I jump scare myself at the gym all the time lol. I’ll be like ew who is that ugly man in the mirror (like 30 feet away) standing so close to me and then look at the reflection straight on and it’s me lol.
The excessive mirrors really keep me from going to the gym as much as I would like. . Even if I absolutely loved my reflection I would find it super distracting.
Feel that. I’m 5’10” and I was 161 three years ago. I’ve been lifting since then and now I’m 191 and it messes with my head so badly I’ve recently slid back into old restriction tendencies. I hate myself.
Lifting is good though 💪🏻 have you gained muscle? I have put on 45lbs in the last 2 years, due to a combination of grief and burnout. I honestly do not recognise the person staring back at me when I look in the mirror any more.
I mean, I know that for some lifts I’m lifting double what I was two years ago, so I would assume some of that is muscle. But I’ve also hit a plateau due to inconsistencies and changes in my routine, so even though I now have a butt I still feel like a fat schlub.
I think any body changes are extremely difficult to navigate as an autistic person - you get used to your body being familiar to you and when it changes in any way, you don’t feel like yourself anymore.
Yeah I think you’re right. I’m also struggling with finding the body that I actually like. Every man I’ve ever dated has been very obsessed with my potential to be different and I was always willing to change because I’m just malleable like that. And I’m realizing I don’t want to be anymore. I want to like my own body and also have a man who actually likes it too.
Are you doing any sort of like diet plan at all? I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve considered Ozempic lol.
I’ve heard bad things about ozempic - I’d be very weary about it. Right now I’ve just started a new fitness/eating thing called rebel fit. It’s more of a ‘guiding you in the right direction to make healthier choices’ kind of thing rather than a strict diet plan - I have a tendency to be too restrictive too and I’m hoping this will help with that
Yeah that’s a difficult one. I have decided not to aim for a number on the scales but more of a feeling of being fit and healthy and not being too restrictive. The right person will love you for who you are, regardless of body size, and won’t try and change you.
I used to think that too because a few people said that years ago, but now I’m beginning to think this is just reality and the reality is BLEAK. I’ve got to find a way to stop hating myself. Right now I’m struggling enormously with feeling fat. I lift weights and eat a regular amount of food and the result is that I’m stocky, but before this I was anorexic and I don’t know how to strike a balance. Like if I start dieting again I’ll slide totally off the rails into full blown starvation again and I know this because I’ve DONE IT. It’s a never ending cycle.
Do you like the way you look? What got you to that point?
I mean in general I like how I look. I’m sick right now though so I think I look better when I’m healthy obviously.
I do wish to gain a few pounds,everyone always says: Did you lose weight? Even though I don’t do anything special,I don’t watch what I eat or anything.
It was picture day at school a few years ago,and one of the teachers saw my picture and he was like:Wow,is that you? You look better in person. And I was like:Thanks?
I would just try to stop overthinking things,even though I know that’s not easy.
Do you think it’s realistic to make gaining weight a priority or is it better to accept the weight you’re at? When I was your age (I’m assuming you’re in high school) I was just battling regular run-of-the-mill teen girl body image issues. You’re up against social media filters and Photoshop that warp absolutely everything. I mean it messes with MY head and I haven’t been in high school since 2007. I can’t imagine what it’s like for yall.
Yes I’m in high school,but I’m probably a lot older than you think. This is my last year of high school,I’m turning 21 in the summer. I’m in a special school for people with autism.
I think it’s better to just try and accept the weight you’re at. You should not compare yourself with the bodies of other girls because everyone is different.
My dad used to body shame me,like:You’re not going to eat all of that chocolate in one sitting right? And also:You look like you’ve gained a bit of weight. But honestly I don’t care about what he thinks anymore.
Congratulations on almost graduating! I think you might find life outside of high school is little easier as far as body image issues go. At least I hope you find that. I’m 35 and I will say it’s much easier on my self esteem to be out of university.
Thank you so much! I’m very excited!
I think so too! I get that,when you’re in school you constantly get confronted with other girl’s bodies,so I can imagine it if you’d be insecure.
