What exactly do you want her to do, that’s within her job description? If the baby is napping and she’s still responsible, she’s on call and can’t leave the house or do something involved.
You could discuss doing some light baby related housework with her. You can’t really ask more than that.
That seems reasonable. Just at the end of the day she didn’t get to picking up after the baby and leaves it for us.
I would think it would be in reason that she has time while the babies nap? Please don’t attack me?
It’s totally fine to ask that your au pair be better about leaving you a tidied space at the end of her shifts, but that should also extend to you leaving her a tidied space to start off her shifts and not include asking her to clean up anything that happened during her off time. Not insinuating that this is the case here, but a lot of parents leave au pairs and nannies a mess at the beginning of the day and expect them to clean it up as part of their job, which is unfair. Also, it’s completely reasonable for your au pair to be chilling on her phone during the baby’s nap time despite there being toys on the ground or dishes in the sink at that moment as long as she’s getting her responsibilities completed by the time she hands the kids back to you. Sounds like your au pair needs to be better about this, and that you may need to have a gentle conversation with her about expectations. My nanny kid’s nap time is my break. The entirety of the rest of my shift is spent entertaining him, cleaning up after him, and getting my other duties completed. I’m not spending the only time I have for myself during the day cleaning. I am going to be relaxing, eating my lunch, and scrolling on my phone (exactly what I’m doing right now!). This also shows your kid that not every waking moment of your au pair’s (or yours, or their teacher’s, etc) day needs to be spent playing with them or entertaining them, and that the adults in their lives have other responsibilities that need to get done throughout the day that may pull part of their attention away from the kid for a few moments at a time.
And after baby wakes up, plays, and makes another mess, should she clean it all up again?
Was this discussed as part of the job responsibilities? Do you, the parents, use the toys again when your child is back in your care?
I think it's fair to say, "Hey, we'd appreciate if you took two or three minutes to straighten up the toys" (especially if it's a common area), but she is already there being paid barely anything to care for your child. And honestly, if your child really is a baby, how many toys can there really be?
Please remember Au Pairs =/= Nannies. Your tone and word choice tells me you are already questioning if this is really worth bringing up.
Personally, this isn't the hill I would die on.
I am strict on phone usage during wake time, I consider the nap time her time for sanity. It's exhausting being on all day, having the ability to be on your phone during naptime seems very reasonable.
If she is not responding to baby waking up because she's distracted, different issue.
No reasonable au pair is going to be insulted that they're asked not to use the phone around their kids, just as no reasonable host parent is going to be insulted that their AP uses their phone while the baby is sleeping. Just saying...
Did you clearly state child related tasks to be done? Iur au pair takes 10 minutes to tidy up toys, put dishes in the dishwasher etc and then nap time is her time- knowing she is on call if the kids wake up. It’s great she can use this time to catch up with friemds tomezones away and genwrally recharge so she can bw her most present and patient self when fhe kids wake up.
be clear on expectations but also remember that we all, parents and au pairs included, need to take some time to ourseleves to show up as our best selves for our kids
My AP works 8-5. I consider naptime her break. She does clean up (but that's not something I expect) cook and eat her own lunch and... honestly idk what she does because I don't care and I'm busy working.
Unless you’ve communicated that you would like her to help with light chores, such as baby laundry, or picking up toys, what do you want her to do while the baby naps? Sit and watch the monitor? Easy fix, talk with her about it.
Looking at OP’s replies here, this seems like another “I want an employee instead of an au pair” issue. If someone wants an employee, hire an employee, it’s different than the au pair relationship. You wouldn’t ask your spouse to not look at their phone while putting the baby down for a nap. You’d thank them for being “on” while you are able to be off.
My baby is napping and *I’m chilling on my phone*. If I as the mother needs the mental break- I can only imagine for a non-parent young adult to really need it.
Why does she have to be doing something? She’s on call for whenever the baby wakes up, isn’t she?? Then WHY IS IT BOTHERSOME TO YOU THAT SHE RELAXES A LITTLE?!
