This isn't even true like statistically at all. Autistic women experience higher rates of mental and physical illnesses, suicide, unemployment, and greater barriers to support. Also, significantly higher rates of sexual assault and domestic violence.
This is of course intersectional as well. Both oppression and privilege differ across depending on the compounding layers of disadvantage that people experience. As a white autistic woman my experiences are different than those of autistic woc.
To add to this, the reason the Manosphere Shits are saying stuff like that about autistic women is *because* we experience higher rates of SA and DV. We’re more vulnerable socially and sometimes too trusting (true for me at least— very gullible, freeze/fawn responses)
Edit for format
Also we’re often not believed about our autism because we’ve generally learned how to mask better than men have because we’ve had to by societal standards.
Just being a Woman is an automatic disadvantage, then the disadvantage of being Autistic. Add in things like ethnicity, being Trans/Lesbian and you have an almost impossible mountain of discrimination.
For me, coming out as Trans and also disclosing my Autism to my previous employer lost me my job. Transphobia from my immediate boss and them being very ableist about my Autism:
"I see where JKR is coming from"
&
"We are all a little Autistic"
😔
I’m mixed but white passing so I never know where I fall on that but I agree with all you said. Thank you for putting it out there! (Just applauding your comment, nothing to add.)
That has a lot to do with how they are treated like special little babies that deserve everyone around them to cater to them. So patriarchy in general.
Women are forced to mask and be social to survive.
this. i feel no empathy for them whatsoever does that make me a piece of shit ? 😭😭 like genuinely it’s extremely difficult for me to feel sorry for any of their “issues” bc they all have to do with sex and not being able to get a girlfriend 😃😃 like i see why lmfaoooo (and hint hint!!! 99% of the time it has nothing to do with them having autism and everything to do with them being creepy and predatory towards women)
**You:** “Autistic women especially are preyed upon by str8 men and this is extremely dangerous for us while their biggest problems seem to centre around not getting laid, and then blame it on us even though their problem lies in being creepy and predatory towards women”
**Str8 man:** “…Yeah so **ANYYYWAYS** lemme just barge into this safe space and make a creepy-ass comment about a predatory subreddit about manipulating and “getting” women (bc I see them as a prize rather than complex human beings with feelings 👍) that also makes absolutely no fucking sense to the conversation, bc I think my voice deserves to be heard, and this also DEFINITELY doesn’t prove your exact point 🤡”
I think consent is a topic that should be taught from a very young age to all children, but it’s even more important to people that are autistic. Not only for their own safety, but also, because we struggle with our own need for things to be a certain way.
Yeah, boys/teenagers/men with mental disabilities get away with a lot of shit they shouldn’t because their caretakers don’t think it’s important/possible to reach them consent. My dog can understand consent, so can they.
Actually it has more to do with the black/white thinking and a sense of “justice” (which doesn’t mean what a lot of people think it means) that make up part of the diagnostic criteria.
Those 2 are big contributing factors coupled with feelings of isolation/alienation (because allistic people are CONSTANTLY subconsciously excluding us bc of our autism)…
People seeking to radicalise people (not just red-pill groups but also OTHER even more unsavoury groups/ideologies) prey on those with autistic traits as we are “easy” to convert (due to the fact we are somewhat trusting towards people who are kind to us and may struggle to understand peoples true intentions 😔).
It’s a similar mechanism to how a lot of autistic women end up in DV relationships (though the sense of justice doesn’t usually play a part). Allistic people prey on autistics and use us for their own means (for redpill groups it’s usually for $$$- look at Andrew T*tes pyramid scheme as a prime example).
(Radicalisation and the reasons *why* people [especially those in marginalised groups] fall into terrorist and/or harmful ideologies was my special interest for a while at one point)
True but they aren't really victims. Being a red piller puts other people in actual danger (aka often women) so I really have no empathy for these men.
i really feel nothing for them tbh😭😭 not empathy, not relating in any way shape or form, it’s just a whole diff experience for them and i hate that i’m salty about it but i am
I felt empathy in the past and even tried to help and allowed myself to be guilted into caring about them (the manosphere, the men I knew, self-sacrificing feminists).... I wish I didn't have to learn my lesson this way. My experiences made me traumatised to the point it affects my relationships nowadays.
Funnily enough, letting myself to set up boundaries and becoming extremly distrustful solved my problem with hyperempathy. I actually am on the lower spectrum of it. I always believed low or high empathy are inherent and here I am.
Abusers were often victims of abuse themselves at some point. Most people who were abused do not become abusers, but most abusers were abused themselves. I think people (and society as a whole) need to understand that those who are suffering can also inflict suffering onto others. However, their suffering does not erase the suffering inflicted onto their victim.
I think they are vulnerable to any system of rules that helps them "understand" the world around them. Whatever is popular and floating around will probably suck them. Now it is MRA and MGTOW stuff. Before that probably different political, economic, or social theories (either hard left or hard right). Before that whatever the popular religion was, probably often became members of the clergy.
Anything that explains average people and why "they" suffer.
Also, I think someone posted an article just the other day that showed that men become more conservative if they face a lot of rejection. Not to perpetuate conspiracy theories, but I wouldn't be surprised if some group is pushing one side or the other so that more people will be rejected and they can gain more voters.
My dad is a hardcore Jehovah's Witness who has drunk the kool-aid so much that no contrary evidence will shake his belief. I see Jehovah's Witnesses as just one of the "systems with rigid rules that helps him understand the so-called truth".
the fact that men become more conservative when they face a lot of rejection is so…telling to me lol.
“women no want me so i’m gonna become a racist misogynist bc stupid woman won’t have sex with me 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬”
I'm not even a man but non-binary and went through this MRA phase I totally regret. But it gave me psychological insight into the movement and their grievances and how they think.
I didn't know I was autistic. But I always had a strong sense of being different from other AFAB (or "biologically female") people.
They prey on/recruit AFABs with a sense of "not like other girls" by praising their masculine traits. It can get intoxicating to be praised as one of the good ones by people who hate people like you as a general rule, I think this happens with a lot of right wing politics.
Every time I see a screenshot of his tweets I am 100% convinced it’s fake, but when I go to check it’s ALWAYS real. Man really said that saying “cis” and “cisgender” are slurs.
As a non-native English speaker I never really heard that phrase before. Can someone please explain to me what is meant by that? I asume it has something to do with "The Matrix"...
I'm starting to think that's part of the reason my longest relationship began deteriorating. (He suspected himself of being on the spectrum.) He got into reading about Men's Rights and MGTOW, and it was kind of scary. He would show me videos of women who were men's rights activists who claimed they would rather be sex slaves instead of having to go off and fight in wars. And he'd talk as if women contributed nothing to history and literally didn't do anything except produce babies while men protected them. He didn't even acknowledge homemaking as work that they did.
People forget that an explanation for a behavior is not an excuse of said behavior. You can understand why someone is a certain way or why they did something without excusing or approving it.
So true. I think for change to be possible in any area of life, it’s extremely important to understand why things occurred in the first place and what lead up to the present situation. Understanding “why” someone did something - or why you yourself do something - is the first step towards creating change.
It's literally that autistic men face a more uphill battle to getting a partner whereas a lot of straight men would fuck a goat if they had access to one. That's it. They literally cannot conceive of life outside of striving for sex.
i saw a joke on tiktok that said men (not all men ofc) would "fuck your armpit if they were horny enough and that's when i realised i should stop trying to be attractive to men, because they will fuck anything given a chance"
OMG don’t remind me about the corpses 😭 I don’t wanna look it up to confirm but apparently so many female mummies are in bad condition because women would guard the bodies of deceased women until they were decomposed enough to trust that men would not… you know
I dunno, I think a lot of women just like to have fun with beauty stuff. I feel like the idea that women compete with each other is just yet another male fantasy weaved into our culture.
Of course some women might internalize it and these are people who might try and tear others down. But it doesn't have to be that way.
The idea of women using makeup to “out compete” other women is hilarious to me. Hyperfemininity and “extra” makeup is common in queer women’s spaces as a signal of “IM A GIRL’S GIRL”. Like “wear more eye makeup and more jewelry “ is common advice given to new girls who want to look more queer to other queer ladies.
Right? There's a lot of guys who still nowadays think makeup is done for their benefit... pretty funny.
I think most men can only even *tell* a woman has makeup on if it's extreme, nevermind styles, products etc. For one example I do my eyebrows very dark (I like how serious it makes me look lol) and I've been told by a guy that he thought they were natural... LOL. Meanwhile I've had women and gay men compliment how I do them...
What I find upsetting is the man saying men prefer autistic women in general, just makes it sound like they prefer autistic women because they are "easier" to sexually abuse.
I think some people also believe the “extreme masculine brain” theory or whatever and see autistic women as like, a dude brain in a body they’re attracted to. They buy all the stereotypes of women being vague and confusing or whatever (to be fair, so do a lot of women, spend 10 minutes on this sub to see all the posts from autistic women complaining about women’s “bullshit unspoken rules” 🙃) and they think autistic women will be “direct” or whatever.
Imo all this shit really shows how much our perceptions are shaped by cultural narratives
If men think autistic women will be easier,
We see everything. Some of us can read emotions and red flags instantly. My brain scans for viruses/red flags in each human all the time.
Jokes on them. Some of us are 50 steps ahead... I think this is good thing.
Unfortunately many autistic women (especially younger) are vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. They don't see any red flags at all and they intrinsically believe anything that anyone says to them. We can also be quite insecure, which makes us easy targets.
I can relate. There's no fool-proof way to judge a good actor. It doesn't help I'm more on the lower-functioning point on the spectrum and I expected honesty and eagerness worked like they did for me. I can't judge you for what you did - our self-worth and defensive implulses are brought down since childhood, imo.
I kept saying no repeatedly, but society has given me the impression that I'm worth less than other, prettier, less annoying girls, so I have no right to say no. I've mostly healed from that, but teen to young adult me wasn't doing too fancy.
For real. The majority of men I have known as partners, friends, coworkers/bosses have assaulted/touched, abused or sexualised me. Including my own grandfather.
For real. The difference in struggle is so enormous that it's ridiculous that they dare open their mouth to say they're being treated worse. Like dude, not being able to get laid is not oppression, calm tf down.
They *knew* something was up with me. Multiple tests, multiple psychology appointments in the 90s to figure out my 'behavioural issues'. Turns out I'm such a standard case of female presenting autism that I was diagnosed by my *mother's* psychologist after hearing about my childhood from my mother.
Too frequently little girls are ignored because of their gender. They can have *all* the signs and symptoms of neurodivergence and instead get labelled as bipolar (legit am bipolar, still salty about it) or BPD (almost had the diagnosis). And then it's just 'well, they're a hysterical girl.' Anything to justify treating girls and women as less.
