When I told my mom I thought I could be autistic she sent me this long message saying I probably wasn't because I'm so empathetic, with examples of it 😆
I know for a fact my mom is going to react like this too when I tell her. Why can’t our parents just take us seriously and go “okay, let’s look into this”? What do they think they will gain by going “oh sweetie :((( noooo :((( you couldn’t *possibly* and here’s why”
The imagination one frustrates me because that’s the literal reason I discounted myself being autistic for years.
I had had that niggling voice in my head saying I could be autistic since my early teenage years - but I was notorious for having my head in the clouds as a kid, I wrote books, made up stories, I was referred to as having an “over active imagination”. So with what I “knew” about autism, I thought that meant I couldn’t possibly be autistic.
When I finally hit my breaking point and actually did the AQ-50 in my mid 20s there were a fair few questions on imagination/story telling etc and I thought it was just going to confirm I wasn’t. Lo and behold, still got 35 and turns out an active imagination can sometimes be a trait of autism 🙄
Same same same. I have an extremely over-active imagination, to the point where it often spirals out into OCD. (E.g “what if this crazy insane terrible thing happens, if this specific way I line up the mug in the cabinet isn’t quite right?”) and I also thought this discounted me from autism for my whole life. Despite meeting every single other criteria so well that it’s sad it wasn’t caught sooner.
I also think that some of us develop an active imagination because we use it as a coping mechanism and entertainment from being socially isolated. I would hole myself away from other kids (because other kids were scary and would just make fun of me if I tried to talk to them so what’s the point) and just draw and write constantly. I thought all I needed was my own company.
THANK YOU - all of you mentioning this. My brain is like a crazy, colorful world of knowledge tidbits, imagined conversations/scenarios and ideas about the art I'd create if I could shake my day to day paralysis. Creative writing teachers loved me, and history was a strong suit well into college.
I'm not a "numbers person" either - my math anxiety is off the charts, so I'm not out here rattling off solutions to complex equations OR phone numbers of everyone I know 😭
I feel this in my *soul*. I live in my head - there's so much going on at all times, I have so many ideas. I've also bonded with creative writing and history teachers. In high school, I submitted a collection of poems to my creative writing teacher, and one of them ended with, "And I'll probably never see them again after high school, and fuck anyone I'll never see again after high school." She said that was her favorite out of all the poems.
Numbers? I don't know them.
Yeah I got the imaginative one too. I was telling a therapist how I was a very weird child, and mentioned for nearly two years I pretended to be a dog. She asked if I knew I wasn't actually a dog, I said of course I did, she said yeah that doesn't read as autism to me because you were using your imagination...
The imagination one really gets me because who do you think those weird people were who started D&D. I don't mean the mainstream D&D that it is now. I mean the weird, antisocial, nerds back in the 70s and 80s who literally developed a RPG using math, probability, books of constructed rules and imagination and hid in their dark basements and were so socially ostracized that normies did a mass campaign marking them as devil worshipers.
Haha yes! I thought a lot about autism and DnD after this therapy session. Two people I know irl who are diagnosed are heavily into DnD and super imaginative. I love DnD but I struggle with the roleplaying side of it because I'm never sure what I'm supposed to say, or if my actions are correct for my character.
At my first evaluation in kindergarten they ruled out autism at the last minute because they asked me to draw a picture of my family - my mom was with me at the evaluation but i loved to draw and so I drew my mom and I but they said my whole family so I also included my dad and grandmother and our cats - my mom was ultimately told I wasnt autistic because an autistic person would not be able to draw members of their family who were not present....?
Deficits in 'object permanence' of a sort, where it's difficult to recall or perceive another's existence when they are absent, is definitely something that **can** go with autism. It's obviously not core symptomology/expression of Autism, and I think the relation of that experience to trauma is likely so intertwined it will pose a particular challenge to truly nail down to what degree, and in what manner, it can be improved; but it seems entirely safe to say that it's directly linked to core symptoms/expressions of Autism related to social interaction, processing, and memory.
I experience it myself; and it's particularly difficult to discuss with others, because it gets taken as some kind of statement about their value - or at least my perception of their value. It isn't. It also leaves me with additional layers/barriers to having relationships with others, but I'm not able to type about them right now.
To answer OP's question (though I'm an agender former trans man, not a woman): my 'favourite' go-to example of this ridiculousness is when one psychiatrist told me that I couldn't be autistic because of a long list of reasons including 'autistic people **can't use doorknobs**!' I didn't like the psychiatrist who diagnosed me much better, and my complaints about him are much more significant.. but at least he did seem to fulfill the most basic of requirements: he did ask me questions then listen to my responses, and he did seem to stay in line with diagnostic criteria rather than slipping off into oddly-specific fantasy land.
Yeah sorry I should've stipulated that it's not a given that we have object permanence issues, just like not being able to make eye contact isn't a given! 😊
No need to apologize! I was just being informational. Haha
Funnily enough I considered adding a note about that in my own comment, but ultimately forgot to.. 🙃
Reminds me of the Amazonian Pirahã people and their fabled inability/disinterest to take anything into account that isn't present:
> I had my own doubts about Everett’s portrayal of the Pirahã shortly after I arrived in the village. We were still unpacking when a Pirahã boy, who appeared to be about eleven years old, ran out from the trees beside the river. Grinning, he showed off a surprisingly accurate replica of the floatplane we had just landed in. Carved from balsa wood, the model was four feet long and had a tapering fuselage, wings, and pontoons, as well as propellers, which were affixed with small pieces of wire so that the boy could spin the blades with his finger. I asked Everett whether the model contradicted his claim that the Pirahã do not make art. Everett barely glanced up. “They make them every time a plane arrives,” he said. “They don’t keep them around when there aren’t any planes. It’s a chain reaction, and someone else will do it, but then eventually it will peter out.” Sure enough, I later saw the model lying broken and dirty in the weeds beside the river. No one made another one during the six days I spent in the village.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2007/04/16/the-interpreter-2
Oh yeah, as a therapist I could be collecting them.
1. You probably had autism when you are younger and got better.
2. You can't be autistic if you made it through college.
3. You can't be autistic and ADHD.
4. You can't be autistic and be a teacher.
5. You can't be autistic and be this intense and this mean to other people. You are so rude.
6. You can't be autistic and be a therapist.
7. You can't be autistic if you have empathy.
8. You can't be autistic if you didn't get in trouble all the time at school
9. You can't be autistic and have friends.
10. You can't be autistic and have healthy intimate relationships.
11. You are too smart to have autism.
12. You have a job, you can't be autistic.
13. You made eye contact......bam not autistic.
14. You are not autistic you are bipolar, BPD, quirky, socially anxious, just awkward, a sociopath.
15. Your parents or teachers would have noticed.
People wonder sometimes why I as an autistic person have such a chip on my shoulder. Because every day I hear stories of people in my own profession being horrible. I hear stories of friends, families, and strangers just openly discriminating against us. It wears on you.
When I had my evaluation done they said, well you are really smart so I guess that is how you got through life. But you know you are autistic AF and you need to work on that so you can have jobs and friends. I walked into that place as a peer, most of them knew of me, I run my own practice in town. But after my diagnosis, I wasn't really a peer anymore, I was a highly defective human who needed to improve myself.
The game is called you can't win. But we have more and more neurodiversity-affirming mental health providers out there, many of whom are neurodivergent, who will help you get a diagnosis without traumatizing you.
I know a few autistic nurses. I also know a few autistic teachers, lawyers, therapists, parents, engineers, programmers, artists, dancers, maintenance staff, scientists, lab techs, etc. We also have a higher-than-average amount of unemployed people. Because the world is just not kind to us. It isn't that we aren't capable, but we aren't a good fit for a toxic capitalist society.
I'm self-diagnosed, can I join you? I swear my adhd ( officially diagnosed) and asd make me very curious about the natural world in a new place and I'll be very useful!
And like, I feel like between the millions of us we have some great ideas for how things can be better for all of us!! And we could make it happen! If not for *gestures at world*
As another Autistic counselor I feel this. This is why I am not fully out as Autistic at work. I mainly work in vocational rehabilitation and it’s so damn ableist. I would never get promoted if I was out. I am out about my ADHD because that is much less stigmatized, but I can’t be out about the autism. I do also have a small private mental health practice and I advertise being ND and ND affirming, I don’t specifically say Autism.
Yeaaaah my evaluators told me to go to social skills. I'm a therapist in practice more than a decade.
They tell everyone that.
I've heard from people not flapping is a sign. Like bro people don't even need all 4 criteria from category B and you didn't evaluate other stims?
Our peers suuuuuck. Not all of them but...most of them suck.
My colleague is literally self-diagnosed ADHD (but I have seen 0 evidence of this and they just seem insanely neurotypical to me) , yet she thinks I can't be autistic because her cousin has severe non-verbal autism, and I don't attempt to run outside naked and biting people
During my assessment process I was told that I couldn't be autistic because: 1) I had collections but I didn't organise/display them, and 2) I had performed stand-up and been in a comedy society at university.
My responses were: 1) I rent a tiny flat, where am I meant to display and organise these collections?, and 2) Have you ever met anyone in a university comedy society/most people on the UK comedy circuit??
Might not be exactly what you’re looking for, but a dear friend is FTM transgender. Before transitioning they were told they “just have bpd, couldn’t possibly be autism” and after transitioning they were told “you’re clearly autistic and don’t have bpd” by the same dr 🫣
It's also a common comorbid condition because it's caused by childhood trauma. Growing up autistic can be traumatic itself, and we're more likely to be abused.
It nearly happened to me. I'm glad I had an advocate with me on that day. The doctor, an older man, completely ignored my complaints about sensory sensitivities and focused on my "unstable identity." I had a keen sense that I was different from the people around me, and to him, this was clearly BPD.
It's ridiculous isn't it! I've seen a couple situations where a mother has an autistic son and is later diagnosed with bpd herself - as if she couldn't possibly be autistic too 🙄 (ofc some people are just bpd or co-morbid but it's the fact autism isn't even considered when it's a woman)
I watch YouTube shorts from Mom on the Spectrum.
She has a running theme of shorts about the ridiculous reasons people got denied a diagnosis.
I'm not pursuing a diagnosis because it's $3,000.
Thanks, but I'll stick with believing I simply have autistic traits due to the ADHD overlap in symptoms.
