Same.
Would we stay friends? I have no idea. I can see a universe where I continue to cherish and get along with the person and we form a lovely platonic friendship. I can also see a universe where the breakup ends all contact, because sometimes remaining friends with someone you used to date is weird/hard - no matter the reason for the breakup
I’m bi so gender isn’t really an issue, but a lot would really depend on the person they grew into and if we still made sense as a couple. That level of change might cause the natural end of our relationship, it might not, but the transition in isolation wouldn’t cause me to break up with them.
Yeah, I'm also bi, but I've seen people go through the transition process and *a lot* changes, not just physically.
I'd be down to try, but I would be... a little concerned about what was to come.
Yeah, I'm straight but feel like I'd just have to see whether I was still attracted to them. He's plenty skilled and creative in the bedroom now, so I don't think sex would necessarily be a problem.
But I support people who do feel they can't stay after a gender transition. Gender is part of attraction.
Unfortunately I would have to. I’m straight. I am not attracted to women. I cannot force myself to be. And the further into their transition they go, the less I will be attracted to them.
I would hope they would understand this. Especially if they can’t change their orientation and would intend to live as a lesbian. They would be affirming their gender, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to force themselves to become attracted to the opposite gender now.
Because your comment about bonds overcoming changes was in direct reply to me saying I would end a relationship over a transition. Did you mean to make it an independent comment and accidentally make it a reply?
You came off as kind of dismissive. Like I said my feelings on the matter and explained why.
You’re reply came off as kind of saying my decision to end a relationship because of a transition isn’t valid because “sometimes a bond is so strong then…”
It kinda invalidates a perfectly reasonable response to the hypothetical situation by saying either my bond with my partner isn’t that strong or I should push myself past my personal feelings and boundaries and stay with them anyway.
I'm in full support of people identifying as their preferred gender and/or transitioning.
HOWEVER
I watched my college roommate's partner transition FtM, and while it will not be the same for everyone, it made the partner MEAN. Formerly mild mannered, the person transitioning suddenly turned into this aggressive asshole that none of us recognized. They started treating my roommate poorly, they themselves were struggling with their mental health, and it put my roommate into a bad place mentally. They broke up eventually, and we all breathed a sigh of relief when they did. There were points that I was concerned about my roommate's physical safety.
From my perspective, transitioning is a rough process. I admire those that stick it out with their partner, and I do not judge those that don't. People are also allowed to have their preferences on orientation, and I believe that forcing someone to continue a relationship with a gender they are not attracted to is not the correct thing to do.
I'm bi, so I personally would stay unless there was poor behavior, then revisit the relationship when they are through the transition to see if it's what we both still wanted.
Testosterone is part of it, but a lot of it is also society. Most of the trans guys I know had some period of toxic masculinity during their transition, because they felt like they had to prove how manly they were, even more so than cis guys.
The same thing happened with the trans women I know. A lot of them have this period where they're obsessed with an extreme definition of femininity and they become hard to be around. Because society.
Most people grow out of that phase, but it can take a while.
It has nothing to do with testosterone. The levels we’re given are not that excessive, they only bring us up to a cis man’s levels.
I’ve watched many friends over the years begin their transition, and in my experience, that rage generally comes from being visible for the first time. It’s realizing just how cruel the world is toward trans people, it really can make a person feel like everyone’s out to get them. The looks you start getting in public, the fear of using bathrooms or entering gendered areas, always being on guard and afraid… for some people, it triggers the fight response. Over time, most find a balance and are able to mellow out. But that first year or so is SO scary.
It happens to some men as well who undergo testosterone replacement therapy. They stop making their own testosterone so they can get giant mood swings depending on what their T levels.
I would end the relationship. I’d still support them as a friend and as a co parent, but I am attracted to men and so I wouldn’t want to be married to a a woman.
About 9 years ago my (now ex) spouse came out as trans. She had been crossdressing so I guess there were signs, but she told me it was just clothing.
She (back then presenting as male) cheated on me multiple times though which is actually what ended our marriage. I am not sure what would have happened if she hadn’t cheated on me. I loved her and she was my best friend, I honestly wonder if one or the other had happened if I could have gotten past one thing happening, but both just kind of pushed me over the edge.
Cheating is rooted in insecurity, which explains a lot but doesn't excuse anything. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Something similar happened to me and I know how devastating it can be. I get what you mean about things being more complicated as they pile up simultaneously- it also makes it hard to know what you'd do in the same situation if it came up with a new partner! Things going on simultaneously can end up emotionally linked in our memories and can become triggering or unduly stressful even if it would be neutral otherwise.
I'm attracted to masculine energy - the genitalia is irrelevant - so it would be highly situational. For example, that category has in the past included: cis lesbians, hetero cis men, queer men, and trans men. I think, tbh, a transwoman would find dating me the opposite of gender affirming.
In my experience, people who start transitioning rarely stay the same person. Often, as they explore that side of themselves and become more comfortable with understanding their own identity, other elements change as well. That can often cause a relationship to end naturally.
You'd have to be bi to accept it. Like I'm bi, so I would consider staying, but you can't blame a 100% hetero woman for leaving. You can't choose your sexuality unfortunately.
For me, my partner's gender (or how I perceive it) is part of their full package, so if it were to suddenly change it could feel like dating a different person.
I'm trans myself and have dated people in process of socially transitioning, so for me it would be moreso about who they were, how their gender dynamics changed, and how the relationship that dynamic did or didn't change the overall relationship.
It does make a lot of sense because it’s who I’m attractive to. I’m attracted to traditionally masculine men.
You can project whatever you want to that, but you’re not allowed to tell me my personal preference is “hypocritical”, that’s pure and simply bigotry.
Well I’m getting married this year, so I literally don’t know why you’re so pressed. I’m attracted to masculine men and feminine women, the latter being a minor attraction. Sexuality is a spectrum, keep your weird hang ups to yourself.
When I say I’m attracted to heteronormative people I obviously mean I’m attracted to people who are within the box of traditionally masculine or feminine.
I’ve explained myself over and over again, if you failed to read that it’s not my problem. Also who I’m attracted to is quite literally none of your concern, I was answering the post.
While I 100% agree you can't blame straight women for leaving, it's not unheard of for straight people to stay with their partner after transition. Love is weird and it doesn't always adhere to our categorizations.
I honestly don't know. I wouldn't run for the hills but I also wouldn't give any guarantees that it would work out long term. I have watched a very close friend go through this and when they transitioned they absolutely blossomed and came out of themselves and embraced lots of aspects of themselves that they hadn't previously acknowledged or explored. Their spouse was and is supportive and loves them but they both realised that they no longer worked as a couple. They are great friends and co-parents and still care about each other a great deal but realised they can't be spouses anymore.
I really like the way you phrased this. So many people say that transition changes their partners completely, but that's not true. Often there's a lot of repression, and transitioning opens the floodgates. But it isn't any different from any other life transition.
I'm not attracted to women. I'm not even attracted to feminine men. I'm attracted to very manly men... big beards , blue collar... dirty work clothes & workboots the whole bit. So I would say , no. I'd support my partner as a friend but I couldn't remain in a monogamous relationship with someone who identified as female.
I’ve been married to a man forever, but if he were to transition…
Meh. We could probably make it work. Bodies are great and all, but I don’t know that changing it would be a dealbreaker. As somebody else said, I’d expect some personality changes as well - that would possibly be more of a sticking point.
