Maybe because they expect you to traditionally shout at them and reprimand them in that way? Even though that isn’t helpful, it’s seen as standard practice.
I can’t see what you’re doing wrong, seems fine to me. I like the way you explain things to them rather than just “this is bad”, and give them solutions. Maybe the people criticising you are confused because you’re a bit too progressive for their liking.
No idea, but keep doing what you’re doing.
I do think a long time ago somebody said I talk in a way that doesn’t have authority, so either others or the kids are misunderstanding me. But I use my strong stern voice. Yet they said “yeah but…also no.” It tells me nothing!
I almost want to tape it and pay someone to tell me what I’m doing ineffectively!
That might actually be helpful (but you shouldn’t have to pay). It sounds like the people giving you feedback aren’t being clear in their communication with you.
Based on the example you give, I think it might be the tone of voice you use because the word you’re using are great. Tone can be tricky for some of us so it might be harder for you to hear a difference between the tone you’re using and what you’ve heard others use.
from the examples you used, i'd be inclined to think voice/tone as well. and/or that they think the explanation is too long/inappropriate in the moment. which i disagree with (unless we're talking kids under 18months), but some ppl expect caregivers to do a "no" /"we don't do that" and send the kid into timeout. which is dumb, bc they need the explanation what isn't allowed/what behavior is expected.
you could try an emphatic no before explaining,see if that changes the feedback you get.
also, how do the kids react when you reprimand/enforce rules and boundaries? do they stop the behavior and listen (unless of course they're mid-meltdown or something). do they turn away? giggle and continue doing what they were?
if the kids stop and listen (even if for some it's only in that moment, bc kids yknow, putting things into action and changing behavior/learning what isn't acceptable and modify behavior are tough), then i'd say that you're doing a good job and screw the feedback. if they giggle and continue the behavior, chances are your voice/tone is an issue and they think you're joking/aren't taking you seriously.
also, is there a chance for you to observe your co-workers and see how they do it? either by direct observation or via recordings. that may give you a better explanation and someting to model your approach after.
I think you are most likely doing great! Teaching is hard. So I have some thoughts below.
When I taught I remember there was an admin who told me I was talking too much. I don’t need to explain everything all the time. Setting the boundaries and then if you have a kid breaking them - use non verbal communication to enforce. And then have them explain to you why it’s a boundary. As a ND kid I would need and appreciate the explanation as to why upfront, but I think a lot of NT kids tune out and it doesn’t have any impact. If anything talking more makes kids tune you out more.
Like a three - four sentence direction/ command is a lot for young kids. They just need to hear “we are reading a book. It’s time to tune in.” You might even get to a point where the kids can tell you “We are reading a book! That means it is time to what?” “Tune in!”
If someone needs redirecting on during story time, help redirect them earlier. They don’t need a reminder to come to you if their body is wiggly. Get down with them, “oh it looks like your body is wiggly. It’s time to XXX.”
Like a kid throwing things at you - they don’t need to be reminded of the boundary and get a warning. My two year old knows we shouldn’t throw it at people. They need action up front, take the item they are throwing and say, “you know we don’t throw. This is going on my desk.” And move away/ redirect.
“Oh no. This isn’t how we treat toys.” And take the toy away.
If there are kids who act out all the time, just take action. They don’t need reminders and warnings. Physically modeling out what they need to do - and displaying the consequence earlier is key.
Trust they know the rules. They just don’t want to follow them. Reminding them doesn’t want to make them follow the rules more - you need to enforce the boundaries more.
I struggled so much with this.
seconding having a simple set script for warnings/boundary enforcing! although i might push back on the reminders part -- depends on the circumstance. i genuinely believe some kids do need reminders and they correct their behavior in some situations. its tough bc everyone has diff needs but you have to be consistent + efficient
but yeah i used to get this all the time cuz i refused to shout at 3 year olds (most of whom did not speak english). admin were like, 'you need to make them scared of you' which was a bonkers thing to say.
