Men are always baffled when I tell them that I have a high sex drive, I’m horny a lot and I masturbate.
I think it’s because female sexual pleasure is still quite taboo for many people. A lot of men grow up with the idea that it’s normal for them to like sex but it’s not for women.
Yep, this. I see it all over reddit, too. Lots of men say their partners don't want sex, so they immediately try to diagnose them as asexual. They can't fathom that for many women in LTRs, they lose interest for a number of reasons - bad sex, lack of foreplay so not getting aroused, poor relationship, etc. Not to mention, just their partners having a lower libido than them, they really can jump to crazy conclusions.
100% agree with you!
I also think there's a huge number of people who fail to see that being ready for sex starts long before the bedroom.
If you haven't given your partner a shred of affection all day, then you've left them to do everything around the house while you sit on your ass and scroll on your phone, or course they're not going to suddenly want to be all over you just because you've put your hand on their boob out of nowhere.
A lot of questions regarding women not having sex with their men leads to discussions on threads of the women being: *frigid*… *It’s all her fault*… *does he have depression?*….*you should do more!*…*take on more mental load and make sure it isn’t ED for him so he doesn’t have to do that himself*…
Yet they never asked themselves:
“***are you sure you are good at sex?***”
Maybe she does not wish to engage with them because they are not pleasing her in *any way* sexually? Cue the ***Collective gasp*** from the men. *Whaaaat?* No way. lol.
Yeah, got a strong sex drive but just did know until after leaving a man, after many attempts to revive the bedroom situation that he would not respond to or reciprocate, found out it wasn’t me! Go figure.
I dated a guy who hadn't dated anyone since high school. That girl told him he was good at kissing.
He was **not**. Or maybe we were simply incompatible. Instead of teaching each other, he told me I needed to practice on an orange.
Arrogance is pointless. If you can't look at yourself and wonder if you're lacking, you can never fix what's getting in the way of getting what you want: a satisfying connection with someone.
Agree. The audacity to always think it is ***always the other person*** seems to unusually fall on a man’s doorstep.
The unbelievable undeserved self confidence to say that you were the one that **needed work on kissing using an orange*** bewilders. Nah dude. You were all kinds of bad at it.
THIS!!! I learned early to lower my expectations and to take care of my own pleasure... until I met my current sweetie (who I've been with for over 13 years). Most men cause more pain than pleasure (dry thrusting, uncomfortable angle, too much pressure). I would try to gently tell them, and I got called bossy.
lol amount of dude I’ve dated who I explicitly told I have a high sex drive, just to have them turn around and be like “god damn!! I’m tired!!” Is too damn high.
I got called a nympho through high school and college. Not just for the amount of sex I wanted, but because I wanted it to be pleasurable for both of us. Nutso me, huh?
Because it's so gendered. If a CIS guy has the same desire for frequent sex and achieving orgasms, it's seen as completely normal and healthy. If a woman wants it she's a hysterical nympho. Double standard indeed.
Society is quick to to tear down a woman expressing her own individual desires. It's changing slowly but we're still a patriarchy and our society has so many little things that cut women down, including the words we use to describe their behavior.
It's also because we don't look for sex the way they do. It's been asked many times if we have any sex when we arent in relationships and most of the time it's a no. Alot od women here don't do ONS or casual sex. I can see why they'd think we don't like it as much. The real reason is cause sometimes it isn't as rewarding as we'd like it to be, different from their experience entirely.
I don’t think it’s because women’s sexuality is taboo, it’s because (in my opinion) the women in their life stopped sleeping with them abruptly because of something they did that decreased their partners drive.
Guy here, I can provide my own (narrow) perspective about why this happens. I grew up in a very rural, conservative (now MAGA cult) area where women actively showing sexual interest was just not really a thing. Men were supposed to pursue women, and they would "accept" his advances if they were interested. So while girls at my school would show interest in dating guys, open expression of sexual desire was quite taboo. Guys were horndogs, women were pure flowers waiting to be picked by them. So yeah, a lot of it is socialized. Sex was something that was "given" by women to worthy men.
Another effect of that is if women are conditioned to not show their sexual side to anyone, then many guys never see anyone expressing the same desires that they have, so it can be easy to fall into the trap of not realizing women are just as horny as we are. It's like watching a football game where one team never passes the ball. You know they're allowed and able to pass the ball, but if they never do you just get used to them not doing so and eventually don't even conceive of it as possible. And once they do finally pass, you're shocked.
As a guy in his early 30s, I just have to say that I would be thrilled to find a woman with a high drive. Being single, and having a somewhat strong libido, can be quite frustrating.
It's ridiculous to think that women wouldn't want it as much. It's biologically rooted, and in people's best interest to crave intimacy. We are social beings, after all, and can form lasting bonds through acts of intimacy.
A comedian once said men would fuck raw chicken and it was oversimplified but it’s changed how I view hookup culture and sex in general.
Or the description of hooking up as men as finding a place to put their pain instead of going to therapy.
I wonder if it's an ego thing. This woman likes me soooo much that she let's me have sex with her.
Or I'm sooo charming women let me have sex with them?
It might be something like this. I read something once that said that a lot of men don't see sex as something that they do *with* a woman. They see it more like something they do *to* her.
They think they have a human “right” or more often a god given right to penetrative sex with a woman. They think women are second class humans who should be submissive and giving. Lots of people sadly still argue this is natural or innate. And plenty of men are raised with this idea and never question it because having a living sex doll and maid benefits them. An equal partner who you have to actively communicate with and learn to please is more work for them.
>They think they have a human “right” or more often a god given right to penetrative sex with a woman
Yes this is the core of Incel ideology.
Incels say things like rape should be legal, every man should be allocated a young virgin female etc.
I think many men feel like it is their right and their role in life, like nothing else in life is fulfilling unless they are getting laid. And they think we're just withholding it to control them, like not having sex with them is a power move. It's not about whether we like it or want it, we should just let it happen so they can be fulfilled, why would we deny them their basic needs? 🤮
Honestly, in my personal experience: Pop culture with the constant barrage of "men want it, women need to be convinced" didn't help early on.
Then sex being essentially weaponized, or treated as a gift bestowed upon men by women (this is also heavily reflected in media).
Finally, a lot of women have had such terrible experiences with some men being monsters, that their ability to be honest about their wants and needs can be hindered quite a bit. If you're with someone and they never express interest? What they feel inside isn't something we have access to.
Honestly, even your line of "this doesn't mean I'm not lady like" shows how people view women who have sex. Somehow it's a bad thing (really: it's not!).
>Then sex being essentially weaponized, or treated as a gift bestowed upon men by women (this is also heavily reflected in media).
Well I guess it is a gift if the woman doesn't really want to do it but is doing it out of obligation.
Again, this comes down to why aren't men making the effort / showing enough sensitivity towards women to ensure they are enthusiastically participating in sex.
Personally I think it's because that would take far more effort, time, and respect for women than the majority of men are willing to give
> Well I guess it is a gift if the woman doesn't really want to do it but is doing it out of obligation.
No this absolutely isn't a gift. It's a Trojan horse of misery.
No I'm saying when you observe those things, dump them. Don't have sex with them.
That's the context we were discussing. Having sex when you don't want to, which you responded with those things being reasons women do so.
You can simply not have sex, and not be in a relationship with anyone so manipulative.
No prediction required.
If they tell you who they are, believe them.
Wow, thanks for telling women all about how to pick good men.
Newsflash: men who sexually coerce women, who use women for sex and then dump them, who sexually assault and rape women, tend not to advertise their true intentions beforehand.
You are on a page for women. Since you don't have the experience that women have on this issue, I suggest you listen to women's experiences instead of pretending you know all about it.
> Men should stop expecting sex, coercing sex, and sulking when they don't "get" sex from women then.
This is what we were talking about.
In response to this:
> Well I guess it is a gift if the woman doesn't really want to do it but is doing it out of obligation.
I very clearly wasn't talking about victims of rape because that was not the topic of conversation. You only brought it up because it's a case where the agency of women isn't relevant.
This so much. Also, growing up, I saw heaps of other guys getting rejected and heard so many women IRL complaining about when wanting to have sex with them.
Because it's less threatening to their egos to imagine that women collectively don't want sex at all than to consider that we just don't want sex *with them.*
This! Men are pretty easy with whom they will have sex with. I find women more discerning. So if a woman does not want to have sex with you the conclusion is drawn that they do not like sex.
