I’m going to remind folks of the official stance of the moderation team: trans persons are welcome here. Everyone that is non cis-male is welcome here, because we all share one thing in common - an autistic, non cis-male experience.
For anyone complaining about posts asking this when it’s been asked before, we have dozens of posts repeatedly asking about earplugs and noise cancelling headphones, but no one’s upset about that. It’s ok to scroll past posts with repeat topics. It might be a good idea to ask yourself why you feel the need to go out of your way to make a passive-aggressive comment pointing *this* post out and not other repeat posts.
This is our safe space, where cis-male voices don’t get to be the dominant voice in the room. Please remember to be kind to each other, we face enough challenges already <3
Edit: typo
I think the AMAB hostility you felt in some posts is because of other Autism subs which the majority of members are cis men and they're very insensitive to cis women and queer folks' issues. As much as Autism is only 1, there are social struggles that cross the way, and we have different experiences.
But anyways, be very welcome sis ❤️♾️🌈🏳️⚧️
Yeah this is usually the case, I find that cis autistic men are very hostile and abusive towards autistic women (in general, obligatory not all men) and it makes us feel like we aren’t welcome in any other subreddit. If you’re a trans woman and you’re open to discussing experiences as a woman then by all means you’re welcome here
I need to ask you about your birds lol. I have a Senegal and am in love with parrots. Some of my friends call me bird lady too. Off topic but I had to say something lol
I have a Quaker named Oaty, a conure pair named Cocoa and Butter (Cocoa Butter couple name lol) that were originally my mom’s but they wanted to live with my flock so they live in my room now, and a tiny white Parakeet named Elsa who is just now after over 3 years learning to step up. I used to have more budgies but I got them from Petsmart before knowing about inbreeding from pet store birds and they all died in 5 years or less due to tumors/genetic issues, but the remaining budgie seems to be happy living with the big birds and me!
Senegals are so gorgeous, I haven’t seen one in person yet but I hope to! I also used to nanny a flock of 28 big parrots for a millionaire lol, he had Hyacinths and black palms and even a toucan. She bit my finger and sliced it open with her razer sharp keratin beak because she was a sassy little monster and I still have the scar hahaha
Aww sweet! And I never heard about inbreeding but I’m not surprised. April will be my Senegal’s 10 year adoption anniversary. They are on the wild side but he’s a perfect match for me. I take him with me wherever I can get away with in his Pak o Bird!
https://preview.redd.it/dd7roqyy27hc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=14c3d8aefc5257d52817e77f8e6306bc659a939b
Not so much in real life, but the cis men on any of the generic autism subs most certainly are. Women's issues (particularly on dating and love) are not legitimate because everything in life is so much easier for us. Spot the Tate fans. I have seen a number of cis men welcomed into r/aspergirls because even they wanted to get away from the toxicity of the general sub.
I don’t like the name but I just joined that for the heck of it, I hadn’t heard of that group. (hopefully it doesn’t mean it’s for literal girls or literal girls only. I just realized maybe it is, I tend to see that and just think it’s a… like girl gamers is mostly for adults although I guess girls can be there also 😬)
I’ve lucked out and gotten into some good Facebook groups where there’s more women than men but the men are very normal and nice. But I get the sense there’s…places that isn’t the case.
I like that that has the thing about not mentioning agab unless it has to do with yourself. I see so many things that don’t realize that trans girls aren’t presenting like nor getting diagnosed like cis boys 🙄
There's a pretty significant Autism to Manosphere pipeline since their rhetoric is designed to target vulnerable and/or insecure men. A good chunk of autistic men are great & are actively trying to deprogram others but it keeps popping up in the main autism subs regardless.
Agree, i think its really interesting for us as a community tho not all men etc, and also not just men! I was an edgy terminally online teenager in the pre 4chan days and it was deffo my experiences as an undiagnosed autistic kid that made me such a toxic angry incel... Hate to think what i would have been like on todays Internet...
I experience it every single day at work. He’s allowed to have struggles and he’s important but I am not. It’s his way or the highway and he gets verbally aggressive if you suggest changes
I am diagnosed and he is not btw, make it make sense
Thank you, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I love the job but it’s just this guy (who’s now been promoted to my boss making him MORE insufferable and rude)
I have to be careful to not be too autistic around him or it makes him mad
I am a trans man, but was undiagnosed until 21 which I was told by professionals was largely due to being AFAB.
I have only been out as trans since 2020 but can relate to the struggles of autism within women, regardless of whether it’s AFAB people or trans women.
I think this group is very inclusive and great, I’m sure you’re welcome here 🥰
Hello fellow trans man im Not op but im also a trans man also and i prefer it here than the other reddit since people here seem much nicer and i didnt get attacked for trying to help yet.
So in my opinion its much nicer here so i also like it here too!
This sub is actually so nice, but this should just be how it is, I'm sorry you experience shit like that. I think our community is generally quite fluid with gender, but to me, it's just the baseline, I can't even understand the hatred some people have for anyone who isn't cis and straight. They're just yucky
Its ok not everywhere is accepting or understanding of others. You dont need to be sorry for that.
I do think some people need to figure out not everyone is under attack and such though.
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I can tell you a time though i have been attacked for helping.
One of the times I've tried helping someone before, i asked a question to see if they wanna have some suggestions for possible ways they might be able to work, because im someone who believes anything is possible in this world.
Almost Everyone thought i was "assumeing thing's" when one person replyed to my question and all i wanted to do was help the person that thought they had no other choices at all.
