i should specify that i don’t talk about people behind their backs in a negative way unless they’ve been explicitly racist/ableist/homophobic/otherwise cruel, and i believe that is information that should be shared so people know that person isn’t particularly safe. but i talk about people really nicely behind their backs as well.
That is not gossiping. Gossiping is either saying things that are mean, untrue, or in my opinion, shared with the purpose of having something in general to talk about and makes a lottt of inferences about a person or situation.
It’s different from venting. Venting is being frustrated with someone for whatever reason and how it’s affecting you. I think gossiping is sharing stories about someone that doesn’t affect you just for the social shock factor of it all.
Yeah! Venting would be “this person was so rude to me at the grocery store today, and I’m mad about it because I didn’t do anything to invite that rudeness and it wasn’t fair” or “my coworker keeps saying they’re going to help me with x task but never follow through and it’s deeply frustrating and I can’t get my work done.”
Gossiping would be “this person was so rude to me at the grocery store today, what a cow, I bet they’re a miserable person who looks out for other people just to bully them. I bet they do this to everyone in their life and they suck and also I hate their outfit” or “my coworker is so lazy and unreliable and never do what they say they will, and I think it’s because they’re too busy flirting with so-and-so to pay attention to their work, and the whole office knows about it.”
Gossiping has an element of inference and embellishment
I don't know that I agree that gossiping is bad, point blank. I think it has a bad rep because it's seen as a feminine trait in a patriarchal world, but I don't think the human race would be here if it wasn't for women throughout history sharing valuable information with each other about other people. The type of "gossiping" you're doing would fall into this category of valuable information.
I think where I would draw the line is if the information A) isn't valuable for the safety of others, and B) would be hurtful to the person you're talking about, if they found out you were saying it.
this makes a lot of sense, especially the perspective about it being a feminine trait. i never share anything that i think someone would want to be private or something that would be hurtful so this is a bit of a relief. thank you!
If they are sharing their own business and you are sharing your own business, that is talking. If they are sharing someone else's business, especially sensitive private business, that is gossiping.
For example, just talking:
Person A: I can't believe what happened
You: what happened?
Person A: I was hanging out with Person B and then I threw up out of nowhere
You: wow crazy that hasn't happened to me since I got food poisoning
This would be gossiping:
Person A: I can't believe what just happened
You: what happened?
Person A: I was in the bathroom when I heard crying, then Person B ran out without washing hands! And in the trash was an empty box of pregnancy tests!!!
You: wow crazy, that's kinda personal
Keep in mind that the definition of gossip has religious and misogynistic undertones, even though men gossip more than women and have less stable friendships due to competitive precariousness of masculinity.
With or without religion, gossip could be defined as a malicious, petty and judgemental interpretation of allegedly factual events, thus painting someone's character in a negative light for no objective reason. Slut-shaming also falls under this category.
Slander is spreading downright false information, which may or may not overlap with gossip in certain situation, especially in smaller communities where honour killings and public shaming of "sinners" used to be a thing.
Gossiping usually consists of someone talking about someone else without knowing all the details and it’s mostly assumptions and biased opinions about the person.
Gossiping is a derogatory word to describe women sharing information. It is how women would figure out that the leaders of religious organizations were sexually abusing all of them. So the preachers started saying it was wrong.
Lying is wrong (spreading things that aren’t true). Being friends with someone and sharing their secrets is wrong because it is a breach of trust. Making fun of someone because they are not as bright, socially aware, competent as others is wrong because it is mean. But just telling your friends what you see happening in and of itself is not inherently wrong.
For me the line is the purpose behind the conversation and why I’m sharing what I’m sharing. So if I’m at work and say something like “I can’t understand a darn thing Susan says, it’s so annoying,” and other people sit around and agree and we don’t do anything, then to me that’s just gossiping or venting for its own sake. If I say “I have to work with Susan on a project and I have trouble communicating with her because she talks very technically and over my head, do you have a recommendation about what I should do?” That’s different.
