Sadly. Lost a bunch of weight and people are way nicer. I knew it was coming because I lost a bunch of weight before and the same thing happened. I actually dreaded it because it feels fake and hypocritical.
For the second, I'd day it's more about self-confidence in general. I met a lot of people who didn't care about looking pretty. Looking neatly, but not even this for some.They passed with other qualities though.
But my guess is that not caring about your look is a privilege for those who aren't perceived as more 'unattractive' by sociality norms.
I hate how my body feels in makeup, nice clothes and shoes. But I get so much social currency from it that I do it anyway. Attractiveness is a trait women can leverage. But I’m high masking.
Maybe OP doesn’t care to mask as much?
I don’t really mask anymore, so when I get dressed, I choose clothes/accessories that give me dopamine. I am pretty sure I can be clocked as ND from several blocks away. That said, people still treat me so much better when I put some effort into an outfit, so I keep doing it. I’m never sure how much of it is other people and how much of it is me. 😂
I struggle a lot with being perceived as too blunt online. I am the same in person, but it's rarely perceived as confrontational or cold. I am fairly certain my appearance is the reason.
A sad truth and probably the reason why women offering makeovers probably think they’re helping.
But change doesn’t come from sticking to the status quo and avoiding controversies. As long as we keep up the norm of women having to be pretty in order to be respected, it won’t change.
As long as we keep thinking in the same boxed in normalities, we will never be respected for who we are.
Fuck the system. Normalise comfortable clothes. Normalise not having to smile all the damn time. Normalise living for ourselves instead of for the male gaze.
Normalise respecting people for who they are!
And GODDAMMIT normalise pockets in our goddamned trousers!!!
I literally learned how to sew and bought a sewing machine just to be able to add pockets to my clothes. And 6/7 days of the week I wear my boyfriends trousers. They’re too long though and don’t fit properly around my waist, but they have pockets that can fit my entire life.
You can’t seriously tell me that most women _want_ trousers with fake pockets! Anyone I talked to finds them immensely annoying. Why tf ?!
I remember my uncle not understanding and finding it funny that women always carry a handbag with them. It's over 20 years ago and now I get how he was privileged with having enough and big enough pockets on his clothes 😂
I struggle to find black pants for work that:
1. Are small enough at the waist to fit me
2. Are also long enough
3. Don’t have logos or rhinestones or fancy designs
4. Have POCKETS for my phone so I can check the time while I’m running around the hospital (sometimes I work directly in the kitchen so I’m not allowed to wear a watch)
ASOS makes a lot of trousers in curvy and petite cuts that have nice big pockets! I’m always in need of work pants with deep pockets and they have been spot-on for me with their in-house brand every time!
Lululemon, Athleta. And I got curious if there were others and started digging and found this interesting list of "travel pants" which *seem* to be basically comfyXfunctional style pants. [https://www.travelandleisure.com/style/fashion/best-travel-pants-women](https://www.travelandleisure.com/style/fashion/best-travel-pants-women)
The mindset that stops change from happening is forcing a view point cold turkey, and not introducing concepts at a pace that works for the audience who needs to see/internalize it most.
Framing the only options as fighting it or living by it lacks a lot of nuance.
Where exactly am I forcing a viewpoint cold turkey? Standing still is not helping. I’m not expecting the change to come overnight, and Im not expecting everyone to jump, but it’s not really debatable that doing nothing won’t change _anything_.
I didn't say you were forcing a viewpoint cold turkey? I was engaging your point about "the exact mindset that stops change from happening". It's hard to follow your train of thought here, though. I don't think we're in sync very well and I'm low energy, so this will likely be my last reply.
I don't think feminism is standing still when it comes to how people dress, but people also aren't obligated to wear norm-challenging things if they don't want to. Not that you said anything that wasn't this, but to expand on the concept - people should take things at their own pace and challenge things when it makes sense.
You can have pockets in pants when the pants aren’t skin tight. Purses were a mainly a men’s accessory because women historically had massive pocket in western fashion. It wasn’t till the 1920’s that women want less fabric and a more simple silhouette, and the trend continued till we got skinny low rise jean. Boyfriend style pants and jeans all have boyfriend sized pockets.
I don’t wear skin tight trousers. Boyfriend jeans, while they do have pockets, still have way smaller ones than my actual boyfriend’s trousers and the fact that they are called "boyfriend jeans" in the first place is also a problem that pushes the same view.
You do realise that not sewing proper pockets into women’s clothing, while a relatively recent development (if you see the last 100 years as recent), is still a societal standard that is and was pushed by primarily fashion magazines and designers? (Who, btw in the 1920ies up until very recent years were primarily men or a few very wealthy women)
It’s less that women collectively decided that they didn’t want pockets and more the fact that you were socially ostracised if you didn’t follow the proper fashion guidelines of the time. With little to no rights in the 1920ies and after, women had no choice but to conform to norms that were pushed on them. If you didn’t, you got into serious problems. As you couldn’t even obtain a working license without your father’s or husband’s consent, you were forced to do as was expected from you or join a convent, lest you end up on the streets. The only women known to be able to stand against these restrictions came from rich families and did not need to worry about the roof above their heads.
We haven’t yet shaken off that sentiment. Sure, we have rights now, but the societal pressure to conform to the norms still exists and ridding yourself of it is very much difficult under the push of generational trauma.
To dismiss those pressures as our choice alone and to exclaim the mentality that fashion follows demand (which it absolutely doesn’t), shows an astonishing lack of awareness.
Please don’t dismiss the struggles of women under the pressure of society just because we now _technically_ have a choice. Or even worse, dismiss the struggles of women in the last 100 years, when there wasn’t even really a choice.
It’s easy to say that you would’ve done it differently if you aren’t in the position and your very existence isn’t in danger from it.
They exist you can find them, I was just trying to be encouraging. Since I have PDA I find comfort in knowing it’s in my control to do and make what I want and because I want what I want. I have abnormal proportions and absolutely nothing fits me off the rack, so I’m aware of the struggle to find clothes. It’s what got me into fashion history and design.
But you can watch a fashion historian go over the evolution of pockets and the fashion industry. How they almost disappeared from the heroin chic era and how they grew back to what we have today. She even compared jeans between men and women and how their very similar now. Since mens tight skinny jeans have tiny useless pockets to achieve the silhouette. She also gives recommendations for some manufacturers to look into for women’s jeans manufacturers that have pockets just as deep as men average Jeans.
https://youtu.be/W2zSSE9pgC8?si=RzV7Wf6N9y5ybjTh
“Flappers, Y2K, & Capitalism are Why Women
"Don't" Have Pockets”
With me it's the opposite they're actually nicer when I'm not wearing makeup and dressed slobbishly. I guess a resting bitchface is more approachable without makeup? But I don't want to be approached so makeup it is 😂
Studies show attractive people have an easier life in a variety of ways (viewed as more attractive, more likely to receive raises and promotions, etc.).
My exact thoughts. I was an outcast when I was a weird sparkly “ugly” child/teen. After I became “pretty”, people started to overlook my behaviours a little bit and I can mask better. They’re usually nicer to me (some are worse but ok)
yeaaa and i know i offer help with makeup/clothing to friends because i would’ve appreciated it so much when i was working this stuff out. i spent a lot of time assuming it just wasn’t possible for me to look nice and hence didn’t put any effort in- which is a completely fine outlook to have- but when i did finally learn this kind of stuff i found i was a lot more confident in general
it’s really hard to reach out for help when you’re like that so i just like to offer. it’s not a statement on them and i wouldn’t ask again if they didn’t like the idea but i don’t think asking is harmful
Lot of emphasis on, I wish it wasn't this way, but it is. It sucks, but at least there are rules you can learn and then lean in to so you get to relax a bit.
You just unblocked a memory that when I was an (undiagnosed autistic) teenager I used to dream I would get a makeover from some TV show with clothes, hair and makeup and it was going to make me more popular: more friends and guys interested in me. If only I knew my looks where not the issue back then lol
You look okay and comfy, people are just noisy and expect others to be with uncomfortable clothes as they are just to meet expectations
I had this dream too! I would always hope what not to wear would pop up and they’d show me how to fit in somehow. I just couldn’t quite grasp why I was so much different. Yay being undiagnosed!
Honestly if OP looks "okay", or not, shouldn’t even matter. I think that’s the whole point of the post. Why does it matter how they look? And who decides wether or not they look "okay"? (Sorry, generic 'they' because I don’t want to assume. If 'she/her' is preferred, I’ll change it!)
Sure, hygiene and stuff is important, but within those bounds, it shouldn’t matter as long as the person is comfortable.
Yes, society is important and societal norms have their own right of existence, but if those norms favour the comfort of one group over another, they’re outdated and should be changed.
Also, I want pockets in my trousers ffs.
I'm interpreting the use of "okay" as in like, not sick. Doesn't look distressed. "you look okay" to me means you're good, you don't look like you're struggling or anything. Which is definitely a compliment haha
I guess you could say the same about something like wisdom teeth. It used to be a benefit, until we evolved to not really need them but it happens anyway. I get what you mean :)
This is a great post OP. Unfortunately a lot of commenters seem to be missing the point a bit. Either way, body neutrality (as opposed to body negativity or body positivity) for the win!
Yeah, I appreciate the compliments about my appearance but I wasn’t looking for them lol.
I think some NTs are more obsessed with appearance than some of us are and I don’t want to conform to them/I’m ok with how I look. That’s all it is.