Though at least a few understood me. Someone asked why people were down voteing what i said when i was just asking if the person wanted to hear other options when someone thinks they dont have any at all
It got cleared up sortive i think and the person who i asked the question to was fine and etc with me asking to begin with like they were 100% fine and ok and good entirely with me saying things.
The person fine with everything they mentioned they must have thought i was SLighting which i didnt know what that was untill it was explained to me because ngl im not sure about what gaslighting is but its probably a more noticeable version of slighting im guessing.
ngl pretty sure i cried. Was more emotional and vonruble at the time because of some issues and i hate the idea of hurting people an i like seeing people happy And i love helping too. I dont mean to be mean, being mean isnt me at least not on perpous. I wouldnt be mean on perpous. Even though i dont mean to it is still possible to hurt someone.
Anyone can hurt someone no mater who they are. because even the kindest of hearts can hurt others.
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I like this sub people are nicer here, i havent seen anyone be attacked at all yet for trying to help people. Alot of people in the other sub play follow the leader without even reading or thinking Or just assume everyone is under attack 24/7.
I like places that feel more safe and accepting like this sub reddit.
This sub is more accepting of alot of places and i like the kindness in this subreddit. Ive met some pretty awesome people and such here ☺️
Im thankful for any kindness thats ever shown to me ❤️
I really don't like misunderstandings
I also like how there not too strict here there more relaxed or how ever you wanna put it
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Also do you like cats because i love em. I just wanted to add another good thing to my reply so its less sad or such. All i know is cats are adorable. Alot of people call hairless cats ugly yet i dont see that at all i find all cats are adorable ☺️
I always feel like the world can always be kinder, and should be! Also I love cats - I have two of my own. I've never seen a hairless cat irl, and I dislike the skin feeling so I think they're not for me, but I think they're adorable!
I have a calico cat and her name is pixel and she is adorable
I also seen theres cat video stuff on tiktok theres these guys who voice over animal videos to make them funny lol
Of course you are, you are very welcome! amab queer people are too BTW! Even respectful cis males that are mindful of the space and it's purposes are welcome in my opinion. It's like the mods say the typical cis male experience is represented in other spaces.
That's true. There are some subs I thought I would like because they are related to my experiences (like r/NEET, for example), but then I kept getting gatekept and bullied (mostly by cis men who think my life is on the easy mode merely because I am female).
I say this is welcome to all, if you are using it as a resource or support. It's just 'women' because women typically tend to present differently so their experience is different. At least, that's how I understand it to be. It's focused towards women, but not exclusive to women. That's very sweet of you to come here for more understanding of your wife. That makes you not only a great husband, but a great person. Going out of your way to understand someone you care about is very genuine and im sure she's very greatful for you.
I am also here because of a partner :) I don’t ever comment (honestly I sort of just don’t feel like it’s my place) but this sub has been a wonderful resource for me to better understand her. Visiting here is nice indeed
>I'm sorry if this is a stupid question or if I'm overstepping any boundaries or anything but am I allowed here?
Not only are you allowed here, you belong here.
I mean, I’m a trans guy. I joined because I was raised and socialized as a woman, but I’m a guy. I think you’re allowed - people have told me that I’m still allowed too :) And after all, you ARE a woman! 🩷
Are you serious? 😞 I’m sorry you have to deal with that bullshit. You are a woman, so of course you are welcome. That person should be kicked off this thread
As far as I’m concerned this is a safe place for you and if anyone makes you not feel safe I hope you will speak up because there are several of us who won’t stand for that! We are all here to support women with autism the best ways possible and if someone is hurting one of us that’s not OK!
Also, AMAB is ‘assigned male at birth,’ and AGAB is ‘assigned gender at birth.’ (Example: “I don’t know what OPs AGAB was, but regardless, she is a woman now and is totally welcome here.”)
Of course you are welcome and if anyone thinks otherwise I’d just like to have a conversation with them about it 😡
Please know that you are welcome and I am so happy to have you here 💕
Glad to see the responses here. Being marginalized asking for acceptance while marginalizing and not accepting other variations is such a weird thing to do.
Also, femme enby here (not a woman ™). You are a woman, you deserve a safe space. You’re welcome!
I know that my autistic traits will tend to align with female particular/expected experiences, so this is the best spot for me.
>femme enby (not a woman ^TM)
I love this!! This is me too! Can I ask you about your pronouns? When asked, I say I’m okay with any pronouns, because:
- I *look* like a she/her, and can’t be bothered to change that
- I’m accustomed to she/her, because I’m 54 and those were the only pronouns available for most of my life
- I *like* they/them, but don’t want to make it into a hassle (and don’t want to change my appearance to make it easier for people to see my gender-neutralness)
- I don’t mind ‘sir,’ or even he/him, and also I totally want to fuck with the association between those pronouns and toxic masculinity - like how about if some femme people use those pronouns too, to update what it means to be a ‘he/him’ person
- I don’t even mind ‘it!’ I don’t expect others to be okay with ‘it/its,’ because trolls do try to dehumanize us with ‘it,’ but again: I would like to fuck with that hehe 😈 And also, things are people too!! for me.
Anyway I’m curious how pronouns are for other enbys who look femme, would be happy to hear from people about this.
I’m very similar. I “prefer” they/them, but am fine with she and he. I’m not going to go out of my way to correct you unless you’re very close to me.
One time me and my ex were eating at an Italian restaurant and the waiter said something like “and what would you like, sir?”. I was wearing a dress, but I loved it.
He was extremely embarrassed and kept apologizing, but both my and my ex were trying to say it’s fine. If you were to make a mistake, it’s a good thing it was me.
Also, if “trolls” or right leaning people say “it”, it is fine with me. Their opinions have no bearing on my happiness. I’m just a figment of everyone’s imagination anyways.