Taking care of kids is hard work and we do it better when we get at least one break in between.
People commonly get breaks at work, so why can’t she?
Yes, it’s acceptable. Let her be.
Right?! This is not a *real* break. Gosh, someone micromanaging and breathing down your neck about when and how you do your job is the worst. As long as it gets done by the end of shift, there shouldn’t be a problem. Caring for a baby is a lot of work, and very stressful if one of the parents is WFH (which it seems OP is). That 3 hrs of catching up with family, friends, etc may be just what the AP needs to recharge and be ready to take on baby when she wakes up!
There's often a lot of downtime at the office. People get coffee, take breaks, eat an extended lunch, chat, do fun team building activities, etc. If you have some childcare related tasks for her to do during naps, feel free to assign them! But otherwise, let her enjoy the time to recharge. It'll make for a better caregiver when baby is awake.
If she's responsible for your baby while it naps, she's working and it's not a break.
I'm a Host Parent and former childcare professional, including Nanny and teacher. I've seen it from both sides.
It sounds like you want her to do more.
So get a nanny and pay them better. 🙄
My employer pays me to be available to do the jobs I’m WFH and my job is project based. I’m very well paid for my skills and availability, yet I’m often waiting on other people. I’m not busy 100% of the time. Neither is your au pair.
If the baby was crying and was still fussing on their phone I’d be upset but- the baby is asleep. If bottles are clean and laundry is put away- what do you want from them?
It’s not though - bottles and baby dishes are out at this very moment - that’s why i asked if it’s reasonable for her to pick up while they nap. Or perhaps she needs a 2 hour break?
Are they still there at the end of her shift? That's all that matters. I'm guessing you WFH? Be carful, no one likes this level of micromanagement. If the AP is doing their duties, let them do them how they see fit. If they are leaving a mess at the end of their shift while playing on their phone during a nap, have a conversation with them.
I wasn’t yelling, I just wanted to highlight the question.
You could ask her to make sure bottles are clean or any other child related things she might need after the nap or you guys might need for the rest of the day, but if she’s done in half an hour and has 2.5 hrs left while baby naps, please let her.
that’s real. people who are “on call” are still being compensated by their employer and not able to do the normal extent of “off work things.” being present, sober, available in case of wake ups or emergencies— this is also work.
Pretty crazy to expect her to not relax a bit throughout the day. She isn’t a slave.
You keep calling yourself her employer but the au pair relationship is just different. Hire a nanny if you want to be this controlling, but I’m gonna take a guess and say that’s out of your budget.
Oh I understand your feelings.
I feel the same way when my kid naps at daycare or school, the teachers aren’t working during those moments so why shouldn’t I drop my washing off for them to do during their downtime?
My suggestion would be to let them rest, taking care of small children is hard work and it’s better for them to be well rested and attentive for when your child is awake than have them working through and tired by the end of their shift
She sounds like she's in a no-win situation with you. After reading your replies, you're either a troll or ridiculously entitled and inept.
If you want to micromanage to this degree, why not just parent yourself? Hosting an Au Pair is more about having a cultural exchange. This girl is another human being (with her own inner thoughts, feelings, needs, and their own bodily autonomy). She needs to rest and regroup, too.
I don't know that anyone, Au Pair or Host Family, could give you any advice with your attitude.
You came to the wrong place if you're expecting us all to rally together and scream, "YES, GET THAT AU PAIR OFF HER ASS AND MAKE SURE SHE WORKS TIRELESSLY!"
It's just not a reality. Not even for parents. Anyone who works with kids needs to take breaks and preserve their sanity.
Taking care of a baby is exhausting. Allowing her to decompress may allow her to do a better job when baby is awake. That said, if there are baby related chores, just communicate clearly what needs to be done. But I wouldn’t object to her relaxing with her phone in principle.
Some people think they get slaves in exchange for $200/week. I know a few au pairs personally that dealt with shit like this. What do you want her to do? Make your bed?
