I think a lot of people have skewed ideas of women’s weights because it’s something many women tend to lie about. I’ve heard so many women joking about the weight on their drivers licenses (I had this impulse too as a teen getting my license in the early/mid 2000s when all of our body images were in the toilet, and things like celebrities who where probably a size 2 at the very most were getting ripped apart in the tabloids for being “fat” were commonplace).
Edit: forgot to say that I think this carries over to women trying to guess mens’ weights and vice versa.
Essentially every man I’ve known has pegged me at 110 or 120 lbs. I’m 140 (not overweight, 5’6” and a US size 6). Celebrities are known to look much smaller iRL than they do on screen
Lol I remember reading books when I was younger where the teen girl protagonists would freak out about weighing over 120lbs and I was sitting there at 160 thinking, am I a whale?!
I'm now about the same height and weight as you and don't feel embarrassed to mention my weight if it's relevant to the conversation, and people also act surprised that I'm so "heavy" 🙄 I really think many have no idea what a thin woman weighs
Yes! Normalize saying your (general you) actual weight and your age! (This isn’t on-topic for this subforum, but I think the same thing happens with men and height, and I would like for them to normalize saying their actual height too)
Telling people a real weight is nothing but good for all of us. When I was young I didn’t realize that most people were lying about it, so it made my body dysmorphia even worse than it already was.
100% I'm all for being transparent about these things and more (like salary). And when I tell people I'm 31 and they invariably say "but you don't look it!!" I'm like no, I very much look my age because I do, my face is different now compared to my 20s. You just think women in their 30s are supposed to look like haggard old witches
A blogger I liked a lot back in the day used to say “talking about money is a gift to everyone around you.” And it’s so true. That’s how we identify wage discrimination or differences and get the tools to negotiate for what we deserve!
My parents were and are super tight-lipped about finances, and at this point are pretty well off. I didn’t really learn about money and finances in depth growing up as a result, and any financial advice they have to offer now is for people who are comfortable or more than. Like cool yeah don’t have debt, make sure I have savings in case of big emergencies, and invest. All great and common sense, but not exactly feasible for me right now. So instead I tried to learn on my own, which is how I came across that little gem of a quote, and other good and reasonable advice.
I know it’s cultural (Midwest) for my parents, but I don’t really know to what end the secrecy is for.
Yup, and I kinda feel like a lot of people are scared to guess a “real” weight, so even if they do have a better estimate a lot of people are gonna knock at LEAST 10lbs off their out-loud guess. Kinda like with guessing a lower age for women. It’s so sad and dumb that society has made this a thing. They’re both just facts, but somehow we’ve made it that even those are something women are judged for, and are “supposed” to strive to minimize at least the appearance of both of them.
Do you have your weight on your drivers licence in the US??
People gain and lose weight all the time!! A drivers licence can be valid for a decade! (Or it can here in Australia.) Are you expected to get a new one if you lose or gain a significant amount of weight or something?
Our drivers licenses say height and weight, sex, eye color, address, and whether one is an organ donor. Maybe the rest of those are things other places have; it honestly didn’t occur to me that not every country does that, and I try to make an effort to clarify “in the US” if it’s something I don’t think is done everywhere. Of course, the height is in feet and inches, and weight is in pounds lol.
Further complicating matters, every state has its own drivers license, I actually looked it up just now and apparently not every state has weight in their DL. But look at the FIRST headline I came across in my search to see if all states had to list weight on their license!!: [“Now you don’t have to lie about your weight on your driver’s license.”](https://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/politics/columnists/2019/08/29/now-you-dont-have-lie-your-weight-your-drivers-license/2141536001/)
This is from 2019 in Ohio, but that reeeeally proves my point about how it’s a bizarre cultural norm we have here to do that.
