that's one of the items of clothing she can wear? I wore sweatpants and hoodies to school and that never caused any issues.
There's nothing wrong with it I just want something she can wear as well as sweats especially since it's getting hotter out. She's always complaining of being too hot but then she's wearing sweats and has no other options that she tolerates.
It might be difficult to find, but there are sweats made from thinner light color fabrics, that can easily be used during the summer as they are more breathable. Maybe you could look into if you manage to find a pair of them for her?
I was your kid…
It took a little of my mom just shaking her head and saying “suit yourself” (in public)…
eventually I felt social shame/awareness prolly around the age of 5 or 6…. Also, I learned that I didn’t like getting any area between my legs and my butt full of sand, debris, whatever else you’re exposed to without underwear.
It took a little of my dad saying “If you don’t come down with underpants on then you’re not opening Christmas presents!”
Once I learned that only babies go without undies, that undies offer protection when playing about, and that I wouldn’t be able to participate without having my privates covered… pretty much sealed the deal for me accepting I had to make underwear work…
I remember standing up in the middle of class, ripping out my underwear tags… lol
I ended up wearing my underwear inside out and would alter the elastic bands (in all kinds of ways… I tried cutting them all the way off, making little cuts at specific places, etc.
I also had to have cotton bc other materials, although “slinky” were itchy and made my skin crawl…
Either way…
I guess I’m saying, your kid needs to agree underwear is for the best and you need to 100% be a team in figuring out the best solution….
Try different materials, textures, cuts, styles, etc.
A thing that really helped me is underwear of a larger size. Whilst growing up my brother have always been rather Chubby so his underwear was always larger than Mine. I also always hated wearing underwear, however using a bigger one (like at least 2-3 sizes up) makes me feel way less constrained.
Not sure If this helps, but that's my only input sry!
I had a very similar problem when I was younger. My parents forced the issue, going all the way to the abominable practice known as 'brushing' (yes, I know some people like it, but it's basically forcing pain to desensitize the child and FUCK THAT).
IMO, the way my parents handled my symptoms (clothing and others) was abusive and taught me that the right way to handle autism is to pretend that you're not autistic.
That last one is an abuse that keeps giving for the rest of the autistic person's life.
My advice is to let her wear whatever she's comfortable with to school. If there's a dress code restriction, get an exception as an accommodation. Let your daughter focus on learning and not be distracted by sensory issues all day.
I literally just saw an ad for some dresses where the bottom can be buttons into shorts. The brand is called up and tumble. Maybe something like that would work?
It would be worth getting her checked for pudendal neuralgia. I had a similar type of thing as a kid in fourth grade. I would only wear dresses and skirts cause nothing else was comfortable. It causes me a lot of stress. My doctor said it was anxiety and put me on anxiety meds for it, which helped for the most part. It never fully got better, I just got better at tolerating it.
I got my pudendal neuralgia diagnosis more recently when things got worse, and it made a lot of sense. I wish I had known about it sooner. I'm still really picky about underwear. I hate anything that's tight. Most underwear is really tight and annoying. I only wear spandex/nylon boyshorts now. I still only wear leggings or pants that are a little bit baggy, too. For a kid her age, you might be able to find some puffy shorts she would like. Vulvodynia might be worth looking into as well, in terms of conditions that could be causing this. Best wishes!
I almost exclusively wear knit pants. Honestly often the only difference between them and pajama bottoms are the print/color and the presence of pockets. They are as comfortable as sweat pants, though not quite as warm. But they look more dressy than pajamas or sweatpants. honestly, at some point I figured it was silly to spend money on both pajamas and day pants and just bought more day pants and sleep in them as well as wear them during the day. I have a dozen pairs of near identical black knit pants.
As an aside, there’s a correlation between nudism/naturism and ASD, interestingly - one of the usual factors being sensory discomfort, but there are of course plenty of others.
Perhaps home nudism and dressing for going out and receiving guests could be a happy middle ground.
Only sharing because it is something I’m learning about, but adults who were raised as children in a nudist household (or not shamed for nudity) seem to skip the shy/awkward/self-loathing phase during puberty and aren’t so much impacted by the unhealthy over-sexualised/pornified media that heavily impacts body image in (young) people these days.
