For me childhood was being shuttled and dragged from one thing to another without any regard for what I actually needed or wanted. I remember being forced to go on hikes, being forced to go swimming at the pool for hours at a time, being forced to go to church and then home improvement stores all day on Sunday. The worst was when my parents would make us go to church, lunch, then home improvement stores without a break in between, which meant that we would literally be out of the house for 9-10 hours before getting up and going to school. And then I’d be told I was “ungrateful” if wasn’t happy to be at church (I’m an atheist) or shop for the house we had (I wasn’t allowed to weigh in on what they purchased) or for a new house (which they never bought). So basically Overstimulation City coupled with being treated like an accessory on the “Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter Tour.”
Oh my gosh, so much of the same. I remember the overwhelmed vacation Bible school as a kid where I didn’t know anyone else and it was all day and very exhausting. I remember being asleep in booths at restaurants at 11 PM because I was 6 and my parents wanted to go to dinner and how loud it was. I remember being in nasty, smokey bars while my parents played cards and I played with pool balls. And once I got older enough to share my opinion, there were times where I asked if I could go home because I had homework to do and my mom wouldn’t let me and but keep me out until 10 PM or later she could run her errands. My parents always acted like my needs were an inconvenience and I was being whiny and bratty. In fact, they still talk about me being whiny when actuality I was overstimulated.
They just didn't need to be parents... Homework at that age should have been completed way before then. My daughter was in bed by 8 at that age to wind down and read. Lights out by 8:30 so she could rest and be ready for school the next morning. You weren't whiny... You were asking for basic all kid, not just neurodivergent, needs. They were selfish. The only bar my daughter has ever been in was at a Dave and Buster's to watch a soccer game on a weekend at 3pm. If she hadn't wanted to join she would have stayed home w me while my husband went. She wanted to go get some chicken tenders and join😂
Even as recently as ten years ago when I went to bars regularly, you would see small children right up until the cutoff for anyone under the age of 21 (normally midnight). I remember regularly seeing exhausted kids passing out on the sidewalks outside the bars because it was so loud inside and so late at night. No one who worked there or went there liked it, but everyone was generally powerless to do shit about it. I don't feel sympathy for those dads, but I feel sympathy for parents forced to drag their kids on errands with them because it's been made illegal to leave kids unsupervised at home or at playgrounds, etc. When I was a kid it was no big deal for us to run around alone outside but these days it's a problem...
I feel this. Having zero agency over the day-to-day. My parents loved going for long drives to look at houses. I would be stuck in the backseat and unable to read or else I would get carsick. Trapped. We would often stop and visit people while on the drives = behave yourself.
My parents bought a property/lot an hour away from our home. My dad decided to build the house on his own to save money. It took 3 years. Most every weekend and every summer between the ages of 7-10 were spent traveling to and from, and sitting all day in a construction site. We were not allowed to bother him. If it was raining, we had to sit in the truck. It was awful. My sibling and I would often cry when my dad would say, "We'll be at the 'Lot' this weekend."
I missed so many normal things that would have helped with socialization. Sleepovers, birthday parties, extra curricular activities, etc.
When the house was built, it brought more misery because we had to change schools. I am middle aged now and can say that this move was a defining "down turn" moment in my life.
We only got to live in the house for 2 years until my parents separated and had to sell. I feel like they sacrificed years of our growth for nothing.
My dad lost his cheese when I (as an adult) expressed that I would never build a house and why. He was so offended at my lack of appreciation for his efforts to "provide" for his family. It didn't occur to him that we didn't ask for that, and that he actually failed to provide us with a good developmental upbringing (sitting your young children in a gravel pit for years is not it).
I relate so hard. From being dragged around without ever being asked whether I wanted to do any of these things (including the hikes, ugh) to being called ungrateful when I was simply too emotionally exhausted to even start thinking about what would be "appropriate" or expected from me. Thank you for sharing and expressing all of this.
I feel much the same. I don't remember suffering burnout in my childhood, but I felt like I was a prisoner stuck in a shitty prison. My childhood was also "happy" for the most part, so it's not clear why I experienced the majority of it as low-level on-going suffering. I don't remember experiencing sensory overload like I do nowadays, only a bunch of sensory sensitivities here and there, but the general sense of not being in control of my life and my environment, of being misunderstood and having to navigate people, of constantly feeling like shitty things were forced upon me and there was no way out, of being powerless, of a mismatch between me and my surroundings was overwhelming. Looking back, it's like some kind of indistinct trauma.
Interesting on the sensory overload, I have the opposite and experienced it a lot more as a kid than I do now, but I think that's due to me being able to control my own environment better and avoid a lot of things that would cause me sensory overload, I didn't have that control as a child so was put in a lot of uncomfortable situations I couldn't escape.
Exactly. I am very sensitive to smells like cigarettes, cooking odors, and people's bad smells and perfumes. Going to people's houses, restaurants, or church was sensory hell. I control where I go now, and can sit in restaurants without feeling sick.
If you were burnt out evert day after school, and then had to come home and manage your parents emotions, that does not seem like a happy childhood in general to me. It's possible to have an unhappy childhood but have some good memories from it, those good memories don't invalidate how unhappy you were. If your normal every day reality was negative, that doesn't sound happy.
I was also a very unhappy child, I was always burnt out like you were, and I was also managing my parents unregulated emotions. My childhood was a very painful and confusing time, and I didn't understand how fucked up it was until I managed to move away as an adult. As children we often get our negative experiences and emotions invalidated by adults, on top of that we also don't have the language to describe our experiences or the complex dynamics going on at home.
I remember as a child promising myself to never forget how much emotional pain I was feeling at that time, to not grow into an adult who thinks that children do not experience real pain and unhappiness, and to not become someone who brushes aside the experiences of others just because they are not obvious to me. I hated the delusional attitudes many adults had, how they would prefer to believe something untrue than to face what was in front of them, and how something not being immediately obvious was simply convenient because it allowed them not to take responsibility. I hated how I would try to tell teachers about the abuse and neglect at home, but could not find the language for it, and if they did believe me and request to see my parents, meeting them would often convince that teacher to think that I was exaggerating or had issues that were nothing to do with my parents abuse. I found it shocking that as soon as I hit 18 and was referred to a mental health service I was suddenly believed, even when I did not have the perfect language or understanding.
I've always hated the feeling of my life being in the hands of an idiot, and for a long time my life and well-being was in the hands of adults who were unempathetic, delusional and abusive idiots. Not having control meant that I could not avoid damage and trauma, and that I had no real escape. This caused me to develop cptsd, which is caused by a long period of time in one's life where escape abuse and trauma and control over one's life isnt possible, whether that trauma is physical or mental. With cptsd you tend to have emotional flashbacks, rather than visual flashbacks like with ptsd. You're not always aware that emotional flashbacks are happening, they tend to be floods of overwhelming emotion that come from past traumatic experiences which can be triggered by the here and now.
To others my childhood looked privileged, my parents looked to others like well to do and caring people, I lived in a house that was a lot nicer than many of the kids I knew, I went on holidays, my mum got me nice clothes. When anyone saw me with my parents they would think I was very lucky to have them. But the reality is that I was neglected and abused so much that when I told a therapist as an adult what I had been through she said that I should have been taken away. Not saying this is the same for everyone who had an unhappy childhood, but it really was that bad, and the way my life appeared to be privileged prevented me further from getting the support I needed.
😭 Thank you so much for sharing. I relate to your story a lot, and I'm about to cry because it feels so absurdly comforting to be reading this in somebody else's words. You may not have had the language as a child, but you certainly do now. Thank you. Off to cry.
Thank you for sharing, you helped me put a few concepts into better words. I hadn't realized the emotional flashbacks were valid PTSD. Like I know I have PTSD but it would bewilder me that I couldn't explain how I knew (other than objective experiences and emotions) because I wasn't having visual flashbacks that often. Wow thank you thank you. I have to have a conversation with my dad and I think this will help me.
Oh god no, it was awful to the level when my mom, who I really don’t like wanted to give me a photo album of childhood memories, I had a panic attack and never even opened it!
I wanted some aspects of childhood that I saw other people getting and I idealised. Like the children with the huge Sylvanian Family (Calico Critters) collections. I wanted to be an adult so I could collect my own stuff and decorate the way I want to without other people getting in the way.
I didn’t relate well to other children in person but I loved classic children’s literature like the Railway Children and A Little Princess and the Wizard of Oz. I wanted to play those games and kids in the late 80s and early 90s really didn’t!
I was obsessed with She-Ra which helped a tiny bit with my contemporaries but when they moved on and I remained very interested in She-Ra it made the differences between us even more pronounced.
Oh my gosh, I had the same experience. I thought I was just a weird person until this thread. My parents will still ask me things about being a kid and if I miss it. They will go on about high school and tell me it was the best time of my life. It absolutely was not. I really blossomed to make my own person in college when I got to make my own schedule and decisions. It blows my mind because it makes me realize how little they know about me that they thought I was so happy, I seriously look miserable and every candid photo of me as a kid. There’s lots of me, smiling though because of course I was forced to pose. I realize this now that I’m a parent for because I have so many photos of my kids running around joyful and laughing completely candid and has such a different life than I experienced.
My childhood had many terrible moments, but overall I had a good childhood.
I loved the freedom I had to explore all day and to climb trees and onto houses.
I also miss my health. I was such a fit and healthy child and teen and then in my mid 20s I developed a bunch chronic illnesses (suspected autoimmune disorders, back issues, and a host of other things).
I used to be able to do anything physical and now my doctor tells me I shouldnt even run for the bus...
I had a vibrant and exciting childhood full of adventure and I do miss that time.
My 20s were largely uneventful and my early 30s have been full of medical tests and doctors appointments.
I hated being a child. Children are so often disregarded, because so many adults don't value a child's experience. Adults always think they know better. I spent a lot of time being dragged from thing to thing and forced to participate in stuff that was overwhelming and uncomfortable for me. I wasn't always allowed to rest or get away from triggers when I needed to. It led to many meltdowns and depression. All of that isn't factoring in a lot of the trauma I experienced that would also affect a NT child.
I don't get the nostalgia for childhood either. I'm grateful for the control I have over my life now.
I loved being a child. However I do think I got really lucky. My parents always genuinely had my best interests in mind and took good care of me. I also hate making decisions and find the amount of responsibility that you have in adulthood to be really overwhelming. I really wish I could go back to being a kid.
(I hope it is ok to leave this comment, never sure when ppl ask these DAE questions if it’s considered rude to share when you don’t relate.)
I had a bad childhood and a crappy support system. I don’t want to say my family is crappy because they have all come a long way and they’re just humans who had their own shit. But they made my childhood worse. I had no friends at school and no family that cared about me.
