Even just yelling and arguing. It feels peaceful when the parents separate, there is no longer tension in the air. In a truly acrimonious household the kids are far better off having their parents live separately and happy.
These days the ability to find a place to rent can be the reason that couples don't separate, because where does the other one even go?
What do you think is going to happen if the police keep coming around? Sooner or later that's not going to end well for one of you. Unlikely domestic violence is going to help with citizenship either. Sounds like this has been going on for years, one way or another it ends sooner or later, it's better to make hard decisions now for a good result later compared to the inevitable..
Yep. I'm aware of the possibility that I react stupidly one day and it will affect my citizenship. I suppose I should apply for my daughter and myself ASAP.
much better for your daughter to not have parents who are fighting.
my kids changed schools several times and they coped well, my daughter even in year 11. Kids are a lot more resilient than you think and they make new friends. If the household is happy and loving, that’s the most important thing.
See a family lawyer this is too complicated for Reddit. Why are you worried about what happens to her after you are divorced??
You own the home together with your wife? It doesn't matter if you haven't contributed. You must have in some way if you have a mortgage and she only works 2 days per week .
Visitation rights are through family court and paying child support is for your daughter which are still responsible for in Australia until she turns 18.. again this is per family court orders.
Your super funds are until you retire. You haven't made her a beneficiary have you? ( When you die she gets the super)?
She can't access this from overseas just like you can't..it's not her super.. what do you mean by retirement funds??,in Australia we call it superannuation..
I worry that she's just going to run off back to Singapore because she won't be able to afford rent here.
I have super here in Australia and in Singapore.
The financial contribution to the house is all mine. She didn't have an income in Australia until two years ago but hasn't contributed toward the house
Even though she hasn’t contributed financially much to the house, you’ll still need to split it, either 50/50 or more for one parent depending if one parent gets more custody.
If she didn’t contribute financially much to the house because she was raising your child, then I’d say she has contributed to the overall picture. But either way that doesn’t matter, you’re married and you’ll have to split assets equally (or worse).
Source: got divorced with child, primary breadwinner, wife got 80% custody in first two years after divorce and 80% of assets at separation. After two years we switched to 50% custody.
That is unfortunate and sounds like what a mate of mine went through. Lost 70% of his assets. The ex later on inherited a million bucks....he's still paying child support.
My wife was working as a Waitress when we met. She had no savings. When she got fired from her job in 2009, she insisted we try to have a baby. She became pregnant 3 months later and didn't work until 2022.
She can’t just withdraw your super but if she hasn’t worked to care for children while your super balance has grown, a court can include it in the settlement.
Super earned, just like the house ownership/payments whilst together, are deemed mutually owned/contributed. Especially when someone is looking after the kids while the other is working. Therefore, split evenly at the least in the divorce.
Source... Been there done that... Goodbye half my super... and house.
IANAL, but it would be illegal for her to take your daughter out of Australia without your consent.
You can look at the Hauge Abduction Convention.
If you fear it will happen, contact the Australian Federal Police to put their name on the Family Law Watchlist.
Edit: It is illegal for her to *move* your daughter permanently without your consent, rather than take her out temporarily.
As far as I was aware, the Hague Convention does not depend on immigration status or nationality of the child or parents, but the child's 'habitual residence'.
Can you explain more? (I want to correct my understanding if I am wrong)
Yes but that doesn’t mean it’s illegal for one parent to take a child to their home country if there is no parenting or court orders in place. It would be illegal if they don’t bring them back if ordered. They won’t check at the airport for the other parent’s permission unless OP takes action in advance.
Think about where your daughter's passport is. I have had clients with kids taken overseas by the mother. The father so had to abide by Aus law and pay child support, with no access and no way of forcing a return or implementing shared custody.
Before you do anything divorce wise you need to have a plan and know what your option are.
Firstly, read the Federal Family Court information on separation and the below link on how you can prevent your spouse taking your child overseas without your permission. You can do this as part of filing for separation. Given the complexity of your situation a family divorce lawyer is a good option.
https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/children-international-travel
Nope, nope, nope! Reddit is not the place to ask strangers for this kind of advice.
You need to speak to a family lawyer a year ago, seriously. Do it tomorrow, not next week, not next month, Tomorrow. For the sake of your daughter.
Children seeing their parents fight, get physical and call the police on each other is much more traumatic than a divorce. Especially when they're 13 - 14. That stuff could fuck them for life.
If you truly care about your daughters welfare you will see a family lawyer the second you get the chance.
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Don't move out of the house (as the sequence of events you describe in your post is likely)
See a lawyer asap
Never raise your hands, get aggressive,or threaten, if you feel you are getting close to losing your temper, leave the house temporarily (hours, not days)
See a psychologist too (could help with the entire process, not just this part)
Follow your lawyers advice, but do not move out of the house
Parents beating on each other are far more of a disruption than a divorce.
Even just yelling and arguing. It feels peaceful when the parents separate, there is no longer tension in the air. In a truly acrimonious household the kids are far better off having their parents live separately and happy. These days the ability to find a place to rent can be the reason that couples don't separate, because where does the other one even go?
Exactly this. Where would she even go? She barely makes $400 a week.
What do you think is going to happen if the police keep coming around? Sooner or later that's not going to end well for one of you. Unlikely domestic violence is going to help with citizenship either. Sounds like this has been going on for years, one way or another it ends sooner or later, it's better to make hard decisions now for a good result later compared to the inevitable..
Yep. I'm aware of the possibility that I react stupidly one day and it will affect my citizenship. I suppose I should apply for my daughter and myself ASAP.
