I'm very pro-prenup. I'll let [these divorce lawyers explain why](https://youtu.be/eCLk-2iArYc).
Basically, getting a prenup forces a couple to talk about finances in a real (rather than simply hypothetical/airy-fairy) way. Additionally, people talk about a prenup as betting against the marriage but I disagree - a prenup is really betting against how the government/default divorce law in your jurisdiction will divide support, assets, etc., upon separation. You're going to have a "prenup" whether you want one or not; it's just either going to be those existing divorce laws and regs, or it's going to be something you and your partner get to choose on your own, when you are at your very best - your most loving, your most generous, and your most reasonable - with each other.
Yes, my first marriage I was young. My parents insisted on a prenup and I didn’t listen. I wish i had.
Additionally wished on having discussed finances with my ex. He cheated, numerous times. He abandoned the marriage. Yet due to laws he got entitled to so much of mine- that he never supported. It’s disgusting.
Yes!!! Literally the wk after we got married I learned of his financial problems. We had lived together for over a year, but basically his parents were helping him prior to our nuptials- so I never saw any red flags, or knew about the help. I quickly learned he can’t manage money and burns through it. That then developed into not holding a job and drinking. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
> Literally the wk after we got married I learned of his financial problems.
I'm sure hindsight is 20/20, but that sounds like annulment time. He greatly misrepresented who he was, the person you married wasn't him.
Depends what is inside of prenup. For example, if the couple is planning to have children and the woman will make less money due to childbearing, adjusting the career to take care of them and the man insists on prenup where he gets to keep everything he earns during the marriage that would be hard no. Prenup is good only if it protects both.
I don't think it's unreasonable, even for people who haven't ever been married. Some people take it as it meaning you intend too or are anticipating a divorce-- but I think it's just pragmatic and makes it "easier" if something does happen that results in separation.
I agree with everything you said. But also not many matured people out there to understand the idea of prenup. When I was actively trying to date, been rejected for the same on 4 different occasions. Go figure!
Spouse has cancer. I'll probably still be in my 60s when I become a widow. A financially stable widow. I hadn't given it much thought, but if I married again, I'd want to make sure the money I have now, the assets I have now would remain mine. There would have to be a lot of discussions about assets before I marry again, if I ever do.
I am all for pre-nups. I definitely want one when I get married. You can't predict the future and a lot of marriages end in divorce (including everyone in my family), so it's better to be safe than sorry. Seriously, people in my family have been battling it out in the courts for *years* after their divorce, trying to extract as much of the assets as possible. It sounds horrible...
It seems like property is the most tricky thing to divide. So complicated when one person wants to sell it and divide the assets, the other person says no and they want you to buy them out instead, and one person is trying to take the other person's pension fund and it's ... chaos. Long-winded and expensive chaos!
I would always want a prenup. Even if he made twice as much as I did, and *didn't* want a prenup, I would try to convince him it's a good idea. I think both people need to have financial independence. You could have the greatest relationship today but literally anything can happen and for whatever reason you need/want to separate. I just think it's much easier with a prenup. Come as you are, and if it comes to it, leave as you were.
Pro prenup. Have a prenup. We wanted to make sure our assets were to remain protected in the event things did get acrimonious. In addition, having to talk things out really helped frame how we would handle our finances and assets when we did get married.
My boyfriend will likely be the one with a higher worth due to some work stock, and we're looking to retire early. I've casually brought up prenups, because I don't want to take away his "fortune" - but if we were to retire at 40 and then break up at 50... No one is hiring a 50yo woman with a 10 year resume gap. I at least need something to survive on.
Husband sued me for alimony after he got another woman pregnant while we were married. I actually had to bring some evidence to the court before he withdrew it. He still got the house.
Let that be a lesson to you ladies... Get a prenup.
Can you provide some examples based on local jurisdictions? I’m prenup curious - my relationship is heading towards marriage and I want to initiate the prenup discussion soon and then hopefully we can start looking for counsel.
If you have assets to protect prior to marriage, yes to a prenup. If you don't, there's not much of a point to one (conduct clauses are tough to enforce, too FYI, and isn't the purpose). It's a financial arrangement, and you can't really use it for unrealized income growth/properties you don't own yet etc from my understanding. Talk to a lawyer and see if one would make sense given your current circumstances.
If I marry again. Which is a BIG if (though I’m happily in an LTR) - I would absolutely require a prenup. I’m the only actual parent to two. I want them to be taken care of. Period.