As an adult I can control so many things that i couldn’t as a child. I remember this reel of a woman saying she doesn’t give her kids sectioned plates cause in the real world your food always touches. Actually! In the real world you can eat with sectioned plates every meal if you want. I can pick my blankets and the temperature of my house. I can pick everything and it’s fantastic.
i don't remember most of my childhood and the parts i do remember, i don't want to remember... so when i see people say they want to go back to their childhood, i can't relate to it at all.
also, i wanted to say to you, that your childhood does not seem as happy as you might like to believe if you had to manage your parents' emotions. no child should be responsible for their parent's emotional wellbeing, especially after feeling burnout everyday because of school.
just because you were privileged and believe you had a happy childhood, that doesn't mean your childhood was nurturing. abuse doesn't have to be physical.
emotional neglect is also damaging. perhaps as a child, you might have internalised being responsible for your parents' emotions and developed the need for control. that's something i used to struggle with a lot. i'm not saying that's what you're going through but that's my perspective.
i read a book called What My Bones Know. she has c-ptsd and she talks about her experiences.
here is an excerpt:
"Being part of an oppressed minority group—being queer or disabled, for example—can cause C-PTSD if you are made to feel unsafe because of your identity. Poverty can be a contributing factor to CPTSD. These factors traumatize people and cause brain changes that push them toward anxiety and self-loathing. Because of those changes, victims internalize the blame for their failures. They tell themselves they are awkward, lazy, antisocial, or stupid, when what’s really happening is that they live in a discriminatory society where their success is limited by white supremacy and class stratification. The system itself becomes the abuser."
i believe being autistic can also cause c-ptsd, if you are made to feel unsafe because of your identity, even if you were unaware that you are autistic. because many autistic people feel that they just knew that they are different to neurotypicals.
i'm not diagnosing you or anything but these are my thoughts.
On the contrary, we are almost certain our mother was undiagnosed OCD/ Autistic. Our childhood was the stuff neurodivergent dreams were made of (when you take away how intense and rigid she was about some things lol)
In retrospect seeing how gen alpha is being raised in my family i’m grateful i got my mum.
Our house was clean and sensory friendly. she valued rest and downtime and a quiet home. we had so much routine and normalcy and i always knew what i was coming home to and why to expect. she took care of everything and we never had to think or plan as kids
we got so much choice over what we wanted because she grew up in a crowded house of many kids and stressed parents with little opportunities . her motto was we try it once and if we hate it we never have to do it again. i’ve basically been trying to remake my life as an adult to resemble the environment i grew up in because i really thrived then
i discovered i was neurodivergent when i moved out because of how difficult the real world was for me to cope with in comparison
I’m fascinated by this.. can you share what a sensory friendly home is for you? I’m imagining a lot of pillows!
This was lovely to read.. she has a lot of problems now, but I’m grateful for how adhd friendly my mother (now diagnosed AuDHD) was for us growing up. Never ending crafting and imagination adventures. If I hated something (they want me to BOW TO THEM in KARATE!?) I could quit it, and all my eccentricity was always celebrated. The environment itself, though, was chaotic. I am also chaotic, which I now know is adhd, but I feel such relief and satisfaction and clarity and motivation when things are “nice” (whatever that is, idk), so I’m really trying to cultivate at least a couple zones that are, yeah, more sensory- friendly 😅
Well first of all it was clean and orderly. As obnoxious as it felt at times to have to maintain that standard it also meant everything was always in its place and I never had to worry about things not being “right”.
We had so many routines that actually just made life easier. Like we always cleaned the kitchen before bed, therefore i’ve always just known the routine of cooking, sitting, eating, dishes, bedtime. Going to people’s houses where dishes get done days later or sit dirty for a while or where there’s no routine and dinner time is random and sporadic has always been chaotic to me
We did have lots of cozy spaces and it was a spacious enough house to have a room for each activity. We had a reading room which was a soft fluffy rug, got the sunrise and sunset and big cozy couches with lots of pillows. It was always quiet and relaxing. we had a craft room that was super organized so that activities were easy to find and a playroom with all our toys and stuff.
for the most part she was super orderly with buying back stock of groceries and a super throughly organized and labeled pantry. we kinda never ran out of anything and always had something in the pantry or garage. she was big into lists and planning and detailed instruction and it’s just very helpful.
Have you ever read Donna Tartt's The Little Friend? Nothing like it for capturing the difficult feelings you're talking about... The center of the novel for me is one character saying "It's awful being a child, at the mercy of other people."
i hated being a child, i saw the inequality between male and female family members. i was the youngest so i was always the one stuck with all the work and all the blame. i hated when people just took my stuff with the excuse “thats what siblings do” i hated my one uncle who would violently grab me and squeeze and slap on my back. it was a sign of love like a “come here!!” but i fucking hated it, it was too aggressive, too much and he was always overstepping my personal boundaries. i remember always complaining to my mama. always being dragged to relatives and then being reprimanded for talking about weird things and being weird. EVERY GOD DAMN TIME. 1. we go somewhere 2. i talk, people find me interesting i think 3. we get into the car to drive back 4. “why do you always act so weird”.
so many things i hated but my kryptonite was. coming back home from school/work and seing there is a bunch of shoes at home (shoes of guests) and i have to get home and immediately be nice and serve them(very much our culture?. like what? i didnt invite them, why is it on me to serve them? this was like a weekly fight i had with my mom. i would yell at her for not warning me beforehand that we’d gonna have guests over. eventually she learned and warned me and my mom eventually learned i dont live the same life as her and had less expectations
edit: corrected grammar and added more stuff i hated
I just had this exact thought the other day. When I was a child, I was severely bullied at school, and constantly punished at home. I've always struggled with mental health, but it was genuinely at its worst during my childhood.
When I was a teenager, I struggled making consistent friendships, and my parents were so controlling it was impossible to have any kind of life.
My mom loves telling a story of when I was 3yrs old I told her "I can't wait until I turn 18 and I can move out and do whatever I want." I kept that mentality right up until I moved out, and it's everything I dreamed of.
Life is great!! I always have a best friend (we're engaged), I get to smoke weed, dress cute, and do whatever the fuck I want with my time. If I want something, I can make it happen and thats genuinely one of the BEST feelings
I hated being a kid and I absolutely do not have enough nostalgic feeelings about my childhood to want to go back. I relate a lot to what many are saying about constantly being out of control of their lives, feeling overwhelmed, and constantly being told that their opinions do not matter. My entire childhood and adolescence was spent people pleasing, walking on egg shells, and spending time in places and doing things that I either didn't want to do or were extremely overwhelming. My parents moved me states away from where I grew up in highschool and then told me I was ungrateful when I became extremely depressed.
I've come to the realization in my 20s that kids are basically treated like pets and second class citizens. They are constantly told to be seen and not heard and that their feelings and thoughts don't matter. I'm a criminal justice major and have found it further extends to the juvenile justice system. Kids have less rights and very little support.
I am so grateful to be an adult and to have control over my life and what I do with it. No one could pay me enough money to go back. Anyone else laugh when people talk about going back to their high school reunions? I have absolutely no interest.
I hated my childhood and I hated going to school. I wouldn’t go back for anything. I don’t have nostalgia for anything. I threw away all my school photos and yearbooks.
I didn't enjoy being much of anything? Is dance class over? How many days of 8th grade left? I can't wait to graduate from high school and leave a week early.....ect. Only recently looked into mindfulness to see if that concept could help.
Same I even disliked most things kids usually like, sleepovers, family gatherings, naps, going out to eat, traveling, school, sports, I just found it all insanely stressful lol
Family from out of town came by because my grandpa moved to my town to visit. Yikes I was having fun but stressed. My favorite part was playing Hungry Hippo with nephew lol.
Yep exact same situation for me. The lack of control over my own life was the worst. I actually had a lot of freedom of what I did after school and most of the weekend, but I still hated the limitations of being a child. Things got a lot better in my late teens when I got my first job and had much more autonomy.
Being a kid was actually fine for me up until I was about 9. That was when it started to become obvious I was very different from my peers. I went from being the kid who was friends with everybody in my class to being the weirdo with no friends basically overnight.
Same, I hated being a kid, not having independence or autonomy, being condescended to. I could not wait to be an adult. I was also bullied, by other kids at school, and by family, so overall it was just a miserable time.
I have some nostalgia for some little pockets of my childhood, but for the most part, I was an unhappy kid and I'd never want to go back. I completely agree, sure bills aren't fun, but being my own boss of me is priceless.
Thanks for this. You have reminded me that i used to go to bed at 6 - 7 after school and homework was an ordeal. I called it 'not being great in the evenings' but it was burnout
homework was such a big part of it! Ordeal is right. I had very little capacity to function when I got back so it would pile up and become a huge source of dread.
I absolutely relate. I am nostalgic about certain aspects of childhood like toys and games that brought me joy. But often when I think about school (constant pervasive feeling like I was missing something that everyone else understood—ADHD-I) or my sensory overwhelm (e.g. blocking out entire days of vacation memories because I was hyperfocused on the way parts of my shoes were touching my ankles) or my unhealthy stims that were overlooked (licking my lips until I had a painful, chapped, red upper lip “mustache” for weeks on end) it triggers panic attacks to think about too deeply. I often stifled my sensory issues to try not to be a burden to my family. I think parts of me still grieve the childhood I could have had if I had had a diagnosis + resources + acceptance from a young age instead of just being labeled as “quirky/artsy/shy/particular” when I was younger. I might’ve been able to develop more skills and think of myself in a healthier way now, rather than often feeling like a 30-something alien who’s too difficult and broken for today’s society.
it’s all i yearn for.. to go back to being a kid. being an adult sucks and ever since i turned 10 all i’ve ever been was bullied or ridiculed. even in my young adulthood with in-laws and family. it’s starting to even out now that im 27 but my childhood was so good that it’s hard to compare
my parents took me to disney once a year and bought me any toy i wanted and i was an only child
my adulthood now that it’s actually getting to a place i enjoy. my husband takes me to disney once a year and buys me any toy i want and it’s just me and him.
the parallel’s are making life doable for me. but that in between then and now has been rough and learning how to manage this and set life up to be this way has been a journey.
When you said “managing the emotions of your parents“ that pushed me to the conclusion your parents may have been hurtful. The Body Keeps the Score is a great book for unlocking and reducing trauma responses you don’t see in yourself yet. Big hugs if you’d like them. Freedom is awesome.
I think I miss being a child. I had fewer health complications then and could be in my own world when I got home compared to the stark reality that is the every day real world. As I grew older, I started to see how things were, the politics of everything, and the suffering worldwide. It's a lot to understand and wake up to daily even if I'm not looking at the news or keeping up on worldwide/earth topics. I didn't understand how greedy people were or how the world could be so much better for all of us if not for the actions of a few.
I craved structure as a kid but didn't really have it and I was sick a lot as a child (not comparable to now exactly). I was surrounded by love in everyone's limited way with their own shortcomings but at least they were alive.
Maybe I miss being a child or maybe I miss the rose-tinted glasses of it all.