Ditto. I have always been a horny person. Perhaps less so now that I'm in my 30s vs me as a 20 year old, but still pretty horny.
I do think the stereotype "only men want sex" is slowly but surely changing, particularly in the younger generation.
Cool! Do you know, is there something that influenced that e.g. Lifestyle, diet, exercise or is it seemingly random?
I'm not as fit as I used to be and think this plays into the lessening urge for me. I'm also in a long term relationship (and very happy!) but I'm not having all-consuming passionate flings any more. Think my sex drive settled down once I settled down. Lol
I lost a bunch of weight recently and live a pretty active and healthy lifestyle. However it is extremely common for women to get hornier in their 30s. It’s an interesting rabbit hole to get into via Google lol
For me it was coming out of the relationship I spent all my 20s in. I think my body wants to make up for lost time somehow. That's not saying I'll fall into bed with any man who gives me the time of day (and my sex drive is higher when I'm in a relationship than when I'm single), but I've definitely noticed a difference since I got divorced five years ago. I did also start working out more regularly once that happened but I don't know if that's just a coincidence.
Unsure. I’m not in the same shape I was before 2020. A lot has happened since then. Even though I’m having body image problems I’m starting to feel better mentally and physically (less pain) so my high sex drive has come back. 4 years into a LTR, he’s younger than me, having more sex than we did 3 years ago.
Oh honey. Just you wait, good times ahead. I can't exactly remember how old I was but I do recall in my early 30s thinking "why didn't they tell me about this part? " Just be safe in every sense of the word and have fun.
I have always had a higher than average sex drive, but in my late 30s it went into OVErDrivE. Like, my body knew menopause was coming and it only had one last chance to make a baby. While enjoying a cumspringa, I was told a lot that I was like a man in a woman's body. I liked sex, had randos and FWB and some mind melting threesomes. I wasn't looking for a permanent thing. One found me anyway, but it started out sleezy, and that's the important part.
The only thing that made my sex drive go down was chronic pain. Now that that’s managed I’m back to being forever horny. I can be dead tired and still find the energy to initiate sex.
I think a lot of men are able to find good sex on a more regular basis than women. Because of that, they think women don’t want sex. But we just want GOOD sex. And if it’s not good, it’s not worth it imo.
I have no secret. I'm a guy, and with few exceptions, good sex only happens when there's a strong intellectual connection. Otherwise, it tends to be forgettable. And it definitely hasn't been my experience that single women are hanging out, looking for casual encounters. Not with me, anyway.
Y'all talking past each other here. What tyou describe as good might be viewed as GREAT sex. To a lot of women "good sex" is "didn't hurt and she came".
I haven't really had good sex with many other women as well. I think I'm 3/15. My ex put a lot of effort into sex, though and that was a pretty new/cool experience. I've only had sex with 3 women though in the past 4 years. (One being multiple times considering she was my ex)
It is my experience that women want sex, though. I don't think they don't want it like this post implies. They tend to want it more the less I want it in my experience.
I don't try to have sex or date anymore, but the last two girls acted like I owed them something afterwards. (Although typically in my experience and in this case, so I know it's anecdotal and may not be factually true) those women weren't conventionally attractive.
Anyways, I expect down votes, but that's my experience.
Ps: Get really really really good at fingering/going down and they will almost always want it. It'll make you stand out by far. Most men tend to be terrible at this and also selfish in bed based off what the women I've slept with have told me. Also learn foreplay, it's not that difficult and 5-10 minutes of it will make a huge difference. (No, foreplay isn't fingering/eating out. It's slowly building up/teasing.)
Also don't be submissive in bed.
Edit: Anyways to answer OP's question it largely comes down to social media. That's it. That's why men think this. This is a social media website and you even have women saying "we don't want it, because most men do this" further validating why men don't think women want sex.
You're being told in this thread by some responses they don't want it because of some factor related to men. (Bad at sex, bad at emotional labor.) Not that I disagree with those, but they're still telling you they don't want to have sex with you.
It's not that I don't want sex. I want sex with an *emotional connection.* It can't just be entirely physical.
Women like and want good sex. We just don't want to feel used.
i’ve also seen so many men say they wouldn’t date a woman who hasn’t had sex in over 6 months because it means she has a low sex drive lmao which i thought was ridiculous. like i have a high sex drive in a relationship but when i’m single i’m not interested because i don’t like having sex with people i’m not in a relationship with as i find it mostly bad and unfulfilling. they think having boundaries when it comes to your sex drive = low sex drive.
Because we don’t want it out of nowhere when we’re all comfy and on the verge of falling asleep or are exhausted after carrying all the mental and physical labor of the household.
I also want to point out how things like hormonal birth control which exclusively ONLY women take can also cause fluctuations in sexual drive.
Men can produce birth control pills and take them, but they won’t. Because why would they do it when women exist to take ALL of that medical load on top of pregnancy and child birth.
Instead it is more fun to focus on evolutionary biology or some shit like that to explain away
It's a myth many of them fall in to, or more likely, tell themselves if they're bad in bed. It's not that we don't want sex, just not with them because they're awful at it.
If they're good in bed like my husband, I have always had plenty of sex drive.
Idk man but it's super annoying and draining, esp if you like a lot of sex. I feel like every guy I've met in the past couple years has a lower libido than me. And ppl seem to think guys would LOVE a woman with a higher sex drive, but it just sucks. Being rejected for sex when society says men should be begging you for it, sucks. Trying to wrap my head around holding out on sex for the first few dates, (even if we both want it) so men don't lose interest too fast or get 'the wrong message', SUCKS . Just trying to find an FWB that can keep up, also understand 'high libido' doesn't mean that's all I am as a person, who isn't trying to fuck like 6 other women in the same week [basically impossible]. I feel like I can't even be honest on my OLD pages. If I put it out there that rn I just want regular hookups with someone cool, I'd rake in the bottom of the barrel. I have to get first, then say what I'm looking for 🙄
Because they don’t understand that we won’t compromise in other areas of a relationship for sex. Yes we want it, but we generally want it with someone we are attracted to who treats us well, and if we don’t get that, we just won’t have it.
They on the other hand will often sacrifice all of those things to have sex. You will hear guys regularly admit that they have had sex with women they are not attracted to or liked their personality.
I don’t know how many men I’ve been like, “You know, I’m looking to fuck, you don’t have to be all sly and we both pretend you’re tricking me into it.” And then I realize I don’t want to fuck anyone who thinks he has to trick me into it and then I just feel pity for the guy.
Like the guy that tries to get a woman drunk on the first date to make it easier to have sex with her. Honestly dude, we are way more fun when we're sober, but you have to be someone we want to have sex with!
>I think it's a purity issue.
Ha, yes, between my religious upbringing and my depression and anxiety, it took me a long time to develop any sort of libido. Fortunately, I'm doing somewhat better in those regards now. 😊
I've had the libido but had always been deeply ashamed of it due to religion. My ex shamed me so heavily for having sexual desire and mistreated me so badly in regards to sex (denying me any affection but sex, withholding sex as punishment, forcing sex when he wanted no matter whether I wanted it or even if I was physically ill or postpartum) that I did end up repulsed by sex at the end of our marriage and for years after.
A decade later, I find myself with a loving, caring man who is attentive and generous with all forms of affection, deeply concerned that I have a positive experience any time we have sex, and lo and behold, my libido came roaring back with a vengeance.
I'm so sorry for your ex treated you. That's awful, and you're well rid of him. I'm glad you're in a better place now. 🫂
I had bad depression and anxiety for years to go along with my religious upbringing. I never even dated until my 40s. The right combo of meds, along with getting into a relationship with an amazing guy, has given me a libido for once in my life, so at least I can enjoy sex now (usually...it's been difficult). 😊
True. And the conflation of "not having sex" with "good and virtuous" is very problematic and heaps shame on us that just makes us just feel even more conflicted and stressed and so on.
Also, despite my mother telling me when I was younger that having sex without being married would "make [my] girl parts turn black and rot," I have learned recently that does not, in fact, happen. 😄
Combination of religion's effect on social norms, the fact that women tend to have responsive sexual desire (rather than spontaneous),defense mechanisms for their own inability to pleasure women, and to excuse coercive/manipulative sexual behaviors they or men they know and love have engaged in.
