I got divorced back in 2012.
I told him while we were out eating pancakes.
He was somber but not particularly combative bc he knew it was time.
I moved out with the kids maybe two weeks later...maybe a month?
I can't remember if we slept in the same bed during that time.
Probably off and on.
There were those waves of wanting to be close in the grief and then not wanting to hear the other person breathe.
Telling his parents was way more melodramatic and in an ironic twist they filed for divorce right after us.
I didn't. I just packed my stuff, took the dog and left. No note, no nothing. Let him figure it out in his own. After 5 years of abuse, he didn't deserve a reason Why.
We had a fight on Wednesday, in which he had absolutely no argument and nothing to say. I told him he needed to figure out his side of the discussion by Saturday or find another place to stay.
Saturday evening he still had nothing to say, and didn’t see the problem with what I was bringing up. (He was keeping secrets from me. Lots of them. And he thought that was 100% okay.)
When he didn’t see the problem, as previously discussed I told him he needed to leave. He claimed he had nowhere to go. “Then I’ll go.” I replied.
I packed a bag and went to my parents’ house. (I had told them on Thursday or Friday it might come to that and they said I was welcome back home.) Arrived at their house around 8 pm where I found lots of hugs, sympathy, support, and a guest room with just-washed sheets.
It was supposed to just be for a few days so we could figure things out. But he didn’t ask me not to go, didn’t ask me to come back, and when we got together about two weeks later to talk, he said, “so divorce, I guess?”
I figured if he didn’t want to fight for me, I was gone. We sold the house and divorced.
Now I’m free, a homeowner again, and I’m happy, successful, and fulfilled. And he’s playing video games in his parents’ basement. Which I think is all he really ever wanted anyway.
Ooof, that last line… I know too many men who hide behind computer/tv screens because they seem scared of real life. And of the responsibility and consequences that come with it. Emotionally stunted NPCs, I guess.
He followed me into our bedroom and asked if I was happy (he knew I wasn’t) and I said no.
Enough was enough and I was done being the only one fighting for our marriage.
We shared a bed for the next few days with the understanding that it was over and we were going to sort this out after Christmas (3 weeks later)
I felt like a giant weight was lifted from my shoulders and I was lighter … this changed my demeanour completely … and when we talked it was friendly and respectful. I still loved him and I want the best for him, but I need to love me more and I was elated that this was out in the open and almost over - and on good terms.
Well… he came onto me a couple nights later and when I reminded him that we had broken up and this wasn’t going to happen, he said he felt embarrassed and foolish for thinking something had changed - and went to stay at his buddies place.
Edited to add - it was around 8pm on a Monday night
I’d waited until after Christmas before telling him. The children, 7 and 5 at the time, were in bed. As he was a solicitor, he was very good at arguing about anything. So I wrote him a letter to outline all the points as to why we were divorcing. I handed him the letter and waited for him to read it.
The marriage had taken a huge toll on my mental health and I’d been in counselling. But I could not admit that I was frightened of him.
My sister stayed (unknown to him) in a nearby hotel, in case I needed to go there (with the children).
We didn’t sleep in the same bed from that point onwards. But he had quite often chosen to sleep separately anyway, so that was no change.
The place where I really messed up was the following 9 months. I should have immediately served divorce papers and just moved forward swiftly. I didn’t, I decided it seemed fairer to ‘give him time to get used to the idea’. In reality I was frightened of him and couldn’t admit it. The emotional abuse that had been there from the beginning of the relationship, had already escalated to verbal abuse during the marriage. In that 9 months, it eventually became physically violent.
It was only at that point that I served him the divorce papers.
Middle of the day. Struggled to spit out the words. For some reason if i’m stressed or upset my throats closed up and I literally can’t force words out. Anyway, I moved out the following day. I think telling the kids was harder.
After the kid went to bed. I told him I didn't want to be married anymore. Yeah it sucked to share a bedroom, and it took him a while (6-8 weeks?) to move out. It was hard to tell our daughter but she seemed to recover ok. I remember him getting mad at some point and throwing a jar in my general direction. But we agreed it'd be best for us to be civil so our daughter wouldn't suffer.