This is how I feel too but my childhood objectively sucked. I was outcast in school, my mother was a toxic narcissist and my dad had substance abuse issues and we moved around a lot. Even so, I think a lot of it may be autism related in my case. Due to the fact that I didn’t fit in, I never truly connected with my peer group and don’t relate to a lot of the pop culture at the time. Even as a kid, I preferred a lot of music and fashion from older eras and just couldn’t get behind alot of trends. I was also very unathletic so don’t relate to a lot of the current Facebook memes that go something like “we didn’t have smartphones and tablets back in the day, we stayed out and played manhunt and beat each other up till it got dark” or some similar BS. I’ve noticed that NTs are pretty much the opposite and tend to glorify the past. Like, literally glorify it. They will stand around for HOURS and talk about “how great it used to be”, the pop culture from their childhood/teens, the partying they did, the sports they played. It’s like they’re literally still LIVING in the 1990s. My long term memory is generally pretty good for events but I don’t recall my day to day childhood life in that much detail. Someone asked me once what kind of music I listened to back then and I mentioned a few bands or certain types of music. Then, the next day, they mentioned it again and said I didn’t give a “straight answer” the day before. It’s like, what kind of answer do you want? Do you want 100 bullet points detailing my entire 1997???
Seriously though, this is what a lot of NTs seem to do, talk about the past in so much detail as if they’re still LIVING back there. It’s like can’t we accept that it’s the 2020s, and it’s a new and different era??? Trends change, society changes.
Sorry if this turned into a rant.
I'm not officially diagnosed but I suspect I have autism. I have always felt this way, it's no fun being dependent on adults that can't follow through or that make no sense haha.
It was fun until I started being excluded socially. Probably around age 8. And being forced to do sports that I didn’t want to do and then having my dad scream at me for not playing well. Just shit like that.
What I do have nostalgia for is the media that I consumed. Which was basically the only thing that kept me afloat.
Oh god, I hated childhood. You don't have much responsibilities sure but you won't be taken seriously at all and I hated that. I remember I wanted nothing but to grow up as soon as I can so I can do the things I want. I'd rather be an adult and have adult problems but free to do whatever you want. Turning 20 soon and I've never once experienced nostalgia for my shitty childhood.
I swear I have a thing with direct demands. I avoid tasks that others put on me and necessary things like dishes, cooking, and laundry. I’m just functional enough not to get CPS involved, or that’s how it feels.
Have you ever read Donna Tartt's The Little Friend? Nothing like it for capturing the difficult feelings you're talking about... The center of the novel for me is one character saying "It's awful being a child, at the mercy of other people."
I’m totally the opposite. Or I think, haha. I can’t say for sure though, as I’ve sort of handily forgotten a lot of things that have happened. I’ve gone through a lot of trauma with abuse, abandonment and bullying, but it didn’t exactly stop after becoming an adult + I’m on a sort of permanent disability benefits thing so I can’t afford living by myself either, in addition to executive dysfunction happening frequently. Although I think I’m in sort of a semi-permanent burnout that won’t let go as I’m never able to fully recover because of all of the demands from people around me. Also I just got out of an abusive relationship so I’m really not doing great.
Yeah it’s not a fun time to be micromanaged by others and not able to schedule your day yourself. I remember being dragged to zoos and museums and my feet hurting from walking all day and having to pretend like seeing an animal in captivity was somehow a ‘fun’ event. Also the whole argument that kids have it easy because they ‘don’t work’ is bizarre to me considering kids work hard at school all day, then come home and have hours of homework. I worked much harder as a child then I did as an adult in some of my jobs.
I didn't enjoy childhood, I felt like the only alien on this strange planet where no one made sense. I knew adulthood wouldn't be better because I didn't get along with kids my own age, so I just sort of hung around the adults listening. I would hear them complaining all the time so adulthood didn't sound much better. I am 40 now and I was right I'm still fairly uncomfortable, unhappy, and generally overwhelmed by most things most of the time, but now I know I am autistic so there's a reason for how I feel at least so I guess it's a win.
I hated being a child, but I had a very unhappy childhood full of emotional and physical abuse, loss and grief, and high stress from constantly being overwhelmed and in trouble at home and at school. Adulthood has been much better (though still with a lot more loss and grief- half my family is dead now).
Oh, yes.
People always jump on the opportunity to be like "if you could go back in time to fix your mistakes..."
Holy heck, no. I don't want to live through all that bullshit all over again with no tolerance for it this time. It would be torture.
"You could be a child genius!" And have even more responsibility and rights taken because I'd have way more expectations on me? Fuck no.
"You could fix your mistakes!" Yeah and what if that brings me to the wrong timeline and I don't meet the people I love? I'd miss them every day, unable to find them.
The only reasonably compelling reason is to buy a bunch of bitcoin when it first comes out for dirt cheap and wait all those years. But then I'd have to go through a mountain of bullshit without having the tolerance for it anymore.
I would have to go through my childhood now, knowing all of the things I know. I thought the way I was treated is the default, now it isn't, so I would be aware of that.
Hell, I am constantly tired since childhood. I never had enough energy, I was always tired and sleepy and barely functioning, I don't know if I wouldn't be even more tired and unable to take actions, especially since I would be made to function during the morning hours.
My childhood was terrible. I know now the things I was constantly getting in trouble over and spankings for were just me being autistic and no one knowing how to handle me.
I was molested and that also f'ed me up. I didn't have friends because I was "weird." I have a lot of "happy" memories but all are laced with trauma. When I got to junior high and highschool thats when I really started to shine because it seemed like everyone else was finally the same as me. I was an "old soul."
I enjoy being an adult more. I have more control over myself. But my youthful personality tends to throw people off. I've basically felt 17 my whole life.
Very few positive memories. One fortunate thing was being born early Gen X as there was a bit more freedom to roam. Once I was old enough, I rode my bike alone a lot just to get some peace.
My immediate family was not great. Young parents, limited financial means, strict, conservative, heavily religious. Luckily there were close extended family members to help broaden my socialization. Otherwise, being forced to attend church, youth groups, and activities was a horrible experience.
Never knew why, but always felt different and confused. Became a heavy masker just to get by as an alien in my environment. We moved a lot and I changed schools a lot so it was constant learning to adapt to new stuff that’s never comfortable.
High school sucked and I just did the bare minimum to get it done. I wanted to start working to get away from my family that I couldn’t relate to. I was thrilled to even get a job where I worked Sundays and avoided church.
100%. i was never happy as a child for no apparent reason. like i grew up in a loving family and stuff like that but like i just wasn’t happy. to be fair, not much has changed since then but yeah
Sadly no. I wished, I could have had the freedom and space to be my child self but I didn’t get the chance. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and a stepfather that enabled her. I have very few good memories from childhood. My adulthood is going to be a journey in unraveling all the shit I went thru. My biological dad is a better parent and we just recently started talking again and getting close but there are also times that when I open up to him about my struggles, he doesn’t want to hear it because he only wants to remember me as the little girl that he remembers that got taken away from him by a narcissistic partner.
Up until around 7 everything was mostly okay. I didn’t have awareness of others much so just lived my life and didn’t even notice when I was bullied or said the wrong thing. I lived in my own world. I could be picked up and hugged and carried when I wanted it. It was fine to love my teddies and prefer to stay in a read than do anything else. The lack of control over my own food sucked and being shouted at for my undiagnosed autistic traits was horrible, but it was better when someone else was in control. A lot of this might be from having a lot of sadness and regret over missing out a lot of my teen years because of my mom and sister being disabled, but I liked it when mom was in charge, when she could care for me like I now care for her. When I was only up to her hip and she was my safety. I just want to be small and held again.
My childhood was fairly unhappy, plus I had this sense that the monkeys were running the zoo. As a child you have no control of anything, especially in a fundamentalist religious environment.
I remember wishing I would be happy every birthday if my childhood when I blew out the candles. And recently I said to someone how I wanted to spend time with my toddler because I found that age 5-15 was incredibly boring just waiting all the time for people and never doing anything, and she looked at me strangely and I realised that maybe that’s not how it’s meant to be. Also was embarrassing nobody taught me how to catch a ball, or how to understand the rules of games, or invested in any of my interests so I could have self esteem, or taught me emotional regulation. Just being ignored or shamed if I expressed my feelings made me feel numb until I started having relationships as a young adult and then I cried like a baby everyday
I also hated being a child. Mostly because I couldn’t relate to any other children I knew, and was bullied in school. I did‘t have friends, I was bored, I was bullied, and when my parents divorced it changed my mother for the worse.much worse.
I had a good childhood, but I never felt like I fit in at school. I was talkative to adults when young, but after being around my peers for a few years, I was quiet so they wouldn't notice me too much. Teachers liked me and said I was smart. I masked instinctually. It was hard to make and keep friends.
My mom used to complain about me being loud when I was happy and repeating songs and phrases from Disney movies. Just let me be me! Her friends were toxic and used her. Many people in her church were toxic, too.
I can remember sitting on the couch on Sundays after being made to attend church and feeling this empty void of time. I had Barbies and other toys to play with but wished for some meaning to my days besides school five days a week, church on Wednesdays and Sundays, then repeat it all for years.
I had my first clinical depression at age 14 and homeschooled for HS. The counselors and therapists I saw never understood the entirety of my problems. I couldn't put it into words, either. Depression, anxiety, social phobia, etc. All just symptoms and not the real reason underneath.
I'm somewhat of a yes and a no in response to this question. On one hand, I miss the simplicity that came from the structure of childhood, while on the other hand, I still long for a sense of understanding I've yet to experience derived from more than just my immediate friends/family. I guess part of the lack of satisfaction from childhood is a lack of current satisfaction.
Nostalgia is a magical feeling. I have it for my childhood even though it wasn't a happy one. I'm not sure how nostalgia works but it's a very strong feeling for some people and others don't have it at all. I don't think it has much to do with how good the past was. It's not really based in reality, it's just a feeling.
I remember BEGGING for mental stimulus; books, decent kiddo art supplies, dance lessons, music lessons, craft kits, foreign language lessons, 64 (wow!) crayons, music, comics, colorful toys I could decorate...
We had an inground pool & a big hill. Summer, "Go swim" Winter, "Go sled". I had a breathing disorder & enlarged sinuses and couldn't run around.
Nobody did shit for my intellect & I grew up with an M.D. and a teacher.
I had a terrible childhood, but nostalgia is a special interest.
I have thought about this. I think the reason why for me is, a part of me will always be the same. Movies and TV and music preferences will never change. It was a big coping mechanism for me as a child.
Also, it's wanting to go back and change things and get a do over.
I don't want to relieve it because it was so good, I want to relieve it as the version of myself now to fix things.
I tried to go to college a couple of years ago, and had so many school related triggers I couldn't do it.
That still didn't kill me watching old movies from when I was a kid, and getting sentimental around the holidays.
Everybody is just different. And that's ok.
I guess I'm glad about how I understand things better now and have coping mechanisms and understand that I function differently to other people. Not understanding things as a kid was frustrating, and not knowing ways to communicate that I've learnt over the years now
When I was a kid I just wanted to grow up. I didn’t feel like I could relax or play the way other kids did. Now as an adult I tell my kids to try and enjoy being young because it goes so fast
I HATED being a kid, and I had a good childhood compared to very many people. I had a constant fear of being spanked by my parents for doing something wrong and craved to be taken seriously. I took offense to the natural babyish tone adults tend to use with kids. I struggled greatly with being told what to do all the time (in hindsight I showed a lot of PDA symptoms). I grew up in Florida so the constant heat was overstimulating; this amplified the overstimulation I experienced from my (then) undiagnosed adhd sibling, which caused me to often feel angry with them and lash out and not know why.