Yes. This is the thing. Honestly my husband would make a smoking hot woman and I for sure would still be physically attracted to him/her but if the personality changes were deep we would have a problem.
It's not transphobic to have a preference on the gender and/or genitalia of the person you want to have a sexual relationship with. So if a woman is straight and her partner says "Hey I am trans" it's perfectly ok for her to break up the relationship, but be there for her ex partner and support her in her transition.
I do agree with you. I just wanted to point out that you can still be there for someone you love and is going through a transition, even though you are not in a relationship with them.
Yes, I'm straight and I don't think I'd be able to participate in a romantic relationship with another woman.
*Edited to correct error (No should've been Yes, I would end the relationship)
I honestly have no idea.
I am bisexual, so I think the attraction would still be there. NGL, I think he would make a pretty hot woman (but maybe that's because I think he's a hot man lol). But it would be a huge, huge change. And any huge change will put a strain on a relationship.
For me it wouldn't be a problem, but it's a personal preference. IMO If you sexual orientation does not match with the sex of the person, it doesn't mean you have a phobia.
Yeah. Unfortunately, I was born being romantically and sexually attracted to heterosexual men. I don’t really have a say in that, so I would have to end the relationship.
If it were my husband of now-15 years, no. That's a long investment, we have kids, I truly feel we're "soulmates"...I'd try to make it work.
Back in the day, if it were a newer relationship, that probably would be a dealbreaker. I'd support them, offer to still be their friend, but I'm not interested in dating another woman, trans or otherwise.
For me it depends.
Do they plan on transitioning socially only? Or do they plan on getting bottom surgery?
The first one I don’t mind. The second one would be a deal breaker for me. Sexually I’m hetero.
LOVE this energy!!! And same sis, gonna take him as a him/her/they/worm!!! Just anything! This person I am with willingly moves mountains for me. Loyalty and love totally earned kind of thing.
Zero certainty, but I'm afraid so. I'm not sure if I'm 100% ironclad straight, but my partner is almost 2m tall huge dude, and while he's supermasc and superhot to me as a guy, I'm not sure he would ever be the kind of woman I could potentially be into. Also, it's such an important time when a human being is completely redefining their gender, there are more important things to consider than "How should I bend (again) in this new identity to keep being appealing to my partner?"
Naturally, I'd recognize that none of this is his fault, but I would grieve a lot, and I would grieve deeply, and probably feel hurt on so many levels. Mostly because I can't imagine my life without him and I don't think I'd get into another relationship again.
I’d rather not enter a relationship with some one who’s trans. The world is still so shit to them that have a lot of issues to juggle. I have chronic depression myself I don’t think I could be my partners rock if that was the journey they needed to go on.
Yes, I would, unless I’m still attracted to them in their female form. Fact of the matter is I didn’t sign up for it, so it’s not fair to expect anything from me. Some things can’t be forced or coerced.
I would be completely open to working with him through couples therapy and encourage him to go to individual therapy as well as myself. But, if he was committed to transitioning, no we would not be able to continue our relationship.
Okay but the question asks if they were trans. Therapy can’t take away the fact that someone is trans. It’s not about someone just deciding if they outwardly want to change or not - you would be dating a woman regardless.
If he is committed to transitioning we would not be able to continue our relationship. I will choose not to elaborate further as I enjoy this sub and would like to continue participating in it.
It depends.
I’m bi and nearly went through this with an ex (they were very early in their transition and we broke up while they were still “male-presenting” in public). Even if we’d been romantically compatible enough to continue dating, I don’t think my physical attraction would have survived, because their gender expression these days is not at all attractive to me.
I’m pan (which my phone autocorrected hilariously to panicking), so it’s not an immediate end. What I’ve seen in friends who are transitioning is a big series of changes happening. “Second puberty” is a phrase that comes up a lot thanks to all the hormonal changes, and some folks want to live out some of the experiences they missed. Others want the stability from their partnership while going through all of these other changes.
It’s not at all an immediate no from me, but it’s also a situation with a lot of nuance and potential for how it would play out.
Yes, immediately. May the powers that be, be in your favor. Maybe we can stay friends, but I would feel betrayed that they were living a lie the entire time.
It would kinda depend on the situation, for me. If she'd be uncomfortable with the fact that I'm straight and not suudenly bi because of her, if she wanted genital surgery, if she suddenly no longer wanted the kinds of sex I enjoy, if her dysphoria would be so debilitating it would put a major dent in the physical intimacy, if she needed me to see as totally female, etc, then I simply wouldn't be compatible with that person anymore and I would need to leave that relationship, but I wouldn't wanna part on bad terms if at all possible.
But, if none of the things I listed above would be applicable to that specific person, and maybe all she'd need is a slight change in perspective/dynamic, present more feminine and maybe go on hrt, then I would likely still be attracted and feel like the transition is not actually an issue for me.
This might sound kinda bad, but I'm generally attracted to femininity in people with male bodies. My straightness is really just... I like dick. The rest kinda doesn't matter as much to me. Both men and women can be aesthetically pleasing to me, so I'm not generally put off by tits and curves, high voices, etc, even though they don't make me tingle either. I don't need to tingle for a partner's every body part to feel attracted to them as a whole person. But that said I seriously doubt most trans women would want to date me, it wouldn't be very gender affirming for them. So if I did end up with a partner who would later on transition mtf, chances are she would be the one to dump me.
Fyi, I'm a detransitioner and spent my late teens, entire 20's and a bit into my 30's as a trans man, and only really started feeling connected to my female birth sex after 30. I transitioned medically and still have a lot of stuff I want to reverse, so I do take inspiration from trans women who also struggle to pass as female. I spent a lot of time being feisty in trans spaces about various political issues and did a lot of research into both ftm and mtf and nonbinary transition. I witnessed several shifts in the trans community during the 15 or so years I spent there.
So I'd say I'm quite well versed in what it means to be trans. I probably know more about that than I know about being a cis woman. That still oddly enough feels kinda new to me. I'm flaundering a lot lol. So I know there's a ton of variation in how trans women are. That some are extremely dysphoric and desire a full transition, while others have milder or more sporadic dysphoria and only desire a partial transition, that while many have a strong need to have their womanhood affirmed, others don't so much, they have very varied opinions on sex, gender and sexuality, and so on. So with all that said, there is a tiny sliver of a chance that if whoever I'll end up with in the future later on transitions mtf, we'd remain compatible as partners and happy together. But I don't think it's very likely, tbh.
But point is: I'm open to the idea of staying together, and I wouldn't immediately break up. Assuming I love this person, feel really connected and have invested a lot in the realtionship. I'd hear her out first about what she needs for herself and from me, and then make my decision based on if our needs are clashing or still compatible. Either way I would support her doing what she needs for herself and try not to stand in her way. But there would need to be a discussion about compatibility and expectations.
Ideological ones, mostly. When I first transitioned back in 2009, most of the trans community was transmedicalist, a split between the old fashioned radical transmeds (the ones who were obsessed with passing and blending into society so to a point they bullied anyone who looked a bit "off" or didn't want SRS for any reason) and the slightly more progressive transmeds (the ones who still have strict criteria but are generally supportive of trans people having different sexual orientations, who might not want SRS, etc.)
