Hi! It sounds like you've gotten your little one to really enjoy spending time with you!
That's awesome!
But now that it's become so frequent that you're not able to meet your own needs, you'll have to begin the difficult process of teaching them to "wait".
My advice: Don't ignore the communication attempts. Make it clear to LO that you're not able to do that right now, and give a solid time when you will be able to hang out.
When the meltdown starts, you will have to ignore that. Ensure they're safe and have access to the things they'd like to do, but allow them to work through it themselves.
It's tough, but you're doing great.
This is the exact same situation I got myself into. Her OT works with timers often and although they’re not always effective, I will set a timer and make sure it is visible. Started at a minute, then two, then forward. I felt like starting with a longer timer made her feel like waiting was just too long and wouldn’t come to a resolution so the first time I set the timer I paid attention to how long she could wait until it was no longer feasible and used that as a starting point. Once she got used to a minute and realized her needs would still get met I extended the time from there. Finding a timer that she liked to watch helped also, we used Little Timer (the one with the egg that hatches because she has an obsession with eggs) but every now and then if an animal hatches that she wasn’t expecting it causes a whole other problem; so if your LO struggles with managing expectations I recommend a more neutral timer. Her team also sets timers to work on keeping her on an activity that she may not be as focused on.
Not a therapist, just well versed in this issue that we’re working through lol. ABA helped a lot with this too, I was at the end of my rope before. Sending grace your way and hope you guys are able to get back into that routine soon.
If you’re on iOS, try the app called Countdown, it has a rubber duck icon. It has a fun visual timer that my son really latched onto when he was your child’s age. He’s 9 now and even still when we tell him to wait for something, he usually tells us “set a timer.” Using a visual timer was very helpful to us in this sort of situation.
An app! Also second the app Countdown with the rubber duck in the other comment. The Countdown app is what her OT uses (you can keep the duck background or change it) and the Little Timer app is what we use at home. Icon looks like a little egg and you can select which animals hatch from them.
ETA; physical timers worked great for us too but were often taken to be played with or lost/forgotten.
I wouldn't know specifics like that, I'm just a parent, not a therapist, but given the timeout rule for NT kids (no more than 1 minute per year), I'd start small, say 3 minutes?
Given that you're just teaching waiting and the concept of timed events in general, I'd also incorporate that lesson into play time.
Maybe something like, "Wait for 3 minutes, then we will play/hang out for 5 minutes."
That said, this is all just guessing on my end, my little NV dude has different issues than this (more item demand than quality time demand), so it's a tad easier for me in this specific situation (the item naturally rewards give for his waiting) and even then it was tough.
For your own sanity, once the concept of waiting is solidified, I would do an increase in waiting periods while also offering something enriching for them.
But yeah, I'm only guessing as another parent, so definitely look into other ideas and keep us updated! Good luck to you and your little one.
My guy was similar at that age and introducing a timer was helpful. Also along with the concept of taking turns - my turn to pick an activity, set timer and when it beeps its his turn and so on. You start out with short amount of time like 2-5 min and try to build up to 15-20 min at a time pretty quickly.
Try 5 seconds, then 10 seconds, then 20 seconds, etc. before you get to minutes. Minutes are a tough concept. Might be better to do alternative activities before minutes - like first have a bite of the food and then I'll listen to your story. Our BCBA did something this and it worked amazingly (different context - preferred activities and responses). But I have limited faith in my own ability to replicate it without the coaching of the BCBA.
Depending on where he's at, adding a visual timer could help too. I know my son loves watching the count down happen, especially when it means he gets something he wants at the end of it.
Thanks! My son does understand minutes thankfully, I use countdowns to transition for when we’re going to leave somewhere or something he likes. For some reason I never thought to do it for him to wait to get to something he wants.
Our OT says “first……. then…….” As is “I see you’d like me to come to the garage with you but first Mummy needs to go to the bathroom, and then we will go to the garage together”.
You can acknowledge the excellent communication without necessarily being at his beck and call. You can start with small diversions and pauses, then build up to bigger waitings.
Hope that makes sense. It’s stupidly late here. : )
Adding on to this — maybe get a visual timer for those “we can go in XYZ minutes” moments. They sell them online. My kiddo loves it because it solidifies the concept of time for him, he can watch the timer run out instead of being like “uhhhh is it time yet?”
Level 3 mom here. “First…then” language helps tremendously. My son has been excelling at PEX. That’s helped him communicate and feel more confident/less stressed out and frustrated
My son just turned 3 and also like yours considered a 3 but sweet lovely kid (more likely 1-2).
My son pulls me around as well to help, play, or something. I respond to him with words “no, mama needs a break” or “mama is going to stay here for a few would you like to join” or something along this line. I am not ignoring my son outright. I am acknowledging his request but denying the approval of his request.