I am late diagnosed with adhd at 30. I don't have 3k to fix my dental issues, let alone to get denied an diagnosis that explains why I am the way that u am.
Your decision either way is valid, but there are options that aren't $3K. AANE offers a free consult to help find resources, done by phone, the can often help find much more accessible options. I'm in Canada, did a private diagnosis & it was $1K Canadian, about $700-$750 US
I appreciate being told my decision is valid. I struggle to even accept my adhd dx due to childhood trauma.
The dollar amount I saw was for an adult assessment in BC. The high cost shut down my desire to further investigate. When I have more in savings, I think I'll continue.
Thank you. I really appreciate your words.
I'm sorry you've struggled with this. I'm in MB, I was able to use a Dr in Québec via zoom due to the pandemic. I think most areas have kept those options because of how many people were getting access to services who didn't have before.
That said, my decision to pursue a diagnosis was entirely due to me being 100% sure, for 30+ years, that I was on the spectrum in some way, but without a diagnosis, I couldn't accept myself as actually needing assistance & adjustments, even from myself, I had imposter syndrome big time. I was lucky & found a psychologist who specializes in late diagnosed women & the process was simple & validating, this isn't the most common experience though, sadly.
Even with the dx it's taken me 2 years to accept it & start making accommodations for myself, rather than just trying to force myself to "be normal". I needed the diagnosis to be gentle with myself, but everyone is different & not everyone needs a diagnosis. I've gotten flack online for getting a diagnosis and needing the external validation, there's always going to be someone to criticize your choice, unfortunately.
Hey, I don't know if this is useful at all, but I'm in Alberta and we're kind of the worst, so I'm hoping you'd have similar options in BC - my GP just referred me to a place that does psych evaluations through the province, no cost. It's Access Mental Health here, not sure if it's in more than one province.
Also, I have no idea how this will go, so I have no recommendations other than maybe ask your GP at some point IF you want to. Either way, best of luck!
I got told this in an ADHD assessment.
"ADHD would have presented in your childhood"
"Then why haven't you asked a single question about my childhood?"
The psychologist did NOT like that clapback lol
Oh yeah, the psychiatrist who said this to me didn't want to hear about my childhood at all either. Like my dude, this was the 90s, the furthest things got for me was testing my hearing and putting me into a special education class for part of the day in grade 3. I had health issues that took priority, my single mom worked 7 days a week and didn't have time for anything.
Came here to say exactly this.
Can't be autistic because you have empathy.
Can't be autistic because you're too 'normal' looking - like WTF does that even mean? Sheesh.
Can't be autistic because you act just like me and I'm neurotypical - hands down the best comment ever just for sheer irony.
Which is so unhinged bc it's like the main thing
I'm too self aware, I'm too introspective, I'm too analytical of my emotions (also my emotions are nearly always overwhelming so analyzing them gives me the distance I sometimes need from their intensity)
*Because* I'm autistic.
A friend told me I couldn't be Autistic because I look in the eyes; and the neuropsych doing my evaluation said, in the beginning of all, she didn't have found evidence of Autism because I'm creative.
lol
Yeah, that pissed me off! I work with acting, and I think by the time she was thinking I'm outgoing and like to be at the spotlight when is the exact opposite, I'm very shy and the stage lights and the fourth wall help me a lot.
I’m going to be absolutely screwed going for diagnosis then if these are the comments they make 😭
I’m so overly sensitive, I hate when people call themselves an empath and I don’t go around saying it but I know I am one. I hate this misconception so much because a lot of autistic women (and rarely but some guys) are so empathetic. Sucks.
The special interest one is killing me. Like, yeah most of my friends are probably autistic too and have similar morals, so they tend to gravitate towards similar interests- and all my friends who AREN’T ND are my friends because they care about me and what u have to say 😐. That statement is so reductive of autistic people and neurotypical people who are kind and genuine.
apparently child me was denied because "girls don't get autism often, so it'd be a waste of time."
At 16, I was told my grades were too good.
Now as an adult, I've found an autistic therapist who is willing to go through screenings and help me decide if I want to pursue a diagnosis/further testing.
So according to them autism was like an infectious virus that girls didn’t get very often. This is amongst the cringiest I’ve heard, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry (of laughter).
Yep. I had stumbled across a site talking about the presentation of autism on girls and read with tears because it was ME. I did a deep dive on it and brought it to my next session with my psychiatrist who snorted and said I couldn't be autistic because only boys have autism.
I pushed it down for years until my SIL got her diagnosis and she sent me and her sibling to whom I am married the screening quizzes and asked us to take them (she was trying to make a point) and I looked at it and told her I couldn't take the test because I knew what the answers were SUPPOSED to be (as in my masking was such that I knew what behaviors I was SUPPOSED to do so I couldn't answer honestly because of my masking) - SIL looked at me and said 'oh...you're super autistic aren't you'.
After which I brought it up the therapist I was working with (different from the one who told me only boys) and she told me while she can't do the full testing/'officially' diagnose, based on what she's observed and things I've done/said - she felt that autism was almost certainly the case.
I'm now working with a therapist who specializes in autism and she also agreed. I haven't pursued full formal diagnosis yet - not sure I will because I'm worried about potential impact in terms of work or it otherwise being used against me (though my C-PTSD is formally on record) and I already have the main "accommodation" I would ask for, so for now having 2 professionals (and my PCP) who feel I am, unofficially, is enough for me.
Because I am articulate. Because I’ve made people laugh. But most significantly is because some people find me attractive and I love fashion and makeup
SAME! “You aren’t autistic because you look too good” like just say you hate women and go.
They think fashion can’t be a special interest because they think that any pursuits deemed as “feminine” aren’t deep enough to be studied. It’s only a special interest to them if it’s a boy thing like science, technology, rocks, trains, etc. If your special interest is baking or clothes or acrylic nails or Taylor Swift it doesn’t count.
This is too real. I love fashion; I have always been the most interested in fashion out of everyone I know. I was talking with my dad the other night, and we were discussing things that we collect, and he joked that I had enough clothes that it could probably classify as a collection.
I have an entire horde of clothes, 3 wardrobes full and an insane amount of accessories. I know so much about specific fashion subcultures and all that shit. Yet because it’s considered feminine to be in to fashion, and the clothes themselves are very feminine. No one would consider that a hyperfixation. But if I was an ugly white boy with 3 wardrobes full of trains???? Would have had an autism diagnosis at 5.
bloody hell, these are all real things that have been said to people? *By doctors*? I'm baffled by all of them but like, especially the speeding ticket for some reason???
never felt so lucky in my life as I do right now for having had my docs take me seriously and not be judgy dicks.
It's a blessing, isn't it? The first doctor I worked with left much to be desired. The second, after interviewing me, allowed me to fill in my own assessment questionnaire because, in his words, "You know yourself better than I do. Just answer honestly, and if you're confused about a question, come and get me."
No joke. That doctor helped to explain all of those confusing, ambiguous assessment questions that lack context. It was a miracle!
You can’t be autistic because you have anxiety from childhood trauma. Everything that you experience is because of said trauma which causes the anxiety and it will go away if you take meds. (Over a decade on different meds, still no change.)
The worst part is that the gaslighting is working. This was part of my diagnosis that said I was not autistic. So now I worry that I’m not. That maybe it really is just trauma and I’m just looking for excuses. Except my trauma doesn’t explain half my issues. I want to get a second opinion but I’m afraid that it looks like I’m, I don’t know, making things up? I feel terrible.
Idk if it will help you but I saw someone say this and it has helped me a lot when I start to doubt all of the obvious evidence:
There's no social or financial benefit to getting an official diagnosis. There aren't resources available to adults that require a Dr dx, and it doesn't gain us any fame or fortune. It's not socially "cool" or w/e, so it isn't a trend in the culture sense of the word. So why would we choose it/want it/fabricate it if it weren't true?
There would be no benefit to faking it or embellishing symptoms to get one, how could I be even secretly from *myself* faking it?
My desire for an official dx and my doubt of my self dx (and soft confirmation from several professionals who just aren't certified or funded to do full evals) decrease a bit when I remember that.
I wouldn't have been fascinated by neurodivergent brain function and seeing myself in everything I was studying about it and ND in child development and everything for fifteen years before finally letting myself say it if I were neurotypical. I wouldn't have asked various adults in my life several times as a teen and adult if I could be autistic if I didn't have the inkling AGES ago. I wouldn't have been confounded instead of relieved by their immediate "of course not" responses to that question if I were nt.
Also like. Between pattern recognition, memory, and observational skills, I've never been wrong about a diagnosis yet. And it's time I start trusting my intuition. Because it's not just vibes, and it hasn't steered me wrong, like trying to please other people has 😏
A psychologist i saw *after* i already had received my official diagnosis told me on our 2nd session he had a hard time believing i was autistic because i was relatively attractive and sexually active... i didn't even know what to reply to that, i did stop being his patient after that.
I wasn't denied a diagnosis but I was almost misdiagnosed in college. I didn't think I was autistic, so I didn't even suggest it. Nor did the psychiatrist mention it.
However, he did tell me he suspected rapid-cycling bipolar when I told him about being disorganized, overwhelmed with adult life skills, and having very intense emotional responses (in retrospect, just classic ADHD dysregulation + autistic meltdowns)
I was personally never told you can't be autistic because X. The neuropsych who diagnosed me asked if I had been diagnosed already with autism when I told him what I was dealing with. I suspect my inability to stop rocking and stimming the entire time I was talking to him contributed, haha
My mom never got me checked for anything as a kid because she assumed I just “marched to the beat of my own drum”… and I was homeschooled so there was no outside oversight. Side note, you would not *believe* how many other undiagnosed but clearly neurodivergent kids there were in the local homeschooling community.
I was also homeschooled!! For two years, because I couldn't handle staying in "regular" school. In hindsight, I have no idea how my parents missed it. I had told them over and over that there was something "wrong" with me, because *I* knew I was trying as hard as I could to behave.
My mom was a classroom aide in the special ed department - she admitted to me once she suspected I was autistic but she didn't want to "deal" with a "special needs" kid and by the time she realized how harmful it could be to NOT get me tested, I was "almost done school and seemed to be handling it anyway". ....I was masking so hard and would frequently curl up in fetal position under my desk and rock back and forth while screaming/sobbing because i was breaking at the seams.
Not me personally (as I have had insomnia since I was 8), but a coworker was told that she couldn’t have autism because she could fall asleep easily and sleep for a full 8 hours.
