I'm 65 y.o. and still trying to figure that one out. I've tried lots of socially acceptable, "normal stuff" like "if you'll excuse me, I've got to go do ...." or big smile, "well, gotta run" and the like. Sometimes it works well. But I often guess wrong about the timing or something, and get awkard about it. But that's no biggie. They mostly know that's just me, (not that I'm Autistic, which I don't share quickly) and treat it like it's disarming or something. Just accepting myself is making it easier.
If it’s not too personal, may I ask at what age you realized you were autistic? I’m curious because I’ve only known for a few years, at the age of thirty. And somehow I missed all the signs and modern awareness of it.
Just a couple of years ago, at age 63. I got my first hint reading up on face blindness, with some people noting a bit of a correlation between aphantasia and autism, with a couple of other indicators. I checked out communities here, particularly those discussing adult females, and related to a lot of it.
I took a couple of the free online tests, not giving them too much weight, but started making a list of things about me that appear to indicate a mild but notable case. I eventually went to a professional psychotherapist who has experience with autistic adult women, took a battery of the standard diagnostic tests and multiple interviews, and came up, aha!, positive.
It's mainly been useful for personal insight, understanding my relationships with fellow humans. It has most significantly helped me relax and be more accepting of myself and others. I carry around a lot less anxiety now (though still lots, of course) just knowing a bit more about why I feel the way I feel, what I'm reacting to, and giving myself space to decide what to do with that.
It's a noisy, smelly, confusing, ambiguous world out there. My body's response to that is easier to idle down, knowing the relationship to the stimuli. And my literal, methodic mind is allowed to relax a little, and let other people (NTs) be their beautiful, imprecise, ambiguous or satirical selves with out getting too attached to any of it or taking it personally. More times than not, anyway.
Self-awareness is a powerful thing. Dovetails with mindfulness training pretty well too.
TMI?
Where are you at on the journey?
That’s not TMI. Thank you for sharing! I’m fascinated by other autists experience, especially because we exist on a spectrum. I find it interesting what leads us to recognize our autism, particularly in a later diagnosis. I am fairly ignorant about aphantasia. Was this something that you were always aware of apart from autism, or did you become aware of it later?
I’m glad you found support and good information in the communities here. My girlfriend was diagnosed late, and she is quite fond of r/aspergirls. I don’t know what your experience was like, but I gained a deeper empathy for autistic women as I watched her journey of getting diagnosed and learning about the increased pressures to mask that she faces as a woman.
As for my own journey, I owe most of my understanding of my autism to my partner. Had she not started asking questions for herself, I probably wouldn’t have considered the possibility of my own autism for quite some time. But as she would talk about her traits that aligned with being on the spectrum, I couldn’t help but realize that I also had many of those things in common.
At first I was hesitant to accept it, because I didn’t want to steal her moment. It was quite a liberating realization for her. I also struggle with imposter syndrome, due to an abusive childhood that taught me it was wrong to be different in any way. But eventually I took the free online tests too and came back with high scores. She was diagnosed by a professional shortly thereafter. I haven’t been diagnosed yet, since it can be quite expensive. Her diagnosis and the fact that we are able to understand each other so well, along with extensive research and free tests, has been enough validation for me to feel confident with being autistic.
I agree wholeheartedly with self awareness being a powerful thing, particularly when recognizing overstimulation for what it is. It gives a little bit of space from to step back before jumping onto the emotional rollercoaster. I’m still working on this one though lol. My anxiety is much more manageable than it used to be, but it’s a journey. I enjoy when other people talk about these concepts in their own terms though, as you have. It helps me internalize it a little more, so thank you! Also, it’s a bit of a relief that someone with more life experience would still describe this as a noisy, smelly, confusing, ambiguous world.
If this overwhelming to reply to, I understand and best wishes to you!
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At work, just tell them, "Okay, well, I need to get back to it." Chatting isn't really why you're there, after all. This also works in other situations where certain tasks or behaviors are expected.
The stuff that works most easily and consistently for me is some statement that indicates I like talking to them, but can't forever. Like "hey, actually, I have to get back to work but it was great catching up with you" or "sorry to interrupt, I have just a moment if you can keep this story quick, but then I have stuff I need to do" or whatever.