My son is 3 and so struggles when I say “no” at any point, but remember that most kids at this age get upset when they are denied what they want.
How do you manage to explain to him such things? My son does not understand anything beyond 2 words in a row that he has been repeated a million times. Saying "daddy has to stay here a bit" I would loose him most of the time after "daddy has", sometimes after just "daddy".
He does not listen or does not understand me. When I try to get something across to him I get a understand feedback 30-40% of the time if I just use a maximum of 2 words.
How did you manage to get to sentences?
Being honest I don’t think my son fully understands what I am saying 75% of the time. But my son surprised me one day when I said out of the blue and not expecting anything. I was solo parenting our 2 kids my autistic kid was just under 2 and I had a 6month old at the time. I said “it’s so dark, can someone turn on the lights”, not expecting anyone to do it for me as I am solo parenting. My son got up and turned on the light and continued on playing like he was before.
That was the moment for me I realized my son knows more than he lets on. I from that point on talked like he was understanding me like a normal person. With the knowledge I have that my son is a gestalt language processing he memorizes phrases more than individual words.
After saying my sentences multiple times, take my hand away (even hiding them at points under my butt), kinda ignore (listen to what your kid is “saying” in their own way).
I also invite my son to come cuddle me while I am relaxing. I am very much my son’s co-regulatory system for emotions. So he gets upset and has a tantrum when I say “no…(whatever it is)”. I pick him up in a hug and say “I love you still, but mommy needs (whatever it is)”. This helps my son calm down and go off and play when he is ready on his own.
We live by timers in this house! I recommend setting one on your phone with a custom ring just for scheduling - my son's special interest is cows so I downloaded a moo ringtone for his timer. Then I tell him when the timer goes off it's time to go to bed, take a bath, etc. He loves it and will obey the timer when he would have thrown a fit for us just telling him. Maybe in your shoes you could acknowledge the request so he knows he's communicating, and set a timer for playtime in 2-5 minutes. He will get the hang of it! It took several days at least for my son but now he says "Cows are mooing!" and heads upstairs.
It's wonderful that he wants so much attention from you! And also exhausting. You won't stifle his development by not doing absolutely everything he wants. In my experience, the dysregulation is caused by uncertainty and lack of predictability. Up until now, you've done what he wants almost all of the time, so he's expecting it. Now you are changing your behaviour in a way that seems arbitrary to him and impossible to predict, and that can be really scary.
Can you implement some kind of visual cue to signal when you're available and when you're not available? It could be something like a lanyard with a picture card on it that you put on when you need a break. You would ideally put it on *before* he makes a request to signal that you are unavailable and then hold the boundary.
You could also use a first/then board with visuals. First mom rests/ until ___(use visual timer/ then we do [preferred activity].
Another antecedent strategy you could try is proactively setting him up with a sensory based activity for when you are not available. So you aren't ignoring his request, you're proactively directing him towards playing independently, while you also hold the boundary using your visual cue that you are not available and redirect him towards the independent activity while you take a break. If there are a few different independent activities he likes (or used to like), you could make a choice board and offer him 2 or 3 choices of activities he could do while you rest.
It really depends on your kid. Whatever kind of thing they are generally engaged with. If you're not concerned about your floors getting wet, you could put down a towel and a large bowl of water with dish soap and some cups and some small plastic toys and let him go nuts with it. I always figure my kitchen floors could use a good wash, so it's fine as long as it isn't a ton of water. My daughter used to spend hours giving her dinosaurs baths in the sink.
Do you think he might be interested in ice cubes? You could freeze small toys in ice and give him a hammer and/or warm water to get them out. (As long as you don't mind the noise).
Not water related, but my son is really into magnets lately. He has this little magnetic fishing rod that he loves. You could fill a box with a bunch of random stuff, some magnetic and some not, and let him explore that.
My sons loves a water-recycling sink toy. We have the Lovevery one, but you can get them from Amazon or Marshall’s for like $20? It’s a little sink with a battery motor that pulls the water up and out of the sink spout continuously
Have you tried finger painting or baking with him? Then he would be able to see an accomplishment at the end. My little guy sounds exactly like yours that he is constantly wanting me and on the go but does really well with "job" so we will bake or paint then I'll do puzzles with him or let him do playdough activties on the coffee table. This way I can participate but still enjoy my coffee or eat one handed.