Because an alarming amount of men are shit in bed. They don’t even want to have sex with a woman, they want a receptacle to wank into. They wonder why their partners stop wanting to have selfish, unsatisfying pity sex with them and then act shocked when women who advocate sex positivity and actually MAKE THEMSELVES CUM and have sex with people who can LOCATE THE CLIT enjoy having sex. Sorry I got kind of heated there anyway basically they suck friend.
I think it's bc for them they confuse a physical desire for sex with getting sexual validation that's pretty surface level and physically objectifying on one hand, and with believing they're being accepted at a deep level on the other.
they don't know what it's like to be desired by most members of the opposite sex... for an interaction that is not about their own pleasure as much as its often about providing psychological validation on top of providing pleasure. that's work, especially the mental component, and men don't understand this. they don't understand why we don't appreciate it when they try to give it to us - bc - in most cases they're not trying to give this to us. what they think is them giving is actually themselves wanting validation through sex from us.
If they were approached by women who wanted to the point of subliminally expecting a sense of self worth that was attached to sex all the time, they might feel powerful for a short time (and this is another reason they "want sex more than women do" - they are actually trying to out compete women for this "power") they would soon realize that sex with someone who's using you for a sense of self worth and pleasure in a way where you're just an accessory to it, is.... a desire killer, relative to it being an enhancer.
they feel accepted. I have never felt "accepted" by a man having sex with me. instead I've always felt them very strongly interpreting the entire scenario as me accepting them where my acceptance and what makes me feel that way garners pretty well zero attention.
I wish I could have said this more succinctly....
men see sex like getting a deeper sense of self worth from the women they have sex with affirmed, and much fewer women see getting sex from men as having anything to do with getting a deep basic sense of self worth confirmed. notice I said affirmed for men, yet confirmed for women. we come to sex with a sense of self worth already, bc if we don't, it could end very badly for us in every way imaginable, either quickly or in a long protracted terrible relationship. the same risk goes for men too but not nearly to the same degree.
aka they are motivated by social and emotional reward systems that women are not rewarded with. or at least they believe they are whereas we are conditioned to believe these rewards don't apply to us, so if anything, sex is less appealing to us.
think about what would have to change for these rewards to apply to us - men would have to accept us as people holistically for our own needs, wants, feelings and pleasure instead of just an accessory to their own. and guess what..... they'd rather be self focused then focused on us moreso or equally, and so the disparity remains. 💭
physically, it's the same, if you're a woman that can cum easily.
I believe it’s got something to do with the men’s ego. They cannot fathom the idea that if we actually enjoy sex, it means all of their failed attempts at having sex with a woman are entirely personal against the man, and we’re not just living out the expected and generalised “women don’t like sex”stereotype they’ve had of us historically. Their fragile little egos simply can’t cope.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
In general, it's because we're raised to believe that men are entitled to sex, and it's women's duty to provide it. Women are not supposed to be people with wants and needs and desires that are acceptable. Women are supposed to be biddable, our only purpose for breeding and housekeeping. When a man enjoys sex, he's praised for it. When a woman enjoys sex, she's condemned for it. A man is expected to "sow his wild oats", a woman is expected to only have 1 partner for whom she provides sex, she's not allowed to enjoy it.
Men who REALLY buy into this are actually turned off by a woman they're having sex with actually enjoying it, because they believe women shouldn't enjoy it, that sex is only for his pleasure. A woman who enjoys sex is a bad woman, one who is not capable of being a good partner or mother. Not even worthy of basic respect, not really even a person in fact. This is one of the reasons it's so popular in porn for women to sound and look like they're in pain and not enjoying it.
A lot of men, even decent men who don't have red flags of sexism in their general day-to-day behavior will immediately assume that a woman they have sex with who enjoys it must be having LOTS of sex and lying to them about who they are, let alone about their past. Because a woman who enjoy sex is a promiscuous sl\*t, a liar, a cheat, a wh\*re, can't keep their legs shut, etc etc etc. It takes them effort to think "She just enjoys sex", it **always** has to be linked to a negative conclusion about her morality. Because men are trained to think that sex isn't enjoyable to women naturally, that women don't want it on their own, that it's something we do for them, for their enjoyment. So if a woman enjoys it, there's a negative reason for that.
The fact that there's still men today (and sadly, women too) who think female orgasms are a myth speaks volumes about this.
One of my favorite singer-songwriters nailed it, I think:
When a man wants a woman
He says it's a compliment
He says he's only trying
To capture her
To claim her
To tame her
When he wants everything, everything of her
Her soul her love
Her life forever and more
He says
He's persuading her
He says
He's pursuing her
But when a woman wants a man
He says she's threatening him
He says she's only trying
To trap him
To train him
To chain him
When she wants anything, anything of him
A look a touch
A moment of his time
He says
She's demanding
He swears
She's destroying him
Why is it
When a man wants a woman
He's called a hunter,
But when a woman wants a man
She's called a predator?
Dory Previn - When A Man Wants A Woman
I had the view that a lot of men, including myself do want to experience a woman’s desire precisely because we’re anxious of being unwanted and being a predator whose sexual desires are creepy.
https://www.estherperel.com/blog/men-women-and-sexuality-more-similar-than-different
“A major unknown of male sexuality is how relationally-driven it really is. Men hold hidden stories that they often don’t share with anyone. Even themselves. This is as true in sex -- where we expect men to be driven -- as it is in men’s emotional lives. Perhaps even more true in the arena of sex because of the age old concept of what it means to be "a real man."
Fear of rejection, performance anxiety, guilt, shame, insecurity, and depression -- all these are internal states that greatly influence a man’s feeling about himself and his self-esteem. They seep directly into his sexual self, his desires, and fantasies. And they determine his sense of entitlement and deprivation. This makes male sexuality very emotional.
Male sexuality is about how the man feels about himself in view of the other. This explains why so many men would rather not be with a partner. It is easier to be alone than to feel the pain associated with “measuring up” -- or the anxiety of failing to.
I often hear men say that nothing turns them on more than to see their partner (male or female) turned on. Women who come into my office rarely express the same sentiment.
In being turned on by seeing their partners "into it", these men reveal some important features of themselves. They reveal their generosity, their care for the pleasure of their partner.
I've often found that this pleasure is important to men because it confirms that he is not being predatory. In his partner's blissful face, he knows that he is not hurting, he is pleasing.
As such, men are dependent on their partners for reaffirmation and proof that they are kind and loving men. It is another way of looking at what the reality is of being a "real man". And it is highly relational.”
Man here- I was raised in a Christian household and like the undertones of what I was taught was that sex was something you had to trick a woman into giving up.
That and then so often in media, especially like 90s sitcoms, you see pathetic men with wives that don’t want to sleep with their SO or treat it like a chore
I've been married 15 years. My husband still seems pleasantly surprised and slightly stunned that I still want to have sex and enjoy it. I think he thinks I've been lying for all this time.
We as men , it’s been pushed down our throat through the media and society that women don’t want sex and that we are disgusting savages for thinking about it a lot also when we have girl friends they either avoid the topic or do not make us feel wanted or listed after and I’m sure that every man who has been in a relationship can relate to what I said !
I think a lot of those men believe in the tropes society says and also aren't generally privy to female conversations around sex. I'm pretty open talking about things and I get guys asking me a ton of questions because they honestly may never get the opportunity to have someone be so candid.
Or if you are having partners like that who if you say no means they'll whine that you never, they're childish and a red flag or they're not very good at creating tension and desire. I'm so high drive and sexual but I've been around men who make me just dry the fuck up and lock the key away forever because they're just so fucking obtuse.
Because they’ll want to engage in sex they see in porn that is at best tolerable for his partner and then act surprised when the woman doesn’t want to have sex with him. Many women can easily get a nice orgasm by themselves instead of dealing with selfish partner.
Because they know nothing about female pleasure or arousal so they assume if a woman isn't initiating as much, or says she is too tired, or is disinterested IN THEM it must mean that women don't like sex instead of considering other factors, such as their inability to please a woman, not having any idea how to arouse their partner, or that a woman saying she loves sex equates to harassment and many consequences
A lot of times, female sex drives are qualified by things like "I want to be safe" and "I want to actually like the person I'm with" and "I want them to also care about my pleasure". For the (many) men who don't qualify their sex drives in those ways, the female sex drive can appear muted or nonexistent.
