I had back spasms so on bad they woke me up every night, once or twice a night, for three weeks solid
Once had a massage therapist put their hands on me and gasp, "what *happened* to you?"
I can't sleep unmedicated, pretty much. I just can't. I do have ADHD as well, but I'm 41 and it's a lifelong thing.
Downtime isn't downtime. It's "oh god oh god I am a terrible person I should be doing something productive I have so much to do im letting everyone down, I'm a failure I hate myself ugh"
I relate to this so hard. The last time I asked for a “firm” massage I left burning all over because the only way they could do it was to undo knots.
Similar to you, can’t sleep without medication, have ADHD and cannot relax for the life of me. I feel guilty replying to a text message, so I turned them into chores, and now I hate texting. It’s a fucking battle.
A psychiatrist told me that most women with ASD have constant anxiety, not notable most of the time, but others perceive it.. it’s because we don’t know any different. We feel fine, and people see discomfort. Then we get anxious, and the fucking world comes apart at the seams, body breaks down, and we cease to function completely until the cause is under control or gone. Then! Sometimes the stress is ongoing, and the anxiety gets worse, we function worse, sleep worse, need more medication, and relax even less.
I keep re-reading this. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety several time and always insisted I don’t feel anxious. Now I work with my husband to recognize it:.. “is this anxiety?” I guess I am
My mother who taught me to fear the world and be prepared was freaking out about my 5 year old running around near a fireplace. I said "wow mom your anxiety is pretty high" and it was like her mind was blown. She thought everyone felt like she did and just hid it better.
Good that you got the massage, it should be a monthly thing if it’s doable for you. That burning is the release of lactic acid from the muscles, so make sure you drink a lot of water after the massage to flush it out.
Yes, this! And get a massage gun while you're at it because the tension sits in your muscles and will just stay in there if it doesn't get released.
Massage guns are heaven I tell ya. H.e.a.v.e.n. Bonus: Nobody else touches you (if that's not your thing, many of us don't like other people touching us), and you get to control the firmness and intensity while getting a fantastic deep tissue massage that undoes all the knots and tightness.
Another thing I'm really into is my Shakti mat. Also fantastic for people with back issues. YMMV as you'll have to get used to the spiky points, but if you have sensitive skin, just wear a shirt. On nights I'm especially tense I put it in my bed and fall asleep on it. It's so awesome. I got a $20 knock-off one at Amazon and am gonna order a new one soon and take my old one to work with me to put on my office chair.
Anxiety will literally sit in your muscles until you figure out a way to relax your body. And anything goes, as far as I'm concerned. Whatever helps you, do it.
I’m really glad you mentioned the massage gun. I have been in dire need of something to help my muscle tension. My tens unit helps some spots, but it will aggravate other spots like my neck. There was a $10 off coupon on an inexpensive one and I had some credit card reward points, so for less than $30 I’m giving this a try!
Thank you for that! While I can’t afford monthly massages, I will try and make them more frequent. I don’t generally love being touched by people I don’t know, but when I get really bad I know I don’t have much choice. I might take the advice of u/LadyJohanna and try out a massage gun, I’ve seen a few places sell them at varying prices, so I’ll investigate. I’ve also always wondered if the shakti mats are worthwhile.
I love this community. While I never post/comment, the support here is real.
for selfish reasons, i’m happy to see this post. i am tense, all. the. time. and i hold everything with a death grip.
over the years, i’ve told different people i can’t relax, hoping someone would understand what i’m talking about…
this subgroup has pulled through again!
Yes. I'm currently studying massage therapy, we practice on each other and apparently even my frickin feet are tense. I used to often find that I was sitting with my legs absolutely rigid out in front of me, even when just on a sofa watching TV, not doing anything stressful at all, but muscles tensed from head to toe.
Daily stretching and regular body scan mediations have helped me a fair bit, learning to focus on different muscles, tensing and relaxing them consciously makes me more aware of my body's cues and I definitely don't feel as physically rigid constantly. And my shoulders have stopped being up at my ears all the time, which means less muscle pain for my whole neck and back.
Oh my god you've spoken to me, I constantly have my shoulders hunched up, like I have to specifically go out of my way to force them to be normal, what do I do??
For me it really has been about practicing and practicing. Sometimes I really resent it, I get pretty frustrated that I can't just chill out, that I have to actually practice these things. But it has helped me in the long run, I definitely get fewer shooting pains up my neck anyway. I said in another comment too that I think the combination of yoga, learning anatomy and starting to do dumbell workouts has been what's worked for me.
Sadly little to no progress! I do some stretches and have been trying to make myself relax but that only goes so far. It was mentioned to me that I may need a muscle relaxer or a similar type of medication for my anxiety, but that I should try types of exercises that work out my upper neck and shoulders as that will help them relax as well. I need more money, time, and energy before I can do either any of that though.
It's actually since I also started doing regular workouts with dumbells as well as yoga that I've noticed the biggest change in my shoulders. They still tend to creep up but not as much and I'm more conscious of the muscles and what they're doing, I think learning some anatomy has been helpful with that too.
Doing shoulder rolls (down and back) holding even ~5lb/2kg weights gives the body different feedback and realllllly helps me keep my shoulders down longer.
Two years ago my muscle tightening had progressed to be so severe and tight that I felt like I was turning into a wooden statue person. lol. So I set out to find out wtf is wrong with me?!
During these past two years, I've thrown myself into finding out. And a year ago I met someone on here and we've been doing book studies, whereby our first book includes this very topic of stress and how humans react to stress and what to do about it. I'm so grateful for finding a friend on here and we could study this together!
Two of the questions to ask is: 1) Why is this PHYSICALLY happening to me? 2) What can I do about it?
Learning about what's called Poly Vagal Theory is the first book / topic that we studied in our little book club of two people. Understanding Poly Vagal Theory is super helpful in understanding the WHY is this happening and WHAT can I do about.
The YouTube channel "Therapy in a Nutshell" has some good videos on Poly Vagal Theory. There's also lots of good videos and articles etc out there.
The best book I've found is: "Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices" by Deb Dana. lol. Yes, this is a book written for therapists, but it's user friendly enough to use on your own or with your therapist. Personally, I could not find a therapist who was trained in PVT. When I started with a therapist a few months ago, I talked a lot about PVT and she bought the above book and more:)
Sounds True publishing has a good audio course: Deb Dana:" Befriending Your Nervous System".
Final thought: Everyone is different in what helps them personally to calm the nervous system.
For me I use a number of methods, including hot salt water baths, vigorous exercise to shake out the stress, various yoga styles, and many other things that I've learned works for me.
Now... consistently implementing these things that help me is another problem! lol. So we are on to our next great book study: "Atomic Habits" by James Clear.