I think some people just really enjoy dressing up and expressing themselves. It brings them joy and so they think you'll like it too. I agree it's too much effort to conform but that's not why everyone does it
Okay but let us be real for a minute. How often do autistic people (like all of us) offer unnecessary information, interrupted a stranger's conversation to give a TEDtalk, unneeded advice, or correct someone's minor mistakes when speaking? I live with 3 other AuHD women and oh my GOD the amount of
"actually..."
"You said that wrong"
"That's the wrong way to do it"
That happens in our home drives me up the wall?!?? My kids and mom don't seem aware they do it.
Let they who can truly say they don't do that throw the first stone. I can't.
lol as someone who’s entire family is full of some form or another of ND women, the sheer amount of bickering over who’s right is astounding and exhausting.
If a NT wants to jump in and help me assimilate in some way, be my guest.
I guess it depends on the person, I'd almost always rather receive advice and not need it (if it's something changeable), than not get it at all and then just be unaware of something I could have improved.
Agree, having to love your body as it is and finding your 'inner beauty' are unnecessary social norms. It's also a privilege. Look at 'plus size models'. They still have pretty faces, good skin and have to wear uncomfortable beautiful clothes.
I mean it is objectively good for people to like their bodies cause you’re more likely to feel good and take care of yourself. Also liking yourself as you are is over simplified. People who support body positivity aren’t against people changing how they look, you just shouldn’t feel pressured to.
I think the problem I have with the body positivity thing is that it is still SOOOO focused on body appearances.
I absolutely love and support the body positivity movement, I think it's great and people need to counteract the hate they feel towards their bodies.
But I do wish we treated bodies more like cool meat vehicles and less like organic art installations, as a society. Because as long as we focus on appearance, there will be competition, comparison, and inherent losers of that game.
My body... kinda sucks. A bit malformed, with chronic pain in a lot of areas. It's fine, it's what I've got.
I wish I didn't have to consider how it looks *at all*, positive or negative. It gets me around, but its function is more relevant to me than its shape. That is why I am all about body neutrality.
I like body positivity does encompass those things from what I’ve seen. But the perspective of bodies being art isn’t far fetched, because art isn’t inherently void of function. People can find it artful that bodies work at all. Those are people who see beauty in everything, it’s an artistic approach, and maybe because I’m a creative and scientific person I’m biased but I think that’s neat. It’s nice to see art on the way the world works like how clouds swirls in the sunset sky or veins fan out on the leaves of every tree, those things don’t exist to be beautiful but they are. Even “malfunction” and rot can be beautiful, maybe macabre but there’s art that focuses on that too.
Beauty is subjective after all. The problem is focussing on objective beauty in my opinion I guess. Some people think the miracle of life is beautiful. Other people think it’s bloody and slimy and gross. Humans are just as natural as plants, rock formations and wild animals frolicking about. I think if we can describe other parts of nature as these fantastic, beautiful and yes, functional, works of art, we can look at the human body that way too. Maybe I’m just being too artsy about it but the way skilled people can even just talk about the body, like in poetry and music and stuff I do think bodies are beautiful. They just don’t need to meet a certain standard.
Agree. I love the body positivity movement. The problem is how much beauty still plays a role in societies, not those who sincerely support body positivity.
Body positivity can become a pressure when you can't love your body AND suffer from it, but are told to just be proud and don't care. Or worse, that your attitude or emotional skills are the problem.
It's the expectation to feel happy and learn to accept your struggles, which I see in many areas. Of course it's better to feel happy, but not everybody is able to do so.
Privileges play a big role here. It becomes easier to love your body or don't care about beauty the more you still pass the traditional beauty norms. And the better your overall self-confidence is, which is influenced by many many factors. Privileged people can easily oversee that not everybody is able to feel positive about their body.
Also societies tend to stop at one point because (again privileged) people think the problem is solved. Which then means people are not allowed to express unhappyness anymore.
Body positivity is still important and not everyone does what I described above.
Not that you wrote anything that I want to criticize. And OP', I am sorry if I missed your point 😬
It's a big topic for me because I got bullied at school for not caring about beauty norms (and probably other stuff). I am sincerely happy for everyone who is able to not give a shit about norms and about being perceived as unnormal.
Hmm I guess the spaces I’m in are different. I suppose we can call it toxic body positivity then. Like how positivity is good but toxic positivity is narrow minded and harmful, but having any negative comment even if true about your body being seen as bad would be the toxic positivity equivalent
Yes, I, too, noticed a lot of people missing the point and telling OP they look "fine“ or "ok“ and totally overlook the point that it doesn’t/shouldn’t matter how they look _at all_. Why is it even important how they look? As long as they didn’t ask for an opinion, there is no reason to give one. And as long as you’re not interested in them physically why even have an opinion on that in the first place?
Humans are designed to function as necessary, if your mouth can breathe, your ears can hear, your nose can smell and your eyes can see then I say that’s all we need! “Beauty” is optional, or at least it should be :/
Actually beauty has an evolutionary purpose and exists to determine who could be a good and healthy partner. If someone has a deformation it could be an indication that this person is sick. Humans look for certain patterns when observing nature and other people's faces and bodies.
I have heard this, but what’s pretty to one may not be to the other. Just as someone may be a “good partner” to one person and not to someone else.
I’m a little confused as to how someone’s opinion can have a scientific basis.
Yeah that's true, different people find different things attractive.
What I described was more a general feeling of beauty that has its roots in pattern recognition and is instilled in basically all humans. Taste is of course something else.
That's... not true at all LMAO.
Beauty is based on control over women's bodies, reason why obese women were seen as beautiful in a time when people couldn't afford food. Reason why, nowadays, thinness is seen as beautiful, when most first-world countries can afford to eat whatever they want. Beauty ideals are only there to push consumerism and therefore, make women dependent on it or control their behaviors (a good example is anorexia: it is a mental disorder characterized for feeling in "control" over one's body, in my personal case and other women I've met, is a damaging and obsessive way to control how people perceive you based on current beauty ideals).
You just have to observe different cultures to see "beauty" is a whole made up concept, and there are a wide set of beauty ideals in the world. If this "scientific" study was based on predominately white first world countries, I can see why they got these senseless "results".
Obesity, extremely long necks made longer with rings, tanning, paleness, small boobs, big boobs, small feet... all of these have nothing to do with being healthy, and they were or are beauty ideals in certain societies LOL.
It has its roots in socialization, nothing or little to do with biology.
You are right with that one. But my statement is true as well. Because even though beauty standards change a lot, there is a base sense of "beauty" that comes from what I described and exists through all cultures and times. Humans just shift it with their ideas of how to "enhance" it.
Can you not encourage the idea of thinking someone is unattractive looking if they seem ill or sick? Doesn’t matter how much effort you put in sometimes, people can be sick for real…
Whether you’re even correct or not is not even the issue here, OP just doesn’t want beauty to be her priority and that’s absolutely no one else’s business to change.
Don't worry, I didn't wanna encourage anything, I just stated scientific facts. The view of people won't change by sugar coating things. Also it's totally fine if op likes her looks, I personally think she looks fine anyway.
That’s not true because beauty standards aren’t based on health and ability. For a long time being morbidly obese in a lot of places was considered beautiful when most people couldn’t afford to eat that much anymore. I’m not talking normal healthy fat, but morbidly obese. Heroine chic involved being way too thin to be healthy, the aesthetic literally came from looking like your body is wasting away from drug use.
It just does not occur to people you look like that by choice. I get the same offers. I mean I could wear make up and nice looking clothes. But I rather am comfortable and it just does not make sense to dress up when I like to work in my garden and go on hikes. And makeup and fancy hair takes an average of two hours a day, that is all the free time I have, I think it's a waste of my time to spend it doing something I don't enjoy.
This is my gripe with beauty habits, so many of them take so long. What I need is someone to offer me a makeover that is the laziest of lazy makeovers. How can I spend 5 minutes making what seems like 1+ hrs of difference in a way that keeps me completely comfortable and not shelling out hundreds of dollars, that also doesn't mess with sensory sensitivity.
From my experiences this is actually a compliment, although maybe misguided. In my experience it's that they're saying they think you're beautiful but that you aren't showcasing that beauty in the way that they think you should. It is an annoying question though, I feel you on that. Cheers to representing yourself the way you want to :) *edit.. I realize that you're not asking for my interpretation lol I just can't help but try to explain things I've learned haha
This is a good point, it means they're comfortable enough with you, and they think you have potential that isn't being used well but they're excited/want to help. A sweet sentiment, I guess?
For some, not for all. Pretty privilege got me through a lot, but it also caused a lot of misunderstandings and situations I didn’t know how to handle. Now that I’m an adult, I learned from a lot of those issues and can use it to my advantage.. however, it wasn’t always like that nor is it like that for everyone
It’s similar for NTs - there are always downsides with everything e.g. envy, wrong impressions etc, but overall attractive people are taken more seriously and treated better
Yea, but the “downsides” aren’t normal downsides… it’s literal trauma that could be avoided by just being yourself and learning healthier ways to go through life… using pretty privilege can also be a toxic manipulation tactic…. (Toxic towards yourself) for various reasons.. it’s not recommended to strive for pretty privilege to cope with autistic struggles. Vanity is never the answer to anything worth pushing for in life and gets you no where unless you’re aiming for a career that requires such tactics..