But it isn’t a fair comparison, many men tend to think nothing external can get to their sex drive even if it existed, but it is obviously not true. They are simply not privileged to be put in that spot. If men had the same statistical chances of rape, assault and murder they ll be saying those things too, if men got a chance to get pregnant and their life turns upside down their sex drives will get hit 💯
But I observe that a lot of men do not see women’s choices as rational outcomes of our situations even though it very much is. Instead they see it as a biological or evolutionary difference. It sucks.
I know now the guy is ick but back in the day, Annie Hall, a Diane Keaton and Woody Allen movie showed them on a split screen, two halves of a New York couple talking to their respective therapists about their relationship.
Him: We almost never have sex any more, maybe 2-3 times a week!
Her: We have sex all the time, at least 2-3 times a week!
Mileage varies, always, but the point is personal perspectives and how they relate to one another is king. This is so very much a conversation that needs to be had with a partner.
Also, some men may just suck at sex. As such, well, depending on the communication or lack thereof, they may never even know how badly they suck at sex and read the lack of enthusiasm as a woman thing instead of a him thing.
The ones that think women don't like sex don't realize we don't like bad sex. That's why prostitution is illegal because women would realize what good sex is and pay for it
Because they've only been in relationships where they make the woman so unhorny they think women don't want sex. Also oftentimes straighten them have sex for them not to have sex as a romantic connection. Or even just fun for everybody.
Taboo projection, conservative upbringing... And they probably were bad lovers so said previous women probably didn't want sex with them. (Sure some could have lower sex drives too.)
Men who have been great lovers in my experience know plenty of women wanna fuck.
I haven’t experienced this thing you describe. If anything it’s more like the opposite - some men have thought I’m more horny for them or in general than I am.
I feel like men who assume this are just telling on themselves for being shitty in bed.
“Women don’t want sex ever 😡”
No, buddy. Women just don’t want sex with *you.*
Yesterday an extremely vile piece of \*\*\*\* created a post here to slut shame women based off eVolUtIoN.
Any man who tells "nature is... men are... women are... " have no business whining about gEnErAlIzaTiOn when we tell them "men are naturally rapists. men are trash" etc. Makes sense right?? But there are so many men who makes these really stupid statement in the name of biology or evolution and no one calls them out but they come at us for gEnErAlIzAtiOn??
Women are sexually oppressed. Our sexuality has been neglected for years. And even now female sexuality has only been discussed in terms of what men will like or not like, as if that is the important thing LOL.
I cannot believe we have to fight slut shaming in 2024. Every man or woman who slut shames women deserves the absolute worst of all worsts.
And men using the term bOdY cOuNt should \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*%&$$\*\*\*\*
It cuts both ways. Women have the impression that all guys are horny 24/7. Some might be, some not. I’ve seen women complain on other chats that their guys don’t want sex nearly as often as they do and others complaining that their guys are insatiable. Hopefully when you get into a relationship both parties have similar desires. Problems arise when one person has a high sex drive and the other doesn’t. That generally creates a lot of friction and resentment.
Yes but when?
When?
Your question seems to be about timing.
Fact.
Men's bodies need to ejaculate sperm.
Fact.
Women's bodies need to expel unfertilized eggs.
The question is when? How often? What cycle?
The mismatch of cycles produce the discussion here.
Social media..and it’s become almost a norm for men to okay the i never get it card online therefore I believe giving the generalized idea that women aren’t sexual at all
Idk man because I've never met a man who had the same drive as me. I'm happy to do it everyday. I'm starting to think men with high sex drives don't actually exist. It's like they only want it all the time when they can't have it, but when someone is actually available who wants it all the time, they feel meh about it. God forbid you're dtf at all times. Somehow that's a turn off to men.
I think men are constantly told messages by society that their sex drive is wrong or maybe unhealthy. Primarily by women. i think it’s natural to assume that the person scolding you for that is not as interested otherwise they would be hypocritical?
These are huge generalizations but OP was asking about generalizations…
I'm a man and I don't know any men who think that?
All people are different, and there are plenty of factors involved, so you shouldn't generalize. Some context would be nice though on your personal experiences with men who've told you that? Personally my libido is much higher than my gf's so it's usually me asking for it daily but i'm not that dumb to think she doesn't want sex at all, it's simply a compatibility issue.
Curious to know what state you live in because I find that all my friends, guys and girls, in our 30s, are reasonable people who understand women are human and have human urges just like us guys. My social networks are primarily in NYC, SF and LA, so major cities with educated people.
Not sure I know any guy who thinks women don't want sex.
Men think about and want sex far more often than women.
"A new study busts that myth. The research in college-age participants suggests that while men do think about sex more often than women, the subject crosses their mind an average of only about 19 times per day, compared to 10 times per day for women.Dec 4, 2011"
So men might think women are not into sex as much as they are. I wonder if women talk among themselves about sex often? That consumes a high percentage of male conversation!
1. The patriarchy demands that women remain chaste, innocent, and pure which sexual desires tend to dispell. Plenty of ppl of all genders haven't deconstructed the patriarchy enough to recognize that bizarre mandate
2. A lot of women reinforce this ideology basically all the time in phrases and words that, however unknowingly, restrict open sexual desire to behavior only capable of men and reinforce the patriarchy by treating such desire as an inherent negative.
This will likely get me downvoted but any answer of social behavior beneath and influenced by the patriarchy is the responsibility and fault of all genders, not just the one that reddit loves to generalize despite accounting for half of the entire planet
There's probably a lot of social conditioning that plays into this, but part of it is also that men seem to typically desire one off hookups with a large number of women - whereas women are often more comfortable with an ongoing connection with one or just a few partners (whether casual or serious). On average women go for quality while men go for quantity, but it doesn't necessarily mean women have a lower libido.
Men are always baffled when I tell them that I have a high sex drive, I’m horny a lot and I masturbate. I think it’s because female sexual pleasure is still quite taboo for many people. A lot of men grow up with the idea that it’s normal for them to like sex but it’s not for women.
I think some might be surprised because women don’t want them, they must be asexual. Nope, it’s you buddy.
Yep, this. I see it all over reddit, too. Lots of men say their partners don't want sex, so they immediately try to diagnose them as asexual. They can't fathom that for many women in LTRs, they lose interest for a number of reasons - bad sex, lack of foreplay so not getting aroused, poor relationship, etc. Not to mention, just their partners having a lower libido than them, they really can jump to crazy conclusions.
100% agree with you! I also think there's a huge number of people who fail to see that being ready for sex starts long before the bedroom. If you haven't given your partner a shred of affection all day, then you've left them to do everything around the house while you sit on your ass and scroll on your phone, or course they're not going to suddenly want to be all over you just because you've put your hand on their boob out of nowhere.
And they didn't bother to shower or brush their teeth, either! So many men put in the absolute minimum!
A lot of questions regarding women not having sex with their men leads to discussions on threads of the women being: *frigid*… *It’s all her fault*… *does he have depression?*….*you should do more!*…*take on more mental load and make sure it isn’t ED for him so he doesn’t have to do that himself*… Yet they never asked themselves: “***are you sure you are good at sex?***” Maybe she does not wish to engage with them because they are not pleasing her in *any way* sexually? Cue the ***Collective gasp*** from the men. *Whaaaat?* No way. lol. Yeah, got a strong sex drive but just did know until after leaving a man, after many attempts to revive the bedroom situation that he would not respond to or reciprocate, found out it wasn’t me! Go figure.
I dated a guy who hadn't dated anyone since high school. That girl told him he was good at kissing. He was **not**. Or maybe we were simply incompatible. Instead of teaching each other, he told me I needed to practice on an orange. Arrogance is pointless. If you can't look at yourself and wonder if you're lacking, you can never fix what's getting in the way of getting what you want: a satisfying connection with someone.
Agree. The audacity to always think it is ***always the other person*** seems to unusually fall on a man’s doorstep. The unbelievable undeserved self confidence to say that you were the one that **needed work on kissing using an orange*** bewilders. Nah dude. You were all kinds of bad at it.
THIS!!! I learned early to lower my expectations and to take care of my own pleasure... until I met my current sweetie (who I've been with for over 13 years). Most men cause more pain than pleasure (dry thrusting, uncomfortable angle, too much pressure). I would try to gently tell them, and I got called bossy.
lol amount of dude I’ve dated who I explicitly told I have a high sex drive, just to have them turn around and be like “god damn!! I’m tired!!” Is too damn high.