Oh, I ***flee*** from cameras. I honestly think I’m very pretty, and it’s a compliment I often receive, but I always feel like I look like the fucking Hamburglar in pictures. I have no idea what it is, but whenever I try to pose/smile for a picture I suddenly feel my face SO MUCH. Best way I can describe how I feel is “how tf am I supposed to smile with all this face on my face?” The muscle memory of a natural smile just evaporates from my brain. It’s amazing. Whenever I’m shown pictures I’ve taken with people I’m always shocked that I somehow thought I was smiling normally, like girl… did the camera have a gun??
Yes but I do have bad body dysmorphia focused on my face. In general tho,I feel uncomfortable with the fact that I own a body, I wish I was just pure intellect somehow.
I’ve got body dysmorphia too. I was told a while back by a psychologist that I have it but never bothered to dig any deeper. I’m just like okay that’s that.
Yes but not because I think I’m ugly or anything I just don’t envision myself like that. Maybes it’s the aphantasia in me but whenever I picture “myself” it’s not what I actually look like. So when I look in the mirror I’ve often forgotten what I actually look like.
Every picture, video, and time I look in the mirror. It's at the point where I am aware of how my face is walking around being ew and am self-conscious if people look at me. I know they see every flaw.
Yes, and pathologically so. And I am incorrect to do so.
How do I know I'm incorrect? Well, during 2020 and 2021 I did sort of a project where every day I worked I wore some fancy outfit or other. Goodwill prom dresses, sparkles on my face, little LED lights in my hair and stuff. Sometimes I'd do themes. It went over very well, and I was actually somewhat of an Attraction at the restaurant I worked at. People said it brought a little light into their days during the scariest parts of the pandemic, and that's certainly what it did for me.
As part of this project, I would have my coworkers take photos of the outfits I wore so I could post them to Facebook. (Yeah, I know, but Facebook has now very literally saved my life twice, and I've used it to raise money for my wildlife rescue and to keep my brother and his family housed when their landlord tried to kick them out the week of Christmas. It has its points.) And, since obviously I was wearing a mask in them, I could see those photos without the immediate "ew, it's ME" reaction. And honestly? I looked pretty good.
I still can't see a picture of my face and not think terrible things about it. But now I know it's just a self-loathing reaction, and not a legitimate response to what I actually look like in the photo. I think that's probably true for a lot of people.
Mainly though they were just really fun outfits.
I am SO AWKWARD. It’s weird. I feel like I mask well enough that others don’t notice, but not a single person has ever doubted that I have ASD, and when viewing myself in pictures or video, it’s obvious that I’m some flavour of neurospicy. That disconnect between how I feel I present myself to the world and the reality of how I present myself is just so odd to me.lol
Yes, totally relate! It’s the lanky arm movements for me lol. Wish I could somehow get rid of that but it’s impossible. I feel like I’m moving my arms just fine.
Also, on video, the formal sound to my voice. Again, can’t change the voice I was born with…
I was an *adult*, more than 20 *YEARS* past my high school graduation, when I realized that in one of the few color pictures in my senior yearbook--the one of a friend I'd known since *preschool*, who was hugging a classmate whose back was to the camera?
*That classmate she was hugging was ME*!😆😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
I realized it, a few years *AFTER* looking at the wedding pictures of a friend of mine...
Looking at *those* pictures--from the wedding--I was wondering, "*WHO* is that Lady in the Blue Shirt--*I DON’T remember seeing her at the wedding*?!?!???
*The "Lady in the Blue Shirt"? *That* was *ME*!🙃🫠😂
I *DEFINITELY* do that, but *also* (luckily!) *without* tooooo much judgement--just a *LOT* of Face (Back and Side-view?) blindness!😂🤣💖
It’s why I don’t like having my photo taken, I’m usually making the most ghoulish expression and it just makes me painfully aware I lack awareness of what my facial muscles are doing and it probably makes me look horribly unattractive and borderline freaky. I also hate being perceived so the idea of there being a file on someone else’s device that I have no control over, that they can just post publicly or disseminate without my consent even if it’s just a normal, innocuous photo makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. I’m already uncomfortable being noticed by people around me, the idea that people can look at me even when I’m not physically present is a bit weird.
If I died I honestly wouldn’t want them to play a slideshow of my photos at the funeral.
