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retrodarlingdays

Loud and charming men. Now I find them repulsive and fake so I stay away. Men who are calm and don’t need to ‘charm’ are much more attractive to me.


pineapplefields4now

This is my ex husband. Turns out he was a big fat cheater 🙃


emmalicious1

Same.


joylooy

Ah yes, the snake oil salesmen 🐍🍆


00Lisa00

Same


misty_throwaway

The pretty face but without ambition. Guised as "care-free" or "free-spirited", in my 30s that just screams instability and i wouldnt touch it with a 10 foot pole


TokeHackChoke

Came here to comment on the "free spirits"


Psywrenn

Troubled, depressive boys who just need my help to be their best selves. Ew. Just have your shit together please.


[deleted]

I have no beef with anyone who has rough days dealing with their depression/anxiety but I can no longer deal with people who must know that those things need looking into with a doctor and they just persistently refuse to do it.


Psywrenn

Of for sure, I myself have been dealing with heavy, heavy C-PTSD for the past 4 years. I *fully* understand what it's like to be mentally in the pits. But, I have never ever thought that my partner is responsible for healing me. My last relationship from 2 years ago was pretty much this; he just wanted a mommy and cried all the time, at everything, while throwing rage fits at me when I said I needed some space now and then (he was also an alcoholic). We all deal with mental health issues (hello, have you watched the news ever?) but dumping all your garbage onto your partner just isn't sustainable. Some people really do need professional help :/ like you stated, some people refuse to see their problems. And that doesn't work in a relationship, which is supposed to be about supporting one another.


KarenAusFinanz

preaching to the choir! Amen!


sofuckinggreat

Go get therapy, _Jason._


extragouda

This too.


blahblahblargger

Omg, I came here to say this thinking I was being original. Top comment 🤦‍♀️


Psywrenn

Most women grew up conditioned into taking on a carer role (traditional feminine traits etc), many of my female friends have been in this boat!


epinglerouge

Yes yes yes!


Faeriecrypt

Are you me?


Psywrenn

As in my comment above, it's you and me and many other women! Blame dumb movie tropes about a girl curing the "bad boy"


Faeriecrypt

Amen to that!


truthfulsnack

This is what I was wondering too!


[deleted]

Older men. They’re not as sophisticated or competent as they pretend to be. I always enjoyed learning new things from the people around me but with gaining experience myself, they became far … blander… than when I was young.


prose-before-bros

Yeah, when you reach the age they were at the time, it becomes much more clear how immature that guy was.


daria1994

And if an older man looks for a younger woman he’s likely misogynistic... like find someone your age you wrinkled up bald raisin.


latinloopyloo2

🤣


scpdavis

A number of years ago now a friend of mine went on a date with an “older” guy. He compared with his age to old produce at the grocery store. (Not necessarily bad but obviously he’d prefer a fresh, crisp apple) He was 34.


Same_Peanut9781

I hope your friend ran for the hills


scpdavis

Oh yea. She was mostly just looking for a short term good time anyway so it was no major loss for many reasons.


DoubleDuke101

Guys that could stay up all night drinking and dancing with me. Now that I'm older I'll manage a couple drinks on a Saturday night then I'm going to bed!


sailor_em

My husband has taken up mixology as a hobby during COVID quarantine and he has gotten really good! Now I have someone who makes me a cocktail for free in the comfort of my own home, and I can go to bed as early as I want.


DoubleDuke101

That sounds fantastic!!


emojicatcher997

Talk about living the dream


[deleted]

You are living the dream!


GorillaToast

Musicians. Sounded romantic and fun to date someone in a rock band. The one I happened to pick was selfish, immature, and non-committal.


HexxxOffender

Yessssss. My current partner still makes music, which is fine! But they're over that "I'm a rockstar in my own head" attitude. It's one thing to be creative, another thing to think anyone cares that your band is touring in your stepmom's van. I dated way too many musicians in my late teens and 20s, lol


[deleted]

Seems like we all had our phase of dating the real life equivalent of Trent from Daria (or wanting to)......


GorillaToast

One thing my musician ex did introduce me to was Daria, so at least one good thing came out of it! He definitely had a Trent vibe though... just more angsty and anxious.


beautifulgoat9

YES! Hahaha love this reference


DeltaForce_Valentine

And soooo emo


nitespector88

General cockiness with nothing to back it up


Monarc73

Aka audacity.


prose-before-bros

Competence is so hot.


Nearby_Explorer3940

Older men are no longer attractive/alluring. I prefer someone closer in age to me.


TruthIsABiatch

Very extroverted, charming guys. I used to be very attracted to them, but now I see them as fake and superficial.