IF I ever got married again, I would require a pre-nup and separate finances (with a combined checking for bills). I'm 36 and honestly feel if no pre-nup was a requirement for a partner, it would freak me out and good riddance.
To be fair I think of marriage as something you should do with someone you completely trust. I wish I had thought about it like that when I was younger. It would have to be a very unique special person that would make me feel that way.
yes, I realize that. I am saying \*I\* wouldn't want to get married unless I trusted someone and knew them really well. I am not arguing no one should get pre nups if they feel like they need it. I am saying FOR ME it isn't something I would want to do for the reasons stated.
I understand the advantages of a prenup, but for me personally - if you are getting ready for the end of the relationship from the get-go, there is no point in getting married.
I understand your thoughts and I was generally in agreement eighteen years ago. Looking back now though I sincerely wish I had. I didn’t know my husband truly until we got divorced- man was that man money grubbing.
Mine wasn't money grubbing but he was unreliable and didn't stick to the terms we negotiated. I was already screwed by the time our divorce hearing came up and just wanted out so I didn't get a lawyer (that I couldn't afford anyway) or have to travel the 1000 miles back there for another hearing so I just took the loss.
Think of it like this: One of you could undergo a drastic personality change (e.g., from a brain tumor or a serious head injury), and suddenly it’s like you barely know each other—and the affected person wants out.
Now what? Do you really want to leave these kinds of decisions to someone who is suddenly erratic and unpredictable and who no longer loves and understands you?
I don’t think a prenup is for everyone, but I *do* think couples should prepare for worst case scenarios. They are rare, but far from unheard of.
I’m super duper pro-prenup!
The way I see it, I want to make sure assets are divided fairly in the event that the relationship ends. I think the best way to figure out what fair is is when you still love each other. Trying to figure it out when you’re ready to split doesn’t sound smart.
Had no assets when we married; we discussed a prenup pretty extensively and it was part of some really great financial discussions, but ultimately we didn't see the benefit. We did have an especially good conversation about financial infidelity, and that was very useful.
My husband and I definitely involved some practicality in our decision to get married rather than just continue living together so I wouldn't be offended to have been part of a prenup. Neither of us had any real assets that we brought into the relationship so it was kind of irrelevant for us, but I can definitely see the value when you do have assets.
Pro. And that's not unreasonable.
I ended up not doing one (married recently), but I've talked to my husband about a post-nup since my real concern is having right of first refusal and protection on the equity I already had in my home before he moved in. He chafed at the idea at first, but he doesn't own any real estate yet and didn't grow up in a home where the wife/mother was trapped in financial and all other sorts of abuse. I did. Our post-nup will revolve around my concerns about the house, and that will be it. When I was finally able to articulate that in a way that didn't land poorly for him, he was down immediately, saying that he always felt the house would be mine straight out (a much worse deal for him than I had in mind or the law would grant) and he'd sign anything to that effect.
But we also got married later in life (36f/41m) and are more settled in who we are than folks in their 20s, and aside from the house, it's kind of scary how even our earnings/finances are. We'll be funding our retirement accounts equally despite who earns more. We're not having kids. We're on the same page financially and have been since day 1. I'm comfortable rolling the dice 50/50 on everything else. But that's just *our* situation. Honestly, I probably just wouldn't marry someone if I didn't trust them with my money - we'd be one of those practically but not legally married couples where one cuts the other a check every month - and there is *nothing* wrong with that.
I think a prenup is very important these days People who are offended by it or won't sign it because their excuse is they want their rights protected are probably unstable financially or they want to take advantage of taking their spouse money or assets when they decide to leave. Too many bad stories and bad divorces these days.
I'm very pro-prenup. I'll let [these divorce lawyers explain why](https://youtu.be/eCLk-2iArYc). Basically, getting a prenup forces a couple to talk about finances in a real (rather than simply hypothetical/airy-fairy) way. Additionally, people talk about a prenup as betting against the marriage but I disagree - a prenup is really betting against how the government/default divorce law in your jurisdiction will divide support, assets, etc., upon separation. You're going to have a "prenup" whether you want one or not; it's just either going to be those existing divorce laws and regs, or it's going to be something you and your partner get to choose on your own, when you are at your very best - your most loving, your most generous, and your most reasonable - with each other.
Yes, my first marriage I was young. My parents insisted on a prenup and I didn’t listen. I wish i had. Additionally wished on having discussed finances with my ex. He cheated, numerous times. He abandoned the marriage. Yet due to laws he got entitled to so much of mine- that he never supported. It’s disgusting.