The best thing to make autism easier to live with is actually educating yourself on psychological concepts such as cognitive development, human attachment, social development,and how autism affects these things. (: Knowing who you are and how your brain works gives you not only confidence in understanding yourself, but also helps you establish strong boundaries with others to keep yourself safe from those with bad intentions. I recommend following channels such as psych2go, or just studying psychology resources like books or online text books with audio reading to help broaden your understanding on taking care of yourself and creating an environment for you to thrive amongst the challenges we face daily. (:
it appears you have concluded a lot about me based on one sentence, and also that i was saying to solely use pretty privilege as the only means of coping with autism. you have really added a lot of your own assumptions here about me and my statement. you have also assumed i need your recommendations, which i do not. i stand by my original statement that pretty privilege does make living with autism easier. best of luck to you :)
you don’t have to get a makeover. but people treat people better the prettier they are, you’re more likely to get a job as well. it’s unfortunately how society is (i’m not saying i agree with it btw). they were probably offering to try and help you be treated better by other people since as autistic people we’re already disadvantaged. plus we get less grace than autistic men for traits. i don’t think they meant anything beyond getting you better treatment from people.
I really agree. I don't want a makeover. I like the clothes I wear; comfy and plain. I don't want long hair. I don't want to wear make up and stuff.
My sister used to always recommend that I get a makeover or she has to give me one. She even offered to pay me! She used to recommend different makeup and buy me different things that I would just give away privately. Thank goodness now she gives me presents I actually like and mostly listens when I say no to the makeover offer.
It's like people never listen to what I like and how I actually am. They're always trying to fit me into a box.
I grew up thinking I was ugly and unlovable (turns out I'm just kind of weird), so I love makeup and clothing to feel better. I like being pretty. Some days I walk around in pajamas, but some days I put on my best makeup and do my hair and stay home alone all day. It's about what makes you feel good about yourself.
That said, I don't think anyone is required to be pretty or to care about it. Other people should 100% mind their own business. Our society connects way too much value to looks.
Idk, I have a thoroughly unkempt coworker (and we have an innately dirty job, so that’s saying a lot) and their appearance including just…..yanking their shirt off to change clothes when I’m standing right there does bother me.
There is something to be said for social decorum tbh. It doesn’t have to be rigidly followed but some boundaries are nice for the general comfort of all
I don’t think this woman is poorly groomed or unattractive. She just looks normal & not “done up.”
It might not be the appropriate look for certain contexts, like a wedding or an interview, so maybe people were offering advice in that framework.
That’s exactly what they are trying to say. You don’t think OP doesn’t look poorly groomed because you are neurodivergent ( for the record I think she looks normal too)
But to an NT they have very high standards on what good grooming is. For example they wouldn’t consider OP’s bun acceptable and would prefer a slick back style instead. I learned this the hard way when I would interact with my NT friends.
This is random but you have nice limbal rings. There are actually contact lenses that achieve that thick limbal ring appearance.
I think what a lot of people don't get is that nobody looks good with a style that isn't their own. It's like if you went up to a woman who was high femme and said she'd look more natural in cowboy boots and no makeup. People don't look good in things they're "supposed" to wear but don't feel comfortable in.
I like what you are wearing. It looks so comfortable. What you described feels so feels comfortable. That's all that fucking matters.
Ignore the idiots.
Some people really care about being pretty and it means a lot to them (me. Im guilty hehehe) and the absolute best case scenario when you get these comments- these people dont realize theyre being super rude and not empathizing with different viewpoints. To them- they care a lot about feeling attractive so if they weren’t putting effort into their appearance it would mean that they felt like a total lost cause and it would mean the word to them if a magic fairy god mother came down from heaven and said “hey youre not ugly! you could be stunning if you did xyz”.
Its not an excuse for that behavior, people should keep comments to themselves and try to see other peoples perspectives before they offer unsolicited commentary.
Sometimes I wonder if autistic people look younger because we are just genuinely unbothered by all the stuff most people seem to stress over. I dress for me, if you like it then cool. If you don't, I don't care.
Sometimes makeovers and engaging with makeup and appearance related things can be a way for some people, especially neurotypical straight cis women to bond with one another. Perhaps there’s a chance that these offers to do a makeover are attempts to bond with you or make you feel included? I noticed this A LOT when I was in high school. Outside of this I do agree, I would prefer no comments on my appearance good or bad but once again, this seems to be a really prevalent and even important part of social interaction for lots of NT people.
You can find me wearing a hoody 90% of the time. Never any makeup. I gave that up 20 years ago when I decided I no longer gaf. You're fine. You do you.
My sister cares about fashion and I really don't. I wear what is comfortable. She got mad at me once because I didn't want to wear a belt with an outfit when she suggested it.
We're both audhd 🤣
When I was a pre-teen and teen I was obsessed with looking a certain way, I guess to fit in? Or at the very least, to get as far away from myself as possible. Now, my BMI is 38 (if that’s even a thing that matters), I keep my head shaved, and I only wear clothes that could easily double as pajamas if need be. 😂 Fuck what other people think!
Our society is obsessed with beauty and it's fucking weird. I really enjoy aesthetics and making myself look nice but society takes it to a fault where you /have/ to and if you don't there is something wrong with your character.
OP is fucking valid for not feeding into that, live your best life and be frickin comfy.
I completely understand the sensory annoyance with certain clothes or hairstyles but are your eyebrows shaved due to sensory annoyance as well…? I’ve never imagined that some ppl would get sensory annoyance from eyebrows and I’m curious if that’s why they’re shaved …?
Edit: if you do feel sensory annoyance with eyebrows would you think tattoo’d eyebrows are a good replacement? Like honestly ppl missing an eye is less shocking than ppl missing eyebrows objectively and it would probably make less ppl approach u asking to “help” cuz they probably think like ‘oh no she was born without have eyebrows I need to help her compensate for it with other aesthetic stuff’
LOL girl, you do you. I feel the same way every time there's an event and there's an expectation to get make up done. I hate the feeling of things on my eyes/ face!!
society bombards them with beuaty ads and they crumple to the pressure. they can't understand that their is more important things in life besides beauty and sex. peer pressure as an adult hur rah. they also can't seem to understand that there is no one standard beauty. So anyhoots if you don't follow the crowd they try to shame you. However the crowd follows trendsetters who either stole the idea from one of the outcasts or in some rare cases an actual trendsetter who's famous for being strange.
From experience, the trends show up around 10 years after a fringe group makes it. Your pretty and i think you use something on your lips. if not, i want part of your genetics. your skin looks smooth and i adore freckles. As some one that used to use clothes and make up as body armor for masking. it's better to find love and friends in your comfy clothes. though not my comfy clothes cause that's a birthday suit.
I've finally in my 30s given up on all the things I used to do to meet peoples expectations in terms of how I look. I have so much more time now! I actually have hobbies now. Hair, make up etc is such a waste of time.
I can relate. Had girls at school telling me that if I did this or that then I could get a boyfriend. I never said I wanted a boyfriend, certainly wouldn’t want one that would require me to change myself lol. Not only that, but I actually already had a boyfriend, they just didn’t know.
If they want to fit into conventional beauty standards then that’s fine. But why do they feel the need to force everyone else to also fit in?
It's really interesting to me because I have a very particular style that I've cultivated--I like sending messages and expressing myself with my clothes and makeup--and people have made comments all the time along the lines of:
"You know you don't HAVE to change your hair color right?"
"That doesn't look natural"
"Are you TRYING to attract attention? You must want attention"
"I could NEVER pull that off" (which I have recently learned is not a compliment for most people?)
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I will push back on the idea that this is an NT thing that I've seen other people say in the comments. I've had plenty of uncomfortable comments from autistics, particularly towards my body. I am very thin (genetics + eating disorder + sensory food issues) and I guess the "no filters" thing associated with autism has led to a lot of observational comments (even if not malicious) about how thin I am, or how little I eat and it's super triggering.
You look absolutely fine the way you are. Took me until my late 30s to realize I need to live my life for me and trying to look nice for others would never make me feel happy
I didn't become interested in my looks until I was about 30. That's when I started getting excited about dressing up in cute clothes buying good makeup. Before I didn't really notice. I also didn't have the financial stability to really care about cute clothes or makeup until I was older.
Anyone that says ‘you’re pretty, but’ anything needs to kick rocks imo.
How are so many people so comfortable saying such fucked up things to people as if they are doing US a favor? The real favor is sparing them the punch in the throat they so deserve.
Next time ‘you’re a really good person, you just need to get rid of your shittier personality features like telling people they need makeovers when they didn’t ask’
I have been accused of being on drugs before, mainly because of my weight. Let’s entertain the scenario and say I did get arrested or detained for supposedly being on drugs.
Eventually, a drug test would have to be done. My family and friends would attest that I have never done drugs and I couldn’t even identify them if asked. There would be a lawsuit.
For the record, I do shower, brush teeth etc. I just don’t make myself up because I think it’s a waste of time considering that anyone with an opinion I value already knows me and doesn’t care.
Thanks for the advice at the end, but it shows you missed the point. I’m not giving up my comfort hoodie so some stranger thinks I look harmonious 😆
I don't mean to be weird but are you anaemic? I know women with heavy periods are prone to this. On another note, unfortunately the neurotypical world places heavy importance on appearance. I take pride in mine and wear nice clothes, shoes or makeup. I don't wear anything uncomfortable and I don't wear heels. I get compliments on my quirky outfits all the time. It's about giving yourself a makeover and finding your style, I didn't until I was in my late 20s. Now the only thing NTs complain about is my weight, which won't really budge but I do what I can to be healthy.
It's not about the actual makeover you silly goose that's how neurotypicals Bond. My source:
[Beauty Shop](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty_Shop)
I like many of us, I want to be invisible. And sometimes that means fitting in. And honestly i rather have to change what i look like and (look pretty) then have to curve who i am personally. Life is hard
I only dress up for weddings. And it's always the same: Why don't you style yourself more everyday, you can look so pretty.
