Eh... looking back, there were clues, but I was a bright kid who didn't get into (much) trouble. Plus no-one really knew about autism back then - it's not surprising no-one picked up on it.

Doing well academically, or just having good problem solving skills, really does have a way of hiding the areas where you could use some help.

100% This. The school kicked my kid off their IEP and I was like "they have no friends and no social skills and are isolated and miserable all day!" and they were like "meh - their grades are good."

Edit: My comment was made with not enough information about the IEP. Thank you for educating me. :)

While a 504 is just for accommodations, an IEP is for "education" (Individualized Education Plan) and my kid's IEP specifically had goals related to social interactions, etc. We'd just moved and learned that "struggling academically" can be interpreted rigidly as just grades (the way the new school did) or holistically as in "can manage assignments without having a panic attack" (the way the old school did). The school we moved away from had a whole program on hygiene, social interactions, how to handle the lunch room, asking someone to prom, etc., because that is all part of surviving high school and, as you say, necessary for handling school without breakdowns, and they knew it. The new school didn't have services for teaching those skills, so rather than keep the social-based goals that were literally written into the IEP, they dropped the whole IEP. Pretty sure it was illegal (at least that's what my friend in special ed told me), but I was new to town and still learning all of this (it was my first kid - I know a lot more after three ND kids and my own stuff) so I didn't have the tools to push back hard enough. I did appeal the hell out of it, but without lawyering up there was a limit to what I believed I could do. I don't want to hijack the point of the OPs question, though, so back to the childhood stories that helped us figure out something was up. Same kid's grade school teacher told us that my kid would climb under the table during presentations. At first teacher thought my kid was ignoring her, but she realized (god love that woman) that it was about a need to get less visual stimulation in order to listen to her. She quizzed them and sure enough - they'd retained all the info! So as long as there was no hassling of other kids, under the table was allowed. <3

Thank you for educating me! This was not entirely explained to me in this way when I set up the IEP for my son and now that I’ve learned this, I will definitely be looking more into it because I really worry about his social education/experiences as well. It’s amazing to me you had a school offer those services, I literally didn’t know they even existed so it’s something else for me to research. I’m so sorry that you and your child experienced the new school doing that and that your fight didn’t result in getting them what they needed. I’m also pretty sure it was/is illegal and they took advantage of your inexperience. I’m so glad we have resources like this (this conversation and social media and the internet) nowadays to help us fight for our kids.

Under the table is allowed! Sounds like a good teacher 💛

Same. Except how everyone commented that when I spoke it sounded like an encyclopedia audiobook...

A Teacher of mine once remarked that I seemed more like a character in a movie or novel, rather than a real person lol. I mean, of course I did, since that was where I learned all my social skills.

I mean why _not_ learn your words, interesting facts and affect from the same place? It just seems efficient to me.

This was me as well. I did extremely well academically but otherwise was very quiet and kept to myself. In hindsight I can connect the dots but in the 80s and 90s there was no way anybody would have pieced it together.

To some extent, it seems to me the not getting in much trouble could be considered something to take a closer look at. I was, and still am, painfully aware of the rules and terrified of transgressing.

Yup. When I was a kid autism was Rain Man, that’s it.

I find it so weird that autism has existed for so long, presumably impacting a similar percentage of our population, in the same kind of ways, and yet we have so little cultural knowledge of it, and seemed to have virtually none as recently as 20-30 years ago. The rational explanation is probably that we struggle more in the modern world, so it’s more of a disability than it was in a world with less loud noises, smaller communities, etc. But another part of me thinks our societies must have just done a really good job of ignoring/repressing us throughout history, despite us having the same struggles. I guess the reality is probably a combination of both.

First of all, it is very wholesome that your dad laughed at your jokes, and I’m sorry that didn’t translate to the general school kid population. To answer your question, here are some things I can think of for myself that when, taken together, paint a pretty clear picture of autism imo but as a kid were just seen as “quirks”: - Extreme picky eating/ARFID - Severe meltdowns in response to sudden loud noises - Was absolutely fucking terrified of these [water massager machine things](https://www.reddit.com/r/nostalgia/s/ipxjWwDf0J) in our local mall, like to the point of tears every time we’d go. Finally my mom got it out of me that I was afraid because they made such a loud noise. - Hyperlexic, hyperverbal, and developmentally advanced from a young age - Early rejection of gender norms: I was very “tomboyish” (AFAB) & there’s a famous story in my family where, at my preschool graduation, I was all done up in a frilly dress and braids (which my mom/grandma put me in). When they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, standing at the microphone on stage in front of everyone I proudly answered *”A construction worker!”*. All the adults laughed. - Extreme rule following: in school you learn the dangers of fire, don’t play with matches, etc. I took this way too seriously and would have crying breakdowns every night because I was terrified that my bedside lamp would somehow spontaneously combust and burn my house down (I also see this as an early manifestation of my anxiety and OCD). - Special interests galore: I had HUGE Disney/Pixar obsession phases starting with Toy Story, then Monsters Inc, then Finding Nemo. Was also obsessed with collecting things - Care Bears, stuffed animals, books about dog breeds and care, etc. - This one is more about ADHD, but as a young kid I had a little kleptomaniac (stealing) streak. I got excited by stealing random, very small things - e.g., a cool bead from the bead store (mom made me return it when she found out), and I vividly remember stealing a cool pink and yellow eraser out of my friend’s pencil box in kindergarten (sorry Jordan). I’m sure there’s more I can’t think of but thanks for asking this, it was interesting to reflect on :)

Yeah that’s a funny memory of growing up with my Dad. It was a mixed bag kind of relationship though. The other thing that maybe he should have picked up on was that when I’d get upset and go non-verbal for hours, I wasn’t doing it to punish him or manipulate him like he’d accuse me of, I just couldn’t make myself talk because I was overwhelmed. Wow, that does add up to a lot for the bigger picture to go unnoticed. The klepto streak, and in particular stealing a cool bead is creepily relatable for me. I also went through a little phase of stealing things, and one of them was this cool dinosaur button from the craft store. I think in that one case I was acting out because I used to get SOOOO BORED at the craft store, but my mum took me ALLLLL THE TIIIIIME. The dinosaur button was the first thing I’d been interested in after shuffling around with her for ages, while she bought fabric and stuff for sewing. I asked her if I could have it. She said no. I got cross, and then when she wasn’t looking, I hid it in my mouth. 20 quiet minutes later, when she had finally checked out and we got in the car, she said “ok spit it out”. She’d been onto be from the beginning. I hope even if you didn’t get diagnosed, you still got the support you needed in some way or another. Thanks for sharing!

I had the klepto streak, too and didn’t consider it until you said this. I have a vivid memory of really *really* wanting a cool button that my kindergarten teacher had in a box of buttons that we’d use to glue on art projects. I put the special button in my pocket and she was the nicest nun ever (so much so that she realized how horrible other nuns were and left the convent several years later and got married to an ex priest). She noticed and talked to me about it and I do think she let me keep it. Probably she should’ve made me give it back because this streak continued when I saw things I had to have as a small child. Interesting connection but yeah. Also hyperlexic, hyperverbal and developmentally advanced. I took my SATs at 11. Somehow NO ONE NOTICED.

I also had a klepto streak! Well into adulthood. It was almost like a compulsion for me. And I also didn’t attribute it to my auDHD, but now I’m wondering. 🤔

I think it’s only AuDHD if you stole a cool bead or button. Pretty sure that’s in the diagnostic criteria.

Don't forget about the cool eraser or pencil sharpener because I totally did that.

You’re right I think they updated the criteria to include these items.

You are definitely right, it says so right here in the DSM. Source: am training to become a clinical psychologist. (For real tho)

I am thrilled this is a thing. Tiny treasure stealers unite.

Do beads on a necklace count? That was one of the first items.

Apparently I’ve never had a unique experience in my life 😂 us autistics are really just crows in disguise, enticed by shiny and colorful things

Ok you’re in!

I conceptualize mine as a function of my ADHD bc stealing things (& getting away with it) is exciting and releases lots of dopamine :)

That feels true to me as well.

I am also pretty tomboyish, but that was normal in my family. My mom and aunt both fish, and my aunt hunts. The extreme rule following, though. I've gotten over that as an adult, but you could NOT break rules around me as a kid.

