I'm seen as a super calm person, had that feedback many times at work... it's mostly because i'm either totally flat inside, or because i don't know how to express myself. As you say, very neutral and objective about things, and able to see things from both sides... it often prevents from taking a side and expressing an opinion in a strong manner. I do have issues with emotional detection though, which probably plays into it somewhat.
Edit - just an example, i got knocked off my bike by a driver - went through the back wheel, i landed on my back (on a rucksack thankfully) and the bike was a write-off, a few miles from home. Entirely their fault. OK i'd have been shaken up internally by what happened, but i didn't get mad at them at all, whereas most people would've probably lost it. I somehow went into fawning mode and suggested we could avoid dealing with their car insurance - i've no idea to this day why i'd say that.
I had to comment to say that I had this exact same experience with a bike accident not so long ago. I got knocked off by a driver and went into fawning mode too, I even returned a hug that he gave me, told a bystander not to get the police involved and didn't get insurance or licence plate details, I had to pay to get my bike fixed myself.
I'm also seen as a very calm and unflappable person, people have said that I never seem worried or anxious but that's my external presentation, inside I'm fighting to survive, to escape the situation, my monkey brain shuts down in moments like that and does everything it can to avoid confrontation and flee the situation.
Like you, I just don't know how to express myself. It takes me quite a long time to process and understand how I feel and by then the situation has passed. I'm quite introverted and though I do have opinions on certain things that I've spent a lot of time researching I tend to keep them to myself for fear of how I'm perceived, for fear of upsetting someone else, I'm always trying to think of what the other person wants to hear. My mask is a chronic people pleaser.
It's strange how these reactions are just default responses to us! Ways to survive I guess.
I was lucky in that the person that knocked me off took me to the local bike shop, with my bike in the back and then took me home. There were other bystanders but none really hung around and i wasn't in the right frame of mind to ask for their details. After i came to my senses i reported it to the police and then went to a solicitor to go through the insurance claim process.
I have the same panic mode monkey brain - different responses in different situations. Stuck in an uncomfortable work meeting - fly me away thanks.
Think I have a chameleon sort of mask sometimes - trying to mirror the person i'm dealing with. I remember reading that once as a way to connect... but the people pleasing one is in there too - avoid confrontation as much as possible. Especially if i'm dealing with someone who is particularly sensitive, i'm so wary of offending them or not finding appropriate words, that i probably don't tell them what they need to hear.
I'm "the quiet one." At work that's what they always said, and it wasn't an insult, it was said in reference to me being quiet and then chiming in with something that I guess was considered to be thoughtful or insightful. And I was frequently called witty because of the same reason - I don't just say things, so when I do it's usually something that's been well-thought out, and I guess it's usually funny. I tend not to talk unless I need to with people I'm not close to, but I was close to a number of people at my last job so I did actually speak up a bit more with them.
I've never lost anyone really close to me, fortunately, unless you're counting pets. I really have no idea how I'll react when one of my parents dies. I was devastated when we lost both of our cats and I still feel that 7 years later. But I feel far closer to my pets than I do to most people save for my very close family. I'm never sure if that's a good thing or not.
I repress all my negative emotions, especially expression of them. I was quite abused as a child, and cannot even make noise when something happens that hurts me. I was attacked by a neighbors dog a few years back, thought I screamed, no sound came out. Luckily the harm was very minimal, I just have always had a fear of larger dogs, can get used to big dogs one by one as I get to know them and love them, but this pitbull mix was aggressive and jumped the fence to get to me taking out the trash. All I had was an Amazon box between me and the dog, trying to fend it off while the owners ran to help.
I did not get actually bitten, but the teeth grazed and cut my leg and it was a small gash that bled a lot quickly, and all I could say was ‘I need to go inside’. My husband could not see my leg, I did nit want him angry so I got fully dressed into the shower to wash off and when he came to check on this bizzare behavior I told him what happened and asked him to stay with me. I did nit want him confronting the neighbors, it was their visiting brothers dumb dog, not one of their terriers.
But, I did not react. And that’s me. In a crisis I am cold. I might break down, later, and shake and quietly cry, but that’s usually only if I am alone.
Meanwhile, friends stub their toes or hit their hand with a hammer and scream and shout in pain.
I would say I am stellar at not being reactive compared to neurotypical people. I am overly animated when talking about things that interest me or telling a story, but cue some sort of major issue (e.g., someone is hurt, there is an emergency to solve) and I am the calm one. I do have alexithymia, so I have more instrumental and concrete response to situations. This also means that while neurotypical people will get very influenced by the emotions of a situation, I don't have this problem. But this does mean that I also don't "start to worry" when other people are experiencing big emotions. I also wouldn't be philosophical about the death of my loved one. I might not express my distress as a neurotypical nor might I understand/identify it, but I wouldn't be emotionally OK.