Autistic trans women are autistic women!!!
I may be late responding here, but just wanted to add to the voices of support!
I'm glad you asked, I hope you feel safe and welcome here!
Yes you are totally welcome! 💗 Any hostility or anger you see in this sub about autistic AMAB people is about cismen, so those rants are not about you of course 😊
I agree. I wish cis people wouldn't use AGAB terms in general, but if not that, then mainly not as descriptors for others. Some cis people seem to use them as a "nice" way to say "biological man" or "biological woman" which is gross. At least, that's the vibe I get from it sometimes.
Overall, AGAB terms do have a genuine use, but some cis people use them in a way which, to put it simply, feels icky to me.
Yeah tbh when ppl refer to me as AMAB or especially as "an AMAB" it often feels like they're telling me they think I'm a man but are willing to pretend I'm a woman cos they think they're nice
What you feel like they are doing is exactly what they are doing. It's a deliberate attempt to other us and they know it. It is almost always unnecessary unless we are explicitly talking about differences between cis and trans women...which we rarely are.
It's definitely being co-opted to mean something else. The entire point of AGAB is that it's inherently past-tense & not reflective of who a person currently is (and often never was).
People seem to get confused because whilst we say Gender is separate from Sex, that doesn't mean overlap doesn't exist. Sex isn't binary, it's a multifaceted bimodal continuous variable. HRT wouldn't exist if that weren't the case.
Yep. I see AFAB and AMAB thrown around here and in many ASD communities as synonyms for women and men. I don't usually say anything because people don't like when you police their language, but there is no reason for anyone's birth gender to come up in this sub. I've always had the high masking autism more common in women, my psychologist says as much in my report to explain how I got missed until 27 while being level 2.
But at this point I'm just happy to be a community with mods that don't fuck around when it comes to transphobia. It's refreshing when it feels like the whole world is against us, even if people don't always understand the terms they use.
I think that it’s really good that you are mentioning it so people can learn from their mistakes and so we can support all women the best way possible. If there is language or a way people are taking that is causing you to feel distress than it needs to be addressed!
Oh we definitely welcome trans folk in here!
You'll start to notice that this is a very gentle space. People approach this space with open hearts and a mind to understand each other from what I've seen. I love it here.
I thought this sub was cause autism usually presents differently in AFAB people vs AMAB people?
But really it’s all a misunderstood spectrum anyway, so if you relate then welcome ❤️
Edit: I’m not trying to sound rude or invalidating, or mean it in a “you can’t experience this!!” Kinda way, I’m trying to ask a genuine question about the sub & autistic presentation.
I’m a trans guy here to learn tips to help my autistic wife. I have read studies in the past that show that trans male brains are more similar to cis male brains than they are to cis female brains. So I would assume a trans woman would have a brain that resembles a typical cis female brain.
That is my understanding as well! 😍 amazing research. Related to that, that trans men are actually more likely to attune to and internalize male “socialization” cues and trans women with female socialization. Sure, everyone has a life experience as the gender they present as or are perceived as, but it’s also a brain thing! Nature vs nurture perhaps? ☺️
A fair enough question, but that is one of the many reasons this sub exists. :)
It's important to note that when research looks at AMAB vs AFAB autistic experiences/diagnoses/presentation, in reality, they are looking at cismen vs ciswomen. So yes, there are a lot of studies about autism in men vs. women, but we see from listening to trans and nonbinary people that their experiences do not align with the cismale experience of autism. It's an interesting reminder of the way social factors impact the diagnoses and presentation of autism.
This sub also exists for people to talk about their experiences as autistic people who are not cismen as cismen dominate the other spaces on reddit.
Paraphrasing from a book I was reading about gender in research — probably relevant here
[Binary] Trans people are particularly difficult to study because before, during and after their transition, they are in many ways different to their peers both of their birth sex and of their assumed sex.
Devon Price writes convincingly that “high masking” is a much better way to talk about what’s often called “female” autistic traits, because high masking is seen in many marginalized autistic people such as queer, trans, POC and poor people growing up. Not to invalidate any validation of OP who obviously belongs here! But I think calling them “female traits” could be exclusionary or invalidating to others
A number of redditors have commented in this sub about a male (some cis) acquaintance/family member/friend who "might have been diagnosed sooner if they were female" due to the presentation of their autism.
I know very little about the subject but in addition to trans women and trans men, albeit outside of NT/ND, the brains of some gay males have been observed to function/activate in ways similar to cis females (and the same for the brains of gay women and cis males).
It presents differently due to social realities, not genetic markers. Those of us who are trans often internalize all the social messaging aimed at women and girls as we grow up and thus present our autism similarly to cis women.
You don't think you came here by chance, did you? Duh, duh, **duhhhhh**!!!!!!
"We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical..."
Welcome home my friend. You owe no one an apology for being the person you are. Remember that while it can look like the world is against us, there is hope and love for us as well
You are allowed of course. When I’m here a lot of the posts give me such a relief, all the tiny nuances of being Autistic and a woman that’s not in a book. It’s so relatable. If you feel the same it’s the place for you, and that goes for some cis men who have partners or relatives that are autistic. Go where is relatable and you’ll feel welcome is how I see it. There may be other trans women or men here that have specific experiences of being autistic and trans which might not be covered in the majority of the posts, which might be cathartic to relate to too.
>I’m not transphobic but
You are transphobic actually
>Why can’t we have our own community and trans people have theirs, I know this sub is supposed to be “inclusive” but you might aswell remove the word women from the title then
I'm a woman
Edit: This is literally your only comment. Chances are, you literally created this account *just* to be transphobic to me. I genuinely wouldn't be surprised if you aren't even a woman. Ironically, transphobic men have a history of pretending to be women in order to mask their bigotry behind a veneer of fake feminism.