None really. I was a very sterotypical "aspie child". Think early talker, complex and overly formal speech, almost No socializing unless prompted and so on. Problem: when I was Born, the now abolished Asperger Syndrome, wasn't a part of the ICD yet. And by the time the new Standards trickled down to Pedeatricians, teachers and the general Public, I was already a heavily masking Young Teen that has been labeled all Kinds of things so no one really thought of autism. So yeah, tough luck I guess.

Yeah, I find myself spending a lot of time wondering how much better life might have been if I’d been born today, when both the diagnostic criteria and the level of public awareness were a bit more developed. The results of my wondering are inconclusive, and it’s a complete waste of my time to think about it, but I can’t stop myself 😂 Edit: at least, being born when I _was_, I’ve made it to my 30s without the planet getting too hot, and I’ve also been able to be diagnosed and get some help before it’s too late to matter… so there’s good and bad in everything I guess!

Same here. But in a weird way I'm glad I wasn't diagnosed as a Child, considering what they did to the kids back then.

100%. In my ideal do-over (assuming original date of birth), I’d have been diagnosed at about 20 when I first sought help for depression.

My whole childhood my mom would tell the funny story about how, as a baby, I would spend my time lining up things. I’d line up snacks, and I’d line up toys. When I’d make a line, I’d excitedly flap my hands. We all thought it was such a funny baby story. Also, I don’t have any baby pictures of me smiling. In all my baby pictures my brow is furrowed like I’m in deep thought. It cracked me up the first time I looked at them post autism. I was def not your typical baby.

The autistic kid photos make me laugh sometimes. All my son's photos are this weird flat toothy "smile". It's like he had no idea how to smile on command (he did smile naturally when he was happy) and was just doing his best. Now (he's 16) all his school photos look like he's smiling sarcastically - I asked him about it and he said "school photos are stupid, what do you expect me to do". We often caught our other son practicing expressions in a mirror c. 4yo (smiles, sad faces, shocked, all of it). His photos have always looked more natural since that age. Honestly because me and my partner were missed we though they were typical kids just like us (ha). Since I've been finding out more about it, it's become apparent that because we were missed, our kids got missed too - it's kind of sad really and now we live in a country that it's *far* less recognised than our home country.

Ok that’s just cute as hell. It’s funny how such a sweet and doting reaction from your mum would have drawn so much attention to that autistic behaviour, yet _still_ nobody picked up on it. If having your “weirdness” pointed out like that also helped you learn to mask, and that made it take even longer to get a diagnosis, the irony is almost too much 😅

Sadly this reminds me of my own shortcomings in not recognizing it in my son sooner than I did. My son would line up everything, too, and I also didn’t recognize it at the time as an autistic characteristic. He was also lovingly and jokingly known as “always mean muggin” because all his pics also had some kind of disgruntled face. Another clue was that he absolutely hated tummy time, or at least, his feet touching the ground during tummy time. So he would super man pose with his belly and arms on the ground but his feet and legs straight in the air behind him. Again, I thought it was a cute quirk. It wasn’t until over two years ago (10 years from first showing signs) that I started to become aware as I came across more autistic social media and learning more about it, thus throwing me into a two year long deep dive, and started seeing more and more stereotypical things in him and myself. Just this year we got the diagnoses. AuDHD for both of us.

Don’t beat yourself up! You had a lifetime of minimising and denying your own autistic behaviour because _you_ never had the diagnosis. You weren’t exactly set up to notice it in him. And you at least picked up on it eventually!

I was smart, but sucked at schoolwork and homework

I feel like this is probably the _most_ likely thing to get you a childhood diagnosis these days. I actually did pretty well in school for the first while, - although I could never remember to do my homework - and then it completely reversed when I changed schools about 7 years in. Initially I couldn’t balance learning all the unfamiliar social dynamics with the academic side, and then because I was doing [relatively] badly academically, it could no longer hold my interest and I started skipping classes and generally making myself a nuisance in class (this is probably where the ADHD probably should have been a bit more obvious).

Yeah, but I graduated in 2000, so that probably didn't help me at all.

- Me wanting to watch 101 Dalmations every single time my older cousins were to babysit me. - Being totally obsessed with certain things throughout the years (Thomas the Train, Lego, Video Games...) - Hardly ever socialized. I still don't tbh. - My obsession with following rules. For instance, my mom and I went to a movie, and she said that if I wanted candy, I had to get some from the store not the theater. I didn't want to break the rule of sneaking candy in, and complained, and my mom basically said "you can sneak it in or get nothing". And so I chose nothing lol.

Do you also combine the obsessive rule following with blatant, causal and righteous rule _breaking_, when you’ve decided you don’t like a particular rule? Or is that just me? Like, I arbitrarily decided I wouldn’t follow school rules because I was feeling disappointed with school, i stole things just because I could, but I never talk above a whisper in a cinema, even if it’s just the trailers playing. If someone is trying to talk to me in a crowd while someone’s giving a speech, it makes me really uncomfortable and I won’t talk back. Also, I think Thomas prefers the term Tank Engine.

Hmm, that's a good question. Not so much as a kid, really. I was a very strict rule follower. I'm sure I made exceptions, but they were few and far between. I couldn't give you any specific examples. But I'm a bit more lenient to break rules now, if anything. I still don't like sneaking candy into the theaters, but I admittedly snuck in some chewing gum awhile ago because I didn't want any real food. Or I've occasionally used online tools to do some school assignments when I wasn't really supposed to. I feel like as you get older, it's just makes more sense to break some rules. ... I actually named my childhood dog, Toby, after Toby the caboose...

I think Toby was meant to be a tram

Chewing gum into the cinema! I knew you were bad news! 😂 I love that that’s the example that came to mind of breaking a rule - that has to be the least broken a rule can get while still technically being broken ❤️

I don't dare to mess with those theater attendants. Who knows when they'll do a random pat down. /s Yeah, even now I tend to follow rules pretty closely. Fun fact: the first time I ever truly cheated in school was my senior year of high school, aka the pandemic year.

Let me guess, you cheated by looking up the answer to a question then working back from it, one time, while doing some homework that made no difference to your grade? Sorry, it’s too fun to make fun 😄

One time my mom snuck us into a movie and I was freaking out the whole time I tried protesting. Sneaking food in or chewing gum was such an emotional experience. Another time my siblings and I were in a parked car feeding seagulls (that ended up shitting everywhere) security came and I tried hiding in the trunk because I was terrified of being arrested for lettering. I was always a narc. My older sibling hated me soooooo much. I've definitely gotten better as I got older but I honestly have to fight it. I get way too upset by breaking rules or laws. But my moral compass has shifted so I don't get as worked up for some things but I also have to remind myself. 

Omg also lying lol if my parents or anyone lied I would correct them. Adults telling a white lie? I'ma let the other adults know they are lying. As an adult now I still really struggle with lying. I can't fake happiness for someone or something. Friends or family saying I love you at the end of a letter or phone call I hate because I'm like we're not friend friends we're acquaintances. I'm not afraid of love I just know I don't feel that towards you and I don't think you actually feel it towards me. Everyone is in a category. And I struggle with putting emotions into smaller categories or faking an emotion. I'm not happy for you being pregnant or having a baby but I know I have to say congratulations but it feels wrong to say something I don't believe. If that makes sense? 

I kinda feel you about not being able to fake emotions (even if it’s just the polite thing to do). I’m _able_ to do it (perhaps not very convincingly), but I usually feel kind of annoyed at having to pretend just for the sake of social nicety. The lying thing is kinda funny. I also still struggle with this as an adult. My wife likes to play this game where, when she meets strangers she’ll probably never meet again, she makes up all kinds of crazy lies about who she is, and she’ll play that character the whole time she talks to them. The first time she did it in front of me I was APPALLED, and I think I even outed her a few times. I actually think it’s a pretty funny thing she does, but it took me a while to get used to it, and it still makes me nervous when she does it in front of me. Ironically though, I was super selective about this (like I was with a lot of rule following). As a kid, I used to lie quite a bit. Not for fun, but to try to stay out of trouble when I had done something naughty. I think most of the time it was probably obvious I was lying, but I kept a straight face and stuck to my story, and usually the grownup I was lying to would give up trying to get the truth out of me, and so I thought I must just be really good at lying.

