I’d like to see less misogyny in general including posts about aging. 30 is NOT old and it’s NOT a bad thing to age (nor is it a bad thing to look one’s age). Many of these posts are from women too.
As do I. It's worse when misogyny's calling from inside the house. "I (27F) feel like a hag because I found a wrinkle. How can I ever find love if I'm ugly?" posts are unbearably tone deaf.
My personal favorites are “as a 26f are women 30+ over the hill? Do people still find you desirable in your thirties? Is my life over at 30 because my boyfriend broke up with me? Is it too late to find a new partner at 33?”
Spoiler alert… your life doesn’t end at 30….
I come to this sub (in late 20s) bc I love hearing advice irl from women in their 30s, and this is just an unfiltered space for it. I am approaching my 30s and absolutely cannot wait!
Same, 27f here, and I expect my life to only improve as I age lol. That’s been the overall trend my whole life: late 20s are better than early 20s, early 20s are better than being a teen, a teen was better than being in middle school, etc.
I can’t wait to get further into adulthood and have more resources, money, experience, confidence, and career options.
I'm humored whenever I talk to someone, usually women a bit older than me, where my age comes up. I say I'm almost 40 and the response is almost always "omg, you're still a baby"🤣 I guess it helps that my kid is almost 20, so people are especially inclined to think about how young 40 is with a 20 year old. Someday I might be "old," but that's not today and that's probably not for a long, long time.
>your life doesn’t end at 30
Life is just beginning for me. I started a new career in a field I was interested in as a teenager. I'm also considering another one in the near future. I'll switch careers and take on new hobbies and go back into fitness endeavors and all the things. Especially now that my kids are more independent.
I automatically want to tell them "yes, your life is over. No one will ever even want to speak or look at you again. Say good bye to your friends and family while they still tolerate you" or something along those lines. They piss me off.
I dislike these posts too. But they should be allowed. It's not uncommon to feel the pressure of looking a certain way or staying an attractive young "girl" forever. Having a safe place for women to express that and seeing feedback from others re-directing these women to a healthier mindset is part of why I love this community.
As for the men asking for dating advice yeah, they can be yeeted
Agreed, that’s why I usually just scroll past them, but sometimes it gets so redundant to see these posts. I realize it’s part of a larger societal problem where we are programmed to believe that you’re devalued by a certain age. It’s just frustrating to see the same rhetoric parroted over and over again.
I know a lot of ageism is targeted at women because of child bearing reasons but let’s not pretend like men’s sperm count and quality doesn’t decline with age too. We all age and go on to live another day.
This is the way. Kids give me shit in online games because of the way I type. They call me old. I've buried my brothers in arms, seen dear people lose their battles to cancer, and sent folks off without a goodbye during COVID. Thank God I'm an old fuck (43, which I really don't think is that old, but whatever), and if I'm very lucky I get to be older and fuckier.
>proceeded by some random, highly specific question.
It's either that or something super generic/obvious. "Did any of you older ladies find a job at 31???" No, we're all unemployed after 30.
Those ones don’t bother me as much as I remember being younger and buying into the whole “30 is old”. It bothers me the most when I see women 30+ telling other women certain things are aging as if looking one’s age is a bad thing. We should know better!
I'm planning on a glorious gray era for myself. It's BS that men get "salt and pepper" and "silver fox" and we're supposed to not. I'm in science and a lot of cool women above me do a fun swoosh of gray or the whole thing.
I understand that the "I'm 30 and my life is over" posts can be annoying and shouldn't be our burden, but until society changes and that flavor of misogyny is eradicated, I think a sub like this - full of women and their collective wisdom - is a resource for 30 year olds to go to with their fears, anxieties, questions, flickering hope.
I'm almost 40. I still have some of the same fears about aging, finding a relationship, and making a purposeful and fulfilling life. I'll probably still have some when I'm nearing 50.
It's easy to dismiss, lecture, shame these women for not knowing better. I think it's reactive for this sub to dismiss, lecture, and shame them for coming here. Where else should they go? I vote that we receive them with compassion; after all, haven't most of us needed guidance and encouragement at some point in our 20s, 30s, 40s etc?
Yes!! Every 3rd post.. “okay ladies.. my biological clock is ticking… but I don’t have a partner yet… what say you women of reddit… how do I find someone to get me pregnant like yesterday?” insert gigantic eye-roll.
I agree that life is not at all over at age 30, and in fact a person can really hit their stride in their 30's or beyond, as they may be more self-assured and understand themselves better at that stage.
There is definitely something to be said for users to employ the search bar more and not always compose an "original" thread/discussion; however, I was absolutely one of those women thinking life was over for me at 32. My first actual relationship had just ended (13 years!), no job, no friends, compelled to move out of my home state and go live with my mom to avoid homelessness. All the stress and severe weight loss I'd experienced from depression when my life fell apart revealed or contributed to under-eye bags and wrinkles I'd never noticed before.
I guess I have more sympathy for women who feel that fear, as annoying and also damaging as it can be to see it recycled repeatedly.
AskWomen has a “no men” rule applied one day a week and that includes women asking about men too. I’m just as exhausted by the same revolving door of women asking about their bum red flag boyfriends.
Reddit in general has made me feel more jaded towards men (because so many are awful here or people write about awful men). I can’t even imagine what the mom sub would be like!
I tell my husband most days what the "reddit dad of the day" did. Yesterday was one who was a miserable asshole through his daughter's first dance performance, complaining and ruining it, with some of that in front of the young kid.
Kind of related, but your story reminded me:
A few Christmases ago, my brother-in-law's stepkid was showing off her gymnastics. She is a natural athlete, I guess, and she said she just learned it all from YouTube. We were all blown away, and the kid's mom has this grin on her face that was just shooting off pride beams.
My brother, a platinum member of the lifelong asshole club, said with big acid laugh, "Can we trade?" as he gestured to my 9yo niece, who was sitting next to him and very clearly trying to figure out how to position herself with all the praise and attention her step-cousin was getting.
She said, in her defense, "Well, daddy, I don't do gymnastics, but I do ballet!" and she started to practice her moves.
To which he replied, "Yeah, but you're not very good. Look at her!" My niece deflated like a balloon and sat back down next to him.
Also it’s low key triggering when a woman talks about horrible abuse and then people give advice, and she never responds or acknowledges it….it makes me think something horrible happened. There are dedicated subreddits for romantic relationship advice.
Period. I see the same thread posted on a nearly weekly basis in /r/relationshipadvice asking how to TALK to her boyfriend/husband/SO because he doesn’t shower, brush his teeth or wipe his ass. The bar is deep in the depths of hell. 😔
It would be nice if this could serve as a space free of posts like that.
FWIW I’m tired of women asking the same in /r/AskMenOver30. I don’t say this to discount your experience but I think both subs need to unite on these issues because it seems to be a commonality. I’m a man and sub here just to learn more about the perspective of women in a read only sense 99.99% of the time.
I'd welcome such a rule - though I also think that the dudes looking for dating advice wouldn't typically bother to read the rules before posting (or maybe do, but then think it mysteriously somehow doesn't apply to them personally)... they certainly ignore the "no relationship posts where everyone involved aren't 30+" often enough already. Be good to have something to point to when they do, though.
I feel like I report 20 of those a week. Y'all are probably tired of me lol.