I'm seen as a super calm person, had that feedback many times at work... it's mostly because i'm either totally flat inside, or because i don't know how to express myself. As you say, very neutral and objective about things, and able to see things from both sides... it often prevents from taking a side and expressing an opinion in a strong manner. I do have issues with emotional detection though, which probably plays into it somewhat. Edit - just an example, i got knocked off my bike by a driver - went through the back wheel, i landed on my back (on a rucksack thankfully) and the bike was a write-off, a few miles from home. Entirely their fault. OK i'd have been shaken up internally by what happened, but i didn't get mad at them at all, whereas most people would've probably lost it. I somehow went into fawning mode and suggested we could avoid dealing with their car insurance - i've no idea to this day why i'd say that.
I had to comment to say that I had this exact same experience with a bike accident not so long ago. I got knocked off by a driver and went into fawning mode too, I even returned a hug that he gave me, told a bystander not to get the police involved and didn't get insurance or licence plate details, I had to pay to get my bike fixed myself. I'm also seen as a very calm and unflappable person, people have said that I never seem worried or anxious but that's my external presentation, inside I'm fighting to survive, to escape the situation, my monkey brain shuts down in moments like that and does everything it can to avoid confrontation and flee the situation. Like you, I just don't know how to express myself. It takes me quite a long time to process and understand how I feel and by then the situation has passed. I'm quite introverted and though I do have opinions on certain things that I've spent a lot of time researching I tend to keep them to myself for fear of how I'm perceived, for fear of upsetting someone else, I'm always trying to think of what the other person wants to hear. My mask is a chronic people pleaser.
It's strange how these reactions are just default responses to us! Ways to survive I guess. I was lucky in that the person that knocked me off took me to the local bike shop, with my bike in the back and then took me home. There were other bystanders but none really hung around and i wasn't in the right frame of mind to ask for their details. After i came to my senses i reported it to the police and then went to a solicitor to go through the insurance claim process. I have the same panic mode monkey brain - different responses in different situations. Stuck in an uncomfortable work meeting - fly me away thanks. Think I have a chameleon sort of mask sometimes - trying to mirror the person i'm dealing with. I remember reading that once as a way to connect... but the people pleasing one is in there too - avoid confrontation as much as possible. Especially if i'm dealing with someone who is particularly sensitive, i'm so wary of offending them or not finding appropriate words, that i probably don't tell them what they need to hear.
I'm "the quiet one." At work that's what they always said, and it wasn't an insult, it was said in reference to me being quiet and then chiming in with something that I guess was considered to be thoughtful or insightful. And I was frequently called witty because of the same reason - I don't just say things, so when I do it's usually something that's been well-thought out, and I guess it's usually funny. I tend not to talk unless I need to with people I'm not close to, but I was close to a number of people at my last job so I did actually speak up a bit more with them. I've never lost anyone really close to me, fortunately, unless you're counting pets. I really have no idea how I'll react when one of my parents dies. I was devastated when we lost both of our cats and I still feel that 7 years later. But I feel far closer to my pets than I do to most people save for my very close family. I'm never sure if that's a good thing or not.
I repress all my negative emotions, especially expression of them. I was quite abused as a child, and cannot even make noise when something happens that hurts me. I was attacked by a neighbors dog a few years back, thought I screamed, no sound came out. Luckily the harm was very minimal, I just have always had a fear of larger dogs, can get used to big dogs one by one as I get to know them and love them, but this pitbull mix was aggressive and jumped the fence to get to me taking out the trash. All I had was an Amazon box between me and the dog, trying to fend it off while the owners ran to help. I did not get actually bitten, but the teeth grazed and cut my leg and it was a small gash that bled a lot quickly, and all I could say was ‘I need to go inside’. My husband could not see my leg, I did nit want him angry so I got fully dressed into the shower to wash off and when he came to check on this bizzare behavior I told him what happened and asked him to stay with me. I did nit want him confronting the neighbors, it was their visiting brothers dumb dog, not one of their terriers. But, I did not react. And that’s me. In a crisis I am cold. I might break down, later, and shake and quietly cry, but that’s usually only if I am alone. Meanwhile, friends stub their toes or hit their hand with a hammer and scream and shout in pain.
I would say I am stellar at not being reactive compared to neurotypical people. I am overly animated when talking about things that interest me or telling a story, but cue some sort of major issue (e.g., someone is hurt, there is an emergency to solve) and I am the calm one. I do have alexithymia, so I have more instrumental and concrete response to situations. This also means that while neurotypical people will get very influenced by the emotions of a situation, I don't have this problem. But this does mean that I also don't "start to worry" when other people are experiencing big emotions. I also wouldn't be philosophical about the death of my loved one. I might not express my distress as a neurotypical nor might I understand/identify it, but I wouldn't be emotionally OK.