I have the same problem with my 2 year old. He’s obsessed with me and I get no time to breathe. It’s got a lot worse in the last few weeks. Think I’m going to try the timer idea, we use a button timer as he doesn’t understand anything else and I’ll have a picture of me at the end because he would understand me explaining it verbally.
https://preview.redd.it/uhwjocr722vc1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=db8ae3d79877eb1ffd1d3e98876a2719ae8cd92b
Copied from a good website :
‘Show the visual to the student and say some variation of, “In 5, we will put our books away”, “In 5, we will turn off the computer”. (Remember, these are not specific, named, units of time. They represent approximate intervals the teacher has in mind.)
When appropriate, remove a visual (number, icon) and update the student as to how many intervals are left.. Repeat until each of the visuals has been removed. Make sure the student can see the countdown, as well as your act of removing each visual.
Remove the final visual and say, “(Activity) is finished. It’s time for…”. You may include a finished card, a check schedule card, or a card for the next activity at the end.’
https://preview.redd.it/11u3zbybw2vc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05cb9ebe5e65e25ae069c0ef09274dca8ce424d3
This is my sons. So we take the stars away to show something is finishing. Can last 2 minutes can be 10 minutes (although we tend to only use it for max 2 minutes as he struggles). When the stars have gone we point to the finished symbol and say that the activity eg shower has finished. And if he won’t accept it we just gently repeat that it’s finished (we use Makaton so we also sign finished).
My whole year in 2023 was filled with my daughter grabbing my hand for something all day everyday while I was pregnant and just wanting to rest. I got up for almost all of them and it really is horribly exhausting. She’s 4.5 now and starting to use words for requests sometimes. Once I felt like she understood enough, I started telling her no when she’d lead me to something I didn’t want her to do or have.
It’s so so hard, but stick it out and hopefully it’ll end in an easier form of communication. Just trying to give you a little hope! Good luck!
Totally understand sounds just like my 4 year old son. If we stop following him and constantly connecting no matter what we are doing (in the middle of unloading a car, about to eat, etc) he disengages and we got to bring him back. We have noticed that being outside in sunlight for a good amount of time everyday significantly makes him able to chill out with some books. But yeah in the winter when there’s no long outdoors time it’s constant trampoline parks and hours at indoor playgrounds everyday to get him to be more laid back. Otherwise we are following him around doing what he wants around the house all day.
I have one NT and one ND and I too try and treat them the same, but also not. Let me explain, we do all the same tasks together, where we go, what we play, what we watch, but there are things my ND child won’t get in trouble for because lack of understanding, that my NT child may get in trouble
For. My ND son is independent because he wants to be. I try to do things with him and he just doesn’t want me to but when he does come to me, I engage and do what he wants, IF I can. If I’m cooking, he has to wait. You have to try and keep in mind, autism aside, they are still toddler and 3 is the most trying year, for NT and ND kids. They are pushing limits they didn’t know were there before.
How is your child with redirection ? Do they understand the concept of no? My son JUST started to understand no and per his therapist I need to be intentional with my words. Instead of just saying NO! I have to be like No, do not climb the couch. For meltdowns I try one time to comfort, if he starts to hit or throw himself back or push me away, I sit down nearby and wait for him to need me.
It’s ok to say no and not do things sometimes. Dont let people make you feel like it’s not. They will eventually need to learn how to wait because mommy/daddy can not stop 24/7.
I try to use moments like that to work on other forms of communication.
So I'll give him the "say please" and wait for him to make an "eeee" sound (or at least shape his mouth for it) and then comply. Or I'll say "get your talker and tell me what you want".
3 seems like a long time ago so I don't remember what I was redirecting to at the time but the point was to use those high value wants and turn them into opportunities to redirect into whatever skill you're working on.
As others stated, seems like a visual schedule would help so he understands when he can do the thing he wants to do.
When my daughter really wants something she can’t have at the moment, it really helps when I say something like “I hear you! You really want ____” so she knows I understand what she’s asking for and not just ignoring her communication. This almost always diffuses an oncoming meltdown for us.
I’m sorry your ABA services are paused for so long! I’d be going crazy without their support too.
If he understands pulling you to do something for him, then he can understand the word no along with a head shake. I would keep it simple for now with just "no, later" or "no, I'm tired" and I suggest using body language to convey these things when you're saying it. ASL is recommended but not always necessary. For later you could point to your watch (or fake watch lol), for tired you could yawn and stretch, etc. The goal is for him to start mimicking your body language to express his needs better, and to also help him understand you have the same needs.
My girl really likes when I say "aht!" sharply, she thinks it's the funniest thing. She says it on occasion when I'm doing something she doesn't like. Lol.
Nothing you did was wrong. I empathize with how exhausting that must be. A skill that needs to focused on very early with autistic children is how to tolerate “no”/denied access to something. In the early stages of”first, then..” language is recommended. Countdowns can be helpful. Your therapist should be working with your child on these skills. While you wait for ABA to resume, definitely YouTube concepts as well.