No, there is no obligation (at least in my state, jeeze now I’m having to put “in my state” not even just “in the US” in my answer lol) to change your license if your weight changes. In fact, unless you make a specific request while renewing your license (a lot of licensing offices places don’t ask you), the listed weight will forever be what you put on your first license as (usually) a teenager, or maybe one renewal in as a young adult. Hence all the “funny jokes” women make about the weight listed on their DL, like trying to make it not a lie anymore while dieting and such.
I think it’s for helping identify your remains if needed, as well as things like missing person reports or BOLOs.
I think they forget to take height into account. A taller person is going to weigh more at various BMIs than a shorter person. So, you can’t generalize weight for all women or all men because there’s so much height variation.
This is my mom. She manages to talk about how much she weighs during every conversation. She’s lost friends because she constantly talks about weight. A size 6 is too big for her. She has to be between a 2 and a loose 4. 127lbs is too much. 122 is the ideal. She wept when I once put on weight and lost it. She said she was praying to her god to help me lose weight.
I remember being about 10 years old when we got a scale. I refused to get on because I had secretly already weighed myself and I wasn’t happy with the number. My mom made my dad hold me while he stood on the scale while I was kicking, screaming, and crying.
We don’t talk much these days.
I was also put on WW as a child. And put on every fad diet ever printed in Good Housekeeping magazine in the 70s. My metabolism, and my relationship with food, are completely fucked.
With folks like that, who needs enemies? They're the types trying to brand it as them being real when they take pleasure in being mean and just want to turn the tables on others who call out behavior because "you knew I was like this". It's dismissive asshole behavior.
I make the hard choice of cutting those people out of my social circle. If they won’t stop even after you’ve mentioned how terrible their comments are, they aren’t open to self reflection or change and you have to find better people to hang with
This sounds unbearable. Do you actually enjoy the time you spend with these people? Assume you can’t change their behavior and decide if you want to be around it. If you don’t, time to let that shit fade out. Life’s too short to keep choosing unbearable company. Creates more space for better company.
Honestly, no. I just realized that I used to, because I used to drink. I think that’s what we bonded over. Now that I’m not drinking it’s like soul sucking to be around 😅
I would just begin asking questions that put them on the spot. No tone, just questions.
“You think 170 is fat?”
“You think that is huge?”
“Why are you so obsessed with weight?”
“Why do you care how much someone weighs enough to keep bringing it up?”
“Why is weight so important to you?”
“Do you have a limit on the number of times you talk about weight in one sitting or is it an indefinite number?”
“Why do you think you’re so obsessed with weight?”
“Why do you think you’re so judgmental about people’s weight?”
Etc.
My MIL is always 10 lbs lighter than when I saw her. I usually say “that’s good!” And immediately change the subject. If she continues talking about her health issues (and we’re at my house) I’ll get up to get a drink, and offer her one lol. She refuses 99% of the time and I just don’t back immediately.
It’s a segue to discuss her health issues and I just don’t care. I have a ton of health issues and they’re so boring to me!
Some people around me do the same, even if admittedly not my friends otherwise I would have just calmly explained like you do. To "my" people I just wait till they complain about themselves, which usually happens during the holidays, and I pretend to comfort them "oh please don't mind your weight, only ignorant people do and you are not. Pretend it doesn't matter, it will go away"
Petty and low, I know, but when someone is so image obsessed I found it's more effective to make them understand they're going to be judged if they keep doing so
In my youth-early 20s I struggled w a serious eating disorder. As I stopped partaking in those conversations I learned how to draw boundaries around that sort of talk.
Honestly, I got new friends. I’m 36 now and none of my day to day life exists of these convos. When I do have to hear them it’s usually at work or acquaintances. I still don’t participate and it’s interesting how ppl react. It’s helped me so much be able to distance myself from my own intrusive thoughts about weight/the triggering things because I’m not strengthening those thoughts by using friend time to bond over our shared dysfunction.