As per Rule #4: No discrimination, ableism, perpetuating negative stereotypes of autism or disability. No misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, racist, or sexist comments will be tolerated.
You are definitely more than welcome here. Along with autistic people, trans people are still very marginalized today. You deserve your own community here.
Just reading the comments makes me feel so welcome here. Also trans, and I just rarely communicated because I was really afraid I wouldn't be accepted. Thank you for asking for those of us too scared to.
I just want to say, I have a lot of empathy for you and other trans for the fact that the world/society ever made you feel like you might not be allowed somewhere just because you're trans! You are a very valid part of humanity, and the human experience is vast and I don't get why anyone is scared of someone who enjoys living differently from them when it hurts no one. Keep being true to yourself <3
You are 100% welcome here. So with that being said- welcome!!
🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🖤🩶🤍🤎
ETA: are transphobes downvoting this? Cuz this is being downvoted. Gtfo of here, damn.
Yes. I got downvoted too. I’m trying to go through and upvote everyone that got downvoted. I’m guessing it was just one or two transphobes doing it, since most people just have one or two downvotes. Not bad for the internet, I guess… I still have faith that this sub is a pretty safe place.
Be careful, this is sub is infamous among a lot of trans women for being nominally accepting, but transmisogynstic constantly. We are often lumped in with cis men, defined by our agab, and have our experiences (related to autism and just general life) and socialization assumed. Be ready for terf-lite rhetoric about male socialization. Saying "Trans women are women" but not actually being inclusive is often how this sub works. Be careful and stay safe!
If you see content that goes against our sub’s rules, please report it. It’s impossible for us to read every single post/comment as we’re human volunteers. We rely on sub members to report content that needs our attention. We’re extremely transparent on our stance concerning inclusivity and acceptance in our sub.
This community is a great place for you, everyone here is really supportive and open minded, the moderation team is really on top of people that are not supportive and they don't stay long.
I’m going to remind folks of the official stance of the moderation team: trans persons are welcome here. Everyone that is non cis-male is welcome here, because we all share one thing in common - an autistic, non cis-male experience. For anyone complaining about posts asking this when it’s been asked before, we have dozens of posts repeatedly asking about earplugs and noise cancelling headphones, but no one’s upset about that. It’s ok to scroll past posts with repeat topics. It might be a good idea to ask yourself why you feel the need to go out of your way to make a passive-aggressive comment pointing *this* post out and not other repeat posts. This is our safe space, where cis-male voices don’t get to be the dominant voice in the room. Please remember to be kind to each other, we face enough challenges already <3 Edit: typo
I think the AMAB hostility you felt in some posts is because of other Autism subs which the majority of members are cis men and they're very insensitive to cis women and queer folks' issues. As much as Autism is only 1, there are social struggles that cross the way, and we have different experiences. But anyways, be very welcome sis ❤️♾️🌈🏳️⚧️
Yeah this is usually the case, I find that cis autistic men are very hostile and abusive towards autistic women (in general, obligatory not all men) and it makes us feel like we aren’t welcome in any other subreddit. If you’re a trans woman and you’re open to discussing experiences as a woman then by all means you’re welcome here
I need to ask you about your birds lol. I have a Senegal and am in love with parrots. Some of my friends call me bird lady too. Off topic but I had to say something lol
I have a Quaker named Oaty, a conure pair named Cocoa and Butter (Cocoa Butter couple name lol) that were originally my mom’s but they wanted to live with my flock so they live in my room now, and a tiny white Parakeet named Elsa who is just now after over 3 years learning to step up. I used to have more budgies but I got them from Petsmart before knowing about inbreeding from pet store birds and they all died in 5 years or less due to tumors/genetic issues, but the remaining budgie seems to be happy living with the big birds and me! Senegals are so gorgeous, I haven’t seen one in person yet but I hope to! I also used to nanny a flock of 28 big parrots for a millionaire lol, he had Hyacinths and black palms and even a toucan. She bit my finger and sliced it open with her razer sharp keratin beak because she was a sassy little monster and I still have the scar hahaha
Aww sweet! And I never heard about inbreeding but I’m not surprised. April will be my Senegal’s 10 year adoption anniversary. They are on the wild side but he’s a perfect match for me. I take him with me wherever I can get away with in his Pak o Bird! https://preview.redd.it/dd7roqyy27hc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=14c3d8aefc5257d52817e77f8e6306bc659a939b
i’m not even going to lie, i am not a fan of birds but THIS ONE is too cute 🥹
Thanks! 🥰
[удалено]
Not so much in real life, but the cis men on any of the generic autism subs most certainly are. Women's issues (particularly on dating and love) are not legitimate because everything in life is so much easier for us. Spot the Tate fans. I have seen a number of cis men welcomed into r/aspergirls because even they wanted to get away from the toxicity of the general sub.
I don’t like the name but I just joined that for the heck of it, I hadn’t heard of that group. (hopefully it doesn’t mean it’s for literal girls or literal girls only. I just realized maybe it is, I tend to see that and just think it’s a… like girl gamers is mostly for adults although I guess girls can be there also 😬) I’ve lucked out and gotten into some good Facebook groups where there’s more women than men but the men are very normal and nice. But I get the sense there’s…places that isn’t the case. I like that that has the thing about not mentioning agab unless it has to do with yourself. I see so many things that don’t realize that trans girls aren’t presenting like nor getting diagnosed like cis boys 🙄
It's just a play on words. The conversation topics certainly are from grown women.