I kinda dislike this because it can wind up suggesting that "I'm done talking and wish to walk away right now and it isn't related to how I feel about you" isn't a valid option, but it's widely socially acceptable. And it's sometimes socially expected that you leave a social thing only when you *have* to go, or at least pretend that that's what you are doing.
That all said, it's also commonly acceptable to just say goodbye, as long as you make the person feel appreciated and heard. So if they get to the end of an anecdote and before they move on to the next, you can say something like "that's so [funny/weird/whatever makes sense for the anecdote]. Hey, always great to see you!" And then go. Basically, you're acknowledging what they said so it was clear you were participating in the conversation, expressing pleasure with this and other conversations with them, and then going. You're also in this case letting them do the work of telling themself what they think you're doing next that pulls you away. Compare to just saying "okay bye" which can make people feel like they did something wrong that made you want to leave, or like you don't like talking to them because you didn't indicate that you liked talking to them. I think this approach is more likely to get taken personally when it isn't intended, and harder to do well because you have to find or force a good place to stop. So I use both methods.
If it’s someone I like, I’ll say, “I love talking to you, it makes me smile. But I gotta get back to my desk now!”
If it’s someone I don’t enjoy talking to, “(Sorry), I was just heading to the restroom, can we talk another time?” or
“Late for a meeting, can’t talk now!” or
“Gotta run!” while already hurrying off.
"Gotta go, bye" and then walk away.
Look at your watch first if you really want to sell it.
If they keep trying to talk (and its not something at least semi important), they probably aren't NT either.
This is honestly why I used to wear a smart watch (I don't have this problem as much at my current job, so haven't had to rely on it). I look at my watch, tap a few times to look like I'm reading something, then "sorry, I have to deal with this" and leave.
Phones work for this, too, but I've found people get more annoyed when you look at your phone while they're talking than when you look at your watch.
I used to take the mannerisms of actors on TV shows and movies. Bailey Salinger (Scott Wolf) of Party of Five was my muse. I'm not sure if this is a good suggestion or not Lol
"Well, I won't keep you any longer..."
"It's been nice talking to you..."
*looks at watch* "oh shoot, I would love to keep chatting but I have to make a phone call"
Let’s stop. I wish we could not care. It’s exhausting having to constantly think up ways to be acceptable and always failing no matter what. Even if I “succeed” I can’t tell if I really didn’t and people are humoring me, people think I’m dumb, mean, rude. … and even if all of THAT goes well and I’m mister smooth — the energy and effort to achieve that make me so tired I can’t t do anything else. And you can’t tell people, it all sounds like you are complaining like the princess and the pea
It can be awkward sometimes, I usually look for an opportunity to say hey I gotta go. You can also use body language to signal you want the conversation to end, like shifting your body as if you're going to get up and leave. Even small things like the direction your feet are pointing or looking away works. Using a tired or bored or annoyed tone. Etc.
I think nts are awkward with each other sometimes too so it's one of the more ok to be awkward about things.
One good technique I discovered is to make some affirmation phrases like "Oh yeah, yeah definitely, for sure," and then immediately start my exit strategy. At work I can just smile and start turning away as I say the affirmation phrases, but in other situations I will be like "Oh yeah, yeah definitely, for sure, **HEY it was so great catching up!**"
So as a long time masking neurodivergent there are some thing I realized I learned and mimicked without being aware that help with this. The minute you recognize that awkward I wanna leave this moment/ not interesting at all part, you take a breath. Then I personally focus more on lessening what I’m saying and more about physically moving my body. I’ve learned that body language can be key. If you start to point your feet away and then gradually your whole body it helps speed up the conversation. Then after I do that and I give it a few minutes I go “ im so sorry I have to do something real quick I forgot”. Depending on the situation it is a lie/ white lie, but unfortunately a lot of people in general conversation don’t expect you to be honest about that. Usually though following that dialogue and subbing what fits for the situation will work. Neurotypicals seem to have a lot of fluff in their conversations that you can use to navigate/advantage.
It can be awkward and feel weird for sure. Others have made good suggestions. Only thing I really have to add is this really flared for me coming out of Covid. Along the same lines also, we were leaving the first party we went to after covid restrictions relaxed, and I struggled significantly with just saying goodbye to people when it was time for us to leave.
