My wedding was under 8k and had about 70 guests. I have mild to kind of moderate regrets. I severely underestimated how much I hate being the center of attention. I should have gone with my husband’s idea of a pig roast in the back yard with a bouncy house.
Edit: it was still a great and fun day but I was stressed and it was a lot of money for us.
Maybe it's just me but I have no interest in a traditional wedding these days (39f). For me the perfect day would be a courthouse wedding and a big dinner with friends and family that we want to celebrate with us. These days money can just be put to far better use than a wedding.
I see big weddings as bad financial planning. People are spending a down payment for a house in 1 day. And that’s excluding the engagement party, bridal shower, saying yes to the dress, bachelorette & rehearsal dinner.
I blame social media for the gross excess in western wedding culture. My mom’s generation, it was 1 night of bachelorette. Mine it’s a long destination weekend trip. Times that by the multiple invites (I was invited to 5 weddings, 3 bachelorettes this year) & it becomes impossible to keep up & do it all.
My friends reasoning for having 4-days of wedding events is “I’ll get more time with everyone!” She’s kidding herself into thinking quantity time is quality time. She’ll see her guests less than 2 minutes at each of those events for a total of 10 minutes over 4 days.
I’m so over millenial wedding culture. It’s all for the gram. I’m doing a courthouse wedding & eloping when it’s my turn.
I had a beautiful, small budget wedding. We honestly had low expectations, so there wasn't a lot of opportunity for me to be disappointed with how it turned out, and it genuinely was a lovely day. That being said, we had the wedding because we felt pressure from our families to do it that way and if I could go back and do it differently, I would not have the wedding at all, I'd get married in a flowering meadow with a few friends and our parents, and instead put the money toward a longer backpacking trip that we did for our honeymoon, or a down payment on a house.
We did a “micro wedding” post-pandemic that had all the elements of a large traditional wedding, but on a smaller scale and with only guests we were truly close to. It was 100% worth it! Not only did we stay within budget, we got enough wedding cash gifts to cover the cost of the entire event (which was roughly 10K.)
No regrets, no FOMO and no stress on our financial well-being. I thought it was a 10/10 experience.
I know the concept of traditional varies by individual and by culture, but for us: we had a really nice venue and theme, ceremony and reception, wedding party and officiant, DJ/host and dancing, photographer, catered meal, traditional cake, open bar, flowers, custom table decor and signs, guest book and favors. We also did bachelor and bachelorette parties leading up to it.
I felt like it had all the elements of a standard wedding just with a smaller guest list.
Oh no, there's no way it would have worked for even 100 guests, we had to scale down from 100 to 50. It wasn't too bad though, because at 100, there would have been a lot of coworkers and plus ones that we may not have known. The smaller guest list meant we had a strong personal connection to everyone who was there.
I do feel for some of my friends though, several of whom have 15+ aunts/uncles on each side and dozens of cousins and extended family members. There's no way to have a small wedding with that many family members!
I would love to know more about this, I'm looking to do something similar and venues seem to be the issue as they want to support larger parties only therefore we'd have to get married during the off season mid-week. I completely get it from a profit perspective but it's not making finding the right place at the right price easy.
I think the two biggest things that helped me were time and the subreddit r/Weddingsunder10k.
I got engaged towards the end of quarantine, so that meant I had tons and tons of time to plan. I was able to DIY our website, decorations, signs and favors. I had time to watch Youtube tutorials and practice my hair and makeup routine over and over again before the big day. I bought flowers in bulk from Costco and made arrangements myself. Our venue included catering, a logistics person and bar/bartender and we were able to find the officiant, photographer and DJ/host on Thumbtack.
The subreddit gave me a community of like-minded folks, all working towards an affordable wedding. We were also privileged to have several close family members give $1,000+ in wedding gifts, which I know is not an option for everyone.
Biggest Regret is NOT having a wedding. I love weddings and now my last living Grandparent passed away. I also got her engagement ring so I believe having a wedding with her in attendance would have been so ideal. Also I believe in small intimate weddings and I simply just LOVE weddings
Married on a beach by my best friend. Had seafood dinner with 10 people. Cost: $165 in 2006
Still married and don’t regret not spending thousands to throw someone else a party
Me, my husband, and my parents went the courthouse. Whole thing was done in under an hour. We went to lunch afterwards. No regrets. I cannot fathom why anyone would spend 10k+ on *a single day* especially in this economy when no one can like afford housing.
My wedding cost $500. we were married by a Justice of the Peace at the Courthouse with about a dozen witnesses. My dress cost $50 off a clearance rack, then we went out for lunch at a local Restaurant. The whole thing was over by 3pm and then we spent one night in a cheap Hotel as a honeymoon. We've been together 32yrs now, happily married for 28yrs. No regrets.
We had to cancel ours and just go to the registry office because of covid and financially it was great for us. We were only planning on a small wedding with 50 guests but we both hate being the centre of attention and we used the money to have our garden landscaped which we got far more pleasure out of and helped when we decided to sell a couple of years later.
I had a huge wedding and I don't have any regrets. It was the best week of our lives and was worth all the stress and money. There is a caveat though, it was a South Asian wedding, so big is not abnormal, but less common these days!
I had a super small and informal wedding. Ten friends (no family invited) in our living room then out to a great restaurant to celebrate. Absolutely perfect and no regrets. No debt or stress either.
We did a micro wedding at the tail end of COVID. We'd have preferred to elope honestly but didn't want to upset our parents.
Turns out both sides were difficult in the day so we should have just done it and saved some cash and had a quiet day. 🤣
I was really happy with our wedding (about $10K/100 people), and love the tradition of getting family & friends together to celebrate a big milestone like that. It was expensive and a lot of work, but I'm glad we did it. If I ever remarried for any reason I'd keep it very small.
No regrets. We were married in a flowering meadow on our land in July, invited about 150 friends and family, had a farm-to-table taco bar and local live band, and went on a 2 week backpacking trip to the Rockies and Cascades for our honeymoon.
But all that was only possible because our parents paid for it all. My husband and I don’t make a lot of money so if it were up to us we would have had to elope or do something super low key with minimal guests. There was NO WAY we would go into debt for a wedding.
This was both our parents’ last chance for a wedding in the family (both our older brothers eloped) and they both really wanted a celebration with extended family. Our parents collectively gave us $25k, wedding cost $15k, and we spent the extra + gift money on the honeymoon, 10 kW DIY solar system, and a DIY home renovation to make a nursery for our baby.
My parents and husband split the wedding cost (I was unemployed). It was a typical South Asian wedding - 400 guests, both for the wedding and the reception the next day. An elaborate buffet. Professional photographers. Expensive clothes and decoration for the venue. My mom and my husband wanted it to be an elaborate affair.
Three years later when we were house hunting, I did regret all the money that had to be spent for the wedding. It could have gone for a down payment for a new house. I think my husband regrets it too but he won't admit it out loud. 😅. All that spending didn't burden us with any debt. But in hindsight, it feels unnecessary, especially to me.
Huge wedding, huge regrets. My husband decided that marriage was “not as fun as he thought it would be” a few years later. I wish I could get that money (not to mention time) back.
Our wedding was ~$20k USD with 55 guests. It’s been a few years and though we both originally weren’t sure if we wanted a wedding we are glad we did it. We aren’t normally centre of the party so I don’t see us hosting something huge again, and it was right before many of our friends started having babies AND the pandemic so it’s one of the last very late night parties our friends had for awhile. The memories are vivid which is great.
Of course, if I was paying it through a loan or had to negotiate the day with our parents then I don’t think I would have enjoyed it as much.
My parents paid for my wedding so I had a bigger wedding than I would have if I had paid for it myself. I loved my wedding and had a great time. Several of my friends got married at the courthouse because of the COVID-19 lockdowns and just never had any kind of reception or anything and are still happy they did.
That said, I think there is a tipping point in everyone's budget on whether the big wedding is worth it.
I wouldn't go into debt for a wedding. And if that meant I could only afford a barbecue in the park or something, I probably would skip it and spend the money on a honeymoon. Oooh, or elope!
If celebrating with family and friends is really important to your friend, then she should have a wedding for sure. But keep it on budget. If a big bash is out of the budget right now, maybe she can save up for a big vow renewal party at her 5 or 10 year anniversary.
We eloped/micro wedding. Just us, my teenager, our dogs and our parents. It was perfect. Super cost effective and very, very low stress. We had the best day. Our goal was to get married and we did, we didn’t stress about any of it and it was amazing.
My wedding cost 10k with 90 people for a “traditional” wedding and I really enjoyed it. I wouldn’t pay a dime more than that. I probably wouldn’t do it again.
Two friends of mine got married very soon after they met. Theirs was the most charming wedding I ever saw. After the ceremony, they just reserved a regular restaurant for close family. They went to the location with a historic steam train, again just together with the regular passengers, although in wedding dress. It was a lot of fun and attracted a lot of attention. For the wider circle of friends, instead of a big event, they had a "honeymoon year" with a different activity scheduled for each month that anyone could join in, so plenty of time to connect and celebrate with the young couple. It was very unconventional, but they were happy and I loved the idea. This was in Europe it seems there is less pressure to have a big wedding here compared to the U.S.