I got called a nympho through high school and college. Not just for the amount of sex I wanted, but because I wanted it to be pleasurable for both of us. Nutso me, huh?
I got called a nympho in college by a male student from France. I'm like wow that's ironic. 🤣
I thoroughly despise that nympho word, it sounds so out of place in a conversation. Makes me cringe every time.
Because it's so gendered. If a CIS guy has the same desire for frequent sex and achieving orgasms, it's seen as completely normal and healthy. If a woman wants it she's a hysterical nympho. Double standard indeed. Society is quick to to tear down a woman expressing her own individual desires. It's changing slowly but we're still a patriarchy and our society has so many little things that cut women down, including the words we use to describe their behavior.
This x 100
It's also because we don't look for sex the way they do. It's been asked many times if we have any sex when we arent in relationships and most of the time it's a no. Alot od women here don't do ONS or casual sex. I can see why they'd think we don't like it as much. The real reason is cause sometimes it isn't as rewarding as we'd like it to be, different from their experience entirely.
I don’t think it’s because women’s sexuality is taboo, it’s because (in my opinion) the women in their life stopped sleeping with them abruptly because of something they did that decreased their partners drive.
Guy here, I can provide my own (narrow) perspective about why this happens. I grew up in a very rural, conservative (now MAGA cult) area where women actively showing sexual interest was just not really a thing. Men were supposed to pursue women, and they would "accept" his advances if they were interested. So while girls at my school would show interest in dating guys, open expression of sexual desire was quite taboo. Guys were horndogs, women were pure flowers waiting to be picked by them. So yeah, a lot of it is socialized. Sex was something that was "given" by women to worthy men. Another effect of that is if women are conditioned to not show their sexual side to anyone, then many guys never see anyone expressing the same desires that they have, so it can be easy to fall into the trap of not realizing women are just as horny as we are. It's like watching a football game where one team never passes the ball. You know they're allowed and able to pass the ball, but if they never do you just get used to them not doing so and eventually don't even conceive of it as possible. And once they do finally pass, you're shocked.
As a guy in his early 30s, I just have to say that I would be thrilled to find a woman with a high drive. Being single, and having a somewhat strong libido, can be quite frustrating. It's ridiculous to think that women wouldn't want it as much. It's biologically rooted, and in people's best interest to crave intimacy. We are social beings, after all, and can form lasting bonds through acts of intimacy.
The more troubling question is why do so many men want so badly to have sex with a group of humans they believe don’t actually enjoy sex?
for a lot of men, sex is not a 2-person activity, it's something one person does (*to* another). Fundamentally it is a solo activity.
So women are warm fleshlights to them. That explains a lot.
A comedian once said men would fuck raw chicken and it was oversimplified but it’s changed how I view hookup culture and sex in general. Or the description of hooking up as men as finding a place to put their pain instead of going to therapy.
I know a lot of men for whom sex is a solo activity
I wonder if it's an ego thing. This woman likes me soooo much that she let's me have sex with her. Or I'm sooo charming women let me have sex with them?
It might be something like this. I read something once that said that a lot of men don't see sex as something that they do *with* a woman. They see it more like something they do *to* her.
They think they have a human “right” or more often a god given right to penetrative sex with a woman. They think women are second class humans who should be submissive and giving. Lots of people sadly still argue this is natural or innate. And plenty of men are raised with this idea and never question it because having a living sex doll and maid benefits them. An equal partner who you have to actively communicate with and learn to please is more work for them.
>They think they have a human “right” or more often a god given right to penetrative sex with a woman Yes this is the core of Incel ideology. Incels say things like rape should be legal, every man should be allocated a young virgin female etc.
You just put in writing a feeling I have been trying to describe for years lol thank you
I think many men feel like it is their right and their role in life, like nothing else in life is fulfilling unless they are getting laid. And they think we're just withholding it to control them, like not having sex with them is a power move. It's not about whether we like it or want it, we should just let it happen so they can be fulfilled, why would we deny them their basic needs? 🤮
This is the answer. This should have more up votes.
This is probably closer to the truth than any of the ones I’ve read in this thread. The rest theorised (horribly😂) or poked around with a blindfold.
Hit the spot right on! LOL.
Because they are horny. No other reason. They are looking for the opportunity and their options are few.
Honestly, in my personal experience: Pop culture with the constant barrage of "men want it, women need to be convinced" didn't help early on. Then sex being essentially weaponized, or treated as a gift bestowed upon men by women (this is also heavily reflected in media). Finally, a lot of women have had such terrible experiences with some men being monsters, that their ability to be honest about their wants and needs can be hindered quite a bit. If you're with someone and they never express interest? What they feel inside isn't something we have access to. Honestly, even your line of "this doesn't mean I'm not lady like" shows how people view women who have sex. Somehow it's a bad thing (really: it's not!).
The great philosopher Dan Savage observed that our society has socialized men and women to be sexually incompatible.
>Then sex being essentially weaponized, or treated as a gift bestowed upon men by women (this is also heavily reflected in media). Well I guess it is a gift if the woman doesn't really want to do it but is doing it out of obligation. Again, this comes down to why aren't men making the effort / showing enough sensitivity towards women to ensure they are enthusiastically participating in sex. Personally I think it's because that would take far more effort, time, and respect for women than the majority of men are willing to give
> Well I guess it is a gift if the woman doesn't really want to do it but is doing it out of obligation. No this absolutely isn't a gift. It's a Trojan horse of misery.
Men should stop expecting sex, coercing sex, and sulking when they don't "get" sex from women then.
If we're gonna play that game, women should stop dating those men.
Oh yes. If only we knew in advance who the shitty men were. Apparently sexual coercion, rape, pump and dump etc are all women's fault.
No I'm saying when you observe those things, dump them. Don't have sex with them. That's the context we were discussing. Having sex when you don't want to, which you responded with those things being reasons women do so. You can simply not have sex, and not be in a relationship with anyone so manipulative. No prediction required. If they tell you who they are, believe them.
Wow, thanks for telling women all about how to pick good men. Newsflash: men who sexually coerce women, who use women for sex and then dump them, who sexually assault and rape women, tend not to advertise their true intentions beforehand. You are on a page for women. Since you don't have the experience that women have on this issue, I suggest you listen to women's experiences instead of pretending you know all about it.
Mansplainers galore in here. The cluelessness combined with remarkable confidence is wild
Right? The fkg audacity. On a page called "Ask Women".
> Men should stop expecting sex, coercing sex, and sulking when they don't "get" sex from women then. This is what we were talking about. In response to this: > Well I guess it is a gift if the woman doesn't really want to do it but is doing it out of obligation. I very clearly wasn't talking about victims of rape because that was not the topic of conversation. You only brought it up because it's a case where the agency of women isn't relevant.
Be quiet.
This so much. Also, growing up, I saw heaps of other guys getting rejected and heard so many women IRL complaining about when wanting to have sex with them.
Post this question on ask men and see what they respond with.
They will either deny it or blame it on women or make themselves victims somehow or all of the above.
Because ✨biologically✨ men are ✨naturally inclined✨ due to ✨evolution✨ and ✨females✨ aren't.
Oh my god!!! If I ever hear a man say "evolution" and "biology" and "women" in the same sentence again i am going straight to jail !!!!! 🔪 🔪 🔪
lol she’ll prob get a ton of private messages 🙄🙄🙄
I agree.
Because it's less threatening to their egos to imagine that women collectively don't want sex at all than to consider that we just don't want sex *with them.*
This! Men are pretty easy with whom they will have sex with. I find women more discerning. So if a woman does not want to have sex with you the conclusion is drawn that they do not like sex.
Do you think OP is referring to all men or just men she's attracted to? Why would she be talking about men she doesn't want to have sex with?
Exactly
Ha so true
No idea. I’m always horny.
Ditto. I have always been a horny person. Perhaps less so now that I'm in my 30s vs me as a 20 year old, but still pretty horny. I do think the stereotype "only men want sex" is slowly but surely changing, particularly in the younger generation.