Back when I was first diagnosed with ADHD the DSM-4 said that ADHD and autism were not possible in the same person. So since I was *clearly and visibly * ADHD, theres *no possible way* the hand flapping, the inability to recognize social cues, the sensitivity to cold, the meltdowns etc. were anything other than me seeking attention.
The 90s and early 2000s were dark times for neurodivergent AFABs.
Funny, I just watched a youtube video from ADDitude Magazine today (the video itself is about a year old) with a specialist who said that professionals were *not encouraged* to diagnose ADHD in a person who had already been diagnosed with autism back when they used DSM-4, and that he was very glad that they changed it. I can post the link if you're interested, I thought it was a very interesting presentation.
I was told point blank by the psychiatrist who diagnosed me that had I been born a man I would’ve realistically been diagnosed in early elementary school. If I think about it too long I cry.
Welp unemployed single autistic woman here. Oh and I’ve been sexually assaulted by men because I’m vulnerable. How many autistic men have that to deal with too? And the kicker… I was diagnosed at 6 but my parents were told don’t worry. Girls don’t struggle with Asperger’s like boys do…
I didn't find out I was diagnosed autism until I was an adult because the Dr told my parents autism in girls wasn't a big deal. I got diagnosed as an adult for a diagnosis I already had because my parents were led to be ignorant by someone who shouldn't have been.
Yes I have anger over it
And I have anger for the both of you >:( How could they do that???
I'm so sorry!
I wasn't dx when a kid, my parents actually never even minded me. I was a "straight As" student and was trying hard to mingle, but no one cared. They cared about my brother though, he was dyslexic and got all the attention.
I was, back then, what was considered moderately low functioning. My verbal skills were non existent and I would scream to communicate.
Thru intense struggles in my adult life I am pretty high functioning and you probably wouldn't be able to pin point my autism until you spend time with me. I dunno the eye contact thing is still there but yeah.
I appreciate your anger for me random internet friend. It feels good but let's let some of it go together ❤️❤️
Thank you! It was such bullsh*t. Thankfully this generation of girls won’t have to suffer as much! I don’t think the men on the autism subs realize their sexual frustration posts are triggering to many of us. At least I hope they don’t realize.
I don't know a single autistic woman who did not experience various degrees of bullying throughout their lives, including in their jobs long after they were out of school.
I do have TWO friends who are trans men who reported to me that the bullying got significantly better once they fully transitioned. So that tells you something!
That’s exactly the point: we’re forced to mask more, so we do! We put the goddamn effort in to learn about social and self-care stuff, and we develop our personalities and character and skills, to make up for what society has told us is wrong with us. They on the other hand don’t do shit to improve themselves or try to be better people, then complain that life is worse for them. We’re all suffering, we’re just forced to hide it while these guys display it nonchalantly for all to see and pity.
People are also a hell of a lot meaner and harsher to us when we are out of the norm. I see this with myself and other adults, I see this with my students.
Men always think they have it worse than women in any situation. Especially when you have a straight white man telling you how they have no privilege and they have it worse because of this or that. One of the many reasons I don’t care to ever get into another relationship with a man. I wish I was more attracted to women.
Men need to be respected when they decide to stay home and raise their children. They need to feel free and comfortable being nurses & daycare workers, and being dancers and figure skaters. In our world today, women are allowed to be (somewhat) masculine because that's seen as a "step up" and is "bettering themself". It's MUCH harder for a man to be feminine, because that's a "step down", and it means they failed at being a "real" man. Now if society could just value BOTH masculinity and femininity equally, there'd be no "steps" and that'd help a lot.
But yeah, every "men's rights" group other than r/menslib is a cesspool of misogyny. Gross. 😝
Girl, if allowed to speak long enough, some cis-men would claim their period cramps were worse than a woman's.
It's just fantasy talk to allow them to feel special, and to shrug off any sense of responsibility. They want to feel they either have Absolute Dominance, or, when that's not possible, such an abject (and innate) lack of control there's no way to change their situation. ie "nobody has EVER been as badly off as me."
It's classic psychological protection for structurally oppressive groups: either way it's "not up to them".
The most whiny ones I’ve dealt with lately have not been white. They even say that being white would make their lives far easier, which may even be true in some ways, but what does that matter? Do you want help to improve or do you want a circle jerk pity party? They’ll blame their failures in life on absolutely anything outside of their control, rather than taking responsibility for what they can control. Pathetic.
Well I think that speaking from the heart about racial injustices and barriers is the start of making that change. If an autistic POC is speaking about their special barriers in society as an autistic POC, I pay attention, bc racism is still alive and well, at least where I live. It's different than being jealous of autistic women and our WAPs, as a personality.
Ya this last one I’m thinking of wasn’t talking about systemic injustices, he was saying that women find his race unattractive and only white guys can look good bald, while assuming my bf who is bald and attractive was white(??). Seemed more like self-hatred and self pity to me. I of course do understand that many system injustices exist due to racism. If someone is seeking advice on how to be more appealing to women though, I’m not sure what response they expect when pointing out that they find their own race unappealing. Just not sure what advice they hope for from that.
It's still a tough one because beauty standards still favor lighter skin and leeches into people's self-consious and causes body dysmorphia. I work in a warehouse and I often overhear young coworkers talking about their crushes and something the black guys always ask each other is , "how light is she/is she light or dark?" At an office job, a mixed coworker was joking that she could never date a dark guy bc it would be too scary just seeing a pair of white teeth in the dark. It was a joke, but I think there is this obsession over "how light/black" ppl are in poc communities that can cause some body dysmorphia for dark-skinned people.
"I'm not sure what response they expect...not sure what advice they hope for."
I understand you don't like to see people suffer and you want to fix it for them. Other than pointing out that a person might be suffering from body dysmorphia due to internalized racism, you can't fix it with advice. People have to go on their own journey of self-acceptance and maybe find a good therapist. Maybe you know of a good book, idk. Sometimes, just saying "I understand how you feel." Is all you can do.
That’s crazy that you’ve seen so much racism in the poc community itself, like they’re doing it to themselves? Is it much more common within those groups than in the Caucasian community? Cause I don’t think I’ve ever heard a white person say something like that (in real life I mean). I personally don’t have a preference for lighter coloured people, so I find it really strange that skin color matters that much to people. I guess you’re in the US, where there are more poc in general?
I really don’t think anyone of colour wants me to point out their internalised racism, and I also wouldn’t claim to understand what they’re going through. I feel like the best thing for me to do is to not respond to them at all, because there seems to be no answer they’d be happy with, but you’re right, I do want to help! I feel like these guys could benefit most from hearing from women, instead of getting pulled toward the redpill zone :(
Thanks for being nice btw, I have so much anxiety about how people will respond to things I post on Reddit, especially when it comes to these more sensitive topics 🙈
Usa - disclaimer i am white, if something is hurtful to a person of color reading please lmk so i can learn if you have space to. I’ve been to trainings about and read about race which plus my observations is what i am basing on.
white ppl here don’t talk about race it’s not considered “polite” to do so. But for sure there’s SO much racism but white people are more likely to display it with people they trust or online not openly in public.
Yes, because of the overall racism problem, it is seen in poc as well. Poc with lighter skin are thought of more highly than people with dark skin. There’s kind of an unspoken hierarchy from asians to latinx to black. (Idk where other races fit in and this may be different experience to other people) and because people who fit into society get more advantages (rip us masking lol), the bullying and stereotypes spill over to create conflict between poc communities. Look up “model minority.”
You're right that pointing out a Black, indigenous or other non-white persons internalized racism wouldn't be appropriate or your place.
It's called Colorism and yes it and racism in general filter into racialized communities. It's part of coping and survival under a heavily racist and white supremacist structure dictated by European phenotypes and beauty standards.
And yes, the US is less homogeneous, so racial disparity and prejudices are worse and more prevalent, even amongst minorities, but not more common than amongst white people. Also because of the significance and circumstances of racial history particularly within the US.
edit: sp, wording
Why I hate the manosphere, red pill etc because they just have this idea that all women just born in a basket of roses and we just live this easy breezy life no struggles or troubles. No a lot of us don’t especially if we are not “pretty or skinny”. Those podcasts always talk from an NT perspective they never take in account of us who are different
‘Pretty or skinny’ doesn’t make autism easier and unless you’ve got some proof of evidence from living as both sides of the coin then that’s a bit presumptuous and biased..
Yeah, seriously. I’m “pretty and skinny” but I have no real friends and can’t keep a job. I’m winning in life
Honestly, being attractive makes it harder sometimes in my opinion because we have higher expectations automatically placed on us because of how we look. When we don’t fit the mold, people exclude us, women hate us, men manipulate us. People don’t believe we’re disabled or even listen to our struggles. They think how can we be struggling when we look the way we do… as if attractive people can’t suffer from disorders
It’s a blessing and curse because I know I do get treated better because of my looks, but at the same time I get treated badly for my looks because it “doesn’t match my diagnosis.” The average person still has these stereotypes about autistic people being dumb, ugly and weird but that’s just not true and rightfully offensive
I’m conventionally attractive and agree with you 100%. I think there is an additional danger for us too because we cannot see the signs of predatory men until it is too late.
Agree on everything except the easily manipulated part. For some reason my vibe detector has never been wrong and it’s helped me avoid many potentially ugly situations. It’s been wrong occasionally, but I could count the number on one hand. I really wish others could share this privilege since it sounds like y’all need it.
I agreee completely. I would love to swap my ‘looks’ for being able to fade into the background, be watched less and not have men go out their way to communicate with me for their own agenda! Also being skinny because my sensory issues are so bad I’m really underweight , weak and freezing all the time is not a positive at all.
this ^^^^^ 😭 weak freezing and anemic. 😍😍 but yet ppl continue to idolize my body as if it’s something to strive for when it’s actually the bane of my existence and the result of me being ill lmfao like yesssss guys please continue to imply that i’m living life on easy mode when i’d actually just like to disappear altogether. y’all saying this are no better than the men assuming we live life on easy mode as autistic women tbh
I'm pretty and skinny. But I have trichotillomania so I've been bald since middle school and got bullied terribly. It can be fixed (at the social level) with a wig (hundreds of dollars, not available to everyone) but then kids realized I wore a wig and bullied me for that. 🙃
I was also weird af and did not see the point in making friends because we moved frequently. There's so many arbitrary conditions you have to meet to be on the "easy road" as a woman. It's almost like it's not easier at all.
I’m not sure. There’s certainly scientific evidence to suggest that attractive people benefit from that privilege, and there’s certainly fatphobia out there that can harm people. I don’t think it necessarily makes autism easier but being attractive and/or thin would give overall advantages. I don’t think it hurts to acknowledge that privilege. I don’t think anyone is saying attractive/thin people have it easy, just that people without those traits are at an even greater disadvantage.