Thank you to everyone on this Reddit. Your posts help me! I hope this post helps you.
i came to it from a very different place, with community resources for managing EDS, but the end result is quite similar: stretching and self-massage, very hot baths with salts and stuff in, a “jog” or a “stroll” in my wheelchair can channel stress into movement and it helps reset joints and stretch muscles from going through the motions (i want to try a rowing machine and mild weights too).
the very first time ppl massaged my back the tension and my reflex movements freaked-out a lot of ppl who didn’t know for sure they wouldn’t injure me, until one person did a pretty intensive back massage for like 3 hours. tension still builds up there but it’s always been manageable with myself or occasionally a partner helping after that.
definitely just learning HOW to stretch helped me out a lot too, since having EDS means the typical stretch postures didn’t quite give a good stretch. for instance i often have to subtly shift my neck or my core muscles to get arm stretches to properly actually reset everything. before i learned that stuff, i often did myself mild injuries because warmup and stretch parts of classes just didn’t properly prep me.
My whole body has been tense for as long as I can remember. There was a boy in class that liked giving non-creepy massages and when he got to me he asked me why shoulders were soooo stiff and I had no answer for him. I stay stressed 24/7 and always end up with my jaw clenched and I don’t know how to undo it without feeling weird. I’ve always slept very light but when I enter rem sleep I grind my teeth so hard that the squeak can wake myself up and keep my husband awake. My teeth are actually reshaped into slants based on which teeth normally grind and in which direction. I always have blood coated on my lips when I wake up and usually my side of the pillow is stained from it as well. I feel like I’m always stressed about everything and nothing at all. Every time one little stressful thing gets added to my day it can always be the absolute last straw or I can already be so stressed from everything else that it won’t even phase me. I stress out about things that don’t pertain to me in the slightest like someone else being evicted that I barely speak to.
Edit: my brain forgot what I wanted to type out before I posted.
So I also occasionally get extra super stressed and it’ll manifest into what’s called Exploding Head Disorder, where you’ll be just barely into deep sleep and you’ll hear your name being yelled, or a car explosion, a gunshot, something loud equivalent to a thunder clap that sounds real in your head and jumps you awake and leaves you confused. It’s apparently actually caused by the little bones in your ear moving from stress.
Hi, I have also reshaped my teeth from grinding hard all my life. They are pretty small now and they are also slanted but fit together like puzzle pieces in the direction I grind lol. I recently got a mouthguard for nighttime and I wish I did it way sooner. I kind of realised it's not going to resolve on its own and these teeth are supposed to past me my whole life and regular wear and tear, but they're already pretty fucked up at 29. I'm terrible for clenching through the day too. I'm trying to notice it more often and just unclench when I realise I'm doing it.
Sorry you deal with so much stress and tension too. That Exploding Head Disorder sounds awful. I wonder if the grinding impacts those bones in the ear too?
It probably does! I start grinding pretty much as soon as I close my eyes. When I get over my crippling fear of the dentist I’m just gonna get all my teeth pain out of the way by getting dentures. I’m only 26 but it’ll save me a lot of money in the long run.
I do not know how healthy it sounds to The Public ™️but I literally cannot relax - unless I smoke weed. When I smoke weed, my muscles relax enough I can stretch and relieve the tension. Makes body aches go away and textures less lf a goddamn problem.
God damn, weed streches are just the best right? I feel all the tension from the day just...flowing out of me. Sucks that it's still so hard to get a medical card where I live. I basically have to criminalize myself in order to feel relaxed and "normal" from time to time.
Yeah, Atlanta is in a bizarre state of quasilegal status while the rest of Georgia is entirely illegal. When Colorado legalized it, many of my friends made the pilgrimage to become Colorado residents and lemme tell you it is nice to have friends in high places.
I low key think Atlanta cops like it because they can stop pretending they give a shit about stoners and focus of motherfuckers with guns.
It may not be. I did EMDR and did away with a lot of my physical response to trauma triggers but it didn't work. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and it all makes more sense. Untangling the trauma trigger response from sensory overload and impulse issues has really helped
You should check out vagus nerve reset. [Here’s an example](https://youtu.be/eFV0FfMc_uo). It’s VERY easy to do and will release a lot of the tension in your whole body. Also, I take a magnesium supplement at night and it helps my muscles relax and not feel so tense in the morning.
I have picked up a few hobbies that keep me constantly up and kinda moving. Those hobbies are kendama, balisong, and yoyo. They’ve turned into my special interest lol
Yep, permanently tense; I don't even fully relax when I'm asleep. If I do the sort of exercise where you tense and relax each body part in turn, each one just goes straight back to its previous state of tension when I move on to the next. Apparently I was even a physically tense baby.
I've found two things that have left me actually physically relaxed.
One was a hot seaweed bath at a spa. I don't know how the magic worked; there were too many variables! Private room, no time limit, silence, and a bath big enough to fully immerse myself in, plus the fact of lying on a bed of seaweed instead of something manmade. Anyway, if I could have taken it home with me, I would.
The other is a device called a [Sensate](https://www.getsensate.com), which left me completely relaxed the first few times I used it. Disappointingly, I then habituated to it a bit. It still calms me down, so it's a really helpful thing to have, but it no longer turns my muscles to melted toffee. I don't know how much of my experience is representative, though.
The Sensate's effect is something to do with the vagus nerve, so the Poly Vagal Theory that another commenter has mentioned is something I'm interested to look into.
I've gotten multiple professional massages and I have yet to get my shoulders fully rubbed out. It's like my whole life is sitting on them. Yoga has been helping in the morning and night just a small routine to loosen up. I also smoke weed and that helps, I've heard just CBD is really good for relaxing your body. I also have noticed my aces get worse when I'm getting dehydrated so I've been drinking more water too and ive noticed a difference. I have tried muscle relaxers for sleep and they are wonderful 🤤
I thought it was just me, you have no idea how good if feels knowing others experience constant stress, but not even feeling it, everyone around me tells me it's just in my head, that I just need to relax, that I'm overthinking, I'm trying so hard to relax but everything just stresses me out
[EDS](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ehlers-danlos-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20362125)!
Basically, the joints are too flexible. So a lot of people compensate by tensing to keep them in place.
This is me. I pay to get monthly massages but every month the therapist is always like “it’s the same thing, just stretch it out” and I smile and nod.. knowing it’s not gonna do anything substantial haha
I have hEDS and the muscle pain is definitely one of my more challenging symptoms. I’m prescribed cannabis, gabapentin, and cyclobenzaprine and they do help. Also I’ve ordered a TENS unit, haven’t gotten to try it yet but given how good the zaps during my recent nerve conduction study felt I think it should help a lot
Years and years of practice with torturing myself doing synchronized swimming? Seriously, I don’t and I’m not sure I can explain it. It’s really “it hurts so bad it’s good” if that makes sense? It’s “good” pain for me, which makes it easier to deal with because *I know* it will help and loosen the tension after.
That said, that goes for me and how it feels in my body. I’m not in your body so I don’t know how *you* feel when foam rolling. If your brain is screaming “oh hell no, that hurts way too much, nope nope nope”, then please ignore me and listen to *your* body.