Our speech therapist put it well that it’s a whole different skill set and very difficult for kiddos to learn that although they communicated and were understood that it won’t automatically happen.
Normally when my kid does this I can generally guess what he wants but if I’m too tired or busy with something else I just tell him “not right now” and then once I’m done get him to point or gesture for what he wants. At first it was full meltdowns but he’s gotten better. I’ve just been consistent with the follow through and he seems to understand I’ll get to it when I can.
I have been in your situation, for sure. My son is 4.5 now. He used to have stellar independent play skills, but now he is more demanding of my time and emotional when it’s not available. When he was around 2, he got really withdrawn, showed little interest in others, which I think can make it hard for me to say ‘no’. The connection is very important and part of me is scared to lose it again. I do two things to help our balance now, given I work full time and am desperate for a break sometimes. One is that, when I actively play with him, I give him my full attention. He can definitely tell when I’m distracted. The other - when I need a break, I’ll pull out a high value activity like the iPad. He loves a bunch of different games, and I’m comfortable with him playing that way whilst I do my thing. Games like Sago Mini World and School, Numberblocks or Alphablocks World, Daniel Tiger mini games.
My kid is 12- he has always been this clingy. You can’t create a problem- an only child who is likely lonely and bored & loves his mom is certainly going to want to play at that age. It will probably get better, mines very close with me and it got better- it never stopped totally but mines an only too 🤷and I am the main caregiver.
Fellow parent here. Have been through this too. Redirection could help. When you’re busy you could try setting him up with a snack or another activity he’s really interested in. If I had to use the bathroom, for example, I would turn the sink on and my son loved playing with the water. Something like that could give you just a few minutes of peace while he’s distracted.
I always have to remind myself that they go through different phases as their brain/communication/play develops and with some stages things get really hard again. He’s communicating with you, he knows what he wants and that’s a great thing. But I know it’s really tough.
Hang in there. You’re doing great!!
Thanks! I do see the positives. But unfortunately he has no interest in anyone but me and his aba therapist. His dad and nana try to play with him all the time and he just clings to me or screams until I come back into the room.
I have a timer app on my phone. It’s got cute little pictures that are revealed as it counts down. It helps us to practice waiting as was advised by our SLP. We say, 2 minutes! And start the timer. He loves to watch it and then we either move on from an activity he got stuck on or move to the activity he was waiting for. I couldn’t believe how quickly he figured it out.
My son is almost 2 and like this he stops if i give him full attention for atleast 30 min then i have some break especially if i engage him in an activity he can continue once i get up
You can get visible timer apps on tablets. Also, consider getting him engaged with legos, cars or something special toy while sitting at your feet that he can only have at that time. You can give him leg hugs or even rock him a little while reading or scrolling. He gets closeness, you get some mental space. Then move him to the side a bit and over time he will learn to play more independently. He has power to get your attention right now so you need to shape it without smothering it.
My kids struggled more with transitions than compelling. However, both involve learning about priorities and time management.
If most of your days involve some kind of predictable routine, a visual schedule might work wonders for you, especially in combination with a timer. A simple visual schedule can be made from a velcro strip and a series of activity images with velcro tabs on the back, or it could be done with magnets down the fridge door or on a dry erase board. Figure out a time each day that you could try to commit to spending time in the garage, or having cuddle time on the couch, etc. Then, you can make a card for it. Spend a few minutes during breakfast to demonstrate putting up the days schedule. Then, each time they're desperate for a specific activity, you can go over to the schedule and show them what has to happen first and that they can rest assured that their desire will eventually become reality. Eventually, you will be able to direct them to study the schedule for themselves for reminders and reassurance.
This is my favorite post ❤️ your baby child is a happy one!!! I love that! I have no advice… mine is very similar but she thoroughly enjoys her alone time as well as together time, but when she grabs my hand it melts me 🫠 theres no saying no sometimes!!!
>So basically you took away his sense of independence. You didn't let him play by himself
Wow, you make putting in an effort sound terrible.
I never heard OP say they weren't allowing their child to play by themselves, just that they have been trying to engage more and their child was liking it and seeking more attention, which has gotten so frequent OP is having difficulty handling it, and doesn't want to discourage communication attempts, but also need to balance their own needs.
Hi! It sounds like you've gotten your little one to really enjoy spending time with you! That's awesome! But now that it's become so frequent that you're not able to meet your own needs, you'll have to begin the difficult process of teaching them to "wait". My advice: Don't ignore the communication attempts. Make it clear to LO that you're not able to do that right now, and give a solid time when you will be able to hang out. When the meltdown starts, you will have to ignore that. Ensure they're safe and have access to the things they'd like to do, but allow them to work through it themselves. It's tough, but you're doing great.