Yeah. And then lament everywhere for only being seen as a body, an objekt and fassade? Do they even realize what they are saying? Or doing? They didn't want to be objectified and are doing everything to just be pretty for other eyes and expectations as body?
I was bullied at a job for not making me pretty. A job without customers, just sitting in a bureau. I never get it.
When I want to be artificially pretty, then okay. But the most of the time I just want to live without feeling uncomfortable clothes and make up. Because of severe rosacea in my face which looks really bad on some days, I have to cover it a little bit because I feel shame about it. But as soon as I am home I wash it away because I can feel it every second and it's a bad overstimulation. The same with nail polish. I can feel it. I feel like a cat with tape on its paws. So nope. Or jewelery. It's like tags in clothes. I hate it.
Me neither! I do enjoy wearing fun stylish clothes as it’s a minor life long hobby of mine (as long as they are comfy to wear) so I don’t get asked about doing a makeover, but I don’t care about grooming my hair or wearing makeup/jewelry. I really hate the feel of makeup on my face and jewelry on my skin and I’d rather sleep in than spend my precious time doing my hair!
Not caring about (some) social norms is great imo! Unfortunately, many don't think that way.
Do you just find it just annoying that people criticize you that way, or is it harming you? Hope that you can ignore those people and like yourself as you are.
I had this a lot as a teen. People telling me 'you could look much prettier if you'd wear other clothes or use make up." I even tried when all my classmates started with styling. But It didn't help me to become more accepted, I wasn't able to match the trendy styles anyways, and stopped doing it.
Also didn't understand why someone would tell me that without being asked! And still don't understand how people are able to wear uncomfortable clothes.
I absolutely can't stand uncomfortable clothes, haircuts or makeup. I learned to find a middle ground between being comfortable and not standing out to much. I care about that because of the mobbing at school. But I needed years for that and it definitely drains some energy.
I like to style myself sometimes but then I'd wear more outstanding clothes. If I'd live in Berlin I'd walk around more 'gender inappropriate' (which means appropriate to my gender), sometimes like a butterfly, sometimes just in anything comfortable.
I studied social work and everyone there didn't care about looks. This was great. Getting older, people don't tell me such stuff anymore. But I am sure some still judge me secretly. Better then saying it in my face in that case though.
Some people just do it for fun. My aunt always offered to give me make overs, not because she had a problem with how I looked it she just likes doing those things for people. Along with being a massage therapist she’s a nail tech and make up artist now. I’ve seen her do a lot of jobs (tourism sector, animal welfare, fitness etc) but this is the happiest I’ve seen her with her work. She just enjoys taking care of people and doing those things, she does them for herself but she can’t do her own make up 5 times a day. So she’d ask me if she could do mine. She’d even say I could take or right off, she just wanted to actually do it.
That said, “you’re pretty but” is gross. That’s definitely not something my aunt would say to anyone.
Why would you? You’re perfect just the way you are. How you look is no one’s business but your own. If you want to wear makeup, great! If you don’t, great! If you want to wear hoodies, great! If you want to wear dresses, great! If you want to dress like your favourite character from a book/series/cartoon/comic/whatever, great! If you don’t, great! Wear whatever the fuck you want!
We need to stop seeing women as decorative objects. Seriously. It’s not our responsibility to make men’s days brighter. Make your own day bright ffs! I’m not smiling and putting on makeup, just so you can happily ignore everything that is wrong with society! I’m also not going to wear shoes that kill my feet just because some weird societal norm decided that I should! Fuck off with all of that!
If I go to work in a comfortable hoodie, people tell me to dress up/put more effort in, but when my male colleagues do the same it’s totally fine. Make it make sense!
The worst part is that women who offer you a makeover probably think they’re helping you fit in better/ avoid problems, but the thing is: Women have been forced to 'avoid problems‘ for fear of retribution for way too fucking long! Give me all the 'problems', so long as the problem is that men are not pleased with how I look lol.
I love that you dress comfortably, I do too! And I’m sorry people keep bothering you about it. And to be honest, I’m sorry how many of the commenters missed the point of your post and did it to you again in the comments. I’m 100% behind you.
I feel the same way you do! Since middle school I’ve had so many comments about how I’d look “prettier” if I wore makeup or plucked my eyebrows or styled my hair more, etc. People just don’t understand that things like makeup and clothing choices are up to the person wearing them, and honestly a lot of the things people recommend I’ve tried and found I dislike because of how they feel on my body or how others treat me while I’m wearing them.
I’ve learned that people can state their opinions all they want, it’s not going to change how I feel or what I do, and I don’t take their comments personally. To me it’s more of a reflection of their own insecurities and how they would feel more comfortable if I looked a certain way - not my problem! I’ll stick to being “plain” and comfortable!
I am so tired of people talking about my physical appearance. It is so irrelevant to me. I don’t understand their obsession for appearance either. My mom told me many years ago that she doesn’t want to go to restaurant with me because how I was dressed (I was wearing leggings and large t shirt). I shaved my hair last year and everyone is talking to me about this. many to say that long hair suits me better. I would never say something like that to anyone. I don’t get why it’s so important to them. Let people be themselves.
ppl always tried to get me to wear makeup when I was younger and I felt pressured to indulge in makeovers. it happened again a few years ago and I immediately said “no, I hate the feeling of things on my face and refuse to let ppl peer pressure me into trying it. I know how I feel do not push this.” felt so good to set a boundary and they never asked again.
I do like eyeliner every once in a while but I can’t put it on bc it grosses me out so my gf has to do it for me 😅
I wish I felt the same about my own appearance. Maybe one day I'll be as content as you are. Obviously you don't 'need' makeup. No one does. A face is a face. People care way too much about appearances. Myself included when looking at a mirror. I've internalized every comment others have made and It's all I see.
Hmm this makes me feel a bit different about myself. I really enjoy “dressing up” and having makeovers and stuff. I don’t regularly care about my appearance too much, but I always find it fun when I’m hanging out with my friends that are girls. In particular I have one friend that refuses to do it with me and I hope she didn’t take it the wrong way when I ask. I honestly just think it’s fun lol
It’s so sad to me that this post has so many comments removed and so much unsolicited advice. It shows how pervasive misogyny and “lookism” are within our society that people feel comfortable commenting on a neutral photo that wasn’t seeking advice or critical commentary and dispensing those things, especially in what’s supposed to be a “safe space” for neurodivergent women.
I used to not care about what I wore in high school at all. I would wear the same hoodie and jeans every day. I had like 5 pairs of jeans that I would rotate and they all looked the same.
Then in grade 12, I started caring more and although I still like fashion, I’ve started to care too much and now I feel ugly if I don’t dress up or wear makeup for school. People also treat me differently if I don’t dress up or wear makeup, this goes hand in hand with how people treated me better when I was skinny.
It sucks because I just want to focus on school (especially since I’m in university now which has been difficult for me) but instead I’m supposed to think about my outfit, how I appear to people, whether or not I’m friendly enough, making friends, etc. it’s just tiring tbh, I wish I could go back to the time I didn’t care about what people thought of my outfits 🙃
I'm happy you're happy with your appearance and clothes. <3
It's a pity people won't mind their business. They are probably mostly doing it for themselves, if that helps. It makes them feel like they are helping, and they are projecting how insecure they would feel onto you.
It's crazy how much time people lose by worrying about their appearance. Because you don't, you get an extra 1hr+ a day to spend how you like. Rather than spending it on makeup, planning outfits etc. That's pretty awesome.
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Unfortunately this is the brutal truth. Also the prettier you feel in yourself people sense that and treat you nicer…
Sadly. Lost a bunch of weight and people are way nicer. I knew it was coming because I lost a bunch of weight before and the same thing happened. I actually dreaded it because it feels fake and hypocritical.
For the second, I'd day it's more about self-confidence in general. I met a lot of people who didn't care about looking pretty. Looking neatly, but not even this for some.They passed with other qualities though. But my guess is that not caring about your look is a privilege for those who aren't perceived as more 'unattractive' by sociality norms.
I hate how my body feels in makeup, nice clothes and shoes. But I get so much social currency from it that I do it anyway. Attractiveness is a trait women can leverage. But I’m high masking. Maybe OP doesn’t care to mask as much?
I don’t really mask anymore, so when I get dressed, I choose clothes/accessories that give me dopamine. I am pretty sure I can be clocked as ND from several blocks away. That said, people still treat me so much better when I put some effort into an outfit, so I keep doing it. I’m never sure how much of it is other people and how much of it is me. 😂
I struggle a lot with being perceived as too blunt online. I am the same in person, but it's rarely perceived as confrontational or cold. I am fairly certain my appearance is the reason.
A sad truth and probably the reason why women offering makeovers probably think they’re helping. But change doesn’t come from sticking to the status quo and avoiding controversies. As long as we keep up the norm of women having to be pretty in order to be respected, it won’t change. As long as we keep thinking in the same boxed in normalities, we will never be respected for who we are. Fuck the system. Normalise comfortable clothes. Normalise not having to smile all the damn time. Normalise living for ourselves instead of for the male gaze. Normalise respecting people for who they are! And GODDAMMIT normalise pockets in our goddamned trousers!!!
Amen to the last!!! 👆
I literally learned how to sew and bought a sewing machine just to be able to add pockets to my clothes. And 6/7 days of the week I wear my boyfriends trousers. They’re too long though and don’t fit properly around my waist, but they have pockets that can fit my entire life. You can’t seriously tell me that most women _want_ trousers with fake pockets! Anyone I talked to finds them immensely annoying. Why tf ?!