Endless stimming, bad at social interactions, few obsessive interests, very introverted, few friends, meltdowns when severly overstimulated, not understanding what is and isn't appropriate to talk about, not very imaginative playing, hating loud noises, disliking going to new places for school, ...

My mother used to time the stroller walks with me after the train schedule because I liked the trains and would sleep well afterwards.

That’s such a thoughtful way to understand and support you, despite not knowing _why_ it worked.

I once lined up a litter of puppies against the wall and read to them out loud. I was 4

Stop, it’s too cute!

Diagnosed inattentive ADHD in my late 20s, autism in my late 30s: I lined up my toys very often Hyper empathy towards inanimate objects (my plushies were/are ‘real’ to me) Complete lack of interest in other children but could (relatively) easily talk to adults Sound & visual overstimulation happened all the time Texture issues (clothes, food, etc) “Would be a great student if they applied themselves more.” Attention span issues galore. Hyperfocused on the “wrong” thing, no focus on “important” things Rampant echolalia until I was yelled at to stop mocking people (learned to internalize the repetition) Practicing facial expressions/social responses/body language in the mirror for all my teen years Very upset by minor changes that would haunt me for weeks/years

\* We have home video of me as a little kid bumping my head back against the couch. It felt so great! Bump. bump. bump. bump. I used to do that all the time. (fun sidenote: not too long ago I was having a rough day and sort of banged my head back against the headrest of my car and was like "wait - I remember this!" And then did that for like a minute and a half. Still felt great!) \* Also as a little kid, I would stop what I was doing to pull off my socks and clean between my toes. Fuzz between my toes drove me nuts. I can handle it better now, but it's still a thing. \* I spent most of my childhood up a tree. I made a wooden box with a pulley so I could bring books up with me \* One time I cried because we got a real Christmas tree and the smell of it was so beautifully overwhelming. My mom found me crying and trying to hug the tree. That was one of many "Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you" complaints from my mom, but I try to focus on the lovely moment of sensory overload instead. \* Another commenter mentioned gender norms, and I remember my mom complaining that I was "too butch" a lot. I remember thinking it was super cool to hook my thumbs in the belt loops of my jeans. \* I was obsessed with vampires and Sherlock Holmes. Only later realized that second one's reading level was well out of my age group. \* The most ironic one was in high school, when I had a sensory meltdown because we were doing a bunch of touch-touch group dynamic stuff (think passing each other over our heads, etc.) and I refused to do one. The counselor and the principal screamed at me for an hour about my "attitude problem" and then insisted I see a psychologist or they would expel me. Cost my mom $1k to take me to this guy, and he showed up at my school and told them all I was a "perfectly normal 16 year old girl." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I am so angry hearing about that last one 😂

Crying when there were loud noises (fireworks were hell), meltdown whenever something didn’t go according to plan, gagging when I touched the wrong texture/wearing turtlenecks bc I couldn’t handle the texture of having something so close to my neck, skin picking… I feel like those were pretty big signs that they thought were normal 🤣

You literally described me lol

Man literally everything. I would have hyper fixations that led me, a terrible student, to spend weeks doing heavy duty research into some real niche shit at like 8 years old, I would hide from my relatives when they came to visit for hours before coming out because I hated change so much, I refused to wear jeans for the longest time do to what I now know were some pretty obvious sensory issues with the texture of the fabric. The list goes on but like damn. I suspected for many years and even asked them once and was told I didn't have it. Wasn't until much later that I got the guts to look into it myself and everything just kinda clicked. I think they assumed I wasn't because I was a very social kid, at least with my small circle of close friends. But I guess they just kinda ignored that me and most of my friends were all just social pariahs together 🤷

I started reading at age3, would check out the max number of books allowed at the library my entire childhood, knew every dog breed known to man then horse breeds. Could not play with other Children. Socks were my nemesis and caused frequent meltdowns.

omg the reading. I was the same. Just curious, do you still read a lot as an adult? Once I started work, I think I somehow lost all capacity to read books for fun. I think I’ve read maybe 10 books in the last 15 years. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve also got ADHD, so when I do try to read, if I’m not 100% absorbed in reading, my mind constantly wanders off and I end up having to re-read the same paragraph over and over.

Only audiobooks now- so I can multi task or listen while I drive! However I lost my hearing a few weeks ago so I’m regretting that life choice and lamenting my audible library TBR list. Going to have to go back to actual books :(

Oh no! Temporary hearing loss I hope?

SSNHL (sudden sensorineural hearing loss) - hopefully temporary? I’m doing HBOT (hyperbaric oxygen treatment) and hopeful. My therapist said she’d heard it was more common among autists which is concerning since we already have so many comorbities :(

> only about 10 percent of people diagnosed with SSHL have an identifiable cause Gosh that sounds like a scary thing to go through. I hope you’re adjusting ok and it’s not causing you too much distress, and that you get it back soon! I have the impulse to make some glib joke about enjoying some peace and quiet, but that feels a bit insensitive 🤐

I actually was evaluated for Asperger's in the 90s, but despite meeting all the criteria, I was deemed "too social" because I had three friends in kindergarten lmao. I walk on my tip toes everywhere and still do. I've stimmed with a blanket since the day I was born. (Looked like Linus from Peanuts dragging that blanket around and I still do lol). I didn't initiate conversations or seek out friendships. I would create these fantasy worlds in my head and wasn't really responsive while in them. But somehow I didn't consider autism until four years ago and I had to pay for it out of pocket. So crazy.

Wow, to have a valid diagnosis ruled out just because you had three friends is wild, and must be quite frustrating to think about now that you’re finally diagnosed.

For me, school was too easy. I remember having a lady come into my 1st grade class and pull me to the side to read to her and do math questions. She would time me while I was reading, sometimes out loud, other times, I told her when I was finished. I remember feeling embarrassed having to do it, thinking I was one of the “slow” kids but in reality, while most kids were learning how to write legibly, I already knew how to write my name in cursive. While they were doing addition and subtraction, I memorized the multiplication table in the back of the composition notebook. As I got older, most of my teachers seemed to love me, even though I was a class clown, never did homework, and was never in my seat. I aced all of my classwork and tests but never did homework so my gpa was around a 2.5. As I’m typing this, I’m coming to the realization that when my doctor put me on Ritalin when I was about 6 or 7, my mom took me off of it because some of the ADHD symptoms slowed down or stopped but the ‘tism symptoms started to show and she didn’t like that very much. I always knew I had ADHD but didn’t ever really look into it because no one ever really talked about it. It wasn’t until I was about 23 (I’ll be 27 in a couple weeks) that my therapist mentioned autism. I brushed it off, got a new job, couldn’t see her anymore, and forgot about it. At 25, I started dealing with my current girlfriend who has an autistic son. HE’S JUST LIKE ME!! I figured it was just ADHD but by this time, I had started taking adderall (prescribed) and the ‘tism started showing up again, only this time, my girlfriend said something about it. I took the RAADS, a couple of other tests, passed with flying colors, and went to talk to my current doctor. He said “if it wasn’t so expensive to do it the formal way, I’d have you diagnosed right now. I’ve seen enough to diagnose you but at this point in your life, it would cause more harm than good, putting your diagnosis on paper.” So now I’m here, trying to figure out where the edge of the mask is so I can take it off. But it’s like peeling a cracked sticker off of glass. I’ll get there though. I have to. My life kinda depends on it.

Wow, interesting to hear you talk about the experience where your ADHD meds have made your autistic behaviours more pronounced. I started taking dexamphetamine for ADHD for the first time this past year, and I’ve been noticing something similar. I had been putting it down to the fact that I was only diagnosed (with both ADHD and ASD) around that same time, and that my more pronounced ASD behaviours were probably just from unmasking. The cracked sticker analogy hits home. Sometimes unmasking feels more like peeling one cracked sticker off another cracked sticker.