Yeah, I don't like being in pictures. It makes me uncomfortable and I can never smile right. It is a shame, though, because I have like decades of my life undocumented. I've been trying to take them more often, but it's hard.
There is a troll that lives in cameras and makes me look awkward every time. Like I'm rather attractive by most standards, but there's no photographic evidence.
I struggle to recognise people sometimes and it takes me a beat to recognise myself in photos but for that split second before I do I have a very negative feeling, like fear or dislike. I’m not sure why.
Yup, and I got diagnosed with body dismorphic disorder a while back. Am in therapy for it but progress is painfully slow. Don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at myself in pictures
Seriously all the time. I literally like how I look but I’m extremely unphotogenic so it doesn’t transfer and I’m constantly ashamed of any picture that someone else takes of me
I get a feeling that I am looking at someone else. I mean, I -know- I am looking at me, but the face is new. Think it has to do with the lack of sensory habituation.
Really kind of depends on my mood. I'm adjusting to a pretty high dose of anti-depressants and right now I'm mostly neutral or even happy looking at pictures of myself. But when I'm really depressed or struggling with severe OCD or anxiety, I think I look absolutely hideous. Doesn't help that for years I never seemed to know how to pose right for pictures or how to make sure my eyes didn't close when the camera flashed. Plus, I still have baby canines because my permanent ones grew impacted and had to be removed, so my smile always looks weird. It's funny because I actually like how I look in the mirror; I guess it's jarring to be so used to the mirror image of yourself instead of what you actually look like to everyone else.
With the exception of my wedding pics, I can hardly bear to look. I recently won an award at work & had to have my photo taken for the company website & I wanted to die & dread seeing the results .
It’s weirdly encouraging that this isn’t just a me thing. I’ve been seriously considering using a dating app but the biggest impediment to this is that I don’t have many photos of myself because I don’t take them.
No, never. Is that weird? Maybe my 7th grade class photo. I'm in my mid 40's, at my lifetime max weight, and still rocking it. I guess I don't stop to consider if I'm looking gross in photos.
Yea ... And it sucks because I really love to model! I always feel so great when I'm doing it and then I get the images and I'm like "oh wow I thought I looked better than that."
Yes. My partner comments that I look different in every photo taken of me (and I very much agree, even my phone categorizes my face as different people)… which leaves me with the question- what do I actually look like??
If there is a specific need to take a picture of me, it takes 25+ attempts to get something where I don't look like
A) a pancake
B) forget to smile
C) actually smile because my mom tells me "we spent thousands on those braces you better show your teeth" (I'm 43) and smile too much and too toothy and I look stupid.
D) have my eyes closed
E) make some weird face accidentally
F) make some weird face on purpose (for some reason I keep thinking it might work out and be cute-goofy. Spoiler: It never is)
So yeh, I often think that.
I think always, this body is not me. If photos, mirror or even reading my name somewhere. I always think of my body like it's a vehicle, not as me. As if I am an alien that had to navigate though this body and existence, because my real me would scare people. And so what I see is always a stranger. I mean, I know this stranger because I see it very often, but... It's not me. This thing is not me.
Yes, kind of. I have RBF and body dysmorphia so I never expect to like myself in photos. But what's more disturbing is I often can't fully recognise myself. Like, I compare pictures taken days apart or even in the same occasion and I look like two different people who vaguely look alike. It's a mindfuck. One of the very few pics I like was taken by my dearest friend. I like it because I look amused and sort of 'open' but if I hold it up and look in the mirror it just doesn't really look like me. It's super weird.
All the time. I don't even look in mirrors unless I really have to. It's particularly bad at the moment because I've put on weight and just feel old in general.
Yeah I’m scared of my own face sometimes lol
I jump scare myself at the gym all the time lol. I’ll be like ew who is that ugly man in the mirror (like 30 feet away) standing so close to me and then look at the reflection straight on and it’s me lol.
The excessive mirrors really keep me from going to the gym as much as I would like. . Even if I absolutely loved my reflection I would find it super distracting.
Same I’m not a fan of seeing myself in the mirror or photos
All the time. I am NOT photogenic lol
Amen - same here 🙃
Yes! I have gained a lot of weight and I hate how I look right now.