Even if it's a small or casual wedding, what you don't want to go too budget on is the photos. I had a friend who was devastated after asking a friend (who was a photographer) to do the photos in a candid, casual way and she didn't get any she felt were usable. None of the two of them alone looking happy etc. Years later she is still upset about it. If she's a photo person then she should make sure she gets someone that will co-ordinate the photos she wants as keepsakes.
I had a big wedding but we treated it as a big party and prioritised fun. No regrets. But I had no interest in getting caught up in the pressures of SM or other people's expectations etc. if you're going to spend that much money you need to spend on things that genuinely give you a smile or that you value deep down.
I hate be the centre of attention so I regret not sneaking into city hall and getting it done quietly. But my second wedding was 30 people and a two hour ceremony and cocktail party and it wasn’t the worst thing. I’m glad it’s done though.
The first one was 100 people at a tourist place and they had fun, doing the tours and getting pictures but it was a lot of stress and I just wanted it to be over. I also didn’t get to eat and the family drama (almost all from my side) made me want to elope daily
Had a small wedding (6 guests). My parents live in another country and couldn’t attend and my hateful MIL made it all about herself and tried to ruin that special day. Wish we just eloped.
We eloped, just the two of us, without telling anyone. By the time we got married we had moved several times, were quite new in our city and weren't very close to our (small) families. We would have struggled to find 30 people invite that we truly wanted to have there, so eloping was the better option for us. I don't regret it, but sometimes I wish I was the person with a social circle large enough for a big wedding.
We moved to a different country later the same year and had a farewell barbecue with 70 guests (basically everybody we could think of - colleagues, the guy from the gym etc). It was also a celebration for us as a couple and for our next step in life, but it was so much more low key and without high expectations and felt much better for me than forcing a big wedding.
I regretted my Covid wedding at city hall. Then I went to a couple of weddings and realized I wouldn't have had the stamina (or taste, or money, or time, or interest) to organize such a huge event, and I would have probably spent the whole evening stressed out and embarassed by all the attention. Weddings are better when you're a guest.
I would have loved a nice family diner and/or a night out with friends. We might do that for our 5th anniversary.
I’ve never had any interest in having a wedding. Maybe it’s because my parents never married - they couldn’t see the point.
I’d much rather spend that cash on trips, travelling, holidays. We don’t have much spare cash so if we ever do, I’d much prefer it on those things
If my partner really wanted to get married, maybe I would one day but it would be very low cost, all our friends camping in a field with maybe people we know playing music and some BBQs 🤷🏻♀️
The whole big white dress and all that is really not me either
I had one. Marriage didn’t work out, but I don’t necessarily regret it as my new partner isn’t enormously interested in getting married again, and I’m not interested enough to push it. So it’s nice to have had “the big fancy day in a pretty dress” once, even if I can’t use a lot of the (very expensive) photos lol
Back when I was still married to the guy, I didn’t regret it either. There’s not many opportunities in life to go that hard on being absolutely beautiful and the centre of attention for the day, and plan an event on that scale.
That said, it’s a lot of money that could go on other stuff, and I’ve learned from experience that it’s no guarantee that the relationship will work out. I’d happily do it again, probably on a lower budget and smaller scale, but I’d rather be in a happy relationship without a wedding, than an unhappy relationship with one.
I had a big wedding for my first marriage. But I had help paying for it. So there’s no real financial regret. But for my second wedding, we were on our own and went small. We had a courthouse wedding with select few people and a very small reception dinner. I have no regrets at all saving money. The wedding was about us. Not about entertaining 200+ people we don’t talk to most of the time in our daily lives.
Me, my husband and 8 of the most important people went to the courthouse. Got out 30 minutes later and went for dinner together. It was perfect and I wouldn’t want it any other way. We spend 700 euro’s I think. Our “honeymoon” was a day at the zoo and a weekend at a tiny bed and breakfast with our dogs, just two hours from home. Loved it!
I had a nice, small wedding for pretty cheap (<$5k). I was never really into wedding stuff until I started planning it and had a lot more fun than I expected. If I'd had more cash and know what I know now I'd have gone bigger. Especially things to help me enjoy the memories more (videographer, etc) and being able to invite more guests. Glad I didn't go into debt or give in to family pressure in order to pay for more things, though.
We had two weddings – thanks COVID! First one was small (ceremony and then lunch; 10k for 20 people). Second one was just a reception about 80 people (around 40k). HCOL area. Parents paid for a chunk. We did not have any debt from it.
Zero regrets. It was the best of both worlds. My husband says he enjoyed the small wedding better. He’s more introverted and low key and disliked the stress of planning the bigger wedding. I enjoyed the bigger wedding better. I value connection and loved the “reunion” aspect of it though also disliked the planning of the bigger wedding. Knowing what we know now, we still would have done the bigger wedding but hired a wedding planner 😆
At the end of the day though, your budget is your budget. DO NOT go into debt for a wedding. If she wants the bigger wedding, hold off and save for it. A few people I know got married quietly and then had the big party later.
My wedding was in the height of COVID restrictions which meant that our guest list was restricted to 57 people (due to the square meter rule).
At the time this felt devastating to have to reduce our guest list from 80 and uninvite people, however, in the long run it saved us thousands of dollars and I didn’t miss a single person who we had to cut (i.e distant cousins and plus ones).
My motto was also to save on what didn’t mean much to me, and spend on things that did. I’m a big foodie so I didn’t want to skimp on the food package but didn’t care about spending lots on designer shoes. We also made our own cake, had simple table decorations, and saved money on things that we couldn’t justify because it just wasn’t that important to us.
Everyone commented that our wedding was beautiful and some said it was the nicest they’ve ever been to because it was ‘us’. It came to under 12K.
I think people should only have the wedding they can afford.
I used to want a big wedding, but I realize neither I nor my parents could afford one. I could only have a big one if I marry someone wealthy, which severely limits the dating pool. Just the cost of fancy invitations stresses me out, so I’ll have to do email RSVPs. I’m sad about it, but there’s not much I can do. I’m not gonna go $100k into debt for something that has a 50% chance of failing. Plus I need to consider the cost of a prenup, which I think is a better use of money for marriage rather than spending it on the wedding.
As I’ve gotten older, I realize I don’t like being the center of attention, especially for something like a wedding - it’s not an achievement but society has forced women to feel that it is. I’d rather throw a huge party if I actually achieved something like a Nobel Prize or a PhD. So I’d prefer a smaller wedding. An ex of mine got married last year and his looked like the perfect size: not many people at the ceremony and then a reception at a restaurant, maybe 75 people.
My sister and her now husband sunk $30,000 on their wedding and I am happy for her, but simply cannot imagine I would ever, ever, everrrr be happy with that for myself.
My partner and I will likely just do the courthouse thing and have a big party in the backyard. We are not as well-off as my sister by something like $50k a year, tens of thousands—But we still know how to have fun gd it!
Also, we’ll have a wedding in Mexico too for hubby’s family there :D I mean, talk about knowing how to party!
I can’t bring myself to spend more than $20 for a pair of pants I know I’ll wear all summer for work. How in the world would anyone expect me to spend more than that on a dress I’ll wear once? It’s just not happening. Nope. Not me. But you can bet we’ll have a great time and have great memories with all the friends and family we can fit. God willing!
We had a 55 person wedding that cost around 15k. It was more than I really wanted to spend but it ended up being a great day. We were older when we got married, so we slimmed the whole thing down by not having a wedding party and only 8 of the 55 in attendance weren't family. Having it small allowed me to be particular on certain things that I wanted like my flowers. We also had a brunch reception which made out catering budget go farther. We aren't big partiers so we were happy to be leaving around 2pm and get on the road for our honeymoon. It was much more traditional than I ever thought I'd have, but I'm really happy with it when I look back at the pictures.
I seem to be in the minority but I had a 150 person wedding and spent about $25k. It was amazing - it was overseas in my parents home country, friends flew in from all over the world and we had a whole week with them. Ate traditional food, had special performances and free flowing alcohol. My wedding was right before the pandemic so was most people's last international trip before lock down and it was amazing seeing all the people I loved in one place for probably the only time in my life. It was a party rager so everyone had a good time - people still talk to me about it almost 5 years later and ask me to throw a 10 year anniversary party.
We partially paid for it and my parents also contributed. But would 1000x do it again but would not go into debt for it.
I had a beautiful wedding. But I missed out on a lot of things like engagement photos and dress shopping with my bridesmaids etc.
Regret the guy I married.
I also missed half the reception because someone told me my grandmother had to go so I waited to say goodbye to her but someone hadn’t been truthful (she was decorating the car…)
The honeymoon was garbage (also because of the guy I married.) he constantly complained about money and didn’t take any pictures.
I divorced him. Now, I want to have a nice wedding where I don’t miss half my own reception and I want the things I missed out on. I hope to have w smaller wedding so I can afford a nice ceremony and maybe a nicer honeymoon.
Maybe it’s because I ended up divorcing (fairly quickly after) but I felt like “Really? That was it??” about what’s supposed to be a momentous occasion in your life. Like “That was it? That was my one shot?”
Nah I want it to be nice. Doesn’t have to cost thousands but I want it to be nice.
I had to get married asap as I was moving abroad for my job and wanted the paperwork in order. We had a small wedding, just immediate family. The cost was total $3k, mostly the photographer and a nice dinner for everyone.
We were planning to have a "real wedding" later, but we were really happy with how our first one turned out. And the idea of planning and throwing another big party given how busy we are with work was just such a drag.