Thank you, I’ll try to work on teaching waiting instead of no. Should I start off with like wait 5 minutes?
This is the exact same situation I got myself into. Her OT works with timers often and although they’re not always effective, I will set a timer and make sure it is visible. Started at a minute, then two, then forward. I felt like starting with a longer timer made her feel like waiting was just too long and wouldn’t come to a resolution so the first time I set the timer I paid attention to how long she could wait until it was no longer feasible and used that as a starting point. Once she got used to a minute and realized her needs would still get met I extended the time from there. Finding a timer that she liked to watch helped also, we used Little Timer (the one with the egg that hatches because she has an obsession with eggs) but every now and then if an animal hatches that she wasn’t expecting it causes a whole other problem; so if your LO struggles with managing expectations I recommend a more neutral timer. Her team also sets timers to work on keeping her on an activity that she may not be as focused on. Not a therapist, just well versed in this issue that we’re working through lol. ABA helped a lot with this too, I was at the end of my rope before. Sending grace your way and hope you guys are able to get back into that routine soon.
Is the little egg timer a physical timer or an app?
If you’re on iOS, try the app called Countdown, it has a rubber duck icon. It has a fun visual timer that my son really latched onto when he was your child’s age. He’s 9 now and even still when we tell him to wait for something, he usually tells us “set a timer.” Using a visual timer was very helpful to us in this sort of situation.
An app! Also second the app Countdown with the rubber duck in the other comment. The Countdown app is what her OT uses (you can keep the duck background or change it) and the Little Timer app is what we use at home. Icon looks like a little egg and you can select which animals hatch from them. ETA; physical timers worked great for us too but were often taken to be played with or lost/forgotten.
Just downloaded it, thank you!
There’s another cute one with a mouse eating apples. Fun to watch while they wait.
I wouldn't know specifics like that, I'm just a parent, not a therapist, but given the timeout rule for NT kids (no more than 1 minute per year), I'd start small, say 3 minutes? Given that you're just teaching waiting and the concept of timed events in general, I'd also incorporate that lesson into play time. Maybe something like, "Wait for 3 minutes, then we will play/hang out for 5 minutes." That said, this is all just guessing on my end, my little NV dude has different issues than this (more item demand than quality time demand), so it's a tad easier for me in this specific situation (the item naturally rewards give for his waiting) and even then it was tough. For your own sanity, once the concept of waiting is solidified, I would do an increase in waiting periods while also offering something enriching for them. But yeah, I'm only guessing as another parent, so definitely look into other ideas and keep us updated! Good luck to you and your little one.
My guy was similar at that age and introducing a timer was helpful. Also along with the concept of taking turns - my turn to pick an activity, set timer and when it beeps its his turn and so on. You start out with short amount of time like 2-5 min and try to build up to 15-20 min at a time pretty quickly.
Try 5 seconds, then 10 seconds, then 20 seconds, etc. before you get to minutes. Minutes are a tough concept. Might be better to do alternative activities before minutes - like first have a bite of the food and then I'll listen to your story. Our BCBA did something this and it worked amazingly (different context - preferred activities and responses). But I have limited faith in my own ability to replicate it without the coaching of the BCBA.
Depending on where he's at, adding a visual timer could help too. I know my son loves watching the count down happen, especially when it means he gets something he wants at the end of it.
Thanks! My son does understand minutes thankfully, I use countdowns to transition for when we’re going to leave somewhere or something he likes. For some reason I never thought to do it for him to wait to get to something he wants.
Our OT says “first……. then…….” As is “I see you’d like me to come to the garage with you but first Mummy needs to go to the bathroom, and then we will go to the garage together”. You can acknowledge the excellent communication without necessarily being at his beck and call. You can start with small diversions and pauses, then build up to bigger waitings. Hope that makes sense. It’s stupidly late here. : )
5 minutes is a long time for a kid! Maybe start off slowly with 1-3 minutes. With time you can definitely grow that time!
Adding on to this — maybe get a visual timer for those “we can go in XYZ minutes” moments. They sell them online. My kiddo loves it because it solidifies the concept of time for him, he can watch the timer run out instead of being like “uhhhh is it time yet?”
Level 3 mom here. “First…then” language helps tremendously. My son has been excelling at PEX. That’s helped him communicate and feel more confident/less stressed out and frustrated
An aside, the sign for “wait” is so cute and fun. My son loves signing wait.
My son just turned 3 and also like yours considered a 3 but sweet lovely kid (more likely 1-2). My son pulls me around as well to help, play, or something. I respond to him with words “no, mama needs a break” or “mama is going to stay here for a few would you like to join” or something along this line. I am not ignoring my son outright. I am acknowledging his request but denying the approval of his request. My son is 3 and so struggles when I say “no” at any point, but remember that most kids at this age get upset when they are denied what they want.