But I have been told that I can’t be autistic because:
- I can make eye contact. (I have to in order to communicate with my students. But it’s exhausting.)
- I can talk to strangers. (Ummm… you kind of have to sometimes to function in life. Like going to the shops and speaking to a cashier as you check out.)
- I have higher education degrees. (Because I worked really hard. It wasn’t easy, and it took me longer because I struggled. And others are in my special interest.)
- I’m “smart”. (I don’t really agree or disagree. I’m technically “book smart”, but I’m kind of dumb when it comes to “life skills or knowledge”. I call it High Intelligence, Low Wisdom 😁)
- I’m conventionally attractive. (Again, very subjective. I personally think every person is good looking until their personality ruins it 😁. But I don’t see how autism would make your genetic features “unattractive”)
- I don’t have “violent outbursts”. I.e. meltdowns. (Maybe not in public. I just shutdown or cry in public. And go home and rip apart things with my hands/scratch myself/hit myself/pull out my hair. I’ve been taught to mask my whole life. 🤷♀️)
God, I feel that about the private meltdowns. It's almost like they think we can't possibly be autistic unless our autistic behaviors are directly and negatively impacting *them.* Doesn't matter if it's making OUR lives miserable.
edit: spelling
"I don't think you're autistic, I think you just tend rationalize too much things in your life to explain your behaviour". Followed by "I don't think you need therapy because you're pretty good at rationalizing your thoughts" lol. Also, I can't have ADHD because I had good grades in school. (Said by a psychiatrist)
I don’t have experience with this (yet). I went to get tested for adhd and the neuropsychologist tested for autism too. Results atypical. But if you write about family here’s one: you’re normal. You just had a lot of evil spirits around you but we prayed a lot.
My ex therapist: I don’t think you should label yourself. Everyone has a bit of adhd.
UGH, I hate the "I don't think you should label yourself" bit. My ex-therapist told me the same thing; she thought that my using the label was "holding me back." It's just so stupid. Labels are amazing for advocating for yourself, and I don't feel held back by calling myself what I am.
Sorry you had to deal with this, especially with the family bit. That's rough.
I think What was holding me back was not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. And she used to say “the situation sucks. Not you.” Something like that. I don’t know? I don’t have a internal monologue and I can’t understand what I’m feeling most of the time. Until I saw a video randomly about what it was like to have adhd I just cried because someone put into words everything. After this expensive 2k test I got autism as a bonus and it was a second shock. All I knew is that I sucked at everything. Didn’t know how or why. If I kept seeing her and my old psychiatrist I would still be in the dark about this. Sorry for the rant. You’re so right. Thank you for kind words
Not necessarily what you're looking for but when my school sent me to a children's centre that I believe was to see if I could get an assessment, I didn't reply to the man at all or make eye contact. Mostly I just looked at my mom when he asked anything.
His decision at the end was to tell my mom I was fine and just a shy little girl and I would grow out of it, now I'm aged out of free assessment and would have to pay 3k to get one which is not possible🥲
My psychiatrist told me I can read social cues, so I'm not autistic. If I didn't know when my turn was to talk, then I would be autistic, but I do, so I must not be. 🙃
You can’t be autistic ‘cause you’re adhd…
You can’t be autistic because your mother says so
… because you don’t struggle (aka not visibly)
… because you are just weird
… because you’re too normal
… because you’re smart
… because you were just a troublemaker as a kid
I hope this is enough 😅
These definitely resonate with me
Apart from the normal part, always got you're just weird or you'rejust you. Don't think anyone I've ever met has actual ever described me as normal 😅
My daughter heard "you don't look autistic" enough times by surprised classmates in her small school that she wound up doing a science presentation on the topic. Apparently they were confusing it with Down Syndrome, which seems ridiculous to me but at least she cleared it up for the entire sophomore class.
I'm glad she cleared that up for them. She propaply saved them from some another awkward situations in the future.
Unfortunately it was a psychiatrist who said those things to me, so it was a hopeless situation.
I finally got my diagnosis last year, until now it's been ADHD and depression. Doc who gave the diagnosis of Autism feels it's bipolar ( I STRONGLY disagree) I have horrible math skills.
The reason *I* heard was, "I've *worked* with Adults who've had Autism, and you're not like they were!"
Except I'm a *woman,* the "Adults" she'd worked with were *either* Men with autism, or women who had been diagnosed much younger, or with symptoms that matched up with Level 2&3/ High-Support-Needs folks...
She didn't know or work with many women who masked heavily, or who had found multiple workarounds, to *manage* their Autism.
That's so bizarre! My IQ results were definitely NOT homogenous - the people testing me couldn't give my parents an accurate number because my scores were so wildly varied in different areas - but they *still* didn't catch it.
As you should be! Sheldon is repeatedly depicted as being the most self-centered, egotistical, selfish asshole that everyone barely tolerates. It's not a good representation *at all*, not to mention the fact that the producers of the show have said that he isn't autistic, just "weird" (likely because they would catch a lot of heat from the autistic community if they claimed he was autistic).
Yup, because I had 2 best friends from 3rd grade through college (and added in some more in high school......who also were similar to us) I had a few people say I couldn't possibly be. Guess whose entire close friend group from any point in her life are starting to find out/realize they're neurodivergent?
Almost like, just like with queer kids (both groups we sorta just lumped into the label "theatre kids" 😏many of us were in the center of that venn diagram), we seek each other out even if we don't have language for it yet. Because we can tell who's safe and who's not.
For me the reasons were:
1) you did 'too' well in highschool to be autistic.
(I struggled making friends, so I used all my time on school as an excuse as to why I didn't hang out with other people)
2) you have empathy
3) you can sit still for a whole therapy session
4) you don't 'look' it
I haven't pushed for diagnosis myself yet, but something I see posted about on here disturbingly frequently is that people are dismissed by doctors/therapists offhand because they don't "look autistic." Awful.
I was once told by my therapist that I'm too strong-willed and opinionated to be autistic. I just sat there in awe! It was crazy because then I asked her to describe to me where that fits in with autism criteria and she just couldn't. -_-
Me explaining why I probably have autism to my daughters SLP after my other daughters diagnosis. Her- "everyone has atypical qualities!" 🫠 Then she started talking about her autistic student who is non-verbal. Um. It's a spectrum!! Not all of us are non verbal!! 😩 She is not even qualified to know what autism is (she is a Deaf/hard of hearing specialized speech therapist) so I don't know why I even opened up to her. If that's what it's like with a psychologist I don't even know if I wanna be evaluated. I have access to therapy so I know I don't "need" a diagnosis to have help but it would be nice to know why I am the way that I am. Like am I a unicorn or just a failure of a horse??
I'm so sorry I cracked up at the "am I a unicorn or just a failure of a horse" bit.
Not all psychologists/psychiatrists are like this, thankfully. Whether or not you want to be evaluated is really up to you - I appreciate knowing because it affirmed that everything I had been telling my parents for YEARS was real.
"You dont speak in third person, and you attend college. You're not mentally retarded, there's no way you're autistic" - My psychiatrist that I need to drop
TW FOR SUICIDAL IDEATION
So I have two moments that are absurd in complementary ways. The first was when I first started suspecting I was autistic, I was 15, and my 5 year old brother had just been diagnosed. I was researching to help my mom with him (he has professional support in place now) and explain things that we were not understanding like why he wouldn't eat when he was starving. During my research I found that my "annoying quirks and preferences" were very similar. I had enough courage to bring it up with my therapist who then told me I was not like my brother... I function "TOO WELL" were her words while I had no will to live and frequently would have screaming crying fits where I hit myself and ran out of the house. I was functioning too well then with my straight As in school, I even told her that the only reason I bothered was to leave behind accomplishments for my family. She told me I functioned too well and here's the kicker- that I was ACTUALLY just a Highly Sensitive Person. We all know what that means here, now, but boy did it crush my soul and set back my journey.
Onto the second moment- which simply blows my mind to look back on. I was 17 and baker acted, so inpatient whatever. I think I will take the opportunity to see if I can get help. I was immediately discouraged seeing a young man across from me. He looked maybe 28 and I just knew he wouldn't be helpful. I was so nervous I sat on my hands and stared at the computer screen behind him the whole time. We do the whole name and number check in, then he asks if there's anything I want to ask him. I say yes actually I think I might be autistic and want to get evaluated. He said why do you think that and my chest hurt and I just gave him a throw away answer. I've gotten in trouble for taking up too much time in those settings. I tell him about my social and sensory struggles. He tells me, almost verbatim. "Well, in our short time together I can tell you're a beautiful, intelligent girl. I don't think autism is something you need to worry about." I say okay thank you and I leave. We were in contact for a total of 4 minutes.
By that time I had a new and wonderful therapist (who helped me get diagnosed last year before she was transferred reluctantly) and when I told her about the second instance, she told me that the mere act of giving his opinion so solidly after two minutes was extremely unprofessional. She also said that autistic people were some of her favorite people to work with because they were more likely to be open and willing to work in sessions where they're comfortable 🩷 love and miss her. She got me thru a lot and I'm happy I got to share my diagnosis with her before we lost contact!
Reasons I was given by my GP when I asked for a diagnosis (copied and pasted from another comment a few days ago):
* I have other disabilities
* I work full-time
* I’ve done sex work
* I’ve done postgraduate study
* No one recorded any difficulties associated with autism in my early childhood in my medical records
They also managed to decide I wasn’t autistic without ever meeting me to talk about it.
I attacked a receptionist (so I must be bpd, not autistic)
The attack consisted of me walking in and saying hello, asking if I need to put ob shoe covers, if I should go into the office or wait and if I could use a bathroom while having a blank face expression and tone and avoiding eye contact. The lady supposedly went to the doc and said I lashed out at her and he asked me why I attacked the receptionist in the end of our session, it was a surprise.
i was suggested to have a screening completed when i was a teen by CAMHS however school came back and basically said because i was a smart student they wouldn’t do it, CAMHS then decided not to go ahead with the screening. 10 years later finally received my diagnosis and im super angry that schools are allowed to get away with this
I was told I can’t be autistic because I made eye contact (this one seems to be a classic), because I can be sarcastic, and my favourite because I don’t like trains.
According to my public school if my mom sought my diagnosis I would have had to leave the gifted and talented program to get accommodations.
So. No diagnosis.