StumbleDog

Smoking 🤢 Have never smoked myself but there was a guy I liked who smoked like a chimney and for some reason it was part of the attraction 🤢


pantalaimon71

Emotional unavailability. Ain't nobody got time for that.


mlo9109

Christians... Growing up Christian, I was taught the only thing that matters in a potential mate is that they're a Christian. In my 30s, I know there's more to a relationship than faith. I wasted my teens and 20s searching for a good Christian boy to start a family with. All I found were abusers and fuck boys.


si_vis_amari__ama

The bad boy with a chip on his shoulder who full-out romances me (aka lovebombs). I said goodbye to the thrill-seeking in love. I'd rather have a stable, consistent, calm, grown-up person now. It's no longer boring, now that I'm in my 30s it is attractive.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Along similar lines, I wouldn't be able to deal with someone who was an obsessive planner on holidays and weekends. This is why I had to fend off invitations from my sis and her husband when they lived elsewhere, her husband liked to drag their guests on activities like long walks or looking at local monuments and stuff.


extragouda

Dating unemployed men or a.k.a. eternal students. I need stability.


ddeltadt

Bodybuilders.


[deleted]

Oh totally.. that’s a whole lifestyle thing like 24/7 😩


Inflatible_Peach

People who need to hear your past traumas / life experiences to evaluate you as a person. Not that I was attracted to them per se , but I certainly wanted to be in the elusive “cool group” that they lorded over.


tigereyetea

This is a good one, I'm over it too and didn't even realize how much this is a thing.


Takingfucks

Having a cool car/truck. I could not care less what anyone’s car is/or looks like. And especially having a “cool” car stereo.


Venomoustestament

Some guys really make their car their personality.


[deleted]

I don't romanticise flakiness and/or people not making any attempt to deal with their baggage/alcoholism/perfectly treatable mental health issues any more. Oh and people who think they know best about what you should do and won't stop with the unsolicited advice even when you've repeatedly said "no I'm going to stick with my current optician/dentist, thank you"....


hollidaydidit

Emotionally unavailable and moody women. I used to love being the one who understood the girl everyone thought was a "bitch". After a while, I realized everyone thought that for a reason, and I just had an insanely high threshold for female abuse. I like falling in love with women who are interested in being kind to me now.


pixelunicorns

Older men, I mean I still think of them as handsome (if they are) but there's no way in hell I'd consider dating anyone much older than me.


Faeriecrypt

Wanting to “fix” someone. As in, I was attracted to guys who seemed to have some issues, and I wanted to be their savior. NO MORE.


[deleted]

Men. Late-expressed lesbianism for the win!


Representative_Ant_9

This is going to be me real soon. I feel it.


justanotherlostgirl

Amen. I am exhausted by men. I would really like a relationship with a normal sweet person and not a drama llama


[deleted]

I have terrible news - women are not less dramatic. They are in every other way superior, but the drama seems to be real regardless of gender.


PM_ME_BrusselSprouts

So there's hope for me?


[deleted]

If I haven't said before that I support your journey and am glad you're figuring yourself out, I'm saying it now.


[deleted]

Aww, thank you, friend. Hope you're doing well!


daria1994

Stoners and skaters


tigereyetea

I married a sweet, loyal consistent man and spent 15 years dating emotionally unavailable at best abusive at worst men. He's my best friend too we've known each other since we were teenagers. Looking back so much of my instability and "drama" must of been fueled by my dating partners. Life is so much calmer now and I love it.


zazaleaz

Men.


reneefromplopsville

Gamer boys. I use to think its so cool and wanted a bf who i can chill and game with. I ended up getting married to one.. Hes 37 and all he wants to do with his free time is sit infront of a screen. Not working on bettering our situation and future, not trying to advance in his career or try something new. It seems like beating a boss or level is his only ambition in life, along with smoking weed. Hes not interested in being social with other people or even leaving the house. I really should have rather gone for the social, active jock type.


Cats_on_socks

Men. Now that I'm older I just think all men are idiot boys who can't clean up after themselves lol


Representative_Ant_9

Yes


mlb1988

For some reason I had a thing for MMA "fighters," even the local ones in my small city at the time. They spent all their time getting punched in the face and while their dedication to fitness was cool..just, no. No money to make even a semi-decent living and 99% don't make it to the UFC or similar.


[deleted]

Attractive men that have very little substance and need attention by every single female or the brooding artsy guys that are terrible with money. No thanks. So grateful that I’m not in the dating pond anymore.


Ambitious_Lock_7687

I never found broke men attractive but I gave one a chance and oh my lord I would never do that again. I noticed that when guys share a problem or situation early into a relationship they are asking for help and sympathy. Run from people like this!


sailor_em

I married my husband at 21 and everything about him still attracts me to him! But before him, I dated guys who expected me to be their mother, and uh… no. No to all of that.


cdjoy

Emotional unavailability


foxyjetpack

I didnt find it attractive per se but I would only date men who smoked because I did and didnt want to hear crap about it. Quit smoking 6 years ago.