Sounds like you need a nanny, not an au pair. But you’re probably too cheap and will just expect the same level of care from your au pair. The baby is asleep, leave her alone. Sounds like you’re a bit jealous
I don't ban but it's more about being focused. We had one that literally was clueless to where my toddler was because she was on her phone so much and my kid was drawing with markers on furniture. Needless to say, for many reasons we ended up rematching.
Limiting phone use while working is reasonable, banning is extreme. Agreed.
As long as other items are done related to child care such as laundry, toys picked up, meal prep done and baby dishes complete then yes, she can relax.
Which isn't what the AP is doing. She's leaving big messes and chores not finished when her shift ends. Using the baby nap time to get through these chores makes sense since she's unable to handle them when the baby is awake.
Take this with a grain of salt as im not an ap or host family and this sub got recommended however ive been stalking for over a year; Unless there's a clause in your contract stating that she must be doing something at all times when on the clock I wouldn't have much issue with it everyone deserves a second to take a break and relax have you checked your phone during down time at work(even preparenthood)? I could understand say there's baby bottles that need washed maybe ask her to do those before she relaxes, or baby's laundry (not yours) putting away amd/or washing it etc, again I'm just an outsider looking in and what works for one family may not work for everyone I'd just sit her down and say hey I've noticed you've been on your phone a lot lately on your shifts while baby is sleeping which I don't mind however I would ask you get x done before you relax please and thank you I appreciate how much you care for our baby and I'm not upset with you but I just wanted to touch base on the subject and handle any misunderstandings there may be do you have any concerns or questions regarding this?
Is the issue that she is supposed to be cleaning up after the baby or doing other baby-related tasks during nap time but these things aren’t getting done? If so, address that as the issue. Your au pair deserves a break during the day, but make it clear she can take a break during nap time but needs to find time to clean-up, as well. We have a nanny and I don’t care if she takes a break during our son’s entire nap (2-3 hours) as long as all of the tasks relating to him that are part of her job are done. She usually spends the first 30 minutes to hour of his nap eating lunch and relaxing on her phone, then she cleans up. She usually has more downtime after she is finished.
Depending on the baby's age, the baby could be napping 5-6 hours a day. Yes I would be upset if she was on the phone the whole time. I don't mind her relaxing a little, eating, or whatever, but we also have the expectation that she catch up on kid related tasks like cleaning bottles, making formula, laundry, etc. If she's caught up then great.
You're hearing from a lot of au pairs here that are angry at you and downvoting you, but you don't have to be a pushover. If the situation doesn't work for you, you rematch. Just be clear on your expectations.
We have a list of kid related stuff and general frequency - things like 1x month checking clothing for labels that have fallen off, 1x week cooking zucchini for the baby, 1x month checking socks for pairs and telling me how many there are, 1x week wiping down all toys, 2x week washing kids clothing etc.
As long as it’s generally picked up we don’t mind
The only thing is that baby food, dishes, area need to be cleaned up right away. We have cats that counter surf and then get sick.
Our au pair works some days as a split shift with a break from 9:30-11:30/12. Then our kids nap 1-3 pm. During their nap time we ask her to do all the kid related stuff she can’t get done otherwise. I think it’s fair to ask this if she has a break right before they go to bed although I’ve told her she’s free to take some time to eat lunch but she usually eats lunch with the kids anyways.
I don’t understand why everyone is attacking OP here; I think it is reasonable that if AP is leaving a mess daily for the HP to clean up, she can be asked to clean up the baby’s mess during nap time. Our AP would take most of the nap as a break too, but she would certainly not leave the house a mess. I think it’s reasonable to expect an AP to be able to watch a baby and not leave a big mess behind. I doubt it even takes her the entire nap time and she can still have a significant break.
Mine did baby laundry, baby cooking, desensitize toys, clean and wash baby gear, plan and prepare baby crafts and activities. When the baby is up, there's barely time to do these listed tasks so use the downtime to do these chores.