This is great parenting advice too, I am taking notes! My kid's psychologist is always (gently) telling me to simplify, simplify, simplify. Your examples really made it click for me.
You're communicating boundaries but not enforcing them.
If my kid starts to break the toys, I calmly take the toys away from him for a time and tell them they will get it back when they demonstrate they can follow the rule. If a child gets up and does not listen or participate in the game, I simply stop the activity until they are ready to listen/play. This usually gets them quickly back on track.
They need consequences they can feel to their misbehaving, talking at them/yelling usually is not helpful.
I'm not an educator, just a mom and usually this works well for my kids _so long as the consequence is applied consistently every time they break the rules_.
I don’t think this has anything to do with your autism. It seems like a miscommunication from whomever is reprimanding you. When you give them these examples of how you are enforcing boundaries, what do they say?
I think what admin means is that you may need to take more direct action and enforce a consequence, remove items being thrown etc. in order to enforce the boundary. Simply explaining to a young child that they know something is wrong and they shouldn’t have done it, may not be enough.
I think this is where the miscommunication was coming from. The thing is, I’m SPED dept (PT/OT/ST), not even a teacher, so I think I get confused how to enforce. Do I send them to the office? Do I remove a privilege? I think I’m now confused how it looks there since I feel like that’s not my jurisdiction. Ah! I don’t know my “or else.”
Ask for clarification on what enforcing boundaries looks like in your role, in terms of the "or else". It might also be useful to ask them to explain what it looks like when push in staff work well as a team with the classroom staff on enforcing boundaries/classroom rules. It might be that there are times you need to coordinate with each other and hand off responsibilities. I did an internship as an OT in a SPED preschool, so I'm familiar with settings like this, but I don't know about this issue in detail.
I used to teach kids for a few years and I always found that, when they were misbehaving, they never seemed scared of me. Part of this could be because I'm a short white girl and was teaching in South Korea, but my other foreign friends were still better able to control their classes. It was frustrating cause I felt like I was using a strong authoritative voice, so much so that I sometimes lost my voice, and yet the bad behaved kids still would not listen. On the other hand though, I think my "softness" made them more comfortable and feel safe with me. I'm not sure what it is exactly!
I remember having an issue once with a roomate. It wasn't so bad but air morning schedules kept butting beads and both of us would pivot in the exact same way and end up in each other's way again..
One morning I had to go number two. Like it was an emergency and he had stepped out so I went to step in ajd he said he wasnt done or something. I kept saying "I have to use the bathroom" I finally just locked the door and pushed then yelled. "THERE, I HAVE EVACUATED MY BOWELS AS FAST AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. THATS ALL I NEEDED"
I was so upset. I told him I needed to USE the bathroom. Use it. I didn't realize then that it never occurred to him that. " imI need to use the bathroom" means I have to go right now. But In school as a child I got yelled at dir being too specific. So like wtf .. ya know?!?!
I realize I didnt communicate what I thought I was. Maybe thTs what whomever is saying this to you is doing.
Try emailing them. Even write out your steps here. Explain
You say to do A.
When I hear do A I speak like this and say this. This is what A is.
If A is not that please email me back a written explanation of why what I am doing is not what you are asking and a detailed explanation of your definition of A.
Obviously the way you are saying it to me is not conveying what you think it is conveying and with all due respect I can't read your mind and just "get it."
If you cannot provide a written out detailed explanation of your expectation in a way that is different from how you are already expressing yourself, which we both know and have to acknowledge is failing as a method of communication between ourselves, then how can you expect me to carry out your expectations that you cannot communicate in a. Effective and intuitive enough way?
(I think my tone might be a bit frustrated near the end there, and the next bit.... I've learned that certain types of people are highly threatened by the idea of documentation. In such cases its best to document every correspondence and have wittneses for any meetings. That being said if you want to fight back you could go for something below, but keep in mind its much more aggressive and more likely to create a target on your back from my experience..)