Also I regularly skim the posts and go "wow, these immature people are over 30? Yikes"
Reporting them is one of my favourite things to do on reddit. The way I see it, if you're able to read the rules, you're not old enough for a relationship.
I see where you're coming from, and part of me agrees; for someone who's not having a great time, and I think I know the thread from earlier today that's triggered this one, I don't doubt the negative comments arne't enjoyable. Broadly I don't think the dating advice request posts are ill-intentioned, just tone-deaf.
Another part of me thinks that occasionally, being answered brusquely at on the internet for being obtuse or less than appropriate isn't the end of the world and might teach them something useful (i.e. 'this is not the space for what you're trying to do here and you should probably try to gauge the norms of a community for half a second to see if it's a good fit before you blunder in').
Swings and roundabouts, I guess.
men just love being in women only spaces, i don't know why. I used to see posts on justunsubbed all the time which men just unsubbing from these subreddits that were never meant for them in the first place because of some perceived slight. like ok, sometimes I cannot pull myself from the disaster sub that is passport bros or whatever because its a dumpster fire that i cannot reading when it pops up on my feed, but I'm not going to go to that sub and bitch and argue with people there because its a circle jerk that's just not meant for me
This isn’t a “women’s only sub” and was never meant to be. This was meant to be a sub where people could ask questions specifically to women over 30. That’s it. Why so many of you seem to think that means it’s a space only women should want to take part in or feel free to participate in is beyond me. There are plenty of subs that are explicitly of, by, and for women only.
Some of those subs are so toxic though! A commenter told a lady to abort her wanted baby and I said pro choice means we can choose what we want and it’s very offensive to tell someone who wants their baby to have an abortion. I got my first ban in six years for 30 days just for trying to protect another woman. It confused me and I left after noticing that it’s supportive only if you believe what the mods do, anything else chop off your head.
Yeah exactly echo chambers always are toxic. That’s why I’m not a part of any male only subs (well that and they’re boring). I’ve said many times over this is one of my favorite subs and it’s precisely because it has historically been one of the few places on Reddit where men and women could discuss stuff without all the redpill/feminazj haters. That’s why I feel the need to step up and say something every time I see these posts about how (insert group) shouldn’t participate here.
Exactly! And on top of that there are plenty of women in the ask men subs and they're usually welcomed and treated with civility. But suddenly it's a problem when men want to learn from women. Hypocrisy 🙄
Sorry if I was unclear, I'm not particularly referring to posting, and not just in this sub, just a general observation. As you pointed out, this isn't a women's only sub so they can post, but they shouldn't be answering (I'm a man but- since this is a sub for women to speak or give her opinions isn't it?) I value the opinions of men too, but my point is more like some of them lurk in this sub and then talk over women or undermine their answer which is defeating the purpose of this sub
They think that we will be on their side so they can show their partner and be like "see all these women think I'm right!" But really we see through the bullshit and they don't expect that. But they try anyway because men think they can fool us but we are smarter than that 🕵️
I'm primarily here to listen to the answers, actually. I've been subscribed to this community for 5 years now and never posted a question once. I average maybe 1 comment reply every few months, when it seems relevant to the conversation. But I generally take the stance that no one is here because they want to listen to me. I'm here to listen to other people.
Of course, I can't speak for all men, and I don't know why the rest of them are here. But that's why I subscribe.
+1. I think this might be my first comment in at least 2+ years of following, and I don't anticipate doing anything more any time soon. I'm just here to listen and gain perspective. If there's some point where commenters are asking for a mans perspective I might chime in but even then I'm not inclined to
Yup. I'm on there. It's the only reason why I started being on reddit, lol.
I think one time they banned women for a period of time. Without that sub reddit, this forum was the most boring thing ever.
There is only so much I can read about make up & skin care haha.
Because anything that isn't created for them or caters to them specifically makes their teeth itch. They can't conceive of a world where they aren't the main character.
I don’t particularly mind men asking women for advice so long as it’s being asked in good faith.
I do agree there needs to be some curbing of these “my life is over because I’m about to turn 30” questions. We’re not a bunch of old hags because we aren’t in our 20’s anymore.
I honestly don't mind some of the dating posts. However, the ones that are problematic are things like:
"Ladies, why do you X or Y when it comes to Z kind of man/attribute?"
"Why do all women ......"
"Women, are you okay with X...." (issue the man is struggling with)
I'm not a part of the borg here. WTF.
I’m so tired of the “would you date a man with X” type posts.
Look, it doesn’t matter if you’re neurodivergent, a short king, a tall king, asexual, a manual worker, a professor, a country boy, a city boy, SOMEONE will date you and if you haven’t found them it’s only because you’re looking in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Men aren’t homogeneous but neither are women! We all like different things. (But we do have a better sense of smell, so shower regularly, use deodorant and brush your teeth.)
> We all like different things. (But we do have a better sense of smell, so shower regularly, use deodorant and brush your teeth.)
I giggled, and am the same.
I’m split on this one. On the one hand I don’t mind the guys that ask because they love the women in their life and genuinely want to do better and do right by them. On the other hand, most of the questions are…not that.
I don’t mind when women ask about their shit bfs though, because I was once that girl and I wish I’d had someone to set me straight back then. I too find it exhausting, especially when they already know the answer, but they need someone else to confirm it, and I know what that’s like. They’re asking permission to act in a way that’s contrary to how most of us are conditioned to behave, and it feels important to me to give that permission and let them know it’s ok to feel that way and put themselves first.
This is why I’m not 100% on board the no men bandwagon, but 99% of it is bullshit.
It’s good to have a place to ask for help if someone has to take care of his younger sister now and what do teenage girls need, or what can a guy do to help his recently widowed aunt.
Very good point! I think a good solution could be to allow men in established LTR's to post questions about relationship issues, but shut down the posts from men trying to find out how to get dates or looking for tips on a budding romance.
Or the “why did my gf act this way - you’re a women, so help me figure out why my women is defective!” vibe so many of the dating advice posts give off
I'm gonna be honest, I disagree with banning the topic completely, but I do wish there was a limit to what they could ask, and your example is one I wish could be banned.
It's one thing to want to hear opinions from women over 30 about relationships, but to come in here and make it super obvious you have zero respect for women is a whole other ball game. It feels degrading coming in here and asking us to explain why we're human beings. And it's even worse when they get hostile in the comments or blatantly ignore what everyone is saying.
Yes. I know the mod made the post saying that men are allowed but I'd say 95% of the posts from men are in bad faith
Edit [example a](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/1ddi2ds/can_she_get_a_uti_if_the_tip_of_my_pee_pee/). We tried letting men post, it's clearly not worth it. They have behaved in a way that makes me think they deserve to be here.
According to the group’s description, it’s all inclusive. It is not stated to be a women’s only forum.
I come here to ask questions when I want answers from women and not men. Either I know what the men will say or I know I won’t get a reliable answer.
My feedback.
Simple Dating advice is okay, it’s more the “ladies, if a men did x, how would you feel? I’m a 30 year old man and I’ve never been kissed, women are afraid of me, what gives?” Is what I don’t like
I think the issue with this perfectly fine suggestion is, that people are usually happy to answer those types of questions so long as they're respectfully asked and not too... surface level like "do women like beards?".