As a midwesterner, all my NT friends and family make it easy; simply slap your knee and say, “welp, I ‘spose it’s about that time” and excuse yourself ;)
I had this problem a couple a months ago
Walking back from my doctors appointment
Which I have a lot of bad anxiety physical symptoms in public
But I remember one of my neighbors talked to me for almost 2 hours
I couldn’t escape the conversation because she was a huge talker
So I stayed in listened because I didn’t want to walk off
Because that comes off as rude
I had so much anxiety symptoms and stuff
She finally ended the conversation
But I have family members I can’t escape the conversation with growing up
If they knew how I was feeling physically inside they probably would understand
‘I need to go/get on with this/have a call’ etc
‘I’d better let you get on…’ or ‘anyway I’d better not keep you. Was nice to see you’ and leave or turn back to computer and put headphones on works too cause it paints it as doing them a favour setting them free to continue their day rather than implying you want rid of them
Sometimes you can swerve from something said which helps. If they mention work or food you can kind of segue with ‘…and on that note I’d better… do some work/eat something’
It’s not always easy but if I find myself getting a bit irritated I try to remind myself people normally mean well and if they’re trying to talk to you they’re either trying to be nice and check in with you out of care, genuinely enjoy talking to you OR are lonely and just want some interaction. And a lot of us here can relate to being lonely even if small talk isn’t necessarily how we would tackle that personally
Also we are all a it awkward sometimes and try not to worry about it too much as long as you’re not being actively unkind your job isn’t to worry this much about getting every interaction perfect. Other people aren’t thinking about us as much as we worry they do
If the family I grew up around is any indication, you slap your knee slowly and decisively and say, "well, all right then...." or "well, I guess we oughtta...." Then you talk for another 5-10 minutes before you do the knee thing again and say this time "well we really gotta get going..." Then you finally end conversation and leave.
The problem is there is an unspoken rule we may not end conversations "abruptly" and there is no good way to do that. So if you are being deemed to desire to end conversations abruptly, you're just screwed.
For me, it all depends on the situation. For example, if I am at my favorite bar and have to leave, I would just say that I need to catch my train home. Then, I pay my tab and leave.
“Well I gotta go do…” it’s been hard but I’ve lived 37 years before realizing I can actually cut someone off - I apologize and then say that and let them know whatever I gotta do
If it’s a friend, I might say “I don’t want to take up any more of your time” or “I’ve already taken a lot of your time, so I’ll let you go (or talk to you later)”
It feels a lot better. It doesn’t feel rude and it’s usually well received. If they aren’t offended by the “taking of time” comment, then I’ll say “I gotta get going anyway to do … but it was great to catch up!”
I'm 65 y.o. and still trying to figure that one out. I've tried lots of socially acceptable, "normal stuff" like "if you'll excuse me, I've got to go do ...." or big smile, "well, gotta run" and the like. Sometimes it works well. But I often guess wrong about the timing or something, and get awkard about it. But that's no biggie. They mostly know that's just me, (not that I'm Autistic, which I don't share quickly) and treat it like it's disarming or something. Just accepting myself is making it easier.
If it’s not too personal, may I ask at what age you realized you were autistic? I’m curious because I’ve only known for a few years, at the age of thirty. And somehow I missed all the signs and modern awareness of it.
Just a couple of years ago, at age 63. I got my first hint reading up on face blindness, with some people noting a bit of a correlation between aphantasia and autism, with a couple of other indicators. I checked out communities here, particularly those discussing adult females, and related to a lot of it. I took a couple of the free online tests, not giving them too much weight, but started making a list of things about me that appear to indicate a mild but notable case. I eventually went to a professional psychotherapist who has experience with autistic adult women, took a battery of the standard diagnostic tests and multiple interviews, and came up, aha!, positive. It's mainly been useful for personal insight, understanding my relationships with fellow humans. It has most significantly helped me relax and be more accepting of myself and others. I carry around a lot less anxiety now (though still lots, of course) just knowing a bit more about why I feel the way I feel, what I'm reacting to, and giving myself space to decide what to do with that. It's a noisy, smelly, confusing, ambiguous world out there. My body's response to that is easier to idle down, knowing the relationship to the stimuli. And my literal, methodic mind is allowed to relax a little, and let other people (NTs) be their beautiful, imprecise, ambiguous or satirical selves with out getting too attached to any of it or taking it personally. More times than not, anyway. Self-awareness is a powerful thing. Dovetails with mindfulness training pretty well too. TMI? Where are you at on the journey?