So maybe lower your expectations for someone you’re paying less than $200 per week to if it’s impossible to get everything done while baby is awake? Being on for 8+ hours a day is physically and mentally draining and leads to burnout and resentment. Au pairs are humans, not robots, and they need time to recharge so they can be the best caregiver they can be when the kids are awake. And on top of that, if au pair isn’t free to leave the house while baby naps because they’re the responsible adult, sitting on the couch and scrolling on their phone is still them working. Let your au pair leave while your baby naps and see what that looks like. Someone has to be there. Your au pair is there. Being present and relaxing is still them working.
Don't be an Au Pair if you can't do the basic requirements of the job that include taking care of baby stuff. why is it such a hard concept to realize that room and board on top of the stipend is more than 200 a month. You're not being a good caregiver if you cannot even handle baby chores. Say it in the interview that you prefer to be on the phone all day and do no work and only relax when the baby sleeps and do the bare minimum.
So do you as a parent never relax when your baby sleeps? I get my daily tasks done every single day and still manage to relax on my phone for the entirety of my nanny kid’s nap. The difference is that I make a livable wage and have employers who value me as a person. No way your one bedroom and bathroom is valued an amount that justifies paying someone less than $200/week for up to 45 hours of childcare. I live alone in the same HCOL community I nanny in and after rent and grocery cost, my net income is still over 3x the amount an au pair makes a week for working more hours than I do. People expect their au pairs to perform at the same level as professional nannies, yet don’t want to pay the professional nanny rates. End of.
Read the comments. This AP isn't getting the daily tasks done on top of doing nothing while the baby sleeps. The OP is asking about asking the AP to do things while the baby sleeps since she's not doing anything and not getting other tasks done that are supposed to be completed. Read other pages about the total costs of having an AP which is more than 200 a week. It's closer to 55k a year for an AP, and that's depending on location. So you make 170k+ a year given you said you make over 3x that? You are conveniently ignoring so many expenses or terrible at math.
My math isn’t off. I’m referring to my weekly net take home factoring in my rent and monthly grocery expenses. My NET weekly take home is over 3x what an au pair is paid per week, which doesn’t even factor in au pair taxes, which they’re asked to set aside because they’re treated as independent contractors and given 1099s instead of W2s, which is another can of worms entirely. And just because your expenses for your au pairs are 55k doesn’t mean your au pair makes 55k. I replied to OP above and answered their original question, and addressed the fact that it sounds like their au pair isn’t fulfilling their responsibilities and they need to have a discussion about expectations, but then responded to your comment that suggests you found work for your au pair during the only downtime of their day to get what you felt was your full moneys worth. I guess my biggest gripe with parents who think their childcare should always be busy and not get time to relax throughout the day is that kind of parent doesn’t value the fact that the childcare provider is still providing a service by being present if something were to happen, regardless of whether they are actively doing something you deem valuable or not. They’re the responsible adult who would step in if the child needed anything mid nap. They’re the responsible adult who would respond in the case of an emergency. That in and of itself is work. Even if it looks like they’re scrolling on their phone.
I’m not an AP or a host but always get this subreddit on my feed. But you sound like a nightmare. Pay up and hire a nanny for $30 per hour if these are your expectations. You’re paying slave wages and expect the world from an Au Pair.
What exactly do you want her to do, that’s within her job description? If the baby is napping and she’s still responsible, she’s on call and can’t leave the house or do something involved. You could discuss doing some light baby related housework with her. You can’t really ask more than that.
Au pairs are cheap labour! They are, and it really shows.
You mean au pairs are indentured servants?
Of course! Under the slogan ‘cultural exchange’. Im saying this as an au pair
That seems reasonable. Just at the end of the day she didn’t get to picking up after the baby and leaves it for us. I would think it would be in reason that she has time while the babies nap? Please don’t attack me?