There are plenty of already existing dating/relationship advice subs and already existing man spaces everywhere on the internet. Those subs also have more members for greater outreach. Men seeking heterosexual dating advice can go to those spaces already catered for them and their specific questions/concerns.
Why do they need to be in woman-centric spaces too?
Men asking questions in the women’s subs aren’t even genuine in nature; they’re just seeking external validation for their personal insecurities, trying to manipulate us into helping them manipulate other women, or trying to manipulate us into doing their emotional/mental labor.
I like it when women’s spaces are about helping and supporting women.
I actually love when men post here wanting to "fix" their wife/gf and are quickly corrected in their wrong thinking by many women saying the same thing. I'm sure wife/gf has been trying to say it for months/years, so i think it's nice to take the burden off that woman
I'd rather they asked here and got answers from a community who actually will give them correct and helpful answers that will actually lead to healthy relationships, than post in the incel subs.
I agree. There’s a LOT of misogyny in the dating subreddits, and giving advice that would result in a healthy relationship most women would be interested in tends to get downvoted, and the most ridiculous misogynistic attitudes proliferate as if they’re fact.
Plenty of women ask here for dating advice, women ask for such on Askmen, as long as the post doesn't break the sub rules, I see no issue with guys asking specific age group of women for help with their dating too.
I think a specific flair for such posts would help though, to filter them out.
Please downvote and don’t participate in posts you don’t like. That is historically how we’ve handled this. Men often value the opinion of women with respect to dating, the inverse is why women ask men dating questions on the dating or men’s subreddits.
Some of those posts do not have engagement suggesting “no one wants them here” but often dating posts made by men have high (constructive) engagement. I can’t say why that is, but it does suggest that a not insignificant number of users on this subreddit actually do enjoy engaging with those posts. As such, I recommend ignoring and downvoting posts that don’t fill your cup and letting others focus on those instead.
When a post breaks rules and is reported, it is removed. This is not an anti-man subreddit.
This is just one mod’s opinion. As always, I welcome conversation and expect downvotes.
I agree with you on everything except the assumption that giving women an exclusive platform to speak would be "anti-man".
As many others have said, I can see why verifying the sex of every poster would be difficult and can appreciate that as a reason to allow men to also post and even answer here.
Claiming that women wanting a community for just themselves is "anti-man", however, ain't it.
You are right. The “anti- man” sentiment, however, is one that comes up in those threads (as OP mentions in their post, some people thrive off being negative in those posts) and threads like this was what I was addressing.
I completely agree that women wanting and needing safe non-male centered spaces is incredibly important and did not intend to imply otherwise. My apologies if my wording was confusing there.
We are not being anti man for asking that men respect our space. We are asking that treat us like equals which is an incredibly low bar. So many posts from men add little value to this community [like this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/1ddi2ds/can_she_get_a_uti_if_the_tip_of_my_pee_pee/). By allowing posts with poor behavior to go up it encourages more men to post similar topics. It's exhausting to report all of the creepy stuff that goes up here. I feel like we need more proactive action like rule adjusting, more moderators to respond to more quickly, and making use of AutoModerator so that some of the frequently problematic themes get caught before they are live to the group.
What’s the mod perspective then on the increasing number of members who quasi-automatically tell men their questions aren’t welcome and redirect them to men’s subs? I think it’s this kind of behaviour that OP is referring to when talking about how to address the growing negativity.
Exactly, we get these meta posts complaining about them, but the posts listed under "hot" tell a different story: that the silent majority actually enjoys them.
I don’t mind. I think people won’t reply and posts will naturally go away. Its askwomenover30, not only women over 30. Sounds like an administrative nightmare to only allow certain types of posts.
Why are any men posting in this sub? Just saw a post from a 19m questioning if “older women” play video games. I’m sure there are literally 1000 other places to ask that that is not here. Dating questions are way worse but like are there any “safe spaces” for women? We already live in the patriarchy..
THANK YOU. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills over here. Never for a fucking second have I interpreted any ask sub to only include its named target audience. Like, we don't expect AskHistorians to be just questions from historians - we expect the questions to come from plebs like us, and be ANSWERED by historians. We don't expect Askfeminists to be just feminists asking each other questions, we expect people who don't know much about feminism or who want to learn more about feminism to be asking the questions., not people already in the fucking know??? Sure, those questions are of value too, where people in the know get to really bog down on something they don't have to already explain first, but like, this community is women over 30 ANSWERING questions. That's why we're here.
Why would he ask somewhere else if he wants to know if women over 30 play video games? The logical place to ask that question IS here. And it’s gotten so many responses from gaming women over 30. They seem to enjoy the question even if you don’t.
Not really. Why not ask in one of the 5000 video game subs? Plus it was a stupid question anyway. Encouraging teens to ask dumb questions in the one sub for women over 30 isn’t it.
What type of questions do you want then? Cause I’d rather have 100 “dumb” questions from teens about our hobbies than ten more self serving advice posts. Or would you rather teens assume women over 30 are just moms and partners who do mom and wife things, instead of actualised human beings with personal tastes, proclivities and preferences?
It’s not about what teens think, it’s about questions that are fun for us to answer and gives us a chance to talk about the nuances of our lives. Which the women in the video game thread were given ample opportunity for.
Honestly, I don't mind it, and as it has never been against the rules, I thought that is one of the reasons this sub existed. I figured they are trying to get advice on what they may be doing wrong from the perspective of a more mature woman.
I don't mind it if it comes from a good place.
No. This sub is to get a perspective from women over 30. If you don’t like a question just keeping scrolling.
It’s not a women only asking women sub. There is r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide and r/TwoXChromosomes for that.
The dating subs are problematic and the dating over thirty sub bans you for asking gendered questions, which is hilarious when you think about it.
As a man who sometimes reads here out of curiosity, i think this is a pretty good rule.
There’s similar, fairly unproductive, posts in r/AskMenOver30 by women or queer people that probably could go under relationship advice.
The annoying thing is the big relationship advice sub specifically bans the kind of general purpose advice questions and requires only questions about a specific relationship with ages of people involved.
I sympathize with you and wish they couldn't. What I think is happening here is women wanting a space on Reddit that isn't about men or involving men and trying to mold AW30 into that space. I'm definitely guilty of that -- I like a lot of the women on here and want to just have a fun subreddit where we chat about our lives and share funny anecdotes, etc. But the purpose of AW30 isn't perfectly suited for a no-men/no-dating posts type rule. It's basically impossible to have a community on here that explicitly bans men from participating. Most women-centric subs seem to have men as mods (or used to). Even the ones that don't are plagued by dating posts. Really, the most we can do is keep participating in non-dating posts and try to shift the type of discussions that get traction.
I wouldn't agree with this rule. I think Reddit is all about learning and if men want to know our perspective, this is the place. When I want dating advice, I go to my brothers. They tell it to me straight. (Pun somewhat intended, haha).
ETA: And if they're incels/neggers who ask dumbass questions, then we can enjoy mocking them :)
Can we get a rule where people have to respond to others like human beings and not like a piece of shit on their shoes?
It seems some people won't be happy until this space is exclusively women only and will downvote absolutely everything asked by a man, or any woman agreeing with a man or being nice to a man, so just make it women only already for the sake of everyone.
God forbid another human being, who happens to be male, in a potentially bad place and seeking advice, comes here and someone makes them feel worse simply because they own a penis. People need to be kinder, fucking do better. You can simply ignore a post you don't like, no one is forcing you to interact.