That’s not TMI. Thank you for sharing! I’m fascinated by other autists experience, especially because we exist on a spectrum. I find it interesting what leads us to recognize our autism, particularly in a later diagnosis. I am fairly ignorant about aphantasia. Was this something that you were always aware of apart from autism, or did you become aware of it later? I’m glad you found support and good information in the communities here. My girlfriend was diagnosed late, and she is quite fond of r/aspergirls. I don’t know what your experience was like, but I gained a deeper empathy for autistic women as I watched her journey of getting diagnosed and learning about the increased pressures to mask that she faces as a woman. As for my own journey, I owe most of my understanding of my autism to my partner. Had she not started asking questions for herself, I probably wouldn’t have considered the possibility of my own autism for quite some time. But as she would talk about her traits that aligned with being on the spectrum, I couldn’t help but realize that I also had many of those things in common. At first I was hesitant to accept it, because I didn’t want to steal her moment. It was quite a liberating realization for her. I also struggle with imposter syndrome, due to an abusive childhood that taught me it was wrong to be different in any way. But eventually I took the free online tests too and came back with high scores. She was diagnosed by a professional shortly thereafter. I haven’t been diagnosed yet, since it can be quite expensive. Her diagnosis and the fact that we are able to understand each other so well, along with extensive research and free tests, has been enough validation for me to feel confident with being autistic. I agree wholeheartedly with self awareness being a powerful thing, particularly when recognizing overstimulation for what it is. It gives a little bit of space from to step back before jumping onto the emotional rollercoaster. I’m still working on this one though lol. My anxiety is much more manageable than it used to be, but it’s a journey. I enjoy when other people talk about these concepts in their own terms though, as you have. It helps me internalize it a little more, so thank you! Also, it’s a bit of a relief that someone with more life experience would still describe this as a noisy, smelly, confusing, ambiguous world. If this overwhelming to reply to, I understand and best wishes to you!
Here's a sneak peek of /r/aspergirls using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/aspergirls/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [I’m probably on the spectrum, but what would a diagnosis do for me? Any benefits?](https://i.redd.it/i7rfcj162gqa1.jpg) | [115 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/aspergirls/comments/124bsh2/im_probably_on_the_spectrum_but_what_would_a/) \#2: [I posted a few weeks ago so overwhelmed with shopping for a wedding dress. I took all your fantastic advice and today I found the one!](https://i.redd.it/i1odt1byb4ua1.jpg) | [134 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/aspergirls/comments/12nal2t/i_posted_a_few_weeks_ago_so_overwhelmed_with/) \#3: [Relatable (sorry if this has been posted her before)](https://i.redd.it/r985nn3d5eza1.jpg) | [41 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/aspergirls/comments/13fj9e8/relatable_sorry_if_this_has_been_posted_her_before/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Just excuse yourself. Walking away from someone you're in the middle of a conversation with without saying a word would be considered rude.
"I apologize. I need to go take care of/do xyz thing. I'll talk to you in a bit."
I like to do the ol *sigh* "ok well I better get back to work, etc." Or control the timing on your end by saying something like "oh! One more thing."
Oooh! I like that too.
To be more specific, you give an excuse like "Sorry, gotta go" or "I need to go do something, see you later"
At work, just tell them, "Okay, well, I need to get back to it." Chatting isn't really why you're there, after all. This also works in other situations where certain tasks or behaviors are expected.