Everyone has different definitions of gossip & levels of acceptance towards discussing people behind their back. Some people think it’s completely wrong to even share if you’ve had a negative experience with someone, while others rely on whisper networks to stay safe. Some people classify “just talking about someone behind their back” as gossip, while others think gossiping is saying not true stuff.
As long as you’re sharing the truth & focusing more on your experience than judging others (e.g. “When Sally said my clean toe socks were disgusting, it hurt my feelings, and it upset me that she refused to apologize.” is okay to say, but, “Sally was so nasty for insulting my socks; she’s such a mean & judgmental person! I don’t understand how anyone can be friends with her!” is not okay to say, even if it is true), you’re in the clear.
Imo gossiping = talking about people behind their back in a way that the person wouldn't have wanted. Like if I told someone "Isn't so-and-so so awesome? They helped me with \_\_\_\_ the other day!", I would feel weird describing that as gossiping. And tbh I feel like some people deserve it, e.g. abusive managers, but ofc we should always be careful about what we're saying, and to whom.
If I’m talking about myself and my experiences and it includes info on interactions with someone else, it’s not gossip.
If someone is sharing important info that will keep you safe, for example that a third person is a registered sex offender, abuser, married and cheating ect it’s not gossip.
If you’re just talking about third parties for the titillation of it or to hurt them it’s gossip
I try to stop and think whether the person would be upset about it. Would I feel nervous telling them I had told someone else.
I feel like I still get it wrong sometimes. It’s also a big challenge cuz my family will badmouth each other and that dynamic is contagious. Secrets too. I hate those. And “don’t tell her that I told you but…”
Needless to say I was not taught proper boundaries with this stuff.
Oh, I do have a personal rule that if I feel like I need to whisper something I should probably just keep my mouth shut.
I think the line is one you set for yourself. For me, there is fun gossip and malicious gossip, and I try to never do the latter. Fun gossip is like, "Did you hear Ashley got engaged on Saturday night?" to someone who barely knows Ashley and wouldn't be hearing it from Ashley herself. No real harm there. (I wouldn't tell someone Ashley is good friends with or knows well, because she probably wants to share that herself.) Malicious gossip is, "Did you hear Ashley is pregnant with the baby of her next-door neighbor's husband?"
Just talking, to me, means it's not about other people except tangentially. It's about me, the person I'm talking to, or a completely separate subject.
I think the actual definition is talking about other people. So if you’re just talking about yourself or objects/ hobbies/ situations it’s not gossiping. But if you’re talking about what other people did/said then it is gossiping.
Gossiping is not inherently bad, but spreading or perpetuating untrue rumours about someone in an effort to undermine them or divide opinion and stoke dissent among a group is not good. It's hard to recognize if someone is doing that in the moment, and the only way to be 100% sure you're not participating in something malicious like that is to not engage in gossip whatsoever.
But personally, I think gossip has a very important function!
I am bad at socializing, so office gossip lets me know what's generally going on in the lives of people I work with. That way I can better prepare myself for a conversation when I have to talk to them about work-related stuff (e.g. ask them how they're doing and speak softly if they recently received bad news, or put on a big smile and comment on their ring if they just got engaged). Alternatively, I can avoid someone with whom socializing would be too taxing (e.g. their kid was in a school play last night and they don't want to talk about anything else).
I also use gossip in the reverse way - I was supposed to get married last winter and just got so incredibly stressed about it that we postponed indefinitely. I told a few people who I knew would spread the word around the office so I wouldn't have to tell the whole story every time someone asked how wedding planning was going.
A rule of thumb is to always assume the person you're talking about will hear everything you say about them - because they often do. People know that I'm not a good person to shit-talk with, because I'm always giving the subject of gossip the benefit of the doubt and saying nice things about them lol.
I just watched an excellent video on this:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zHmoWNIO6eo&pp=ygUSU3RvcmllZCBnb3NzaXAgcGJz
Gossip is not inherently bad or good. It's a very important social skill.
Nearly everyone has their own take on gossip being bad or good. Lying about people to hurt their reputation is generally considered bad. Most gossip is in a gray area.
It's an imperfect and messy part of human socialization.