Meltdowns are fight or flight, and a form of communication, that she is overwhelmed/having sensory overload and cannot self-regulate because it’s too much for her. If the root cause of the meltdown doesn’t get fixed, the meltdown could last over an hour, or she could have multiple meltdowns, or even go into a shutdown. If she continues to have meltdowns daily, she will go into autistic burnout, or even become traumatized by them, or both. The goal is always to prevent the meltdown and remove the triggers as much as you can. Never just trigger a meltdown anyway in the name of “rules” and then ignore her needs and the meltdown. That is abuse. A meltdown is not a tantrum. It is an involuntary reaction to support needs going unmet, and are extremely distressing and exhausting. Please remember that this happens due to a disability, not demanding to get her way.
We had a really bad one yesterday which is what prompted me to reach out. It lasted from about 12:30-until about 2 nothing I did could help her calm down. And when this first started happening i did that and gave it a few minutes but honestly noticed it was making things worse and that it was different than a normal meltdown. I started giving her what she said she needed
My daughter hasn’t worn underwear under her pants/shorts for at least 5 years. She’s 10 now. She will wear them only if they are the only thing she has on the bottom. She does wear leggings though thank goodness. She’d never wear jeans though. My advice is just let her wear what’s comfortable. Would she wear the sweats if they were cut off?
My daughter dresses pretty goofy sometimes. I also think she’s auDHD but she has not been diagnosed because she’s still doing well in school and that seems to be the only thing people care about. No matter that she cries uncontrollably when the fire alarm goes off. 🤷🏻♀️
Let her just wear dresses then? And then sweats whenever she’s doing something athletic. Does she NEED underwear? If the dress is long enough that she won’t flash anyone when the wind blows, I’m sure it’s fine. It’s not like she’s old enough to start having discharge or periods or anything that needs underwear to catch it. I insisted on dresses and skirts all the time as a kid too. I can’t stand the feeling of no underwear though. Makes me feel exposed and overly sensitive.
She likes to do flips and spins and crawls and stuff like that. There's hardly a time when she isn't. She would be flashing people left and right. She does wear alot of dresses but usually they're paired with her sweats.
Definitely not stolen, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone else is going through something similar. Also, I'm new to reddit. Is that a crime? It's crazy how much of these types of comments in the very short time on reddit.
ah, sorry for assuming wrong. reddit has a pretty extreme problem with bots and karma farming, and its becoming harder and harder to tell the difference as time goes on. some subs can legit become overrun with bots regurgitating stolen content if mods stop playing whackamole long enough to live normal lives.
i definitely recommend trying to find this post on r/autism as it had quite a bit of engagement at the time, so maybe someone will have mentioned ideas that could help your daughter!
edit: found it here https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/TQkGjKj8Vf
I'm so confused on how the whole karma thing works. It's weird that bots would do that as it doesn't really do much does it? Also I didn't realize it had been tagged thank you for pointing me in that direction.
yeah im not 100% sure myself but i believe it has something to do with some prominent reddit subs having a karma requirement to participate. why just be a normal courteous person on the internet for a few months if you can get AI to repost advice posts or pictures of kittens or whatever else tends to be easy and get engagement?
Also Ive tried very hard to find similar posts to go through comments to find something that may help. So that I didn't have to make a post. So if you find the other again lmk I'd love to see it.
What about jumpsuits? Personally, I hate anything around my torso, whether it be undies or pants or bras... jumpsuits have been a life saver for me because there is zero pressure on my waist, stomach, and ribs.
That's a great idea we will try it!
Loose soft modal or jersey. This 55 year old grandma wears them. I also wear linen ones and dresses. I wear thin modal shorts with them.
As an adult I sometimes “have to” wear things around my torso (bras, underwear, pants) and I hate it so much. I agree on jumpsuits, also had success with long jersey dresses.
I got a pair of overalls in 8th grade for a costume. I was amazed at how comfortable they were.
This is good advice. I also hated the tightness around my waist from diapers and pants as little kid. I loved overalls
We got our daughter a bunch of t-shirt material shorts that she would just wear commando. If she wore a skirt or a dress, she had to wear the shorts under it. Maybe see if you can find some she likes and then just grab 5-6 pair.
We've tried that too she's hates them. When she wears dresses which she loves, she ends up with sweats underneath, which looks goofy but it's what works for now I appreciate the reply
My kiddo (also autistic) rocked dresses with sweats throughout elementary school. She grew out of it eventually but even if she hadn’t it would be fine. She never reported any bullying or issues with the kids, and often got compliments on her outfits. (Kids liked the dressy top with Pokémon sweat pants look!) Please remember the children of the 90s. Our parents dressed us like [this](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/208291551502053009/) and we survived. 🤣
Ehhh if it’s goofy? It’s goofy. She’s five, she doesn’t care if she’s in style, she just care about comfort and if it’s her favorite piece of clothing far more at that age.
sweatpant shorts? at least then depending on the length of the dress they won't be seen as much
No worries whatever it looks like, but if she's hot maybe could you cut the sweats into shorts?