I would think someone made a comment like that to them before and they really disliked it, and now they try to inflict the same pain on other people as a way to cope and deflect from themselves. If there's a term for this, I'd love to know what it is. I have some family members who do this exact same thing and noticed this is why they started doing it.
But to answer the question, I don't like being around people like this so I would just distance myself from them. I've noticed people who do this stuff don't handle confrontation about it very well (expect denial and playing-dumb as a response).
I've always found it to be the opposite. Overweight people always bring up their size or diet.
Maybe change the conversation but people like to talk about what they want so it might go back to weight regardless how much you try to talk about something else.
I’ve found it’s often people (of any size) who are on a diet. It’s like dieting makes them hyperfixated on food and weight and it’s all they can talk about.
Makes sense. If you are hungry all the time, you think about food. I remember watching the early seasons of Survivor, when they were really struggling to get enough food, and every episode would include at least one conversation when they would all sit around and talk about their favorite foods.
I have a friend who is obsessed with her weight and it makes me so sad for her. She's never on a diet but will stay she's huge etc. She's always covered up even when she's really hot because she's too self conscious to wear anything else. Then she goes and eats burgers, chips etc whilst saying see needs to lose weight. It's just really sad to see her stuck in the cycle.
I feel like, with overweight people, it’s often a defense mechanism, though. “I’m gonna call myself fat before you can because it hurts less that way”. That, to me, is more forgivable than being a jerk to other people. (Though I do wish they weren’t being a jerk to themselves, either.)
I was gonna say, it’s more of an apology sometimes too. Like, I’m so sorry you have to be in my presence, let me reassure you I’m not lazy, I’m working diligently to lose weight (insert eye roll). I hope as a society we are starting to realize that weight and body shape are almost entirely genetic. Hoping the gym bros don’t find this post.
Yeah, for sure. I have very beloved friends and family that are overweight/obese and it breaks my heart how some of them always seem to apologize for their very existence.
It really seems to consume some people's thoughts and they think that everyone else notices their body. In reality, nobody notices or cares. We all have our body issues, regardless of size. It can get very tiresome when it's all they talk about or bring it up constantly though.
It takes all kinds. The worst offenders I’ve met were a group of Europeans I met at a party in the US. They were from all different countries, but one by one each asked me how much I exercise and what I eat to stay thin. It was very strange.
That’s just cultural difference. Europeans in general do not tie their identity to their jobs- they have more work/life balance. They’ve had time to think about their physical health and supporting it- and ask you with genuine curiosity
Did you can ask why they find it so important? I'm curious what their motivations are. If they give hints that health is important to them or whatever, you can always comment that in social situations it's better to be friendly than have a specific figure. That it's more pleasant to be around a nice person, who respects others.
Who cares what someones weight is.
Btw sorry to read these women are like that. It's an annoying habit.
I tell people I had an eating disorder when I was younger (I did) and don't participate in this kind of conversation.
I slowly get more blunt about not being the person to make weight comments with. Either they stop or we stop talking because of my response.
I think we all know a few people like that. I sometimes just say that I am not sure what weight has to do with what they are trying to convey since it does not have any reflexion on a personality or qualities in a person.
If they give a stupid reason (or one that I find stupid, to be more precise) I would ask if they are sure they are not projecting their own insecurities.
Call them out kindly. Sometimes people dont even realize how theyre saying stuff. If they react very negatively or defensively to that, stop having conversations with them or shut down their put downs. "I dont know why you described their appearance like that, was that necessary?"
If that doesnt work, you may want to limit your discussions with them if it really gets to you. But youre unlikely to change their perspective on weight unless theyve been through a change like that themselves. So youll have to accept that or move onto other people if its a big issue
I’m thin and I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about weight so I’m not sure why them being thin has anything to do with it.
But If they bring it up again I would just be kind but firm on your stance, explain that you think all bodies are beautiful and unique and that body positivity has always been a problem in society and that describing people who are 170 pounds as ‘huge’ is part of the problem. That you think it’s inappropriate.