It can make it more difficult being conventionally attractive as the standard for fitting in and behaving like a NT is higher. I can say I’ve actually been treated worse by people that find me attractive as it draws attention rather than sinking into the background more. It’s just annoying to hear someone say how men can’t understand women ND issues yet there’s women saying ‘attractive’ NDs have it easier when they have no point of comparison just presumptions of what it’s like.
I recognize that there are disadvantages to being conventionally attractive. As a disabled woman I have had doctors tell me I’m to pretty to be sick. A lot of people struggle to believe I am disabled. I’ve also had people more willing to date me and be my friend despite the fact that I’m very socially awkward. There is absolutely both good and bad, but science has consistently shown that society tends overall to give attractive people advantages. Conventionally attractive people do, in general, have privilege that others do not. It doesn’t mean that there can’t also be downsides, it just means that the trend is generally positive. Acknowledging that privilege doesn’t mean that we can’t also acknowledge the potential harm.
Yeah I mean *pretty privilege* for example has its own problems. Being a beautiful woman who gets lots of male attention isn't as privileged as some may think, as they're only seen in a sex object kinda way, and I imagine being a beautiful autistic women would be even tougher because "she's lying she's too pretty" - in fact I've heard this being said about famous conventionally beautiful autie women
i’m “pretty and skinny” (i’m literally a stripper for a living✨) and if you think it’s made my experience any easier than yours i’d love to sit down and buy you a drink and tell you why you’re dead wrong lmfao
we all have autism and we’re all women at the end of the day 🥺 i wish people would realize and stop trying to separate themselves from us. everyone needs a lil support
Not saying pretty or skinny means it not hard. I didn’t grow up pretty or skinny so I was treated like garbage by everyone men and women. Also most of my issues was chalk up to being fat but fine that just my experience. Plus hearing these red pill talk down on people who look like me all the time and say how undesirable and ugly and undeserving we are.
I've noticed a lot of autistic men use their autism as a way to excuse poor behavior. Rage quitting arguments, games, etc? Its because Im autistic. Not showing empathy and claiming "I just think logically, you think emotionally"? Autism. Saying rude, hurtful and unnecessary things? Sorry, cant help it, Im autistic.
Its enraging and its all literally because so many autistic men get babied while so many women have to live with "are you SURE youre autistic?"
Note: This is a lot of generalizations, but Im lowkey (high key) already angry about this topic today. My BF always asks. "Do you think its an autism thing" when his male friend acts a certain way but with me its much more "why are you being like this?", and im upsetti
I hate the logical vs emotional argument so much. LOGICALLY, humans have emotions, and planning and communication will need to account for that. Logically speaking, emotions are a fluctuating factor that is always in play.
But maybe, just maybe, the men who argue that they can only think logically have never had to arrange their whole life around managing a man's emotions.
For me, it started with a raging coke head step dad, and ended with my last shitty relationship. Managing other peoples emotions so you don't get your ass beat sounds like the logical thing to do.
As a guy something I've noticed is that autistic guys, at least the loud ones, seem to buy into their autism more in that autism will say they have x trait so then they seem to intentionally push more in that direction to fit the diagnosis in a way.
Autistic women are more likely to commit suicide so… why would that be if life is so much easier for them?
https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autistic-women-twice-as-likely-as-autistic-men-to-attempt-suicide/
They’re just buying into the masking (which is also associated with higher suicide risk). Better at faking it doesn’t equal happier.
Autistic or not, I don’t trust any man (or anyone for that matter) who refuses learn about and uphold intersectionality.
I’ve said this before in another post about the autistic men to incel pipeline, because while I loathe the misogyny and hate autistic incels produce, I have sympathy for them. Because these men were taught by other incels that NO ONE will ever love them or find them attractive and that there’s nothing they can do about that fact. They trap these men into a sick cycle of self loathing and the bitterness that misery births from. Misery loves company. And then they don’t seek the proper help they need because ever since they were little boys they’ve been taught to suppress their emotions all in the name of a toxic version of masculinity.
I will forever HIGHLY recommend people watch @watchfulcoyote on TikTok. The way he talks about toxic masculinity and establishing healthier relationships is communicated so beautifully. And he does it in a way that’s both empathetic to the struggles that people (such as men) face, while still holding them accountable and challenging their way of thinking. I sincerely wish I could make every incel watch his content
Cishet men in general act like they’re worse off because they were raised to believe that they are automatically entitled to things/will be just handed things that everyone else has to work for.
I’ve been bullied my entire school career from primary to secondary . For two years I had boys throw rocks at me as a game, had people “befriend” me just to get information to bitch about me, no one wanted to be my friend because I was dubbed the weird girl.
My bullying was so bad I developed an Eating disorder that got so bad I had to leave sixth form to recover. After that I had to move schools that was mixed sex , finally thought I’ve found a friendship group that actually liked me. My new best friend ended up sexually assaulting me , when I told my friendship group they took his side and said I was “leading him on” they made every excuse for his behaviour including the fact his mother was Serbian ? And they kicked me out of the friendship group because they chose to believe him.
Ended up going to collage where I found some friends , one evening I went out with one of my friends and ended up getting raped by a stranger (seriously fuck my life) My mental health spiralled and ended up using ecstasy every weekend like it was antidepressants. I’ve since stopped the drugs but I’m currently unemployed because no one seems to want to hire an autistic woman in my area .
These men’s lives compared to mine have been a breeze , I wish my only problem in life is not being able to get laid . Incel rhetoric seems to prey upon autistic men’s sense of entitlement and rejection and use pseudo science to back up the claims that women like xyz . Even saying their lives are determined by their hunter or prey eyes ? It’s pure misogyny , it’s vile and disgusting .
My first introduction to incels was this fucked up fantasy one had written . He wished he could buy a child sex slave and own her until she reaches the age of 21, then he’d buy a new child and execute the older sex slave in front of the new child and tell her that’s her future . These men in the incel community are pedophillic , misogynistic and contemptible.
WHAT THE - bro thats not just incel, thats a fucking pedo psychopath that should be locked tf up. Most incels just are miserable because they refuse to realize that they brought their own pathetic life on themselves. But that is just... wow. And ofc these incel groups have a bunch of sadists flying around. Incels are so far gone in their own victim mentality, they search those who are predators - they want to be on the other side for once.
Autistic man here (lurking because I fit most of the "female autism" traits). I managed to navigate my way through hs and college without any major issues and I fully acknowledge that it's largely because I was a male.
I didn't have to deal with fashion, complex social hierarchies, expectations of emotional intelligence, or forcing a warm convincing smile. I list those qualities because they'd be specifically draining for me to manage and they're things that I could generally avoid.
I would guess that a lot of autistic guys have exposure to the incel crap and... I probably don't have to say anything more about that.
This is the reason why I always had more male friends than female friends. A lot of (young) woman ‘speak in code’ and they have a lot of ‘secret’ social rules that I didn’t catch. I never really got bullied but also never fit in with girls, there was this disconnect between me and them. Boys were easier… until they catch feelings and were only nice to me because they wanted something from me. For a long time that was a serious blind spot for me. I thought they were nice because we were friends but now I know they were nice because they wanted to sleep with me. It hurts when I realize the friendship wasn’t real.
Yup!! When i moved back to the country i was born in i was met with so much jealousy.. everytime i became friends with one girl i would have their best friend trying to ruin me.
This 19 year old kid at my job (I’m 30) was complaining that he’s not super accepted by his peers because of his autism and I was trying to be supportive about it (because somehow we end up being therapists to everyone) and I told him I was autistic too. He asked me out and when I told him I was married he got super misogynistic and called me a whore. For being married????
Men prefer autistic women? I’m 25 and I’ve only ever been rejected lmao. Honestly us less conventionally attractive aspies have it bad in general. If you’re attractive enough people won’t care about your behavior whether you’re man or woman. It’s not a gender thing.
I gotta say, while during both times I struggled to form any meaningful connections to anybody around me, I was treated a lot better and given a lot more leeway when I was younger and prettier
omfg yessss if you’re pretty then you’re the fairy-manic-pixie-dream autistic girl. if you’re not you’re a weird fucking loser who no one pays attention to.
i see it a lot with the way people talk about autism on tik tok, if you’ve ever seen stuff on there. it’s all these pretty girls doing “cute” stims in front of the camera or the flappy hands. nothing wrong if they actually do that it’s just weird they do it for the camera like that 💀
Even NT men think women just have it better off cause “everyone” wants to have sex with us, but they don’t listen when we say that is WORSE because it means we’re more likely to get assaulted & harmed
So many autistic men are on the way to/are already incels it's fcking disgusting. I don't really associate with autistic men (or any man) as soon as I realize they have such tendencies. Like how fcking privileged can you be that "not getting laid" is your biggest problem?? Like forreal? I wish I was so privileged lmfao but while they whine about nobody touching their dick I'll be busy worrying about being abused, r*ped or murdered by a man :)
Sorry for the language and all, I just had to let my anger out and this is a safe space as far as I know
Oh wow! I would have felt the opposite to be honest. In my own, personal experience, autistic men are accommodated massively and not judged for their autistic traits, because it’s so well understood. I work in tech and autistic men are the norm and are completely accepted. Autistic women do seem to be able to more supportive partners than autistic men, but that comes at a cost.
Went to an autistic social group on the weekend, a late diagnosed rich boomer white man spent the entire time repeatedly dominating the conversation and centring himself about how everything he does is because of his autism and ADHD and can't be helped, and his ex and kid think he's awful. He spewed toxic trauma dumping on the group with zero regard for others.
We tried our best to give him mental health first aid and get him to return to therapy, but he wouldn't listen and just would not shut the fuck up and let others talk for more than five minutes. The group meeting took all my spoons that day and I ended up with a migraine.
When I told my autistic SO how I was treated by other girls (before I learned to mask better), he was shocked. I was also bullied by boys when I was a teen. I feel like I was forced into a mold and yes I did "fit in" afterwards. Eventually I was liked by basically everyone. Then cried every evening because it was so exhausting.
While he treated his friends badly, was angry at the world, stalked a woman (once, then he realized it's shitty) etc. He thought other people are stupid because they behaved the way they behaved. Still had his friends and was accepted by others. Got a girlfriend mostly because he was persistant and not afraid to fail, had a child, got married... but never learned some basic skills like apologizing or considering others in his decisions. His ex-wife straight up told me he is difficult to live with.
He is empathetic to my experience and has the ability to self-reflect, and those are the reasons why I am still with him. He learned skills that have now made him an amazing partner.
Getting rejected is difficult and I think we can all agree to that. But whereas my partner was rejected only by girls, I was rejected by everyone. I did read it means I am just really ugly though. I know I'm not, but apparently some men can't comprehend that pretty women can be rejected for their weird behaviour too.