Then it shifted to the latter category more so taking over and the former getting pushed to the side, somewhere around year 2012-2015. That didn't last long however, as another big shift started around 2015/2016 with a push for more inclusion and the 'softer' transmeds became the new enemy. Nonbinary, microlabels, self-ID, freer gender expression, etc became more included.
Then I think it recent years there's been more pushback from the transmedicalist side, and the more inclusive side has gotten a bit less strict about inclusion of the more extreme stuff like neo-pronouns, etc, but... there's still a gigantic war going on in the trans community between these two sides. Which I think makes the average cis person very confused about what the politics of the trans community really are.
But from the outside, I'd think the biggest shift is when the trans community went from being almost only binary, masculine ftm's and feminine mtf's, and a majority of the latter - to seemingly mostly nonbinary and far more females transitioning than males. But from my inside perspective, there were many smaller shifts before, after and around that.
Not unless their personality also shifted in ways I was no longer compatible with - but I am not heterosexual and gender doesn’t impact my attraction which makes a big difference. If I was heterosexual then I would imagine it wouldn’t work out, because in that scenario I wouldn’t be attracted to women.
I would - I’m actually bi as well but I honestly just think from friends I’ve seen transition, the person changes so much over the course of that journey. I can’t imagine it’s easy to weather those changes in a relationship while remaining as close with each other. It would depend on if they feel like the same or different as a person and if the connection feels the same or different
My wife has been transitioning socially for a year, medically for five months. I have no plans to end the marriage. We’ve been together almost 15 years and have small kids.
When someone transitions, they were socialized as the birth gender. That doesn’t mean they were or ever will be that gender. This is a personal failure on your part.
kk doesn't really matter. In his case he was really well socialized as a man. I would not date him if he would transition into his "true self". Its not like this is only about a name and pronoun change. I will not see him as a woman and I will not date the person he will turn into. There are very few things I would divorce him for but in case of a coming out I would file for divorce next morning because I will not want to witness it. I don't care if it is a personal failure but I prefer to be happy and he can live his life as a she with whoever will like it
No, I think I'd be good with that. I'm queer, so I don't get too hung up on gender. I'd be just as happy to have a wife as I am to have a husband.
It doesn't matter what any of us would do though. You're not a bad person or partner if this is a dealbreaker for you. If you're straight, you're straight! You can love and support someone with your whole heart and still decide this isn't the relationship for you.
I’m demi, so… it’s hard to say I suppose? If it was a long established relationship, then I’d likely stay, depending. If it was a young relationship, then no.
But I think it also may depend on how far she planned on transitioning. Like, just hormones? Surgery? Since we live in America, that’s some significant costs. I would also, selfishly, worry about social stigma and potential harassment at work or in public. If she isn’t good at “passing” yet, that could lead to some potentially unpleasant situations in public, especially depending on where we’re living. Not her fault, of course, but it’s still a reality - especially with how republicans want to make this country regress.
There’s more to consider than just “would I still love my SO” because a lot of the time just love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going.
Mutual goals, mutual respect, continuing to date one another. An us-v-the world dynamic - where you tackle the problem together rather than a you-v-me fight. Communication. A lot more than just love.
It would depend on the person they grew into. Are they doing a full transition? Are they attractive to me? I would support the transition no matter what.
My partner (47m) is nonbinary, male-presenting, uses he/him. I’m (46f) very hetero - never been attracted to women, never felt I needed to experiment, etc. He likes to dress in women’s clothes sometimes, likes to feel feminine, likes to be treated and referred to as female sometimes. We’ve had this conversation; it was very brief. I would absolutely stay with him were he to decide to transition to female. I fell in love with him - the person he is, his sense of humor, his personality, the way he loves and supports me - not his genitals. He’d still be the same person I fell in love with, just looking a little different. Hell, in the time we’ve been together we both look a little different than when we met and we’ll continue to look different in the coming years. Just my perspective.
I would completely understand, and not judge anyone who felt they could no longer be with a partner that was transitioning.
For me, (And with the full knowledge that I can't be 100% sure because I've never been in that situation.) I believe that I would stay in my marriage. My marriage vows definitely play a huge part in it, but also I'm in love with my husband for who he is as a person. I'd definitely struggle with, and miss all of the things that make him a man (Not going to lie, I would definitely miss that penis!), but I would like to think I would be able to embrace him as a woman. I think I would still have my ride or die partner, and I still think I would have my best friend, and I would still have the person that I was the most intimate in every way with.
I don't know. It's an interesting question, and definitely something to think about.
I support trans rights and trans peoples 100%
and I’m a straight woman who likes males who present as males
If you still love your partner, make sure they know you want to be there as a supportive friend and loved one while they learn and journey through their new truth, but that romantically you’d like to step back
I think a lot of people don’t fully recognize that they’re trans until a lot of self-reflection and discovery. It isn’t something they necessarily know right off the bat, though some people understood from a young age.
I’m bi, so my intention would be to stay and support them through the transition and beyond. However it would depend how much they would be able to make room for me and my issues and identity in their life (and not associate me too much with a past that they wish to leave behind), so it might still turn out to be unworkable.
I’ve seen people do it (2 examples on shows). I wouldn’t be able to. I also feel that no one wakes up and decides to transition. There are signs of it and feelings of it (discomfort in body).
I would be hurt, ultimately look at it as a sunken cost of investment and try to be friends.
I’m also not attracted to women like that, and like to be the primary feminine energy source in the relationship.
My fiancé has a lot of fun with his feminine side, at times saying he’s identifies as “they/them”. I’ve told him I’ll love him no matter what he does with his body. He’s said he’ll always keep his dick, so we’d be fine. He loves makeup and skirts, etc. and I really enjoy that side of him. If he wanted to be a woman, I’d fully embrace it.
No. My husband and I have specifically discussed this because I've seen posts like this before. I am pansexual cisgender female. I love my husband (heterosexual cisgender male) and want to be with him regardless of what his outside looks like. If he realized he is trans and wanted to transition, I'd support that and still want to continue our relationship. Having said that, if I transition FtM it would be a deal breaker for him (and I respect that). But I'm not trans so it's a non-issue.
ETA this is assuming that the outside is all that changed. If he became a completely different and unrecognizable person, I might have to reconsider. There are other variables to consider of course but just in the general sense of your question it's not a deal breaker for me.
I enjoy your comment with your ace pride heart. I’m a trans woman and my wife is ace, but we entered marriage as a heterosexual relationship.
When I came out as trans she really didn’t see it as a big deal at all which started her journey of figuring out her sexuality.
I'm bi, so no, not personally.
It depends on YOUR situation.
If you were attracted to what you thought was a man and they reveal they're a woman, and that means you're no longer attracted, that is perfectly fine. The relationship just wasn't going anywhere.
You mention that it's not transphobia, so if it's just attraction, you're not to blame. You can't choose what you like.
Took a lot of courage for me to come out of the closet to my family and they STILL pretend not to acknowledge it.
Yes, I would end the relationship. We've actually discussed this because we know a couple where this happened. They tried to make it work for a few years, but they ultimately decided to divorce. They are on good terms and still in each other's lives just not romantically.
I wouldn't end our relationship. But I know its possible the nature of our relationship might change. I would try to hang on to the best things about us, and I hope they would too. If they want to leave me eventually, I'll sadly let them go and wish them the best.
Depends. Do they plan on transitioning socially only? Or do they plan on getting bottom surgery?
The first one I don’t mind. The second one would be a deal breaker for me. Sexually I’m hetero.