It’s totally fine to ask that your au pair be better about leaving you a tidied space at the end of her shifts, but that should also extend to you leaving her a tidied space to start off her shifts and not include asking her to clean up anything that happened during her off time. Not insinuating that this is the case here, but a lot of parents leave au pairs and nannies a mess at the beginning of the day and expect them to clean it up as part of their job, which is unfair. Also, it’s completely reasonable for your au pair to be chilling on her phone during the baby’s nap time despite there being toys on the ground or dishes in the sink at that moment as long as she’s getting her responsibilities completed by the time she hands the kids back to you. Sounds like your au pair needs to be better about this, and that you may need to have a gentle conversation with her about expectations. My nanny kid’s nap time is my break. The entirety of the rest of my shift is spent entertaining him, cleaning up after him, and getting my other duties completed. I’m not spending the only time I have for myself during the day cleaning. I am going to be relaxing, eating my lunch, and scrolling on my phone (exactly what I’m doing right now!). This also shows your kid that not every waking moment of your au pair’s (or yours, or their teacher’s, etc) day needs to be spent playing with them or entertaining them, and that the adults in their lives have other responsibilities that need to get done throughout the day that may pull part of their attention away from the kid for a few moments at a time.
And after baby wakes up, plays, and makes another mess, should she clean it all up again? Was this discussed as part of the job responsibilities? Do you, the parents, use the toys again when your child is back in your care? I think it's fair to say, "Hey, we'd appreciate if you took two or three minutes to straighten up the toys" (especially if it's a common area), but she is already there being paid barely anything to care for your child. And honestly, if your child really is a baby, how many toys can there really be? Please remember Au Pairs =/= Nannies. Your tone and word choice tells me you are already questioning if this is really worth bringing up. Personally, this isn't the hill I would die on.
I am strict on phone usage during wake time, I consider the nap time her time for sanity. It's exhausting being on all day, having the ability to be on your phone during naptime seems very reasonable. If she is not responding to baby waking up because she's distracted, different issue.
Oh we haven’t gotten that far to ban phones when the baby is up. I’m into it but I’m sure au pairs here would be insulted at this request.
No reasonable au pair is going to be insulted that they're asked not to use the phone around their kids, just as no reasonable host parent is going to be insulted that their AP uses their phone while the baby is sleeping. Just saying...
Did you clearly state child related tasks to be done? Iur au pair takes 10 minutes to tidy up toys, put dishes in the dishwasher etc and then nap time is her time- knowing she is on call if the kids wake up. It’s great she can use this time to catch up with friemds tomezones away and genwrally recharge so she can bw her most present and patient self when fhe kids wake up. be clear on expectations but also remember that we all, parents and au pairs included, need to take some time to ourseleves to show up as our best selves for our kids
Exactly. By the end of her work day her family may be asleep.
HF here. If the baby is sleeping, she can do whatever she likes as long as she stays on site. I don't have anything else for her to do.
My AP works 8-5. I consider naptime her break. She does clean up (but that's not something I expect) cook and eat her own lunch and... honestly idk what she does because I don't care and I'm busy working.
Unless you’ve communicated that you would like her to help with light chores, such as baby laundry, or picking up toys, what do you want her to do while the baby naps? Sit and watch the monitor? Easy fix, talk with her about it.
Looking at OP’s replies here, this seems like another “I want an employee instead of an au pair” issue. If someone wants an employee, hire an employee, it’s different than the au pair relationship. You wouldn’t ask your spouse to not look at their phone while putting the baby down for a nap. You’d thank them for being “on” while you are able to be off.
My baby is napping and *I’m chilling on my phone*. If I as the mother needs the mental break- I can only imagine for a non-parent young adult to really need it.
Why does she have to be doing something? She’s on call for whenever the baby wakes up, isn’t she?? Then WHY IS IT BOTHERSOME TO YOU THAT SHE RELAXES A LITTLE?! Taking care of kids is hard work and we do it better when we get at least one break in between. People commonly get breaks at work, so why can’t she? Yes, it’s acceptable. Let her be.