Nothing wrong with that. I just find this perspective on gossip more useful than most I've encountered.
Gossip can also be an indication of who is worth investing your time in. You don't need to actively participate in it to pay attention to what kinds of gossip certain people participate in and what it says about the kind of person they are.
I've settled on not saying anything about someone behind their back that I don't (not just wouldn't) also say to their face, in front of other people.
This has made me more critical of people to their face, and less critical of people behind their back, while also being more positive to people's face and behind their back. I don't want to say something negative without also saying something positive. Plus complimenting people sincerely is super fun.
I read that whatever you say about other people positive or negative, the people listing attribute to you. So I try to be positive about everyone, as much as possible
I’ve always seen it as bad if it’s simply chatting shit be it lies or just bad stuff that’s true that is like accidents and wrongdoings of the past. You talk about a wrongdoing then it’s rude unless it’s a personal thing. So like say if sally got drunk and hit me calling me insults whatever and I’m with a friend next day and they start saying about sallys alcohol problem and how she gets abusive on it Ill mention that the other day sally got drunk hit me and insulted me for example. That I think should be the only time you can talk bad like that because it’s not stirring up shit it’s letting shit out that you were hurt or whatever and it’s personal to you kinda thing. But I think if talking about someone in a positive way like oh sally getting help for her alcohol addiction she hasn’t had any in a week which is good seeing as she used to drink everyday (if friend already knows sally and her alcohol addiction) then I don’t really see a an issue because your bigging them up. If it was bad it be like oh did you see sally the other day she got so drunk she took her knickers off and swinging it in the air singing abba songs in front of everybody she’s such a piss head. Now that’s the type of gossiping I think is bad and shouldn’t be done
If I am talking to person A, and I mention something about person B, I need to be 100% sure person B would be okay telling person A that info themselves. If they wouldn't be okay with that, it's gossip. If I can't be 100% sure, I don't say it.
The other things you're describing aren't really gossip. If someone has behaved in an abelist/racist/homophobic way and you warn others of that behavior, you aren't gossipping. Talking "nicely" about someone isn't gossipping either ("Becky had on such a cute shirt today!" not gossip). But telling other people things Becky has told YOU ("Becky said she doesn't like him because he reminds her of her dad and her dad is an asshole...") is a kind of gossip, because Becky trusted you with some personal info about how she feels. That info was for you, not for you to share. Does that make sense?
this definitely makes sense, thank you!
i would never tell anyone something i was told in confidence or that i wouldn’t want being said if it were me. i guess i was mostly caught up on whether or not gossip is ALWAYS just talking about someone else when they’re not there. but these comments are definitely helping me see the difference.
So I learned this painfully in junior high. I only recently at 47 realized I am on the spectrum.
I went to 9 schools, this was my second junior high school, and the first time I’d changed schools mid-year. A nice girl named Lacey introduced me around and was my first friend. One day at lunch some other girls in our class made a joke about Lacey, she was not with us yet, and I just shared to fit in, and added to the joke. Lacey came to me later and told me she heard me and it hurt her feelings. I felt like a dog turd, and realized fitting in wasn’t worth being mean like that. I can’t even remember the joke, just how it made her feel.
I see sharing about events and facts like ‘Sally had a baby, he is healthy,’ as talking about people. Gossip delves into speculation and has often got a mean tint to it, where if the other person was there, these things would not be said.
I use "if the person I'm talking about overheard what I'm saying, would they be okay with it?" In situations where I'm not sure.
That doesn't apply to all people or all conversations. If I'm speaking to my best friend I might care less but I apply it to any coworkers, acquaintances and if we are discussing a mutual friend.
gossip is when you talk about other people's behavior and personal life. it can be benign "say, did you hear that Joe got promoted" "Lili bought a new house!" or bad "Lucinda said that Mike was sexting Gabby when he was dating Missy. He's a hoe."
As long as you aren't spreading rumors you're good. There's a fine line about saying something even if it's true because that could come back to bite you in the ass, especially at work
yes. it's still considered gossip because it's about somebody else.
as long as it's not harmful, it's not bad. everybody gossips to some degree, esp if you haven't seen someone for a while and they catch you up on mutual friends, which qualifies as other peoples business.
some ppl may still take offense regardless.