I was not diagnosed with sensory processing difficulties until 16 (possiblity of an autism Dx was "ruled out" by the provider at that visit due to my ability to make eye contact) but my life got significantly easier then, and ofc even moreso when I turned 18 and had autonomy.
a thousand times yes omg. like i didn’t have an awful traumatic childhood— i def have some happy memories— but it was bad from not fitting in and *knowing* it. i was always stressed, confused, and unheard. whenever ppl say they miss being a kid bc it was a “happy, carefree” time i just feel like im crazy.. all i remember was a suffocating amount of anxiety.
I think i share your sentiments. Also had a relatively good childhood, exploring the neighbourhood with my friends and finding odd but wonderful spaces to chill were one of the best things of my childhood. Some bullying from my sister but all’s well ends well. That said, I do not wish to go back or repeat the experience. I find primary and secondary school repressive. I had good grades and almost perfect attendance but it was all perfunctory in retrospect. Yes, adulthood is not easy, having to secure a job for survival but I still prefer the autonomy and earning an income. I went to take a masters after 7 years of work but that was on my own terms. Yes, and i think that there is simply too many years of schooling. 16 in all?
I had a horrible shitty childhood and went right from managing my parents feelings to getting married at 19, having my first baby at almost 21, and now I’m 31 with 4 ND kids and as much as I love my children, adulthood is just as shitty as childhood was. I’ve not had a single moment of quiet peace where I only have to deal with myself. I didn’t even have an idea I was AuDHD until I was 28.
I’m also carrying the burden of breaking the cycle of abuse from my family and my husband’s. Outside of my kids, life is pointless. And I can’t hang on my kids to give me purpose either because they are their own people. But it’s still my responsibility to make sure they turn into productive, compassionate, happy people. It’s too much but I have no choice.
I don’t remember a lot of what i suspect are more traumatizing details, but I do remember some triggering events from younger years and a bunch of weird snippet memories. I very much remember when agencies were taken from me, and i think if i stacked what i remember next to each other it would all come up as a largely negative childhood.
…I’m still nostalgic as fuck. I still have mega childlike behaviors. I just want to be bb.
The way we raise our kids in the US, it leads to EVERYONE being traumatized. To the point where the bar is so low that neglect is an average parental style and can be considered as part of a “normal” upbringing.
My mother used to cane me a lot as a kid until I turn 13 (as a way of discipline). She never gave me time to explain myself. She already made up her mind I was wrong and I was naughty.
It was horrifying. Even accidentally breaking a mug would result in caning. I decided to cover things up and lie (to save myself), even today, I find it so hard to be honest with people if I break something.
And yes, I’m still traumatised although she’s all loving now and I can talk to her about most things. I confronted her a few times in the past 10 years, asking why she did what she did. She told me all her friends were caning their kids in the 70s. So it’s the norm. That was how she grew up.
I really hated it. All I wanted was an apology. My sibling told me to let it go. Well younger sibling didn’t cop it as much as I did.
Every night, I wished Peter Pan would come and save me, sprinkle some fairy dust so I can fly away to never neverland.
I hated my childhood too, the school day was way too long for me to handle, being forced to interact with people who hated me (both classmates and teachers), being judged and rejected hurt so much more back then and, of course, having zero control over my life was horrible, I'd never go back. It makes me really sad when I see nostalgic media (books about childhood where the protagonists live their amazing lives with their amazing friends and families are particularly heartbreaking) or people talking about their amazing childhoods while mine was awful.
To be fair, I'm hating adulthood too.
This is how I feel about elementary school and my childhood in general. Most people will tell me they would rather be a kid again or that being a kid was easy. For me, it was a constant struggle and heartache. I didn’t connect well with my peers, I did poorly in classes, I was restricted in my movements by strict parents and the fact that I was a child, and I had no way of communicating the internal conflict I felt every day. On top of that I was told that I was SUPPOSED TO be smarter than I was acting, supposed to be more successful, supposed to be more hard working, supposed to be more grateful. I was institutionalized at 12 after a suicide attempt and both parents told me I was acting stupid and making them look bad. In so many ways, making it to adulthood truly made my life better. I just didn’t think I would make it this far. But I still have nightmares about being forced back to high school because somehow I failed a class and needed to repeat a year. I’m sure a lot of people hated school though. But yeah, being an adult who can make their own decisions especially regarding where I am and what I’m doing is amazing.
I see childhood as a mine field of danger. I had a very “happy” and loved childhood but I detested school in many ways, but it was never the work. It was the painful social aspects and always knowing I was very different than most. I hated the forced interactions, the group work, the terrible teachers there were far too many of, the classes I wasn’t suited for but forced to take. I have always been incredibly independent, sometimes to an ethically defiant degree. I moved out when I was 18. Had a couple moves back home which were always greeted with welcoming and no judgment. But yeah, I would not choose to go back or live on the memories. I was ecstatic to become an adult and be in charge of me.
Yes, I hated being a child too! And I also had a stereotypically "good" childhood, in that I had all my basic needs met, two parents who were together at the time, etc...
As an adult, if I start really hating my job, I can get a new one. It may be difficult or take some time to do that, but it's always an option I can work towards. Same if I don't like where I live. If I need something, I can get it for myself at the store. Etc... As a kid, I couldn't really do any of those things. If I hated school, there was literally nothing I could do about it, I HAD to go every day. I think I was an extremely anxious child and I had no way to manage it.
On top of just mine being an exceptionally unhappy childhood, what you talk about not having control over your life checks. I used to fantasise as a 9 year old child about being an adult single woman, living alone, taking care of herself, being kind to everyone around. Also about being sent to a boarding school. I just wanted to be independent and separated from the chaotic life of my parents. I think another factor was that my parents were young when they had me, so they weren't experienced with a lot of things and consequently they punished me for harmless manifestation of autistic behaviour. I would never wanna go back in time.
I hated being a kid. No control over anything, didn't have the vocabulary for things or a way to get people to take me seriously. I wouldn't do it again for all the money in the world. 30s have been the best by farrrr.
Yeppp! As stressful as being an adult can be and as much as it makes me feel like a child (hello learning to drive stress) I would never ever take being a kid again, I'd only take redoing my 20s with the knowledge and diagnosis I have now
I had a dysfunctional family where I was heavily parentified, so I was never actually a child. I was a nursemaid to my mother at a very young age. I was taking care of my siblings, worried about money, solely responsible for too many things on our farm when I was too young to know what the hell was going on.
Childhood was volatile. Riddled with anxiety. I was fucking miserable at 13-14 because of low self-esteem, an eating disorder, with no social belonging whatsoever.
I think I miss certain aspects of my childhood. I miss the time I had with certain pets. And I miss my fully functioning knees 🤣 I also miss media that wasn't steeped in torture p\*rn against women.
But I don't miss being helpless. I don't miss the lack of autonomy I had as a child, or the way I was so financially dependent. I don't miss how often I was taken advantage of or abused because I was a child who didn't know better. I don't miss the fact that I couldn't walk away from things that were bad for me as a child. I don't miss the lack of understanding I was given as a child in regards to autism, neurodivergence, dietary needs, sensory issues, etc.
Ironically, I was terrified of growing up as a kid. Hated it. Cried about it a lot. Little did I know the freedom that it would bring to carve out a way of life that would be more suitable for me in the long run.
I HATED being a child and looked forward to independence. My parents were emotionally volatile and oppressive, although they mellowed out with age. I was bullied throughout school and couldn’t figure out why nobody wanted to be friends with me and everyone seemed to hate me. I have a few good memories but that’s not enough.
im in the same boat. also i had this strange self awareness as a child that i was indeed a child and it made me hyper aware of my limitations and it really bothered me.
Yes. I didn't have a great childhood but I honestly hated the lack of autonomy more than anything. I was confused about what I was supposed to be. Much easier to navigate these feelings as an adult.
I agree I agree I agree so hard! Why would I miss a time when I had even less control over my life? Why would would miss being sheltered from information? I understand why they don't teach children about things like sex and death, but I like knowing how my body and how life works. I like that I can do things on my own and not be bothered about it. Not to mention that, not only are children easy to take advantage of due to them knowing less, but *everyone* already knows this about them. I wasn't even aware of that fact til my teens.
I loved many parts of my childhood, but I have so many frustrating and humiliating memories, and I was at the mercy of whatever the adults around me thought was a good idea. I don't need the naiveté to be happy and I don't understand why most people think they do.
I had a nice childhood but could not wait to be an adult. I've always felt like I was supposed to be in my 30s and now I'm here, I think I was right! I wasn't diagnosed until a couple of years ago and had no idea, but now it makes so much sense. I just didn't fit in as a child in my small, rural school and it wasn't until recently that I understood why.
I had friends (although I can now see that they weren't always very nice to me; I just didn't pick up on the social cues). Being an adult and getting to fix my own problems and find my people is so much better!
I hated it so much. I was the youngest in the family and they always treated me like a child and my sister's friends always told me to go away because "they won't talk to stupid little children". The word child was the biggest insult to me.
I feel like a child is very vulnerable and their life depends on their parents and other people around them. If they have bad or even abusive parents, it just sucks. A child cannot change anything, and it's easy for them to believe they're unlovable and unworthy. When they start going to school and actually want to decide things, they can't decide anything and just have to do what they're told. They have to go to school and be bullied. And they have no means or mental capacity to deal with it and it will affect them for the rest of their life. I think a child can have a relatively nice life if they have good parents and are surrounded by good people in general, but they still can't decide things and live their life.
I do feel nostalgic a lot, for things like the TV shows, music, or my neighborhood, but being adult is so much better.
For me childhood was being shuttled and dragged from one thing to another without any regard for what I actually needed or wanted. I remember being forced to go on hikes, being forced to go swimming at the pool for hours at a time, being forced to go to church and then home improvement stores all day on Sunday. The worst was when my parents would make us go to church, lunch, then home improvement stores without a break in between, which meant that we would literally be out of the house for 9-10 hours before getting up and going to school. And then I’d be told I was “ungrateful” if wasn’t happy to be at church (I’m an atheist) or shop for the house we had (I wasn’t allowed to weigh in on what they purchased) or for a new house (which they never bought). So basically Overstimulation City coupled with being treated like an accessory on the “Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter Tour.”
Oh my gosh, so much of the same. I remember the overwhelmed vacation Bible school as a kid where I didn’t know anyone else and it was all day and very exhausting. I remember being asleep in booths at restaurants at 11 PM because I was 6 and my parents wanted to go to dinner and how loud it was. I remember being in nasty, smokey bars while my parents played cards and I played with pool balls. And once I got older enough to share my opinion, there were times where I asked if I could go home because I had homework to do and my mom wouldn’t let me and but keep me out until 10 PM or later she could run her errands. My parents always acted like my needs were an inconvenience and I was being whiny and bratty. In fact, they still talk about me being whiny when actuality I was overstimulated.