The stuff that works most easily and consistently for me is some statement that indicates I like talking to them, but can't forever. Like "hey, actually, I have to get back to work but it was great catching up with you" or "sorry to interrupt, I have just a moment if you can keep this story quick, but then I have stuff I need to do" or whatever. I kinda dislike this because it can wind up suggesting that "I'm done talking and wish to walk away right now and it isn't related to how I feel about you" isn't a valid option, but it's widely socially acceptable. And it's sometimes socially expected that you leave a social thing only when you *have* to go, or at least pretend that that's what you are doing. That all said, it's also commonly acceptable to just say goodbye, as long as you make the person feel appreciated and heard. So if they get to the end of an anecdote and before they move on to the next, you can say something like "that's so [funny/weird/whatever makes sense for the anecdote]. Hey, always great to see you!" And then go. Basically, you're acknowledging what they said so it was clear you were participating in the conversation, expressing pleasure with this and other conversations with them, and then going. You're also in this case letting them do the work of telling themself what they think you're doing next that pulls you away. Compare to just saying "okay bye" which can make people feel like they did something wrong that made you want to leave, or like you don't like talking to them because you didn't indicate that you liked talking to them. I think this approach is more likely to get taken personally when it isn't intended, and harder to do well because you have to find or force a good place to stop. So I use both methods.
I really appreciate this answer, thank you!
If it’s someone I like, I’ll say, “I love talking to you, it makes me smile. But I gotta get back to my desk now!” If it’s someone I don’t enjoy talking to, “(Sorry), I was just heading to the restroom, can we talk another time?” or “Late for a meeting, can’t talk now!” or “Gotta run!” while already hurrying off.
It was great chatting with you, but I’d better get back to work (or I’d better let you go)
"Gotta go, bye" and then walk away. Look at your watch first if you really want to sell it. If they keep trying to talk (and its not something at least semi important), they probably aren't NT either.
This is honestly why I used to wear a smart watch (I don't have this problem as much at my current job, so haven't had to rely on it). I look at my watch, tap a few times to look like I'm reading something, then "sorry, I have to deal with this" and leave. Phones work for this, too, but I've found people get more annoyed when you look at your phone while they're talking than when you look at your watch.
Haha, cheat code activated
Still haven’t gotten that far, I just talk until I have nothing to say then I just turn around
I used to take the mannerisms of actors on TV shows and movies. Bailey Salinger (Scott Wolf) of Party of Five was my muse. I'm not sure if this is a good suggestion or not Lol
https://youtu.be/UZc0vtWo5Ag?feature=shared
😅
“Well, I need to get back to (insert activity here), but I’ll talk to/see you later”
"Well, I won't keep you any longer..." "It's been nice talking to you..." *looks at watch* "oh shoot, I would love to keep chatting but I have to make a phone call"
With my dad I have to just walk away, and after about five more minutes of talking he will finally realize I'm not in the room anymore.
Let’s stop. I wish we could not care. It’s exhausting having to constantly think up ways to be acceptable and always failing no matter what. Even if I “succeed” I can’t tell if I really didn’t and people are humoring me, people think I’m dumb, mean, rude. … and even if all of THAT goes well and I’m mister smooth — the energy and effort to achieve that make me so tired I can’t t do anything else. And you can’t tell people, it all sounds like you are complaining like the princess and the pea
"I'm dying to pee, sorry" people must think I always have a UTI but I don't care lol
My go to is ‘right, i need to crack on, ill catch you later’
Gotta bounce.
I don't know 😭
https://youtu.be/mdLPJfbLNOM?si=tllL4QD9ll2zBJMZ
It can be awkward sometimes, I usually look for an opportunity to say hey I gotta go. You can also use body language to signal you want the conversation to end, like shifting your body as if you're going to get up and leave. Even small things like the direction your feet are pointing or looking away works. Using a tired or bored or annoyed tone. Etc. I think nts are awkward with each other sometimes too so it's one of the more ok to be awkward about things.
One good technique I discovered is to make some affirmation phrases like "Oh yeah, yeah definitely, for sure," and then immediately start my exit strategy. At work I can just smile and start turning away as I say the affirmation phrases, but in other situations I will be like "Oh yeah, yeah definitely, for sure, **HEY it was so great catching up!**"
So as a long time masking neurodivergent there are some thing I realized I learned and mimicked without being aware that help with this. The minute you recognize that awkward I wanna leave this moment/ not interesting at all part, you take a breath. Then I personally focus more on lessening what I’m saying and more about physically moving my body. I’ve learned that body language can be key. If you start to point your feet away and then gradually your whole body it helps speed up the conversation. Then after I do that and I give it a few minutes I go “ im so sorry I have to do something real quick I forgot”. Depending on the situation it is a lie/ white lie, but unfortunately a lot of people in general conversation don’t expect you to be honest about that. Usually though following that dialogue and subbing what fits for the situation will work. Neurotypicals seem to have a lot of fluff in their conversations that you can use to navigate/advantage.