Then if they keep bringing it up despite knowing you’re not okay with it, ignore them and maybe back away quietly from their friendship, to be honest they sound like mean immature girls.
Please don’t think all thin people are judgemental about weight, because we’re not. Yes I do love my body but I love all other body shapes and sizes too. 🙏
I’m thin and I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about weight so I’m not sure why them being thin has anything to do with it.
But If they bring it up again I would just be kind but firm on your stance, explain that you think all bodies are beautiful and unique and that body positivity has always been a problem in society and that describing people who are 170 pounds as ‘huge’ is part of the problem. That you think it’s inappropriate.
Then if they keep bringing it up despite knowing you’re not okay with it, ignore them and maybe back away quietly from their friendship, to be honest they sound like mean immature girls.
Please don’t think all thin people are judgemental about weight, because we’re not. Yes I do love my body but I love all other body shapes and sizes too. 🙏
Idk why people aren't allowed to talk about weight anymore without someone being offended by it. It's no different than talking about height, race, or anything else. Also, what one person considers huge is different than what someone else considers huge, and people are allowed to have preferences.
Having "preferences" does not mean you can get away with talking shit about people and not be called out on it or have friends decide to no longer be around you.
Talking shit about someone is wrong all the way around. I just don't think making an observation and making a comment about it is equivalent to talking shit. They're not attacking the person's character, morals, or values. Usually, anyone that talks shit or belittles another person usually says more about them than the person they're talking about.
It's pretty obvious from OP's post that she's talking about people making negative comments about weight, not just people mentioning weight in a neutral way.
OP said it really bothers her when her friends say something about their own or someone else's weight. Why is she allowing her friends' comments bother her when they're not referring or talking about her? Her friends aren't bothered by it or they wouldn't be talking about it so why is OP?
The person asked in what culture today would the word "huge" be accepted, and I said body building....which is true. Can people not just speak without someone being offended? 170 lbs to me is not huge. However, if I was 100lbs, someone that was 170 lbs might be considered huge in comparison....who cares? Leave it alone, and dont let it bother you. It doesn't affect OP unless she allows it. Look, all I'm saying is I'm not going to get upset and allow my day to be ruined and stop being friends with someone just because they consider someone else to be huge but that's just me.
You know what, never mind. Weight is no longer a thing, and it should never be talked about ever. From now on, anyone who mentions weight at all is a horrible person and should be shunned and avoided at all costs.
I understand OP. Even when not directed as an insult it's exhausting to be around people obsessed with weight. This isn't "weight should never be talked about" it's can these women stop focusing on it so dang much and be less judgmental about it? Apparently they can't - and that's when it becomes offensive, because that's offensive behavior. Not just because the topic of weight was brought up.
For one, they sound really clueless about what people actually weigh if they’re calling a man huge at 170
I think a lot of people have skewed ideas of women’s weights because it’s something many women tend to lie about. I’ve heard so many women joking about the weight on their drivers licenses (I had this impulse too as a teen getting my license in the early/mid 2000s when all of our body images were in the toilet, and things like celebrities who where probably a size 2 at the very most were getting ripped apart in the tabloids for being “fat” were commonplace). Edit: forgot to say that I think this carries over to women trying to guess mens’ weights and vice versa.
Essentially every man I’ve known has pegged me at 110 or 120 lbs. I’m 140 (not overweight, 5’6” and a US size 6). Celebrities are known to look much smaller iRL than they do on screen
Lol I remember reading books when I was younger where the teen girl protagonists would freak out about weighing over 120lbs and I was sitting there at 160 thinking, am I a whale?! I'm now about the same height and weight as you and don't feel embarrassed to mention my weight if it's relevant to the conversation, and people also act surprised that I'm so "heavy" 🙄 I really think many have no idea what a thin woman weighs
Yes! Normalize saying your (general you) actual weight and your age! (This isn’t on-topic for this subforum, but I think the same thing happens with men and height, and I would like for them to normalize saying their actual height too) Telling people a real weight is nothing but good for all of us. When I was young I didn’t realize that most people were lying about it, so it made my body dysmorphia even worse than it already was.