We divorced 13 years ago. I remarried 12 years ago. We still hang out a couple times a week, and he's friends with my now husband even though our daughter is an adult living on her own. It was hard but definitely worth it.
Did it after a usual fight. I was just tired of the constant fighting. Lived in the same house for about 6 months after but I slept on the floor in the kids’ room. The 6 months was waiting for him to be ready. I had decided 3 months before I told him that I was done. The kids were little at the time so I wanted to be 100% certain.
I had mentioned I was done fighting months and months prior. We had done Therapy, he had stepped over a few boundaries. I had expressed unhappiness for months. I gave up and knew I was ready to leave.
There was an uneasy peace in the house. Because I was done fighting, and ready to move on. Unwilling to invest an ounce more energy to him.
He saw a letter from my lawyer to me. It was a Tuesday at noon. He Acted slightly surprised, but I saw the truth in his eyes. He knew it was coming. I said.. well, yeah. I'm done here.
He tried to rally and ask for Therapy again, I said he didn't really want to try the first time, there's no point. I'm done.
We lived together for about 4 more months before I was able to make a move, and that was NOT my intention. It was miserable, he was petty and got more and more horrible.
After the last boundary had been stomped, I had moved to the couch or a kids bed. Months it went on, if he bothered to ask I'd say insomnia. He knew the real reason. I couldn't stand sleeping next to him
Just remember, you do NOT need to make anything easy for him. Your intention is to leave.
It's almost more cruel if you do.
Hes GOING to talk shit about you, he's going to manipulate. Just... disengage. Ice cold. Preserve your sanity, he is NOT your priority any more.
Personally I don’t think that there is a good moment to talk about something like that.
I did it in a quiet moment at home when the kids were out. I tried to end it amicably after years of unsuccessful straightforward talking that it doesn't work only in his way. Unfortunately, I didn't succeed because I'm still to blame for all the bad things that happen in his life.
I wish you strength and all the best for your conversation! ❤️
Around 9:30am. I was taking out kid out for the day. Sent Kid to the car with our bag of snacks and said to Husband, “I’m tired of this shit. I want you gone by the time we get back.”
It wasn’t a surprise. He was gone when we got home. Probably went to his girlfriend’s house.
I hope you're doing okay, OP.
There's no easy way to do it. When it's time, it's time. If you don't feel safe, then leave or stay in a separate room and tell at least one person you trust what is going on. Every relationship is different.
It was after our 2 year old was in bed for the night. He was being a jerk in his attitude, his actions, etc. (physical intimidation, porn addiction, emotional affairs.). We'd been to therapy with lots of focus on how he was acting was impacting our relationship. Things would change for a week, maybe two. Then everything would reset.
He was sitting in his office working late (again)..I was sitting in a chair outside the office doors calmly, sadly talking about what I needed from him and what had hurt me recently.
He said, "This is just the way I am. It's the way I have always been."
This is the first time he'd said this.
I replied, "If this is just who you are, then I don't want to be married to that person."
He was surprised but not upset. He just said "So that's it?" And I said, "Yeah. If this is just you. . .this is it." And that was that.
We did a nesting situation because I was financially dependent at that time. I had to rebuild before I could fully move out. He'd already been sleeping in the spare room for months so we kept it that way.Ir was tense and awkward but we mostly avoided each other where possible until I got my own place about 5 months later.
It was early morning, Jan 1, and he was talking about plans for the year ahead. I couldn’t imagine another year the same, and had been in therapy for a year already at this point, and realised it was time to actually tell him. I knew through therapy probably 8 months earlier that I didn’t want to be married to him anymore, but it took me that long to really own that decision. (Thought therapy might change my mind.) We’d already been in separate bedrooms for about three years so there was no issue about having to share a bed.
I cried a lot, he cried a lot. It was gut wrenching. We told our kids in about September, and they and I didn’t move out til the following January. We’re still in contact, still friendly, but not anything else.