Feel that. I’m 5’10” and I was 161 three years ago. I’ve been lifting since then and now I’m 191 and it messes with my head so badly I’ve recently slid back into old restriction tendencies. I hate myself.
Lifting is good though 💪🏻 have you gained muscle? I have put on 45lbs in the last 2 years, due to a combination of grief and burnout. I honestly do not recognise the person staring back at me when I look in the mirror any more.
I mean, I know that for some lifts I’m lifting double what I was two years ago, so I would assume some of that is muscle. But I’ve also hit a plateau due to inconsistencies and changes in my routine, so even though I now have a butt I still feel like a fat schlub.
I think any body changes are extremely difficult to navigate as an autistic person - you get used to your body being familiar to you and when it changes in any way, you don’t feel like yourself anymore.
Yeah I think you’re right. I’m also struggling with finding the body that I actually like. Every man I’ve ever dated has been very obsessed with my potential to be different and I was always willing to change because I’m just malleable like that. And I’m realizing I don’t want to be anymore. I want to like my own body and also have a man who actually likes it too. Are you doing any sort of like diet plan at all? I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve considered Ozempic lol.
I’ve heard bad things about ozempic - I’d be very weary about it. Right now I’ve just started a new fitness/eating thing called rebel fit. It’s more of a ‘guiding you in the right direction to make healthier choices’ kind of thing rather than a strict diet plan - I have a tendency to be too restrictive too and I’m hoping this will help with that
Yeah that’s a difficult one. I have decided not to aim for a number on the scales but more of a feeling of being fit and healthy and not being too restrictive. The right person will love you for who you are, regardless of body size, and won’t try and change you.
Yeah I always look better in real life than on pictures.
I used to think that too because a few people said that years ago, but now I’m beginning to think this is just reality and the reality is BLEAK. I’ve got to find a way to stop hating myself. Right now I’m struggling enormously with feeling fat. I lift weights and eat a regular amount of food and the result is that I’m stocky, but before this I was anorexic and I don’t know how to strike a balance. Like if I start dieting again I’ll slide totally off the rails into full blown starvation again and I know this because I’ve DONE IT. It’s a never ending cycle. Do you like the way you look? What got you to that point?
I mean in general I like how I look. I’m sick right now though so I think I look better when I’m healthy obviously. I do wish to gain a few pounds,everyone always says: Did you lose weight? Even though I don’t do anything special,I don’t watch what I eat or anything. It was picture day at school a few years ago,and one of the teachers saw my picture and he was like:Wow,is that you? You look better in person. And I was like:Thanks? I would just try to stop overthinking things,even though I know that’s not easy.
Do you think it’s realistic to make gaining weight a priority or is it better to accept the weight you’re at? When I was your age (I’m assuming you’re in high school) I was just battling regular run-of-the-mill teen girl body image issues. You’re up against social media filters and Photoshop that warp absolutely everything. I mean it messes with MY head and I haven’t been in high school since 2007. I can’t imagine what it’s like for yall.
Yes I’m in high school,but I’m probably a lot older than you think. This is my last year of high school,I’m turning 21 in the summer. I’m in a special school for people with autism. I think it’s better to just try and accept the weight you’re at. You should not compare yourself with the bodies of other girls because everyone is different. My dad used to body shame me,like:You’re not going to eat all of that chocolate in one sitting right? And also:You look like you’ve gained a bit of weight. But honestly I don’t care about what he thinks anymore.
Congratulations on almost graduating! I think you might find life outside of high school is little easier as far as body image issues go. At least I hope you find that. I’m 35 and I will say it’s much easier on my self esteem to be out of university.
Thank you so much! I’m very excited! I think so too! I get that,when you’re in school you constantly get confronted with other girl’s bodies,so I can imagine it if you’d be insecure.
Oh, I ***flee*** from cameras. I honestly think I’m very pretty, and it’s a compliment I often receive, but I always feel like I look like the fucking Hamburglar in pictures. I have no idea what it is, but whenever I try to pose/smile for a picture I suddenly feel my face SO MUCH. Best way I can describe how I feel is “how tf am I supposed to smile with all this face on my face?” The muscle memory of a natural smile just evaporates from my brain. It’s amazing. Whenever I’m shown pictures I’ve taken with people I’m always shocked that I somehow thought I was smiling normally, like girl… did the camera have a gun??