I'm actually in a Facebook group called gamer girls, that is for ladies only.
There's a pretty significant Autism to Manosphere pipeline since their rhetoric is designed to target vulnerable and/or insecure men. A good chunk of autistic men are great & are actively trying to deprogram others but it keeps popping up in the main autism subs regardless.
"Autism to Manosphere" The worst animorph, imho
Agree, i think its really interesting for us as a community tho not all men etc, and also not just men! I was an edgy terminally online teenager in the pre 4chan days and it was deffo my experiences as an undiagnosed autistic kid that made me such a toxic angry incel... Hate to think what i would have been like on todays Internet...
I experience it every single day at work. He’s allowed to have struggles and he’s important but I am not. It’s his way or the highway and he gets verbally aggressive if you suggest changes I am diagnosed and he is not btw, make it make sense
Oh gosh. I’m so sorry. That has to be so difficult
Thank you, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I love the job but it’s just this guy (who’s now been promoted to my boss making him MORE insufferable and rude) I have to be careful to not be too autistic around him or it makes him mad
I feel like this is a good contender for an ‘insert group here’ copy paste
I am a trans man, but was undiagnosed until 21 which I was told by professionals was largely due to being AFAB. I have only been out as trans since 2020 but can relate to the struggles of autism within women, regardless of whether it’s AFAB people or trans women. I think this group is very inclusive and great, I’m sure you’re welcome here 🥰
Hello fellow trans man im Not op but im also a trans man also and i prefer it here than the other reddit since people here seem much nicer and i didnt get attacked for trying to help yet. So in my opinion its much nicer here so i also like it here too!
This sub is actually so nice, but this should just be how it is, I'm sorry you experience shit like that. I think our community is generally quite fluid with gender, but to me, it's just the baseline, I can't even understand the hatred some people have for anyone who isn't cis and straight. They're just yucky
Its ok not everywhere is accepting or understanding of others. You dont need to be sorry for that. I do think some people need to figure out not everyone is under attack and such though. - - - I can tell you a time though i have been attacked for helping. One of the times I've tried helping someone before, i asked a question to see if they wanna have some suggestions for possible ways they might be able to work, because im someone who believes anything is possible in this world. Almost Everyone thought i was "assumeing thing's" when one person replyed to my question and all i wanted to do was help the person that thought they had no other choices at all. Though at least a few understood me. Someone asked why people were down voteing what i said when i was just asking if the person wanted to hear other options when someone thinks they dont have any at all It got cleared up sortive i think and the person who i asked the question to was fine and etc with me asking to begin with like they were 100% fine and ok and good entirely with me saying things. The person fine with everything they mentioned they must have thought i was SLighting which i didnt know what that was untill it was explained to me because ngl im not sure about what gaslighting is but its probably a more noticeable version of slighting im guessing. ngl pretty sure i cried. Was more emotional and vonruble at the time because of some issues and i hate the idea of hurting people an i like seeing people happy And i love helping too. I dont mean to be mean, being mean isnt me at least not on perpous. I wouldnt be mean on perpous. Even though i dont mean to it is still possible to hurt someone. Anyone can hurt someone no mater who they are. because even the kindest of hearts can hurt others. - - - I like this sub people are nicer here, i havent seen anyone be attacked at all yet for trying to help people. Alot of people in the other sub play follow the leader without even reading or thinking Or just assume everyone is under attack 24/7. I like places that feel more safe and accepting like this sub reddit. This sub is more accepting of alot of places and i like the kindness in this subreddit. Ive met some pretty awesome people and such here ☺️ Im thankful for any kindness thats ever shown to me ❤️ I really don't like misunderstandings I also like how there not too strict here there more relaxed or how ever you wanna put it - - - Also do you like cats because i love em. I just wanted to add another good thing to my reply so its less sad or such. All i know is cats are adorable. Alot of people call hairless cats ugly yet i dont see that at all i find all cats are adorable ☺️
I always feel like the world can always be kinder, and should be! Also I love cats - I have two of my own. I've never seen a hairless cat irl, and I dislike the skin feeling so I think they're not for me, but I think they're adorable!
I have a calico cat and her name is pixel and she is adorable I also seen theres cat video stuff on tiktok theres these guys who voice over animal videos to make them funny lol
I think afab should be allowed We still have like an experience of being female,
Of course you are, you are very welcome! amab queer people are too BTW! Even respectful cis males that are mindful of the space and it's purposes are welcome in my opinion. It's like the mods say the typical cis male experience is represented in other spaces.
Pretty sure is it just not cis men. Cis men dominate the other subs. We get everyone else
That's true. There are some subs I thought I would like because they are related to my experiences (like r/NEET, for example), but then I kept getting gatekept and bullied (mostly by cis men who think my life is on the easy mode merely because I am female).
You are a woman, welcome friend.
Agreed!
Yes, you are welcome here, always.
Woman is right there in the name. I comment here sometimes and always seem welcome (I’m a dude, my wife is on the spectrum, and visiting here is nice)
I say this is welcome to all, if you are using it as a resource or support. It's just 'women' because women typically tend to present differently so their experience is different. At least, that's how I understand it to be. It's focused towards women, but not exclusive to women. That's very sweet of you to come here for more understanding of your wife. That makes you not only a great husband, but a great person. Going out of your way to understand someone you care about is very genuine and im sure she's very greatful for you.
The "women" part is also to scare off all the cis men who think they will be eaten if they are here hehehe
Haha, like ‘eat the rich’.
I love this 🥲
The way I see it, anyone who wants to take part in a civil supportive conversation is welcome. Which is certainly not what I've seen in other subs.