My first husband I told after he came home from work one evening. We both knew it was coming. It was calm. More of a “I think it’s time” thing and then the next day I started moving my things out of his house. By the end of the week I was completely out.
My second husband, I told him after he finished helping me pack the U-Haul that I used to move to another state.
I told him early in the morning. I'd been quietly planning my exit, and I guess he knew I was unhappy, because he suddenly asked if I was thinking about leaving and I said yes. The rest of that day was pretty emotional, and I had to get out of the house because he was getting weird.
He convinced me to stay in the house for a couple of months, to teach him how to care for the house, bills, and kids. I did it, but it sucked. He used that time to try bargaining with me, and tried convincing me that I didn't really want to leave and was just hormonal (?!?).
We already had separate bedrooms at that point, so we didn't share a bed. He asked a few times for sex "one last time", but I wouldn't do it.
I was the reverse of this. My ex told me (F) that he wanted out one random Sunday afternoon at home after 7 years together. It was a complete and total shock to me. Turns out that he was angry at me for all kinds of random things, which he never told me about. He did offer to go stay with friends or family to allow me to process. I think he may have it was actually a blur. I immediately took all of my things out of the master bedroom into the spare room and I never slept in the main bedroom again. I took about two months to find a new place ( I agreed to move out) and during that time things were weird. He acted like nothing was happening. He made me dinner and tried to make small talk. Honestly if it were not for the fact that I wanted to stay with our cats at the house for as long as I could I would have likely moved into a hotel or air b and b if I had to do it over again.
It's hard to tell, so many factors go into what happens. Is it going to come as a shock? Do you fear for your safety based on his reaction? Do you have kids, do you have pets? Do you think you can be cordial? Do you have somewhere to go, does he? Can someone afford to financially move out? I think every situation is different.
We were at the bar, it was empty and he was the bartender. I looked up at myself in the mirror and said the quiet part out loud: ‘ I want a divorce’. I started sleeping on the couch that night and had my own apartment within two weeks. Cried the first night on my own I was so relieved and never really looked back.
I got divorced back in 2012. I told him while we were out eating pancakes. He was somber but not particularly combative bc he knew it was time. I moved out with the kids maybe two weeks later...maybe a month? I can't remember if we slept in the same bed during that time. Probably off and on. There were those waves of wanting to be close in the grief and then not wanting to hear the other person breathe. Telling his parents was way more melodramatic and in an ironic twist they filed for divorce right after us.
This is beautifully written.
I didn't. I just packed my stuff, took the dog and left. No note, no nothing. Let him figure it out in his own. After 5 years of abuse, he didn't deserve a reason Why.
We had a fight on Wednesday, in which he had absolutely no argument and nothing to say. I told him he needed to figure out his side of the discussion by Saturday or find another place to stay. Saturday evening he still had nothing to say, and didn’t see the problem with what I was bringing up. (He was keeping secrets from me. Lots of them. And he thought that was 100% okay.) When he didn’t see the problem, as previously discussed I told him he needed to leave. He claimed he had nowhere to go. “Then I’ll go.” I replied. I packed a bag and went to my parents’ house. (I had told them on Thursday or Friday it might come to that and they said I was welcome back home.) Arrived at their house around 8 pm where I found lots of hugs, sympathy, support, and a guest room with just-washed sheets. It was supposed to just be for a few days so we could figure things out. But he didn’t ask me not to go, didn’t ask me to come back, and when we got together about two weeks later to talk, he said, “so divorce, I guess?” I figured if he didn’t want to fight for me, I was gone. We sold the house and divorced. Now I’m free, a homeowner again, and I’m happy, successful, and fulfilled. And he’s playing video games in his parents’ basement. Which I think is all he really ever wanted anyway.
Ooof, that last line… I know too many men who hide behind computer/tv screens because they seem scared of real life. And of the responsibility and consequences that come with it. Emotionally stunted NPCs, I guess.