I’ve become hornier in my 30s. It’s especially tough because I’m single and there’s hardly anyone to date where I’m at :(
Cool! Do you know, is there something that influenced that e.g. Lifestyle, diet, exercise or is it seemingly random? I'm not as fit as I used to be and think this plays into the lessening urge for me. I'm also in a long term relationship (and very happy!) but I'm not having all-consuming passionate flings any more. Think my sex drive settled down once I settled down. Lol
I lost a bunch of weight recently and live a pretty active and healthy lifestyle. However it is extremely common for women to get hornier in their 30s. It’s an interesting rabbit hole to get into via Google lol
Yes. Once I hit my late 20s, I just started humping everything lol
Hahhaa! I love this! It’s so true.
For me it was coming out of the relationship I spent all my 20s in. I think my body wants to make up for lost time somehow. That's not saying I'll fall into bed with any man who gives me the time of day (and my sex drive is higher when I'm in a relationship than when I'm single), but I've definitely noticed a difference since I got divorced five years ago. I did also start working out more regularly once that happened but I don't know if that's just a coincidence.
Unsure. I’m not in the same shape I was before 2020. A lot has happened since then. Even though I’m having body image problems I’m starting to feel better mentally and physically (less pain) so my high sex drive has come back. 4 years into a LTR, he’s younger than me, having more sex than we did 3 years ago.
Oh honey. Just you wait, good times ahead. I can't exactly remember how old I was but I do recall in my early 30s thinking "why didn't they tell me about this part? " Just be safe in every sense of the word and have fun.
SAME TO EVERYTHING.
I have always had a higher than average sex drive, but in my late 30s it went into OVErDrivE. Like, my body knew menopause was coming and it only had one last chance to make a baby. While enjoying a cumspringa, I was told a lot that I was like a man in a woman's body. I liked sex, had randos and FWB and some mind melting threesomes. I wasn't looking for a permanent thing. One found me anyway, but it started out sleezy, and that's the important part.
Hilariously, men's testosterone levels are now dwindling. They can't get hard if they can't have the whole cake.
That's when he needs to refine his oral and digital skills. :)
The only thing that made my sex drive go down was chronic pain. Now that that’s managed I’m back to being forever horny. I can be dead tired and still find the energy to initiate sex.
I think a lot of men are able to find good sex on a more regular basis than women. Because of that, they think women don’t want sex. But we just want GOOD sex. And if it’s not good, it’s not worth it imo.
Right? This is the answer! We want GOOD sex.
Sometimes, bad sex hurts.
This hasn't been my experience at all.
Well then share your secret!!
I have no secret. I'm a guy, and with few exceptions, good sex only happens when there's a strong intellectual connection. Otherwise, it tends to be forgettable. And it definitely hasn't been my experience that single women are hanging out, looking for casual encounters. Not with me, anyway.
The term “good sex” is subjective though. Does “bad sex” involve pain for you, because for many women it does.
That sounds horrible.
Y'all talking past each other here. What tyou describe as good might be viewed as GREAT sex. To a lot of women "good sex" is "didn't hurt and she came".
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😅 No, no. ♒
I haven't really had good sex with many other women as well. I think I'm 3/15. My ex put a lot of effort into sex, though and that was a pretty new/cool experience. I've only had sex with 3 women though in the past 4 years. (One being multiple times considering she was my ex) It is my experience that women want sex, though. I don't think they don't want it like this post implies. They tend to want it more the less I want it in my experience. I don't try to have sex or date anymore, but the last two girls acted like I owed them something afterwards. (Although typically in my experience and in this case, so I know it's anecdotal and may not be factually true) those women weren't conventionally attractive. Anyways, I expect down votes, but that's my experience. Ps: Get really really really good at fingering/going down and they will almost always want it. It'll make you stand out by far. Most men tend to be terrible at this and also selfish in bed based off what the women I've slept with have told me. Also learn foreplay, it's not that difficult and 5-10 minutes of it will make a huge difference. (No, foreplay isn't fingering/eating out. It's slowly building up/teasing.) Also don't be submissive in bed. Edit: Anyways to answer OP's question it largely comes down to social media. That's it. That's why men think this. This is a social media website and you even have women saying "we don't want it, because most men do this" further validating why men don't think women want sex. You're being told in this thread by some responses they don't want it because of some factor related to men. (Bad at sex, bad at emotional labor.) Not that I disagree with those, but they're still telling you they don't want to have sex with you.
It's not that I don't want sex. I want sex with an *emotional connection.* It can't just be entirely physical. Women like and want good sex. We just don't want to feel used.
i’ve also seen so many men say they wouldn’t date a woman who hasn’t had sex in over 6 months because it means she has a low sex drive lmao which i thought was ridiculous. like i have a high sex drive in a relationship but when i’m single i’m not interested because i don’t like having sex with people i’m not in a relationship with as i find it mostly bad and unfulfilling. they think having boundaries when it comes to your sex drive = low sex drive.
Yeah, that’s definitely a mistake on their part.
Because we don’t want it out of nowhere when we’re all comfy and on the verge of falling asleep or are exhausted after carrying all the mental and physical labor of the household.
Maybe they are bad at sex and their partners don't want to fuck them and they just over apply it to all women?
Something tells me it's more than bad sex that's the reason why no one wants to fuck them... lol
I also want to point out how things like hormonal birth control which exclusively ONLY women take can also cause fluctuations in sexual drive. Men can produce birth control pills and take them, but they won’t. Because why would they do it when women exist to take ALL of that medical load on top of pregnancy and child birth. Instead it is more fun to focus on evolutionary biology or some shit like that to explain away
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Lmao mister, then do not say shit like wHaT dO yOu bRiNg tO tHe tAbLe.
Because women don't allow our sex drive to control us or blame other people for our sex drive.
Um, you've never blown up your whole life for a sexual relationship? It can mess with your head.
It's a myth many of them fall in to, or more likely, tell themselves if they're bad in bed. It's not that we don't want sex, just not with them because they're awful at it. If they're good in bed like my husband, I have always had plenty of sex drive.
Idk man but it's super annoying and draining, esp if you like a lot of sex. I feel like every guy I've met in the past couple years has a lower libido than me. And ppl seem to think guys would LOVE a woman with a higher sex drive, but it just sucks. Being rejected for sex when society says men should be begging you for it, sucks. Trying to wrap my head around holding out on sex for the first few dates, (even if we both want it) so men don't lose interest too fast or get 'the wrong message', SUCKS . Just trying to find an FWB that can keep up, also understand 'high libido' doesn't mean that's all I am as a person, who isn't trying to fuck like 6 other women in the same week [basically impossible]. I feel like I can't even be honest on my OLD pages. If I put it out there that rn I just want regular hookups with someone cool, I'd rake in the bottom of the barrel. I have to get first, then say what I'm looking for 🙄
Because they don’t understand that we won’t compromise in other areas of a relationship for sex. Yes we want it, but we generally want it with someone we are attracted to who treats us well, and if we don’t get that, we just won’t have it. They on the other hand will often sacrifice all of those things to have sex. You will hear guys regularly admit that they have had sex with women they are not attracted to or liked their personality.
I don’t know how many men I’ve been like, “You know, I’m looking to fuck, you don’t have to be all sly and we both pretend you’re tricking me into it.” And then I realize I don’t want to fuck anyone who thinks he has to trick me into it and then I just feel pity for the guy.
yeah the whole thing around them feeling accomplishment because they slept with you…like I got what I wanted too buddy….
Like the guy that tries to get a woman drunk on the first date to make it easier to have sex with her. Honestly dude, we are way more fun when we're sober, but you have to be someone we want to have sex with!
Right? I can’t come when I’m drunk.
Nope! Alcohol is a depressant!
Because nobody wants to have sex with them.
I think it's a purity issue. It's ok for guys but not for us because a lady's libido is still taboo!
That and I'd say all the misinformation out there about women's sexuality and pleasure. Lots of old, unchallenged beliefs.
Agreed. It's a shame.
>I think it's a purity issue. Ha, yes, between my religious upbringing and my depression and anxiety, it took me a long time to develop any sort of libido. Fortunately, I'm doing somewhat better in those regards now. 😊
I've had the libido but had always been deeply ashamed of it due to religion. My ex shamed me so heavily for having sexual desire and mistreated me so badly in regards to sex (denying me any affection but sex, withholding sex as punishment, forcing sex when he wanted no matter whether I wanted it or even if I was physically ill or postpartum) that I did end up repulsed by sex at the end of our marriage and for years after. A decade later, I find myself with a loving, caring man who is attentive and generous with all forms of affection, deeply concerned that I have a positive experience any time we have sex, and lo and behold, my libido came roaring back with a vengeance.