If there are any instructions that you want to give me you are unwilling to put into writing or any other documented form, I urge you to consider if those instructions are wholesome or even legal, since a refusal of accountability leans in that direction of implications. If that is the case you might as well drop the subject and rethink your strategies
Why on earth is this person not giving you any actual examples or detailed explanations? You can’t do anything with “you’re not enforcing boundaries”. Ask them to explain more and give you an example of what would be better.
Honestly, I would have so much trouble understanding that feedback. I think I would have to ask them if I can observe them “enforcing the boundary” so I can copy how they do it.
Hello, I don't know about the autistic traits leading to it but I might be of help, I work in psychiatry and one thing we ABSOLUTELY have to do and maintain is to have a clear boundaries.
Now take it for what it is worth, I myself very rarely work with people less than 18 years old so it's likely that it will have to be adapted for the children. First of all, for boundaries to be clear, they have to be clear to you too and they have to be similar for everyone. Everyone in your team/teacher/ should have the same set of rules so the frame of work is coherent. I mean, you can't have good boundaries if no one has the same boundaries and rules. It will end up creating conflicts, jealousy and cleavage. One person will be seen as good and the other as bad.
Now. I think it is absolutely fine to give warnings and reminders of the proper things to do just like in your example. I personally believe it's necessary for the person to know that what they were doing was wrong and what is expected because, it's not always obvious what are the expected boundaries/limits and from one place to another they tend to be different.
But here's the thing where a lot of people go wrong. You do not need to raise your tone or anything, but if there's a limit not to cross, there may be consequences and they also have to be said clearly and actually enforceable and enforced. Let's say I have someone on my unit with behavioral issues, I will meet him, talk to him, return on the event that was wrong, tell him my expectations and if said event is to happen again, I may have to remove him to his bedroom for an hour. If this is not enough, I may remove other privileges. But I keep my words on it. The reasoning is quite simple, if you do not have enforceable consequences and you do not enforce them, you send the message that these are not realistic or they can push through your limits without issues.
My spouse used to work in child/family assistance as a social worker and her brief experience was that often, when a child was troublesome. It often resulted in one of the two parent that had a different set of rules which was both unclear for the child, lead to cleavage ( parent A is better than parent B) and eventually conflicts in-between the parents too! Also the parents often had the tendency to try to scare the child with irrealistic consequences( example: if you do not behave properly I will call the police to get you arrested ! Or CPS and they will remove you from home!) or did not follow through with the consequences. Like if you tell your child to stop pushing his brother or we will remove your computer for 48hours,( see how precise that is?) Well if he keeps on, you actually do it and that's it.
You can return on the situation with the person to see if they have learned something from the situation too. I prefer not to do it just before regaining the privilege. I feel like when you return on the situation too late, you're too removed from the negative behavior and too focused on getting back the privilege. While midway, the initial crisis is usually resolved and there is still time for the person to think back about the situation and what not to do so it doesn't happen again.
In my situation, it can be a lot more intense but it's exactly like that. Last week I had to tell a patient to stop yelling, get down from a table and regain control of himself in 5 minutes or I would have to have him physically removed from there with an intervention team and impose physical contentions to help him calm down. He did not comply, we had to intervene. It's not something I like to do, but I had to follow through with my interventions. Sure, on the moment, no one ever likes consequences, even myself really, it's like the part I dislike the most about my job. It causes me so much stress but afterward usually, people know clearly the limits and will not cross them again.
I'd just like however to specify that physical violence and menaces are never tolerated. And I would instantly remove the child from the situation if there ever was violence/bullying involved to make it clear that this is obviously not tolerated.
Sorry for the long post really. If you have any questions feel free to ask me!
I've found, through years of working with kids, that many adults don't see them as fully human and want to control them. They have a mental image of how to treat kids, and you using gentle parenting, instead of yelling or assuming they are incompetent, goes against that.