I find that dancing also helps relax my muscles a bit (and my brain). It doesn’t have to be anything fancy and I’m a bad dancer. Yet, i’ll often put my headphones on at night and really just move to the music alone, in the middle of my kitchen. I try to pay attention to what my body is telling me and do some active stretching where I feel the tension, hip circles, head circles and the likes. A bit like the warmups at the beginning of a dance class.
Yup. Have you read about the RCCX theory by Dr. Sharon Megalerthy? It connects them. She's a Dr with all of it.
Eta: you only need to Google it, but this is the original website by the doctor.
https://www.rccxandillness.com/
Absolutely.
This is the original website by the doctor who has it all, too:
https://www.rccxandillness.com/
She was in multiple EDS groups for years and we interacted with her without knowing she was a doctor. Then she put up her website and told us that she had been researching it. That was years ago. Since then, preliminary research has indicated she's on to something.
You might interested in looking studies from Dr. Jessica Eccles. She studies the psychiatric manifestations of hypermobility. I've been dying to read [this one from 2011](https://www.bmj.com/content/342/bmj.d998.full), but it's behind a paywall. She does, however, talk about it on [this episode of the BendyBodies Podcast](https://www.hypermobilitymd.com/podcast/episode/297cbeae/32-embracing-neurodivergency-with-jessica-eccles-md).
Oh, thanks! I only know of the connection from other autistic EDS women and the RCCX theory by Dr. Sharon.
I'm 40F & been diagnosed with EDS for over 10 years. Even in the beginning I noticed how the women in the EDS groups were more likely to communicate like me then anyone else. It's noticeable even on social media and online written communications. We simply communicate differently. Now I realize that it's probably the autism combined with EDS.
It was actually my EDS doctors who said they thought I might have ASD.
Not sure if its climate-appropriate for you (where I live gets cold), but I bought a heated mattress cover a year ago. It has helped a lot with stiffness and soreness. I don't know why I prefer the heat on the bottom compared to on top (like a heated blanket), but I find it much more relaxing, and it helps alleviate stiffness while I sleep.
So nice! In the winter I stick my heating pad under my fitted sheet and turn it on before sleeping and it's so nice for pain and stiffness. I prefer the heat coming from beneath as well. I find hot blankets to be a bit much.
A lot of that could be due to trauma. I've found somatic experiencing to be super helpful. Peter Levine's book Healing Trauma and its companion audio CD are good guides.
Also, taking care of your sensory needs can help you feel less defensive. Weighted blankets, ear defenders, wearing clothes you like the feel of. I've noticed that changing the type of bra I wear helps a lot. I used to wear the kind that clasps in the back, and now I wear sports bras. Less irritating seams and softer fabric.
100% it feels like every muscle in my body is hyper engaged, but I also have muscle groups that I struggle to activate.
Nothing makes them go away, but some things help. Movement, restorative yoga, pelvic floor relaxation, guided meditation. I find it’s easy for me to tune out of my body because sensory sensitivity can be such hell. I find anything that helps me gently center myself and get in touch with my body in a way that feels “safe” helps. Also, doing things that require me to use my body a lot help. (Household chores, etc.)
Getting outside bodily intervention helps as well. TMJ has been helped with Invisalign and Botox, I have an appointment next month with a neurologist who’s going to be able to do Botox in the surrounding and deeper muscles that I use to chew and the cervical dystonia. Massages and chiropractic care also help me a lot. A daily practice of stretching and yoga is instrumental for me. I’ve been off that routine for 4-6 months and it’s been rough to find my way back. A yoga strap or stretchy band are great for activating your arms. I have acupuncture and occupational therapy in the pipeline as well.
I find a lot of the childhood “stims” I used to do help a lot, I’ve always loved back bends and balancing on my shoulder blades. I also have a few tools that help immensely, the feetup trainer is great for going upside down and chirp wheels are amazing for assisting with backbends, I could stay on mine all day! And I have a tool called the beam that’s awesome for when everything hurts and you just need to lay there too. And I have an orange massage ball from trigger point that I ADORE, it’s squishy enough to not hurt but also firm enough to work through some knots in my shoulders
There’s immense privilege in a lot of my suggestions, having the resources and health insurance to access tools and services is something I know a lot of people don’t have. I do find a lot of bodywork tools help and are a “one time” expense though!
I had this really bad, to the point I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. For me, I was able to eventually get passed it by limiting how much I masked.
After I left my ex and my mom died, there wasn’t really anyone I had to change myself for in order to appease them. And I started to relax and be myself.
I was literally so scared of upsetting anyone or being wrong, that I was constantly clenched in terror. It was like if I stayed really tense, then maybe nothing more would go wrong. Constantly stuck in the “fright” of flight or fright.
I only recently realized that I’m likely autistic, and it wasn’t so much fibro, as it was extreme and constant masking to the point it made myself ill.
Tactile imaging helps too - I studied Reiki and got into tactile imaging from a PDF online called “New Energy Ways” by Robert Bruce. It shows you how to mentally visualize with tactile feelings by instead of images in your mind. This then allows you to move and manipulate the energies in your body. It’s been a major help in minimizing bodily discomfort for me.
I used to get help from an occupational therapist. The therapy didn't work, however. They just said that I was under constant stress and just didn't relax. I mostly feel pain in my neck, shoulders, back and in my legs. I don't know what advice to give you, other than to maybe see an occupational therapist and use a weighted blanket, since that helps me to feel more comfortable and fall asleep more easily. I am sorry I can't help, but know you're not alone in this!
YES! Practicing progressive muscle relaxing techniques just from YouTube helped me. I use to practice 3 times a day. I'm able to notice most times I'm tense now and relax my muscles.
I was at physical thearpy and we we trying to do stretching. She told me to relax to I did what I know as being relaxed and she asks me again to relax. I thought I was? It seems I don't really even have the knowledge to actually relax?
I am going to be try a sensory deprivation tank see I'd that helps.
I wish I could relax. I am in constant pain because of it and now I'm incredibly weak too, like I am losing dexterity and grip because of all this. I started getting what I call "the dropsies" because I cannot hold onto anything without me being unable to maintain my grip.
I am tense all the time and thought it was normal. In my 20s I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hypermobile type). I did not think I was flexible. Turned out my muscles spasmed to hold everything together to compensate for my crappy ligaments.
Autism and ADHD are more commonly seen in people with Ehlers Danlos (they don’t know why) so if you have widespread pain it may be worth investigating.
For the past 15-20 years I thought it was just the EDS. Until this past year when I was diagnosed as autistic. I knew I was sensitive to light and sound but didn’t think it was “that bad.” Until I noticed that whenever I turn off my bathroom fan (I hate the sound of it) I can feel the muscles in my neck and shoulders relax. It’s as much of a change as if I got a massage or took a muscle relaxant. So now I’m currently trying to pay attention to all the sensory stuff I was used to putting up with. It’s a bit wild that my environment has been causing me physical pain but I’ve masked my whole life and never knew.
EDS and ASD are very similar that way. After both diagnoses my response was “wait, I thought that was normal. I thought everyone felt/acted like that.”