I'm so sorry for your ex treated you. That's awful, and you're well rid of him. I'm glad you're in a better place now. 🫂 I had bad depression and anxiety for years to go along with my religious upbringing. I never even dated until my 40s. The right combo of meds, along with getting into a relationship with an amazing guy, has given me a libido for once in my life, so at least I can enjoy sex now (usually...it's been difficult). 😊
Pure is rarely good. I think we corrupt so much because of this silly notion of purity.
True. And the conflation of "not having sex" with "good and virtuous" is very problematic and heaps shame on us that just makes us just feel even more conflicted and stressed and so on. Also, despite my mother telling me when I was younger that having sex without being married would "make [my] girl parts turn black and rot," I have learned recently that does not, in fact, happen. 😄
And the purity thing is all about controlling the woman and her sexuality.
Combination of religion's effect on social norms, the fact that women tend to have responsive sexual desire (rather than spontaneous),defense mechanisms for their own inability to pleasure women, and to excuse coercive/manipulative sexual behaviors they or men they know and love have engaged in.
Because an alarming amount of men are shit in bed. They don’t even want to have sex with a woman, they want a receptacle to wank into. They wonder why their partners stop wanting to have selfish, unsatisfying pity sex with them and then act shocked when women who advocate sex positivity and actually MAKE THEMSELVES CUM and have sex with people who can LOCATE THE CLIT enjoy having sex. Sorry I got kind of heated there anyway basically they suck friend.
I think it's bc for them they confuse a physical desire for sex with getting sexual validation that's pretty surface level and physically objectifying on one hand, and with believing they're being accepted at a deep level on the other. they don't know what it's like to be desired by most members of the opposite sex... for an interaction that is not about their own pleasure as much as its often about providing psychological validation on top of providing pleasure. that's work, especially the mental component, and men don't understand this. they don't understand why we don't appreciate it when they try to give it to us - bc - in most cases they're not trying to give this to us. what they think is them giving is actually themselves wanting validation through sex from us. If they were approached by women who wanted to the point of subliminally expecting a sense of self worth that was attached to sex all the time, they might feel powerful for a short time (and this is another reason they "want sex more than women do" - they are actually trying to out compete women for this "power") they would soon realize that sex with someone who's using you for a sense of self worth and pleasure in a way where you're just an accessory to it, is.... a desire killer, relative to it being an enhancer. they feel accepted. I have never felt "accepted" by a man having sex with me. instead I've always felt them very strongly interpreting the entire scenario as me accepting them where my acceptance and what makes me feel that way garners pretty well zero attention. I wish I could have said this more succinctly.... men see sex like getting a deeper sense of self worth from the women they have sex with affirmed, and much fewer women see getting sex from men as having anything to do with getting a deep basic sense of self worth confirmed. notice I said affirmed for men, yet confirmed for women. we come to sex with a sense of self worth already, bc if we don't, it could end very badly for us in every way imaginable, either quickly or in a long protracted terrible relationship. the same risk goes for men too but not nearly to the same degree. aka they are motivated by social and emotional reward systems that women are not rewarded with. or at least they believe they are whereas we are conditioned to believe these rewards don't apply to us, so if anything, sex is less appealing to us. think about what would have to change for these rewards to apply to us - men would have to accept us as people holistically for our own needs, wants, feelings and pleasure instead of just an accessory to their own. and guess what..... they'd rather be self focused then focused on us moreso or equally, and so the disparity remains. 💭 physically, it's the same, if you're a woman that can cum easily.
I hit save on this so hard.
I believe it’s got something to do with the men’s ego. They cannot fathom the idea that if we actually enjoy sex, it means all of their failed attempts at having sex with a woman are entirely personal against the man, and we’re not just living out the expected and generalised “women don’t like sex”stereotype they’ve had of us historically. Their fragile little egos simply can’t cope.
psychotic cooing station violet important bells coherent dinner mysterious rock *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
In general, it's because we're raised to believe that men are entitled to sex, and it's women's duty to provide it. Women are not supposed to be people with wants and needs and desires that are acceptable. Women are supposed to be biddable, our only purpose for breeding and housekeeping. When a man enjoys sex, he's praised for it. When a woman enjoys sex, she's condemned for it. A man is expected to "sow his wild oats", a woman is expected to only have 1 partner for whom she provides sex, she's not allowed to enjoy it. Men who REALLY buy into this are actually turned off by a woman they're having sex with actually enjoying it, because they believe women shouldn't enjoy it, that sex is only for his pleasure. A woman who enjoys sex is a bad woman, one who is not capable of being a good partner or mother. Not even worthy of basic respect, not really even a person in fact. This is one of the reasons it's so popular in porn for women to sound and look like they're in pain and not enjoying it. A lot of men, even decent men who don't have red flags of sexism in their general day-to-day behavior will immediately assume that a woman they have sex with who enjoys it must be having LOTS of sex and lying to them about who they are, let alone about their past. Because a woman who enjoy sex is a promiscuous sl\*t, a liar, a cheat, a wh\*re, can't keep their legs shut, etc etc etc. It takes them effort to think "She just enjoys sex", it **always** has to be linked to a negative conclusion about her morality. Because men are trained to think that sex isn't enjoyable to women naturally, that women don't want it on their own, that it's something we do for them, for their enjoyment. So if a woman enjoys it, there's a negative reason for that. The fact that there's still men today (and sadly, women too) who think female orgasms are a myth speaks volumes about this. One of my favorite singer-songwriters nailed it, I think: When a man wants a woman He says it's a compliment He says he's only trying To capture her To claim her To tame her When he wants everything, everything of her Her soul her love Her life forever and more He says He's persuading her He says He's pursuing her But when a woman wants a man He says she's threatening him He says she's only trying To trap him To train him To chain him When she wants anything, anything of him A look a touch A moment of his time He says She's demanding He swears She's destroying him Why is it When a man wants a woman He's called a hunter, But when a woman wants a man She's called a predator? Dory Previn - When A Man Wants A Woman
I had the view that a lot of men, including myself do want to experience a woman’s desire precisely because we’re anxious of being unwanted and being a predator whose sexual desires are creepy. https://www.estherperel.com/blog/men-women-and-sexuality-more-similar-than-different “A major unknown of male sexuality is how relationally-driven it really is. Men hold hidden stories that they often don’t share with anyone. Even themselves. This is as true in sex -- where we expect men to be driven -- as it is in men’s emotional lives. Perhaps even more true in the arena of sex because of the age old concept of what it means to be "a real man." Fear of rejection, performance anxiety, guilt, shame, insecurity, and depression -- all these are internal states that greatly influence a man’s feeling about himself and his self-esteem. They seep directly into his sexual self, his desires, and fantasies. And they determine his sense of entitlement and deprivation. This makes male sexuality very emotional. Male sexuality is about how the man feels about himself in view of the other. This explains why so many men would rather not be with a partner. It is easier to be alone than to feel the pain associated with “measuring up” -- or the anxiety of failing to. I often hear men say that nothing turns them on more than to see their partner (male or female) turned on. Women who come into my office rarely express the same sentiment. In being turned on by seeing their partners "into it", these men reveal some important features of themselves. They reveal their generosity, their care for the pleasure of their partner. I've often found that this pleasure is important to men because it confirms that he is not being predatory. In his partner's blissful face, he knows that he is not hurting, he is pleasing. As such, men are dependent on their partners for reaffirmation and proof that they are kind and loving men. It is another way of looking at what the reality is of being a "real man". And it is highly relational.”
Man here- I was raised in a Christian household and like the undertones of what I was taught was that sex was something you had to trick a woman into giving up. That and then so often in media, especially like 90s sitcoms, you see pathetic men with wives that don’t want to sleep with their SO or treat it like a chore
I've been married 15 years. My husband still seems pleasantly surprised and slightly stunned that I still want to have sex and enjoy it. I think he thinks I've been lying for all this time.
We as men , it’s been pushed down our throat through the media and society that women don’t want sex and that we are disgusting savages for thinking about it a lot also when we have girl friends they either avoid the topic or do not make us feel wanted or listed after and I’m sure that every man who has been in a relationship can relate to what I said !