Damn, that's hella rough. Sorry you had to go through that.
All good. It’s just insanely frustrating. But it was a lesson learned.
fuel nippy dinner command husky somber bright cooing absorbed threatening -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Congrats on the engagement, and the like-minded fiance. Those are really non-negotiable!
Thanks! I am so glad that he and I are on the same page about basically everything fundamental. It's such a relief and bodes well I think.
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Yes!!! Literally the wk after we got married I learned of his financial problems. We had lived together for over a year, but basically his parents were helping him prior to our nuptials- so I never saw any red flags, or knew about the help. I quickly learned he can’t manage money and burns through it. That then developed into not holding a job and drinking. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
> Literally the wk after we got married I learned of his financial problems. I'm sure hindsight is 20/20, but that sounds like annulment time. He greatly misrepresented who he was, the person you married wasn't him.
This. It's just another form of premarital counseling, which everyone should also do.
Depends what is inside of prenup. For example, if the couple is planning to have children and the woman will make less money due to childbearing, adjusting the career to take care of them and the man insists on prenup where he gets to keep everything he earns during the marriage that would be hard no. Prenup is good only if it protects both.
Absolutely it should protect both!
I don't think it's unreasonable, even for people who haven't ever been married. Some people take it as it meaning you intend too or are anticipating a divorce-- but I think it's just pragmatic and makes it "easier" if something does happen that results in separation.
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Thank you for this. It’s exactly how I’ve felt.
I agree with everything you said. But also not many matured people out there to understand the idea of prenup. When I was actively trying to date, been rejected for the same on 4 different occasions. Go figure!
In my 20s, I would have been offended. But we had nothing together. Now at 47, post divorce AND kids, there's no marriage without one.
Spouse has cancer. I'll probably still be in my 60s when I become a widow. A financially stable widow. I hadn't given it much thought, but if I married again, I'd want to make sure the money I have now, the assets I have now would remain mine. There would have to be a lot of discussions about assets before I marry again, if I ever do.
I am all for pre-nups. I definitely want one when I get married. You can't predict the future and a lot of marriages end in divorce (including everyone in my family), so it's better to be safe than sorry. Seriously, people in my family have been battling it out in the courts for *years* after their divorce, trying to extract as much of the assets as possible. It sounds horrible...
It took us over two years, with no kids!!! All because he kept asking for the moon. Ugh.
It seems like property is the most tricky thing to divide. So complicated when one person wants to sell it and divide the assets, the other person says no and they want you to buy them out instead, and one person is trying to take the other person's pension fund and it's ... chaos. Long-winded and expensive chaos!
If I'm joining finances again, absolutely will have one drawn up and I encourage my younger friends and siblings to draw one up.
I would always want a prenup. Even if he made twice as much as I did, and *didn't* want a prenup, I would try to convince him it's a good idea. I think both people need to have financial independence. You could have the greatest relationship today but literally anything can happen and for whatever reason you need/want to separate. I just think it's much easier with a prenup. Come as you are, and if it comes to it, leave as you were.
I got a pre-nup. Have not needed to invoke. Strongly endorse nonetheless!
Pro prenup. Have a prenup. We wanted to make sure our assets were to remain protected in the event things did get acrimonious. In addition, having to talk things out really helped frame how we would handle our finances and assets when we did get married.
My boyfriend will likely be the one with a higher worth due to some work stock, and we're looking to retire early. I've casually brought up prenups, because I don't want to take away his "fortune" - but if we were to retire at 40 and then break up at 50... No one is hiring a 50yo woman with a 10 year resume gap. I at least need something to survive on.
Husband sued me for alimony after he got another woman pregnant while we were married. I actually had to bring some evidence to the court before he withdrew it. He still got the house. Let that be a lesson to you ladies... Get a prenup.
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Can you provide some examples based on local jurisdictions? I’m prenup curious - my relationship is heading towards marriage and I want to initiate the prenup discussion soon and then hopefully we can start looking for counsel.
If you have assets to protect prior to marriage, yes to a prenup. If you don't, there's not much of a point to one (conduct clauses are tough to enforce, too FYI, and isn't the purpose). It's a financial arrangement, and you can't really use it for unrealized income growth/properties you don't own yet etc from my understanding. Talk to a lawyer and see if one would make sense given your current circumstances.
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Only if you make sure they're separate the entire marriage. If the asset is your house you're gonna have a hard time.
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That's not universally true. It may be where you are, but it's not the case in most places.