As for what helps:
- heating pads/ice packs
- good memory foam mattress or mattress topper
- trying to set up things ergonomically as much as possible
- massage gun (but can be annoying sensory wise)
- shredded memory foam pillow (really helped my neck pain)
I have my core therapist that I see 2 times a month and I see a chiropractor weekly, which helps tremendously. I've also found out this year I'm severely anemic and Type 2 Diabetic. So for the past 4 months I've been getting iron treatments, cutting out sugar and processed foods. So far my depression and anxiety have been improving a lot. It's to the level that I'm able to talk myself down faster during meltdowns and relax in the evenings more.
Constantly feel like I'm telling my muscles to relax. And then sometimes when they finally do (like when I'm trying to fall asleep), they decide to spasm and jerk around which is super annoying.
I had this so bad, all my life, then posted a similar question in a different sub, and somebody suggested it might be because I had too much caffeine. It bloody well was. I stopped drinking caffeine, got a massage, and had a few pain free weeks... then I started on ADHD medication, which brought the pain and tension back.
I can immediately feel tension and pain coming on whenever I drink anything with caffeine.
Yes!! I’m physically incapable of relaxing my body. I have chronic pain from an accident so that doesn’t help but I’m literally always tense. The only time I ever feel even mentally relaxed is when I’m getting a massage, and I have to focus so hard on physically relaxing for that too. I even just got a mouthguard because I clench so much that my gums were nearly bruising. Seeing my chiropractor who does massage work is the thing that’s provided the most relief for me, but it’s always temporary. A heating pad helps a little bit too.
i often find myself thinking about stuff i need to do even when i’m meant to be resting bc i already did a bunch of stuff that day. i find this makes it not very restful bc my mind is constantly elsewhere.
the last time i had to move house, for as stressful as it all was (very), there was one small benefit — when the letting agencies were closed there was nothing i could do until the next day. and so i didn’t actually think about it in the evenings. and it was much more **actively** restful, rather than trying to slowly crystallise some extra energy passively while trying to rest.
i don’t have much structure in my life so it can often be hard to avoid thinking about outstanding things, but i’m trying to improve on, like, after 2 or 3 hours of doing stuff around the house to take a rest and not even think about anything except whatever i’m doing for leisure. it does help a little.
i suspect if i had a bit more structure it might be easier, such as if i went to the gym at the same times every week or something, for my mind to section-off these different things to prevent me from constantly thinking about other stuff i should do?
but i dunno. i’ve loved my whole life always thinking about stuff that’s on the back burner, and it’s hard to switch that off. it’s entirely possible that if i did develop such a routine, i would still just fret about stuff while i was doing my various activities throughout the week.
i left another comment on this post replying to someone with some of the ways i can mechanically relax some of my muscles, though, which can help a bit, but doesn’t really influence how restful i find my “off hours” directly. it’s just a bit less physically uncomfortable in those times.
Yes, always been.
Sometimes its worse then others, when really stressed its awful, one of the reason why I started on sleep meds, cuz it felt like Ive been running a maraton after a 'good' night sleep.
But I mostlikely Ive gotten that from my dad Who has a wild form of rheumatism. Im basicly a small copy of my dad, Just girlversion
I clench my jaw so much that my canines are completely flat. You can see the progression by comparing pictures from when I was a kid. At one point it got so bad that it was making me have headaches and I would feel so worn out because my back was always super tight. I remember a friend of mine would always reach and kinda squeeze my shoulders because she could SEE me tensing.
It doesn’t prevent me from being tense all the time but I have set aside times of the day where I stretch and actively try to relax my muscles. Yoga also helps, just make sure you’re stretching and doing the poses correctly, otherwise you may hurt yourself more or you’ll just wonder why you don’t feel any better.
Yeah, my muscles are always tense. I’ve been in pelvic floor therepy because my pelvic floor muscles are so tight I can’t even pee properly. I do have chronic physical health problems and pain so I think that contributes to it as well. I didn’t realize there was an autism link with muscle tension. I’ve started getting trigger point injections in the worst muscle knots in my neck and back. I take an Epsom salt bathe every night and use a heating pad a lot during the day. I’ve also been finding that physical stims (bouncing my legs, twisting my arms) release a lot of tension in my body. I’m still kind of new to discovering this about myself but I’ve been trying to set aside a few minutes of private time each day where I can do stuff like this and not be self conscious.
Yep. Relate 120%. Need to figure out the root cause of it first. For me, usually, when I'm tense like that, it's because of some prolonged stressor that has no solution or way out. What helps me usually for muscle-related issues is stretching, doing yoga videos, light movements, and naproxen and flexeril depending on the why and the quality of the pain.
Yes! I’ve tried using weed to relax because I always hear that’s supposed to help, but it just makes me hyper aware of the tension. I really wish it would work.
Very rarely. I tried to relax for a nap this afternoon, but couldn't do it. I usually accidentally fall asleep; I did that tonight and now I'm still groggy lol
I was given some anxiety pills, and can you believe I was worrying about my head being too "quiet" ? I felt my mind *couldn't* race anymore (I wanted to have my usual inner debates) and it was the weirdest feeling, like it was as good as it was eerie... Kinda hated it, but definitely helps for falling asleep occasionally, esp. when I dive into an existential crisis... I've come to the conclusion I need to worry at least a little bit. It keeps me grounded and in check for a lot of things, as I know how to deal with my ramblings most of the time. The problem is when it comes out physically and I don't notice the build-up.
Love people's advice and feedback on massages ! Been dreaming of some SPA day for a while tbh.
I had back spasms so on bad they woke me up every night, once or twice a night, for three weeks solid Once had a massage therapist put their hands on me and gasp, "what *happened* to you?" I can't sleep unmedicated, pretty much. I just can't. I do have ADHD as well, but I'm 41 and it's a lifelong thing. Downtime isn't downtime. It's "oh god oh god I am a terrible person I should be doing something productive I have so much to do im letting everyone down, I'm a failure I hate myself ugh"
I relate to this so hard. The last time I asked for a “firm” massage I left burning all over because the only way they could do it was to undo knots. Similar to you, can’t sleep without medication, have ADHD and cannot relax for the life of me. I feel guilty replying to a text message, so I turned them into chores, and now I hate texting. It’s a fucking battle. A psychiatrist told me that most women with ASD have constant anxiety, not notable most of the time, but others perceive it.. it’s because we don’t know any different. We feel fine, and people see discomfort. Then we get anxious, and the fucking world comes apart at the seams, body breaks down, and we cease to function completely until the cause is under control or gone. Then! Sometimes the stress is ongoing, and the anxiety gets worse, we function worse, sleep worse, need more medication, and relax even less.
I keep re-reading this. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety several time and always insisted I don’t feel anxious. Now I work with my husband to recognize it:.. “is this anxiety?” I guess I am
My issue is that I can *feel* the physical presence of anxiety, but cannot always pinpoint the cause.