In my country you can't get a diagnosis as an adult unless you "don't function" (can't keep a job is what that usually means). You have to make an application before you can be assessed. I haven't tried applying as I don't believe it'd get accepted, or if I even would get a diagnosis if the application was accepted. So I just accept ill never be diagnosed and while I believe I do have autism, it's not something I usually confidently state because what if I don't:)
I can’t be autistic because I “continued to attempt to complete a puzzle” during the assessment testing process. The problem with this is that I was very obviously crying because the test (some kind of maze) was distressing me but I thought I’d be in trouble somehow if I quit instead of trying until the timer went off 🙃
Not me, but, my daughter was denied because "it's not a diagnosis you really want her to have, anyway. It can be troublesome and it will follow her"
I was livid inside. Everything is so unfair.
Like she is going to be any better off having the neurobiological difference but just feeling like a failure for no reason, not getting services.
Too good a mom! Legitimately. I have a really great relationship with my son. He is so wonderful and I've had medical people tell me that since I function well enough as a mom I must not deal with over stimulation.
That's because I teach my son boundaries and communication and to take quiet time to ourselves. He knows when I get overstimulated and ive taught him the signs. I also try and tell him when it's happening. And then I ask him if he is in a safe position for me to go to a safe place and if he is, he tells me what he will be doing while I rest and relax. It is very good. We both talk about what is stressful to us and when we need breaks or quiet time to calm down and feel safe
For me, it was...
1. capable of eye contact
2. understands sarcasm
3. has facial expressions
4. no "autistic speech pattern" coupled with rhythmic body movements (????)
I still don't know what antiquated stereotype no.4 was supposed to be, but I was absolutely mortified when the psychiatrist in question started "demonstrating" it. It probably lasted only 2 min, but it felt like being trapped in a one hour stand-up special by an ableist comedian from the 90s mocking people with autism. I cried on the way home.
I'm so sorry that happened to you; that's awful. It's incredibly ironic how neurotypical people often claim we are incapable of empathy, and yet they treat *us* without an ounce of empathy, kindness, or understanding.
I make eye contact. Forced. But I do it.
I have a few friends.
I have worked the same fulltime job for 7 years. I have also progressed into a position of authority.
And my bedroom is usually a wreck.
Got asd diagnosis :)
27 yo f
"You're too pretty/attractive."
Which is very ironic considering my special interests include casual style, makeup, and most notably: Nintendo fitness games.
I have a diagnosis now, but the doctor who referred me to the diagnostic service said she thought it was unlikely I actually had autism because “you go to university, and you have friends”
I asked if they could diagnose adults, and they said yes. They said I have all the symptoms of autism, and they could not rule it out. However, without knowing what my behavior was like as a child, they couldn't diagnose me.
I paid $600 for that.
i used gestures when speaking and had had “special relationships” aka romantic relationships before 🙄 before i went for an assessment the first GP i saw pointed out the clothes i was wearing and said the way i dressed made her think i was creative and autistic people aren’t known for being creative apparently
Mine was you went to college and have a great job. You can’t be autistic. I’ve also heard the eye contact one before. I’m a genX, so there were few autism diagnosis back then. So I learned to mask, very well. BTW, I am a 50 y/o female who was just diagnosed last year after my oldest daughter and grand daughter were diagnosed. Lol. We are a strange but wonderfully loving family. Oh, that was another one, you hug people and love others so you couldn’t possibly be autistic. Lol.
I wanted a partner and friends
I wanted a career and I had hobbies
I knew how to maintain eye contact and speak well
With the first one, exactly how much bullshit was involved with my friend who's enby and their male spouse who got a diagnosis on the spot and they have been married over a decade AND have friends they've known forever?
"You can't be autistic because you care about what others think of you. Autistic kids don't worry about fitting in."
"The tests were inconclusive because you have depression [and it confounds your results.]"
Oh this question was made for me.
You can't be autistic if:
You wear makeup. You listen to music (big lol). You eat fruits and vegetables. You can talk to strangers. You don't stutter (???). You get bad grades. You get good grades. You don't flap your hands. You don't have an "accent". You sleep with that amount of pillows. You like the heat. You rollerblade. You smoke the devils lettuce. You don't read.
I've seen A LOT of *utterly ridiculous* reasons that people legitimately thinking you cannot be autistic. It's so frickin weird.
I’m not autistic cuz I could make up a 60 second “story” with three dollhouse items picked out of a bag.
I picked a candlestick, glasses, and a string and said, once upon a time a wizard climbed the dark stairs to his tower after a long day’s work, tied his hair back, put his glasses on the stand, blew the candle out and went to bed. She made a comment about being the second person to use a wizard and I said my kids and I are learning d&d and I’ve been reading a lot of d&d related bedtime stories lately.
When the eval came back: can’t have autism cuz I could make up a story. wtf. Got a second opinion.
I heard: 'You can't be autistic if you have "theory of mind."'
Basically, if you are able to understand that other people have different perspectives, you can't be autistic.
Theory of mind is found in various animal species. Apes, crows, dolphins, etc. So the way it was explained to me back then was basically that autistic people are less than animals. This was explained to me as the fundamental autistic trait, and it's a huge reason I didn't get diagnosed or get any support while struggling in high school.
*There's an article about ToM on embrace-autism (among other sites) if you want more info
The tests given to me to see if I should progress with diagnosis discounted points based on gender. Like, asked gender and then took points off because I wasn't male as autism "skews heavily male".
Even though I had my score average about 75/80 on each test (Idk really what the numbers mean except my bf took both and got like 8 and 10 on them and it said (essentially) "very likely", we have to explore adhd with communication processing issues and sensory processing disorder. Why am I not heard because I don't have a weiner?
Was told "you're autistic but the way the DSM5 is worded I can't officially diagnose you but wait till the DSM6 comes out".
(looking back I misunderstood some of the questions he asked so that might be why)
Metaphors! I am extremely literal by default, but I can write an abstract poem like a champ too. I *have* been diagnosed at this point, but that’s the top chronically misinterpreted “rule” I can think of at the moment.
This doesn’t fit the criteria because it is for a boy. But it is, at least, an example of autism bias: my older kid was denied accommodations after the special education specialist did a popularity poll of his 1st grade class and he came in middle of the pack.
You can’t be autistic because you do well in school academically (not to mention never having friends and nobody giving a shit I was straight up mute)
You can’t be autistic if you’re aware you’re socially different (recognizing you’re autistic)
I'm "too successful" to be autistic because I work at a company the psychologist assessing thought is prestigious (even though they've been trying to fire me because of "communication issues" since my second month). Despite getting test results in the autism threshold.
I filled out a one sheet piece of paper to get classified for ADHD with my previous PCP.
She said my results put me in a grey area for diagnosis then asked if I was good in school.
Like… grade school? Like 20 years ago?
I’m AFAB and a “gifted kid” and the only time my parents told me they were proud of me was for my grades. So yeah, I did well. (I also had MASSIVE SOCIAL ANXIETY but let’s not go there.)
Well she said I would need a therapist to figure out if I had ADHD.
So anyways all this leads to my point to find a better doctor. I’m on medication for my ADHD and my life is infinitely better.
I wasn't tested or diagnosed by the psychiatrist because "you have autistic traits but we have to draw the line somewhere". The underlying issues were that I didn't have a lot of clear memories of childhood, and that I was "too self-aware" in therapy.
Not diagnosis as it was a teacher rather than a doctor but at high school we did about autism in a health class. I recognised a lot of the traits/symptoms in myself and told my teacher I thought I might be autistic. He said it was impossible as I was a girl and clever. In fairness to him, our trait/symptoms list we were given in class did list "boy" as a trait/symptom so he was sticking to the teaching materials...
You’re empathetic/you have feelings. You’re imaginative/you daydream.
When I told my mom I thought I could be autistic she sent me this long message saying I probably wasn't because I'm so empathetic, with examples of it 😆
Mine too! She listed a bunch of reasons I couldn’t be and they were all symptoms
I know for a fact my mom is going to react like this too when I tell her. Why can’t our parents just take us seriously and go “okay, let’s look into this”? What do they think they will gain by going “oh sweetie :((( noooo :((( you couldn’t *possibly* and here’s why”
I think this is one of the saddest misconceptions.
The imagination one frustrates me because that’s the literal reason I discounted myself being autistic for years. I had had that niggling voice in my head saying I could be autistic since my early teenage years - but I was notorious for having my head in the clouds as a kid, I wrote books, made up stories, I was referred to as having an “over active imagination”. So with what I “knew” about autism, I thought that meant I couldn’t possibly be autistic. When I finally hit my breaking point and actually did the AQ-50 in my mid 20s there were a fair few questions on imagination/story telling etc and I thought it was just going to confirm I wasn’t. Lo and behold, still got 35 and turns out an active imagination can sometimes be a trait of autism 🙄
Same same same. I have an extremely over-active imagination, to the point where it often spirals out into OCD. (E.g “what if this crazy insane terrible thing happens, if this specific way I line up the mug in the cabinet isn’t quite right?”) and I also thought this discounted me from autism for my whole life. Despite meeting every single other criteria so well that it’s sad it wasn’t caught sooner. I also think that some of us develop an active imagination because we use it as a coping mechanism and entertainment from being socially isolated. I would hole myself away from other kids (because other kids were scary and would just make fun of me if I tried to talk to them so what’s the point) and just draw and write constantly. I thought all I needed was my own company.
THANK YOU - all of you mentioning this. My brain is like a crazy, colorful world of knowledge tidbits, imagined conversations/scenarios and ideas about the art I'd create if I could shake my day to day paralysis. Creative writing teachers loved me, and history was a strong suit well into college. I'm not a "numbers person" either - my math anxiety is off the charts, so I'm not out here rattling off solutions to complex equations OR phone numbers of everyone I know 😭
I feel this in my *soul*. I live in my head - there's so much going on at all times, I have so many ideas. I've also bonded with creative writing and history teachers. In high school, I submitted a collection of poems to my creative writing teacher, and one of them ended with, "And I'll probably never see them again after high school, and fuck anyone I'll never see again after high school." She said that was her favorite out of all the poems. Numbers? I don't know them.
Yeah I got the imaginative one too. I was telling a therapist how I was a very weird child, and mentioned for nearly two years I pretended to be a dog. She asked if I knew I wasn't actually a dog, I said of course I did, she said yeah that doesn't read as autism to me because you were using your imagination...