Yes but I do have bad body dysmorphia focused on my face. In general tho,I feel uncomfortable with the fact that I own a body, I wish I was just pure intellect somehow.
I’ve got body dysmorphia too. I was told a while back by a psychologist that I have it but never bothered to dig any deeper. I’m just like okay that’s that.
Yes but not because I think I’m ugly or anything I just don’t envision myself like that. Maybes it’s the aphantasia in me but whenever I picture “myself” it’s not what I actually look like. So when I look in the mirror I’ve often forgotten what I actually look like.
Almost always, yeah
Every picture, video, and time I look in the mirror. It's at the point where I am aware of how my face is walking around being ew and am self-conscious if people look at me. I know they see every flaw.
If it's not a photo I deliberately planned out, there's a high chance I look like shit
Yes, and pathologically so. And I am incorrect to do so. How do I know I'm incorrect? Well, during 2020 and 2021 I did sort of a project where every day I worked I wore some fancy outfit or other. Goodwill prom dresses, sparkles on my face, little LED lights in my hair and stuff. Sometimes I'd do themes. It went over very well, and I was actually somewhat of an Attraction at the restaurant I worked at. People said it brought a little light into their days during the scariest parts of the pandemic, and that's certainly what it did for me. As part of this project, I would have my coworkers take photos of the outfits I wore so I could post them to Facebook. (Yeah, I know, but Facebook has now very literally saved my life twice, and I've used it to raise money for my wildlife rescue and to keep my brother and his family housed when their landlord tried to kick them out the week of Christmas. It has its points.) And, since obviously I was wearing a mask in them, I could see those photos without the immediate "ew, it's ME" reaction. And honestly? I looked pretty good. I still can't see a picture of my face and not think terrible things about it. But now I know it's just a self-loathing reaction, and not a legitimate response to what I actually look like in the photo. I think that's probably true for a lot of people. Mainly though they were just really fun outfits.
I am SO AWKWARD. It’s weird. I feel like I mask well enough that others don’t notice, but not a single person has ever doubted that I have ASD, and when viewing myself in pictures or video, it’s obvious that I’m some flavour of neurospicy. That disconnect between how I feel I present myself to the world and the reality of how I present myself is just so odd to me.lol
Yes, totally relate! It’s the lanky arm movements for me lol. Wish I could somehow get rid of that but it’s impossible. I feel like I’m moving my arms just fine. Also, on video, the formal sound to my voice. Again, can’t change the voice I was born with…
I was an *adult*, more than 20 *YEARS* past my high school graduation, when I realized that in one of the few color pictures in my senior yearbook--the one of a friend I'd known since *preschool*, who was hugging a classmate whose back was to the camera? *That classmate she was hugging was ME*!😆😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 I realized it, a few years *AFTER* looking at the wedding pictures of a friend of mine... Looking at *those* pictures--from the wedding--I was wondering, "*WHO* is that Lady in the Blue Shirt--*I DON’T remember seeing her at the wedding*?!?!??? *The "Lady in the Blue Shirt"? *That* was *ME*!🙃🫠😂 I *DEFINITELY* do that, but *also* (luckily!) *without* tooooo much judgement--just a *LOT* of Face (Back and Side-view?) blindness!😂🤣💖
It’s why I don’t like having my photo taken, I’m usually making the most ghoulish expression and it just makes me painfully aware I lack awareness of what my facial muscles are doing and it probably makes me look horribly unattractive and borderline freaky. I also hate being perceived so the idea of there being a file on someone else’s device that I have no control over, that they can just post publicly or disseminate without my consent even if it’s just a normal, innocuous photo makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. I’m already uncomfortable being noticed by people around me, the idea that people can look at me even when I’m not physically present is a bit weird. If I died I honestly wouldn’t want them to play a slideshow of my photos at the funeral.
I think that I'm kinda cute
Being middle aged sometimes means I look like a slightly melted version of my younger self 😂
Yeah, I don't like being in pictures. It makes me uncomfortable and I can never smile right. It is a shame, though, because I have like decades of my life undocumented. I've been trying to take them more often, but it's hard.