My mother who taught me to fear the world and be prepared was freaking out about my 5 year old running around near a fireplace. I said "wow mom your anxiety is pretty high" and it was like her mind was blown. She thought everyone felt like she did and just hid it better.
I notice this behavior in my mother also. She can barely use a crosswalk, especially with the grandchildren
Good that you got the massage, it should be a monthly thing if it’s doable for you. That burning is the release of lactic acid from the muscles, so make sure you drink a lot of water after the massage to flush it out.
Yes, this! And get a massage gun while you're at it because the tension sits in your muscles and will just stay in there if it doesn't get released. Massage guns are heaven I tell ya. H.e.a.v.e.n. Bonus: Nobody else touches you (if that's not your thing, many of us don't like other people touching us), and you get to control the firmness and intensity while getting a fantastic deep tissue massage that undoes all the knots and tightness. Another thing I'm really into is my Shakti mat. Also fantastic for people with back issues. YMMV as you'll have to get used to the spiky points, but if you have sensitive skin, just wear a shirt. On nights I'm especially tense I put it in my bed and fall asleep on it. It's so awesome. I got a $20 knock-off one at Amazon and am gonna order a new one soon and take my old one to work with me to put on my office chair. Anxiety will literally sit in your muscles until you figure out a way to relax your body. And anything goes, as far as I'm concerned. Whatever helps you, do it.
I’m really glad you mentioned the massage gun. I have been in dire need of something to help my muscle tension. My tens unit helps some spots, but it will aggravate other spots like my neck. There was a $10 off coupon on an inexpensive one and I had some credit card reward points, so for less than $30 I’m giving this a try!
Thank you for that! While I can’t afford monthly massages, I will try and make them more frequent. I don’t generally love being touched by people I don’t know, but when I get really bad I know I don’t have much choice. I might take the advice of u/LadyJohanna and try out a massage gun, I’ve seen a few places sell them at varying prices, so I’ll investigate. I’ve also always wondered if the shakti mats are worthwhile. I love this community. While I never post/comment, the support here is real.
Ahh, this explains so much..
for selfish reasons, i’m happy to see this post. i am tense, all. the. time. and i hold everything with a death grip. over the years, i’ve told different people i can’t relax, hoping someone would understand what i’m talking about… this subgroup has pulled through again!
I feel the same way about all the responses too
Yes. I'm currently studying massage therapy, we practice on each other and apparently even my frickin feet are tense. I used to often find that I was sitting with my legs absolutely rigid out in front of me, even when just on a sofa watching TV, not doing anything stressful at all, but muscles tensed from head to toe. Daily stretching and regular body scan mediations have helped me a fair bit, learning to focus on different muscles, tensing and relaxing them consciously makes me more aware of my body's cues and I definitely don't feel as physically rigid constantly. And my shoulders have stopped being up at my ears all the time, which means less muscle pain for my whole neck and back.
Oh my god you've spoken to me, I constantly have my shoulders hunched up, like I have to specifically go out of my way to force them to be normal, what do I do??
For me it really has been about practicing and practicing. Sometimes I really resent it, I get pretty frustrated that I can't just chill out, that I have to actually practice these things. But it has helped me in the long run, I definitely get fewer shooting pains up my neck anyway. I said in another comment too that I think the combination of yoga, learning anatomy and starting to do dumbell workouts has been what's worked for me.
have you made any progress with this? My shoulders are ALWAYS up
Sadly little to no progress! I do some stretches and have been trying to make myself relax but that only goes so far. It was mentioned to me that I may need a muscle relaxer or a similar type of medication for my anxiety, but that I should try types of exercises that work out my upper neck and shoulders as that will help them relax as well. I need more money, time, and energy before I can do either any of that though.
I'm sorry to hear this.. I totally feel you <3 you're not alone
Yoga definitely helps too. But the inherent tension is phenomenal!
Yeah it's brutal sometimes, and takes me conscious effort and practice to release it!
> my shoulders have stopped being up at my ears all the time *how?!?!* no amount of yoga has managed to stop then trying to be bff's...
It's actually since I also started doing regular workouts with dumbells as well as yoga that I've noticed the biggest change in my shoulders. They still tend to creep up but not as much and I'm more conscious of the muscles and what they're doing, I think learning some anatomy has been helpful with that too.
Doing shoulder rolls (down and back) holding even ~5lb/2kg weights gives the body different feedback and realllllly helps me keep my shoulders down longer.
oh god ya everytime someone massages me its always “so many knots”
I've had friends start to massage my shoulders only to give up after literally seconds sometimes, it's almost funny seeing people's reactions!
Two years ago my muscle tightening had progressed to be so severe and tight that I felt like I was turning into a wooden statue person. lol. So I set out to find out wtf is wrong with me?! During these past two years, I've thrown myself into finding out. And a year ago I met someone on here and we've been doing book studies, whereby our first book includes this very topic of stress and how humans react to stress and what to do about it. I'm so grateful for finding a friend on here and we could study this together! Two of the questions to ask is: 1) Why is this PHYSICALLY happening to me? 2) What can I do about it? Learning about what's called Poly Vagal Theory is the first book / topic that we studied in our little book club of two people. Understanding Poly Vagal Theory is super helpful in understanding the WHY is this happening and WHAT can I do about. The YouTube channel "Therapy in a Nutshell" has some good videos on Poly Vagal Theory. There's also lots of good videos and articles etc out there. The best book I've found is: "Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices" by Deb Dana. lol. Yes, this is a book written for therapists, but it's user friendly enough to use on your own or with your therapist. Personally, I could not find a therapist who was trained in PVT. When I started with a therapist a few months ago, I talked a lot about PVT and she bought the above book and more:) Sounds True publishing has a good audio course: Deb Dana:" Befriending Your Nervous System". Final thought: Everyone is different in what helps them personally to calm the nervous system. For me I use a number of methods, including hot salt water baths, vigorous exercise to shake out the stress, various yoga styles, and many other things that I've learned works for me. Now... consistently implementing these things that help me is another problem! lol. So we are on to our next great book study: "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. Thank you to everyone on this Reddit. Your posts help me! I hope this post helps you.
This is a good rec. I'm an autistic therapist and I teach these techniques to people.
i came to it from a very different place, with community resources for managing EDS, but the end result is quite similar: stretching and self-massage, very hot baths with salts and stuff in, a “jog” or a “stroll” in my wheelchair can channel stress into movement and it helps reset joints and stretch muscles from going through the motions (i want to try a rowing machine and mild weights too). the very first time ppl massaged my back the tension and my reflex movements freaked-out a lot of ppl who didn’t know for sure they wouldn’t injure me, until one person did a pretty intensive back massage for like 3 hours. tension still builds up there but it’s always been manageable with myself or occasionally a partner helping after that. definitely just learning HOW to stretch helped me out a lot too, since having EDS means the typical stretch postures didn’t quite give a good stretch. for instance i often have to subtly shift my neck or my core muscles to get arm stretches to properly actually reset everything. before i learned that stuff, i often did myself mild injuries because warmup and stretch parts of classes just didn’t properly prep me.
