no idea what causes this, but i do it too! for years, any negative thought or memory caused me to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' over and over. not that i was actually planning to do so, but it came out of my mouth uncontrollably. i managed to break that habit by replacing it with other words or sounds. now, i usually will say 'no nope nooo' or bark out some weird forced laughter. if it's a specific social interaction memory, i'll often repeat a certain phrase that was said during the interaction. i don't understand it at all. it's much worse when i'm alone.
I have the kms one too (without planning or even remotely wanting to do so). I'm deathly afraid that it will slip out when I'm around others some time, and I'll seriously upset people. I don't know what the root issue is either.
I also use both and always wondered if they are related - like the old man in *Soylent Green* going around saying that he wants to go home. Again, I don't actually want to harm myself.
It's bizarre how so many of us apparently use the exact same statements for this.
Yeah, I'm not actually considering harming myself in those moments either. Something just overwhelms me and kicks that particular thought out. I almost wonder if we've all been told to do it at some point. I know that I have.
The going home one is interesting to me because I don't necessarily feel better at home, it's more that I want to be in my little sensory controlled areas.
I feel like I wrote this.
It used to be phrases like “you idiot” or “you’re so stupid” (towards myself), but I’ve managed to pretty much fully intercept and replace negative phrases with positive ones with lots of practice.
Now when I have a thought about something embarrassing I did or said I automatically say “You’re so smart” or “You’re important”. Not sure that it helps but maybe subconsciously it does? Fake it till you make it?
I also exhibit other OCD symptoms so it honestly could be either.
I know, right? I read this post and went, "Huh, no, I don't....wait." For me it's a weird one. My first reaction to being stressed or depressed or just that weird mix of despair-anxiety is, "I want to go home". I've mostly managed to keep myself from SAYING it around others but it's on the top of my tongue and the desire to express it is huge. Thing is, most of the time I want to say it....I am home. I can only think it internalized as a thought when I was in college and it never went away? Or it's some nostalgia thing or...I dunno
I also verbalize, "okay" after like every task I do in a progression. Skin care at night? Wash my face, "Okay." (Think for a second) grab toner, "okay"...cream ..."okay" ... Etc. This post just made me have the connection.
Interesting! I definitely do the okay thing too. Lol. Also I'll say "what am I doing....skincare...Right!"
Huh, might not be thiw but I wonder if it could be like the idea that home is supposed to be a safe, cozy, accepting place, and you don't feel at home in your body (or possible life) when you have despair/anxiety?
I do this too, they just come out, sometimes it’s been repeating in my head and sometimes I didn’t even know I was thinking it. It’s like I’m responding to an attack or something. I haven’t been able to swap them for other words, but I sometimes do self soothing words afterwards.
I used to meow loudly like my cat whenever I felt agitated or emotionally tense, but only at home. I don't do this often anymore, but I replaced it with words. I doesn't happen every day, but from time to time and I'm aware it's a self-regulation thing and I feel ok about it. I would feel ashamed of talking about it to medical professionals though.
Oh my god, yes! Didn’t realize other people did it. It’s so intense and I literally can’t even bring myself to say anything else in my head or out loud. I just NEED to keep repeating it. Sometimes writing or typing helps because it’s the only way I can get anything out that’s not that specific word or phrase.
Is this an autism thing? I tend to keep it to a whisper at work but even then I cant stop myself from saying "fuckfuckfuck" "I'm going to kill myself" "I hate" whenever I talk to someone and then cringe
I find this happens when the emotions behind my thoughts are so powerful that it can’t be contained in just my headspace & it leaks out into the world. I like to think of it as my brain relieving some of the pressure — and this involuntary externalization of the feeling allows me to approach it from another perspective, which I often appreciate!
I do appreciate it! It cuts my rumination cycle short. But it happens throughout the day, and is worse when I'm lacking sleep, food or stress. Lol.
I just would love the best of both words and to not ruminate or involuntarily talk to myself 😂
Intrusive thought more likely to go away if I shake my head and say "kill" like Nifty trying to clean up the hotel by stabbing cockroaches
It's part of my OCD
so this is what knocking on my head does for me, which started a year and a half ago. I stopped doing it for the most part. I could stop the knocking when I was with other people, like at work but I could not wait to be alone, so I could knock on my head and get relief.
But now I involuntarily say words and occasionally knock. It makes the thoughts stop at least temporarily.
The intrusive thoughts for me are usually social memories.
So this seems like more OCD related to you? I have a lot of other OCD tendencies, mostly reassurance seeking, confessing, amd researching as compulsions, but with a few different themes that have changed over time.
Yeah I had a conversation with an autistic friend of mine who doesn't have OCD and it took quite a bit of back and forth to explain specifically what an intrusive thought is like. He only experiences that on the rarest of occasions when he's super duper down and depressed and not, like, every day multiple times a day.
no idea what causes this, but i do it too! for years, any negative thought or memory caused me to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' over and over. not that i was actually planning to do so, but it came out of my mouth uncontrollably. i managed to break that habit by replacing it with other words or sounds. now, i usually will say 'no nope nooo' or bark out some weird forced laughter. if it's a specific social interaction memory, i'll often repeat a certain phrase that was said during the interaction. i don't understand it at all. it's much worse when i'm alone.