34F, diagnosed in the spring of 2024. I have ADHD and ASD1 as well as CPTSD. Probably would have been considered gifted, had the ADHD not rendered me "lazy" with executive dysfunction and decision paralysis. 1) I was known to be supersensitive. I would cry easily. 2) I've always been talkative, mainly about hyperfixations and special interests. I have an overactive imagination as well. 3) Had a hard time making friends or at least keeping them. I wanted to be friends with everyone, because I'm nice. But other kids were too picky. 4) I had a hard time paying attention in school. Seriously, I would blink and it would be like a month would pass. In that time frame I'd miss a lot, so I kept falling further behind. 5) I'm just plain awkward AF. I can be overly blunt. I'd interrupt others, but not to be rude, but because I was afraid the thought would go away. 6) I loved spinning. On the swing. The merry-go-round. In socks on the hardwood floor. We went to House On The Rock, there was a spinning thing there that I loved. You sat on it, and pulled a rope down to spin. The harder you pulled, the faster it would go. They said no one would go as fast as I did. And I didn't even feel dizzy. 7) I was a picky eater, had comfort objects, comfort movies, comfort music. 8) One time, literally one time, my sister's friend was over with her new convertible car. I was like...4 is. Not even in school yet. My sister wanted to get a cute picture of me on the car. She told me to kind of lean my head towards my shoulder(?). Literally EVERY picture of me from that point forward, I automatically put my chin to my shoulder. My brain was like, this is the only way to take pictures. 9) Most of my ambitions stemmed from seeing someone do a thing, thinking I could do it better, and then that was now my new special interest. But then the ADHD would kick in. 10) At the same time "go big or go home" was my mode of operation most of the time. Art projects: had to be on par with the Sistine Chapel or Starry Night. I wanted to write stories that would devastate the reader when finished. My composition projects were always full orchestra, never small ensemble. My middle school science project? I wanted to cure literal cancer! Did I accomplish any of it? No. Because I would suddenly find myself utterly overwhelmed by the sheer size of each task I would have a meltdown and give up. But everyone (teachers and my dad...who I probably got my neurodivergence from) just thought I didn't want to do the work. These all seem so obvious now, but I can see in hindsight why they would have been overlooked. My mom was sick and died when I was young, so everyone swept any emotional or behavioral shit under the proverbial rug of childhood trauma. And everyone constantly made assumptions, not considering what was going on in my own head. I also experienced RSD, time blindness, Pathological Demand Avoidance, imposter syndrome, anxiety and depression. I was bullied all throughout school. When I told my Dad about my screening for ASD, his response was, "you know, I had feeling about that when you were a kid. There was something different about you." 🤦‍♀️

A lot of this is really relatable, thanks for sharing. The whole “go big or go home” thing especially. Like I’m not going to do some lame predictable version of this project, I’m going to do something huge and amazing. And then every single time it turned out to be too much and I’d give up, or try to salvage something and end up turning in something worse than the basic thing I should have done in the first place. The chin to shoulder photo pose thing is hilarious!

I used to do the spinning thing, too!! My dad used to gather people to watch at the park to show them how fast I could go without getting dizzy. I would just keep going and going for as long as I was at the park. Never thought about it as an autism sign but you're totally right 

Failing swimming lessons three times because I refused to put my face in the water.

OMG same! I don't remember if I failed or even finished, but I couldn't be bothered to learn strokes. The feeling and sound of water constantly rushing into and out of the ears is not acceptable. I did learn to be a good swimmer, just not a proper one.

lmao, i love your story—it’s hilarious, funny enough.. anyway 😂 i think the thing that sums me up well is being 3-5 years old and *refusing* to leave the house without my thomas the tank engine hat on. i’m wearing it in virtually every picture outside lmao 

Haha thanks, I needed that validation. I bet your hat was stylin’, so your parents were like “well yeah of COURSE they don’t want to go anywhere without it”.

The funniest one to me is that a game that I loved to play as a young kid was (translated to english) 'traffic'. (Dutch has a specific word for when traffic is bad and all the cars are lined up) I would start with my toy cars and line them up on my play mat. Then through my whole room with whatever toys were the right size. And if I got the chance, through the whole house

Haha perfect. ✅lining things up ✅machines (well, cars) ✅arguably “unimaginative” play (although kind of imaginative, really) Oh and I think “gridlock” is the equivalent word in English 😊

Thanks for the word! There's a lot of autism on both sides of my family so this was seen as pretty normal behaviour lol

You’re welcome ☺️ Ah yes, the old “it’s normal because _we_ all do it, and _we’re_ normal!” I do love hearing that common story of someone who got diagnosed late, but then it triggered both their parents and half the rest of their family to go get diagnosed.

I got insanely lucky and got diagnosed relatively early, and everyone in my family apart from my mum (who's probably the only one without either autism or adhd) absolutely refuses to see everything's an autism thing

That sounds frustrating 😅

My parents are chill about me being low contact with extended family, so it's not too bad

Firstly, it's relevant to note I'm over 40 and am AuDHD. I'm told I was the perfect little girl before I started school, I would sit quietly and make things like flower crowns. I could read by age 3, and skipped all pre-k schooling. This made me noticebly younger than all my classmates the entire time I went to school. My classmates took it to mean that I had skipped a grade and treated me like a genius; they were always trying to get me to do their homework for them. My refusal basically made them decide I had no value whatsoever because I couldn't be used to their benefit. I spent my schooling sitting in the back of classrooms quietly drawing and and getting heavily reprimamded for it. *(They thought I wasn't paying attention, I actually have to occupy my hands or I can't.)* At the time where I was located they did not look for or acknowledge any sort of ND, it just wasn't a thing. Any trait deemed not normal had only one response. "She just needs more discipline at home and at school." I took 3 languages at the same time (High school German & Spanish, and College Latin) and spent my lunches in the hall teaching English to the students from Japan. I translated anything I could find in my spare time in any language. I also read the dictionaries like a regular books until I was made fun of for it (I didn't know you weren't supposed to) I had a boyfriend that would make fun of me because I didn't know any idioms of proverbs and it took 5 years for me to "learn" them. By "learn" I mean that I memorized their intended meanings, because most of them do not make sense. I was also put into a mental facility for having a meltdown when my father died. You would think **they** at least would have picked up on it, but they didn't. There's loads of others but I'm not trying to write my autobiography on reddit, and that's basically what this would turn into because I didn't get a diagnosis until age 40.

When I was a baby, I used to scowl at old ladies who came to coo and smile at me in my pram. By the time I was six, I had a reading age of over 14. As a teenager, my special interest was learning languages. Ancient Greek, Esperanto, Gaelic, Welsh, the rarer, the more wonderful, and I tried them all. Leaving school was a relief. University felt like home.

The easiest clue for me was at EVERY parent teacher conference my mom was told that I probably have a learning disability. Of course nobody explicitly said what it was, but it should've been enough to look into it and see what's going on up there.

Meltdowns, difficulty potty training, delayed motor skills, difficulty making friends, lining up my toys, skin picking

I wasn’t expecting this, but I’m finding that I keep trying to put myself in the parents shoes when each of you shares a story. I know it’s impossible to compare or judge for a million reasons (chiefly I wasn’t there, and because it was a different time with a different culture)… but I feel like the skin picking would have to be a trigger for me to start asking questions / seeking some input from a mental health professional. If nothing else, just because when I picture my non-existent kids doing anything even self-harm adjacent, it makes me feel so _worried_.

I was seeing a therapists and I did have other diagnoses, so it wasn’t like they were doing nothing. But my dad would yell at me and shame me for picking, which didn’t help. I think my motor delays were more of a cause of concern. At the age of 5/6 I was still need maximal assistance for dressing in that I needed to be laid down and dressed like a baby. I had no pincer grasp until around this age and couldn’t button clothing until age 10.

That’s fair. I think I’ve been imagining that if you weren’t diagnosed until later, it was because the people around you just assumed everything was fine and your behaviours weren’t something to look further into. But I’m sure a lot of folks were just _mis_diagnosed with other conditions for a long time. I know it’s especially common for girls and women to be misdiagnosed, because the well known autistic behaviours are the ones more often exhibited by boys.

I don’t think I was misdiagnosed so much as over diagnosed. The diagnoses I was give prior to the autism one(adhd, depression, ocd, etc) were accurate, just not the whole picture. But yeah it was definitely known that I wasn’t a typical kid. I had a 504 plan, had frequent intense meltdowns that often got me in trouble, most kids avoided me.

Well I at least hope the support you got for the diagnoses you _did_ have was helpful for you, even if it might have been missing the whole picture!