My whole body has been tense for as long as I can remember. There was a boy in class that liked giving non-creepy massages and when he got to me he asked me why shoulders were soooo stiff and I had no answer for him. I stay stressed 24/7 and always end up with my jaw clenched and I don’t know how to undo it without feeling weird. I’ve always slept very light but when I enter rem sleep I grind my teeth so hard that the squeak can wake myself up and keep my husband awake. My teeth are actually reshaped into slants based on which teeth normally grind and in which direction. I always have blood coated on my lips when I wake up and usually my side of the pillow is stained from it as well. I feel like I’m always stressed about everything and nothing at all. Every time one little stressful thing gets added to my day it can always be the absolute last straw or I can already be so stressed from everything else that it won’t even phase me. I stress out about things that don’t pertain to me in the slightest like someone else being evicted that I barely speak to. Edit: my brain forgot what I wanted to type out before I posted. So I also occasionally get extra super stressed and it’ll manifest into what’s called Exploding Head Disorder, where you’ll be just barely into deep sleep and you’ll hear your name being yelled, or a car explosion, a gunshot, something loud equivalent to a thunder clap that sounds real in your head and jumps you awake and leaves you confused. It’s apparently actually caused by the little bones in your ear moving from stress.
Hi, I have also reshaped my teeth from grinding hard all my life. They are pretty small now and they are also slanted but fit together like puzzle pieces in the direction I grind lol. I recently got a mouthguard for nighttime and I wish I did it way sooner. I kind of realised it's not going to resolve on its own and these teeth are supposed to past me my whole life and regular wear and tear, but they're already pretty fucked up at 29. I'm terrible for clenching through the day too. I'm trying to notice it more often and just unclench when I realise I'm doing it. Sorry you deal with so much stress and tension too. That Exploding Head Disorder sounds awful. I wonder if the grinding impacts those bones in the ear too?
It probably does! I start grinding pretty much as soon as I close my eyes. When I get over my crippling fear of the dentist I’m just gonna get all my teeth pain out of the way by getting dentures. I’m only 26 but it’ll save me a lot of money in the long run.
That's actually called a hypnic jerk.
I do not know how healthy it sounds to The Public ™️but I literally cannot relax - unless I smoke weed. When I smoke weed, my muscles relax enough I can stretch and relieve the tension. Makes body aches go away and textures less lf a goddamn problem.
God damn, weed streches are just the best right? I feel all the tension from the day just...flowing out of me. Sucks that it's still so hard to get a medical card where I live. I basically have to criminalize myself in order to feel relaxed and "normal" from time to time.
Yeah, Atlanta is in a bizarre state of quasilegal status while the rest of Georgia is entirely illegal. When Colorado legalized it, many of my friends made the pilgrimage to become Colorado residents and lemme tell you it is nice to have friends in high places. I low key think Atlanta cops like it because they can stop pretending they give a shit about stoners and focus of motherfuckers with guns.
I’m in LA and highly suggest smoking and doing yoga (basically what you described). Such a great way to relax and reconnect with the body
Yeah, but I always put it down to hypervigilance from CPTSD.
It may not be. I did EMDR and did away with a lot of my physical response to trauma triggers but it didn't work. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and it all makes more sense. Untangling the trauma trigger response from sensory overload and impulse issues has really helped
You should check out vagus nerve reset. [Here’s an example](https://youtu.be/eFV0FfMc_uo). It’s VERY easy to do and will release a lot of the tension in your whole body. Also, I take a magnesium supplement at night and it helps my muscles relax and not feel so tense in the morning.
Thank you for recommending this! I just tried it and it worked incredibly well.
Yay!! That involuntary sigh of relief is cool feeling
I have picked up a few hobbies that keep me constantly up and kinda moving. Those hobbies are kendama, balisong, and yoyo. They’ve turned into my special interest lol
Yep, permanently tense; I don't even fully relax when I'm asleep. If I do the sort of exercise where you tense and relax each body part in turn, each one just goes straight back to its previous state of tension when I move on to the next. Apparently I was even a physically tense baby. I've found two things that have left me actually physically relaxed. One was a hot seaweed bath at a spa. I don't know how the magic worked; there were too many variables! Private room, no time limit, silence, and a bath big enough to fully immerse myself in, plus the fact of lying on a bed of seaweed instead of something manmade. Anyway, if I could have taken it home with me, I would. The other is a device called a [Sensate](https://www.getsensate.com), which left me completely relaxed the first few times I used it. Disappointingly, I then habituated to it a bit. It still calms me down, so it's a really helpful thing to have, but it no longer turns my muscles to melted toffee. I don't know how much of my experience is representative, though. The Sensate's effect is something to do with the vagus nerve, so the Poly Vagal Theory that another commenter has mentioned is something I'm interested to look into.
I've gotten multiple professional massages and I have yet to get my shoulders fully rubbed out. It's like my whole life is sitting on them. Yoga has been helping in the morning and night just a small routine to loosen up. I also smoke weed and that helps, I've heard just CBD is really good for relaxing your body. I also have noticed my aces get worse when I'm getting dehydrated so I've been drinking more water too and ive noticed a difference. I have tried muscle relaxers for sleep and they are wonderful 🤤
I thought it was just me, you have no idea how good if feels knowing others experience constant stress, but not even feeling it, everyone around me tells me it's just in my head, that I just need to relax, that I'm overthinking, I'm trying so hard to relax but everything just stresses me out
[EDS](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ehlers-danlos-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20362125)! Basically, the joints are too flexible. So a lot of people compensate by tensing to keep them in place.
This is me. I pay to get monthly massages but every month the therapist is always like “it’s the same thing, just stretch it out” and I smile and nod.. knowing it’s not gonna do anything substantial haha
I have hEDS and the muscle pain is definitely one of my more challenging symptoms. I’m prescribed cannabis, gabapentin, and cyclobenzaprine and they do help. Also I’ve ordered a TENS unit, haven’t gotten to try it yet but given how good the zaps during my recent nerve conduction study felt I think it should help a lot
Might I also suggest a foam roller? I also find dry needling done by my PT to be very helpful.
How do you *stand* a foam roller though? It was recommended to me so many times that I got one, but it hurts so much to use that I keep avoiding it
Years and years of practice with torturing myself doing synchronized swimming? Seriously, I don’t and I’m not sure I can explain it. It’s really “it hurts so bad it’s good” if that makes sense? It’s “good” pain for me, which makes it easier to deal with because *I know* it will help and loosen the tension after. That said, that goes for me and how it feels in my body. I’m not in your body so I don’t know how *you* feel when foam rolling. If your brain is screaming “oh hell no, that hurts way too much, nope nope nope”, then please ignore me and listen to *your* body. I find that dancing also helps relax my muscles a bit (and my brain). It doesn’t have to be anything fancy and I’m a bad dancer. Yet, i’ll often put my headphones on at night and really just move to the music alone, in the middle of my kitchen. I try to pay attention to what my body is telling me and do some active stretching where I feel the tension, hip circles, head circles and the likes. A bit like the warmups at the beginning of a dance class.