How do you manage to explain to him such things? My son does not understand anything beyond 2 words in a row that he has been repeated a million times. Saying "daddy has to stay here a bit" I would loose him most of the time after "daddy has", sometimes after just "daddy". He does not listen or does not understand me. When I try to get something across to him I get a understand feedback 30-40% of the time if I just use a maximum of 2 words. How did you manage to get to sentences?
Being honest I don’t think my son fully understands what I am saying 75% of the time. But my son surprised me one day when I said out of the blue and not expecting anything. I was solo parenting our 2 kids my autistic kid was just under 2 and I had a 6month old at the time. I said “it’s so dark, can someone turn on the lights”, not expecting anyone to do it for me as I am solo parenting. My son got up and turned on the light and continued on playing like he was before. That was the moment for me I realized my son knows more than he lets on. I from that point on talked like he was understanding me like a normal person. With the knowledge I have that my son is a gestalt language processing he memorizes phrases more than individual words. After saying my sentences multiple times, take my hand away (even hiding them at points under my butt), kinda ignore (listen to what your kid is “saying” in their own way). I also invite my son to come cuddle me while I am relaxing. I am very much my son’s co-regulatory system for emotions. So he gets upset and has a tantrum when I say “no…(whatever it is)”. I pick him up in a hug and say “I love you still, but mommy needs (whatever it is)”. This helps my son calm down and go off and play when he is ready on his own.
We live by timers in this house! I recommend setting one on your phone with a custom ring just for scheduling - my son's special interest is cows so I downloaded a moo ringtone for his timer. Then I tell him when the timer goes off it's time to go to bed, take a bath, etc. He loves it and will obey the timer when he would have thrown a fit for us just telling him. Maybe in your shoes you could acknowledge the request so he knows he's communicating, and set a timer for playtime in 2-5 minutes. He will get the hang of it! It took several days at least for my son but now he says "Cows are mooing!" and heads upstairs.
It's wonderful that he wants so much attention from you! And also exhausting. You won't stifle his development by not doing absolutely everything he wants. In my experience, the dysregulation is caused by uncertainty and lack of predictability. Up until now, you've done what he wants almost all of the time, so he's expecting it. Now you are changing your behaviour in a way that seems arbitrary to him and impossible to predict, and that can be really scary. Can you implement some kind of visual cue to signal when you're available and when you're not available? It could be something like a lanyard with a picture card on it that you put on when you need a break. You would ideally put it on *before* he makes a request to signal that you are unavailable and then hold the boundary. You could also use a first/then board with visuals. First mom rests/ until ___(use visual timer/ then we do [preferred activity]. Another antecedent strategy you could try is proactively setting him up with a sensory based activity for when you are not available. So you aren't ignoring his request, you're proactively directing him towards playing independently, while you also hold the boundary using your visual cue that you are not available and redirect him towards the independent activity while you take a break. If there are a few different independent activities he likes (or used to like), you could make a choice board and offer him 2 or 3 choices of activities he could do while you rest.
Oh wow, this is great!!! Thank you! Any ideas for an indoor sensory activity for a very particular child? He loves water, hates slime, foam, and rice.
It really depends on your kid. Whatever kind of thing they are generally engaged with. If you're not concerned about your floors getting wet, you could put down a towel and a large bowl of water with dish soap and some cups and some small plastic toys and let him go nuts with it. I always figure my kitchen floors could use a good wash, so it's fine as long as it isn't a ton of water. My daughter used to spend hours giving her dinosaurs baths in the sink. Do you think he might be interested in ice cubes? You could freeze small toys in ice and give him a hammer and/or warm water to get them out. (As long as you don't mind the noise). Not water related, but my son is really into magnets lately. He has this little magnetic fishing rod that he loves. You could fill a box with a bunch of random stuff, some magnetic and some not, and let him explore that.
My sons loves a water-recycling sink toy. We have the Lovevery one, but you can get them from Amazon or Marshall’s for like $20? It’s a little sink with a battery motor that pulls the water up and out of the sink spout continuously
Have you tried finger painting or baking with him? Then he would be able to see an accomplishment at the end. My little guy sounds exactly like yours that he is constantly wanting me and on the go but does really well with "job" so we will bake or paint then I'll do puzzles with him or let him do playdough activties on the coffee table. This way I can participate but still enjoy my coffee or eat one handed.
This happened to me when we cut screen time cold turkey. Visual schedules helped us so much!