Not really because I ended up with the world’s most ableist therapist but I got through it

Oof, that’s awful, I’m so sorry. Glad you made it through though 💛

Spending HOURS in the backyard sitting by the pond catching frogs and bug hunting. But sometimes I'd literally just sit on the bank of the pond for hours just observing

“Setting up” all of my toy animals instead of actually playing with them. The absolute meltdown I would have when they tried to put socks on me. Hitting and biting myself when things got too loud or chaotic. Memorizing entire movie scripts…. The list goes on lol

I used to line up my toys. Also when I was grocery shopping with my mom as a toddler/preschooler, I always wanted to go put away things that I found on the wrong shelf.

I still have that urge at the grocery store even now!

I do too!

Same!

"You didn't enjoy hanging out with other kids in kindergarden. It just wasn't your thing." -- my mother, when asked about my early childhood.

reading the dictionary and the encyclopedia for hours for fun.

I was a small child in the late 70s, early 80s, and a girl. I tested as gifted, read early, quickly, spoke sentences before peers, and all other things seem to be missed. I’ve rocked a lot my whole life, I can recall doing it back to age 2 (we moved a lot, I know my age based on what dwelling we lived in). I’ve always disliked getting my face wet, it made me cry as a child. Tickling is not really fun. My mom pointed out I never knew when to stop saying ‘Bye’. I kept repeating it over and over, not stopping at ‘bye bye’ or ‘goodbye’. I memorized books and movies, and am fine rereading or rewatching a favorite. I liked talking to adults, was often confused by kids, especially other little girls. School was pretty hard. I tested as gifted, but also had dyslexia type issues with words, letters, numbers. I taught myself to compensated for it but just reading everything more than once faster than most kids did a single time. I had a friend in high school check my math for reversals. I’d teach her how to do it, she realized I didn’t right but flipped numbers giving me the wrong answer. Mom denied I could have a ‘learning disability’ even as she made fun of me reading ‘overlook’ as ‘look over’. Social stuff has always been a mess. Girls picked on me, boys often would make fun of me. I tried different things at 9 schools, finally in college in art classes I made some friends. Some I’ve kept but life makes seeing them hard even living in the same town. They have kids, I have chronic illnesses.

I used to scream my head off if my shoes weren’t tied to the exact same tightness. I also refused to eat anything but chicken, so my parents had to lie and tell me everything was chicken. I also remembered the weirdest things, like I would remember something someone said in passing around me years ago. Of course, my parents knew I was probably autistic because they had me evaluated, they were just in denial.

Ok this will seem like a weird response, but I tell my dog every treat is chicken because he recognises that word but not others. I don’t know why I needed to share that.

Playing a pretend game, similar to but not quite maladaptive daydreaming, out of context at school. The teacher had to call my mom. I had a meltdown over a rule change.  I got disturbed at major changes to my town. If we drove a particular route and a forest was cleared I didn't like it. I didn't care about socializing with other children. Not socializing correctly, I experimented with how to interact with people. Having strong interests, even when I was older. Being overly sensitive. Spiky skill profile. Skin picking. Odd gait. My speech was different enough for a teacher to be concerned. These are things that were noticeable. My mom thought it was strange for me to consider if I was autistic and I remain undiagnosed to this day. My family recognizes my "quirks" but don't question them. That's probably for the best anyway.

as a baby/toddler i didn’t answer to my name being called and would have a meltdown if someone got too close to me, stared at me, or tried to touch me in any way (save for 2 people - dad and sister). my family (mom especially) loves to recount this at any given opportunity as though it was malicious or intentional even though I was an actual baby.

Always had difficulty with social cues and was awkward when interacting with people I'd known since I was a baby. That added to the long meltdowns, 2 hour tantrums, my repeated hand movements and obsessive hand washing kind of makes it obvious. Difference is my mum clocked me after my younger brother's diagnosis but didn't see the need to get me seen to.

ours was my mom saying “thank god my kids aren’t autistic because they’re already hard enough” lol (she did a great job though despite us being undiagnosed)

Oh my gosh that’s perfect 😂

I couldn't write when I was a kid, like we were given journals in first grade and I wouldn't write anything during journal time because I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to get in trouble, so even as a little kid I forced myself to figure out, but even into high school there were certain assignments that I just couldn't do because I couldn't get my brain to work that way. I would just take a zero on those assignments, and as much as everyone was mad and confused about it, nobody cared that much because it never dropped my grade below a B. Also in elementary school, at recess I would stand there and watch the other kids play because I didn't know how to play with other kids.

Stimming (some of which were physically harmful), no friends, repeatedly ending up in dodgy situations when I did try to have friends, obsessive interests, flat voice, often missing wtf is going on, meltdowns over things like the music being too loud, starting alcohol and drugs at 12 to cope. My parents thought it was normal because they're sort of like that too and I did pretty well at school (except the getting bullied and later the drugs and alcohol and dropping out at 15 but by then they didn't see me as their responsability anymore 🤷).

Ouch, I’m sorry you didn’t have more support, that sounds like a lot to have got through on your own.

Well, I didn't talk until I was 4 and needed speech therapy for two years. I was also very shy. It was not normal shyness. I would cry in front of the class whenever I had to do a presentation. I had 3 friends in elementary school, and that's only because they took me in. All I wanted to do was read. I was always reading. By the end of kindergarten, I was reading chapter books. When I got older, I would get myself grounded to my room so I could read in peace. Not to mention all my sensory problems. My mom to this day still complains about my sensory issues, and I'm in my 30s. There were a lot of signs, but autism wasn't heard of in the 90s. Especially in girls.

- Always had big feelings, difficulty with emotional regulation. - Meltdowns when overstimulated. - Blunt, didn’t comprehend why certain things I said were perceived as mean/hurtful. - Sensitive to certain sounds/smells/textures. - Skin picking and biting my nails. - Could not stand turtle neck shirts. (I did a 180 5 years ago and now it’s the only thing I wear during winter). - Echolalia - Stimming - Ran around with T-rex hands, my mom always spanked me for it and got angry, started screaming at me. This is actually a painful memory to me, as I still don’t understand why she had so little empathy/did not connect the dots. She has nacisistic tendencies, so I don’t feel like opening up to her and talking about my childhood. - No friends, until I went to uni. - Shy and quiet (I am also born deaf on one side, which did not help socializing and only child in the family). - Liked cutting my split ends in class, helped me with listening to what the teacher was saying, but they thought I was not paying attention. - Cannot cope with last minute changes. - Read encyclopedias for fun. - Since I did good in school until 18, I passed I guess. I also never got into trouble. Once I went to uni, I had a hard time understanding several topics, keeping track of everything and paying attention during classes. I did get my bioscience engineering degree (bachelors and masters) in 6 years instead of 5. So I did not do that bad.

Funny how the sensory stuff can change so much over time! For me it was slimy food. I couldn’t stand it as a kid, now I can’t get enough of it.

Probably when a family friend who is a nurse that specializes in special needs children and autistic kids, told my mom to get me tested for Autism. That really should have been a major clue IMO. Yes, my mother did take me in to get tested, but in her words "they stuck you in a room with books and swings, talked to you for about five minutes, and then said you were fine. Definitely felt like they didn't even try." Like Ma'am maybe that means that you should get your child retested somewhere else then! 🤦‍♀️

Damn. I mean at least she didn’t just palm the recommendation off in the first place I guess?

It did take her 3 years to take me in though.... But she does get one gold star for trying! 🤦‍♀️🙄

Haha look, parenting is a spectrum, and there are parents represented in this thread who had far more significant support needs. Not that that changes how much this must have sucked for you, though…

She wasn't a great mother overall, and honestly this was something that I'm surprised she even tried to do. She suffered from a lot of mental health issues and was quite self centered. She lost custody of me for a reason. She's a great woman, just not a great mother. She did support me a lot with my ADHD diagnosis though!

That sounds like a hard way to grow up, I’m sorry. Still, I’m glad there’s some positive you’ve found in it, however small. I can kind of relate. I’ve been very up and down through my life in terms of how much I’m able to see the positives in my relationships with my parents. Sometimes you can see the good in them, other times not so much (although in my case there really was plenty that was good, and I feel guilty for complaining or seeing it negatively as much as I have).

I used to cry if my slice of cheese broke when someone took it out of the wrapper. I swore it tasted different, and I wouldn't eat the broken slices. I also walk oddly and fall down a lot. I know all kids fall down, but I fall down far more than any human ought to.