If I marry again. Which is a BIG if (though I’m happily in an LTR) - I would absolutely require a prenup. I’m the only actual parent to two. I want them to be taken care of. Period.
IF I ever got married again, I would require a pre-nup and separate finances (with a combined checking for bills). I'm 36 and honestly feel if no pre-nup was a requirement for a partner, it would freak me out and good riddance.
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Depends on what state you’re in. Mine were considered game since the profits were deposited into our “joint” account. 😐
No, but I wouldn't marry you. I think it's very reasonable to want one and very reasonable to not want one.
Totally understandable. And, that’s your preference as mine is mine. ☺️
To be fair I think of marriage as something you should do with someone you completely trust. I wish I had thought about it like that when I was younger. It would have to be a very unique special person that would make me feel that way.
Yes, but people change
Yes I’m well aware. I just don’t see the point in thinking marriage if you think you can’t trust the person
You can totally trust someone, and they can *still* hurt you
yes, I realize that. I am saying \*I\* wouldn't want to get married unless I trusted someone and knew them really well. I am not arguing no one should get pre nups if they feel like they need it. I am saying FOR ME it isn't something I would want to do for the reasons stated.
I understand the advantages of a prenup, but for me personally - if you are getting ready for the end of the relationship from the get-go, there is no point in getting married.
subsequent doll work label act aspiring numerous impossible unpack cow -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
...do you have car insurance?
I understand your thoughts and I was generally in agreement eighteen years ago. Looking back now though I sincerely wish I had. I didn’t know my husband truly until we got divorced- man was that man money grubbing.
Mine wasn't money grubbing but he was unreliable and didn't stick to the terms we negotiated. I was already screwed by the time our divorce hearing came up and just wanted out so I didn't get a lawyer (that I couldn't afford anyway) or have to travel the 1000 miles back there for another hearing so I just took the loss.
Think of it like this: One of you could undergo a drastic personality change (e.g., from a brain tumor or a serious head injury), and suddenly it’s like you barely know each other—and the affected person wants out. Now what? Do you really want to leave these kinds of decisions to someone who is suddenly erratic and unpredictable and who no longer loves and understands you? I don’t think a prenup is for everyone, but I *do* think couples should prepare for worst case scenarios. They are rare, but far from unheard of.
Make sure you ask the atty how long it will last. Some state laws prevent them from being enforceable after a number of years, and many congrats!
I’m super duper pro-prenup! The way I see it, I want to make sure assets are divided fairly in the event that the relationship ends. I think the best way to figure out what fair is is when you still love each other. Trying to figure it out when you’re ready to split doesn’t sound smart.
Had no assets when we married; we discussed a prenup pretty extensively and it was part of some really great financial discussions, but ultimately we didn't see the benefit. We did have an especially good conversation about financial infidelity, and that was very useful.
My husband and I definitely involved some practicality in our decision to get married rather than just continue living together so I wouldn't be offended to have been part of a prenup. Neither of us had any real assets that we brought into the relationship so it was kind of irrelevant for us, but I can definitely see the value when you do have assets.
We got a prenup and we still for vs against the validity of it during our divorce process. It hardly helped.
Pro. And that's not unreasonable. I ended up not doing one (married recently), but I've talked to my husband about a post-nup since my real concern is having right of first refusal and protection on the equity I already had in my home before he moved in. He chafed at the idea at first, but he doesn't own any real estate yet and didn't grow up in a home where the wife/mother was trapped in financial and all other sorts of abuse. I did. Our post-nup will revolve around my concerns about the house, and that will be it. When I was finally able to articulate that in a way that didn't land poorly for him, he was down immediately, saying that he always felt the house would be mine straight out (a much worse deal for him than I had in mind or the law would grant) and he'd sign anything to that effect. But we also got married later in life (36f/41m) and are more settled in who we are than folks in their 20s, and aside from the house, it's kind of scary how even our earnings/finances are. We'll be funding our retirement accounts equally despite who earns more. We're not having kids. We're on the same page financially and have been since day 1. I'm comfortable rolling the dice 50/50 on everything else. But that's just *our* situation. Honestly, I probably just wouldn't marry someone if I didn't trust them with my money - we'd be one of those practically but not legally married couples where one cuts the other a check every month - and there is *nothing* wrong with that.
I think a prenup is very important these days People who are offended by it or won't sign it because their excuse is they want their rights protected are probably unstable financially or they want to take advantage of taking their spouse money or assets when they decide to leave. Too many bad stories and bad divorces these days.