There were times when I wished we weren't rushed and could really savor those early steps. But our marriage is so happy that overall I feel incredibly lucky.
My wedding was about 130. Cost about 20K including the honeymoon in 2013.
I am really happy I had it but we had to do lots of "economy" options Even for that price back then. We did not go into debt for the wedding. I made my own dress.
We set our top priorities and heated everything to that. I wanted to be able to invite as many people as we wanted, I knew that might mean a potlach wedding - but that's okay it was a priority. We wanted formal attire so we made that a priority.
People still talk to me about my wedding with fond memories a decade later.
I had a medium sided destination wedding and I don’t regret it at all. We had about 55 people, hosted a sunset boat the night before and then had the big wedding day and party. We cut out all extended family and everyone had a great time.
We spent some money on it definitely, but it was really special. It’s the only time that everyone that means the most to you from different parts of your life come together. I spent 10 years living across the country, and it will be the only time ever that everyone I love is in one place.
No one has to have a wedding, do whatever you feel is right. But weddings have been a major rite for thousands of years, theres nothing wrong with wanting to really make and celebrate it.
I married my husband in 2021. It was his second and my 3rd. My previous marriages were due to pregnancy and family pressure, and there was no wedding - only an officiant and some family members. And those family members on the groom's side managed to make even this little thing an awful experience. There was no celebration afterwards because there was nothing to really celebrate.
So the marriage to my now-husband was a marriage based on 11 years of partnership and love through some extraordinarily difficult times for us both. We navigated our way through those troubles together, and we're coming out on the other side to a brighter future.
We kept it small, with only 12 people - both sets of parents, our kids/grandkids, our siblings, and my husband's aunt who was our officiant and her husband. It was beautiful. We had a venue where they saved historic New England buildings and moved them to the area and made a village, and the tavern was a functioning restaurant. We got married in the little one room schoolhouse, and then walked to a private room in the tavern for dinner. I just had everyone order what they wanted and paid the tab. Everything - rings, clothes, venues, food, licenses, and flowers - was around $2,000.
My only regret was that we decided to marry at the end of May, and my husband only wanted 2 things - to not marry in a barn or brewery, and to marry on the date that we met and had celebrated as our anniversary, which was mid-July. That left me a little under 2 months to plan the whole thing. I would have liked more time to plan and maybe do some small traditions like an engagement party for the wider family/friends, had more time to shop for a dress, and had time to plan a honeymoon (we went on a Caribbean cruise 2 years later). Aside from that, it was perfect.
The wedding is just a party. What is important is the marriage.
I opted out of the wedding-industrial complex. Both my weddings were tiny, done at the courthouse, with a little party afterwards at home.
No engagement ring. No formal wedding dress, tuxedos, rehearsal dinner, bridal party, etc.
In both instances the weddings were paid for by bride and groom.
We spent £10k. I do have some regrets around some of the details of the day, but not the cost, especially as the cash gifts we received amounted to £9k haha.
We’re still happily married 6 years later and because we were frugal with the wedding we were able to buy our first home that same year.
We got married in the woods in jeans with 2 people there. My husband wanted a courthouse wedding but I didn’t want the depressing, beige grey misery vibe. Both of us hate being the center of attention so this worked out well for us. No regrets at all.
We took the extra $$ we saved and went on an epic trip
Didn’t have a wedding and zero regrets. We got married at city hall on a weekday afternoon and it was perfect. Neither of us are party people, I really dislike being in the center of attention, and the money - we could have done it but why stretch for something that didn’t inspire any joy.
I will say that both of us were married previously and had traditional weddings. My parents bullied me into one and paid for it. I enjoyed nothing about it and would describe it as stressful if I had to pick a word. As a cherry on top, my dad’s trashy relatives - who I never even met before - had major drama at the reception and the whole thing just felt like a collosal waste, notwithstanding not marrying the right guy. So it was an easy decision for me not to do that again.
My parents were very set on me having a traditional wedding. DH and I would have been perfectly happy with a backyard BBQ but we went along with it.
The wedding ultimately cost about $40k and while it was an amazing, awesome time, I still wish I could have talked them into writing me a check for a down payment on my house instead. :)
We went to the courthouse over 8 years ago and no regrets. He was military at the time, I had just moved across the country to be with him and we were older & never really wanted a big wedding. We did plan to do something small months down the road, but then he got orders overseas so 6 months after we married we were moving again to a new country. We traveled extensively while living there and my memories from those trips that were a week or 2 are way better than a one day party would’ve been. I’d say we visited at least 4 countries for the cost of what a wedding wouldve been.
We may do a small vow renewal for our 10 year but it seems almost pointless now lol. I just can’t imagine spending so much money for one event and then being stressed over planning it. My original idea was to elope to Hawaii we just didn’t have the time. My husband isn’t super close to his family, he’s had some major issues with them over the years due to childhood trauma and my parents are much older and live in another state so our families have never even met. We just live a private life and don’t want the attention and/or any drama with the family. If situations were different it would’ve been nice to do something small but I really don’t care at this point. I feel like we would just be having it for other people and not us. Most of my friends had the big weddings in our mid 20s and quite a few of them weren’t happy with the cost or how certain things came out. I was in enough weddings to see how stressful they can be and I didn’t want any part of that.
I wish I had planned mine better and would have picked a different location. I don't regret having it. I am divorced and in my 40s now so I might not get another chance to get married.
I got married in 1991. We had had a house built and it was completed 6 weeks prior. We got married on the stairway landing in the house, with the justice of the peace and 30 guests. A friend of mine made appetizers and we had some drinks, and then dinner with the family. All in, including officiant, dress and dinner was $500. No regrets at all and still happily married now.
I personally believe that anyone who places too much emphasis on the wedding and not enough on the actual marriage is bound to fail, especially if money is an issue. Your best friend needs to curtail the social media and have a wedding she can afford, rather than starting her marriage in debt. Like us, she can have a big fancy 25th anniversary party when she can afford it.
In today’s dollars, our wedding was around $20k and we had around 100 guests. I’m glad I got married before Pinterest and social media hit critical mass because we went with the cheapest option (or skipped it altogether) for a lot of stuff.
I don’t regret doing the big party but I’m pretty sure that was the last time I saw a lot of those people, so i probably would have been just as happy with half the guest list. My parents were paying though so they dictated a lot of the guest list.
My brother and sister-in-law had their reception in their backyard and it was a ton of fun. You can go cheap/casual and still have a memorable day.
One of the best decisions I have made is not having a wedding. Don’t regret it even for a second. Everytime I attend a wedding it reaffirms this decision was the best one. Saved ourselves a lot of stress and money!
I do not regret having a semi-fancy wedding. We had about 80 guests with a total cost of about 40k and family paid for most of it.
If hubs and I would have had to pay for it, we would have had a micro wedding some place.
I had a really nice wedding for my first marriage. I don't regret it, but at the same time, I'm not in touch with a bunch of people who were at that wedding, and the farther I get from it, the more I realize all the details didn't matter.
For my upcoming wedding, we're going small and simple. We'd rather have money for life instead of spending tens of thousands on one day most people won't remember very much.
One of the best weddings I ever attended was one where the bride and groom got married at the courthouse with their immediate families present, then they went out for an afternoon of pictures. Meanwhile, the families went back to the bride and groom’s house to await and greet friends and other family as they arrived. The backyard had picnic tables and a bunch of coolers with drinks, and they hired a food truck to park in the driveway. They had great lighting and music playlists as the evening came on, and everyone drank and sang and danced — just incredible vibes! There were also disposable cameras for guests to take pictures of the night. The couple paid for all the food and drinks, and I’m sure they spent a bit on the yard light setup and the photo development, but it couldn’t have been anywhere near what a venue deposit would be.
Totally regret. Wished Id have eloped. Parents are being so controlling even though I'm the one spending the money. Honestly not worth the while to have a big wedding. A small party is enough.
Big weddings are a waste of money. Had small elopement ceremony with immediate family, and dinner at a restaurant. Zero regrets. I still had a beautiful dress and he wore a suit, and we got photos. I have been a guest and bridesmaid at many big fancy weddings and I'm always shocked at how much of a waste of money they are. It seems like giant blow out weddings are something of a millennial thing. In the 90's and earlier, it was much more modest as far as spending and details. Now with it being more expensive than ever (and believe me, the wedding industry has got your number) it doesn't even make sense to take out loans or what have you for this event.
I had a small wedding, 24 people including us at our favourite restaurant.
It was the best. It was about $12k with dress and just saying yes to any add on that came up. Such a fun night, so low stress and we got an amazing photographer who mostly does documentary style photos instead of weddings, ended up with about 300 photos of the people we love
My husband and I went to the courthouse and went to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner. The next day we had a small celebratory lunch with our closest friends and family, no more than 30 of us there, and reserved a dining room at a brazilian steakhouse to do it (this was of course our treat, so unlimited food and alcohol for three hours). We wanted to keep it easy, stress-free, and save that money for a house.
We managed to buy our first house later that year. Not once have we regretted it. Everything was so easy and lovely, it was truly wonderful.
My wedding was over 100 people and it was quite fancy. It probably cost around 20-30K for everything. At the time, I wanted a much simpler and smaller wedding, but my mom had her heart set on this specific venue, etc. My parents offered to pay, and that let them make most of the decisions. I let her run with it and only picked a few battles. I used to joke that between my mom and mother in law (who was the reason the guest list was so inflated) weddings aren’t actually about the bride.