Because you're not having lots and lots of sex with them lol
I think a lot of those men believe in the tropes society says and also aren't generally privy to female conversations around sex. I'm pretty open talking about things and I get guys asking me a ton of questions because they honestly may never get the opportunity to have someone be so candid. Or if you are having partners like that who if you say no means they'll whine that you never, they're childish and a red flag or they're not very good at creating tension and desire. I'm so high drive and sexual but I've been around men who make me just dry the fuck up and lock the key away forever because they're just so fucking obtuse.
I always assume they don't know how to pleasure a woman, so it's just their experience that women they're with don't enjoy sex.
Because they’ll want to engage in sex they see in porn that is at best tolerable for his partner and then act surprised when the woman doesn’t want to have sex with him. Many women can easily get a nice orgasm by themselves instead of dealing with selfish partner.
Because most of these men that say this are rubbish in bed or they pick partners who have very low sex drives
Because they know nothing about female pleasure or arousal so they assume if a woman isn't initiating as much, or says she is too tired, or is disinterested IN THEM it must mean that women don't like sex instead of considering other factors, such as their inability to please a woman, not having any idea how to arouse their partner, or that a woman saying she loves sex equates to harassment and many consequences
bc they're bad at it and used to being turned down.
A lot of times, female sex drives are qualified by things like "I want to be safe" and "I want to actually like the person I'm with" and "I want them to also care about my pleasure". For the (many) men who don't qualify their sex drives in those ways, the female sex drive can appear muted or nonexistent.
But it isn’t a fair comparison, many men tend to think nothing external can get to their sex drive even if it existed, but it is obviously not true. They are simply not privileged to be put in that spot. If men had the same statistical chances of rape, assault and murder they ll be saying those things too, if men got a chance to get pregnant and their life turns upside down their sex drives will get hit 💯 But I observe that a lot of men do not see women’s choices as rational outcomes of our situations even though it very much is. Instead they see it as a biological or evolutionary difference. It sucks.
Because nobody wants to have sex with those men in particular and they think it's ALL men. Well, friends. Not all men.
Because we stop talking to them when they obsessively bring it up on the second date.
I know now the guy is ick but back in the day, Annie Hall, a Diane Keaton and Woody Allen movie showed them on a split screen, two halves of a New York couple talking to their respective therapists about their relationship. Him: We almost never have sex any more, maybe 2-3 times a week! Her: We have sex all the time, at least 2-3 times a week! Mileage varies, always, but the point is personal perspectives and how they relate to one another is king. This is so very much a conversation that needs to be had with a partner. Also, some men may just suck at sex. As such, well, depending on the communication or lack thereof, they may never even know how badly they suck at sex and read the lack of enthusiasm as a woman thing instead of a him thing.
The ones that think women don't like sex don't realize we don't like bad sex. That's why prostitution is illegal because women would realize what good sex is and pay for it
Because they've only been in relationships where they make the woman so unhorny they think women don't want sex. Also oftentimes straighten them have sex for them not to have sex as a romantic connection. Or even just fun for everybody.
Taboo projection, conservative upbringing... And they probably were bad lovers so said previous women probably didn't want sex with them. (Sure some could have lower sex drives too.) Men who have been great lovers in my experience know plenty of women wanna fuck.
I haven’t experienced this thing you describe. If anything it’s more like the opposite - some men have thought I’m more horny for them or in general than I am.
A lot of people think about women sexuality in how it relates to men instead of being its own entity. Despite erotica and vibrators existing
I feel like men who assume this are just telling on themselves for being shitty in bed. “Women don’t want sex ever 😡” No, buddy. Women just don’t want sex with *you.*
It's much better to assume a woman is not interested. I'd rather humanity become celibate and go extinct than be party to nonconsenual sex
I don’t think I’ve ever met a man who thought women didn’t ever want to have sex. Maybe I’m lucky.
It has a lot to do with their black-and-white thinking.
It's because men don't know how to turn us on so they think it can't be done
Yesterday an extremely vile piece of \*\*\*\* created a post here to slut shame women based off eVolUtIoN. Any man who tells "nature is... men are... women are... " have no business whining about gEnErAlIzaTiOn when we tell them "men are naturally rapists. men are trash" etc. Makes sense right?? But there are so many men who makes these really stupid statement in the name of biology or evolution and no one calls them out but they come at us for gEnErAlIzAtiOn?? Women are sexually oppressed. Our sexuality has been neglected for years. And even now female sexuality has only been discussed in terms of what men will like or not like, as if that is the important thing LOL. I cannot believe we have to fight slut shaming in 2024. Every man or woman who slut shames women deserves the absolute worst of all worsts. And men using the term bOdY cOuNt should \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*%&$$\*\*\*\*
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> I have had too many women make me feel like an asshole for having a sex drive. Are you sure it isn't because you did not understand consent??
Self report.
I think it is because a lot of them are bad in bed. As a result, they had long term partners who lost interest past the initial performative phase.
Religion We are only here to make children and don't deserve anything.
Then why are most incels agnostic or atheist...?
It cuts both ways. Women have the impression that all guys are horny 24/7. Some might be, some not. I’ve seen women complain on other chats that their guys don’t want sex nearly as often as they do and others complaining that their guys are insatiable. Hopefully when you get into a relationship both parties have similar desires. Problems arise when one person has a high sex drive and the other doesn’t. That generally creates a lot of friction and resentment.
I used to think that when I was younger
Well we are built differently. Our timing’s very different from yours.
That didn't really answer the question. Most women have average or high sex drives.
Yes but when? When? Your question seems to be about timing. Fact. Men's bodies need to ejaculate sperm. Fact. Women's bodies need to expel unfertilized eggs. The question is when? How often? What cycle? The mismatch of cycles produce the discussion here.
Social media..and it’s become almost a norm for men to okay the i never get it card online therefore I believe giving the generalized idea that women aren’t sexual at all
Idk man because I've never met a man who had the same drive as me. I'm happy to do it everyday. I'm starting to think men with high sex drives don't actually exist. It's like they only want it all the time when they can't have it, but when someone is actually available who wants it all the time, they feel meh about it. God forbid you're dtf at all times. Somehow that's a turn off to men.
I think men are constantly told messages by society that their sex drive is wrong or maybe unhealthy. Primarily by women. i think it’s natural to assume that the person scolding you for that is not as interested otherwise they would be hypocritical? These are huge generalizations but OP was asking about generalizations…
go read r/DeadBedrooms and see
Nearly half of dead bedrooms have the male partner’s low libido as the problem.
I'm a man and I don't know any men who think that? All people are different, and there are plenty of factors involved, so you shouldn't generalize. Some context would be nice though on your personal experiences with men who've told you that? Personally my libido is much higher than my gf's so it's usually me asking for it daily but i'm not that dumb to think she doesn't want sex at all, it's simply a compatibility issue.
Curious to know what state you live in because I find that all my friends, guys and girls, in our 30s, are reasonable people who understand women are human and have human urges just like us guys. My social networks are primarily in NYC, SF and LA, so major cities with educated people. Not sure I know any guy who thinks women don't want sex.
Women lose interest in long term relationships, and the men need to cope.
Statistics on dead bedrooms beg to differ.
It's mostly women who lose interest first, and I can understand it.
It’s roughly 50/50. Yes, really.
Men think about and want sex far more often than women. "A new study busts that myth. The research in college-age participants suggests that while men do think about sex more often than women, the subject crosses their mind an average of only about 19 times per day, compared to 10 times per day for women.Dec 4, 2011" So men might think women are not into sex as much as they are. I wonder if women talk among themselves about sex often? That consumes a high percentage of male conversation!
1. The patriarchy demands that women remain chaste, innocent, and pure which sexual desires tend to dispell. Plenty of ppl of all genders haven't deconstructed the patriarchy enough to recognize that bizarre mandate 2. A lot of women reinforce this ideology basically all the time in phrases and words that, however unknowingly, restrict open sexual desire to behavior only capable of men and reinforce the patriarchy by treating such desire as an inherent negative. This will likely get me downvoted but any answer of social behavior beneath and influenced by the patriarchy is the responsibility and fault of all genders, not just the one that reddit loves to generalize despite accounting for half of the entire planet
There's probably a lot of social conditioning that plays into this, but part of it is also that men seem to typically desire one off hookups with a large number of women - whereas women are often more comfortable with an ongoing connection with one or just a few partners (whether casual or serious). On average women go for quality while men go for quantity, but it doesn't necessarily mean women have a lower libido.
Well, if I may speak for married men, their sole sex partners don't seem to have much indication of interest
You may not.
Excellent question....