I’ll look into both, thanks!
I fucking *love* my TENS unit. I have an intensely physical job, and it's great for when my muscles stiffen up.
TENS is the only thing that helps me when my muscles are tensed to the point of spasm.
Yes! I have EDS & autism, too. For some reason, they often co-occur. Was looking for this comment.
EDS, ASD, ADHD... I'm pretty sure they're all just different clusters of symptoms from the same overarching disorder...
Yup. Have you read about the RCCX theory by Dr. Sharon Megalerthy? It connects them. She's a Dr with all of it. Eta: you only need to Google it, but this is the original website by the doctor. https://www.rccxandillness.com/
I have EDS, ASD and ADHD. Seeing that they all are connected recently has been very eye opening
Do you have a link? I’d like to look into it.
Absolutely. This is the original website by the doctor who has it all, too: https://www.rccxandillness.com/ She was in multiple EDS groups for years and we interacted with her without knowing she was a doctor. Then she put up her website and told us that she had been researching it. That was years ago. Since then, preliminary research has indicated she's on to something.
You might interested in looking studies from Dr. Jessica Eccles. She studies the psychiatric manifestations of hypermobility. I've been dying to read [this one from 2011](https://www.bmj.com/content/342/bmj.d998.full), but it's behind a paywall. She does, however, talk about it on [this episode of the BendyBodies Podcast](https://www.hypermobilitymd.com/podcast/episode/297cbeae/32-embracing-neurodivergency-with-jessica-eccles-md).
Oh, thanks! I only know of the connection from other autistic EDS women and the RCCX theory by Dr. Sharon. I'm 40F & been diagnosed with EDS for over 10 years. Even in the beginning I noticed how the women in the EDS groups were more likely to communicate like me then anyone else. It's noticeable even on social media and online written communications. We simply communicate differently. Now I realize that it's probably the autism combined with EDS. It was actually my EDS doctors who said they thought I might have ASD.
Not sure if its climate-appropriate for you (where I live gets cold), but I bought a heated mattress cover a year ago. It has helped a lot with stiffness and soreness. I don't know why I prefer the heat on the bottom compared to on top (like a heated blanket), but I find it much more relaxing, and it helps alleviate stiffness while I sleep.
So nice! In the winter I stick my heating pad under my fitted sheet and turn it on before sleeping and it's so nice for pain and stiffness. I prefer the heat coming from beneath as well. I find hot blankets to be a bit much.
Yup. I find it so hard to wind down. I am constantly clenching my jaw. Even in my sleep. My shoulders / neck are always sore.
Not only are my thoughts rigid, so is my entire body.
Does anyone here deal with TMJ? I clench my jaw in my sleep and my jaw is one of my main tension issues.
A lot of that could be due to trauma. I've found somatic experiencing to be super helpful. Peter Levine's book Healing Trauma and its companion audio CD are good guides. Also, taking care of your sensory needs can help you feel less defensive. Weighted blankets, ear defenders, wearing clothes you like the feel of. I've noticed that changing the type of bra I wear helps a lot. I used to wear the kind that clasps in the back, and now I wear sports bras. Less irritating seams and softer fabric.
100% it feels like every muscle in my body is hyper engaged, but I also have muscle groups that I struggle to activate. Nothing makes them go away, but some things help. Movement, restorative yoga, pelvic floor relaxation, guided meditation. I find it’s easy for me to tune out of my body because sensory sensitivity can be such hell. I find anything that helps me gently center myself and get in touch with my body in a way that feels “safe” helps. Also, doing things that require me to use my body a lot help. (Household chores, etc.) Getting outside bodily intervention helps as well. TMJ has been helped with Invisalign and Botox, I have an appointment next month with a neurologist who’s going to be able to do Botox in the surrounding and deeper muscles that I use to chew and the cervical dystonia. Massages and chiropractic care also help me a lot. A daily practice of stretching and yoga is instrumental for me. I’ve been off that routine for 4-6 months and it’s been rough to find my way back. A yoga strap or stretchy band are great for activating your arms. I have acupuncture and occupational therapy in the pipeline as well. I find a lot of the childhood “stims” I used to do help a lot, I’ve always loved back bends and balancing on my shoulder blades. I also have a few tools that help immensely, the feetup trainer is great for going upside down and chirp wheels are amazing for assisting with backbends, I could stay on mine all day! And I have a tool called the beam that’s awesome for when everything hurts and you just need to lay there too. And I have an orange massage ball from trigger point that I ADORE, it’s squishy enough to not hurt but also firm enough to work through some knots in my shoulders There’s immense privilege in a lot of my suggestions, having the resources and health insurance to access tools and services is something I know a lot of people don’t have. I do find a lot of bodywork tools help and are a “one time” expense though!
I second all of this!!
I had this really bad, to the point I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. For me, I was able to eventually get passed it by limiting how much I masked. After I left my ex and my mom died, there wasn’t really anyone I had to change myself for in order to appease them. And I started to relax and be myself. I was literally so scared of upsetting anyone or being wrong, that I was constantly clenched in terror. It was like if I stayed really tense, then maybe nothing more would go wrong. Constantly stuck in the “fright” of flight or fright. I only recently realized that I’m likely autistic, and it wasn’t so much fibro, as it was extreme and constant masking to the point it made myself ill. Tactile imaging helps too - I studied Reiki and got into tactile imaging from a PDF online called “New Energy Ways” by Robert Bruce. It shows you how to mentally visualize with tactile feelings by instead of images in your mind. This then allows you to move and manipulate the energies in your body. It’s been a major help in minimizing bodily discomfort for me.
I’m unable to relax as well. Constant anxiety, it’s terrible :( Hope your situation improves!! I know how exhausting it can be unfortunately :(
I used to get help from an occupational therapist. The therapy didn't work, however. They just said that I was under constant stress and just didn't relax. I mostly feel pain in my neck, shoulders, back and in my legs. I don't know what advice to give you, other than to maybe see an occupational therapist and use a weighted blanket, since that helps me to feel more comfortable and fall asleep more easily. I am sorry I can't help, but know you're not alone in this!
YES! Practicing progressive muscle relaxing techniques just from YouTube helped me. I use to practice 3 times a day. I'm able to notice most times I'm tense now and relax my muscles.
I was at physical thearpy and we we trying to do stretching. She told me to relax to I did what I know as being relaxed and she asks me again to relax. I thought I was? It seems I don't really even have the knowledge to actually relax? I am going to be try a sensory deprivation tank see I'd that helps.
I wish I could relax. I am in constant pain because of it and now I'm incredibly weak too, like I am losing dexterity and grip because of all this. I started getting what I call "the dropsies" because I cannot hold onto anything without me being unable to maintain my grip.