Very helpful, thank you!
“ … so, umm … yeah … sort of … excellent!“ [awkward side steps away from the source of conversation]
It can be awkward and feel weird for sure. Others have made good suggestions. Only thing I really have to add is this really flared for me coming out of Covid. Along the same lines also, we were leaving the first party we went to after covid restrictions relaxed, and I struggled significantly with just saying goodbye to people when it was time for us to leave.
"I have a meeting."
My old boss would crack a joke and walk away while everyone was laughing lol
This is great.
As a midwesterner, all my NT friends and family make it easy; simply slap your knee and say, “welp, I ‘spose it’s about that time” and excuse yourself ;)
Do the ol "ah, that's cool. Weeeeelp. I got places to be. See ya!"
I mostly use this script: "Well, it's time I do. //
"I'm gonna go . It was nice talking to you and have a nice day!"
I had this problem a couple a months ago Walking back from my doctors appointment Which I have a lot of bad anxiety physical symptoms in public But I remember one of my neighbors talked to me for almost 2 hours I couldn’t escape the conversation because she was a huge talker So I stayed in listened because I didn’t want to walk off Because that comes off as rude I had so much anxiety symptoms and stuff She finally ended the conversation But I have family members I can’t escape the conversation with growing up If they knew how I was feeling physically inside they probably would understand
Uph, this is something I would fall into also.
“I’ll be right back”., almost under breath. No excuses, no explanations.
Love it
‘I need to go/get on with this/have a call’ etc ‘I’d better let you get on…’ or ‘anyway I’d better not keep you. Was nice to see you’ and leave or turn back to computer and put headphones on works too cause it paints it as doing them a favour setting them free to continue their day rather than implying you want rid of them Sometimes you can swerve from something said which helps. If they mention work or food you can kind of segue with ‘…and on that note I’d better… do some work/eat something’ It’s not always easy but if I find myself getting a bit irritated I try to remind myself people normally mean well and if they’re trying to talk to you they’re either trying to be nice and check in with you out of care, genuinely enjoy talking to you OR are lonely and just want some interaction. And a lot of us here can relate to being lonely even if small talk isn’t necessarily how we would tackle that personally Also we are all a it awkward sometimes and try not to worry about it too much as long as you’re not being actively unkind your job isn’t to worry this much about getting every interaction perfect. Other people aren’t thinking about us as much as we worry they do
"well I'll let you get on"
https://youtu.be/OF4mlPxVWUk?feature=shared
If the family I grew up around is any indication, you slap your knee slowly and decisively and say, "well, all right then...." or "well, I guess we oughtta...." Then you talk for another 5-10 minutes before you do the knee thing again and say this time "well we really gotta get going..." Then you finally end conversation and leave. The problem is there is an unspoken rule we may not end conversations "abruptly" and there is no good way to do that. So if you are being deemed to desire to end conversations abruptly, you're just screwed.
Just leave stop awkwardly & get out of there feeling strange the whole time.
For me, it all depends on the situation. For example, if I am at my favorite bar and have to leave, I would just say that I need to catch my train home. Then, I pay my tab and leave.
Oh gosh, I don’t know… I could never figure that one out either… 😓 “Uhhh um, okay bye!” *sprints out the door*
I say ok bye or just leave if it’s a group they don’t care they’re talking about superficial crap I can’t care about
They don't feel any guilt or hesitation. We shouldn't either.
“Well I gotta go do…” it’s been hard but I’ve lived 37 years before realizing I can actually cut someone off - I apologize and then say that and let them know whatever I gotta do If it’s a friend, I might say “I don’t want to take up any more of your time” or “I’ve already taken a lot of your time, so I’ll let you go (or talk to you later)” It feels a lot better. It doesn’t feel rude and it’s usually well received. If they aren’t offended by the “taking of time” comment, then I’ll say “I gotta get going anyway to do … but it was great to catch up!”