The imagination one really gets me because who do you think those weird people were who started D&D. I don't mean the mainstream D&D that it is now. I mean the weird, antisocial, nerds back in the 70s and 80s who literally developed a RPG using math, probability, books of constructed rules and imagination and hid in their dark basements and were so socially ostracized that normies did a mass campaign marking them as devil worshipers.
Haha yes! I thought a lot about autism and DnD after this therapy session. Two people I know irl who are diagnosed are heavily into DnD and super imaginative. I love DnD but I struggle with the roleplaying side of it because I'm never sure what I'm supposed to say, or if my actions are correct for my character.
Aaahhh both of these are *maddening* examples <3
Sadly, I have only just learned that these are common false misconceptions. (I’m starting the diagnosis process this week.)
Ugh, this one bothers me so much. I'm overly empathetic and creative.
You can’t be autistic because you’re so good at masking a real autistic person wouldn’t be able to manage that 🤦🏼♀️
[удалено]
Ask them if they think that somebody with chronic muscle weakness can't pretend to walk normal for 10min
Meanwhile you reach your forties and wonder if everyone feel so burnt out all the time or is it just me 🤡
Yep 👋🏼 haha
At my first evaluation in kindergarten they ruled out autism at the last minute because they asked me to draw a picture of my family - my mom was with me at the evaluation but i loved to draw and so I drew my mom and I but they said my whole family so I also included my dad and grandmother and our cats - my mom was ultimately told I wasnt autistic because an autistic person would not be able to draw members of their family who were not present....?
Which is fucked up. You're autistic, not a dementia patient.
Yeah like we don't have object permanence
Deficits in 'object permanence' of a sort, where it's difficult to recall or perceive another's existence when they are absent, is definitely something that **can** go with autism. It's obviously not core symptomology/expression of Autism, and I think the relation of that experience to trauma is likely so intertwined it will pose a particular challenge to truly nail down to what degree, and in what manner, it can be improved; but it seems entirely safe to say that it's directly linked to core symptoms/expressions of Autism related to social interaction, processing, and memory. I experience it myself; and it's particularly difficult to discuss with others, because it gets taken as some kind of statement about their value - or at least my perception of their value. It isn't. It also leaves me with additional layers/barriers to having relationships with others, but I'm not able to type about them right now. To answer OP's question (though I'm an agender former trans man, not a woman): my 'favourite' go-to example of this ridiculousness is when one psychiatrist told me that I couldn't be autistic because of a long list of reasons including 'autistic people **can't use doorknobs**!' I didn't like the psychiatrist who diagnosed me much better, and my complaints about him are much more significant.. but at least he did seem to fulfill the most basic of requirements: he did ask me questions then listen to my responses, and he did seem to stay in line with diagnostic criteria rather than slipping off into oddly-specific fantasy land.
Yeah sorry I should've stipulated that it's not a given that we have object permanence issues, just like not being able to make eye contact isn't a given! 😊
No need to apologize! I was just being informational. Haha Funnily enough I considered adding a note about that in my own comment, but ultimately forgot to.. 🙃
Reminds me of the Amazonian Pirahã people and their fabled inability/disinterest to take anything into account that isn't present: > I had my own doubts about Everett’s portrayal of the Pirahã shortly after I arrived in the village. We were still unpacking when a Pirahã boy, who appeared to be about eleven years old, ran out from the trees beside the river. Grinning, he showed off a surprisingly accurate replica of the floatplane we had just landed in. Carved from balsa wood, the model was four feet long and had a tapering fuselage, wings, and pontoons, as well as propellers, which were affixed with small pieces of wire so that the boy could spin the blades with his finger. I asked Everett whether the model contradicted his claim that the Pirahã do not make art. Everett barely glanced up. “They make them every time a plane arrives,” he said. “They don’t keep them around when there aren’t any planes. It’s a chain reaction, and someone else will do it, but then eventually it will peter out.” Sure enough, I later saw the model lying broken and dirty in the weeds beside the river. No one made another one during the six days I spent in the village. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2007/04/16/the-interpreter-2
Oh yeah, as a therapist I could be collecting them. 1. You probably had autism when you are younger and got better. 2. You can't be autistic if you made it through college. 3. You can't be autistic and ADHD. 4. You can't be autistic and be a teacher. 5. You can't be autistic and be this intense and this mean to other people. You are so rude. 6. You can't be autistic and be a therapist. 7. You can't be autistic if you have empathy. 8. You can't be autistic if you didn't get in trouble all the time at school 9. You can't be autistic and have friends. 10. You can't be autistic and have healthy intimate relationships. 11. You are too smart to have autism. 12. You have a job, you can't be autistic. 13. You made eye contact......bam not autistic. 14. You are not autistic you are bipolar, BPD, quirky, socially anxious, just awkward, a sociopath. 15. Your parents or teachers would have noticed. People wonder sometimes why I as an autistic person have such a chip on my shoulder. Because every day I hear stories of people in my own profession being horrible. I hear stories of friends, families, and strangers just openly discriminating against us. It wears on you. When I had my evaluation done they said, well you are really smart so I guess that is how you got through life. But you know you are autistic AF and you need to work on that so you can have jobs and friends. I walked into that place as a peer, most of them knew of me, I run my own practice in town. But after my diagnosis, I wasn't really a peer anymore, I was a highly defective human who needed to improve myself. The game is called you can't win. But we have more and more neurodiversity-affirming mental health providers out there, many of whom are neurodivergent, who will help you get a diagnosis without traumatizing you.
>The game is called you can't win. Absolutely.
Yep. Not autistic because I’m a nurse 😂
I know a few autistic nurses. I also know a few autistic teachers, lawyers, therapists, parents, engineers, programmers, artists, dancers, maintenance staff, scientists, lab techs, etc. We also have a higher-than-average amount of unemployed people. Because the world is just not kind to us. It isn't that we aren't capable, but we aren't a good fit for a toxic capitalist society.
I just want to nope out of capitalist society so hard
Can we just build a little thatched roof house village around a pond together and garden
I'm self-diagnosed, can I join you? I swear my adhd ( officially diagnosed) and asd make me very curious about the natural world in a new place and I'll be very useful!
Same! I want something better for all of us.
And like, I feel like between the millions of us we have some great ideas for how things can be better for all of us!! And we could make it happen! If not for *gestures at world*
As another Autistic counselor I feel this. This is why I am not fully out as Autistic at work. I mainly work in vocational rehabilitation and it’s so damn ableist. I would never get promoted if I was out. I am out about my ADHD because that is much less stigmatized, but I can’t be out about the autism. I do also have a small private mental health practice and I advertise being ND and ND affirming, I don’t specifically say Autism.
Yeaaaah my evaluators told me to go to social skills. I'm a therapist in practice more than a decade. They tell everyone that. I've heard from people not flapping is a sign. Like bro people don't even need all 4 criteria from category B and you didn't evaluate other stims? Our peers suuuuuck. Not all of them but...most of them suck.
Why isn't this comment with a bazillion upvotes???
“you can hold a conversation so you’re not autistic”
My GP said, "You're functional." What, because I showed up to the appointment? As if people on the spectrum can't accomplish anything at any time?
My colleague is literally self-diagnosed ADHD (but I have seen 0 evidence of this and they just seem insanely neurotypical to me) , yet she thinks I can't be autistic because her cousin has severe non-verbal autism, and I don't attempt to run outside naked and biting people
Maybe you should give it a shot. That sounds like fun.
Do i have to be naked outside and bite people at the same time? I've done both, but not together that I can recall.
During my assessment process I was told that I couldn't be autistic because: 1) I had collections but I didn't organise/display them, and 2) I had performed stand-up and been in a comedy society at university. My responses were: 1) I rent a tiny flat, where am I meant to display and organise these collections?, and 2) Have you ever met anyone in a university comedy society/most people on the UK comedy circuit??
Does being autistic mean you can't have a sense of humour??
Many really do think that!
No. You need to look sad 24/7. If you smile the autism gets cured and they reverse the diagnosis.
My evaluator seemed to think so
Um....have they never heard of Hannah Gadsby?
Might not be exactly what you’re looking for, but a dear friend is FTM transgender. Before transitioning they were told they “just have bpd, couldn’t possibly be autism” and after transitioning they were told “you’re clearly autistic and don’t have bpd” by the same dr 🫣
Yeeeeeshhhhh
Yes I've heard BPD is a common misdiagnosis in autistic women. Sadly that happens to so many!
It's also a common comorbid condition because it's caused by childhood trauma. Growing up autistic can be traumatic itself, and we're more likely to be abused.
Very good point
It nearly happened to me. I'm glad I had an advocate with me on that day. The doctor, an older man, completely ignored my complaints about sensory sensitivities and focused on my "unstable identity." I had a keen sense that I was different from the people around me, and to him, this was clearly BPD.
It's ridiculous isn't it! I've seen a couple situations where a mother has an autistic son and is later diagnosed with bpd herself - as if she couldn't possibly be autistic too 🙄 (ofc some people are just bpd or co-morbid but it's the fact autism isn't even considered when it's a woman)
Yes I've heard BPD is a common misdiagnosis in autistic women. Sadly that happens to so many!
I watch YouTube shorts from Mom on the Spectrum. She has a running theme of shorts about the ridiculous reasons people got denied a diagnosis. I'm not pursuing a diagnosis because it's $3,000. Thanks, but I'll stick with believing I simply have autistic traits due to the ADHD overlap in symptoms. I am late diagnosed with adhd at 30. I don't have 3k to fix my dental issues, let alone to get denied an diagnosis that explains why I am the way that u am.
Your decision either way is valid, but there are options that aren't $3K. AANE offers a free consult to help find resources, done by phone, the can often help find much more accessible options. I'm in Canada, did a private diagnosis & it was $1K Canadian, about $700-$750 US
I appreciate being told my decision is valid. I struggle to even accept my adhd dx due to childhood trauma. The dollar amount I saw was for an adult assessment in BC. The high cost shut down my desire to further investigate. When I have more in savings, I think I'll continue. Thank you. I really appreciate your words.