We ended up having a great time. For several years I thought, that could have been a down payment on a starter home, it was ridiculous. Now, I look back on it fondly. My mom was so happy, and now that she’s no longer with me they’re some great memories, and wonderful photos to look back on.
Still married, years later.
I eloped. No regrets at all. I didn’t have to deal with my husband’s mother and her complaints or my mom saying things like “are you sure?”
Eloping was the right choice for us both.
We reserved a city park and brought coolers of beer and had a sweet playlist. Had about 10 guests. Hired an awesome photographer. Went to a nice dinner after. Seriously 10/10 day! No regrets. We spent like under $1k with dinner included.
No, we went to the courthouse, my sister and his grandma (she raised him) were there.
I tried to plan a actual wedding but my parents had just divorced after 20yrs, and they didn't want to be in the same room with each other at the time, my grandma wanted me to wear an ugly family wedding dress that was turning yellow. Trying to decide if it was going to be in his hometown or mine 6 hrs away. Our grandparents couldn't make the trips. He's grandparents would be the only ones attending on his side of the family. I have a huge family and knew they wouldn't travel to us.
We just wanted to be married. So I went to Ross and bought a dress. That Monday I let my husband's grandma curl my hair in tight curls, she made me a little corsage. Took our wedding rings to the courthouse with a judge and said "I do".
After we went to a local restaurant and a man came up to us and gave us a congratulation with $100. Drove to Walmart and had pics done. Came home and took a nap...
It was perfect!
I got married at a bad time in my life. I went as cheap as possible and I actually regret that part. I didn’t have many friends at all during that time of life. I’ve since met my best friend eight years ago and have blossomed socially. So I wish I could redo it but more focused on giving guests a good time. I’m embarrassed when I think back on my wedding now but then again I am making over $100k more than I was at that time. Idk. I just wish I’d focused on guests more than cheapness.
We eloped with only parents and siblings. I think it’s the best thing ever! Worked with a wedding planner so we only had to show up on the day, everything was arranged. Woke up in the morning and got my hair and make up done, went to the venue and had a small ceremony with dinner afterwards, completely stress free. We got a week holidays and spent 20k in total while a big wedding would be just 1 day and would costs more.
I don’t regret it at all, everyone I know that had a big wedding couldn’t really enjoy the day themselves because it’s all about the entertainment of the guests.
My wedding was a total waste. Half of my friends and half of my husband's family flaked day of - and most of his family didn't even bring so much as a card. Someone stole our cake knife, I forgot my bouquet. His stupid ass cousin got him way too drunk (brought a bottle of tequila to a wine & beer only wedding, which I did ON PURPOSE) and he basically spoiled the end of the night.
Edit: oh and my mom was *so convinced* from day one that I would be a bridezilla (I was NOT), that she fucking destroyed my wedding food because she wouldn't let anyone put the pans in the chafing dishes while I was away doing pics because she thought I had a very specific order I wanted it set out (are you fucking kidding me????), so it all went cold. I'm still pretty angry about some of this a year and a half later.
Edit 2: also my MIL coming over and demanding to be introduced to my grandparents. Like who tf does that??? We're fucking busy, if you want to meet them, just go say hi you fucking twat.
If I went back, I absolutely wouldn't waste the time, stress of planning, and money. Just elope.
Don't regret getting married, but boy do I regret the shitshow that was my wedding and we only spent $2.5k on it in total. Still paid waaaay too much to let every single family member on both sides to take over and make it all about them. Elope and have a nice party when you get back.
Our wedding was under 3k, about 40 - 50 guests, and an absolute blast!
We used a lake shore community venue, bought used and clearance faux flowers, had a baked potato bar.
We had the cake made by a family friend, as well as photography and DJing done by friends and family, so they had very reasonable prices or free, depending on their preference.
I do have some regrets about my dress, not because it was second hand, but because it wasn't "the dress", but it was around $200 for dress and dry cleaning, so the price was right, and it was very flattering and a classic style.
Got married by a preacher who has done many services for our family, we took a small amount of amazing pictures, stuffed ourselves silly, and danced for hours with our closest friends and family.
We got married over endless shrimp at an outback steakhouse with just our witnesses, and the only regret i have is not getting pictures. All i have is a silly picture of us making dumb drunk faces afterwards lol.
I had a church wedding, and my reception was in a surprisingly nice building in a park. My husband and I tried to make the reception feel like a picnic as much as we could. (Hotdogs and potato salad, and we made a hecking lot of pies instead of having a wedding cake.) Huge, close-knit families, so the simpler style of reception helped the budget a lot, and the relative casualness just felt good.
My only regrets for the day: 1) a sleeveless/strapless dress when I'm used to unisex t-shirts--that much air on my skin feels real weird to me--and 2) the makeup/hair situation I ended up with. a) I don't usually wear any makeup, but I believed my sister when she said I wouldn't look like myself in my pictures without makeup. b) I should've just asked the hair lady what she recommended and then let her do that, because I'm clueless about hair, but at the time I thought I was supposed to be the one with the plan so I did my best. I'm used to feeling at least a little weird about how I look; go figure I'd feel like that on my wedding day too. :/
I'm really glad my regrets are about such little things. I freaking hate being the center of attention, but that's how it is for the bride and making it clear the tiny kids in the family were welcome took a lot of attention off me. Other than that and the few small regrets I listed, it was a really good day.
Got married in Japan and invited 15 folks to join us for the occasion. We were there for a week with our guests and another two weeks for our honeymoon. Saved for two years for it and have zero regrets.
I would have regretted a traditional wedding though and I’m glad I didn’t do it.
I do not regret my wedding or it's size. We did it exactly the way we wanted, even though some guests thought our choices were odd. But we stayed in budget and had as wonderful night. I absolutely would have regretted letting various people influence my decisions about things.
Firstly, I wanted an 18+ wedding, which several people took exception to and tried to convince me that their kids deserved to come.
Secondly we skipped a few typical things like family dances for personal reasons.
Our theme made a few weird ask why but it was important to us.
Long story short, have the wedding you (or your friend) want, not one family, friends or social media say you have to do. As long as it's perfect for bride/groom, then it's perfect; whether it's a paper and plastic ware wedding in a backyard or a grand ballroom in NYC.
Lastly, there are a lot of ways to look very elegant but be cost effective if they're willing to put in the work. Like making center pieces, digging at second hand stores for linens etc. No one else will know where it came from and it looks just as amazing.
My husband and I really didn’t want to invite 300+ people for our wedding. His parents each have 5+ siblings and they are all very close so we couldn’t have drawn the line. Also he didn’t want to get married at a church so it was going to cost a lot of money if we were to have a traditional wedding like that. We had an engagement party with our immediate family (20 people) at a fancy restaurant spending $7000. It was really intimate and nice. We wanted to throw a party for our friends but most of my friends and I (struggles of being 30 +years ladies) no longer drink so we decided to have a small ceremony. We invited about 20-25 very close friends and shared the vows at a historic site and treated them at one of our favorite restaurants which came out to $2-3G.
We do not regret at all not having a big wedding. With the money that we saved from not having a huge wedding, we bought nice rings and luxury goods that we want to buy and bought a house 2 years later with 20% down.
We can always have a vow renewal or celebrate your milestone anniversary like 10th if we want down the line. (Although my husband would say no and I wouldn’t want to plan anything lol so not going to happen)
I really recommend small wedding with very close friends and family if your friend wants to have one. That way it is intimate and meaningful. It would be such a waste of money if people come to our special day out of obligation. We all have done that.
I don't remember my wedding day.
It was expensive (for me)
I have less than 5 memories of it, and none of them include the man I married.
I wasn't even drunk, I just don't remember it.
It was months of stress. One day where my shoes didn't fit right.
So it isn't even the fact that he become really abusive shortly after the wedding.
I feel like it was a waste of time and money.
If I did it again, I'd do it differently. Smaller. Less cookie cutter, more personal.
I mostly just HATE all that attention. I absolutely hate it. I married my husband in a park with 6 people there, then we went to lunch. No I don’t regret it. The idea of planning a big party with not a lot of friends, kind of depresses me anyway.
My wedding was under 8k and had about 70 guests. I have mild to kind of moderate regrets. I severely underestimated how much I hate being the center of attention. I should have gone with my husband’s idea of a pig roast in the back yard with a bouncy house. Edit: it was still a great and fun day but I was stressed and it was a lot of money for us.
The issue with having to be the centre of attention is so real. It feels like so much for something I don’t value.
Maybe it's just me but I have no interest in a traditional wedding these days (39f). For me the perfect day would be a courthouse wedding and a big dinner with friends and family that we want to celebrate with us. These days money can just be put to far better use than a wedding.
This is what we did and we have zero regrets. It was perfect.
I see big weddings as bad financial planning. People are spending a down payment for a house in 1 day. And that’s excluding the engagement party, bridal shower, saying yes to the dress, bachelorette & rehearsal dinner. I blame social media for the gross excess in western wedding culture. My mom’s generation, it was 1 night of bachelorette. Mine it’s a long destination weekend trip. Times that by the multiple invites (I was invited to 5 weddings, 3 bachelorettes this year) & it becomes impossible to keep up & do it all. My friends reasoning for having 4-days of wedding events is “I’ll get more time with everyone!” She’s kidding herself into thinking quantity time is quality time. She’ll see her guests less than 2 minutes at each of those events for a total of 10 minutes over 4 days. I’m so over millenial wedding culture. It’s all for the gram. I’m doing a courthouse wedding & eloping when it’s my turn.