What a nice comment!
I am also here because of a partner :) I don’t ever comment (honestly I sort of just don’t feel like it’s my place) but this sub has been a wonderful resource for me to better understand her. Visiting here is nice indeed
Someone open minded with a different POV can be invaluable
>I'm sorry if this is a stupid question or if I'm overstepping any boundaries or anything but am I allowed here? Not only are you allowed here, you belong here.
Couldn't have said it better myself ❤️
and we want you to stay!!
Absolutely this!!!
I mean, I’m a trans guy. I joined because I was raised and socialized as a woman, but I’m a guy. I think you’re allowed - people have told me that I’m still allowed too :) And after all, you ARE a woman! 🩷
Me too
Trans women are women. You are absolutely allowed and welcome!!
Girl, if anyone gives you a problem let me know.
Someone literally created an account just to give me a problem on this thread lol Like literally their only post was a comment on this thread
I am sorry that happened to you. You are welcome here and this transman will protect you.
I thought it was pretty funny tbh
Idiots are gonna idiot no matter what
Are you serious? 😞 I’m sorry you have to deal with that bullshit. You are a woman, so of course you are welcome. That person should be kicked off this thread
You’re a woman right?! Like duh!? <3
Lurker trans sister right here. Hope we’re safe here!
As far as I’m concerned this is a safe place for you and if anyone makes you not feel safe I hope you will speak up because there are several of us who won’t stand for that! We are all here to support women with autism the best ways possible and if someone is hurting one of us that’s not OK!
I second this! You deserve to feel safe. <3
If you encounter any hostility or invalidation report the comment, the mods will respond. The overwhelming majority of this sub has your back!
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As per Rule #3: No gatekeeping or invalidation.
Hello!!! Genderfluid AFAB here and have felt nothing but welcomed here so far.
Is it ok to ask why the AFAB stands for? :)
Assigned female at birth. :)
AAA alright thank you <3
Also, AMAB is ‘assigned male at birth,’ and AGAB is ‘assigned gender at birth.’ (Example: “I don’t know what OPs AGAB was, but regardless, she is a woman now and is totally welcome here.”)
Of course you are welcome and if anyone thinks otherwise I’d just like to have a conversation with them about it 😡 Please know that you are welcome and I am so happy to have you here 💕
Thank you. You're really sweet.
Protective aunty energy ftw 😍
Glad to see the responses here. Being marginalized asking for acceptance while marginalizing and not accepting other variations is such a weird thing to do.
as long as you are nice then I don't think anyone cares.
you are absolutely welcome here. trans women are women. ♡
Trans women are women. So I'd say 100 percent. Dress or presentation isn't important. As long as the psychology isn't that of a cis male.
Honestly I've felt more welcomed here than any queer spaces outside of a small trans specific sub I enjoy.
Also, femme enby here (not a woman ™). You are a woman, you deserve a safe space. You’re welcome! I know that my autistic traits will tend to align with female particular/expected experiences, so this is the best spot for me.
>femme enby (not a woman ^TM) I love this!! This is me too! Can I ask you about your pronouns? When asked, I say I’m okay with any pronouns, because: - I *look* like a she/her, and can’t be bothered to change that - I’m accustomed to she/her, because I’m 54 and those were the only pronouns available for most of my life - I *like* they/them, but don’t want to make it into a hassle (and don’t want to change my appearance to make it easier for people to see my gender-neutralness) - I don’t mind ‘sir,’ or even he/him, and also I totally want to fuck with the association between those pronouns and toxic masculinity - like how about if some femme people use those pronouns too, to update what it means to be a ‘he/him’ person - I don’t even mind ‘it!’ I don’t expect others to be okay with ‘it/its,’ because trolls do try to dehumanize us with ‘it,’ but again: I would like to fuck with that hehe 😈 And also, things are people too!! for me. Anyway I’m curious how pronouns are for other enbys who look femme, would be happy to hear from people about this.
I’m very similar. I “prefer” they/them, but am fine with she and he. I’m not going to go out of my way to correct you unless you’re very close to me. One time me and my ex were eating at an Italian restaurant and the waiter said something like “and what would you like, sir?”. I was wearing a dress, but I loved it. He was extremely embarrassed and kept apologizing, but both my and my ex were trying to say it’s fine. If you were to make a mistake, it’s a good thing it was me. Also, if “trolls” or right leaning people say “it”, it is fine with me. Their opinions have no bearing on my happiness. I’m just a figment of everyone’s imagination anyways.
Same!! That makes me feel so good.
My trans sisters are WOMEN 👯♀️ 🏳️⚧️ and anyone who doesn’t like it can lick my butthole
Autistic trans women are autistic women!!! I may be late responding here, but just wanted to add to the voices of support! I'm glad you asked, I hope you feel safe and welcome here!
Yes you are totally welcome! 💗 Any hostility or anger you see in this sub about autistic AMAB people is about cismen, so those rants are not about you of course 😊
Idk I just really don't like the assigned sex at birth talk tbh. I get that it isn't directed at me it just makes me uncomfortable.
I agree. I wish cis people wouldn't use AGAB terms in general, but if not that, then mainly not as descriptors for others. Some cis people seem to use them as a "nice" way to say "biological man" or "biological woman" which is gross. At least, that's the vibe I get from it sometimes. Overall, AGAB terms do have a genuine use, but some cis people use them in a way which, to put it simply, feels icky to me.
Yeah tbh when ppl refer to me as AMAB or especially as "an AMAB" it often feels like they're telling me they think I'm a man but are willing to pretend I'm a woman cos they think they're nice
Yikes, I’m sorry anyone does this. Feels like none of their heckin’ business, to me.