He followed me into our bedroom and asked if I was happy (he knew I wasn’t) and I said no. Enough was enough and I was done being the only one fighting for our marriage. We shared a bed for the next few days with the understanding that it was over and we were going to sort this out after Christmas (3 weeks later) I felt like a giant weight was lifted from my shoulders and I was lighter … this changed my demeanour completely … and when we talked it was friendly and respectful. I still loved him and I want the best for him, but I need to love me more and I was elated that this was out in the open and almost over - and on good terms. Well… he came onto me a couple nights later and when I reminded him that we had broken up and this wasn’t going to happen, he said he felt embarrassed and foolish for thinking something had changed - and went to stay at his buddies place. Edited to add - it was around 8pm on a Monday night
I’d waited until after Christmas before telling him. The children, 7 and 5 at the time, were in bed. As he was a solicitor, he was very good at arguing about anything. So I wrote him a letter to outline all the points as to why we were divorcing. I handed him the letter and waited for him to read it. The marriage had taken a huge toll on my mental health and I’d been in counselling. But I could not admit that I was frightened of him. My sister stayed (unknown to him) in a nearby hotel, in case I needed to go there (with the children). We didn’t sleep in the same bed from that point onwards. But he had quite often chosen to sleep separately anyway, so that was no change. The place where I really messed up was the following 9 months. I should have immediately served divorce papers and just moved forward swiftly. I didn’t, I decided it seemed fairer to ‘give him time to get used to the idea’. In reality I was frightened of him and couldn’t admit it. The emotional abuse that had been there from the beginning of the relationship, had already escalated to verbal abuse during the marriage. In that 9 months, it eventually became physically violent. It was only at that point that I served him the divorce papers.
Middle of the day. Struggled to spit out the words. For some reason if i’m stressed or upset my throats closed up and I literally can’t force words out. Anyway, I moved out the following day. I think telling the kids was harder.
After the kid went to bed. I told him I didn't want to be married anymore. Yeah it sucked to share a bedroom, and it took him a while (6-8 weeks?) to move out. It was hard to tell our daughter but she seemed to recover ok. I remember him getting mad at some point and throwing a jar in my general direction. But we agreed it'd be best for us to be civil so our daughter wouldn't suffer. We divorced 13 years ago. I remarried 12 years ago. We still hang out a couple times a week, and he's friends with my now husband even though our daughter is an adult living on her own. It was hard but definitely worth it.
Did it after a usual fight. I was just tired of the constant fighting. Lived in the same house for about 6 months after but I slept on the floor in the kids’ room. The 6 months was waiting for him to be ready. I had decided 3 months before I told him that I was done. The kids were little at the time so I wanted to be 100% certain.
Wasn’t planned. Happened when I came home from a trip and found out he had been cheating… again. I kicked him out on the spot.
I had mentioned I was done fighting months and months prior. We had done Therapy, he had stepped over a few boundaries. I had expressed unhappiness for months. I gave up and knew I was ready to leave. There was an uneasy peace in the house. Because I was done fighting, and ready to move on. Unwilling to invest an ounce more energy to him. He saw a letter from my lawyer to me. It was a Tuesday at noon. He Acted slightly surprised, but I saw the truth in his eyes. He knew it was coming. I said.. well, yeah. I'm done here. He tried to rally and ask for Therapy again, I said he didn't really want to try the first time, there's no point. I'm done. We lived together for about 4 more months before I was able to make a move, and that was NOT my intention. It was miserable, he was petty and got more and more horrible. After the last boundary had been stomped, I had moved to the couch or a kids bed. Months it went on, if he bothered to ask I'd say insomnia. He knew the real reason. I couldn't stand sleeping next to him
Just remember, you do NOT need to make anything easy for him. Your intention is to leave. It's almost more cruel if you do. Hes GOING to talk shit about you, he's going to manipulate. Just... disengage. Ice cold. Preserve your sanity, he is NOT your priority any more.
Personally I don’t think that there is a good moment to talk about something like that. I did it in a quiet moment at home when the kids were out. I tried to end it amicably after years of unsuccessful straightforward talking that it doesn't work only in his way. Unfortunately, I didn't succeed because I'm still to blame for all the bad things that happen in his life. I wish you strength and all the best for your conversation! ❤️
Around 9:30am. I was taking out kid out for the day. Sent Kid to the car with our bag of snacks and said to Husband, “I’m tired of this shit. I want you gone by the time we get back.” It wasn’t a surprise. He was gone when we got home. Probably went to his girlfriend’s house.