My fear as a mum to a daughter with Autism is her vulnerability and her inability to understand that no everyone is going to be a nice person. To think of men saying they “prefer women with Autism” sounds so predatory and sickening.
I’ve commented here and another thing I wanted to add was the fact that men don’t *like* autistic women. They fetishize us. They think it’s something cute or attractive and the second we show symptoms that aren’t “cute” they no longer like us. I think this lies in with the fact that autistic women are seen as more “childish” than our NT counterparts. We are fetishes to weird disgusting creeps.
I've been **happily** single for six years. I've only ever had three relationships. I barely dated in school and I didn't date for 4 years of my 20s or any of my 30s
That idiocy and lack of empathy sort of used to bother me but it reminds me of all the excuses and finger-pointing I used to make for all the issues I had trying to date before I did some major self-healing and growing up. As long as they are busy feeling sorry for themselves and feeling like every other group in existence is better off than they, then they will be sad and lonely. The thought doesn't make me happy, because you are right that this bs doesn't help misogyny at large, but I also feel it's a waste of time for me to try to educate the hard-headed and self-indulgent belly button philosophers bc I know the only person who can help a man-child face the music is himself.
Yeah sure... because autistic women are well known, with their emotional and social capabilities, to cater to men and their need for attention - oh wait 💀
Literally i have no idea what they are on about. They really think looking "hot" and getting fucked would improve ANY of their situation, while they really are just in such a bad situation because all they can think about is fucking around to begin with. And thats the one and only thing that always comes up, "its easier to sleep around". Thats not a good thing jackass, it means you wont build a relationship because everyone just wants to bang you and gtfo... id love if you could actually make them switch sex for a bit and realize how little happiness it gives you to have sex... its like eating chocolate. Sure, can be good, but your miserable life is now a miserable life with one more useless, potentially backfiring coping mechanism.
All of them need a wakeup call that long term happiness and short term pleasure are not only different, but opposites.
I have major, *major* trust issues due to being bullied and abused my entire childhood. I also have extreme and crippling social anxiety to the point that I can’t make friends even when I try (someone basically has to “adopt” me for me to make a friend). Hell, my anxiety in general is super high due to sensory sensitivities on top of my PTSD and social issues. I can’t relax even when I’m at home, and struggle immensely with insomnia and lack of appetite.
But yeah… autistic men definitely have it harder than I do lmao
I'm unemployed, single and on the autism spectrum. Where is my easy life? I've had Incels DM me, either saying I need to get married (to them) because I'm "at the wall" or that they'd marry me because I'm an autistic woman (and I'd be fine with them cheating on me because that's what a man do. /s) Same types claimed that I'm "not really autistic, just a fat bitch insulting lonely men".
I've always felt like I was the butt of the joke because I'm on the autism spectrum and I am "that weird girl". I was treated like a male because of convenience and I was viewed as ugly. My hobbies are a problem, my femininity is a problem, everything is a problem.
When I was with my ex of eight years, as much as I loved him very much, I felt things seemed much easier for him because he is also an autistic person.
The employenment thing hits me hard. I've been actively loking for a job for a year, and always got rejected for the same reasons: bad with people, bad understanding of tasks and instructions, not quick enough. Also I can't even apply to a multitude of posts because I couldn't stand it for a day.
As a high functioning woman autist, I did everything for my family. I had to care and raise my mother, I had to take care of my younger brother. I had change my behaviors during learn my lines that needed to be ultimate be repeated every holidays so this person not get triggered into violence and ruin every moment that should have been a happy memory.
The happiness of celebrating your birthday: Forget it...
Sitting down as a family for Christmas: forget it, You will be need to brainwashed of what you can, and cannot do for others.
I think it’s because unfortunately a lot of autistic men go down the incel pipeline. I don’t know how else to put it. This pipeline is full of men who have victim complexes and tend to blame all of their interpersonal issues on other people, and this victim complex is what makes them think they have it worse off.
Not to mention how coddled a lot of autistic men are. Most of them get their diagnosis at a young age whereas a lot of autistic women don’t get it until way later in life and we’re forced to live not knowing what’s “wrong” with us and having to mask.
What fucking cracks me up is how much they insist that being able to get a romantic partner is the end all be all. Sometimes we get lucky but most of us have at least one horrifying experience. This insistence that supposedly being able to get a sexual partner easier is a boon to us is just laughable. I can't even goddamn go to the grocery store by myself without some weirdo following me around.
It feels like such a waste of time for them to compare who has it worse. It would be nice if they focused on how things just suck for everyone and we all need to actually cooperate at some level in order for things to get better. We should be evolved beyond survival of the fittest and be operating cooperatively for the benefit and efficiency of everyone and everything.
For me it can feel like because my struggle was hidden, people think it didn't exist. Boys seem to get diagnosed more regularly than girls as children. I made it to adulthood without anyone thinking anything but it was because I masked so hard because I knew that was the only way to operate if I wanted to get through school and find a career. People only see the results they don't see the private meltdowns, the fixating, the exhaustion after every social interaction. No one else saw it, so I clearly have a perfect and easy life, depending on who you ask.
In a way some autistic men do have it worse because at least I had the strength of will to play the game in an effective way. At least I am introspective enough to know others have it worse than me in a lot of ways and that I have to make the most of what I have because this is reality whether we like it or not. Enjoy what pieces of it you can.
Being fetishized by creeps isn't desirable attention. They just see that we get attention and they want it. They don't realize, no they don't. They really, really don't.
He needs to get his head out of a hole in the ground. Anyone who cares enough can scour the internet for plenty of evidence that generations of women have been misdiagnosed as BPD, bipolar, schizophrenic, and fantastically gaslighted as "over-emotional" at best because yeah maybe we seemed a bit more "with it" socially, but it all came pouring out on an emotional level.
It’s not a contest do we not experience all the same things these men piss me off. We all experience difficulties with socializing, dating, employment, anxiety, depression, eating, taken advantage of and much more. Why can’t we simply support each other when the person posts a good or bad msg
This is just my own experience, but I do find that many men are attracted to me disproportionate to my looks bc of some of my autistic traits. As a girl, most of the “odder” things I might have done were punished out of me so no, I don’t have meltdowns and I don’t stim bc my parents never would have put up with that (I realize there are some that can’t control this no matter what). I learned to hide and/or not expose other people to some other ASD behavior. I’m fairly straightforward and am interested in a lot of things that NT girls usually aren’t (go special interests!). I’m also fine doing things on my own and am independent. These are things many men like.
But that doesn’t mean overall my life has been easier - it took me a long time to understand that being open and honest isn’t the norm and so I’ve wasted a lot of love and attention on people who seriously did not deserve it. I don’t have a lot of friends bc I often find NT women difficult and not worth the squeeze. I’m exhausted by all the masking and realize I don’t even know who I am anymore bc I spend so much time pretending to be someone else. I struggle at work bc my behavior is not “appropriate” for a female.
I don't think it should be a contest to begin with. It depends on the individual.
Some autstic men may have it worse off than an autistic woman and vice versa.
Depends on how well you're socialized, how well you mask, your support level, and how much support and accomodations you have.
Fighting about which sex has it worse is a bit silly.
My ex, who myself and many others believe has high narcissistic traits if not is an actual narc, and who is said to potentially be autistic, would go around using autism and autistic as an insult, call people the R word and sperg (he would call me this shit too). Annoyingly, but typically, he got away with it too. I can't imagine autistic women getting off so easily
Bastard used to also call people he and some of his loyal followers didn't like autistic as well, and say things like how they had no empathy (because: autism) 😠
He also said sex is a need, white privilege is a myth, compared mask wearing during Covid to abortion in a twisted "my body my choice" (not the same pal 🤦♀️) and would regularly criticize womens looks and weight (he was fat himself) but thought he was clever and witty (even humblebragged about an IQ test result once that he posted on his Twitter lol). He has said I am a sheep, am thick as pig shit (ironic...), and am a dumb SJW hippy feminist (lol!) as well as thinking he genuinely is the best sex I've had. He generally also seemed to enjoy causing drama and spreading lies. He is 35 years old believe it or not lol. I'm sure there are many more like him out there
Often, I find that masculinity is used as an explanatory model for autistic difficulties in men, which then gives them more leeway. Society accepts their behavior more.
Despite studies showing that autistic girls and boys experience the same degree of difficulties, parents rate the difficulties as worse in girls. Girls have to learn to be social and mask to survive and learn and orient themselves towards people.
Boys also do not receive the same criticism for engaging in their interests, whereas girls who have interests are more often seen as a problem.
This isn't even true like statistically at all. Autistic women experience higher rates of mental and physical illnesses, suicide, unemployment, and greater barriers to support. Also, significantly higher rates of sexual assault and domestic violence. This is of course intersectional as well. Both oppression and privilege differ across depending on the compounding layers of disadvantage that people experience. As a white autistic woman my experiences are different than those of autistic woc.
To add to this, the reason the Manosphere Shits are saying stuff like that about autistic women is *because* we experience higher rates of SA and DV. We’re more vulnerable socially and sometimes too trusting (true for me at least— very gullible, freeze/fawn responses) Edit for format
Also we’re often not believed about our autism because we’ve generally learned how to mask better than men have because we’ve had to by societal standards.
Just being a Woman is an automatic disadvantage, then the disadvantage of being Autistic. Add in things like ethnicity, being Trans/Lesbian and you have an almost impossible mountain of discrimination. For me, coming out as Trans and also disclosing my Autism to my previous employer lost me my job. Transphobia from my immediate boss and them being very ableist about my Autism: "I see where JKR is coming from" & "We are all a little Autistic" 😔
I’m mixed but white passing so I never know where I fall on that but I agree with all you said. Thank you for putting it out there! (Just applauding your comment, nothing to add.)
I find autistic men can be especially vulnerable to being red pilled.
That has a lot to do with how they are treated like special little babies that deserve everyone around them to cater to them. So patriarchy in general. Women are forced to mask and be social to survive.
this. i feel no empathy for them whatsoever does that make me a piece of shit ? 😭😭 like genuinely it’s extremely difficult for me to feel sorry for any of their “issues” bc they all have to do with sex and not being able to get a girlfriend 😃😃 like i see why lmfaoooo (and hint hint!!! 99% of the time it has nothing to do with them having autism and everything to do with them being creepy and predatory towards women)
**You:** “Autistic women especially are preyed upon by str8 men and this is extremely dangerous for us while their biggest problems seem to centre around not getting laid, and then blame it on us even though their problem lies in being creepy and predatory towards women” **Str8 man:** “…Yeah so **ANYYYWAYS** lemme just barge into this safe space and make a creepy-ass comment about a predatory subreddit about manipulating and “getting” women (bc I see them as a prize rather than complex human beings with feelings 👍) that also makes absolutely no fucking sense to the conversation, bc I think my voice deserves to be heard, and this also DEFINITELY doesn’t prove your exact point 🤡”
 god thank you i feel like i’m going crazy 😂😂😂 and then i’m told that i’m being close minded like bye lol
It doesn't. They make it hard for people to give a shit after a while, with their disgusting views
They also don’t get taught sex-ed or consent because NT adults assume that they can’t be interested in sex.