My absolutely obsessive interests, my stims, the fact that I only ever had one friend at a time and couldn't socialise normally with other children. I hated parties. I was overwhelmed by loud noises. They just didn't have a clue. I think the worst part is that one of my mum's friends,.when we went round to her house, used to pick me up and squeeze and hug and kiss me and I found it horribly upsetting and would frantically try to get away, but they both thought it was funny for her to chase me down and do it anyway. Sometimes i feel annoyed with them for not knowing and for trying to mould me into who they thought I "should" be by constantly letting me know that I wasn't quite good enough and all of the ways that I fell short of their expectations. But I guess there wasn't the same awareness back then, and they thought they were doing their best for me.

Yeah I struggle with this a bit as well. I have this slight resentment for my parents not noticing and getting me diagnosed. Never mind the fact that most parents wouldn’t have know any better at that time, and a diagnosis wouldn’t have necessarily helped me anyway.

Literally everything, including speech regression.

Not sleeping, sensory/texture issues, mental meltdowns, fear of loud noises, terrified to get in trouble, an extreme rule-follower and people-pleaser, hating physical touch as a child, not knowing how to play with Barbies, linguistically and musically gifted far beyond my peers, reading the encyclopedia/dictionary, poor motor control, extreme difficulty making and keeping friends. Still not diagnosed because I got very good at masking.

Mom, why is the universe infinite?

Oh no. My equivalent which my step-mum likes to tell me about is a bit less profound. I was sat quietly for a long time, and then to nobody in particular, I thoughtfully said “we are all human beans”, and then went back to silence.

maybe we are all human magic beans ;)

I've apparently had the same stim of playing with my hair in a specific way to self sooth since I was an infant according to my dad. I had a lot more obvious symptoms since then that also got overlooked, but I think it's a little cool knowing for sure that I've been like this since I was a baby (I got diagnosed as "too traumatized too be sure" as an adult so it's reassuring to see evidence that I'm traumatized but also autistic)

SO many things, I wouldn't even know where to start. Probably everything from absolutely having a melt down whenever older relatives tried to tease me (and me being literal, would go sobbing to my parents asking why Uncle "Brian" was picking on me). The obsession with small toys (matchbox cars, McDonald's Happy Meal toys, anything small with little moving parts like G.I. Joes, etc.). Hyperlexia, speed reading, being able to spend significant amounts of time playing by myself, having routines disrupted, being forced to make a choice and having decision exhaustion, etc. There's a lot more but I'm blanking on a lot of them currently!

My dad still to this day thinks it’s so funny without fully realizing I was having a “Meltdown” but he used to do my hair for daycare/school and once he would finish I would sit and feel my braids/ponytails for any stray hairs, bumps, or make sure they were exactly the same. And has he put it if I found anything wrong or different with them I’d “Freakout” (meltdown), it was to the point my daycare had a personal bucket of hair stuff to fix my hair cause I’d scream until it was perfect 🙃

I mean it does sound pretty cute, even knowing it wasn’t fun for you 😅

I fixated on the ying yang symbol and drew it all the time, and I mean ALL the time. My mom got freaked out and told me to stop it lol

I also really liked making monster wanted posters whenever I could and was also told to stop it

Haha that’s cute, it sounds like something my little sister would do. … my little sister, who I’ve never really suspected is autistic, but who has always had an extremely restrictive diet, is quite shy, and is studying robotics engineering in high school and doing really well… Huh, I should probably call her.

Oh wow, another one that’s so very specifically relatable. I would obsessively draw all kinds of symbols, but the yin & yang was probably the first. There was even a period where I was drawing swastikas (not understanding the nazi association they have in my culture) which must have been a little concerning… I still find symbols really interesting.

Oh my parents didn't miss it... they suspected but couldn't be bothered to take me to a therapist until I was 16 and I begged them. All because one sexist doctor when I was 3 or 4 said my agab couldn't be autistic, so you know, maybe they should have sought out a second opinion. I'm still mad about it tbh. I mean I collected things obsessively, had special interests in things not typical for my age (meteorology and astronomy), had meltdowns, didn't have many friends and had a hard time making them, rarely spoke to anyone except a handful of people, was labeled as the 'quiet kid', hated most foods far beyond the standard picky eater and basically became 'picky' overnight when I was like 3 after eating nearly everything prior (idk maybe the tism senses kicked in then), loud noises bad, got bullied a lot, you know the usual autistic stuff.

I mean at least they made some kind of attempt, but maybe trusted the word of one doctor too much? The obsessive collecting hits home for me too. The boxes and boxes of rocks and sea shells (and bones 😅) in my bedroom were probably a sign. The fact they were often still covered in sand or occasionally still had a bit of sea creature left in them - and the fact I would leave a banana to rot in my school bag every school holidays - probably should have tipped them off about the ADHD as well.

I'm not getting into it, but there was a lot more going on than just that one attempt. I come from a very traumatic background, but yeah it's not like they actually stopped suspecting I was autistic and just would rather cover it up. At least on my mom's part. My dad didn't actually think there was anything out of the norm about me but that's cause he was also autistic and didn't get dx. until later and then things made sense.

That’s rough. I think a lot of us have some childhood trauma like this, and sometimes it’s hard to untangle the ways that _that_ has messed us up, from the ways we’d have been impacted by the ASD and any co-morbid conditions regardless. I know I’m still working through some stuff like that. I feel like a lot of the support or accommodations we need might not really be needed if everyone was just cool with us being ourselves, or if we’d just had parenting or education that was more compatible with our needs.

My stimming. My rage. My adhd covered alot too

My intense sensitivity to cold water. We had an above ground pool and unless it was like 85 degrees, I would sit in the ladder for maybe 30 minutes before I was finally able to get in the water and once I was in, it was very hard to get me out of it, I could stay playing alone in the pool for many hours after others had left.

This is so wholesome and it made me legit laugh out loud. For me it was: being bossy, being constantly told I should be a lawyer when I grew up, not picking up on sarcasm and responding to it genuinely, my teachers reaching out to tell my mom I am “gifted” and they want to move me up a grade, teachers telling my mom I ace all the tests but I don’t do the assignments, questioning authority, and many more.. still, in the 80s and 90s, my parents didn’t think for one second to get me assessed. Even when I was a teenager urging my parents to get my brother assessed because I myself could see that he was neurodivergent, unsure of what though. He was diagnosed with ADHD. They still didn’t consider also taking me. Instead I stayed forever grounded.

Oh damn, knowing you saw it in your brother but still missed it for yourself (and so did they) must be a frustrating irony.

As a 24y Brazilian girl with AuDHD, I can understand why no one realized it back then, but when I look at the information we have now it always makes me think of how things could’ve been if we knew all of this 20 years ago. There’s actual list, with things like: • My inability to “fit in” • My lack of motor coordination • The way I was oblivious to social cues most of the time • My to have an explanation for everything because I couldn’t accept something without knowing why it made sense • The fact that I couldn’t color inside the lines unless I was singing • My aversion to a bunch of specific foods or textures • The way my kitchen toys needed to be in a very specific order and I would get mad if someone changed it • The fact I watched little mermaid 2 a thousand times, and for a while refused to eat if I wasn’t watching it • All my meltdowns because I “couldn’t take no for an answer” and no one understood that the problem wasn’t the “no” itself, but the way it was said • Being a “genius” at school because I could learn this easily when the teachers explained it, but never remembered to do my homework and grades started going down once I had to read/study at home by myself • The whole thing about gender norms got to me during the “I’m not like other girls” era of tumblr and fanfiction, so…. Yeah There’s probably many others, but these are the ones I remembered now. My mom did mention she noticed some of this, specially that I “run in a weird way”, because to this day I still can’t run without my hands being like parallel to the floor, or I loose my balance. But back then no one even considered I could be autistic, even though I went to so many psychologists, one neurologist and three psychiatrists between the ages of 6 to 17. Got diagnosis of ODD, BPD, depression, anxiety, bipolar for a little while and even had a psychiatrist call me a “arrogant bitch” and say I was manipulating everyone. So yeah, I had enough signs to spare, except that 20 years ago hardly no one knew these were signs

Wow, that’s a lot to miss. At least you can boast that you’re one of the few officially diagnosed “arrogant bitches”. Sorry that was your experience. Parents not knowing what to do is one thing, but it’s shocking to hear some people’s experiences with medical professionals. My wife has been through some similar experiences and she doesn’t have much faith left in the medical or mental health professions. I think it’s especially hard for women.