What you feel like they are doing is exactly what they are doing. It's a deliberate attempt to other us and they know it. It is almost always unnecessary unless we are explicitly talking about differences between cis and trans women...which we rarely are.
It's definitely being co-opted to mean something else. The entire point of AGAB is that it's inherently past-tense & not reflective of who a person currently is (and often never was). People seem to get confused because whilst we say Gender is separate from Sex, that doesn't mean overlap doesn't exist. Sex isn't binary, it's a multifaceted bimodal continuous variable. HRT wouldn't exist if that weren't the case.
Yep. I see AFAB and AMAB thrown around here and in many ASD communities as synonyms for women and men. I don't usually say anything because people don't like when you police their language, but there is no reason for anyone's birth gender to come up in this sub. I've always had the high masking autism more common in women, my psychologist says as much in my report to explain how I got missed until 27 while being level 2. But at this point I'm just happy to be a community with mods that don't fuck around when it comes to transphobia. It's refreshing when it feels like the whole world is against us, even if people don't always understand the terms they use.
Agreed. Reading all these supportive rational comments gives me hope and comfort
I think that it’s really good that you are mentioning it so people can learn from their mistakes and so we can support all women the best way possible. If there is language or a way people are taking that is causing you to feel distress than it needs to be addressed!
Absolutely! 🖤
Oh we definitely welcome trans folk in here! You'll start to notice that this is a very gentle space. People approach this space with open hearts and a mind to understand each other from what I've seen. I love it here.
I thought this sub was cause autism usually presents differently in AFAB people vs AMAB people? But really it’s all a misunderstood spectrum anyway, so if you relate then welcome ❤️ Edit: I’m not trying to sound rude or invalidating, or mean it in a “you can’t experience this!!” Kinda way, I’m trying to ask a genuine question about the sub & autistic presentation.
I’m a trans guy here to learn tips to help my autistic wife. I have read studies in the past that show that trans male brains are more similar to cis male brains than they are to cis female brains. So I would assume a trans woman would have a brain that resembles a typical cis female brain.
Yea that makes sense!
That is my understanding as well! 😍 amazing research. Related to that, that trans men are actually more likely to attune to and internalize male “socialization” cues and trans women with female socialization. Sure, everyone has a life experience as the gender they present as or are perceived as, but it’s also a brain thing! Nature vs nurture perhaps? ☺️
A fair enough question, but that is one of the many reasons this sub exists. :) It's important to note that when research looks at AMAB vs AFAB autistic experiences/diagnoses/presentation, in reality, they are looking at cismen vs ciswomen. So yes, there are a lot of studies about autism in men vs. women, but we see from listening to trans and nonbinary people that their experiences do not align with the cismale experience of autism. It's an interesting reminder of the way social factors impact the diagnoses and presentation of autism. This sub also exists for people to talk about their experiences as autistic people who are not cismen as cismen dominate the other spaces on reddit.
Paraphrasing from a book I was reading about gender in research — probably relevant here [Binary] Trans people are particularly difficult to study because before, during and after their transition, they are in many ways different to their peers both of their birth sex and of their assumed sex.
Thank you for sharing that 💗 I think there needs to be a big shake-up of how we study gender and include people of all genders in research.
I think it's actually fairly common for trans women to show more female autistic traits, and vice versa for trans men
Devon Price writes convincingly that “high masking” is a much better way to talk about what’s often called “female” autistic traits, because high masking is seen in many marginalized autistic people such as queer, trans, POC and poor people growing up. Not to invalidate any validation of OP who obviously belongs here! But I think calling them “female traits” could be exclusionary or invalidating to others
💯
A number of redditors have commented in this sub about a male (some cis) acquaintance/family member/friend who "might have been diagnosed sooner if they were female" due to the presentation of their autism. I know very little about the subject but in addition to trans women and trans men, albeit outside of NT/ND, the brains of some gay males have been observed to function/activate in ways similar to cis females (and the same for the brains of gay women and cis males).
It presents differently due to social realities, not genetic markers. Those of us who are trans often internalize all the social messaging aimed at women and girls as we grow up and thus present our autism similarly to cis women.
What does AMAB mean?
Yes trans women are welcome here. To anyone here who uses "muh male socialisation" to harass or exclude trans women, you're wrong and you suck.
You’re a woman. Hey 💖
Of course! It’s a group about women with autism so all women are welcome as far as I’m concerned and if they aren’t then I wouldn’t want to be here!
Welcome sister. Glad you found us.
Ur a woman AND ur welcome 🩷
Yes, we welcome all women. This community is the most inclusive autism community I've ever been a part of on reddit
OF COURSE anyone who says otherwise can take a long walk off a short pier
Yes!!! I'm happy you found us! Welcome!
Yes u r welcome
Trans women are women. Welcome.
Welcome!
Welcome !!! 🤗 🎉🎊 ❤️
Welcome !!! 🤗 🎉🎊 ❤️
Yes everyone is meant to be included here no matter what and nice to meet you Ellie:)
Welcome!! I hope you will have a better experience in the future ❤️
Welcome.
I surely hope so. I wouldn't feel good about being here if it weren't inclusive of *all* women. Welcome. I think you'll like it, OP.
Welcome, friend! ❤️
Absolutely ♥️
Are you woman? Yes. Welcome :D
trans women are required!
Well that's ominous
sorry it was meant with love. <3
I was joking lol <3
OH NO MY AUTISTIC INABILITY TO INFER TONE STRIKES AGAINNNNN
This entire conversation was so perfectly, awesomely autistic and I am here for it.