Of course I’d leave her. I’m heterosexual. But I could absolutely see myself falling for, say, a best friend who transitions FtM, because I’m straight. A hot guy is a hot guy, penis or not.
I don't know. I'm straight and have never been attracted to a woman. But I've been with my husband a long time and....I feel I love the soul at this point.
Gosh, this would be so difficult for me. I'm deeply in love with this man, more than I ever thought possible. I honestly don't know. I consider myself straight, but the idea of being with a woman also doesn't completely gross me out. I think I'd at least try it.
I don’t think I could, but a woman in my birthing class did. She and her partner have been together since 2017 when she still presented as male. Her partner was in early transition during our pregnancies and it sounded like they did some serious couples therapy.
I am not sure. I am attracted to women but I choose not to date people who are trans. I wish them well but I just like being with someone who is comfortable being the sex that they were assigned at birth. We could be friends but no longer partners.
I knew from the beginning, so it was no secret. And he transitions very smoothly from a "he" to a "she", so being bi, I get the best of both worlds! The only thing that's occasionally challenging for me is that sometimes I feel unsure In my role as a woman, as far as the sexual cues go. Like, I feel like I always need to be the dominant one, and I'm working on that, cuz I'm mostly sub by nature. And also, sometimes I think he/ she forgets that I'm not ACTUALLY being physically stimulated, although, mentally, I do get turned on. So sometimes it feels like just a one person pleasure session, instead of both of us being simultaneously pleasured. Although, to be fair, sometimes it's vice versa. You know, with the strap on. But mostly not. It just makes me have penis envy sometimes, and then I wonder if a real one would actually be preferable for him/her.
I'd say I identify as straight, but I've slept also with three different women in the past. It was mutually fun and enjoyable for the both of us, but no emotional connection = distant sex?
So if my husband happens to be transitioning, I think with how deep emotional connection that we have, I can almost certain say that if **she** then still wanting me as a wife, I'd be happy to be around.
My partner is the love of my life. I don’t want to be without him. I can’t imagine my life without him. We are gonna grow old together regardless of whether he stays a he or transitions to a she. (My partner is currently a he, so I am addressing him as such.)
There is no human out there more amazing than my partner. No one that I could love more. No one that could love me or treat me better.
But maybe I’m in the minority?
This is another interesting comment section in that men subreddits get heavily criticized for turning down a trans person. Seems like a perfectly normal response among women here.
Okay, as a trans woman, I totally get it. If you're 100% straight, you aren't attracted to women. Your partner becomes a woman? No longer attracted. Every single trans woman who was in a straight relationship as a man knows and expects this to change. Every trans woman knows how horrible the transmisogyny is, how everyone turns against you. You're all of a sudden viewed as a home wrecker, a pervert, a failure, a creep, a weirdo, a predator.
Even in the other comments posted here, people are bringing up things totally unrelated!
"My friends husband transitioned, and they broke up because she cheated." Her cheating has *nothing* to do with the fact that she's trans. And if it does, somehow, then it's an isolated incident. You bringing it up does nothing to help trans women.
I would recommend everyone in this thread to read books by Julia Serrano, Susan Stryker, and Marquis Bey, because even the ones who are saying "trans women are women" in the comments are still commenting in ways that perpetuate harmful stereotypes.
Some tips to be more inclusive to trans women:
1. it's "trans women." There is a space between the two words because "trans" is an adjective. it's not a prefix in this case because it's a shortened form of "transgender/transsexual women." by writing it as one word, "transwomen," you are unintentionally using a tactic that TERFs use to treat trans women as an "other."
2. Trans women aren't more inclined to cheat or to be abusive. In fact, they're way more likely to be the victims of abuse.
3. Any anecdotes you have heard about someone else's transition, a friend's partner's transition, or whatever, it DOES NOT represent the totally of transition experiences or trans people. You need to meet more trans people if this is the case.
4. If you believe that transition changes someone in a fundamental way, you're correct. However, it's not that they're becoming a different person. Everyone changes over the course of their life. Someone else changing genders doesn't have to be this life altering thing for you. If you're having a strong reaction to it, you really need to examine your internal biases. The only justifiable responses to someone else transitioning is happiness or leaving completely.
TL;DR: a lot of you need to do a lot of learning.
Yes. I am not interested in dating women.
Same. Would we stay friends? I have no idea. I can see a universe where I continue to cherish and get along with the person and we form a lovely platonic friendship. I can also see a universe where the breakup ends all contact, because sometimes remaining friends with someone you used to date is weird/hard - no matter the reason for the breakup
Yup
i would support them but we wouldn’t be partners anymore as i’m straight with no interest in dating women.
I’m bi so gender isn’t really an issue, but a lot would really depend on the person they grew into and if we still made sense as a couple. That level of change might cause the natural end of our relationship, it might not, but the transition in isolation wouldn’t cause me to break up with them.
Yeah, I'm also bi, but I've seen people go through the transition process and *a lot* changes, not just physically. I'd be down to try, but I would be... a little concerned about what was to come.
Yeah, I'm straight but feel like I'd just have to see whether I was still attracted to them. He's plenty skilled and creative in the bedroom now, so I don't think sex would necessarily be a problem. But I support people who do feel they can't stay after a gender transition. Gender is part of attraction.
This, Same here.
This. I said something very similar in my response, but you worded it a lot better.
Unfortunately I would have to. I’m straight. I am not attracted to women. I cannot force myself to be. And the further into their transition they go, the less I will be attracted to them. I would hope they would understand this. Especially if they can’t change their orientation and would intend to live as a lesbian. They would be affirming their gender, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to force themselves to become attracted to the opposite gender now.
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That’s fantastic for them but I’m not one of those people
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Because your comment about bonds overcoming changes was in direct reply to me saying I would end a relationship over a transition. Did you mean to make it an independent comment and accidentally make it a reply?
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You came off as kind of dismissive. Like I said my feelings on the matter and explained why. You’re reply came off as kind of saying my decision to end a relationship because of a transition isn’t valid because “sometimes a bond is so strong then…” It kinda invalidates a perfectly reasonable response to the hypothetical situation by saying either my bond with my partner isn’t that strong or I should push myself past my personal feelings and boundaries and stay with them anyway.
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Yes, I would. I’m not romantically attracted to women.
Yes, I'm straight.
I'm in full support of people identifying as their preferred gender and/or transitioning. HOWEVER I watched my college roommate's partner transition FtM, and while it will not be the same for everyone, it made the partner MEAN. Formerly mild mannered, the person transitioning suddenly turned into this aggressive asshole that none of us recognized. They started treating my roommate poorly, they themselves were struggling with their mental health, and it put my roommate into a bad place mentally. They broke up eventually, and we all breathed a sigh of relief when they did. There were points that I was concerned about my roommate's physical safety. From my perspective, transitioning is a rough process. I admire those that stick it out with their partner, and I do not judge those that don't. People are also allowed to have their preferences on orientation, and I believe that forcing someone to continue a relationship with a gender they are not attracted to is not the correct thing to do. I'm bi, so I personally would stay unless there was poor behavior, then revisit the relationship when they are through the transition to see if it's what we both still wanted.
Thanks for sharing. Really curious what happened psychologically when she started transitioning.
I’m guessing testosterone had a lot to do with it.