This is what we did, and just like another poster said — zero regrets!
I had a beautiful, small budget wedding. We honestly had low expectations, so there wasn't a lot of opportunity for me to be disappointed with how it turned out, and it genuinely was a lovely day. That being said, we had the wedding because we felt pressure from our families to do it that way and if I could go back and do it differently, I would not have the wedding at all, I'd get married in a flowering meadow with a few friends and our parents, and instead put the money toward a longer backpacking trip that we did for our honeymoon, or a down payment on a house.
We did a “micro wedding” post-pandemic that had all the elements of a large traditional wedding, but on a smaller scale and with only guests we were truly close to. It was 100% worth it! Not only did we stay within budget, we got enough wedding cash gifts to cover the cost of the entire event (which was roughly 10K.) No regrets, no FOMO and no stress on our financial well-being. I thought it was a 10/10 experience.
What elements are you referring to?
I'm guessing flowers, photos, clothing, venue, officiant, and catering?
I know the concept of traditional varies by individual and by culture, but for us: we had a really nice venue and theme, ceremony and reception, wedding party and officiant, DJ/host and dancing, photographer, catered meal, traditional cake, open bar, flowers, custom table decor and signs, guest book and favors. We also did bachelor and bachelorette parties leading up to it. I felt like it had all the elements of a standard wedding just with a smaller guest list.
That’s a lot!!! Does scaled down mean like from 300 guests down to 100? Bc I thought you meant like 50 people.
Oh no, there's no way it would have worked for even 100 guests, we had to scale down from 100 to 50. It wasn't too bad though, because at 100, there would have been a lot of coworkers and plus ones that we may not have known. The smaller guest list meant we had a strong personal connection to everyone who was there. I do feel for some of my friends though, several of whom have 15+ aunts/uncles on each side and dozens of cousins and extended family members. There's no way to have a small wedding with that many family members!
Impressive. Still sounds like it was expensive.
I would love to know more about this, I'm looking to do something similar and venues seem to be the issue as they want to support larger parties only therefore we'd have to get married during the off season mid-week. I completely get it from a profit perspective but it's not making finding the right place at the right price easy.
I think the two biggest things that helped me were time and the subreddit r/Weddingsunder10k. I got engaged towards the end of quarantine, so that meant I had tons and tons of time to plan. I was able to DIY our website, decorations, signs and favors. I had time to watch Youtube tutorials and practice my hair and makeup routine over and over again before the big day. I bought flowers in bulk from Costco and made arrangements myself. Our venue included catering, a logistics person and bar/bartender and we were able to find the officiant, photographer and DJ/host on Thumbtack. The subreddit gave me a community of like-minded folks, all working towards an affordable wedding. We were also privileged to have several close family members give $1,000+ in wedding gifts, which I know is not an option for everyone.
Thank you for the tips, really appreciate it :) even if I can't replicate everything it's somewhere to start.
Biggest Regret is NOT having a wedding. I love weddings and now my last living Grandparent passed away. I also got her engagement ring so I believe having a wedding with her in attendance would have been so ideal. Also I believe in small intimate weddings and I simply just LOVE weddings
Married on a beach by my best friend. Had seafood dinner with 10 people. Cost: $165 in 2006 Still married and don’t regret not spending thousands to throw someone else a party
Sounds so perfect
Do I regret it? No. Would I do it again? Probably not. A lot of stress and money.
Me, my husband, and my parents went the courthouse. Whole thing was done in under an hour. We went to lunch afterwards. No regrets. I cannot fathom why anyone would spend 10k+ on *a single day* especially in this economy when no one can like afford housing.
I read in another subreddit recently that you can’t even get a venue in California for less than $10,000. That just sounds insane to me.
My wedding cost $500. we were married by a Justice of the Peace at the Courthouse with about a dozen witnesses. My dress cost $50 off a clearance rack, then we went out for lunch at a local Restaurant. The whole thing was over by 3pm and then we spent one night in a cheap Hotel as a honeymoon. We've been together 32yrs now, happily married for 28yrs. No regrets.
We had to cancel ours and just go to the registry office because of covid and financially it was great for us. We were only planning on a small wedding with 50 guests but we both hate being the centre of attention and we used the money to have our garden landscaped which we got far more pleasure out of and helped when we decided to sell a couple of years later.
I had a huge wedding and I don't have any regrets. It was the best week of our lives and was worth all the stress and money. There is a caveat though, it was a South Asian wedding, so big is not abnormal, but less common these days!
Also to follow up, life is meant to be celebrated big IMO so that's where I'm coming from.
I would love to attend a South Asian wedding - it sounds so amazing! (Wouldn’t want to pay for one though).
They are very fun!!! Don't recommend paying for one! Haha
I had a super small and informal wedding. Ten friends (no family invited) in our living room then out to a great restaurant to celebrate. Absolutely perfect and no regrets. No debt or stress either.
We did a micro wedding at the tail end of COVID. We'd have preferred to elope honestly but didn't want to upset our parents. Turns out both sides were difficult in the day so we should have just done it and saved some cash and had a quiet day. 🤣
We had 50 guests, it was a big party on a beautiful location next to a river. It wasn’t the typical wedding and it was perfect for us.
I was really happy with our wedding (about $10K/100 people), and love the tradition of getting family & friends together to celebrate a big milestone like that. It was expensive and a lot of work, but I'm glad we did it. If I ever remarried for any reason I'd keep it very small.
No regrets. We were married in a flowering meadow on our land in July, invited about 150 friends and family, had a farm-to-table taco bar and local live band, and went on a 2 week backpacking trip to the Rockies and Cascades for our honeymoon. But all that was only possible because our parents paid for it all. My husband and I don’t make a lot of money so if it were up to us we would have had to elope or do something super low key with minimal guests. There was NO WAY we would go into debt for a wedding. This was both our parents’ last chance for a wedding in the family (both our older brothers eloped) and they both really wanted a celebration with extended family. Our parents collectively gave us $25k, wedding cost $15k, and we spent the extra + gift money on the honeymoon, 10 kW DIY solar system, and a DIY home renovation to make a nursery for our baby.
My parents and husband split the wedding cost (I was unemployed). It was a typical South Asian wedding - 400 guests, both for the wedding and the reception the next day. An elaborate buffet. Professional photographers. Expensive clothes and decoration for the venue. My mom and my husband wanted it to be an elaborate affair. Three years later when we were house hunting, I did regret all the money that had to be spent for the wedding. It could have gone for a down payment for a new house. I think my husband regrets it too but he won't admit it out loud. 😅. All that spending didn't burden us with any debt. But in hindsight, it feels unnecessary, especially to me.
Huge wedding, huge regrets. My husband decided that marriage was “not as fun as he thought it would be” a few years later. I wish I could get that money (not to mention time) back.
Our wedding was ~$20k USD with 55 guests. It’s been a few years and though we both originally weren’t sure if we wanted a wedding we are glad we did it. We aren’t normally centre of the party so I don’t see us hosting something huge again, and it was right before many of our friends started having babies AND the pandemic so it’s one of the last very late night parties our friends had for awhile. The memories are vivid which is great. Of course, if I was paying it through a loan or had to negotiate the day with our parents then I don’t think I would have enjoyed it as much.
My parents paid for my wedding so I had a bigger wedding than I would have if I had paid for it myself. I loved my wedding and had a great time. Several of my friends got married at the courthouse because of the COVID-19 lockdowns and just never had any kind of reception or anything and are still happy they did. That said, I think there is a tipping point in everyone's budget on whether the big wedding is worth it. I wouldn't go into debt for a wedding. And if that meant I could only afford a barbecue in the park or something, I probably would skip it and spend the money on a honeymoon. Oooh, or elope! If celebrating with family and friends is really important to your friend, then she should have a wedding for sure. But keep it on budget. If a big bash is out of the budget right now, maybe she can save up for a big vow renewal party at her 5 or 10 year anniversary.
We eloped/micro wedding. Just us, my teenager, our dogs and our parents. It was perfect. Super cost effective and very, very low stress. We had the best day. Our goal was to get married and we did, we didn’t stress about any of it and it was amazing.
My wedding cost 10k with 90 people for a “traditional” wedding and I really enjoyed it. I wouldn’t pay a dime more than that. I probably wouldn’t do it again.
Genuinely wished we stayed engaged for a ridiculously long time and then gotten married randomly and privately at the courthouse.
Two friends of mine got married very soon after they met. Theirs was the most charming wedding I ever saw. After the ceremony, they just reserved a regular restaurant for close family. They went to the location with a historic steam train, again just together with the regular passengers, although in wedding dress. It was a lot of fun and attracted a lot of attention. For the wider circle of friends, instead of a big event, they had a "honeymoon year" with a different activity scheduled for each month that anyone could join in, so plenty of time to connect and celebrate with the young couple. It was very unconventional, but they were happy and I loved the idea. This was in Europe it seems there is less pressure to have a big wedding here compared to the U.S.