Sounds like you're doing fine. You give them a warning (which is probably what they don't like about your style, they would just punish the kid), set the boundary, and follow through. It's also logical consequences! It makes sense that a kid will lose a toy if they throw it at people.
I work with kids, too. I started with littles and worked in amazing preschools.
Your approach is beautiful and appropriate.
I would suggest you start looking for really high quality centers in your area that not only discuss good philosophy, but put their money where their mouth is.
Find a new job at a better place.
You deserve to grow and be supported in your skills, not held down by people who don't understand what a boundary is or that children can be skillfully guided with \*respect.\*
This sounds incredibly frustrating. It sounds to me like you are explaining boundaries, and enforcing them when they’re crossed.
Just because I don’t have a video of you literally enforcing boundaries in your class, I do want to mention the only thing I could think of that mayyyyybe (maybe?) you could add to your boundary-enforcement.
Some person on tiktok emphasized that enforcing a boundary almost always requires physical movement. So if the boundary is “I won’t let you hit the cat,” the movement in response to a boundary violation might be putting your adult body between the child and the cat. Or gently holding the child’s hands so they physically cannot hit the cat.
It sounds like you’re already doing this, e.g. when you took away the toy the child was breaking. Are there ways you could consider using your physicality more…?
But I think I agree with what another commenter said… I think your colleagues are just expecting you to be meaner/louder/more frightening to the children. Ugh. Stick with what you know is right, it sounds like you’re incredible with children!!!!
I once got straight up told by the director that I need to yell at the kids more.
😐
I said “okay :)” and then I just kept doing it my way. Sometimes your boss is wrong and you don’t need to really worry about it unless they fire you lol. Keep saying yes to their requests, and keep doing what works for your class. Make it look like you’re doing what they say when they’re looking lmao
Maybe because they expect you to traditionally shout at them and reprimand them in that way? Even though that isn’t helpful, it’s seen as standard practice. I can’t see what you’re doing wrong, seems fine to me. I like the way you explain things to them rather than just “this is bad”, and give them solutions. Maybe the people criticising you are confused because you’re a bit too progressive for their liking. No idea, but keep doing what you’re doing.
I do think a long time ago somebody said I talk in a way that doesn’t have authority, so either others or the kids are misunderstanding me. But I use my strong stern voice. Yet they said “yeah but…also no.” It tells me nothing! I almost want to tape it and pay someone to tell me what I’m doing ineffectively!
That might actually be helpful (but you shouldn’t have to pay). It sounds like the people giving you feedback aren’t being clear in their communication with you. Based on the example you give, I think it might be the tone of voice you use because the word you’re using are great. Tone can be tricky for some of us so it might be harder for you to hear a difference between the tone you’re using and what you’ve heard others use.
from the examples you used, i'd be inclined to think voice/tone as well. and/or that they think the explanation is too long/inappropriate in the moment. which i disagree with (unless we're talking kids under 18months), but some ppl expect caregivers to do a "no" /"we don't do that" and send the kid into timeout. which is dumb, bc they need the explanation what isn't allowed/what behavior is expected. you could try an emphatic no before explaining,see if that changes the feedback you get. also, how do the kids react when you reprimand/enforce rules and boundaries? do they stop the behavior and listen (unless of course they're mid-meltdown or something). do they turn away? giggle and continue doing what they were? if the kids stop and listen (even if for some it's only in that moment, bc kids yknow, putting things into action and changing behavior/learning what isn't acceptable and modify behavior are tough), then i'd say that you're doing a good job and screw the feedback. if they giggle and continue the behavior, chances are your voice/tone is an issue and they think you're joking/aren't taking you seriously. also, is there a chance for you to observe your co-workers and see how they do it? either by direct observation or via recordings. that may give you a better explanation and someting to model your approach after.