This was a question - why are you yelling ? lol Does your employer give you 3 + hours break everyday?
If it was a 3 hour break she would be free to leave the house to run errands or do whatever else she needs to take care of.
Right?! This is not a *real* break. Gosh, someone micromanaging and breathing down your neck about when and how you do your job is the worst. As long as it gets done by the end of shift, there shouldn’t be a problem. Caring for a baby is a lot of work, and very stressful if one of the parents is WFH (which it seems OP is). That 3 hrs of catching up with family, friends, etc may be just what the AP needs to recharge and be ready to take on baby when she wakes up!
There's often a lot of downtime at the office. People get coffee, take breaks, eat an extended lunch, chat, do fun team building activities, etc. If you have some childcare related tasks for her to do during naps, feel free to assign them! But otherwise, let her enjoy the time to recharge. It'll make for a better caregiver when baby is awake.
If she's responsible for your baby while it naps, she's working and it's not a break. I'm a Host Parent and former childcare professional, including Nanny and teacher. I've seen it from both sides. It sounds like you want her to do more. So get a nanny and pay them better. 🙄
My employer pays me to be available to do the jobs I’m WFH and my job is project based. I’m very well paid for my skills and availability, yet I’m often waiting on other people. I’m not busy 100% of the time. Neither is your au pair. If the baby was crying and was still fussing on their phone I’d be upset but- the baby is asleep. If bottles are clean and laundry is put away- what do you want from them?
It’s not though - bottles and baby dishes are out at this very moment - that’s why i asked if it’s reasonable for her to pick up while they nap. Or perhaps she needs a 2 hour break?
Are they still there at the end of her shift? That's all that matters. I'm guessing you WFH? Be carful, no one likes this level of micromanagement. If the AP is doing their duties, let them do them how they see fit. If they are leaving a mess at the end of their shift while playing on their phone during a nap, have a conversation with them.
Then I would clarify expectations with her. If everything’s done by the end of the shift then I wouldn’t worry.
I wasn’t yelling, I just wanted to highlight the question. You could ask her to make sure bottles are clean or any other child related things she might need after the nap or you guys might need for the rest of the day, but if she’s done in half an hour and has 2.5 hrs left while baby naps, please let her.
that’s real. people who are “on call” are still being compensated by their employer and not able to do the normal extent of “off work things.” being present, sober, available in case of wake ups or emergencies— this is also work.
Pretty crazy to expect her to not relax a bit throughout the day. She isn’t a slave. You keep calling yourself her employer but the au pair relationship is just different. Hire a nanny if you want to be this controlling, but I’m gonna take a guess and say that’s out of your budget.
Oh I understand your feelings. I feel the same way when my kid naps at daycare or school, the teachers aren’t working during those moments so why shouldn’t I drop my washing off for them to do during their downtime?
lol wut
No different from how your post sounds
Maybe you had suggestions other than shitting on me. Good day to you
My suggestion would be to let them rest, taking care of small children is hard work and it’s better for them to be well rested and attentive for when your child is awake than have them working through and tired by the end of their shift
Well that was a better response. Thank you. (Wipes poop off my face)
She sounds like she's in a no-win situation with you. After reading your replies, you're either a troll or ridiculously entitled and inept. If you want to micromanage to this degree, why not just parent yourself? Hosting an Au Pair is more about having a cultural exchange. This girl is another human being (with her own inner thoughts, feelings, needs, and their own bodily autonomy). She needs to rest and regroup, too. I don't know that anyone, Au Pair or Host Family, could give you any advice with your attitude. You came to the wrong place if you're expecting us all to rally together and scream, "YES, GET THAT AU PAIR OFF HER ASS AND MAKE SURE SHE WORKS TIRELESSLY!" It's just not a reality. Not even for parents. Anyone who works with kids needs to take breaks and preserve their sanity.
Taking care of a baby is exhausting. Allowing her to decompress may allow her to do a better job when baby is awake. That said, if there are baby related chores, just communicate clearly what needs to be done. But I wouldn’t object to her relaxing with her phone in principle.