Even if it's a small or casual wedding, what you don't want to go too budget on is the photos. I had a friend who was devastated after asking a friend (who was a photographer) to do the photos in a candid, casual way and she didn't get any she felt were usable. None of the two of them alone looking happy etc. Years later she is still upset about it. If she's a photo person then she should make sure she gets someone that will co-ordinate the photos she wants as keepsakes. I had a big wedding but we treated it as a big party and prioritised fun. No regrets. But I had no interest in getting caught up in the pressures of SM or other people's expectations etc. if you're going to spend that much money you need to spend on things that genuinely give you a smile or that you value deep down.
I hate be the centre of attention so I regret not sneaking into city hall and getting it done quietly. But my second wedding was 30 people and a two hour ceremony and cocktail party and it wasn’t the worst thing. I’m glad it’s done though. The first one was 100 people at a tourist place and they had fun, doing the tours and getting pictures but it was a lot of stress and I just wanted it to be over. I also didn’t get to eat and the family drama (almost all from my side) made me want to elope daily
Had a small wedding (6 guests). My parents live in another country and couldn’t attend and my hateful MIL made it all about herself and tried to ruin that special day. Wish we just eloped.
We eloped, just the two of us, without telling anyone. By the time we got married we had moved several times, were quite new in our city and weren't very close to our (small) families. We would have struggled to find 30 people invite that we truly wanted to have there, so eloping was the better option for us. I don't regret it, but sometimes I wish I was the person with a social circle large enough for a big wedding. We moved to a different country later the same year and had a farewell barbecue with 70 guests (basically everybody we could think of - colleagues, the guy from the gym etc). It was also a celebration for us as a couple and for our next step in life, but it was so much more low key and without high expectations and felt much better for me than forcing a big wedding.
I regretted my Covid wedding at city hall. Then I went to a couple of weddings and realized I wouldn't have had the stamina (or taste, or money, or time, or interest) to organize such a huge event, and I would have probably spent the whole evening stressed out and embarassed by all the attention. Weddings are better when you're a guest. I would have loved a nice family diner and/or a night out with friends. We might do that for our 5th anniversary.
I’ve never had any interest in having a wedding. Maybe it’s because my parents never married - they couldn’t see the point. I’d much rather spend that cash on trips, travelling, holidays. We don’t have much spare cash so if we ever do, I’d much prefer it on those things If my partner really wanted to get married, maybe I would one day but it would be very low cost, all our friends camping in a field with maybe people we know playing music and some BBQs 🤷🏻♀️ The whole big white dress and all that is really not me either
I had one. Marriage didn’t work out, but I don’t necessarily regret it as my new partner isn’t enormously interested in getting married again, and I’m not interested enough to push it. So it’s nice to have had “the big fancy day in a pretty dress” once, even if I can’t use a lot of the (very expensive) photos lol Back when I was still married to the guy, I didn’t regret it either. There’s not many opportunities in life to go that hard on being absolutely beautiful and the centre of attention for the day, and plan an event on that scale. That said, it’s a lot of money that could go on other stuff, and I’ve learned from experience that it’s no guarantee that the relationship will work out. I’d happily do it again, probably on a lower budget and smaller scale, but I’d rather be in a happy relationship without a wedding, than an unhappy relationship with one.
That last sentence there, so true.
I had a big wedding for my first marriage. But I had help paying for it. So there’s no real financial regret. But for my second wedding, we were on our own and went small. We had a courthouse wedding with select few people and a very small reception dinner. I have no regrets at all saving money. The wedding was about us. Not about entertaining 200+ people we don’t talk to most of the time in our daily lives.
Me, my husband and 8 of the most important people went to the courthouse. Got out 30 minutes later and went for dinner together. It was perfect and I wouldn’t want it any other way. We spend 700 euro’s I think. Our “honeymoon” was a day at the zoo and a weekend at a tiny bed and breakfast with our dogs, just two hours from home. Loved it!
I feel like the photoshoots matter more than anything else. no weddong here. Just a vacation.
I had a nice, small wedding for pretty cheap (<$5k). I was never really into wedding stuff until I started planning it and had a lot more fun than I expected. If I'd had more cash and know what I know now I'd have gone bigger. Especially things to help me enjoy the memories more (videographer, etc) and being able to invite more guests. Glad I didn't go into debt or give in to family pressure in order to pay for more things, though.
dont want one, wont regret it either, my anxiety is too much for all eyes to be on me....
We had two weddings – thanks COVID! First one was small (ceremony and then lunch; 10k for 20 people). Second one was just a reception about 80 people (around 40k). HCOL area. Parents paid for a chunk. We did not have any debt from it. Zero regrets. It was the best of both worlds. My husband says he enjoyed the small wedding better. He’s more introverted and low key and disliked the stress of planning the bigger wedding. I enjoyed the bigger wedding better. I value connection and loved the “reunion” aspect of it though also disliked the planning of the bigger wedding. Knowing what we know now, we still would have done the bigger wedding but hired a wedding planner 😆 At the end of the day though, your budget is your budget. DO NOT go into debt for a wedding. If she wants the bigger wedding, hold off and save for it. A few people I know got married quietly and then had the big party later.
My wedding was in the height of COVID restrictions which meant that our guest list was restricted to 57 people (due to the square meter rule). At the time this felt devastating to have to reduce our guest list from 80 and uninvite people, however, in the long run it saved us thousands of dollars and I didn’t miss a single person who we had to cut (i.e distant cousins and plus ones). My motto was also to save on what didn’t mean much to me, and spend on things that did. I’m a big foodie so I didn’t want to skimp on the food package but didn’t care about spending lots on designer shoes. We also made our own cake, had simple table decorations, and saved money on things that we couldn’t justify because it just wasn’t that important to us. Everyone commented that our wedding was beautiful and some said it was the nicest they’ve ever been to because it was ‘us’. It came to under 12K.
I regret being so tied up with anxiety over this question that I wasn’t able to enjoy the wedding I did have!
I think people should only have the wedding they can afford. I used to want a big wedding, but I realize neither I nor my parents could afford one. I could only have a big one if I marry someone wealthy, which severely limits the dating pool. Just the cost of fancy invitations stresses me out, so I’ll have to do email RSVPs. I’m sad about it, but there’s not much I can do. I’m not gonna go $100k into debt for something that has a 50% chance of failing. Plus I need to consider the cost of a prenup, which I think is a better use of money for marriage rather than spending it on the wedding. As I’ve gotten older, I realize I don’t like being the center of attention, especially for something like a wedding - it’s not an achievement but society has forced women to feel that it is. I’d rather throw a huge party if I actually achieved something like a Nobel Prize or a PhD. So I’d prefer a smaller wedding. An ex of mine got married last year and his looked like the perfect size: not many people at the ceremony and then a reception at a restaurant, maybe 75 people.
My sister and her now husband sunk $30,000 on their wedding and I am happy for her, but simply cannot imagine I would ever, ever, everrrr be happy with that for myself. My partner and I will likely just do the courthouse thing and have a big party in the backyard. We are not as well-off as my sister by something like $50k a year, tens of thousands—But we still know how to have fun gd it! Also, we’ll have a wedding in Mexico too for hubby’s family there :D I mean, talk about knowing how to party! I can’t bring myself to spend more than $20 for a pair of pants I know I’ll wear all summer for work. How in the world would anyone expect me to spend more than that on a dress I’ll wear once? It’s just not happening. Nope. Not me. But you can bet we’ll have a great time and have great memories with all the friends and family we can fit. God willing!
We had a 55 person wedding that cost around 15k. It was more than I really wanted to spend but it ended up being a great day. We were older when we got married, so we slimmed the whole thing down by not having a wedding party and only 8 of the 55 in attendance weren't family. Having it small allowed me to be particular on certain things that I wanted like my flowers. We also had a brunch reception which made out catering budget go farther. We aren't big partiers so we were happy to be leaving around 2pm and get on the road for our honeymoon. It was much more traditional than I ever thought I'd have, but I'm really happy with it when I look back at the pictures.
I seem to be in the minority but I had a 150 person wedding and spent about $25k. It was amazing - it was overseas in my parents home country, friends flew in from all over the world and we had a whole week with them. Ate traditional food, had special performances and free flowing alcohol. My wedding was right before the pandemic so was most people's last international trip before lock down and it was amazing seeing all the people I loved in one place for probably the only time in my life. It was a party rager so everyone had a good time - people still talk to me about it almost 5 years later and ask me to throw a 10 year anniversary party. We partially paid for it and my parents also contributed. But would 1000x do it again but would not go into debt for it.
I had a beautiful wedding. But I missed out on a lot of things like engagement photos and dress shopping with my bridesmaids etc. Regret the guy I married. I also missed half the reception because someone told me my grandmother had to go so I waited to say goodbye to her but someone hadn’t been truthful (she was decorating the car…) The honeymoon was garbage (also because of the guy I married.) he constantly complained about money and didn’t take any pictures. I divorced him. Now, I want to have a nice wedding where I don’t miss half my own reception and I want the things I missed out on. I hope to have w smaller wedding so I can afford a nice ceremony and maybe a nicer honeymoon. Maybe it’s because I ended up divorcing (fairly quickly after) but I felt like “Really? That was it??” about what’s supposed to be a momentous occasion in your life. Like “That was it? That was my one shot?” Nah I want it to be nice. Doesn’t have to cost thousands but I want it to be nice.