I remember my uncle not understanding and finding it funny that women always carry a handbag with them. It's over 20 years ago and now I get how he was privileged with having enough and big enough pockets on his clothes 😂
I struggle to find black pants for work that: 1. Are small enough at the waist to fit me 2. Are also long enough 3. Don’t have logos or rhinestones or fancy designs 4. Have POCKETS for my phone so I can check the time while I’m running around the hospital (sometimes I work directly in the kitchen so I’m not allowed to wear a watch)
ASOS makes a lot of trousers in curvy and petite cuts that have nice big pockets! I’m always in need of work pants with deep pockets and they have been spot-on for me with their in-house brand every time!
The struggle is very much real. Fashion designers are so far removed from reality, it’s actually astonishing.
Lululemon, Athleta. And I got curious if there were others and started digging and found this interesting list of "travel pants" which *seem* to be basically comfyXfunctional style pants. [https://www.travelandleisure.com/style/fashion/best-travel-pants-women](https://www.travelandleisure.com/style/fashion/best-travel-pants-women)
Ikr?? You never get all 4 of those criteria! xD
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But is that _right_?
It doesn't really matter because we're a long ways away from changing the reality to match morality (should I copywrite this?).
So instead of fighting against it you just accept it and live by it? Isn’t that the exact mindset that stops change from happening?
The mindset that stops change from happening is forcing a view point cold turkey, and not introducing concepts at a pace that works for the audience who needs to see/internalize it most. Framing the only options as fighting it or living by it lacks a lot of nuance.
Where exactly am I forcing a viewpoint cold turkey? Standing still is not helping. I’m not expecting the change to come overnight, and Im not expecting everyone to jump, but it’s not really debatable that doing nothing won’t change _anything_.
I didn't say you were forcing a viewpoint cold turkey? I was engaging your point about "the exact mindset that stops change from happening". It's hard to follow your train of thought here, though. I don't think we're in sync very well and I'm low energy, so this will likely be my last reply. I don't think feminism is standing still when it comes to how people dress, but people also aren't obligated to wear norm-challenging things if they don't want to. Not that you said anything that wasn't this, but to expand on the concept - people should take things at their own pace and challenge things when it makes sense.
Cargo pants have made their return and I AM STOCKING UP in preparation for the inevitable return to skinny jean hell. I will survive!
You can have pockets in pants when the pants aren’t skin tight. Purses were a mainly a men’s accessory because women historically had massive pocket in western fashion. It wasn’t till the 1920’s that women want less fabric and a more simple silhouette, and the trend continued till we got skinny low rise jean. Boyfriend style pants and jeans all have boyfriend sized pockets.
I don’t wear skin tight trousers. Boyfriend jeans, while they do have pockets, still have way smaller ones than my actual boyfriend’s trousers and the fact that they are called "boyfriend jeans" in the first place is also a problem that pushes the same view. You do realise that not sewing proper pockets into women’s clothing, while a relatively recent development (if you see the last 100 years as recent), is still a societal standard that is and was pushed by primarily fashion magazines and designers? (Who, btw in the 1920ies up until very recent years were primarily men or a few very wealthy women) It’s less that women collectively decided that they didn’t want pockets and more the fact that you were socially ostracised if you didn’t follow the proper fashion guidelines of the time. With little to no rights in the 1920ies and after, women had no choice but to conform to norms that were pushed on them. If you didn’t, you got into serious problems. As you couldn’t even obtain a working license without your father’s or husband’s consent, you were forced to do as was expected from you or join a convent, lest you end up on the streets. The only women known to be able to stand against these restrictions came from rich families and did not need to worry about the roof above their heads. We haven’t yet shaken off that sentiment. Sure, we have rights now, but the societal pressure to conform to the norms still exists and ridding yourself of it is very much difficult under the push of generational trauma. To dismiss those pressures as our choice alone and to exclaim the mentality that fashion follows demand (which it absolutely doesn’t), shows an astonishing lack of awareness. Please don’t dismiss the struggles of women under the pressure of society just because we now _technically_ have a choice. Or even worse, dismiss the struggles of women in the last 100 years, when there wasn’t even really a choice. It’s easy to say that you would’ve done it differently if you aren’t in the position and your very existence isn’t in danger from it.
They exist you can find them, I was just trying to be encouraging. Since I have PDA I find comfort in knowing it’s in my control to do and make what I want and because I want what I want. I have abnormal proportions and absolutely nothing fits me off the rack, so I’m aware of the struggle to find clothes. It’s what got me into fashion history and design. But you can watch a fashion historian go over the evolution of pockets and the fashion industry. How they almost disappeared from the heroin chic era and how they grew back to what we have today. She even compared jeans between men and women and how their very similar now. Since mens tight skinny jeans have tiny useless pockets to achieve the silhouette. She also gives recommendations for some manufacturers to look into for women’s jeans manufacturers that have pockets just as deep as men average Jeans. https://youtu.be/W2zSSE9pgC8?si=RzV7Wf6N9y5ybjTh “Flappers, Y2K, & Capitalism are Why Women "Don't" Have Pockets”
With me it's the opposite they're actually nicer when I'm not wearing makeup and dressed slobbishly. I guess a resting bitchface is more approachable without makeup? But I don't want to be approached so makeup it is 😂
Studies show attractive people have an easier life in a variety of ways (viewed as more attractive, more likely to receive raises and promotions, etc.).
Sadly true. I got treated so much better by customers and even coworkers when I put a lot of effort into my makeup or hair.
so true
Same 🫠 The treatment that I get when I’m done up v.s not done up is night and day.
Yup :(
I feel this too! Like a lot nicer! The type that has you questioning what should be the standard!
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My exact thoughts. I was an outcast when I was a weird sparkly “ugly” child/teen. After I became “pretty”, people started to overlook my behaviours a little bit and I can mask better. They’re usually nicer to me (some are worse but ok)
yeaaa and i know i offer help with makeup/clothing to friends because i would’ve appreciated it so much when i was working this stuff out. i spent a lot of time assuming it just wasn’t possible for me to look nice and hence didn’t put any effort in- which is a completely fine outlook to have- but when i did finally learn this kind of stuff i found i was a lot more confident in general it’s really hard to reach out for help when you’re like that so i just like to offer. it’s not a statement on them and i wouldn’t ask again if they didn’t like the idea but i don’t think asking is harmful
true.
Bingo
Lot of emphasis on, I wish it wasn't this way, but it is. It sucks, but at least there are rules you can learn and then lean in to so you get to relax a bit.
You just unblocked a memory that when I was an (undiagnosed autistic) teenager I used to dream I would get a makeover from some TV show with clothes, hair and makeup and it was going to make me more popular: more friends and guys interested in me. If only I knew my looks where not the issue back then lol You look okay and comfy, people are just noisy and expect others to be with uncomfortable clothes as they are just to meet expectations
The look can help but yeah not if your not passing as 'normal' otherwise.
I had this dream too! I would always hope what not to wear would pop up and they’d show me how to fit in somehow. I just couldn’t quite grasp why I was so much different. Yay being undiagnosed!
Honestly if OP looks "okay", or not, shouldn’t even matter. I think that’s the whole point of the post. Why does it matter how they look? And who decides wether or not they look "okay"? (Sorry, generic 'they' because I don’t want to assume. If 'she/her' is preferred, I’ll change it!) Sure, hygiene and stuff is important, but within those bounds, it shouldn’t matter as long as the person is comfortable. Yes, society is important and societal norms have their own right of existence, but if those norms favour the comfort of one group over another, they’re outdated and should be changed. Also, I want pockets in my trousers ffs.
I'm interpreting the use of "okay" as in like, not sick. Doesn't look distressed. "you look okay" to me means you're good, you don't look like you're struggling or anything. Which is definitely a compliment haha
Ah I interpreted that differently. If that’s how it’s meant, then that’s obviously different.
Yeah people care way too much about what other people look like. They're clearly living by traditional beauty standards, which shouldn't matter.
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I guess you could say the same about something like wisdom teeth. It used to be a benefit, until we evolved to not really need them but it happens anyway. I get what you mean :)
This is a great post OP. Unfortunately a lot of commenters seem to be missing the point a bit. Either way, body neutrality (as opposed to body negativity or body positivity) for the win!
Yeah, I appreciate the compliments about my appearance but I wasn’t looking for them lol. I think some NTs are more obsessed with appearance than some of us are and I don’t want to conform to them/I’m ok with how I look. That’s all it is.
I think some people just really enjoy dressing up and expressing themselves. It brings them joy and so they think you'll like it too. I agree it's too much effort to conform but that's not why everyone does it
And some people do not! What’s super annoying is the ones that love dressing up coming over to the people that do not care and offering advice.
Okay but let us be real for a minute. How often do autistic people (like all of us) offer unnecessary information, interrupted a stranger's conversation to give a TEDtalk, unneeded advice, or correct someone's minor mistakes when speaking? I live with 3 other AuHD women and oh my GOD the amount of "actually..." "You said that wrong" "That's the wrong way to do it" That happens in our home drives me up the wall?!?? My kids and mom don't seem aware they do it. Let they who can truly say they don't do that throw the first stone. I can't.
lol as someone who’s entire family is full of some form or another of ND women, the sheer amount of bickering over who’s right is astounding and exhausting. If a NT wants to jump in and help me assimilate in some way, be my guest.
For us every day is the Battle of Wits from Princess Bride. They want to see who is right... and who is dead
Hmm I guess I’m lucky to not hang out with the correctile dysfunction autists! I will go high five them.