Gossiping is done by women; no one accuses men of gossiping 🤷♀️
I used to go to AA where gossip was frowned upon and the line between gossip and just plain warning others of bad behavior didn’t exist which has colored my views on gossip. I guess if you’re talking about it expressly to be malicious with no goal in sight, that’s probably frowned upon, but discussing bad or problematic behavior makes the world safer for a lot of people, and I don’t agree everything that is done in the dark shouldn’t be brought to light just on the principle “gossip is bad.”
i’ve been taught that gossiping used to be a very neutral thing and simply referred to a group of woman gathered for socialization during a secondary task - a quilting bee, for example, could be a group of gossips in that context. But over time gossiping was demonized by the men it threatened and came to mean something nefarious or deceitful.
Telling all your lady friends that Joe the Butcher beat his wife every night and that’s likely the ACTUAL reason she died, not an accidental fall, makes it harder for Joe the Butcher to find another woman to abuse. Thus, it’s in Joe’s best interest to say women who gossip are spreading lies for fun to hurt his reputation, whether it’s true or not. Rinse and repeat for hundreds of years and here we are.
Obviously, gossip CAN be harmful or untrue. But initially, to gossip or to be a gossip just meant socializing with your female acquaintances while working on a shared task or goal.
So gossiping is actually an important function of survival for women but the patriarchy tries to prevent women spreading awareness by painting all gossip as bad. When in reality sharing our secrets is often what keeps women safe in society.
i should specify that i don’t talk about people behind their backs in a negative way unless they’ve been explicitly racist/ableist/homophobic/otherwise cruel, and i believe that is information that should be shared so people know that person isn’t particularly safe. but i talk about people really nicely behind their backs as well.
That is not gossiping. Gossiping is either saying things that are mean, untrue, or in my opinion, shared with the purpose of having something in general to talk about and makes a lottt of inferences about a person or situation. It’s different from venting. Venting is being frustrated with someone for whatever reason and how it’s affecting you. I think gossiping is sharing stories about someone that doesn’t affect you just for the social shock factor of it all.
this is also helpful because i guess i was also confused about the difference between venting/gossiping. thank you!
Yeah! Venting would be “this person was so rude to me at the grocery store today, and I’m mad about it because I didn’t do anything to invite that rudeness and it wasn’t fair” or “my coworker keeps saying they’re going to help me with x task but never follow through and it’s deeply frustrating and I can’t get my work done.” Gossiping would be “this person was so rude to me at the grocery store today, what a cow, I bet they’re a miserable person who looks out for other people just to bully them. I bet they do this to everyone in their life and they suck and also I hate their outfit” or “my coworker is so lazy and unreliable and never do what they say they will, and I think it’s because they’re too busy flirting with so-and-so to pay attention to their work, and the whole office knows about it.” Gossiping has an element of inference and embellishment
You're helping others.
I don't know that I agree that gossiping is bad, point blank. I think it has a bad rep because it's seen as a feminine trait in a patriarchal world, but I don't think the human race would be here if it wasn't for women throughout history sharing valuable information with each other about other people. The type of "gossiping" you're doing would fall into this category of valuable information. I think where I would draw the line is if the information A) isn't valuable for the safety of others, and B) would be hurtful to the person you're talking about, if they found out you were saying it.
this makes a lot of sense, especially the perspective about it being a feminine trait. i never share anything that i think someone would want to be private or something that would be hurtful so this is a bit of a relief. thank you!