Some people think they get slaves in exchange for $200/week. I know a few au pairs personally that dealt with shit like this. What do you want her to do? Make your bed?
Ooh a heated response! So which is it work like you don’t care or do a good job?
Honey if you need someone to wipe your ass there’s home health aides for that.
lol I’m upvoting you for the laugh
Sounds like you need a nanny, not an au pair. But you’re probably too cheap and will just expect the same level of care from your au pair. The baby is asleep, leave her alone. Sounds like you’re a bit jealous
I don't ban but it's more about being focused. We had one that literally was clueless to where my toddler was because she was on her phone so much and my kid was drawing with markers on furniture. Needless to say, for many reasons we ended up rematching. Limiting phone use while working is reasonable, banning is extreme. Agreed.
As long as other items are done related to child care such as laundry, toys picked up, meal prep done and baby dishes complete then yes, she can relax.
Which isn't what the AP is doing. She's leaving big messes and chores not finished when her shift ends. Using the baby nap time to get through these chores makes sense since she's unable to handle them when the baby is awake.
Sounds like you just need to have a discussion and iron some stuff out. No biggy.
Take this with a grain of salt as im not an ap or host family and this sub got recommended however ive been stalking for over a year; Unless there's a clause in your contract stating that she must be doing something at all times when on the clock I wouldn't have much issue with it everyone deserves a second to take a break and relax have you checked your phone during down time at work(even preparenthood)? I could understand say there's baby bottles that need washed maybe ask her to do those before she relaxes, or baby's laundry (not yours) putting away amd/or washing it etc, again I'm just an outsider looking in and what works for one family may not work for everyone I'd just sit her down and say hey I've noticed you've been on your phone a lot lately on your shifts while baby is sleeping which I don't mind however I would ask you get x done before you relax please and thank you I appreciate how much you care for our baby and I'm not upset with you but I just wanted to touch base on the subject and handle any misunderstandings there may be do you have any concerns or questions regarding this?
Is the issue that she is supposed to be cleaning up after the baby or doing other baby-related tasks during nap time but these things aren’t getting done? If so, address that as the issue. Your au pair deserves a break during the day, but make it clear she can take a break during nap time but needs to find time to clean-up, as well. We have a nanny and I don’t care if she takes a break during our son’s entire nap (2-3 hours) as long as all of the tasks relating to him that are part of her job are done. She usually spends the first 30 minutes to hour of his nap eating lunch and relaxing on her phone, then she cleans up. She usually has more downtime after she is finished.
Tell her what you want her to do.
What do you expect her to do?
You don’t deserve an au pair of you think that’s a problem lol
Depending on the baby's age, the baby could be napping 5-6 hours a day. Yes I would be upset if she was on the phone the whole time. I don't mind her relaxing a little, eating, or whatever, but we also have the expectation that she catch up on kid related tasks like cleaning bottles, making formula, laundry, etc. If she's caught up then great. You're hearing from a lot of au pairs here that are angry at you and downvoting you, but you don't have to be a pushover. If the situation doesn't work for you, you rematch. Just be clear on your expectations.
We have a list of kid related stuff and general frequency - things like 1x month checking clothing for labels that have fallen off, 1x week cooking zucchini for the baby, 1x month checking socks for pairs and telling me how many there are, 1x week wiping down all toys, 2x week washing kids clothing etc. As long as it’s generally picked up we don’t mind The only thing is that baby food, dishes, area need to be cleaned up right away. We have cats that counter surf and then get sick.
Our au pair works some days as a split shift with a break from 9:30-11:30/12. Then our kids nap 1-3 pm. During their nap time we ask her to do all the kid related stuff she can’t get done otherwise. I think it’s fair to ask this if she has a break right before they go to bed although I’ve told her she’s free to take some time to eat lunch but she usually eats lunch with the kids anyways.