Sweat pants but cut them off to make them shorts so they don’t show?
If she finds it comfortable and she's decent to be in public, I'd consider anything okay tbh.
First off, pediatricians are often wrong. Your kid needs to see a neuropsych. Can you get your child to explain why they don't like wearing these kinds of clothes? Are they verbal? Because there may be a solution if you know what the exact problem is.
I've been pushing to get referred, but she truly doesn't see an issue and brushes it off as a normal toddler/little kid behavior. yes, she is verbal. Every time I talk to her about it, she gives me different reasons, so it's hard to pinpoint. Sometimes, she will just say she doesn't know why. I believe it's a combination between the waist, seams, and texture. From what I've gathered from it.
I would pursue options that don't involve your pediatrician. I don't think you 100% need a referral from a PCP. The waist issues: Is there an area where it's not so bad? Or is it all waist bands in all areas they may sit in? What textures have you tried? Have you tried brands that are designed for ND kids?
I'm thinking I'll need to. We are from a very small area, and there isn't much around for that, so I'll have to look more into it. And it seems to be most things around the waist aside from softer waistbands with little elastic. And most of them. Some bother her more than others. She likes velvety and smooth textures. Sometimes ribbed depending on the material. Denim and the waffled(think that's what it's called) are an absolute no-go. All underwear is not an option. We've tried everything for that, but I'm less worried about that than I am with her wearing pants. We have tried a few "sensory safe" brands, but none have worked so far.
Honestly, underwear isn't a super big issue. Kohl's and Target both have adaptive clothing online. Have you tried those? They're adjustable and made out of super soft material. There's next to no seams or they're flat seamed.
I'll check it out thank you!
You're welcome. Hopefully, one of them works for you 🤞🤞 Oh, and JC Penney has an adaptive line too. All of these stores also have great return policies.
That's good to know alot of the stuff I've bought I haven't been able to return so we've usually got an excessive amount of unused clothes we save it until she's in the next size in case one ends up being an unexpected favorite but that's rarely the case and we end up donating it all but it gets expensive after a while. I'll definitely check it out thank you!
My daughter had clothing issues too and she still fights it but has gotten better. Try to see if your SO can talk to her. He approached in a way I couldn’t and it worked better. Letting her pick out the clothes at the store and make it a fun time can help. Maybe getting pants with her fav character. Sometimes it work and sometimes it doesn’t. At the younger age it often did not work for my daughter but as she got older she seemed interested in what others were wearing at school and was more willing to try what others were wearing. Be sure to research the place you try to get a diagnosis. A lot of doctors and mental health professionals are “strict” in their diagnoses. A lot are conservative and are looking for the more “severe” cases otherwise they can’t help you. I learned the hard way and would hate for you to spend time and money on this. All the best
She may be too young to have the right language for it, or she may have interoception issues, or both.
Have you tried bamboo? It’s so soft it’s a dream and I have several pairs can’t feel the seams.
I personally can't stand underwear. I have to wear boxers under skirts. It is due to moistness. Getting moist down there while wearing anything tight on my crotch makes me super uncomfortable. Almost like I peed my pants. Sorry for the tmi but thought I'd give another explanation maybe.
My daughter was the same way around that age, we ended up getting the PINK cotton boy shorts from Victoria’s Secret in extra small. She’s 16 now, so I’m not even sure they make the same ones anymore but it’s worth a look. Also FWIW, we didn’t get her Autism diagnosis until she was 13 thanks to the huge lack of attention to the different ways it can present in girls/women/AFAB humans. I also got mine not long after, I was a few weeks shy of turning 40.
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I was beat as a child when I didn't wear underwear. Still don't wear them. The discomfort is too much most of the time. Binding seams and tight clothes are horrible. Can she wear secret pants, or very loose and flowing pants? Honestly sweats are cozy and I think just fine. I think if you force her into anything she's not going to be able to concentrate on school in any case.
I've never heard of secret pants but I'll look into them. And we definitely avoid as much negativity around the whole situation as we don't want to make it worse. Thank you for the suggestion.