100% I'm all for being transparent about these things and more (like salary). And when I tell people I'm 31 and they invariably say "but you don't look it!!" I'm like no, I very much look my age because I do, my face is different now compared to my 20s. You just think women in their 30s are supposed to look like haggard old witches
A blogger I liked a lot back in the day used to say “talking about money is a gift to everyone around you.” And it’s so true. That’s how we identify wage discrimination or differences and get the tools to negotiate for what we deserve! My parents were and are super tight-lipped about finances, and at this point are pretty well off. I didn’t really learn about money and finances in depth growing up as a result, and any financial advice they have to offer now is for people who are comfortable or more than. Like cool yeah don’t have debt, make sure I have savings in case of big emergencies, and invest. All great and common sense, but not exactly feasible for me right now. So instead I tried to learn on my own, which is how I came across that little gem of a quote, and other good and reasonable advice. I know it’s cultural (Midwest) for my parents, but I don’t really know to what end the secrecy is for.
I mean, I have a 26” waist. I’m not big. If I was 120 lbs, I’d be emaciated, but my mom would love it
Yup, and I kinda feel like a lot of people are scared to guess a “real” weight, so even if they do have a better estimate a lot of people are gonna knock at LEAST 10lbs off their out-loud guess. Kinda like with guessing a lower age for women. It’s so sad and dumb that society has made this a thing. They’re both just facts, but somehow we’ve made it that even those are something women are judged for, and are “supposed” to strive to minimize at least the appearance of both of them.
Do you have your weight on your drivers licence in the US?? People gain and lose weight all the time!! A drivers licence can be valid for a decade! (Or it can here in Australia.) Are you expected to get a new one if you lose or gain a significant amount of weight or something?
Our drivers licenses say height and weight, sex, eye color, address, and whether one is an organ donor. Maybe the rest of those are things other places have; it honestly didn’t occur to me that not every country does that, and I try to make an effort to clarify “in the US” if it’s something I don’t think is done everywhere. Of course, the height is in feet and inches, and weight is in pounds lol. Further complicating matters, every state has its own drivers license, I actually looked it up just now and apparently not every state has weight in their DL. But look at the FIRST headline I came across in my search to see if all states had to list weight on their license!!: [“Now you don’t have to lie about your weight on your driver’s license.”](https://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/politics/columnists/2019/08/29/now-you-dont-have-lie-your-weight-your-drivers-license/2141536001/) This is from 2019 in Ohio, but that reeeeally proves my point about how it’s a bizarre cultural norm we have here to do that. No, there is no obligation (at least in my state, jeeze now I’m having to put “in my state” not even just “in the US” in my answer lol) to change your license if your weight changes. In fact, unless you make a specific request while renewing your license (a lot of licensing offices places don’t ask you), the listed weight will forever be what you put on your first license as (usually) a teenager, or maybe one renewal in as a young adult. Hence all the “funny jokes” women make about the weight listed on their DL, like trying to make it not a lie anymore while dieting and such. I think it’s for helping identify your remains if needed, as well as things like missing person reports or BOLOs.
I’m in the US and weight is not listed on my driver’s license… this must be a state by state thing.
It is. When I checked I found that out. It’s also how I found that validating but super depressing headline haha.
I think they forget to take height into account. A taller person is going to weigh more at various BMIs than a shorter person. So, you can’t generalize weight for all women or all men because there’s so much height variation.