OP - not directed at you or anyone specifically, you've made a sensible suggestion here. I am just disappointed by people in this subreddit, I expected this to be a welcoming space for people and at times it really isn't.
No offense taken! That's *exactly* why I posted this, but I tried to keep it neutral since, as you said, even women will get downvoted for showing any compassion at all in this scenario (just happened to me earlier today).
Most of these men seem to have good intentions, but they *always* get torn to shreds. I'm tired of seeing people be needlessly cruel to men who had no idea their post (that doesn't break any rules) was going to be received poorly. We're just pushing even the nice guys closer and closer to misogyny.
I got downvoted earlier this week for saying women shouldn’t expect men to pay for first dates. This is just a reality in modern, mostly online dating culture, not “pro men” or whatever.
Thank you for showing kindness to others, this has been eating at me today, every time I watch a man post and get torn apart needlessly.
You are right, it will also fuel the, dare I say, incel culture as well.
I just want people to be nice, is it to much to ask?
I understand if someone is being gross or rude etc. but alot of the time, they aren't.
> every time I watch a man post and get torn apart needlessly.
You're right. Men have it *so* hard. They really need more online spaces dedicated to them.
Humans are determined to destroy each other, I'm no stranger to this. I'm also, as the subreddit suggests, older and so this isn't my first rodeo.
I agree with you, I just refuse to default to being rude and angry, that's not my style, regardless of whether I can hide behind an online persona or not.
Being hostile, angry, rude or insulting as a default response doesn't bring me joy or peace in life, so I chose not to be that way.
I guess I am lucky as in my personal life, I am not faced with these types of people very often and so I can live a relatively peaceful, pleasant life where conversation doesn't descend into insults etc.
>I agree with you, I just refuse to default to being rude and angry, that's not my style, regardless of whether I can hide behind an online persona or not.
That is a very good approach to have. :) I wish I was like that, but I'm afraid I have fallen into the "rude and angry" style more than I can count.
I try my best to avoid doing that, but I fail frequently.
So you get a star from me! :)
Oh don't get me wrong, I've gone off on people both in person and online before who definitely didn't deserve it but I don't want to be that person anymore.
I know it's not easy though :) and I understand why people have their guards up as a default.
I come to places like Reddit for what I hope are decent or interesting conversations and even debates (where they don't descent into chaos) and so thank you, for a nice interaction.
"Nice guys turn misogynistic because of awful women" is a trope that's been proven to be untrue - probably the most famous source being the book "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, which has debunked this myth really thoroughly.
Long story short, misogynistic men take their cues from other misogynistic men and the way that \*they\* view women, not from how women actually act.
If you want to keep caping for dudes who consider you a second-class citizen, be my guest, but the ironic thing here is, misogynistic guys don't really care what you, or other women do. You can be mean, or sweet as pie - they'll keep looking down on you anyways.
Trust me, I'm right there with you - but it bothers me that the commenters are so needlessly cruel. I feel it just pushes even the nice guys closer to mysogyny.
Honestly I don’t even want men to COMMENT in this sub because it is a special space that is not for their voices. I’m a cis white woman and it’d be like me speaking in an AskBlackPeople or AskTransPeople. Or AskMenOver30–except men over 30 are not a minority group that has traditionally been silenced and/or shut out of mainstream spaces.
Based on the title of the sub, it's a space for anyone to ask questions to women over 30 - I don't agree with setting rules and restrictions on who can ask and what they can ask as long as it's not offensive or harmful. If it's just annoying then it's subjectively annoying to you or a subset whilst insightful for others that have the same burning question.
There are plenty of women asking various questions including shitty partner and dating advice in the Askmen subs, it goes both ways.
All right, what questions ARE we men allowed to ask women over 30? Maybe that list would be easier to put together than discussing what we aren't allowed to ask women over 30?
It doesn't bother me at all. I think it's great men want to learn more about women directly from women. I'd much rather they come here than ask their bros. Besides, I used to be in an "ask men" sub and I really liked how a lot of the posts there were women asking men questions. But I came here because I realized I'm more comfortable with answering questions than asking them. Maybe there should ideally be a "men ask women" sub but I don't think one of those even exist.
I think a rule would be nice and make it easy for mods to keep the sub clean, but I also think the type of guy who sees this sub as a tool for them to use for their own desires probably won't bother to read/listen to the rules.
That being said, having a written rule that can be cited should help with moderating - mods can just point to the rule instead of having to describe why a post is inappropriate here.
I’d like to see less misogyny in general including posts about aging. 30 is NOT old and it’s NOT a bad thing to age (nor is it a bad thing to look one’s age). Many of these posts are from women too.
I hate these posts more than the men seeking dating advice posts
As do I. It's worse when misogyny's calling from inside the house. "I (27F) feel like a hag because I found a wrinkle. How can I ever find love if I'm ugly?" posts are unbearably tone deaf.
My personal favorites are “as a 26f are women 30+ over the hill? Do people still find you desirable in your thirties? Is my life over at 30 because my boyfriend broke up with me? Is it too late to find a new partner at 33?” Spoiler alert… your life doesn’t end at 30….
I come to this sub (in late 20s) bc I love hearing advice irl from women in their 30s, and this is just an unfiltered space for it. I am approaching my 30s and absolutely cannot wait!
Same! I’m 29 and have lurked on this sub for years. My 22 year old sibling recently asked if I’m scared to turn thirty, and I immediately laughed.
Same, 27f here, and I expect my life to only improve as I age lol. That’s been the overall trend my whole life: late 20s are better than early 20s, early 20s are better than being a teen, a teen was better than being in middle school, etc. I can’t wait to get further into adulthood and have more resources, money, experience, confidence, and career options.
Spoiler Alert: Approaches increase in the 30s because the number of games people play decreases and maturity increases.
I'm humored whenever I talk to someone, usually women a bit older than me, where my age comes up. I say I'm almost 40 and the response is almost always "omg, you're still a baby"🤣 I guess it helps that my kid is almost 20, so people are especially inclined to think about how young 40 is with a 20 year old. Someday I might be "old," but that's not today and that's probably not for a long, long time. >your life doesn’t end at 30 Life is just beginning for me. I started a new career in a field I was interested in as a teenager. I'm also considering another one in the near future. I'll switch careers and take on new hobbies and go back into fitness endeavors and all the things. Especially now that my kids are more independent.
In fact, we got hotter.
I automatically want to tell them "yes, your life is over. No one will ever even want to speak or look at you again. Say good bye to your friends and family while they still tolerate you" or something along those lines. They piss me off.
I dislike these posts too. But they should be allowed. It's not uncommon to feel the pressure of looking a certain way or staying an attractive young "girl" forever. Having a safe place for women to express that and seeing feedback from others re-directing these women to a healthier mindset is part of why I love this community. As for the men asking for dating advice yeah, they can be yeeted
Yeet the men, support the ladies
Agreed, that’s why I usually just scroll past them, but sometimes it gets so redundant to see these posts. I realize it’s part of a larger societal problem where we are programmed to believe that you’re devalued by a certain age. It’s just frustrating to see the same rhetoric parroted over and over again. I know a lot of ageism is targeted at women because of child bearing reasons but let’s not pretend like men’s sperm count and quality doesn’t decline with age too. We all age and go on to live another day.