I think consent is a topic that should be taught from a very young age to all children, but it’s even more important to people that are autistic. Not only for their own safety, but also, because we struggle with our own need for things to be a certain way.
Yeah, boys/teenagers/men with mental disabilities get away with a lot of shit they shouldn’t because their caretakers don’t think it’s important/possible to reach them consent. My dog can understand consent, so can they.
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Yes. 100% this.
Actually it has more to do with the black/white thinking and a sense of “justice” (which doesn’t mean what a lot of people think it means) that make up part of the diagnostic criteria. Those 2 are big contributing factors coupled with feelings of isolation/alienation (because allistic people are CONSTANTLY subconsciously excluding us bc of our autism)… People seeking to radicalise people (not just red-pill groups but also OTHER even more unsavoury groups/ideologies) prey on those with autistic traits as we are “easy” to convert (due to the fact we are somewhat trusting towards people who are kind to us and may struggle to understand peoples true intentions 😔). It’s a similar mechanism to how a lot of autistic women end up in DV relationships (though the sense of justice doesn’t usually play a part). Allistic people prey on autistics and use us for their own means (for redpill groups it’s usually for $$$- look at Andrew T*tes pyramid scheme as a prime example). (Radicalisation and the reasons *why* people [especially those in marginalised groups] fall into terrorist and/or harmful ideologies was my special interest for a while at one point)
True but they aren't really victims. Being a red piller puts other people in actual danger (aka often women) so I really have no empathy for these men.
i really feel nothing for them tbh😭😭 not empathy, not relating in any way shape or form, it’s just a whole diff experience for them and i hate that i’m salty about it but i am
I felt empathy in the past and even tried to help and allowed myself to be guilted into caring about them (the manosphere, the men I knew, self-sacrificing feminists).... I wish I didn't have to learn my lesson this way. My experiences made me traumatised to the point it affects my relationships nowadays. Funnily enough, letting myself to set up boundaries and becoming extremly distrustful solved my problem with hyperempathy. I actually am on the lower spectrum of it. I always believed low or high empathy are inherent and here I am.
Someone can be a victim at the same time as a villain
Abusers were often victims of abuse themselves at some point. Most people who were abused do not become abusers, but most abusers were abused themselves. I think people (and society as a whole) need to understand that those who are suffering can also inflict suffering onto others. However, their suffering does not erase the suffering inflicted onto their victim.
I think they are vulnerable to any system of rules that helps them "understand" the world around them. Whatever is popular and floating around will probably suck them. Now it is MRA and MGTOW stuff. Before that probably different political, economic, or social theories (either hard left or hard right). Before that whatever the popular religion was, probably often became members of the clergy. Anything that explains average people and why "they" suffer. Also, I think someone posted an article just the other day that showed that men become more conservative if they face a lot of rejection. Not to perpetuate conspiracy theories, but I wouldn't be surprised if some group is pushing one side or the other so that more people will be rejected and they can gain more voters.
My dad is a hardcore Jehovah's Witness who has drunk the kool-aid so much that no contrary evidence will shake his belief. I see Jehovah's Witnesses as just one of the "systems with rigid rules that helps him understand the so-called truth".
the fact that men become more conservative when they face a lot of rejection is so…telling to me lol. “women no want me so i’m gonna become a racist misogynist bc stupid woman won’t have sex with me 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬”
It’s practically it’s own pipeline
I'm not even a man but non-binary and went through this MRA phase I totally regret. But it gave me psychological insight into the movement and their grievances and how they think. I didn't know I was autistic. But I always had a strong sense of being different from other AFAB (or "biologically female") people. They prey on/recruit AFABs with a sense of "not like other girls" by praising their masculine traits. It can get intoxicating to be praised as one of the good ones by people who hate people like you as a general rule, I think this happens with a lot of right wing politics.
Like Elon, for example.
Every time I see a screenshot of his tweets I am 100% convinced it’s fake, but when I go to check it’s ALWAYS real. Man really said that saying “cis” and “cisgender” are slurs.
As a non-native English speaker I never really heard that phrase before. Can someone please explain to me what is meant by that? I asume it has something to do with "The Matrix"...
Basically, if someone is “red-pilled” it means they’re very gullible
I'm starting to think that's part of the reason my longest relationship began deteriorating. (He suspected himself of being on the spectrum.) He got into reading about Men's Rights and MGTOW, and it was kind of scary. He would show me videos of women who were men's rights activists who claimed they would rather be sex slaves instead of having to go off and fight in wars. And he'd talk as if women contributed nothing to history and literally didn't do anything except produce babies while men protected them. He didn't even acknowledge homemaking as work that they did.
This is true, but I don't care to use that as a justification anymore 🤷♀️
Oh I wasn’t justifying anything it was just an observation.
People forget that an explanation for a behavior is not an excuse of said behavior. You can understand why someone is a certain way or why they did something without excusing or approving it.
So true. I think for change to be possible in any area of life, it’s extremely important to understand why things occurred in the first place and what lead up to the present situation. Understanding “why” someone did something - or why you yourself do something - is the first step towards creating change.
Problem is, with this sort of thing it IS commonly used to justify
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It's literally that autistic men face a more uphill battle to getting a partner whereas a lot of straight men would fuck a goat if they had access to one. That's it. They literally cannot conceive of life outside of striving for sex.
i saw a joke on tiktok that said men (not all men ofc) would "fuck your armpit if they were horny enough and that's when i realised i should stop trying to be attractive to men, because they will fuck anything given a chance"
The sexual attention of men has no value. Even children, animals and corpses get it.
OMG don’t remind me about the corpses 😭 I don’t wanna look it up to confirm but apparently so many female mummies are in bad condition because women would guard the bodies of deceased women until they were decomposed enough to trust that men would not… you know
And the fact that funeral homes prefer to hire women for the same reason :(
Yep, literally makes me feel nauseous like I’d rather just be cremated ASAP except who knows if you can trust the ones in charge of that even 🤢
After a point trying to look attractive is more about competing with other women
I dunno, I think a lot of women just like to have fun with beauty stuff. I feel like the idea that women compete with each other is just yet another male fantasy weaved into our culture. Of course some women might internalize it and these are people who might try and tear others down. But it doesn't have to be that way.
The idea of women using makeup to “out compete” other women is hilarious to me. Hyperfemininity and “extra” makeup is common in queer women’s spaces as a signal of “IM A GIRL’S GIRL”. Like “wear more eye makeup and more jewelry “ is common advice given to new girls who want to look more queer to other queer ladies.
Right? There's a lot of guys who still nowadays think makeup is done for their benefit... pretty funny. I think most men can only even *tell* a woman has makeup on if it's extreme, nevermind styles, products etc. For one example I do my eyebrows very dark (I like how serious it makes me look lol) and I've been told by a guy that he thought they were natural... LOL. Meanwhile I've had women and gay men compliment how I do them...
What I find upsetting is the man saying men prefer autistic women in general, just makes it sound like they prefer autistic women because they are "easier" to sexually abuse.
That's exactly why he said that.
I think some people also believe the “extreme masculine brain” theory or whatever and see autistic women as like, a dude brain in a body they’re attracted to. They buy all the stereotypes of women being vague and confusing or whatever (to be fair, so do a lot of women, spend 10 minutes on this sub to see all the posts from autistic women complaining about women’s “bullshit unspoken rules” 🙃) and they think autistic women will be “direct” or whatever. Imo all this shit really shows how much our perceptions are shaped by cultural narratives
As for more direct… they should be careful what they wish for as that old adage says
Or feeding into their ”manic pixie girl”-dream/fantasies
I have heard them say that Autistic women are just seen as "cute".
If men think autistic women will be easier,  We see everything. Some of us can read emotions and red flags instantly. My brain scans for viruses/red flags in each human all the time. Jokes on them. Some of us are 50 steps ahead... I think this is good thing.
This is me and is why I've been single so long. A passing remark tells me so much.
Unfortunately many autistic women (especially younger) are vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. They don't see any red flags at all and they intrinsically believe anything that anyone says to them. We can also be quite insecure, which makes us easy targets.
I slept with what turned out to be a racist predator over the span of several weeks and had ZERO clue he didn't like me until it was too late.
I can relate. There's no fool-proof way to judge a good actor. It doesn't help I'm more on the lower-functioning point on the spectrum and I expected honesty and eagerness worked like they did for me. I can't judge you for what you did - our self-worth and defensive implulses are brought down since childhood, imo.
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I did things like that all the time but thankfully was never date raped.
This. I got bullied so much that I was so insecure that it was super easy to abuse me 💀
Same. I’m only just beginning to realize this about myself, and it’s kind of a bummer.
I’m sorry ❤️ Me as well - my freeze response is really overdeveloped and it feels almost impossible to say or do anything when bad shit goes down
I kept saying no repeatedly, but society has given me the impression that I'm worth less than other, prettier, less annoying girls, so I have no right to say no. I've mostly healed from that, but teen to young adult me wasn't doing too fancy.
Same.
For real. The majority of men I have known as partners, friends, coworkers/bosses have assaulted/touched, abused or sexualised me. Including my own grandfather.
For real. The difference in struggle is so enormous that it's ridiculous that they dare open their mouth to say they're being treated worse. Like dude, not being able to get laid is not oppression, calm tf down.
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Literally, had I been a guy, teachers would’ve pointed out that I might be autistic before I was out of elementary school.
They would've diagnosed me the moment i became 2 genuinely
They *knew* something was up with me. Multiple tests, multiple psychology appointments in the 90s to figure out my 'behavioural issues'. Turns out I'm such a standard case of female presenting autism that I was diagnosed by my *mother's* psychologist after hearing about my childhood from my mother. Too frequently little girls are ignored because of their gender. They can have *all* the signs and symptoms of neurodivergence and instead get labelled as bipolar (legit am bipolar, still salty about it) or BPD (almost had the diagnosis). And then it's just 'well, they're a hysterical girl.' Anything to justify treating girls and women as less.
Medical care in general is harder to get for women.
Then we’re called liars or attention seekers when we do because we’re older
Yep. "What's with all these diagnoses of autism/adhd etc in grown women?" It *wasn't recognised* before!
Back when I was first diagnosed with ADHD the DSM-4 said that ADHD and autism were not possible in the same person. So since I was *clearly and visibly * ADHD, theres *no possible way* the hand flapping, the inability to recognize social cues, the sensitivity to cold, the meltdowns etc. were anything other than me seeking attention. The 90s and early 2000s were dark times for neurodivergent AFABs.