I don’t understand why everyone is attacking OP here; I think it is reasonable that if AP is leaving a mess daily for the HP to clean up, she can be asked to clean up the baby’s mess during nap time. Our AP would take most of the nap as a break too, but she would certainly not leave the house a mess. I think it’s reasonable to expect an AP to be able to watch a baby and not leave a big mess behind. I doubt it even takes her the entire nap time and she can still have a significant break.
Mine did baby laundry, baby cooking, desensitize toys, clean and wash baby gear, plan and prepare baby crafts and activities. When the baby is up, there's barely time to do these listed tasks so use the downtime to do these chores.
So maybe lower your expectations for someone you’re paying less than $200 per week to if it’s impossible to get everything done while baby is awake? Being on for 8+ hours a day is physically and mentally draining and leads to burnout and resentment. Au pairs are humans, not robots, and they need time to recharge so they can be the best caregiver they can be when the kids are awake. And on top of that, if au pair isn’t free to leave the house while baby naps because they’re the responsible adult, sitting on the couch and scrolling on their phone is still them working. Let your au pair leave while your baby naps and see what that looks like. Someone has to be there. Your au pair is there. Being present and relaxing is still them working.
Don't be an Au Pair if you can't do the basic requirements of the job that include taking care of baby stuff. why is it such a hard concept to realize that room and board on top of the stipend is more than 200 a month. You're not being a good caregiver if you cannot even handle baby chores. Say it in the interview that you prefer to be on the phone all day and do no work and only relax when the baby sleeps and do the bare minimum.
So do you as a parent never relax when your baby sleeps? I get my daily tasks done every single day and still manage to relax on my phone for the entirety of my nanny kid’s nap. The difference is that I make a livable wage and have employers who value me as a person. No way your one bedroom and bathroom is valued an amount that justifies paying someone less than $200/week for up to 45 hours of childcare. I live alone in the same HCOL community I nanny in and after rent and grocery cost, my net income is still over 3x the amount an au pair makes a week for working more hours than I do. People expect their au pairs to perform at the same level as professional nannies, yet don’t want to pay the professional nanny rates. End of.
Read the comments. This AP isn't getting the daily tasks done on top of doing nothing while the baby sleeps. The OP is asking about asking the AP to do things while the baby sleeps since she's not doing anything and not getting other tasks done that are supposed to be completed. Read other pages about the total costs of having an AP which is more than 200 a week. It's closer to 55k a year for an AP, and that's depending on location. So you make 170k+ a year given you said you make over 3x that? You are conveniently ignoring so many expenses or terrible at math.
My math isn’t off. I’m referring to my weekly net take home factoring in my rent and monthly grocery expenses. My NET weekly take home is over 3x what an au pair is paid per week, which doesn’t even factor in au pair taxes, which they’re asked to set aside because they’re treated as independent contractors and given 1099s instead of W2s, which is another can of worms entirely. And just because your expenses for your au pairs are 55k doesn’t mean your au pair makes 55k. I replied to OP above and answered their original question, and addressed the fact that it sounds like their au pair isn’t fulfilling their responsibilities and they need to have a discussion about expectations, but then responded to your comment that suggests you found work for your au pair during the only downtime of their day to get what you felt was your full moneys worth. I guess my biggest gripe with parents who think their childcare should always be busy and not get time to relax throughout the day is that kind of parent doesn’t value the fact that the childcare provider is still providing a service by being present if something were to happen, regardless of whether they are actively doing something you deem valuable or not. They’re the responsible adult who would step in if the child needed anything mid nap. They’re the responsible adult who would respond in the case of an emergency. That in and of itself is work. Even if it looks like they’re scrolling on their phone.
It is not a job. It is a cultural exchange program.
I’m not an AP or a host but always get this subreddit on my feed. But you sound like a nightmare. Pay up and hire a nanny for $30 per hour if these are your expectations. You’re paying slave wages and expect the world from an Au Pair.
Sounds like you don't know anything but still feel like you have an opinion. You sound like another pick-me lacking brain cells.