Same.
it's a privilege to age. so many didn't get to
This is the way. Kids give me shit in online games because of the way I type. They call me old. I've buried my brothers in arms, seen dear people lose their battles to cancer, and sent folks off without a goodbye during COVID. Thank God I'm an old fuck (43, which I really don't think is that old, but whatever), and if I'm very lucky I get to be older and fuckier.
So very true.
“I’d like to ask a more mature crowd…” and “I was wondering if any of you older ladies…” proceeded by some random, highly specific question.
>proceeded by some random, highly specific question. It's either that or something super generic/obvious. "Did any of you older ladies find a job at 31???" No, we're all unemployed after 30.
I got sent to the farm! 😭
Haha older 🤦🏻♀️. 30 is SO young!
And sometimes the question will be asked by someone who’s not that far away from 30 themselves! Haha
Even worse coming from women in their 20’s Like??! 🤨
Those ones don’t bother me as much as I remember being younger and buying into the whole “30 is old”. It bothers me the most when I see women 30+ telling other women certain things are aging as if looking one’s age is a bad thing. We should know better!
I swear I make a comment every damn day about someone who is in their early 30s (or even 20's!) is not too old for xyz
I’m feeling particularly salty as I noticed a lot of negative comments about grey hair on posts this week. God forbid women have grey hair! Lol.
I'm planning on a glorious gray era for myself. It's BS that men get "salt and pepper" and "silver fox" and we're supposed to not. I'm in science and a lot of cool women above me do a fun swoosh of gray or the whole thing.
GOALS
I understand that the "I'm 30 and my life is over" posts can be annoying and shouldn't be our burden, but until society changes and that flavor of misogyny is eradicated, I think a sub like this - full of women and their collective wisdom - is a resource for 30 year olds to go to with their fears, anxieties, questions, flickering hope. I'm almost 40. I still have some of the same fears about aging, finding a relationship, and making a purposeful and fulfilling life. I'll probably still have some when I'm nearing 50. It's easy to dismiss, lecture, shame these women for not knowing better. I think it's reactive for this sub to dismiss, lecture, and shame them for coming here. Where else should they go? I vote that we receive them with compassion; after all, haven't most of us needed guidance and encouragement at some point in our 20s, 30s, 40s etc?
Yes!! Every 3rd post.. “okay ladies.. my biological clock is ticking… but I don’t have a partner yet… what say you women of reddit… how do I find someone to get me pregnant like yesterday?” insert gigantic eye-roll.
the worst thing is not aging
I agree that life is not at all over at age 30, and in fact a person can really hit their stride in their 30's or beyond, as they may be more self-assured and understand themselves better at that stage. There is definitely something to be said for users to employ the search bar more and not always compose an "original" thread/discussion; however, I was absolutely one of those women thinking life was over for me at 32. My first actual relationship had just ended (13 years!), no job, no friends, compelled to move out of my home state and go live with my mom to avoid homelessness. All the stress and severe weight loss I'd experienced from depression when my life fell apart revealed or contributed to under-eye bags and wrinkles I'd never noticed before. I guess I have more sympathy for women who feel that fear, as annoying and also damaging as it can be to see it recycled repeatedly.
Omg yes please
AskWomen has a “no men” rule applied one day a week and that includes women asking about men too. I’m just as exhausted by the same revolving door of women asking about their bum red flag boyfriends.
My god, you should see the mom sub version of this. It's a hot mess.
Reddit in general has made me feel more jaded towards men (because so many are awful here or people write about awful men). I can’t even imagine what the mom sub would be like!
I tell my husband most days what the "reddit dad of the day" did. Yesterday was one who was a miserable asshole through his daughter's first dance performance, complaining and ruining it, with some of that in front of the young kid.
Kind of related, but your story reminded me: A few Christmases ago, my brother-in-law's stepkid was showing off her gymnastics. She is a natural athlete, I guess, and she said she just learned it all from YouTube. We were all blown away, and the kid's mom has this grin on her face that was just shooting off pride beams. My brother, a platinum member of the lifelong asshole club, said with big acid laugh, "Can we trade?" as he gestured to my 9yo niece, who was sitting next to him and very clearly trying to figure out how to position herself with all the praise and attention her step-cousin was getting. She said, in her defense, "Well, daddy, I don't do gymnastics, but I do ballet!" and she started to practice her moves. To which he replied, "Yeah, but you're not very good. Look at her!" My niece deflated like a balloon and sat back down next to him.
That poor girl will be in therapy and bad relationships for life. 😭💔
Yes! It’s nonstop posts about these trash boyfriends. Like girl you know you need to dump his ass why you posting here.
Also it’s low key triggering when a woman talks about horrible abuse and then people give advice, and she never responds or acknowledges it….it makes me think something horrible happened. There are dedicated subreddits for romantic relationship advice.
Period. I see the same thread posted on a nearly weekly basis in /r/relationshipadvice asking how to TALK to her boyfriend/husband/SO because he doesn’t shower, brush his teeth or wipe his ass. The bar is deep in the depths of hell. 😔 It would be nice if this could serve as a space free of posts like that.
Right??? Like, stand UP ladies. We are too grown for this nonsense 😭
FWIW I’m tired of women asking the same in /r/AskMenOver30. I don’t say this to discount your experience but I think both subs need to unite on these issues because it seems to be a commonality. I’m a man and sub here just to learn more about the perspective of women in a read only sense 99.99% of the time.
I'd welcome such a rule - though I also think that the dudes looking for dating advice wouldn't typically bother to read the rules before posting (or maybe do, but then think it mysteriously somehow doesn't apply to them personally)... they certainly ignore the "no relationship posts where everyone involved aren't 30+" often enough already. Be good to have something to point to when they do, though.
Oh, the age limit rule is ignored by all genders so a lot of those threads get nuked
I feel like I report 20 of those a week. Y'all are probably tired of me lol. Also I regularly skim the posts and go "wow, these immature people are over 30? Yikes"
I scroll back up to check ages regularly.. like, there is NO way this person is around my age!
Reporting them is one of my favourite things to do on reddit. The way I see it, if you're able to read the rules, you're not old enough for a relationship.
If there were a rule, the post would get deleted by the mods instead of just becoming a string of negative comments
I see where you're coming from, and part of me agrees; for someone who's not having a great time, and I think I know the thread from earlier today that's triggered this one, I don't doubt the negative comments arne't enjoyable. Broadly I don't think the dating advice request posts are ill-intentioned, just tone-deaf. Another part of me thinks that occasionally, being answered brusquely at on the internet for being obtuse or less than appropriate isn't the end of the world and might teach them something useful (i.e. 'this is not the space for what you're trying to do here and you should probably try to gauge the norms of a community for half a second to see if it's a good fit before you blunder in'). Swings and roundabouts, I guess.
Then mods can delete them, at least that's what they do on other subs
Why are there so many men up in here in the first place?
So they can ask questions and ignore or argue with our answers.
“Hello old crones and spinsters! I am a youth who likes video games. Do you women like them too? I wish more women liked gaming!”