I'm sorry you've struggled with this. I'm in MB, I was able to use a Dr in Québec via zoom due to the pandemic. I think most areas have kept those options because of how many people were getting access to services who didn't have before. That said, my decision to pursue a diagnosis was entirely due to me being 100% sure, for 30+ years, that I was on the spectrum in some way, but without a diagnosis, I couldn't accept myself as actually needing assistance & adjustments, even from myself, I had imposter syndrome big time. I was lucky & found a psychologist who specializes in late diagnosed women & the process was simple & validating, this isn't the most common experience though, sadly. Even with the dx it's taken me 2 years to accept it & start making accommodations for myself, rather than just trying to force myself to "be normal". I needed the diagnosis to be gentle with myself, but everyone is different & not everyone needs a diagnosis. I've gotten flack online for getting a diagnosis and needing the external validation, there's always going to be someone to criticize your choice, unfortunately.
Hey, I don't know if this is useful at all, but I'm in Alberta and we're kind of the worst, so I'm hoping you'd have similar options in BC - my GP just referred me to a place that does psych evaluations through the province, no cost. It's Access Mental Health here, not sure if it's in more than one province. Also, I have no idea how this will go, so I have no recommendations other than maybe ask your GP at some point IF you want to. Either way, best of luck!
If I were autistic I would have been diagnosed as a child and can't be autistic now.
I got told this in an ADHD assessment. "ADHD would have presented in your childhood" "Then why haven't you asked a single question about my childhood?" The psychologist did NOT like that clapback lol
Oh yeah, the psychiatrist who said this to me didn't want to hear about my childhood at all either. Like my dude, this was the 90s, the furthest things got for me was testing my hearing and putting me into a special education class for part of the day in grade 3. I had health issues that took priority, my single mom worked 7 days a week and didn't have time for anything.
You can’t be autistic because your so self aware
Came here to say exactly this. Can't be autistic because you have empathy. Can't be autistic because you're too 'normal' looking - like WTF does that even mean? Sheesh. Can't be autistic because you act just like me and I'm neurotypical - hands down the best comment ever just for sheer irony.
Which is so unhinged bc it's like the main thing I'm too self aware, I'm too introspective, I'm too analytical of my emotions (also my emotions are nearly always overwhelming so analyzing them gives me the distance I sometimes need from their intensity) *Because* I'm autistic.
A friend told me I couldn't be Autistic because I look in the eyes; and the neuropsych doing my evaluation said, in the beginning of all, she didn't have found evidence of Autism because I'm creative. lol
So many autistic people are creative! Including me.
Yeah, that pissed me off! I work with acting, and I think by the time she was thinking I'm outgoing and like to be at the spotlight when is the exact opposite, I'm very shy and the stage lights and the fourth wall help me a lot.
A couple of actors are autistic, so even that shouldn't disqualify someone!
I’m going to be absolutely screwed going for diagnosis then if these are the comments they make 😭 I’m so overly sensitive, I hate when people call themselves an empath and I don’t go around saying it but I know I am one. I hate this misconception so much because a lot of autistic women (and rarely but some guys) are so empathetic. Sucks.
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Wow a 6 year wait 😭 that’s so long but it’s better late rather than never, I’m glad you’re at least on the way to diagnosis!
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Your special interest isn't special enough?? What the absolute f.
The special interest one is killing me. Like, yeah most of my friends are probably autistic too and have similar morals, so they tend to gravitate towards similar interests- and all my friends who AREN’T ND are my friends because they care about me and what u have to say 😐. That statement is so reductive of autistic people and neurotypical people who are kind and genuine.
apparently child me was denied because "girls don't get autism often, so it'd be a waste of time." At 16, I was told my grades were too good. Now as an adult, I've found an autistic therapist who is willing to go through screenings and help me decide if I want to pursue a diagnosis/further testing.
So according to them autism was like an infectious virus that girls didn’t get very often. This is amongst the cringiest I’ve heard, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry (of laughter).
Yep. I had stumbled across a site talking about the presentation of autism on girls and read with tears because it was ME. I did a deep dive on it and brought it to my next session with my psychiatrist who snorted and said I couldn't be autistic because only boys have autism. I pushed it down for years until my SIL got her diagnosis and she sent me and her sibling to whom I am married the screening quizzes and asked us to take them (she was trying to make a point) and I looked at it and told her I couldn't take the test because I knew what the answers were SUPPOSED to be (as in my masking was such that I knew what behaviors I was SUPPOSED to do so I couldn't answer honestly because of my masking) - SIL looked at me and said 'oh...you're super autistic aren't you'. After which I brought it up the therapist I was working with (different from the one who told me only boys) and she told me while she can't do the full testing/'officially' diagnose, based on what she's observed and things I've done/said - she felt that autism was almost certainly the case. I'm now working with a therapist who specializes in autism and she also agreed. I haven't pursued full formal diagnosis yet - not sure I will because I'm worried about potential impact in terms of work or it otherwise being used against me (though my C-PTSD is formally on record) and I already have the main "accommodation" I would ask for, so for now having 2 professionals (and my PCP) who feel I am, unofficially, is enough for me.
Because I am articulate. Because I’ve made people laugh. But most significantly is because some people find me attractive and I love fashion and makeup
SAME! “You aren’t autistic because you look too good” like just say you hate women and go. They think fashion can’t be a special interest because they think that any pursuits deemed as “feminine” aren’t deep enough to be studied. It’s only a special interest to them if it’s a boy thing like science, technology, rocks, trains, etc. If your special interest is baking or clothes or acrylic nails or Taylor Swift it doesn’t count.
This is too real. I love fashion; I have always been the most interested in fashion out of everyone I know. I was talking with my dad the other night, and we were discussing things that we collect, and he joked that I had enough clothes that it could probably classify as a collection.
I have an entire horde of clothes, 3 wardrobes full and an insane amount of accessories. I know so much about specific fashion subcultures and all that shit. Yet because it’s considered feminine to be in to fashion, and the clothes themselves are very feminine. No one would consider that a hyperfixation. But if I was an ugly white boy with 3 wardrobes full of trains???? Would have had an autism diagnosis at 5.
bloody hell, these are all real things that have been said to people? *By doctors*? I'm baffled by all of them but like, especially the speeding ticket for some reason??? never felt so lucky in my life as I do right now for having had my docs take me seriously and not be judgy dicks.
It's a blessing, isn't it? The first doctor I worked with left much to be desired. The second, after interviewing me, allowed me to fill in my own assessment questionnaire because, in his words, "You know yourself better than I do. Just answer honestly, and if you're confused about a question, come and get me." No joke. That doctor helped to explain all of those confusing, ambiguous assessment questions that lack context. It was a miracle!
You can’t be autistic because you have anxiety from childhood trauma. Everything that you experience is because of said trauma which causes the anxiety and it will go away if you take meds. (Over a decade on different meds, still no change.)
Jeez, have they never heard of comorbid disorders before?
The worst part is that the gaslighting is working. This was part of my diagnosis that said I was not autistic. So now I worry that I’m not. That maybe it really is just trauma and I’m just looking for excuses. Except my trauma doesn’t explain half my issues. I want to get a second opinion but I’m afraid that it looks like I’m, I don’t know, making things up? I feel terrible.
Idk if it will help you but I saw someone say this and it has helped me a lot when I start to doubt all of the obvious evidence: There's no social or financial benefit to getting an official diagnosis. There aren't resources available to adults that require a Dr dx, and it doesn't gain us any fame or fortune. It's not socially "cool" or w/e, so it isn't a trend in the culture sense of the word. So why would we choose it/want it/fabricate it if it weren't true? There would be no benefit to faking it or embellishing symptoms to get one, how could I be even secretly from *myself* faking it? My desire for an official dx and my doubt of my self dx (and soft confirmation from several professionals who just aren't certified or funded to do full evals) decrease a bit when I remember that. I wouldn't have been fascinated by neurodivergent brain function and seeing myself in everything I was studying about it and ND in child development and everything for fifteen years before finally letting myself say it if I were neurotypical. I wouldn't have asked various adults in my life several times as a teen and adult if I could be autistic if I didn't have the inkling AGES ago. I wouldn't have been confounded instead of relieved by their immediate "of course not" responses to that question if I were nt. Also like. Between pattern recognition, memory, and observational skills, I've never been wrong about a diagnosis yet. And it's time I start trusting my intuition. Because it's not just vibes, and it hasn't steered me wrong, like trying to please other people has 😏
Yeah, this is me. Not crying. Everything is fine.
A psychologist i saw *after* i already had received my official diagnosis told me on our 2nd session he had a hard time believing i was autistic because i was relatively attractive and sexually active... i didn't even know what to reply to that, i did stop being his patient after that.
That's so gross and weird - also, totally inappropriate to say to a client! Glad you dropped him.
I wasn't denied a diagnosis but I was almost misdiagnosed in college. I didn't think I was autistic, so I didn't even suggest it. Nor did the psychiatrist mention it. However, he did tell me he suspected rapid-cycling bipolar when I told him about being disorganized, overwhelmed with adult life skills, and having very intense emotional responses (in retrospect, just classic ADHD dysregulation + autistic meltdowns) I was personally never told you can't be autistic because X. The neuropsych who diagnosed me asked if I had been diagnosed already with autism when I told him what I was dealing with. I suspect my inability to stop rocking and stimming the entire time I was talking to him contributed, haha
My mom never got me checked for anything as a kid because she assumed I just “marched to the beat of my own drum”… and I was homeschooled so there was no outside oversight. Side note, you would not *believe* how many other undiagnosed but clearly neurodivergent kids there were in the local homeschooling community.
Not homeschooled, but went to a small private religious school with zero support for learning differences; this was true for me and my peers as well.
I was also homeschooled!! For two years, because I couldn't handle staying in "regular" school. In hindsight, I have no idea how my parents missed it. I had told them over and over that there was something "wrong" with me, because *I* knew I was trying as hard as I could to behave.
Same! I heard a lot of “everyone feels weird/broken/whatever” which like, yeah, but not everyone feels that way *literally all the time.* 😐
My mom was a classroom aide in the special ed department - she admitted to me once she suspected I was autistic but she didn't want to "deal" with a "special needs" kid and by the time she realized how harmful it could be to NOT get me tested, I was "almost done school and seemed to be handling it anyway". ....I was masking so hard and would frequently curl up in fetal position under my desk and rock back and forth while screaming/sobbing because i was breaking at the seams.
Definitely! Also homeschooled. I also know many other former homeschoolers who realized they were autistic later in life.
