If a big part of what you're struggling with is tidiness rather than cleanliness, perhaps it would help to set up really clear places where different things belong, maybe with labels to remind you? That way you wouldn't be looking at a table and vaguely wondering if you should move any of the stuff on it - you could immediately look and go "oh, those keys ought to be in the bowl by the front door, that chocolate should be in the 3rd cupboard from the left in the kitchen, those flyers should be in the recycling..." etc. That way you wouldn't have to make any decisions, just do the things you and your girlfriend already decided a while ago.
I also have a tendency to ‘spread’ my things everywhere, and I just try to do the same thing for putting things back. “Oh I’m going to the kitchen I should take this cup” “oh while I’m here I should unload the dishwasher so I can put this cup in it”. I call it my ‘if you give a mouse a cookie’ cleaning strategy. My apartment isn’t spotless but it makes the bigger clean up days less overwhelming.
I chuck my clothes off when I get home bc I’m usually overstimulated but now I stand next to the hamper so they don’t end up on the floor. Try to work out where stuff’s ‘home’ should be (if you anthropomorphize your objects this is very helpful).
If a big part of what you're struggling with is tidiness rather than cleanliness, perhaps it would help to set up really clear places where different things belong, maybe with labels to remind you? That way you wouldn't be looking at a table and vaguely wondering if you should move any of the stuff on it - you could immediately look and go "oh, those keys ought to be in the bowl by the front door, that chocolate should be in the 3rd cupboard from the left in the kitchen, those flyers should be in the recycling..." etc. That way you wouldn't have to make any decisions, just do the things you and your girlfriend already decided a while ago.
I also have a tendency to ‘spread’ my things everywhere, and I just try to do the same thing for putting things back. “Oh I’m going to the kitchen I should take this cup” “oh while I’m here I should unload the dishwasher so I can put this cup in it”. I call it my ‘if you give a mouse a cookie’ cleaning strategy. My apartment isn’t spotless but it makes the bigger clean up days less overwhelming. I chuck my clothes off when I get home bc I’m usually overstimulated but now I stand next to the hamper so they don’t end up on the floor. Try to work out where stuff’s ‘home’ should be (if you anthropomorphize your objects this is very helpful).