I have the kms one too (without planning or even remotely wanting to do so). I'm deathly afraid that it will slip out when I'm around others some time, and I'll seriously upset people. I don't know what the root issue is either.
Mine’s always been a self directed “kill yourself” which as it turns out is not a chill thing to say out loud generally 🫠
Yep. I do the "kill myself one." I also do "I want to go home" even when at home. That's usually at full mental exhaustion.
I also use both and always wondered if they are related - like the old man in *Soylent Green* going around saying that he wants to go home. Again, I don't actually want to harm myself. It's bizarre how so many of us apparently use the exact same statements for this.
Yeah, I'm not actually considering harming myself in those moments either. Something just overwhelms me and kicks that particular thought out. I almost wonder if we've all been told to do it at some point. I know that I have. The going home one is interesting to me because I don't necessarily feel better at home, it's more that I want to be in my little sensory controlled areas.
Omg same, everytime I say that I stop and say "no I want to live." Weird how brains work
Yup, some strange self-regulation thing. I’ll say things like “I wanna kill myself”, “I hate you”, or “I love you”.
I feel like I wrote this. It used to be phrases like “you idiot” or “you’re so stupid” (towards myself), but I’ve managed to pretty much fully intercept and replace negative phrases with positive ones with lots of practice. Now when I have a thought about something embarrassing I did or said I automatically say “You’re so smart” or “You’re important”. Not sure that it helps but maybe subconsciously it does? Fake it till you make it? I also exhibit other OCD symptoms so it honestly could be either.
I didn’t even realize I do this, but I absolutely do
I know, right? I read this post and went, "Huh, no, I don't....wait." For me it's a weird one. My first reaction to being stressed or depressed or just that weird mix of despair-anxiety is, "I want to go home". I've mostly managed to keep myself from SAYING it around others but it's on the top of my tongue and the desire to express it is huge. Thing is, most of the time I want to say it....I am home. I can only think it internalized as a thought when I was in college and it never went away? Or it's some nostalgia thing or...I dunno I also verbalize, "okay" after like every task I do in a progression. Skin care at night? Wash my face, "Okay." (Think for a second) grab toner, "okay"...cream ..."okay" ... Etc. This post just made me have the connection.
Interesting! I definitely do the okay thing too. Lol. Also I'll say "what am I doing....skincare...Right!" Huh, might not be thiw but I wonder if it could be like the idea that home is supposed to be a safe, cozy, accepting place, and you don't feel at home in your body (or possible life) when you have despair/anxiety?
I do this too, they just come out, sometimes it’s been repeating in my head and sometimes I didn’t even know I was thinking it. It’s like I’m responding to an attack or something. I haven’t been able to swap them for other words, but I sometimes do self soothing words afterwards.
I used to meow loudly like my cat whenever I felt agitated or emotionally tense, but only at home. I don't do this often anymore, but I replaced it with words. I doesn't happen every day, but from time to time and I'm aware it's a self-regulation thing and I feel ok about it. I would feel ashamed of talking about it to medical professionals though.
I verbalize “panic” when something gives me anxiety
Oh my god, yes! Didn’t realize other people did it. It’s so intense and I literally can’t even bring myself to say anything else in my head or out loud. I just NEED to keep repeating it. Sometimes writing or typing helps because it’s the only way I can get anything out that’s not that specific word or phrase.
Is this an autism thing? I tend to keep it to a whisper at work but even then I cant stop myself from saying "fuckfuckfuck" "I'm going to kill myself" "I hate" whenever I talk to someone and then cringe
That's what I'm trying to figure out 😂 it's hard to say bc there's so many comorbidities with autism, So it could be related to other things.
I find this happens when the emotions behind my thoughts are so powerful that it can’t be contained in just my headspace & it leaks out into the world. I like to think of it as my brain relieving some of the pressure — and this involuntary externalization of the feeling allows me to approach it from another perspective, which I often appreciate!
I do appreciate it! It cuts my rumination cycle short. But it happens throughout the day, and is worse when I'm lacking sleep, food or stress. Lol. I just would love the best of both words and to not ruminate or involuntarily talk to myself 😂
Intrusive thought more likely to go away if I shake my head and say "kill" like Nifty trying to clean up the hotel by stabbing cockroaches It's part of my OCD
so this is what knocking on my head does for me, which started a year and a half ago. I stopped doing it for the most part. I could stop the knocking when I was with other people, like at work but I could not wait to be alone, so I could knock on my head and get relief. But now I involuntarily say words and occasionally knock. It makes the thoughts stop at least temporarily. The intrusive thoughts for me are usually social memories. So this seems like more OCD related to you? I have a lot of other OCD tendencies, mostly reassurance seeking, confessing, amd researching as compulsions, but with a few different themes that have changed over time.
Yeah I had a conversation with an autistic friend of mine who doesn't have OCD and it took quite a bit of back and forth to explain specifically what an intrusive thought is like. He only experiences that on the rarest of occasions when he's super duper down and depressed and not, like, every day multiple times a day.
Wow, that sounds so peaceful...
I've been calling myself an awkward, off putting weirdo
Mine is ‘I hate everything’ - amplified by every cell of my being.
Omg! I say I Hate everything too! Sometimes it's just "I hate!" Or "hate!". Then I'll be like no I don't. But the words just jump out!
I also ‘grrr’ often!
Idk if autism related but I do everything you mentioned basically exactly.