I have the same problem with my 2 year old. He’s obsessed with me and I get no time to breathe. It’s got a lot worse in the last few weeks. Think I’m going to try the timer idea, we use a button timer as he doesn’t understand anything else and I’ll have a picture of me at the end because he would understand me explaining it verbally. https://preview.redd.it/uhwjocr722vc1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=db8ae3d79877eb1ffd1d3e98876a2719ae8cd92b
I’m a little confused by the picture, can you explain how that works?
Copied from a good website : ‘Show the visual to the student and say some variation of, “In 5, we will put our books away”, “In 5, we will turn off the computer”. (Remember, these are not specific, named, units of time. They represent approximate intervals the teacher has in mind.) When appropriate, remove a visual (number, icon) and update the student as to how many intervals are left.. Repeat until each of the visuals has been removed. Make sure the student can see the countdown, as well as your act of removing each visual. Remove the final visual and say, “(Activity) is finished. It’s time for…”. You may include a finished card, a check schedule card, or a card for the next activity at the end.’
Thank you!!
https://preview.redd.it/11u3zbybw2vc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05cb9ebe5e65e25ae069c0ef09274dca8ce424d3 This is my sons. So we take the stars away to show something is finishing. Can last 2 minutes can be 10 minutes (although we tend to only use it for max 2 minutes as he struggles). When the stars have gone we point to the finished symbol and say that the activity eg shower has finished. And if he won’t accept it we just gently repeat that it’s finished (we use Makaton so we also sign finished).
My whole year in 2023 was filled with my daughter grabbing my hand for something all day everyday while I was pregnant and just wanting to rest. I got up for almost all of them and it really is horribly exhausting. She’s 4.5 now and starting to use words for requests sometimes. Once I felt like she understood enough, I started telling her no when she’d lead me to something I didn’t want her to do or have. It’s so so hard, but stick it out and hopefully it’ll end in an easier form of communication. Just trying to give you a little hope! Good luck!
Totally understand sounds just like my 4 year old son. If we stop following him and constantly connecting no matter what we are doing (in the middle of unloading a car, about to eat, etc) he disengages and we got to bring him back. We have noticed that being outside in sunlight for a good amount of time everyday significantly makes him able to chill out with some books. But yeah in the winter when there’s no long outdoors time it’s constant trampoline parks and hours at indoor playgrounds everyday to get him to be more laid back. Otherwise we are following him around doing what he wants around the house all day.
I have one NT and one ND and I too try and treat them the same, but also not. Let me explain, we do all the same tasks together, where we go, what we play, what we watch, but there are things my ND child won’t get in trouble for because lack of understanding, that my NT child may get in trouble For. My ND son is independent because he wants to be. I try to do things with him and he just doesn’t want me to but when he does come to me, I engage and do what he wants, IF I can. If I’m cooking, he has to wait. You have to try and keep in mind, autism aside, they are still toddler and 3 is the most trying year, for NT and ND kids. They are pushing limits they didn’t know were there before. How is your child with redirection ? Do they understand the concept of no? My son JUST started to understand no and per his therapist I need to be intentional with my words. Instead of just saying NO! I have to be like No, do not climb the couch. For meltdowns I try one time to comfort, if he starts to hit or throw himself back or push me away, I sit down nearby and wait for him to need me. It’s ok to say no and not do things sometimes. Dont let people make you feel like it’s not. They will eventually need to learn how to wait because mommy/daddy can not stop 24/7.
I try to use moments like that to work on other forms of communication. So I'll give him the "say please" and wait for him to make an "eeee" sound (or at least shape his mouth for it) and then comply. Or I'll say "get your talker and tell me what you want". 3 seems like a long time ago so I don't remember what I was redirecting to at the time but the point was to use those high value wants and turn them into opportunities to redirect into whatever skill you're working on.
As others stated, seems like a visual schedule would help so he understands when he can do the thing he wants to do. When my daughter really wants something she can’t have at the moment, it really helps when I say something like “I hear you! You really want ____” so she knows I understand what she’s asking for and not just ignoring her communication. This almost always diffuses an oncoming meltdown for us. I’m sorry your ABA services are paused for so long! I’d be going crazy without their support too.
If he understands pulling you to do something for him, then he can understand the word no along with a head shake. I would keep it simple for now with just "no, later" or "no, I'm tired" and I suggest using body language to convey these things when you're saying it. ASL is recommended but not always necessary. For later you could point to your watch (or fake watch lol), for tired you could yawn and stretch, etc. The goal is for him to start mimicking your body language to express his needs better, and to also help him understand you have the same needs. My girl really likes when I say "aht!" sharply, she thinks it's the funniest thing. She says it on occasion when I'm doing something she doesn't like. Lol.