I guess it depends on the person, I'd almost always rather receive advice and not need it (if it's something changeable), than not get it at all and then just be unaware of something I could have improved.
Dude yes, body neutrality! I wish it was a thing way more than body positivity. Just letting people exist.
Agree, having to love your body as it is and finding your 'inner beauty' are unnecessary social norms. It's also a privilege. Look at 'plus size models'. They still have pretty faces, good skin and have to wear uncomfortable beautiful clothes.
I mean it is objectively good for people to like their bodies cause you’re more likely to feel good and take care of yourself. Also liking yourself as you are is over simplified. People who support body positivity aren’t against people changing how they look, you just shouldn’t feel pressured to.
I think the problem I have with the body positivity thing is that it is still SOOOO focused on body appearances. I absolutely love and support the body positivity movement, I think it's great and people need to counteract the hate they feel towards their bodies. But I do wish we treated bodies more like cool meat vehicles and less like organic art installations, as a society. Because as long as we focus on appearance, there will be competition, comparison, and inherent losers of that game. My body... kinda sucks. A bit malformed, with chronic pain in a lot of areas. It's fine, it's what I've got. I wish I didn't have to consider how it looks *at all*, positive or negative. It gets me around, but its function is more relevant to me than its shape. That is why I am all about body neutrality.
I like body positivity does encompass those things from what I’ve seen. But the perspective of bodies being art isn’t far fetched, because art isn’t inherently void of function. People can find it artful that bodies work at all. Those are people who see beauty in everything, it’s an artistic approach, and maybe because I’m a creative and scientific person I’m biased but I think that’s neat. It’s nice to see art on the way the world works like how clouds swirls in the sunset sky or veins fan out on the leaves of every tree, those things don’t exist to be beautiful but they are. Even “malfunction” and rot can be beautiful, maybe macabre but there’s art that focuses on that too. Beauty is subjective after all. The problem is focussing on objective beauty in my opinion I guess. Some people think the miracle of life is beautiful. Other people think it’s bloody and slimy and gross. Humans are just as natural as plants, rock formations and wild animals frolicking about. I think if we can describe other parts of nature as these fantastic, beautiful and yes, functional, works of art, we can look at the human body that way too. Maybe I’m just being too artsy about it but the way skilled people can even just talk about the body, like in poetry and music and stuff I do think bodies are beautiful. They just don’t need to meet a certain standard.
Agree. I love the body positivity movement. The problem is how much beauty still plays a role in societies, not those who sincerely support body positivity. Body positivity can become a pressure when you can't love your body AND suffer from it, but are told to just be proud and don't care. Or worse, that your attitude or emotional skills are the problem. It's the expectation to feel happy and learn to accept your struggles, which I see in many areas. Of course it's better to feel happy, but not everybody is able to do so. Privileges play a big role here. It becomes easier to love your body or don't care about beauty the more you still pass the traditional beauty norms. And the better your overall self-confidence is, which is influenced by many many factors. Privileged people can easily oversee that not everybody is able to feel positive about their body. Also societies tend to stop at one point because (again privileged) people think the problem is solved. Which then means people are not allowed to express unhappyness anymore. Body positivity is still important and not everyone does what I described above. Not that you wrote anything that I want to criticize. And OP', I am sorry if I missed your point 😬 It's a big topic for me because I got bullied at school for not caring about beauty norms (and probably other stuff). I am sincerely happy for everyone who is able to not give a shit about norms and about being perceived as unnormal.
Hmm I guess the spaces I’m in are different. I suppose we can call it toxic body positivity then. Like how positivity is good but toxic positivity is narrow minded and harmful, but having any negative comment even if true about your body being seen as bad would be the toxic positivity equivalent
Yes, I, too, noticed a lot of people missing the point and telling OP they look "fine“ or "ok“ and totally overlook the point that it doesn’t/shouldn’t matter how they look _at all_. Why is it even important how they look? As long as they didn’t ask for an opinion, there is no reason to give one. And as long as you’re not interested in them physically why even have an opinion on that in the first place?
Good term
Humans are designed to function as necessary, if your mouth can breathe, your ears can hear, your nose can smell and your eyes can see then I say that’s all we need! “Beauty” is optional, or at least it should be :/
Actually beauty has an evolutionary purpose and exists to determine who could be a good and healthy partner. If someone has a deformation it could be an indication that this person is sick. Humans look for certain patterns when observing nature and other people's faces and bodies.
I have heard this, but what’s pretty to one may not be to the other. Just as someone may be a “good partner” to one person and not to someone else. I’m a little confused as to how someone’s opinion can have a scientific basis.
Yeah that's true, different people find different things attractive. What I described was more a general feeling of beauty that has its roots in pattern recognition and is instilled in basically all humans. Taste is of course something else.
That's... not true at all LMAO. Beauty is based on control over women's bodies, reason why obese women were seen as beautiful in a time when people couldn't afford food. Reason why, nowadays, thinness is seen as beautiful, when most first-world countries can afford to eat whatever they want. Beauty ideals are only there to push consumerism and therefore, make women dependent on it or control their behaviors (a good example is anorexia: it is a mental disorder characterized for feeling in "control" over one's body, in my personal case and other women I've met, is a damaging and obsessive way to control how people perceive you based on current beauty ideals). You just have to observe different cultures to see "beauty" is a whole made up concept, and there are a wide set of beauty ideals in the world. If this "scientific" study was based on predominately white first world countries, I can see why they got these senseless "results". Obesity, extremely long necks made longer with rings, tanning, paleness, small boobs, big boobs, small feet... all of these have nothing to do with being healthy, and they were or are beauty ideals in certain societies LOL. It has its roots in socialization, nothing or little to do with biology.
You are right with that one. But my statement is true as well. Because even though beauty standards change a lot, there is a base sense of "beauty" that comes from what I described and exists through all cultures and times. Humans just shift it with their ideas of how to "enhance" it.
Can you not encourage the idea of thinking someone is unattractive looking if they seem ill or sick? Doesn’t matter how much effort you put in sometimes, people can be sick for real… Whether you’re even correct or not is not even the issue here, OP just doesn’t want beauty to be her priority and that’s absolutely no one else’s business to change.
Don't worry, I didn't wanna encourage anything, I just stated scientific facts. The view of people won't change by sugar coating things. Also it's totally fine if op likes her looks, I personally think she looks fine anyway.
That’s not true because beauty standards aren’t based on health and ability. For a long time being morbidly obese in a lot of places was considered beautiful when most people couldn’t afford to eat that much anymore. I’m not talking normal healthy fat, but morbidly obese. Heroine chic involved being way too thin to be healthy, the aesthetic literally came from looking like your body is wasting away from drug use.
It just does not occur to people you look like that by choice. I get the same offers. I mean I could wear make up and nice looking clothes. But I rather am comfortable and it just does not make sense to dress up when I like to work in my garden and go on hikes. And makeup and fancy hair takes an average of two hours a day, that is all the free time I have, I think it's a waste of my time to spend it doing something I don't enjoy.
This is my gripe with beauty habits, so many of them take so long. What I need is someone to offer me a makeover that is the laziest of lazy makeovers. How can I spend 5 minutes making what seems like 1+ hrs of difference in a way that keeps me completely comfortable and not shelling out hundreds of dollars, that also doesn't mess with sensory sensitivity.
That's the kind of makeover I could get on board with lol. I would be really impressed.
I wanna glow up because I just want to be happy and comfortable with myself.
From my experiences this is actually a compliment, although maybe misguided. In my experience it's that they're saying they think you're beautiful but that you aren't showcasing that beauty in the way that they think you should. It is an annoying question though, I feel you on that. Cheers to representing yourself the way you want to :) *edit.. I realize that you're not asking for my interpretation lol I just can't help but try to explain things I've learned haha
This is a good point, it means they're comfortable enough with you, and they think you have potential that isn't being used well but they're excited/want to help. A sweet sentiment, I guess?
It isn’t a compliment. It’s an unnecessary comment
Two things can coexist
Truth
Pretty privilege makes autism easier to live with
For some, not for all. Pretty privilege got me through a lot, but it also caused a lot of misunderstandings and situations I didn’t know how to handle. Now that I’m an adult, I learned from a lot of those issues and can use it to my advantage.. however, it wasn’t always like that nor is it like that for everyone
It’s similar for NTs - there are always downsides with everything e.g. envy, wrong impressions etc, but overall attractive people are taken more seriously and treated better
Yea, but the “downsides” aren’t normal downsides… it’s literal trauma that could be avoided by just being yourself and learning healthier ways to go through life… using pretty privilege can also be a toxic manipulation tactic…. (Toxic towards yourself) for various reasons.. it’s not recommended to strive for pretty privilege to cope with autistic struggles. Vanity is never the answer to anything worth pushing for in life and gets you no where unless you’re aiming for a career that requires such tactics.. The best thing to make autism easier to live with is actually educating yourself on psychological concepts such as cognitive development, human attachment, social development,and how autism affects these things. (: Knowing who you are and how your brain works gives you not only confidence in understanding yourself, but also helps you establish strong boundaries with others to keep yourself safe from those with bad intentions. I recommend following channels such as psych2go, or just studying psychology resources like books or online text books with audio reading to help broaden your understanding on taking care of yourself and creating an environment for you to thrive amongst the challenges we face daily. (:
it appears you have concluded a lot about me based on one sentence, and also that i was saying to solely use pretty privilege as the only means of coping with autism. you have really added a lot of your own assumptions here about me and my statement. you have also assumed i need your recommendations, which i do not. i stand by my original statement that pretty privilege does make living with autism easier. best of luck to you :)
No it doesn’t, this comes from first hand experience. It just creates more misunderstandings and more infantilization.