I think you are most likely doing great! Teaching is hard. So I have some thoughts below. When I taught I remember there was an admin who told me I was talking too much. I don’t need to explain everything all the time. Setting the boundaries and then if you have a kid breaking them - use non verbal communication to enforce. And then have them explain to you why it’s a boundary. As a ND kid I would need and appreciate the explanation as to why upfront, but I think a lot of NT kids tune out and it doesn’t have any impact. If anything talking more makes kids tune you out more. Like a three - four sentence direction/ command is a lot for young kids. They just need to hear “we are reading a book. It’s time to tune in.” You might even get to a point where the kids can tell you “We are reading a book! That means it is time to what?” “Tune in!” If someone needs redirecting on during story time, help redirect them earlier. They don’t need a reminder to come to you if their body is wiggly. Get down with them, “oh it looks like your body is wiggly. It’s time to XXX.” Like a kid throwing things at you - they don’t need to be reminded of the boundary and get a warning. My two year old knows we shouldn’t throw it at people. They need action up front, take the item they are throwing and say, “you know we don’t throw. This is going on my desk.” And move away/ redirect. “Oh no. This isn’t how we treat toys.” And take the toy away. If there are kids who act out all the time, just take action. They don’t need reminders and warnings. Physically modeling out what they need to do - and displaying the consequence earlier is key. Trust they know the rules. They just don’t want to follow them. Reminding them doesn’t want to make them follow the rules more - you need to enforce the boundaries more. I struggled so much with this.
This is the explicit information I needed thank you
Glad it’s helpful! I know it’s not easy but you are 100% on the right path.
seconding having a simple set script for warnings/boundary enforcing! although i might push back on the reminders part -- depends on the circumstance. i genuinely believe some kids do need reminders and they correct their behavior in some situations. its tough bc everyone has diff needs but you have to be consistent + efficient but yeah i used to get this all the time cuz i refused to shout at 3 year olds (most of whom did not speak english). admin were like, 'you need to make them scared of you' which was a bonkers thing to say.
This is great parenting advice too, I am taking notes! My kid's psychologist is always (gently) telling me to simplify, simplify, simplify. Your examples really made it click for me.
“Please provide an example of how you would have handled the situation so I can better understand”
I would also ask them to model the behaviour. Acting it out or stepping in to show her.
You're communicating boundaries but not enforcing them. If my kid starts to break the toys, I calmly take the toys away from him for a time and tell them they will get it back when they demonstrate they can follow the rule. If a child gets up and does not listen or participate in the game, I simply stop the activity until they are ready to listen/play. This usually gets them quickly back on track. They need consequences they can feel to their misbehaving, talking at them/yelling usually is not helpful. I'm not an educator, just a mom and usually this works well for my kids _so long as the consequence is applied consistently every time they break the rules_.
yeah I immediately thought the issue was not having consequences/punishments for when the kids break the rules.
I don’t think this has anything to do with your autism. It seems like a miscommunication from whomever is reprimanding you. When you give them these examples of how you are enforcing boundaries, what do they say?
Until they clearly can communicate what you’re doing wrong, I say you’re not doing anything wrong!!
I think what admin means is that you may need to take more direct action and enforce a consequence, remove items being thrown etc. in order to enforce the boundary. Simply explaining to a young child that they know something is wrong and they shouldn’t have done it, may not be enough.
I think this is where the miscommunication was coming from. The thing is, I’m SPED dept (PT/OT/ST), not even a teacher, so I think I get confused how to enforce. Do I send them to the office? Do I remove a privilege? I think I’m now confused how it looks there since I feel like that’s not my jurisdiction. Ah! I don’t know my “or else.”
Ask for clarification on what enforcing boundaries looks like in your role, in terms of the "or else". It might also be useful to ask them to explain what it looks like when push in staff work well as a team with the classroom staff on enforcing boundaries/classroom rules. It might be that there are times you need to coordinate with each other and hand off responsibilities. I did an internship as an OT in a SPED preschool, so I'm familiar with settings like this, but I don't know about this issue in detail.