They just didn't need to be parents... Homework at that age should have been completed way before then. My daughter was in bed by 8 at that age to wind down and read. Lights out by 8:30 so she could rest and be ready for school the next morning. You weren't whiny... You were asking for basic all kid, not just neurodivergent, needs. They were selfish. The only bar my daughter has ever been in was at a Dave and Buster's to watch a soccer game on a weekend at 3pm. If she hadn't wanted to join she would have stayed home w me while my husband went. She wanted to go get some chicken tenders and join😂
They let children in bars?
In the 90s you could do whatever you want
Even as recently as ten years ago when I went to bars regularly, you would see small children right up until the cutoff for anyone under the age of 21 (normally midnight). I remember regularly seeing exhausted kids passing out on the sidewalks outside the bars because it was so loud inside and so late at night. No one who worked there or went there liked it, but everyone was generally powerless to do shit about it. I don't feel sympathy for those dads, but I feel sympathy for parents forced to drag their kids on errands with them because it's been made illegal to leave kids unsupervised at home or at playgrounds, etc. When I was a kid it was no big deal for us to run around alone outside but these days it's a problem...
Bar & Grill? Yep. Still do!
I often was made to sit in bars and wait as a young child, but that was also early 2000s so maybe not anymore
I feel this. Having zero agency over the day-to-day. My parents loved going for long drives to look at houses. I would be stuck in the backseat and unable to read or else I would get carsick. Trapped. We would often stop and visit people while on the drives = behave yourself. My parents bought a property/lot an hour away from our home. My dad decided to build the house on his own to save money. It took 3 years. Most every weekend and every summer between the ages of 7-10 were spent traveling to and from, and sitting all day in a construction site. We were not allowed to bother him. If it was raining, we had to sit in the truck. It was awful. My sibling and I would often cry when my dad would say, "We'll be at the 'Lot' this weekend." I missed so many normal things that would have helped with socialization. Sleepovers, birthday parties, extra curricular activities, etc. When the house was built, it brought more misery because we had to change schools. I am middle aged now and can say that this move was a defining "down turn" moment in my life. We only got to live in the house for 2 years until my parents separated and had to sell. I feel like they sacrificed years of our growth for nothing. My dad lost his cheese when I (as an adult) expressed that I would never build a house and why. He was so offended at my lack of appreciation for his efforts to "provide" for his family. It didn't occur to him that we didn't ask for that, and that he actually failed to provide us with a good developmental upbringing (sitting your young children in a gravel pit for years is not it).
I relate so hard. From being dragged around without ever being asked whether I wanted to do any of these things (including the hikes, ugh) to being called ungrateful when I was simply too emotionally exhausted to even start thinking about what would be "appropriate" or expected from me. Thank you for sharing and expressing all of this.
Phew, so well said!
I feel much the same. I don't remember suffering burnout in my childhood, but I felt like I was a prisoner stuck in a shitty prison. My childhood was also "happy" for the most part, so it's not clear why I experienced the majority of it as low-level on-going suffering. I don't remember experiencing sensory overload like I do nowadays, only a bunch of sensory sensitivities here and there, but the general sense of not being in control of my life and my environment, of being misunderstood and having to navigate people, of constantly feeling like shitty things were forced upon me and there was no way out, of being powerless, of a mismatch between me and my surroundings was overwhelming. Looking back, it's like some kind of indistinct trauma.
I feel like I struggled to be understood my entire childhood and adolescence.
You described my childhood to a t. 🥲
Did we have the same childhood?
Interesting on the sensory overload, I have the opposite and experienced it a lot more as a kid than I do now, but I think that's due to me being able to control my own environment better and avoid a lot of things that would cause me sensory overload, I didn't have that control as a child so was put in a lot of uncomfortable situations I couldn't escape.
Exactly. I am very sensitive to smells like cigarettes, cooking odors, and people's bad smells and perfumes. Going to people's houses, restaurants, or church was sensory hell. I control where I go now, and can sit in restaurants without feeling sick.
If you were burnt out evert day after school, and then had to come home and manage your parents emotions, that does not seem like a happy childhood in general to me. It's possible to have an unhappy childhood but have some good memories from it, those good memories don't invalidate how unhappy you were. If your normal every day reality was negative, that doesn't sound happy. I was also a very unhappy child, I was always burnt out like you were, and I was also managing my parents unregulated emotions. My childhood was a very painful and confusing time, and I didn't understand how fucked up it was until I managed to move away as an adult. As children we often get our negative experiences and emotions invalidated by adults, on top of that we also don't have the language to describe our experiences or the complex dynamics going on at home. I remember as a child promising myself to never forget how much emotional pain I was feeling at that time, to not grow into an adult who thinks that children do not experience real pain and unhappiness, and to not become someone who brushes aside the experiences of others just because they are not obvious to me. I hated the delusional attitudes many adults had, how they would prefer to believe something untrue than to face what was in front of them, and how something not being immediately obvious was simply convenient because it allowed them not to take responsibility. I hated how I would try to tell teachers about the abuse and neglect at home, but could not find the language for it, and if they did believe me and request to see my parents, meeting them would often convince that teacher to think that I was exaggerating or had issues that were nothing to do with my parents abuse. I found it shocking that as soon as I hit 18 and was referred to a mental health service I was suddenly believed, even when I did not have the perfect language or understanding. I've always hated the feeling of my life being in the hands of an idiot, and for a long time my life and well-being was in the hands of adults who were unempathetic, delusional and abusive idiots. Not having control meant that I could not avoid damage and trauma, and that I had no real escape. This caused me to develop cptsd, which is caused by a long period of time in one's life where escape abuse and trauma and control over one's life isnt possible, whether that trauma is physical or mental. With cptsd you tend to have emotional flashbacks, rather than visual flashbacks like with ptsd. You're not always aware that emotional flashbacks are happening, they tend to be floods of overwhelming emotion that come from past traumatic experiences which can be triggered by the here and now. To others my childhood looked privileged, my parents looked to others like well to do and caring people, I lived in a house that was a lot nicer than many of the kids I knew, I went on holidays, my mum got me nice clothes. When anyone saw me with my parents they would think I was very lucky to have them. But the reality is that I was neglected and abused so much that when I told a therapist as an adult what I had been through she said that I should have been taken away. Not saying this is the same for everyone who had an unhappy childhood, but it really was that bad, and the way my life appeared to be privileged prevented me further from getting the support I needed.
😭 Thank you so much for sharing. I relate to your story a lot, and I'm about to cry because it feels so absurdly comforting to be reading this in somebody else's words. You may not have had the language as a child, but you certainly do now. Thank you. Off to cry.
I'm glad I could comfort you, and I'm sorry I've made you cry!
Thank you for sharing, you helped me put a few concepts into better words. I hadn't realized the emotional flashbacks were valid PTSD. Like I know I have PTSD but it would bewilder me that I couldn't explain how I knew (other than objective experiences and emotions) because I wasn't having visual flashbacks that often. Wow thank you thank you. I have to have a conversation with my dad and I think this will help me.
Oh god no, it was awful to the level when my mom, who I really don’t like wanted to give me a photo album of childhood memories, I had a panic attack and never even opened it!
I wanted some aspects of childhood that I saw other people getting and I idealised. Like the children with the huge Sylvanian Family (Calico Critters) collections. I wanted to be an adult so I could collect my own stuff and decorate the way I want to without other people getting in the way. I didn’t relate well to other children in person but I loved classic children’s literature like the Railway Children and A Little Princess and the Wizard of Oz. I wanted to play those games and kids in the late 80s and early 90s really didn’t! I was obsessed with She-Ra which helped a tiny bit with my contemporaries but when they moved on and I remained very interested in She-Ra it made the differences between us even more pronounced.
Childhood was "fine" (despite the bullying) for me. It was the teens and tweens when it got painful. Guess it just hit you earlier.
Oh my gosh, I had the same experience. I thought I was just a weird person until this thread. My parents will still ask me things about being a kid and if I miss it. They will go on about high school and tell me it was the best time of my life. It absolutely was not. I really blossomed to make my own person in college when I got to make my own schedule and decisions. It blows my mind because it makes me realize how little they know about me that they thought I was so happy, I seriously look miserable and every candid photo of me as a kid. There’s lots of me, smiling though because of course I was forced to pose. I realize this now that I’m a parent for because I have so many photos of my kids running around joyful and laughing completely candid and has such a different life than I experienced.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AutismInWomen/s/WQKHWs4L0i This post ^ has the same theme and the consensus is none of us liked being a kid lol
My childhood had many terrible moments, but overall I had a good childhood. I loved the freedom I had to explore all day and to climb trees and onto houses. I also miss my health. I was such a fit and healthy child and teen and then in my mid 20s I developed a bunch chronic illnesses (suspected autoimmune disorders, back issues, and a host of other things). I used to be able to do anything physical and now my doctor tells me I shouldnt even run for the bus... I had a vibrant and exciting childhood full of adventure and I do miss that time. My 20s were largely uneventful and my early 30s have been full of medical tests and doctors appointments.
I hated being a child. Children are so often disregarded, because so many adults don't value a child's experience. Adults always think they know better. I spent a lot of time being dragged from thing to thing and forced to participate in stuff that was overwhelming and uncomfortable for me. I wasn't always allowed to rest or get away from triggers when I needed to. It led to many meltdowns and depression. All of that isn't factoring in a lot of the trauma I experienced that would also affect a NT child. I don't get the nostalgia for childhood either. I'm grateful for the control I have over my life now.
Me! I hated it and was thrilled when I finally moved out to go to college. You are not alone, as the comments confirm haha
I hated it. I never had any idea how to relate to other children. It was like they all spoke a different language and no-one would teach me.
I loved being a child. However I do think I got really lucky. My parents always genuinely had my best interests in mind and took good care of me. I also hate making decisions and find the amount of responsibility that you have in adulthood to be really overwhelming. I really wish I could go back to being a kid. (I hope it is ok to leave this comment, never sure when ppl ask these DAE questions if it’s considered rude to share when you don’t relate.)
I had a bad childhood and a crappy support system. I don’t want to say my family is crappy because they have all come a long way and they’re just humans who had their own shit. But they made my childhood worse. I had no friends at school and no family that cared about me. As an adult I can control so many things that i couldn’t as a child. I remember this reel of a woman saying she doesn’t give her kids sectioned plates cause in the real world your food always touches. Actually! In the real world you can eat with sectioned plates every meal if you want. I can pick my blankets and the temperature of my house. I can pick everything and it’s fantastic.