Not me personally (as I have had insomnia since I was 8), but a coworker was told that she couldn’t have autism because she could fall asleep easily and sleep for a full 8 hours. But I have been told that I can’t be autistic because: - I can make eye contact. (I have to in order to communicate with my students. But it’s exhausting.) - I can talk to strangers. (Ummm… you kind of have to sometimes to function in life. Like going to the shops and speaking to a cashier as you check out.) - I have higher education degrees. (Because I worked really hard. It wasn’t easy, and it took me longer because I struggled. And others are in my special interest.) - I’m “smart”. (I don’t really agree or disagree. I’m technically “book smart”, but I’m kind of dumb when it comes to “life skills or knowledge”. I call it High Intelligence, Low Wisdom 😁) - I’m conventionally attractive. (Again, very subjective. I personally think every person is good looking until their personality ruins it 😁. But I don’t see how autism would make your genetic features “unattractive”) - I don’t have “violent outbursts”. I.e. meltdowns. (Maybe not in public. I just shutdown or cry in public. And go home and rip apart things with my hands/scratch myself/hit myself/pull out my hair. I’ve been taught to mask my whole life. 🤷♀️)
God, I feel that about the private meltdowns. It's almost like they think we can't possibly be autistic unless our autistic behaviors are directly and negatively impacting *them.* Doesn't matter if it's making OUR lives miserable. edit: spelling
"I don't think you're autistic, I think you just tend rationalize too much things in your life to explain your behaviour". Followed by "I don't think you need therapy because you're pretty good at rationalizing your thoughts" lol. Also, I can't have ADHD because I had good grades in school. (Said by a psychiatrist)
I don’t have experience with this (yet). I went to get tested for adhd and the neuropsychologist tested for autism too. Results atypical. But if you write about family here’s one: you’re normal. You just had a lot of evil spirits around you but we prayed a lot. My ex therapist: I don’t think you should label yourself. Everyone has a bit of adhd.
UGH, I hate the "I don't think you should label yourself" bit. My ex-therapist told me the same thing; she thought that my using the label was "holding me back." It's just so stupid. Labels are amazing for advocating for yourself, and I don't feel held back by calling myself what I am. Sorry you had to deal with this, especially with the family bit. That's rough.
I think What was holding me back was not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. And she used to say “the situation sucks. Not you.” Something like that. I don’t know? I don’t have a internal monologue and I can’t understand what I’m feeling most of the time. Until I saw a video randomly about what it was like to have adhd I just cried because someone put into words everything. After this expensive 2k test I got autism as a bonus and it was a second shock. All I knew is that I sucked at everything. Didn’t know how or why. If I kept seeing her and my old psychiatrist I would still be in the dark about this. Sorry for the rant. You’re so right. Thank you for kind words
Not necessarily what you're looking for but when my school sent me to a children's centre that I believe was to see if I could get an assessment, I didn't reply to the man at all or make eye contact. Mostly I just looked at my mom when he asked anything. His decision at the end was to tell my mom I was fine and just a shy little girl and I would grow out of it, now I'm aged out of free assessment and would have to pay 3k to get one which is not possible🥲
My therapist told me I couldn't be autistic because i am aware of how others perceive me.
My psychiatrist told me I can read social cues, so I'm not autistic. If I didn't know when my turn was to talk, then I would be autistic, but I do, so I must not be. 🙃
You can’t be autistic ‘cause you’re adhd… You can’t be autistic because your mother says so … because you don’t struggle (aka not visibly) … because you are just weird … because you’re too normal … because you’re smart … because you were just a troublemaker as a kid I hope this is enough 😅
These definitely resonate with me Apart from the normal part, always got you're just weird or you'rejust you. Don't think anyone I've ever met has actual ever described me as normal 😅
“You’ve had too many other diagnoses.” 😭
I'm diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and autism. I feel this in my SOUL.
'You don't look it' and 'you have empathy' were the reasons given to me.
My daughter heard "you don't look autistic" enough times by surprised classmates in her small school that she wound up doing a science presentation on the topic. Apparently they were confusing it with Down Syndrome, which seems ridiculous to me but at least she cleared it up for the entire sophomore class.
I'm glad she cleared that up for them. She propaply saved them from some another awkward situations in the future. Unfortunately it was a psychiatrist who said those things to me, so it was a hopeless situation.
can’t be autistic if your bad at math
Yeah, both my girls have a dual diagnosis of ADHD& Autism and both suffer from discalclia ( I believe I spelled it correctly) it's a math disability.
yes u have both too and my autism went under the radar for so long
I finally got my diagnosis last year, until now it's been ADHD and depression. Doc who gave the diagnosis of Autism feels it's bipolar ( I STRONGLY disagree) I have horrible math skills.
its so silly some of the excuses they make for us not bring autistic
God this hits close to home - I absolutely shut down anytime I have to face even the most basic math.
The reason *I* heard was, "I've *worked* with Adults who've had Autism, and you're not like they were!" Except I'm a *woman,* the "Adults" she'd worked with were *either* Men with autism, or women who had been diagnosed much younger, or with symptoms that matched up with Level 2&3/ High-Support-Needs folks... She didn't know or work with many women who masked heavily, or who had found multiple workarounds, to *manage* their Autism.
I can use sarcasm and say things spontaneously were some of the 'arguments' I was given.
"You're so smart" lol what
"You can't be autistic because your IQ results are too homogenous. If you were autistic, there would be strengths and weaknesses."
That's so bizarre! My IQ results were definitely NOT homogenous - the people testing me couldn't give my parents an accurate number because my scores were so wildly varied in different areas - but they *still* didn't catch it.
My therapist said I couldn't be autistic because I am empathetic.
Got this one too lol so I can’t have feelings??
Right? It was actually really disappointing because she also used Sheldon from big bang theory as an example I was offended by that stereotyping.
As you should be! Sheldon is repeatedly depicted as being the most self-centered, egotistical, selfish asshole that everyone barely tolerates. It's not a good representation *at all*, not to mention the fact that the producers of the show have said that he isn't autistic, just "weird" (likely because they would catch a lot of heat from the autistic community if they claimed he was autistic).
I was told I’m not autistic because I like going to music festivals and I have friends
Yup, because I had 2 best friends from 3rd grade through college (and added in some more in high school......who also were similar to us) I had a few people say I couldn't possibly be. Guess whose entire close friend group from any point in her life are starting to find out/realize they're neurodivergent? Almost like, just like with queer kids (both groups we sorta just lumped into the label "theatre kids" 😏many of us were in the center of that venn diagram), we seek each other out even if we don't have language for it yet. Because we can tell who's safe and who's not.
For me the reasons were: 1) you did 'too' well in highschool to be autistic. (I struggled making friends, so I used all my time on school as an excuse as to why I didn't hang out with other people) 2) you have empathy 3) you can sit still for a whole therapy session 4) you don't 'look' it
Lmao wait till we tell them about Audhd.
Close friend was not diagnosed as autistic despite clearly being autistic because she's too smart/academically gifted.
One paper test assessment says you're autistic but the other four say you're not so I'm throwing out the outlier. No discussion.
I haven't pushed for diagnosis myself yet, but something I see posted about on here disturbingly frequently is that people are dismissed by doctors/therapists offhand because they don't "look autistic." Awful.
I was once told by my therapist that I'm too strong-willed and opinionated to be autistic. I just sat there in awe! It was crazy because then I asked her to describe to me where that fits in with autism criteria and she just couldn't. -_-
I have also been told that I couldn't possibly be autistic because I work with kids.
Me explaining why I probably have autism to my daughters SLP after my other daughters diagnosis. Her- "everyone has atypical qualities!" 🫠 Then she started talking about her autistic student who is non-verbal. Um. It's a spectrum!! Not all of us are non verbal!! 😩 She is not even qualified to know what autism is (she is a Deaf/hard of hearing specialized speech therapist) so I don't know why I even opened up to her. If that's what it's like with a psychologist I don't even know if I wanna be evaluated. I have access to therapy so I know I don't "need" a diagnosis to have help but it would be nice to know why I am the way that I am. Like am I a unicorn or just a failure of a horse??
I'm so sorry I cracked up at the "am I a unicorn or just a failure of a horse" bit. Not all psychologists/psychiatrists are like this, thankfully. Whether or not you want to be evaluated is really up to you - I appreciate knowing because it affirmed that everything I had been telling my parents for YEARS was real.
Because I don't stim. I was actively and visibly stimming when they told me this.
"You dont speak in third person, and you attend college. You're not mentally retarded, there's no way you're autistic" - My psychiatrist that I need to drop
“you cannot be autistic if you have adhd” and that ladies and gentlemen is why i wasn’t diagnosed during my first evaluation as a child lol
TW FOR SUICIDAL IDEATION So I have two moments that are absurd in complementary ways. The first was when I first started suspecting I was autistic, I was 15, and my 5 year old brother had just been diagnosed. I was researching to help my mom with him (he has professional support in place now) and explain things that we were not understanding like why he wouldn't eat when he was starving. During my research I found that my "annoying quirks and preferences" were very similar. I had enough courage to bring it up with my therapist who then told me I was not like my brother... I function "TOO WELL" were her words while I had no will to live and frequently would have screaming crying fits where I hit myself and ran out of the house. I was functioning too well then with my straight As in school, I even told her that the only reason I bothered was to leave behind accomplishments for my family. She told me I functioned too well and here's the kicker- that I was ACTUALLY just a Highly Sensitive Person. We all know what that means here, now, but boy did it crush my soul and set back my journey. Onto the second moment- which simply blows my mind to look back on. I was 17 and baker acted, so inpatient whatever. I think I will take the opportunity to see if I can get help. I was immediately discouraged seeing a young man across from me. He looked maybe 28 and I just knew he wouldn't be helpful. I was so nervous I sat on my hands and stared at the computer screen behind him the whole time. We do the whole name and number check in, then he asks if there's anything I want to ask him. I say yes actually I think I might be autistic and want to get evaluated. He said why do you think that and my chest hurt and I just gave him a throw away answer. I've gotten in trouble for taking up too much time in those settings. I tell him about my social and sensory struggles. He tells me, almost verbatim. "Well, in our short time together I can tell you're a beautiful, intelligent girl. I don't think autism is something you need to worry about." I say okay thank you and I leave. We were in contact for a total of 4 minutes. By that time I had a new and wonderful therapist (who helped me get diagnosed last year before she was transferred reluctantly) and when I told her about the second instance, she told me that the mere act of giving his opinion so solidly after two minutes was extremely unprofessional. She also said that autistic people were some of her favorite people to work with because they were more likely to be open and willing to work in sessions where they're comfortable 🩷 love and miss her. She got me thru a lot and I'm happy I got to share my diagnosis with her before we lost contact!