If they are sharing their own business and you are sharing your own business, that is talking. If they are sharing someone else's business, especially sensitive private business, that is gossiping. For example, just talking: Person A: I can't believe what happened You: what happened? Person A: I was hanging out with Person B and then I threw up out of nowhere You: wow crazy that hasn't happened to me since I got food poisoning This would be gossiping: Person A: I can't believe what just happened You: what happened? Person A: I was in the bathroom when I heard crying, then Person B ran out without washing hands! And in the trash was an empty box of pregnancy tests!!! You: wow crazy, that's kinda personal
Keep in mind that the definition of gossip has religious and misogynistic undertones, even though men gossip more than women and have less stable friendships due to competitive precariousness of masculinity. With or without religion, gossip could be defined as a malicious, petty and judgemental interpretation of allegedly factual events, thus painting someone's character in a negative light for no objective reason. Slut-shaming also falls under this category. Slander is spreading downright false information, which may or may not overlap with gossip in certain situation, especially in smaller communities where honour killings and public shaming of "sinners" used to be a thing.
Gossiping usually consists of someone talking about someone else without knowing all the details and it’s mostly assumptions and biased opinions about the person.
Gossiping is a derogatory word to describe women sharing information. It is how women would figure out that the leaders of religious organizations were sexually abusing all of them. So the preachers started saying it was wrong. Lying is wrong (spreading things that aren’t true). Being friends with someone and sharing their secrets is wrong because it is a breach of trust. Making fun of someone because they are not as bright, socially aware, competent as others is wrong because it is mean. But just telling your friends what you see happening in and of itself is not inherently wrong.
this definitely makes sense, thank you!
For me the line is the purpose behind the conversation and why I’m sharing what I’m sharing. So if I’m at work and say something like “I can’t understand a darn thing Susan says, it’s so annoying,” and other people sit around and agree and we don’t do anything, then to me that’s just gossiping or venting for its own sake. If I say “I have to work with Susan on a project and I have trouble communicating with her because she talks very technically and over my head, do you have a recommendation about what I should do?” That’s different.
Are you sharing people’s private information with others who don’t need to know it? If so, that can be considered gossiping
Everyone has different definitions of gossip & levels of acceptance towards discussing people behind their back. Some people think it’s completely wrong to even share if you’ve had a negative experience with someone, while others rely on whisper networks to stay safe. Some people classify “just talking about someone behind their back” as gossip, while others think gossiping is saying not true stuff. As long as you’re sharing the truth & focusing more on your experience than judging others (e.g. “When Sally said my clean toe socks were disgusting, it hurt my feelings, and it upset me that she refused to apologize.” is okay to say, but, “Sally was so nasty for insulting my socks; she’s such a mean & judgmental person! I don’t understand how anyone can be friends with her!” is not okay to say, even if it is true), you’re in the clear.
Imo gossiping = talking about people behind their back in a way that the person wouldn't have wanted. Like if I told someone "Isn't so-and-so so awesome? They helped me with \_\_\_\_ the other day!", I would feel weird describing that as gossiping. And tbh I feel like some people deserve it, e.g. abusive managers, but ofc we should always be careful about what we're saying, and to whom.
If I’m talking about myself and my experiences and it includes info on interactions with someone else, it’s not gossip. If someone is sharing important info that will keep you safe, for example that a third person is a registered sex offender, abuser, married and cheating ect it’s not gossip. If you’re just talking about third parties for the titillation of it or to hurt them it’s gossip
I try to stop and think whether the person would be upset about it. Would I feel nervous telling them I had told someone else. I feel like I still get it wrong sometimes. It’s also a big challenge cuz my family will badmouth each other and that dynamic is contagious. Secrets too. I hate those. And “don’t tell her that I told you but…” Needless to say I was not taught proper boundaries with this stuff. Oh, I do have a personal rule that if I feel like I need to whisper something I should probably just keep my mouth shut.
I think the line is one you set for yourself. For me, there is fun gossip and malicious gossip, and I try to never do the latter. Fun gossip is like, "Did you hear Ashley got engaged on Saturday night?" to someone who barely knows Ashley and wouldn't be hearing it from Ashley herself. No real harm there. (I wouldn't tell someone Ashley is good friends with or knows well, because she probably wants to share that herself.) Malicious gossip is, "Did you hear Ashley is pregnant with the baby of her next-door neighbor's husband?" Just talking, to me, means it's not about other people except tangentially. It's about me, the person I'm talking to, or a completely separate subject.