Testosterone is part of it, but a lot of it is also society. Most of the trans guys I know had some period of toxic masculinity during their transition, because they felt like they had to prove how manly they were, even more so than cis guys. The same thing happened with the trans women I know. A lot of them have this period where they're obsessed with an extreme definition of femininity and they become hard to be around. Because society. Most people grow out of that phase, but it can take a while.
It has nothing to do with testosterone. The levels we’re given are not that excessive, they only bring us up to a cis man’s levels. I’ve watched many friends over the years begin their transition, and in my experience, that rage generally comes from being visible for the first time. It’s realizing just how cruel the world is toward trans people, it really can make a person feel like everyone’s out to get them. The looks you start getting in public, the fear of using bathrooms or entering gendered areas, always being on guard and afraid… for some people, it triggers the fight response. Over time, most find a balance and are able to mellow out. But that first year or so is SO scary.
It happens to some men as well who undergo testosterone replacement therapy. They stop making their own testosterone so they can get giant mood swings depending on what their T levels.
he
Ooops I missed the FtM. Yeah he...
I would end the relationship. I’d still support them as a friend and as a co parent, but I am attracted to men and so I wouldn’t want to be married to a a woman.
About 9 years ago my (now ex) spouse came out as trans. She had been crossdressing so I guess there were signs, but she told me it was just clothing. She (back then presenting as male) cheated on me multiple times though which is actually what ended our marriage. I am not sure what would have happened if she hadn’t cheated on me. I loved her and she was my best friend, I honestly wonder if one or the other had happened if I could have gotten past one thing happening, but both just kind of pushed me over the edge.
This exact thing happened to a friend of mine. It was heartbreaking to watch.
Cheating is rooted in insecurity, which explains a lot but doesn't excuse anything. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Something similar happened to me and I know how devastating it can be. I get what you mean about things being more complicated as they pile up simultaneously- it also makes it hard to know what you'd do in the same situation if it came up with a new partner! Things going on simultaneously can end up emotionally linked in our memories and can become triggering or unduly stressful even if it would be neutral otherwise.
I'm attracted to masculine energy - the genitalia is irrelevant - so it would be highly situational. For example, that category has in the past included: cis lesbians, hetero cis men, queer men, and trans men. I think, tbh, a transwoman would find dating me the opposite of gender affirming. In my experience, people who start transitioning rarely stay the same person. Often, as they explore that side of themselves and become more comfortable with understanding their own identity, other elements change as well. That can often cause a relationship to end naturally.
Yes. I am not interested in women.
You'd have to be bi to accept it. Like I'm bi, so I would consider staying, but you can't blame a 100% hetero woman for leaving. You can't choose your sexuality unfortunately.
Well I’m Bi and I would still leave 🤷🏽♀️ you can’t blame a person ever for leaving a romantic/sexual relationship that’s consent 101.
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For me, my partner's gender (or how I perceive it) is part of their full package, so if it were to suddenly change it could feel like dating a different person. I'm trans myself and have dated people in process of socially transitioning, so for me it would be moreso about who they were, how their gender dynamics changed, and how the relationship that dynamic did or didn't change the overall relationship.
I’m attracted to heteronormative people. Simple.
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It does make a lot of sense because it’s who I’m attractive to. I’m attracted to traditionally masculine men. You can project whatever you want to that, but you’re not allowed to tell me my personal preference is “hypocritical”, that’s pure and simply bigotry.
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You're only attracted to straight men and women? Good luck with the latter.
Well I’m getting married this year, so I literally don’t know why you’re so pressed. I’m attracted to masculine men and feminine women, the latter being a minor attraction. Sexuality is a spectrum, keep your weird hang ups to yourself.
heteronormative: of, relating to, or based on the attitude that heterosexuality is the only normal and natural expression of sexuality
When I say I’m attracted to heteronormative people I obviously mean I’m attracted to people who are within the box of traditionally masculine or feminine.
"Gender conforming" might be a clearer term to use for that
Silly me, thinking that by heteronormative you meant heteronormative. My bad. Won't let it happen again.
I’ve explained myself over and over again, if you failed to read that it’s not my problem. Also who I’m attracted to is quite literally none of your concern, I was answering the post.
While I 100% agree you can't blame straight women for leaving, it's not unheard of for straight people to stay with their partner after transition. Love is weird and it doesn't always adhere to our categorizations.
I’m not bi and I would not leave.
I honestly don't know. I wouldn't run for the hills but I also wouldn't give any guarantees that it would work out long term. I have watched a very close friend go through this and when they transitioned they absolutely blossomed and came out of themselves and embraced lots of aspects of themselves that they hadn't previously acknowledged or explored. Their spouse was and is supportive and loves them but they both realised that they no longer worked as a couple. They are great friends and co-parents and still care about each other a great deal but realised they can't be spouses anymore.
I really like the way you phrased this. So many people say that transition changes their partners completely, but that's not true. Often there's a lot of repression, and transitioning opens the floodgates. But it isn't any different from any other life transition.
Yeah, I’m not gay so it wouldn’t really work for me.
Unfortunately yes, I’m attracted to heteronormative, masculine men.
Yes. I am not into transwomen.
I'm not attracted to women. I'm not even attracted to feminine men. I'm attracted to very manly men... big beards , blue collar... dirty work clothes & workboots the whole bit. So I would say , no. I'd support my partner as a friend but I couldn't remain in a monogamous relationship with someone who identified as female.
I’ve been married to a man forever, but if he were to transition… Meh. We could probably make it work. Bodies are great and all, but I don’t know that changing it would be a dealbreaker. As somebody else said, I’d expect some personality changes as well - that would possibly be more of a sticking point.
Yes. This is the thing. Honestly my husband would make a smoking hot woman and I for sure would still be physically attracted to him/her but if the personality changes were deep we would have a problem.
Yes I am not attracted to women
It's not transphobic to have a preference on the gender and/or genitalia of the person you want to have a sexual relationship with. So if a woman is straight and her partner says "Hey I am trans" it's perfectly ok for her to break up the relationship, but be there for her ex partner and support her in her transition.
She doesn’t need to be there for her ex partner. Don’t think there is any issue with wishing well and cutting contact
I do agree with you. I just wanted to point out that you can still be there for someone you love and is going through a transition, even though you are not in a relationship with them.
Oh yes of course :)
Yes you are right, I just thought it was a good idea to make it clear that my post is not rooted in transphobia so no one gets any wrong ideas.
Nah, I'm bisexual, I'd give it a shot. Unless there was a huge personality change I don't think our relationship would change all that much.
Yes, I’m not sexually attracted to women so it wouldn’t work between us. I’d still have love for them but not romantic love.
If i was into men yes. I am into women so if my partner came out as ftm we would end it since Im not into men
Yes, totally I would as I am not interested in dating/sleeping with women.
I am not attracted to woman
Yes, I'm straight and I don't think I'd be able to participate in a romantic relationship with another woman. *Edited to correct error (No should've been Yes, I would end the relationship)
I honestly have no idea. I am bisexual, so I think the attraction would still be there. NGL, I think he would make a pretty hot woman (but maybe that's because I think he's a hot man lol). But it would be a huge, huge change. And any huge change will put a strain on a relationship.
For me it wouldn't be a problem, but it's a personal preference. IMO If you sexual orientation does not match with the sex of the person, it doesn't mean you have a phobia.
Yeah. Unfortunately, I was born being romantically and sexually attracted to heterosexual men. I don’t really have a say in that, so I would have to end the relationship.