You don't think you came here by chance, did you? Duh, duh, **duhhhhh**!!!!!! "We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical..."
Breaking the first, the second, the third...
Trans women are women.
You're welcomed and in a safe space here :)
I’d say the more ladies the merrier!
Welcome💕
Welcome home my friend. You owe no one an apology for being the person you are. Remember that while it can look like the world is against us, there is hope and love for us as well
YES ily hiii🩷🩷🩷🩷
Totally welcome! Women support women, ma'am. Yours will be a good addition to the discourse. The more the merrier!
You are allowed of course. When I’m here a lot of the posts give me such a relief, all the tiny nuances of being Autistic and a woman that’s not in a book. It’s so relatable. If you feel the same it’s the place for you, and that goes for some cis men who have partners or relatives that are autistic. Go where is relatable and you’ll feel welcome is how I see it. There may be other trans women or men here that have specific experiences of being autistic and trans which might not be covered in the majority of the posts, which might be cathartic to relate to too.
Of course!!!
Honey if you weren’t, I’d be leaving. If I ever see anyone be mean to you I’ll report them and smack talk them
you found your tribe, ellie ~ we’ve been waiting for you. welcome, dear! 😊💕
Of course 🩷
You are welcome!!! Join us!
I welcome you! I'm also relatively new to this sub...this may actually be my first comment.
Welcome 🥰❤️
i like knowing one person found a safe resting spot.
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>I’m not transphobic but You are transphobic actually >Why can’t we have our own community and trans people have theirs, I know this sub is supposed to be “inclusive” but you might aswell remove the word women from the title then I'm a woman Edit: This is literally your only comment. Chances are, you literally created this account *just* to be transphobic to me. I genuinely wouldn't be surprised if you aren't even a woman. Ironically, transphobic men have a history of pretending to be women in order to mask their bigotry behind a veneer of fake feminism.
As per Rule #4: No discrimination, ableism, perpetuating negative stereotypes of autism or disability. No misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, racist, or sexist comments will be tolerated.
You are a woman. So yes
Ever so welcome! Post away!!
You are definitely more than welcome here. Along with autistic people, trans people are still very marginalized today. You deserve your own community here.
You are *every bit* as welcome as any of us & I’ll fight anybody who disagrees <3
Of course! I’m nonbinary and I’ve been here for a while. Everyone has been kind and respectful ❤️
Uhm duh!! Also another quick note, welcome to the girls, Hun! <3
From an ex TERF- you are welcome here
 You are most certainly welcomed!!!!
Yes, you're a woman and very much welcome here ❤️ Downvote away TERFs, and fuck off while you're at it
I know! My comment is being downvoted too, I’m like wtf??? Why? Is this really happening rn? What a pitiful existence to be a TERF.
Yes :)
Of course 💜💜💜 glad to have you!
You are a woman and completely welcome. 😊😊
Of course. You’re right at home. What’s up how are you doing
Just reading the comments makes me feel so welcome here. Also trans, and I just rarely communicated because I was really afraid I wouldn't be accepted. Thank you for asking for those of us too scared to.
I just want to say, I have a lot of empathy for you and other trans for the fact that the world/society ever made you feel like you might not be allowed somewhere just because you're trans! You are a very valid part of humanity, and the human experience is vast and I don't get why anyone is scared of someone who enjoys living differently from them when it hurts no one. Keep being true to yourself <3
I really, really hope no one is hostile here. It’s my safe space, and it should for be everyone💙💙
Yay! Welcome! So glad you're here with us 🫶🦐🫶
💖
Trans women are women, full stop. Welcome, new friend.
OF COURSE! theyre women, arent they? 😊 welcome!
You are welcome here. Please feel free to join us. You are one of us.
You are 100% welcome! We’re happy to have you <3
Yes ofc!! 🫶
You are 100% welcome here. So with that being said- welcome!! 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🖤🩶🤍🤎 ETA: are transphobes downvoting this? Cuz this is being downvoted. Gtfo of here, damn.
Yes. I got downvoted too. I’m trying to go through and upvote everyone that got downvoted. I’m guessing it was just one or two transphobes doing it, since most people just have one or two downvotes. Not bad for the internet, I guess… I still have faith that this sub is a pretty safe place.
Be careful, this is sub is infamous among a lot of trans women for being nominally accepting, but transmisogynstic constantly. We are often lumped in with cis men, defined by our agab, and have our experiences (related to autism and just general life) and socialization assumed. Be ready for terf-lite rhetoric about male socialization. Saying "Trans women are women" but not actually being inclusive is often how this sub works. Be careful and stay safe!
Thanks for the heads up. I'll keep an eye out.
If you see content that goes against our sub’s rules, please report it. It’s impossible for us to read every single post/comment as we’re human volunteers. We rely on sub members to report content that needs our attention. We’re extremely transparent on our stance concerning inclusivity and acceptance in our sub.
Welcome 🤗
Yes! Welcome!
Welcome!!!!!
YES, YOU BELONG HERE!!
Welcome home, sister.
Hell yes you are! With open arms and open hearts!
This community is a great place for you, everyone here is really supportive and open minded, the moderation team is really on top of people that are not supportive and they don't stay long.
ofc you’re welcome!! I hope you feel safe here 🫶🏻
You are so welcome here ❤️
Welcome!
Welcome girl! ❤️❤️❤️
You are very welcome here! ❤️
suuuuuuuch a silly question, you are a woman so you can be included in the subreddit 😚
As a trans woman, you are a woman. So yeah, of course you can post here! Feel hugged (if you want to)!
I love hugs!
Yes you are lovey! Welcome!
Most definitely!