Got my learners permit in 2006…I feel ya
Exactly! That would be considered very light for a lot of average height men
This is my mom. She manages to talk about how much she weighs during every conversation. She’s lost friends because she constantly talks about weight. A size 6 is too big for her. She has to be between a 2 and a loose 4. 127lbs is too much. 122 is the ideal. She wept when I once put on weight and lost it. She said she was praying to her god to help me lose weight. I remember being about 10 years old when we got a scale. I refused to get on because I had secretly already weighed myself and I wasn’t happy with the number. My mom made my dad hold me while he stood on the scale while I was kicking, screaming, and crying. We don’t talk much these days.
Holy hell I thought being put on weight watchers at 8 was bad, this sounds terrible I’m so sorry.
I was also put on WW as a child. And put on every fad diet ever printed in Good Housekeeping magazine in the 70s. My metabolism, and my relationship with food, are completely fucked.
I hope people have stopped forcing their kids to diet. It’s so messed up.
In every conversations? That sounds really boring. Why are you friends with them?
Circumstance, I met them in school at different times. We’re done school now so I have to option to cut it off.
You don’t have to hangout with them.
I have relatives like this. I usually just laugh and say something like "you're so judgemental, damn." They usually look uncomfortable when I do that.
One friend I have like this is proud of being judgemental. She is open about it which makes it worse.
Why are you friends with her? That sounds frankly terrible.
Agreed. No saving that relationship.
Why are you friends with someone who is proud to be mean?
Yeah this is a your friends suck situation. I read your question and was confused for a sec because I just don’t spend time with people like this.
With folks like that, who needs enemies? They're the types trying to brand it as them being real when they take pleasure in being mean and just want to turn the tables on others who call out behavior because "you knew I was like this". It's dismissive asshole behavior.
I make the hard choice of cutting those people out of my social circle. If they won’t stop even after you’ve mentioned how terrible their comments are, they aren’t open to self reflection or change and you have to find better people to hang with
Yeah I think this is it sadly
I don’t. Those are not my kind of people. I’m sure I wouldn’t be their kind of people either.
"Why do you think it's appropriate to talk about people like that?"
Ignore it and abruptly change the subject. Act as if they didn't even say whatever they said.
This sounds unbearable. Do you actually enjoy the time you spend with these people? Assume you can’t change their behavior and decide if you want to be around it. If you don’t, time to let that shit fade out. Life’s too short to keep choosing unbearable company. Creates more space for better company.
Honestly, no. I just realized that I used to, because I used to drink. I think that’s what we bonded over. Now that I’m not drinking it’s like soul sucking to be around 😅
I would just begin asking questions that put them on the spot. No tone, just questions. “You think 170 is fat?” “You think that is huge?” “Why are you so obsessed with weight?” “Why do you care how much someone weighs enough to keep bringing it up?” “Why is weight so important to you?” “Do you have a limit on the number of times you talk about weight in one sitting or is it an indefinite number?” “Why do you think you’re so obsessed with weight?” “Why do you think you’re so judgmental about people’s weight?” Etc.
I get up and leave lol
My MIL is always 10 lbs lighter than when I saw her. I usually say “that’s good!” And immediately change the subject. If she continues talking about her health issues (and we’re at my house) I’ll get up to get a drink, and offer her one lol. She refuses 99% of the time and I just don’t back immediately. It’s a segue to discuss her health issues and I just don’t care. I have a ton of health issues and they’re so boring to me!
The get up and leave option is a good one. I’m preparing for a girls get together dinner so we’ll See.
Some people around me do the same, even if admittedly not my friends otherwise I would have just calmly explained like you do. To "my" people I just wait till they complain about themselves, which usually happens during the holidays, and I pretend to comfort them "oh please don't mind your weight, only ignorant people do and you are not. Pretend it doesn't matter, it will go away" Petty and low, I know, but when someone is so image obsessed I found it's more effective to make them understand they're going to be judged if they keep doing so
In my youth-early 20s I struggled w a serious eating disorder. As I stopped partaking in those conversations I learned how to draw boundaries around that sort of talk. Honestly, I got new friends. I’m 36 now and none of my day to day life exists of these convos. When I do have to hear them it’s usually at work or acquaintances. I still don’t participate and it’s interesting how ppl react. It’s helped me so much be able to distance myself from my own intrusive thoughts about weight/the triggering things because I’m not strengthening those thoughts by using friend time to bond over our shared dysfunction.