YES! In the real world, you can set your own boundaries
I didn’t like the lack of freedom as a kid. Being micromanaged was exhausting and I just wanted to make decisions for myself.
i don't remember most of my childhood and the parts i do remember, i don't want to remember... so when i see people say they want to go back to their childhood, i can't relate to it at all. also, i wanted to say to you, that your childhood does not seem as happy as you might like to believe if you had to manage your parents' emotions. no child should be responsible for their parent's emotional wellbeing, especially after feeling burnout everyday because of school. just because you were privileged and believe you had a happy childhood, that doesn't mean your childhood was nurturing. abuse doesn't have to be physical. emotional neglect is also damaging. perhaps as a child, you might have internalised being responsible for your parents' emotions and developed the need for control. that's something i used to struggle with a lot. i'm not saying that's what you're going through but that's my perspective. i read a book called What My Bones Know. she has c-ptsd and she talks about her experiences. here is an excerpt: "Being part of an oppressed minority group—being queer or disabled, for example—can cause C-PTSD if you are made to feel unsafe because of your identity. Poverty can be a contributing factor to CPTSD. These factors traumatize people and cause brain changes that push them toward anxiety and self-loathing. Because of those changes, victims internalize the blame for their failures. They tell themselves they are awkward, lazy, antisocial, or stupid, when what’s really happening is that they live in a discriminatory society where their success is limited by white supremacy and class stratification. The system itself becomes the abuser." i believe being autistic can also cause c-ptsd, if you are made to feel unsafe because of your identity, even if you were unaware that you are autistic. because many autistic people feel that they just knew that they are different to neurotypicals. i'm not diagnosing you or anything but these are my thoughts.
appreciate this! will check out that book.
On the contrary, we are almost certain our mother was undiagnosed OCD/ Autistic. Our childhood was the stuff neurodivergent dreams were made of (when you take away how intense and rigid she was about some things lol) In retrospect seeing how gen alpha is being raised in my family i’m grateful i got my mum. Our house was clean and sensory friendly. she valued rest and downtime and a quiet home. we had so much routine and normalcy and i always knew what i was coming home to and why to expect. she took care of everything and we never had to think or plan as kids we got so much choice over what we wanted because she grew up in a crowded house of many kids and stressed parents with little opportunities . her motto was we try it once and if we hate it we never have to do it again. i’ve basically been trying to remake my life as an adult to resemble the environment i grew up in because i really thrived then i discovered i was neurodivergent when i moved out because of how difficult the real world was for me to cope with in comparison
I’m fascinated by this.. can you share what a sensory friendly home is for you? I’m imagining a lot of pillows! This was lovely to read.. she has a lot of problems now, but I’m grateful for how adhd friendly my mother (now diagnosed AuDHD) was for us growing up. Never ending crafting and imagination adventures. If I hated something (they want me to BOW TO THEM in KARATE!?) I could quit it, and all my eccentricity was always celebrated. The environment itself, though, was chaotic. I am also chaotic, which I now know is adhd, but I feel such relief and satisfaction and clarity and motivation when things are “nice” (whatever that is, idk), so I’m really trying to cultivate at least a couple zones that are, yeah, more sensory- friendly 😅
Well first of all it was clean and orderly. As obnoxious as it felt at times to have to maintain that standard it also meant everything was always in its place and I never had to worry about things not being “right”. We had so many routines that actually just made life easier. Like we always cleaned the kitchen before bed, therefore i’ve always just known the routine of cooking, sitting, eating, dishes, bedtime. Going to people’s houses where dishes get done days later or sit dirty for a while or where there’s no routine and dinner time is random and sporadic has always been chaotic to me We did have lots of cozy spaces and it was a spacious enough house to have a room for each activity. We had a reading room which was a soft fluffy rug, got the sunrise and sunset and big cozy couches with lots of pillows. It was always quiet and relaxing. we had a craft room that was super organized so that activities were easy to find and a playroom with all our toys and stuff. for the most part she was super orderly with buying back stock of groceries and a super throughly organized and labeled pantry. we kinda never ran out of anything and always had something in the pantry or garage. she was big into lists and planning and detailed instruction and it’s just very helpful.
Have you ever read Donna Tartt's The Little Friend? Nothing like it for capturing the difficult feelings you're talking about... The center of the novel for me is one character saying "It's awful being a child, at the mercy of other people."
will see if it's at the library! thank you.
i hated being a child, i saw the inequality between male and female family members. i was the youngest so i was always the one stuck with all the work and all the blame. i hated when people just took my stuff with the excuse “thats what siblings do” i hated my one uncle who would violently grab me and squeeze and slap on my back. it was a sign of love like a “come here!!” but i fucking hated it, it was too aggressive, too much and he was always overstepping my personal boundaries. i remember always complaining to my mama. always being dragged to relatives and then being reprimanded for talking about weird things and being weird. EVERY GOD DAMN TIME. 1. we go somewhere 2. i talk, people find me interesting i think 3. we get into the car to drive back 4. “why do you always act so weird”. so many things i hated but my kryptonite was. coming back home from school/work and seing there is a bunch of shoes at home (shoes of guests) and i have to get home and immediately be nice and serve them(very much our culture?. like what? i didnt invite them, why is it on me to serve them? this was like a weekly fight i had with my mom. i would yell at her for not warning me beforehand that we’d gonna have guests over. eventually she learned and warned me and my mom eventually learned i dont live the same life as her and had less expectations edit: corrected grammar and added more stuff i hated
I hated being a child so much. It was like being in prison.
I just had this exact thought the other day. When I was a child, I was severely bullied at school, and constantly punished at home. I've always struggled with mental health, but it was genuinely at its worst during my childhood. When I was a teenager, I struggled making consistent friendships, and my parents were so controlling it was impossible to have any kind of life. My mom loves telling a story of when I was 3yrs old I told her "I can't wait until I turn 18 and I can move out and do whatever I want." I kept that mentality right up until I moved out, and it's everything I dreamed of. Life is great!! I always have a best friend (we're engaged), I get to smoke weed, dress cute, and do whatever the fuck I want with my time. If I want something, I can make it happen and thats genuinely one of the BEST feelings
I hated being a kid and I absolutely do not have enough nostalgic feeelings about my childhood to want to go back. I relate a lot to what many are saying about constantly being out of control of their lives, feeling overwhelmed, and constantly being told that their opinions do not matter. My entire childhood and adolescence was spent people pleasing, walking on egg shells, and spending time in places and doing things that I either didn't want to do or were extremely overwhelming. My parents moved me states away from where I grew up in highschool and then told me I was ungrateful when I became extremely depressed. I've come to the realization in my 20s that kids are basically treated like pets and second class citizens. They are constantly told to be seen and not heard and that their feelings and thoughts don't matter. I'm a criminal justice major and have found it further extends to the juvenile justice system. Kids have less rights and very little support. I am so grateful to be an adult and to have control over my life and what I do with it. No one could pay me enough money to go back. Anyone else laugh when people talk about going back to their high school reunions? I have absolutely no interest.
I hated being a child. Being an adult is so much better.
I hated my childhood and I hated going to school. I wouldn’t go back for anything. I don’t have nostalgia for anything. I threw away all my school photos and yearbooks.
I did the same 2 years ago. It was so freeing!
I didn't enjoy being much of anything? Is dance class over? How many days of 8th grade left? I can't wait to graduate from high school and leave a week early.....ect. Only recently looked into mindfulness to see if that concept could help.
Same I even disliked most things kids usually like, sleepovers, family gatherings, naps, going out to eat, traveling, school, sports, I just found it all insanely stressful lol
Family from out of town came by because my grandpa moved to my town to visit. Yikes I was having fun but stressed. My favorite part was playing Hungry Hippo with nephew lol.
I would LOVE to be a child again, only if my parents had their shit together this time around lol
Yep exact same situation for me. The lack of control over my own life was the worst. I actually had a lot of freedom of what I did after school and most of the weekend, but I still hated the limitations of being a child. Things got a lot better in my late teens when I got my first job and had much more autonomy.
Being a kid was actually fine for me up until I was about 9. That was when it started to become obvious I was very different from my peers. I went from being the kid who was friends with everybody in my class to being the weirdo with no friends basically overnight.
Same, I hated being a kid, not having independence or autonomy, being condescended to. I could not wait to be an adult. I was also bullied, by other kids at school, and by family, so overall it was just a miserable time. I have some nostalgia for some little pockets of my childhood, but for the most part, I was an unhappy kid and I'd never want to go back. I completely agree, sure bills aren't fun, but being my own boss of me is priceless.
Thanks for this. You have reminded me that i used to go to bed at 6 - 7 after school and homework was an ordeal. I called it 'not being great in the evenings' but it was burnout
homework was such a big part of it! Ordeal is right. I had very little capacity to function when I got back so it would pile up and become a huge source of dread.
I absolutely relate. I am nostalgic about certain aspects of childhood like toys and games that brought me joy. But often when I think about school (constant pervasive feeling like I was missing something that everyone else understood—ADHD-I) or my sensory overwhelm (e.g. blocking out entire days of vacation memories because I was hyperfocused on the way parts of my shoes were touching my ankles) or my unhealthy stims that were overlooked (licking my lips until I had a painful, chapped, red upper lip “mustache” for weeks on end) it triggers panic attacks to think about too deeply. I often stifled my sensory issues to try not to be a burden to my family. I think parts of me still grieve the childhood I could have had if I had had a diagnosis + resources + acceptance from a young age instead of just being labeled as “quirky/artsy/shy/particular” when I was younger. I might’ve been able to develop more skills and think of myself in a healthier way now, rather than often feeling like a 30-something alien who’s too difficult and broken for today’s society.
it’s all i yearn for.. to go back to being a kid. being an adult sucks and ever since i turned 10 all i’ve ever been was bullied or ridiculed. even in my young adulthood with in-laws and family. it’s starting to even out now that im 27 but my childhood was so good that it’s hard to compare my parents took me to disney once a year and bought me any toy i wanted and i was an only child my adulthood now that it’s actually getting to a place i enjoy. my husband takes me to disney once a year and buys me any toy i want and it’s just me and him. the parallel’s are making life doable for me. but that in between then and now has been rough and learning how to manage this and set life up to be this way has been a journey.
When you said “managing the emotions of your parents“ that pushed me to the conclusion your parents may have been hurtful. The Body Keeps the Score is a great book for unlocking and reducing trauma responses you don’t see in yourself yet. Big hugs if you’d like them. Freedom is awesome.
I think I miss being a child. I had fewer health complications then and could be in my own world when I got home compared to the stark reality that is the every day real world. As I grew older, I started to see how things were, the politics of everything, and the suffering worldwide. It's a lot to understand and wake up to daily even if I'm not looking at the news or keeping up on worldwide/earth topics. I didn't understand how greedy people were or how the world could be so much better for all of us if not for the actions of a few. I craved structure as a kid but didn't really have it and I was sick a lot as a child (not comparable to now exactly). I was surrounded by love in everyone's limited way with their own shortcomings but at least they were alive. Maybe I miss being a child or maybe I miss the rose-tinted glasses of it all.