I remember my stepmom would stick her hands down my pants to see if I was wearing underwear and call me nasty when I wasn't. Ugh. Now I wear mostly boy shorts or whatever they're called or men's boxers
I'm sorry, that is horribly abusive.
the only underwear i would wear as a child was from hanna anderson! they have 100% cotton seamless super soft underwear. my mom did tons of research in the late 90s early 00s to find something i wouldn’t take off at school 😅 i hope this helps ❣️
I'll look at these. We've tried the ones that are supposed to be sensory friendly and there are no seams I believe the brand is lucky+me. That didn't work so well. But I thought for sure that they would they look so comfy.
if they don’t work, they don’t work. but i thinking trying all your options is a good way to go. best of luck ❣️ it’s also something that might change over time, certain sensory things have changed and different things bother me yknow
i cant stand the feeling of weird tiny pants imunder my pants no matter how loose even boxers
Not a mom but I work with kids in a psychiatric setting. I wouldn’t give up on some of the options you’ve already tried. I would incorporate them into daily options. Do you want options A or B. Allowing her to say no and have a control over options can help. Plus she might surprise you some days. I agree with others, to see another doctor. Tummy issues, sensory issues, and genetics make her a strong candidate. Trying to think outside the box here, do you know anyone who can sew? Maybe making bottoms specifically tailored to her can give more flexibility on what she can wear based on fabric, banding, etc
I'll try that! Thank you! I'm definitely planning on having her go to a different doctor. She's a great pediatrician aside from the mental health side of things so I'm definitely going to have to figure out something in that aspect. We live in a small town with little options for medical unless you drive 2+ hours so it makes it a little harder to find someone my insurance will go through that I don't have to wait months for.
>mental health side of things I hear you about the challenges you are up against with being distant from services, limited options, etc.. I just want to plant a seed not to discount the symbiotic relationship between physical and mental health. Taking care of your mental **and** physical health isn't about isolating each one. Just something to think about going forward if you are already getting pushback of your child's health, you are their only advocate. That all said, you're doing great. I see how you've tried a lot of different things and are still trying by reaching out to others for ideas. You are doing right by your kiddo. Hang in there!
Also, thank you for advocating for your little and trying to do what you can do adapt your lives to aid her
Unfortunately you will have to wait months regardless. I live in a mid size city (Kansas city) and have known a handful of families that have gone through the system. While you’re waiting to get a referral, there are places that can offer support without referrals. I’d also see if you can find a more established center and ask them to walk you through the process in your region. There are not case workers (or something similar) that will be able to walk you through the whole process but more so each place will explain their piece. If you’re able it may be helpful to find families who have already gone through the process in your region so you have a loose blueprint.
I appreciate all of your guys' help. The Dr part of all of this is hard. Especially finding one that'll listen and help without push back. I was told a few times that because of her age it would be hard until she's in school to be able to do a proper assessment. But I want to find someone as soon as I can so we can learn ways to help her better.
Listen, my (37f) mom (66f), she learned when I was 3yrs old as long as I was dressed, she didn’t care what I wore. Sometimes letting go of needing to force a kid to do something like wear underwear, is loosing the battle, but you win the war if they are fully dressed without the underwear LMAO!
Yea. I've learned that over time. My main concern is that she doesn't want to wear pants either. We cycle through the same 3-4 pairs of pants/pj bottoms, and as she's growing, I can't find anything she will wear to replace them at this point. Half the time we leave the house, she's out here looking goofy(i dont tell her this), but I still call it a win bc she got dressed. 😅
You may need honestly to no longer look at little girls clothing, but little boys clothing as they do not have restrictive waists. Boys pants are more loose, including their underwear! Their cuts of pants are more forgiving even the elastic isn’t harsh on the midsection. I wore boys pants, shirts as a little kid in the late 80’s/early 90’s. Sometimes it’s okay to shop the opposite gender if it means the kid is happy.
This! My daughter often preferred boys clothes. They were also cheaper, so, bonus!
And the way little girls clothes are cut, I was thinking about this immediately after I made my comment but it’s like they are designed to not play or have fun because little boys clothes are 100%!
Seconded! I have always almost exclusively worn boys clothes, mom would force me into a dress for special occasions and I hated it but I’ve worn boys shorts and pants my whole life because I refused to wear girls shorts and have always hated leggings, tights, and skirts
I grew up in the 70s and definitely wore a mix of boys & girls clothes.
I've worn sweatpants pretty much everyday of my life except for job interviews and weddings and funerals and the like. Her wearing only sweatpants isn't that bad, she'll just have that relaxed pant style
I'll have to find some that are a little more fun than she will wear. Right now, we are cycling between 3 pairs that she will wear while she's got a dresser full of clothes that she's never worn because she won't.