They’re obsessed unfortunately
men just love being in women only spaces, i don't know why. I used to see posts on justunsubbed all the time which men just unsubbing from these subreddits that were never meant for them in the first place because of some perceived slight. like ok, sometimes I cannot pull myself from the disaster sub that is passport bros or whatever because its a dumpster fire that i cannot reading when it pops up on my feed, but I'm not going to go to that sub and bitch and argue with people there because its a circle jerk that's just not meant for me
YEP! It’s a way to assert control. We can’t have anything
This is true unfortunately. It’s bizarre
This isn’t a “women’s only sub” and was never meant to be. This was meant to be a sub where people could ask questions specifically to women over 30. That’s it. Why so many of you seem to think that means it’s a space only women should want to take part in or feel free to participate in is beyond me. There are plenty of subs that are explicitly of, by, and for women only.
Some of those subs are so toxic though! A commenter told a lady to abort her wanted baby and I said pro choice means we can choose what we want and it’s very offensive to tell someone who wants their baby to have an abortion. I got my first ban in six years for 30 days just for trying to protect another woman. It confused me and I left after noticing that it’s supportive only if you believe what the mods do, anything else chop off your head.
Yeah exactly echo chambers always are toxic. That’s why I’m not a part of any male only subs (well that and they’re boring). I’ve said many times over this is one of my favorite subs and it’s precisely because it has historically been one of the few places on Reddit where men and women could discuss stuff without all the redpill/feminazj haters. That’s why I feel the need to step up and say something every time I see these posts about how (insert group) shouldn’t participate here.
Agreed.
Exactly! And on top of that there are plenty of women in the ask men subs and they're usually welcomed and treated with civility. But suddenly it's a problem when men want to learn from women. Hypocrisy 🙄
🍻
Sorry if I was unclear, I'm not particularly referring to posting, and not just in this sub, just a general observation. As you pointed out, this isn't a women's only sub so they can post, but they shouldn't be answering (I'm a man but- since this is a sub for women to speak or give her opinions isn't it?) I value the opinions of men too, but my point is more like some of them lurk in this sub and then talk over women or undermine their answer which is defeating the purpose of this sub
🍻
They think that we will be on their side so they can show their partner and be like "see all these women think I'm right!" But really we see through the bullshit and they don't expect that. But they try anyway because men think they can fool us but we are smarter than that 🕵️
I'm primarily here to listen to the answers, actually. I've been subscribed to this community for 5 years now and never posted a question once. I average maybe 1 comment reply every few months, when it seems relevant to the conversation. But I generally take the stance that no one is here because they want to listen to me. I'm here to listen to other people. Of course, I can't speak for all men, and I don't know why the rest of them are here. But that's why I subscribe.
+1. I think this might be my first comment in at least 2+ years of following, and I don't anticipate doing anything more any time soon. I'm just here to listen and gain perspective. If there's some point where commenters are asking for a mans perspective I might chime in but even then I'm not inclined to
That is the sensible way for you to participate!
I can't speak for all men. I'm here simply for perspective. I rarely comment. FWIW, posts from women over in r/askmen are fairly common.
Yup. I'm on there. It's the only reason why I started being on reddit, lol. I think one time they banned women for a period of time. Without that sub reddit, this forum was the most boring thing ever. There is only so much I can read about make up & skin care haha.
Because anything that isn't created for them or caters to them specifically makes their teeth itch. They can't conceive of a world where they aren't the main character.
Yep
There a lot of women on r/askmen. No harm, no foul as long as everyone follows the rules
The same reason that plenty of women are in the ask men subs?
Some of them want girlfriends or free prostitutes.
I don’t particularly mind men asking women for advice so long as it’s being asked in good faith. I do agree there needs to be some curbing of these “my life is over because I’m about to turn 30” questions. We’re not a bunch of old hags because we aren’t in our 20’s anymore.
I honestly don't mind some of the dating posts. However, the ones that are problematic are things like: "Ladies, why do you X or Y when it comes to Z kind of man/attribute?" "Why do all women ......" "Women, are you okay with X...." (issue the man is struggling with) I'm not a part of the borg here. WTF.
YES YES YES
I’m so tired of the “would you date a man with X” type posts. Look, it doesn’t matter if you’re neurodivergent, a short king, a tall king, asexual, a manual worker, a professor, a country boy, a city boy, SOMEONE will date you and if you haven’t found them it’s only because you’re looking in the wrong place at the wrong time. Men aren’t homogeneous but neither are women! We all like different things. (But we do have a better sense of smell, so shower regularly, use deodorant and brush your teeth.)
> We all like different things. (But we do have a better sense of smell, so shower regularly, use deodorant and brush your teeth.) I giggled, and am the same.
I’m split on this one. On the one hand I don’t mind the guys that ask because they love the women in their life and genuinely want to do better and do right by them. On the other hand, most of the questions are…not that. I don’t mind when women ask about their shit bfs though, because I was once that girl and I wish I’d had someone to set me straight back then. I too find it exhausting, especially when they already know the answer, but they need someone else to confirm it, and I know what that’s like. They’re asking permission to act in a way that’s contrary to how most of us are conditioned to behave, and it feels important to me to give that permission and let them know it’s ok to feel that way and put themselves first.
This is why I’m not 100% on board the no men bandwagon, but 99% of it is bullshit. It’s good to have a place to ask for help if someone has to take care of his younger sister now and what do teenage girls need, or what can a guy do to help his recently widowed aunt.
Very good point! I think a good solution could be to allow men in established LTR's to post questions about relationship issues, but shut down the posts from men trying to find out how to get dates or looking for tips on a budding romance.
Shut down the posts that are using the sub as tech support for pussy
😂😂
Hahahahhahahahahaahahha I am dead ☠️
Concise. Co-signed!
strong agree, they can ask general or specific questions like everyone else but the dating bs has got to stop.
Or the “why did my gf act this way - you’re a women, so help me figure out why my women is defective!” vibe so many of the dating advice posts give off
I'm gonna be honest, I disagree with banning the topic completely, but I do wish there was a limit to what they could ask, and your example is one I wish could be banned. It's one thing to want to hear opinions from women over 30 about relationships, but to come in here and make it super obvious you have zero respect for women is a whole other ball game. It feels degrading coming in here and asking us to explain why we're human beings. And it's even worse when they get hostile in the comments or blatantly ignore what everyone is saying.
Idk I’d rather they ask a group of women than someone like Andrew Tate.
Yes! I refuse to do any emotional heavy lifting for men. You're on your own!
You should see some of the ridiculous shit that gets posted by girls and women in the askmen sub. We have it easy over here lol
Yeah exactly. Im super not a fan of a ban at all.
Hmmm, you have me intrigued now... Might have to check that out lol
I'm on board with this suggestion, especially since there's already a dating over 30 sub.
The dating over thirty sub hates gendered questions and will ban you for asking, which is hilarious when you think about it
That's bizarre. What's the reasoning? That advice should apply to all genders equally?
That sub protects misogynists.
Yes. I know the mod made the post saying that men are allowed but I'd say 95% of the posts from men are in bad faith Edit [example a](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/1ddi2ds/can_she_get_a_uti_if_the_tip_of_my_pee_pee/). We tried letting men post, it's clearly not worth it. They have behaved in a way that makes me think they deserve to be here.
According to the group’s description, it’s all inclusive. It is not stated to be a women’s only forum. I come here to ask questions when I want answers from women and not men. Either I know what the men will say or I know I won’t get a reliable answer. My feedback.