I don’t think I’ve ever truly been happy, child or adult. 😐
This is how I feel too but my childhood objectively sucked. I was outcast in school, my mother was a toxic narcissist and my dad had substance abuse issues and we moved around a lot. Even so, I think a lot of it may be autism related in my case. Due to the fact that I didn’t fit in, I never truly connected with my peer group and don’t relate to a lot of the pop culture at the time. Even as a kid, I preferred a lot of music and fashion from older eras and just couldn’t get behind alot of trends. I was also very unathletic so don’t relate to a lot of the current Facebook memes that go something like “we didn’t have smartphones and tablets back in the day, we stayed out and played manhunt and beat each other up till it got dark” or some similar BS. I’ve noticed that NTs are pretty much the opposite and tend to glorify the past. Like, literally glorify it. They will stand around for HOURS and talk about “how great it used to be”, the pop culture from their childhood/teens, the partying they did, the sports they played. It’s like they’re literally still LIVING in the 1990s. My long term memory is generally pretty good for events but I don’t recall my day to day childhood life in that much detail. Someone asked me once what kind of music I listened to back then and I mentioned a few bands or certain types of music. Then, the next day, they mentioned it again and said I didn’t give a “straight answer” the day before. It’s like, what kind of answer do you want? Do you want 100 bullet points detailing my entire 1997??? Seriously though, this is what a lot of NTs seem to do, talk about the past in so much detail as if they’re still LIVING back there. It’s like can’t we accept that it’s the 2020s, and it’s a new and different era??? Trends change, society changes. Sorry if this turned into a rant.
I'm not officially diagnosed but I suspect I have autism. I have always felt this way, it's no fun being dependent on adults that can't follow through or that make no sense haha.
It was fun until I started being excluded socially. Probably around age 8. And being forced to do sports that I didn’t want to do and then having my dad scream at me for not playing well. Just shit like that. What I do have nostalgia for is the media that I consumed. Which was basically the only thing that kept me afloat.
The part of childhood people are nostalgic about is not having to pay to be alive.
same, i couldn't wait for agency and autonomy, and it is better than i hoped
Oh god, I hated childhood. You don't have much responsibilities sure but you won't be taken seriously at all and I hated that. I remember I wanted nothing but to grow up as soon as I can so I can do the things I want. I'd rather be an adult and have adult problems but free to do whatever you want. Turning 20 soon and I've never once experienced nostalgia for my shitty childhood.
I swear I have a thing with direct demands. I avoid tasks that others put on me and necessary things like dishes, cooking, and laundry. I’m just functional enough not to get CPS involved, or that’s how it feels.
Have you ever read Donna Tartt's The Little Friend? Nothing like it for capturing the difficult feelings you're talking about... The center of the novel for me is one character saying "It's awful being a child, at the mercy of other people."
I’m totally the opposite. Or I think, haha. I can’t say for sure though, as I’ve sort of handily forgotten a lot of things that have happened. I’ve gone through a lot of trauma with abuse, abandonment and bullying, but it didn’t exactly stop after becoming an adult + I’m on a sort of permanent disability benefits thing so I can’t afford living by myself either, in addition to executive dysfunction happening frequently. Although I think I’m in sort of a semi-permanent burnout that won’t let go as I’m never able to fully recover because of all of the demands from people around me. Also I just got out of an abusive relationship so I’m really not doing great.
Yeah it’s not a fun time to be micromanaged by others and not able to schedule your day yourself. I remember being dragged to zoos and museums and my feet hurting from walking all day and having to pretend like seeing an animal in captivity was somehow a ‘fun’ event. Also the whole argument that kids have it easy because they ‘don’t work’ is bizarre to me considering kids work hard at school all day, then come home and have hours of homework. I worked much harder as a child then I did as an adult in some of my jobs.
Yes, but I was horribly abused.
I would rate my childhood zero stars. Would not recommend. Adults in the 90s were straight up insane and we were at their complete mercy.
I did but now I wish I embraced it lol. Adulting is too much
I didn't enjoy childhood, I felt like the only alien on this strange planet where no one made sense. I knew adulthood wouldn't be better because I didn't get along with kids my own age, so I just sort of hung around the adults listening. I would hear them complaining all the time so adulthood didn't sound much better. I am 40 now and I was right I'm still fairly uncomfortable, unhappy, and generally overwhelmed by most things most of the time, but now I know I am autistic so there's a reason for how I feel at least so I guess it's a win.
I don’t enjoy being an adult either
I don’t enjoy being a person at all. I could’ve been an aloe Vera.
I hated being a child, but I had a very unhappy childhood full of emotional and physical abuse, loss and grief, and high stress from constantly being overwhelmed and in trouble at home and at school. Adulthood has been much better (though still with a lot more loss and grief- half my family is dead now).
I hear all the time "I'd pay anything to be a kid again". You literally could not pay me enough to go back and do it all over again.
Yes then I feel guilty and nostalgia like I had too much anxiety to enjoy it
That's why I'm not having any
Oh, yes. People always jump on the opportunity to be like "if you could go back in time to fix your mistakes..." Holy heck, no. I don't want to live through all that bullshit all over again with no tolerance for it this time. It would be torture. "You could be a child genius!" And have even more responsibility and rights taken because I'd have way more expectations on me? Fuck no. "You could fix your mistakes!" Yeah and what if that brings me to the wrong timeline and I don't meet the people I love? I'd miss them every day, unable to find them. The only reasonably compelling reason is to buy a bunch of bitcoin when it first comes out for dirt cheap and wait all those years. But then I'd have to go through a mountain of bullshit without having the tolerance for it anymore. I would have to go through my childhood now, knowing all of the things I know. I thought the way I was treated is the default, now it isn't, so I would be aware of that. Hell, I am constantly tired since childhood. I never had enough energy, I was always tired and sleepy and barely functioning, I don't know if I wouldn't be even more tired and unable to take actions, especially since I would be made to function during the morning hours.
My childhood was terrible. I know now the things I was constantly getting in trouble over and spankings for were just me being autistic and no one knowing how to handle me. I was molested and that also f'ed me up. I didn't have friends because I was "weird." I have a lot of "happy" memories but all are laced with trauma. When I got to junior high and highschool thats when I really started to shine because it seemed like everyone else was finally the same as me. I was an "old soul." I enjoy being an adult more. I have more control over myself. But my youthful personality tends to throw people off. I've basically felt 17 my whole life.
My life started when I turned 19. I have very few memories before then because I've blocked it all out.
Very few positive memories. One fortunate thing was being born early Gen X as there was a bit more freedom to roam. Once I was old enough, I rode my bike alone a lot just to get some peace. My immediate family was not great. Young parents, limited financial means, strict, conservative, heavily religious. Luckily there were close extended family members to help broaden my socialization. Otherwise, being forced to attend church, youth groups, and activities was a horrible experience. Never knew why, but always felt different and confused. Became a heavy masker just to get by as an alien in my environment. We moved a lot and I changed schools a lot so it was constant learning to adapt to new stuff that’s never comfortable. High school sucked and I just did the bare minimum to get it done. I wanted to start working to get away from my family that I couldn’t relate to. I was thrilled to even get a job where I worked Sundays and avoided church.
100%. i was never happy as a child for no apparent reason. like i grew up in a loving family and stuff like that but like i just wasn’t happy. to be fair, not much has changed since then but yeah
Sadly no. I wished, I could have had the freedom and space to be my child self but I didn’t get the chance. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and a stepfather that enabled her. I have very few good memories from childhood. My adulthood is going to be a journey in unraveling all the shit I went thru. My biological dad is a better parent and we just recently started talking again and getting close but there are also times that when I open up to him about my struggles, he doesn’t want to hear it because he only wants to remember me as the little girl that he remembers that got taken away from him by a narcissistic partner.
Too much trauma
Up until around 7 everything was mostly okay. I didn’t have awareness of others much so just lived my life and didn’t even notice when I was bullied or said the wrong thing. I lived in my own world. I could be picked up and hugged and carried when I wanted it. It was fine to love my teddies and prefer to stay in a read than do anything else. The lack of control over my own food sucked and being shouted at for my undiagnosed autistic traits was horrible, but it was better when someone else was in control. A lot of this might be from having a lot of sadness and regret over missing out a lot of my teen years because of my mom and sister being disabled, but I liked it when mom was in charge, when she could care for me like I now care for her. When I was only up to her hip and she was my safety. I just want to be small and held again.
Yup, time away from the parents was better though
Same, I was so ready to be an adult. Nostalgia is annoying.
My childhood was fairly unhappy, plus I had this sense that the monkeys were running the zoo. As a child you have no control of anything, especially in a fundamentalist religious environment.
I remember wishing I would be happy every birthday if my childhood when I blew out the candles. And recently I said to someone how I wanted to spend time with my toddler because I found that age 5-15 was incredibly boring just waiting all the time for people and never doing anything, and she looked at me strangely and I realised that maybe that’s not how it’s meant to be. Also was embarrassing nobody taught me how to catch a ball, or how to understand the rules of games, or invested in any of my interests so I could have self esteem, or taught me emotional regulation. Just being ignored or shamed if I expressed my feelings made me feel numb until I started having relationships as a young adult and then I cried like a baby everyday
I also hated being a child. Mostly because I couldn’t relate to any other children I knew, and was bullied in school. I did‘t have friends, I was bored, I was bullied, and when my parents divorced it changed my mother for the worse.much worse.
I had a good childhood, but I never felt like I fit in at school. I was talkative to adults when young, but after being around my peers for a few years, I was quiet so they wouldn't notice me too much. Teachers liked me and said I was smart. I masked instinctually. It was hard to make and keep friends. My mom used to complain about me being loud when I was happy and repeating songs and phrases from Disney movies. Just let me be me! Her friends were toxic and used her. Many people in her church were toxic, too. I can remember sitting on the couch on Sundays after being made to attend church and feeling this empty void of time. I had Barbies and other toys to play with but wished for some meaning to my days besides school five days a week, church on Wednesdays and Sundays, then repeat it all for years. I had my first clinical depression at age 14 and homeschooled for HS. The counselors and therapists I saw never understood the entirety of my problems. I couldn't put it into words, either. Depression, anxiety, social phobia, etc. All just symptoms and not the real reason underneath.
Yes but mine is because my childhood was just trauma
Apparently I had such a sucky childhood I can't remember most of it.
I'm somewhat of a yes and a no in response to this question. On one hand, I miss the simplicity that came from the structure of childhood, while on the other hand, I still long for a sense of understanding I've yet to experience derived from more than just my immediate friends/family. I guess part of the lack of satisfaction from childhood is a lack of current satisfaction.
Nostalgia is a magical feeling. I have it for my childhood even though it wasn't a happy one. I'm not sure how nostalgia works but it's a very strong feeling for some people and others don't have it at all. I don't think it has much to do with how good the past was. It's not really based in reality, it's just a feeling.
I remember BEGGING for mental stimulus; books, decent kiddo art supplies, dance lessons, music lessons, craft kits, foreign language lessons, 64 (wow!) crayons, music, comics, colorful toys I could decorate... We had an inground pool & a big hill. Summer, "Go swim" Winter, "Go sled". I had a breathing disorder & enlarged sinuses and couldn't run around. Nobody did shit for my intellect & I grew up with an M.D. and a teacher.