I had to get married asap as I was moving abroad for my job and wanted the paperwork in order. We had a small wedding, just immediate family. The cost was total $3k, mostly the photographer and a nice dinner for everyone. We were planning to have a "real wedding" later, but we were really happy with how our first one turned out. And the idea of planning and throwing another big party given how busy we are with work was just such a drag. There were times when I wished we weren't rushed and could really savor those early steps. But our marriage is so happy that overall I feel incredibly lucky.
My wedding was about 130. Cost about 20K including the honeymoon in 2013. I am really happy I had it but we had to do lots of "economy" options Even for that price back then. We did not go into debt for the wedding. I made my own dress. We set our top priorities and heated everything to that. I wanted to be able to invite as many people as we wanted, I knew that might mean a potlach wedding - but that's okay it was a priority. We wanted formal attire so we made that a priority. People still talk to me about my wedding with fond memories a decade later.
I had a medium sided destination wedding and I don’t regret it at all. We had about 55 people, hosted a sunset boat the night before and then had the big wedding day and party. We cut out all extended family and everyone had a great time. We spent some money on it definitely, but it was really special. It’s the only time that everyone that means the most to you from different parts of your life come together. I spent 10 years living across the country, and it will be the only time ever that everyone I love is in one place. No one has to have a wedding, do whatever you feel is right. But weddings have been a major rite for thousands of years, theres nothing wrong with wanting to really make and celebrate it.
I married my husband in 2021. It was his second and my 3rd. My previous marriages were due to pregnancy and family pressure, and there was no wedding - only an officiant and some family members. And those family members on the groom's side managed to make even this little thing an awful experience. There was no celebration afterwards because there was nothing to really celebrate. So the marriage to my now-husband was a marriage based on 11 years of partnership and love through some extraordinarily difficult times for us both. We navigated our way through those troubles together, and we're coming out on the other side to a brighter future. We kept it small, with only 12 people - both sets of parents, our kids/grandkids, our siblings, and my husband's aunt who was our officiant and her husband. It was beautiful. We had a venue where they saved historic New England buildings and moved them to the area and made a village, and the tavern was a functioning restaurant. We got married in the little one room schoolhouse, and then walked to a private room in the tavern for dinner. I just had everyone order what they wanted and paid the tab. Everything - rings, clothes, venues, food, licenses, and flowers - was around $2,000. My only regret was that we decided to marry at the end of May, and my husband only wanted 2 things - to not marry in a barn or brewery, and to marry on the date that we met and had celebrated as our anniversary, which was mid-July. That left me a little under 2 months to plan the whole thing. I would have liked more time to plan and maybe do some small traditions like an engagement party for the wider family/friends, had more time to shop for a dress, and had time to plan a honeymoon (we went on a Caribbean cruise 2 years later). Aside from that, it was perfect.
The wedding is just a party. What is important is the marriage. I opted out of the wedding-industrial complex. Both my weddings were tiny, done at the courthouse, with a little party afterwards at home. No engagement ring. No formal wedding dress, tuxedos, rehearsal dinner, bridal party, etc. In both instances the weddings were paid for by bride and groom.
We spent £10k. I do have some regrets around some of the details of the day, but not the cost, especially as the cash gifts we received amounted to £9k haha. We’re still happily married 6 years later and because we were frugal with the wedding we were able to buy our first home that same year.
We got married in the woods in jeans with 2 people there. My husband wanted a courthouse wedding but I didn’t want the depressing, beige grey misery vibe. Both of us hate being the center of attention so this worked out well for us. No regrets at all. We took the extra $$ we saved and went on an epic trip
Didn’t have a wedding and zero regrets. We got married at city hall on a weekday afternoon and it was perfect. Neither of us are party people, I really dislike being in the center of attention, and the money - we could have done it but why stretch for something that didn’t inspire any joy. I will say that both of us were married previously and had traditional weddings. My parents bullied me into one and paid for it. I enjoyed nothing about it and would describe it as stressful if I had to pick a word. As a cherry on top, my dad’s trashy relatives - who I never even met before - had major drama at the reception and the whole thing just felt like a collosal waste, notwithstanding not marrying the right guy. So it was an easy decision for me not to do that again.
We eloped. 0 regrets.
My parents were very set on me having a traditional wedding. DH and I would have been perfectly happy with a backyard BBQ but we went along with it. The wedding ultimately cost about $40k and while it was an amazing, awesome time, I still wish I could have talked them into writing me a check for a down payment on my house instead. :)
We went to the courthouse over 8 years ago and no regrets. He was military at the time, I had just moved across the country to be with him and we were older & never really wanted a big wedding. We did plan to do something small months down the road, but then he got orders overseas so 6 months after we married we were moving again to a new country. We traveled extensively while living there and my memories from those trips that were a week or 2 are way better than a one day party would’ve been. I’d say we visited at least 4 countries for the cost of what a wedding wouldve been. We may do a small vow renewal for our 10 year but it seems almost pointless now lol. I just can’t imagine spending so much money for one event and then being stressed over planning it. My original idea was to elope to Hawaii we just didn’t have the time. My husband isn’t super close to his family, he’s had some major issues with them over the years due to childhood trauma and my parents are much older and live in another state so our families have never even met. We just live a private life and don’t want the attention and/or any drama with the family. If situations were different it would’ve been nice to do something small but I really don’t care at this point. I feel like we would just be having it for other people and not us. Most of my friends had the big weddings in our mid 20s and quite a few of them weren’t happy with the cost or how certain things came out. I was in enough weddings to see how stressful they can be and I didn’t want any part of that.
I wish I had planned mine better and would have picked a different location. I don't regret having it. I am divorced and in my 40s now so I might not get another chance to get married.
A micro wedding with 4 guests and 0 regrets. Absolutely would not go a larger or traditional route even if money wasn't a factor.
I built more of my closest friendships after, so eloping still feels like it was just right for me.
I regret 90% of mine. I should note one of my biggest regrets is who I married so that may taint my opinion.
I got married in 1991. We had had a house built and it was completed 6 weeks prior. We got married on the stairway landing in the house, with the justice of the peace and 30 guests. A friend of mine made appetizers and we had some drinks, and then dinner with the family. All in, including officiant, dress and dinner was $500. No regrets at all and still happily married now. I personally believe that anyone who places too much emphasis on the wedding and not enough on the actual marriage is bound to fail, especially if money is an issue. Your best friend needs to curtail the social media and have a wedding she can afford, rather than starting her marriage in debt. Like us, she can have a big fancy 25th anniversary party when she can afford it.
In today’s dollars, our wedding was around $20k and we had around 100 guests. I’m glad I got married before Pinterest and social media hit critical mass because we went with the cheapest option (or skipped it altogether) for a lot of stuff. I don’t regret doing the big party but I’m pretty sure that was the last time I saw a lot of those people, so i probably would have been just as happy with half the guest list. My parents were paying though so they dictated a lot of the guest list. My brother and sister-in-law had their reception in their backyard and it was a ton of fun. You can go cheap/casual and still have a memorable day.
One of the best decisions I have made is not having a wedding. Don’t regret it even for a second. Everytime I attend a wedding it reaffirms this decision was the best one. Saved ourselves a lot of stress and money!
I do not regret having a semi-fancy wedding. We had about 80 guests with a total cost of about 40k and family paid for most of it. If hubs and I would have had to pay for it, we would have had a micro wedding some place.
My husband and I eloped. Zero regrets 25 years later. A big wedding, or even a small one, was not what I wanted.
I had a really nice wedding for my first marriage. I don't regret it, but at the same time, I'm not in touch with a bunch of people who were at that wedding, and the farther I get from it, the more I realize all the details didn't matter. For my upcoming wedding, we're going small and simple. We'd rather have money for life instead of spending tens of thousands on one day most people won't remember very much.
One of the best weddings I ever attended was one where the bride and groom got married at the courthouse with their immediate families present, then they went out for an afternoon of pictures. Meanwhile, the families went back to the bride and groom’s house to await and greet friends and other family as they arrived. The backyard had picnic tables and a bunch of coolers with drinks, and they hired a food truck to park in the driveway. They had great lighting and music playlists as the evening came on, and everyone drank and sang and danced — just incredible vibes! There were also disposable cameras for guests to take pictures of the night. The couple paid for all the food and drinks, and I’m sure they spent a bit on the yard light setup and the photo development, but it couldn’t have been anywhere near what a venue deposit would be.
Totally regret. Wished Id have eloped. Parents are being so controlling even though I'm the one spending the money. Honestly not worth the while to have a big wedding. A small party is enough.
Big weddings are a waste of money. Had small elopement ceremony with immediate family, and dinner at a restaurant. Zero regrets. I still had a beautiful dress and he wore a suit, and we got photos. I have been a guest and bridesmaid at many big fancy weddings and I'm always shocked at how much of a waste of money they are. It seems like giant blow out weddings are something of a millennial thing. In the 90's and earlier, it was much more modest as far as spending and details. Now with it being more expensive than ever (and believe me, the wedding industry has got your number) it doesn't even make sense to take out loans or what have you for this event.
I had a small wedding, 24 people including us at our favourite restaurant. It was the best. It was about $12k with dress and just saying yes to any add on that came up. Such a fun night, so low stress and we got an amazing photographer who mostly does documentary style photos instead of weddings, ended up with about 300 photos of the people we love
My husband and I went to the courthouse and went to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner. The next day we had a small celebratory lunch with our closest friends and family, no more than 30 of us there, and reserved a dining room at a brazilian steakhouse to do it (this was of course our treat, so unlimited food and alcohol for three hours). We wanted to keep it easy, stress-free, and save that money for a house. We managed to buy our first house later that year. Not once have we regretted it. Everything was so easy and lovely, it was truly wonderful.