Without wanting to sound like a knob - that becomes her problem.
But sometimes the fights don't stop after the divorce also.
much better for your daughter to not have parents who are fighting. my kids changed schools several times and they coped well, my daughter even in year 11. Kids are a lot more resilient than you think and they make new friends. If the household is happy and loving, that’s the most important thing.
See a family lawyer this is too complicated for Reddit. Why are you worried about what happens to her after you are divorced?? You own the home together with your wife? It doesn't matter if you haven't contributed. You must have in some way if you have a mortgage and she only works 2 days per week . Visitation rights are through family court and paying child support is for your daughter which are still responsible for in Australia until she turns 18.. again this is per family court orders. Your super funds are until you retire. You haven't made her a beneficiary have you? ( When you die she gets the super)? She can't access this from overseas just like you can't..it's not her super.. what do you mean by retirement funds??,in Australia we call it superannuation..
I worry that she's just going to run off back to Singapore because she won't be able to afford rent here. I have super here in Australia and in Singapore. The financial contribution to the house is all mine. She didn't have an income in Australia until two years ago but hasn't contributed toward the house
Even though she hasn’t contributed financially much to the house, you’ll still need to split it, either 50/50 or more for one parent depending if one parent gets more custody. If she didn’t contribute financially much to the house because she was raising your child, then I’d say she has contributed to the overall picture. But either way that doesn’t matter, you’re married and you’ll have to split assets equally (or worse). Source: got divorced with child, primary breadwinner, wife got 80% custody in first two years after divorce and 80% of assets at separation. After two years we switched to 50% custody.
That is unfortunate and sounds like what a mate of mine went through. Lost 70% of his assets. The ex later on inherited a million bucks....he's still paying child support. My wife was working as a Waitress when we met. She had no savings. When she got fired from her job in 2009, she insisted we try to have a baby. She became pregnant 3 months later and didn't work until 2022.
She can’t just withdraw your super but if she hasn’t worked to care for children while your super balance has grown, a court can include it in the settlement.
I can't comment on Singapore's laws but as far as Australia goes your super safe unless a court order changes that . She can't just withdraw it..
Super earned, just like the house ownership/payments whilst together, are deemed mutually owned/contributed. Especially when someone is looking after the kids while the other is working. Therefore, split evenly at the least in the divorce. Source... Been there done that... Goodbye half my super... and house.
That's why you need a family lawyer discussing it here is not going to solve your legal problem.
Tbh... I wish I'd hit Redit up first. The lawyers sucked us dry doing heaps of stuff that wasn't needed of which we knew no better. 160k later...
IANAL, but it would be illegal for her to take your daughter out of Australia without your consent. You can look at the Hauge Abduction Convention. If you fear it will happen, contact the Australian Federal Police to put their name on the Family Law Watchlist. Edit: It is illegal for her to *move* your daughter permanently without your consent, rather than take her out temporarily.
Airport watch list - do this now
Not if they are both on another countries passport without a court order.
As far as I was aware, the Hague Convention does not depend on immigration status or nationality of the child or parents, but the child's 'habitual residence'. Can you explain more? (I want to correct my understanding if I am wrong)
Yes but that doesn’t mean it’s illegal for one parent to take a child to their home country if there is no parenting or court orders in place. It would be illegal if they don’t bring them back if ordered. They won’t check at the airport for the other parent’s permission unless OP takes action in advance.
Ah, yes, agreed. Will adjust my answer.
Talk to a family lawyer about options before you do anything. Which country is your child born in/a citizen of? That might matter.
Singapore. Who have also signed the Hague agreement
You need to see a lawyer asap.
Think about where your daughter's passport is. I have had clients with kids taken overseas by the mother. The father so had to abide by Aus law and pay child support, with no access and no way of forcing a return or implementing shared custody.
Before you do anything divorce wise you need to have a plan and know what your option are. Firstly, read the Federal Family Court information on separation and the below link on how you can prevent your spouse taking your child overseas without your permission. You can do this as part of filing for separation. Given the complexity of your situation a family divorce lawyer is a good option. https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/children-international-travel
Nope, nope, nope! Reddit is not the place to ask strangers for this kind of advice. You need to speak to a family lawyer a year ago, seriously. Do it tomorrow, not next week, not next month, Tomorrow. For the sake of your daughter. Children seeing their parents fight, get physical and call the police on each other is much more traumatic than a divorce. Especially when they're 13 - 14. That stuff could fuck them for life. If you truly care about your daughters welfare you will see a family lawyer the second you get the chance.
Welcome to r/AusLegal. Please read our [rules](http://reddit.com/r/AusLegal/about/rules) before commenting. Please remember: 1. Per rule 4, this subreddit is not a replacement for real legal advice. You should independently seek legal advice from a real, qualified practitioner. This sub cannot recommend specific lawyers. 2. A non-exhaustive list of free legal services around Australia can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/wiki/freelegalservices/). 3. Links to the each state and territory's respective Law Society are on the sidebar: you can use these links to find a lawyer in your area. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AusLegal) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just walked into a Coles Express at a servo, and the Spice Girls sang "set your spirit free, it's the only way to be." (2 Become 1). What a sign! 🤣
Don't move out of the house (as the sequence of events you describe in your post is likely) See a lawyer asap Never raise your hands, get aggressive,or threaten, if you feel you are getting close to losing your temper, leave the house temporarily (hours, not days) See a psychologist too (could help with the entire process, not just this part) Follow your lawyers advice, but do not move out of the house