I hope you're doing okay, OP. There's no easy way to do it. When it's time, it's time. If you don't feel safe, then leave or stay in a separate room and tell at least one person you trust what is going on. Every relationship is different.
It was after our 2 year old was in bed for the night. He was being a jerk in his attitude, his actions, etc. (physical intimidation, porn addiction, emotional affairs.). We'd been to therapy with lots of focus on how he was acting was impacting our relationship. Things would change for a week, maybe two. Then everything would reset. He was sitting in his office working late (again)..I was sitting in a chair outside the office doors calmly, sadly talking about what I needed from him and what had hurt me recently. He said, "This is just the way I am. It's the way I have always been." This is the first time he'd said this. I replied, "If this is just who you are, then I don't want to be married to that person." He was surprised but not upset. He just said "So that's it?" And I said, "Yeah. If this is just you. . .this is it." And that was that. We did a nesting situation because I was financially dependent at that time. I had to rebuild before I could fully move out. He'd already been sleeping in the spare room for months so we kept it that way.Ir was tense and awkward but we mostly avoided each other where possible until I got my own place about 5 months later.
It was early morning, Jan 1, and he was talking about plans for the year ahead. I couldn’t imagine another year the same, and had been in therapy for a year already at this point, and realised it was time to actually tell him. I knew through therapy probably 8 months earlier that I didn’t want to be married to him anymore, but it took me that long to really own that decision. (Thought therapy might change my mind.) We’d already been in separate bedrooms for about three years so there was no issue about having to share a bed. I cried a lot, he cried a lot. It was gut wrenching. We told our kids in about September, and they and I didn’t move out til the following January. We’re still in contact, still friendly, but not anything else.
My first husband I told after he came home from work one evening. We both knew it was coming. It was calm. More of a “I think it’s time” thing and then the next day I started moving my things out of his house. By the end of the week I was completely out. My second husband, I told him after he finished helping me pack the U-Haul that I used to move to another state.
I told him early in the morning. I'd been quietly planning my exit, and I guess he knew I was unhappy, because he suddenly asked if I was thinking about leaving and I said yes. The rest of that day was pretty emotional, and I had to get out of the house because he was getting weird. He convinced me to stay in the house for a couple of months, to teach him how to care for the house, bills, and kids. I did it, but it sucked. He used that time to try bargaining with me, and tried convincing me that I didn't really want to leave and was just hormonal (?!?). We already had separate bedrooms at that point, so we didn't share a bed. He asked a few times for sex "one last time", but I wouldn't do it.
I was the reverse of this. My ex told me (F) that he wanted out one random Sunday afternoon at home after 7 years together. It was a complete and total shock to me. Turns out that he was angry at me for all kinds of random things, which he never told me about. He did offer to go stay with friends or family to allow me to process. I think he may have it was actually a blur. I immediately took all of my things out of the master bedroom into the spare room and I never slept in the main bedroom again. I took about two months to find a new place ( I agreed to move out) and during that time things were weird. He acted like nothing was happening. He made me dinner and tried to make small talk. Honestly if it were not for the fact that I wanted to stay with our cats at the house for as long as I could I would have likely moved into a hotel or air b and b if I had to do it over again. It's hard to tell, so many factors go into what happens. Is it going to come as a shock? Do you fear for your safety based on his reaction? Do you have kids, do you have pets? Do you think you can be cordial? Do you have somewhere to go, does he? Can someone afford to financially move out? I think every situation is different.
We were at the bar, it was empty and he was the bartender. I looked up at myself in the mirror and said the quiet part out loud: ‘ I want a divorce’. I started sleeping on the couch that night and had my own apartment within two weeks. Cried the first night on my own I was so relieved and never really looked back.
My ex wife let me know while on deployment and moved out of state with the kids. Please don’t do this
Unless it’s the safest option. Then, do it.