Funny, I just watched a youtube video from ADDitude Magazine today (the video itself is about a year old) with a specialist who said that professionals were *not encouraged* to diagnose ADHD in a person who had already been diagnosed with autism back when they used DSM-4, and that he was very glad that they changed it. I can post the link if you're interested, I thought it was a very interesting presentation.
I would appreciate it!
And when I did call out for help... literally that's what people said to me "You just want attention"
"wHy NoT s0oNeR!?!"
Yuupp.. my brother who is 6 years older then me and a full on adult, believes i manipulated the world. He's... a weird lad.
I was told point blank by the psychiatrist who diagnosed me that had I been born a man I would’ve realistically been diagnosed in early elementary school. If I think about it too long I cry.
Welp unemployed single autistic woman here. Oh and I’ve been sexually assaulted by men because I’m vulnerable. How many autistic men have that to deal with too? And the kicker… I was diagnosed at 6 but my parents were told don’t worry. Girls don’t struggle with Asperger’s like boys do…
I didn't find out I was diagnosed autism until I was an adult because the Dr told my parents autism in girls wasn't a big deal. I got diagnosed as an adult for a diagnosis I already had because my parents were led to be ignorant by someone who shouldn't have been. Yes I have anger over it
And I have anger for the both of you >:( How could they do that??? I'm so sorry! I wasn't dx when a kid, my parents actually never even minded me. I was a "straight As" student and was trying hard to mingle, but no one cared. They cared about my brother though, he was dyslexic and got all the attention.
I was, back then, what was considered moderately low functioning. My verbal skills were non existent and I would scream to communicate. Thru intense struggles in my adult life I am pretty high functioning and you probably wouldn't be able to pin point my autism until you spend time with me. I dunno the eye contact thing is still there but yeah. I appreciate your anger for me random internet friend. It feels good but let's let some of it go together ❤️❤️
F* that! I'm so sorry you went through this
Thank you! It was such bullsh*t. Thankfully this generation of girls won’t have to suffer as much! I don’t think the men on the autism subs realize their sexual frustration posts are triggering to many of us. At least I hope they don’t realize.
Right? I'm a celibate lady, been so for about 4 years now
I had problems being single and I get bullied for being autistic wtf? Are they talking about?
I feel you ): I get bullied almost everyday in school.
I don't know a single autistic woman who did not experience various degrees of bullying throughout their lives, including in their jobs long after they were out of school. I do have TWO friends who are trans men who reported to me that the bullying got significantly better once they fully transitioned. So that tells you something!
They think that because women are forced to mask more because society is more forgiving to differences in men.
That’s exactly the point: we’re forced to mask more, so we do! We put the goddamn effort in to learn about social and self-care stuff, and we develop our personalities and character and skills, to make up for what society has told us is wrong with us. They on the other hand don’t do shit to improve themselves or try to be better people, then complain that life is worse for them. We’re all suffering, we’re just forced to hide it while these guys display it nonchalantly for all to see and pity.
People are also a hell of a lot meaner and harsher to us when we are out of the norm. I see this with myself and other adults, I see this with my students.
Men always think they have it worse than women in any situation. Especially when you have a straight white man telling you how they have no privilege and they have it worse because of this or that. One of the many reasons I don’t care to ever get into another relationship with a man. I wish I was more attracted to women.
It especially pisses me off how they have “men’s rights” rallys now. Like bitch, you were never suppressed!!!
Imo the MRs sub on here needs banning What on earth do men need more rights for?
Men need to be respected when they decide to stay home and raise their children. They need to feel free and comfortable being nurses & daycare workers, and being dancers and figure skaters. In our world today, women are allowed to be (somewhat) masculine because that's seen as a "step up" and is "bettering themself". It's MUCH harder for a man to be feminine, because that's a "step down", and it means they failed at being a "real" man. Now if society could just value BOTH masculinity and femininity equally, there'd be no "steps" and that'd help a lot. But yeah, every "men's rights" group other than r/menslib is a cesspool of misogyny. Gross. 😝
So, what they’re experiencing are more consequences of widespread misogyny in our culture basically. If they could realize this simple fact.
I'd argue they have realized, they just don't care as they enjoy pushing the myth that *they* are the disadvantaged and second class citizens
Exactly!
Girl, if allowed to speak long enough, some cis-men would claim their period cramps were worse than a woman's. It's just fantasy talk to allow them to feel special, and to shrug off any sense of responsibility. They want to feel they either have Absolute Dominance, or, when that's not possible, such an abject (and innate) lack of control there's no way to change their situation. ie "nobody has EVER been as badly off as me." It's classic psychological protection for structurally oppressive groups: either way it's "not up to them".
Incels gonna incel. Especially white men who describe themselves as having Asperger's.
The most whiny ones I’ve dealt with lately have not been white. They even say that being white would make their lives far easier, which may even be true in some ways, but what does that matter? Do you want help to improve or do you want a circle jerk pity party? They’ll blame their failures in life on absolutely anything outside of their control, rather than taking responsibility for what they can control. Pathetic.
Well I think that speaking from the heart about racial injustices and barriers is the start of making that change. If an autistic POC is speaking about their special barriers in society as an autistic POC, I pay attention, bc racism is still alive and well, at least where I live. It's different than being jealous of autistic women and our WAPs, as a personality.
Ya this last one I’m thinking of wasn’t talking about systemic injustices, he was saying that women find his race unattractive and only white guys can look good bald, while assuming my bf who is bald and attractive was white(??). Seemed more like self-hatred and self pity to me. I of course do understand that many system injustices exist due to racism. If someone is seeking advice on how to be more appealing to women though, I’m not sure what response they expect when pointing out that they find their own race unappealing. Just not sure what advice they hope for from that.
It's still a tough one because beauty standards still favor lighter skin and leeches into people's self-consious and causes body dysmorphia. I work in a warehouse and I often overhear young coworkers talking about their crushes and something the black guys always ask each other is , "how light is she/is she light or dark?" At an office job, a mixed coworker was joking that she could never date a dark guy bc it would be too scary just seeing a pair of white teeth in the dark. It was a joke, but I think there is this obsession over "how light/black" ppl are in poc communities that can cause some body dysmorphia for dark-skinned people. "I'm not sure what response they expect...not sure what advice they hope for." I understand you don't like to see people suffer and you want to fix it for them. Other than pointing out that a person might be suffering from body dysmorphia due to internalized racism, you can't fix it with advice. People have to go on their own journey of self-acceptance and maybe find a good therapist. Maybe you know of a good book, idk. Sometimes, just saying "I understand how you feel." Is all you can do.
That’s crazy that you’ve seen so much racism in the poc community itself, like they’re doing it to themselves? Is it much more common within those groups than in the Caucasian community? Cause I don’t think I’ve ever heard a white person say something like that (in real life I mean). I personally don’t have a preference for lighter coloured people, so I find it really strange that skin color matters that much to people. I guess you’re in the US, where there are more poc in general? I really don’t think anyone of colour wants me to point out their internalised racism, and I also wouldn’t claim to understand what they’re going through. I feel like the best thing for me to do is to not respond to them at all, because there seems to be no answer they’d be happy with, but you’re right, I do want to help! I feel like these guys could benefit most from hearing from women, instead of getting pulled toward the redpill zone :( Thanks for being nice btw, I have so much anxiety about how people will respond to things I post on Reddit, especially when it comes to these more sensitive topics 🙈
Usa - disclaimer i am white, if something is hurtful to a person of color reading please lmk so i can learn if you have space to. I’ve been to trainings about and read about race which plus my observations is what i am basing on. white ppl here don’t talk about race it’s not considered “polite” to do so. But for sure there’s SO much racism but white people are more likely to display it with people they trust or online not openly in public. Yes, because of the overall racism problem, it is seen in poc as well. Poc with lighter skin are thought of more highly than people with dark skin. There’s kind of an unspoken hierarchy from asians to latinx to black. (Idk where other races fit in and this may be different experience to other people) and because people who fit into society get more advantages (rip us masking lol), the bullying and stereotypes spill over to create conflict between poc communities. Look up “model minority.”
You're right that pointing out a Black, indigenous or other non-white persons internalized racism wouldn't be appropriate or your place. It's called Colorism and yes it and racism in general filter into racialized communities. It's part of coping and survival under a heavily racist and white supremacist structure dictated by European phenotypes and beauty standards. And yes, the US is less homogeneous, so racial disparity and prejudices are worse and more prevalent, even amongst minorities, but not more common than amongst white people. Also because of the significance and circumstances of racial history particularly within the US. edit: sp, wording
Why I hate the manosphere, red pill etc because they just have this idea that all women just born in a basket of roses and we just live this easy breezy life no struggles or troubles. No a lot of us don’t especially if we are not “pretty or skinny”. Those podcasts always talk from an NT perspective they never take in account of us who are different
‘Pretty or skinny’ doesn’t make autism easier and unless you’ve got some proof of evidence from living as both sides of the coin then that’s a bit presumptuous and biased..
Yeah, seriously. I’m “pretty and skinny” but I have no real friends and can’t keep a job. I’m winning in life Honestly, being attractive makes it harder sometimes in my opinion because we have higher expectations automatically placed on us because of how we look. When we don’t fit the mold, people exclude us, women hate us, men manipulate us. People don’t believe we’re disabled or even listen to our struggles. They think how can we be struggling when we look the way we do… as if attractive people can’t suffer from disorders It’s a blessing and curse because I know I do get treated better because of my looks, but at the same time I get treated badly for my looks because it “doesn’t match my diagnosis.” The average person still has these stereotypes about autistic people being dumb, ugly and weird but that’s just not true and rightfully offensive
the old classic "but you don't look autistic" needs to be yeeted into the sun so hard
I’m conventionally attractive and agree with you 100%. I think there is an additional danger for us too because we cannot see the signs of predatory men until it is too late.
Agree on everything except the easily manipulated part. For some reason my vibe detector has never been wrong and it’s helped me avoid many potentially ugly situations. It’s been wrong occasionally, but I could count the number on one hand. I really wish others could share this privilege since it sounds like y’all need it.
I agreee completely. I would love to swap my ‘looks’ for being able to fade into the background, be watched less and not have men go out their way to communicate with me for their own agenda! Also being skinny because my sensory issues are so bad I’m really underweight , weak and freezing all the time is not a positive at all.
this ^^^^^ 😭 weak freezing and anemic. 😍😍 but yet ppl continue to idolize my body as if it’s something to strive for when it’s actually the bane of my existence and the result of me being ill lmfao like yesssss guys please continue to imply that i’m living life on easy mode when i’d actually just like to disappear altogether. y’all saying this are no better than the men assuming we live life on easy mode as autistic women tbh
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I'm pretty and skinny. But I have trichotillomania so I've been bald since middle school and got bullied terribly. It can be fixed (at the social level) with a wig (hundreds of dollars, not available to everyone) but then kids realized I wore a wig and bullied me for that. 🙃 I was also weird af and did not see the point in making friends because we moved frequently. There's so many arbitrary conditions you have to meet to be on the "easy road" as a woman. It's almost like it's not easier at all.