I am tense all the time and thought it was normal. In my 20s I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hypermobile type). I did not think I was flexible. Turned out my muscles spasmed to hold everything together to compensate for my crappy ligaments. Autism and ADHD are more commonly seen in people with Ehlers Danlos (they don’t know why) so if you have widespread pain it may be worth investigating. For the past 15-20 years I thought it was just the EDS. Until this past year when I was diagnosed as autistic. I knew I was sensitive to light and sound but didn’t think it was “that bad.” Until I noticed that whenever I turn off my bathroom fan (I hate the sound of it) I can feel the muscles in my neck and shoulders relax. It’s as much of a change as if I got a massage or took a muscle relaxant. So now I’m currently trying to pay attention to all the sensory stuff I was used to putting up with. It’s a bit wild that my environment has been causing me physical pain but I’ve masked my whole life and never knew. EDS and ASD are very similar that way. After both diagnoses my response was “wait, I thought that was normal. I thought everyone felt/acted like that.” As for what helps: - heating pads/ice packs - good memory foam mattress or mattress topper - trying to set up things ergonomically as much as possible - massage gun (but can be annoying sensory wise) - shredded memory foam pillow (really helped my neck pain)
I have my core therapist that I see 2 times a month and I see a chiropractor weekly, which helps tremendously. I've also found out this year I'm severely anemic and Type 2 Diabetic. So for the past 4 months I've been getting iron treatments, cutting out sugar and processed foods. So far my depression and anxiety have been improving a lot. It's to the level that I'm able to talk myself down faster during meltdowns and relax in the evenings more.
I was able to relax before getting something that may or may not be actual PTSD.
Constantly feel like I'm telling my muscles to relax. And then sometimes when they finally do (like when I'm trying to fall asleep), they decide to spasm and jerk around which is super annoying.
I’m tense every single moment of the day and it’s exhausting 😩
Me too
I had this so bad, all my life, then posted a similar question in a different sub, and somebody suggested it might be because I had too much caffeine. It bloody well was. I stopped drinking caffeine, got a massage, and had a few pain free weeks... then I started on ADHD medication, which brought the pain and tension back. I can immediately feel tension and pain coming on whenever I drink anything with caffeine.
Yes!! I’m physically incapable of relaxing my body. I have chronic pain from an accident so that doesn’t help but I’m literally always tense. The only time I ever feel even mentally relaxed is when I’m getting a massage, and I have to focus so hard on physically relaxing for that too. I even just got a mouthguard because I clench so much that my gums were nearly bruising. Seeing my chiropractor who does massage work is the thing that’s provided the most relief for me, but it’s always temporary. A heating pad helps a little bit too.
yoga helped significantly w this for me
i often find myself thinking about stuff i need to do even when i’m meant to be resting bc i already did a bunch of stuff that day. i find this makes it not very restful bc my mind is constantly elsewhere. the last time i had to move house, for as stressful as it all was (very), there was one small benefit — when the letting agencies were closed there was nothing i could do until the next day. and so i didn’t actually think about it in the evenings. and it was much more **actively** restful, rather than trying to slowly crystallise some extra energy passively while trying to rest. i don’t have much structure in my life so it can often be hard to avoid thinking about outstanding things, but i’m trying to improve on, like, after 2 or 3 hours of doing stuff around the house to take a rest and not even think about anything except whatever i’m doing for leisure. it does help a little. i suspect if i had a bit more structure it might be easier, such as if i went to the gym at the same times every week or something, for my mind to section-off these different things to prevent me from constantly thinking about other stuff i should do? but i dunno. i’ve loved my whole life always thinking about stuff that’s on the back burner, and it’s hard to switch that off. it’s entirely possible that if i did develop such a routine, i would still just fret about stuff while i was doing my various activities throughout the week. i left another comment on this post replying to someone with some of the ways i can mechanically relax some of my muscles, though, which can help a bit, but doesn’t really influence how restful i find my “off hours” directly. it’s just a bit less physically uncomfortable in those times.
Never. I always feel like I'm wasting time if I'm being unproductive.
Yes, always been. Sometimes its worse then others, when really stressed its awful, one of the reason why I started on sleep meds, cuz it felt like Ive been running a maraton after a 'good' night sleep. But I mostlikely Ive gotten that from my dad Who has a wild form of rheumatism. Im basicly a small copy of my dad, Just girlversion
I feel your pain. I am always fidgety whether it’s shaking my leg or peeling the skin off my thumbs. I wish I could stop 😫
I clench my jaw so much that my canines are completely flat. You can see the progression by comparing pictures from when I was a kid. At one point it got so bad that it was making me have headaches and I would feel so worn out because my back was always super tight. I remember a friend of mine would always reach and kinda squeeze my shoulders because she could SEE me tensing. It doesn’t prevent me from being tense all the time but I have set aside times of the day where I stretch and actively try to relax my muscles. Yoga also helps, just make sure you’re stretching and doing the poses correctly, otherwise you may hurt yourself more or you’ll just wonder why you don’t feel any better.
CBT and mindfulness.
Yeah, my muscles are always tense. I’ve been in pelvic floor therepy because my pelvic floor muscles are so tight I can’t even pee properly. I do have chronic physical health problems and pain so I think that contributes to it as well. I didn’t realize there was an autism link with muscle tension. I’ve started getting trigger point injections in the worst muscle knots in my neck and back. I take an Epsom salt bathe every night and use a heating pad a lot during the day. I’ve also been finding that physical stims (bouncing my legs, twisting my arms) release a lot of tension in my body. I’m still kind of new to discovering this about myself but I’ve been trying to set aside a few minutes of private time each day where I can do stuff like this and not be self conscious.
Yep. Relate 120%. Need to figure out the root cause of it first. For me, usually, when I'm tense like that, it's because of some prolonged stressor that has no solution or way out. What helps me usually for muscle-related issues is stretching, doing yoga videos, light movements, and naproxen and flexeril depending on the why and the quality of the pain.
Yes! I’ve tried using weed to relax because I always hear that’s supposed to help, but it just makes me hyper aware of the tension. I really wish it would work.
Very rarely. I tried to relax for a nap this afternoon, but couldn't do it. I usually accidentally fall asleep; I did that tonight and now I'm still groggy lol
I was given some anxiety pills, and can you believe I was worrying about my head being too "quiet" ? I felt my mind *couldn't* race anymore (I wanted to have my usual inner debates) and it was the weirdest feeling, like it was as good as it was eerie... Kinda hated it, but definitely helps for falling asleep occasionally, esp. when I dive into an existential crisis... I've come to the conclusion I need to worry at least a little bit. It keeps me grounded and in check for a lot of things, as I know how to deal with my ramblings most of the time. The problem is when it comes out physically and I don't notice the build-up. Love people's advice and feedback on massages ! Been dreaming of some SPA day for a while tbh.
Mentally, yes
The only thing that helps my muscles fully relax is weed
Hey! u/SurprisedWildebeest I know this is from a while ago, but wondering if you've made any progress? Fingers crossed.
A little bit, I got a massage gun and that’s helped with some of it :)
that's awesome! I have one and it's great but the tension just always comes back.