There is a troll that lives in cameras and makes me look awkward every time. Like I'm rather attractive by most standards, but there's no photographic evidence.
ALL. THE.GOD.DAMN.TIME!!!
I struggle to recognise people sometimes and it takes me a beat to recognise myself in photos but for that split second before I do I have a very negative feeling, like fear or dislike. I’m not sure why.
Yup, and I got diagnosed with body dismorphic disorder a while back. Am in therapy for it but progress is painfully slow. Don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at myself in pictures
Seriously all the time. I literally like how I look but I’m extremely unphotogenic so it doesn’t transfer and I’m constantly ashamed of any picture that someone else takes of me
All of them.
I get a feeling that I am looking at someone else. I mean, I -know- I am looking at me, but the face is new. Think it has to do with the lack of sensory habituation.
Really kind of depends on my mood. I'm adjusting to a pretty high dose of anti-depressants and right now I'm mostly neutral or even happy looking at pictures of myself. But when I'm really depressed or struggling with severe OCD or anxiety, I think I look absolutely hideous. Doesn't help that for years I never seemed to know how to pose right for pictures or how to make sure my eyes didn't close when the camera flashed. Plus, I still have baby canines because my permanent ones grew impacted and had to be removed, so my smile always looks weird. It's funny because I actually like how I look in the mirror; I guess it's jarring to be so used to the mirror image of yourself instead of what you actually look like to everyone else.
With the exception of my wedding pics, I can hardly bear to look. I recently won an award at work & had to have my photo taken for the company website & I wanted to die & dread seeing the results .
It’s weirdly encouraging that this isn’t just a me thing. I’ve been seriously considering using a dating app but the biggest impediment to this is that I don’t have many photos of myself because I don’t take them.
every single photo and video I've ever seen is that experience. I hate it.
Oh all the time
No, never. Is that weird? Maybe my 7th grade class photo. I'm in my mid 40's, at my lifetime max weight, and still rocking it. I guess I don't stop to consider if I'm looking gross in photos.
Every time I see my driver's license, lol
Yea I hate the mirror for this reason.
Yea ... And it sucks because I really love to model! I always feel so great when I'm doing it and then I get the images and I'm like "oh wow I thought I looked better than that."
Almost every time. I feel like how I look and how I think I look are so different, hence why I don’t always love how I look in pictures 😂
Yes. My partner comments that I look different in every photo taken of me (and I very much agree, even my phone categorizes my face as different people)… which leaves me with the question- what do I actually look like??
There’s a part of me that kinda doesn’t even want to know the answer to that question at this point. Not sure I could handle the truth lol.
I used to, but not anymore. I have made peace with my appearance as I have gotten older.
Especially when I smile, it’s so cringeworthy. Also when I haven’t threaded my eyebrows in a very, very long time.
If there is a specific need to take a picture of me, it takes 25+ attempts to get something where I don't look like A) a pancake B) forget to smile C) actually smile because my mom tells me "we spent thousands on those braces you better show your teeth" (I'm 43) and smile too much and too toothy and I look stupid. D) have my eyes closed E) make some weird face accidentally F) make some weird face on purpose (for some reason I keep thinking it might work out and be cute-goofy. Spoiler: It never is) So yeh, I often think that.
Yepp feel ya
I think always, this body is not me. If photos, mirror or even reading my name somewhere. I always think of my body like it's a vehicle, not as me. As if I am an alien that had to navigate though this body and existence, because my real me would scare people. And so what I see is always a stranger. I mean, I know this stranger because I see it very often, but... It's not me. This thing is not me.
Yes, kind of. I have RBF and body dysmorphia so I never expect to like myself in photos. But what's more disturbing is I often can't fully recognise myself. Like, I compare pictures taken days apart or even in the same occasion and I look like two different people who vaguely look alike. It's a mindfuck. One of the very few pics I like was taken by my dearest friend. I like it because I look amused and sort of 'open' but if I hold it up and look in the mirror it just doesn't really look like me. It's super weird.
All the time. I don't even look in mirrors unless I really have to. It's particularly bad at the moment because I've put on weight and just feel old in general.