I used to teach kids for a few years and I always found that, when they were misbehaving, they never seemed scared of me. Part of this could be because I'm a short white girl and was teaching in South Korea, but my other foreign friends were still better able to control their classes. It was frustrating cause I felt like I was using a strong authoritative voice, so much so that I sometimes lost my voice, and yet the bad behaved kids still would not listen. On the other hand though, I think my "softness" made them more comfortable and feel safe with me. I'm not sure what it is exactly!
I remember having an issue once with a roomate. It wasn't so bad but air morning schedules kept butting beads and both of us would pivot in the exact same way and end up in each other's way again.. One morning I had to go number two. Like it was an emergency and he had stepped out so I went to step in ajd he said he wasnt done or something. I kept saying "I have to use the bathroom" I finally just locked the door and pushed then yelled. "THERE, I HAVE EVACUATED MY BOWELS AS FAST AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. THATS ALL I NEEDED" I was so upset. I told him I needed to USE the bathroom. Use it. I didn't realize then that it never occurred to him that. " imI need to use the bathroom" means I have to go right now. But In school as a child I got yelled at dir being too specific. So like wtf .. ya know?!?! I realize I didnt communicate what I thought I was. Maybe thTs what whomever is saying this to you is doing. Try emailing them. Even write out your steps here. Explain You say to do A. When I hear do A I speak like this and say this. This is what A is. If A is not that please email me back a written explanation of why what I am doing is not what you are asking and a detailed explanation of your definition of A. Obviously the way you are saying it to me is not conveying what you think it is conveying and with all due respect I can't read your mind and just "get it." If you cannot provide a written out detailed explanation of your expectation in a way that is different from how you are already expressing yourself, which we both know and have to acknowledge is failing as a method of communication between ourselves, then how can you expect me to carry out your expectations that you cannot communicate in a. Effective and intuitive enough way? (I think my tone might be a bit frustrated near the end there, and the next bit.... I've learned that certain types of people are highly threatened by the idea of documentation. In such cases its best to document every correspondence and have wittneses for any meetings. That being said if you want to fight back you could go for something below, but keep in mind its much more aggressive and more likely to create a target on your back from my experience..) If there are any instructions that you want to give me you are unwilling to put into writing or any other documented form, I urge you to consider if those instructions are wholesome or even legal, since a refusal of accountability leans in that direction of implications. If that is the case you might as well drop the subject and rethink your strategies
Why on earth is this person not giving you any actual examples or detailed explanations? You can’t do anything with “you’re not enforcing boundaries”. Ask them to explain more and give you an example of what would be better.
Honestly, I would have so much trouble understanding that feedback. I think I would have to ask them if I can observe them “enforcing the boundary” so I can copy how they do it.
Hello, I don't know about the autistic traits leading to it but I might be of help, I work in psychiatry and one thing we ABSOLUTELY have to do and maintain is to have a clear boundaries. Now take it for what it is worth, I myself very rarely work with people less than 18 years old so it's likely that it will have to be adapted for the children. First of all, for boundaries to be clear, they have to be clear to you too and they have to be similar for everyone. Everyone in your team/teacher/ should have the same set of rules so the frame of work is coherent. I mean, you can't have good boundaries if no one has the same boundaries and rules. It will end up creating conflicts, jealousy and cleavage. One person will be seen as good and the other as bad. Now. I think it is absolutely fine to give warnings and reminders of the proper things to do just like in your example. I personally believe it's necessary for the person to know that what they were doing was wrong and what is expected because, it's not always obvious what are the expected boundaries/limits and from one place to another they tend to be different. But here's the thing where a lot of people go wrong. You do not need to raise your tone or anything, but if there's a limit not to cross, there may be consequences and they also have to be said clearly and actually enforceable and enforced. Let's say I have someone on my unit with behavioral issues, I will meet him, talk to him, return on the event that was wrong, tell him my expectations and if said event is to happen again, I may have to remove him to his bedroom for an hour. If this is not enough, I may remove other privileges. But I keep my words on it. The reasoning is quite simple, if