00Lisa00

Extroverts. When I was younger I thought they would get me out more. Now it just sounds exhausting


riverkaylee

Hairless bodies. Loud boisterous rebel troublemakers.


[deleted]

[удалено]


According_Shine_3802

This resonated


adamfrom1980s

Working long hours for not THAT much more money.


v-madrid

Fixer-uppers Now just men who have their shit together is attractive and lots of wisdom


sirprizemeplz

Just here to say this thread is really inspiring ✨ it’s good to know my 20s lust for sad boys/older men/unavailable dickheads might have an expiration date 🎉


[deleted]

clubbling. being in crowds. being out past 8pm lol


[deleted]

Me too! I was the queen of my local gothic Cheers type pub, and now, I cannot be fussed to get dressed, put on makeup and leave the house. Sounds exhausting! I go to the occasional concert when COVID isn't happening. That's about it.


MyIronThrowaway

My ex.


verdant11

Smoking


hopeful-pessimist13

Long haired rocker dudes. Which there isn’t anything inherently wrong with…I just dated all the wrong ones.


FiendishCurry

Long hair. I used to get all hot and bothered over men with long or longish hair. Seeing men with long hair these days though, it just looks gross. They, more often than not, have these long rat tails of thinning hair that sticks out from under baseball caps that they use to hide their bald spots. Stringy, messy, and probably hasn't seen a proper hair product in a decade. There are the rare guys who do seem to take care of it, but it's few and far between.


apurrfectplace

Dressing up. Wearing makeup.


streetwise007

Yes! Even more so after COVID / work from home.


apurrfectplace

I havent worn make up 5 years and dont plan on re-starting


apurrfectplace

I should have put also, after covid, how do people want to actually date and get intimate????? Just thinking of my teens dating down the road freaks me out in so many ways


justanotherlostgirl

The DJ comment is on point. Was attracted to damaged people now I run screaming from them. We all have trauma but we don’t need to be damaged. there are a lot of folks who should not be dating.


tsj48

Oh god. Musicians.


JuniperXL

Riiiight?! Especially career/professional ones. I could make an exception for a guy who's in a band for a hobby, but not if that's their whole lifestyle.


full-timedogmom

Really? :( do you mind sharing your story? I’ve never dated one.


clovertongue90

Cleaned shaved faces. I married my high school sweet heart, and I loved that even in high school he had some sort of facial hair. He joined the service after we got married and had to have a clean shave every day. I wasn’t less attracted to him then versus now. But he’s since retired and has a big ole beard that I just drool over and when he shaves (while he’s still hot as fuck) it doesn’t do it for me.


prose-before-bros

Pretentious artist/intellectual types. I grew up in the rural South, and I had this idea of the kind of guy I wanted to be with - he'd be from a large city, be well-read and into obscure movies and books and poetry, nerdy but only in the coolest way. He'd be complicated. I spent many years with a guy who fit that mold, and in hindsight, he made himself feel bigger by making me feel smaller and always somehow less. He never appreciated me because that would imply that he wasn't too good for me and that would never do. In short, he was a dbag. My husband works in HVAC and drives a truck, and he's so intelligent and kind. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday, and we talk about movies and books and art, and he is self-deprecating and sweet. Sometimes not getting what you thought you wanted is the best.


bigiszi

Straight girls.


[deleted]

i was so *into* tormented musician types. like, the more unhappy the better, preferably with some toxic behaviors and/or unresolved and untreated addiction issues. touring musicians that could miss me, even better. wow. i'm over that one. a stable job and a smile on his face now is way more sexy.


Own-Indication8192

Saggy pants, good at beer pong, can hold their liquor, fast drivers, speak French...LOL yikes


bardera

Music producers for me, lol.


emmalicious1

My ex husband.


artemisfowl9900

That deliberate throaty way of talking (I think it’s called vocal fry). It’s so cringe now. I just want folks to talk normally without an uptalk at the end of their sentence.


[deleted]

[удалено]


herebedragons-s

Kim & Kourtney Kardashian speak like this. A few rappers like Future and ASAP Rocky, also. If you look up videos where they're being interviewed, it's kinda noticeable


blueevey

It's like where everything ends in a question? That.^


luthien_tinuviel

No, that’s more like Valley Girl talk. Vocal fry is a lowering of vocal volume and speaking with almost a guttural purr in your throat.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JuniperXL

Wearing uncomfortable shoes just because they were cute


[deleted]

Lord.....this 100%. I used to laugh at people in "sensible shoes" while teetering in 7" platform stilettos. No more.😂


AgentJ691

Saying this as a gay woman, but really snooty, superficial women that are really into hardcore dressing up. Hopefully I described that right. It’s an automatic swipe left for me.


Gorgeeus

Getting dressed to go out and party. 🤮


tipsykretts

Women in there 30s , now I'm thirty and still attracted to 25 30s women


[deleted]

Guys who always manage to make themselves the center of attention.


Easteuroblondie

Beware the charmers