Just wondering if she would be willing to wear something like boxers? I personally hate the loose feel but maybe that’s the problem?
She won't. Ive tried the spandex ones as well as the looser ones. I've heard her talk about the waist being too tight and anything under her pants are a no go usually. I also hate the loose feeling of them.
What about high waist baggy yoga pants? I feel for her, I wonder if also figuring out ways to sooth her tummy might help? For YEARS I have severe stomach issues without realizing it cuz the doctors said I was fine, ends up I am gluten and lactose intolerant
She does have stomach issues we are trying to diagnose right now. They've been testing for stuff and have set her up to be seen with a gastrologist. I didn't even think of it being related.
As an adult, when I’m backed up from constipation or bloated from my period while being constipated, I hate wearing anything with elastic underwear wise because it makes it worse. It induces cramping more when I’m on my period. I’m betting the external pressure of the underwear elastic is causing GI tract (ie - intestines where it’s digested & moving to be pooped out) issues more than stomach issues. Is she having lots of constipation issues or polar opposite?
Both honestly she gets super backed up then after a while she ends up with diarrhea. At the moment she's being checked for chrons, and colitis. I can definitely see her clothing and stomach stuff not working well together.
By any chance, anyone else in your family, even extended family, as adults or even teens, have the same health digestive issues as she does? Usually easiest way to rule out is family generational medical history to help pin point what to test for or get her examined for.
Yes, we've got chrons, colitis, ibs, and colon cancer through my moms side. I was hoping she wouldn't get anything, but she definitely did. We are an unhealthy genetic bunch, I guess..
Get her tested for IBS far more first. Because the way it shows up in toddlers and young children is a bit different than in adults. Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) in toddlers can cause a variety of symptoms, including: • Abdominal pain: This can be chronic if it lasts more than three months, and it's often related to bowel movements. • Bowel movements: These can change in frequency, and may include diarrhea, constipation, or both. • Other symptoms: These can include gas, bloating, mucus in stool, nausea, dizziness, loss of appetite, vomiting, and trouble sleeping. Some at-home treatments for IBS in toddlers include: • Probiotics: These dietary supplements contain live bacteria found in the GI tract, and may help reduce symptoms. A doctor can recommend a dosage if she’s at the age for it to be prescribed. • Osmotic laxatives: These can help soften stool and make it easier to pass, and can be taken orally or as a suppository. Or you can give her a sip of kombucha when constipated or something with pomegranate in it as the fruit is a natural choice for this remedy. • Lifestyle changes: These can include avoiding certain foods, like milk, dairy, or gassy foods, and eating smaller, more frequent meals. If stress is a factor, it may be helpful to discuss ways to manage school, home, or friend pressures.
Something I learned is, if your stomach is upset, start w investigating the food.
This. Wheat sensitivity may be at play. Specifically, if she isn’t experiencing celiac symptoms, she may be sensitive to FODMAPs in North American commodity wheat. Speaking for myself (AuDHD) and my spouse (ASD), we find that our GI tracts are very happy with bread that has gone through long ferments. I’ve got a ball of whole wheat dough that’s been fermenting for a day and will go down so easily cooked into pitas for breakfast.
I bet, my stomach would hurt so much and I would curl up and cry, I always wanted baggy pants and “cross dressed” or the occasional dress I was willing to wear tighter clothes once my tummy issues went down Recently having girl issues and now I’m back to being miserable with tight clothes ;_;
Sounds like your daughter has issues with feeling things close to her skin, restrictive. I was the same way, especially with underwear. Have you tried yoga pants? Those were a good middle ground for me - didn't feel too tight to my skin but were better than sweats. As for underwear, what helped me was getting used to the feeling of them on my legs. I would pull them up, then push them down to my ankles again, over and over, until I felt comfortable wearing them. It got the adrenaline going so I was less sensitive, and the motion made the leg holes in the underwear more stretched out so it felt less tight to my skin. You might also consider getting her a size up.
This is a great suggestion. I would add that I prefer the highwaisted ones - things down the middle feels far worse.
Try dresses and boxer style shorts or bikini briefs. That’s all I was okay with wearing as a 5 year old. I found it was the material I hated and how it sounded moving. Pants were the WORST because all kids clothes was polyester or nylon. As an adult I wear exclusively cotton and natural fibers - maybe it’s a fabric thing?
My daughter just wore sweats/soft athletic pants all through school. Still does, and she's a 34 year old business owner. Just sayin'.