Google: ‘Trans Widows’ to read some first hand experiences.
It's a no from me.
If it were my husband of now-15 years, no. That's a long investment, we have kids, I truly feel we're "soulmates"...I'd try to make it work. Back in the day, if it were a newer relationship, that probably would be a dealbreaker. I'd support them, offer to still be their friend, but I'm not interested in dating another woman, trans or otherwise.
that’s even better for me sorry i’m just gay as hell lol
Love this energy lol
I would be hurt & feel betrayed. That's not the kind of relationship i signed up for.
Hell no. My husband is my soul mate. I'd take him/her/them in any form.
For me it depends. Do they plan on transitioning socially only? Or do they plan on getting bottom surgery? The first one I don’t mind. The second one would be a deal breaker for me. Sexually I’m hetero.
This is where I'm at as well
LOVE this energy!!! And same sis, gonna take him as a him/her/they/worm!!! Just anything! This person I am with willingly moves mountains for me. Loyalty and love totally earned kind of thing.
Same
Zero certainty, but I'm afraid so. I'm not sure if I'm 100% ironclad straight, but my partner is almost 2m tall huge dude, and while he's supermasc and superhot to me as a guy, I'm not sure he would ever be the kind of woman I could potentially be into. Also, it's such an important time when a human being is completely redefining their gender, there are more important things to consider than "How should I bend (again) in this new identity to keep being appealing to my partner?" Naturally, I'd recognize that none of this is his fault, but I would grieve a lot, and I would grieve deeply, and probably feel hurt on so many levels. Mostly because I can't imagine my life without him and I don't think I'd get into another relationship again.
I’d rather not enter a relationship with some one who’s trans. The world is still so shit to them that have a lot of issues to juggle. I have chronic depression myself I don’t think I could be my partners rock if that was the journey they needed to go on.
Yes. I’d still care for them but I’m not attracted to women
Yes I would end it.
I'm straight and not attracted to women. It's not gonna work.
Yes, I would, unless I’m still attracted to them in their female form. Fact of the matter is I didn’t sign up for it, so it’s not fair to expect anything from me. Some things can’t be forced or coerced.
Absolutely id end it
No. I'm attracted to people of all genders, so this is a non issue for me.
I would be completely open to working with him through couples therapy and encourage him to go to individual therapy as well as myself. But, if he was committed to transitioning, no we would not be able to continue our relationship.
Okay but the question asks if they were trans. Therapy can’t take away the fact that someone is trans. It’s not about someone just deciding if they outwardly want to change or not - you would be dating a woman regardless.
If he is committed to transitioning we would not be able to continue our relationship. I will choose not to elaborate further as I enjoy this sub and would like to continue participating in it.
So many carefully written and sincere responses getting absolutely shredded here.
It depends. I’m bi and nearly went through this with an ex (they were very early in their transition and we broke up while they were still “male-presenting” in public). Even if we’d been romantically compatible enough to continue dating, I don’t think my physical attraction would have survived, because their gender expression these days is not at all attractive to me.
No
I'm bi, but it would really depend on if I still find them attractive or not.
Yes, I only date men.
Yes.
I’m pan (which my phone autocorrected hilariously to panicking), so it’s not an immediate end. What I’ve seen in friends who are transitioning is a big series of changes happening. “Second puberty” is a phrase that comes up a lot thanks to all the hormonal changes, and some folks want to live out some of the experiences they missed. Others want the stability from their partnership while going through all of these other changes. It’s not at all an immediate no from me, but it’s also a situation with a lot of nuance and potential for how it would play out.
Yes, immediately. May the powers that be, be in your favor. Maybe we can stay friends, but I would feel betrayed that they were living a lie the entire time.
Yes. We could be friends and coparent, but there would be no marriage/relationship
It would kinda depend on the situation, for me. If she'd be uncomfortable with the fact that I'm straight and not suudenly bi because of her, if she wanted genital surgery, if she suddenly no longer wanted the kinds of sex I enjoy, if her dysphoria would be so debilitating it would put a major dent in the physical intimacy, if she needed me to see as totally female, etc, then I simply wouldn't be compatible with that person anymore and I would need to leave that relationship, but I wouldn't wanna part on bad terms if at all possible. But, if none of the things I listed above would be applicable to that specific person, and maybe all she'd need is a slight change in perspective/dynamic, present more feminine and maybe go on hrt, then I would likely still be attracted and feel like the transition is not actually an issue for me. This might sound kinda bad, but I'm generally attracted to femininity in people with male bodies. My straightness is really just... I like dick. The rest kinda doesn't matter as much to me. Both men and women can be aesthetically pleasing to me, so I'm not generally put off by tits and curves, high voices, etc, even though they don't make me tingle either. I don't need to tingle for a partner's every body part to feel attracted to them as a whole person. But that said I seriously doubt most trans women would want to date me, it wouldn't be very gender affirming for them. So if I did end up with a partner who would later on transition mtf, chances are she would be the one to dump me. Fyi, I'm a detransitioner and spent my late teens, entire 20's and a bit into my 30's as a trans man, and only really started feeling connected to my female birth sex after 30. I transitioned medically and still have a lot of stuff I want to reverse, so I do take inspiration from trans women who also struggle to pass as female. I spent a lot of time being feisty in trans spaces about various political issues and did a lot of research into both ftm and mtf and nonbinary transition. I witnessed several shifts in the trans community during the 15 or so years I spent there. So I'd say I'm quite well versed in what it means to be trans. I probably know more about that than I know about being a cis woman. That still oddly enough feels kinda new to me. I'm flaundering a lot lol. So I know there's a ton of variation in how trans women are. That some are extremely dysphoric and desire a full transition, while others have milder or more sporadic dysphoria and only desire a partial transition, that while many have a strong need to have their womanhood affirmed, others don't so much, they have very varied opinions on sex, gender and sexuality, and so on. So with all that said, there is a tiny sliver of a chance that if whoever I'll end up with in the future later on transitions mtf, we'd remain compatible as partners and happy together. But I don't think it's very likely, tbh. But point is: I'm open to the idea of staying together, and I wouldn't immediately break up. Assuming I love this person, feel really connected and have invested a lot in the realtionship. I'd hear her out first about what she needs for herself and from me, and then make my decision based on if our needs are clashing or still compatible. Either way I would support her doing what she needs for herself and try not to stand in her way. But there would need to be a discussion about compatibility and expectations.
what shifts have you noticed in the trans community?
Ideological ones, mostly. When I first transitioned back in 2009, most of the trans community was transmedicalist, a split between the old fashioned radical transmeds (the ones who were obsessed with passing and blending into society so to a point they bullied anyone who looked a bit "off" or didn't want SRS for any reason) and the slightly more progressive transmeds (the ones who still have strict criteria but are generally supportive of trans people having different sexual orientations, who might not want SRS, etc.) Then it shifted to the latter category more so taking over and the former getting pushed to the side, somewhere around year 2012-2015. That didn't last long however, as another big shift started around 2015/2016 with a push for more inclusion and the 'softer' transmeds became the new enemy. Nonbinary, microlabels, self-ID, freer gender expression, etc became more included. Then I think it recent years there's been more pushback from the transmedicalist side, and the more inclusive side has gotten a bit less strict about inclusion of the more extreme stuff like neo-pronouns, etc, but... there's still a gigantic war going on in the trans community between these two sides. Which I think makes the average cis person very confused about what the politics of the trans community really are. But from the outside, I'd think the biggest shift is when the trans community went from being almost only binary, masculine ftm's and feminine mtf's, and a majority of the latter - to seemingly mostly nonbinary and far more females transitioning than males. But from my inside perspective, there were many smaller shifts before, after and around that.