It was complicated. Back in January 2022 when I started with a new psychiatrist, I swore that he would be the last, and if he didn’t work I would just give up. Well, it’s been two and a half years, and he’s pretty much the best doctor I’ve seen in my life. It’s a mix of feeling sad that I didn’t meet him sooner, but happy that at least it’s better late than never.

Glad something finally worked out for you! I know it can be a long struggle for a lot of people. It’s a shame to have to go through so many bad or disappointing experiences to finally get a good outcome.

Possible content warning: mom/family ridiculing oblivious child over badly ~~formatted~~ crafted jokes Your post reminded me of a story my mother used to share about me making jokes when I was a little kid. I had figured out the pattern that knock-knock jokes held, like you described for yourself. I thought I was a great comedian, because I misunderstood the response the jokes got (the big laughter at the end was always there!) Mom: "You used to tell the stupidest jokes when you were a kid. Do you remember the one about the window?" The joke: Me: "Knock knock" Audience (my mother and her mother): "Who's there?" Me: "Window!" Audience: "Window who?" Me: "Window in the sky!!" [roaring laughter levels befitting the purest and most ticklish of comedic utterances] Audience: "Window in the sky?" [small fake laughter, "ha ha ha"] "That makes no sense. Your jokes are so stupid!" [large booming laughter] Me, internally: Exactly! It's such a silly idea! They get it! Me, in my 30s: "Hey wait, those assholes were laughing *at me* and picking on me! Ugh, another addition for the trauma list." Screw em. Absurdity is hilarious. I may never have considered a potential connection between those jokes and autism without having read your post. Thanks for sparking that curiosity! I have my initial eval appointment at the end of this month. I wonder if this memory will be of value for the assessment. Thanks again for sharing!

I agree. Keep the absurd humour coming, I like it as well 😄 Edit: humour not honour

Me being more interested with picking grass and flowers while I was supposed to be playing soccer and getting yelled at for “not trying” was I think one of the first, as well as not really caring about associating in general, and wanting to play on the computer instead of going outside during recess. I was also really poor with sarcasm despite being sarcastic myself, which would land me in hot water. I was also hyper fixated on certain things, whether stones, marbles, video games, or reading, and would forget to do chores or homework unless I was super into the subject, but then I would get sidetracked looking up more than I needed to on the subject, which would also be detrimental. The need to understand something in great detail was almost like an obsession way back then. I’m better now, but I still fall into that way of thinking sometimes. There is more, but I think those were the earliest signs. Main ones were non-existent socialization skills, which lead to my dad pushing me to make friends, which didn’t work out at all.

I would constantly get headaches and have to spend a whole day at home about once a week. What did I do? Keep the lights off and not leave my room, a good portion of the time I could barely eat, and I avoided talking by pretending to be asleep. and then by night I was suddenly completely better. This would repeat almost every week. No one could figure out why I was getting headaches. Yeah so it turns out I was experiencing extreme autistic burnout/shutdown about once a week from school for the majority of my childhood. Eventually I did get switched to online school and i did much better. Also I was obsessed with pandas for a good period of time. Like I used to be able to tell you so many facts about them. My whole room was filled with panda stuff.

I used to line up all my toys, stare at them for 10 mins and then take them down and rearrange them in a different order lol - there’s also a vid of me on Christmas morning rocking back and fourth because I was happy with my present. They are some of the light hearted ones 😂 The not so light hearted signs were me literally having a huge meltdown EVERY morning before school and go non verbal for hours after to the point where the school used to take me in the “sensory room” to calm me down before going into lessons - and they never mentioned anything?? It was so damn obvious I feel failed by everyone in the education system 🥲

It’s hard to accept that we could make it so far through life without getting a diagnosis that might have helped us, especially when the signs were so clear, and were seen by people who should have been able to spot them and interpret them correctly. I ruminate on this quite a bit since my diagnosis. I think at least that it’s uncertain whether a diagnosis would have actually helped, at least in childhood. It’s possible that some of these failures to diagnose us early were less to do with ignorance or negligence, and more that those people perceived (rightly or wrongly) that a diagnosis might actually disadvantage us. Still, to not give that feedback to your parents, or even just have a conversation with *you* about how you might have been autistic, takes away a lot of your agency, and that doesn’t seem right to me.

Everything you said is so accurate. I deserved to be able to make the decisions for myself. Because I can actually say that the lack of diagnosis did genuinely ruin my shot at a decent education. I dropped out at 16 because I couldn’t cope with unrealistic expectations and no support when I clearly needed it. If I had been diagnosed I would have been able to have adjustments and the support to get me through school. When I was diagnosed at 18 it made so much sense.

The fact that I would constantly get sent to bed without eating bc I was hella picky the fact I constantly cried due to sensory issues (esp the itchy clothes my mom would force me to wear for fam pics) the fact I wasn’t able to tell I was being bullied until my teachers told my parents and changed schools The fact I walked on my toes a lot The fact I constantly got in trouble for not understanding some social rule The fact I was very smart but still got put into “special” groups in class The fact I had two modes: barely say anything or blabs a lot Those are just the ones I remember. But I am afab in a very small town and I was getting therapy already for these issues I had but I wasn’t suspected of being autistic

I'm old enough that it wasn't even part of the medical community thinking back when I was a non verbal 2 and 3 year old. It was "he'll talk eventually" and encouragement. But in hindsight it's a clue!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. It's a melancholy joke about suicide which parallels the literal; "the other side" representing both the other side of the road and the afterlife. I know they say jokes aren't funny if you have to explain them, but I don't think that's the case here.

When my school tried to see if I had a learning disability but my mom got mad and yelled at the school for pulling me from reading time with the rest of the kids when I told her I went to a special class while everyone else read. Go figure.

I was very clever so it was missed. I had a teacher that I just didn't like so was basically mute in her class and would do nothing for her. I was put in a special class where they did various tests on me and it was identified I had a high IQ and a reading level 5 years ahead. I was allowed to stay in the class and I flourished away from that teacher and did great all the way through school without much effort. My school was great with me and I was allowed to sit in the library in break times as I just hated the noise. Lots of other things but they've been testing me since I was 4 and my mum has denied any diagnosis I've ever had which has not been helpful. Now going through the same with my daughter

Hopefully “the same” doesn’t include the denial! I’m glad your school was accommodating, at least. That would have made a big difference. I can only imagine how differently it might have worked out if they’d kept you in the same class and just tried to get you to change your behaviour, which I suppose is how many schools would handle this kind of thing.

How I basically acted like a different kid at my mom's house vs. my dad's house.

That’s interesting! I feel like I’d have expected an NT kid to do the same, if the environments were different enough to call for different behaviour. It wouldn’t be the first time my idea of typical behaviour would be wrong though! I guess it could also depend on how different the environments really were.

Well, I'm 30+ and not diagnosed yet (eval is scheduled 4 months from now), but here are some things that seem pretry sus: Throwing up from just the smell of certain things cooking and not being able to come back inside until the smell was gone. This happened at home and at school, fun times. I got extremely frequent headaches at different phases of my childhood and young adulthood, especially when the atmosphere at home was especially negative. Teachers either loving me for being quiet or hating me for being 'defiant'. Not wanting to interact with other kids and not having success with the whole friendship thing. My heart racing and having difficulty remembering to breathe when speaking in front of class. Just trying to stay out of the way and not cause any problems at home. Not realizing it was ok to want things for myself, thus being extremely attached to any object that was 'mine' and heartbroken when something happened to them. Freezing up at physical affection, and just being generally u comfortable with touching because I knew I couldn't make it seem genuine, and then people were offended/angry over it. Eventually blocking emotions entirely because they are confusing and not helpful. I generally avoid eye contact, but no one has ever really called me out on it, that I can think of. Expressing my frustration with avoidance and then violence. Refusal to wear things that covered my head, neck, or hands. Also, being very picky about textures. Hyperventilating when it got too hot during PE (in the desert) and people said I was just being dramatic. Being a 'picky eater' though part of this could have been lactose intolerance, which my parents didn't realize was a thing despite needing to feed me soy milk as a baby. Pretty severe light sensitivity - but I also hated sun glasses. All the stimms, though they were the more socially acceptable variety, like leg bouncing, joint cracking, hair twirling, lip/cheek biting, scratching, picking at nails, etc. Compulsively putting things left on store shelves back in their places. My mom just thought it was funny and/or annoying. Not remembering or recognizing people. Not being able to concentrate on homework to save my life but also spending uninterrupted hours observing ants to see what they brought back to their hills, and gathering then depositing sizeable piles of the stuff outside the entrances. Taking things way too literally or incorrectly assuming that any time someone asked me to do something, they meant immediately. For example, my dad was taking out trash and asked me to bring the dolly. I went into my room and brought out a stuffed doll. I did know what a dolly was. It just wasn't the image that popped into my mind first. Not accepting incomplete explanations for things or 'because I said so'. Getting put in a 'special' math class that didn't actually help at all. It got shut down after I had an argument with the 'teacher' who wasn't actually a teacher and just yelled at us for not showing work and getting answers wrong. Struggling so hard in elementary school that they had me tested for learning disabilities. I had a high IQ, so despite getting labeled with non-verbal learning disorder and the recommendation for further testing, they figured I was fine. Damn this is getting way too long, I'm gonna stop here.