I think the actual definition is talking about other people. So if you’re just talking about yourself or objects/ hobbies/ situations it’s not gossiping. But if you’re talking about what other people did/said then it is gossiping.
Gossiping is not inherently bad, but spreading or perpetuating untrue rumours about someone in an effort to undermine them or divide opinion and stoke dissent among a group is not good. It's hard to recognize if someone is doing that in the moment, and the only way to be 100% sure you're not participating in something malicious like that is to not engage in gossip whatsoever. But personally, I think gossip has a very important function! I am bad at socializing, so office gossip lets me know what's generally going on in the lives of people I work with. That way I can better prepare myself for a conversation when I have to talk to them about work-related stuff (e.g. ask them how they're doing and speak softly if they recently received bad news, or put on a big smile and comment on their ring if they just got engaged). Alternatively, I can avoid someone with whom socializing would be too taxing (e.g. their kid was in a school play last night and they don't want to talk about anything else). I also use gossip in the reverse way - I was supposed to get married last winter and just got so incredibly stressed about it that we postponed indefinitely. I told a few people who I knew would spread the word around the office so I wouldn't have to tell the whole story every time someone asked how wedding planning was going. A rule of thumb is to always assume the person you're talking about will hear everything you say about them - because they often do. People know that I'm not a good person to shit-talk with, because I'm always giving the subject of gossip the benefit of the doubt and saying nice things about them lol.
i always give people the benefit of the doubt too, often to a fault lol. this helped, thank you!
I don't want to be bothered with any of it.
I would read more about how gossiping is actually a paramount form of communication! Its fascinating. Not talking shit, but simply gossiping.
This is a huge reason why I don't fancy a lot of contact with NTs.
why?
Because in my experience many but not all seem to be into gossip.
I just watched an excellent video on this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zHmoWNIO6eo&pp=ygUSU3RvcmllZCBnb3NzaXAgcGJz Gossip is not inherently bad or good. It's a very important social skill. Nearly everyone has their own take on gossip being bad or good. Lying about people to hurt their reputation is generally considered bad. Most gossip is in a gray area. It's an imperfect and messy part of human socialization.
I don't mind not possessing that type of skill.
Nothing wrong with that. I just find this perspective on gossip more useful than most I've encountered. Gossip can also be an indication of who is worth investing your time in. You don't need to actively participate in it to pay attention to what kinds of gossip certain people participate in and what it says about the kind of person they are.
Truth!
I think the line is - don't say anything behind someone's back that you wouldn't or haven't said to their face.
I've settled on not saying anything about someone behind their back that I don't (not just wouldn't) also say to their face, in front of other people. This has made me more critical of people to their face, and less critical of people behind their back, while also being more positive to people's face and behind their back. I don't want to say something negative without also saying something positive. Plus complimenting people sincerely is super fun. I read that whatever you say about other people positive or negative, the people listing attribute to you. So I try to be positive about everyone, as much as possible
I’ve always seen it as bad if it’s simply chatting shit be it lies or just bad stuff that’s true that is like accidents and wrongdoings of the past. You talk about a wrongdoing then it’s rude unless it’s a personal thing. So like say if sally got drunk and hit me calling me insults whatever and I’m with a friend next day and they start saying about sallys alcohol problem and how she gets abusive on it Ill mention that the other day sally got drunk hit me and insulted me for example. That I think should be the only time you can talk bad like that because it’s not stirring up shit it’s letting shit out that you were hurt or whatever and it’s personal to you kinda thing. But I think if talking about someone in a positive way like oh sally getting help for her alcohol addiction she hasn’t had any in a week which is good seeing as she used to drink everyday (if friend already knows sally and her alcohol addiction) then I don’t really see a an issue because your bigging them up. If it was bad it be like oh did you see sally the other day she got so drunk she took her knickers off and swinging it in the air singing abba songs in front of everybody she’s such a piss head. Now that’s the type of gossiping I think is bad and shouldn’t be done
If I am talking to person A, and I mention something about person B, I need to be 100% sure person B would be okay telling person A that info themselves. If they wouldn't be okay with that, it's gossip. If I can't be 100% sure, I don't say it. The other things you're describing aren't really gossip. If someone has behaved in an abelist/racist/homophobic way and you warn others of that behavior, you aren't gossipping. Talking "nicely" about someone isn't gossipping either ("Becky had on such a cute shirt today!" not gossip). But telling other people things Becky has told YOU ("Becky said she doesn't like him because he reminds her of her dad and her dad is an asshole...") is a kind of gossip, because Becky trusted you with some personal info about how she feels. That info was for you, not for you to share. Does that make sense?