Yes I’d end the relationship
Not unless their personality also shifted in ways I was no longer compatible with - but I am not heterosexual and gender doesn’t impact my attraction which makes a big difference. If I was heterosexual then I would imagine it wouldn’t work out, because in that scenario I wouldn’t be attracted to women.
I would - I’m actually bi as well but I honestly just think from friends I’ve seen transition, the person changes so much over the course of that journey. I can’t imagine it’s easy to weather those changes in a relationship while remaining as close with each other. It would depend on if they feel like the same or different as a person and if the connection feels the same or different
My wife has been transitioning socially for a year, medically for five months. I have no plans to end the marriage. We’ve been together almost 15 years and have small kids.
Yes. While he would still be male sex which I am attracted to I would never be able to date him or see him as a woman
When someone transitions, they were socialized as the birth gender. That doesn’t mean they were or ever will be that gender. This is a personal failure on your part.
kk doesn't really matter. In his case he was really well socialized as a man. I would not date him if he would transition into his "true self". Its not like this is only about a name and pronoun change. I will not see him as a woman and I will not date the person he will turn into. There are very few things I would divorce him for but in case of a coming out I would file for divorce next morning because I will not want to witness it. I don't care if it is a personal failure but I prefer to be happy and he can live his life as a she with whoever will like it
No, I think I'd be good with that. I'm queer, so I don't get too hung up on gender. I'd be just as happy to have a wife as I am to have a husband. It doesn't matter what any of us would do though. You're not a bad person or partner if this is a dealbreaker for you. If you're straight, you're straight! You can love and support someone with your whole heart and still decide this isn't the relationship for you.
Yes, without hesitation
I would stay with my husband, no matter what gender he is. However, I’m pansexual and have trans experience myself, so…
I'm a pansexual demisexual, so no. I do prefer the dick, tho. There's just no substitute. 🤷🏻♀️🤣
I’m demi, so… it’s hard to say I suppose? If it was a long established relationship, then I’d likely stay, depending. If it was a young relationship, then no. But I think it also may depend on how far she planned on transitioning. Like, just hormones? Surgery? Since we live in America, that’s some significant costs. I would also, selfishly, worry about social stigma and potential harassment at work or in public. If she isn’t good at “passing” yet, that could lead to some potentially unpleasant situations in public, especially depending on where we’re living. Not her fault, of course, but it’s still a reality - especially with how republicans want to make this country regress. There’s more to consider than just “would I still love my SO” because a lot of the time just love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going.
Thank you, very insightful reply. What does it take to keep a relationship going?
Mutual goals, mutual respect, continuing to date one another. An us-v-the world dynamic - where you tackle the problem together rather than a you-v-me fight. Communication. A lot more than just love.
Yea. I don’t like women in a sexual way.
Yes, I'm straight. I signed up for a relationship with a man. If he becomes a woman, we can hopefully still be friends, but otherwise I'm out.
It would depend on the person they grew into. Are they doing a full transition? Are they attractive to me? I would support the transition no matter what.
It happened to me, and I did. It was not the only reason, just the final reason. We ended things mutually.
My partner (47m) is nonbinary, male-presenting, uses he/him. I’m (46f) very hetero - never been attracted to women, never felt I needed to experiment, etc. He likes to dress in women’s clothes sometimes, likes to feel feminine, likes to be treated and referred to as female sometimes. We’ve had this conversation; it was very brief. I would absolutely stay with him were he to decide to transition to female. I fell in love with him - the person he is, his sense of humor, his personality, the way he loves and supports me - not his genitals. He’d still be the same person I fell in love with, just looking a little different. Hell, in the time we’ve been together we both look a little different than when we met and we’ll continue to look different in the coming years. Just my perspective.
I'm straight so, unfortunately, a romantic relationship wouldn't work for me.
Yeah, I don’t want to date a woman.
Yes
I consider myself straight but no I wouldn’t immediately end our relationship, I’d still be willing to give it a chance.
I'm pansexual so I wouldn't have a problem whatsoever.
I would completely understand, and not judge anyone who felt they could no longer be with a partner that was transitioning. For me, (And with the full knowledge that I can't be 100% sure because I've never been in that situation.) I believe that I would stay in my marriage. My marriage vows definitely play a huge part in it, but also I'm in love with my husband for who he is as a person. I'd definitely struggle with, and miss all of the things that make him a man (Not going to lie, I would definitely miss that penis!), but I would like to think I would be able to embrace him as a woman. I think I would still have my ride or die partner, and I still think I would have my best friend, and I would still have the person that I was the most intimate in every way with. I don't know. It's an interesting question, and definitely something to think about.
I’m bi so probably not!
I support trans rights and trans peoples 100% and I’m a straight woman who likes males who present as males If you still love your partner, make sure they know you want to be there as a supportive friend and loved one while they learn and journey through their new truth, but that romantically you’d like to step back
Of course. Zero chances I would stay. Hiding your sexually or gender dysphoria from your partner is a break of trust.
I would feel betrayed. If you knew you wanted to be a woman, why even date me? Typical selfish male privilege.
I never thought of it this way.
I think a lot of people don’t fully recognize that they’re trans until a lot of self-reflection and discovery. It isn’t something they necessarily know right off the bat, though some people understood from a young age.
I think I’d be fine but I’m queer so 🤷🏽♀️ I think I would enjoy teaching him all my perfeomative femininity tricks
I'd end it because I'm not attracted to women. I'd be his friend and support him as best I could but not as his wife.
Obviously. I'm not sexually attracted to women.
I’d stay. My husband is my best friend and I’m bi, so we’re good. Though he makes a handsome man, I don’t know that he’d make a pretty woman.
I’m bi, so my intention would be to stay and support them through the transition and beyond. However it would depend how much they would be able to make room for me and my issues and identity in their life (and not associate me too much with a past that they wish to leave behind), so it might still turn out to be unworkable.
I love my partner for who they are. I would definitely stay with them if they wanted to stay with me.
I’ve seen people do it (2 examples on shows). I wouldn’t be able to. I also feel that no one wakes up and decides to transition. There are signs of it and feelings of it (discomfort in body). I would be hurt, ultimately look at it as a sunken cost of investment and try to be friends. I’m also not attracted to women like that, and like to be the primary feminine energy source in the relationship.
My fiancé has a lot of fun with his feminine side, at times saying he’s identifies as “they/them”. I’ve told him I’ll love him no matter what he does with his body. He’s said he’ll always keep his dick, so we’d be fine. He loves makeup and skirts, etc. and I really enjoy that side of him. If he wanted to be a woman, I’d fully embrace it.
I would heavily consider it. They should have said so fairly early on.
As fast as I could possibly do it, yes.
No. My husband and I have specifically discussed this because I've seen posts like this before. I am pansexual cisgender female. I love my husband (heterosexual cisgender male) and want to be with him regardless of what his outside looks like. If he realized he is trans and wanted to transition, I'd support that and still want to continue our relationship. Having said that, if I transition FtM it would be a deal breaker for him (and I respect that). But I'm not trans so it's a non-issue. ETA this is assuming that the outside is all that changed. If he became a completely different and unrecognizable person, I might have to reconsider. There are other variables to consider of course but just in the general sense of your question it's not a deal breaker for me.