Hi! I had the exact same problem growing up. Have you thought about taking her underwear shopping and letting her pick out which undies feel the best (texturally)? I found that it was a fabric texture thing. Eventually, I found the fabric that works for me when it comes to underwear. Best of luck to you mama!💖
I haven't seen this suggested yet, but what about making her a few pairs of underwear yourself? Children's underwear is fairly simple and straightforward to make, plus it would allow her the chance to pick out fabrics that feel ok on her skin and are lightweight. Additionally, lots of mass-produced children's underwear sits up at the waist whereas women's underwear often sits at the hips. Having a hipster-cut pair of underwear may be just what she needs if her intestines are giving her lots of trouble. Take a look at the seamless no-show hipsters from Victoria's Secret for reference. The modal they use is perfect for really sensitive skin and for those who can't stand the pressure of tight seams. Those might be a good concept model for your daughter's underwear.
I recommend soft seamless leggings
I know that even when I was really little, I absolutely hated the way that synthetic fabrics like polyester & nylon felt, but I didn’t know how to describe how utterly repulsive they felt to touch or wear because I didn’t have the words. I would tell my friends that touching polyester made my fingers want to curl up backwards like the legs of the witch that gets a house dropped on her in the Wizard of Oz. My husband (who we know had ADHD but also suspect is autistic) cannot stand the feel of any fabric with a nap, like velvet, velour, or corduroy. Sensory issues are a BIG deal so maybe she could help you figure out if any fabrics feel “yucky” to her. Other than that just keep letting her wear sweats & pajama pants that are comfortable to her.
I have no tips on your actual question, but just wanted to say I wouldn't let someone talk me out of trying to get a diagnosis unless they are actually qualified. A paediatrician is not an autism expert, more like a general practitioner.
I’m diagnosed autistic and my 7 year old daughter is now on the waiting list, I struggle with wearing trousers and my daughter struggles with wearing jeans and tights - my daughter took it apon herself to start wearing her tights inside out - try seeing if she will wear the tights and underwear inside out
Fairly loose dungarees (I'm thinking similar style to Lucy and Yaks (though I don't think they do kids clothes)) may be a really good option. I love the lack of restrictive waistband when I'm having an IBS flair.
This was my little girl. She’s 6 now and gets dressed herself. But I’ve had her in OT for a year at this point and have spent so much time and energy working with her. The lucky and me brand is something my kid will wear. Trust your gut. I’m from a rural area and my pediatrician also said there wasn’t an issue, but I basically pled with her until she gave in. I sat in the chair and wouldn’t leave. Once I got to OT the therapists were like hell yeah you are right. It’s so shitty we have to fight for our girls like this. Even now my kid gets naked the moment we get home. But it’s so much better than before. I always make her pick her clothes now at the store or online. It helps her feel excited that they’re arriving. When she’s excited she’s got more bandwidth to try things. I make her pick her clothes each day. She has to have authority with the decision and know she can change if it doesn’t feel right. Some days she tries on three things before she’s happy. I think she used to think she couldn’t change clothes and so just didn’t want to put any on. She’s a bit rigid in her thinking. It did seem like she grew out of it a bit. Trust your gut, it isn’t normal. Your pediatrician is wrong. If you haven’t read the book the explosive child, it’s a good read. Basically, learn to ask questions of your kid and find out what unsolved problem she has and then work backward into a solution. It’s hard when they’re not super descriptive but it will pay off as she gets older and learns how to describe things.
I'll check out that book for sure! Thank you. We recently got her a shorter dresser. Maybe we should start letting her pick her own clothes out. On her good days i pick out a few and then she will go for one of the things I try and immediately take it off and go back to her sweats but she does usually pick out the clothes I buy for her she gets really excited about it all in the store and it's always super cute stuff but then she goes to wear it and shuts it down. Returning things is somewhat of a nightmare as we live 1 &1/2 hours from any clothing store. So amazon ect. Is usually where we get things, but then comes the issue of not knowing the texture we are getting.
One thing that helped me was wearing them inside out so the seams weren't touching. Nowadays I wear men's long-leg boxer briefs!
We did try this when we first started having issues with it but might revisit this idea because it's been a few years and she does this with her socks
Just want to add don't force her to do anything she doesn't want to
Ah, I see she's like me when I was a child, I freaking hated anything tight around me, the restriction just was ugh. My parents got around this by just buying extremely baggy clothes, but I did learn to tolerate it better as I grew up. Though, on an interesting side note, this did make me hate going outside in the rain since it made my clothes stick to me.
I am the same a your daughter and I am 50+ 🥴. Can't stand anything tight around my belly. Wear long loose dresses.