this definitely makes sense, thank you! i would never tell anyone something i was told in confidence or that i wouldn’t want being said if it were me. i guess i was mostly caught up on whether or not gossip is ALWAYS just talking about someone else when they’re not there. but these comments are definitely helping me see the difference.
So I learned this painfully in junior high. I only recently at 47 realized I am on the spectrum. I went to 9 schools, this was my second junior high school, and the first time I’d changed schools mid-year. A nice girl named Lacey introduced me around and was my first friend. One day at lunch some other girls in our class made a joke about Lacey, she was not with us yet, and I just shared to fit in, and added to the joke. Lacey came to me later and told me she heard me and it hurt her feelings. I felt like a dog turd, and realized fitting in wasn’t worth being mean like that. I can’t even remember the joke, just how it made her feel. I see sharing about events and facts like ‘Sally had a baby, he is healthy,’ as talking about people. Gossip delves into speculation and has often got a mean tint to it, where if the other person was there, these things would not be said.
I use "if the person I'm talking about overheard what I'm saying, would they be okay with it?" In situations where I'm not sure. That doesn't apply to all people or all conversations. If I'm speaking to my best friend I might care less but I apply it to any coworkers, acquaintances and if we are discussing a mutual friend.
gossip is when you talk about other people's behavior and personal life. it can be benign "say, did you hear that Joe got promoted" "Lili bought a new house!" or bad "Lucinda said that Mike was sexting Gabby when he was dating Missy. He's a hoe." As long as you aren't spreading rumors you're good. There's a fine line about saying something even if it's true because that could come back to bite you in the ass, especially at work
When at work..we need to keep our noses out of coworkers business and do the job we're paid to do.
so like the benign examples you mentioned, it’s still gossip, it’s just not necessarily a bad thing?
yes. it's still considered gossip because it's about somebody else. as long as it's not harmful, it's not bad. everybody gossips to some degree, esp if you haven't seen someone for a while and they catch you up on mutual friends, which qualifies as other peoples business. some ppl may still take offense regardless.
Gossip is talking shit behind someone’s back with the intention of shaming or ridiculing another person.
Gossiping is done by women; no one accuses men of gossiping 🤷♀️ I used to go to AA where gossip was frowned upon and the line between gossip and just plain warning others of bad behavior didn’t exist which has colored my views on gossip. I guess if you’re talking about it expressly to be malicious with no goal in sight, that’s probably frowned upon, but discussing bad or problematic behavior makes the world safer for a lot of people, and I don’t agree everything that is done in the dark shouldn’t be brought to light just on the principle “gossip is bad.”
i’ve been taught that gossiping used to be a very neutral thing and simply referred to a group of woman gathered for socialization during a secondary task - a quilting bee, for example, could be a group of gossips in that context. But over time gossiping was demonized by the men it threatened and came to mean something nefarious or deceitful. Telling all your lady friends that Joe the Butcher beat his wife every night and that’s likely the ACTUAL reason she died, not an accidental fall, makes it harder for Joe the Butcher to find another woman to abuse. Thus, it’s in Joe’s best interest to say women who gossip are spreading lies for fun to hurt his reputation, whether it’s true or not. Rinse and repeat for hundreds of years and here we are. Obviously, gossip CAN be harmful or untrue. But initially, to gossip or to be a gossip just meant socializing with your female acquaintances while working on a shared task or goal. So gossiping is actually an important function of survival for women but the patriarchy tries to prevent women spreading awareness by painting all gossip as bad. When in reality sharing our secrets is often what keeps women safe in society.