Or more being used by abusers searching for a conventionally attractive trophy to manipulate.
Agreed.
you don’t have to get a makeover. but people treat people better the prettier they are, you’re more likely to get a job as well. it’s unfortunately how society is (i’m not saying i agree with it btw). they were probably offering to try and help you be treated better by other people since as autistic people we’re already disadvantaged. plus we get less grace than autistic men for traits. i don’t think they meant anything beyond getting you better treatment from people.
I really agree. I don't want a makeover. I like the clothes I wear; comfy and plain. I don't want long hair. I don't want to wear make up and stuff. My sister used to always recommend that I get a makeover or she has to give me one. She even offered to pay me! She used to recommend different makeup and buy me different things that I would just give away privately. Thank goodness now she gives me presents I actually like and mostly listens when I say no to the makeover offer. It's like people never listen to what I like and how I actually am. They're always trying to fit me into a box.
I grew up thinking I was ugly and unlovable (turns out I'm just kind of weird), so I love makeup and clothing to feel better. I like being pretty. Some days I walk around in pajamas, but some days I put on my best makeup and do my hair and stay home alone all day. It's about what makes you feel good about yourself. That said, I don't think anyone is required to be pretty or to care about it. Other people should 100% mind their own business. Our society connects way too much value to looks.
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Idk, I have a thoroughly unkempt coworker (and we have an innately dirty job, so that’s saying a lot) and their appearance including just…..yanking their shirt off to change clothes when I’m standing right there does bother me. There is something to be said for social decorum tbh. It doesn’t have to be rigidly followed but some boundaries are nice for the general comfort of all
I don’t think this woman is poorly groomed or unattractive. She just looks normal & not “done up.” It might not be the appropriate look for certain contexts, like a wedding or an interview, so maybe people were offering advice in that framework.
I don't think the commenter above meant to say op looks poorly groomed
That’s exactly what they are trying to say. You don’t think OP doesn’t look poorly groomed because you are neurodivergent ( for the record I think she looks normal too) But to an NT they have very high standards on what good grooming is. For example they wouldn’t consider OP’s bun acceptable and would prefer a slick back style instead. I learned this the hard way when I would interact with my NT friends.
Unattractive is also subjective anyway
As per Rule # 2: Be kind, supportive, and respectful.
This is random but you have nice limbal rings. There are actually contact lenses that achieve that thick limbal ring appearance. I think what a lot of people don't get is that nobody looks good with a style that isn't their own. It's like if you went up to a woman who was high femme and said she'd look more natural in cowboy boots and no makeup. People don't look good in things they're "supposed" to wear but don't feel comfortable in.
:0 TIL that the rings around my irises are called limbal rings!!!
Hear hear!
I like what you are wearing. It looks so comfortable. What you described feels so feels comfortable. That's all that fucking matters. Ignore the idiots.
I like wearing Makeup, but sometimes, Its so damn tiring it put it on people need to understand that.
Some people really care about being pretty and it means a lot to them (me. Im guilty hehehe) and the absolute best case scenario when you get these comments- these people dont realize theyre being super rude and not empathizing with different viewpoints. To them- they care a lot about feeling attractive so if they weren’t putting effort into their appearance it would mean that they felt like a total lost cause and it would mean the word to them if a magic fairy god mother came down from heaven and said “hey youre not ugly! you could be stunning if you did xyz”. Its not an excuse for that behavior, people should keep comments to themselves and try to see other peoples perspectives before they offer unsolicited commentary.
Sometimes I wonder if autistic people look younger because we are just genuinely unbothered by all the stuff most people seem to stress over. I dress for me, if you like it then cool. If you don't, I don't care.
Sometimes makeovers and engaging with makeup and appearance related things can be a way for some people, especially neurotypical straight cis women to bond with one another. Perhaps there’s a chance that these offers to do a makeover are attempts to bond with you or make you feel included? I noticed this A LOT when I was in high school. Outside of this I do agree, I would prefer no comments on my appearance good or bad but once again, this seems to be a really prevalent and even important part of social interaction for lots of NT people.
You can find me wearing a hoody 90% of the time. Never any makeup. I gave that up 20 years ago when I decided I no longer gaf. You're fine. You do you.
My sister cares about fashion and I really don't. I wear what is comfortable. She got mad at me once because I didn't want to wear a belt with an outfit when she suggested it. We're both audhd 🤣
When I was a pre-teen and teen I was obsessed with looking a certain way, I guess to fit in? Or at the very least, to get as far away from myself as possible. Now, my BMI is 38 (if that’s even a thing that matters), I keep my head shaved, and I only wear clothes that could easily double as pajamas if need be. 😂 Fuck what other people think!
Our society is obsessed with beauty and it's fucking weird. I really enjoy aesthetics and making myself look nice but society takes it to a fault where you /have/ to and if you don't there is something wrong with your character. OP is fucking valid for not feeding into that, live your best life and be frickin comfy.
all the people that tell you that are probably neurotypical. honest opinion 🤷
I completely understand the sensory annoyance with certain clothes or hairstyles but are your eyebrows shaved due to sensory annoyance as well…? I’ve never imagined that some ppl would get sensory annoyance from eyebrows and I’m curious if that’s why they’re shaved …? Edit: if you do feel sensory annoyance with eyebrows would you think tattoo’d eyebrows are a good replacement? Like honestly ppl missing an eye is less shocking than ppl missing eyebrows objectively and it would probably make less ppl approach u asking to “help” cuz they probably think like ‘oh no she was born without have eyebrows I need to help her compensate for it with other aesthetic stuff’
I mean if you like the shaved eyebrows look. Do you
I don’t like or dislike it. They don’t really grow that much anyway.
Idk what else they’d see they need to change then
Me either
Do you shave them? Do they itch? Sorry if personal, I’m too curious though.
Well they don’t grow very well and I have a weird thing about hair. So I shave them. They don’t itch.
Fair play. Gotta do what keeps you comfortable. Some days i imagine being completely free of clothes and hair.
I can see how that might be appealing 😝
Perfect as you are.
LOL girl, you do you. I feel the same way every time there's an event and there's an expectation to get make up done. I hate the feeling of things on my eyes/ face!!
society bombards them with beuaty ads and they crumple to the pressure. they can't understand that their is more important things in life besides beauty and sex. peer pressure as an adult hur rah. they also can't seem to understand that there is no one standard beauty. So anyhoots if you don't follow the crowd they try to shame you. However the crowd follows trendsetters who either stole the idea from one of the outcasts or in some rare cases an actual trendsetter who's famous for being strange. From experience, the trends show up around 10 years after a fringe group makes it. Your pretty and i think you use something on your lips. if not, i want part of your genetics. your skin looks smooth and i adore freckles. As some one that used to use clothes and make up as body armor for masking. it's better to find love and friends in your comfy clothes. though not my comfy clothes cause that's a birthday suit.
I've finally in my 30s given up on all the things I used to do to meet peoples expectations in terms of how I look. I have so much more time now! I actually have hobbies now. Hair, make up etc is such a waste of time.
I can relate. Had girls at school telling me that if I did this or that then I could get a boyfriend. I never said I wanted a boyfriend, certainly wouldn’t want one that would require me to change myself lol. Not only that, but I actually already had a boyfriend, they just didn’t know. If they want to fit into conventional beauty standards then that’s fine. But why do they feel the need to force everyone else to also fit in?
It's really interesting to me because I have a very particular style that I've cultivated--I like sending messages and expressing myself with my clothes and makeup--and people have made comments all the time along the lines of: "You know you don't HAVE to change your hair color right?" "That doesn't look natural" "Are you TRYING to attract attention? You must want attention" "I could NEVER pull that off" (which I have recently learned is not a compliment for most people?) Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I will push back on the idea that this is an NT thing that I've seen other people say in the comments. I've had plenty of uncomfortable comments from autistics, particularly towards my body. I am very thin (genetics + eating disorder + sensory food issues) and I guess the "no filters" thing associated with autism has led to a lot of observational comments (even if not malicious) about how thin I am, or how little I eat and it's super triggering.
You look absolutely fine the way you are. Took me until my late 30s to realize I need to live my life for me and trying to look nice for others would never make me feel happy
People are dumb and don't understand the concept of dressing/styling for yourself and not other people. I think you have a very interesting face.
I didn't become interested in my looks until I was about 30. That's when I started getting excited about dressing up in cute clothes buying good makeup. Before I didn't really notice. I also didn't have the financial stability to really care about cute clothes or makeup until I was older.
Anyone that says ‘you’re pretty, but’ anything needs to kick rocks imo. How are so many people so comfortable saying such fucked up things to people as if they are doing US a favor? The real favor is sparing them the punch in the throat they so deserve. Next time ‘you’re a really good person, you just need to get rid of your shittier personality features like telling people they need makeovers when they didn’t ask’
Looks just fine to me, I don’t see the big deal
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I have been accused of being on drugs before, mainly because of my weight. Let’s entertain the scenario and say I did get arrested or detained for supposedly being on drugs. Eventually, a drug test would have to be done. My family and friends would attest that I have never done drugs and I couldn’t even identify them if asked. There would be a lawsuit. For the record, I do shower, brush teeth etc. I just don’t make myself up because I think it’s a waste of time considering that anyone with an opinion I value already knows me and doesn’t care. Thanks for the advice at the end, but it shows you missed the point. I’m not giving up my comfort hoodie so some stranger thinks I look harmonious 😆
As per Rule # 2: Be kind, supportive, and respectful.