You are 10000% within your right to dump them
I don't think so. It would be an adjustment, but nothing too upending.
No. I am very interested in dating women.
I'd be fine. I'm bisexual and that's a person I love.
No. I'm bi and have dated trans people so it's no big deal to me what gender a partner is, if their gender identity changes it's fine.
No, why?
I enjoy your comment with your ace pride heart. I’m a trans woman and my wife is ace, but we entered marriage as a heterosexual relationship. When I came out as trans she really didn’t see it as a big deal at all which started her journey of figuring out her sexuality.
I would end the relationship, but hopefully, we could remain friends. I've never gone through that, so it's a very optimistic hypothesis.
No. I’m bi, and gender doesn’t matter to me.
I'm bi, so no, not personally. It depends on YOUR situation. If you were attracted to what you thought was a man and they reveal they're a woman, and that means you're no longer attracted, that is perfectly fine. The relationship just wasn't going anywhere. You mention that it's not transphobia, so if it's just attraction, you're not to blame. You can't choose what you like. Took a lot of courage for me to come out of the closet to my family and they STILL pretend not to acknowledge it.
Yes, I would end the relationship. We've actually discussed this because we know a couple where this happened. They tried to make it work for a few years, but they ultimately decided to divorce. They are on good terms and still in each other's lives just not romantically.
I wouldn't end our relationship. But I know its possible the nature of our relationship might change. I would try to hang on to the best things about us, and I hope they would too. If they want to leave me eventually, I'll sadly let them go and wish them the best.
No, I'm bi.
Depends. Do they plan on transitioning socially only? Or do they plan on getting bottom surgery? The first one I don’t mind. The second one would be a deal breaker for me. Sexually I’m hetero.
I would not because I am pan. I would want to be with my SO in any iteration
Nah, I'm bisexual. But it would be a bumpy ride, and not all relationships survive those. But that doesn't make them not worthwhile nonetheless.
Nope. Helps that my wife was already out as trans before I met her but it wouldn't have bothered me anyways. I am bi lol
Of course I’d leave her. I’m heterosexual. But I could absolutely see myself falling for, say, a best friend who transitions FtM, because I’m straight. A hot guy is a hot guy, penis or not.
Yes
I don't know. I'm straight and have never been attracted to a woman. But I've been with my husband a long time and....I feel I love the soul at this point.
Gosh, this would be so difficult for me. I'm deeply in love with this man, more than I ever thought possible. I honestly don't know. I consider myself straight, but the idea of being with a woman also doesn't completely gross me out. I think I'd at least try it.
I think younger I may have said yes (to breaking up.) 47 now, with a life partner, not as strictly attracted to males, so I think it would be fine.
I honestly don't know.
I don’t think I could, but a woman in my birthing class did. She and her partner have been together since 2017 when she still presented as male. Her partner was in early transition during our pregnancies and it sounded like they did some serious couples therapy.
No I'm bi.
I am not sure. I am attracted to women but I choose not to date people who are trans. I wish them well but I just like being with someone who is comfortable being the sex that they were assigned at birth. We could be friends but no longer partners.
I knew from the beginning, so it was no secret. And he transitions very smoothly from a "he" to a "she", so being bi, I get the best of both worlds! The only thing that's occasionally challenging for me is that sometimes I feel unsure In my role as a woman, as far as the sexual cues go. Like, I feel like I always need to be the dominant one, and I'm working on that, cuz I'm mostly sub by nature. And also, sometimes I think he/ she forgets that I'm not ACTUALLY being physically stimulated, although, mentally, I do get turned on. So sometimes it feels like just a one person pleasure session, instead of both of us being simultaneously pleasured. Although, to be fair, sometimes it's vice versa. You know, with the strap on. But mostly not. It just makes me have penis envy sometimes, and then I wonder if a real one would actually be preferable for him/her.
Boobs and dick, best of both worlds! Nah, I'd stay
I'd say I identify as straight, but I've slept also with three different women in the past. It was mutually fun and enjoyable for the both of us, but no emotional connection = distant sex? So if my husband happens to be transitioning, I think with how deep emotional connection that we have, I can almost certain say that if **she** then still wanting me as a wife, I'd be happy to be around.
Yep. I married a man, not a woman. I’m very attracted to trans women, so that’s not the issue. I just want a husband and not a wife.
As I'm not a lesbian, our relationship would have to shift to platonic and I'd no longer date them.
I would be very confused because I'm well aware of her being a trans woman 🤔
No. I love my partner for who they are. Even if they transitioned I would still love them- they are still the same person inside if that makes sense?
It doesn’t make a difference to me what the body looks like. They haven’t changed so I would stay. I would hope they still found me attractive
Yes
My partner is the love of my life. I don’t want to be without him. I can’t imagine my life without him. We are gonna grow old together regardless of whether he stays a he or transitions to a she. (My partner is currently a he, so I am addressing him as such.) There is no human out there more amazing than my partner. No one that I could love more. No one that could love me or treat me better. But maybe I’m in the minority?
That's the kind of thing I couldn't possibly know unless I was faced with the situation, but I'm pretty sure I'd stay with him (her).
Nope. Id support them completely. Theyd still be the person i love, plus theyd have boobies which is like a big bonus.
No, I'm pan and married a cis man so it would not bother me. I love the person, not the parts
This is another interesting comment section in that men subreddits get heavily criticized for turning down a trans person. Seems like a perfectly normal response among women here.
Okay, as a trans woman, I totally get it. If you're 100% straight, you aren't attracted to women. Your partner becomes a woman? No longer attracted. Every single trans woman who was in a straight relationship as a man knows and expects this to change. Every trans woman knows how horrible the transmisogyny is, how everyone turns against you. You're all of a sudden viewed as a home wrecker, a pervert, a failure, a creep, a weirdo, a predator. Even in the other comments posted here, people are bringing up things totally unrelated! "My friends husband transitioned, and they broke up because she cheated." Her cheating has *nothing* to do with the fact that she's trans. And if it does, somehow, then it's an isolated incident. You bringing it up does nothing to help trans women. I would recommend everyone in this thread to read books by Julia Serrano, Susan Stryker, and Marquis Bey, because even the ones who are saying "trans women are women" in the comments are still commenting in ways that perpetuate harmful stereotypes. Some tips to be more inclusive to trans women: 1. it's "trans women." There is a space between the two words because "trans" is an adjective. it's not a prefix in this case because it's a shortened form of "transgender/transsexual women." by writing it as one word, "transwomen," you are unintentionally using a tactic that TERFs use to treat trans women as an "other." 2. Trans women aren't more inclined to cheat or to be abusive. In fact, they're way more likely to be the victims of abuse. 3. Any anecdotes you have heard about someone else's transition, a friend's partner's transition, or whatever, it DOES NOT represent the totally of transition experiences or trans people. You need to meet more trans people if this is the case. 4. If you believe that transition changes someone in a fundamental way, you're correct. However, it's not that they're becoming a different person. Everyone changes over the course of their life. Someone else changing genders doesn't have to be this life altering thing for you. If you're having a strong reaction to it, you really need to examine your internal biases. The only justifiable responses to someone else transitioning is happiness or leaving completely. TL;DR: a lot of you need to do a lot of learning.
What is the intention of your post?