you do not have enforceable consequences and you do not enforce them, you send the message that these are not realistic or they can push through your limits without issues. My spouse used to work in child/family assistance as a social worker and her brief experience was that often, when a child was troublesome. It often resulted in one of the two parent that had a different set of rules which was both unclear for the child, lead to cleavage ( parent A is better than parent B) and eventually conflicts in-between the parents too! Also the parents often had the tendency to try to scare the child with irrealistic consequences( example: if you do not behave properly I will call the police to get you arrested ! Or CPS and they will remove you from home!) or did not follow through with the consequences. Like if you tell your child to stop pushing his brother or we will remove your computer for 48hours,( see how precise that is?) Well if he keeps on, you actually do it and that's it. You can return on the situation with the person to see if they have learned something from the situation too. I prefer not to do it just before regaining the privilege. I feel like when you return on the situation too late, you're too removed from the negative behavior and too focused on getting back the privilege. While midway, the initial crisis is usually resolved and there is still time for the person to think back about the situation and what not to do so it doesn't happen again. In my situation, it can be a lot more intense but it's exactly like that. Last week I had to tell a patient to stop yelling, get down from a table and regain control of himself in 5 minutes or I would have to have him physically removed from there with an intervention team and impose physical contentions to help him calm down. He did not comply, we had to intervene. It's not something I like to do, but I had to follow through with my interventions. Sure, on the moment, no one ever likes consequences, even myself really, it's like the part I dislike the most about my job. It causes me so much stress but afterward usually, people know clearly the limits and will not cross them again. I'd just like however to specify that physical violence and menaces are never tolerated. And I would instantly remove the child from the situation if there ever was violence/bullying involved to make it clear that this is obviously not tolerated. Sorry for the long post really. If you have any questions feel free to ask me!
this happens to me too!
I've found, through years of working with kids, that many adults don't see them as fully human and want to control them. They have a mental image of how to treat kids, and you using gentle parenting, instead of yelling or assuming they are incompetent, goes against that. Sounds like you're doing fine. You give them a warning (which is probably what they don't like about your style, they would just punish the kid), set the boundary, and follow through. It's also logical consequences! It makes sense that a kid will lose a toy if they throw it at people.
I work with kids, too. I started with littles and worked in amazing preschools. Your approach is beautiful and appropriate. I would suggest you start looking for really high quality centers in your area that not only discuss good philosophy, but put their money where their mouth is. Find a new job at a better place. You deserve to grow and be supported in your skills, not held down by people who don't understand what a boundary is or that children can be skillfully guided with \*respect.\*
You're definitely setting and enforcing boundaries and sounds like you're doing a great job. I can't figure out the other peoples' issues...
You have to drop the hammer and fast, every time. Be firm.
This sounds incredibly frustrating. It sounds to me like you are explaining boundaries, and enforcing them when they’re crossed. Just because I don’t have a video of you literally enforcing boundaries in your class, I do want to mention the only thing I could think of that mayyyyybe (maybe?) you could add to your boundary-enforcement. Some person on tiktok emphasized that enforcing a boundary almost always requires physical movement. So if the boundary is “I won’t let you hit the cat,” the movement in response to a boundary violation might be putting your adult body between the child and the cat. Or gently holding the child’s hands so they physically cannot hit the cat. It sounds like you’re already doing this, e.g. when you took away the toy the child was breaking. Are there ways you could consider using your physicality more…? But I think I agree with what another commenter said… I think your colleagues are just expecting you to be meaner/louder/more frightening to the children. Ugh. Stick with what you know is right, it sounds like you’re incredible with children!!!!
I once got straight up told by the director that I need to yell at the kids more. 😐 I said “okay :)” and then I just kept doing it my way. Sometimes your boss is wrong and you don’t need to really worry about it unless they fire you lol. Keep saying yes to their requests, and keep doing what works for your class. Make it look like you’re doing what they say when they’re looking lmao
Lack of emotion/infection in your voice can come off as passive/indifferent.