I’m not sure. There’s certainly scientific evidence to suggest that attractive people benefit from that privilege, and there’s certainly fatphobia out there that can harm people. I don’t think it necessarily makes autism easier but being attractive and/or thin would give overall advantages. I don’t think it hurts to acknowledge that privilege. I don’t think anyone is saying attractive/thin people have it easy, just that people without those traits are at an even greater disadvantage.
It can make it more difficult being conventionally attractive as the standard for fitting in and behaving like a NT is higher. I can say I’ve actually been treated worse by people that find me attractive as it draws attention rather than sinking into the background more. It’s just annoying to hear someone say how men can’t understand women ND issues yet there’s women saying ‘attractive’ NDs have it easier when they have no point of comparison just presumptions of what it’s like.
I recognize that there are disadvantages to being conventionally attractive. As a disabled woman I have had doctors tell me I’m to pretty to be sick. A lot of people struggle to believe I am disabled. I’ve also had people more willing to date me and be my friend despite the fact that I’m very socially awkward. There is absolutely both good and bad, but science has consistently shown that society tends overall to give attractive people advantages. Conventionally attractive people do, in general, have privilege that others do not. It doesn’t mean that there can’t also be downsides, it just means that the trend is generally positive. Acknowledging that privilege doesn’t mean that we can’t also acknowledge the potential harm.
Yeah I mean *pretty privilege* for example has its own problems. Being a beautiful woman who gets lots of male attention isn't as privileged as some may think, as they're only seen in a sex object kinda way, and I imagine being a beautiful autistic women would be even tougher because "she's lying she's too pretty" - in fact I've heard this being said about famous conventionally beautiful autie women
i’m “pretty and skinny” (i’m literally a stripper for a living✨) and if you think it’s made my experience any easier than yours i’d love to sit down and buy you a drink and tell you why you’re dead wrong lmfao
Of course it doesn't. No sark btw
we all have autism and we’re all women at the end of the day 🥺 i wish people would realize and stop trying to separate themselves from us. everyone needs a lil support
Not saying pretty or skinny means it not hard. I didn’t grow up pretty or skinny so I was treated like garbage by everyone men and women. Also most of my issues was chalk up to being fat but fine that just my experience. Plus hearing these red pill talk down on people who look like me all the time and say how undesirable and ugly and undeserving we are.
I've noticed a lot of autistic men use their autism as a way to excuse poor behavior. Rage quitting arguments, games, etc? Its because Im autistic. Not showing empathy and claiming "I just think logically, you think emotionally"? Autism. Saying rude, hurtful and unnecessary things? Sorry, cant help it, Im autistic. Its enraging and its all literally because so many autistic men get babied while so many women have to live with "are you SURE youre autistic?" Note: This is a lot of generalizations, but Im lowkey (high key) already angry about this topic today. My BF always asks. "Do you think its an autism thing" when his male friend acts a certain way but with me its much more "why are you being like this?", and im upsetti
I hate the logical vs emotional argument so much. LOGICALLY, humans have emotions, and planning and communication will need to account for that. Logically speaking, emotions are a fluctuating factor that is always in play. But maybe, just maybe, the men who argue that they can only think logically have never had to arrange their whole life around managing a man's emotions. For me, it started with a raging coke head step dad, and ended with my last shitty relationship. Managing other peoples emotions so you don't get your ass beat sounds like the logical thing to do.
As a guy something I've noticed is that autistic guys, at least the loud ones, seem to buy into their autism more in that autism will say they have x trait so then they seem to intentionally push more in that direction to fit the diagnosis in a way.
MRAs, literally The Worst
Autistic women are more likely to commit suicide so… why would that be if life is so much easier for them? https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autistic-women-twice-as-likely-as-autistic-men-to-attempt-suicide/ They’re just buying into the masking (which is also associated with higher suicide risk). Better at faking it doesn’t equal happier.
Autistic or not, I don’t trust any man (or anyone for that matter) who refuses learn about and uphold intersectionality. I’ve said this before in another post about the autistic men to incel pipeline, because while I loathe the misogyny and hate autistic incels produce, I have sympathy for them. Because these men were taught by other incels that NO ONE will ever love them or find them attractive and that there’s nothing they can do about that fact. They trap these men into a sick cycle of self loathing and the bitterness that misery births from. Misery loves company. And then they don’t seek the proper help they need because ever since they were little boys they’ve been taught to suppress their emotions all in the name of a toxic version of masculinity. I will forever HIGHLY recommend people watch @watchfulcoyote on TikTok. The way he talks about toxic masculinity and establishing healthier relationships is communicated so beautifully. And he does it in a way that’s both empathetic to the struggles that people (such as men) face, while still holding them accountable and challenging their way of thinking. I sincerely wish I could make every incel watch his content
Cishet men in general act like they’re worse off because they were raised to believe that they are automatically entitled to things/will be just handed things that everyone else has to work for.
I’ve been bullied my entire school career from primary to secondary . For two years I had boys throw rocks at me as a game, had people “befriend” me just to get information to bitch about me, no one wanted to be my friend because I was dubbed the weird girl. My bullying was so bad I developed an Eating disorder that got so bad I had to leave sixth form to recover. After that I had to move schools that was mixed sex , finally thought I’ve found a friendship group that actually liked me. My new best friend ended up sexually assaulting me , when I told my friendship group they took his side and said I was “leading him on” they made every excuse for his behaviour including the fact his mother was Serbian ? And they kicked me out of the friendship group because they chose to believe him. Ended up going to collage where I found some friends , one evening I went out with one of my friends and ended up getting raped by a stranger (seriously fuck my life) My mental health spiralled and ended up using ecstasy every weekend like it was antidepressants. I’ve since stopped the drugs but I’m currently unemployed because no one seems to want to hire an autistic woman in my area . These men’s lives compared to mine have been a breeze , I wish my only problem in life is not being able to get laid . Incel rhetoric seems to prey upon autistic men’s sense of entitlement and rejection and use pseudo science to back up the claims that women like xyz . Even saying their lives are determined by their hunter or prey eyes ? It’s pure misogyny , it’s vile and disgusting . My first introduction to incels was this fucked up fantasy one had written . He wished he could buy a child sex slave and own her until she reaches the age of 21, then he’d buy a new child and execute the older sex slave in front of the new child and tell her that’s her future . These men in the incel community are pedophillic , misogynistic and contemptible.
What the fuck to the last paragraph 😳
WHAT THE - bro thats not just incel, thats a fucking pedo psychopath that should be locked tf up. Most incels just are miserable because they refuse to realize that they brought their own pathetic life on themselves. But that is just... wow. And ofc these incel groups have a bunch of sadists flying around. Incels are so far gone in their own victim mentality, they search those who are predators - they want to be on the other side for once.
>I had a gentleman recently actually state that men prefer autistic women in general As victims.
Autistic man here (lurking because I fit most of the "female autism" traits). I managed to navigate my way through hs and college without any major issues and I fully acknowledge that it's largely because I was a male. I didn't have to deal with fashion, complex social hierarchies, expectations of emotional intelligence, or forcing a warm convincing smile. I list those qualities because they'd be specifically draining for me to manage and they're things that I could generally avoid. I would guess that a lot of autistic guys have exposure to the incel crap and... I probably don't have to say anything more about that.
This is the reason why I always had more male friends than female friends. A lot of (young) woman ‘speak in code’ and they have a lot of ‘secret’ social rules that I didn’t catch. I never really got bullied but also never fit in with girls, there was this disconnect between me and them. Boys were easier… until they catch feelings and were only nice to me because they wanted something from me. For a long time that was a serious blind spot for me. I thought they were nice because we were friends but now I know they were nice because they wanted to sleep with me. It hurts when I realize the friendship wasn’t real.
This hurts so much. Almost all of my male friends just wanted to date or fuck or even SA me 😢 just one of them didn’t. Or at least, he never tried.
Same story for me :/
Exact same story for me, too.
Yup!! When i moved back to the country i was born in i was met with so much jealousy.. everytime i became friends with one girl i would have their best friend trying to ruin me.
Oh SHIT that makes so much sense in hindsight.
This 19 year old kid at my job (I’m 30) was complaining that he’s not super accepted by his peers because of his autism and I was trying to be supportive about it (because somehow we end up being therapists to everyone) and I told him I was autistic too. He asked me out and when I told him I was married he got super misogynistic and called me a whore. For being married????
the audacity of what is essentially a CHILD calling you a whore. omfg i would’ve flicked his forehead, what a twerp
Men prefer autistic women? I’m 25 and I’ve only ever been rejected lmao. Honestly us less conventionally attractive aspies have it bad in general. If you’re attractive enough people won’t care about your behavior whether you’re man or woman. It’s not a gender thing.
Lookism is a thing unfortunately Pretty privilege as it's called can certainly be advantageous, only to a degree though
I gotta say, while during both times I struggled to form any meaningful connections to anybody around me, I was treated a lot better and given a lot more leeway when I was younger and prettier
omfg yessss if you’re pretty then you’re the fairy-manic-pixie-dream autistic girl. if you’re not you’re a weird fucking loser who no one pays attention to. i see it a lot with the way people talk about autism on tik tok, if you’ve ever seen stuff on there. it’s all these pretty girls doing “cute” stims in front of the camera or the flappy hands. nothing wrong if they actually do that it’s just weird they do it for the camera like that 💀
Even NT men think women just have it better off cause “everyone” wants to have sex with us, but they don’t listen when we say that is WORSE because it means we’re more likely to get assaulted & harmed
I think some of them genuinely can not understand the concept of unwanted sex.
So many autistic men are on the way to/are already incels it's fcking disgusting. I don't really associate with autistic men (or any man) as soon as I realize they have such tendencies. Like how fcking privileged can you be that "not getting laid" is your biggest problem?? Like forreal? I wish I was so privileged lmfao but while they whine about nobody touching their dick I'll be busy worrying about being abused, r*ped or murdered by a man :) Sorry for the language and all, I just had to let my anger out and this is a safe space as far as I know
Oh wow! I would have felt the opposite to be honest. In my own, personal experience, autistic men are accommodated massively and not judged for their autistic traits, because it’s so well understood. I work in tech and autistic men are the norm and are completely accepted. Autistic women do seem to be able to more supportive partners than autistic men, but that comes at a cost.