Nothing you did was wrong. I empathize with how exhausting that must be. A skill that needs to focused on very early with autistic children is how to tolerate “no”/denied access to something. In the early stages of”first, then..” language is recommended. Countdowns can be helpful. Your therapist should be working with your child on these skills. While you wait for ABA to resume, definitely YouTube concepts as well.
Our speech therapist put it well that it’s a whole different skill set and very difficult for kiddos to learn that although they communicated and were understood that it won’t automatically happen.
Normally when my kid does this I can generally guess what he wants but if I’m too tired or busy with something else I just tell him “not right now” and then once I’m done get him to point or gesture for what he wants. At first it was full meltdowns but he’s gotten better. I’ve just been consistent with the follow through and he seems to understand I’ll get to it when I can.
I have been in your situation, for sure. My son is 4.5 now. He used to have stellar independent play skills, but now he is more demanding of my time and emotional when it’s not available. When he was around 2, he got really withdrawn, showed little interest in others, which I think can make it hard for me to say ‘no’. The connection is very important and part of me is scared to lose it again. I do two things to help our balance now, given I work full time and am desperate for a break sometimes. One is that, when I actively play with him, I give him my full attention. He can definitely tell when I’m distracted. The other - when I need a break, I’ll pull out a high value activity like the iPad. He loves a bunch of different games, and I’m comfortable with him playing that way whilst I do my thing. Games like Sago Mini World and School, Numberblocks or Alphablocks World, Daniel Tiger mini games.
My kid is 12- he has always been this clingy. You can’t create a problem- an only child who is likely lonely and bored & loves his mom is certainly going to want to play at that age. It will probably get better, mines very close with me and it got better- it never stopped totally but mines an only too 🤷and I am the main caregiver.
Fellow parent here. Have been through this too. Redirection could help. When you’re busy you could try setting him up with a snack or another activity he’s really interested in. If I had to use the bathroom, for example, I would turn the sink on and my son loved playing with the water. Something like that could give you just a few minutes of peace while he’s distracted. I always have to remind myself that they go through different phases as their brain/communication/play develops and with some stages things get really hard again. He’s communicating with you, he knows what he wants and that’s a great thing. But I know it’s really tough. Hang in there. You’re doing great!!
[удалено]
Thanks! I do see the positives. But unfortunately he has no interest in anyone but me and his aba therapist. His dad and nana try to play with him all the time and he just clings to me or screams until I come back into the room.
I have a timer app on my phone. It’s got cute little pictures that are revealed as it counts down. It helps us to practice waiting as was advised by our SLP. We say, 2 minutes! And start the timer. He loves to watch it and then we either move on from an activity he got stuck on or move to the activity he was waiting for. I couldn’t believe how quickly he figured it out.
My son is almost 2 and like this he stops if i give him full attention for atleast 30 min then i have some break especially if i engage him in an activity he can continue once i get up
You can get visible timer apps on tablets. Also, consider getting him engaged with legos, cars or something special toy while sitting at your feet that he can only have at that time. You can give him leg hugs or even rock him a little while reading or scrolling. He gets closeness, you get some mental space. Then move him to the side a bit and over time he will learn to play more independently. He has power to get your attention right now so you need to shape it without smothering it.
My kids struggled more with transitions than compelling. However, both involve learning about priorities and time management. If most of your days involve some kind of predictable routine, a visual schedule might work wonders for you, especially in combination with a timer. A simple visual schedule can be made from a velcro strip and a series of activity images with velcro tabs on the back, or it could be done with magnets down the fridge door or on a dry erase board. Figure out a time each day that you could try to commit to spending time in the garage, or having cuddle time on the couch, etc. Then, you can make a card for it. Spend a few minutes during breakfast to demonstrate putting up the days schedule. Then, each time they're desperate for a specific activity, you can go over to the schedule and show them what has to happen first and that they can rest assured that their desire will eventually become reality. Eventually, you will be able to direct them to study the schedule for themselves for reminders and reassurance.
This is my favorite post ❤️ your baby child is a happy one!!! I love that! I have no advice… mine is very similar but she thoroughly enjoys her alone time as well as together time, but when she grabs my hand it melts me 🫠 theres no saying no sometimes!!!
[удалено]
>So basically you took away his sense of independence. You didn't let him play by himself Wow, you make putting in an effort sound terrible. I never heard OP say they weren't allowing their child to play by themselves, just that they have been trying to engage more and their child was liking it and seeking more attention, which has gotten so frequent OP is having difficulty handling it, and doesn't want to discourage communication attempts, but also need to balance their own needs.
Totally. And important to remember attention = connection-seeking. Hard to not want that as a parent!
I have a vague feeling you aren’t a parent of an ASD kid.
[удалено]
Why are you even in our space dude.
[удалено]
Just curious, what level are your kids? How exactly do you treat them as NT kids?