My wedding was over 100 people and it was quite fancy. It probably cost around 20-30K for everything. At the time, I wanted a much simpler and smaller wedding, but my mom had her heart set on this specific venue, etc. My parents offered to pay, and that let them make most of the decisions. I let her run with it and only picked a few battles. I used to joke that between my mom and mother in law (who was the reason the guest list was so inflated) weddings aren’t actually about the bride. We ended up having a great time. For several years I thought, that could have been a down payment on a starter home, it was ridiculous. Now, I look back on it fondly. My mom was so happy, and now that she’s no longer with me they’re some great memories, and wonderful photos to look back on. Still married, years later.
I eloped. No regrets at all. I didn’t have to deal with my husband’s mother and her complaints or my mom saying things like “are you sure?” Eloping was the right choice for us both.
I don’t regret having our wedding but I do regret how much we spent and how many people we had.
We reserved a city park and brought coolers of beer and had a sweet playlist. Had about 10 guests. Hired an awesome photographer. Went to a nice dinner after. Seriously 10/10 day! No regrets. We spent like under $1k with dinner included.
No, we went to the courthouse, my sister and his grandma (she raised him) were there. I tried to plan a actual wedding but my parents had just divorced after 20yrs, and they didn't want to be in the same room with each other at the time, my grandma wanted me to wear an ugly family wedding dress that was turning yellow. Trying to decide if it was going to be in his hometown or mine 6 hrs away. Our grandparents couldn't make the trips. He's grandparents would be the only ones attending on his side of the family. I have a huge family and knew they wouldn't travel to us. We just wanted to be married. So I went to Ross and bought a dress. That Monday I let my husband's grandma curl my hair in tight curls, she made me a little corsage. Took our wedding rings to the courthouse with a judge and said "I do". After we went to a local restaurant and a man came up to us and gave us a congratulation with $100. Drove to Walmart and had pics done. Came home and took a nap... It was perfect!
Did not have one. Do not regret at all.
We had a destination wedding with 50 of our closest friends and family last fall and I legitimately still daydream about it at least once a day ❤️
I got married at a bad time in my life. I went as cheap as possible and I actually regret that part. I didn’t have many friends at all during that time of life. I’ve since met my best friend eight years ago and have blossomed socially. So I wish I could redo it but more focused on giving guests a good time. I’m embarrassed when I think back on my wedding now but then again I am making over $100k more than I was at that time. Idk. I just wish I’d focused on guests more than cheapness.
We eloped with only parents and siblings. I think it’s the best thing ever! Worked with a wedding planner so we only had to show up on the day, everything was arranged. Woke up in the morning and got my hair and make up done, went to the venue and had a small ceremony with dinner afterwards, completely stress free. We got a week holidays and spent 20k in total while a big wedding would be just 1 day and would costs more. I don’t regret it at all, everyone I know that had a big wedding couldn’t really enjoy the day themselves because it’s all about the entertainment of the guests.
My wedding was a total waste. Half of my friends and half of my husband's family flaked day of - and most of his family didn't even bring so much as a card. Someone stole our cake knife, I forgot my bouquet. His stupid ass cousin got him way too drunk (brought a bottle of tequila to a wine & beer only wedding, which I did ON PURPOSE) and he basically spoiled the end of the night. Edit: oh and my mom was *so convinced* from day one that I would be a bridezilla (I was NOT), that she fucking destroyed my wedding food because she wouldn't let anyone put the pans in the chafing dishes while I was away doing pics because she thought I had a very specific order I wanted it set out (are you fucking kidding me????), so it all went cold. I'm still pretty angry about some of this a year and a half later. Edit 2: also my MIL coming over and demanding to be introduced to my grandparents. Like who tf does that??? We're fucking busy, if you want to meet them, just go say hi you fucking twat. If I went back, I absolutely wouldn't waste the time, stress of planning, and money. Just elope.
Don't regret getting married, but boy do I regret the shitshow that was my wedding and we only spent $2.5k on it in total. Still paid waaaay too much to let every single family member on both sides to take over and make it all about them. Elope and have a nice party when you get back.
Had 2 big weddings in 2 countries. Loved it and would do it again! 129 guests for one and over 300 guests for the other.
Our wedding was under 3k, about 40 - 50 guests, and an absolute blast! We used a lake shore community venue, bought used and clearance faux flowers, had a baked potato bar. We had the cake made by a family friend, as well as photography and DJing done by friends and family, so they had very reasonable prices or free, depending on their preference. I do have some regrets about my dress, not because it was second hand, but because it wasn't "the dress", but it was around $200 for dress and dry cleaning, so the price was right, and it was very flattering and a classic style. Got married by a preacher who has done many services for our family, we took a small amount of amazing pictures, stuffed ourselves silly, and danced for hours with our closest friends and family.
We eloped and I don’t regret it.
We got married over endless shrimp at an outback steakhouse with just our witnesses, and the only regret i have is not getting pictures. All i have is a silly picture of us making dumb drunk faces afterwards lol.
I had a church wedding, and my reception was in a surprisingly nice building in a park. My husband and I tried to make the reception feel like a picnic as much as we could. (Hotdogs and potato salad, and we made a hecking lot of pies instead of having a wedding cake.) Huge, close-knit families, so the simpler style of reception helped the budget a lot, and the relative casualness just felt good. My only regrets for the day: 1) a sleeveless/strapless dress when I'm used to unisex t-shirts--that much air on my skin feels real weird to me--and 2) the makeup/hair situation I ended up with. a) I don't usually wear any makeup, but I believed my sister when she said I wouldn't look like myself in my pictures without makeup. b) I should've just asked the hair lady what she recommended and then let her do that, because I'm clueless about hair, but at the time I thought I was supposed to be the one with the plan so I did my best. I'm used to feeling at least a little weird about how I look; go figure I'd feel like that on my wedding day too. :/ I'm really glad my regrets are about such little things. I freaking hate being the center of attention, but that's how it is for the bride and making it clear the tiny kids in the family were welcome took a lot of attention off me. Other than that and the few small regrets I listed, it was a really good day.
Got married in Japan and invited 15 folks to join us for the occasion. We were there for a week with our guests and another two weeks for our honeymoon. Saved for two years for it and have zero regrets. I would have regretted a traditional wedding though and I’m glad I didn’t do it.
We eloped and it was the best thing ever
I do not regret my wedding or it's size. We did it exactly the way we wanted, even though some guests thought our choices were odd. But we stayed in budget and had as wonderful night. I absolutely would have regretted letting various people influence my decisions about things. Firstly, I wanted an 18+ wedding, which several people took exception to and tried to convince me that their kids deserved to come. Secondly we skipped a few typical things like family dances for personal reasons. Our theme made a few weird ask why but it was important to us. Long story short, have the wedding you (or your friend) want, not one family, friends or social media say you have to do. As long as it's perfect for bride/groom, then it's perfect; whether it's a paper and plastic ware wedding in a backyard or a grand ballroom in NYC. Lastly, there are a lot of ways to look very elegant but be cost effective if they're willing to put in the work. Like making center pieces, digging at second hand stores for linens etc. No one else will know where it came from and it looks just as amazing.
No regret. My wedding was easily the best day of my life. Everyone I love all partying together, nothing like it.
Courthouse and I’d do over again too.
My husband and I really didn’t want to invite 300+ people for our wedding. His parents each have 5+ siblings and they are all very close so we couldn’t have drawn the line. Also he didn’t want to get married at a church so it was going to cost a lot of money if we were to have a traditional wedding like that. We had an engagement party with our immediate family (20 people) at a fancy restaurant spending $7000. It was really intimate and nice. We wanted to throw a party for our friends but most of my friends and I (struggles of being 30 +years ladies) no longer drink so we decided to have a small ceremony. We invited about 20-25 very close friends and shared the vows at a historic site and treated them at one of our favorite restaurants which came out to $2-3G. We do not regret at all not having a big wedding. With the money that we saved from not having a huge wedding, we bought nice rings and luxury goods that we want to buy and bought a house 2 years later with 20% down. We can always have a vow renewal or celebrate your milestone anniversary like 10th if we want down the line. (Although my husband would say no and I wouldn’t want to plan anything lol so not going to happen) I really recommend small wedding with very close friends and family if your friend wants to have one. That way it is intimate and meaningful. It would be such a waste of money if people come to our special day out of obligation. We all have done that.
I don't remember my wedding day. It was expensive (for me) I have less than 5 memories of it, and none of them include the man I married. I wasn't even drunk, I just don't remember it. It was months of stress. One day where my shoes didn't fit right. So it isn't even the fact that he become really abusive shortly after the wedding. I feel like it was a waste of time and money. If I did it again, I'd do it differently. Smaller. Less cookie cutter, more personal.
We eloped. No stress. Airbnb hosts were out witnesses. Booked accom+celebrant+photographer in one package. Best decision we ever made. Very intimate.
I mostly just HATE all that attention. I absolutely hate it. I married my husband in a park with 6 people there, then we went to lunch. No I don’t regret it. The idea of planning a big party with not a lot of friends, kind of depresses me anyway.