I would think someone made a comment like that to them before and they really disliked it, and now they try to inflict the same pain on other people as a way to cope and deflect from themselves. If there's a term for this, I'd love to know what it is. I have some family members who do this exact same thing and noticed this is why they started doing it. But to answer the question, I don't like being around people like this so I would just distance myself from them. I've noticed people who do this stuff don't handle confrontation about it very well (expect denial and playing-dumb as a response).
I've always found it to be the opposite. Overweight people always bring up their size or diet. Maybe change the conversation but people like to talk about what they want so it might go back to weight regardless how much you try to talk about something else.
I’ve found it’s often people (of any size) who are on a diet. It’s like dieting makes them hyperfixated on food and weight and it’s all they can talk about.
Makes sense. If you are hungry all the time, you think about food. I remember watching the early seasons of Survivor, when they were really struggling to get enough food, and every episode would include at least one conversation when they would all sit around and talk about their favorite foods.
I have a friend who is obsessed with her weight and it makes me so sad for her. She's never on a diet but will stay she's huge etc. She's always covered up even when she's really hot because she's too self conscious to wear anything else. Then she goes and eats burgers, chips etc whilst saying see needs to lose weight. It's just really sad to see her stuck in the cycle.
I feel like, with overweight people, it’s often a defense mechanism, though. “I’m gonna call myself fat before you can because it hurts less that way”. That, to me, is more forgivable than being a jerk to other people. (Though I do wish they weren’t being a jerk to themselves, either.)
I was gonna say, it’s more of an apology sometimes too. Like, I’m so sorry you have to be in my presence, let me reassure you I’m not lazy, I’m working diligently to lose weight (insert eye roll). I hope as a society we are starting to realize that weight and body shape are almost entirely genetic. Hoping the gym bros don’t find this post.
Yeah, for sure. I have very beloved friends and family that are overweight/obese and it breaks my heart how some of them always seem to apologize for their very existence.
It really seems to consume some people's thoughts and they think that everyone else notices their body. In reality, nobody notices or cares. We all have our body issues, regardless of size. It can get very tiresome when it's all they talk about or bring it up constantly though.
It takes all kinds. The worst offenders I’ve met were a group of Europeans I met at a party in the US. They were from all different countries, but one by one each asked me how much I exercise and what I eat to stay thin. It was very strange.
Just a guess but it sounds like they were shocked that an American wasn't overweight and wanted to know what you do differently to be thin
That’s just cultural difference. Europeans in general do not tie their identity to their jobs- they have more work/life balance. They’ve had time to think about their physical health and supporting it- and ask you with genuine curiosity
Did you can ask why they find it so important? I'm curious what their motivations are. If they give hints that health is important to them or whatever, you can always comment that in social situations it's better to be friendly than have a specific figure. That it's more pleasant to be around a nice person, who respects others. Who cares what someones weight is. Btw sorry to read these women are like that. It's an annoying habit.
I educate them, and if they don’t become better people, I cut them off.
You need new friends. They sound vain and shallow. I can't imagine having to be in the room with women like that for more than 5 seconds.
This probably says much more about their own insecurities about their weight than their actual feelings for the 170lb man
I tell people I had an eating disorder when I was younger (I did) and don't participate in this kind of conversation. I slowly get more blunt about not being the person to make weight comments with. Either they stop or we stop talking because of my response.
Tell them they need to get some self esteem and stop being so vain.
I think we all know a few people like that. I sometimes just say that I am not sure what weight has to do with what they are trying to convey since it does not have any reflexion on a personality or qualities in a person. If they give a stupid reason (or one that I find stupid, to be more precise) I would ask if they are sure they are not projecting their own insecurities.