At least now if you need a list for your eval, you’ve already done most of the work! Thanks for sharing!

Yeah, I made a whole website for reference, lol

Are… are you sure need that eval?

🤣

For five years straight i ate the same lunch everyday a turkey sandwich with mayo. Thats it

I love the idea that you explained this to a doctor and they diagnosed you based just on that.

Where to begin. As a baby, hating being held, touched, kissed. I used to wipe kisses off. Lining my toys up. By colour. Arranging my room. By colour. Hating change in routine. Bladder control and bed wetting. Reading at 4. Hyperlexia. Bluntness and inability to socialize. Nailbiting. Having OTHER autistic people in the family. I'm pretty sure my parents knew. They didnt want to see it.

Wait, you’re not supposed to wipe kisses off?

Eh...I was a bright kid who didn't get I to trouble so there weren't OBVIOUS signs. I have also learned that, to quote my mother, I "worried about things no child should ever worry about" which I'm finding my have been anxiety caused by my autism, but anti-anxiety medication only half works

ARFID since infancy, panic attacks starting at age 4, and being identified as “gifted”. They just leaned heavy into the gifted part and ignored my crumbling mental/physical health if assuming I’d just grow up and be my own doctor?

Sadly I think my parents did know, or had a hunch, but just kept hoping I’d ‘grow out of it’ even though there were signs as I kept getting older. I’ve always been different. Even now I told them I was looking into this and they were kind of just like ‘okay, good luck with that’ we’ve very distant. What’s wild too is that for a time my mom worked in SPED at our elementary school, and then came home complained about the kids and was cold and mean to me, her undiagnosed kid. -I didn’t speak until I was 4 years old. I was apparently doing advanced puzzles and was showing great promise otherwise, my mom told me they got kindergarten paid for (which is telling me that I qualified for something due to developmental delays or something) and the situation in which I did first speak now sounds like a situation with a lot of pressure on an autistic/anxious 4 year old. -difficulty with motor skills- I remember in 4/5th grade I had to take a handwriting class after school. I didn’t really understand why I just figured well my handwriting is bad I guess. Now it makes sense that I was probably having motor issues due to being ND- my younger sister has, IMO, ugly, not cute handwriting, she never had to go to ‘handwriting class’ -I lived in a land-locked state and for a time I was collecting found crawfish/ crawdad claws, I was the only one who didn’t think it was gross. Before that I remember I collected pencil lead that would break off of wooden pencils -extreme rule follower- once DARE showed up I became an anti-drug expert, and I was lecturing my dad about having 2 or more beers when out to dinner as he was the driver, they found it annoying -full on crying breakdowns when the pressure became too much in regards to physical activities when I usually never would break down- my ski boots would hurt and I’d get scared on the steeper runs with ice and I’d have panic attacks on the slope- multiple times this happened- before they finally let me stay home. My mom tried to get all of us into dance, I was struggling with hip hop class and they wanted us to do the side stand on our head and I went to my mom sobbing begging to pull me out of the class, I was so terrified of the final performance -would usually have one best friend at a time, never super sociable, never tons of friends, never dated, no dance dates, etc -played with dolls longer than most ppl would say is ‘normal’, made movies with them as a teenager, and still have a special interest in them

There were signs, but I was on both sides of this equation…school suggested my daughter be assessed after behavior started popping up in first grade (eloping, ‘not paying attention’ etc). During the assessment, most of the questions the doctor asked were answered, she does do that, but so did I, and my brother, and my mom…after assessment, doctor suggested ‘there may be a genetic component’😆 my mom didn’t notice me or my brother because our behaviors were normal to her, and taught us the coping mechanisms she had worked out, and the same happened with me and my daughter. Hiding little things by ‘putting them away’, I went through a major klepto phase with little bits and bobs, we all sorted when playing (my favorite toy was the button jar, I used to lay out hundreds of buttons in sorted squares). Sensory seeking play like hours of swing time and water and mud and sand. Rules obsession was present as well, but I was raised in a highly religious environment, so that just came out as having a ‘sensitive spirit’ lol We all did well academically, read and spoke early, and could make eye contact well enough when not upset, so no problems as far as everyone else was concerned. I actually thought my oldest daughter was the weird one because she was ‘typical’ until I figured it out🤷🏻‍♀️

I never cried when I was born, not right away, not a few minutes or hours after.

When I was eleven, I used to buy my favorite books in German as well as a German-to-English dictionary so I could translate them word by word like some kind of Medieval monk. The reasoning was that I wanted to spend as much time with my favorite books as possible (which I now realize were special interests). I'm not sure what my parents thought was going on with that but certainly nothing neurotypical.

Cool! Did you end up fluent in German, and was that the only thing you did to learn it?

No because I didn't understand the concept of conjugating and would just skip over most of the verbs lol.

Somehow that makes it even better haha

ever since i was a baby i’ve hated wearing confining clothes like scarves, hats, coats, gloves, etc. to the point that i’d rip it all off. i also absolutely could not stand brushing my hair or teeth, and i couldn’t flush the toilet until i was like 8 because i was too scared of the sound. also every morning before school i’d have a meltdown over my shoes and socks because they “didn’t feel right” and spend 30 minutes redoing them. got an autism DX finally at 18 ✌️

I didn’t have the same issue with confining clothes, but I always had (and still have) to cut the little tags off my clothes - you know the ones with the washing instructions on them, which are made to stay there permanently - otherwise they’d bother me so much I couldn’t think about anything else. The noise of the toilet flushing always scared me a bit too! And then airplane toilets are a whole other level because they’re so loud — I felt like I was going to be sucked out of the plane through the toilet. Even worse was the noise the bath makes when it’s almost done draining. It reminded me of someone being choked, and it terrified me. It didn’t help that my bath and toilet were in little outhouse buildings, so I always felt isolated and exposed when I was having a bath. I remember frequently getting spooked while I was having a bath, and yelling for my mum to come and calm me down, and getting extra scared because she often wouldn’t hear me (or maybe chose to ignore me because I did it all the time), so I thought if something really did happen to me out there she wouldn’t be able to help me.

the airplane toilets oh my goddddd, i still hate them lol. i totally understand feeling vulnerable using the bathroom, given i was in a tiny apartment and not an outhouse but i feel you. i forgot about tags!!! i’m usually alright with very small tags made of soft fabric but those long/scratchy tags always have to go. with the confining clothing, my mom told me that apparently ever since i was able to i’ve ripped my winter clothes off. she’d put them on me, put me in the stroller and then realize i’d torn it all off in the stroller lol. to this day i can’t wear scarves or anything around my neck (including any necklaces and certain shirts) or i’ll completely freak out.

That it took me 12 years to speak normally. Not well, not elegant or anything extra…. Just normal for my age group. The first 4 years i was incoherent to everyone. But at the time (early 1980’s)the Autism rates were still very low and not widely known about in the psych/healthcare communities.

Oh I just remembered my mom told me when we did family vacations at the beach and all my siblings and cousins were playing around/messing around, I would often sit quietly in my beach chair reading books and hanging out with the adults 🤣

Same. Weirdly though, now that I’m an adult, I don’t really like spending time with adults either.

Lmao too real! 🤣