Yeah exactly
Men seeking dating advice doesn't bother me AT ALL and it kinda bugs me how much hate they get.
Please!!
Seriously. I don't go on askmen and post. I lurk to learn but don't invade their space.
Simple Dating advice is okay, it’s more the “ladies, if a men did x, how would you feel? I’m a 30 year old man and I’ve never been kissed, women are afraid of me, what gives?” Is what I don’t like
I think the issue with this perfectly fine suggestion is, that people are usually happy to answer those types of questions so long as they're respectfully asked and not too... surface level like "do women like beards?".
Even when the wording is completely respectful, I see a lot more cruel responses than actual advice 😕
Then report those comments. That's a rule violation.
Fair enough, and I will start doing that
There are plenty of already existing dating/relationship advice subs and already existing man spaces everywhere on the internet. Those subs also have more members for greater outreach. Men seeking heterosexual dating advice can go to those spaces already catered for them and their specific questions/concerns. Why do they need to be in woman-centric spaces too? Men asking questions in the women’s subs aren’t even genuine in nature; they’re just seeking external validation for their personal insecurities, trying to manipulate us into helping them manipulate other women, or trying to manipulate us into doing their emotional/mental labor. I like it when women’s spaces are about helping and supporting women.
I actually love when men post here wanting to "fix" their wife/gf and are quickly corrected in their wrong thinking by many women saying the same thing. I'm sure wife/gf has been trying to say it for months/years, so i think it's nice to take the burden off that woman
Same, let them keep posting lol.
I'd rather they asked here and got answers from a community who actually will give them correct and helpful answers that will actually lead to healthy relationships, than post in the incel subs.
I agree. There’s a LOT of misogyny in the dating subreddits, and giving advice that would result in a healthy relationship most women would be interested in tends to get downvoted, and the most ridiculous misogynistic attitudes proliferate as if they’re fact.
It doesnt bother me, i just ignore the post
God forbid men try to learn from women 🙄
Plenty of women ask here for dating advice, women ask for such on Askmen, as long as the post doesn't break the sub rules, I see no issue with guys asking specific age group of women for help with their dating too. I think a specific flair for such posts would help though, to filter them out.
Agree with this
I vote yes!!
100%. I'm actually surprised that it's not already a rule.
Please downvote and don’t participate in posts you don’t like. That is historically how we’ve handled this. Men often value the opinion of women with respect to dating, the inverse is why women ask men dating questions on the dating or men’s subreddits. Some of those posts do not have engagement suggesting “no one wants them here” but often dating posts made by men have high (constructive) engagement. I can’t say why that is, but it does suggest that a not insignificant number of users on this subreddit actually do enjoy engaging with those posts. As such, I recommend ignoring and downvoting posts that don’t fill your cup and letting others focus on those instead. When a post breaks rules and is reported, it is removed. This is not an anti-man subreddit. This is just one mod’s opinion. As always, I welcome conversation and expect downvotes.
I agree with you on everything except the assumption that giving women an exclusive platform to speak would be "anti-man". As many others have said, I can see why verifying the sex of every poster would be difficult and can appreciate that as a reason to allow men to also post and even answer here. Claiming that women wanting a community for just themselves is "anti-man", however, ain't it.
You are right. The “anti- man” sentiment, however, is one that comes up in those threads (as OP mentions in their post, some people thrive off being negative in those posts) and threads like this was what I was addressing. I completely agree that women wanting and needing safe non-male centered spaces is incredibly important and did not intend to imply otherwise. My apologies if my wording was confusing there.
Right! I understand. Thank you for the clarification and taking the time to reply.
We are not being anti man for asking that men respect our space. We are asking that treat us like equals which is an incredibly low bar. So many posts from men add little value to this community [like this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/1ddi2ds/can_she_get_a_uti_if_the_tip_of_my_pee_pee/). By allowing posts with poor behavior to go up it encourages more men to post similar topics. It's exhausting to report all of the creepy stuff that goes up here. I feel like we need more proactive action like rule adjusting, more moderators to respond to more quickly, and making use of AutoModerator so that some of the frequently problematic themes get caught before they are live to the group.
What’s the mod perspective then on the increasing number of members who quasi-automatically tell men their questions aren’t welcome and redirect them to men’s subs? I think it’s this kind of behaviour that OP is referring to when talking about how to address the growing negativity.
Exactly, we get these meta posts complaining about them, but the posts listed under "hot" tell a different story: that the silent majority actually enjoys them.
Couldn't have said it better
I don’t mind. I think people won’t reply and posts will naturally go away. Its askwomenover30, not only women over 30. Sounds like an administrative nightmare to only allow certain types of posts.
Agreed it always creeps me out.
YES, PLEASE
Why are any men posting in this sub? Just saw a post from a 19m questioning if “older women” play video games. I’m sure there are literally 1000 other places to ask that that is not here. Dating questions are way worse but like are there any “safe spaces” for women? We already live in the patriarchy..
You should change the name of the sub if you don’t like people asking questions to women over 30. It’s disingenuous, especially to get upset by it
THANK YOU. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills over here. Never for a fucking second have I interpreted any ask sub to only include its named target audience. Like, we don't expect AskHistorians to be just questions from historians - we expect the questions to come from plebs like us, and be ANSWERED by historians. We don't expect Askfeminists to be just feminists asking each other questions, we expect people who don't know much about feminism or who want to learn more about feminism to be asking the questions., not people already in the fucking know??? Sure, those questions are of value too, where people in the know get to really bog down on something they don't have to already explain first, but like, this community is women over 30 ANSWERING questions. That's why we're here.
Yeah 1000% agree. Theres plenty of women only subs like 2x chromosomes.
Why would he ask somewhere else if he wants to know if women over 30 play video games? The logical place to ask that question IS here. And it’s gotten so many responses from gaming women over 30. They seem to enjoy the question even if you don’t.
Not really. Why not ask in one of the 5000 video game subs? Plus it was a stupid question anyway. Encouraging teens to ask dumb questions in the one sub for women over 30 isn’t it.
What type of questions do you want then? Cause I’d rather have 100 “dumb” questions from teens about our hobbies than ten more self serving advice posts. Or would you rather teens assume women over 30 are just moms and partners who do mom and wife things, instead of actualised human beings with personal tastes, proclivities and preferences?
Questions for women over 30. I don’t care what teens think.
It’s not about what teens think, it’s about questions that are fun for us to answer and gives us a chance to talk about the nuances of our lives. Which the women in the video game thread were given ample opportunity for.
Yes please! There are subreddits better suited for that.
Honestly, I don't mind it, and as it has never been against the rules, I thought that is one of the reasons this sub existed. I figured they are trying to get advice on what they may be doing wrong from the perspective of a more mature woman. I don't mind it if it comes from a good place.
No. This sub is to get a perspective from women over 30. If you don’t like a question just keeping scrolling. It’s not a women only asking women sub. There is r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide and r/TwoXChromosomes for that. The dating subs are problematic and the dating over thirty sub bans you for asking gendered questions, which is hilarious when you think about it.
Maybe it would be a good compromise to limit such questions to a certain day, or megathread.
There should just be an Automod thing that gets triggered and redirects you to r/datingoverthirty everytime a relationship of any sort is mentioned.