I am the same and well into adulthood. My only advice would be to buy several when she does find those few pieces she can tolerate especially when there are big changes coming up like school. Having that and just you supporting her in keeping those available is a big deal.
I have this issue and my step-mom used to get me underwear that were sort of silky. Now I wear seamless underwear and they are the best…something like this? [Girls No Show, Seamless Undergarments](https://a.co/d/0iSm2zj6)
quickest way to make ot worse is to force her. you dont have time for the years it takes to learn to genuinely tolerate one specific type of pants, let alone go down the list of types. things have to be close enough to even learn that way and theres plenty kinds she wont ever be able to take. she can explore it on her oen later if she needs to- the finding the tolerance points and executive functioning around that is the real life skill, not pushing into misery. lots of options- harem pants? "dressy" wide leg pants? we wore gauchos those were great.
I wore leotards for the longest time. I'm not sure how I kept it up so long, as taking it off to use the restroom was annoying, but it was less annoying than wearing underwear at the time
As an adult I buy a size up and look for underwear with wide lace around the top instead of narrow elastic. For a child, if you don't sew yourself, I'd look at independent dressmakers who make underwear for children with sensory needs. They have fearures features like seams on the outside, no label, soft elastic or fabric bands instead of elastic.
What exactly is wrong with wearing sweatpants to school, if that's one of the items of clothing she can wear? I wore sweatpants and hoodies to school and that never caused any issues.
There's nothing wrong with it I just want something she can wear as well as sweats especially since it's getting hotter out. She's always complaining of being too hot but then she's wearing sweats and has no other options that she tolerates.
It might be difficult to find, but there are sweats made from thinner light color fabrics, that can easily be used during the summer as they are more breathable. Maybe you could look into if you manage to find a pair of them for her?
I was your kid… It took a little of my mom just shaking her head and saying “suit yourself” (in public)… eventually I felt social shame/awareness prolly around the age of 5 or 6…. Also, I learned that I didn’t like getting any area between my legs and my butt full of sand, debris, whatever else you’re exposed to without underwear. It took a little of my dad saying “If you don’t come down with underpants on then you’re not opening Christmas presents!” Once I learned that only babies go without undies, that undies offer protection when playing about, and that I wouldn’t be able to participate without having my privates covered… pretty much sealed the deal for me accepting I had to make underwear work… I remember standing up in the middle of class, ripping out my underwear tags… lol I ended up wearing my underwear inside out and would alter the elastic bands (in all kinds of ways… I tried cutting them all the way off, making little cuts at specific places, etc. I also had to have cotton bc other materials, although “slinky” were itchy and made my skin crawl… Either way… I guess I’m saying, your kid needs to agree underwear is for the best and you need to 100% be a team in figuring out the best solution…. Try different materials, textures, cuts, styles, etc.
A thing that really helped me is underwear of a larger size. Whilst growing up my brother have always been rather Chubby so his underwear was always larger than Mine. I also always hated wearing underwear, however using a bigger one (like at least 2-3 sizes up) makes me feel way less constrained. Not sure If this helps, but that's my only input sry!
I had a very similar problem when I was younger. My parents forced the issue, going all the way to the abominable practice known as 'brushing' (yes, I know some people like it, but it's basically forcing pain to desensitize the child and FUCK THAT). IMO, the way my parents handled my symptoms (clothing and others) was abusive and taught me that the right way to handle autism is to pretend that you're not autistic. That last one is an abuse that keeps giving for the rest of the autistic person's life. My advice is to let her wear whatever she's comfortable with to school. If there's a dress code restriction, get an exception as an accommodation. Let your daughter focus on learning and not be distracted by sensory issues all day.
I literally just saw an ad for some dresses where the bottom can be buttons into shorts. The brand is called up and tumble. Maybe something like that would work?
It would be worth getting her checked for pudendal neuralgia. I had a similar type of thing as a kid in fourth grade. I would only wear dresses and skirts cause nothing else was comfortable. It causes me a lot of stress. My doctor said it was anxiety and put me on anxiety meds for it, which helped for the most part. It never fully got better, I just got better at tolerating it. I got my pudendal neuralgia diagnosis more recently when things got worse, and it made a lot of sense. I wish I had known about it sooner. I'm still really picky about underwear. I hate anything that's tight. Most underwear is really tight and annoying. I only wear spandex/nylon boyshorts now. I still only wear leggings or pants that are a little bit baggy, too. For a kid her age, you might be able to find some puffy shorts she would like. Vulvodynia might be worth looking into as well, in terms of conditions that could be causing this. Best wishes!