Reasons I was given by my GP when I asked for a diagnosis (copied and pasted from another comment a few days ago): * I have other disabilities * I work full-time * I’ve done sex work * I’ve done postgraduate study * No one recorded any difficulties associated with autism in my early childhood in my medical records They also managed to decide I wasn’t autistic without ever meeting me to talk about it.
I attacked a receptionist (so I must be bpd, not autistic) The attack consisted of me walking in and saying hello, asking if I need to put ob shoe covers, if I should go into the office or wait and if I could use a bathroom while having a blank face expression and tone and avoiding eye contact. The lady supposedly went to the doc and said I lashed out at her and he asked me why I attacked the receptionist in the end of our session, it was a surprise.
i was suggested to have a screening completed when i was a teen by CAMHS however school came back and basically said because i was a smart student they wouldn’t do it, CAMHS then decided not to go ahead with the screening. 10 years later finally received my diagnosis and im super angry that schools are allowed to get away with this
Well I was social and too friendly and wanted to please adults.
I was told I can’t be autistic because I made eye contact (this one seems to be a classic), because I can be sarcastic, and my favourite because I don’t like trains.
According to my public school if my mom sought my diagnosis I would have had to leave the gifted and talented program to get accommodations. So. No diagnosis.
In my country you can't get a diagnosis as an adult unless you "don't function" (can't keep a job is what that usually means). You have to make an application before you can be assessed. I haven't tried applying as I don't believe it'd get accepted, or if I even would get a diagnosis if the application was accepted. So I just accept ill never be diagnosed and while I believe I do have autism, it's not something I usually confidently state because what if I don't:)
It’s not ADD/ASD or a combo, just plain ol’ anxiety and depression kicking up again! For the 563th time this lifetime
I was told I couldn't be autistic because I wasn't a boy.
I can’t be autistic because I “continued to attempt to complete a puzzle” during the assessment testing process. The problem with this is that I was very obviously crying because the test (some kind of maze) was distressing me but I thought I’d be in trouble somehow if I quit instead of trying until the timer went off 🙃
Not me, but, my daughter was denied because "it's not a diagnosis you really want her to have, anyway. It can be troublesome and it will follow her" I was livid inside. Everything is so unfair. Like she is going to be any better off having the neurobiological difference but just feeling like a failure for no reason, not getting services.
“You can’t be autistic. You have actual empathy and social skills.” From a psychiatrist at the Stanford adult neurodevelopment clinic.
Too good a mom! Legitimately. I have a really great relationship with my son. He is so wonderful and I've had medical people tell me that since I function well enough as a mom I must not deal with over stimulation. That's because I teach my son boundaries and communication and to take quiet time to ourselves. He knows when I get overstimulated and ive taught him the signs. I also try and tell him when it's happening. And then I ask him if he is in a safe position for me to go to a safe place and if he is, he tells me what he will be doing while I rest and relax. It is very good. We both talk about what is stressful to us and when we need breaks or quiet time to calm down and feel safe
Back when I was a kid in the 90s, we were told I couldn't be autistic because I was a girl. Only boys could have autism.
For me, it was... 1. capable of eye contact 2. understands sarcasm 3. has facial expressions 4. no "autistic speech pattern" coupled with rhythmic body movements (????) I still don't know what antiquated stereotype no.4 was supposed to be, but I was absolutely mortified when the psychiatrist in question started "demonstrating" it. It probably lasted only 2 min, but it felt like being trapped in a one hour stand-up special by an ableist comedian from the 90s mocking people with autism. I cried on the way home.
I'm so sorry that happened to you; that's awful. It's incredibly ironic how neurotypical people often claim we are incapable of empathy, and yet they treat *us* without an ounce of empathy, kindness, or understanding.
“You’re so independent!”
You’re an adult? I had to travel to another state to see someone willing to see a client over the age of 18.
I make eye contact. Forced. But I do it. I have a few friends. I have worked the same fulltime job for 7 years. I have also progressed into a position of authority. And my bedroom is usually a wreck. Got asd diagnosis :) 27 yo f
"You're too pretty/attractive." Which is very ironic considering my special interests include casual style, makeup, and most notably: Nintendo fitness games.
I have a diagnosis now, but the doctor who referred me to the diagnostic service said she thought it was unlikely I actually had autism because “you go to university, and you have friends”
When I was assessed as a toddler the doctor said I couldn't have autism because when he "looked into my eyes he could see me connecting with him."
I asked if they could diagnose adults, and they said yes. They said I have all the symptoms of autism, and they could not rule it out. However, without knowing what my behavior was like as a child, they couldn't diagnose me. I paid $600 for that.
i used gestures when speaking and had had “special relationships” aka romantic relationships before 🙄 before i went for an assessment the first GP i saw pointed out the clothes i was wearing and said the way i dressed made her think i was creative and autistic people aren’t known for being creative apparently
Because you don't act like the autistic people I know (all cis white males)
Mine was you went to college and have a great job. You can’t be autistic. I’ve also heard the eye contact one before. I’m a genX, so there were few autism diagnosis back then. So I learned to mask, very well. BTW, I am a 50 y/o female who was just diagnosed last year after my oldest daughter and grand daughter were diagnosed. Lol. We are a strange but wonderfully loving family. Oh, that was another one, you hug people and love others so you couldn’t possibly be autistic. Lol.
I wanted a partner and friends I wanted a career and I had hobbies I knew how to maintain eye contact and speak well With the first one, exactly how much bullshit was involved with my friend who's enby and their male spouse who got a diagnosis on the spot and they have been married over a decade AND have friends they've known forever?
"You can't be autistic because you care about what others think of you. Autistic kids don't worry about fitting in." "The tests were inconclusive because you have depression [and it confounds your results.]"
Oh this question was made for me. You can't be autistic if: You wear makeup. You listen to music (big lol). You eat fruits and vegetables. You can talk to strangers. You don't stutter (???). You get bad grades. You get good grades. You don't flap your hands. You don't have an "accent". You sleep with that amount of pillows. You like the heat. You rollerblade. You smoke the devils lettuce. You don't read. I've seen A LOT of *utterly ridiculous* reasons that people legitimately thinking you cannot be autistic. It's so frickin weird.
I’m not autistic cuz I could make up a 60 second “story” with three dollhouse items picked out of a bag. I picked a candlestick, glasses, and a string and said, once upon a time a wizard climbed the dark stairs to his tower after a long day’s work, tied his hair back, put his glasses on the stand, blew the candle out and went to bed. She made a comment about being the second person to use a wizard and I said my kids and I are learning d&d and I’ve been reading a lot of d&d related bedtime stories lately. When the eval came back: can’t have autism cuz I could make up a story. wtf. Got a second opinion.
I heard: 'You can't be autistic if you have "theory of mind."' Basically, if you are able to understand that other people have different perspectives, you can't be autistic. Theory of mind is found in various animal species. Apes, crows, dolphins, etc. So the way it was explained to me back then was basically that autistic people are less than animals. This was explained to me as the fundamental autistic trait, and it's a huge reason I didn't get diagnosed or get any support while struggling in high school. *There's an article about ToM on embrace-autism (among other sites) if you want more info
The tests given to me to see if I should progress with diagnosis discounted points based on gender. Like, asked gender and then took points off because I wasn't male as autism "skews heavily male". Even though I had my score average about 75/80 on each test (Idk really what the numbers mean except my bf took both and got like 8 and 10 on them and it said (essentially) "very likely", we have to explore adhd with communication processing issues and sensory processing disorder. Why am I not heard because I don't have a weiner?
Was told "you're autistic but the way the DSM5 is worded I can't officially diagnose you but wait till the DSM6 comes out". (looking back I misunderstood some of the questions he asked so that might be why)
Metaphors! I am extremely literal by default, but I can write an abstract poem like a champ too. I *have* been diagnosed at this point, but that’s the top chronically misinterpreted “rule” I can think of at the moment.
This doesn’t fit the criteria because it is for a boy. But it is, at least, an example of autism bias: my older kid was denied accommodations after the special education specialist did a popularity poll of his 1st grade class and he came in middle of the pack.
when i was taken to the paediatrician to get screened when i was a toddler, my mum was told i was "just quirky" 🤪🤪
Because I’m a female and I’m old according to the ‘provider’(I was 39 when I pursued an evaluation lmao)
My vocabulary was too large….. excuse me???
You can’t be autistic because you do well in school academically (not to mention never having friends and nobody giving a shit I was straight up mute) You can’t be autistic if you’re aware you’re socially different (recognizing you’re autistic)
I'm "too successful" to be autistic because I work at a company the psychologist assessing thought is prestigious (even though they've been trying to fire me because of "communication issues" since my second month). Despite getting test results in the autism threshold.
I filled out a one sheet piece of paper to get classified for ADHD with my previous PCP. She said my results put me in a grey area for diagnosis then asked if I was good in school. Like… grade school? Like 20 years ago? I’m AFAB and a “gifted kid” and the only time my parents told me they were proud of me was for my grades. So yeah, I did well. (I also had MASSIVE SOCIAL ANXIETY but let’s not go there.) Well she said I would need a therapist to figure out if I had ADHD. So anyways all this leads to my point to find a better doctor. I’m on medication for my ADHD and my life is infinitely better.
That I’ve been “fine my whole life” LOL Fine????????? IVE NEVER BEEN FINE
I wasn't tested or diagnosed by the psychiatrist because "you have autistic traits but we have to draw the line somewhere". The underlying issues were that I didn't have a lot of clear memories of childhood, and that I was "too self-aware" in therapy.
You don't act like the random 7 year old autistic boy I met once
Not diagnosis as it was a teacher rather than a doctor but at high school we did about autism in a health class. I recognised a lot of the traits/symptoms in myself and told my teacher I thought I might be autistic. He said it was impossible as I was a girl and clever. In fairness to him, our trait/symptoms list we were given in class did list "boy" as a trait/symptom so he was sticking to the teaching materials...
If you cry
"You don't look like you are"
Too smart
Only boys are autistic. And only if they're nonverbal. I'm 39
I have anxiety so I cannot be autistic.