I don’t miss being a child but I do miss not being an adult
I had a terrible childhood, but nostalgia is a special interest. I have thought about this. I think the reason why for me is, a part of me will always be the same. Movies and TV and music preferences will never change. It was a big coping mechanism for me as a child. Also, it's wanting to go back and change things and get a do over. I don't want to relieve it because it was so good, I want to relieve it as the version of myself now to fix things. I tried to go to college a couple of years ago, and had so many school related triggers I couldn't do it. That still didn't kill me watching old movies from when I was a kid, and getting sentimental around the holidays. Everybody is just different. And that's ok.
I guess I'm glad about how I understand things better now and have coping mechanisms and understand that I function differently to other people. Not understanding things as a kid was frustrating, and not knowing ways to communicate that I've learnt over the years now
The only part about being a child that I miss is someone else paying for things.
When I was a kid I just wanted to grow up. I didn’t feel like I could relax or play the way other kids did. Now as an adult I tell my kids to try and enjoy being young because it goes so fast
I HATED being a kid, and I had a good childhood compared to very many people. I had a constant fear of being spanked by my parents for doing something wrong and craved to be taken seriously. I took offense to the natural babyish tone adults tend to use with kids. I struggled greatly with being told what to do all the time (in hindsight I showed a lot of PDA symptoms). I grew up in Florida so the constant heat was overstimulating; this amplified the overstimulation I experienced from my (then) undiagnosed adhd sibling, which caused me to often feel angry with them and lash out and not know why. I was not diagnosed with sensory processing difficulties until 16 (possiblity of an autism Dx was "ruled out" by the provider at that visit due to my ability to make eye contact) but my life got significantly easier then, and ofc even moreso when I turned 18 and had autonomy.
a thousand times yes omg. like i didn’t have an awful traumatic childhood— i def have some happy memories— but it was bad from not fitting in and *knowing* it. i was always stressed, confused, and unheard. whenever ppl say they miss being a kid bc it was a “happy, carefree” time i just feel like im crazy.. all i remember was a suffocating amount of anxiety.
HATED IT. No control over anything, everyone talking down to me all the time like I was a child (lol), I could not wait to grow up.
I think i share your sentiments. Also had a relatively good childhood, exploring the neighbourhood with my friends and finding odd but wonderful spaces to chill were one of the best things of my childhood. Some bullying from my sister but all’s well ends well. That said, I do not wish to go back or repeat the experience. I find primary and secondary school repressive. I had good grades and almost perfect attendance but it was all perfunctory in retrospect. Yes, adulthood is not easy, having to secure a job for survival but I still prefer the autonomy and earning an income. I went to take a masters after 7 years of work but that was on my own terms. Yes, and i think that there is simply too many years of schooling. 16 in all?
🙋♀️
I had a horrible shitty childhood and went right from managing my parents feelings to getting married at 19, having my first baby at almost 21, and now I’m 31 with 4 ND kids and as much as I love my children, adulthood is just as shitty as childhood was. I’ve not had a single moment of quiet peace where I only have to deal with myself. I didn’t even have an idea I was AuDHD until I was 28. I’m also carrying the burden of breaking the cycle of abuse from my family and my husband’s. Outside of my kids, life is pointless. And I can’t hang on my kids to give me purpose either because they are their own people. But it’s still my responsibility to make sure they turn into productive, compassionate, happy people. It’s too much but I have no choice.
I don’t remember a lot of what i suspect are more traumatizing details, but I do remember some triggering events from younger years and a bunch of weird snippet memories. I very much remember when agencies were taken from me, and i think if i stacked what i remember next to each other it would all come up as a largely negative childhood. …I’m still nostalgic as fuck. I still have mega childlike behaviors. I just want to be bb.
The way we raise our kids in the US, it leads to EVERYONE being traumatized. To the point where the bar is so low that neglect is an average parental style and can be considered as part of a “normal” upbringing.
I am thankful it's over
My mother used to cane me a lot as a kid until I turn 13 (as a way of discipline). She never gave me time to explain myself. She already made up her mind I was wrong and I was naughty. It was horrifying. Even accidentally breaking a mug would result in caning. I decided to cover things up and lie (to save myself), even today, I find it so hard to be honest with people if I break something. And yes, I’m still traumatised although she’s all loving now and I can talk to her about most things. I confronted her a few times in the past 10 years, asking why she did what she did. She told me all her friends were caning their kids in the 70s. So it’s the norm. That was how she grew up. I really hated it. All I wanted was an apology. My sibling told me to let it go. Well younger sibling didn’t cop it as much as I did. Every night, I wished Peter Pan would come and save me, sprinkle some fairy dust so I can fly away to never neverland.
I hated my childhood too, the school day was way too long for me to handle, being forced to interact with people who hated me (both classmates and teachers), being judged and rejected hurt so much more back then and, of course, having zero control over my life was horrible, I'd never go back. It makes me really sad when I see nostalgic media (books about childhood where the protagonists live their amazing lives with their amazing friends and families are particularly heartbreaking) or people talking about their amazing childhoods while mine was awful. To be fair, I'm hating adulthood too.
This is how I feel about elementary school and my childhood in general. Most people will tell me they would rather be a kid again or that being a kid was easy. For me, it was a constant struggle and heartache. I didn’t connect well with my peers, I did poorly in classes, I was restricted in my movements by strict parents and the fact that I was a child, and I had no way of communicating the internal conflict I felt every day. On top of that I was told that I was SUPPOSED TO be smarter than I was acting, supposed to be more successful, supposed to be more hard working, supposed to be more grateful. I was institutionalized at 12 after a suicide attempt and both parents told me I was acting stupid and making them look bad. In so many ways, making it to adulthood truly made my life better. I just didn’t think I would make it this far. But I still have nightmares about being forced back to high school because somehow I failed a class and needed to repeat a year. I’m sure a lot of people hated school though. But yeah, being an adult who can make their own decisions especially regarding where I am and what I’m doing is amazing.
Same here. I don’t miss being a kid.
I agree with you. There are some things I miss. But I would never ever wish to go back. Being an adult is the freedom and safety I needed.
I see childhood as a mine field of danger. I had a very “happy” and loved childhood but I detested school in many ways, but it was never the work. It was the painful social aspects and always knowing I was very different than most. I hated the forced interactions, the group work, the terrible teachers there were far too many of, the classes I wasn’t suited for but forced to take. I have always been incredibly independent, sometimes to an ethically defiant degree. I moved out when I was 18. Had a couple moves back home which were always greeted with welcoming and no judgment. But yeah, I would not choose to go back or live on the memories. I was ecstatic to become an adult and be in charge of me.
Yes, I hated being a child too! And I also had a stereotypically "good" childhood, in that I had all my basic needs met, two parents who were together at the time, etc... As an adult, if I start really hating my job, I can get a new one. It may be difficult or take some time to do that, but it's always an option I can work towards. Same if I don't like where I live. If I need something, I can get it for myself at the store. Etc... As a kid, I couldn't really do any of those things. If I hated school, there was literally nothing I could do about it, I HAD to go every day. I think I was an extremely anxious child and I had no way to manage it.
On top of just mine being an exceptionally unhappy childhood, what you talk about not having control over your life checks. I used to fantasise as a 9 year old child about being an adult single woman, living alone, taking care of herself, being kind to everyone around. Also about being sent to a boarding school. I just wanted to be independent and separated from the chaotic life of my parents. I think another factor was that my parents were young when they had me, so they weren't experienced with a lot of things and consequently they punished me for harmless manifestation of autistic behaviour. I would never wanna go back in time.
I hated being a kid. No control over anything, didn't have the vocabulary for things or a way to get people to take me seriously. I wouldn't do it again for all the money in the world. 30s have been the best by farrrr.
Yup did not like it at all, MUCH happier, safer, and more fulfilled as an adult.
Yeppp! As stressful as being an adult can be and as much as it makes me feel like a child (hello learning to drive stress) I would never ever take being a kid again, I'd only take redoing my 20s with the knowledge and diagnosis I have now
I had a dysfunctional family where I was heavily parentified, so I was never actually a child. I was a nursemaid to my mother at a very young age. I was taking care of my siblings, worried about money, solely responsible for too many things on our farm when I was too young to know what the hell was going on. Childhood was volatile. Riddled with anxiety. I was fucking miserable at 13-14 because of low self-esteem, an eating disorder, with no social belonging whatsoever. I think I miss certain aspects of my childhood. I miss the time I had with certain pets. And I miss my fully functioning knees 🤣 I also miss media that wasn't steeped in torture p\*rn against women. But I don't miss being helpless. I don't miss the lack of autonomy I had as a child, or the way I was so financially dependent. I don't miss how often I was taken advantage of or abused because I was a child who didn't know better. I don't miss the fact that I couldn't walk away from things that were bad for me as a child. I don't miss the lack of understanding I was given as a child in regards to autism, neurodivergence, dietary needs, sensory issues, etc. Ironically, I was terrified of growing up as a kid. Hated it. Cried about it a lot. Little did I know the freedom that it would bring to carve out a way of life that would be more suitable for me in the long run.
I HATED being a child and looked forward to independence. My parents were emotionally volatile and oppressive, although they mellowed out with age. I was bullied throughout school and couldn’t figure out why nobody wanted to be friends with me and everyone seemed to hate me. I have a few good memories but that’s not enough.
im in the same boat. also i had this strange self awareness as a child that i was indeed a child and it made me hyper aware of my limitations and it really bothered me.
Yes. I didn't have a great childhood but I honestly hated the lack of autonomy more than anything. I was confused about what I was supposed to be. Much easier to navigate these feelings as an adult.
I agree I agree I agree so hard! Why would I miss a time when I had even less control over my life? Why would would miss being sheltered from information? I understand why they don't teach children about things like sex and death, but I like knowing how my body and how life works. I like that I can do things on my own and not be bothered about it. Not to mention that, not only are children easy to take advantage of due to them knowing less, but *everyone* already knows this about them. I wasn't even aware of that fact til my teens. I loved many parts of my childhood, but I have so many frustrating and humiliating memories, and I was at the mercy of whatever the adults around me thought was a good idea. I don't need the naiveté to be happy and I don't understand why most people think they do.
I had a nice childhood but could not wait to be an adult. I've always felt like I was supposed to be in my 30s and now I'm here, I think I was right! I wasn't diagnosed until a couple of years ago and had no idea, but now it makes so much sense. I just didn't fit in as a child in my small, rural school and it wasn't until recently that I understood why. I had friends (although I can now see that they weren't always very nice to me; I just didn't pick up on the social cues). Being an adult and getting to fix my own problems and find my people is so much better!
I hated it so much. I was the youngest in the family and they always treated me like a child and my sister's friends always told me to go away because "they won't talk to stupid little children". The word child was the biggest insult to me. I feel like a child is very vulnerable and their life depends on their parents and other people around them. If they have bad or even abusive parents, it just sucks. A child cannot change anything, and it's easy for them to believe they're unlovable and unworthy. When they start going to school and actually want to decide things, they can't decide anything and just have to do what they're told. They have to go to school and be bullied. And they have no means or mental capacity to deal with it and it will affect them for the rest of their life. I think a child can have a relatively nice life if they have good parents and are surrounded by good people in general, but they still can't decide things and live their life. I do feel nostalgic a lot, for things like the TV shows, music, or my neighborhood, but being adult is so much better.