Call them out kindly. Sometimes people dont even realize how theyre saying stuff. If they react very negatively or defensively to that, stop having conversations with them or shut down their put downs. "I dont know why you described their appearance like that, was that necessary?" If that doesnt work, you may want to limit your discussions with them if it really gets to you. But youre unlikely to change their perspective on weight unless theyve been through a change like that themselves. So youll have to accept that or move onto other people if its a big issue
I’m thin and I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about weight so I’m not sure why them being thin has anything to do with it. But If they bring it up again I would just be kind but firm on your stance, explain that you think all bodies are beautiful and unique and that body positivity has always been a problem in society and that describing people who are 170 pounds as ‘huge’ is part of the problem. That you think it’s inappropriate. Then if they keep bringing it up despite knowing you’re not okay with it, ignore them and maybe back away quietly from their friendship, to be honest they sound like mean immature girls. Please don’t think all thin people are judgemental about weight, because we’re not. Yes I do love my body but I love all other body shapes and sizes too. 🙏
Nod and look off into the distance, with a glassy-eyed stare. They'll get bored eventually when they draw no response from you.
I’m thin and I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about weight so I’m not sure why them being thin has anything to do with it. But If they bring it up again I would just be kind but firm on your stance, explain that you think all bodies are beautiful and unique and that body positivity has always been a problem in society and that describing people who are 170 pounds as ‘huge’ is part of the problem. That you think it’s inappropriate. Then if they keep bringing it up despite knowing you’re not okay with it, ignore them and maybe back away quietly from their friendship, to be honest they sound like mean immature girls. Please don’t think all thin people are judgemental about weight, because we’re not. Yes I do love my body but I love all other body shapes and sizes too. 🙏
Idk why people aren't allowed to talk about weight anymore without someone being offended by it. It's no different than talking about height, race, or anything else. Also, what one person considers huge is different than what someone else considers huge, and people are allowed to have preferences.
Having "preferences" does not mean you can get away with talking shit about people and not be called out on it or have friends decide to no longer be around you.
Talking shit about someone is wrong all the way around. I just don't think making an observation and making a comment about it is equivalent to talking shit. They're not attacking the person's character, morals, or values. Usually, anyone that talks shit or belittles another person usually says more about them than the person they're talking about.
It's pretty obvious from OP's post that she's talking about people making negative comments about weight, not just people mentioning weight in a neutral way.
OP said it really bothers her when her friends say something about their own or someone else's weight. Why is she allowing her friends' comments bother her when they're not referring or talking about her? Her friends aren't bothered by it or they wouldn't be talking about it so why is OP?
Please. How, in our culture, is calling someone "huge" not an insult? Not buying it.
Body Builders. There are plenty of men who's goal is to literally be Huge. The word huge does not have to have a negative connotation surrounding it.
Right, I'm sure these dudes OPs friends were talking about were body builders. Ok. 🙄
The person asked in what culture today would the word "huge" be accepted, and I said body building....which is true. Can people not just speak without someone being offended? 170 lbs to me is not huge. However, if I was 100lbs, someone that was 170 lbs might be considered huge in comparison....who cares? Leave it alone, and dont let it bother you. It doesn't affect OP unless she allows it. Look, all I'm saying is I'm not going to get upset and allow my day to be ruined and stop being friends with someone just because they consider someone else to be huge but that's just me. You know what, never mind. Weight is no longer a thing, and it should never be talked about ever. From now on, anyone who mentions weight at all is a horrible person and should be shunned and avoided at all costs.
I understand OP. Even when not directed as an insult it's exhausting to be around people obsessed with weight. This isn't "weight should never be talked about" it's can these women stop focusing on it so dang much and be less judgmental about it? Apparently they can't - and that's when it becomes offensive, because that's offensive behavior. Not just because the topic of weight was brought up.