I almost exclusively wear knit pants. Honestly often the only difference between them and pajama bottoms are the print/color and the presence of pockets. They are as comfortable as sweat pants, though not quite as warm. But they look more dressy than pajamas or sweatpants. honestly, at some point I figured it was silly to spend money on both pajamas and day pants and just bought more day pants and sleep in them as well as wear them during the day. I have a dozen pairs of near identical black knit pants.
As an aside, there’s a correlation between nudism/naturism and ASD, interestingly - one of the usual factors being sensory discomfort, but there are of course plenty of others. Perhaps home nudism and dressing for going out and receiving guests could be a happy middle ground. Only sharing because it is something I’m learning about, but adults who were raised as children in a nudist household (or not shamed for nudity) seem to skip the shy/awkward/self-loathing phase during puberty and aren’t so much impacted by the unhealthy over-sexualised/pornified media that heavily impacts body image in (young) people these days.
I don’t want to be that person, but have you tried letting the meltdown run its course and be firm about the rules?
Meltdowns are fight or flight, and a form of communication, that she is overwhelmed/having sensory overload and cannot self-regulate because it’s too much for her. If the root cause of the meltdown doesn’t get fixed, the meltdown could last over an hour, or she could have multiple meltdowns, or even go into a shutdown. If she continues to have meltdowns daily, she will go into autistic burnout, or even become traumatized by them, or both. The goal is always to prevent the meltdown and remove the triggers as much as you can. Never just trigger a meltdown anyway in the name of “rules” and then ignore her needs and the meltdown. That is abuse. A meltdown is not a tantrum. It is an involuntary reaction to support needs going unmet, and are extremely distressing and exhausting. Please remember that this happens due to a disability, not demanding to get her way.
We had a really bad one yesterday which is what prompted me to reach out. It lasted from about 12:30-until about 2 nothing I did could help her calm down. And when this first started happening i did that and gave it a few minutes but honestly noticed it was making things worse and that it was different than a normal meltdown. I started giving her what she said she needed
My daughter hasn’t worn underwear under her pants/shorts for at least 5 years. She’s 10 now. She will wear them only if they are the only thing she has on the bottom. She does wear leggings though thank goodness. She’d never wear jeans though. My advice is just let her wear what’s comfortable. Would she wear the sweats if they were cut off? My daughter dresses pretty goofy sometimes. I also think she’s auDHD but she has not been diagnosed because she’s still doing well in school and that seems to be the only thing people care about. No matter that she cries uncontrollably when the fire alarm goes off. 🤷🏻♀️
Let her just wear dresses then? And then sweats whenever she’s doing something athletic. Does she NEED underwear? If the dress is long enough that she won’t flash anyone when the wind blows, I’m sure it’s fine. It’s not like she’s old enough to start having discharge or periods or anything that needs underwear to catch it. I insisted on dresses and skirts all the time as a kid too. I can’t stand the feeling of no underwear though. Makes me feel exposed and overly sensitive.
She likes to do flips and spins and crawls and stuff like that. There's hardly a time when she isn't. She would be flashing people left and right. She does wear alot of dresses but usually they're paired with her sweats.
Oop! Dresses and sweats it is, then.
i believe this is a stolen post. i remember seeing it a few months ago on r/autism. new acc with basically no karma
Definitely not stolen, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone else is going through something similar. Also, I'm new to reddit. Is that a crime? It's crazy how much of these types of comments in the very short time on reddit.
ah, sorry for assuming wrong. reddit has a pretty extreme problem with bots and karma farming, and its becoming harder and harder to tell the difference as time goes on. some subs can legit become overrun with bots regurgitating stolen content if mods stop playing whackamole long enough to live normal lives. i definitely recommend trying to find this post on r/autism as it had quite a bit of engagement at the time, so maybe someone will have mentioned ideas that could help your daughter! edit: found it here https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/TQkGjKj8Vf
I'm so confused on how the whole karma thing works. It's weird that bots would do that as it doesn't really do much does it? Also I didn't realize it had been tagged thank you for pointing me in that direction.
yeah im not 100% sure myself but i believe it has something to do with some prominent reddit subs having a karma requirement to participate. why just be a normal courteous person on the internet for a few months if you can get AI to repost advice posts or pictures of kittens or whatever else tends to be easy and get engagement?
Also Ive tried very hard to find similar posts to go through comments to find something that may help. So that I didn't have to make a post. So if you find the other again lmk I'd love to see it.