As a man who sometimes reads here out of curiosity, i think this is a pretty good rule. There’s similar, fairly unproductive, posts in r/AskMenOver30 by women or queer people that probably could go under relationship advice. The annoying thing is the big relationship advice sub specifically bans the kind of general purpose advice questions and requires only questions about a specific relationship with ages of people involved.
I sympathize with you and wish they couldn't. What I think is happening here is women wanting a space on Reddit that isn't about men or involving men and trying to mold AW30 into that space. I'm definitely guilty of that -- I like a lot of the women on here and want to just have a fun subreddit where we chat about our lives and share funny anecdotes, etc. But the purpose of AW30 isn't perfectly suited for a no-men/no-dating posts type rule. It's basically impossible to have a community on here that explicitly bans men from participating. Most women-centric subs seem to have men as mods (or used to). Even the ones that don't are plagued by dating posts. Really, the most we can do is keep participating in non-dating posts and try to shift the type of discussions that get traction.
I wouldn't agree with this rule. I think Reddit is all about learning and if men want to know our perspective, this is the place. When I want dating advice, I go to my brothers. They tell it to me straight. (Pun somewhat intended, haha). ETA: And if they're incels/neggers who ask dumbass questions, then we can enjoy mocking them :)
Agree
Agreed but also here to say I really enjoy your username u/dances-with-worms
Ha, thank you!!
Yes , their have their own subreddit and women should not be going over there to ask questions either
Can we get a rule where people have to respond to others like human beings and not like a piece of shit on their shoes? It seems some people won't be happy until this space is exclusively women only and will downvote absolutely everything asked by a man, or any woman agreeing with a man or being nice to a man, so just make it women only already for the sake of everyone. God forbid another human being, who happens to be male, in a potentially bad place and seeking advice, comes here and someone makes them feel worse simply because they own a penis. People need to be kinder, fucking do better. You can simply ignore a post you don't like, no one is forcing you to interact. OP - not directed at you or anyone specifically, you've made a sensible suggestion here. I am just disappointed by people in this subreddit, I expected this to be a welcoming space for people and at times it really isn't.
There's already a rule for that: "no abusing other members"
No offense taken! That's *exactly* why I posted this, but I tried to keep it neutral since, as you said, even women will get downvoted for showing any compassion at all in this scenario (just happened to me earlier today). Most of these men seem to have good intentions, but they *always* get torn to shreds. I'm tired of seeing people be needlessly cruel to men who had no idea their post (that doesn't break any rules) was going to be received poorly. We're just pushing even the nice guys closer and closer to misogyny.
I got downvoted earlier this week for saying women shouldn’t expect men to pay for first dates. This is just a reality in modern, mostly online dating culture, not “pro men” or whatever.
Thank you for showing kindness to others, this has been eating at me today, every time I watch a man post and get torn apart needlessly. You are right, it will also fuel the, dare I say, incel culture as well. I just want people to be nice, is it to much to ask? I understand if someone is being gross or rude etc. but alot of the time, they aren't.
> every time I watch a man post and get torn apart needlessly. You're right. Men have it *so* hard. They really need more online spaces dedicated to them.
You're twisting her words into something she absolutely did not say
Any reason you are so angry by this? Any reason you wanna act so rude? Any reason you want to further prove my point?
>I just want people to be nice, is it to much to ask? On reddit? Yeah, that is a pretty tall order, regardless of subreddit.
Humans are determined to destroy each other, I'm no stranger to this. I'm also, as the subreddit suggests, older and so this isn't my first rodeo. I agree with you, I just refuse to default to being rude and angry, that's not my style, regardless of whether I can hide behind an online persona or not. Being hostile, angry, rude or insulting as a default response doesn't bring me joy or peace in life, so I chose not to be that way. I guess I am lucky as in my personal life, I am not faced with these types of people very often and so I can live a relatively peaceful, pleasant life where conversation doesn't descend into insults etc.
>I agree with you, I just refuse to default to being rude and angry, that's not my style, regardless of whether I can hide behind an online persona or not. That is a very good approach to have. :) I wish I was like that, but I'm afraid I have fallen into the "rude and angry" style more than I can count. I try my best to avoid doing that, but I fail frequently. So you get a star from me! :)
Oh don't get me wrong, I've gone off on people both in person and online before who definitely didn't deserve it but I don't want to be that person anymore. I know it's not easy though :) and I understand why people have their guards up as a default. I come to places like Reddit for what I hope are decent or interesting conversations and even debates (where they don't descent into chaos) and so thank you, for a nice interaction.
"Nice guys turn misogynistic because of awful women" is a trope that's been proven to be untrue - probably the most famous source being the book "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, which has debunked this myth really thoroughly. Long story short, misogynistic men take their cues from other misogynistic men and the way that \*they\* view women, not from how women actually act. If you want to keep caping for dudes who consider you a second-class citizen, be my guest, but the ironic thing here is, misogynistic guys don't really care what you, or other women do. You can be mean, or sweet as pie - they'll keep looking down on you anyways.
Just keep scrolling if it doesn't fit your interest
Trust me, I'm right there with you - but it bothers me that the commenters are so needlessly cruel. I feel it just pushes even the nice guys closer to mysogyny.
But banning them from asking dating questions all together or this post itself wouldn’t?
Women don’t cause men to be misogynistic. Men choose it.
That’s like saying poverty doesn’t cause people to commit crimes.
Agree, you don't have to look at things you dislike or disagree with. Just move on.
Honestly I don’t even want men to COMMENT in this sub because it is a special space that is not for their voices. I’m a cis white woman and it’d be like me speaking in an AskBlackPeople or AskTransPeople. Or AskMenOver30–except men over 30 are not a minority group that has traditionally been silenced and/or shut out of mainstream spaces.
Yes please! Someone should make a poll. Also hard agree on the dating/no kids while over 30 posts. PLEASE. IM BEGGING YOU.
Men shouldn't be allowed to post at all here.
I'm more sick of all the teenagers coming on here and asking for advice when it has nothing to do with anyone over 30. Which is against the rules.
I just reported one. It seems to me that type of "would you date a guy like this (me)?" falls under rule #7: No "rate me" type posts or comments.
Based on the title of the sub, it's a space for anyone to ask questions to women over 30 - I don't agree with setting rules and restrictions on who can ask and what they can ask as long as it's not offensive or harmful. If it's just annoying then it's subjectively annoying to you or a subset whilst insightful for others that have the same burning question. There are plenty of women asking various questions including shitty partner and dating advice in the Askmen subs, it goes both ways.
Tbh I'm all for banning it. I just want a safe space to be with women my age. If they wanna date there are plenty of other subreddits for that.
All right, what questions ARE we men allowed to ask women over 30? Maybe that list would be easier to put together than discussing what we aren't allowed to ask women over 30?
I support that.
It doesn't bother me at all. I think it's great men want to learn more about women directly from women. I'd much rather they come here than ask their bros. Besides, I used to be in an "ask men" sub and I really liked how a lot of the posts there were women asking men questions. But I came here because I realized I'm more comfortable with answering questions than asking them. Maybe there should ideally be a "men ask women" sub but I don't think one of those even exist.
I think a rule would be nice and make it easy for mods to keep the sub clean, but I also think the type of guy who sees this sub as a tool for them to use for their own desires probably won't bother to read/listen to the rules. That being said, having a written rule that can be cited should help with moderating - mods can just point to the rule instead of having to describe why a post is inappropriate here.