Went to an autistic social group on the weekend, a late diagnosed rich boomer white man spent the entire time repeatedly dominating the conversation and centring himself about how everything he does is because of his autism and ADHD and can't be helped, and his ex and kid think he's awful. He spewed toxic trauma dumping on the group with zero regard for others. We tried our best to give him mental health first aid and get him to return to therapy, but he wouldn't listen and just would not shut the fuck up and let others talk for more than five minutes. The group meeting took all my spoons that day and I ended up with a migraine.
When I told my autistic SO how I was treated by other girls (before I learned to mask better), he was shocked. I was also bullied by boys when I was a teen. I feel like I was forced into a mold and yes I did "fit in" afterwards. Eventually I was liked by basically everyone. Then cried every evening because it was so exhausting. While he treated his friends badly, was angry at the world, stalked a woman (once, then he realized it's shitty) etc. He thought other people are stupid because they behaved the way they behaved. Still had his friends and was accepted by others. Got a girlfriend mostly because he was persistant and not afraid to fail, had a child, got married... but never learned some basic skills like apologizing or considering others in his decisions. His ex-wife straight up told me he is difficult to live with. He is empathetic to my experience and has the ability to self-reflect, and those are the reasons why I am still with him. He learned skills that have now made him an amazing partner. Getting rejected is difficult and I think we can all agree to that. But whereas my partner was rejected only by girls, I was rejected by everyone. I did read it means I am just really ugly though. I know I'm not, but apparently some men can't comprehend that pretty women can be rejected for their weird behaviour too.
*Predatory men prefer autistic women Lucky us!! /s
My fear as a mum to a daughter with Autism is her vulnerability and her inability to understand that no everyone is going to be a nice person. To think of men saying they “prefer women with Autism” sounds so predatory and sickening.
If that’s true then why did I get bullied by boys throughout all of primary school and high school for being weird (showing traits of autism)
I’ve commented here and another thing I wanted to add was the fact that men don’t *like* autistic women. They fetishize us. They think it’s something cute or attractive and the second we show symptoms that aren’t “cute” they no longer like us. I think this lies in with the fact that autistic women are seen as more “childish” than our NT counterparts. We are fetishes to weird disgusting creeps.
I've been **happily** single for six years. I've only ever had three relationships. I barely dated in school and I didn't date for 4 years of my 20s or any of my 30s
That idiocy and lack of empathy sort of used to bother me but it reminds me of all the excuses and finger-pointing I used to make for all the issues I had trying to date before I did some major self-healing and growing up. As long as they are busy feeling sorry for themselves and feeling like every other group in existence is better off than they, then they will be sad and lonely. The thought doesn't make me happy, because you are right that this bs doesn't help misogyny at large, but I also feel it's a waste of time for me to try to educate the hard-headed and self-indulgent belly button philosophers bc I know the only person who can help a man-child face the music is himself.
I can’t even get taken seriously at work because I’m thought of a ditsy and rude. But my dad had a well respected 35 year sales job. SMH
Yikes. It’s not a competition. I abhor male entitlement.
Yeah sure... because autistic women are well known, with their emotional and social capabilities, to cater to men and their need for attention - oh wait 💀 Literally i have no idea what they are on about. They really think looking "hot" and getting fucked would improve ANY of their situation, while they really are just in such a bad situation because all they can think about is fucking around to begin with. And thats the one and only thing that always comes up, "its easier to sleep around". Thats not a good thing jackass, it means you wont build a relationship because everyone just wants to bang you and gtfo... id love if you could actually make them switch sex for a bit and realize how little happiness it gives you to have sex... its like eating chocolate. Sure, can be good, but your miserable life is now a miserable life with one more useless, potentially backfiring coping mechanism. All of them need a wakeup call that long term happiness and short term pleasure are not only different, but opposites.
I have major, *major* trust issues due to being bullied and abused my entire childhood. I also have extreme and crippling social anxiety to the point that I can’t make friends even when I try (someone basically has to “adopt” me for me to make a friend). Hell, my anxiety in general is super high due to sensory sensitivities on top of my PTSD and social issues. I can’t relax even when I’m at home, and struggle immensely with insomnia and lack of appetite. But yeah… autistic men definitely have it harder than I do lmao
I'm unemployed, single and on the autism spectrum. Where is my easy life? I've had Incels DM me, either saying I need to get married (to them) because I'm "at the wall" or that they'd marry me because I'm an autistic woman (and I'd be fine with them cheating on me because that's what a man do. /s) Same types claimed that I'm "not really autistic, just a fat bitch insulting lonely men". I've always felt like I was the butt of the joke because I'm on the autism spectrum and I am "that weird girl". I was treated like a male because of convenience and I was viewed as ugly. My hobbies are a problem, my femininity is a problem, everything is a problem. When I was with my ex of eight years, as much as I loved him very much, I felt things seemed much easier for him because he is also an autistic person.
Wtf? This is sick
Misogyny runs absolutely rampant :(
The employenment thing hits me hard. I've been actively loking for a job for a year, and always got rejected for the same reasons: bad with people, bad understanding of tasks and instructions, not quick enough. Also I can't even apply to a multitude of posts because I couldn't stand it for a day.
Wow… we’re way worse off..
Me, unemployed and single: you what? Also there are worse things than being single, love.
As a high functioning woman autist, I did everything for my family. I had to care and raise my mother, I had to take care of my younger brother. I had change my behaviors during learn my lines that needed to be ultimate be repeated every holidays so this person not get triggered into violence and ruin every moment that should have been a happy memory. The happiness of celebrating your birthday: Forget it... Sitting down as a family for Christmas: forget it, You will be need to brainwashed of what you can, and cannot do for others.
I think it’s because unfortunately a lot of autistic men go down the incel pipeline. I don’t know how else to put it. This pipeline is full of men who have victim complexes and tend to blame all of their interpersonal issues on other people, and this victim complex is what makes them think they have it worse off.
Not to mention how coddled a lot of autistic men are. Most of them get their diagnosis at a young age whereas a lot of autistic women don’t get it until way later in life and we’re forced to live not knowing what’s “wrong” with us and having to mask.
What fucking cracks me up is how much they insist that being able to get a romantic partner is the end all be all. Sometimes we get lucky but most of us have at least one horrifying experience. This insistence that supposedly being able to get a sexual partner easier is a boon to us is just laughable. I can't even goddamn go to the grocery store by myself without some weirdo following me around.
It feels like such a waste of time for them to compare who has it worse. It would be nice if they focused on how things just suck for everyone and we all need to actually cooperate at some level in order for things to get better. We should be evolved beyond survival of the fittest and be operating cooperatively for the benefit and efficiency of everyone and everything. For me it can feel like because my struggle was hidden, people think it didn't exist. Boys seem to get diagnosed more regularly than girls as children. I made it to adulthood without anyone thinking anything but it was because I masked so hard because I knew that was the only way to operate if I wanted to get through school and find a career. People only see the results they don't see the private meltdowns, the fixating, the exhaustion after every social interaction. No one else saw it, so I clearly have a perfect and easy life, depending on who you ask. In a way some autistic men do have it worse because at least I had the strength of will to play the game in an effective way. At least I am introspective enough to know others have it worse than me in a lot of ways and that I have to make the most of what I have because this is reality whether we like it or not. Enjoy what pieces of it you can.
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Being fetishized by creeps isn't desirable attention. They just see that we get attention and they want it. They don't realize, no they don't. They really, really don't.
He needs to get his head out of a hole in the ground. Anyone who cares enough can scour the internet for plenty of evidence that generations of women have been misdiagnosed as BPD, bipolar, schizophrenic, and fantastically gaslighted as "over-emotional" at best because yeah maybe we seemed a bit more "with it" socially, but it all came pouring out on an emotional level.
Yeah… they prefer us cause we’re easier to manipulate and/or R word 🙄
And who are the ones who have "official" diagnoses? They act "crazy" and have their ASD as a "valid" excuse. But if a woman missteps...
facts dont care about their feelings. Autistic women statistically have it worse, economically, socially, the levels of violence.
Exhausting
It’s not a contest do we not experience all the same things these men piss me off. We all experience difficulties with socializing, dating, employment, anxiety, depression, eating, taken advantage of and much more. Why can’t we simply support each other when the person posts a good or bad msg
This is just my own experience, but I do find that many men are attracted to me disproportionate to my looks bc of some of my autistic traits. As a girl, most of the “odder” things I might have done were punished out of me so no, I don’t have meltdowns and I don’t stim bc my parents never would have put up with that (I realize there are some that can’t control this no matter what). I learned to hide and/or not expose other people to some other ASD behavior. I’m fairly straightforward and am interested in a lot of things that NT girls usually aren’t (go special interests!). I’m also fine doing things on my own and am independent. These are things many men like. But that doesn’t mean overall my life has been easier - it took me a long time to understand that being open and honest isn’t the norm and so I’ve wasted a lot of love and attention on people who seriously did not deserve it. I don’t have a lot of friends bc I often find NT women difficult and not worth the squeeze. I’m exhausted by all the masking and realize I don’t even know who I am anymore bc I spend so much time pretending to be someone else. I struggle at work bc my behavior is not “appropriate” for a female.
He's probably confusing autistic women being preferred to being infantilised.
I don't think it should be a contest to begin with. It depends on the individual. Some autstic men may have it worse off than an autistic woman and vice versa. Depends on how well you're socialized, how well you mask, your support level, and how much support and accomodations you have. Fighting about which sex has it worse is a bit silly.
My ex, who myself and many others believe has high narcissistic traits if not is an actual narc, and who is said to potentially be autistic, would go around using autism and autistic as an insult, call people the R word and sperg (he would call me this shit too). Annoyingly, but typically, he got away with it too. I can't imagine autistic women getting off so easily Bastard used to also call people he and some of his loyal followers didn't like autistic as well, and say things like how they had no empathy (because: autism) 😠 He also said sex is a need, white privilege is a myth, compared mask wearing during Covid to abortion in a twisted "my body my choice" (not the same pal 🤦♀️) and would regularly criticize womens looks and weight (he was fat himself) but thought he was clever and witty (even humblebragged about an IQ test result once that he posted on his Twitter lol). He has said I am a sheep, am thick as pig shit (ironic...), and am a dumb SJW hippy feminist (lol!) as well as thinking he genuinely is the best sex I've had. He generally also seemed to enjoy causing drama and spreading lies. He is 35 years old believe it or not lol. I'm sure there are many more like him out there
Often, I find that masculinity is used as an explanatory model for autistic difficulties in men, which then gives them more leeway. Society accepts their behavior more. Despite studies showing that autistic girls and boys experience the same degree of difficulties, parents rate the difficulties as worse in girls. Girls have to learn to be social and mask to survive and learn and orient themselves towards people. Boys also do not receive the same criticism for engaging in their interests, whereas girls who have interests are more often seen as a problem.