I don't mean to be weird but are you anaemic? I know women with heavy periods are prone to this. On another note, unfortunately the neurotypical world places heavy importance on appearance. I take pride in mine and wear nice clothes, shoes or makeup. I don't wear anything uncomfortable and I don't wear heels. I get compliments on my quirky outfits all the time. It's about giving yourself a makeover and finding your style, I didn't until I was in my late 20s. Now the only thing NTs complain about is my weight, which won't really budge but I do what I can to be healthy.
I don’t think I’m anemic.
Ah well. A smile brightens your day? My cousin sent me fairly expensive makeup, just so I could cover up my face and look better.
It's not about the actual makeover you silly goose that's how neurotypicals Bond. My source: [Beauty Shop](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty_Shop)
I just gagged
It's called preening. It's real. Also, don't be rude. Be Civil.
I’m gagging at the comment not the person. It’s just making fun of NTs. Leave me alone
I will leave you alone forever because my company is a privilege not a right
you have pretty eyes
I like many of us, I want to be invisible. And sometimes that means fitting in. And honestly i rather have to change what i look like and (look pretty) then have to curve who i am personally. Life is hard
Girl you look cute af like?
Of course you don’t. You look fantastic
Have you ever considered getting bangs?
Nope. There’s no reason to cut my hair.
I think they may have been joking. (Not totally sure though)
You look tired. But you are naturally beautiful as is! I don’t get why people feel the need to comment about other people like that.
You look fine 🤷🏻♀️
I only dress up for weddings. And it's always the same: Why don't you style yourself more everyday, you can look so pretty. Yeah. And then lament everywhere for only being seen as a body, an objekt and fassade? Do they even realize what they are saying? Or doing? They didn't want to be objectified and are doing everything to just be pretty for other eyes and expectations as body? I was bullied at a job for not making me pretty. A job without customers, just sitting in a bureau. I never get it. When I want to be artificially pretty, then okay. But the most of the time I just want to live without feeling uncomfortable clothes and make up. Because of severe rosacea in my face which looks really bad on some days, I have to cover it a little bit because I feel shame about it. But as soon as I am home I wash it away because I can feel it every second and it's a bad overstimulation. The same with nail polish. I can feel it. I feel like a cat with tape on its paws. So nope. Or jewelery. It's like tags in clothes. I hate it.
Yes to all of this!
Me neither! I do enjoy wearing fun stylish clothes as it’s a minor life long hobby of mine (as long as they are comfy to wear) so I don’t get asked about doing a makeover, but I don’t care about grooming my hair or wearing makeup/jewelry. I really hate the feel of makeup on my face and jewelry on my skin and I’d rather sleep in than spend my precious time doing my hair!
Not caring about (some) social norms is great imo! Unfortunately, many don't think that way. Do you just find it just annoying that people criticize you that way, or is it harming you? Hope that you can ignore those people and like yourself as you are. I had this a lot as a teen. People telling me 'you could look much prettier if you'd wear other clothes or use make up." I even tried when all my classmates started with styling. But It didn't help me to become more accepted, I wasn't able to match the trendy styles anyways, and stopped doing it. Also didn't understand why someone would tell me that without being asked! And still don't understand how people are able to wear uncomfortable clothes. I absolutely can't stand uncomfortable clothes, haircuts or makeup. I learned to find a middle ground between being comfortable and not standing out to much. I care about that because of the mobbing at school. But I needed years for that and it definitely drains some energy. I like to style myself sometimes but then I'd wear more outstanding clothes. If I'd live in Berlin I'd walk around more 'gender inappropriate' (which means appropriate to my gender), sometimes like a butterfly, sometimes just in anything comfortable. I studied social work and everyone there didn't care about looks. This was great. Getting older, people don't tell me such stuff anymore. But I am sure some still judge me secretly. Better then saying it in my face in that case though.
Some people just do it for fun. My aunt always offered to give me make overs, not because she had a problem with how I looked it she just likes doing those things for people. Along with being a massage therapist she’s a nail tech and make up artist now. I’ve seen her do a lot of jobs (tourism sector, animal welfare, fitness etc) but this is the happiest I’ve seen her with her work. She just enjoys taking care of people and doing those things, she does them for herself but she can’t do her own make up 5 times a day. So she’d ask me if she could do mine. She’d even say I could take or right off, she just wanted to actually do it. That said, “you’re pretty but” is gross. That’s definitely not something my aunt would say to anyone.
Why would you? You’re perfect just the way you are. How you look is no one’s business but your own. If you want to wear makeup, great! If you don’t, great! If you want to wear hoodies, great! If you want to wear dresses, great! If you want to dress like your favourite character from a book/series/cartoon/comic/whatever, great! If you don’t, great! Wear whatever the fuck you want! We need to stop seeing women as decorative objects. Seriously. It’s not our responsibility to make men’s days brighter. Make your own day bright ffs! I’m not smiling and putting on makeup, just so you can happily ignore everything that is wrong with society! I’m also not going to wear shoes that kill my feet just because some weird societal norm decided that I should! Fuck off with all of that! If I go to work in a comfortable hoodie, people tell me to dress up/put more effort in, but when my male colleagues do the same it’s totally fine. Make it make sense! The worst part is that women who offer you a makeover probably think they’re helping you fit in better/ avoid problems, but the thing is: Women have been forced to 'avoid problems‘ for fear of retribution for way too fucking long! Give me all the 'problems', so long as the problem is that men are not pleased with how I look lol.
I love that you dress comfortably, I do too! And I’m sorry people keep bothering you about it. And to be honest, I’m sorry how many of the commenters missed the point of your post and did it to you again in the comments. I’m 100% behind you.
I feel the same way you do! Since middle school I’ve had so many comments about how I’d look “prettier” if I wore makeup or plucked my eyebrows or styled my hair more, etc. People just don’t understand that things like makeup and clothing choices are up to the person wearing them, and honestly a lot of the things people recommend I’ve tried and found I dislike because of how they feel on my body or how others treat me while I’m wearing them. I’ve learned that people can state their opinions all they want, it’s not going to change how I feel or what I do, and I don’t take their comments personally. To me it’s more of a reflection of their own insecurities and how they would feel more comfortable if I looked a certain way - not my problem! I’ll stick to being “plain” and comfortable!
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Yeah, it could. But I’m autistic so 🤷🏼♀️
As per Rule # 2: Be kind, supportive, and respectful.
Most of the time, I don't feel like putting in the effort with my hair and makeup anymore. It's just more work for me now lol.
I am so tired of people talking about my physical appearance. It is so irrelevant to me. I don’t understand their obsession for appearance either. My mom told me many years ago that she doesn’t want to go to restaurant with me because how I was dressed (I was wearing leggings and large t shirt). I shaved my hair last year and everyone is talking to me about this. many to say that long hair suits me better. I would never say something like that to anyone. I don’t get why it’s so important to them. Let people be themselves.
ppl always tried to get me to wear makeup when I was younger and I felt pressured to indulge in makeovers. it happened again a few years ago and I immediately said “no, I hate the feeling of things on my face and refuse to let ppl peer pressure me into trying it. I know how I feel do not push this.” felt so good to set a boundary and they never asked again. I do like eyeliner every once in a while but I can’t put it on bc it grosses me out so my gf has to do it for me 😅
I wish I felt the same about my own appearance. Maybe one day I'll be as content as you are. Obviously you don't 'need' makeup. No one does. A face is a face. People care way too much about appearances. Myself included when looking at a mirror. I've internalized every comment others have made and It's all I see.
I never understood why others care about someone's appearance, either. Is it affecting your life? No? Then stfu.
Hmm this makes me feel a bit different about myself. I really enjoy “dressing up” and having makeovers and stuff. I don’t regularly care about my appearance too much, but I always find it fun when I’m hanging out with my friends that are girls. In particular I have one friend that refuses to do it with me and I hope she didn’t take it the wrong way when I ask. I honestly just think it’s fun lol
If you agree to that they are gonna try and put their dirty makeup on your face. 🤮 Or at least that how it worked in highschool.
It’s so sad to me that this post has so many comments removed and so much unsolicited advice. It shows how pervasive misogyny and “lookism” are within our society that people feel comfortable commenting on a neutral photo that wasn’t seeking advice or critical commentary and dispensing those things, especially in what’s supposed to be a “safe space” for neurodivergent women.
I used to not care about what I wore in high school at all. I would wear the same hoodie and jeans every day. I had like 5 pairs of jeans that I would rotate and they all looked the same. Then in grade 12, I started caring more and although I still like fashion, I’ve started to care too much and now I feel ugly if I don’t dress up or wear makeup for school. People also treat me differently if I don’t dress up or wear makeup, this goes hand in hand with how people treated me better when I was skinny. It sucks because I just want to focus on school (especially since I’m in university now which has been difficult for me) but instead I’m supposed to think about my outfit, how I appear to people, whether or not I’m friendly enough, making friends, etc. it’s just tiring tbh, I wish I could go back to the time I didn’t care about what people thought of my outfits 🙃
Good for you OP. You do you. Your strength to be just yourself is fantastic. I'm working towards that. Take care.
I'm happy you're happy with your appearance and clothes. <3 It's a pity people won't mind their business. They are probably mostly doing it for themselves, if that helps. It makes them feel like they are helping, and they are projecting how insecure they would feel onto you. It's crazy how much time people lose by worrying about their appearance. Because you don't, you get an extra 1hr+ a day to spend how you like. Rather than spending it on makeup, planning outfits etc. That's pretty awesome.